Beeker Posted March 26, 2008 Author Share Posted March 26, 2008 The meeting dispersed a couple of hours ago, but I remained in the war room, with the sun having set the room seems darker and grimmer than before and I seriously doubted my decision to move to Mexico due to hearing two words down a phone line. It didn’t help that nothing about this promotion seemed to make sense to me. I may not be the most knowledgeable person about wrestling or business, but things seemed dangerously unbalanced in this promotion. I listlessly pushed around the pictures of the performers as I drained the last of my second cerveza and wished fervently that Hal Facutt were around to share some spirits with. Each of those three on the booking team seemed to have different opinions about wrestling in general and midgets… er minis in particular. As yet I took in all their views without committing to any one vision. I can’t imagine Brains running a meeting though, as soon as anyone disagreed with his concept I’m sure he’d start dropping F-Bombs like tourists drop pesos on trinkets and sombreros. I half suspect that the head booker trouble stemmed as much from Brains being a foul mouthed hobbit as it did from Kowled Kudo, Timmy Cromwell and Hal Facutt disagreeing about the future of minis in Mexico. They had made their points, some more persuasive than others but still, more importantly to me was the state of the promotion called HaLF. That may or may not stand for anything. No one seems willing to verify if they are initials or just a general statement of height. At least the logo is rather swank. (Thanks Payne!) Beneath that logo things make less sense. [B]Promotion:[/B] HaLF [B]Logo:[/B] [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/HaLF.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/HaLF.jpg[/IMG][/URL] [B]Finances:[/B] $241 309 (from $250 000 as of Monday Week 01 2007) [B]Popularity:[/B] Northern Mexico (Home Base: Chihuahua) - 27; Rest of Mexico – 20; Mid South – 15; South West and South East – 10 [B]Roster:[/B] Bloated! Let’s start with the finances, clearly Eisen overpaid the angry munchkin but I can’t see him paying a midget manager in excess of $250 000 over roughly 10 months for an opening act gig. Businessmen rarely battle for top position in their arena of combat, regardless of what that arena is, but seriously overpaying. Where did all these funds come from since I don’t fully believe Brains’ business acumen meant he invested wisely. Hell, the only thing I’ve seen him invest in is Jack Daniels and Coke… by the bottle or can. A wise, shadowy figured once wisely said ‘follow the money,’ that’s hard since as near as I can tell Brains subscribes to the accounting practice of ‘random shoebox of receipts’ with the only documentation being the dates. Invoices might be scrawled on the back of a menu or ****tail napkin. I can’t wrap my brain around it. The state of the roster is even more tragic-comic with two to one ratio of rudos to technicos, see I’m picking up the Lucha lingo, and a bloated staff; two announcers and two referees and a manager without clients? And a lack of divas, both mini and regular sized. I’ll worry about adding to the roster after I trim some of the fat. And I need to gimmick up the roster. Inexplicably Brains runs the promotion as semi-legitimate competition so the only person with a gimmick and merchandise is… Brains McGhee. Everyone else is gimmick and on-screen character free. I start to envision all the minis in basic one-colour trunks like HaLF is a MMMA promotion (that would be Minis Mixed Martial Arts.) I find myself giggling uncontrollably at the thought of them battling in the old North American Hippodrome Atlaspheres (the CVerse equivalent of American Gladiators) and rolling around the confines of a football stadium. Composing myself I abandon the plausibility of minis inside giant D&D dice and turn back to the other oddities of this business. I brace myself to wade back into the quicksand of receipts when the door bursts open and a diminutive and angry dwarf wobbles into frame. [I]“You’re still f*cking here? I should f*cking hope so! Lazy lump!”[/I] Any guesses as to which mini just made their entrance? [I]“I know the meetings over, Hal joined me at the watering hole hours ago. Whatchadoin’ tard?”[/I] spits the always pleasant Brains. [I]“Listen up stumpy, you keep…”[/I] [I]“NO!”[/I] Roars Brains, [I]“You listen up @ssjack! You listen the f*ck up! No more of your heightist slurs!”[/I] ‘Heightist’ I muse, but I’m not about to disturb Brains, he’s on a rant and nothing short of a Billy club, a prostitute or running out of Jack Daniels will shut him up. Luckily, I’ve trained myself to tune him out mostly. While he froths and raves I’m running over the roster, trying to figure out some storylines that may keep the punters attending the Bar Juarez. Despite having my Brains Bullsh!t meter set to maximum filtration, something unexpected wriggles through into my brainpan. [I]“What? Wait! When?”[/I] I sputter. [I]“Good Chr!st you’re deft n’ daft! Saturday, this Saturday. The next show. I expect to be wowed by your brilliance. Or at least not be embarrassed by your incompetence. Right now, I suspect you’ll fail magnificently. You oversized b@stard! Heh! To April Uprising!”[/I] Brains raises the half-empty bottle of Jack and takes a long swig from it. [I]“I expect I’ll fail magnificently too, thanks to this quagmire of insanity you call a promotion. I mean I know you’re short and stumpy, I didn’t realize you were stupid and slack-jawed too!”[/I] [I]“Screw you, too-tall.”[/I] [I]“Sorry, I don’t do pity shags, short stuff. Besides, I'd break you.”[/I] Brains and I glower at each other, and I instinctively decide to ratchet up the tension. We just don’t get along. [I]“Oh, and Brains I suggest you put all your merchandise on sale, oh, say… half-price. Since after April Uprising… drink you tiny man drink!”[/I] Naturally Brains does drink. [I]“You’ll be going by your Spanish moniker of Cerebros McGhee.”[/I] [I]“F*ck that! I ain’t changing sh!t!”[/I] [I]“Actually you are. For two reasons. I won the rights to your name and if Richard Eisen ever realizes you still exist he’ll be able to slap a lawsuit on you so fast that HaLF will become the red-headed stepchild feeder league for SWF. Just like me, you’ve got until Saturday, Cerebros McGhee.”[/I] [I]“I hate you!”[/I] And Brains contemplates hurling his bottle of JD at me, but there’s too much of the precious brown liquid for such wanton alcohol abuse. [I]“April Uprising! Better be great!”[/I] And he guzzles back more of the bourbon and staggers from the room. It takes a while to figure it all out, but after a while I realize I want to see the whole roster in action so I have some idea of what it is I’m working with. After making that decision and opting to repackage everyone with gimmicks I’ve only got a few things to do before HaLF returns to the Bar Juarez with April Uprising. *** [U]HaLF April Uprising[/U] Will Power © vs. Hal Facutt [I]for the HaLF Openweight championship[/I] Semi Strong vs. ‘Ead Stone vs. Kowled Kudo Timmy Cromwell vs. Shim vs. Miya Yo Da Mask vs. Padre Dolor Wii Mario vs. Lepp Wreckon vs. Soul Shaker Jock Giedroyc vs. Shandy Lover vs. El Pandito El Hijo del Mufasa vs. Relámpagito Ant-Acid vs. Ni-Lo vs. Cal Genio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigerkinney Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 Good stuff so far, even if you're only just getting round to putting up your first show. Usually this much backstory would have lost me, but this has been funny stuff and you've done a great job of getting Brains or should I Cerebros across as an immensely dislikeable excuse for a human, be it normal sized or midget sized. Anyway onto predictions, thought I'd give them a wiz [B]Will Power © [/B]vs. Hal Facutt for the HaLF Openweight championship [I]Hal Facutt will suddenly fall asleep in a drunken stupor, giving Will Power the victory. [/I] Semi Strong vs. ‘Ead Stone vs. [B]Kowled Kudo[/B] [I]I'm not backing against the leader of the Bronze Wyvern Tail[/I] [B]Timmy Cromwell[/B] vs. Shim vs. Miya [I]The Riot duo will team up against Cromwell all match, but will then argue over who should the pin, letting Cromwell back in to take advantage of the decension.[/I] Yo Da Mask vs. [B]Padre Dolor[/B] [I]No picture, no push.[/I] Wii Mario vs. Lepp Wreckon vs. Soul Shaker [I]Total guess here, I think the cheesy Wii Mario gimmick has alot of mileage, so I'll go for him[/I] Jock Giedroyc vs. [B]Shandy Lover[/B] vs. El Pandito [I]Giedroyc's a cult favourite on these boards, but I have the feeling the other two may have more overness, especially Shandy Lover.[/I] El Hijo del Mufasa vs.[B] Relámpagito[/B] [I]Relampagito, who is wearing the Electro mask for some reason gets the victory.[/I] [B]Ant-Acid[/B] vs. Ni-Lo vs. Cal Genio [I]Push Ant-Acid all the way to the top ![/I] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcel Fromage Posted March 27, 2008 Share Posted March 27, 2008 I'm reading, but holding off from predicting until I get some idea of what the hell is going on from the first show. :D Shandy Lover's got to win though. And 'Ead Stone. Got to lurve ze French accent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beeker Posted March 29, 2008 Author Share Posted March 29, 2008 Why, why, WHY? Can’t a single damn thing go right for me? The fans packed into the Bar Juarez are a raucous lot and are keen for some wonderful HaLF action. Mexico seems to be enjoying a bit of a lucha renaissance as MPWF and SotBPW both enjoying weekly television shows on Los Deporte Hoy and are increasing in popularity across Mexico. OLLIE trails behind, lacking a TV show but enjoying a solid hold on top spot in the West Central region. MPWF worry me, but I’ll get to that with a mid-year update about the state of the wrestling world. I’ve got troubles tonight, when I arrived at the show tonight I was met by a handful of very angry workers and staff. I dealt with the workers first. Esteban Pena kicked things off with a diatribe about how he should be head referee despite being younger and less talented than Roberto Mendez. Esteban also felt the need to point out that in addition to being the Head Ref, he should also be more of a personality than a referee as referee is such an archaic term. I nodded politely. [I]“Roberto,”[/I] I call,[I] “Are you comfortable being JUST a ref?” “Ci!”[/I] said Roberto. I jotted that down for future reference. Next in walked Phoenix Punto Cinqo along with the dual announce team of Benito Saez and Gonzalo Vazquez. They make an interesting duo, as Benito is a bloated, beached walrus of an announcer and Gonzalo could comfortable fit in Benito’s bib. Neither have much talent. Both now claim they’re owed past wages by Brains McGhee and until they’re paid in full and have a tete a trois with Brains they’re not going to work the show. [I]“Punto,” [/I]fortunately Punto speaks fluent English, [I]“How tired are you of carrying these two?”[/I] [I]“Mucho.”[/I] [I]“Feel like having some fun?”[/I] [I]“Ci.”[/I] [quote=from the HaLFquarters] Esteban Pena, Benito Saez and Gonzalo Vazquez have been ‘future endeavoured.’ The management of HaLF wishes them success in their… blah blah blah.