SWF - The New Kid from Nowhere

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After days of wondering whether I should upgrade from TEW 2008 to TEW 2010 at least a month ahead of TEW 2013's release, I took the plunge. No, I wasn't drinking, and yes, I respect those in the "small questions" thread who advised me to hold off until Adam releases the 2013 edition.

 

Still, I couldn't resist the temptation. The 2008 version really had a hold on me, but 2010 seems so much better...for now.

 

That said, here's my first attempt at an SWF diary. Really huge thanks to James Casey for writing a really engaging and compelling SWF diary, it's been a huge inspiration and while there may be a few similarities, all of them are coincidental. (Won't name any of them yet so as not to give out spoilers.) Also to Bigpapa42 for the tips I read on the 2008 general discussions...and for being another great diary writer and inspiration. That's basically what I've been doing the past few days when I'm not working - experimenting on TEW 2008/(just now) 2010 and reading diaries.

 

The title is "The New Kid from Nowhere", in reference to the lead character, whom I shall introduce in the next post...

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Introduction:

 

The name "Brian Candido" is actually one of the pseudonyms I've used as a freelance writer - it is not my real name in any way, shape or form. Lest you mistake it as a cross between Brian Christopher and Chris Candido (RIP), it is not, although it might as well be. It is a tribute to one of my late father's favorite musicians (and mine too), Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys, and a Holden Caulfield-esque character named Candido from the short story "Candido's Apocalypse" by Nick Joaquin - the story was written in the '60s by one of the Philippines' greatest literary figures.

 

In this diary, I shall be playing the role of Brian, a 31-year-old man who had migrated from the Philippines to California and ended up making a living as a freelance writer...and playing music for peanuts as a drummer of a '60s garage rock-influenced band. (Which is, what I actually do, though my bands don't get paid a centavo for gigs - pretty much the norm in our independent/underground scene, unfortunately.) On a lark, he had applied for a vacancy as head booker for the SWF - and to his surprise, he was chosen for the job despite the fact he was up against some tough, experienced competition. Here we shall follow the story of Brian Candido, the New Kid from Nowhere, and how he proved to be no slouch after all (I hope) as the SWF's head booker and talent coordinator.

 

WARNING - This diary contains occasional utterances of (censored) profanity and the main character may turn into a "Gary Stu" - an overly idealized male fictional character - at some points. As I am a smoker (though trying to quit) and a drinker in real life, our hero is not going to be anything close to Squeeky McClean, and you may see a few (and I mean a select few) of your SWF favorites lighting up at one point or another. Any feedback or reactions will be very much welcome.

 

Hope you enjoy the diary!

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I actually had some stuff written over the past few days, but it's 5:17 a.m. Manila time and I need to hit the sack. Will copy-paste those as soon as I'm up. In the meantime, here's the initial SWF lineup...

 

 

MAIN EVENTERS:

 

Vengeance (H)

Remo (H)

Christian Faith (F)

Jack Bruce (F)

Rich Money (F)

Eric Eisen © (H)

Marat Khoklov (H)

 

UPPER MIDCARDERS:

Steve Frehley (F)

Brandon James (H)

Angry Gilmore (H)

Lobster Warrior (F)

Joe Sexy (H)

Squeeky McClean (H)

Runaway Train (H)

 

MIDCARDERS:

Frederique Antonio Garcia (H)

Kurt Laramee (H)

Valiant © (F)

Big Smack Scott (H)

Jungle Lord (F)

Paul Huntingdon (H)

Marc DuBois (H)

Gregory Black (F)

Jack Giedroyc © (F)

Enforcer Roberts (H)

Robbie Retro (F)

 

LOWER MIDCARDERS:

Randy Bumfhole (F)

Captain Atomic (F)

American Machine (F)

Zimmy Bumfhole (F)

Everest (H)

Brett Biggz (F)

 

OPENERS:

Akima Brave (H)

Shady K (H)

Bart Biggz (F)

Kid Toma (H)

 

JOBBERS, ER...ENHANCEMENT TALENTS:

Knuckles (H)

John Greed (H)

 

VALETS/MANAGERS:

Hannah (F)

Jessie (F)

BJ O'Neill (F)

Dawn the Cheerleader (F)

 

ANNOUNCERS/COLOR COMMENTATORS:

Duane Fry (F)

Peter Michaels (F)

Jerry Eisen (F)

Emma Chase (H) - I should have changed her push to Manager right off the bat, but I'll prolly have her do color commentary early on (at When Hell Freezes Over, I guess) while serving as Brandon James' manager.

 

REFEREES:

Ric Young

Shane Stones

Darren Smith

 

AGENTS:

Pat Deacon

Marcus McKing

Chief Two Eagles

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Okay, let's get this thing going!

 

Italics would refer to events not in the POV of the lead character. Again, feel free to chime in with any feedback!

 

SWF SUPREME TV - TUESDAY, JANUARY 5, 2010

 

Mayor Street Arena

 

Biggz Boyz vs Death Row (Dark)

Randy Bumfhole vs Paul Huntingdon (Dark)

 

Lobster Warrior vs Big Smack Scott

Joe Sexy vs Remo

Jungle Lord vs Marc DuBois

Jack Giedroyc vs Brandon James

Rich Money vs Runaway Train

Jack Bruce vs Christian Faith (for #1 Contender)

 

 

 

BEFORE THE SHOW:

 

Jack was late, and he knew it as he made the mad dash from his Ferrari to the locker room proper. Meeting him there was a very pensive-looking Richard Eisen.

 

"Rick, I'm really sorry. My connecting flight got delayed, and...who the f--- is that runt in the spectacles?" Jack Bruce, the former World Champion and successful rock musician outside the ring, noticed the bespectacled figure in the smoking lounge of the Mayor Street Arena locker room. He didn't look any taller than 5'8" and looked like the type of guy who always got picked last in team sports.

 

"That's Brian, the new head booker."

 

"Or so I've heard. Is it true that..."

 

"No wrestling industry experience. But he's a fan, a huge fan of yours. And he plays music too. I'm sure you'll get along great. He's just the guy we want handling the booking. You know why? Because he's an SWF fan, and he knows what the people want."

 

"So this is what the SWF has come down to now, huh, Rick? Throwing away money on an unproven commodity like THAT guy who doesn't know a wristlock from a wrist watch? What's the plan for tonight?"

 

Eisen gave the former champion, Jack Bruce, the script for the evening, masterfully written by the then-interim head booker Peter Michaels. "Here it is, Jack. Peter did the booking for today, but Brian takes over next week."

 

"Well, thank God for that. Do you have a cigarette?"

 

"No cigarettes, Jack, not now. You've got a match in an hour."

 

"F--- that!" Jack angrily slammed his fist on the locker room wall. "You've got Mr. Mark over there, the runt, smoking a ciggie as he works on his first opus of failure - next week's show, that is. And I can't even have a f---ing cigarette to relax? It's just one f---ing smoke! No wonder this company's really f---ed up now."

 

"Take it easy, Jack. The little bespectacled leopard's going to show his spots soon enough. Either he's going to screw up royally first time around, or he's going to end up sucking up to Eisen just like he probably did in his job interview." Brandon James, the Big Cat, Mr. Big Money, was one of several wrestlers skeptical about newcomer Brian Candido's ability as a booker. "Wait a minute, that's not a good thing."

 

"You bet your ass it isn't, Big Cat! Anyone who sucks up to Eisen ends up sucking, period. Why, if we got somebody with experience, a guy who could stand up to Eisen and give him the finger if he's not doing things right, I wouldn't be this riled up before showtime..."

 

 

*****

 

 

That's a good question, Jack. Who the f--- am I anyway, aside from being a devoted fan of yours as a wrestler and musician? In November of 2009, I was a recent emigre to Daly City, California, after having spent the first 30 years of my life in the Philippines. Then Richard Eisen's ad came up, and considering the state of life overseas at that point, I thought, hey, I've got nothing to lose. I've probably got as much chance of getting the job as the Detroit Lions have of winning the Super Bowl, so it wouldn't hurt to give it a try, send an application just for kicks. (OOC - The Detroit Lions went 2-14 in 2009.)

 

 

HEAD BOOKER

 

Requirements - Passionate fan of wrestling, particularly the SWF. Knows the latest developments in other promotions. A skilled writer who can come up with innovative angles and storylines that could capture the fans' attention for weeks on end. Adept in dealing with different kinds of personalities and ironing out of conflicts. Interested applicants can email their resume with a cover letter and sample promos, storylines or angles to jobs@supremewrestlingfederation.com.

