The Oddworld

[Bad Collin]

I'm really enjoying this. I have faith that Lucas can turn this around, I can see him in a few years time holding up his first OWC title in front of hundreds of (presumably insensible) fans.

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Greylocke" data-cite="Greylocke" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>E-? Pfft, this is what happens when you take the title off your horror icon and mascot. Martyr was putting up consistent E and E+ main events!</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Yeah, it's looking like a dumb move in a series of dumb moves to be honest. Still, it's totally in line with how this promotion is booked. I'd expect him to get the belt back some time soon. Or who knows, maybe Anders Thunder is the guy to take the company forward?</p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Bad Collin" data-cite="Bad Collin" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>I'm really enjoying this. I have faith that Lucas can turn this around, I can see him in a few years time holding up his first OWC title in front of hundreds of (presumably insensible) fans.</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Thank you man. Lucas is here to stay. I'm going through a stage of trying to make him unhappy just to see what he'll do next. Workplace bullying I think they call it.</p>

[EBEZA]

I love this diary. All the snarky comments - you're gonna get me in trouble when I burst out laughing in the office and it gives away that maybe I'm not doing exactly what I'm meant to be... <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/rolleyes.png.4b097f4fbbe99ce5bcd5efbc1b773ed6.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

I love this diary. All the snarky comments - you're gonna get me in trouble when I burst out laughing in the office and it gives away that maybe I'm not doing exactly what I'm meant to be...

 

Ha, thank you man. That's good to hear.

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p></p><div style="text-align:right;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><img src="</div></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg"</a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> alt="OWC-Banner" border="0"></div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

“Honey don’t walk out I’m too drunk to follow</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

You know you won’t feel this way tomorrow.”</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

If you don’t recognise the lyrics go and check your parent’s record collection. If they had any interest in music in 1985 it’ll be there. Track one, side one. If it’s not there... ask them what the hell they were doing with their lives. For all the beauty in baring your soul to four chords of perfectly produced Americana, there’s nothing like chasing after a woman in a seedy motel for those lyrics to hit home. Maybe ‘chasing’ is a little optimistic. Maybe 'flailing at a chipped formica bedside cabinet and collapsing onto a crusty, threadbare mattress' is closer to the truth. </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

“Well, maybe I’m a little rough around the edges</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Inside a little hollow</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I get faced with some things sometimes</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

That are so hard to swallow.”</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Maybe it’s for the best. They say you should never shack up with your talent but any red-blooded promoter would give his right nut to bump uglies with Clare South. Tragically I don’t remember it and can’t be certain it even happened - a half-empty bottle of bourbon had lemminged off the cabinet and lay beside it’s depleted counterpart as way of an explanation. Something else made a noise. The rattling of my cell jarred me awake and I allowed, for a moment, a smile to play across my bloodshot face. This was Clare…</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

This wasn’t Clare.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘This is Katou.’ </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

It was Katou. Who’s Katou?</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Turns out when I’d been looking for new talent after Lucas Danger had put himself in hospital (admittedly on drugs I’d sold him) I’d asked after this guy. My recollection of this time is pretty ropey and I’m quite sure I’d been up three days solid at one point. I don’t remember why. Anyway, I may have thought I’d asked for Katou but what I got was Katoh, as in Katoh Freak – 5’11” of studded leather and black mascara. Of course. I lay back on the bed and laughed. Nothing in this piss-poor company ever goes right. It’s been one depressing clusterf*** after another. I can’t even hire the right wrest-</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘Why are you laughing?’</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Oh. He was still on the call. I told him I’d call him back. Today is not the day. Why couldn’t he send me a VHS of his best work and I could go back to ignoring him for another month or two like they used to do in the nineties? Phil Vibert had it right. I swirled the remaining bourbon around the bottle with a long, moping look. The bottle remained unphased. The motel room door that had remained ajar since Clare’s dramatic exit now decided to creak slowly inward. Standing in the doorway, shivering with a fine film of sweat on him was Lucas Danger.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

“Well I never would’ve dreamed</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

That her heart was so wicked</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Oh but I keep coming back </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Cause it’s so hard to kick it.” </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

My predilection for bourbon may have inhibited my sexual performance but, ironically, it was Lucas that cock-blocked me. When Clare found out I was still dealing to the green-haired punk junkie after he’d OD’d she tore into me. She totally lost it. Whatever groundwork I’d laid, whatever moves I thought I still had… all went up in smoke. Lucas lurched forward, desperate to score. I slugged him the jaw and kicked him a couple of times for good measure. Bastard. I’ll never get another shot at Clare. Still, business is business: I pour myself a glass (customary double measure) and set about looking for my fanny-pack.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<img src="

https://i.ibb.co/6rqm2F6/OWC-Logo.jpg" alt="OWC-Logo" border="0">

 

Something To Do With Clowns

Attendance: 41

 

 

 

Forty One people are sat questioning their life choices. I’m almost tempted to join them. Mad Dog Mortimer turned up very late again. It’s becoming a habit. I fine his redneck ass and take a barrage of abuse. He is not a happy manchild. Get in on time or go back to your mom’s trailer. Permanently.

