FTW - Burning Bridges All The Way To The Top

[Slagaholic]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v41/TheOne257/FTW/ftwbanner-1.jpg

 

CURRENT ROSTER

"Bulldozer" Brandon Smith

Davis Newton

Dino Ca$ino

"Island Boy" Apollo

Jack Griffith

"Ant-Man" Johnny Heizenger

Keith Vegas

Mark Snark

"Super Ninja" Ota

Paul Steadyfast

Philippe LaGrenier

Robbie Fire

Roderick Remus

Sammy The Shark

Thimbleby Langton

Thomas Morgan

Valentine

Wooten Fitzpaine

 

CHAMPIONS

FTW Heavyweight

Acid

Won: Carnage in the Coliseum 1

 

FTW Tag Team

The Good Ol Boys

Thimbleby Langton and Wooten Fitzpaine

Won: Carnage in the Coliseum 1

 

ALUMNI

None

 

EVENT VAULT

Carnage In The Coliseum 1

[Slagaholic]

Bird Droppings Podcast #12

 

Matt Sparrow: Ladies and Gents what you're about to hear is a bridge being burned to the ground. The upcoming interview is with a guy who was a hot prospect and was hand picked by Tommy Cornell and was trained by him personally. No it's not Wolf Hawkins. It's Robbie Fire. Don't know who he is? You're not the only one. Robbie's a Texas boy with a ton of talent, a good mind for the business, and an itchy trigger finger. A few months he was fired from TCW without ever even appearing on television for reasons that up until now were unknown. I've been a fan of Robbie Fire for a while now and caught a few of his indy matches up in Canada before he was snapped up by TCW and this kid has a lot of talent. The following is an interview I had with Robbie Fire just last night and is an opportunity to give his side of the story and explain how he met Mr. Cornell, what it was like to be trained by him, and what exactly happened to cause his firing from TCW.

 

-------------------------------------------------

 

Matt Sparrow: Hey there Robbie how are ya?

 

Robbie Fire: I'm great man. I've been freed from the Gestapo of pro wrestling and I'm a happy boy.

 

Matt Sparrow: Now...before we get into that how about we get into how you were discovered by Tommy Cornell and how you were brought into the fold in TCW.

 

Robbie Fire: I hadn't been a pro for very long when I started working dates. I hadn't even really had any formal training to be honest. I went up to Canada with fifty bucks to my name and sleeping in my car. I showed up at a 4C show and talked to Too Hot...

 

Matt Sparrow: Oh yeah? I didn't know about that. Jason's a good guy, I know he helped you out.

 

Robbie Fire: Hell yeah he is. He's a great guy. I offered him a bartering deal of sorts, I told him that I'd work as a ref for free, be part of the ring crew, and use some of my nursing training to perform some medic duties; in return he'd give me some training. I didn't ask for the whole shabang I just wanted to get some of the basics and to hang around the wrestlers and get a feel for the business. Hotty agreed and gave me a 3-week crash course.

 

Matt Sparrow: That sounds like him. Hell you could have gotten those 3-weeks if you said you'd be his personal hat holder. When did you start working with 4C?

 

Robbie Fire: Around August of 2008. It wasn't long before they had me working a few short matches to warm the crowd up. I asked Troy Winner if I could have someone tape my matches so I could get a look and find ways to improve ya know. He let me do it. So I stuck around 4C until the holidays started. I was a little homesick so I decided to head back state side for Christmas.

 

Matt Sparrow: And that's when you got the call.

 

Robbie Fire: Haha yeah that's when I got the call. Funny thing is I got it actually while I was watching SWF's Christmas Clash. I can't believe I paid good money for that pile cow dung. The phone rung, I picked up, and lo and behold its Kyle Rhodes. I think he's the best color guy around today. Kyle tells me that Tommy Cornell got his hands on the video of one of my dark matches from 4C. Apparently Tommy sends scouts all over the place to random shows. The scout saw me get squashed by Davis Newton and thought I had "it" whatever "it" is. But I wasn't going to question him. Kyle told me that Tommy wanted me to come out to the Cornell Estate and work out with him.

 

Matt Sparrow: Wow. Just from a video tape?

 

Robbie Fire: How do you think he found Hawkins? Tommy wasn't actually there. His scouts saw him wrestle and Tommy brought him in. Anyway, I show up at Cornell's place on New Years Day. I would like to add that all the financial problems TCW has been said to have been undergoing the last few years are not evident when you look at his house.

 

Matt Sparrow: Big place?

 

Robbie Fire: Ridiculous. First of all his mansion is on top of a mountain. The man has an olympic swimming pool that he's never used for chrissakes.

 

Matt Sparrow: Well Mr. Cornell is a fancy gentleman! What did you expect? A Hooverville?

 

Robbie Fire: I didn't expect him to live at a virtual mountain resort.

 

Matt Sparrow: Alright well what happened when you got there.

 

Robbie Fire: I met Tommy, Jenny, Tommy Jr, and Sam Keith was there as well. Now when Kyle told me he wanted me to work out with Tommy I didn't know he meant a 2 hour work out. Followed by an hour of simulated matches. Followed by a 5 mile run.

 

Matt Sparrow: Jeeze!

 

Robbie Fire: That's what I said! Well luckily I'm in pretty good shape and I kept up for the most part. Not gonna lie, I Felt The Force during some of the simulated matches. Tommy got a bit annoyed at my 5 minute long test of strength.

