The Oddworld

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<img src="

https://i.ibb.co/GVxBS5h/Want-Poster3.jpg" alt="Want-Poster3" border="0">

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">Good things come to those who wait.</div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

But bad things come to those who set up a piss poor wrestling company and fill it with junkies, layabouts and the cheapest talent available. And I use the word ‘talent’ in the broadest of terms. This one is going to be bad, there’s no escaping it. No one has any real experience and the ones that do, it’s mostly bad. Like Mad Dog Mortimer. If ever an advert was needed to dissuade someone from getting into the wrestling business, this was it. The poster boy for broken down hardcore wrestlers everywhere. No money, no health insurance, no knees. Sigh. He works cheap. Again, broadest of terms. Take Lucas Danger (please, someone take him). Sweet kid, but he doesn’t stand a chance while he keeps sticking that shit in himself. I’m all for youthful exuberance but that stuff kills. I should probably stop selling it to him. Ah well, no great loss. Not like we’re losing a cure for cancer here.</div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I curl my lip into a snarl and stare into the grime smeared mirror. Little adjustment of the top hat. Perfect. If I had a Dick Dastardly moustache I’d be twiddling it. Mental note: consider Dick Dastardly moustache.</div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I can see someone is behind me trying to catch themselves in the mirror. Seth Whitehead, my one good guy, is trying to tease out his hair to cover his receding hairline. 22 years old. Looks 40 if he’s a day. Wonderful. </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘Use this.’ I hand him a bandana. ‘You’re my new street tough.’</div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

This clearly had caught him off guard.</div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘Back in Minnesota we didn’t need gimmicks’ he countered. ‘I’d stretch a few guys, some fancy holds. Y'know... back in Minnes-’</div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘You can f*** off back to Minnesota if you don’t put the wretched thing on. Everyone has to have a gimmick. And try and talk like you’re from New York. You’re on last with the big bastard. Get six minutes out of him then roll him up.’</div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘How am I - ’</div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘I don’t care. Six minutes. And remember: New York.’</div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I shove him out of the cramped back room that has become my office and return to admiring myself in the mirror. Outside the door I can hear a woeful ‘Ayy, I’m walkin here’ and shake my head. Idiot. </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

This really is a damn fine top hat. </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Two hundred chairs were made available for tonight’s show. I told them to stop putting them out after twenty. No one is coming to watch this crap. And yet, I feel oddly proud. They may be a rag-tag bunch of misfits but they’re my misfits, my pay cheque. And this really is a circus. We’ve got plenty of clowns, Anders Thunder has roughly the same size, speed and hygiene as an elephant and if you came to see the guy stick his head in the lion’s mouth, watch what happens when someone takes on Martyr.</div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I rub my hands and admire myself one last time. There has to be easier ways to make money but unless one presents itself in the next 30 seconds... it’s show time.</div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div></div></div><div style="text-align:center;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><img src="</div></div></div></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/ByBqC83/The-Oddworld-Diary-Poster-DEF4.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/ByBqC83/The-Oddworld-Diary-Poster-DEF4.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/ByBqC83/The-Oddworld-Diary-Poster-DEF4.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/ByBqC83/The-Oddworld-Diary-Poster-DEF4.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/ByBqC83/The-Oddworld-Diary-Poster-DEF4.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/ByBqC83/The-Oddworld-Diary-Poster-DEF4.jpg"</a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/ByBqC83/The-Oddworld-Diary-Poster-DEF4.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/ByBqC83/The-Oddworld-Diary-Poster-DEF4.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/ByBqC83/The-Oddworld-Diary-Poster-DEF4.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/ByBqC83/The-Oddworld-Diary-Poster-DEF4.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> alt="The-Oddworld-Diary-Poster-DEF4" border="0"></div></div></div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div></div></div>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><img src="</p><a href="https://i.ibb.co/Gx1Pm5y/OWC-Logo-smaller2.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/Gx1Pm5y/OWC-Logo-smaller2.jpg"</a> alt="OWC-Logo-smaller2" border="0"><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/HC04sXh/Seth-Whitehead-alt6.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/HC04sXh/Seth-Whitehead-alt6.jpg"</a> alt="Seth-Whitehead-alt6" border="0"></p><p>

