Suicide Splash Entertainment: Canadian Cutting Edge Wrestling

[TheObsceneKorean]

[SIZE=3][FONT=Tahoma][FONT=Tahoma][COLOR=Red][B]**WARNING** [/B] certain words or phrases may offend general audiences but rest assured this will not have a negative impact on small children as most can't read. readers discretion is still advised. and to those parents who have kids who already read good please teach them about the painful reality we live in ASAP so they can appreciate the modern evolution of wrestling from this influential time in their lives. Like my dad did with me by taking insane bumps off our house when we was drunk then after hurting himself quite severely he would scream profanities until my mom got the car warmed up and we took him to the emergency room... or until he lost consciousness from the pain. It was then I realized wrestling was life and life was wrestling, so long as their was booze and roofs they would be inseparable.... as is swearing with wrestling or getting drunk. I appologize to everyone for any time you waste reading this, the most pathetic part isn't even the content or complete lack of grammar... starting this diary was the highlight of my entire day. enjoy.[/COLOR][/FONT] [SIZE=4][B]Suicide Splash Entertainment: Canadian Cutting Edge[/B] [/SIZE][/SIZE] [B] [SIZE=3]Chapter I - The Obscene Korean Day 1 at 4:00pm[/B] I woke up to find myself alone with the motel room television ripped out of the wall. my girlfriend the stripper with hopes of being a wrestling diva had broken up with me, or so I would read in her note: [I]"You are never going to be a wrestler, I bet that is just a line you use to get into girls pants.... like lighting yourself on fire and running into traffic.. We want different things. I've got an opportunity to be a dancer with this kick ass company... oh and I left you some lube in the bathroom. Take Care" - your stripper ex-girlfriend. [/I] My mom always told me I should never date someone I met in a bar, but she was always ragging on dad for something. in his defense, he had kids all over town, the travel time ate up most of his visits. Stripper bitch is right though, I guess my wrestling career is in the crapper, Canadian wrestling is dead. I'm just 22, I'm just a lazy ass fan, and shes right I do hurt myself for the attention of others. I got skills with the mic though, I learned about the microphone working the window at taco bell . though I was only able to keep that job for as long as I could keep from diving through flaming tables in the parking lot... around noon yesterday. Life is hell.. but then the phone rings: [I] "No she isn't here. yeah, she stole my t.v. too. sorry and good luck getting back your dog."[/I] Life is still hell... but then the phone rings again: [I]"Yes that was me taking the big bumps in the parking lot. people call me The Obscene Korean. No, I didn't really NEED to strip down it was more of a crowd reaction and the hair will grow back......... what's suicide splash entertainment? your who? who's Don Callis?..... okay. will I need a cape?... Okay, tomorrow, right on man."[/I] .....Canadian wrestling is dead though.... plus 200 bucks and I don't even have to light my nut sack on fire.. not that I would ever do that intentionally, well, not for 200 bucks... [B] Chapter I - The Obscene Korean Day 1 at 4:20pm[/B] After smoking a bowl and doing some "research" on the Internet advertised at a web site I came across pills which claimed to enhance my manhood so I bought them, a business investment... for wrestling...... I decided to google suicide splash entertainment... this is all I know: Suicide Splash Entertainment was a newly started wrestling promotion in right in my town.. cutting edge? I wonder if we fight with knives... it was started by a guy named Don Callis and it has a small roster of written contract wrestlers, unorthodox to the wrestling business, the workers are looking to bring Canadian Wrestling to the forefront, Andrew Martin, Harry Smith, Chance Beckett, Johnny Devine, Kirk Melnick T.J Wilson, Shane Sewell, the Saskatchewan seven. also, surprisingly enough they have a working agreement with TNA wrestling, the big time, perhaps the sword fighting of the SSE will lead to my own t-shirt or rap video. The SSE even have a show on BORED T.V. in Canada, a fairly small speciality sports station Saturdays at 10pm.[/FONT][/SIZE][/SIZE]

[TheObsceneKorean]

[SIZE=4][B]Chapter II - The Saskatchewan Seven Day 2 at 7:03am[/B] These guys aren't going to take on the WWE. I mean, I've got the most charisma in the bunch, these guys need me. they are probably glad I actually showed up for the meeting. To break the tension I light myself on fire and do a frog splash off my car and onto a passing car driven by none other than Don Callis. I make the best first impressions. He looked pissed but I'm the future of his company. I roll off his car and around the ground, putting out the fire, and from the black smoke coming off my clothes he extends his hand and helps me up. [B] Chapter II - The Saskatchewan Seven Day 2 at 8:17am[/B] after attending to my burns with a first aid kit I fell asleep in wrapped up in the fire blanket and awoke to the don man dropping a clip board beside my head, written on it was his own average rankings of their abilities: [COLOR=Blue] [I]Andrew Martin: Heel, 31, Heavyweight, Brawler. Technical E Rumble C Flying F Entertainment B Performance B Physical B Harry Smith Face, 19, Middleweight, Technician. Technical B- Rumble C+ Flying C- Entertainment C+ Performance B Physical B+ Kirk Melnick Heel, 33, Lightweight, Brawler. Technical C+ Rumble C Flying C- Entertainment C+ Performance B+ Physical B+ TJ Wilson Face, 24, Lightweight, Cruiserweight. Technical B Rumble C Flying B- Entertainment C Performance B+ Physical B Shane Sewell Heel, 31, Lightweight, Entertainer. Technical C+ Rumble C Flying C+ Entertainment B Performance B+ Physical B Chance Beckett Face, 27, Lightweight, Cruiserweight. Technical C+ Rumble C- Flying B+ Entertainment C Performance B+ Physical B Johnny Devine Heel, 32, Lightweight, Cruiserweight. Technical C Rumble C- Flying B- Entertainment B Performance B+ Physical B [/I] [/COLOR] [B] Chapter II - The Saskatchewan Seven Day 2 at 8:26am (I read slow especially after a weed nap)[/B] Just then two other workers showed up... Lance Storm and Jerry Lynn. Written contracts? yep. Old don has years of contacts. the northern nine? I flipped the page on the clip board and behind the naked picture of my girlfriend was 4 other names: [COLOR=Blue][I]The Obscene Korean Face, 22, Middleweight, Psychopath. Technical C Rumble C- Flying C+ Entertainment C+ Performance B- Physical A Jerry Lynn Face, 42, Small, Cruiserweight. Technical B Rumble C+ Flying B Entertainment C Performance A Physical A Lance Storm Heel, 36, Middleweight, Technician. Technical B+ Rumble C+ Flying C Entertainment B- Performance A Physical B+ Bendy Wendy Face, 19, Very Small, Entertainer. Technical F Rumble F Flying F Entertainment B+ Performance F Physical F[/SIZE][/I][/COLOR] [COLOR=red][SIZE=2]Authors Notes: Give me a day to write and make up the first card.. there will be some signings too for the first show which is saturday game time. peace.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[TheObsceneKorean]