 

Matt Sparrow: Did you no-sell everything and trip over your leg tassles too?

 

Robbie Fire: I didn't feel the force that much! Well after the work out we sat down to a lovely Ploughman's Lunch. A half-loaf of bread, relish, raw onion, goat cheese, and washed down with a nice tall glass of warm lager.

 

Matt Sparrow: Yeck!

 

Robbie Fire: He eats that every single afternoon. But ya know I said screw it, this is Tommy Cornell we're talking about. I'll choke down the most disgusting lunch ever concieved if it gets me in his good graces.

 

Matt Sparrow: And did it?

 

Robbie Fire: He told me to report to the TCW School of Pro Wrestling 4AM the following morning. Mind you, I didn't have a place to sleep. I drove out Southern California in my two seater.

 

Matt Sparrow: Did he put you up for the night?

 

Robbie Fire: Hell no. I slept in my car in front of his mansion.

 

Matt Sparrow: Oof!

 

Robbie Fire: I heard the bastard lock his door.

 

Matt Sparrow: Wow!

 

Robbie Fire: Yeah I didn't mind it at all either. This is Tommy Cornell! I would have let him urinate on my face if it got me a job.

 

Matt Sparrow: So the next morning you start at the TCW School right?

 

Robbie Fire: I show up at 3:30 in the morning. No one's there. Not a soul. Finally at quarter to 6...

 

Matt Sparrow: Quarter to six!?

 

Robbie Fire: Quarter to frickin six. Brent Hill shows up. Looks at me and asks 'who the hell are you?'

 

Matt Sparrow: Oh man that's priceless.

 

Robbie Fire: I tell him who I am I tell him about Tommy telling me to be there at 4. Brent just starts laughing. He asks if I Tommy let me sleep in the guest bedroom. I tell him no. He says that Tommy must really like me then. At that moment I'm just so phyiscally and mentally exhausted that I don't give a damn if Tommy liked me of not.

 

Matt Sparrow: How was the training?

 

Robbie Fire: It wasn't too much. Same kind of workout I had at the Cornell Palace the day before.

 

Matt Sparrow: Was there anyone there that we'd know there?

 

Robbie Fire: On first day, it was just me. This whole thing had been some kind of elaborate hazing process that Tommy puts his new personal recruits through. I spent a couple of months training a couple times a week. Every once in a while Tommy would come in and give me a personal session.

 

Matt Sparrow: And how were those?

 

Robbie Fire: It was all about psychology and working the crowd. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't learn a helluva lot from Tommy. I'll say it right now. I still like Tommy and I root for TCW.

 

Matt Sparrow: All-in-all how was the TCW School of Pro Wrestling?

 

Robbie Fire: It wasn't all that bad, in fact I enjoyed it. I'm very grateful for the training I received.

 

Matt Sparrow: What was the worst part of your training at the TCW School of Pro Wrestling

 

Robbie Fire: The only part I absolutely hated was that I had to eat that terrible Ploughman's Lunch every. single. day. That was beyond torture.

 

Matt Sparrow: Alright Robbie we'll continue this conversation and get into the incident that got you fired from TCW on the next edition of the Bird Droppings Podcast.

 

Robbie Fire: A pleasure as always Matty.

[Slagaholic]

Bird Droppings Podcast #13

 

Matt Sparrow: Ladies and Gents, lets get down to the nitty gritty. Unlucky number thirteen. Will this be the final Bird Droppings Podcast? I'm here with Robbie Fire, and on the last BDPod you went over how you ended up becoming a member of the TCW family. Now we get into the causes behind the bitter divorce. How did it happen Robbie?

 

Robbie Fire: I had been there in the TCW School of Pro Wrestling for about 7 months. It was the same stuff every day. Tommy couldn't really teach me much more, and hell Brent Hill would let me teach the rookies sometimes when he didn't want to be there. I was ready. I was more than ready. I thought I was pretty damn good. Better than that slug Rocky Golden, that's for damn sure.

 

Matt Sparrow: Well you also aren't 6'7" with a neanderthal's jaw line either.

 

Robbie Fire: Speaking of which I thought the point of TCW was to separate itself from SWF, not put the title on guys hand picked from Richard Eisen's wank bank.

 

Matt Sparrow: There goes that job offer.

 

Robbie Fire: Good! I would rather have my eyes picked out by a gang of angry midgets than deal with that douche Rich Eisen.

 

Matt Sparrow: Finish burning this TCW bridge before we get to the SWF bridge!

 

Robbie Fire: Fair enough. I'd been there for a long time. I was good enough to be on TV. I knew it, Brent Hill knew it, Tommy knew it. I asked Tommy to just let me work a dark match, a house show or two, anything! I promised that I'd show him what I'm all about. So we were having one of our big all-day house shows in Vancouver. I got flown out there and told that I would work the early show against Brent Hill and the late show against Wolf Hawkins. If I did well I'd be staying with the roster.

 

Matt Sparrow: How could you screw that up?

 

Robbie Fire: I didn't screw it up. The first match with Brent Hill tore the house down. It damn well better have since we had had at least 50 matches together in the time I was training. I got to the back after the show and everyone was congratulating me patting me on the back. Ricky Dale Johnson told me that I was going to be a star. Kyle Rhodes gave me a hug. It was like a movie man. Then the late show came...

 

Matt Sparrow: Oh boy.

 

Robbie Fire: Alright look. I don't hate Andy err...Wolf Hawkins. I don't hate anyone in TCW. I don't hate Tommy. But I ended up as the fall guy to something that was completely not my fault.