<strong>OWC Heavyweight Champion</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/W6Pbr0K/OWC-Heavyweight.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/W6Pbr0K/OWC-Heavyweight.jpg"</a> alt="OWC-Heavyweight" border="0"></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/2M51H4t/Asami-Okubo-alt.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/2M51H4t/Asami-Okubo-alt.jpg"</a> alt="Asami-Okubo-alt" border="0"></p><p>

<strong>OWC Womens Champion</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/f1zP4XF/OWC-Womens.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/f1zP4XF/OWC-Womens.jpg"</a> alt="OWC-Womens" border="0"></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/rZ6rPhC/Danjuro-Kikuchi-alt3.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/rZ6rPhC/Danjuro-Kikuchi-alt3.jpg"</a> alt="Danjuro-Kikuchi-alt3" border="0"></p><p>

<strong>OWC Bloodlust Champion</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/MCMYscs/OWC-Bloodlust.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/MCMYscs/OWC-Bloodlust.jpg"</a> alt="OWC-Bloodlust" border="0"></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/D5h9kXn/Silas-Odswald.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/D5h9kXn/Silas-Odswald.jpg"</a> alt="Silas-Odswald" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/HC04sXh/Seth-Whitehead-alt6.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/HC04sXh/Seth-Whitehead-alt6.jpg"</a> alt="Seth-Whitehead-alt6" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/Bt7bDyB/Martyr-alt1.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/Bt7bDyB/Martyr-alt1.jpg"</a> alt="Martyr-alt1" border="0"></p><p>

<strong>Silas Odswald - Seth Whitehead - Martyr</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/xMZh0Fy/Bullseye.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/xMZh0Fy/Bullseye.jpg"</a> alt="Bullseye" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/vP7wHnM/Motoyuki-Miyake.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/vP7wHnM/Motoyuki-Miyake.jpg"</a> alt="Motoyuki-Miyake" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/R6wy4LP/Robin-Da-Lay-alt3.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/R6wy4LP/Robin-Da-Lay-alt3.jpg"</a> alt="Robin-Da-Lay-alt3" border="0"></p><p>

<strong>Bullseye - Motoyuke Miyake - Robin DaLay</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/XWN2DHn/Mad-Dog-Mortimer-alt.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/XWN2DHn/Mad-Dog-Mortimer-alt.jpg"</a> alt="Mad-Dog-Mortimer-alt" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/VSY3WcY/Hurakan.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/VSY3WcY/Hurakan.jpg"</a> alt="Hurakan" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/kGD5QZM/Swipe-Romero-alt2.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/kGD5QZM/Swipe-Romero-alt2.jpg"</a> alt="Swipe-Romero-alt2" border="0"></p><p>

<strong>Mad Dog Mortimer - Hurakan - Swipe Romero</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/rZ6rPhC/Danjuro-Kikuchi-alt3.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/rZ6rPhC/Danjuro-Kikuchi-alt3.jpg"</a> alt="Danjuro-Kikuchi-alt3" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/0Y4BMjd/Cheval-H-bert.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/0Y4BMjd/Cheval-H-bert.jpg"</a> alt="Cheval-H-bert" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/0ZW27qj/Larue-Caron-alt3.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/0ZW27qj/Larue-Caron-alt3.jpg"</a> alt="Larue-Caron-alt3" border="0"> </p><p>

<strong>DISCO Kikuchi - Amok - Urban Fox</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/vdtsjcM/Erik-Leben-alt-1.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/vdtsjcM/Erik-Leben-alt-1.jpg"</a> alt="Erik-Leben-alt-1" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/5Tb7YGd/Texas-Hangman.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/5Tb7YGd/Texas-Hangman.jpg"</a> alt="Texas-Hangman" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/cNy9f1D/Dustin-Deuce-alt1.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/cNy9f1D/Dustin-Deuce-alt1.jpg"</a> alt="Dustin-Deuce-alt1" border="0"> </p><p>

