The Oddworld

[christmas_ape]

Dammit, I was so ready to win the predictions and pick Anders Thunder.

[King Bison]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="christmas_ape" data-cite="christmas_ape" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Dammit, I was so ready to win the predictions and pick Anders Thunder.</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Shhhhhhhh don’t spoil it lol</p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

Haaaa.

[Greylocke]

Shhhhhhhh don’t spoil it lol

 

Not much of the spoiler. I'm sure everyone would have picked the Wrestling God Anders Thunder.

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p></p><div style="text-align:right;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><img src="</div></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg"</a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> alt="OWC-Banner" border="0"></div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Sometimes it’s not what you owe, but who you owe.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I wasn’t entirely enamoured with bringing in this particular talent but it was made clear to me that I would have a friend if I did. Not the worker. Someone important. And it’s good to be owed a favour by someone important. Apparently this wrestler had outstayed his welcome below the border and a fresh change of pace would suit everyone involved. A clean slate. Except… nobody told me it would go down like this.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

You know the part where Clark Kent hears a women in distress but it’s ok because there’s a convenient phonebox a block over and he can change in a matter of moments? You know he’s already wearing his spandex underneath but it’s part of being Superman, part of being the hero. Well, I think there are people of this world who took that heroism a little to heart.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I’d heard the name Leopard King before but never met the man. That was one of the conditions of this favour. He’d be sent over from Mexico and I just needed to give him a place for a while. Sold as seen. I was all for arranging a meet but it was decided he would fly in (at no small expense to my contact) on the day of the show for a pre-arranged figure. If it’s all sounding a little smoke and mirrors, imagine the scene if we were bringing in someone who anyone had heard of!</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

So… I know this business warps minds. I know guys can end up believing their gimmicks, but I’ve never heard of anyone getting changed in the cab from the airport into their furry, leopard-print singlet just because they don’t want to ‘spoil the illusion.’ This isn’t Santa Claus nipping out for a fag with his elasticated beard pulled down, this is an unknown wrestler from another country losing his grip on reality. If that was all it was then it would make a funny story to the boys in the back and I’d have slept better that night. But Leopard King’s connecting flight had been delayed by four hours and the cab was hurtling through Iowa fast approaching bell time.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

As it was, I need not have worried. The cab made it with plenty of time to spare. In fact the fans were still queuing outside as the car hurtled towards them and mounted the curb, destroying an advertising board and, for dramatic effect, upending a fire hydrant. As water jetted into the sky and rained down upon the queuing punters, a bald, portly man clambered from the car and obnoxiously proclaimed himself, in full jungle attire, as the hero of OWC. The hero that Iowa needs. Leopard King closed his eyes and tilted his head back to receive his adoration.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

McDonalds has often been a source of great disappointment for me, but a strong argument can be made for the ballistic qualities of their products. The OWC doors had been late opening tonight and many patrons had made the decision to re-fuel at the local Golden Arches. The first missile was a classic Big Mac, followed by several regular quarter pounders, a chicken burger and a chocolate milkshake. As the first few strikes landed it was if an unspoken call-to-arms had been declared. Wave after wave of fast food coated the bloated grappler, nearly plastering his ridiculous tights to the taxi.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

That should have been Leopard’s cue to high-tail it round the back but instead he charged the fans and attempted to vault the railings. Being limited in height - and with no real athletic ability - he winded himself on the barrier and left himself open for several dozen fans to take pot shots at his unguarded, domed head. Trying to swarm a crowd, as one man, and struggling to climb the barrier will get you that.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Referee Gregory “Don’t Call Me Greg” Chapman was the first to hear the commotion and I sent Anders Thunder as the one man rescue party. People made way for him pretty quickly.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I sat Leopard down and showed him the YouTube video. In a short space of time it had already garnered nearly five thousand views.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

“Look, you’re famous. Sort of.”</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

This didn’t placate him and, in truth, it wasn’t meant to. That fat b*stard has made himself a laughing stock with the fans, I can hardly push him as Lord of the Jungle now. I threw a towel at him and felt tempted to launch the bar of soap too. </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

