ZEN: Now THAT'S Funny.

[TheKenwyne]

ZEN: Art of Wrestling has been flying under the radar for 3 years now, and has earned itself a cult following in it's native New Zealand, and the love of many fans of 'indie' wrestling the world over. It's high flying, family friendly, gimmick rife style has influences from Lucha Libre, to Sports Entertainment and - whisper it- the smutty comedy of old school Babes of Sin City. But we, here at Prowrestlingworld.com have recently discovered that through mutual consent between the booker and the owner, Cyanide has given up the book. In an official press release, ZEN stated that they had relieved Cyanide of his job "so he could become more focused on increasing his role as a wrestler." There have been rumours that some of the company's staff are bitter that Cyanide, who is known to be a friend of owner and main event title holder Halloween Knight, has consitently booked his buddy as a main attraction when they feel they should be given a shot at the big time. It is assumed that the ZEN management will look for a third party name with no prior alignment in the locker room to correct this problem.

 

***

 

I awoke with a start. And immedieatly wished I hadn't. My brain hurt like a particularly large ballon elephant had exploded near it. Which it had, the night before, but in reality, that wasn't the reason I was in pain. No, I'd blame that on the copious amount of alchol I downed at the post show party. I clambered out of bed, and staggered to the bathroom. I grabbed a beaker, complete with toothbrush, and filled it with water. As I raised it to my mouth to drink, I caught the toothbrush squarely in the eye. Ow. Swearing, I attempted to tip the toothbrush out, only to forget the cup was still full of water. Cue one wet motel bathroom floor, and another burst of angry swears. By this point I was really regretting drinking quite so much the night before.

 

Not that it had been a bad night. No, it had been a relatively good one. I was on holiday, taking a break from the grind of wrestling on 3 different indy shows stateside. I'd saved enough money to take a trip abroard with a few buddies. We'd originally decided on visiting Sydney, but had been warded off by a few horror stories involving holes in the ozone layer, and so we'd ended up in New Zealand. That's not a bad place to end up. The country is breathtakingly beautiful, and one of my nerdier friends frequenty declares that he's seen our current locale in some film called King of the Bling. We'd immersed ourselves in the culture of the place, going to a concert featuring 'New Zealand's 3rd Most Popular Folk Parody Duo', which was good fun, but being wretlers and wrestling fans, we'd perhaps not suprisingly chosen to drop in on a local show when we heard it was on.

 

We were in the country for Christmas, which, for the unitiated among you, is very warm in the Southern Hemisphere. Unfortunately, prior to out visit, we were among you unitiated muppets, and so had backed for an arctic winter, using the reasoning that 'it's quite close to Antartica, it must be cold'. It isn't. But unfortunately we didn't have the money to buy ourselves a new wardrobe, so we decided simply to traipse around in greatcoats, thermals, mittens and cossack hats. This was how we were dressed as we mingled at ZEN Way of the Theif 2009, earning our small group many strange looks as we squeezed into the small arena to observe, what we agreed afterwards, was a work of genius.

 

With our minds suitably blown, we went to a nearby bar, to discuss the show and why we hadn't heard of it, and why no-one had never tried anything like this before, we found ourselves in a conversation with the man who owned the promotion. Not that we noticed him, since he worked under a mask, but he did here us noisily discussing the show, and indeed my declaration that it was the sort of show I'd love to work on.

"You're a wrestler?" he asked, from the bar, where he was gripping a pint.

"Yeah!" I said, jubiliant, the alcohol already taking effect. "In the USA I'm Jack Avatar, the All American Boy,"

"And he's pretty good, too!" added one of my equally beer-fuelled friends.

"Indeed, mate?" inquired my mystery inquisitor, who came and joined us at a table. "Can I buy you a drink?"

 

So he liquered me up a little more. I didn't learn his true identity until later. He'd sent the rest of the group away with the challenge of hitting on the long suffering bar maid, after my nerdy buddy boasted he could pull J-Ro without too much effort. I laughed drunkenly, struggling to stay on my stool as he tried his best to act smooth, but only succeeded in changing colour to something approaching beetroot.

"Your friend's really something with the sheilas," chuckled my new friend, who still appeared remarkably sober for all the rounds of drink's he'd ordered.

"You should see him when he's not off his face," I guffawed, barely in control of myself.

"So, you said you're a wrestler?" asked the other, suddenly serious.

"Yeah? What of it?" I replied, trying hard to matching his straight face, only to collapse back into fits of laughter.

"Well, my friend, I'm in need of a wrestler. A wrestler who can book shows too. Name's Frankie Bendis, I'm the owner of ZEN." I stared at him blankly. "You know, that promotion you went to see earlier." Still blank. "Screw it."

 

Frankie went on to explain his proposition to me. To my drunken mind, the fantasy of becoming a head booker at just 24 and running away to New Zealand to leave the monotony of the US indy scene was just too tempting. I accepted. I remembered that I had a new job shortly after spilling water down my front the morning afterwards. This merited another burst of swears.

 

***

 

OOC: Yeah, this is my first ever wrasslin' diary, because it's the first time I've played TEW and my brains just popped with ideas for what to do with a promotion. Roster lowdown, backstage shenanigans and first card prediction sheet coming up in the next post.

[TheKenwyne]

ZEN Roster Overview

 

Main Event

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/AmericanNightmare.jpg

American Nightmare

Me. I couldn't not use me. The talent pool on this roster is shallower than the most backwater US indie fed. Only main event because somehow I'm very popular over here. Beats me how. What exactly did I get up to while I was drinking?

Plans: Carry other people until they get better.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/HalloweenKnight.jpg

Halloween Knight(ZEN Master Champion

The best wrestler on the roster and also the man who managed to hire me, Halloween Knight is the top Heel in the company, and gets good heat of his fans. Currently embroiled in fued with Lone Shark, who wants to destroy his stable, F.E.A.R., and get hold of his title.

Plans: Stay in and around the title scene, cut lots of promos, keep show ratings up. And fued with Lone Shark, a fued on which this promotion has been built.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/LoneShark.jpg

Lone Shark

The 'Big Fish in the ZEN pool', Sharky is a former ZEN Master holder and top babyface, because I don't want to have to wrestle loads as well as book loads. Good flyer with solid basics and performance skills.

Plans: Keep fueding with Halloween Knight, stay in title scene.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Necromancer.jpg

Necromancer

Apparently lords of evil wear bunny ears. What? What do you think those pointy things look like? Not as talented as the other main eventers, but relatively over, he'll get a fair amount of screen time. Currently fueding with Devilfish, who took his title (though the 'Fish has since lost it.) A part of F.E.A.R.

Plans: Finish his fued, sharpish. Then? Well, that'd be telling.

 

Upper Midcard

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Cyanide.jpg

Cyanide

Another member of F.E.A.R., Cyanide is the man I've stolen the book off. He's a bit bitter. Unlike most of the roster, Cyanide is a technical work with some nice chain wrestling and mat work, but he dosen't have the high flying skills that many of my other wrestlers own. Could prove a problem, since their aren't many I can match him up against with the same sort of skills.