 

 

* * *

 

 

I open the show because if I don’t do it, no one else will. Maybe that would be an improvement. I plaster on a fake smile and tell the fans in attendance what a night of action they’re in for. No one’s buying it. From the back, however, a new face appears. Gidayu Katou is here to tell everyone how poor OWC is and how we’re not worthy of a real wrestler. Excellent. Run down my company that everyone already thinks is sh*t. This goes on for a while but he’s a big man and I don’t fancy taking the microphone off him if I can avoid it. Happily, another big man is in attendance and he’s heard enough. Anders Thunders comes plodding through the curtain and rips the microphone from Katou’s hand. Guess we’ve got a match here folks.

Rating: E+

 

 

Gidayu Katou vs Anders Thunder

Now Gidayu came to me heavily recommended so I’m interested to see what he’s about. Turns out he brings a good game and is able to drag Thunder up with him. No mean feat. An enjoyable slug-fest, Katou takes the win with a huge lariat. He came here to tell everyone he’s better than OWC. Well, he’s certainly better than Anders.

Rating: E

 

 

Oh good, Clare’s out. She still hasn’t spoken to me since The Motel Incident and it’s getting awkward. Everyone enjoys her dance. She’s smiling but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes.

Rating: C

 

 

Martyr vs Danjuro Kikuchi

Another strong match. What’s this? Two in a row. It’s clear to anyone watching that these two work well together. I may have to remember this and try and use it to my advantage somehow. After a series of slick moves Martyr polishes off Cowboy Dan with his Vengeance Driver (Burning Hammer). Cowboy sold it like his neck was broken. What a guy.

Rating: E

 

 

OWC Heavyweight Championship

Seth Whitehead vs Silas Odswald

Already we’re at the main event. Yeah, I’m in it. So what? I book the damn thing. Up close I’m able to appreciate what Seth brings to these championship matches. There’s a reason him and Martyr are my go-to-guys. After a while it becomes clear that I can’t hang with the champ and one Butterfly Powerbomb later, Whitehead’s hand is raised.

Rating: E-

 

 

And so we close the show. Did everyone have a good time? No? I don’t give a sh*t. Enjoy honking your horns for the next hour as 40 other cars all try and leave the cramped parking lot at the same time. But as chairs scrape back and bodies rumble into life, out from the back rushes Gidayu Katou! He steals the OWC Heavyweight Championship belt and strikes Seth Whitehead to the back of the head. Katou stands with the belt held aloft as boos ring around the musty bingo hall. They quickly turn to cheers however as Martyr slides under the ropes and drops Katou with a heavy left. Martyr?! He stands over Seth, half protector, half predator. Katou looks for a moment like he’s up for the fight but turns away and leaves over the guard rail.

Rating: E+

 

 

Show Rating: D-

 

 

* * *

 

 

After the show I gave Clare South a hug. It was not reciprocated.

 

 

[EBEZA]

She’s smiling but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes.

 

Damn :p:p

[Greylocke]

And Whitehead continues to underwhelm, pulling another E- main event and worst match of the night.

 

Time to take the title off him and give it to the Wrestling God Anders Thunder, who totally carried the new whatshisname to an E+ match of the night!

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

And Whitehead continues to underwhelm, pulling another E- main event and worst match of the night.

 

Time to take the title off him and give it to the Wrestling God Anders Thunder, who totally carried the new whatshisname to an E+ match of the night!

 

Yeah, Seth's having to carry some lesser workers at the mo. Namely, my user character. Think a title switch might be coming up anyway. I like Anders. I keep him around to mock him. He is truly awful. The Wrestling God gimmick could totally work though. Might have to introduce that.

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<img src="

https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg"

alt="OWC-Banner" border="0">

 

 

 

 

<img src="

https://i.ibb.co/f9NBZfW/Last-House-Poster.jpg"

alt="Last-House-Poster" border="0">

 

 

OWC's End Of Year Finale

 

OWC Heavyweight Championship - Three Way Dance Ladder Match

Seth Whitehead © vs Gidayu Katou vs Martyr

 

Texas Deathmatch

Mad Dog Mortimer vs Lucas Danger

 

Anders Thunder vs Katoh Freak

 

Silas Odswald vs Danjuro Kikuchi

 

 

 

Predictions welcome. Head to

http://damnthiswrestlingsucks.com

or leave a comment below.

