ampulator Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Location: Warwick, Rhode Island in December 2007 [There is a scene of a car driving on a highway to Providence.] [both are quiet and deadly serious. The woman breaks the silence.] Woman: “So, how long have you worked for them?” Man: “About a year or so.” [There is a couple of seconds of silence again. The woman asks a more serious question.] Woman: “What should I expect?” [The man face becomes some stiffer and more intense. Although it seems he’s thinking about answering the question, he also seems what to discuss something.] Man: “Look, the situation is chaotic. After the Eisen Brothers ‘trial run’, Mr. Eisen is working his ass off.” [The man pauses for a moment. He speaks with a bit more frustration.] Man: “We pretty much lost the bidding war for DAVE. We managed to get all most of its assets, but the Eisen brothers screwed up most of the negotiations with the best workers for DAVE. They managed to lose, to TCW, Carl Batch, the New Wave (Guide and Scout), Johnny Martin, JD Morgan, Brandon James, Joey Minnesota, Shawn Gonzalez, Chris Caulfield, John Campbell, and Phil Vibert.” [The man is clearly agitated now. He grits his teeth.] Man: “Although we should be glad that Mr Eisen stepped in for the negotations for the other DAVE workers, Mr. Eisen should never have let them handled those negotiations in the first place.” [He lightly hits the dashboard.] Woman: “…I see. Although that’s unfortunate, I think SWF can recove-” Man: “That’s not it. There’s more.” [He swallows hard. He looks like he wants to confess and let it all out.] Man: “The Eisen Brothers, they also screwed up the renegotiations for some of our stars-ones that are already working for us.” [The woman’s eyes go wide open.] Woman: “And they are?” [The man hits the dashboard, again, but a lot harder.] Man: “God damn it. God damn those Eisen Brothers. God damn their stupid Election Storyline.” [The man takes a deep breath to calm down.] Man: “Four of those workers were Sam Keith, Gene Curtis, Phillip Roberts, and most importantly… Remo Richardson to TCW. They weren’t the only ones thoug-” Woman: “REMO Richardson? The Remo?” [The woman expression becomes of shock.] Man: "Yes, Remo.” [The man remains silent for a while.] Woman: “Well, who’s left then-” Man: "We’re here.” [The scene shows a large business building. Surrounding it is a small forest park, some shops, and some parking garages. It looks as if it was its own section of a city.] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ampulator Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Just out of curiosity, do any of you wonder who the "Man" and/or "Woman" are? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ampulator Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 I have received some suggestions that I need more line breaks, and I shall implement it now. Also, I'm thinking about doing a Phantom Stranger-style interview soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praguepride Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Interesting take painting the Eisen boys as the incomptent antagonists, but it took me a couple times reading through to understand what was going on. Mainly because of the increasing reactions iwth the man, I thought there were two men in the car and I got really confused. It didn't immediately click that the "man" was steadily increasing in his temper as he remembers how everything is getting screwed over. As for who the man and woman are... meh. There needs to be subtle clues to tease the audience's curiosity. It should call out "Hey, if you're smart you can figure me out" but make it difficult or impossible to pin down to keep the mystery up. Right now there are no clues whatsoever so it's obvious you don't want them to be identified, which kills my curiosity because there's nothing that would clue them in. For the woman, I'm guessing Farrah Hesketh and for the man, if he's not a user avatar then my guess is Nemesis. Those have nothing to do with any sort of clues, it just a guess considering that those are the most popular female and male characters to write about in the C-verse in this kind of "backstage" situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ampulator Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Actually for the Man, it was a trick question, literally. As for the woman, if I give ONE hint, it would be TOO easy to figure who she is. Remember, she's... English. As for not revealing who they are, that's intentional, at this stage (you imply you seem to notice that). One reason is I haven't decided when to reveal their identities. The other is, if I revealed who they are, even just one small hint, you guys are smart enough to figure out immediately. I actually had some more hints in the original car dialogs, but... I had shifted them out... for now. And good catch on the Eisen boys. I'll add more on that later. You'll see what's up soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praguepride Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 I am intrigued by where you're going with this. As understandable, I'm immensely curious about an RIPW direction, but an SWF focus on the undercard/development track might be interesting as well (i.e. have a user character "in development" in RIPW and then transition him to the main SWF roster) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ampulator Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 I actually considered that, but my "project", so to speak, is actually more ambitious than it should be . Not going to stop me, though. And another issue is... with RIPW. There's a whole boatload of stuff going on there that I don't want to reveal, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praguepride Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 You running SWF and RIPW at the SAME TIME!