Plans: Get up some momentum, get to main event. Lone Shark would be a nice foil, or, failing that, me.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Devilfish.jpg

Devilfish

Back to the high flying norm, Devilfish is currently scrapping with Necromancer, a rivalry that started when Devilfish nabbed the ZEN Master title last year. Though neither have the title now, this is still good fun. His character's fun, and he's very, very small. A fan favourite therefore, with a great look.

Plans: Finish his fued with Necromancer.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Jester.jpg

Jester

Despite a character name that suggests a funny character, Jester plays a crazed psycho instead. He brings a neat mix of Hardcore and High Flying skills to the table, and is good at drawing heat. A mainstay of the tag division with Eraser.

Plans: Tag Fued? Not sure, really.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/X-Calibre.jpg

X-Calibre

A laid back guy, Calibre is popular with the fans here. One of the best flyers on the roster, he could be a guy who has the ability to crack the main event in the future. Occasional tag wrestler with Man O'War.

Plans: You'll see...

 

Midcard

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/CWA.jpg

C-W-A

My favourite character. Tee, hee. How can you not love a character who hunts his enemies to assault them with custard pies? Even if he isn't well known or talented, I like him. Hee, hee. C-W-A stands for Clown With Attitude. Ha.

Plans: Hee, hee.... haha...

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Eraser.jpg

Eraser

Jester's tag team partner who is known as a gun for hire and general hard nut. Not talented, might survive if he can make somthing of his tag team with Jester.

Plans: Tag Work, mainly.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/JimmyStratosphere.jpg

Jimmy Stratosphere

The only worker who I share, Stratosphere also works for APW in Australia. I brought him in for his stellar high flying and solid basics. Could be a big star.

Plans: Midcard grind until he gets a decent name.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/ManOWar.jpg

Man O'War

AVAST! It's a salty sea dog! Man O'War's gimmick is officially that of a Comic Book Hero, but he acts like a nice pirate, with nautical catchphrases a-plenty. Tags occasionally with X-Calibre, and is very entertaining by ZEN standards.

Plans: Midcard grind, promos.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Massacre.jpg

Massacre

The closest we have to a monster heel, Massacre is the final member of F.E.A.R.. Decent brawler with a good look, Midcard mediocrity would be certain were it not for his allies higher up the card.

Plans: Help F.E.A.R. members. On his own? Not much.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Shaolin.jpg

Shaolin (ZEN Conceptual Champion)

Shaolin is very well rounded with no major strengths or weaknesses. Holds the title, for some reason best known to the bookers. If he can develop his game he is a potential Main Eventer.

Plans: Title fued. Ninja antics.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/SuperZero.jpg

Super Zero (ZEN Harmony Champion (Tag))

One half of the Tag Team champions, dating and managed by Molly Cuddle, our Face Manager. Decent flying and technical work, with good basics. Could be a star.

Plans: Tag Team Work, for now.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Vertigo.jpg

Vertigo (ZEN Harmony Champion (Tag))

The other half of the Tag champs. A near clone of his partner, but with better entertainment and worse techinal work. C-W-A's main target for custard pies. He, he.

Plans: Tag Team Work.

 

Lower Midcard

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/MiltonHittlespitz.jpg

Milton Hittlespitz

Another worker I've brought it, 'Koala Cuddlin' Chair Lovin'' Hittlespitz is a fine all around worker who we have high hopes for. For now, though, he'll just have to job until the crowd get to know him.

Plan: Job, occasional win against another lower carder.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/MirrorUniverseJonGordon.jpg

Mirror Universe Jon Gordon

Another very zany gimmick, getting sucked through to a paralell universe is possibly the best excuse for a heel turn, ever. No momentum, and not well known, Jon's going to have to grind to get up the card, though he is a good all rounder.

Plans: See Milton.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/QuickSilver.jpg

Quick Silver

One of the lesser lights of the roster, he has very poor basics, but is reasonably entertaining and a decent high flyer. He'll need to work hard on the rest of his game before he gets any higher up the card.

Plans: Job.

 

Opener

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/NightmareStalker.jpghttp://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/NightmareSlasher.jpg

Nightmare Slasher and Nightmare Stalker

A couple of identical prospects. Stalker is by far the more talented, but they have a good wadge of experience as a team, so I'll keep them both around for a while. Slasher will need to work hard to keep his place here.

Plans: Tag jobbing.

 

Non Competitor

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/ClassyPaulMassey.jpg

Classy Paul Massey (Road Agent)

A vet of the Australasian indy scene and a good road agent, Massey is a maninstay of the backstage crew, who's advice is always listened too.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/GuruVishni.jpg

Guru Vishni (Manager)

"The High Priest of Enlightenment, Tranquility and Low Blows" only has one protege at the moment, but that is the wonderfully named Mirror Universe John Gordon, who he created by sending the real John Gordon through a portal. Good manager with nice colour skills to back it up.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/MollyCuddle.jpg

Molly Cuddle (Manager)

More valet than manager, mainly here to provide a foil for Vishni to work against. Cheap, though, and she's dating Super Zero, so she keeps him occupied backstage.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/SparkySparks.jpg

Sparky Sparks (Announcer)

An average announcer, Sparks is nevertheless a great guy to have around backstage, partly because he's very friendly, and partly because he makes some mean donuts.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/StevenYale.jpg

Steven Yale (Referee)

Yale's not a great referee, but he works a blind man gimmick, meaning that his matches are almost always without a screwy finish, unless heels do something so devious they actually physically touch the ref.

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/TheAlexArturroEx.jpg

The Alex Arturro Experience

Former Stand Up Comedian Alex is a good colour commentator and another guy who really adds to the backstage atmosphere.

 

*Note: I fired The Anarchist and Bile for being crap, and hired Jimmy Stratosphere and Milton Hittlesptiz to replace them.

 

Tag Teams:

DevilShark (Devilfish and Lone Shark, D-, Occasional)

The Dark Knights (Halloween Knight and Necromancer, E+, Occasional)

The Enemy (Cyanide and Massacre, E-, Regular)

The Horror Show (Nightmare Slasher and Nightmare Stalker, D-, Regular)

The Mercs (Jester and Eraser, E, Regular)

The Shadows (Shaolin and Quick Silver, E, Occasional)

The Sky Kings (Vertigo and Super Zero, E-, Regular) (ZEN Harmony Champions)

X-War (X-Calibre and Man O'War, E, Occasional)

 

Stables:

F.E.A.R. (Four Extreme Agents for the Revolution): (Cyanide, Halloween Night, Massacre, Necromancer.

 

The backstage atmosphere at ZEN is great. The rules are lenient (as long as you don't smoke or jab yourself with needles, you'll get along fine), and the lockeroom is full of friendly guys who can make jokes and take them. And Sparky Sparks' frankly delicious donuts. Anyway, Paul told me I had a show to book. I'd had to weeks to get to know the talent and the fans, and now I had to deliver. Nervous? That dosen't describe it. Anyway, here is the card for ZEN Way of the Dreamer 2010.

