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MAIN EVENT TAG TEAM GRUDGE MATCH


Hawkeye Calhoun and Skippy the Clown vs Sheik Ali Al-Avatar and The Grapple Goblin

 


Also Featuring:

 


Leopard King vs Mad Dog Mortimer

 


Anders Thunder vs Yellow Belly Billy

 


And


Jazz Funk vs The Canadian Executioner

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MAIN EVENT TAG TEAM GRUDGE MATCH

Hawkeye Calhoun and Skippy the Clown vs Sheik Ali Al-Avatar and The Grapple Goblin

 

Also Featuring:

 

Leopard King vs Mad Dog Mortimer

 

Anders Thunder vs Yellow Belly Billy

 

And

Jazz Funk vs The Canadian Executioner

 

Tickets Half-Price with a Flying J Customer Loyalty Card!

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<p>"Failed Amateur League Mascot" Hawkeye Calhoun and "Nice Shoes" Skippy the Clown vs <strong>"Ramble, Old Man, Ramble" Sheik Ali Al-Avatar and "Popcorn Stealer" The Grapple Goblin</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>"Skinny Tight" Leopard King</strong> vs "Bark, Doesn't Bite!" Mad Dog Mortimer</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>"Failed Russian Experiment" Anders Thunder</strong> vs "DWN" Yellow Belly Billy </p><p> </p><p>

"Scam Southerner" Jazz Funk vs <strong>"Too Polite" The Canadian Executioner</strong></p>

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<p>Oh my, this is awesome! I love these comedy diaries, and yours is perfect. </p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Hawkeye Calhoun and Skippy the Clown</strong> vs Sheik Ali Al-Avatar and The Grapple Goblin</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Leopard King</strong> vs Mad Dog Mortimer</p><p> </p><p>

Anders Thunder vs <strong>Yellow Belly Billy</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Jazz Funk vs <strong>The Canadian Executioner</strong></p>

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<p>Hawkeye Calhoun and Skippy the Clown vs <strong>Sheik Ali Al-Avatar and The Grapple Goblin</strong></p><p>

<em>The She-Goblins even the score.</em></p><p> </p><p>

Leopard King vs <strong>Mad Dog Mortimer</strong></p><p>

<em>Dog beats cat.</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Anders Thunder</strong> vs Yellow Belly Billy</p><p>

<em>I expect the cops called as YBB screams every time he is headbutted by Norse Thunder.</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Jazz Funk</strong> vs The Canadian Executioner</p><p>

<em>I'm sorry Jazz that we made you do this.</em></p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i.imgur.com/uNqgQ1T.jpg</span><p>

<strong>Phil Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"And welcome back to Vibert's Voice, sponsored this week by Peter Michaels' Sirracha, it'll give your food a kick harder than a rented mule! Now with my weekly sellout sesh over with, it's time for one of our monthly segments with Marshall from Macon, Marsh are you there?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marshall From Macon:</strong></p><p>

"Ungh...not so loud..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Marsh, you ok, buddy?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Truckstop had booze, nuff said."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Marsh!"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"I had 'em after I got home from the show, mom, and trust me, I needed them."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"You can't see it but I'm rubbing my hands together."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"You can't see it but I'm flipping you off."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"You get your money?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Yes."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Sooooo?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"[Audible Sigh] It's time for-"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<span style="font-size:36px;"><strong>SHOVELING THE WRESTLECRAP</strong></span></p><p><span style="font-size:36px;"><strong>