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ampulator Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 No, but I considered doing RIPW first, than SWF next. But I decided against that. First, the game prevents you from becoming a booker of a development promotion. Second, there's some stuff in RIPW I need to hide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ampulator Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Continuous Way/Endless Hell [With the music playing in the background. A trailer plays.] Justice... Revenge... Redemption... Darkness... Honor... Power... Loyalty... Betrayal... Family... Loneliness... Love... Hatred... Chronicles of the Promotion Wars Note: Everything is Subject to Change Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BHK1978 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 ampulator are you a fellow Rhode Islander? I am marking out to the mention of TF Green Airport! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ampulator Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 No, I'm not from Rhode Island. I just added it to give it some Realism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNAfan123 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 HGC- Were Superstars Are Made I was sitting in my office when Mr. Stallings came in Me (Jack Avatar): Hey boss what’s up? Mr. Stallings: Not the ratings that’s for sure. Me: Again!? Mr. Stallings: Yea, the TV networks are on my back and I don’t know what to do. Me: Man I don’t know how the ratings dropped, that main event was classic. (Sam Strong defeating Liberty for the HGC World title) Mr. Stallings: See people see us as SWF light. They say way watch HGC when we can watch the same thing but better with SWF. Honestly this business is harder than I thought. Me: Hey don’t worry, I have an idea. How about we add an attitude, get edger. Mr. Stallings: What do you mean? Me: More blood, more boobs more action! Mr. Stallings: I will have to ask the TV reps about this. Me: Alright, let me know how it goes. Mr. Stallings: Ok, but in the mean time get to working on next weeks show. Me: Yes sir. More will most likely be added Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeanMcFly Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 HGC- Were Superstars Are Made I was sitting in my office when Mr. Stallings came in Me (Jack Avatar): Hey boss what’s up? Mr. Stallings: Not the ratings that’s for sure. Me: Again!? Mr. Stallings: Yea, the TV networks are on my back and I don’t know what to do. Me: Man I don’t know how the ratings dropped, that main event was classic. (Sam Strong defeating Liberty for the HGC World title) Mr. Stallings: See people see us as SWF light. They say way watch HGC when we can watch the same thing but better with SWF. Honestly this business is harder than I thought. Me: Hey don’t worry, I have an idea. How about we add an attitude, get edger. Mr. Stallings: What do you mean? Me: More blood, more boobs more action! Mr. Stallings: I will have to ask the TV reps about this. Me: Alright, let me know how it goes. Mr. Stallings: Ok, but in the mean time get to working on next weeks show. Me: Yes sir. More will most likely be added Nice Start, but too be honest, I'd liven it up a little, most people that read diaries are hooked by the back story, and reeled in by the shows. The way I did it, following sort of BigPapa's example, was a no nonsense approach, but that's the odd way of doing it. Most people post a way that is something like you just wrote. Give us more back story. How did YOU get to the HGC Office ? You just kind of showed up there. Also, review your spelling, and you got something good there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNAfan123 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Nice Start, but too be honest, I'd liven it up a little, most people that read diaries are hooked by the back story, and reeled in by the shows. The way I did it, following sort of BigPapa's example, was a no nonsense approach, but that's the odd way of doing it. Most people post a way that is something like you just wrote. Give us more back story. How did YOU get to the HGC Office ? You just kind of showed up there. Also, review your spelling, and you got something good there Ok, thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNAfan123 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 