DIW 2022: Lori's Law

[619]

Using lavelleuk's excellent Alternative CornellVerse 2022 Mod

Quote

DIW's 2022 Roster

Show Index
(Jan) To The Extreme
(Feb) Hardcore Heatwave
(Mar) Blood And Guts
(Apr) Havoc
(May) Devil May Care
(Jun) Massacre
(Jul) Carnage In Canberra
(Aug) Hardcore Hallelujah
(Sep) Extreme Life
(Oct) Damage Control
(Nov) Chaos Engine
(Dec) War Machine

Part 1: Lori's Law

Bookers are heat magnets. Bookers who are 31, female, married to a co-worker, have taken barely any bumps and are replacing a company’s only ever booker – beloved Big Jim Teasdale – are DOA, especially in Australia’s most hardcore locker room. What the hell was The Comedian thinking?

I asked him that question, well, a politer question aimed at getting that answer, and he just said that with competitors trying to out-DIW DIW, it was time to redefine DIW. He said my understanding of his fans over the last 12 years had surprised him and he never forgot the success of my previous big idea: my husband Death Ref being revealed as Ares Death Cult leader. And I had stayed loyal when CEW called in 2017, unlike the other traitors.

What he didn’t say was that I don’t exactly earn Swoop Dogg money. I was cheap to hire and I’d be cheap to fire. A bridge he could afford to burn, unlike all the others he torched before without a care for the consequences. What I didn’t tell him was that I can be deceptively opinionated, surprising myself with how quickly I started picturing what I’d do differently.

Which was a good thing, as saying no wasn’t an option. I knew The Comedian well enough to know that if I turned that job down, I wouldn’t be invited to continue my current one, and neither would my husband. All I could do was say thanks for the opportunity and figure out overnight how to make money for a company that didn’t have any, and convince Australia’s most violent men that I had a better vision for inflicting human suffering than any of them.

In 2022, DIW would be under Lori’s law.

Edited October 5, 2022 by 619

[619]

Part 2: Breaking the news

Shawn (my husband, fellow DIW lifer Death Ref)
He’s always my biggest supporter so it was no surprise that he told me I’d be great at this. I let him know that to stand a chance of making this work, I’d be relying on him to perform two unofficial roles: my sounding board to help turn my flashes of inspiration into something substantial and my talent scout, using his knowledge and contacts to help with any recruitment.

Big Jim Teasdale (ex-booker)
My first call was to the bloke I was replacing, to thank him for the last 12 years, not least pairing me with Ares Death Cult, the highlight of my time in DIW so far, and apologise for taking his job. He was polite, I think partly because his bitterness was concentrated on The Comedian, and partly because he suspected I would fail so badly that his reputation would soar in his absence. But I appreciated his professionalism, not least in emailing me everyone’s contact details, something The Comedian had overlooked.

Tatum Richards (my best friend, a DIW referee)
She was more excited than Shawn or I. She asked if we could launch a women’s division now. Of course, I’d had the same thought, but I knew I’d have to prove myself first to earn the trust to initiate such change without mutiny.

Lou Brookmyre (DIW’s road agent)
I thought The Comedian would’ve tipped him off, but apparently not. Thankfully, I had a good pitch planned, promising him more power than ever before. I’d be telling him what I wanted to achieve and leave him to figure out how best to execute that in the ring. I’m sure he was sceptical, but he agreed to meet next week to map out the next show together.

Milton Hittlespitz (DIW Champion)
Shawn reminded me that locker-room etiquette dictates you call the champion first, even if they’ve only been champion for a few days. Thankfully, he’s one of the company’s coolest customers, so he was neither thrilled nor disgusted by my news. I just let him know that I heard the fans and that he’d be central to everything we do.

