Calinks
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Posts posted by Calinks
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Have been away for many years but this was a great re-read lol. Maybe I can find some way to recreate Kobi though I have no clue what his stats would be, think that magic is gone. Was fun while it lasted though.
RIP Legend.
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Years later I have to bump this hoping Adam or a modder sees it and puts Kobi in WMMA4
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Maybe Kobi had a kid at 12 and that's him.
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[We see a close up shot of the grinning Cameron Leve, suited, booted and fake-tanned into oblivion. As the world famous fight announcer and notorious coke fiend introduces his show, stylised highlight clips play to the sound of a generic metal accompaniment]
Leve: "This week in Mixed Martial Arts, James Foster completes another defence his GAMMA heavyweight title...
[a clip of Foster bulldozing a helpless Tim Boyer into the mat, quickly followed by another of the champ unleashing some brutal elbow strikes]
...Will Kane comes up short against David Webb in the UK...
[a slightly grainier clip of the aforementioned Kane getting hoisted onto Webb's shoulder, before being deposited unceremoniously onto his back]
...and a special report on Alpha-1 Welterweight Champion Carlos da Guia, who has been training with 80's movie star and fouder of 'Tae Bo' Billy Blanks ahead of his next fight!
[a clip of Tae Bo 'legend' Blanks, with a 55 year old man's gut where his abs used to be, awkwardly showing de Guia an overly-elaborate spinning wheel kick. The champ looks on, confused]
Leve: All that to come, but first, we bring you a very special interview with...
[A wide shot of a room, pitch black save for a circular pool of bright white spilling from a single spotlight, illuminating the the faint mist of dry ice...a tall, aloof-looking figure steps into view with his back to the camera...slowly he turns, and the shot zooms in to reveal...]
Leve:...Kagetoki Kobe!
[The studio audience roars with approval as our host turns to the lead camera]
Leve: Lets go...Outside MMA!
[A montage of clips featuring all of MMA's biggest names, Foster, Fezik, Hughes, Morrisson, Humphries, Napier, Sukarno, Banner, Regurio and more dishing out punnishment is shown, overlaid by even more generic metal. The intro ends and we are back in the studio, with Leve sat opposite an empty chair. He's wearing dark glasses, fidgeting and looks like he hasn't slept for a month]
Leve: Thanks for joining us folks. We've got a lot of great stuff coming up for you this week, but first off we have a rare treat, an interview with a man unlike any other, the enygma that is...Kagatoki Kobi!!
["The Best Around" by Joe Esposito begins to play as dry ice fills the stage. A figure emerges, riding what appears to be a fat Unicorn, but on closer inspection is revealed to be a shoddily spray-painted donkey with a papier mache horn taped to it's head. Riding the donkey is none other than Kobi, and he's not only coming out to "The Best Around", he has a microphone in hand and is singing the lyrics himself]
Kobi: I'm the best, AROOOUND! Noone's ever gonna bring me down!
[The donkey casually craps on the stage floor as Kobi dismounts. Unfortunately for the MMA legend, he gets his foot stuck in the stirrup, and is dragged across the floor and through the donkey mess as stage hands rush to free him. He does not stop singing]
Kobi: Noone's ever gonna bring me DOOOOOOOOOOOWN!!!
Leve: We'll be back after these messages...
[When we return from the commercial break, Kobi has taken his seat, his soiled suit replaced by an Outside MMA t-shirt and a pair of pants that are clearly too small for him. He's already deep in conversation with Leve]
Kobi: ...so while your guys were cleaning up the stage, I took that dishonourable Unicorn outside and punched it right in the face. I'm now 1-0 against mythical beasts. I intend to fight a Yeti next, those cowards have been ducking me for years!
Leve: Right...ok fans we're back here on Outside MMA after those technical difficulties...
Kobi: ...no difficulties! That beast attempted a pre-meditated attack, but I am always ready! Ous!
Leve: Ok...so we're here with Japanese MMA...erm...star? Yeah, Japanese MMA star Kagatoki Kobi. Kobi, thanks for joining us on Outside MMA.
Kobi: I'm absolutely not pleased to be here.