WITH MARSHALL FROM MACON!</strong></span></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Gaaaaaaaaaaah, whyyyyyyyy!?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Loud noises, the best hangover cure there is, now let's get down to business, how was the venue?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Well it was literally a vacant lot next to a truckstop so...loud, dirty, and kind of the antithesis of 'Family Friendly', I counted like nine kids and fifty truckers, former probably being the kids of the latter."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Now when you say loud, how loud we talking here?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"...we'll get to that, trust me."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"First match?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"First match, the clash of <a href="http://i.imgur.com/yDytQDT.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Anders Thunder</a> against <a href="http://i.imgur.com/WlzTpjl.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Yellow Belly Billy</a>."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Yellow Belly Billy?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Some jobber, don't know who it was, really. This match went longer than the one he had against Mad Dog Mortimer."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Was it-"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Nope, not competitive at all, this dingus in the mask just ran around screaming for a while until Thunder did that dumb headbutt of his to get the win."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Christ."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Yeah, I don't think our Billy has a bright future with this company. Moving on, as Anders was leaving he was bumped into by a new guy that eventually got announced as <a href="http://i.imgur.com/GCwYpaQ.jpg" rel="external nofollow">The Canadian Executioner</a>, and the two of them kinda stared each other down as the truckers picked up a 'Whoop his ass' chant. Ain't got a clue who that was directed at but hey, whatever gets you over, right?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"At least it wasn't a USA chant."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Oh those come later."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Damn it."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"So Thunder lumbers his way to the back and we get treated to the one...the only...<a href="http://i.imgur.com/sjX02zr.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Jazz Funk</a>, who danced his way down to the ring and cut a promo may as well have been, "Hello, I am a face, this guy is a heel, you can tell because he's Canadian and not American, yay America!" But with like a whole lot of shucking and jiving, which didn't really go down well with a bunch of good 'ole boys that'd get the Confederate flag tattooed on their faces if they could get away with it."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"So basically..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"It was White Trash Alien vs Predator down there: Whoever Wins, We're Still Drunk And Pissy. Anyway, Executioner seems to be gettin' primed to be Thunder's first real challenge...which is ridiculous because even when he's squashin' Funky boy here he was still blown up in minutes. I pray for whatever damn chump has to watch the showdown between those two lugs."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"...."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"God I hate you. Anyway, after the obvious victory for Executioner-he pinned him off a damn suplex, I s*** thee not-Thunder came out to save Funk from a beatdown. Problem is, Executioner's too damn gassed to beat off much less beat down-"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Marsh that's disgusting."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Oh I'm sorry, were you expecting highbrow humor from a truckstop? So Executioner was just kinda whacking Jazz's back with all the ferocity of a three year old with a wiffleball bat when Thunder comes waddling on out and half-brawls half-carries Executioner to the back, damn near the most pathetic thing I ever did see. I'd be surprised if they don't just feed this guy to Thunder in and one-and-done and send him back up north. ...huh."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Huh?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Ohhhh, I see what I did here in my notes. I wrote 'Cats Rule, Dogs Drool, This Booker's Cruel'...'cause our next segment is our 'Ole Buddy <a href="https://i.imgur.com/IJr3EV4.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Mad Dog Mortimer</a> cutting a promo on how he's an old hound dog...a mean spiteful angry old hound dog and he's better than a cat-"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"What?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Any cat, even, he's the best there is and can always beat up a cat because he is a dog."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Marsh, you cannot be serious."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Okay, dammit, ya got me, damn eighteen wheeler drove by honkin it's horn the whole time this was going on so I got no ****in' idea what him or the next jackass said. All I know is that this guy is a Dog Man and the other one is a <a href="https://i.imgur.com/p0w7Aap.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Leopard King</a> in a singlet so damn tight it made me worry about the circulation to his bait'n tackle and they're gonna fight while making super uncomfortable sounds at each other. Y'know what? That's all your getting as far as the match is concerned too because frankly I needed a shower after it was over, Leopard King rolled Mad Dog up and pinned him and that's that. Eugh..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Hey stay with me, Marsh, I'm pretty sure you only got one more match left."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"I know, it's like staring down the last shot in a drinking contest but screw it,</p><p>

here we go! No promo for our main event, probably because of the semi truck debacle, so it's straight into the main event: <a href="http://i.imgur.com/CrUO0er.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Skippy</a> and <a href="http://i.imgur.com/pmVTnQx.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Hawkeye</a> with 'Gee I'm Useless' <a href="http://i.imgur.com/PFpePUw.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Gianna</a> taking on <a href="http://i.imgur.com/1QjhrTV.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Sheik Ali Al-Avatar</a> and the Grapple Goblin-"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"I believe you mean..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Oh right:</p><p> </p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/S7E95jc.jpg</span></p><p>