 

Matt Sparrow: What happened?

 

Robbie Fire: Let me go back a bit earlier. Before the show I went up to Andrew and we wanted to go through spots and get a finish together. He looks at me with his sunkin little eyes and says "I pin you. That's all that you need to know." I didn't want to ruffle any feathers, I say alrighty and go about my business. Ray Johnson--a fantastic ref and a fellow Texan--comes up to me and asks me what the finish is. I told him "Wolf pins me," obviously that wasn't enough information. But that's all the info I had at the time!

 

Matt Sparrow: At this point do you think something's up?

 

Robbie Fire: I had no idea what was going on even making my way to the ring. I thought we were going to have the freedom to call it in the ring ya know? I was really confident that I could do it. Then Wolf Hawkins comes out. He looks all emo angry for some reason. I had no idea what got under his skin. The bell rang. And boom he hit me right in the jaw with a right cross.

 

Matt Sparrow: Oh boy.

 

Robbie Fire: To put it kindly. At first he thought he was just amped up, but then he hit me with this three punch combo that almost knocked me off my feet. At that point I'm pissed. I grab the ropes to get him off me so I can gather my thoughts for a second. Ray had to drag Hawkins off of me. I went at it with him again and again he starts stiffin the living christ out of me. Now look when I was working in 4C we would work stiff especially with Sayeed Ali for example. But this was beyond just working stiff. The bastard was trying to injure me. Wolf went after me again but this time I double legged him to the ground. I kept myself on top of him and asked Ray Johnson if he thought he was stiffing me, he said he wasn't sure. I let Wolf make a come back and he gave me a crazy hard clothesline to my throat.

 

Matt Sparrow: Uh oh.

 

Robbie Fire: Ray saw it and he checked on me, I asked him again if Drew was stiffing me. This time he didn't give me an answer. That's when I went nuts. Like I said, I don't mind working stiff, hell I prefer working stiff than like that fake looking crap but the prick went after my throat and I've seen many times how that can mess guys up for life.

 

Matt Sparrow: That's what happened to Action Jackson if I remember correctly.

 

Robbie Fire: Exactly. Wolf is a good mat wrestler, but I was all-city all four years in high school. I took him down again and started raining down fists to his face. Wolf started screaming "Stop! Stop! Get off me!" like a little bitch. I let him make another come back. And this time he kicks me straight in the gonads and knees me in the face, broke my nose.

 

Matt Sparrow: Jesus!

 

Robbie Fire: There was no stopping the beat down this time. I'm not going to lie, I don't remember everything that went on after that. That knee rang my bell pretty well. Next thing I remember is me holding Hawkins in a rear naked choke and Hawkins is out cold. I got up and looked at Ray. Ray looked like he had just saw a ghost. I knew I shouldn't cover him, who am I to pin Wolf Hawkins? I had no idea what to do next so I just started to play to the crowd. Suddenly Tommy Cornell and Sam Keith are running into the ring and they start beating the living hell out of me. The crowd was going absolutely nuts, mind you. Finally after all that hullabaloo I made it to the back. No one would look me in the face. I went right to Tommy's locker and waited for him to come back so I could explain just what happened in the ring. RDJ came up to me, looked at me in the eye and said "that was a big mistake." and walked away.

 

Matt Sparrow: What did Tommy say?

 

Robbie Fire: First I saw him screaming at Ray Johnson. Like it was his fault it happened. He went up to me and told me to back my bags, I'm going back to California.

 

Matt Sparrow: That's it?

 

Robbie Fire: If I was going to be fired I assumed he was going to tell me right then and there. Next day I flew back cross country to California. A week went by and no one called me. Not a soul. I knew Tommy and the crew were back home so I drove to the Chez de Cornell and tried to talk to Tommy. Jenny answered the door and said that Tommy was working out and couldn't talk to me. I was frickin' steaming man. So I asked Jenny if I should come back later or if I would get this same story every time I came by. She told me that Tommy was beyond peeved and I should probably start looking for other employment.

 

Matt Sparrow: I don't mean to sound like a parrot here but...that's it?

 

Robbie Fire: That's exactly how it went down. Ask anyone that's been fired from TCW, that's how they fire the young guys. You don't get booked, no one even calls you to show up, you try to talk to Tommy and Jennifer tells you you're fired. I wasn't even that mad that he fired me. I was mad that he blamed me and Ray Johnson for what happened and Wolf Hawkins didn't even get a finger wagged his way. I suppose if I spent 1/2 my time with Tommy's Cornell in my mouth I would still be working for TCW. Andrew Hawkins tried to hurt me in the ring, I choked him out in response, I get fired and the referee of the match gets suspended. Ridiculous.

 

Matt Sparrow: Well to be fair. Wolf Hawkins is TCW's Wonderkid.

 

Robbie Fire: God help that company if no one puts Hawkins in his place. He paid his dues but he got one helluva discount.

 

Matt Sparrow: Since your firing what have you been up to?

 

Robbie Fire: Well when I was fired from TCW with more than a year left on my deal it inacted a 90-day no compete clause so I've been at home training with a couple friends of mine.

 

Matt Sparrow: If my math is right that deal should be up come this February, correct? You've got to have a job in line for then, right?

 

Robbie Fire: I've got some irons in the fire. USPW contacted me about coming in but I was too busy laughing and hanging up the phone to hear the offer.

 

Matt Sparrow: Not sure you're their style.

