km007 Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 http://i559.photobucket.com/albums/ss39/Kamchatka863/HWA2.jpg We all have that moment where we sit back, sigh, and think to ourselves “What am I doing here?” For some of us, that moment comes after a day of teaching middle schoolers where they attempted to perform the cinnamon challenge during homeroom. For some of us, it happens when you change one radio station from “Call Me Maybe” to a 2 Chainz song and your gun and whiskey are in the back seat. And for one of us, it occurs in a portable trailer that houses the entity that is the Harlem Wrestling Alliance. The HWA, founded by former Boston College Quarterback Warren Young in the late 1970’s, was at least two decades before its time. It also featured quite possibly the worst wrestling ever. It had a racist white cop, a man that had been shot seven times, and a flamboyantly gay man on the roster. Needless to say, the HWA didn’t last long… Until Lee Bambino and Xavier Reckless came into some money, that is. A little over thirty years after the promotion closed, Bambino and Reckless purchased the rights to the HWA from a senile and broke Young. Why would they buy the name of a failed and defunct organization? They still haven’t told me. Needless to say, those two have made it their mission to pick up where the old HWA left off…what that actually entails, no one can say for certain. Where do I come in to the equation? I’m a suspended with pay teacher that told the kids that the cinnamon challenge is bad…but the saltine cracker, gallon challenge, ipecac, and one hundred cracked coconuts are worse. You can see where this is going. I literally stumbled upon Lee and Xavier trying to figure out how their portable worked and decided to lend a hand. They made me head booker of this wrestling thing. Not because of my creativity, but because I’m good at handling children in small spaces. Did I just Sandusky myself? Too soon? Probably. But they want me to make sure the guys stay out of trouble… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
km007 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Share Posted July 4, 2012 Speaking of the guys, this is who I’m working with. I had to play catch up so my notes are combination of first impressions and internet ramblings… Fearless Blue – He’s athletic and hates when I call him Turkleton. Extreme Deluxe – “When it comes to safety, if he was a fire alarm there would be no handle to pull. What I’m saying is, someone will die.” - Everyone Xavier Reckless – He’s the best wrestler in the HWA…which is like being the tallest midget. Brimstone – He also likes to hurt people. And not in the "I'm mean and a bully sort of way." More like the "I'm incompetent kind." Ant-Man – All that power goes to waste when the entire roster is lightweight spot monkeys. Jebediah – NOW that power comes in handy. Super Sonic – Will a redneck get over in New York? No. The answer is no. Mad Dog Mortimer – “…he’s a veteran influence?” – positives of Mad Dog Mortimer Pyromaniac – In case things don’t go well, we have our insurance fraud scheme already cooked up…PUNS. Daredevil Aero – If Fearless Blue had a cousin created via incest, it would probably be Daredevil Aero. Weird Waldo Odlaw – I just don’t like this guy. Murderous Mikey – Looks menacing. Weird fact: loves classical music and hand puppets. Trauma – Sucks. Zachary Inc – A virgin lasts longer having sex than Mr. Inc lasts in a ring…not having sex. Lee Bambino – Best Boss Ever! R.M. Stones – Someone competent. Kali Fornia – Someone said she looks like a pornstar. I can neither confirm nor deny such allegations. Me – I stand outside because the temperature is better than the building we wrestle in and the shack I work in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZMAN Posted July 4, 2012 Share Posted July 4, 2012 I've thought about doing HWA. I was going to have it be vulgar as hell. Topless chicks wrestling, gang fights, racism, stabbings, etc. If you do this, I'll be grateful. GL though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
km007 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Share Posted July 4, 2012 So Lee called me into his office because he wanted to talk about the future of the HWA. When he says future, he thinks years from now. I’m thinking the HWA has a shelf life of two months. Anyways, we have to have gained more popularity than we have now (We’ll find a way to fail), can’t fall lower than last in the promotion rankings (See last goal), and we can’t hire anyone over the age of 40 or people that don’t have the basics in resilience or charisma (One of these things is not like the other…). Under these rules, Extreme Deluxe, Jebediah, Mad Dog Mortimer, and Pyromaniac could find themselves out of a job. But I’m sure their brethren will be right behind them when we fold. On the bright side, I don’t think anyone is going to come poach our workers. But that’s only because they suck. Hard. But onto the positives! Checks aren’t bouncing yet! But seriously, that’s huge. And our first show is set for the fourth Friday in January: HWA 187. Aptly named because all our wrestlers are killers in the ring. Quite literally. At this event you will see... Extreme Deluxe vs. Somebody on the roster! If I don’t advance book them, they can’t miss the show! Smart, right??? Daredevil Aero vs. Pyromaniac! What could possibly go right? Trauma vs. Ant-Man! People want to see this match. Trauma: Breakout Wrestling Star of the 21st Century. & Jebediah vs. Murderous Mikey! If one of them dies in the ring, do I get the insurance payout or am I paying the family? This is imperative to know. All Matches contested under hardcore rules unless stated otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