 

[EBEZA]

<p></p><div style="text-align:right;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><img src="</div></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg"</a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> alt="OWC-Banner" border="0"></div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div><div style="text-align:center;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><img src="</div></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/f9NBZfW/Last-House-Poster.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/f9NBZfW/Last-House-Poster.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/f9NBZfW/Last-House-Poster.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/f9NBZfW/Last-House-Poster.jpg"</a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/f9NBZfW/Last-House-Poster.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/f9NBZfW/Last-House-Poster.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> alt="Last-House-Poster" border="0"></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>OWC's End Of Year Finale</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

OWC Heavyweight Championship - Three Way Dance Ladder Match</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Seth Whitehead © vs Gidayu Katou vs </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Martyr</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Texas Deathmatch</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Mad Dog Mortimer vs </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Lucas Danger</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Anders Thunder</strong></div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> vs Katoh Freak</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Silas Odswald</strong></div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> vs Danjuro Kikuchi</div></div></div><p></p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p>A hopeful bump to see if anyone would like to make any predictions before I write up the big show. So far EBEZA has got it sewn up. </p><p> </p><p>

It's an irregular thing, not about keeping track, but to the person with the most correct predictions I offer a prize: push the worker of your choice. Pick a current OWC wrestler and they shall receive a push and title win.</p><p> </p><p>

I know, right? Told you it was a good prize. Wait, I didn't. Still... good prize.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

EDIT: Yeah I wrote PWA instead of OWC - that's my other game. I can see why this might've caused confusion.</p>

[christmas_ape]

<p>OWC Heavyweight Championship - Three Way Dance Ladder Match</p><p>

Seth Whitehead © vs <strong>Gidayu Katou</strong> vs Martyr</p><p> </p><p>

Texas Deathmatch</p><p>

<strong>Mad Dog Mortimer </strong>vs Lucas Danger</p><p> </p><p>

Anders Thunder vs<strong> Katoh Freak</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Silas Odswald vs<strong> Danjuro Kikuchi</strong></p><p> </p><p>

I imagine it's highly unlikely but I like Katou and Kikuchi from my time in GCG so I'm going with my heart over my head.</p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

Thank you dude.

[EBEZA]

Pick a current PWA wrestler and they shall receive a push and title win.

 

Who W what now?

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

Who W what now?

 

Yeah, I'll offer a prize to whoever gets the most correct predictions.

 

Don't post on here but when the results are up the winner can send me a DM and pick a champion for somewhere down the line.

[Greylocke]

OWC Heavyweight Championship - Three Way Dance Ladder Match

Seth Whitehead © vs Gidayu Katou vs Martyr

 

Texas Deathmatch

Mad Dog Mortimer vs Lucas Danger

 

Anders Thunder vs Katoh Freak

 

Silas Odswald vs Danjuro Kikuchi

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

Thanks man

[King Bison]

Im not sure how I missed this diary! But I'm a fan so far

 

OWC Heavyweight Championship - Three Way Dance Ladder Match

Seth Whitehead © vs Gidayu Katou vs Martyr

Going with the champ to retain

 

Texas Deathmatch

Mad Dog Mortimer vs Lucas Danger

Lucas Danger is a pain to deal with but he makes a good bump machine

 

Anders Thunder vs Katoh Freak

I'm a Thunder mark

 

Silas Odswald vs Danjuro Kikuchi

Just to go against the grain here of what others predicted

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

Thanks dude

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><img src="</p><a href="https://i.ibb.co/6rqm2F6/OWC-Logo.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/6rqm2F6/OWC-Logo.jpg"</a> alt="OWC-Logo" border="0"><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="font-size:18px;">Last House On The Left</span></strong></p><p>

Attendance: 46</p></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">I open the show because someone has to explain what happened last month. In a short recap I recount how we were all treated to Gidayu Katou’s bad-mouthing of OWC, it’s wrestlers and it’s fans and how he attacked our Heavyweight Champion, only to draw a response from the previous champion, Martyr. The audience stares blankly as if to say, ‘Yes. We know. We were here. We’re your only paying fans.’ Well, it gets sorted tonight in a Triple Threat Ladder Match. There’s some vague murmurs of approval. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E+</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

Silas Odswald vs Danjuro Kikuchi</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Honestly, working with Cowboy Dan is like bringing in a ringer. This guy is smooth. He’s also cheap. And he doesn’t complain. This is the way to get booked, kids. I’m happy for him to kick my ass from pillar to post – and look good doing it – only for me to then beat him with a handful of tights. It pays to be the boss. Gregory Chapman was out of position for the finish. Mental note: book Chapman to take a bump off Anders Thunder. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Speaking of which, up next is Clare with Katoh Freak and he wants to tell us about the gigantic Swede. Freak says he’s got Thunder’s number and he’s going to enjoy inflicting some serious pain. Clare looks impressed. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