 

So that's what I did. I sent my resume, cover letter and samples of my writing. And for the next few weeks I did my usual routine - write freelance articles for a variety of online clients, rehearse with my '60s-style garage band Conflyct of Interest, go to the store for beer, ciggies and other essentials, have pizzas delivered to my messy apartment. I was making enough not to go hungry. I'd been single since moving to Daly City, but it didn't matter. My bandmates at Conflyct of Interest, despite mostly being about a decade younger than me, were really good buddies. We'd huddle near the TV at my place every Tuesday, watch Supreme TV and see what the writers had in store for the ongoing Jack Bruce vs Eric Eisen storyline. It was a good enough life, but I had a gnawing feeling inside me - I want more than this. I want to prove my college classmates wrong, that I was NOT worthy of being voted "Least Likely to Succeed." But being that I never had as much money as they did, being that my grades weren't as good as theirs, what's a guy to do? Take freelance commitments, play music and do crap-paying bar tours when possible, apply for a job at the wrestling promotion I've been religiously following since childhood. Yeah, I was a really huge mark for Sam Strong back in the day. But anyway...

 

Wonder of all wonders, I got the job. Fortunately I had enough money saved to fly out to New York and back to California - I've heard a lot of rumors about Eisen being cheap, and damned if he wasn't cheap enough to let me pay for my airfare on my own dime. I beat out some respected names - Richard Coleman, Charlie "Boston Bomber" Davison, Duncan Kendall, to name a few. You can bet those guys were giving me the cold shoulder as we all waited in the lobby for our names to be called. So how did I get the job?

 

It's hard to believe, but Eisen told me at the interview that he did not mention anything about experience being required in his ad because he was looking for more of a fan's kind of guy as a booker. He wanted someone who knew the SWF and knew the other promos, and had a good idea of what made fans happy. And he wanted someone in my age range. He didn't want some old booker from another promotion AND another generation forcing their ideas down the fan's throats. And out of the 5-10% applicants who didn't have a minute of wrestling industry experience, he liked my sample writing the best.

 

But to beat out some respected road agents and even Eisen's own road agent staff for the job of head booker? That's pretty heady stuff!

 

And now here I was, being yelled about by the guy I'd looked up to since the days of Painful Procedure - the band and the stable. Welcome to the SWF, Brian Candido. Hope you survive your rookie hazing, if you can call it that...

 

NEXT: Jan. 2 results and recap

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OOC - I may be very active during the weekends but less so on the weekdays when I've got work. So if you've got any predictions for the cards, do so while you can!

 

Some initial comments on how I've setup the SWF, storylines and the diary proper:

 

Backstage rules are as follows - smoking is allowed but not encouraged (hence the presence of a smoking lounge and Jack Bruce demanding a cigarette to calm his nerves), but no drinking and definitely no drugs. The drinking can come after the show. Everyone booked should be at the locker room three hours before showtime, but they don't have to stay for the entire card - I don't plan to be as draconian as Bill Watts was back in the day.

 

Speaking of drugs, I'm using medium level testing. Should be enough to get Big Smack Scott in trouble right off the bat.

 

I'm sticking to the canned storylines for now, but there will be more to follow. And I'm thinking of how to discontinue Faith vs Khoklov. I like what JC did in his SWF diary, making Khoklov a designated enforcer/loose cannon, and having Faith feud mainly with Vengeance and his acolytes. The "acolytes" idea sounds okay and I might try my twist on that, but I probably won't involve DuBois. I've got other plans for his character...

 

As Jack Bruce is neither a positive nor negative backstage influence, his character will be quite complicated as one of the SWF's biggest draws. He's acting like a real prima donna in the first part, but we'll see more sides to his persona hopefully as we move along in the diary.

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OOC - Made some last-minute changes and moved Joe Sexy vs Remo to fourth on the card. These show recaps will never be as good as JC's, but let's see how this goes...will be focusing more on the storylines than what actually happened in the match. Lines from workers will be color-coded, just like in JC's diary - red for heels, green for faces. (Keeping with the Christmas spirit!) Italics would be for an unnamed observer assessing the card as it progresses.

 

SWF SUPREME TV - TUESDAY, JANUARY 5, 2010

Mayor Street Arena

 

Randy Bumfhole vs Paul Huntingdon (Dark)

 

Randy Bumfhole continued to show why he deserves a better push, quickly defeating the Aristocrat, Paul Huntingdon with the Bumfhole Buster.

 

Winner - Randy Bumfhole in 5:11 via Bumfhole Buster (69)

 

 

Biggz Boyz vs Death Row (Dark)

 

In a short, yet open dark match, the Biggz Boyz defeated Death Row with the Biggz Up in less than five minutes. Brett Biggz, now 32 and past his prime at a relatively young age due to his high-flying style, was surprisingly solid. The Biggz' are meshing quite well with Jessie as their manager.

 

Winner - Biggz Boyz in 4:40 via Biggz Up (Bart pins Knuckles) (54)

 

 

 

The show started with Eric Eisen stepping into the ring and assessing the situation at hand - Jack Bruce vs Christian Faith for Number One Contender. Winner of the match would face Double E at When Hell Freezes Over for the SWF World Championship.

 

Eric Eisen - ...Personally, I don't care who wins tonight's main event - the bargain-basement Rob Halford or the washed-up old fart who wore out his welcome in the SWF a good ten years ago. Because I know I'm going to win at When Hell Freezes Over. Oh, yes. The belt's going to be around my waist for a long, long time, and in as much as I think so lowly about everyone else on the roster, this is as good as it gets. And if anyone has a problem with that...

 

Rich Money (stepping to ringside and grabbing the mic from Duane Fry) - What do you think of me, you S.O.B., chopped liver? Or are you simply being lily-livered? And take note, S.O.B. didn't exactly mean son of the boss. Ever since ditching that turncoat Remo, I've decided to stick it out on my own and win on my own terms and without spending a single cent of my vast fortune. I'm not like you, Double E. I'm through flaunting my riches, at least not how you do. You may say you don't think enough of me to give me a title shot, but I know you. You're scared. Scared of what would happen when you're beaten by someone richer than you, better-looking than you, might I add...and better in the ring than you. So are you up to it?

 

With that, Marat Khoklov charged to the ring and sneak-attacked Rich Money with a Russian Lariat. Khoklov and Eric then proceeded to beat down on Money before all three referees stepped in to break up the fracas. Meanwhile, Big Smack Scott can be seen backstage, getting ready for his match against Lobster Warrior...

 

Lemme tell ya sumpin', Wobster Wawwyah...you're nuffin' but a cartoon charactah...Ya never gunna amount ta' nuffin' in that goofeh suit o' youws. Imma gonna lay the Big Smack on ya', and when I'm through witchoo, you gunna wish ya' never made it ta' dry land!

 

Lobster Warrior vs Big Smack Scott

 

As usual, the crowd was all over Big Smack Scott as he tangled with the always-dangerous Lobster Warrior. Chants of "BIG SMACK SUCKS!" and "DON'T COME BACK!" filled the arena as BSS' every shot at Lobby threatened to end the latter's career prematurely. Mercifully, this stinker of a match (not Lobby's fault) ended when Kurt Laramee interfered as Lobby had Big Smack safely in the Lobster Trap.

 

Winner - Lobster Warrior by DQ, 5:58 (58)

 

With Lobby having picked up the win, he dumped water on himself (he is a "lobster man", after all) and ran into the crowd as he often would, avoiding the wrath of the Pain Alliance in the process. He was dancing to his theme music, an obvious rip-off of "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid, and handing a tiny little pincer to a 5-year-old boy wearing a Lobster Warrior t-shirt in the front rows.

 

Back at the locker room, Jerry Eisen was interviewing Christian Faith about his upcoming match vs Jack Bruce...

 

Christian Faith - ...tonight, I shall be giving it my 100 percent, pardon the cliche. My faith is as strong as always, and I firmly believe...

 

Jerry Eisen - Look out, Christian!

 

Jerry ducked away on time as the monstrous Marat Khoklov continued to dish out punishment to anyone and everyone who crosses his path, softening up Christian Faith minutes before the big encounter.

 

 

Jungle Lord vs Marc DuBois

 

The Can't Miss Kid couldn't miss in this solid match that could've been better...if only both workers were a bit more over. DuBois finished up Jungle Lord in less than six minutes with a flying elbow drop - not quite the Model Solution, but he still got the win.

 

Winner - Marc DuBois in 6:08 via pinfall (61)

 

A short two-minute promo followed, with Emma Chase seductively hyping her apparently platonic friend and client Brandon James' North American title match versus Joe Sexy at When Hell Freezes Over. One could notice the ambivalence...obviously she believes Big Money will win it, but she doesn't appear to mind the Don Juan of the Squared Circle at all.

 

Speaking of Emma, here she is now doing color commentary for the next two matches, asking Jerry Eisen to "beat it, you dork" as she takes her seat beside Peter Michaels and Duane Fry.

 

Jack Giedroyc vs Brandon James

 

This is probably a match we wouldn't want to see again, though it wasn't too bad. Giedroyc and James don't have much in the way of chemistry. But it was entertaining to see Emma Chase up to her usual antics as a hot sports agent who isn't afraid to show what she's got, albeit in a PG sort of way.

 

Winner - Brandon James in 6:52 via Big Money Move/distraction (61)

 

Despite Giedroyc's loss to Big Money, we see another hype video for When Hell Freezes Over, starring the sultry Hannah hyping Valiant and Giedroyc, whose title match opponents are still undetermined. We should find out next week who those opponents are. The Amazing Bumfholes? Death Row? A reunited Sexual Aggression? It could be anyone...