Leve: Well thanks...it's...ah...great to have you. So look, lets talk about your big news, you recently won the BCF light heavyweight title! How does it feel to finally be a world champion?
Kobi: I'll be honest with you Carl...
Leve: Cameron
Kobi: That's what I said Clyde. I'll be honest with you John, I never really intended to take home that belt. As you know, I'm on a philanthropic mission to make other fighters feel good about themselves - I'm incredibly well revered and respected in the MMA game and a win over me can send a young fighter's career into orbit. As a kind and giving man, I usually allow my opponents to defeat me in order to help their careers.
Leve: So you're saying that you lose...intentionally?
Kobi: Nonsense, I never lose! Kobi is undefeated.
Leve: But you just said...
Kobi: I am undefeated.
Leve: I mean your record is 10-17...
Kobi: Undefeated.
[Leve just stares]
Kobi: I don't expect you to have the mental capacity to understand Carl. As I said, those fights in which my hand was not raised were acts of charity on my part. If I was not trying to win, then how could I lose?
Leve: So your ten wins...do...er...do they count?
Kobi: Of course! Victories of the greatest magnitude! But what is all this 'ten' nonsense? Kobi has fought more than ten epic battles this very afternoon...including that dishonourable Unicorn, I'm already 14-0 for the day!
Leve: 14-0 for the day? That's, ah...how did...um...fourteen fights? Today? Really?
Kobi: Yes, really, you stupid, stupid man.
[Kobi reaches to the table and lifts his coffee cup. He appears to struggle guiding the cup on it's journey from table to mouth, but eventually downs the whole thing in one giant slurp]
Kobi: 15-0.
Leve: What?!?
Kobi: 15-0.
Leve: That...that was a cup of coffee! Surely you don't...
Kobi: Was it a cup of coffee? Or was it an insolent vial of heated death, mocking me...nay, mocking us all...with it's bitter flavour and intending to deprive me of sleep with it's disrespectful caffeine content?
Leve: It's just a drink man, a cup of coffee...
Kobi: Correction Bob, it was a drink. It was a drink, then it faced Kobi, and now it is gone. 15-0.
Leve: Fine, fine, 15-0. Right...let's move on...ah, so you're the new BCF champ...why go after that belt?
Kobi: My jeans kept falling down.
Leve: ...
Kobi: My jeans, Colin, my jeans. Someone showed me a DVD of two huge Japanese individuals grappling, pushing and slapping each other wearing nothing but small underpants. There was an application to take part on the inside cover of the DVD. This was a sport I was unfamiliar with, but immediately I bulked up to 365lbs in order to compete and show the world that Kobi is the true master of all forms of combat.
Leve: Sumo? How did that go?
Kobi: Unfortunately there was a rare and gross miscalculation on my part...it appears that the footage I watched was actually fat chick porn and upon arriving for my audition I was informed that there was no competitive element. Sadly this was only a week before my BCF title fight, leaving me with just five days to cut 160lbs. Needless to say, I made weight. I never intended to take home the belt, pitiful piece of tin that it is, I simply needed something to hold my now vastly oversized trousers up on the flight home. I'd also like to thank my new sponsor, Dr Bob's Liposuction Clinic.
[Kobi proceeds to read off a small cue-card]
Kobi: Visit Dr Bob and ask for the Kagetogi Kobi special, because nothing sucks more!
[Leve stares, dumbfounded. Kobi simply meets his gaze as second after uncomfortable second passes by. Eventually the production truck cuts to commercial. When we return, Leve has had his 'medicine' and is back on form]
Leve: GodDammitWe'reBack! Yeah! Woo! Let's do this! I'm still joined by BFC champion Kagetoki Kobi...Kobi, lets look at the footage of your, some might say, controversial title victory and maybe you could talk us through the end of the fight?
Kobi: Controvertial? Nonsense! My technique is unparrallelled, my strength is unmatched, my speed is...
[Kobi is cut off as the video plays. We see a grainy shot of two men in a BCF cage. Sanya Golob, then BFC champion, is literally chasing a screaming, sprinting Kobi in circles around the cage. The Japanese fighter's corner can be heard yelling "Run away, he's going to kill you, for god's sake run away!"]