[/quote] With the roster trimmed a bit, I’m only a bit sad to let Gonzalo go, since I liked the idea of an all midget commentary team, but it wasn’t to be. At least not right now. Instead I’ll don the headset for tonight. There’s a bigger problem since the owners of Bar Juarez don’t know me from any other Gringo in Chihuahua and aren’t exactly amenable to my demands for the various requirements of a wrestling show. Phoenix Punto Cinqo slots himself at my side and plays translator as I get into an argument with the management. Turns out Brains is in arrears with these guys too. It’s $200 US, which converts into over 2100 Mexican Pesos, of course, taking in to consideration that Brains didn’t realize he was in Mexico until I told him, he might have held out thinking some form of extortion was going on. Brains is a bit of conspiracy theorist. A foul mouthed, skin-flinted conspiracy theorist. Although, having met him if the world was out to get him, I wouldn’t blame the world all that much. Until they receive at least 500 Pesos they’re denying access to the sound system and instead of giving us the full 2 hours like I requested and booked for, they only will promise us 90 minutes before they have to get the room set up for tomorrow’s Sunday Fiesta Siesta Piñata birthday party for the owner’s brat. Oh, and no one can find Brains. And he’s the only one with the pesos. His last night being Brains and no one can find neither hide nor hair of him. I’m torn. On one hand, I’d planned for Brains to be showcased this show, getting himself established as the evil owner of HaLF. On the other side, no Brains means no migraine for me. A hurriedly called booker’s meeting leads to the conclusion of running the show without angles or interviews due to the fact that the staff of Bar Juarez opted to pipe Jimmy Buffet’s “Margaritaville” into the arena as a form of psychological warfare. It was all I could do to get the staff to permit house lighting. In the midst of this ‘debate’ with the Bar Juarez management, I shout over to Punto Cinqo,[I] “Get them out there, let them go!”[/I] He mostly understood me. Sending out the first match early to a pop from the fans, but letting the entire dressing room that tonight every match was to be all out excitement. So welcome to April Uprisings; no Brains, no sound, no problems. (or call it a tribute to Marcel Fromage’s RoF – without graphics.) [B]Held:[/B] Bar Juarez [B]Date:[/B] Saturday, Week 3, April 2007 [B]Attendance:[/B] 300 (Sold out!) [B][U]HaLF April Uprising[/U][/B] [B]Dark Match[/B] (Sent out while in ‘negotiations with Bar Juarez staff.’) [B]El Hijo del Mufasa vs. Relámpagito[/B] Fans were curious as to why Relámpagito was wearing an Eléctrico mask, instead of a Relámpago mask, to which I say, when I created the character of Relámpagito I wasn’t aware of the Relámpago original and liked the Spanish word for lightning. The first of many new gimmicks debuted tonight as Relámpagito became the Electric Overload (Thrill Seeker) while El Hijo debuted his Underlion (Underdog) gimmick. All things considered this match went pretty well as Relámpagito continued to slow the pace and methodically work over Mufasa, while giving Mufasa some good hope spots. Relámpagito retook control with a rudo eyepoke but when thrown into the ropes, Mufasa sprung back with the eye-catching Simba Second Justice (Springboard Tornado DDT) to pick up the win. The momentum of which left Relámpagito’s foot under the rope but the ref missed. Relámpagito was NOT impressed with the shoddy officiating. [B]Details: 13:38, D-[/B] I’d finished up my ‘debate with the bar staff’ just after the second match began so didn’t join Punto Cinqo until midway through it. For what use is unclear. *** [B]Main Show[/B] [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Antacid.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Antacid.jpg[/IMG][/URL] VS. [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Ni-Lo.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Ni-Lo.jpg[/IMG][/URL] VS. [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/CalGenio.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/CalGenio.jpg[/IMG][/URL] [B]Ant-Acid vs. Ni-Lo vs. Cal Genio[/B] Some wild Lucha Libre action to kick off the show proper as two of the three debuted their new gimmicks. Ant-Acid came out as a blue-collared, non-machine version of his bigger inspiration, Ni-Lo the Ex J-Lo Dancer became a cross between J-Lo and Nicholas Lopez and shook his Latino Booty for all too enjoy. Cal Genio missed the creative meeting due to being in his secret lair! Poor Cal. Cal and Ni-Lo couldn’t get along, as Cal was clearly the brains of the operation and Ni-Lo just wanted to be the booty. Ant-Acid kept wowing the crowd with fun high spots and Cal’s increasing frustrations as his non-compliant lackey kept the fans entertained. Ni-Lo hit his patented Ni-Lo-Blo on Ant-Acid to such applause that he decided to hit it on Cal too! Ant-Acid recovered enough to toss Ni-Lo from the ring and then ascend to the top turnbuckle to pick up the win with the Ant-Acid Rain Bomb! [B]Details: 11:47; D-[/B] [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/JockGiedroyc.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/JockGiedroyc.jpg[/IMG][/URL] VS. [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ShandyLover.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ShandyLover.jpg[/IMG][/URL] VS. [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ElPandito.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ElPandito.jpg[/IMG][/URL] [B]Jock Giedroyc vs. Shandy Lover vs. El Pandito[/B] Well the fans were almost right on this one, Jock did win, but Shandy didn’t lose. Jock came out as a Fun Scottish Babyface, Shandy Lover, naturally became Shandy Sauvé. Shandy Sauvé and Shandy Lover… those are quality names I tells ya! And El Pandito informed the people of all the mistakes they’ve been making in their lives, in their choice of rudos and/or technicos… the list goes on and on… much like El Pandito. Indeed, that’s how this match ended, after a fun back n’ forth n’ back again match, Shandy went for a Bubbly Roll-over on Jock, El Pandito broke that up with a ‘One Leg Down’ legdrop. Pandito went for the pin on Shandy but Jock broke that up with a Glaswegian Kiss on both men (the UK fans will know what that move is.) Shandy and Jock tossed Pandito into the ropes, Pandito hit a spinning heel kick, and he thought he hit both men but Jock faked the injury. Pandito took time to lecture the audience and then turned around into a Crashing Up! [B]Details: 13:14; E+[/B] [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WiiMario.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WiiMario.jpg[/IMG][/URL] VS. [B]Lepp Wreckon[/B] VS. [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SoulShaker.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SoulShaker.jpg[/IMG][/URL] [B]Wii Mario vs. Lepp Wreckon vs. Soul Shaker[/B] I love these three creations. Sorry, that’s out of character, but I don’t care. They’re easily some of my favourites. Wii Mario added to his layers be becoming a Comic Book Hero – yes he’s a lil bit Mario now. Lepp is Redneck, or Leppneck if you ask him. And no, I don’t know what that means either. While Soul Shaker is a Clubber. Yes, he is living the dream of being a wrestling left-over from Michael Jackson’s Thriller video. Lepp and Soul worked in tandem throughout the match, much to everyone’s shock, keep Wii’s hope spots few and far between. Wii did lock on the Nintendon Stretch on Soul Shaker but Lepp wrecked that with an elbow drop. Lepp then connected with his Wreckon Ball on Wii but as he went for the pin, Soul Shaker snuck a La Majistral cradle on the gruff old leprechaun to steal the victory! Neither Lepp nor Wii looked pleased after the match. [B]Details: 7:48; D[/B] [B]Ya Da Mask[/B] VS. [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/PadreDolor.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/PadreDolor.jpg[/IMG][/URL] [B]Yo Da Mask vs. Padre Dolor[/B] Tigerkinney correctly calls it as the manager (Old School Guru Face) was in there to make Padre Dolor, rocking a Skin Care Obsessive (All are heathens!) gimmick, look like a million bucks. Well maybe a million pesos. Padre Dolor used all sorts of underhanded tactics before putting the Rapping Jedi away with an El Éxtasis. [B]Details: 4:38; D-[/B] [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/TimmyCromwell.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/TimmyCromwell.jpg[/IMG][/URL] VS. [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Shim.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Shim.jpg[/IMG][/URL] VS. [B][URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Miya.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Miya.jpg[/IMG][/URL][/B] [B]Timmy Cromwell vs. Shim vs. Miya[/B] Much to my surprise Phoenix Punto Cinqo informs me this is an elimination match. Well, that changes nothing then. Timmy’s understandably doing a Show Stealer gimmick while Shim’s ego is outta control and Miya’s prima donna. The Riot (Shim and Miya) dominated when not arguing over who deserved the glory, this brought down Kowled Kudo and then Jock Giedroyc. Cue the overbooking. Kudo ‘mostly’ encouraged from the outside but when he saw something he didn’t like he hopped onto the apron and instruct his understudies. Timmy reserved the whip towards Shim, so Miya hit Shim who hit Kudo. Kudo fell to the floor, Shim was dazed and Miya fell to an easy roll up. Jock, having seen enough, quickly rewarded Shim with a Helmeted Glaswegian Kiss so that Timmy’s Smoothed Over picked up the win. Did everyone follow that? If so, let me know because I’m confused and I wrote it up. [B]Details: 14:33; D[/B] [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SemiStrong.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SemiStrong.jpg[/IMG][/URL] VS. [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/EadStone_beret.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/EadStone_beret.jpg[/IMG][/URL] VS. [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/MiniHoodedKudo.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/MiniHoodedKudo.jpg[/IMG][/URL] [B]Semi Strong vs. ‘Ead Stone vs. Kowled Kudo[/B] Gah. This should have been better. But Semi Strong and ‘Ead Stone were both tired after 10 minutes. I understand ‘Ead’s issues, that’s one heavy mask! Due to Semi being far too much like Sam Strong and Kowled Kudo being on the booking committee I had to have ‘Ead lose here, which sucks, but he needs some serious momentum rehabilitation before he gets where I want him. The Kowl Lock puts away ‘Ead, Strong was too tired to break up the submission. Lazy brutha. [B]Details: 10:51; D-[/B] [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WillPower.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WillPower.jpg[/IMG][/URL] VS. [URL="[IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/HalFacutt.jpg[/IMG]"][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/HalFacutt.jpg[/IMG][/URL] [B]Will Power © vs. Hal Facutt[/B] for the [I]HaLF Openweight championship[/I] In the booker meeting Hal lobbied hard to win the match, if not the title, here. He lost that vote like he lost this match. He may be a censor now, up against the inspiration which is Will Power, but he still is in no shape to hold the title. Especially since in this match he was getting his backside thoroughly swatted, so being Hal, he tucked out the ring and grabbed his Texas Mickey of bourbon and busted it over Will Power. In full view of everyone. Still happily employed as a HaLF ref and not future endeavoured Roberto Menendez had no choice to call for the bell. Afterwards Hal put in a few nasty boots to the bloody and bourboned Will Power’s body before making the international gesture of ‘I want the belt.’ [b]Details: 9:41; D+[/B] [B]Overall: D-[/B] Not bad at all, especially since the crowd complained about the lack of angles and interviews and the over abundance of Jimmy Buffet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beeker Posted March 31, 2008 Author Share Posted March 31, 2008 Actually Tigerkinney, I hadn't really intended on giving a show so soon, but felt that I needed to get to the wrestling at some point. Thanks for sticking with me through all the backstories. Of course, this dynasty is about wrestling but it's not the primary focus for me. For those of you who want nothing but 'rasslin' I suggest Tigerkinney's excellent Burning Hammer dynasty or Marcel Fromage's RoF or eayragt's (sp?) FWE. *** The aftermath of April Uprising proved different for me. Shortly after the final angle of Hal tossing a broken and bloodied Will Power from the ring, the ring was broken down and the performers showered and the wrestling arena shifted back into a proper bar. The minis mingled with fans, after nearly a year groups had formed; some recounted their matches of the night whereas some preferred to shut off and talk about anything but the show. I nursed a beer, as the sound system flared back into life and played anything but Jimmy Buffet, handing over the bulk of the money taken from ticket sales placated the management. Ant-Acid returned just before the end of the show with information on the whereabouts of Cerebros McGhee. Face down on his bed. The remnants of his ‘motivation’ for the evening lay strewn and spilled upon the floor around him like a bourbon bomb crater. He must been preparing to spit some venom, likely at me and Eisen, but taking an educated (and alcoholic) guess, I suspect every time he rehearsed his speech and announced it was April Uprising! He took a drink. Knowing Brains he really immersed himself into his intended speech. Ant-Acid poked him with an empty bottle and a grumbling snore confirmed Brains was still alive, is currently mostly unconscious. Worked for everyone except maybe Hal Facutt, who I understand generally plays drinking games with Brains after each show. I assume the most common game is… first one to the bottom of the bottle of Jack Daniels wins! Loser buys the next round. And there is always a next round. Hal steadfastly ignored me and concentrated on the swirling bourbon and clinking of ice cubes in his tumbler. Pissed at me for not giving him the title, which he clearly felt he’d earned and claimed Brains’ promised to him. News to me. Kudo and Cromwell suggested an extended squash on Hal as I received my first revelation of the backstage politicking that occurs even at the lowest of levels of wrestling. I didn’t enjoy the experience. The ring had barely been put into storage before the next show started being discussed. Timmy proposed a face on face battle between him and Will since that’s what the fans were obviously clamouring for. Kowled Kudo pointed out the burgeoning popularity of the fledgling Bronze Wyvern Tail and how it should culminate with him standing atop HaLF, a show of might and glory. I listened to the two of them bicker and found I enjoyed their company. They squabbled like an old married couple but I found it entertaining. Turned out Kowled Kudo hailed from Vancouver too, back when he first started it was something akin to my journey to working with HaLF, he visited Tijuana nearly 20 years ago and a passing resemblance to Haruki Kudo led to an offer to perform as a Mexican Mini. He still held his Canadian citizen ship, but now enjoyed dual citizenship and spent the vast majority of his time in Mexico. While Timmy Cromwell, when not bitterly decrying the heightism inherent in the wrestling industry was a fan of the old school, southern style blood feud rivalries. Not the hardcore bloodshed but long running and deep seated hatred where both men wanted the other dead. Both make valid points as to why the other shouldn’t get the next title shot. In Mexico technico versus technico is almost unheard of, but then a minis promotion run by an angry, drunken, ugly American midget isn’t overly common to my reckoning. Will Power facing off against Timmy Cromwell would certainly cause a stir in the community but I’m not sure that’s the sort of stir I’m looking for. Besides, I’ve got Cromwell, Power and Giedroyc loosely aligned to stave off the growing power of Kudo, Shim and Miya. And Timmy astutely points out giving the head booker of MPWF the HaLF title might just be seen as a controversial and divisive decision in the locker-room. [I]“Whoa! Wait a second. You’re head booker for another Mexican promotion Kudo?”[/I] I interrupt their argument. Kudo nods once formally. [I]“You didn’t know?”[/I] he inquires. [I]“No. Gawd damn that stumpy, drunken, clueless midget!”[/I] I shout, drawing the eyes of the entire roster and most of the fans. [I]“I don’t even want to know what else that f*cking moron forgot to tell me. If he wasn’t face down, dead drunk right now, I’d knock his sorry ass out!”[/I] Timmy murmurs, [I]“Did he tell you I’m chief scout for CZCW?”[/I] I narrow my eyes, burning holes into him, I’m about to verbally bugger Timmy like he was back in boarding school when Cal Genio shouts over the music. [I]“And next month I’m going to try to do what I do every show,”[/I] Cal takes a long pause, savouring the moment, [I]“Try and take over the world!”[/I] [I]“You ideeot Zenio!”[/I] exclaims ‘Ead Stone, swatting Cal with his beret. All the minis start laughing at me and Miya completes the rib by kicking me sharply in the shin for old time’s sake. Lil guy’s got serious personal space issues. Having been indoctrinated into the HaLF familia the rest of the night went pretty well, although I’m sure there were a few performers and fans in attendance more than eager to inform Cerebros about my outburst. *** Funny note, I found out that Kowled Kudo was indeed the head booker of MPWF. (As he has been in every game I’ve done with the CromwellVerse.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beeker Posted April 1, 2008 Author Share Posted April 1, 2008 [U]An ([COLOR="White"]Idiot’s[/COLOR]) EWB Guide to the Cornellverse[/U] For the majority of readers on GDS this is about as useful as an appendix but for the more EWR/Real Word obsessed writers and readers of EWB this may well be essential reading to help ease them in to the Cornellverse and where HaLF is based. Tommy Cornell lends his name to the Cornellverse. One of the top workers of his generation, Tommy Cornell hails from England is a based upon an EFed wrestler of renowned wrestling game programmer Adam Ryland. (I trust you all have heard of him.) Tommy Cornell originally made a splash in JK Stallings Hollyweird Grappling Company but wrestling proved too political for Stallings and he sold the promotion to Tommy Cornell. Cornell renamed the company Total Championship wrestling. Now I’m going to very quickly give the main promotions in the CVerse (as it is regularly abbreviated.) And I’ll give Real World counterparts to further ease the transition to this strange land I’ve recently populated with minis. [U]North America[/U] [U]United States[/U] There are two top promotions in the US; Supreme Wrestling Federation and Total Championship Wrestling. Currently engaged in the Tuesday Night Wars as they battle for domestic supremacy. SWF is run by Richard Eisen and aims directly at the sports entertainment market, having decimated the territorial system that existed before Eisen’s rise to power. HGC become TCW and switched itself from sports entertainment to a more traditional promotion. [B]SWF[/B] – Real World comparison (RW) WWE [B]TCW[/B] – RW comparison WCW going back to its pre Turner sensibilities Lurking below the juggernauts of TCW and SWF are DaVE, Danger and Violence Extreme. Headed up by the visionary Phil Vibert, it survived the savage East Coast War and body checked itself into national prominence. After those first, heady days of popularity and notoriety the hard edged cult phenom has floundered on the national stage. SWF and TCW took some of the top stars and ideas but a loyal cadre of veterans and hungry new stars-in-the making mean the DaVE may well make it a big three. [B]DaVE[/B] – RW comparison ECW right before the deal with TNN Lesser lights Below the big two and a half reside the rest of the US promotions; very quickly they are… United States Pro Wrestling, Costal Zone Championship Wrestling, New York City Wrestling, Mid Atlantic Wrestling, Rhode Island Pro Wrestling, Angel Athletic Association and Babes of Sin City. Great faces from the past head up USPW (Sam Strong,) MAW (Rip Chord) and RIPW (Professor Nero) – the other companies have lesser known names. [B]USPW[/B] – RW comparison a family friendly Legends of Wrestling if Hogan ever actually opened a wrestling promotion [B]CZCW[/B] – RW comparison Pro Wrestling Guerilla (right down to all the crazy animals) an explosive action high flying fed [B]MAW[/B] – RW comparison Jake Roberts sobers up and opens up a promotion built towards grooming and creating new stars for the future. [B]RIPW[/B] – RW comparison any of the WWE developmental territories but with Freddy Blassie helming it (SWF is its parent company) [B]NYCW[/B] – RW comparison none-really a throwback to the 80s with slow paced ‘action’ and minimal spectacle (Think AWA just before the end.) [B]AAA[/B] – RW comparison Shimmer, the only legitimate female-only wrestling promotion [B]BSC[/B] – RW comparison GLOW (based of Las Vegas, baby, of course) [U]Canada[/U] North of the 49th Parallel a renaissance is about to be unleashed on the unwary and ill-informed citizens of the south, as the three promotions here look ready to expand their horizons. The leading Northern light, appropriately enough, is north of the Border Pro Wrestling with as talented a cast of performers as has been seen in years in North America. A bit behind and a bit below in prestige is the DeColt’s Canadian Golden Combat and the newest and smallest entry is Troy Winner’s Canadian Charisma Championship Combat. [B]NotBPW[/B] – RW comparison classic 80s Stampede Wrestling meets RoH but without all the indy wankery [B]CGC[/B] – RW comparison anything run by the Rougeaus, only in English [B]4C[/B] – RW comparison pretty much your RoH Academy meets Tough Enough [U]Japan[/U] Japan is the home of strong style and has been in a state of flux in recent years, as the undisputed kings of Japan; Burning Hammer of the Wrestling Gods lost a core of their most valued performers who were disgusted with the direction of the company. This lead to the formation of Inspire Diversity Group International and allowed rival Power Glory Honor Wrestling and Golden Canvas Grappling to narrow the gap with Burning Hammer. Beneath those intimidating four World Level Wrestling adds some sports entertainment to the super-serious Far East, Warrior Engine XXV brings the garbage brawls, 5 Star Supreme Wrestling is THE joshi promotion and Pro Wrestling Saisho (PGHW) and Hinote Dojo (BHotWG) are the training grounds for the futures of the business of Strong Style. (My knowledge of Japan is limited so if these comparisons don’t quite work, let me know.) [B]BHotWG[/B] – RW comparison New Japan (Traditional Old School) [B]PGHW[/B] – RW comparison Noah without a Junior Division (Strong Style Puro) [B]GCG[/B] – RW comparison All Japan a fading, old time, once-on-top promotions [B]INSPIRE[/B] – RW comparison PRIDE if it were more popular, allowed gimmicks and scripted the outcomes of matches [B]WLW[/B] – RW comparison Dragongate [B]WEXXV[/B] – RW comparison one of the ‘death match’ promotions [B]5SSW[/B] – RW comparison APW (?) [U]Mexico[/U] Down in Mexico before the addition of HaLF there were three promotions, each split between the three territories. Recently due to TV those promotions are coming into contact with one another. Original Lucha Libre In Extreme are the oldest promotion in the world, being over 50 however their reliance on the same old lucha, the same old libre has caused them to be in the dangerous position of being the only promotion in Mexico without a TV show. Mexico Premier Wrestling Federation became the first company to successfully via with OLLIE for top spot in the Mexico pantheon. They were helped since MPWF’s genesis emerged when four of the top stars of OLLIE walked after a contract dispute. The new kid in the playground is South of the Border Pro Wrestling who made a big debut with deep pockets and large contracts but recently some investors have pulled out and SotBPW have refocused on being a successful lucha libre promotion. So far they seem to be succeeding. [B]OLLIE, MPWF & SotBPW[/B] – RW comparison one is CMLL, another AAA and the final one is up for debate [B]HaLF[/B] - My promotion. Minis! Whoot! :D [U]United Kingdom and Europe[/U] Things are pretty sparse across the Pond as while there are four promotions none are particularly powerful. The brightest of the lot at first glance is 21st Century Wrestling an English sports entertainment promotion based in London. Anyone who says English and entertainment is an oxymoron may well be right. To the north Men of Steel Combat plays to the beer, blood, brawling and tartan of Scotland. Encamped in the Midlands is Ring of Fire for the purists among the Brits. On mainland Europe, Ultimate Ring Combat offers the sole option for wrestling fans. This is perhaps the region with the most divergence from reality as booked properly federations can succeed here. It's a hard slog but it is possible. [B]21CW[/B] – RW comparison anything with Kriss Sprules in it [B]MoSC[/B] – RW comparison no idea, I lived in Edinburgh for a year and didn’t hear a thing about something like MoSC; Beer, blood, brawls... in tartan? Think traditional Scottish wedding. :) [B]RoF[/B] – RW comparison RoH goes to the Old Sod (Nigel McGuinness finally main events!) [B]UCR[/B] – RW comparison the French Armed Forces; soft hitting, family friendly (not the Foreign Legion – they’re badass!) *** Any GDS forum members want to help clarify what I've written I'd appreciate it. If not... it's just the guys from EWB so it's not a big deal. :D *** EDIT: Those looking at this post and the one below (by the eminent Tigerkinney) might think he's restated what I wrote. Not true, thanks to Tigerkinney I've edited the post to reflect his insight which I greatly respect. Especially since my real world wrestling is down to maybe an hour or two of TNA iMpact/week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigerkinney Posted April 1, 2008 Share Posted April 1, 2008 Not a bad effort, just a few I would have a differing opinion on. [B]CZCW:[/B] I know where you are coming from, with the Chikara comparison due to all the masked wrestlers they seem to employ. But I actually see CZCW being comparable to PWG (Pro Wrestling Guerrilla) due to their South-West based location. PWG's product also seems very similar to CZCW, both promote a 'Modern' style of wrestling that is a little less serious than ROH. Chikara also has that style, but has more Lucha and is big on Trios matches, where as CZCW and PGHW are more reliant on traditional singles or tag match ups. [B]PGHW:[/B] I would actually say that PGHW is closest in style to NOAH, minus NOAH's Junior Heavyweight Division. Both are relatively new companies that have come in and broken up the domination of a previous big two and are now arguably the biggest promotion in Japan. [B]GCG:[/B] I would say that GCG is All-Japan, both are the oldest company in Japan but have fallen behind their old rivals (BHOTWG/NJPW) and the hot new(ish) promotion (PGHW/NOAH). I would say that GCG's fall on hard times is more dramatic than AJPW's, as I think in real life AJPW are considered the No.3 but aren't as far behind. Where as GCG are no-where near the Top 2 but their 3rd spot is debatable, with WLW (Dragon Gate) making a strong challenge. [B]U.K /Europe :[/B] This is probably the region where it's most unique to the Cornellverse. Truth is in real-life almost every promotion in the U.K these days is a poor imitation of U.S Indy's (all trying to copy the 'Modern' style, best associated with ROH). I'm a fan of the style (ROH is by far and away my favourite real life promotion), but if you give me a choice between ROH and IPW:UK...I'm always going to choose ROH. The original incarnation of 21CW was very similar to these sort of promotions. I would say that ROF gives me an impression of being a wannabe-ROH (specifically ROH circa 02-03) combined with elements of an old-school British fed, with an emphasis on the 'Catch as Catch Can' style of wrestling. MOSC is clearly a take on the stereotype that the Scot's like to get drunk and fight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beeker Posted April 2, 2008 Author Share Posted April 2, 2008 The relative good spirits which came from the first successful show lasted almost 24 hours before reality cuffed me upside my head. I sat at one of the local eateries and savoured a soft-shell seafood taco. I like most Mexican food, but I don’t grasp the concept of hard shell tacos. Soft shells wrap and caress the other ingredients like new love whereas hard shell tacos stand off and emit a frigid air like a marriage a decade past its prime. And hard shell tacos inevitably end up exploding and then it’s a race against gravity to make the majority of the food find its way into your mouth. Generally I wear more hard shell filling than I consume, hence why the soft shell taco is the way to go. Also, whoever decided that the hard shell should have a rounded bottom either loved a practical joke or was a sadist. I suspect a bit of both. I’ve just polished off my first seafood taco and washed it down with a cool glass of milk. The shirt may read ‘Save water, drink cerveza’ and that’s fine for the spring breakers and all-inclusive week long gringos but as I’ve gone from gringo to demi-gringo my liver deserves some care. Hence, some milk, por favor. Fernando prepares my second taco when my chest erupts in what appears to be a serious chest wound! Or salsa. Yes, salsa. Someone’s just splattered me with salsa. [I]“Good evening Cerebros,” [/I]I call out. Not bothering to look around for him. The stumpy-legged midget plops himself across from me and chomps on his cigar stub angrily. That man’s cigar emotes more than some Hollywood actors. I wipe the salsa splotch off my shirt and dump it on the ground for the children or the Chihuahuas. [I]“How f*cking dare you!”[/I] Cerebros starts. [I]“I’m fine Cerebros, thanks for asking. Yourself? How’s your hangover?”[/I] [I]“Bite me!”[/I] he spits, [I]“You got me drunk!”[/I] “[I]Exactly HOW did I get you drunk?”[/I] I demand, [I]“I entrusted you with one thing. Kicking off the show. You never made the show so I had to book on the fly. You also failed to inform me you had yet to pay Bar Juarez for rental of the hall. Plus you’d shorted some of the workers.”[/I] [I]“Is that another height joke…”[/I] [I]“No, it’s a financial reality. The boys seemed quite unsurprised that I was stiffing them, however today when spent the morning and afternoon at the HaLFquarters doling out their payments they seemed downright gob smacked.”[/I] [I]“What! How the hell did you get into my bank accounts?”[/I] Splutters Cerebros. [I]“Word of advice brainiac,”[/I] I mutter, [I]“Having a password called password is about as dumb a thing as a person can do. Outside of maybe agreeing to book a minis fed in Mexico.”[/I] [I]“We’re called MINIS dammit!”[/I] [I]“That’s what I said.”[/I] [I]“Oh, oops. Force of f*cking habit.”[/I] Somehow even his semi-apology was laced with toxins. [I]“And why in the hell didja pay those grimy thieves 3000 dollars for the use of that dump?”[/I] [I]“Pesos Cerebros,” [/I]I sigh, [I]“They use pesos in Mexico and 1 US dollar is worth about 10 pesos. Bar Juarez isn’t nearly as expensive as you thought. And with me paying off your tab, they’ve invited us back next month. To make it up to them and the fans I’m instigating a Fan Appreciation Night. Tickets are free.”[/I] [I]“F*CK THAT! I didn’t hire you to bankrupt me, you dirty cheat!”[/i] [I]“You could waive the $1500 a month you’re paying yourself, that would mean all of Bar Juarez could watch for free. More or less.”[/I] [I]“Not gonna happen.”[/I] [I]“It is. I posted the information to the website and Bar Juarez has the posters up already.”[/I] Cerebros grinds his teeth and the cigar stub. If I look closely I think a spout of stem escapes his ears right now. He slams back the beer that magically appeared during our ‘business meeting.’ [I]“Fine,”[/I] he spits, [I]“When will I get a copy of the matches from April Uprising?”[/I] And, like clockwork, he drinks from the bottle of Sol in front of him. [I]“Pardon? There is no DVD or VHS of the show. I streamed it over the internet. The clips will be up all month. We’re not going to make any real, long term money by catering strictly to the Northern Minis market. This way curious fans from across the country and the world have a chance to discover us. It will cause short term financial loss for long term profitability. You do want to bring down Eisen don’t you?”[/I] Cerebros pauses and I know he’s hooked. That’s a very effective button I discovered on the embittered dwarf. [I]“Fine,"[/I] and he spits that concession out with more bile than someone so small should be capable of. [I]“But here are MY rules of conducting business. I approve all personnel decisions from here on out. No hirings or firings without my permission. As for hirings, MINIS ONLY! Got it snotstain? There’ll be more later once I’ve gotten rid of this gawd damned sobriety, but you better keep making HaLF more popular.”[/I] He drains the last of his Sol cerveza, hops down and stumps off. As meetings go with Cerebros, that one was downright pleasant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beeker Posted April 6, 2008 Author Share Posted April 6, 2008 Shandy Lover loathed this time of year in Mexico. Being a professional mini wrestler and occasional Mexican Soap Star made the downtime between the two difficult. He loved wrestling more than life itself, but the short stints on the soaps essentially allowed him to focus on his wrestling. With both being sporadic; once a month with HaLF and a few weeks (if he was lucky) a year on the soaps meant he needed a regular, flexible source of income. Shandy Lover spent the spring and summers at the beaches of north eastern Mexico. That hurt his bank account but he often crashed with friends based in Chihuahua when working for HaLF and his place on the coast wasn’t much, but it was affordable, it helped that his landlady loved Jennifer Heat and therefore loved Shandy through diffusion. It was a bit of a convoluted equation to figure it out but the land lady loved her soaps and gave Shandy a steal on his rent because she could then boast to her friends about the celebrity who lived with her. Shandy didn’t feel much like a celebrity right now, in fact he felt as far from being famous as he could. They all had various gigs that allowed them to continue to feed their addiction which was wrestling. Ni-Lo spent times dancing in videos and recently landed a job with a radio station after a particularly hilarious interview. When the host asked him who his favourite opponents were, Ni-Lo quipped, [I]“I like battling with the bigger boys. I feel that best works to my natural advantages… what with being 4’8 and a chiseled 102 pounds of mini-steel and sex appeal, esse!”