<strong>"THE GRAPPLE GOBLIN!"</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Pfffahahahaha, god that's so ****ing silly looking."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Oh he was in full form this time, running all over the joint, trying to snag Hawkeye's baseball bat before the match started, pretty sure he tried to snag a guy's cigarette at one point. If he's anything, he's into the character, which is really the only thing he is because holy hell was this match a mess. Little to no tags, sloppy brawling all over the place, breaking off the whole thing to go after some drunk guy who was trying to get grabby with Gianna-"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Really?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Oh yeah, Redwood came out and hit him with a bottle, I **** thee not...also I'm pretty sure he stole a lottery ticket the guy was working on earlier in the show, Redwood gonna Redwood. But yeah, whole thing ended with a hot tag to Hawkeye after an extended heat section on Skippy, but-"</p><p> </p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/S7E95jc.jpg</span></p><p>

<strong>"Grapple Goblin-"</strong></p><p> </p><p>

"-sloppily distracted the ref and Sheiky low blowed then elbow dropped him for the pin."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Lord..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Yyyyep, so, have they gone out of business yet? Check the website."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"Pulling it up...uhm...quite the opposite. Redwood won the Georgia State Lottery."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"WHAT!?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Phil:</strong></p><p>

"We'll see you next month, folks."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"HE STOLE THAT TICKET! STOLE IT! THIS WIN IS FRAUDULENT I TELL YOU!</p><p>

FRAUDULEEEEEEENT!!"</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p>Congrats to Kitzaru and skinsfan for winning this time's prediction contest.</p><p> </p><p>

Your prize is to get to book the gimmick matches the following will take place in:</p><p> </p><p>

Skippy the Clown vs Grapple Goblin (skinsfan)</p><p> </p><p>

Anders Thunder vs Sheik Ali Al-Avatar (Kitzaru)</p><p> </p><p>

Also if it's all the same to you Kitzaru, I've chosen Arab, Alabama as the place the next event will take place at.</p>

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<p>Winning again! <img alt=":cool:" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/cool.png.f00d2562b2c1d873a09323753efdb041.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> </p><p>

What do you mean by booking: choose the winner or also the gimmick match type? I'll send a PM with my weapon of choice.</p>

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<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Kitarzu" data-cite="Kitarzu" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="43470" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Winning again! <img alt=":cool:" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/cool.png.f00d2562b2c1d873a09323753efdb041.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><p> </p><p> What do you mean by booking: choose the winner or also the gimmick match type? I'll send a PM with my weapon of choice.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Gimmick match</p>
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  • 3 weeks later...

<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i.imgur.com/oIa0sct.jpg</span><p>

<strong>WRESTLERS OF MASS DESTRUCTION PRESENTS:</strong></p><p><strong>

ARAB ANARCHY</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Arab Community Center, Arab Alabama</p><p>

Doors open @ 5:00 PM, Belltime @7:00 PM</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>MAIN EVENT</strong></p><p><strong>

GOBLIN'S GROTTO MATCH</strong></p><p>

SKIPPY THE CLOWN VS THE GRAPPLE GOBLIN</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>IRANIAN CARPET BAZAAR MATCH</strong></p><p>

ANDERS THUNDER VS SHEIK ALI AL-AVATAR</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>HARDCORE MATCH</strong></p><p>

LEOPARD KING VS MAD DOG MORTIMER</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>SINGLES MATCH</strong></p><p>

THE SILENCER VS YELLOW BELLY BILLY</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p>GOBLIN'S GROTTO MATCH</p><p>

SKIPPY THE CLOWN VS <strong>THE GRAPPLE GOBLIN</strong></p><p>

<em>Grapple Goblin don't lose its own stipulation. Besides, it needs a win.</em></p><p> </p><p>

IRANIAN CARPET BAZAAR MATCH</p><p>

ANDERS THUNDER VS SHEIK ALI AL-AVATAR</p><p>

<em>Again, I'm thinking the Sheik won't lose his own gimmick match, but I'll make the crazy call here and predict a draw</em></p><p> </p><p>

HARDCORE MATCH</p><p>

<strong>LEOPARD KING</strong> VS MAD DOG MORTIMER</p><p>

<em>He ain't nothin' but a hound dog and a jobbing one at that</em></p><p> </p><p>

SINGLES MATCH</p><p>

<strong>THE SILENCER</strong> VS YELLOW BELLY BILLY</p><p>

<em>America, F*** yeah beats 'Murica</em> #PushSilencer</p>

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GOBLIN'S GROTTO MATCH

SKIPPY THE CLOWN VS THE GRAPPLE GOBLIN

I'm with Dark Raider on this one.

