WWF 1991 : Dirt in My Eye

[tizzyt]

1991: I Saw You Kicking Dirt in My Eye

A Diary

 

January 1, 1991

 

Two after Twelve in the morning, Dick Clark has just ushered in the New Year for the 75th year straight (or so it seems) and the Central and Eastern areas of the United States are currently swimming in a steady flow of intoxication. Except for me. Okay, maybe that was a pretentious statement to make, I'm sure I'm not the ONLY sober one on New Years, I'm sure some "Friends of Bill" and other sensible civilians are being responsible, boring souls tonight.

 

You'll have to forgive me, I'm not normally this close to an outburst of rage, but you have to understand that I'm dealing with a lot of issues here today. You see, about a month ago, I was sitting in my office and while I was reading an article in the paper, Vince McMahon walked into my office. No, seriously, THE Vince McMahon walked into my office. Don't sound so surprised, I already work for him, as a matter of fact, I work with him on a near daily basis. As I was saying, Vince walked into my office and I heard the door shut behind him and I didn't even look up, I already knew why he was there. What happened next changed my life in a way that nobody could ever truly believe. I heard a grunt, followed by another grunt, and then an exasperated "Oh God" and then it happened; the worst case of explosive diarrhea I have ever heard in my life.

 

You may be asking yourself, "Why in God's name is Vince McMahon using the bathroom in this guy's office?!", well the answer is simple, humanoid, the bathroom IS my office. Do you really think that they'd give me an office in this dump? But at any rate, the man who never gets sick has a case of the stomach flu, either that or he just found the cure for cancer and flushed it out of his system, I have no clue, I'm not going to examine it.

 

About a week later, we were cutting things together for TV when he and Monsoon were talking about the plans for the new year when my name was mentioned, I perked my ears up, only to find out that the two buffoons were talking about Gorilla and I running things for a bit while Vince dealt with some kind of investigation. I knew at that moment that it was pointless to argue. So I've been stuck at "Titan Towers" for days on end, attending boring meetings and annoying conference calls and all of this just to book a show or two. I wonder if Verne could use me? I almost think I'd like it better there with his kid and Brunzell jumping around me.

 

I'm Bobby "The Brain" Heenan – And this is MY 1991... Anyone got a bullet?

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