 

ZEN Way of the Dreamer 2010

American Nightmare vs. Jimmy Stratosphere vs. Milton Hittlespitz

C-W-A vs. Quick Silver

Shaolin vs. X-Calibre for the ZEN Conceptual Title

The Sky Kings vs. The Mercs for the ZEN Harmony Title

Devilfish vs. Necromancer and Cyanide

Halloween Knight vs. Lone Shark for the ZEN Master Title

[Timber]

ZEN is the greatest thing since MAW. Gonna be alot of fun and i don't blame ya for the fires and hires.

 

ZEN Way of the Dreamer 2010

American Nightmare vs. Jimmy Stratosphere vs. Milton Hittlespitz

You need some wins to make the rest of the roster look good later.

 

C-W-A vs. Quick Silver

CWA is a crappy wrestler but a fun gimmick. It's worth pushing him for the pure entertainment of it.

 

Shaolin vs. X-Calibre for the ZEN Conceptual Title

Shaolin is just a nice all around guy. Keeping the belt on him and letting him help other Midcarders develop is a good idea.

 

The Sky Kings vs. The Mercs for the ZEN Harmony Title

The Kings are just better and more popular.

Devilfish vs. Necromancer and Cyanide

Devilfish is solid and keeping him strong to finish his feud with Necro.

 

Halloween Knight vs. Lone Shark for the ZEN Master Title

It's Knights fed so he wins. He's not bad in the ring and with Lone shark he can put on a good match. Keep the feud going with some underhanded tactics.

 

 

Good luck. Once i get the full game i'm going to run a ZEN game for awhile. Gonna be fun.

[Jaded]

Dammit, I was hoping to get the first ZEN diary out.

 

Good luck with this, though - will be reading closely and trying not to (intentionally, at least!) steal any ideas.

 

Shifted my post down here cause it seemed in the way coming between your intro post and your roster post...

 

LOVED the roster intros, especially the American Nightmare - great stuff.

 

ZEN Way of the Dreamer 2010

American Nightmare vs. Jimmy Stratosphere vs. Milton Hittlespitz - You're more ZENnish than the other guys.

C-W-A vs. Quick Silver - CWA vs Vertigo NEEDS to be blown off, so get him warmed up here.

Shaolin vs. X-Calibre for the ZEN Conceptual Title - Both these guys are awesome, so I flipped a coin.

The Sky Kings vs. The Mercs for the ZEN Harmony Title - Not keen on Mercs.

Devilfish vs. Necromancer and Cyanide - Strength in numbers

Halloween Knight vs. Lone Shark for the ZEN Master Title - Gotta go with the owner.

[TheKenwyne]

Timber: My thoughts exactly. This promotion is just great fun: the locker room is basically 88% without any help from my leadership or helpful rules. And to add to this I just like writing scenes involving baloon animals, custard pies and some of the most atrocious nicknames in the history of Pro Wrestling.

 

Jaded: Thanks for the post move, and it'll be fun to see the directions our respective diaries take. Glad you enjoyed the roster intros, I enjoyed writing them. I like poking fun.

 

Show will be up late tonight/early tomorrow.

[TheKenwyne]

ZEN: Way of the Dreamer 2010

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/ZEN.jpg

Zen: Way of the Dreamer 2010

Held at the ZEN Temple in front of 48 people

 

Before I get on with the show I have 1 pre show incident to relate to you lucky readers. All the workers arrived on time without cigarettes, drugs, or anything else that would have been frowned on by Mr Zendis, and were getting changed when a voice that sounded remarkably like Frankie began admitting to having an affinity for Australians. If you catch my drift. This is like telling a Brit that he loves a Frenchy, or a French Canadian that he loves a British Canadian. Not good. But Frankie looked as bemused at the rest of us. The voice changed now, gaining the twang that could only belong to -well- me, and I was apparently admitting to having some rather inappropriate fun with various members of the roster. Yeah. The impressions continued. They were all good and the whole locker room was soon in stitches. When Sparky emerged, grinning from round a corner with a tray of donuts, he was given rapturous applause. Mainly because of the donuts, but also, I assume due to his amusing voices. With the workers already in good spirits I didn't bother with some sort of motivational speech, and the show was on!

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/AmericanNightmare.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/JimmyStratosphere.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/MiltonHittlespitz.jpg

American Nightmare vs. Jimmy Stratosphere vs. Milton Hittlespitz

A strong match to start the night between the three faces. It was an easy match for me personally since both Jim and Milton are relatively talented, and thus I didn't need to work to hard to carry them. The match itself saw Stratosphere hitting various high flying moves mixed with ranas and stiff running strikes, while I did my best to engage in a technical faceoff match. Milton tried to match Stratosphere's high flying, failed, and resorted to cracking me across the face with chair. It was a comedy chair shot, since we're a comedy company, and was sold with a 'ping!' noise rather than a 'thunk'. Steve Yale, who's miced up, mumbled "What was that noise?", swinging around with his blind man's cane, and smacking Hittlespitz, slapstick-style, round the face, layig him out on the matA muffled cry of "Sorry! came from the ref as he realised what he'd done but it was too late for sorrys. A confused Stratosphere hit the Frog Splash on Hittlespitz for the pin, shouting at Yale to make sure he made the count.

 

Result: Jimmy Stratosphere defeated American Nightmare and Milton Hittlespitz in 8:24.

Rating: D+ (!!)

Notes: None.

 

***

 

The cameras follow an angry American Nightmare backstage to his locker room. He turns his back to the camera, removing his mask to reveal a lustrous mop of blond hair.

"I came to this company to prove to all you fans out there that USA and New Zealand have a lot in common."

Cheap pop.

"And tonight your wrestlers proved it. Two of your own hung with the very best the States have to offer."

More hurrays.

"But tonight was a one off. I am the American Nightmare, and I will bring my ethos of hard work, sweat and dissapointment to all those who think they're better than me. Don't get ****y, New Zealand. But most of all, don't act like Australians."

The cameras fade to black as the commentators discuss what the American Nightmare will have in store for us next time.

 

Rating: C+

Notes: Nil

 

***

 

Back out at the ring, X-Calibre saunters on down to a pop from the crowd. He backflips over the top rope into the ring and the commentators pass him a microphone.

" Hey, hey, bonza people!"

Cheer for the ridiculous Australiasian-ness of it all.

" It's come to my attention that the concept of a title is the best... thing... ever... You'll remember what I said when I got hold of it, and it holds true now. All the cool shiz that goes with having a title, without having to carry a heavy belt around."

(For those of you who don't know, the ZEN Conceptual Title is just that, the Concept of a Title. Yeah, I lol'd too.)

" So why is this awesome idea of a title figuratively round the waist of some crappy wannabe ninja? He dosen't even speak Japanese for the dingo danglies sake! I'm taking that shiz off him, because it's my shiz. X-Calibre is the best Calibre, and I'll prove it, if that little shiz will fight me!"