 

Joe Sexy vs Remo

 

This should have been an easy win for Remo, but Joe Sexy gave him a good fight in the opening minutes. With Emma Chase making her way ringside and teasing the ladies' man by gyrating sexily as her client Brandon James looked on in stoic silence, Remo took advantage of the distraction and hit the Destroyer to take the win. Two sexually-charged distractions in a row, now how about that.

 

Winner - Remo in 10:24 via Destroyer (77)

 

So Rich Money is facing Runaway Train, and he's confident of beating the "over the hill big man." Peter Michaels booked this show and although he has a great deal of experience, I have to question the wisdom of having Money and Train in the same ring.

 

Rich Money vs Runaway Train

 

It was a solid match. But you don't want something that's merely "solid" as the supporting match to the main event. Train was showing his age and making Rich Money sound justified for calling him over the hill. We hope the new, unknown booker, Brian Candido, would refrain from mistakes such as this going forward. Anyway, Money beat Train after Jack Bruce surprisingly appeared, throwing off the big guy and allowing the smaller Money to take advantage with a footsweep and a quick roll-up. Money's got the better push, but this was not believable. No sirree, it wasn't.

 

Winner - Rich Money in 5:42 via pinfall (60)

 

A quick staredown between Bruce and Money quickly took the crowd's mind off the unexpectedly flat match that would come before the main event.

 

Jack Bruce vs Christian Faith (for #1 Contender)

 

Ah, that word again - solid. Solid isn't really going to cut it, Peter Michaels, you were really off your game tonight. Here's hoping Brian Candido could do a lot better, though we're certainly concerned about his inexperience. That said, this match graded out as a "B" in our book, but you don't expect B's from Bruce vs Faith, who are simply two of the hottest faces in the business these days. The match went on a bit too long, considering all of the interference from Marat Khoklov and Eric Eisen's whiney attempts to distract Bruce. Bruce defeated Faith with the New York Minute at the right time, following a Russian Lariat from Khoklov (again?) to Faith at the 14-minute mark of the match.

Winner - Jack Bruce in 14:18 via New York Minute (80)

 

The crowd loved the nice sportsmanlike gesture as Christian Faith shook Jack Bruce's hand, but I think we've seen too much of that in decades of watching the SWF. And who do we have closing out the show but Vengeance? He wasn't supposed to be here, but apparently he is, and he wants Christian Faith destroyed. This triggered a five-man brawl that also featured Khoklov, Money and Eisen, a nice way to end what had been an anticlimactic show, uncharacteristic from a man like Peter Michaels.

 

Final grade - 78

Supreme TV Rating - 5.58 (OOC - D'OH!)

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OOC - A 78/low B. Man, that sucks. Wonder what happened - must've been Money vs Train bringing the crowd's mood down. Most of the time I've had B+ or better for Bruce vs Faith, including my first few tries on TEW 2010, so the 80/B grade in the first diary card is a bit perplexing.

 

Anyway, let's get back to the story with this short piece, as Richard Eisen obviously isn't happy with Peter Michaels' last showing as interim head booker.

 

 

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 6, 2010

 

"The f--- is this, Peter? Surely you could've done a lot better than Money vs Train for the penultimate." Richard Eisen was fuming mad at announcer and assistant booker Peter Michaels after finding out on Pro Wrestling Hits that last night's Supreme TV at the Mayor went down like a lead (not Led) zeppelin, at least by SWF's lofty standards.

 

"I'm sorry about that, Rick. I just felt that..."

 

"Why didn't you use Angry Gilmore? Fred Garcia? Steve Frehley? So many f---ing workers unused...but this is what pisses me off, see? RICH MONEY VERSUS RUNAWAY TRAIN!!!" Eisen's booming voice could be heard two doors away at new head booker Brian Candido's office. And what the f--- did you tell Bruce and Faith to do anyway..."

 

"I told Christian to call the match. To go improvise. But Jack..."

 

"But Jack this, but Jack that. It's always somebody's fault. Why don't you just man up for a change and admit you screwed up. Thank goodness, though, that last night was your last as head booker. G**...DAMMIT!!!

 

(OOC - for an idea of how Eisen delivered that last profanity, you might want to search "Bobby Knight upset" on YouTube and look for his 45-second clip where he suddenly freaks out while discussing an Indiana Hoosiers loss. And pardon my lack of imagination as I pay tribute to one of the greatest sports entertainment writers of all time...)

 

"Solid isn't going to cut it, Peter Michaels. That's what Dan Feltzer had to say about last night's card. Now you better make sure you're giving Brian the right training, you understand? You're walking on thin ice, Peter."

 

 

I always knew Mr. Eisen had a temper, and nice as he was to me in my first few days at work, he was bound to go ballistic at one point or another. And that was it. He was very unhappy with the "B" rating last night's card got, and rightfully so, because to be honest, I wasn't too impressed with what Peter did. Little talk time for Jack, and Chris Morrisette, a.k.a. Lobster Warrior, pulling his tired old schtick after the deserved win over Big Crap, er...Big Smack Scott. And I'm sure the fans are tiring a bit of Big Smack's dated promos, even if they've got that "so bad it's good" appeal to them, kinda like a bad '80s horror movie.

 

As for the matches, Rich Money vs Runaway Train was a mistake. An abortion. If I were Pete, I'd get Rich ready for a title shot by having a better worker put him over. But that's why I'm focused right now. The ball's in my court now, and the onus is on me, and me alone, to make the next show work. No non-work related sites for me today. No studying of old garage rock songs on YouTube - I don't have a band anyway after amicably splitting with Conflyct of Interest via Skype. I must say those guys are proud of me. But anyway, I've got to get back to work and plan things for the coming week as early as now.

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OOC - One last entry before I head out for a few beers...realized I made a few silly errors (dates and color coding) in the previous posts, so I've fixed that. This is another short one, because the next one (maybe for Jan. 7 or 8) will take a look at 2010's developmental haul, as the SWF stocks up on jobbers for a potential stint on Uprising in March and of course, to pad the win-loss records of everyone else as they learn on the job.

 

We're also introducing olive green as this diary's official color for flashbacks. In my rush I forgot to document the pre-show meeting I had intended to include in the diary, so we'll be seeing here how Brian got the typical rookie treatment from a distrustful group of workers.

 

Again, feel free to comment and offer feedback!

 

 

THURSDAY, JANUARY 7, 2010

 

You're probably wondering how I fared backstage on my first show. You know the expression "children are better seen than heard?" Replace "children" with "Brian" and you'll know exactly what I mean. I was mostly shadowing Peter as he did his stuff backstage during TV commercial breaks, and when Peter was on air calling the matches, I was a gofer to the workers. The feeling the workers had towards me was mostly one of distrust and contempt. It wasn't any more evident than at the creative meeting backstage, where Peter did the talking and I basically introduced myself for the first time before shutting up. Let me take you back a few days...

 

(FLASHBACK - JANUARY 5, 2010 - 7:00 P.M.)

 

"Hi. Good evening. I'm Brian Candido, and I'm your new head booker."

 

You could've heard the crickets chirp once I made that introduction.

 

"I'm very honored to have been given this chance by Mr. Eisen, and I'd like you all to know that if there's anything bothering you, anything you'd like to discuss, any ideas you have to make a match better, you can share them anytime."

 

"Yeah, I've got an idea," said Kurt Laramee, the tough midcarder who partnered with Big Smack Scott in the Pain Alliance. "How about you sitting down, shutting up and listening to Peter, Chief and Pat for the rest of the meeting?" Now the entire room was laughing in agreement. Yeah, the rumors were true. Big Smack has indeed been a bad influence to Laramee.

 

"Sure, whatever you say, Kirk," I replied, not meaning to mangle his name. But dammit, those nerves were really taking over now.

 

"It's KURT! Kurt Laramee, King of the Streets! What planet are you from anyway?"

 

"Eisen must be getting senile. I mean, look at this mark! Oops! Sorry about that, Jerry," said Akima Brave, who quickly realized he was sitting next to Mr. Eisen's older son Jerry, the announcer.

 

That was it for me, and I did as Kurt told me to. I sat down, shut up, and let Peter take the floor because after all, he'd been interim booker since November and this was going to be his final hurrah before returning to his assistant post and focusing on announcing. Yes, I was going to be his boss, despite the fact Pete had at least two decades on me in terms of experience. But announcing was his thing; booking was never his forte, and I hoped tonight's show wouldn't be as flat as some of the December '09 shows were.

 

And the ridicule went on...

 

 

But what are you going to do about it? You can't please everyone, much less right away. That made putting on a great show on the 12th even more important than ever. Do well and a few workers will probably open up. Screw up and you're gonna get buried.

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OOC - Yes, I signed Painful Procedure while under the influence of alcohol. Ugh. This and the next entry will mainly focus on the new signings and those who had refused to negotiate...