Kobi: Ahh, my legendary 'Track and Field' defence, many a great warrior has succumbed to it's might!
[The Tom and Jerry-esque chase in the cage continues. Kobi is dripping sweat all over the mat; eventually Golob, in an attempt to switch directions, manages to slip on a particularly large patch and stumbles into the surprised Kobi's path. The Japanese fighter panics and attempts to hurdle his falling foe, who careens straight into his outstretched foot, knocking himself unconscious]
Kobi: There! Head kick KO! I am the champion! Asanovic eat your heart out! Ahahahha!
[before the clip finishes, the crowd can be seen rioting and throwing garbage into the cage]
Kobi: Look how they adore their new champion. Showing me with gifts! I was truly an inspiration to them all that night. Ous!
[Leve looks out of shot to his producer]
Leve: Jesus Christ, really? Ok, so you're the BCF champion. Fans are saying that you're only fighting in BCF because of your...um...there's frankly no other way of putting it... disastrous runs in Alpha-1 and GAMMA. How do you respond to those comments?
Kobi: Lies! Garbage! Futile attempts to slander the great and honourable name of Kagetoki Kobi! Do you have any idea what this name means? What it represents?
[Kobi, despite wearing his usual aloof expression, appears to be losing it slightly]
Kobi: Are you even aware of the ancient Japanese translation of my name?
[Leve consults his notes]
Leve: It says here...'He who is without control of his bladder'?
Kobi: An outrage! How dare you! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my other sponsor, Dr Bob's Incontinence Pants Depot. Ask for the special 'Kobi BCF Title Fight Limited Edition', because if you're going to p*** yourself, p*** yourself like a champ!
Leve: Right, so...ah, what does your name actually mean then in, what was it, 'ancient Japanese'?
Kobi: It means "Go f*** yourself". Next question.
Leve: There was recently some controversy when your application for a fighters licence in California was denied on the grounds that you are certifiably insane. Care to comment on that?
Kobi: Lies. I'm intellectually unparalleled.
Leve: You were seen being led from the commission hearing in a straight jacket.
Kobi: Ah, Camilla, you are so regretfully missinformed! That was no straight jacket, that was a new type of Jiu-Jitsu Gi that the commission are forcing me to wear. It straps my arms to my body in order to give my opponents a fair chance. Come now, ask me a real question you pathetic little man!
Leve: Well, we're actually out of time for this segment...
Kobi: What? You dare dishonour me in such a way? Nobody cares about that idiot Foster or that insignificant da Guia! The people want Kobi! I tell you what, bring them both out, I'll fight them right now!
[Kobi begins to furiously untie his shoes]
Leve: We'll they're not actually here...we just have reports...
Kobi: Cowards! They dare not face me! I will eat my Unicorn, bulk up to heavyweight and fight James Foster. Then I'll have Dr Bob suck 60lbs out of my and destroy da Guia on the same night!
Leve: Won't that...uh...kill you?
Kobi: Preposterous! I am immortal! I'd like to thank my other sponsor, Dr Bob's Coffin Shack. Ask for the Kobi Premium Service, because noone spends more time knocked stiff on his back than Kagetoki Kobi!
Leve: Well that really is all we've got time for folks, thank the lord. When we come back...
[Kobi, infuriated at the premature end to the interview, leaps to his feet and kicks his chair across the room]
Kobi: 16-0!
Leve:...When we come back, more on James Foster's title defence and...
Kobi: He is a fraud, he never fought Kobi!!!
[The now hysterical Japanese fighter kicks one of the many production staff who are now trying to usher him off the set in the shin]
Kobi: 17-0!!! 17-0!!!!
[More studio staff, backed up by security, flood the stage. Kobi, sensing a challenge, attempts to pull off his shirt, only to get his head stuck and his arm and neck tangled]
Leve: (Shouting over the din):...our featured report on Carlos da Guia. Outside MMA returns after these messages.
[As the studio lights dim and the camera pulls out, we see Kobi flailing around the set, his shirt getting ever tighter around his head from all the struggling. Eventually he stops, slumps to the floors, writhes for a few seconds and taps his own chest with his free arm, before passing out as the garment cuts off the blood supply to his head]
Producer: 17-1?