 

Rating: D

Notes: None

 

***

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/CWA.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/QuickSilver.jpg

C-W-A vs. Quick Silver

 

This was poor. Even by ZEN's relatively low standards, this was the worst match I've seen in years. I'll skip the actual match and go straight to the finish, the most fun part of the match. C-W-A floored Silver with a monster lariat, before slipping out the ring to where he'd set up a table. The crowd look worried; surely the Clown wasn't going to put Silver through a table?! No, actually he wasn't. He took a custard pie off the top the table, slid into the ring, and waited for Silver to stand. Whack! Silver staggered into the corner, cream all over his mask. Unfortunately some of the stuff smacked Steven Yale right in the face, and even a blind man can tell that that's a foreign object. He called for the bell.

 

Result: Quick Silver defeated C-W-A in 7:52 by disqualification.

Rating: E+

Notes: The announcers shone here, and Classy Paul tells me that C-W-A is showing a marked improvement in performance skills.

 

***

 

The match is over, but the clown antics very much weren't. With Silver down in the corner, C-W-A left the ring and went back to his table of clown tricks. He took two custard pies, and set them up on the top of two seperate turnbuckles. He then took a balloon, and- much to the delight of the junior members of the audience- tied a balloon Giraffe. Hooray! He re-entered the ring and held the balloon right next to Silver's head. He produced a pin... and... well... Bang.

"I don't get it." exclaimed Sparks "How come if Vertigo pops a balloon he immeadietly becomes public enemy number one, but if C-W-A pops it it's all good?"

"I guess that's a clown's prerogative," chortled Arturro in response.

Back in the ring, Silver has a hold of the back of Silver's head. He smashes hi headfirst into the custard pies on top of the turnbuckle. He then proceeded to the top turnbuckle, where he finally superplexed Silver through the table of clown tricks, which was still stacked with custard pies. He got to his feet and raised his arms to the crown before trekking out. Silver crawled after him, leaving a trail of white cream as he went.

 

Rating: E- (Oh, come on? The pieing was genius!)

Notes: None.

 

***

 

Ignoring the copious amounts of cream at ringside, Shaolin ninjas his way down to the ring, and enters with a suitably ninja like shuffle.

"He-woah," he began in his terrible faux-Asian accent. (think Kim-Jong Il from Team America) "I am deep-wi disturbed by X-Ca-wibre's attacks upon my personage. In response, I say, b-wing it!"

X-Ca-wibre (sorry) does indeed bring it, hurtling down to the ring. The match is on.

 

Rating: E+

Notes: None. Oh, is that co-wour (I'll stop now.) too hard to read?

 

***

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/X-Calibre.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Shaolin.jpg

X-Calibre vs. Shao-win for the ZEN Conceptual Title (OK, I promise, no more.)

 

Ok, I take it back. This is poor by ZEN standards. From C-W-A and Silver I semi-expected it, but from Shaolin and X-Calibre? No way! Anyway, it was abominable. Or should that be abomina-wibble. Teehee. The end finally came when Quick Silver groaned very loudly during his escape up the ramp, causing X-Calibre to turn away. Shaolin hit the Death Touch on his distracted opponent for the win to retain his title.

 

Result: Shaolin defeated X-Calibre in 7:56 by pinfall with a Death Touch to make Defense #1 of his Conceptual Title.

Rating: E- (Fail. Or maybe Fai-wl)

Notes: The Announcers did a good job once more, but X-Calibre performed poorly, with the match dragging in the middle. X-Calibre's getting better at performing, though. The crowd pooed all over this.

 

***

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Vertigo.jpghttp://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/SuperZero.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Jester.jpghttp://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Eraser.jpg

Sky Kings vs. The Mercs for the ZEN Harmony titles

 

A slight improvement on the guff that went before, but not by much. Once again, I'm skipping straight to the relatively entertaining ending in which Vertigo super kicked Jester off the apron, behind the back of a clueless Yale while Super Zero hit the Radar Leg Drop for the cover.

 

Result: The Sky Kings defeated The Mercs in 7:37 when Vertigo defeated Eraser by pinfall with a Radar Legdrop to make #1 defence of the ZEN Harmony titles.

Rating: E+

Notes: Jester underperformed, but the Commentators did good once more. Everyone improved at something, with Vertigo's rumble getting better, while the others improved performance. Another match the crowd disliked.

 

***

 

Lone Shark hits the ring to good crowd pop.

"I am the Lone Shark. I am the Bigest Fish in this small, well shaped pool. And yet I'm not the champion? Man, that's messed up. The belt's round the waist of some weirdo who likes to dress up like a Skeleton? What kind of Freakshow is this!"

Some cheeky git in the crowd yells 'ZEN," and gets a laugh. Shark smiled in appreciation.

"Indeed, this is ZEN, and as you all know, I am the force that made ZEN. I am the force that is keeping F.E.A.R. from ravaging you sisters and wifes... and in the case of Halloween Knight, your Australians..."

I was in the lockeroom at this point. The howls of laughter were embarassingly loud.

"So, as a reward for my hard work, it is just right that I, Lone Shark should be the only true ZEN Master?"

"YES!" the crowd scream back. Shark turns to the back.

"The people have spoken, Knight. You won't turn them down."

 

Rating: E+

Notes: None.

 

***

 

Devilfish sidled down to the ring, hi-fiving Lone Shark as he passed him on the ramp. He entered the ring, only for Cyanide to come screaming out of the crowd to deck him with a shoulder check. Necromancer entered down the ramp, drawing instant heat from the crowd.

"Swim away, little fish. You are no match for F.E.A.R.!"

Devilfish scrambled to his feet and hit a huricanrana on Cyanide, before turning to face Necromancer and drawing a hand across his throat. The crowd cheered the sign of defiance, and Necromancer rushed to the ring. It's on.

 

Rating: E

Notes: None

 

***

 

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Devilfish.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Necromancer.jpghttp://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Cyanide.jpg

Devilfish vs. Necromancer and Cyanide

 

Devilfish started on the front foot, Luchadore tactics to keeping his opponents back. He got a big cheer when he hit a missile dropkick on both of the heels as they got to their feet, but his cover was broken easily by Necromancer. It looked for a time that maybe Devilfish would do the unthinkable until Cyanide knocked him down and Devilfish locked in the Death Scream, with a good handful of ropes for leverage. The crowd booed, but all Yale could hear was the sound of Devilfish's hand tapping the mat.

 

Result: Necromancer and Cyanide defeated Devilfish in 13:14 when Necromancer defeated Devilfish by submission with a Death Scream after blatantly cheating.

Rating: D- (Disapointing)

Notes: Cyanide underperformed, badly. That'd explain the D-. He's probably still bitter that Frankie confiscated the book off him. Announcers once more did a sterling job, with Devilfish improving in both Technical and Performance skills. The crowd didn't like it. I'm getting bored of that note.

 

***

 

Lone Shark hit the ring again, big smile on his face.

"Well, it looks like our great and glorious champion has... how d'you say it... chickened out?"