Gyula Lakatos and Cesar Sionis (my Ares Death Cult stablemates)
While Shawn and Tatum were cheerleading, Big Jim and Lou were tight-lipped and Milton was indifferent, I knew my moody European big bros would give it to me straight. Gyula said The Barracudas would be angry as they took a backseat recently on a promise from Big Jim that they’d be rewarded after that. Cesar was even blunter, warning that I would be seen as a pushover and the quickest way to show I wasn’t was to fire a few dead weights. I hated the idea, but I couldn’t move past it.

Edited August 29, 2022 by 619

[619]

Part 3: Sharpening my pencil

Show planning

“It’s too much for one show”

“You’re taking something we’ve spent years building up and throwing it away in one night”

“Are you sure the boss will agree to that?”

My first meeting with road agent Lou Brookmyre was a stiff one, but I was proud of myself for holding my ground, reminding him that the boss wants us to shake things up and this is how we’re setting up our 2022 plans. The matches, winners and angles are set in stone, but he has control over everything else, so I asked him to embrace the challenge and let it play out.

Spring cleaning

What’s the right way to fire someone? Many say it’s cowardly not to do it face-to-face, but do they work in industries where you only meet your colleagues once a month? Wouldn’t it be crueller to bring them to a show and then tell them they’re not needed and not getting paid either?

I wouldn’t want to be caught cold with a phone call giving me that news either. So I sent Shotgun, Slugger and Syrus a message informing them they weren’t in DIW’s future plans and to call me if they wanted to discuss it further.

Slugger and Syrus wrote back that they weren’t planning to show up anyway, they’d only agreed to join for Big Jim. They’d only done two shows, so it was plausible, even if I wasn’t convinced. Shotgun, who’d been around a fair bit longer, responded with three words, two of which we “go” and “yourself”.

Catching up with the boss

“I’m okay with cutting show time to 90 minutes, but I don’t want to know what else you’ve got planned for To The Extreme, I’ll only end up blocking it,” The Comedian warned. “Let me go in blind and tell you what you did wrong after.”

“There’s just one problem with that,” I replied. “I’ve got you booked.”

Edited August 29, 2022 by 619

[619]

Part 4: What I’m working with

DIW Champion Milton Hittlespitz
He’s been here over a decade and taken more beatings than anyone, with the crowd rallying behind him recently. Big Jim listened, and he won his first DIW Title last month, using a shot that champion Rob Edwards promised him as a thank you for helping him fight The Barracudas.

The Barracudas (Vaughan, Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke)
A trio who legitimately met in prison and have been inseparable ever since. Vaughan is the leader and a five-time DIW Champion, but Blitz and Chopper have both had spells on top in the last 18 months too.

Ares Death Cult (Gyula Lakatos, Cesar Sionis, Death Ref and I)
My crew. Gyula and Cesar were a fearsome duo for years before I tagged along in 2017. My idea for Shawn (Death Ref) to be revealed as cult leader pushed us closer to the top of the card, and made work more fun than ever.

Rob Edwards
There’s no end to this bloke’s talent: that’s why he won the title on his debut in 2017 and has held it twice since. He’s just missing that extra hook the other main eventers have: Milton’s slow climb, the Barracudas and Cults’ larger-than-life units. I guess it’s my job now to work out what that is.

Australian Champion Seth Wish
Seth reminds me of Milton: he’s smaller than the usual DIW title holder and has taken plenty of beatings, but the fans love him. He’s eight years younger and a lot less beaten up, so seems to have quite the upside.

Kobra Khan
One of the most popular people in our locker room. Again, he doesn’t look like your typical DIW psychopath: small, skinny and always seen in a cobra mask, but he’s been Australian Champion twice.

Tag Champions Two Badass MFers (Hendrix Hughes and Seb Shaw)
Too cool to boo and capable in and out of the ring, these two would fit into any promotion in Australia.

The Inmates (The Anarchist and Bile)
The former champions haven’t done much lately, but remain one of our most established and reliable teams.

God Of War
He’s a good dude and an alright worker, but he’s been in DIW for over eight years without looking like a God or being involved in many wars.