 

Robbie Fire: I don't have a problem with them but I look at a guy like Darryl Devine who should be a star somewhere and he hasn't been in a program with anyone worth a damn since he got there. I'll pass on that.

 

Matt Sparrow: So what IS your plan? We know you aren't going to any of the big three. How about joining me in CZCW, eh?

 

Robbie Fire: I think I'm going to try to do something here in Texas.

 

Matt Sparrow: I can't seem to think of anyone who's still promoting down there these days...

 

Robbie Fire: I've got some irons in the fire.

 

Matt Sparrow: Guess we'll have to find out in the future. Thank you so much Robbie Fire for setting fire to the bridges to the three biggest promotions in the United States. Hopefully me having you on hasn't done the same to me.

 

Robbie Fire: Oh I would doubt that. You burnt those bridges long ago Matty.

 

Matt Sparrow: Quite true. Do you have any parting shots or final bridges to burn?

 

Robbie Fire: Hmm, yeah I got some final words: **** Wolf Hawkins. I choked that jealous little prick out.

[Hashasheen]

Robbie Fire: Hmm, yeah I got some final words: **** Wolf Hawkins. I choked that jealous little prick out.

 

... Proceed.

[Eidenhoek]

TBA is getting pushed too hard, man.

 

<_________________<

[Slagaholic]

... Proceed.

 

 

 

TBA is getting pushed too hard, man.

 

<_________________<

TBA is more deserving of the top spot than Wolf Hawkins.

[Slagaholic]

Bird Droppings Podcast #17

 

Matt Sparrow We've got a surprise for you all. A got a call from my good friend Robbie Fire and he has a very exciting announcement to make. Robbie! Whacha got for me?

 

Robbie Fire: I couldn't talk about this last time I was on the BDPod with ya since as was attached to TCW under that silly non-compete clause.

 

Matt Sparrow The surprise is...

 

Robbie Fire: I've made a couple of calls, called in some favors,

 

Matt Sparrow Who could possibly owe you a favor?

 

Robbie Fire: Ok Ok...I sold my car, my baseball card collection, and convinced my mom to take out a second mortgage on the house.

 

Matt Sparrow For what reason? Inquiring minds must know!

 

Robbie Fire: To make oh...say an investment

 

Matt Sparrow In what? In what?

 

Robbie Fire: A little thing I like to call...

 

Matt Sparrow GET ON WITH IT!

 

Robbie Fire: I'm opening a wrestling promotion.

 

Matt Sparrow Oh...really?

 

Robbie Fire: Yep.

 

Matt Sparrow Where the hell did you get the money for that?

 

Robbie Fire: I sold my car, my baseball card collection, and convinced my mom to take out a second mortgage on the house.

 

Matt Sparrow How much money did all that get you?

 

Robbie Fire: Enough. Trust me. Let me put it that way: I had a signed Jose Canseco Baseball Bat.

 

Matt Sparrow Whoa!

 

Robbie Fire: Exactly.

 

Matt Sparrow How are ya gonna advertise?

 

Robbie Fire: Oh I've got a few irons in the fire...

[Slagaholic]

Dirt Sheet Derby

 

TCW Broadcast Interrupted By Advertisement For Mystery Wrestling Company

 

GNN Total Sports are scrambling to find out who is responsible for the interruption of last night's edition of Total Wrestling. During the main event of the show in which the TCW World Heavyweight Title was on the line, Champion Rocky Golden was facing Wolf Hawkins. Just as Wolf Hawkins was climbing to the top rope to attempt a high risk maneuver, the picture went black. The words: NO COUNT OUTS. NO DISQUALIFICATIONS. PEDAL TO THE METAL. FULL THROTTLE WRESTLING. COMING SOON." appeared on the screen for a full 5 minutes while the reprise "Burn, burn, yes ya gonna burn" from the Rage Against the Machine song Bombtrack played on an endless loop. The original feed returned just in time to see a dazed Wolf Hawkins hoisted up by Rocky Golden into The Rack a move which he submitted from.

 

GNN Total Sports and TCW declined to comment when approached but sources inside TCW say that it they were not responsible for the disturbance. The sources also say that when TCW's owner Tommy Cornell was informed of just what had happened he fell to his knees screaming at the sky "Damn you Robbie Fire!!!" whilst shaking his fists wildly.

 

[...]

 

We can confirm now that Full Throttle Wrestling is indeed financed by former TCW School of Pro Wrestling trainee Robbie Fire, who was more than happy to answer any and all questions regarding Total Wrestling's broadcast interruption. When asked if he was personally responsible for what has been confirmed to be a hacking of GNN's satellite Fire responded by saying simply: "Heavens no!"

 

When asked more directly if he had any previous knowledge of the attack, he continued to declare his innocence: "Some guy must have heard my sob story about how I got fired from TCW on Matt Sparrow's Bird Droppings Podcast--on SparrowDroppings.net, new show every Wednesday, also available on iTunes--and that poor soul must have decided to take matters into his own hands, hacked GNN's satellite feed and advertised my promotion. Now am I grateful that we received such fantastic advertising, on a network that broadcasts on every nation in North America, on one of it's highest rated shows, cutting off one of Wolf Hawkins' silly missle dropkicks, and returning just in time to see him lifted in the air by Rocky and submitted? I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't. But I had absolutely nothing to do with it. And I will go on any and all media outlets that will have me and declare my innocence! I will start with tomorrow's edition of BDPod--on SparrowDroppings.net, new show every Friday, also available on iTunes"

[Hashasheen]

Dirt Sheet Derby

 

That... was not as good. You went from being a grudge-holding badass to a wanked avatar.