[/I] Now Ni-Lo worked once a week with their morning show as a ‘Mini Maximum Scoop Reporter,’ delivering fun fluff. From that Ni-Lo found some work in the recording studio and began experimenting with producing some songs and radio ads. Kowled Kudo run a successful import/export business with contacts built up from years in Mexico and Canada and Japan. Hal worked in bars, he never seemed to last long due to being caught drunk or passed out on the job. Right now, Shandy wished he was drunk or passed out. Instead he slung the bandoleers across his chest to complete his image of the Bevvie Bandito! Shandy sighed deeply and looked into the mirror of his small bathroom, adjusting his obviously fake mustache and tilting his sombrero to just the right angle. Despite despising the job, Shandy loved his Beverage Cart. At first it had been just a cooler and he’d sold drinks by the can, but an evening brainstorming with the Scottish tinkerer Jock (Giedroyc) found them the next morning hopped up on adrenaline and enthusiasm as they completed the first prototype of what would become the Bang Bang Beverage Dispenser. It had both wheels and pontoons to it could float or roll or skim along sand or water or grass and the cooling system kept all the drinks perfectly chilled. The plastic cups irked Shandy because he wished they were more environmentally friendly and could be chilled better but Jock rigged up the coolant tubes to run right next to the cup dispenser so the clear plastic always went momentarily chilled-cloudy. After the initial trail runs of the cart Jock and Shandy deemed it too heavy so Jock quickly rigged up a bicycle to the back. Steering was awkward, but then Jock drove like the crazy Scotsman he was, so Shandy took it slow and eventually got where he wanted. After a few months of riding the Bang Bang Beverage Cart he could steer it on land or in the water. Still, days like today he hated. The only people on the beach would be locals or el cheapo gringos. The professional travelers who avoided the crush of tourista season and the price of tourista season. Still, he needed some extra scratch as he hadn’t been on any TV since the Christmas week special and the next HaLF show wasn’t for a few days. One look down the nearly deserted stretch of beach and Shandy Lover considered turning around and heading back for an early siesta but he hated being lazy and hated quitting. Instead he pedaled down near the water’s edge, where the sand was wetter but firmer if one knew where to ride. Shandy did. He considered it a work out rather than a soda selling side-business, still when he approached the first lone man he slowed his pace and began the spiel he kept tinkering with to make the most money. [I]“Ola amigo…”[/I] and Shandy quit his pitch, [I]“Hey Beeker, I didn’t expect to see you here.”[/I] Beeker looked up from the notebook he was writing in. [I]“Just the mini I’d hoped to see.”[/I] [I]“You were looking for me?”[/I] asked Shandy. [I]“Sure was. Jock told me where to find you. Pull up some sand, we need to talk.”[/I] Shandy looked down the beach and realized he might as well, there was no money to be made out here today and he loved working for HaLF and it was his first chance to talk one-on-one with the new booker. [I]“What are you writing Beek?”[/I] asked Shandy. [I]“Like you, Cerebros doesn’t pay me enough to live down here, so this is how I make ends meet. I enjoy travel writing, so I’m visiting various parts of Mexico and writing it up for some papers back in Canada.”[/I] [I]“I still don’t know why you moved down here. You don’t seem to like the minis much. You and Brains are always at each other’s throats. Why stick around?”[/I] [I]“The winters are better for one thing. And I have my reasons for not living in Canada right now.”[/I] Beeker pauses and takes a deep breath, [I]“And I’ve realized I have some irrational anger and fear of minis, but I like most of the guys. Cerebros just f*cking pushes my gawd damned buttons though!”[/I] Beeker takes some deep breaths to calm his rising anger while Shandy laughs. [I]“The boys in the back love that you made him change his name. Why did you make him do it?”[/I] asks Shandy. [I]“I told him the truth; Eisen owns the copyright to the character and could unleash his lawyers on HaLF. HaLF would be tapas to those jackals. And if he’s in Mexico, he might as well at least try to speak the language. Pissed me off that he drunk his way out of the last show. Way to earn that $1500 owner-man. Stupid midget.”[/I] Shandy ****ed an eyebrow in such a telemundo manner that Beeker couldn’t help but laugh. [I]“I can see how you got landed your evil TV role. Anyway, the reason for my visit is not to mock Cerebros. Although I could devote an extra three hours or more to it. This came for you in the mail.”[/I] Beeker passes a large manila envelope to the Bevvie Bandito, the Soda Gun Slinger. [I]“What’s this? Japan? It’s from Japan? Why is it from Japan? Who do I know in Japan?”[/I] Shandy rips into the envelope and opens it up to reveal one perfectly folded sheet of rice paper. [quote=Ryu Kajahara; Owner of Warrior Engine XXV] [FONT="Century Gothic"][SIZE="4"]Noble Gaijin Shandy Lover, The proud samurai of WEXXV do hereby call upon your pride to give us the honour of your skills and battle prowess in our field of battle for the impending Red Alert tour. Arigatou gozaimasu, Ryu Kajahara[/SIZE][/FONT][/quote] Shandy bounded to his feet, unable to contain his excitement. Beeker snatched the sheet of rice paper from Shandy’s hand lest he ruin it with his wild celebrations. [I]“What does it mean? Does it mean what I think it means? Oh… Jock’s gonna be sooooooooooo jealous.”[/I] [I]“I doubt that actually. Jock signed with Warrior Engine too. Looks like you and he are going to be mini garbage brawlers in Japan. Congratulations, I think.”[/I] [I]“Thank you Beeker, thank you! You just made my year!”[/I] Shandy pauses for a moment, [I]“How did they know about Jock and I though?”[/I] Beeker laughs, [I]“Don’t tell Cerebros because he’d be sure to blame me, but I’m guessing they caught your match on the internet since I started posting them there.”[/I] [I]“Thanks again Beeker! I can’t work now, I’ve got to celebrate!” “Before you go, what sort of soda are you using?” “Huh? Oh. It’s the concentrated syrup, it’s dead cheap.” “I know about it. So are you using bottled water or tap water?”[/I] [I]“Tap…”[/I] and Shandy trails off. [I]“Puta madre!”[/I] [I]“I’m staying at the hotel here, come back after siesta and we’ll go celebrate your new job.”[/I] [I]“Gracias senor! Bang bang. Bandito away! JAPAN!”[/I] And Shandy pedaled off, zipping back up the beach, lost in so lost in his own euphoria he never noticed the trio of kids who chased after him for 100 yards waving their pesos at him. *** It’s true. [B]Jock Giedroyc [/B]and [B]Shandy Lover [/B]have signed touring contracts with [B]WEXXV[/B]. And made WEXXV their priority. Damn unfaithful midgets! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beeker Posted April 9, 2008 Author Share Posted April 9, 2008 It took upwards of thirty seconds before the argument began. [I]“I told you, for the final time. I’m not f*cking doing it! You can take your Fan Appreciation Night and shove it up your oversized ass you insufferable idiot,”[/I] snarled Cerebros. [I]“You know what. Fine. Forget about it. I’ll do it myself.” [/I]I retorted. [I]“Whadda ya mean YOU’LL do it! Who the hell said you could be on camera? Huh needle dick? I sure as sh!t didn’t!”[/I] [I]“I told you about this. Left you memos. Sent you email. I’m now the announcer with Punto Cinqo as the colour commentator. It’ll be good practice for me. I’m sorry to have asked you to do it. I just thought… since it was the one year anniversary of HaLF you might like to make the announcement of the matches at the show.”[/I] [I]“I’m still pissed we’re doing it for free.”[/I] [I]“You’re either pissed or pissed off. It’s not exactly an unexpected attitude.”[/I] [I]“We could cancel it.”[/I] I stare at him, waiting; Cerebros knows why this won’t happen. [I]“F*ck! Then we’d lose the deposit at least. Let me see the card at least.” [/I]He glances at it. [I]“Actually, it’s not a bad card. What’s this notation mean?”[/I] [I]“Oh, that’s going to be a hardcore match.”[/I] Cerebros’ eyes popped at that and wicked gleam came in his eyes. And like that he dropped his anger and started rehearsing and planning the words and phrases he’d use to introduce the impending Fan Appreciation Night card. For the first time since I’d met the surly little person I saw that caused Eisen to hire him in the first place and how instrumental he likely had been in easing the Dirty White Boys from obscurity to recognizable names. In a matter of minutes he had Ni-Lo setting up the recording studio on the PC and I listened in Cerebros McGhee laid down a virtually one-take promo. [I]“Hello all you HaLFlings out there. As I’m sure so many of you are aware it’s the one year anniversary of HaLF and we want to give back to you people for supporting a real alternative to the glut of those oversized entertainers and making this bunch of minis the best in the business. We’ve got a massive show planned for Bar Juarez this coming Saturday night. Make you attend. As a way of saying thanks there is NO cover charge for a fantastic night of minis action, there will also be all sorts of door prizes and a change to meet your favourite performers after Fan Appreciation Night comes to a close, as we fully intend to close down Bar Juarez… after we rip it down with the night’s action. For the fans we assembled the following action. The oddly accented ‘Ead Stone promises to wreak havoc upon the Nintendo Darling Wii Mario. The Riot, that talented duo of Shim and Miya have accepted the challenge laid down by the intriguing animal pairing of Ant-Acid and El Hijo del Mufasa. Hal Facutt told me just before I recorded this that he’s challenging Timmy Cromwell to a match in the main event. The zoot-suit zombie Soul Shaker promises to teach that crazy Scotsman Jock Giedroyc how things are done down Mexico way! While Semi Strong faces the strong challenge of Shandy Lover (no pun intended there, I blame the writer!) And finally, we can promise Will Power will be in the building and defending the coveted HaLF Openweight Championship! See you Saturday, you rapid HaLFlings! Cerebros estan muy locos!”[/I] Cerebros glanced up at Ni-Lo who have him the thumbs and with that, the card for Fan Appreciation Night was set. I sat there a bit shell shocked. Cerebros could bring the goods. And he stole a catchphrase from me! [I]“And that’s how it’s done, jackass!”[/I] And… Brains is back. *** [B][U][COLOR="Red"]HaLF Fan Appreciation Night Prediction Form[/COLOR][/U][/B] ‘Ead Stone vs. Wii Mario The Riot (Shim and Miya) vs. Ant-Acid and El Hijo del Mufasa Soul Shaker vs. Jock Giedroyc Shandy Lover vs. Semi Strong Will Power vs. ??? for the HaLF Openweight title Hal Facutt vs. Timmy Cromwell (if Timmy accepts… hint: he will!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bolton Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 ‘Ead Stone vs. [B]Wii Mario[/B] [I]Come-on, he's named after a Nintendo console![/I] [B]The Riot (Shim and Miya)[/B] vs. Ant-Acid and El Hijo del Mufasa [I]Mini Rebellion...lol[/I] [B]Soul Shaker[/B] vs. Jock Giedroyc [I]Job the Jock! Job the Jock![/I] Shandy Lover vs. [B]Semi Strong[/B] [I]I've no comment, only that a small version of Sam Strong - laughs.