Borderline Personality Disorder

[AfRoMaN36]

Anyone have any experience with this?

 

Kind of funny to say, but just months after breaking up with a girlfriend who suffered from bipolar disorder and even posting a thread here out of absolute desperation, I've met a girl and she told me she had borderline personality disorder. And after a few wonderful weeks, she flipped like a switch today and went absolutely nuts. Insulting me, belittling me and acting as if she didn't care about me. Let me elaborate....

 

I met her at work. I quit the job a few months ago, but we kept in contact, after it being apparent that she had feelings for me, I decided to be with her. I was aware at the time by her behavior at my job, she could be pretty wild and blunt. Even rumors going around that she was bipolar herself. I knew what bipolar was and she wasn't bipolar. Anyway, a few weeks go by and up until yesterday I was the happiest man on Earth. Finally I put my past behind me and could put my heart entirely behind a girl and know she won't hurt me. I even stressed how jealous and insecure my ex was and how I wasn't up for a sequel of that. She promised me it wouldn't be the same. We seemed to allow each other the freedom we needed, she didn't even like some of my old co workers but let me hang with them. This would never happen with my ex. I was comfortable around her too. So was she. I could be myself and not be judged by it. She seemed too good to be true. Maybe I could actually fall for her.

 

Then today, I came by my old store where she still works. One of my old friends thought it would be funny to hug me and rub me in front of her. She doesn't seemed bothered right away, but later on flips the F out. I didn't reciprocate, I merely raised my hands and stepped back. She was angry because I didn't blow her off rudely. She called her an evil "C" word. And blamed me for having friendships of flirty natures while working there. She goes on to absolutely trash me and calls me emotional when I tell her how much what she's doing is hurting me. She was absolutely condescending the entire time and made me feel like a boy. She then hung up on me and when I called her back, we argued some more.

 

By the grace of God I calmed her down just now. But now I'm more than alarmed. That isn't a normal reaction. And the doubts I had about her having anything at all are vanishing quickly. I do not want a repeat of my last relationship. My mental health cannot take it. I decided to stay with her because I do not like to ditch people on one incident. I care about her. I am invested enough to not be scared away instantly though I'm not invested enough to allow myself to get beat on whenever she's upset. One more outburst over nothing and I'm out.

 

But my question to you is not just what should I do? But has anyone ever been with anyone with BPD? Whats the difference between borderline personality and Bipolar disorder? Should I run again? Or will this be an infrequent event?

[rodzillahotrod]

i really don't know what the difference is but imo i wouldn't blame her for being mad at u, a lot of girls (and guys) dont like seeing their mate rubbed on by someone else unless their both into those things like swinging or whatever so imo ur in the wrong for allowing a friend to do this infront of her. i can say this stuff doesn't bother me that much i even had three somes with my wife but i have to say im still jealous to some what of a degree and if some guy just started rubbing my wife u can belive i would of done the same thing she did to u maybe even worse. now if bpd is the same as split personality (im to lazy to look this up) i would leave her im not all that into people flipping out on me over anything even if im in the wrong thats y i try to reframe from doing anything stupid around my wife and maybe u should to if u decide to stay with her every person has there own issues no matter which way u look at it and if u can't deal with those issues man theres a lot more fish in the sea u just need to find someone who u can enjoy being with and understand there issues and be able to work around them. like my wife for an example is very annoying but yet again i know i am so i understand that sometimes i just need to relax when she gets annoying and either walk away holding my breath or just do what she wants and she does the same for me. a relationship is a team thing its not going to work if ur not willing to play the game. so this is all up to u no one can tell u to leave this girl or stay with her its ur choice not ours... i hope this helps ya im not trying to sound mean or disrespectful and sorry if u take this the wrong way but i am trying to help ya

[Sons of Kohral]

I have friends with both.

 

Bipolar switches seemingly randomly, with no reason.

 

BPD generally has triggers which set off an "episode". These triggers can seem random for us, but make sense in their mind.

 

Perfect example, a friend of mine with BPD accused me of raping (I know, extreme) a friend of ours because there was a rumor going around that I cheated on my girl friend with a completely different girl. Rational? Absolutely not, but the rumors were apparently the trigger.

[Hyde Hill]

Also as far as I know and have experienced Bipolar seems more about mood and lasts for long periods e.g. multiple days and swings from ultra happy too downright fully depressed.