“Get cleaned up. You’re not wrestling tonight but I was thinking of giving you a spot where we could introduce you to the crowd… but it seems you’ve already done a pretty good job of that.”</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

It’s not what you owe, but who you owe. And someone’s gonna owe me big time.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div>

[EBEZA]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Bigelow Cartwheel" data-cite="Bigelow Cartwheel" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:right;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><img src="</div></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg"</a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> alt="OWC-Banner" border="0"></div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> Sometimes it’s not what you owe, but who you owe.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> This whole narrative is brilliant! <img alt=":D" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p>

[christmas_ape]

<p>I agree, that was all fantastic!</p><p> </p><p>

When you started talking about Mcdonalds, I assumed there would be some nuggets, maybe some fries thrown at him. So when the first thing was a full Big Mac that got a laugh out of me. </p><p> </p><p>

But hey it's good to know your paying customers are well off enough to toss their whole meal at him, now you just need them to spend that money on your merch.</p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p>Thanks guys.</p><p> </p><p>

I could do with some more merch. Could do with the shows starting to turn a profit too. Be a shame if this falls apart financially as ruined as the rest of the company. <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p>

[King Bison]

Thanks guys.

 

I could do with some more merch. Could do with the shows starting to turn a profit too. Be a shame if this falls apart financially as ruined as the rest of the company.

 

This lol

I feel the struggle

 

The narrative was great and if you gotta bring in Leopard King then that’s a helluva way to do it

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

This lol

I feel the struggle

 

The narrative was great and if you gotta bring in Leopard King then that’s a helluva way to do it

 

Thanks man. And it legit happened (well the game said he had an altercation with a fan). This all before he’s stepped in the ring for me. I only hired him coz he has a really bad attitude and I want to see who he can upset.

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><img src="</p><a href="https://i.ibb.co/6rqm2F6/OWC-Logo.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/6rqm2F6/OWC-Logo.jpg"</a> alt="OWC-Logo" border="0"><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="font-size:18px;">Welcome To The Oddworld</span></strong></p><p>

Attendance: 48</p></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">So… Leopard King made an impact with the fans, getting pelted with fast food and cheap shots before ever stepping into the building. The tool. I laughed when I found out. No point in disciplining him. If he does it again I might need to assign him a minder. A babysitter.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div><div style="text-align:center;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">* * *</div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Clare South opens the show because… I forget. Something to do with wrestling fans desperate to see a pretty girl up close in real life. Virgins. Clare attempts the night’s rundown but is interrupted by Duran Duran’s Rio. Horrible 80s synths introduce a new look Anders Thunder, complete with thick black shades, hot pink shirt and electric blue suit. It’s quite the eyeful. Thunder grabs the mic and invites the crowd to ‘drink in’ his new look.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘I am Anders Thunder and I have realised my true calling as a product of the 1980s. I am still the Pride of Stockholm but now I listen to electronic drum beats and synthesisers while wearing brightly coloured designer suits. Hear me and my music and accept me now as your idol… your Wrestling God.’</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I’m not sure who wrote the words but Thunder’s leaden delivery in his heavy Scandinavian accent makes for quite the awkward moment. Even more so as 80s dance music plays and Anders stands there motionless except for tapping his foot and clicking his fingers in time. He looks at Clare but she backs off not knowing what to make of this. Thunder looks like he might be thinking of pursuing her but he is stopped by the most unlikely of heroes. The southern rock twang of Lynyrd Skynyrd signals the arrival of Mad Dog Mortimer!</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘You ain’t no god. Them ain’t no real people clothes. And what you listen to sure ain’t real music. The eighties sucked ass, now I’ve come out here to kick yours!”</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Fighting talk. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E-</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

Anders Thunder vs Mad Dog Mortimer</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