<strong>Trainwreck - Texas Hangman - Dustin Deuce</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/2M51H4t/Asami-Okubo-alt.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/2M51H4t/Asami-Okubo-alt.jpg"</a> alt="Asami-Okubo-alt" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/FqLJHrj/Emiko-Miyoshi.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/FqLJHrj/Emiko-Miyoshi.jpg"</a> alt="Emiko-Miyoshi" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/2y4WdRx/Betty-Dugal.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/2y4WdRx/Betty-Dugal.jpg"</a> alt="Betty-Dugal" border="0"></p><p>

<strong>Asami Okubo - Emiko Miyoshi - Betty Dugal</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/N2tZfsv/Sheila-Fitch-alt.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/N2tZfsv/Sheila-Fitch-alt.jpg"</a> alt="Sheila-Fitch-alt" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/YyyTmHs/Clare-South.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/YyyTmHs/Clare-South.jpg"</a> alt="Clare-South" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/1mdvFhm/Heather-B.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/1mdvFhm/Heather-B.jpg"</a> alt="Heather-B" border="0"> </p><p>

<strong>Mickie Sixx - Clare South - Heather B</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/tHL8M4q/Streetz.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/tHL8M4q/Streetz.jpg"</a> alt="Streetz" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/8ckG2mj/Venus-Angeletti.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/8ckG2mj/Venus-Angeletti.jpg"</a> alt="Venus-Angeletti" border="0"> <img src="<a href="https://i.ibb.co/pLKzH41/Lois-Hudson.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/pLKzH41/Lois-Hudson.jpg"</a> alt="Lois-Hudson" border="0"></p><p>

<strong>Streetz - Venus Angeletti - Lois Hudson</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Alumni</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Gidayu Katou</p><p>

Katoh Freak</p><p>

Green Diamond</p><p>

El Hijo Del Fantasma</p><p>

Anders Thunder</p><p>

Leopard King</p><p>

Lucas Danger</p><p>

Gregory Chapman</p><p>

Oniji Hanari</p><p>

Phobia</p><p>

Julie Forletta</p><p> </p><p>

</p></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p>

</p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">A NOTE:</div></div></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Thank you to all the contributors on this forum who have worked so hard to create excellent renders to update, and often improve, the originals and to stimulate a gamer’s creativity. I do not have their talent. The renders on this diary are lovingly magpied and then hamfistedly butchered on MS Paint. Thank you to those who have done the real work.</div></div></div></div>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><img src="</p><a href="https://i.ibb.co/6rqm2F6/OWC-Logo.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/6rqm2F6/OWC-Logo.jpg"</a> alt="OWC-Logo" border="0"><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="font-size:18px;">Welcome to the Oddworld</span></strong></p><p>

Attendance: 9</p></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">Silas Odswald opens the show, telling everyone what it’s all about. I don’t know why I’m referring to myself in the third person but there we are. I’m not as good as I think I am but if you thought it couldn’t get any worse from here, you’re dead wrong. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E-</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Mad Dog Mortimer vs Martyr – Hardcore match</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Mad Dog comes out adorned in the Confederate flag to Ted Nugent’s Stranglehold. He hobbles well for a man with no knees, sinking 3 beers before reaching the ring and casting the empties into the front row. Martyr is genuinely terrifying. The blood stained hockey mask, the chainsaw, the apparent lack of any basic wrestling training. Terrifying. Ironically it’s Martyr who gets injured in this encounter. First show, first match, first injury. A back strain from the sandbagging Mortimer. The match blew chunks but you knew it would. It was always going to. Martyr, wincing, drove Mad Dog onto a chair with a Vengeance Driver (Burning Hammer) for the three. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: F+</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