Lloyd Banks
The bloke’s only been here for three years but has a few decades’ worth of scars, which should tell you the kind of matches he takes part in.

Wrecker
This man’s got it, DIW just haven’t figured out how to use it. He’s a bit detached from the rest of the roster, and hasn’t established a character but, at 23, time is on his side.

Saracens (Cueball and Tank)
The bikers probably aren’t my biggest fans after I cut their partner Shotgun, but they will get a chance to make an impression as a pair.

The Warriors (Mr. Green, Mr. Orange, Mr. Pink)
Only in DIW can you find a trio of clown-mask-wearing bank robbers. Green is the ringleader, Orange takes most of the beatings and Pink does most of the wrestling.

Pat Rigsby
Pat’s been here nearly five years without doing much, but he’s solid enough that I’m happy keeping him around as long as he’s happy playing that part.

Soul Burner
He hasn’t had much impact in the ring yet, but he’s always fun to be around.

Janus
I don’t see much in this bloke, but Shawn does, so we’re waiting to see who gets to say I told you so.

The Comedian (the boss)
He was DIW Champion six times before retiring just over a year ago. It’s not easy working out how to use him now, given he doesn’t want to fight but commands eight times more for an appearance than almost everybody else on the roster.

Tatum Richards (the referee)
My best friend and biggest supporter besides Shawn. She replaced him as ref when he joined Ares Death Cult and the fans love it when she refuses to take any crap from the blokes.

Lou Brookmyre (the road agent)
My second-in-command and fellow DIW lifer. Lou is easy company and gets on with everyone, but I’m still not sure what he thinks of me being booker.

Edited August 29, 2022 by 619

[John Lions]

I only play Australian C-Verse and DIW is a company I haven't really scratched. Excited to see where you go with this. Also pumped to see my boy Rob Edwards at the top of a card, was shocked he was still unemployed in 2020 and glad the alternate 2022 has a better judge of his character. I'll be following along!

[AboardTheArk]

Wrestling is just so damn BIG in the 2022 Cverse mod that playing a company this small will truly be a challenge and an experience. Best of luck!

[619]

Thank you both for the words of support.

 

I only play Australian C-Verse and DIW is a company I haven't really scratched. Excited to see where you go with this. Also pumped to see my boy Rob Edwards at the top of a card, was shocked he was still unemployed in 2020 and glad the alternate 2022 has a better judge of his character. I'll be following along!

I've only ever played Australia too. I found the idea of getting used to a whole new world quite overwhelming, so carved off a corner for myself instead.

 

Wrestling is just so damn BIG in the 2022 Cverse mod that playing a company this small will truly be a challenge and an experience. Best of luck!

Haha, yes, I'm waiting for the combination of there being lots more promotions and The Comedian having even more enemies than usual to kick me in the teeth.

[619]

Part 5: Choosing my words

I’m not one for speeches, but I knew I had to address the locker room before my first show.

“I know you can’t believe this is happening, because I can’t believe this is happening. But I’ve been DIW since day one. I know these fans, just like I know all of you. The job might be new, but I’ll be working closely with the blokes who know the things I don’t, like Lou and the boss, as well as using everything I learnt working under Big Jim.

Shotgun, Slugger and Syrus aren’t here tonight because I’ve decided we won’t be using them going forward. This wasn’t personal. I just don’t think they fit in with our locker room or our fanbase. You’re all still here because you have the opportunity to make the same impression on our fans as Milton Hittlespitz has, so make sure you take it.

I realise we’re doing a few things tonight that you might be sceptical of. All I ask is that you be open-minded. I’m in this position because the boss wants us to try some new things, so this is the show for making some changes and getting the fans excited about what we’re doing in 2022. I’ve thought through every decision I’ve made, and it will be the fans rather than you or I that have the final say. So just do what you always do and leave it all in the ring, and I know you’ll be pleased with the results. You’ve got it from here.”

Cynicism remained thick in the air, but I felt like I’d put across the best message I could.

