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CornellVerse | Deep Impact Wrestling | Why We Fight

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Narrated by Josh Rosenberg



Life can be weird as hell sometimes. It was 2 a.m. when my phone began ringing, my mobile provider's obnoxious jingle reverberating throughout my studio.


"Sh*t," I said to myself. "What kind of human being calls at this f***ing hour?"


I fumbled around my apartment looking for my phone. Clearing my desk with one swipe, I find my phone buried under a bunch of scripts. The papers fly around my apartment, littering the floor.


I answer, grouchy as sh*t.



"...uh, hi. Josh?" responds a gruff, Australian accent.


"Yes. This is him," I said, in the most possibly annoyed voice.


"F***, sorry. Forgot you were in New York. It's me, Floyd."


Got damn it.


It took me a second to recognize the improper Australian venacular of Floyd Black. He's better known as the Comedian, part-time professional wrestler, part-time business man, full-time bad ass.




Floyd "The Comedian" Black


"Got damn it Floyd. I thought I was going to get some sleep tonight. How's business?"


The Comedian owns Deep Impact Wrestling, a counter-cultural cult favorite in the Australian wrestling scene. It's brash, it's brutal, but there's a bit of art to it. In 2014, my crew and I spent 6 months in Australia filming
Why We Fight
, a documentary about its resistance against conforming to mainstream professional wrestling. It wasn't Tchaikovsky, but it articulated a fix of violent, hardcore action in a brutally romantic way.


"F***ing awful if I'm honest. That f***er McMinister recently poached The Apocalypse, and Hamstead and that piece of sh** Tristram Day and his f***ing travesty of a company won't stop expanding. Even those damn Kiwis are getting a goddam leg up on us."


McMinister, as Floyd is referring to, is James J McMinister, owner of Australian Pro Wrestling, DIW's biggest rival. The Apocalypse are a rip-off of famous wrestling tag-team The Lords of War, and Hamstead is Scottie Hamstead, a wrestler who calls himself the Hammer. Hamstead had left before I filmed
Why We Fight
but The Apocalypse were a big part of the film. Tristram Day owned Revolution Australian Wrestling, one of the fastest rising wrestling companies in the world. Since I had last covered Australian wrestling, they were poised to corner the entire market. Kiwi is slang for New Zealander, and Floyd is referring to ZEN, a New Zealand-based wrestling company ran by some guy named Halloween Knight. Last time I checked, ZEN was on the brink of going out of business.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Floyd."


"Save your sh** sympathy. I'm not calling you because I need an ear to b**** to. I'm calling you because I need your f***ing help."


"Uhh, I'll help how I can, but-"


Floyd cuts me off.


"I know you can write, Rosenberg. I've seen all those f***king documentaries on Reverie. Good sh** aye. So I thought, wrestling, documentaries, same f***ing sh**. Talent is talent. So I want you, Josh, to book Deep Impact Wrestling."


"Floyd, you do know that filming a documentary has literally NOTHING in common with writing a damn wrestling show?"


"Can't be that f***ing hard. That f***head Vincent Victory can do it, I don't see why you can't. Are you working on any projects right now?"


"Well I'm doing this podcast that airs week-"


He cuts me off again.


He's not a people person


"Drop it. Make sure you have a passport. First flight from JFK to Brisbane leaves at 7 a.m. I'll send that sh** to you through email."


"Are you crazy?"




"Nevermind, don't answer that. Even if I do try this crazy thing you're asking me to do, how the hell do you exactly expect me to run a WRESTLING show? Don't you see that I'm grossly unqualified in every way to do this?"


I can hear a deep breath


"Listen, I know I'm being a bit of an a**hole. But
Why We Fight
is the best thing to ever happen to DIW. Probably the only f***ing reason we're still even in business. Those damn debt vultures. Listen, I'm in a bad place with this company. But it seems like you, Josh, are the little bit of good luck through a series of unfortunate events called DIW. Maybe you don't know what the f*** you're doing. But neither do I or Jim. Who knows. Maybe you might be the f***ing reason we win this bullsh** ass war in Australia."


With no f***ing clue to what I was doing, that's how I became the head booker of Deep Impact Wrestling.




Deep Impact Wrestling

This Is Why We Fight

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As a man with a passion for the Australian scene. I am following this until it dies.


I am actually curious as DIW is the company I haven't done much with and usually don't poach anyone from aside from Tombstone. Following this with a lot of vested interest.

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As a man with a passion for the Australian scene. I am following this until it dies.


I am actually curious as DIW is the company I haven't done much with and usually don't poach anyone from aside from Tombstone. Following this with a lot of vested interest.