I believe it's safe to say that this is the greatest single post I have read on these forums! Absolutely funny, you have mastered the essence Kobi!
I hope you get "productive" like that again soon! -
LOL Kobi is a prime time star. IMO he should be on the cover of the next game!
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<p>I love Nick Diaz!</p><p> </p><p>
<span>http://img546.imageshack.us/img546/6008/nickd.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>
<strong>- Nick Diaz vs. Tarec 'Sponge' Saffiedine</strong></p><p><strong>
- From player-controlled event 'Strikeforce: Chagrin' (from the save game 'Calinks')</strong></p><p><strong>
- Created 13 May 2011</strong></p><p> </p><p>
>It's time for the main event of the evening! Nick Diaz squares off with Tarec 'Sponge' Saffiedine in the Strikeforce Welterweight division. </p><p>
>All the promotional videos leading up to this event have featured this bout.</p><p>
>It seems to have worked, as the crowd are absolutely buzzing in anticipation of a real battle.</p><p> </p><p>
>We are underway!</p><p>
>There's a short stalemate as both fighters advance and throw strikes, but neither hits.</p><p>
>Not comfortable in the pocket, Saffiedine steps back and creates some space.</p><p>
>A quick exchange of strikes produces nothing worth mentioning.</p><p>
>Diaz goes to the body and then to the head with a tidy combination to get Saffiedine to cover up, then shoots in.</p><p> </p><p>
>Diaz gets a single leg takedown! Saffiedine pulls guard off it.</p><p>
>Diaz starts trying to work to get past the guard.</p><p>
>He can't quite manage to get past guard on this attempt.</p><p>
>Saffiedine reaches up and tries to lock up an arm.</p><p>
>Diaz shows great skill by not only defending the submission, but using it as a basis to gain side control.</p><p> </p><p>
>Diaz begins trying to get himself behind Saffiedine.</p><p>
>Diaz takes the back, Saffiedine could do nothing about it.</p><p>
>We go past the halfway point of this round.</p><p> </p><p>
>Saffiedine is in increasing trouble, as Diaz gets both hooks in.</p><p>
>Diaz, with both hooks in, attempts to get a rear naked choke fully applied.</p><p>
>Saffiedine stops Diaz from getting his arm under the chin and completing the choke.</p><p>
</p><p><strong>
>Diaz attempts to complete a rear naked choke, having both hooks fully in.</strong></p><p><strong>
>Diaz flattens Saffiedine out with the rear naked choke in deep and forces the tap!</strong></p><p> </p><p>
>The winner, by submission, is Nick Diaz!</p><p>
>Official Result: Nick Diaz defeats Tarec 'Sponge' Saffiedine (Submission (Rear Naked Choke) in 4:12 of round 1). The match was rated as being Decent.</p>
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Just a small update but I haven't played my original game in a while. I can say that the new, young Kobi is still doing pretty bad. At least now he can manage a win every now and then. He has been really quiet though which isn't how he started out Maybe all those losses finally humbled him. He even looks slightly less indignant.
I started a new game using real fighters butttt...... I'm going to import Kobi! We will see how he stacks up to the likes of Shogun, Evans, King Mo, Mousassi, Fedor, etc. etc.
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Wow,, so what do I got to do to share the Kobi? Of course, he is probably a lot better than when he started but really, he's still losing like crazy and I don't know why. He's cursed I tell ya!
Wait..... WTF? He's on a two fight win streak!
WHAT THE HELL!?
He's is a world champion!!!!!!
http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/7031/kobichamp.jpg
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ROFL I'm dying over here fellas! Hilarious!
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Kobi update!
Hey fellas. An update on Kobi. He got another win but has fallen on hard times again. he's not he only one, I got fired from the company I built and I took a new challenge, joined a company that was nearly bankrupt, I have already gotten them to low level national in less than a year.
Kobi lost his job and was a free agent. Seeing as he is getting up there in age, I don't want him to retire so I just signed him to my company on a 6 fight deal. (He has pretty good name value).