Edited August 29, 2022 by 619

[619]

Part 6: To The Extreme 2022

Kobra Khan v Cesar Sionis
What better way to start my first show in charge than with me? I accompanied the hulking Cesar Sionis for his match with Kobra Khan. The masked man had some early success, using his speed to evade The Greek Punisher and get some good shots in. But that only angered my man, who took out Kobra Khan’s legs and then, once he could no longer get up, took him out with the Running Knee Side-Swipe for the win. The crowd were really into it.

The Comedian came out, preparing to announce Milton Hittlespitz’s first challenger and give him a victory lap. I was still at ringside with other ideas. I pointed out there was only one choice, someone who recently took a year off Milton’s career and was offering him a chance for a receipt: Gyula Lakatos. The Comedian tried to play me, saying Gyula could only get the shot with the guarantee that no Ares Death Cult member interfered. If one did, we’d never get a title shot again in DIW. I took the deal, and warned Milton that the fairytale was over.

Janus, Lloyds Bank, Soul Burner and Wrecker v The Inmates (Bile and The Anarchist) and Saracens (Tank and Cueball)
The crowd were pretty hostile towards most of the competitors in the Lori-wants-to-get-everyone-on-the-card-at-her-first-show eight-man tag, but the chaos factor seemed to keep them engaged. The quartet with the two established teams took the win, with Saracens member Cueball pinning Soul Burner in an attempt to get him taken a bit more seriously.

Tag champs Two Badass MFers came out smoking and told The Inmates and Saracens enough with the foreplay, when were one of them going to step up and take their beating from the champs? They didn’t hang around for a response though, straightening their jackets and leaving.

The Warriors (Mr. Green, Mr. Orange and Mr. Pink) v The Barracudas (Vaughan, Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke)
This was almost cruel of me, forcing The Warriors to relive the memories of when the clown-mask-wearing bank robbers first arrived in DIW with visions of taking over, only to take beating after beating from The Barracudas. And relive it they did, with Vaughan achieving a straightforward victory for his team by pinning Mr. Orange.

Mr. Green and Mr. Orange acted decisively to make sure it would be The Warriors’ last six-man defeat to The Barracudas, jumping Mr. Pink after the match and even taking his mask.

Rob Edwards v Pat Rigsby
Angered by the double blow of losing the DIW Title and being denied an immediate rematch, Edwards worked through his aggression against a goading Rigsby, finishing the job with his Roundhouse Kick.

Australian Title: Seth Wish (c) v God Of War
The less said about the first title match I booked, the better. Even restricted to just six minutes, this styles clash made for gruesome viewing. Wish put everyone out of their misery with Dust In The Wind for a successful title defence.

The Comedian returned to introduce Milton Hittlespitz ahead of the main event, but The Barracudas stormed the ring from the crowd. Vaughan said every DIW fan at Marv’s knew the company wouldn’t have got to 2022 without them, yet their loyalty hadn’t been repaid. They’ve been wasting time fighting people who aren’t on their level while Rob Edwards and Hittlespitz get the title fights. 2022 was meant to be different, and yet now The Comedian was letting Ares Death Cult jump the queue too. He’s full of crap, so they were going to beat the crap out of him. Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke took down the boss from behind, then all three pulled out pipes and took turns to lay in body shots as he tried to get off the ground. Once he was flat on his back and no longer able to resist, Vaughan laid three fists to his face. They stood tall, then left through the crowd as the bloody owner was stretched out.

DIW Title: Milton Hittlespitz (c) v Gyula Lakatos
The closing moments of an engaging 15-minute fight saw Death Ref come to ringside and grab the title, threatening to break the stipulation of no-Cult interference. Rob Edwards ran down and grabbed the title out of his hands, only to turn around and strike Milton in the face with it. Gyula didn’t hesitate, picking up Milton for a Choke Bomb that made him DIW Champion. Death Ref, Cesar Sionis and I joined him in the ring to celebrate.