I have changed my users name to Tyler Green. I was sitting in my office when Mr. Stallings came in. Me: Hey, what’s up? Mr. Stallings: not the ratings, that’s for sure. I hired you because of the work you did with the TWL. Me: I know, I Know. Mr. Stallings: You know but your not doing any thing better, you were the man behind the classic Rip Chord Floyd Bowman feud. Hell you put Bowman’s name out there. Me: I know, but I want to go away from my past. I want to have a big successful company. Mr. Stallings: Me too but its not working. Me: I have a idea we go towards an older crowd. Mr. Stallings: What do you mean? Me: Aim towards the 16 - 25 age group. More blood sexier women and action packed matches. Mr. Stallings: Well it will stop the people calling us SWF light. Hell lets do it. Me: Alright boss I want let you down. Mr. Stallings: Ok, but these ratings cant continue. Man do I **** load of work to do…..Better get on the phone.. Tried to make it a little more exictieing to get the reader reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praguepride Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 I have changed my users name to Tyler Green. I was sitting in my office when Mr. Stallings came in. Me: Hey, what’s up? Mr. Stallings: Not the ratings, that’s for sure. This isn't TWL, you need to appeal to a broader audience. Me: I know, I Know. Mr. Stallings: You say you know but you're not doing any thing better. I mean, you were the man behind the classic Rip Chord Floyd Bowman feud. Hell you put Bowman’s name out there. Me: I know, but I want to go away from my past. I want to have a big successful company. Mr. Stallings: Me too but it's not working. Me: I have an idea. We could target an older crowd. Mr. Stallings: What do you mean? Me: Aim towards the 16 - 25 age group. More blood sexier women and action packed matches. Mr. Stallings: Well it will stop the people calling us SWF light. Hell lets do it. Me: Alright boss I want let you down. Mr. Stallings: Ok, but these ratings can't continue. Man do I **** load of work to do…..Better get on the phone.. Tried to make it a little more exictieing to get the reader reading. Pretty decent improvement! It's always frustrating when someone posts constantly "help me out! I want feedback" and then completely ignores everything people have written. It may have been some minor wording but you did make some big changes. I made some changes as well Look up at the quote because I re-wrote a few lines that struck me as a bit odd. The best way to double check dialogue is to say it out loud. Feel free to break grammatical rules because people definitely don't talk in proper English but there were a few lines that struck me as odd. The 2nd line, for example: Imagine the scene in front of you, two people arguing. They both know basic information like "Tyler was hired out of TWL" but the trick to writing is that you've got to naturally sneak that into dialogue. I did it above so you could see what I'm talking about. The line of "This isn't TWL" clues the reader into "where Tyler is from" but doesn't do so in a way that destroys the dialogue. I made a few other tweaks to help the dialogue flow a bit better. Please don't just copy and paste my changes, but do use it as a helpful guide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNAfan123 Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 I have changed my users name to Tyler Green. I was sitting in my office when Mr. Stallings came in. Me: Hey, what’s up? Mr. Stallings: Not the ratings, that’s for sure. Look when you quite TWL you told me you could get us to the top. Me: I know, I Know. Mr. Stallings: You know but your not doing any thing better you were the man behind the classic Rip Chord Floyd Bowman feud. Hell you put Bowman’s name out there. Me: I know, but I want to go away from my past. I want to have a company that can go against the rules. Mr. Stallings: What are you getting at? Me: I have a idea we go towards an older crowd. Mr. Stallings: What do you mean? Me: Aim towards the 16 - 25 age group. More blood, sex, women, and action packed matches. Mr. Stallings: Well it will stop the people calling us SWF light. Hell lets do it. Me: Alright boss I want let you down. Mr. Stallings: Ok, but these ratings cant continue. Me: Alright Man got A **** load of work to do…..Better get on the phone.