[Slagaholic]

Turn that frown upside down. Let the story develop my friend.

[Eidenhoek]

The sources also say that when TCW's owner Tommy Cornell was informed of just what had happened he fell to his knees screaming at the sky "Damn you Robbie Fire!!!" whilst shaking his fists wildly.

 

I think that sets the tone for this diary.

 

And I didn't think the avatar in the first two podcats was a badass. He sounded like as much a prick as Hawkins was. Didn't deal with things professionally at all. Yeah, Wolf was a dick. You don't CHOKE SOMEONE OUT like that.

 

You powerbomb them and break their neck

 

More seriously (ironically), I think it's clear that this diary is going to be a bit on the ridiculous side, kind of like...eh, a soap opera? Something of that melodrama.

[20LEgend]

Cool backstory I'm in.

[Slagaholic]

Bird Droppings #18

Matt Sparrow: Alright folks, the moment you've all been waiting for. A man who needs no introduction, Robbie Fire.

 

Robbie Fire: Hey there Matty! Happy to be there.

 

Matt Sparrow: You're the talk of the wrestling world today...or rather Full Throttle Wrestling is the talk of the wrestling world.

 

Robbie Fire: Ya know I wish it would be for legal reasons and more importantly for something that I did or had prior knowledge of it happening. But it's good to hear the word being spread irregardless.

 

Matt Sparrow: Now you know that here on BDPod we ask the tough questions.

 

Robbie Fire: And I always tells the truth.

 

Matt Sparrow: Before I get into my personal questions there are some questions I recieved via email to ask you. Here's the first: Did you see the incident on Total Wrestling last night?

 

Robbie Fire: I did not. At the time I was washing my hair.

 

Matt Sparrow: Question 2: Was what the advertisement said actually true? Full Throttle Wrestling will have no countouts and no disqualifications.

 

Robbie Fire: I can neither confirm nor deny that that is the case. What I can say is that during a brainstorming session those ideas were suggested.

 

Matt Sparrow: Can you share any other suggestions?

 

Robbie Fire: They were all so monumentally dumb that I won't embarass my creative team by disclosing any of them.

 

Matt Sparrow: Just an example.

 

Robbie Fire: Every match is an empty arena match.

 

Matt Sparrow: Does your creative team work for MOSC?

 

Robbie Fire: Zing!

 

Matt Sparrow: Wait a second...you have a creative team?

 

Robbie Fire: Does a Yahoo Chat Room count?

 

Matt Sparrow: No.

 

Robbie Fire: Then no I do not.

 

Matt Sparrow: Question 3 oh here's a good one: Have you spoken to Tommy Cornell lately?

 

Robbie Fire: Haven't talked to him since the Vancouver Screwjob.

 

Matt Sparrow: Gave it a name now have you?

 

Robbie Fire: T-Shirts are being printed up as we speak.

 

Matt Sparrow: I'm sure it'll be a hot seller...Now here's my question: Do you have any evidence that you were not involved?

 

Robbie Fire: I don't have to prove a damn thing. If Tommy and his team of lawyers want to try to go after me they are more than welcome. I had nothing to do with it and he can't prove that I was involved.

 

Matt Sparrow: Not saying I don't believe you but even you have to admit that it was spectacularly convienient, and that your public comments both before and after the incident seemed a little oh...thinly veiled.

 

Robbie Fire: I thought you were on my team Matty.

 

Matt Sparrow: First of all, I don't even have your screename. Second of all I'm on the BDPod team, that's the only team I'm on. I'm trying to get to the truth here, Robbie. I appreciate the shameless plugs and all but I don't plan on the BDPod becoming your personal mouthpiece. The fans want to hear the truth.

 

Robbie Fire: I don't expect this to be my personal mouthpiece. I'm sure your fans expect you to be fair and to work with real evidence.

 

Matt Sparrow: That's what I'm doing here Robbie. I'm just pointing out coincidences.

 

Robbie Fire: Don't point at me mister!

 

Matt Sparrow: What? Calm down. I'll drop it alright?

 

Robbie Fire: You better.

 

Matt Sparrow: Have you signed anyone yet?

 

Robbie Fire: Not just yet. But I've got my eye on a certain Mid Atlantic talent that I'd love to bring in.

 

Matt Sparrow: You're really going to visit Rip Chord?

 

Robbie Fire: Yes...what's so weird about that?

 

Matt Sparrow: He lives in the Alleghenies, Robbie.

 

Robbie Fire: Really?

 

Matt Sparrow: I've never been there, but I hear it's...different.

 

Robbie Fire: Eh can't be that bad. I'll just Google Map his place when I get home.

[Slagaholic]

Somewhere in the Allegheny Mountains...

 

Robbie Fire's pilgrimage to Rip Chord's mountain range has been much more difficult than he's expected. When the Google Maps print out said "climb mountain 2.3 mi" he didn't realize that it was for real. Finally once the mountain was successfully scaled, he looked around but saw nothing. Trees to the west, endless rocky fields to the east. Even more mountain to the north.

 

Robbie Fire: Hello!? I'm here to see Rip! Anyone here?

 

Robbie's cries echo back at him.

 

A hand touches his shoulder. Shocked, Robbie turns and is face to face with Mean Jean Cattley.

 

Mean Jean Cattley: Hello Robbie Fire.