Pop and laughter as Shark grinned out at his fans.

"Well, that his loss. If he dosen't defend his title, he must be scared of the Shark. And if he's scared of me, he must have realised that I will beat him."

Shark began to hum the Jaws theme. Further laughter.

"Since he isn't showing up, I might as well go to the back and take his favourite Austrai..."

With a chilling scream of anger, Halloween Knight emerged and ran to the ring, drawing instant heat from the crowd. He was wielding the belt like a weapon as he stared down Shark.

"Talk all you want, Shark." snarled the skeletal monster. "Where it matters, you can't hack it.

The two stared down. The crowd began a chant of Lone-Shark Lone-Shark Lone-Shark. In the words of Mike Goldberg, Here... we... go...

 

Rating: D-

Notes: None.

 

***

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/LoneShark.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/HalloweenKnight.jpg

Lone Shark vs. Halloween Knight for the ZEN Master Title.

 

This was so, so nearly match of the night. The match had something for everyone as the two exchanged spectacular spots, bruising punches and fluid chain reversals, but the spark was sadly missing. With the two apparently dead locked, it took the intervention from the rest of F.E.A.R. for the reader to make it out of the ring with his title. Necromancer and Cyanide came down to ringside and circled the ring, shouting steadily more imagintive insults at Shark, who really did appear alone. Suitably distracted, Halloween Knight found a hole in Shark's game and locked on the Pumpkin Patch for the submission victory. The show ends as 3/4 of F.E.A.R. celebrate in the ring.

 

Result: Halloween Knight defeated Lone Shark in 16:08 by submission with a Pumpkin Patch. Halloween knight makes Defence #1 of the ZEN Master Title.

Rating: D

Notes: Both men were tiring by the end. If this was a little shorter, I think it could've got a D+. Once again the Announcers did their jobs well.

 

Show Overall: D- (How close was this to a D? )

[Jaded]

Really, really good start - well done! Particularly liked the CWA stuff, and the American Nightmare promo.

[TheKenwyne]

Predicition Results:

 

Timber: 4/6

Jaded: 5/6

 

Good job Jaded. Potential reward later, if I can find something to reward you with.

 

Tomorrow: Owner goals, monthly recap, regional battles and boy bands. In ZEN, anything can (and often will) happen).

[TheKenwyne]

January 2010 Recap

 

January was a crazy month, but that's probably because I'm not quite into the ZEN groove yet. Up there at the top of the craziness was Mr. Zendis calling me to his office every other day to give me update owner goals. Dude, make your mind up. Anyway, since it's the end of the month (and the pre release demo), I present to you the current set of owner goals according the Zendis himself.

 

Goal #1: ZEN cannot fall into debt at any time. (Critical)

Yes, I like this one. Simple, and I simply know it's near impossible to fail. In a show I used most of my roster on, I made $7,500 profit. That one's going well.

 

Goal #2: ZEN must not fall below Small in size (Critical)

Another easy-ish one. To succeed I must put shows that gain a rating of over F+. Oh, the challenge.

 

Goal #3: You cannot hire or extend the contract of any wrestler who has less than D- in stamina. (Average)

On the current roster, this goal only threatens Quick Silver, and he has exactly D- stamina and and over a year to improve by one grade. Not tricky. And hiring anyone with less stamina than this was never in my plans.

 

Goal #4: You can't hire any wrestler over the age of 35. (Average)

Slightly more irritating. The oldest wrestler on the roster is still in his 20s, but the majority of the big name stars on the big island are older men, meaning if I ever attempt to invade Australia, I may find myself struggling.

 

Goal #5: You cannot hire or extend the contract of any wrestler who has less than D- in Athletic ability. (Average)

No-one's in trouble from this particular objective. We're all fit young things here at ZEN.

 

In conclusion, a nice set of goals that only leave one wrestler fearing for his job and don't limit my plans at all. There were only three objectives to start with, with Zendis adding the others as the month wore on. Hopefully he'll stick with his current selection now that I've commited them to writing. In other business news, there was a Regional Battle (Oooooh!) in New Zealand this month, which, obviously, we were inolved in. We didn't do well, though, finishing third behind APW and RAW. Nothing to be ashamed of there, though. Give us a few months and hopefully we'll be breathing down those punk's necks.

 

Round up of Austrailian rasslin':

 

APW put on one show, Ozzfest, that notched a C- rating in front of 1,000 people at a sold out Fuster Hall in Eastern Australia. Swoop McCarthy was MVP.

 

DIW meanwhile gave the world Prove Yorself, acheiving a D- rating in front of 152 people at Marv's Sports Center in Eastern Australia. The Comedian was MVP.

 

RAW held 4 TV shows, rendering 3 D+s in and 1 D, and The Stars of RAW 11 that went down in front of 2,000 people at a sold out JDM arena. It only got a D, though. Molokai Milk was the best performer.

 

Noteable other news from the wrestling world: Both 5SSW and GCG in Japan have risen a size, to Regional and Cult respectively.

 

Former 5SSW All Asian Champ HEART Saitoh is out for over a year with a shattered elbow.

 

And now for something completely different: NO-ONE DIED THIS MONTH!

 

The internet holds many surveys every month. One of these surveys selected a ZEN worker for an award. And the winner is (drum roll, please)...

 

C-W-A for best custard pie segment! No? Why not? *disappears into the background, grumbling*

 

In reality it was....

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/X-Calibre.jpg

X-Calibre, who, according to the internet is the Best Young Prospect in Wrestling Today!

 

I hope he shows it at the next show. Best Young Prospects in Wrestling Today don't churn out E- matches. Not ever.

 

And finally, one signing. As I was hunting through the free agency, one name caught my eye, due to his good repetoire of high flying skills, and having a name that is blatantly a cross between some pop stars. So allow me to introduce the latest addition to the ZEN roster,

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/RodSullivan.jpg

Rod Sullivan

What he'll be doing? Jobbing, getting better. He's got the performance, flying and entertainment skills to make it, he just has to get some experience down.

 

Next time: The card for the next ZEN show, and any further shenanigans of note.

[Jaded]

Cool, I like Sullivan. He needs a suitable ZENny gimmick though!

[Rathen4]

High five on the Sullivan hire. Where's his partner though!?

[TheKenwyne]

Dosen't fit ZEN quite like his partner does - and I have no real need of another tag team right now. I'm trying to build ZEN largely with flyers, and Gilbert is very much a mat worker.

[TheKenwyne]

Another two weeks passed without major incident, and it was time to book another evening of ZEN fun. Below is the card for the second ZEN offering under my rule.

 

ZEN Way of the Scholar 2010

Jimmy Stratosphere vs. X-Calibre

Nightmare Stalker vs. Quick Silver

Man O'War vs. Mirror Universe John Gordon

Shaolin vs. Eraser (ZEN Conceptual Title)

The Sky Kings (Super Zero and Vertigo) vs. The Enemy (Massacre and Cyanide) (ZEN Harmony Titles)

DevilShark (Lone Shark and Devilfish) vs. The Dark Knights (Necromancer and Halloween Knight)

 

Card will be up tomorrow, predicitions will be rewarded in roughly four shows time with a big choice at the end of an upcoming storyline!