The room just got a little warmer as Clare South makes her way to the ring. The dress is practically painted on. A father and son in the front row have an uncomfortable exchange. Speaking of uncomfortable exchanges, Clare has the misfortune of interviewing Anders Thunder about his match with Seth Whitehead tonight. Anders, this huge towering man, rippling with muscle... speaks with a gentle Swedish lilt exuding serenity. He says he’s going to beat Seth, presumably by boring him to death. It’s not exactly what the blood thirsty mob in attendance are after. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating F</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Things are looking a little ugly in there and Anders is no use. He stares dumbly at the canvas. I stick my head through the curtain and look imploringly at Clare. I know she hates this but she’s a good soldier. Anders troops off but no one is looking at him, Clare South is in the ring dancing sexily to Alannah Myles’ Black Velvet. Just.... wow. Good luck to the poor saps having to follow that.</div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: C</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Silas Odswald vs Lucas Danger</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

This was horrible. I was sure I'd booked this for me to go over but I had been drinking and Lucas is so strung out even the most basic of conversations are a challenge. There was clearly some miscommunication at hand. Lucas caught me with a backslide, the referee - woefully out of position - counted three, and mercifully this one is over. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating F</strong></div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Seth Whitehead hits the ring and he's pumped up. Leather jacket, gold chain, slicked back hair. His imitation of a New Yorker is horrible but it makes the whole spectacle almost fascinating. He tells the crowd (can 9 people really be classed as a crowd?) that he has a match tonight with Anders Thunder. No one cares. Someone makes a derogatory comment about Seth's hair to a smattering of applause. Seth appears to sulk as we head into our main event. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating F+</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>MAIN EVENT</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

Seth Whitehead vs Anders Thunder</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Well if you read the blurb in the second post you'll know how this one goes. For those of you catching up this was a challenging affair that Seth did not particularly relish. After being clubbed, stiffed, sandbagged and crushed, Whitehead caught the big man with a roll up for the win. I think at least half the 'crowd' left when Clare did. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating F+</strong></div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div><div style="text-align:center;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Show Rating: E</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

* * * * *</div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

So, very first show, Mad Dog Mortimer turns up very late. For a guy with limited appeal and literally a 20 year career of achieving nothing this guy has got some balls on him. I call him a prick and we part on good terms.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

To no one's surprise Lucas Danger wrestled wasted. I'd do something about it but he's a regular. I need to keep him close. His tab is getting dangerously high. DANGERously? High? See what I did there? Pfft, I'm going for a beer with Clare South. </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div>

[Darin Walker]

<p>Yes. YES. All of my yes. I'm in.</p><p> </p><p>

Lucus Danger is divinity come to Earth and should be treated as such. He'll do lovely things to the backstage environment, I promise.</p><p> </p><p>

You are hereby ordered to continue this dynasty forever.</p>

[Leion]

I never expected that I needed this until now, looking forward for all sorts of tomfoolery.

[MisterRomanini]

<p>Lucas Danger is in a suit.</p><p> </p><p>

I'm in;.</p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p>Thanks for the comments guys. </p><p> </p><p>

I’m a couple of shows ahead in the game and Lucas Danger is already bringing me lots of fun. Never change.</p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<img src="

https://i.ibb.co/6rqm2F6/OWC-Logo.jpg" alt="OWC-Logo" border="0">

 

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Attendance: 12

 

 

What’s that? The uncomfortable silence. The complete absence of any incidents? Everyone arrived and accounted for? No one stoned off their gourd? It’ll never last. My hand shakes as I pour a double whatever I found in this cupboard. Where are we?

 

In other news Martyr says his back is fine. If only we could do something about the halitosis. Seriously, he wears that mask the whole damn time he’s in the venue and his stale breath just seeps through the holes. I’ve never even seen him eat, though I’m convinced he consumes small animals whole. Live.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Happily I’m opening the show and able to excuse myself from Martyr. I’ve the small matter of announcing a tournament for the vacant OWC Heavyweight Championship. It’s a big deal.