I'll do a roster reveal the next few days, but the roster is great for entertainment: both Comedian and Pinn are SWF grade mic workers. Neither are great in-ring but they're safe and consistent.


Tombstone is probably your future: 26, all-rounder and the 3rd most over on the roster.


Vaughan will likely rise in pop if you use him in angles because he has a great look. Not horrible in-ring either.


Other than that, I'm going to have to play around with the lower cards to see who shows promise. There is quite a cast of free agents in Australia so we'll have to see!

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Oh I recently signed Vaughan and he has been useful been building up into a decent midcard player due to his Menace. Enjoying his look.


I am really interested in seeing Panther get used as I really like his look but have never used him before.


As you said the Australian Free Agents are stacked, some decent looks are Molokai Milk, Surfer Dude Lucas, Lothar Prellinger has a great unique look. I could talk all day about the Australian region. If you need any more insight to the free agents let me know.

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<p><img alt="504593131d6088c2d755efd91576648c.png" data-src="https://fontmeme.com/permalink/171123/504593131d6088c2d755efd91576648c.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>CC:</strong> Josh Rosenberg</p><p>

<strong>From:</strong> Big Jim Teasdale</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Subject:</strong> DIW Roster</p><p> </p><p>

Josh,</p><p> </p><p>

This is Jim, the old booker. I'm not sure if you remember me from the filming of <em>Why We Fight</em>. You complimented my beard. Anyways, thought you might have some time to do some reading during that 15 hour flight. Heard planes have WiFi now. Anyways, feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions.</p><p> </p><p>

Welcome to the team,</p><p> </p><p>

- Jim Teasdale</p><p> </p><p>

Sent from ePhone</p><p> </p><p>

--Attachment--</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="hOsj4ai.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/hOsj4ai.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>The Comedian</strong></p><p>

40 Years Old | Main Eventer | Light Heavyweight</p><p> </p><p>

The Comedian is the patriarch of Deep Impact Wrestling. Fans started coming out to our shows specifically for him since the start of the company. He's a 4x DIW Champion.</p><p> </p><p>

He's still our biggest draw, but he's getting a bit older (don't tell him I said that). Still, he helps manifest the anger and violence of all the 18-40 year old edgelords living in the Eastern end of Australia. </p><p> </p><p>

He can still wrestle matches, but what makes him the star of the company is his mic work. The crowd is at the tip of his fingers whenever he has a mic in his hands. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="fmoyGYe.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/fmoyGYe.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>


26 Years Old | Main Eventer | Light Heavyweight</p><p> </p><p>

Meet Tombstone, the baddest man you'll ever find in pro wrestling. The Comedian and I have been working on his push for the past 5 years, and it's paid off. The crowd loves him. Children are scared of him.He plays this super-trained bad ass so far, he's our biggest success.</p><p> </p><p>

He's one of the best wrestlers on the roster, and he's only 26. If he can feel more comfortable on a mic, we might have a future replacement for Comedian.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="dLmYUMk.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/dLmYUMk.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Dumfrey Pinn</strong></p><p>

38 Years Old | Main Eventer| Big Heavyweight</p><p> </p><p>

A huge reason why The Comedian is the biggest star in DIW has to do with Pinn. He's seriously one of the best bad guys in pro wrestling, and has served as an amazing foil for The Comedian. His character, an evil mob boss, is absolute instant heel heat, and the crowds can't get enough of booing this guy.</p><p> </p><p>

In the ring, he's really, really good for a big guy. He's a tank with a Ferrari engine, there's no way a guy that large should be so agile. He still has a few great years left, so don't waste them!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="kBq0xAL.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/kBq0xAL.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>


32 Years Old | Main Eventer | Big Heavyweight</p><p> </p><p>

The man known as Vaughan rounds out our main event scene. He's DIW in physical form: he's big, ripped, tattooed and has a criminal record. In fact that's whole gimmick of his stable, the Barracudas, a trio of convicts. </p><p> </p><p>

Him and his Barracuda buddies actually met in prison, and there are rumors they did some hardcore stuff during their time there. They're not bad guys though. Vaughan is the most talented of them, a recent DIW Champion. He's not going to put on technical masterpieces, but he's a safe worker with a great look, and that's really all you need to go far in this business, especially here in DIW.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="278MrjT.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/278MrjT.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Mayhem Mulhoney</strong></p><p>

38 Years Old | Upper Midcarder | Heavyweight</p><p> </p><p>

One of DIW's original's, Mulhoney holds a special place in the fanbase's hearts. Unlike Pinn and Comedian, he hasn't been able to outlast the influx of younger, talented wrestlers, but he's still a serviceable guy that we've thrust back into the main event when our top 4 guys aren't available. </p><p> </p><p>