If you weren’t drawn into this bout by the monosyllabic exchanges of a giant in a bright suit and a cursing hillbilly then the action probably isn’t going to save it. In fact I know it isn’t. And it doesn’t. In a very basic match Thunder plods along until he scoops Mort up and delivers the huge slam and lands the BIG LEGDROP for the win. Horrible. Who is booking this crap? </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: F+</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Oh boyyyy, here we go. For reasons that escape me I thought it would be a good idea to attach a plastic vine near the entrance so that Leopard King could swing through the curtain. No one thought this needed testing beforehand and, as it happened, Leopard was a little preoccupied with being beaten up by queuing fans so tests never happened. I think as well… nobody expected him to be this fat. But what he lacks in athletic ability and self-awareness he makes up for in enthusiasm and self-importance. Which is why the forty eight fans in attendance are treated to a bellowing Tarzan yell and a swing that nearly brings down the entrance rig... right before the vine snaps and sends Leopard King skimming ass-first down the walkway. Silence. And then everyone laughs. The fans laugh. The boys in the back laugh. Referee Gregory “Don’t Call Me Greg” Chapman laughs. People come in from off the street to laugh. Everybody. All but one, a beetroot red in his furry animal print. I’m in the ring waiting for our match with tears streaming down my face. This fat f*** is priceless. Absolute train wreck. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: F-</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

Silas Odswald vs Leopard King</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I can barely breathe I’m laughing so hard. This does not go over well with my bright red opponent who sees fit to lay in a few heavy blows. It’s almost worth it. A receipt is given, and taken, and the match meanders with the occasional pointless stiff shot. The fans are as bored as I am and I tell Leopard to roll me with a school boy. This guy is the sh*ts. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: F+</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Seth Whitehead comes out and he looks serious. Someone needs to be to put this card on track. He’s still doing his street tough gimmick but you can tell he’s committed to it. He’s a professional honing his craft. In years to come when Seth looks back at his time in OWC and ghosts his autobiography for SWF Publishing I expect an absolute slating. F*** him. Before he can speak, however, he is interrupted by the unwelcome Gidayu Katou. He has a mic and proceeds to tell Whitehead that he doesn’t know how long he will stay in OWC but that he has come for his Championship belt.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘I will take your belt and keep it as an amusing trinket to remind me of when I had to slum it with backyarders and drug addicts. No one in this company will ever amount to anything and I will feel proud to be the man who ended it all.’</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Seth pauses and gives his considered response.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

‘One of us leaves tonight. The winner stays, the loser is cast out, never to return. I am putting my belt on the line. I want your word that when I beat you, you’re done here in OWC. If you can beat me I will head back, no complaints, to Brooklyn… Minnesota.’ </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: D-</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

OWC Heavyweight Championship</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

Seth Whitehead vs Gidayu Katou - Loser Leaves Town match</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

It’s not fair to put so much on the shoulders of the same guys each week. But I do. ‘Here, go rescue the event again because the undercard is the drizzling sh*ts and we need this to be good so that bills get paid and families get fed.’ I’m such a c***. Still, while my motivational talk could be considered emotional blackmail, there’s no arguing with the results. Katou knows we’re not holding on to him and it was never going to be a long-term thing. He’s too expensive and, frankly, too good for us. He puts in a shift, as does Seth as they, predictably, have the match of the night. A Katou Lariat is ducked and a boot to the mid-section hails the Butterfly Powerbomb and the champ retains. Thank you Gidayu, see you down the line. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E+</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

</strong></div></div><div style="text-align:center;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Show Rating: E</strong></div></div></div><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div>

[EBEZA]

You're rapidly making Leopard King my new favourite... a Road To Glory with him isn't beyond the realm of possibility!

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

You're rapidly making Leopard King my new favourite... a Road To Glory with him isn't beyond the realm of possibility!

 

Do it, man!

 

I was very happy to bring him in. His is the reverse-Midas touch. He's absolutely perfect for OWC.

[EBEZA]

Do it, man!

 

Maybe once one of my dynasties is done!