Rating: E

 

Anders Thunder vs Mad Dog Mortimer

This match was fascinating to watch... if you enjoy documentaries on ice cap erosion or the shifting of tectonic plates. Anders Thunder’s glacial movement is offset by a man that in any other profession would be provided mobility assistance. I’m seriously questioning why I booked this. Anders hits a few slams and poses in slow motion, cupping his hand to his ear, but crucially misses the big leg drop and Mortimer uses the ropes for leverage for the pin. Scoundrel.

Rating: F+

 

 

Next Clare South is out with Martyr to ask him about his match with yours truly in the first round of the tournament. Call it cliche but Martyr does the whole slow, heavy breathing behind the hockey mask gimmick very well. Clare looks genuinely terrified. I am enjoying myself immensely until I remember I’m gonna be getting in the ring with that 80s horror psychopath.

Rating: F

 

 

Martyr vs Silas Odswald – Hardcore match

For reasons beyond my recollection I decided to make this one hardcore. Don’t ask me why. I don’t remember the finish we decided upon, or even having the conversation, but the end result was that I went for a chair shot and had it kicked through my face. Remind me who the boss is again.

Rating: F+

 

 

Clare’s back out, God bless her… or parts of her... and Seth Whitehead is with her to promote his match with Lucas Danger. Seth seemed genuinely surprised at the handful of cheers Lucas’ name generated. This was unexpected. He told Clare that Lucas can ‘Fuhgeddaboutit.’ My head is in my hands.

Rating: F+

 

Seth Whitehead vs Lucas Danger

Now I’m watching through my fingers. This is what you call a medium match: it’s not rare and it’s certainly not well done (ohh ho ho ho /Statler & Waldorf). My head hurts. I missed the finish but apparently Lucas looked alright out there until Seth telegraphed a swanton bomb and hit his butterfly powerbomb for the win. Cool.

Rating: E-

 

 

Out of nowhere, everyone’s favourite hardcore redneck, Mad Dog Mortimer cleans Whitehead out with a ladder. Not so cool. For Seth. At this point I think Mort could set him on fire and the fans wouldn’t respond.

Rating: F

 

 

OWC Heavyweight Championship

Mad Dog Mortimer vs Martyr vs Seth Whitehead – Ladder match

The OWC belt, tarnished and ugly, hangs tantalisingly close to the fighters below. Mad Dog Mortimer, tarnished and ugly, gets close once or twice before Seth Whitehead and Martyr duke it out atop the ladder. Whitehead looks to be in the ascendancy, throwing several hard rights, only for Martyr to ram Seth’s face into the rungs and seize the prize above.

Rating: E

 

 

Show Rating: E

 

 

* * *

 

 

Apparently, Seth was about to complain about the main event until he saw Martyr cracking his knuckles and glaring. I bit my knuckles laughing when I heard.

 

I'm getting feedback from the locker room that Gregory Chapman is not a good referee and that rather than adding to the experience he is actually detracting from it. My succinct message back to the collective is that he's cheap. No change.

 

Also it's been mentioned more than once that my matches are causing static amongst the vocal audience. Mental note: I need to raise ticket prices to weed out the riff-raff.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[WalterSobchak]

BC...you glorious bastard. <span class="ipsEmoji">👍</span>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

Ha. Thanks man.

[Herrbear]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><p> Also it's been mentioned more than once that my matches are causing static amongst the vocal audience. Mental note: I need to raise ticket prices to weed out the riff-raff.</p><p> </p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> <span style="color:#0000FF;">So true at times.</span></p>

[EBEZA]

Well, this is a different take on Local to Global! <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Herrbear" data-cite="Herrbear" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><span style="color:#0000FF;">So true at times.</span></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> If only I wasn't employing the riff-raff.</p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="EBEZA" data-cite="EBEZA" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Well, this is a different take on Local to Global! <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Let's be fair, if this makes small we'll all be amazed.</p>

[EBEZA]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Bigelow Cartwheel" data-cite="Bigelow Cartwheel" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Let's be fair, if this makes small we'll all be amazed.</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> If this doesn't make global, we riot!</p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<img src="

https://i.ibb.co/6rqm2F6/OWC-Logo.jpg" alt="OWC-Logo" border="0">

 

B-Movie Horror Show

Attendance: 16

 

 

 

It’s quiet in here. A little too quiet. No fires to put out this month… yet.

