theaddicane Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Dana White takes to the podium. "Woah. Brock got his ****in' head kicked in. That was ****in' awesome. Cain is a beast. Tito is a bitch. How ****in' great is the UFC?" General Applause. "I see UFC 116 as a turning point for the company. Cain is our new champion. Brock is already in the woods. We're calling Cain "The Terminator". So that's "Cain "The Terminator" Velasquez". Any questions? Journalists raise hands. "Guys, I'm glad you've all helped the UFC to where we are now, but you can suck my d**k and keep your questions to yourself. Are you kidding me? I wasn't being ****ing serious about asking questions. It's like when I called out that journalist - I was ****ing joking and you can all suck my ****in' d**k." The journalists are pleased, typically, with Dana. Now, I've got a new printer at home so I've been able to print out a few documents regarding the roster, because half of you journalists and referees and judges are ****in' morons who couldn't fight their way out of the rear naked choke from my ****in' grandmother - and she's dead. So **** you. Again, thanks for being here, the UFC is nothing without you guys. Now these rosters are up to date up to the present day of November 2010... Journalist: (Interrupts) "Err, is it November 2010?" "Yeah, it ****in' is. You got a problem with that? Then you go out into the cage and fight the ****in' Terminator, ok? You're a moron who knows ****in' **** all about the UFC and MMA so suck my c**k. I printed these out based on my datasbase on WMMA 2. Yeah, I book my UFC on WMMA - you got a problem with that? Then ****in' fight Cain Velasquez and prove me wrong. Yeah. Journalist: (Interrupting Again) "Err, is UFC going to use WMMA 3?" "Look, I'll tell you what I tell every other ****in' moron who asks me a question. Do you want to see UFC spending money on WMMA 3 or do you wanna see some ****in' fights, man? We're doing it how we always do it: on WMMA 2. Except for when we did it on WMMA 1 then the sequel came out. "Anyway, read these pages and stay tuned as we have some big announcements about upcoming shows. Peace out. Praise Allah. Tito is a bitch. Amen." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theaddicane Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 State of the UFC Divisions Lightweight CHAMPION: FRANKIE "THE ANSWER" EDGAR (13-1) 2. BJ Penn (15-7) 3. Gray Maynard (10-8) 4. Kenny Florian (13-5) 5. Sean Sherk (36-4) 6. Evan Dunham (11-1) 7. Takanori Gomi (31-6) 8. Jim Miller (18-2) 9. Tyson Griffin (14-4) 10. George Sotiropolous (13-2) Welterweight CHAMPION: GEORGES "RUSH" ST PIERRE 2. Jon Fitch (23-3) 3. Thiago Alves (17-7) 4. Jake Shields (26-4) 5. Josh Koschek (15-4) 6. Martin Kampmann (17-4) 7. Carlos Condit (16-5) 8. Dan Hardy (23-8) 9. Matt Hughes (45-7) 10. Jake Ellenberger (23-5) Middleweight CHAMPION: ANDERSON "THE SPIDER" SILVA 2. Chael Sonnen (25-11) 3. Nate Marquart (30-9) 4. Damien Maia (13-2) 5. Vitor Belfort (19-8) 6. Yushin Okami (25-5) 7. Michael Bisping (20-3) 8. Wanderlei Silva (33-10) 9. Alan Belcher (16-6) 10. Dan Miller (12-4) Light-heavyweight CHAMPION: MAURICIO "SHOGUN" RUA 2. Lyoto Machida (16-1) 3. Rashad Evans (15-1) 4. Rampage Jackson (30-0) 5. Forrest Griffin (17-6) 6. Ryan Bader (12-0) 7. Jon Jones (11-1) 8. Atonio Rogerio Noguiera (19-4) 9. Randy Coture (19-10) 10. Rich Franklin (26-5) Heavyweight CHAMPION: CAIN "THE TERMINATOR" VELASQUEZ 2. Brock Lesnar (5-2) 3. Junior Dos Santos (12-1) 4. Shane Carwin (12-1) 5. Frank Mir (14-5) 6. Antonio Rogerio Noguiera (32-6) 7. Roy Nelson (15-5) 8. Brendan Schaub (7-1) 9. Ben Rothwell (31-7) 10. Mirko Fillopovic (27-8) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theaddicane Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 Dana stops handing out his cheap printouts for a second and goes back to the stage. "Woah, sorry guys, I was so ****in' stoned I forgot that there's been loadsa shows since Cain won the title. It's 122 up next. I should know, I've got the card written down on a piece of paper somewhere in my office. Why didn't someone ****in' say something to me? I looked a prick. Whatever, the UFC is ****in' strong as **** and we've got it all coming your way." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theaddicane Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 Dana opens a fresh press conference. "In a few weeks, it's going to be UFC 122. Now, we all know that scheduled there is Okami vs Marquart. Well, **** that, no one wanted to see Okami vs Marquart. So instead we've got Georges St. Pierre taking on Josh Koschek for the UFC Welterweight Title. I'm also proud to announce that Baby Jay is moving up to Welterweight for the show. I've been wanting him to stretch his legs somewhere other then the Lightweight division for a while. All going well, he will face GSP in the future and wont quit on his stool again. But he probably will. Anyway, he's got the wrestling machine Jake Sheilds in the co-main event. You want more then that? Well here's the rest of the card. Prior to the show I'll have more details on 123 but I'd like to announce now that Frankie "The Answer" Edger is going to fight Gray "The Bully" Maynard in a fight for the UFC Lighweight Championship. Also on the line is the potential for little Frankie to get respected as a title holder." UFC 122: St. Pierre vs Koschek 2 UFC Welterweight Championship: Georges "Rush" St. Pierre vs Josh Koschek BJ Penn vs Jake Sheilds Matt Hamill vs Little Nog Roy Nelson vs Brendan Schaub Yushin Okami vs Michael Bisping --PRELIMS-- Chad Corvin vs Chris Turshener Alexander Gustaffson vs Jared Hammann Aaron Simpson vs Drew McFedries Anthony Walberger vs Anthony Johnson Charles Olivera vs Andrew Winner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theaddicane Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 Breaking Gossip: The UFC is said to be in contact with 3 talents in the MMA world. 2 Heavyweights and one Bellator fighter are said to be in negotiations. More as it comes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingarob Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Enjoying it so far, very funny stuff! UFC Welterweight Championship: Georges "Rush" St. Pierre vs Josh Koschek BJ Penn vs Jake Sheilds Matt Hamill vs Little Nog Roy Nelson vs Brendan Schaub Yushin Okami vs Michael Bisping --PRELIMS-- Chad Corvin vs Chris Turshener Alexander Gustaffson vs Jared Hammann Aaron Simpson vs Drew McFedries Anthony Walberger vs Anthony Johnson Charles Olivera vs Andre Winner Interested to see who the fighters you're negotiating with are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damonster Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 UFC Welterweight Championship: Georges "Rush" St. Pierre vs Josh Koschek BJ Penn vs Jake Sheilds Matt Hamill vs Little Nog Roy Nelson vs Brendan Schaub Yushin Okami vs Michael Bisping --PRELIMS-- Chad Corvin vs Chris Turshener Alexander Gustaffson vs Jared Hammann Aaron Simpson vs Drew McFedries Anthony Walberger vs Anthony Johnson Charles Olivera vs Andre Winner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BYU 14 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 UFC Welterweight Championship: Georges "Rush" St. Pierre vs Josh Koschek BJ Penn vs Jake Sheilds Matt Hamill vs Little Nog Roy Nelson vs Brendan Schaub Yushin Okami vs Michael Bisping --PRELIMS-- Chad Corvin vs Chris Turshener Alexander Gustaffson vs Jared Hammann Aaron Simpson vs Drew McFedries Anthony Walberger vs Anthony Johnson Charles Olivera vs Andre Winner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dublin Sky Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 UFC Welterweight Championship: Georges "Rush" St. Pierre vs Josh Koschek BJ Penn vs Jake Sheilds Matt Hamill vs Little Nog Roy Nelson vs Brendan Schaub Yushin Okami vs Michael Bisping --PRELIMS-- Chad Corvin vs Chris Turshener Alexander Gustaffson vs Jared Hammann Aaron Simpson vs Drew McFedries Anthony Walberger vs Anthony Johnson Charles Olivera vs Andre Winner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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