[B][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=4]Chapter III - Opening Night Day 6 at 9:45pm[/B] I almost missed my first show, arrived 15 minutes before my first match. Don Callis had filled the arena to the roof, 2000 waiting wrestling fans. In the first match I was being paired with Red Thunder and Dave Swift two new pay per appearance contracts. Me and red hit it off real quick in the parking lot-- some might call it a peace pipe ceremony of sorts. The match was going to be a 3 vs 3 hardcore match for the SSE Anarchy Everywhere Titles.. My first match, a title match and don booked me to lose. We were up against a newly formed stable called the FLI Revival consisting of Eric Mostrocola, Fred Williams, and Kevin Steen.. essentially they are washed up Quebec wrestlers who hate Canada. to their credit they were so convincing that after the show I went home and burned our nations flag: [/SIZE] [COLOR=Blue] [SIZE=5]3 vs 3 Hardcore for the Anarchy Everywhere Titles[/SIZE] [SIZE=3]FLI Revival DEF Red Thunder, Dave Swift & The Obscene Korean. Segment Rating = E[/SIZE] [/COLOR] [SIZE=4]for all our efforts this prairies wrestling crowd just couldn't get into the hardcore sytle of the match. perhaps this is my 15 minutes of fame. Next there was a segment involving Kwik Kick Kanadian (Kirk Melnick) he was found bloodied backstage and carried off by paramedic. the blood was real. but still no sign of swords... so much for being cutting edge.[/SIZE] [COLOR=Blue][SIZE=5]ANGLE[/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Segment Rating = D[/SIZE][/COLOR] [SIZE=4] A tables match between Harry Smith and Famous Shane (Shane Sewell) followed:[/SIZE] [COLOR=Blue][SIZE=5]1 vs 1 Tables Match[/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Harry Smith DEF Famous Shane[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4]I really enjoyed Shanes new gimmick as a prima donna.[/SIZE] [SIZE=4]The segment which followed will forever change Canadian Wrestling as we know it, I had no idea what was about to happen and out comes Andrew Martin under his new alias OSAMA. His new gimmick is an oppressed minority, a Muslim extremist, though martin isn't Muslim and can rarely be seen as extreme but he pulled it off in a shocking and very comedic way. The crowd reacted to this segment better than any other on the night. He revealed he had attacked KKK (which is a very poor abbreviated name but should do well with our white supremist demographic.)[/SIZE] [COLOR=Blue][SIZE=5]ANGLE[/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Segment Rating = B+[/SIZE][/COLOR] [SIZE=4]Then there was a match between Lance Storm and Chance Beckett. Beckett didn't perform well at all and so the match turned out worse than don callis had expected. After telling them to go all out it flopped:[/SIZE] [COLOR=Blue][SIZE=5]1 vs 1[/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Lance Storm DEF Chance Beckett Segment Rating = C+[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4]Osama demanded a new opponent for the Canadian Heavyweight title which had been booked before him and KKK prior to KKK being carried out on a stretcher. Cyrus the Virus or as we better know him Don Callis told him there would be no better opponent in the company than Jerry Lynn and that if he wanted to be the champ Osama needed to BURY the best, literally. [/SIZE] [COLOR=Blue][SIZE=5]ANGLE[/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Segment Rating = B[/SIZE][/COLOR] [SIZE=4]The main event! Osama vs Jerry Lynn for the Canadian Heavyweight title. I could have put on a better match myself, but considering the circumstances and lack of pure genetic talent, they did alright:[/SIZE] [COLOR=Blue][SIZE=5]1 vs 1 buried alive match for the Canadian Heavyweight Title[/SIZE] [SIZE=3] Osama DEF Jerry Lynn [/SIZE][/COLOR] [SIZE=4]Osama took it with a tainted win.[/SIZE] [SIZE=4][B]Chapter III - Opening Night Day 6 at 11:30pm[/B] I happened to find myself in the parking lot in a before mentioned peace pipe ceremony with Red Thunder when he brought up the idea of being tag partners. Maybe there is still hope for me in the SSE yet... providing the virus gives us the green light. all in all the show earned us 11000 viewers, a sold out crowd of 2000.[/SIZE] [COLOR=Blue][SIZE=5] Overall Rating = C+[/SIZE][/COLOR] [/FONT]