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlameSnoopy Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 I have changed my users name to Tyler Green. I was sitting in my office when Mr. Stallings came in. Me: Hey, what’s up? Mr. Stallings: Not the ratings, that’s for sure. Look when you quite TWL you told me you could get us to the top. Me: I know, I Know. Mr. Stallings: You know but your not doing any thing better you were the man behind the classic Rip Chord Floyd Bowman feud. Hell you put Bowman’s name out there. Me: I know, but I want to go away from my past. I want to have a company that can go against the rules. Mr. Stallings: What are you getting at? Me: I have a idea we go towards an older crowd. Mr. Stallings: What do you mean? Me: Aim towards the 16 - 25 age group. More blood sex women and action packed matches. Mr. Stallings: Well it will stop the people calling us SWF light. Hell lets do it. Me: Alright boss I want let you down. Mr. Stallings: Ok, but these ratings cant continue. Me: Alright Man got A **** load of work to do…..Better get on the phone.. Lots of typos, missing dots and what you call it in English, punctuation marks and as well as missing apostrophe's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TNAfan123 Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Ok thanks I'll work on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nevermore Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 People are gonna be regularly checking this thread and as such, I'm gonna be a nob and say that the most important show I've ever booked for ECW Worldwide is approaching and the card is up. Usually, I don't pimp (in fact, I don't think I ever have before but this is the one exception I'm allowing myself ). Thus, for anyone who has even a vague interest in getting into the diary, please check it out. Now is a better time than any to start reading without having to trawl through 150 pages of my rambling mind . I have, basically, included an entire backstory, y'see. Cheers. Quote The Raven Nevermore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Cowboy Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 I've been kicking around the idea for a comedy dynasty of sorts centered around the economic bailout packages handed out in the U.S. by the government. So feds would sort of be racing to see who could do the worst so they could cash in with a huge bailout package which would then potentially start the ball rolling to restore them to glory. The first problem with this idea is determining who to play. There are already so many dynasties with the big-time feds, but those seem the only feds that would qualify for such a bail out in my mind (whether that's true or not IRL I dunno). Also, in order to have a proper "race to the bottom" I'd likely need to control multiple feds until the bottom crashes out for all of them. I'm not sure I can handle all of that booking/re-capping. Also, I'm torn between doing a slow-burn where it doesn't seem like the booker is intentionally trying to sabotage his own fed (that would be a lot more "serious" than the alternative), or going over-the-top comedy and making main event talent job to jobbers. Any ideas/suggestions to make this a coherent plan? EDIT: Apologies if this is posted in the wrong thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Orange Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 I've been kicking around the idea for a comedy dynasty of sorts centered around the economic bailout packages handed out in the U.S. by the government. So feds would sort of be racing to see who could do the worst so they could cash in with a huge bailout package which would then potentially start the ball rolling to restore them to glory. The first problem with this idea is determining who to play. There are already so many dynasties with the big-time feds, but those seem the only feds that would qualify for such a bail out in my mind (whether that's true or not IRL I dunno). Also, in order to have a proper "race to the bottom" I'd likely need to control multiple feds until the bottom crashes out for all of them. I'm not sure I can handle all of that booking/re-capping. Also, I'm torn between doing a slow-burn where it doesn't seem like the booker is intentionally trying to sabotage his own fed (that would be a lot more "serious" than the alternative), or going over-the-top comedy and making main event talent job to jobbers. Any ideas/suggestions to make this a coherent plan? EDIT: Apologies if this is posted in the wrong thread. Maybe make it a multiplayer, and maybe to have it as a race of over-extravangance. Like paying an extra $??? per show on wrestlers they cant afford, so that you might actually get better shows out of it. Instead of jobbing main eventers, which won't be as effective for the reader. And maybe have it between brands, like "our company is going bust, we need to cut a brand, so the first one to $??? stays in business" and one brand decides to go for the bail-out from the government while the other one goes all thrifty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Cowboy Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Nice idea to just do it as a brand split, thanks. The idea of running multi feds is kind of daunting and I'm sure I wouldn't be able to book multi feds well enough to stay interesting (or interested from my POV) for long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Casey Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Taking a leaf from Nevermore's book (and being as how I started this thread and haven't got a new diary to preview yet ) then I thought I'd mention that the preview for the 2014 Rip Chord Invitational is now online, so feel free to head over and get your predictions up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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