Now I am kind of having a dilemma and I think you fellow Kobi fans can help me out. Kobi is getting towards retirement age. IF he winds up losing these fight in my organization, I can see him hanging it up. Now I hate to see Kobi go.
Should I let things play out and let Kobi go if he decides to or should I mess with the natural order of things and dramatically reduce his age so we can continue to follow him for another decade? The sad truth is, once Kobi is gone, he is gone for good. I'll admit I'm very tempted. He one of the factors that keeps me playing right now.
What do you guys think I should do?
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LOL poor Hughes!
This is Fedor in 4 years if he doesn't hang it up.
http://img844.imageshack.us/img844/4615/62258081.jpg
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You know, it's kind of remarkable. The guy was literally on the verge of retirement before and now he's a new man. Do you guys think he will crack the top 25 before its all said and done? lol.
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Yea, as I said earlier, his stats are actually impressive. I don't know why he couldn't get a win before. Now though, everything seems to have finally clicked for him. I'll let him be for a while but if he gets big I'll actually sign him. Unfortunately,l Kobi is a regen.
Of whom I do not know. I wish he was a real character though because he has been my favorite guy to keep tabs on. I watch all of his fights and the ways he would lose would be so hilarious. I wish I could save his character somehow and import him to the eventual WMMA 4. Guy is definitely a character for the ages and if I could, id put him in the hall of fame when he retires.
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Wow, Kobi actually got his crap together! The Legend is moving on up!
http://img844.imageshack.us/img844/4028/13394794.jpg
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The fans piss me off. They have no appreciation for a technical fight. If someone isn't getting blasted they start whining. I have seen some great submission battles and the fans said the fight was poor. I want to smack them.
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LOL. I signed Sukarno too and he has been getting laid out. Don't know what's up with him, it's like he's way past his prime at the age of 32.
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LOL @ Glass Joe.
You know what's crazy though, I was looking at Kobi's stats, he seems pretty dang good. I mean on paper, he is a skilled fighter. I don't know why he can't beat anyone. I was expecting to see everything in the red but he is the 80-100 percent range on a quite a few skills. He is also highly marketable which I guess explains his undeserved fame and magazine articles.
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Who did Kobi manage to beat?
http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/3593/kobi2.jpg
Sad thing is, this guy may be a bigger bum than Kobi. His fight history is ATROCIOUS!
http://img827.imageshack.us/img827/913/bumu.jpg
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LOL!
I always feel sorry for those guys who need fights and I usually end up signing them.
Kobi finally got his first win! I couldn't belive it. Then he got a deal with Alpha and was screwed over!
- 'Dirty Dog' Kagetoki Kobi vs. 'Shogun' Andre Orton- From AI event 'ALPHA-1: Van Der Capellen vs. Cabral' (from the save game 'Calinks 1')
- Created 15 January 2011
>Moving on, 'Dirty Dog' Kagetoki Kobi squares off with 'Shogun' Andre Orton in the ALPHA-1 Light Heavyweight division.
>Round one begins!
>Kobi slips out of the way of a jab.
>Kobi counters a right jab with a nice left hand.
>Orton looks to be trying to close the distance between them.
>A counter left catches Orton above the eye.
>An exchange of strikes goes nowhere.
>Having stepped in close to throw their strikes, they end up grappling.
>Orton is looking to muscle Kobi back against the ropes.
>Kobi ends up backed against the ropes.
>Orton looks to try and maintain control via his wrestling skills, but Kobi proves too good and manages to turn them around so that he is in the dominant position.
>Kobi catches Orton with a knee strike to the thigh.
>Orton gets caught with a knee to the inside of the thigh.
>Kobi catches Orton with an elbow to the face from the clinch while he is pressed up against the ropes.
>Orton takes a knee strike to the inside of his own knee.
>Kobi tries to use his dirty boxing skills, but Orton uses wrestling to prevent any strikes from being launched.
>Kobi looks for a foot stomp, but Orton is fighting too hard and it makes it impossible to balance properly to deliver the strike.
>Orton waits for Kobi to lift a leg to attempt a foot stomp, then turns him around so that he now has his back to the ropes.
>The referee decides that the grappling against the ropes has been going on too long, and he brings them back to the center.