He's still a decent wrestler. Like basically everyone else on here, he won't steal the show, but e's also not going to hurt anyone. He has his big scary trademark look, and he can still occasionally pull-off one of his famous wild brawls but he's only an effective act if you use him smartly and sparingly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="U7KvZlA.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/U7KvZlA.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Milton Hittlespitz</strong></p><p>

26 Years Old | Upper Midcarder | Lightweight</p><p> </p><p>

DIW's resident underdog and daredevil Milton Hittlespitz is one of the most compelling in-ring acts we have. The thing is, he's actually a pretty good wrestler when he's not trying to bash everyone's head in with his chair. His shock of blue hair and his love of violence sort of pigeon-hole him into a perfect DIW wrestler, but I have a suspicion he can go pretty far in the business based on just his talent.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="vpxUIYK.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/vpxUIYK.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Blitz Simpson</strong></p><p>

28 Years Old | Upper Midcarder | Middleweight</p><p> </p><p>

Another Barracuda in DIW. Blitz is probably the best in-ring worker out of the 3 but he's also the smallest. Him and Chopper Rourke have replaced the Apocalypse as the premiere tag-team in the company, and the two have crazy good chemistry.</p><p> </p><p>

If I'm being honest, I think Blitz can be a big star, just not in DIW. He's not good enough at hardcore wrestling but he's a decent chain wrestler and a good worker. Still, I very much doubt he leaves Vaughan and Chopper, the three are really in the business together.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="9317jJq.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/9317jJq.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>God of War</strong></p><p>

37 Years Old | Upper Midcarder | Heavyweight</p><p> </p><p>

God of War is an Australian regional legend. The thing is, he missed his shot at being a top DIW star because he signed on several years too late. Still, he's well received in Australia, and still a formidable character.</p><p> </p><p>

At least that's what we say when he asks why he's never been a DIW Champion. To be honest, he's really underwhelmed since signing with DIW, and for such a big name in the Australian circuit, being out performed by our roster was really disappointing. He's still a steady hand for us, but I don't see any upward mobility for him in DIW.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="tfoY7zf.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/tfoY7zf.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Mace Mueller</strong></p><p>

27 Years Old | Midcarder | Middleweight</p><p> </p><p>

Mace Mueller is one to watch. The Kiwi is a tough, brash bad ass, much in the mold of a young Comedian. He's currently tangled into Pinn's storylines as the main enforcer for Pinn Enterprises Ltd. </p><p> </p><p>

He still as bit of work to do before we can digest giving him a big push. He's a great brawler, but he needs to work more under Pinn on how to work the mic. We're not expecting miracles out of this guy, but we don't necessarily need top notch wrestling out of him either. All we need is a serviceable guy to give us some wild brawls.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="qoeOQCZ.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/qoeOQCZ.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Wez Dobberly</strong></p><p>

29 Years Old | Midcarder | Light Heavyweight</p><p> </p><p>

Another midcard enforcer for Pinn's stable. Dobberly is a bit of a bland regional heavyweight, Australia is full of those. Still, he's done a good job making a place for himself in DIW's midcard. </p><p> </p><p>

He's not bad. I don't see him as a threat to move up the card, but I also don't see us releasing him. Who knows, DIW is a land of opportunity. If he can get himself over, and win you over, Comedian might agree to let you give him a push.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="sMlJSPv.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/sMlJSPv.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Angus McMiller</strong></p><p>

36 Years Old | Midcarder | Middleweight</p><p> </p><p>

Angus is a long time member of the DIW roster. He's a good hand: decent in the ring, great on the mic, seasoned with a decade and a half of experience. Still, he's sort of hit his ceiling here in DIW. He'll always be a tag-team specialist given his age and skillset. Too bad there isn't a midcard title, because he honestly would deserve a solo run. We just can't justify him having a main event run right now.</p><p> </p><p>

His tax man character is great at drawing head. Probably because our fanbases usually consist of young men with a lot of debt.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="3uZYOIT.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/3uZYOIT.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Diesel Dan</strong></p><p>

31 Years Old | Midcarder | Big Heavyweight</p><p> </p><p>

Diesel Dan is one of the more underrated acts in DIW. He honestly reminds me a lot of myself, which is probably why I have such an affinity toward him. </p><p> </p><p>

The Bad Truckers are one of the main reasons why people show up to DIW. There are a lot of truckers who stop by to catch our shows, so they'll always be a draw. The thing is, more and more, Dan seems to be distancing himself as a talent from Big Rig.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="tzspQYx.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/tzspQYx.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Big Rig</strong></p><p>

34 Years Old | Midcarder | Super Heavyweight</p><p> </p><p>

By far the biggest guy on this roster, even with how many heavyweights we have employed. Like I just mentioned, truckers are a big part of our fanbase, and because of that, Big Rig will always have fans. </p><p> </p><p>