Katoh Freak vs Anders Thunders</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I wonder, had she stuck around, if Clare would’ve been impressed with the actual match. I don’t say this out loud. I often think things and keep them to myself. Maybe I should’ve done the same with this match. I can’t work out if Freak’s weird leather and PVC fetish is amazing or driving fans away. He certainly commits to the character. Anders, meanwhile, is as mobile as an iceberg. He’s a bodybuilding magazine centrefold but he can’t wrestle a lick. I have Freak kick him in the face and beat him with a Freak Shot (Complete Shot). </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E-</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Mad Dog Mortimer shows his face, actually arriving on time for once. He’s complaining about not being booked in ‘this piece of sh*t company’ and spitting chewing tobacco all over my ring canvas. I’m tempted to rub his face in it but before I can everyone’s friendly neighbourhood junkie, Lucas Danger, races out. He gets in Mort’s face and tells him if he needs a fight then he’s ‘got one right here.’ Watching this exchange, the room’s IQ quota is lowering by the minute. Taking a mic I cough loudly and direct both men’s attention to the wall poster that shows both are booked tonight… in a Texas Deathmatch… to face each other! I almost lose the segment as they stare blankly at me. They can’t both be this stupid. And then it dawns on me that I may not have mentioned the match to them. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

Mad Dog Mortimer vs Lucas Danger – Texas Deathmatch</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Mort reacts quickest (though that’s not saying much) and lands a hard left on Lucas to kick this one off. The rules for a Texas Deathmatch are simple, which is fortunate as the two competitors in the ring are also simple. Beat your opponent by pinfall and they have the count of ten to get to their feet. If they fail to do so, they’re beat. As I watch the two of them stagger around knocking lumps out of one another I realise that these two have never faced off in my company before. And yet I have them booked in a high profile match in the biggest card of this promotion’s short history. It’s almost like I have arbitrarily chosen two guys and shoved them into a gimmick match to give the card a bit of a boost… Anyway, Mort lands an elbow drop off the second to the outside onto a chair covered Danger… through a table. It’s as brutal and backyard as it sounds. Lucas does not make the count. Man that was garbage. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: F+</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

OWC Heavyweight Championship</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

Seth Whitehead vs Gidayu Katou vs Martyr – Ladder match</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

And so we arrive at the main event. Something needs to rescue this f***ing card. Thankfully all three understand the magnitude of tonight and work their bollocks off to make this count. They draw the fans in and, had any notable industry journalists bothered to attend, all would agree that this is the greatest match in OWC’s history. Several inventive high spots lead to the climax of three men straddling two ladders. Martyr takes a wicked bump to the outside and through two stacked tables as Whitehead and Katou duke it out on the remaining ladder. A lapse of judgement from Katou allows Seth to garner the double underhooks and suplex him to the mat seconds later. The champion reclaims his belt. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: D</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

</strong></div></div><div style="text-align:center;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Show Rating: E+</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

* * *</div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Overall, I’ll take that. We nearly pulled it off. It was all about the main event and we delivered. I sat backstage and took a moment to reflect with those who meant most to me and got us to this point. And by that I mean I cradled a bottle of Jack and told everyone else to f*** off and leave me alone. Some may find that a little sad and I allowed the thought to play on my mind for just a moment. As I did, I spotted Lucas Danger, the only other person left in the building. I gave him a small smile and called him over. </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

“You’re sh*t and you almost cost me my show tonight. Shape up you junkie prick or I’ll feed you to Anders Thunder for a year.”</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I smiled again and went back to my bottle. Some moments in life are meant to be treasured. </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p>Results:</p><p> </p><p>

EBEZA - 1 point</p><p>

christmas ape - 2 points</p><p>

Greylocke - 1 point</p><p>

King Bison - 3 points</p><p> </p><p>

King Bison, at your convenience, drop me a private message stating who you would like to win the title at some point in the not-too-distant future.</p><p> </p><p>

Thanks all for playing.</p>

[EBEZA]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Bigelow Cartwheel" data-cite="Bigelow Cartwheel" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>I spotted Lucas Danger, the only other person left in the building. I gave him a small smile and called him over. <p> </p><p> “You’re sh*t and you almost cost me my show tonight. Shape up you junkie prick or I’ll feed you to Anders Thunder for a year.”</p><p> </p><p> I smiled again and went back to my bottle. Some moments in life are meant to be treasured.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> It's a good job my boss isn't within earshot, as I'd be trying to explain a random outburst of laughter without using the phrases "using my work computer" and "to read forums" right now if he were. <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="EBEZA" data-cite="EBEZA" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>It's a good job my boss isn't within earshot, as I'd be trying to explain a random outburst of laughter without using the phrases "using my work computer" and "to read forums" right now if he were. <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Ha haaaa. <img alt=":D" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p>