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p></p><div style="text-align:right;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><img src="</div></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg"</a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/MfYKXGP/OWC-Banner.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> alt="OWC-Banner" border="0"></div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Alright, you chumps.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Another piece of OWC merch, here to celebrate Anders Thunder in all his 80s glory. Crank up your personal walkmans, do lots of cocaine and buy this t-shirt. </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

<img src="</div></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/PcCndBN/Anders-TShirt.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/PcCndBN/Anders-TShirt.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><a href="https://i.ibb.co/PcCndBN/Anders-TShirt.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/PcCndBN/Anders-TShirt.jpg"</a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/PcCndBN/Anders-TShirt.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a></div><a href="https://i.ibb.co/PcCndBN/Anders-TShirt.jpg" rel="external nofollow"></a><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> alt="Anders-TShirt" border="0"></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong><span style="font-size:18px;">$29.99</span></strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

ORDER NOW!!</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

DISCLAIMER: OWC does not advocate the use of lovely, lovely drugs.</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div>

[EBEZA]

You need a Pro Wrestling Tees store <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="EBEZA" data-cite="EBEZA" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>You need a Pro Wrestling Tees store <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> OWC is old school. It operates out of the back of the ring truck/merch table.</p>

[Greylocke]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Bigelow Cartwheel" data-cite="Bigelow Cartwheel" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>DISCLAIMER: OWC does not advocate the use of lovely, lovely drugs.</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Did you send Lucas Danger the memo? Or did the delivery process go through some mishap so that he only received the last 3 words in the memo?</p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Greylocke" data-cite="Greylocke" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="46583" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Did you send Lucas Danger the memo? Or did the delivery process go through some mishap so that he only received the last 3 words in the memo?</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> <img alt=":D" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> </p><p> I think Lucas may have been given an office job for when he’s not wrestling. He may be the merch/promo guy.</p>

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><img src="</p><a href="https://i.ibb.co/6rqm2F6/OWC-Logo.jpg" rel="external nofollow">https://i.ibb.co/6rqm2F6/OWC-Logo.jpg"</a> alt="OWC-Logo" border="0"><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="font-size:18px;">Something Wicked This Way Comes</span></strong></p><p>

Attendance: 50</p></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">Hmm… it’s quiet in here. A little too quiet. Where are the screams and shouts? Why is nothing on fire?</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div><div style="text-align:center;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">* * *</div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

I head out to open the show and I’ve barely got the night’s rundown out of my pocket before Katoh Freak storms out. I facepalm and I can’t be the only one. Wait, what’s that he’s got with him? Why’s he brought barbed wire? Who’s he facing toni- oh f***. </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

“We’re not doing the barbed wire tonight! I’ve changed my mind!” </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Either he can’t hear me or he’s past caring. He grins and nods slowly. Ok, he can hear me. I can see Gregory Chapman wheeling out the spools of razor sharp wire and prick his thumb. Good. I try and stop him but I can’t get to him. I turn to try and stop Katoh but he’s deceptively strong. I punch him a couple of times but he takes this as his cue and hits me back. I guess this is happening then. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E+</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

Silas Odswald vs Katoh Freak – Barbed Wire match</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

This hurts. A lot. I am in a lot of pain. Didn’t we do this before? How do I keep getting roped into these things? I thought I was the booker. Someone’s booking this sh*tshow, right? I don’t know if I’ve upset Katoh or murdered his family or what but he is beating the ever-loving tar out of me. I think I was dropped on my head but I came round in time to take another whip into the barbed wire. Oh good. Bleeding from more areas than I can count I poke him in the eye, kick him in the crotch and roll a barely deserved quick pin. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E-</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

There’s so much blood on the rundown card now, I can’t see what’s next…. oh no. Leopard King is out to tell everyone how he has travelled far to be their new hero. He suspiciously eyes a man in the front row eating a hamburger. The fans not bored into indifference manage some weak boos. Leopard seems genuinely confused the fans aren’t treating him to total and utter adoration. Time for an old trick, tried and tested. He puffs out his pigeon chest, sucks in the beer gut and proceeds to run through cliched bodybuilder poses, or they would be if he had any idea what he was doing. The fans laugh him all the way to the back. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E-</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