 

Robbie looks around...there is nothing around them for at least another hundred yards.

 

Robbie Fire: Where did you come from?

 

Mean Jean Cattley: I come from the heart of the Gods of Wrestling.

 

Robbie Fire: O...K...Where's Rip?

 

Mean Jean slaps Robbie in the face.

 

Mean Jean Cattley: His name is Lord Chord.

 

Robbie Fire: Umm...k

 

Mean Jean Cattley: You wish to speak to Lord Chord?

 

Robbie Fire: Yes.

 

Mean Jean Cattley: We must ride these noble steeds to Lord Chord's Temple.

 

Robbie Fire: Alright...what noble steeds?

 

Mean Jean Cattley: The noble steeds behind you.

 

Robbie turns to see two large white stallions.

 

Robbie Fire: How did you...never mind.

 

Mean Jean Cattley: We must travel for 7 days and 7 nights to get to Lord Chord's Temple.

 

Robbie Fire: ****

 

Mean Jean's palm meets Robbie's face with jarring velocity and accuracy.

 

Mean Jean Cattley: Watch your mouth!

 

Robbie Fire: Cut that **** out!

 

Another hard smack.

 

Mean Jean Cattley: Watch. Your. Mouth. Boy.

 

Robbie Fire: Fine, fine, just stop with the slapping.

 

Mean Jean leaps upon his steed and leads the way.

 

Robbie Fire crawls atop his horse without an ounce of grace.

 

And away they rode into the sunset. Beginning their week long journey to meet Lord Chord, the Saviour of Professional Wrestling.

[Guest codey]

I wanna say that was a dream sequence, but I can't be sure...

 

Either way, hilarious. If you've ever seen the episode of Community with the trampoline, that's how I imagined it. Cattley was perfect as the racist janitor guy. But then again, no one probably knows what I'm talking about...

[Eidenhoek]

o_0

[Slagaholic]

I wanna say that was a dream sequence, but I can't be sure...

 

Either way, hilarious. If you've ever seen the episode of Community with the trampoline, that's how I imagined it. Cattley was perfect as the racist janitor guy. But then again, no one probably knows what I'm talking about...

 

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. That episode made me choke on a Dorito. Community is IMO one of the best shows on television and by far the funniest.

 

 

o_0

Sorry if I alienated you at all. Like you said before this diary is a bit on the ridiculous side. But don't worry it won't all be like this. Especially when I get to the shows.

[Slagaholic]

Seven Days and Seven Nights Later...

Finally the journey was over, Robbie's pilgrimage to the Temple of Lord Chord has finally all been made worth it. He and Mean Jean stand before Lord Chord's Domain. The Temple is painstakingly cut out of solid rock. An eight-foot high door of solid oak is all that separates Robbie from Lord Chord.

 

Mean Jean Cattley: Welcome to Lord Chord's Temple.

 

Robbie Fire: Really? It's this place? We passed here a thousand times. This is like one mile from where I met you.

 

Mean Jean Cattley: The pilgrimage is meant to purify.

 

Robbie Fire: A week without bathing is supposed to purify me? What kind of nutso made up that rule.

 

Mean Jean Cattley: Lord Chord spent seven days and seven nights circling his home on horseback after his final match. It purified him.

 

Robbie Fire: Did you ever consider that he just forgot where he lived thanks to Lord Jack Daniels?

 

SLAP

 

Mean Jean Cattley: Do not insult Lord Chord, you swine!

 

Robbie Fire: I'm gettin pretty tired of the slaps Mean Jean. That reminds me. Last night, did you...

 

Mean Jean Cattley: Come. He is expecting you.

 

Mean Jean knocks thrice upon the oaken door. It takes five men to pull the door open. A mighty creek is let out as it opens.

 

And there he was. Lord Chord. Seated upon a throne, surrounded by torches, with his minions groveling at his feet. The sound of drone-like chanting can be heard faintly.

 

Lord Chord: Enter, Robbie Fire. Kneel before me.

 

Robbie Fire: Yeah...Not going to do that.

 

Mean Jean Cattley: Kneel before Lord Chord!

 

Lord Chord: You dare disrespect me in my own house?

 

Robbie Fire: No disrespect. But I just spent a week riding a horse in circles. Not to mention that every night while he thought I was sleeping Mean Jean would stick his...

 

Lord Chord: Silence!

 

Mean Jean Cattley: Apologies Lord Chord. This one's a bit catty.

 

Robbie Fire: And you're a bit grabby.

 

Lord Chord: SILENCE!

 

Robbie Fire: Alright just stop with the yelling.

 

Lord Chord: You've come for an audience with Lord Chord. For what reason?

 

Robbie Fire: Robbie Fire wishes to sign one of your talents. If you will allow it of course.

 

Lord Chord: Whom do you wish to sign.

 

Robbie Fire: Brandon Smith, sir.

 

Lord Chord: I know not of who you speak of.

 

Robbie Fire: Brandon Smith? He's worked for you for like five years or something.

 

Lord Chord: You have wasted your time. There is no more Brandon Smith.

 

Robbie stares at Lord Chord in utter puzzlement.

 

Robbie Fire: He's right there. He's looking at me.

 

Lord Chord: That is not Brandon Smith.

 

Robbie Fire: Oh I get it, I get it. Real cute. The American Patriot.

 

Lord Chord: What about him?

 

Robbie Fire: [sigh] You don't have to be so difficult...

 

Lord Chord: You don't have to use climbing equipment to get off my mountain.