 

 

FRIDAY, JANUARY 8, 2012

 

11:00 A.M.

 

"Hello? Ah, good morning, Rick. Yeah, everything's going fine here. Okay, Rick, I've got a few Canadians whom I'm really high on. Steven Parker, Jacob Jett, Davis Wayne Newton. Oh, sorry. Jett is American, but he's based in Canada and we can work around that. They can all serve as Marc DuBois' lackeys as he wages war against American fans. Champagne Lover? He's from Mexico and he's like Joe Sexy with actual sex appeal. And he's young, too. The girls will go ga-ga over him when he goes 'Hola, chicas!' And Sam Keith's sons seem to show a lot of promise. I asked them if their dad doesn't mind if I sign them up, and they seem cool with it. At least that's what they say. Hello? What do you mean you signed some new workers? I thought I was also in charge of development and scouting?"

 

Silence. The b---ard hung up. So that's why he's out of the office.

 

So much for autonomy, I guess. Being the dirt sheet junkie I am, I knew about Parker, Jett, Newton, Champagne Lover and all those young guys. Ain't nothing like a "USA! USA!" chant, even if I'm not American, and at this point I was thinking of having Marc DuBois rile the crowds up and have him feud with Valiant, American Machine, those guys whose gimmicks revolve around the love of America. That's what I wanted Parker, Jett and Newton to take care of - serving as DuBois' protection.

 

But Eisen wasn't impressed by my knowledge of who's young and who's got promise. I sent feelers to all of those guys. I sent emails to Steve Flash and Larry Wood, both of whom would make great trainers for the boys in development. Eric Tyler, he'd probably be a figurehead commissioner. And Carl Batch seems like the perfect guy to give a manager role to. All of the present managers are women, and it wouldn't hurt to have a male manager handling the careers of, oh, I don't know, perhaps a few of the lower-card workers.

 

Who could Eisen have signed that I didn't know about? I was about to find out very soon...

 

 

 

2:00 P.M.

 

Oh, no. Not 3/4ths of Painful Procedure and Queen Emily. I was a huge Painful Procedure fan (as musicians) and a mark for Billy Jack Shearer's drumming technique, but...

 

"Randall, Billy Jack, Ronnie, Emily, meet Brian Candido. He's our booker. Brian, you know the boys, they used to work for TCW. Emily used to do color commentary for us - you know that, I suppose - and she's itching to get back in the game. She was a band manager following her exit from SWF, perhaps your band could benefit from someone like her."

 

"That's great, Rick, but I quit my band when you gave me the job." I tried my best to hide my displeasure, and tried to make small talk with the new guys. "So, how's everybody?"

 

How's everybody? They all SUCKED! Randall, Billy and Ronnie were just about three of the least skilled wrestlers in TC-Dub; I wasn't surprised when Tommy Cornell gave them the heave-ho. Their day job was music, and I definitely believed they should keep their day job. Queen Emily was one of the most boring color commentators out there, though I can't deny that she still looked great at 36. With her tattoos and piercings, she was the epitome of every girl I wanted to date, if only I wasn't such a dorkus mallorcus, thank you very much Bart Simpson. But business is business, and when it comes to the business, she couldn't cut it.

 

After some quick hi's and hello's, Eisen explained why he hired those four. "They're going to be Eric's stable of enforcers. Emily will manage all of them, Eric included, and their job on screen would not be to job, but to make life miserable for Jack Bruce, as his former real-life and reel-life bandmates." Wait. Doesn't Eric already have Khoklov to do his dirty work? I spoke up.

 

"Rick, I think they'd really go over if they were backing up Vengeance as his stable." But then again, Bruce's beef is with Double E and vice versa, and it did make some sense to have his former bandmates get in on the action.

 

"It's your call, Brian. Your roster, your talents, your card. Just don't f--- it up like Peter did with the last one."

 

Yes, it's true. Painful Procedure were much better musicians than they were wrestlers. And they're all terrible on the mic. But if I could use them correctly, who knows, maybe I can get them over. Besides, they already signed their contracts, nothing I could do now.

 

Except perhaps send a few, or maybe all of them down to Rhode Island.

[pennyone]

I like your style and I'm looking forward to what you had to offer

[3rdStringPG]

I like your style and I'm looking forward to what you had to offer

 

Thanks for the comment! Yeah, it's kinda late to be getting into TEW 2010, but hopefully this could serve as good "training" for my TEW 2013 diaries once I get the new version.

[3rdStringPG]

MONDAY, JANUARY 11, 2010

 

3:00 P.M.

 

That's the thing about working in this industry. It's not uncommon not to have weekends off. For example, the boys worked the Great Lakes area on Saturday and did a house show. But then again, they have Sundays and Mondays off. In my case, I had to meet up with Eric Tyler and the Gauge brothers over the weekend, and fortunately, they all signed. Tyler will be stepping in as figurehead commissioner, and I'm still pondering whether he should be pushed as an honest babyface commish or as a corrupt heel. The Gauge boys will get their start at RIPW as we figure out a way to give them experience without p---ing off their rabidly anti-SWF dad.

 

But you can't win 'em all. Yesterday, I got an email from Steve Flash, whom I had wanted in RIPW to train the youngsters. It read as follows:

 

 

Dear Mr. Candido,

 

First of all, thank you for considering me for the position of developmental trainer. As an experienced wrestler who likes working with younger talent, it would have been a job I am suited for and a job I believe I can do well.

However, I must reject your offer of a position because of the current nature of the Supreme Wrestling Federation as a whole. As a conservative by nature, I believe that the product is not one that I would be comfortable working with. A weekly program with female managers parading around in skimpy outfits or distracting opponents in a sexually suggestive manner does not sit well with me and is, in fact, offensive in my opinion. It is not the kind of program I would have my children, or even my wife watch.

 

I wish you and Mr. Eisen only the best for the SWF. Good luck, Mr. Candido, in your duties as head booker.

 

 

Kind regards,

 

"Remarkable" Steve Flash

 

 

In addition to Flash's refusal to negotiate, Davis Wayne Newton and (surprise!) Champagne Lover also rejected the SWF's offers for similar reasons. I also got word that Jacob Jett may feel the same way about the SWF - I'm not too optimistic about the chances of signing him now, but I wonder...should I offer his girlfriend, Katie Cameron, a contract? Nah, maybe not. We've got enough female managers as it is, and she's too much of a face version of Emma Chase, which isn't what we're looking for right now.

We've got another show tomorrow and I hope it's going to be a good one. I got word earlier today from C.A.N.N. that they're cool with making Supreme TV a two-hour show, so that means longer matches and more chances for workers to be seen on TV. The popularity of the SWF now rests in my hands...

 

 

SWF SUPREME TV (now two hours!)

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

 

American Machine vs Man Mountain Cahill (dark)

Captain Atomic vs Billy Jack Shearer (dark)

Steve Frehley vs Brandon James

Robbie Retro vs Everest

Gregory Black vs Enforcer Roberts

The Amazing Bumfholes vs The Samoan Wildboyz (#1 contender match for tag title)

Lobster Warrior vs Angry Gilmore

Rich Money vs Vengeance (table match)

Christian Faith vs Marc DuBois

[3rdStringPG]

OOC - I'm now finding out how much harder it is to come up with a B+ card or better on TEW 2010. As a sneak preview of what we'll be seeing later, I've noticed workers getting penalized in angles for having poor morale, and these workers are mainly the ones who sat out the first card. Oh, boy. Guess I should've given some airtime to some of those guys.

[3rdStringPG]

TUESDAY, JANUARY 12, 2010

BACKSTAGE, ISAAK ROAD ARENA, 7:05 P.M.

 

"Do we have any questions so far?"

 

"As a matter of fact, I do," said Steve Frehley as he raised his hand. "What's with throwing Paul under the bus?" He was referring to Rich Money, known outside the ring as Paul Parsons. "Surely you knew better than to tell Peter to book Money vs Train as the second to the last match last week."

 

Peter Michaels, now comfortable and stress-free once again after his stint as interim booker, looked aghast. "What do you mean, Steve? I wrote the card and Brian didn't have a word in edgewise. He couldn't yet. He was shadowing me. And I actually like what he's got for us today."

 

"Yeah! And When Hell Freezes Over is going to be a real barnstormer!", agreed Duane Fry. If it was any consolation, the announcers had my back. The Eisen brothers also gave me their support from time to time, but weren't really open about it, lest they get heat for sticking up for their rather unpopular dad.

 

"Hmph." Steve groaned defeatedly and I could hear him mumbling to Brandon James that putting them first on the card was a mistake.

 

"Speaking of that, are we going to talk about When Hell Freezes Over?", asked Tom "Angry" Gilmore, who was one of several wrestlers upset over being left off last week's card. He too wasn't as antagonistic as the others were towards me.

 

"Good question, Tom. Now here's what I've got planned..."

 

 

8:15 P.M.