 

 

* * *

 

 

I open the show, bright and breezy. I’m confident that tonight is going to be the night I pick up my first win in OWC. The words barely leave my mouth before the haunting, repetitive keys of the Halloween theme signal my Heavyweight champion is about to interrupt me. Bearing in mind I know this is coming, it still shits me up.

 

I don’t want this match. I tell Martyr I don’t want this match. I actually don’t want this match and as booker this comes as a shock to me. But we’re limited on numbers and need to keep rotating talent. Martyr fixes his mask upon me and wordlessly reaches for the pull cord of his chainsaw… Martyr versus Odswald is your main event tonight folks.

Rating: E

 

 

After that horrific experience the mood lightens with ‘The Problematic Enigma’ Lucas Danger joining Clare South in the ring to discuss his match with Anders Thunder. Clare plays with Lucas’ tie, teasing him about how big and strong and… oily… Thunder is. Danger plays it cool and tells Clare the bigger they are, the harder they fall, he’s got it covered. No one is buying it.

Rating: F+

 

 

Anders Thunder vs Lucas Danger

We finally get a match underway with a classic David vs Goliath scenario. Aaaand that’s as far as I can stretch ‘classic.’ This is dreadful. Turns out Lucas was right. The bigger they are, the harder they fall… just make sure they don’t fall on you. Thunder wins with the BIG LEGDROP!

Rating: F+

 

 

Mad Dog Mortimer is in the front row, sat throwing beer cans, aiming for the ref. I should point out they're empties. He finds the whole thing hysterical. I do too. Not sure the referee Gregory Chapman does. I really could not care less.

Rating: F+

 

 

Oddly this gives Seth Whitehead his cue and he comes out to tell Mad Dog Mortimer he is still pissed off with him from last show’s ladder attack (nice little recap). Mad Dog tells him any time, any place, and we have ourselves a match. It’s almost like it’s planned this way. The angle still sucked though.

Rating: F+

 

 

Seth Whitehead vs Mad Dog Mortimer

Unsurprisingly, the match sucked too. I know I’m asking a lot of Seth, saddling him with Anders Thunder and now this old bag of bones but there’ll come a time when he’ll be my go-to-guy, able to put on a stellar bout with anyone. Tonight wasn’t it though. After looking strong all match, Seth goes for the powerbomb but Mort rolls through and pins him with a handful of tights. Scoundrel. The real crime is charging to watch this crap.

Rating: F+

 

 

OWC Heavyweight Championship

Martyr vs Silas Odswald – Hardcore match

And that brings us to our main event of the eveninooooooo, when did I make this a hardcore match??? What sick, sleep deprived, lack of self-preservation brought this on?! I must hate myself. Martyr relishes the brutality (of course he does) in this one sided affair and launches me into a stack of chairs before hitting the Vengeance Driver. Climbing to the top he launches a chair assisted elbow drop to my prone form, ending the match and potentially my ability to ever have children. At least some good came of it.

Rating: E-

 

 

Show Rating: E-

 

 

* * *

 

 

As well as not having any good wrestlers, it’s starting to tell that we have no one who knows how to put a match together. And the referee is still damn awful. I told him so. He has runny eyes.

 

Oh and Seth Whitehead broke his toe. I don’t care. Come to me when it’s come off. At least then I’d have something authentic to display in this horror show.