Edited August 29, 2022 by 619

[619]

Part 7: Debrief

 

The Comedian’s reaction

“Gyula Lakatos, DIW Champion”

The Comedian didn’t elaborate, he just let the words hang.

“I doubt anyone else I offered the book to would put me on a stretcher on their first night”

Was he complimenting my gutsiness, or angry about his latest black eye?

“I should’ve known you’re not a fan of pink”

Heh, it’s not often The Comedian lives up to his name, so I wasn’t expecting his Warriors quip.

“So, what did you think of the show?” I finally found the courage to ask, with a gulp.

After a pause almost as long as Milton Hittlespitz’s title reign, he answered: “Well, I’m interested to see what comes next.” I was happy leaving the subject there, knowing it was as positive a response as I was getting.

“Especially if I don’t have to donate any blood next month,” he added.

“One more thing,” I asked, “what’s the hiring policy?”

“For every hire there has to be a fire, especially now we’re only running 90-minute shows. And no East Coast Panther, no Dumfrey Pinn, no Mace Mueller, no Wez Dobberly, no Angus McMiller, no Abattoir, no Big Rig, no Diesel Dan, no Tombstone. No Mayhem Mulhoney either, I don’t want a death on my conscience.”

I counted along in my head. It was a list 10 times longer than Milton’s list of title defences.

“And no comedians. There’s only room for one of those here.”

“Great, thanks,” I replied, taking a mental note to rule out pretty much everyone we’d ever worked with before.

Cocktails with Tatum

Tatum said she loved the show, but hadn’t I made the target on my back bigger by giving my crew the title for the first time ever on my first show? I told her that bringing the locker room situation into the ring was deliberate: Milton and The Barracudas knew it was their time, yet Ares Death Cult seized power and abused it. It made sense to me, but I could tell from Tatum’s face that she was less certain. I just had to hope I knew our fans better.

Edited August 29, 2022 by 619

[Satyr24]

“One more thing,” I asked, “what’s the hiring policy?”

 

“For every hire there has to be a fire, especially now we’re only running 90-minute shows. And no East Coast Panther, no Dumfrey Pinn, no Mace Mueller, no Wez Dobberly, no Angus McMiller, no Abattoir, no Big Rig, no Diesel Dan, no Tombstone. No Mayhem Mulhoney either, I don’t want a death on my conscience.”

 

Well you just fired 3 soooooo 3 hires coming soon

[619]

Well you just fired 3 soooooo 3 hires coming soon

I think he was referring to the roster we had in attendance at that first 90-minute show but, now you mention it, he wasn't very clear, so perhaps we can exploit that loophole. Thanks for the comment.

[619]

Part 8: Taking questions

“It’s not booking yourself on top, working the internet or any other 20th century crap. It’s simple. DIW is Australia’s realest wrestling – the toughest men doing whatever it takes to get their arm raised – and what you see inside the ring reflects what’s happening outside the ring. Ares Death Cult have the power, The Barracudas feel played, Milton feels cheated and The Comedian isn’t too popular right now. All of that is real, and our fans come to Marv’s to see something real, not gymnastics or theatre.”

I knew even before he’d hit record on his iPhone that the “reporter” I granted my first “media” interview as DIW booker planned to portray me as a mark for myself. So I was pleased upon reading his “article” to see I’d succeeded at setting the narrative.

I hoped it was an answer for everyone: those who wanted to believe I was putting myself and my friends over could feel vindicated, those who felt I was “working myself into a shoot” would view this as evidence. And hopefully my colleagues would see that I got it: what DIW represents, the feeling in the locker room, the fans, what they want and how to give it to them. If not, no worries, I already had my next move to get them on side mapped out.

I used a movie analogy given to me by Tatum to explain the decision to make shows half an hour shorter, highlighting how many people believe 90 minutes is the perfect show length. Sure, comparing wrestling to cinema didn’t really suit my new “Australia’s realest wrestling” tagline, but it was better than admitting that I was doing it because we’ve got no money.