 

An hour later, I was beat. Again, Jack Bruce wasn't part of the meeting due to his commitments with his solo band - he arrived a few minutes before the dark matches started. And it was him whom I saw at the Isaak Road smoking lounge with Marat Khoklov, nicking my pack of Marlboro Lights and tossing it to the big Russian.

 

"Keep away!"

 

Marat's grasp of the English language remained limited, but "keep away" was universal. I had to watch two guys bigger than me (especially Khoklov) play catch with my pack of cigarettes, as Khoklov quickly stomped the fallen sticks useless. By the time the two nicotine-loving workers had departed, all I had on me was a single solitary stick in my pack. And my level of stress was so high that I was about to do one thing I have tried so hard to avoid doing - smoke a second cigarette in a row.

 

"Here, you can have some from my pack," said a female voice who had just entered the lounge.

 

It was Hannah, and she had seen the whole thing from outside; geez, I expected that among the female workers, Emma Chase would be the one to light up, but apparently she didn't care for cigarettes. Instead, it was the sexy-but-wholesome Hannah Potter who enjoyed that quick drag before showtime. What a pleasant surprise, and I do mean pleasant!

 

"I won't be able to smoke all of them anyway once I get home after When Hell Freezes Over. My boyfriend, he's a real Squeeky McClean kind of guy. He doesn't even drink with the rest of his football teammates!"

 

Oh well. But what the heck, at least she's talking to me! Reluctantly, I accepted the offer of a few extra smokes, but was still too tongue-tied to say anything except..."Thanks."

 

"What the boys are doing to you and saying about you is horrible."

 

"Yeah, but I kinda think of it as rookie hazing."

 

Hannah hadn't taken more than a couple puffs from her cigarette when we heard her name being called from outside. Chief Two Eagles. "Hannah! We need you to practice that promo you're doing with Valiant and JG at the next pay-per-view!"

 

"Sorry about that, Ryan, it looks like they need me to practice some lines. Anyway, good luck with the new job. I know you'll prove them wrong real soon."

 

For once, I didn't mind being called by the wrong first name.

 

 

 

 

Tentative SWF When Hell Freezes Over card (still trying to figure out how to shuffle the card around)

 

 

Valiant and Giedroyc © vs winner of Bumfholes vs Wildboyz for Tag Team Championship

Rich Money vs Remo, ladder match

Joe Sexy vs Brandon James © for North American Championship

Christian Faith vs Vengeance, cage match

Jack Bruce vs Eric Eisen © for World Championship

 

Will be adding another match, so do watch out for that!

[3rdStringPG]

SWF SUPREME TV - Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Isaak Road Arena (Mid-Atlantic)

 

American Machine vs Man Mountain Cahill (Dark)

 

A decent debut for the former Ronnie V. Pain as he takes out American Machine with the Mountain Topper. Queen Emily appears better suited as a manager rather than color commentator, and she did well as Cahill's manager.

 

Winner - Man Mountain Cahill in 7:25 via Mountain Topper (56)

 

Captain Atomic vs Billy Jack Shearer (Dark)

 

This was a bit less pleasant to watch, but Shearer got the win on his SWF debut versus Captain Atomic.

 

Winner - Billy Jack Shearer in 5:20 via Rhythm and Bruise (50)

 

 

Steve Frehley vs Brandon James (Non-Title)

 

We missed Steve Frehley at last week's "solid" debacle, and he's back, opening the show versus Brandon James in a non-title match. Try as she might, Emma Chase (who did commentary in this match) couldn't distract Frehley with all her suggestive gestures. But Joe Sexy was more than happy to successfully interfere, busting a move as Chase watched longingly (or so it seems) and attacking James in the 6-minute mark before running off. An irate James left the ring to run after Sexy, while Frehley did the same, running after Big Money as both men were counted out.

 

Winner - Draw - Double countout at 6:46 following Chase distraction and Sexy interference (70)

 

 

Ahead of his cage match versus Christian Faith at When Hell Freezes Over, Vengeance spared nothing in dissecting the 43-year-old veteran verbally. Here are highlights from his extended rant against Faith...and Frehley.

 

Vengeance - ...Christian Faith, you strive to introduce people to the light, to the straight and narrow path in which you walk. You tried that with me in November, when you escaped from that cage with some assistance from your friend Steve Frehley. Well, you won't have any friends helping you at When Hell Freezes Over. The entrance is UP THERE, 16 feet up, and not on the side. And neither will I have anyone helping me out...I may, one day, get by with a little help from my friends, but you know as well as anyone else that I don't need any.

 

You have to wonder whether Vengeance is teasing the introduction of a new partner with that last line. This rant, which clocked in at about 7:30, was duly interrupted by Faith and Frehley, who got the crowd's attention (and Peter Michaels') by disrupting the interview and beating down on the Unhinged One.

 

Robbie Retro vs Everest

 

Man this was hard on the eyes. Everest squashes Retro. Like Retro's new theme, though - it's obscure, and it's different. (Robbie Retro now enters to the tune of "Lay a Little Lovin' On Me" by Robin McNamara.)

 

Winner - Everest in 4:48 via Mountain Mover (41)

 

 

We see Christian Faith have a few words about his upcoming battle against Marc DuBois in tonight's main event. He believes young Marc has a lot of potential, but the older man's experience - and faith - will guide the way to the victory.

 

Gregory Black vs Enforcer Roberts

 

The wily veteran Enforcer Roberts has been used for quite some time as a jobber to the stars, and for the former Groucho Bling, this is a designation he is fast falling into. Gregory Black proved he isn't quite ready to be jobbed out to the bigger names, hitting the Fade to Black on Roberts for the win.

 

Winner - Gregory Black in 7:28 via Fade to Black (62)

 

Remember when Eric Eisen used to have Roberts in his corner to do his dirty work? He obviously has no love lost for his one-time thug, as Marat Khoklov charged the ring, annihilating Black and Roberts with no difficulty whatsoever. Double E didn't mind.

 

The next match shall feature the Amazing Bumfholes vs the Samoan Wildboyz for a shot at Valiant and Giedroyc's tag team belts at When Hell Freezes Over. But wait a minute...here we see Squeeky McClean and Frederique Antonio Garcia in conversation. Towards the end of December, Squeeky was trying his darndest to find a tag team partner to challenge V and G. Nobody wanted in, afraid that Squeeky's sneaky ways would only get them DQ'd. Apparently, Freddy isn't afraid to take that chance, as they've agreed to team up! And here they are entering with a bit of a compromise for entrance music. Squeeky always entered to the strains of Fugazi's "Reclamation", while Freddy liked to camp it up with Donna Summer's 1970s disco hit "I Feel Love." Instead, they're hitting the ring with an edgier version of "I Feel Love", performed by Finnish band Kingston Wall.

 

Squeeky - Cut the music! Cut the music! Richard Eisen promised me a tag team title shot if I'd find somebody before When Hell Freezes Over. Well, here he is! We may not agree when it comes to music, lifestyle or choice of post-show entertainment, but I've found myself a tag team partner! Bumfholes, Wildboyz, meet the Odd Couple...Squeeky McClean and FREDERIQUE...ANTONIO...GARCIA!!!

 

Freddy - Are you pretty boys from Florida and Samoa ready to do the Freddy?

 

(OOC - Sorry, JC! Red and dark red for primary and secondary heels respectively does work, after all...)

 

The Amazing Bumfholes vs The Samoan Wildboyz vs The Odd Couple (McClean and Garcia) for #1 Tag Team contender

 

This was a fun match, even if the lack of heat associated with these guys did hurt things a bit. The Wildboyz were first eliminated courtesy of a Bumfhole Buster from Randy B., but it was obvious Squeeky really wants some sort of gold around his waist; after performing the Stain Removal on Zimmy B., the newly-formed Odd Couple are confirmed to face Valiant and Giedroyc for the SWF Tag Team belts this Thursday at When Hell Freezes Over.

Winner - The Odd Couple in 8:13 via Stain Removal on Zimmy Bumfhole (59)

 

Up next, we've got Rich Money being interviewed by Peter Michaels. He's irate about Eric Eisen refusing to give him a title shot. He doesn't like being passed over time and again, and he's upset about having to beat Vengeance in a table match just to face Double E for the World Heavyweight championship. After a few minutes, Eric Eisen emerges from backstage, standing at Gorilla Position and demanding Money signs a waiver stating that if he beats Vengeance, this will be his one and only title shot against the champ. Money reluctantly signs the waiver and returns backstage, flashing several hundred dollar bills at Double E.

 

Next, Lobster Warrior cuts a promo that is seemingly over only with children aged ten and below.

 

Lobby - Angry Gilmore, you keep telling me to grow up. You keep telling me that those little Lobbys will grow up and root for someone they can identify with, someone more mature and edgy. Listen up, Gilmore, these little Lobbys will always be little Lobbys deep inside. They will root, root, root for their hero because they know I am the King of the Ocean and these little pincers...they can sure cause a commotion.