 

With Borderline a trigger as mentioned before causes a sudden outburst of a certain mood or psychotic "episode" which lasts a relative shorter period. Or a fals believe (psychotic belief) being imprinted in ones mind due to a trigger. This will go away over time.

 

So if you can live through the occasional outbursts and she repents and is working on the disorder via medication or other treatment and love her enough then stay the course. If not then don't stay in a relationship that is utlimatly making you unhappy and in turn will make her unhappy just out of a sense of loyalty.

[Genadi]

She just sounds like the jealous type, some are crazier then others but all girls are made from a different grain... As a group us men have spent thousands of years trying to figure them out... we haven't gotten very far.

[jesterx7769]

Hey its only 2,000 right? I am sure by 50,000 we will at least have a few chapters down

[cappyboy]

As a group us men have spent thousands of years trying to figure them out... we haven't gotten very far.

 

Of course not. And I'll tell you why. Because it's not just us guys having this problem with women. They have it with us as well.

 

The problem is "trying to figure THEM out." We approach the matter of women seeking block answers to everything. Rather than spend the time to try and figure out the woman in front of us, we try to find magic bullets that pertain to women in general. We want short cuts where they can't exist because we fear a little relationship homework.

 

As for the topic at hand, I wish I had some insight that could wrap this post up with something germane. But all I can offer are my condolences. A normal woman is challenge enough. Might be best to run on principle so you have one less level of consternation to deal with.

[SuperOwens]

Wow. Only on GDS

[Shmoe]

Yeah pretty much what was said earlier, bi-polar is like flicking a switch, for no reason they'll go from one extreme to another. BPD is normally a trigger and it's less extreme but still pretty crazy. I have a female friend, not a girlfriend, who has it and she can be the lovliest girl in the world but then BAM, she's mega depressed or angry or whatever. Luckily I normally catch her bad moods on msn rather than trying to sort them face to face. Whatever the case is, she's a friend of mine but she is a nutcase. So pretty much man, you can either talk to her about it when she's fine or whatever, or if it keeps happening and you don't think you can handle it ...I'd get the hell out of there.

[praguepride]

The best advice I can give you is to take care of yourself first when entering a new relationship. Now, before I get deeper into this, let me add the caveat that I'm a huge softy, romantic, nice guy (who got caught in the friend zone several times before I figured it out ).

 

Now, the anecdote: I know a guy who dated a girl because he felt sorry for her. She was a sweet, nice girl, but an absolute emotional wreck. She was coming from a string of emotionally and physically abusive relationships (her last boyfriend was expelled from college and jailed because of what he did to her). This guy, finally, was a nice and decent guy though. Unfortunately, she had so much emotional baggage he couldn't handle it. But he was so terrified that he would hurt her if he dumped her that they kept a relationship going for nearly a year before he finally gathered up the guts to tell her it wasn't working out.

 

Let's just say it was a very nasty break up. Thankfully, I'm happy to say the girl recovered her self-confidence quite a bit having a relationship and a break up that didn't involve the "rape" word but from an outside observer standpoint, it was rough on all the friends. We all could tell that he didn't really want to be with her, but he was too nice to dump her. It was like a poison that eventually soured their relationship so what could have been an amicable breakup turned into one big fight.

 

I don't believe you can be in a true relationship as a caretaker. That's what friends are for. If you want to help this girl out, be her friend as she might need that more. I imagine it's hard for her to keep friends if she freaks out and verbally lashes them at the slightest provocation. So you need to ask yourself: after dealing with a girlfriend with a mental disorder that sounds like it was a very draining experience, can you handle it again?

 

Now, it's a different disorder with it's own different symptoms, but it sounds like there's a big overlap in the "jealousy" department. Dealing with someone with a mental condition like this can be very difficult but can also be very rewarding, however not everyone is well suited for that kind of task. If you're not suited for having someone "snap" on you, then you're really only delaying the inevitable if you can't live with it. I always try to look at it from a "big picture" perspective and think. "If I'm not making her happy and she's not making me happy, then the longer we're in this destructive relationship, the bigger the chance that I'll miss out on finding that special someone for myself or for her to find that special someone for herself."