 

 

[Darin Walker]

<p>Who needs good matches in a wrestling show anyway? Don't listen to those humanoids, it's all about the angles.</p><p> </p><p>

I can't believe you're having so few problems with Lucas Danger. He was such a problem for me my last game I was expecting a booker's note telling me he was toking up mid-match. </p><p> </p><p>

Keep Martyr's chainsaw well oiled and all good things will come to you.</p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Darin Walker" data-cite="Darin Walker" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Who needs good matches in a wrestling show anyway? Don't listen to those humanoids, it's all about the angles.<p> </p><p> <strong>I can't believe you're having so few problems with Lucas Danger.</strong> He was such a problem for me my last game I was expecting a booker's note telling me he was toking up mid-match. </p><p> </p><p> Keep Martyr's chainsaw well oiled and all good things will come to you.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Oh ye of little faith.</p><p> </p><p> Also Martyr's chainsaw is well oiled and lubed. Mad Dog Mortimer is just well oiled.</p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p></p><div style="text-align:right;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><img src="</div></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg"</a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> alt="OWC-Banner" border="0"></div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘You hang up first... No, you hang up first… ha aha...’</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I swear this is how the phone call went.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘Ha, no </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><em>you</em></div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> hang up first… No, you… No, you han- … oh. He hung up.’</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Ok, so there was no phone call. It was a text. About our match at Odd Encounters.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘am i gon ova’</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Get f***ed. I hadn’t had a win since this blasted thing started. No way was I losing to that junkie prick and I told him as much. This wrestling shit was already getting to be more trouble than it was worth and I wasn’t even beginning to see any money from it. Last thing I needed was to tend to any precious egos beyond my own.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I put down my cell and returned to the bottle of supermarket brand bourbon, already a third dented. </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I don’t remember the hour when the phone buzzed again but there had been 3 missed calls from a number I didn’t recognise. And a voicemail. The fog in my head didn’t seem to be clearing fast enough as the clipped and professional voice said my name and told me that I was needed at St. Luke’s, Des Moines for my son. Son? I don’t have any kids.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I got there as soon as I could find someone to drive me. Martyr picked up first, said he doesn’t sleep. Of course he doesn’t. I’d like to say that we drove through all the red lights and broke the speed limit several times over. Truth was Martyr needed gas, and then I needed to pick up a six pack to clear my head. And then one of us was hungry and fancied chilli. We arrived at St. Luke’s in time to see Lucas Danger, attached to more wires than a marionette, being hooked up to a machine that would breathe for him. With no mother or father in his life they had found a note in his wallet with my cell number and ‘call my dad man.’ Underlined twice.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

A small tear ran down my cheek. Motherf***er. This is how he gets out of doing the job?? Lucas Danger you OD’ing son of a bitch, you will not die on me tonight. As God as my witness you will live. You will live and you will fight. You will return to OWC and, believe me, you will lie down and do the job you were booked for!</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Martyr knelt beside me and put his hand on my shoulder, mistaking my tears for grief. Startled, I turned and saw the gruesome, bloody hockey mask breathing inches from my face. It was the most frightening and yet genuinely touching thing that has ever happened to me. Man, this day is too weird.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘Go home. I’ll take the chair.’</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div>

[MisterRomanini]

<p>Oh, Lucas, you messed up flying rat.</p><p>

I almost feel really sorry for him. Almost.</p>

[Leion]

This... This is just GOLD! LOL I want to see how far Lucas will go just to avoid the job.

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

Thanks for the comments guys. I’m keeping hold of Lucas. Will have to see whether I can get any improvement out of him.

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p></p><div style="text-align:right;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><img src="</div></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg"</a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> alt="OWC-Banner" border="0"></div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

“Yeah, junkie boy OD’d... No… No, he’s not in a good way... He’s got wires and tubes and a machine that breathes for him. The whole thing’s a mess. I’m gonna need someone else for a while. Could work out to be something a bit more long term if the boy doesn’t learn his lesson… or he doesn’t pull through… No… No…. Look, I’m offering you a job. I can’t understand what you’re saying. Put the other guy on… A-ha, right… Right… Yes…. Ah-haa… Right… No, you’re just as bad. Look, between you sort this out – NEXT WEEK – IOWA AIRPORT… yes, planes – APRIL THIRD! Got all that? CIRCUS.”</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

There’s no way this is gonna work. What have I got myself in for? He wouldn't stop cackling.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div>

[Darin Walker]

Ah, there's the Lucas I know and love. Never change, bud. And, y'know, try not to die too. There's a title to win. For me and all the Dangerites out there.