 

Lobster Warrior vs Angry Gilmore

 

One would expect Gilmore vs Lobby to be a "barnstormer", in Duane Fry's words, given their reputations as "ring generals." Wrong. The two men didn't seem comfortable with each other, and that made it a relief when the 12-minute encounter ended with Lobby getting a dose of Anger Management.

 

Winner - Angry Gilmore in 11:57 via Anger Management (67)

 

After a brief video hyping the table match between Rich Money and Vengeance...here it is!

 

Rich Money vs Vengeance (Table Match)

 

As we saw, Eric Eisen wants to make Rich Money go through hoops just to get a title shot. And it looks like he'll be next in line as he gamely put Vengeance through a table with the Dollars from Heaven. And he did it despite interference from his one-time best buddy and tag team partner Remo. Christian Faith and Steve Frehley did good in getting Remo out of there and sneaking in a few against Vengeance. The big guy's not going to be in a good mood on Thursday, when he faces Christian Faith in a rematch of their classic cage match from late last year.

 

Winner - Rich Money in 8:59 via Dollars from Heaven through table (81)

 

 

Rich Money did pick up the win, but sure enough, Remo was back, and Vengeance did hobble back from the Spanish announcers' table to do some damage. Oh, and Eric Eisen was there too. Saving Money from the beatdown was none other than Jack Bruce, the former champion, who's been pretty reticent as of late. His mere presence was enough to get Remo and Eisen scurrying away (and Vengeance hobbling away), and once again, he could only stare at Money with neither man saying a word to or making any further gesture at each other.

 

 

Christian Faith vs Marc DuBois

 

Speaking of Faith, he's getting a good warm-up for Thursday's encounter with a match against one of the SWF's most promising youngsters. DuBois has to be credited for lasting nearly 14 minutes in this encounter, which was a nice way to wrap things up in Brian Candido's first-ever card. Strangely, we didn't see Vengeance running in - apparently, he's been beaten up pretty bad from that Dollars from Heaven through a table, but we know he's more resilient than that. A late mistake from Candido in writing this out, though one that could be forgiven.

 

Winner - Christian Faith in 13:37 via Leap of Faith (86)

 

And still no Vengeance as Marat Khoklov interrupts Faith's celebration. On the other hand, kudos to Candido for letting Khoklov do his thing and not stink up the ring. Hey, it rhymes!

 

 

Final grade - 82

Supreme TV Rating - 6.11

[3rdStringPG]

Random Thoughts on Previous Card:

 

- Nice "debut" for Brian, a "B" card that helped SWF's popularity! The previous card obviously didn't. The dirt sheet feature, as I've learned, is really helpful in pinpointing what works and what doesn't.

- At the onset, the first card was always supposed to be Peter Michaels', as Brian was supposed to be watching from the sidelines early on. So it's just a coincidence that the diary's tone is pretty much "blame it on Pete" at this point.

- Two of the canned storylines are gone. Faith vs Khoklov was deleted, and I've evolved Vengeance vs Frehley to make Frehley into Faith's support and one of Vengeance's acolytes in JC's diary as his support. So the main feud is now Faith vs Vengeance, as I've done quite often in previous games. As for Khoklov, he's now in a "Loose Cannon" storyline as I feel it makes the most out of his strengths. Also, I've evolved the Bruce/Eisen/Money storyline to include Remo as a fourth championship contender.

 

 

SWF When Hell Freezes Over

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The J. Bomme Pentagon - Mid-Atlantic

 

Angry Gilmore vs Marc DuBois

Valiant and Giedroyc © vs The Odd Couple (McClean and Garcia) for Tag Team Championship

Lobster Warrior vs Runaway Train

Joe Sexy vs Brandon James © for North American Championship

Jack Bruce vs Eric Eisen © for World Heavyweight Championship

Rich Money vs Remo in Ladder Match

Christian Faith vs Vengeance in Cage Match

[3rdStringPG]

OOC - It's a Monday again and I'm starting the week off with a ton of work. I'm at the fourth week of January 2010 as of now, and might get to February before the day is over. Still, I'll be delivering the recaps, perhaps more of those and a bit less of Brian backstage or in the office as soon as he becomes more "over" with the SWF's workers.

 

Good news - nothing lower than a B. Bad news - nothing higher than a B either. Just solid B's across the board as I try to undo the mistakes I made in my first card. And I just realized I've totally thrown Death Row under the bus! They only made one appearance in January, and that was a dark match. They haven't been seen since then.

[3rdStringPG]

Still OOC - Already prepping the storyline progressions for Nothing to Lose. To give you guys a teaser of what's up, I've just had a midcarder turn heel ahead of NTL. And it's not someone you'd normally expect...he also happens to be very unhappy, in fact angry, with the change.

 

After auto-pushing everyone before NTL, there were more surprises...one pleasant, one not-so-pleasant.

 

Can't wait till Uprising goes on air. Have gotten dinged twice already, I believe, for substandard angles that weren't up to the level of the matches.

 

But since that's going to be a few in-game weeks from where we last left off, I'll move the diary forward once I'm done with work and recap When Hell Freezes Over.

[3rdStringPG]

SWF - WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER - Thursday, January 14, 2010

The J. Bomme Pentagon (Mid-Atlantic)

 

 

BACKSTAGE, 8:15 P.M.

 

Today is my eleventh day on the job, including weekends. So what have we achieved so far? Hired a bunch of newcomers, referee Ryan Holland and the very promising Steven Parker being the most recent hires. With James "Mainstream" Hernandez next on my shortlist, I've got big plans for Parker if C.A.N.N. is willing to hear me out in February regarding the revival of Uprising. I've also got this big, talented Aussie, Swoop McCarthy, who could make a big impact. Mainstream and Swoop will be next to be contacted. But first, I have a show to preside over...my very first PPV.

 

Backstage of the Bomme Pentagon had a smoking area, fortunately, although I had second thoughts after seeing Jack Bruce and his former Painful Procedure bandmates lighting up, all of 'em except Ronnie "Man Mountain" Cahill. The Painful Proc guys were nice to me during the contract signing, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to have a quick smoke before giving instructions...

 

"Hey, Billy. Randall. Any plans of getting back together as a band?"

 

"Did you hear something?", asked Randall Hopkirk, the bald, tattooed bassist.

 

"Sure didn't," replied Bruce, puffing from his cigarette. "So I hear you want to job me out, Candido."

 

"No, not at all, Jack. Man Under Pressure was a huge success."

 

"And that's why I don't want you f---ing it up. Wait a minute, you probably already did f--- it up."

 

I was hoping Billy Jack would vouch for me, since I did mention in passing the previous week that he was one of my favorite drummers. Unfortunately, that meant nothing now.

 

"You're dealing with Jack Bruce, not Knuckles and Shady K," said Billy, referring to the enhancement talent tag team who was currently on leave to work on their album with Mr. Eisen's Supreme Attitude Records. (OOC - There you go, just covered up for my neglecting to book them!) "Here's a tip for you, newbie. Our former rhythm guitarist and vocalist doesn't like it when he's out of a title shot for long. If you have any other questions, Google's your best friend. Randall, what's the Wi-Fi password in here?"

 

"I dunno, Bill, but I heard it's MARKCANTBOOK, all in caps."

 

Jack, Randall and Billy all had a good laugh among themselves as I quickly put out my cigarette and proceeded to brief the wrestlers ahead of the show. With a little luck, they'd hang on to most, if not all of my words. But between the dismissive attitudes of Messrs. Bruce, Frehley, Laramee and a good number of other workers, that little luck sure seemed hard to come by.

 

 

NEXT: The results!

[3rdStringPG]

OOC - I'm finding it harder and harder to come up with compelling card recaps, so I'll probably make them more concise going forward, and the long story-telling segments will be reserved for the backstage and office side of things.

 

I'm also trying to parlay my love of all things rock 'n' roll into giving the workers their own entrance music. So far here's what I've thought of...

 

Robbie Retro - "Lay a Little Lovin' On Me" (Robin McNamara) - it was either that or "Candy" by the Brady Bunch Kids. He may look and play the part of a disco stud (and reminds me of the Simpsons' Disco Stu), but giving him a '70s bubblegum pop theme turns up the cheese factor even higher, IMO.

 

Vengeance - "We Will Rise" (Arch Enemy) - from '70s bubblegum to present-day metal! Arch Enemy's music is perfect for Vengeance...especially considering they've got a song from their latest album called "Vengeance is Mine." (That's a 2011 album, so sadly, can't use it yet at this point.)

 

Frederique Garcia - "I Feel Love" (Kingston Wall) - We all know the deal with Freddy (his in-ring character, that is), and I had first considered Donna Summer's original version. But teaming him up with Squeeky McClean necessitated an edgier, if more obscure cover.

 

Squeeky McClean - "Reclamation" (Fugazi) - A sentimental favorite here, as this is the first Fugazi song I had ever heard, way back in my early teens.

 

Jack Bruce - "Victim of Changes" (Judas Priest) - A nod to Chris Jericho (possibly the closest real-life comparison to JB) and his love for British heavy metal on this one.