[Jingo]

ZEN Way of the Scholar 2010

Jimmy Stratosphere vs. X-Calibre

i'll pick the ZEN original for now ..

Nightmare Stalker vs. Quick Silver

The cool facepaint swings it for me

Man O'War vs. Mirror Universe John Gordon

This was a tough pick

Shaolin vs. Eraser

The Champ wins

The Sky Kings (Super Zero and Vertigo) vs. The Enemy (Massacre and Cyanide)

See above ..

DevilShark (Lone Shark and Devilfish) vs. The Dark Knights (Necromancer and Halloween Knight)

Gotta give the faces a win here.

[1PWfan]

Jimmy Stratosphere vs. X-Calibre

Stratosphere's a good fit for ZEN, but X-Calibre's capable of better than he did last time- he can't carry anyone, but put him with someone decent and he'll usually deliver

 

Nightmare Stalker vs. Quick Silver

Neither of these two is any good, but Stalker's slightly better

 

Man O'War vs. Mirror Universe John Gordon

With all the love Gordon's been getting on the board he's got to go over here

 

Shaolin vs. Eraser

Neither of these guys is owt much, but Shaolin's got the all-round game that makes him the better guy at this point

 

The Sky Kings (Super Zero and Vertigo) vs. The Enemy (Massacre and Cyanide)

Sky Kings don't have the massive sucking weight of Massacre on their side

 

DevilShark (Lone Shark and Devilfish) vs. The Dark Knights (Necromancer and Halloween Knight)

Heels can take the win here without destroying the babyfaces

[Jaded]

Jimmy Stratosphere vs. X-Calibre - Get Jimmy a mask, stat!

Nightmare Stalker vs. Quick Silver - Stalker is okay, but he's a jobber.

Man O'War vs. Mirror Universe John Gordon - Superpush MUJG...

Shaolin vs. Eraser - Shaolin's rockin'.

The Sky Kings (Super Zero and Vertigo) vs. The Enemy (Massacre and Cyanide) - Not keen on Cyanide

DevilShark (Lone Shark and Devilfish) vs. The Dark Knights (Necromancer and Halloween Knight) - Shark to get the win back after last show.

[Kainlock]

Jimmy Stratosphere vs. X-Calibre

Nightmare Stalker vs. Quick Silver

Man O'War vs. Mirror Universe John Gordon

Shaolin vs. Eraser

The Sky Kings (Super Zero and Vertigo) vs. The Enemy (Massacre and Cyanide)

DevilShark (Lone Shark and Devilfish) vs. The Dark Knights (Necromancer and Halloween Knight)

[Zergon]

Nice start you got a reader here. I don´t know much about any ZEN guys but not knowing somethink haven´t never stopped me for embarrass myself:o

 

ZEN Way of the Scholar 2010

Jimmy Stratosphere vs. X-Calibre

X-Calibre is higher on the card and the best prospect so I go with him even though it pains me to pick against Jimmy

 

Nightmare Stalker vs. Quick Silver

Silver is higher on the card so I go with him in this jobber vs. jobber match

 

Man O'War vs. Mirror Universe John Gordon

Gordon seems to be everyones new favorite guy

 

Shaolin vs. Eraser (ZEN Conceptual Title)

Shaolin picks another title defence

The Sky Kings (Super Zero and Vertigo) vs. The Enemy (Massacre and Cyanide) (ZEN Harmony Titles)

Sky Kings won´t drop their titles yet

 

DevilShark (Lone Shark and Devilfish) vs. The Dark Knights (Necromancer and Halloween Knight

Lone Shark picks a tag win to keep the feud going

[flat_doughnut]

Jimmy Stratosphere vs. X-Calibre

If X-Cal can sort out his stamina issues, he can be a top dog in ZEN. I like Jimmy, but he needs a mask. Masks are success in ZEN.

Nightmare Stalker vs. Quick Silver

The Horror Show used to be something. Used to be.

Man O'War vs. Mirror Universe John Gordon

I will always pick Gordon to win.

Shaolin vs. Eraser (ZEN Conceptual Title)

I know you dislike Eraser. No danger he is winning here.

The Sky Kings (Super Zero and Vertigo) vs. The Enemy (Massacre and Cyanide) (ZEN Harmony Titles)

F.E.A.R. don't need more titles. Plsu without the Harmony belts, The Sky Kings are kind of boring.

DevilShark (Lone Shark and Devilfish) vs. The Dark Knights (Necromancer and Halloween Knight)

Stack the odds against Devilfish so its much better when Lone Shark finally gets his hands on the ZEN Master title again.

[MaxxHexx]

Jimmy Stratosphere vs. X-Calibre Jimmy is cool in APW, but lame in ZEN, he needs a gimmick.

Nightmare Stalker vs. Quick Silver Superior skills.

Man O'War vs. Mirror Universe John Gordon I think I am the only one who doesn't mark for MUJG. I can't see him losing though.

Shaolin vs. Eraser (ZEN Conceptual Title) No reason to give it to a tag guy.

The Sky Kings (Super Zero and Vertigo) vs. The Enemy (Massacre and Cyanide) (ZEN Harmony Titles) Backfiring cheating maybe? Plus, I love Super Zero!

DevilShark (Lone Shark and Devilfish) vs. The Dark Knights (Necromancer and Halloween Knight) They cheat for the win.

[TheKenwyne]

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/ZEN.jpg

ZEN Way of the Scholar 2010

Held at the ZEN Dojo in front of 82 people

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/JimmyStratosphere.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/X-Calibre.jpg

 

Jimmy Stratosphere vs. X-Calibre

 

That’s more like it, Calibre. A match between to stellar high flyers was always going to include large amounts of top rope shenanigans, and this did, with both wrestlers bouncing round the ring hitting sentons, missile dropkicks, and other high flying moves. The end came with a trademark Springboard 460 (X-Calibre- OTT as possible) from X-Calibre in a solid opening match.

 

Result: Calibre defeated Jimmy Stratosphere in 8:46 by pinfall with a Springboard 460.

Rating: D-

Notes: Announcers knuckle down straight away, and X-Calibre’s getting better at flying. The crowd stamp the match with their ‘DISLIKE’ seal.

 

***

 

We head backstage next, and find ourselves in Devilfish’s locker room. (It’s the whole of ZEN’s locker room really; we can’t afford to give everyone his or her own little space!) Lone Shark cruised through the door. Devilfish looked up and acknowledged him with a sort of grunt-chuckle. Lone Shark, looking suitably weirded out, tried for some actual conversation.

“Hey there, buddy, Devilfish!”

Devilfish offered a maddened giggle in reply. Shark, looking severly estranged now, continued.

“I was thinking man, last month we both got screwed over by those malevolent gits in F.E.A.R., not because they’re better than us, but because they outnumber us. You know what they say, Fish, fight fire with fire. If we team up it’s going to be much harder for them to beat on us. Together we could, you know, win.” he finished, rather lamely.