 

IRANIAN CARPET BAZAAR MATCH

ANDERS THUNDER VS SHEIK ALI AL-AVATAR

You might be able to pay me to watch this match, but you probably don't have that kind of cash laying around.

 

HARDCORE MATCH

LEOPARD KING VS MAD DOG MORTIMER

Dogs and cats are living together! Mass Hysteria!

 

SINGLES MATCH

THE SILENCER VS YELLOW BELLY BILLY

I kind of feel bad for Billy, so I am taking him in this one.

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GOBLIN'S GROTTO MATCH

"Happy Feet" SKIPPY THE CLOWN VS "Pointing The Sky" THE GRAPPLE GOBLIN

 

IRANIAN CARPET BAZAAR MATCH

"Meatballs" ANDERS THUNDER VS "Finally...Home?" SHEIK ALI AL-AVATAR

 

HARDCORE MATCH

"Singlet Warrior" LEOPARD KING VS "Cat Scared" MAD DOG MORTIMER

 

SINGLES MATCH

"Make Some Noise" THE SILENCER VS "Ballin'" YELLOW BELLY BILLY

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Goblin's Grotto Match

Winner: Grapple Goblin

Reason: It's his signature match, he shouldn't be losing it.

 

Iranian Carpet Bazaar Match

Winner: No winner, it's a draw.

Reason: While Sheikh Ali glorious he, Ali El-Avatar shouldn't be losing his signature match either Anders Thunder is the guy you're building as a top babyface. Double KO or somesuch allows both me to save face.

 

Hardcore Match

Winner: Mad Dog Mortimer

Reason: I don't know, he just seems like he'd be better at hardcore wrestling then Leopard King.

 

Singles Match

Winner: The Silencer

Reason: While the man under the Yellow Belly Billy mask is quite talented, he's clearly meant to be a jobber. Besides, The Silencer shouldn't be losing his debut match.

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<p>GOBLIN'S GROTTO MATCH</p><p>

SKIPPY THE CLOWN VS <strong>THE GRAPPLE GOBLIN</strong></p><p> </p><p>

"THE GRAPPLE GOBLIN!"</p><p> </p><p>

IRANIAN CARPET BAZAAR MATCH</p><p>

ANDERS THUNDER VS <strong>SHEIK ALI AL-AVATAR</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The hometown hero wins!</p><p> </p><p>

HARDCORE MATCH</p><p>

<strong>LEOPARD KING</strong> VS MAD DOG MORTIMER</p><p> </p><p>

Leopards >>> Dogs, law of nature, that</p><p> </p><p>

SINGLES MATCH</p><p>

<strong>THE SILENCER</strong> VS YELLOW BELLY BILLY</p><p> </p><p>

Yellow-bellied wuss can't beat nothing.</p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i.imgur.com/uNqgQ1T.jpg</span><p>

<strong>Phil Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"And welcome back to Vibert's Voice, folks I got a special surprise for you, the guest from our last segment has decided to stick around, none other than Mr. Shane Sneer!"</p><p> </p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/8zP02K2.jpg</span></p><p>

<strong>Shane Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Always a pleasure, Phil."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Now Shane, how much do you know about your local wrestling scene?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Y'know not much, I do the average con appearance, manage an old Sneer Corp. guy in an indy if I'm invited, the typical old fart routine."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Interesting, very interesting, so you HAVEN'T heard about the topic of today's discussion, then."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Not really, should I?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marshall From Macon:</strong></p><p>

"HELL NO! STAY AWAY! HERE THERE BE DIPSH**TS!"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Who the heck was that?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Now Marsh that's very unprofessional, you're supposed to wait for your cue."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Nope, nopenopenope! You ain't gonna trick the former owner of SCCW into going to this travesty, no sir!"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"I'm very confused..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Shane this is Marshall From Macon, he does a monthly segment on my show about-"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"The biggest sh**show on the face of the planet!"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Wrestlers of Mass Destruction, a plucky little company ran by an old friend of yours."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Don't remember any of my friends opening a company..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Phil you liar, Giant Redwood is nobody's friend."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Come again? You said Giant Redwood?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Yep."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"The same Giant Redwood who was USPW champion around the same time the company was struggling to get above regional popularity?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"The same."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Well hell, boys, you should've told me that in the first place. I gotta hear what that old con man is up to."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"In that case it's time for another edition of:"</p><p> </p><p>