km007 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Share Posted July 4, 2012 I've thought about doing HWA. I was going to have it be vulgar as hell. Topless chicks wrestling, gang fights, racism, stabbings, etc. If you do this, I'll be grateful. GL though. Love the HWA. Did a write up with them for TEW 2007 with the mod and loved it (http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26762) Wondered what it would look like in the modern era. It will be interesting... First show will be posted tomorrow at some point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
km007 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 HWA: 187 Held at: The Weston Gymnasium Attendance: 11 All Matches contested under hardcore rules unless stated otherwise. The show starts with Xavier Reckless in the back trying to find the perfect song on his Walkman to warm-up with. Being preoccupied by replacing “Rack” with “Reck” in the song “Rack City,” Reckless bumps into Extreme Deluxe who does not take the notion kindly. Deluxe: “Hey, hey dawg hey. You scuffed my sneaks man. You know how long I waited in line to get these Yeezy’s? I had to wait with your people man.” Reckless: “…What do you mean ‘your people?’…” Bambino: “Guys guys cool down. I have a show to promote, I can’t have two of my big stars fighting backstage. Fans would never see that. Wait…I’m having an epiphany…We need fans. You two are wrestling later tonight. That’ll put a lot of asses in the seats. And I’ll put the title on the line! The winner will be the King of New York…in New Jersey! Guys? Guys…? Where’d you go…?” Notes: No one cares. Jebediah vs. Zachary Inc Jebediah wins in 6:29 with a Sundown Splash. Notes: The crowd isn’t impressed with an Amish man. That’s soooo 2006. Zachary Inc on the other hand was told he could eat an entire bag of dicks. I hope no one introduces Inc to bath salts… Ant-Man is seen in the back working out. “Look at these pecs! And my delts! I love getting my swoll on before hitting the ring. Look at these guns! Pew! Pew! I shouldn’t even wrestle. What if I got hurt? What would the women do? Will somebody please think of the women!?! Eat your heart out Pacino.” “What the **** did we just watch…?” Notes: People passed out from the boredom. Ant-Man vs. Trauma Ant-Man wins in 5:32 with the Antidote. Notes: Ever seen eleven people chant “Die Trauma Die?” I have. Xavier Reckless is seen onstage (And by on stage, I mean a bleacher. And he doesn’t even have a microphone because there are so few people in attendance.) "Apparently I’m fighting Extreme Deluxe later this evening. So you have the fire spitter, the flesh welder, and the ring melter versus the guy who models the clothes over at the homeless shelter? Look at him people. He was born with a long ass neck like he’s constantly looking for something. He’s basically what happens when a walrus rapes a Jewish guy but the genetics won’t unify with one another. You should have stayed in the backyard Extreme. Or hell, the basement so even nature wouldn’t be subjected to your face." Notes: We need to script interviews for Reckless. He was another sentence away from saying Deluxe was liable for the attack on the USS Cole. (Kidding. Reckless doesn’t even know what that means.) Daredevil Aero vs. Pyromaniac Daredevil Aero wins in 6:12 with an Aerosault. Notes: No one was impressed. No one. Kalia Fornia handed out one t-shirt to a fan, dropped it, and spent almost four minutes bent over picking it up. Notes: Highest rated segment in HWA history, a time period that stretches into the 1970’s! Extreme Deluxe vs. Xavier Reckless for the King of New York Championship (Contested in New Jersey) Xavier Reckless wins in 8:20 with a Slingshot DDT. He was crowned the first King of New York Champion. Notes: Hey. Hey Extreme Deluxe. You’re abysmal. End of show notes: Oy. Vey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
km007 Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 Our Prestige shot up .2%! And our popularity is now at .4%!!!!!! We…we made money? Who would sponsor us? I…I don’t…I need to lay down. The HWA is proud to announce that they have signed two randomly generated workers, Michael Pyle and Randall Long. Pyle will be known as Surgeon General while Long works under his own name for the time being. Pyromaniac and Brimstone almost came to blows… HWA: Angry Black Man on an Elevator All matches contested under hardcore rules unless stated otherwise. Murderous Mikey vs. Weird Waldo Odlaw Nothing I can write here would make you want to see this match. Mad Dog Mortimer vs. Randall Long The rookie gets a go with the veteran! Surgeon General vs. Jebediah The other rookie takes on the monstrous Amish man. Brimstone vs. Trauma Moving on… Pyromaniac vs. Xavier Reckless Defense number one of the King of New York Championship Fearless Blue vs. Zachary Inc. Clash of styles. One wears skinny jeans, the other Affliction shirts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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