[/I] Will Power vs. [B]???[/B] for the HaLF Openweight title [I]Some normal sized wrestler will accept and beat everyone's favorite midget.[/I] Hal Facutt vs. [B]Timmy Cromwell[/B] (if Timmy accepts… hint: he will!) [I]That Tommy Cornell stole from poor Timmy Cromwell, so Timmy's gotta verge his anger.[/I] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigerkinney Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 ‘Ead Stone vs. [B]Wii Mario[/B] [I]Just for the genius punnery of the name :) [/I] [B]The Riot (Shim and Miya)[/B] vs. Ant-Acid and El Hijo del Mufasa [I]Ant-Acid is cool, but I can't back against The Riot[/I] Soul Shaker vs. [B]Jock Giedroyc[/B] [I]Could go either way , just to be different from Bolton i'll go for Jock[/I] [B]Shandy Lover[/B] vs. Semi Strong [I]Though Shandy is on his way to Japan, he's not on his way with a written contract and I see him picking up the win over Semi Strong[/I] Will Power vs. [B]???[/B] for the HaLF Openweight title [I]I'll take a guess that the challenge will come from Kowled Kudo, and he'll cause a slight shock by ending Will Powers title run[/I] Hal Facutt vs. Timmy Cromwell [I]This one will end up with a schmozz finish such as a double count-out[/I] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilian_WWW Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 [B]‘Ead Stone[/B] vs. Wii Mario [I]As he is my favourite character so far, I have to give the nod to 'Ead Stone.[/I] [B]The Riot (Shim and Miya)[/B] vs. Ant-Acid and El Hijo del Mufasa [I]Easy win for the riot.[/I] Soul Shaker vs. [B]Jock Giedroyc[/B] [I]I don't like Soul Taker too much, so I have to go with Giedroyc.[/I] [B]Shandy Lover[/B] vs. Semi Strong [I]As the name suggests, Semi is just not strong enough.[/I] [B]Will Power[/B] vs. ??? for the HaLF Openweight title [I]Unless you have some massive surprise waiting, it'll be Cerebros himself in a losing effort.[/I] Hal Facutt vs. [B]Timmy Cromwell[/B] (if Timmy accepts… hint: he will!) [I]He will accept and he will win.[/I] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcel Fromage Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 [B]‘Ead Stone [/B]vs. Wii Mario [I]He eez ze chien's testicles, non?[/I] [B]The Riot (Shim and Miya) [/B]vs. Ant-Acid and El Hijo del Mufasa [I]I predict a riot[/I] Soul Shaker vs. [B]Jock Giedroyc[/B] [I]Och aye the Tartan takes it[/I] [B]Shandy Lover[/B] vs. Semi Strong [I]Go on Shandy! Unless Cerebros interferes, setting up a feud between the man who drinks his whisky straight and the man who waters down his beer[/I] [B]Will Power [/B]vs. ??? for the HaLF Openweight title [I]Don't know who this will be. They won't win.[/I] Hal Facutt vs. Timmy Cromwell (if Timmy accepts… hint: he will [I]Agree with TK here. Some kind of throw-out finish.[/I] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beeker Posted April 12, 2008 Author Share Posted April 12, 2008 [B][U]HaLF Fan Appreciation Night[/U][/B] [B]Held:[/B] Bar Juarez [B]Attendance:[/B] 300 (Free Sell Out!) The raucous crowd entered in full force tonight since those extra 60 odd pesos will go even further and buy the first round and really, nothing gets people happier than a free show with minis. Or a free show with alcohol. Yah, probably that second one is more accurate. Myself and Phoenix Punto Cinqo take our spots are ringside while the crowd jostles for seats and sightlines. No dark matches tonight, we’re in good standing with Bar Juarez, in fact, it kicks off with a bang. [I]“’allooooooooooooo Chihuahua! Bloody good ta be back!”[/I] Spouts off Timmy Cromwell to get an immediate pop from the crowd, and he’s obviously got a mic. [I]“As some of ye may have heard, a certain rummy regaled our *ahem* illustrious leader Cerebros’ brains with an idea for challenging me to a match tonight! Cheeky git that Hal is. I’m not exactly hard ta find and as everyone from here to Tokyo, to Ottawa, to Hollyweird knows, I’m always up for a bit of fisticuffs. But ye see there Hal. I know me history n’ I seem ta recall you smacking Will in his gob with yer ever-present bottle o’ bourbon. So ye know what Hal, I do accept yer challenge to the Main Event tonight; there’s jus’ one thing. Tonight. You n’ I. We’re gonna settle this like men, in a hardcore tilt.”[/I] [B]Details: 5 min; D-[/B] Timmy heads backstage and the camera follows him as he marches to his dressing room. The crowd follows along on the bank of TV monitors that Bar Juarez usually shows various sports/news/music videos on. Timmy enters his own locker room, conveniently with his name on the door way above his head. (Yah, I’m a jerk some days.) Before the camera fades to black there’s a commotion heard down the hall, the cameraman quickly takes the crowd there to find… ‘Ead Stone and Wii Mario in each other’s faces. Wii shakes the ruined remains of a video game controller at ‘Ead (any guess which platform?) while ‘Ead uses his beret as a prop to extol his side of things. [I]“Ese, you totally ruined my game! I was about to get a high score. Wario now rules the world; I hope you’re happy for yourself!”[/I] [I]“You edeeot! ‘Ow dare you! Look at watch you ‘ave done to moi beret. It iz all, how do you zay, buttered et zhapelezz!”[/I] Wii shakes his controller in ‘Ead’s face, ‘Ead whapz Wii with ‘iz beret. Things escalate which leads to… [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/EadStone_beret.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WiiMario.jpg[/IMG] [B]‘Ead Stone vs. Wii Mario[/B] A fun little back n’ forth match that crowd lapped up since it was the first match of a free card. Mario kept working the leg while Stone used his giant stone ‘head’ to great effect. Fun ending to as Wii tossed ‘Ead to the outside and splattered him with a tope con Mario, things broke down and the ref had no choice but to start counting both men out. Mario goes for a charge but ‘Ead side steps it and Wii crashes into the ringside barrier. Then in a moment of sheer genius, ‘Ead chokes and then ties Mario to the ringside barrier. ‘Ead Stone climbs back into the ring and Mario can’t untangle himself in time to beat the count. ‘Ead Stone wins via Count Out! Mario fumes and promises revenge. [B]Details: ‘Ead Stone over Wii Mario via Count Out; 7:55; D[/B] Hey, look who made it! Cerebros McGhee enters to if not a hero’s welcome then at least a supporting sidekick’s welcome. Decked out in his black leather biker gear (still) he waves to the fans as they serenade him with a mixture of cheers and jeers. [I]“Gracy-ast, Gracy-ast,”[/I] full marks to Cerebros to at least attempting some Spanish I suppose, [I]“I want to thank all you HaLFlings for packing Bar Juarez to the rafters again and making the noise of at least 3000 fans! It is people like you who make me know that this promotion was the right thing to do, and the right place to do it in! Tonight I know all you folks want to know who shall be Will Power’s special, hand-picked challenger by yours truly? Well wait no longer my friends as it with great pleasure and impending doom that I invite you to welcome along with me the man who shall squash the insipid reign of that sanctimonious suck-up Power… ladies and gentlemen… I present to you none other than… Bruce the Mother F*cking Giant!” [/I] And he flourishes to the side of the stage with his hand and all eyes follow his lead. Holy sh!t I didn’t know I could sign plus-sized wrestlers! Cerebros lied to me! Phoenix utters an appropriate [I]“Puuuuuuta!”[/I] [I]“Ah ha ha ha. You daft fools. HaLF is about height limits, not weight limits. There’s no way in hell I’d hire that giant mountain gorilla Bruce. You stupid morons! No. Tonight Will shall face the much tougher challenger of Kowled Kudo.”[/I] At this point Ni-Lo pops out and dances over to Cerebros and whispers something urgently in his ear. [I]“Sonnuvab!tch! Why didn’t I know about this? Next time I see Kudo he’s getting my size four up his ass! I can’t believe this. Who the hell is gonna take the cherish HaLF title from that jerkwad Power?”[/I] Ni-Lo points to himself while frenetically [I]“Oh… fine. I don’t have anyone else in reserve. Tonight’s not-so special and obviously not hand-picked opponent for Will Power is nothing other than the by-proximity… Ni-Lo.”[/I] The crowd laughs at Cerebros’ misfortune. [B]Details: 3 min, E[/B] The Riot walk out from behind the curtain with microphones and as they make their way to the ring make an open challenge to anyone in the back who thinks then can stand toe-to-toe with the premier tag team in HaLF. (And only regular tag team in HaLF.) [B]Details: 2 min, E+[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Shim.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Miya.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Antacid.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ElHijodelMufasa2.jpg[/IMG] [B]The Riot (Shim and Miya) vs. Ant-Acid and El Hijo del Mufasa[/B] Nothing but a showcase for the improving tag-teamery of the Riot. Ant-Acid and Mufasa are fine wrestlers but aren’t a tag team like the Riot. Miya Spoiler ends. Details: Miya pinned Mufasa after a Miya Spoiler; 6 min, D- Will Powers makes his entrance and climbs into the ring with a mic in hand. It takes him a while between the giggles he seems to have before he addresses the crowd. [I]“Seriously Cerebros? You’re scrapping the bottom of the barrel now. I mean, Ni-Lo might be good… in about a decade but I live in the present and I am the people these people pay to see. I’m the one with my name above the marquee. I know you don’t like it Brainiac but I’m the one who put HaLF on the map. No one else. Why you want to take this cherished title away from me and all these great fans is beyond me. I’ll defend it proudly and with honours against all comers, from someone the stature of Ni-Lo to someone like Bruce the Oversized. You line ‘em up and I’ll keep knocking ‘em down. Because I’m Will Power and I. Have. The Power!”[/I] (Yes, that’s his catchphrase.) [B]Details: 5 min, D-[/B] (I blame the catchphrase.) [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WillPower.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Ni-Lo.jpg[/IMG] [B]Will Power vs. Ni-Lo for the HaLF Openweight Championship[/B] Hell Squash! Ni-Lo takes longer to Ni-Lo from the Block his way to ringside than he does to wrestle. Well, it is fan appreciation night and the fans seemed to appreciate this. Power of Will ends this quickly. [B]Details: Will Power defeats Ni-Lo with the Power of Will; 2:31 min, D-[/B] The wall o’ TVs hypes the upcoming Hal Facutt/Timmy Cromwell match. (Which apparently was supposed to be another Timmy interview but no one needs to reread that.) [B]Details: 5 min, D-[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SoulShaker.