 

Robbie Fire: Good point. How about this: I wish to sign The American Patriot.

 

Lord Chord: The Mid Atlantic Champion? MY Mid Atlantic Champion?

 

Robbie Fire: Yes?

 

Lord Chord: I will not allow it.

 

Robbie Fire: Man...

 

Lord Chord: Unless...

 

Robbie Fire: Unless what?

 

Lord Chord: You must take someone else with him.

 

Robbie Fire: Yeah sure, fine. I'll take your son.

 

Jay Chord: Sorry broseph I wish to concentrate on my MAW career.

 

Casey Valentine: Me too.

 

Keith Vegas: Pick me! Pick me! Ooh! Ooh! Ooooooohhh! Pick me! Pick me! I'm ready for the big time baby!

 

Lord Chord: Very well. You must take Keith Vegas with you as well.

 

Keith Vegas: YAY!!!!!!

 

Robbie Fire: Who?

 

Keith Vegas: Me! Oh I'm so excited!

 

Robbie Fire: What the hell am I supposed to do with this thing?

 

Lord Chord: Get him over Robbie. Get him over.

 

Robbie Fire: Over on who? A gang of midgets?

 

Keith Vegas: I can rassle baby! I can do wristlocks, hammerlocks, arm bars, sleeper holds...

 

Robbie Fire: Seriously? I have to take him?

 

Keith Vegas: ...full nelsons, half nelsons, quarter nelsons, eighth nelsons...

 

Lord Chord: Yes Robbie Fire. Are you not up to the task?

 

Robbie Fire: No no I can do it. I think. You can't give me anyone else?

 

Keith Vegas: ...stretch plums, triangles, guillotines....

 

Lord Chord: Nope.

 

Keith Vegas: ...the canadian bum burner...

 

Robbie Fire: We know who taught you that one. I'm lookin' at YOU Mean Jean!

 

Keith Vegas: ..figure fours, cloverleafs, spinning toe holds...

 

Robbie Fire: SHUT UP ALREADY WE GET IT!

 

Keith Vegas: Yes sir. Sorry sir.

 

Robbie Fire: C'mon guys lets get outta here.

 

With Lord Chord's blessing and Ernest Forthdyke-Hume's spare monocle in hand. Robbie and his first two official signings began their 2 hour journey back to civilization.

 

Robbie Fire: Now is it just me or is that place weird?

 

Keith Vegas: If by weird you mean the greatest place on the planet earth, I'm with you, baby!

 

Robbie Fire: God help me...Can you even speak big guy? Are you crying?

 

Brandon Smith: Free. Finally free...

[Big Roguey]

Brandon Smith: Free. Finally free...

 

Best line EVAH! If this is gonna be as funny as it has been, count me in for the ride.

 

Eighths Nelsons baby!

[Guest codey]

Haha, love Valentine and Jay's responses to you wanting to hire them. That, and the fact that Rip made you take Big KV with him!

[Eidenhoek]

Heh. Loved the negotiation process.

[Slagaholic]

Bird Droppings Podcast #23

 

Matt Sparrow: We have a very, very special guest here on tonight's BDPod. You are not going to believe this one folks. He was one of the subjects of the most downloaded Bird Dropping of all time. He is a former TCW All Action and TCW International champion. He came in contact with me wishing to set the record straight about his real life feud with Robbie Fire. Lady and Gentlemen, Wolf Hawkins.

 

Wolf Hawkins: Hello.

 

Matt Sparrow: Before we get into the nitty gritty here, how are you Wolf?

 

Wolf Hawkins: Tired. Just got off a flight from...Boston I think?

 

Matt Sparrow: You sound a little tired there Wolf.

 

Wolf Hawkins: East coast swing is always hard dude.

 

Matt Sparrow: Yeah I remember those days at the end at RPW. So let me ask you a question there Wolf. What do you think about Robbie Fire?

 

Wolf Hawkins: I don't think about him. I've been too busy working main events for the best promotion on the planet earth to deal with his petty bull****.

 

Matt Sparrow: Why did you want to come on the BDPod.

 

Wolf Hawkins: Because I'm a fan.

 

Matt Sparrow: Thank you.

 

Wolf Hawkins: And I heard that story Robbie Fire or rather Robbie Sheckler told you and there were details he neglected to add and some details he out and out lied about. I'm here to set the record straight.

 

Matt Sparrow: Set it straight for us!

 

Wolf Hawkins: You got it. First of all, he wasn't trained byTommy Cornell. I was trained by Tommy Cornell, no one else. Tommy brought him along for a workout that doesn't mean he trained him.

 

Matt Sparrow: To be fair he said Tommy gave him some one-on-one training.

 

Wolf Hawkins: Tommy gives every trainee some one-on-one time! He wasn't anything special.

 

Matt Sparrow: Interesting.

 

Wolf Hawkins: And that crap he spewed about teaching other rookies? I don't know where he got that from. I asked Brent Hill about it and he looked at me like I had seven eyes and three heads. Think about it Matt: why would a wrestling school allow a trainee to teach other trainees anything? At the time he had worked what? Nine, ten matches in front of an actual crowd? If you even want to call the ingrates that useless company in canada.

 

Matt Sparrow: Hey now...4C is a quality company man.

 

Wolf Hawkins: Silly spot fests in front of 75 drunkards is not my cup of tea, sorry.

 

Matt Sparrow: Back on subject...

 

Wolf Hawkins: You mean Robert Sheckler's castle of lies? Sure thing.