Martyr vs Lucas Danger</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Martyr’s looking pretty motivated out there. The way he attacks Lucas from the off it’s almost like he’s been told to lay it on heavy tonight. Financially compensated perhaps. Lucas looks out of it, but then he always looks out of it… oh... no... he’s high again. What a surprise. Martyr is not letting him get any offence in and quickly beats him with a roll up. I can’t see under his mask but I imagine he’s not too happy right now. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E-</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Clare’s out. She’s got Seth Whitehead with her who solemnly informs the crowd that he’ll be putting his title on the line tonight against Danjuro Kikuchi. His New York accent is slipping. Clare keeps the segment ticking over but other than saying ‘There’s a match tonight’ there’s little that needs to be said from either of them. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: E-</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

OWC Heavyweight Championship </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

Seth Whitehead vs Danjuro Kikuchi</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

Another month, another show, another main event shouldering the weight of the entire card. Same as it ever was. Will it deliver? Actually, yes. It’s a bold strategy booking utter crap for nearly an hour and then having an actual wrestling match save the day but here we are. Kikuchi looked effective out there and was allowed to be competitive. It gave the match a little drama and hinted at the possibility of an upset, but in the end the all too familiar Butterfly Powerbomb ensured victory for the champ. Whitehead retains. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: D</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

And so there we have it. An improvement on last month’s card. Maybe some fans go home happy. Maybe some are starting to accept Seth Whitehead as OWC’s top dog. Seth turns back down the aisle and lifts his championship belt one last time for the fans, his back to the entrance curtain. From it a vine pokes through… and swinging into the back of the champ comes Leopard King! In a blur of furry animal print, Leopard attacks the champ and beats him down. He stomps away and does those ridiculous muscle poses. Sadly for him, most of the fans have left. </div></div><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Rating: F+</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong> </strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>

</strong></div></div><div style="text-align:center;"><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"><strong>Show Rating: E+</strong></div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

* * *</div></div></div><p></p><p></p><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

What to do with Lucas Danger? Ignore him? Tried that. Slap him about a bit? I’ve done that until my palms are red. Fine him? What’s the point? I fined him anyway and slapped him around for good measure. I’m more worried about answering to a furious Martyr. Still, everyone knows Lucas is a f*** up, right?</div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;"> </div></div><p></p><div style="margin-left:25px;"><div style="margin-left:25px;">

</div></div>

[EBEZA]

Still loving this! <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

[King Bison]

Something wicked was awesome! Poor Lucas needs to get his head on straight

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

Thanks guys.

[Bigelow Cartwheel]

<img src="

https://i.ibb.co/6rqm2F6/OWC-Logo.jpg" alt="OWC-Logo" border="0">

 

B-Movie Horror Show

Attendance: 58

 

 

 

So, we’re back. I open the show. Little bit of a headache. Before I can get two words out, I’m interrupted by the OWC Heavyweight Champion, Seth Whitehead. Seth’s unhappy about being jumped from behind at the end of last month’s show by Leopard King. I’m only half listening.

 

“Get your fat ass out here Leopard King or I will come back there and drag you out by your furry-print leotard and force feed it to you!”

 

The champ is made to wait, however, and the delay prompts boos and heckles from the crowd. Eventually Leopard drags himself through the curtain and huffs and puffs his way to the ring. After staring down Whitehead he begins his routine of bodybuilder poses - his short, squat frame making the whole scene utterly ridiculous. The champ walks up and calmly places a hand round Leopard’s throat and begins to squeeze.

 

“I will see you in the ring. Tonight. Don’t make me come looking for you.”

 

I guess we have our main event.

Rating: E+

 

 

Silas Odswald vs Lucas Danger – Hardcore match

Are the fans getting sick of this match? I know I am. I told Lucas beforehand that not only is he losing this one, he’s getting beat badly. His silent, glassy eyed stare could have been mistaken for contempt but everyone has learned by now that no one is home. The match is horrible, worse than to be expected. A DDT on the chair brings it to an end and I hit a second one for good measure. He hits the mat like a rag doll.

Rating: F+

 

 

This wasn’t planned but I’m utterly incensed by his sh*t-show performance. There’s no microphone but I’m yelling at his prone form how worthless he is. He tries lifting his face from the mat and puts a hand out to push himself up. Without a moments thought I stamp on his fingers. I hope they’re f*cking broken.