 

In the end it's up to you. Basically, if you're going to commit, commit. If you can't or just don't want to, get out while you can

[Hyde Hill]

Good advice prague, now please disclose this info as I have the same problem from time to time:

 

Now, before I get deeper into this, let me add the caveat that I'm a huge softy, romantic, nice guy (who got caught in the friend zone several times before I figured it out ).

[UkWrestleFan]

Reading through this thread has worried me. Here's why;

 

I've heard of bipolar disorder before but have never knew anybody who suffers from it. This made me think it wasn't very common. Now, the last three or four months I've been puzzled with myself. I've totally changed as a person, something which my girlfriend and family have picked up on. I'll wake up one day and everything will be brilliant, life will be great and I'll amazingly happy. Then, for no reason whatsoever, three or four days later I'll wake up and feel dreadful, depressed, empty and like I'm wasting my life. These two moods continually alternate, usually every couple of days and there's nothing that should actually be making my mood change.

 

My girlfriend has began to ask questions. She's asked, on numerous occassions, what's wrong with me, thinking that she's done or said something wrong. It's never the case, though. Yeah, there are things about her which p*ss me off sometimes or get on my nerves but that's normal, there's nothing she does that should make my mood shift like it does.

 

For the last month or so I've had almost no desire whatsoever to do anything in the bedroom. My appetite has been totally destroyed to the point where I only really eat one meal a day and for me, that's strange. I'm a big guy and I like my grub.

 

So, I began looking into bipolar disorder and found the link below:

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/bipolar-disorder/complete-index.shtml

 

Now, I'm beggining to wonder whether this could be what I'm suffering from or whether it would be something else. Is it worth me going to see a doctor? Should I be concerned?

[darthsiddus2]

the best advice I can give is be there for her...... thats all. she needs you more than you need her basically...

 

 

I may not have a similar problem but I'd like your opinions on this if I may and I apologize if I'm hijacking this thread:

 

 

 

now I've been friends with a girl for more than 17 years since diapers. we even were a couple when we were 14 for about oh I don't know a month before her mother pulled the plug for reasons I have yet to figure out but lets just say that I'm Jewish and she's Christian. she's had a couple of relationships that turned out bad for her but I believe it was most likely her fault due to her being afraid of the word sex. now she has days where she's really happy then something happens and the next day she's either pissed off or upset. here's my problem though she does not realize that I'm the best chance she's got at a happy relationship becuse we know each other so well and I'm the one who's helped her through those bad relationships.... and even taught her a few things *wink* I'm just really at a loss trying to figure her out.

[darthsiddus2]

Reading through this thread has worried me. Here's why;

 

I've heard of bipolar disorder before but have never knew anybody who suffers from it. This made me think it wasn't very common. Now, the last three or four months I've been puzzled with myself. I've totally changed as a person, something which my girlfriend and family have picked up on. I'll wake up one day and everything will be brilliant, life will be great and I'll amazingly happy. Then, for no reason whatsoever, three or four days later I'll wake up and feel dreadful, depressed, empty and like I'm wasting my life. These two moods continually alternate, usually every couple of days and there's nothing that should actually be making my mood change.

 

My girlfriend has began to ask questions. She's asked, on numerous occassions, what's wrong with me, thinking that she's done or said something wrong. It's never the case, though. Yeah, there are things about her which p*ss me off sometimes or get on my nerves but that's normal, there's nothing she does that should make my mood shift like it does.

 

For the last month or so I've had almost no desire whatsoever to do anything in the bedroom. My appetite has been totally destroyed to the point where I only really eat one meal a day and for me, that's strange. I'm a big guy and I like my grub.

 

So, I began looking into bipolar disorder and found the link below:

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/bipolar-disorder/complete-index.shtml

 

Now, I'm beggining to wonder whether this could be what I'm suffering from or whether it would be something else. Is it worth me going to see a doctor? Should I be concerned?

 

it could be bi-polar but it could also be depression. you have talk to a shrink for a diagnosis

[Sons of Kohral]

Ahhh, Forum Psych.

 

@ UKFan: Seriously, you sound like me last year. DO NOT see a shrink just yet.

 

The problem with shrinks is that if you even mention you think you might be Bi-Polar, they will do everything in their power to convince you that you are.