Devilfish stood and they stared down, nose to nose – well, nose to chest, Devilfish is tiny – before sticking his hand and offering an authoritative bark of laughter. They shook, Lone Shark looking as scared as possible beneath his mask.

“Great, ‘Fish. I’ll see you late yeah… for wrestling?” Fish nodded. Fish exited back out the door, with the cameras hot on his heels.

“Damn they hit him hard on the head last month.”

 

Rating: D-

 

***

 

Hype videos for midcard title matches= baaad idea.

 

Rating: F

 

***

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/NightmareStalker.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/QuickSilver.jpg

Nightmare Stalker vs. Quick Silver

 

This match was used to cool the crowd down. Honest. As if they needed it. Hot damn, this was bad. Silver kept missing spots, while Stalker kept flooring him with lariats (good) and then going for some amazing submission that I will dub the Leg Hump (bad). Stalker eventually ended the pain with a Frightmare.

 

Result: Nightmare Stalker defeated Quick Silver in 5:45 by pinfall with a Frightmare.

Rating: E-

Notes: Announcers did well (no shock there, then). Crowd hated it (again, no sh1t sherlock. I hated it, and I booked it.)

 

***

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/ManOWar.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/MirrorUniverseJonGordon.jpg

Man O’War vs. Mirror Universe John Gordon

 

‘Could do better’ were the words that leapt to mind. Two midcarders better known for their characters and charisma over actual in ring ability, and it showed. Man (such a rubbish short name) was well on top, until Guru Vishni (Gordon’s manager. Paying attention at the back?) gave him a smack in the codgers with his Indian cane (of course Yale didn’t see it, he’s blind) and allowing Gordon to hit the wonderfully named Goatee Driver for the win.

 

Result: Mirror Universe John Gordon defeated Man O' War in 5:48 by pinfall with a Goatee Driver.

Rating: E

Notes: Man O’War’s character’s stale. And before I even got to write one nautical-y themed promo for him. . And he under performed. Guru Vishni did well at ringside for Gordon, the commentators did well and Man O’War’s technical skills are getting better.

 

***

 

Despite one half being slightly insane, both members of Devilshark managed to make the ring on time following the last segment.

“Isn’t this familiar?” Lone Shark began. Some daft mark replied to the rhetorical question.

“Yes!” Laughter. Shark grinned serenely, an effect slightly dispelled by the diabolical laughter emanating from Devilfish.

“Indeed it is! Here I am, once again, begging for a match from our great and glorious champion! But this time, he doesn’t even have to risk anything! He just has to come out here, with that jackass Necromancer, and fight myself and my partner here in a straight on tag team brawl. And if he’s a real man, then he won’t have to bring along his usual collection of ragamuffin henchmen. Because we all know that to beat a Lone wolf, or a Lone Shark for that matter, you have to be one. So I say, bring it. Come and test the waters, but don’t come to deep, because DevilShark will rip you apart!”

The ‘Jaws’ theme hits, and the two heroes ‘swim’ to the back, making shark fins with their hands.

Rating: E+

 

 

***

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Shaolin.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Eraser.jpg

Shaolin vs. Eraser for the ZEN Conceptual title.

 

Once again I find myself blaming Shaolin’s opponent for this. It was still disappointing from two midcard fixtures who should do better than this. Shaolin nailed Eraser with a Death Touch to retain. The crowd (bemusingly) got really into it, but the wrestling was simply crap.

 

Result: Shaolin defeated Eraser in 9:13 by pinfall with a Death Touch. Shaolin makes defence number 2 of his ZEN Conceptual title.

Rating: E-

Notes: Damn Eraser. Another one off his game tonight. I’m starting to think ZEN workers spend more time off their game than on it. The bout also dragged in the middle, which didn’t help. Then announcers did what they get paid for, but the crowd didn’t like it. 3/4 , lads, 3/4.

 

***

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/SuperZero.jpghttp://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Vertigo.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Cyanide.jpghttp://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Massacre.jpg

The Sky Kings vs. The Enemy for the ZEN Harmony Titles.

 

F.E.A.R. went for the Tag Team gold here, but they were outclassed. Cyanide put up a fine fight as he exchanged technical holds with Super Zero, but Vertigo flat out dealt Massacre, destroying him with high flying tactics and leaving the lumbering giant in pain and humiliated. But the end came when a familiar SPLAT noise and Vertigo collapsing to the ground, custard everywhere. More pies followed as C-W-A ran to the ring. Yale called for the bell as he staggered away, covered in cream.

 

Result: The Sky Kings defeated The Enemy in 11:16 by DQ. The Sky Kings make defence #2 of the ZEN Harmony Titles.

Rating: D-

Notes: The colour commentary did well, and Massacre got better at performance skills. The crowd sulked. Surprise, surprise.

 

***

 

C-W-A, once again, doesn’t appear to know when to quit. He has brought a trolley stacked high with custard pies, but he left it out side the ring as he entered, stalking over to Vertigo. Vertigo, trying to wipe cream from his eyes, can’t stop C-W-A hitting the Clown Killer Deluxe. Molly Cuddle, The Sky Kings’ manager, and Super Zero sprung into action, rushing to the aid of their fallen comrade. C-W-A distracted them with his spinning bow tie before quitting the ring and stocking up on custard pies. As he re-entered, Cyanide and Massacre, who had thus far been watching, appalled, did the manly thing and bailed to the back. SPLAT! Super Zero went down like a sack of bricks, nailed with a custard pie. SPLAT! Molly Cuddle staggered away, rolling out of the ring, face covered in cream. A house mic picks up her mumbling “I hate cream pies,” sending the more mature members of the audience into fits of laughter, and leaving the bemuse youngsters to enquire as to why that’s so funny. Elsewhere, C-W-A, now with a unicycle, waited for Vertigo to recover his feet before laying him out once more with the unicycle. ‘Send in the Clowns’ hit, and C-W-A left the stage, bow tie spinning, little horn honking, and carnage in his wake.

 

Rating: E (C-W-A’s pie skillz are improving!)

 

***

 

Backstage, in the F.E.A.R. dressing room, Halloween Knight was giving the troops a pep talk.

“So that’s the plan?” Murmured affirmatives from the other members of F.E.A.R. followed.

“Good. Ah, a camera. Just what I needed.” Halloween Knight grabbed the lens of the camera and leaned in.

“Be afraid, DevilShark. Be very, very afraid.”