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/JockGiedroyc.jpg[/IMG] [B]Soul Shaker vs. Jock Giedroyc[/B] Oh sweet chemistry hello! What happens when you take the hyper-kinetic reincarnated dead man Soul Shaker and pair him up with the Slightly Perturbed of God Jock Giedroyc? Well, tonight it was the match of the night about two matches early as these two clearly enjoyed battling one another. A great back and forth match. Jock nailed the Crashing Up which the crowd (and Jock) thought had won it all, but Soul Shaker managed to get a foot on the ropes. The ref went to explain it to Jock, but Soul Shaker pulled him aside and a foreign (and likely undead) object… later found out to be brass knuckles. The Shimmy Shimmy Soul Shaka proved effective is superfluous. [B]Details: Soul Shaker over Jock Giedroyc via foreign object; 9:58; C-[/B] (pretty good chemistry!) Shandy Lover enters to a good pop and grabs a microphone, “Ola hombres. Shandy has a question. Which buffoon in the back needs old-man pantaloons? Ci! You’re right. Semi Strong. Shandy has another question. Who is the sexiest non-alcoholic short drink of pure manliness south of the Rio Grande? Ci! Shandy Lover…” This goes on for another couple of minutes until Semi Strong storming out from the back confirms that this match is kicking off right now! [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ShandyLover.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SemiStrong.jpg[/IMG] [B]Shandy Lover vs. Semi Strong[/B] Semi Strong starts out a Sam Strong tribute en feugo! It starts out all Strong, nothing semi about it. Strong gets a series of near falls off some old school American Strong style approved moves. Shandy pumps like a pinball for Semi Strong and the finish comes out of no where, Semi Strong lines up the Strong Arm Tactic but Shandy ducks it and as Strong bounces off the ropes he walks directly into a Lover Stunner! Shandy wins! [B]Details: Shandy Lover over Semi Strong with the Lover Stunner; 6:58 min; D-[/B] Now, here’s how new I am to TEW 2007 (just in time for 2008 to come out… /cheap plug.) I meant to have Hal taunt Semi Strong about his loss as they passed each other on the way to the ring only… I entered it as Semi Strong taunting Hal Facutt about his wrong. Foreshadowing or inexperience with the game? You decide! [B]Details: 3 min; E[/B] (which, makes sense since Hal hasn’t wrestled and Strong just lost.) [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/HalFacutt.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/TimmyCromwell.jpg[/IMG] [B]Hal Facutt vs. Timmy Cromwell[/B] in a hardcore match Something appears wrong from the outset. Phoenix and I exchange a hurried conversation off air as Hal makes his entrance. When Hal slips off the second turnbuckle as he tries to pose for the crowd, I notice just how empty the bottle of bourbon is. Yes, its gimmicked sugar-glass but I suspect from the look on his face as he takes a slug just what he’s got in there. Note: it ain’t iced tea. Timmy makes his entrance to a thunderous applause and I catch his eye. He goes through the motions and then at the first chance bails from the ring as if to clear his head from Hal’s initial onslaught. We don’t even speak, we don’t need to. Tommy knows. He’s a pro. Do his best; carry Hal as best he can. But the decided finish is off, no double KO spot. Put Hal away, do it early. A slight sneer is the extent of Timmy’s disgust. The match goes on. And it’s ugly. Zapato de bowling feo. (Babelfish rocks!) Timmy does what he can but clearly putting Hal in the main event of a 90 minute show gave him too much prep time. Hal goes for his patented Texas Mickey head shot but Timmy knows its coming and the sugar-glass shatters on the quickly raised steel chair of Cromwell. One chair shot to the head followed up by a Smoothed Over onto the set-up chair puts Hal down for good. Details: Timmy Cromwell over Hal Facutt with a Smoothed Over; 9:03; E+ OOC: Sadly I received no bad chemistry notes, dunno where that rating came from for the main event. Overall: D- [quote] Quick Results Ead over Wii by Count Out; 7:55; D The Riot over Ant-Acid & Mufasa when Mufasa falls to a Miya Spoiler; 6; D- Will over Ni-Lo with Power of Will; 2:31; D- Soul over Jock with a foreign object; 9:58; C- Shandy over Semi via Lover Stunner; 6:58; D- Timmy over Hal in a Hardcore match 9:03; E+ (Ug… really?)[/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcel Fromage Posted April 12, 2008 Share Posted April 12, 2008 Yeah! Go 'Ead Stone and Shandy Lover! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beeker Posted April 14, 2008 Author Share Posted April 14, 2008 [U][B]Results from HaLF Fan Appreciation Night[/B][/U] [B]Maximillian - 5/6 [/B](only letting his bias against Soul Shaker ruin a perfect debut) [B]Marcel Fromage - 4/6[/b] (be it the pure nature of RoF or the pure insanity of HaLF the guy is good) [B]Bolton - 3/6 [/B](Laughing as Semi Strong loses? For shame!) [B]Tigerkinney - 2/6[/B] (Uh oh. Clearly this ain't your tiger's BHotWG!) *** What can be gleaned from all this? First off, I'm a terrible booker. I just throw things out there with no real forethought. Actually the reason this dynasty isn't as free flowing at Marcel's or Tigerkinney's is because the actual booking of matches is the least interesting aspect of a show for me. The shows themselves. Any feedback? Matches don't interest me, but I'm kinda enjoying the angles and interviews. Which is obvious since I'd rather write an interview than a match. I have no backlog of events made up. Indeed, I'm about two days before the next show. And I've got at least two more Beeker n' the Brain postings to add. Although I think the post about Shandy did more to make him a real character to me than anything else I've written. I also appreciate the four predictions, since I gleaned some good ideas from them. Mostly the bait n' switch n' switch again for Will Power's opponent. And also for the ending to the hardcore match, since a draw would have made sense and will drive the next post between Beeker and Brains. Oh and Maximillian and Tigerkinney will each receive a special bonus later. I can't say what it is now, since it would be giving away too much for free. And over 1000 views. Huzzah! (Only 20 000 or so behind Tigerkinney and Marcel!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcel Fromage Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 I'm enjoying the shows, I think simply because it's all fairly surreal and humorous. Book the shows and write them up in the way that suits you best. I can't remember much about wrestling moves because I haven't watched it in years, so I just do quick match write-ups that don't show up my somewhat basic knowledge. Then again I don't use in-show angles either, so I write my diary in a way that keeps me interested and might make readers want to read it. Yours does that too - keep your slightly zany humour coming and people will enjoy. Plus, we don't really have a clue on the relative merits and strengths of your wrestlers in terms of in-ring ability. It's not like it's a diary where we're saying 'OMG you put Semi Strong over Shandy Lover. Look at his stats!!!'. From my perspective it's just an interesting case of character study and a jolly good laugh at the moment. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilian_WWW Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 Yay! A bonus! Very nice. In all seriousness, I really enjoyed your show there Beeker. I enjoyed the backstory even more but then again I'm not too interested in most play-by-play writeups in a diary. I'm guessing once you get to know all the different characters, they will be a lot stronger anyways. So just keep going and do your thing, should be enough. Looking forward to the next chapter of zaniness you're going to offer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beeker Posted April 18, 2008 Author Share Posted April 18, 2008 The party was in full swing even before the ring had been torn down, I was tempted to leave it standing to act as a dance floor, but I knew that if I did at some point drunken top-rope dance ‘spots’ would occur. Probably from Ni-Lo or Soul Shaker. Something suitably spotactular yet foolish and likely ending up in a trip to the Mexican Emergency Ward of the Chihuahua Hospital. I’ve not been there, and don’t want my first visit to be with a gimpy mini that the staff mistake for my son at first and then have to explain in the Spanglish I can manage what really happened. Maybe if someone promised me Cerebros would be the one to attempt a top rope disco drop I might waive my concerns and let the ring stay. Some of the guys grumbled, but since I do the majority of the heavy lifting, or at least high reaching, and don’t shy away from helping out with the grunt work. When the head booker spools up the ring ropes, everyone else chips in too. In short order the ring was down and the music blaring. I circulated through the crowd with a drink in hand, but I wasn’t really drinking. I love to drink but I still don’t really know anyone down here, other than the roster. Of those, I know the booking team best of all, but even that is a once or twice a month meeting for an hour tops. And Cerebros. I know him way too well. Even the heels enjoy their fans and with this being a relatively small promotion with rabid, regular fans. It’s an intimate relationship. The wrestlers are performers but they don’t mind letting down their guard a bit since they’ve been putting on shows in front of some of these fans for a calendar year now. Sure that’s only 12 shows, but all of the minis have other jobs in and around Chihuahua and being an aloof jerkwad only works for the most successful of minis, and Cerebros. He’s a midget, in more ways than one. I note but am unsurprised that the masked wrestlers fastidiously wear their masks in public. I know enough about Lucha Libre to know that being seen without their mask one dishonours the gods of Lucha. And no wrestler in Mexico is that crazy. Take it off once and it stays off. Oftentimes it rejuvenates a career. They crowd recognizes me from sitting beside Phoenix Punto Cinqo but none of them know me. If they search for HaLF on the web and watch the matches posted there, I’m the guy who speaks English with a smattering of French and an occasional Spanish word. Punto carries the majority of the lifting but we’ve got a better dynamic than the previous three-headed monster that tried to cover HaLF shows. Shim and Miya talk earnestly while surrounded by fans, dropping in and out of Japanese when they need to share a word with each other. I need more tag teams I realize. But what am I to do? It’s not like minis grow on trees. Although that spins off into a fantastic match idea that is so wrong it has to be done. I lean against a wall and scan the room. Shim and Miya are typical of how things are unfolding in Bar Juarez. The crowd, due to the free admission and free flowing drinks, has forgiven the abomination of a main event. For which I hold Hal completely responsible. Around the room are the minis surrounded by their friends and fans. Chatting amicably or debating heatedly. It doesn’t matter. There are no castes here tonight, anyone may approach anyone else and hold a conversation. It’s easy to spot the performers though; they’re surrounded by fans, a bit like mini-suns with orbiting planets. Obviously the bigger the mini star, the larger the amount of space debris orbiting them. I laugh, once, out loud. I just called the fans of HaLF space debris. I may want to work on that. Timmy breaks through the crowd and approaches me; I must be a black hole since none of the fans follow him over. I take a seat and push out a chair for him as way of an invite. Minimizing the height differential to show my respect for him. [I]“Bloody ‘ell Beeker, I’m sorry ‘bout that bollocks of a match,”[/I] starts Timmy. I hold up my hand. [I]“Don’t worry about it Croms, I know who’s to blame. You did the best with what you had to work with and found as good an out as you could. I’ve seen worse finishes to main events. Besides you seem to have more than your share of Latina birds flocking to your arm.”