 

The other problem is that a lot of Bi-Polar Disorder's symptoms can be psycosomatic (i.e. your brain tricks your body into showing symptoms that aren't there) and if you're convinced that your Bi-Polar because your shrink tells you that you are, you'll start acting like it.

 

Happened to me last year. Turns out, hey, I'm not Bi-Polar, I just hate Virginia. Moved back to Brooklyn and everything fell into place.

 

Also, everyone goes through these ups and downs. Take a day and reflect about what's going on with your life. Don't go running to the shrink. Trust me on that.

 

@ Darthsiddius: She's a woman. That means she's inherently unreasonable. My boy cappyboy said it best, we'll never be able to figure them out. HOWEVER, we can with reasonable accuracy predict their actions based on certain stimuli. Woman don't use reason, they use emotion. Once you understand that, a lot of what they do makes logical sense.

 

Btw, Afroman, is there going to be an update, I feel invested in this situation now.

[Self]

My only advice is "When in doubt, go on a cross-country bender." Last time I started really freaking out about my life, my relationships and my work (round about my 21st birthday if I recall) I got in my car, left town, and just took a road trip to clear my head. Saw some sights. Got drunk quite a bit. Ended up at a "Collectomania" in Manchester, where I spent my time hitting on tubby Star Trek fangirls and meeting such celebrities as Darth Maul and John Rhys Davies.

 

When I got back to town, my head was clear and I felt refreshed after a solid week of just enjoying life. It's short, and we only get one. Don't waste time getting bogged down in bad feelings.

 

EDIT: Okay, this sounds like my advice is run from the relationship. It isn't. Sit down and talk to her once she's back to a rational state. Discuss it. Give her another chance. Just remember there's no glory in staying in a relationship you're not enjoying, and ending something doesn't mean that all of the wonderful times you've spent together. There's no shame in calling it a day, and after your last bird, you deserve to be just a little bit Self-ish about things.

[Astil]

Dude.

 

I'm sorry.

 

You're luck... just.

 

Dude.

[Guest ShortShortsarentdead]

Anyone have any experience with this?

 

Kind of funny to say, but just months after breaking up with a girlfriend who suffered from bipolar disorder and even posting a thread here out of absolute desperation, I've met a girl and she told me she had borderline personality disorder. And after a few wonderful weeks, she flipped like a switch today and went absolutely nuts. Insulting me, belittling me and acting as if she didn't care about me. Let me elaborate....

 

I met her at work. I quit the job a few months ago, but we kept in contact, after it being apparent that she had feelings for me, I decided to be with her. I was aware at the time by her behavior at my job, she could be pretty wild and blunt. Even rumors going around that she was bipolar herself. I knew what bipolar was and she wasn't bipolar. Anyway, a few weeks go by and up until yesterday I was the happiest man on Earth. Finally I put my past behind me and could put my heart entirely behind a girl and know she won't hurt me. I even stressed how jealous and insecure my ex was and how I wasn't up for a sequel of that. She promised me it wouldn't be the same. We seemed to allow each other the freedom we needed, she didn't even like some of my old co workers but let me hang with them. This would never happen with my ex. I was comfortable around her too. So was she. I could be myself and not be judged by it. She seemed too good to be true. Maybe I could actually fall for her.

 

Then today, I came by my old store where she still works. One of my old friends thought it would be funny to hug me and rub me in front of her. She doesn't seemed bothered right away, but later on flips the F out. I didn't reciprocate, I merely raised my hands and stepped back. She was angry because I didn't blow her off rudely. She called her an evil "C" word. And blamed me for having friendships of flirty natures while working there. She goes on to absolutely trash me and calls me emotional when I tell her how much what she's doing is hurting me. She was absolutely condescending the entire time and made me feel like a boy. She then hung up on me and when I called her back, we argued some more.

 

By the grace of God I calmed her down just now. But now I'm more than alarmed. That isn't a normal reaction. And the doubts I had about her having anything at all are vanishing quickly. I do not want a repeat of my last relationship. My mental health cannot take it. I decided to stay with her because I do not like to ditch people on one incident. I care about her. I am invested enough to not be scared away instantly though I'm not invested enough to allow myself to get beat on whenever she's upset. One more outburst over nothing and I'm out.