<span style="font-size:36px;"><strong>SHOVELING THE WRESTLECRAP</strong></span></p><p><span style="font-size:36px;"><strong>

WITH MARSHALL FROM MACON!</strong></span></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"CHRIST!"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Yeah he does that."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Phil I was lucky to get to my age with my hearing intact, mind helping me stay that way?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Sorry, that's my favorite part, well aside from the Grapple Goblin."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Grapple Goblin?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Oh we'll get to him, but first off let's set the scene, Arab Anarchy in Ay-Rab Alabama."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Ay-rab?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Yeah, did some digging, apparently it's called that because of a typo of the founder's name 'Arad' pronounced Ay-Rad. Just in case you guys thought Sheik Ali Al-Avatar-"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"WHAT!? SOMEONE HIRED THAT MANIAC!?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Hired? He's the booker."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"I'm gonna need some whiskey..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"So we're at this community center, on an indoor basketball court, so this is the closest thing we got to an actual wrestling venue since the last two were outside a truckstop and inside a church."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"I'm pretty sure it's against the law for Giant Redwood to be anywhere near one of those."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"It is now, just ask the pastor. But yeah, place is generic as hell, like someone straight up chose a generic venue for a video game or something. </p><p>

First match saw <a href="http://i.imgur.com/bEMyy0y.jpg" rel="external nofollow">The Silencer</a> absolutely bludgeoning <a href="http://i.imgur.com/WlzTpjl.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Yellow Belly Billy</a> in the span of two minutes, beating him to a pulp before putting him away by a pumphandle running powerslam. Like that match, Mr. Sneer?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sheer:</strong></p><p>

"Well that didn't really sound like much of a match, more like a squash you wouldn't see outside a B-show-no, I take that back-a C-show."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Well I'm happy to report that's the only match the whole night without a gimmick, and hoo boy do we have some gimmicks here."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Guess you should make that whiskey a double, Shane."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sheer:</strong></p><p>

"Actually I think I wanna stay stone cold sober for this now. Keep going, Marsh."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Welp, then we had <a href="http://i.imgur.com/IJr3EV4.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Mad Dog Mortimer-</a>"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sheer:</strong></p><p>

"The hell'd they hire him for?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Shane if you keep asking that, we're never gonna finish this review."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sheer:</strong></p><p>

"...changed my mind, getting that whiskey."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Mad Dog comes out and starts taunting his opponent tonight, <a href="http://i.imgur.com/p0w7Aap.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Leopard King</a> about how he-being a dog-is better equipped for a hardcore bout than King, a cat."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Oh they're going whole hog on the Cat/Dog rivalry thing?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Frankly I'd have been insulted if they didn't. Anyway King hauls his tubby ass on out there and the good news is they fixed the tight singlet problem. The bad news is, they did it via giving him briefs that'd get ya thrown off a beach in Florida."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Well I'm going to have some nightmares tonight."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Good. So these two jackasses get brawling and they're all over the damn place, just throwing the slowest fakest punches this side of a drunk Peter Valentine I've ever seen. Like they're trying to hit each other with bags of popcorn, except at one point they DID hit each other with bags of popcorn and it was damn harder than the actual punches! Let's see here...blah blah blah, brawl brawl brawl, Leopard puts ketchup on Mad Dog's arm and bites it-that got an honest laugh out of me, fairplay-oh then we get the finish. Mad Dog tells the referee that the one guy they got recording this debacle tried to take a swing at him, then when the ref turned his back, he yanked a pair of brass knuckles out of his tights and smashed King in the jaw with them. One two three, we're booking this even stevens I guess."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Uh..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Yeah let me just ask Shane's question for him, Marsh, wasn't this a hardcore match? Why'd he need to distract the-"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Really, Phil? You're gonna ask me that question? For THIS promotion?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Shane and Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Good point."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"So with that little bit of ultraviolence out of the way in this family friendly promotion, we get hefty dose of TNA when <a href="http://i.imgur.com/PFpePUw.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Gianna</a> awkwardly danced her way out and tossed t-shirts at the fans while jiggling her jiggly bits. </p><p>

Not much to really say here, at least she didn't try and cut a promo, that would've been a disaster...speaking of which out next came <a href="http://i.imgur.com/1QjhrTV.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Sheik Ali Al-Avatar</a> with a microphone to cut a promo."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Shane:</strong></p><p>