>Kobi stings Orton with a series of quick lefts.
>We are now at the halfway point of the round.
>Orton looks like he might be trying to get in close and wrestle with Kobi.
>Strikes from Kobi keep Orton from stepping in too close, and he is forced to step back.
>Moving in closer, Orton looks like he may want to wrestle Kobi.
>Not wanting to grapple, Kobi uses strikes to keep Orton at a distance.
>Kagetoki Kobi is breathing very hard.
>Orton looks to be trying to close the distance between them.
>Not wanting to grapple, Kobi uses strikes to keep Orton at a distance.
>Orton is looking to turn this into a wrestling match, and is getting in closer to Kobi.
>Orton can't get close enough to grapple, Kobi makes sure to keep out of range.
>Kobi slams a crisp right into the gloves of Orton, but can't follow up.
>Not letting Kobi settle, Orton moves in closer.
>Orton throws a couple of jabs, then chooses to shoot in on Kobi.
>Kobi tries to step away from the takedown.
>The takedown is completed, Kobi is on his back and pulls guard.
>Kagetoki Kobi looks very, very tired.
>Orton smothers Kobi with his body by pushing forward and down.
>Orton throws a few left hands as he takes a moment to plan ahead.
>We're into the final minute of the round.
>In guard, Orton begins working to pass to side control.
>Kobi can't do anything about the pass, and is left under side control.
>Orton punches down at Kobi, but they are easily taken on the gloves.
>Round one ends as time expires.
>Round two begins!
>Orton catches Kobi with a crisp right jab.
>A ragged-looking Kobi is having problems keeping his hands raised to offer a solid guard.
>Ouch! Kobi backs off, it looks like he accidentally got caught in the eye with a finger on that strike.
>The referee calls for a pause and gives Kobi time to recover.
>Orton uses a flurry of lefts and rights to get Kobi to cover up, then shoots in looking for a takedown.
>Orton gets the takedown! Kobi pulls guard.
>Orton looks to get past the guard.
>He can't get free of the guard.
>Kobi tries to ensnare an arm.
>Orton doesn't let his arm get taken.
>Orton begins trying to pass the guard.
>Kobi can't do anything about the pass, and is left under side control.
>Andre Orton is looking really tired.
>We are now at the halfway point of the round.
>Orton attempts an armbar.
>Orton gets an armbar and applies pressure to the arm, Kobi is in huge trouble!
>No! Kobi manages to get his arm free. Clearly the hold couldn't have been as tight as it looked.
>Kobi tries to sweep Orton but can't do it.
>Kagetoki Kobi looks exhausted.
>Orton attempts the mount.
>Kobi can't stop it and gets mounted.
>Orton tries to set up Kobi for an armbar.
>Kobi gets caught by the armbar, and it's deep enough that he has to tap!
>The winner, by submission; Andre Orton!
>Official Result: 'Shogun' Andre Orton defeats 'Dirty Dog' Kagetoki Kobi (Submission (Armbar) in 4:30 of round 2). The match was rated as being Decent.
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Ladies and Gents the LEGEND returns! Kagetoki Kobi, the greatest fighter in WMMA history somehow managed to co-main event a GAMMA PPV. In it, he once again was robbed of that elusive victory as he was tapped out by Herriborne.
A few weeks later, our friend was in the headlines again.
(I wish I subtitled this thread, "The Legend of Kagetoki Kobi").
http://img8.imageshack.us/img8/8767/sbackk.jpg
Say it aint so Kobi, say it aint so! We need to write to him, to encourage him to fight on for many years! A true warrior never gives up!
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Are you kidding me!? Kobi, who is now 0-7 just signed a 3 fight deal with GAMMA! This guy has to be the luckiest SOB on the planet. He gets headlines, and signs major deals without doing a damn thing except run his mouth.
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That Kobi guy I posted about. He's now 0-6. *SMH*
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I hope you get "productive" like that again soon!
Boxing Game?
in Grey Dog Software General Discussions
Posted
Loved the post. Basically, I agree that the Ippo games are the greatest boxing games ever. I am so mad they never brought career mode stateside and I would pay $150 if they made a modern-day version with genric boxers.