 

But my question to you is not just what should I do? But has anyone ever been with anyone with BPD? Whats the difference between borderline personality and Bipolar disorder? Should I run again? Or will this be an infrequent event?

slap her and show her whos the pimp in this relationship

[randomfreeze]

slap her and show her whos the pimp in this relationship

 

One of the best parts of this forum is people don't make idiotic statements like this. Sorry to come off as an authority here, because I know I'm not, but try and think before you type when someone comes in and asks for help with a serious situation.

[djthefunkchris]

slap her and show her whos the pimp in this relationship

 

One of the best parts of this forum is people don't make idiotic statements like this. Sorry to come off as an authority here, because I know I'm not, but try and think before you type when someone comes in and asks for help with a serious situation.

 

So you don't think it would work?

 

I don't know, I found it funny when I read it, and figured that it was meant as a joke. No one hopefully would slap a girl around, let alone type about it... hopefully.

 

TO Afroman: What you and your "other" friend did was childish and immature, and you should know it has consequences. I like you very much on these forums, and you know this, so I am going to tell you straight up what I think of your actions, and not going to hold any punch's, or I wouldn't be doing you any favor's.

 

You two did this IN FRONT Of her. A girl sometimes looks at things like that as especially degrading to her. If I did that in front of my wife, without her knowledge at all that it is supposed to be a joke, I would probably end up with salt in my gastank or worse (and I wouldn't dare eat anything for a while). And she don't drive...

 

You cannot put a serious relationship in jeapordy.. I'll bet your friend thought it was cute... Well, I would imagine your friend might want some action (and you wouldn't know it.. that's just how these things go), and was hoping for something like this to happen. Probably she is comforting you over this problem, wich really compounds it.

 

I got two words for you: GROW UP.

 

As for the other guy that thinks he is by-polar... Seek proper medical advice before taking anyone here with a grain of salt. However, in my opinion, you saying you see this happen is half the problem, and it's probably nothing more then getting older and feeling anxious about it (THIS IS NOT where I seen myself at this age!). It's something many of us go through in life, and most of it comes from the knowledge that we know we could have done something a bit better (but it's always an afterthough... IF I knew then, what I know now..). I can't help but to think since you see it, you can controll it. Turn that frown upside down (think good thoughts), when this happens. See how far you can go with it, you might be surprised.

 

However, like I said.. If you really think you might have a problem, like anything else, it's probably better to find out now then later. Don't want to be like that movie, where that guy has a friend all his life, just to find out when he is 50, that the friend, FBI and all these other actions he is doing is for fictitional reason (no friend, etc.). SO be carefull.

[djthefunkchris]

Ahhh, Forum Psych.

 

@ UKFan: Seriously, you sound like me last year. DO NOT see a shrink just yet.

 

The problem with shrinks is that if you even mention you think you might be Bi-Polar, they will do everything in their power to convince you that you are.

 

The other problem is that a lot of Bi-Polar Disorder's symptoms can be psycosomatic (i.e. your brain tricks your body into showing symptoms that aren't there) and if you're convinced that your Bi-Polar because your shrink tells you that you are, you'll start acting like it.

 

Happened to me last year. Turns out, hey, I'm not Bi-Polar, I just hate Virginia. Moved back to Brooklyn and everything fell into place.

 

Also, everyone goes through these ups and downs. Take a day and reflect about what's going on with your life. Don't go running to the shrink. Trust me on that.

 

@ Darthsiddius: She's a woman. That means she's inherently unreasonable. My boy cappyboy said it best, we'll never be able to figure them out. HOWEVER, we can with reasonable accuracy predict their actions based on certain stimuli. Woman don't use reason, they use emotion. Once you understand that, a lot of what they do makes logical sense.

 

Btw, Afroman, is there going to be an update, I feel invested in this situation now.

 

On the other hand, this is good advice as well. Lots of kids taking things for attention disorder's that they don't have, but will with the use of the very drugs they are taking...

[rodzillahotrod]

i also got to say dont listen to them either i went to the doc because i felt depressed really bad and told them i had a sleep disorder so they game me some pills and told me to go to the store and buy some sleep pills and i told the doc that if i did that im not going to wake up for work (i can sleep all day) and this just continued they went from helping with being depressed to just saying im lazy and that was it. sometimes the doctores dont help at all and sometimes they do my sister takes medicine for it and it helps her but did nothing for me sometimes u just got to deal with crap and hope for the best....