"WHO GIVES THIS GUY A MIC!?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Who gave that guy the pencil?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"I would assume Giant Redwood would be the answer to both those questions."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"So he starts cutting this anti-USA promo and I get a hankering for popcorn thanks to the last match."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Marsh what did I tell you about professionalism?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"I could hear him through the speakers just fine, in fact that's the point really. I head over to the concessions, get myself a popcorn and a Dr. Thunder because of course these morons couldn't get the name brand soda to sell, and I come back and he's been going this whole time. Well then I realize I really gotta take a number one in the bathroom and wouldn't you know it I can hear him in there still yakking it up, so I come back and I think 'Well goddamn, maybe I should start timing this'. So I set a stopwatch on my phone and just sit there, not even really listening because he really started repeating himself eventually while the ring crew were kinda taking the mat off the ring and uhm...replacing it with the main gimmick of our matchup: Persian Rugs."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Persian Rugs?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Persian motherf***ing Rugs. I figure that marathon promo-oh, it turned out to last ten or so minutes AFTER I started the stopwatch so we're looking at a soft fifteen minutes for that thing-"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Shane:</strong></p><p>

[sounds of gulping whiskey] "Ahhhh...continue."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"So finally out comes <a href="http://i.imgur.com/yDytQDT.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Anders Thunder</a> because this match wasn't unsafe enough already and the two just immediately start brawling with each other, the polar opposite to the handbags we got last match as in it's just a tubby old man and a roid freak just slamming fists at each other like two drunk frat boys who just found out they're dating the same girl. The match was hard to watch because these two were just smashing themselves onto what's under the mat except it's just barely covered by these damn rugs and they might as well be going at it on the court, so I figure when two minutes in, Anders hit a huge clothesline on Sheik and pinned him that was that."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Sounds about right, I"m guess that wasn't the case?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Nope, because then the ref starts counting to ten, we're using Texas Deathmatch rules for this apparently."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Christ..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"So yeah, these two morons trade falls for a while, just getting back up as soon as the ref starts the count, and then suddenly Sheik hits a stiff punch to Thunder's jaw and BREAKS THE DAMN THING!"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

[sharp intake of breath] "Oof, that happened to me once back in the DAVE days, not pretty."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Yeah, wasn't really good for the two in the ring either, because they called an audible quite clearly and Thunder just whacked him with his helmet and got the win before getting spirited to the back holding his jaw, Sheik in pursuit-not selling a bit."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Damn, that musta been bad."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Oh yeah, no, they're pushing this guy hard, they didn't want the fans seeing his ****ed jaw, so we get to our main event early it seems and what a match it is: A Goblin's Grotto match."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Goblin's Grotto, ey? Weird to have two specialty matches in a row, especially with them being the main event and the semi."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"So what does a Goblin's Grotto match entail exactly?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Well it's very simple, you get a big kiddy pool full of mud and then you have two jackasses wrestle in it."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"...it's just mud wrestling?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Well yes, but this particular mud wrestling is special. It involves the-</p><p> </p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/S7E95jc.jpg</span></p><p>

<strong>Grapple Goblin!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sheer:</strong></p><p>

"Pfffbahahaha! What in Sam Hill is that thing!?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"That'd be the Grapple Goblin-"</p><p> </p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/S7E95jc.jpg</span></p><p>

<strong>Grapple Goblin!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

[Laughter]</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"And yes, he's going to pull that picture up every time someone says Grapple Goblin-"</p><p> </p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/S7E95jc.jpg</span></p><p><strong>

Grapple Goblin!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"Which is why I'm going to refer to him as either Goblin or Him from now on. Loophole, ya see. Anyway yeah, it's that guy versus <a href="http://i.imgur.com/CrUO0er.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Skippy The Clown</a>, aka Skip Beau from CGC ripping off Whippy's gimmick in what is essentially mud wrestling."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Gonna finish off that whiskey, Shane?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Ain't enough whiskey in the world."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"So yeah, it's pretty much a comedy affair, these two dinguses rolling around and splashing mud everywhere, even got some on my popcorn which I promptly tossed in the garbage. Bastards. Anyway, y'know how darkness is just the absence of light?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Yeah?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"This match is the absence of moves. I swear I counted, one, ONE move between either of these doofuses that wasn't rolling around, attempting to pin, or just trying to get up because the mud was so damn thick for some reason. That move was Skippy landing a body splash on...his opponent-"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Dang it..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"-which got him the three...except it clearly wasn't supposed to be because the ref hesitated, and Skippy was visibly trying to get his shoulder out of the damn mud before they all just decided to put us out of our misery."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"..."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Shane?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"...heheheheh...hahahahaha..."[bursts into a laughing fit]</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Well Marsh, you broke booking legend, Shane Sneer."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"*I* broke him!? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KEEPS PAYING ME TO REPORT ABOUT THIS ****SHOW!"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