Rating: D

 

***

 

http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/LoneShark.jpghttp://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Devilfish.jpg vs. http://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/HalloweenKnight.jpghttp://i965.photobucket.com/albums/ae137/TheKenwyne/Diary%20pics/Necromancer.jpg

DevilShark vs. The Dark Knights

 

Lone Shark and Necromancer started in the ring for this one. While these two exchanged holds, Cyanide and Massacre slunk to the ringside and started ‘distracting’ Devilfish. If ‘distracting’ counts as pulling him off the apron and laying on the boots. Shark tried to go his partner’ aid, but left himself open and Necromancer floored him with a neck breaker. Fortunately for Devilfish, one member of the roster had had enough of F.E.A.R.’s shenanigans, and Shaolin steamed out of the crowd, tackling Cyanide and giving Devilfish time to regain his feet. As the brawl outside the ring continued, the match inside intensified, with Lone Shark and Necromancer exchanging at break neck pace. An exhausted Necromancer tagged out, and the tired Lone Shark found himself face-to-face with a fresh Halloween Knight. He didn’t stand a chance, and even less so when Necromancer hit a big lariat on the ref and joined in the uneven beating on the ‘Big Fish in the ZEN pool’. The crowd booed lustily. Devilfish, noticing his partner’s predicament, rolled back into the ring and rejoined the brawl. At the commentary desk, The Alex Arturro Experience jumped to his feet.

“This is a JOKE!”

 

Result: DevilShark drew with the Dark Knights after 15:05 following a Double DQ.

Rating: D

Notes: The commentary did good, and Halloween Knight’s performance skills increased.

 

***

 

Arturro was livid. He strode into the ring and hauled the brawling workers apart.

“Stop it, fools!” he screamed. He lent over the ropes and sent Shaolin, Cyanide and Massacre to the back with a stare that could’ve levelled a mountain. Necromancer tried to hit his Death Scream on the distracted colour man, but Arturro avoided it, and smacked him round the head with his pimp cane. It broke. Necromancer collapsed to the floor, sobbing.

“Why you crying! You pathetic! Get some nuts! FOOL!” Arturro hollered, right into the downed Necromancer’s face. Halloween Knight went for Arturro, but Lone Shark shoulder checked him to the mat.

“This here… this was a disgrace! It so pathetic, I actually vomited…”

“And he’s not lying, folks…” Sparks added, aside.

“ ‘cos it make me sick to see you villains resorting to underhand tactics. It won’t be the same, next month, you pathetic FOOLS!” Arturro kicked Necromancer for good measure, before summoning a bemused DevilShark with a curl of his finger and cruising to the back, to rapturous applause.

“What does all this mean for ZEN? Is there a new force in the promotion? Find out these answers, and more at Way of the Healer 2010, next month.”

 

Rating: E+ (Nargh, forgot to tell Arturro to turn face. Poo.)

 

Show Rating: D- (Meh. Obviously I’ve found my ground.

 

Predictions: Out of Total Matches predicted, (%)

 

Jaded: 9/12 (75%)

Timber: 4/6 (66%)

Jingo: 4/6 (66%)

1PW Fan: 5/6 (83%)

Kainlock: 4/6 (66%)

Zergon: 4/6 (66%)

Flat_doughnut: 4/6 (66%)

MaxxHexx: 4/6 (66%)

 

1PW_Fan takes the lead with embarrassing skill. Still, no one’s got a perfect score, yet.

 

Next time: Monthly recap, card for Way of the Healer 2010.

[MaxxHexx]

To me, it kinda looks like you made your roster look terrible with that last segment. All this time you are building up characters and such, and then you color guy proves he is better than your main eventers. Sure it was meant as comedy, but he made your heel stable back off with a glance, and your champ was on the ground crying after one shot...

 

Everything else was fine though.

[TheKenwyne]

February 2010 Recap

 

ZEN News:

 

The owner goals are still the same. 'Nuff said. Roster news is also short, with no new editions and nine month contract extensions for lower card heel Mirror Universe John Gordon and his manager Guru Vishni. Otherwise, internally, it's been a pretty boring month here at ZEN. Though boring by ZEN standards would make an exciting month at... ooh, USPW?... look absolutely, mind-numbingly, tearing-your-hair outingly shocking. Yeah. We're that awesome here.

 

Austrailian Wrestling News:

 

APW signed DIW tag team champ Warmonger to a PPA deal this month. Another big, charismatic brawler finds his way to Sports Entertainment Central, Oz. They also put on the show Big Night Out, in front of 1,000 people at a sold out Fuster Hall, scoring a C-, with Swoop McCarthy (predictably) carrying the show.

 

DIW lost Warmonger, because he didn't want to kill himself, and because he liked APW more. Good move, son. Asylum extended his deal with the promotion, though. Their show, Championship Bout, scored D in front of 149 people at Marv's Sport Centre. The Comedian was MVP.

 

RAW had a title change, with Captain Wrestling II and Kerry Wayne nabbing the tag team titles off Quiz Master and Quizzical Question Mark. Isaac Taylor and Manhunter resigned. RAW Attitude's four episodes all got D, and The Stars of Raw notched a D+, with Echo turning in performance of the night.

 

Other Wrestling News

 

SWF rose to Global this month. Cue Richard Eisen's power maddened celebratory dance.

 

Fan Feedback

 

To me, it kinda looks like you made your roster look terrible with that last segment. All this time you are building up characters and such, and then you color guy proves he is better than your main eventers. Sure it was meant as comedy, but he made your heel stable back off with a glance, and your champ was on the ground crying after one shot...

 

Stupid Smark. Go away. Nah, I kid . Aside from pointing out your technical mistake that it's actually not my champion on the floor crying, that's his lackey and tag team partner, I kinda agree with you. But hey, I'm the booker. I'm telling a story, and if I want my colour guy to become a monsterous destructo-machine he will do. If you're complaining about a colour guy, how about complaining about a psychotic clown with no wrestling skills tooling my tag team champs with custard pies? ZEN's not meant to make sense. Except to mad people. At least, MY ZEN dosen't.

 

And that brings another month to a close. But it also brings the curtain up on March, and with March, our next event. Card below, get predictin'/slagging off my appaling booking.

 

ZEN Way of the Healer 2010

American Nightmare vs. X-Calibre

Jimmy Stratosphere vs. Jester

C-W-A vs. Vertigo

Cyanide vs. Devilfish

Shaolin vs. Halloween Knight (Non Title)

Lone Shark vs. Necromancer

 

Card? Probably tomorrow, maybe Thursday. Really depends how time falls, because this was originally going up tomorrow, but got promoted because I'm bored. Predicitions will still give you that pivotal choice, which I can now say for nearly certain will be at ZEN Way of the Jester, the June card.

[Huntman]

American Nightmare vs. X-Calibre

Jimmy Stratosphere vs. Jester

C-W-A vs. Vertigo

Cyanide vs. Devilfish

Shaolin vs. Halloween Knight (Non Title)

Lone Shark vs. Necromancer

[MaxxHexx]

American Nightmare vs. X-Calibre He cheats to win. 'The Experience' debuts his 'change'.

Jimmy Stratosphere vs. Jester Jimmy needs a gimmick.

C-W-A vs. Vertigo He may be a clown with no skills, but have you ever been pied? Not a fun experience. It is at least believable.

Cyanide vs. Devilfish Lone Shark helps.

Shaolin vs. Halloween Knight (Non Title) Keep him strong, only way he could lose is by interference.

Lone Shark vs. Necromancer Build him up for his showdown with Halloween Knight