[/I] Timmy tries for the British Stiff Upper Lip but I can see the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. [I]“Still gov, I promise you, if I have another match that far below the bog standard, I’ll bloody well strip off my kit, put on a dress and you can all call me Shirley!”[/I] [I]“Would that be a gimmick suggestion, Croms?”[/I] [I]“Oh feck you, you cheeky bastard!”[/I] Cromwell leaves the chair and goes back to the fans who envelope him in welcome since he’s not longer surrounded by the black hole of me. I sigh inwardly. I’d like to know these people but I can see that won’t be happening tonight. Soul Shaker grooves his way past me and gives me a thumbs up and a bit of body-popping, which I take to mean he’d enjoy more matches with Jock. And I think… well duuuuuh you two morons stole the show tonight. Then Cerebros shows up. And he’s drunk. [I]“Hey f*cknuts. What the f*ck do you think you were doing out there? I told you to f*cking make the hardcore match a bloody draw. Literally, a bloody f*cking draw. How in the hell didja f*ck that up? Huh? How!” [/I] I realize I have a choice. Cerebros has friends and supporters here and I don’t. I can either cow down to his blustering or I can take the bait and lash back. With Cerebros, I take the bait. I always do. I don’t want to. But I do. I just hate that acerbic midget! [I]“Listen up no-Brains,”[/I] and I know that one struck home, [I]“I don’t care how much you or your buddy Hal drink. I don’t care if you lick tequila out of each other’s belly buttons. I don’t. Truly, I don’t give a right royal F*CK about your private kinks. But listen up and listen good. Even drunk you’re going to hear this and remember this,”[/I] And amazingly, cursedly the music stops at this moment as does all conversation, everyone can hear me if they want. [I]“You and Hal and everyone else in this place, in this country can get drunk enough to fall of your cacti and I won’t care. But here’s what I do care about. The show. So should you. And if you, or Hal, or anyone EVER turn up in an unfit state to work again. I’ll bust your ass so quick you might actually grow an inch from pure shock. That’s how it’s going to be. You live your life however you damn well want for 27 days of the (Ryland) month. On the 28th, until a performer is done with their duties of the day, if I so much as see a joint or a glass of booze approaching their lips. I’ll hang them on a hook like the useless piece of clothing they are and they can hang there until the show is over.”[/I] I stare into Cerebros’ eyes, my eyes blazing, [I]“Do you understand me? Do you!”[/I] Cerebros blinks. Clearly unsettled and not expecting my verbal tongue-lashing. I’m not done yet though, thankfully the sound system lurches back into some dance-pop number and Ni-Lo does some bizarre dance move to draw attention away from me and Cerebros. But I’m not done. I’ve stared someone down before. I’ve been stared down. I’ve never been stared up. Hal Facutt swirled the dregs of what must be his fourth or fifth tumbler of bourbon on the rocks and stared holes through me. I ignored him. He and Cerebros were thick as thieves, and nothing I’d said to Cerebros. Still for the rest of the night, no matter where in Bar Juarez I went, I could feel the seething hatred emanating from McGhee’s drinking buddy. I went to make my escape. I’m still unknown here and still winning over the dressing room as well as the fans. I go to slip out the door when I’m accosted by roaringly drunk Jock Giedroyc. I speak English, and understand most French, and dabble in Spanish, Italian and Portuguese, but I have NO damn clue what Jock’s on about. Hell, I even speak fluent Scotch Whiskey but that’s not helping. After a few cheerful, loud minutes of Giedroyc’s enthusiastic incoherence, he hugs my leg once and then launches himself back into the celebration. I slip out. Leaving the revelers to their merriment. I'm three blocks away and I can still feel Hal's eyes boring into me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beeker Posted April 20, 2008 Author Share Posted April 20, 2008 The same old argument began for what seemed like the thousandth time since I’d moved to Mexico. Cerebros continued to take shots to my booking and fired back by taking shots at his financial planning. Or complete lack there of. Why didn’t we get a TV show? MPWF landed one. SOTBPW continued to enjoy their run on Los Deporte Hoy. What about HaLF? Why did the TV networks hate the little guy? I hate to bite my tongue at that. It would be too easy to goad him into a midget vs. mini yelling match. Then he started throwing about the fact all sorts of promotions were growing in size. Why wasn’t HaLF growing! Why were we giving away stuff for free on the internet when the internet was only good for porn! And I don’t disagree that the web is great for porn. And for all sorts of great deals out of Africa! I’m sure that money is going to be coming back anytime soon. It seemed like a good investment at the time. Better than Cerebros’ Chihuahua farm. June added some shake-ups to the world of wrestling. The first sent Cerebros to fits of giggles as Tommy Cornell’s TCW went International with what I felt was an average show, but the coverage offered by GNN Total Sports (coverage throughout the States, Canada, Puerto Rico and Northern Mexico) meant that TCW edged its way into being the sole international wrestling promotion in the world. It helped that TCW debuted a new show, called oddly[I] ‘As Good As It Gets,’ [/I]on America-Sports-1 to further solidify their American presence. To maximize the impact of the American shown program they’ve taken it to Puerto Rico and Tijuana as well as forays into Canada. [I]‘As Good As It Gets,’ [/I]I can’t help but thinking it should be an ongoing television drama about a hypochondriac curmudgeon and a sweet (if bland) waitress with a kid with a heart of gold. And some random homosexual. Although main eventing the first card with Ricky Dale Johnson battling Tory Tornado is another way to go too I suppose. But if it doesn’t get better than a B-, then I think Cornell needs to rethink his strategy. The real highlight came a week later though, as Richard Eisen’s SWF, the same SWF that fired the then Brains McGhee back in November crashed back to being a cult promotion and now finds itself less prestigious than DaVE. You could actually hear him pulling his hair out from his Connecticut compound all the way down in Chihuahua. A spate of releases followed, as did dire warnings about the fate of Supreme TV and Tornado if Eisen didn’t immediately right his rudderless ship. The botched-spots spectacle that was Skull DeBones over Joe Sexy in a C rated match was what drove SWF down to Cult. I think Cerebros sent DeBones and Sexy cookie-grams as way of thanks. When he heard Grease Hogg had been released from his contract, well, I went in to damage control ahead of the impending fiesta. I do know that he and Hal went on a bender to remember, except neither of them could recall much of it. I called Bar Juarez and the local police station to warn them about the imminent insanity and between me, the bar management and the police chief we found a way to let them have their fun and minimizing the chaos and carnage. After that, Cerebros didn’t care if I lost a few thousand dollars or what I booked. He partied up until the eve of the next show. *** [B]Prediction Form[/B] [B][U][COLOR="Red"]HaLF It’s not about weight limits[/COLOR][/U][/B] Wii Mario vs. Relámpagito El Hijo del Mufasa vs. Ni-Lo vs. Cal Genio in a three way match Yo Da Mask vs. Padre Dolor (in a foregone conclusion match) Ant-Acid vs. El Pandito Semi Strong vs. Kowled Kudo Will Power, Timmy Cromwell and Jock Giedroyc vs. Soul Shaker and the Riot (Shim and Miya) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcel Fromage Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 [B]Wii Mario [/B]vs. Relámpagito [I]Wii Mario is a cool name. Last time I had to back against him because of his opponent. This time I don't.[/I] El Hijo del Mufasa vs. [B]Ni-Lo [/B]vs. Cal Genio in a three way match [I]Hmm...I have no clue. Ip dip dog sh...ok, Ni-Lo. I was listening to High-Low by Fastball earlier and his name is similar.[/I] Yo Da Mask vs. [B]Padre Dolor [/B](in a foregone conclusion match) [I]Yo Da doesn't have a picture yet. Therefore he can't possibly win a match.[/I] [B]Ant-Acid [/B]vs. El Pandito [I]Ant-Acid sounds mean. El Pandito sounds cuddly. So Ant-Acid wins.[/I] Semi Strong vs. [B]Kowled Kudo[/B] [I]I never liked Hulk Hogan. Therefore I don't like Sam Strong. Therefore I don't like Semi Strong. My logic rules.[/I] [B]Will Power, Timmy Cromwell and Jock Giedroyc [/B]vs. Soul Shaker and the Riot (Shim and Miya) [I]Two thirds of one team are apparently British, and Timmy Cromwell (who I'm thinking may actually be Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins in disguise) needs recompense for last time's main event shocker.[/I] I'm confident about my predictions. I have obviously thought them through very carefully with sound reasoning. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maximilian_WWW Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 [B]Wii Mario[/B] vs. Relámpagito [I]After losing on the last show, Mario will win here. Where is 'Ead Stone by the way?[/I] [B]El Hijo del Mufasa[/B] vs. Ni-Lo vs. Cal Genio in a three way match [I]I find this gimmick hilarious.[/I] Yo Da Mask vs. [B]Padre Dolor[/B] (in a foregone conclusion match) [I]Squash, I suppose.[/I] [B]Ant-Acid[/B] vs. El Pandito [I]Just because of his funny name.[/I] Semi Strong vs. [B]Kowled Kudo[/B] [I]Has to earn his money.[/I] [B]Will Power, Timmy Cromwell and Jock Giedroyc[/B] vs. Soul Shaker and the Riot (Shim and Miya) [I]I need some good reason to back Soul Shaker. Generally, you don't want your champion to job out in a meaningless match.[/I] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bolton Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 [B]Wii Mario[/B] vs. Relámpagito [I]Because he's named after a Nintendo console.[/I] El Hijo del Mufasa vs. Ni-Lo vs. [B]Cal Genio[/B] in a three way match [I]Me picks the random guesses.[/I] [B]Yo Da Mask[/B] vs. Padre Dolor (in a foregone conclusion match) [I]A drunken Scottish midget, a midget mascot and a Star Wars midget. What can you lose?[/I] [B]Ant-Acid[/B] vs. El Pandito [I]If he has the talent the real Acid does, he's FTW.[/I] Semi Strong vs. [B]Kowled Kudo[/B] [I]Kowled Kudo FTW.[/I] [B]Will Power, Timmy Cromwell and Jock Giedroyc[/B] vs. Soul Shaker and the Riot (Shim and Miya) [I]The champion can't lose. And the only way they can lose is if Soul Shaker makes a Shake n' Bake so good that the faces go outside to eat it.[/I] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigerkinney Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 [B]Wii Mario[/B] vs. Relámpagito [I]Just for the name alone[/I] El Hijo del Mufasa vs.[B] Ni-Lo[/B] vs. Cal Genio in a three way match [I]Probably a mistake to try and use logic, but I think Ni-Lo is getting the strongest push right now[/I] Yo Da Mask vs. [B]Padre Dolor[/B] (in a foregone conclusion match) [I]No render, no push[/I] [B]Ant-Acid[/B] vs. El Pandito [I]Ant-Acid rulez !![/I] [B]Semi Strong[/B] vs. Kowled Kudo [I]Firstly I can't back against Kowled Kudo, and Semi-Strong is no where near a powerful as his full sized original.[/I] Will Power, Timmy Cromwell and Jock Giedroyc vs. [B]Soul Shaker and the Riot (Shim and Miya)[/B] [I]Again like Kudo, I can't back against the Riot[/I] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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