 

Matt Sparrow: I have to ask: did you really have to eat a Ploughman's Lunch every single day?

 

Wolf Hawkins: Yes, and they are delicious, nutritious, and are the foundation to a healthy diet.

 

Matt Sparrow: I'm surprisingly not surprised at that answer.

 

Wolf Hawkins: What's that supposed to mean?

 

Matt Sparrow: Cool down man.

 

Wolf Hawkins: I'm worked up Matt. I'm tired of getting tweets from fans regurgitating lies.

 

Matt Sparrow: Well set the record straight, did stiff Robbie Fire and did he choke you out?

 

Wolf Hawkins: **** yes, and **** no. Another fact that was magically forgotton was that after his match with Brent Hill--which might I add was not awful but that's because Brent Hill is one of the best in the biz but it wasn't nearly the Rudy moment that Robbie made it out to be. Anywho, after the match. This horse's *** grabs a microphone from the ring announcer and cut a 10 minute promo proclaiming himself as the future of pro wrestling, the future greatest wrestler in the world.

 

Matt Sparrow: Whoa! Didn't hear about that.

 

Wolf Hawkins: Yes. I didn't mind him throwing the entire show out of whack, cutting into the main event time as we had a hard out at 10PM, but worse he ruined the crowd for the rest of the night! When you go to a TCW show, do you want to see a nobody yapping for 10 minutes about how great he is and how he's the future, after a match that he LOST?

 

Matt Sparrow: No, I don't think I would.

 

Wolf Hawkins: Exactly!

 

Matt Sparrow: And about you getting choked out?

 

Wolf Hawkins: Never ****ing happened! I've been choked out a few times before, and I can give you names and dates on when it happened. When I heard that I couldn't help but laugh. But then I saw that people actually took that mess seriously and I couldn't believe it. Here's what really happened: I stiff him a bit because of the promo that ruined the show the night before. I didn't try to injure him, I tried to let him know that he's a nobody. He got his panties all in a bunch and puts me in the most half-assed rear naked choke ever. I wasn't choked out, I was annoyed. Tommy saw things getting out of control so he and Sam came out to the ring to end the debacle.

 

Matt Sparrow: Wow that's a totally different story there Wolf.

 

Wolf Hawkins: The truth usually looks totally different from the rantings of a mad man.

 

Matt Sparrow: What about what happened backstage? Ray Johnson getting blamed.

 

Wolf Hawkins: Ray Johnson got yelled at because he was responsible for keeping things under control. In TCW our refs carry much more responsibility than other promotions. We work tough and sometimes things get out of hand, which is why our refs are meant to keep the matches on pace and on track. I got yelled at too for the knee. I'll admit that was a bit much, you don't mess with people's heads, and if I ever work another match with Mr. Sheckler I won't mess with his head. Robbie didn't get yelled at because he was and still is for all intents and purposes a child. He didn't deserve Tommy Cornell's precious time. He deserved the boot and that's just what he got.

 

Matt Sparrow: Thank you Wolf Hawkins for setting the record straight. Any last words?

 

Wolf Hawkins: Yes. We're coming to The Ranch in San Antonio next week Robbie, that's your neck of the woods. You are more than welcome to buy a ticket and watch me wrestle in front of a crowd that's bigger than every show FTW ever will draw, combined.

[Slagaholic]

There's only one more piece of backstory after this one and then we get to our first show. Sorry it's been delayed I fell into a little job and that took up the past week or so of my life. I'm done now so I can put more focus on this.

[Eidenhoek]

For me, you've built up a hella lot of heels (real-life heels, but heels none-the-less). So my question is, who am I supposed to care about? Why am I reading this diary?

 

That said, I will continue reading the diary. I just hope you (quickly) give me someone to like.

[Slagaholic]

Dirtsheet Derby

 

Wolf Hawkins' Challenge Answered With...Fliers?

 

Before last night's live edition TCW Total Wrestling at the The Ranch in San Antonio, there were rumblings that FTW owner Robbie Fire would indeed respond to the challenge made by Wolf Hawkins to show up at the event, and what he would do if he did. Robbie Fire was at The Ranch, but he did not buy a ticket. He along with two protegés of wrestling great Rip Chord: Brandon Smith and Keith Vegas opened up shop just outside of the building signing autographs and handing out thousands of fliers. This was the culmination of a papering campaign that has spread through all of western and central Texas. Word is that Robbie Fire has assembled a roster for and the fliers are to advertise the inaugural show.

 

[...]

 

A fan who was at the Total Wrestling show, sent us an email containing the contents of the flier's content:

 

Finally a True Alternative...

FULL THROTTLE WRESTLING

January 29th at the West Texas Coliseum

 

Come and see...

 

FTW Heavyweight Championship Four-Man Tournament

Robbie Fire vs "Super Ninja" Ota

 

"Southern Justice" Jack Griffith vs Paul Steadyfast

 

FTW Tag Team Championship Ladder Match

The Good Ol' Boys (Thimbleby Langdon/Wooten Fitzpaine)vs The Bookmakers (Sammy The Shark/Dino Ca$ino)

 

"Bulldozer" Brandon Smith will take on not one but two competitors!

 

Roderick Remus vs Philippe LaGrenier

 

"Island Boy" Apollo and "Ant-Man" Johnny Heizenger vs The Canadian Gunners (Davis Newton/Thomas Morgan)

 

Dazzling Dave Diamond makes his homecoming!