 

James Prudence and Donnie J. - "Surfin' Bird" (The Queers) - Cover of a Ramones cover of a Trashmen original...and recently "revived" by Peter Griffin. Yes, James Prudence and Donnie J. will be debuting soon in this diary, although that's all I can say at this point.

 

Currently on break from work, but I'll be posting WHFO results and a few more chapters in about 1-2 hours...

[Rickymex]

Really like those backstage segments. I really think that Bruce will have an attitude similar to that considering he's basically a more egotistical John Cena without the extreme amount of charity work.

[3rdStringPG]

Really like those backstage segments. I really think that Bruce will have an attitude similar to that considering he's basically a more egotistical John Cena without the extreme amount of charity work.

 

Thanks! Glad you're enjoying the diary. My inspiration for Bruce's character at this point was actually Shawn Michaels, circa mid-'90s, i.e. refuses to put some other main eventers over, can be a real pain in the behind in the locker room.

[3rdStringPG]

And here it is, last of the long recaps, posting it as I'd written it out anyway a couple hours back. Guess I'll leave the detailed recaps to the veterans, at least for now...

 

SWF WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER - THURSDAY, JANUARY 14, 2010

The J. Bomme Pentagon (Mid-Atlantic)

 

 

Captain Atomic vs Paul Huntingdon (Dark)

 

Dark match mainstay Huntingdon has been largely invisible since the SWF lost Uprising. Using an uncharacteristic armlock against fellow dark matcher Captain Atomic, he took the quick win in the first of two non-televised matches. These two men simply do not work well together.

 

Winner - Huntingdon in 5:08 via submission

 

Bart Biggz vs Everest (Dark)

 

And the fall of the Biggz' continues. Younger brother Bart had no defense for the Mountain Mover of 490-pound giant Elmer "Everest" Kelly.

 

Winner - Everest in 3:44 via Mountain Mover (49)

 

 

 

 

Angry Gilmore vs Marc DuBois

 

Kicking things off are two heels - a rather curious choice, but hey, it's just to get everyone warmed up. The more experienced Gilmore took nearly 8 minutes to take out DuBois with his Anger Management finisher. So far, so good, even if neither man is actively involved in a feud at this point.

 

Winner - Gilmore in 7:51 via Anger Management (67)

 

 

Back in the locker room, we've got Eric Eisen, the Son of the Boss, in the process of arguing with Rich Money.

 

Rich Money - Do we have a commissioner yet or are you still sucking at your interim job while your old man searches for a replacement? My ladder match with Remo is what it is. Don't bait-and-switch me. I beat Vengeance fair and square, and my grudge match against Remo should be inconsequential.

 

Eric Eisen (making chicken noises) - Who's the lily-liver now? Look, I'm the champion and I decide who I defend my title against. And I realized you aren't quite ready yet after all. So if you don't win convincingly against Remo tonight, your former BFF, I might just change my mind.

 

 

This segment was followed up by a rather weak spot where Dawn the Cheerleader and Hannah hyped up their men, Valiant and Giedroyc for the title defense against the newly-formed Odd Couple, consisting of Squeeky McClean and Frederique Garcia. Those two ladies look good, no question about it, but their promo skills need a lot of work.

 

 

Valiant and Giedroyc © vs the Odd Couple for Tag Team Championship

 

Making their first defense of the title, Valiant and Giedroyc fought hard, and fought fairly. Perhaps a little too fairly, as Squeeky and Freddy weren't shy about double-teaming the champions and disregarding referee warnings. Squeeky's Stain Removal on Valiant at the 8-minute mark means we have new champions!

 

Winner - The Odd Couple in 8:06 via Stain Removal (71)

 

 

Lobster Warrior - It's gonna be the King of the Ocean causin' a commotion tonight! The Runaway Train is gonna be derailed and sent chugging towards the deep, dark waters as I win one for the little Lobbys in the audience. Snap, snap, snap!

 

You get the idea, right? Lobster Warrior shooting off catchphrase after catchphrase. The kids love it, but we don't.

 

 

Lobster Warrior vs Runaway Train

 

Train made sure this match wouldn't go anywhere beyond seven minutes, flattening poor Lobby with the Train Wreck and yelling at his fallen victim to get some new lines.

 

Winner - Train in 5:33 via Train Wreck (66)

 

 

We've got a quick reminder from Eric Eisen, telling us Money vs Remo is on, and it wil be to determine Money's worthiness of facing the champ, if he is still the champ, at Nothing to Lose next month. This is quickly followed by some manager hype courtesy of Ms. Emma Chase.

 

Emma Chase - Mr. Sexy may look good, he may dress good, and he may, dare I say, wrestle good, but...

 

Brandon James - I think it's high time for the self-proclaimed Don Juan of the Squared Circle to realize that when it comes to the SWF, BIG MONEY and BIG MOVES put fans in the seats! Now...

 

Emma Chase - Beat my client, Mr. Sexy, and I'll give you a night to remember. Lose to him, and the SWF will forg...

 

Brandon James (angrily pushing a locker room chair) - LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH! Come on, Emma. We've got a match to...

 

Emma Chase - Yes, Mr. James...

 

Have these two practiced their lines or are they really supposed to be cutting each other off?

 

 

Joe Sexy vs Brandon James © for North American Championship

 

The rather unsexy Joe Sexy has made a career out of being ironic in his portrayal of a wrestling lothario. He even held the North American belt once, but he was considerably younger then. This match versus Brandon James for the title saw both men in peak form and Emma Chase showing why she's the hottest (kayfabe) sports agent in America. But she did more than distract Sexy today - she knocked him out cold with a briefcase just as she had him at "Another Emma Chase pseudo-striptease guaranteed to entertain the SWF's predominantly teenage/young adult male audience." Referee Ric Young called for the bell, giving Sexy the win via DQ, but no belt.[/i]

 

Winner - Sexy in 10:51 via DQ, Chase interference (James retains North American title) (79)

 

 

We've still got three matches remaining tonight - Jack Bruce hoping to regain the World Heavyweight Championship from Eric Eisen, Rich Money vs Remo in a non-title match that will determine Money's status as the next #1 contender, and Christian Faith vs Vengeance in a rematch of their epic cage battle at November 2009's Break Like the Wind. The fact that the winner has to escape from the top of the cage this time around means there won't be anyone out there who can interfere.

 

And here he is! Glenn Tipton and K.K. Downing's opening guitar work on Judas Priest's 1976 classic "Victim of Changes" means it's time for the Cream of the Crop, former SWF World Heavyweight champion, Jack Bruce, to hit the ring! Grabbing the microphone from color commentator Ana Garcia, the one-time Painful Procedure frontman turned solo artist even sings a few lines from "Victim of Changes", proving he is anything but a bargain-basement clone of Rob Halford. He hasn't said much to start off the year, but he sure is pumped!

 

 

Jack Bruce vs Eric Eisen © for World Heavyweight Championship

 

Time was, Eric Eisen's matches were so bad they were good. He's actually improved a lot in the ring, putting his increased bulk to good use against his challenger. Bruce was mostly on the offensive in this encounter, and he looked almost ready to seal the deal with a New York Minute, when three burly men made their way to the ring, one holding a pair of drumsticks, the other holding a breakable acoustic guitar. Randall Hopkirk, the only "unarmed" man, rushed over to keep referee Shane Stones busy, while drumstick-wielding Billy Jack Shearer and axeman Man Mountain Cahill debated on which foreign object to use. Settling on the guitar, Cahill charged the ring, whacked Bruce in the head with a devastating cheap shot, and when Stones returned to the action, Eisen was up on his feet and strong enough to pick up Bruce and take him out with the Supremacy. Painful Procedure has officially made their presence felt in the SWF! Looks like we've got a Triple Crown win for the heels tonight - the Odd Couple, Brandon James (retaining belt due to DQ) and still World Champion, Eric Eisen!

 

Like the cowardly heels they are behind the menacing appearances, Painful Procedure high-tailed it out of the ring amid boos and jeers from the audience. They were obviously working independently, as Eric Eisen's known lackey, Marat Khoklov, took their place, joining the champ in beating down the Cream of the Crop.

 

Winner - Eisen in 10:23 via Supremacy following intereference/distraction from Billy Jack Shearer, Man Mountain Cahill and Randall Hopkirk (74)

 

 

Next, we see a brief history of how Rich Money and Remo fell out last year before heading on to the penultimate encounter...

 

 

Rich Money vs Remo, Ladder Match

 

Eric Eisen doesn't care much for Remo, but he certainly hates Rich Money and wants him to suffer to earn a title shot next month. Both men showed great chemistry in the ring, developed by years working as tag team partners in The Almighty Dollar. Although Eisen tried his best to interfere against Money, the richest lone wolf in the SWF eventually grabbed the item on top of the ladder - Eric Eisen's World Heavyweight championship belt. Before Money could have a chance to make away with it, Marat Khoklov made sure that wasn't going to happen, taking out BOTH Money and Remo and returning the belt to his Svengali, the boss' youngest son. Talk about a loose cannon - Khoklov doesn't care whom he attacks, he just loves attacking people, period!