[Laughing continues]</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Are we done?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"No we're not, because then ANDERS runs back out with a ****ing cloth wrapped around his head, but he stops because he was obviously supposed to stop a post match beatdown by Grapple Goblin-oh *** damn i-"</p><p> </p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/S7E95jc.jpg</span></p><p>

<strong>Grapple Goblin!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"-but since Skippy won, he's just running out for no reason until Sheik shows up behind him and just starts screaming a promo at him while throwing clubbing blows at him and then the <a href="http://i.imgur.com/GCwYpaQ.jpg" rel="external nofollow">Canadian Executioner</a> just shows up to join in the beating and smack the crap out of the already injured Anders while Skippy finally manages to get Goblin out of the mud and then has to turn around to take a low blow before Silencer comes back to even the odds or some stupid crap like that and eventually the whole mess just ends with the 'Foreigners'-I kid you not somewhere in this Sheik called the three heels that-running off with the faces standing tall. And THAT'S WMD Arab Anarchy, I need a drink, perhaps one of yours, Mr. Sneer."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

[sounds of a chair falling over, uncontrollable laughter interspersed with the the words 'Those dumbf***'s' multiple times]</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Welp that does it for this time, folks, barring any backstage scuttlebutt,</p><p>

Marsh."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"No, because there was an actual backstage this time."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Well then we'll see you next month, Marsh?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Marsh:</strong></p><p>

"I hate you."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vibert:</strong></p><p>

"Didn't hear a no, so for Marshall from Macon, and Shane Sneer-who I hope is still alive-I'm Phil Vibert and we'll see you next time on Vibert's Voice."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Sneer:</strong></p><p>

"Christ I gotta see this..."</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p><strong>PREDICTION CONTEST RESULTS</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Congrats to The Mighty Davidson for managing to predict my capricious whims and get 2 matches correct. For your victory, you sir get to name...</p><p> </p><p>

THE FIRST WMD TITLE EVER</p><p> </p><p>

...not the title holder, the name of the title, a tournament title to be exact, for next month will feature a tournament!</p><p> </p><p>

And it will also feature a special prediction contest harkening back to our first, instead of the results I want you all to guess...</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>WHO WILL HAVE THIS HORRIBLE GIMMICK?</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/tkPoTX7.png</span></p><p> </p><p>

Hint: He's over 30 years old and this gimmick is a clone of the Hippie (Weasel) gimmick found in the Mammoth gimmicks mod that I've supplemented the cornellverse database with.</p>

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The first WMD title shall be called the Mother of all Bada**es Heavyweight Title or the MOAB Title for short. So named because Giant Redwood REALLY wanted to use the acronym, also because he was drunk. <img alt=":D" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />
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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i.imgur.com/oIa0sct.jpg</span><p>

<strong>WRESTLERS OF MASS DESTRUCTION PRESENTS:</strong></p><p><strong>

THE 1ST ANNUAL MOAB TOURNAMENT</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Americus Elementary School, Americus Georgia</p><p>

Doors open @ 5:00 PM, Belltime @7:00 PM</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>TOURNAMENT QUARTERFINAL MATCHES</strong></p><p>

Skippy The Clown vs Sheik Ali Al-Avatar</p><p>

The Silencer vs A Mystery Opponent</p><p>

Anders Thunder vs Mad Dog Mortimer</p><p>

Canadian Executioner vs Hawkeye Calhoun</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>NON TOURNAMENT MATCHES</strong></p><p>

Jazz Funk vs The Grapple Goblin</p><p>

Leopard King vs Yellow Belly Billy</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>OOC REMINDER:</strong></p><p>

The Card is not for prediction contest purposes, please refer to the previous post for this show's prediction contest.</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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