The thing is, he's getting older, and his ringwork was never that good. Hopefully he doesn't mind Dan getting a push, because more than likely, that will happen.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="VNGklPG.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/VNGklPG.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Gyula Lakatos</strong></p><p>

26 Years Old | Lower Midcarder | Heavyweight</p><p> </p><p>

Big, bad and tattooed, just how we like them here. Gyula is a generic wrestler in the ring, like most guys his size. The thing is, his look is pretty crazy. Even by DIW standards, he has a lot of tattoos, and his facial expressions just exude evil. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="N77ETny.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/N77ETny.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Cesar Sionis</strong></p><p>

33 Years Old | Lower Midcarder | Middleweight</p><p> </p><p>

Goddamn it I hate this guy. Absolute pain in the ass. Nobody wants to be around him in the locker room, and there's literally ex-convicts on this payroll.</p><p> </p><p>

He has a good tag-team going though, with Gyula. He's pretty lucky, heel work comes natural for him since it's not hard to hate his guts in real life.</p><p> </p><p>

Lucky for us, Cesar is older than Gyula, and while he's not bad in ring, we don't really have to worry about him main eventing for us. If he ever does, Lord help us.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="U05eZTN.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/U05eZTN.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Bob Shrunkle</strong></p><p>

32 Years Old | Lower Midcarder | Big Heavyweight</p><p> </p><p>

This guy is as dumb as his name. Slow and clumsy, he's really a special attraction for us, except not even that special, given how much better Dumfrey, Dan and even Big Rig are. Still, it's pretty impressive to see Vaughan bodyslam him as a spot. Always gets the crowd going.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="Tl4Apxf.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Tl4Apxf.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>East Coast Panther</strong></p><p>

25 Years Old | Opener | Small</p><p> </p><p>

I've never really booked a guy like ECP. Closest thing we've had is Milton, and he's better at masking his in-ring skills with brawling. And Milton, despite being dwarfed by the rest of the roster, is much bigger than ECP. </p><p> </p><p>

We signed him after seeing his insane dives; the guy has some guys for sure. I'm not really sure what the end game for signing him is, but hopefully it'll pay off. He's definitely shown flashes of being a huge draw, the fans love him.</p><p> </p><p>

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<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="HiPlus" data-cite="HiPlus" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="44395" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Oh I recently signed Vaughan and he has been useful been building up into a decent midcard player due to his Menace. Enjoying his look. <p> </p><p> I am really interested in seeing Panther get used as I really like his look but have never used him before. </p><p> </p><p> As you said the Australian Free Agents are stacked, some decent looks are Molokai Milk, Surfer Dude Lucas, Lothar Prellinger has a great unique look. I could talk all day about the Australian region. If you need any more insight to the free agents let me know.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Vaughan is awesome! I also think the Barracudas are a pretty awesome stable. </p><p> </p><p> I'm not sure how I'll use Panther, I've signed him before in 2010 for my ZEN playthroughs, but I was pretty surprised to see DIW signing him. He has top 5 flashiness in the game though, so if he get a good roll, you might be seeing a lot of him in the diary.</p><p> </p><p> I'm going to try to stick to DIW's adherence to gritty, realistic characters. Muscles, tattoos and violence. The free agency market reminds me of the late regional days in American wrestling, where most wrestlers were either aging technicians or bland roided up heavyweights.</p><p> </p><p> I definitely appreciate the help. I'll be asking you quite a bit since this is my first real Australian diary</p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Voeltzwagon" data-cite="Voeltzwagon" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="44395" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Blitz Simpson and Mace Mueller are good younger guys to build up from when I have played DIW. Angus is good for entertainment angles as well as being decent in the ring. and if TD claims him early he can easily be transitioned into a good manager.</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Mace and Blitz have low SQ I think. As average as The Comedian and Pinn are as talents, they both look and act like stars, so they have a long way to go to fill those shoes! </p><p> </p><p> Right now, only God of War is on TD, so Angus is alright.</p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="NoobzUnite" data-cite="NoobzUnite" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="44395" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Aussie wrestling? Count me in!!! DIW is my favorite promotion</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Thank you for reading! I would love your feedback after I begin posting my shows</p>
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<p><marquee><img alt="c4f74783cb062848f287aac772f2b675.png" data-src="https://fontmeme.com/permalink/171123/c4f74783cb062848f287aac772f2b675.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></marquee></p><p> </p><p>

<marquee></p><p><span style="font-family:Garamond;"><span style="font-size:24px;"></span></span></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">Reserved! Coming Soon!</div></div></div></div><p></marquee></p><p> </p><p>

[Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!]</p>

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