 

Winner - Money in 19:35 (86)

 

 

One last hype video before this is all over and done with, and it's for the main event - a non-title cage match between Christian Faith and Vengeance.

 

 

Christian Faith vs Vengeance, Cage Match

 

Back when he was a face working as Skull DeBones, Vengeance had established a reputation as King of the Cage Match. That was until Christian Faith proved he can hold his own in the surroundings, escaping first in last year's Break Like the Wind PPV. Still, he had assistance from Steve Frehley, a man who has also been at odds with Vengeance for some time.

 

With not a chance of anybody interfering, it took all of 22 minutes before Vengeance was finally able to escape from the top door, pausing briefly to stand on top of the cage and celebrate his victory. That celebration was enough time for Faith to stand up, make his own escape, and catch up with Vengeance on the way back to the locker room. The Unhinged One may have won the battle, but the post-match beatdown from Faith AND Frehley (who came from the locker room area) is proof positive the war isn't over yet.

 

Winner - Vengeance in 22:16 (88)

 

 

 

Final Grade - 83/B (Increases Popularity)

PPV Buyrate - 1.46

[3rdStringPG]

More ring music for SWF's finest!

 

Joe Sexy - Used to be "The Stripper" (David Rose) but I just wiki'd this up and...that was Rick Rude's theme song as well? Damn, I forgot! Better change it, even if I've got Sexy entering to the original and arguably sleazier-sounding 1960s version.

 

The Amazing Bumfholes - "Saturday Night" (Ned's Atomic Dustbin) - An early '90s cover of the Bay City Rollers' original. Somehow the Bumfholes always remind me of the Bay City Rollers, David and/or Shaun Cassidy and those other teen idols from a couple years or so before I was born.

 

Lobster Warrior - Some bastardization of "Under The Sea" from The Little Mermaid, sung off-key by one Chris Morrisette, no relation to Alanis. It could sound a little something like this... (Obviously a big Simpsons fan here!)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OosYFs3cyZ8

 

 

We'll have more segments from outside the ring in a bit...am currently working on the third week of February 2010 card.

[3rdStringPG]

A scene from the office the day after When Hell Freezes Over closes today's entries.

 

 

FRIDAY, JANUARY 15, 2010

9:00 A.M

 

While the boys headed off to party after When Hell Freezes Over, I was sleeping soundly on the SWF bus headed back to New York. Not that the boys would've invited me anyway. Great as last night was, they still weren't sold on me.

 

So that was it - B grades on my first TV card and PPV booking. And given my inexperience, the boss was very pleased with my work.

 

"Can't say When Hell Freezes Over was our best PPV ever, but you did great for a first-timer. Ditto the last Supreme TV. Also, really good call on those guys you hired. I don't like Sam Keith and he doesn't like me, but his sons can be even better individually than four Sam Keiths combined. Steven Parker, that's another guy we should look out for. We can have Carl Batch manage Death Row."

 

"Isn't that racial stereotyping?"

 

"Nahhhhh." Eisen had a sneaky grin on his face as I questioned why we should go for the obvious and potentially offensive and make Carl Batch manage Death Row. "It's ENTERTAINMENT! I don't care if Batch is blue, green, red or orange. He plays a very convincing sleazeball, therefore the best man to handle Death Row and get their career out of the rut. Now speaking of careers in the rut..."

 

I was still against Eisen's idea for Death Row. And he had so quickly shifted gears and moved on to the next topic, which was...

 

"There's a lot of dead weight in the roster. I don't need to tell you who they are, just use your best judgment. It's your job to ease them out of the picture at some point in the first quarter of 2010. Those kids we hired can't stay in developmental forever."

 

Honestly, there was only one person who could qualify for dead weight, and I hadn't given him any airtime since taking over. But who else could Eisen have been referring to? Well, Everest had been awful in the two matches I'd booked him in, and when I reprimanded him for arguing with the boss last night at When Hell Freezes Over, he could only reply condescendingly, "Fine, I get the picture." I see Enforcer Roberts as someone who'd be a good trainer for the RIPW kids, but he still had value. I've very seldom seen him fight in a match that was the drizzling s---s.

 

 

1:00 P.M.

 

"Mr. Candido, Christian Faith wants to see you..."

 

"It's Brian. Rick prefers going on a first-name basis, you do the same with me. Let him in."

 

Kathy was the new secretary, pretty efficient if a bit too formal, not bad in the looks department but no Hannah Potter. I'm not sure how much she knows about the SWF, but talk about heady stuff on her first day - ushering in Christian Faith to my office!

 

Unfortunately, Christian didn't look all too happy. Like many of the workers, he stayed in the Supreme Suites on "work" days and was a stone's throw away from the Supreme Towers. Now I haven't had anyone drop by my office, so this was a bit of a concern.

 

"Take a seat, Christian. Pretty good show you put on with Sean at When Hell Freezes Over." Sean Martyn was none other than Vengeance, a.k.a. Skull DeBones.

 

"Thanks, Brian. But that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. It's my push." Just like in his promos, Christian didn't have to scream and yell to get his point across. He was as soft-spoken offstage as he was onstage, and up to now, he was one of the few who didn't openly pick on me. "How old are you?"

 

"I'm 31. Why'd you ask?"

 

"Do you play sports?"

 

"Ran track in high school, played center field in elementary, and played basketball in neighborhood leagues back home in the Philippines. Not that good, though. I've always been a third-string point guard. And I haven't played in quite a while..."

 

"You're not washed up."

 

"Thanks, Christian, but what are you driving at?"

 

"I think you think I'm washed up." I knew it. Christian was upset over going 1-2 to start off the year.

 

"No, not at all. About that loss to Vengeance, that leaves you even in your cage matches since November 2009. And we can't have Vengeance losing twice in a row too often. You put Jack Bruce over because the storyline says it's Jack, Eric and Paul, I mean Rich fighting for the title. I'll have you winning again in no time."

 

Christian didn't seem to buy what I was saying. Staring at me intensely, he told me in no uncertain terms that that had to happen. "And it shouldn't just be against guys like DuBois, with all due respect to Marc. Angry Gilmore, Squeeky McClean, Brandon James...use your imagination! It isn't rocket science to book a card. Don't get me wrong. I'm not like some of the other guys who complain whenever they have to lose to someone. I just don't understand why I've lost twice in two weeks and had DuBois put me over."

 

"It's a harder job than one would think," I replied, not meaning to sound disrespectful. After a few more minutes of debating, he decided he'd had enough picking me apart for one day.

 

"We better start winning again, Brian. By the way, I appreciate what you did by ending my feud against Khoklov. And..."

 

And what?

 

"I'm sorry. I'm just worried about things. You know, being 43 and all. I don't want to end up like Barry." Indeed, Runaway Train wasn't the Runaway Train of old. But Christian Faith was another story, and I knew that he was far from done in the SWF.

 

Speaking of Khoklov, I was to be meeting with him in a couple of hours in another surprise office visit...

 

 

3:00 P.M.

 

"Marat says he's upset you haven't booked him in any matches this year."

 

I was now verbally sparring with Marat Khoklov through his interpreter, a young Russian raised in the United States named Vladimir. Vlad looked just as non-threatening as I did; he was short, prematurely balding, wore glasses like I did, and wore his hair in a ponytail. (OOC - Think Harvey Wippleman with Paul Heyman's hairdo, only two decades younger.)

 

"That's what we actually want out of Marat right now. We want him wailing on random opponents, especially guys like Bruce, Faith, Money and even some of the upper-card heels. That way he'll look more dangerous."

 

Vladimir paused, translated what I had to say to Marat, and gave his answer. "He said Mr. Eisen signed him to a huge contract that expires in 2014. He's invested a lot of time and money in Marat. As you're Eisen's booker, Marat sees it right that he does more than just throw his Moscow Lariat at opponents. He has to be in the ring, working a match."

 

"That match is coming soon, but I just feel he needs to become more threatening first." Was that the right thing to say? "I mean, he's already threatening, but I want him to be a loose cannon out there. He did great at When Hell Freezes Over. He has to be an equal opportunity monster, beating down on faces and heels."

 

Again, Vladimir provided his translation to Marat. To my surprise, the big guy said to his translator in heavily accented English, "I'll handle this."

 

With that, Marat grabbed me by my shirt collar. "GIVE ME MATCH TUESDAY OR THERE BE HELL TO PAY!!!" Then he and Vladimir exited the office, confident that they'd gotten the message across.

 

I quickly checked my cell phone to see whom I could text regarding their dreaded encounter with the Russian giant. And I could count the number of workers whose numbers I'd gotten with one hand. But one text had gotten my attention more so than the spam my former bandmates from California were sending me...

 

"Hey Brian, gr8 job at WHFO! See u on Tue, have a gr8 weekend!"

 

Oh, Hannah. I will be seeing you in the smokers' lounge...if there is one available. Thank you for getting my name right! And I hope Jack Bruce isn't there with his old Painful Procedure cronies...