Rating: E-

 

 

Oh dear, Mad Dog Mortimer’s out. This will be fun. Like the old racist uncle you have to apologise to your friends for at parties, he’s hollering at anyone who’ll listen as everyone refuses to meet his gaze. Clare South’s with him but she can barely get a word in. Clearly Mad Dog’s got something on his mind.

 

“Bah gawd! Bah gawd! You all be hushin’ up now. I’m gonna pitch a fit. I’m madder than a wet hen. All a y’all back there don’t amount to a hill of beans! And Anders Thunder, you may be one big son-of-a-gun but I’m out here cussin’ you, boy. You’re lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut. You hear me, boy? You egg-suckin’ dawg!”

 

He stops long enough for Clare to ask him about tonight’s ladder match for the No.1 Contendership for the OWC Heavyweight title.

 

“There’s what now?”

 

Oh boy, this is gonna go well.

Rating: E-

 

 

No.1 Contender

Martyr vs Mad Dog Mortimer vs Anders Thunder vs Katoh Freak – Ladder match

Although it applies to most of the roster it’s quite the spectacle to see these four in the ring at the same time. The masked horror villain, the Confederate flag waving redneck, the 80s throwback European with his electric blue suit and oversized cell-phone and… well… Katoh’s turned up looking like a homage to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Presumably it was laundry day. The four, for all their shortcomings, put on a good show, wasting no time in knocking each other senseless with ladders and anything else within reach at ringside. As the carnage peaks, Martyr sends Mad Dog hurtling to the mat and is inches away from the dangling contract… only for Anders Thunder to reach up and powerbomb him to the outside through a table. Martyr isn’t moving. Thunder claims the prize.

Rating: E

 

 

Mortimer is seeing stars. His tongue searches the inside of his mouth, counting the remaining teeth. Lost one. That last bump really was a doozy. He pulls himself to his feet and walks straight into a chokeslam from Anders Thunder. This is how you celebrate becoming the number one contender. Thunder appears to be leaving the ring, only to step back through the ropes and deliver a HUGE LEGDROP onto the prone Mort.

Rating: D-

 

 

OWC Heavyweight Championship

Seth Whitehead vs Leopard King

One day Seth Whitehead will thank me. When he’s known the world over as being able to carry a broom to a five-star match he will smile and credit me for throwing him in with Leopard King for eight minutes back in 2017. And then a tick will appear under his left eye. Months later he will still struggle to suppress it. And the memories. *shudder* It is testament to Minnesota’s finest that he was able to drag a watchable contest from Leopard. By no means a classic, even by OWC standards, Seth proved his worth as champion once again, small packaging the challenger after he refused to take the Butterfly Powerbomb. F*cking pussy.

Rating: E

 

 

Show Rating: E+

 

* * *

 

Another month. Another show. Another tell-tale, glassy eyed Lucas Danger strung out on whatever he’s managed to get his hands on. Speaking of which, I walked backstage to find Clare taking pity on him and applying a splint to his fingers. My heart sinks and my blood boils. The thing about an open hand slap as opposed to a punch is the volume it can create. Done well and it will silence a room.

 

THWACK

 

As Lucas lay on the dank, threadbare carpet, cheek already glowing, they all stopped what they were doing. Everyone stared. I’m not a bad person. I just don’t know what else to do. I stood over him and he flinched like a beaten child. Clare glared at me. Slowly Lucas pulled himself up, tears streaming down his bruised face, and thrust himself at me. It caught me off guard but there was no punch, no tackle. A sobbing Lucas Danger wept openly in my arms.

 

With words no one else could hear he whispered to me.

 

“I’ll be good. I’ll be good. I’ll be…

loyal

.”

 

 

 

[Martel123]

Yes!! You're back!

 

It caught me off guard but there was no punch, no tackle. A sobbing Lucas Danger wept openly in my arms.

 

With words no one else could hear he whispered to me.

 

“I’ll be good. I’ll be good. I’ll be… loyal.”

 

Oh god.