Similarly, “we’ve got a great roster and my immediate focus is on getting the best out of it” was a better soundbite than “I can’t afford anyone else” and “wrestlers can bring friends in the locker room now because we want to give as many people as possible the chance to experience DIW” didn’t sound as desperate as admitting “I just want everyone to like me”.

I was ready for the question about former DIW Champion Mayhem Mulhoney saying whoever’s running DIW must be high to take the title off our most over champion in years. I suspected he was put up to it by former booker Big Jim Teasdale but, rather than pick that fight, I took a different approach, pointing out it was clearly a desperate attempt by Mulhoney’s new employers Original Legends Deathmatches to leach publicity off DIW’s popularity. I flattered my interviewer by pretending I thought he’d be too smart to fall for it.

Helpfully, he didn’t ask about anything that would be truly difficult to answer like our lack of diversity, which saved me having to embarrass myself by using the fact Gyula Lakatos is our first DIW Champion from Europe to deflect. Luckily, that kind of thing doesn’t interest most wrestling writers as much as whether the first spot of the opener was a callback to an indy match they had in 2015. Not that I had a good answer for that question either.

Edited August 29, 2022 by 619

[619]

Part 9: Total BS

“Reports that The Barracudas have walked out on DIW, or that they have agreed to join a rival promotion are total BS. They are scheduled to appear at Blood And Guts in March.”

That was the statement we published on our website, burying the bad news of their non-appearance on this month’s Hardcore Heatwave card. Whereas we didn’t announce any matches ahead of To The Extreme, we released the full Hardcore Heatwave line-up in advance, with Rob Edwards set to challenge new DIW Champion Gyula Lakatos in the main event.

My planning meeting with road agent Lou Brookmyre was frosty again. He thought I was giving too many minutes to people the fans don’t care about, that it was wasteful not to give Cesar Sionis and Two Badass MFers matches on a card already missing The Barracudas, and that the Milton Hittlespitz formula was working perfectly and there was no need to mess with it.

I didn’t back down though. I said that, for all the fuss since, the fans at Marv’s were loud throughout To The Extreme, and it would take that to change for me to change my plans.

Edited August 29, 2022 by 619

[619]

Part 10: Hardcore Heatwave 2022

Australian Title: Seth Wish (c) v Lloyd Banks
The crowd were far more into the second Australian Title match I booked than the first. The finish saw Lloyd charge at Seth with barbed wire, only to get catapulted into the ropes, cutting himself with the momentum, and then put down for the count by Dust In The Wind.

Shawn (Death Ref), Cesar Sionis and I welcomed out new DIW Champion Gyula Lakatos. Tonight’s challenger Rob Edwards interrupted. After shutting down crowd chants that he screwed Milton by claiming that the former champion got what he deserved, he demanded the same deal we took last month: no Cult interference in the title match. I spoiled his plans with a reminder: now we’ve got the title, we don’t have to play by the rules anymore.

Mr. Pink v The Warriors (Mr. Green and Mr. Orange)
This was probably what road agent Lou Brookmyre had in mind when criticising me for giving too many minutes to people the fans don’t care about. Mr. Pink, who must’ve had more than one mask as he was still sporting his usual look, started strong against the partners who betrayed him, but was eventually overwhelmed and pinned by Mr. Orange.

The Warriors looked to punish their former buddy-in-bank-robbing further, only for Wrecker to even the sides. He was about to hit his Mighty Bulldog on Mr. Orange when Mr. Green pulled him to safety.

Milton Hittlespitz v Pat Rigsby
There was no clowning in the next contest. Man, I wish I had commentators to feed that line to. The crowd roared when Milton Hittlespitz walked out, but there was no music and no interaction. Instead, he headed straight to the ring. Pat Rigsby dragged the contest out by stepping outside the ropes on multiple occasions and taunting Milton about his short title reign. But a less-crazy-than-usual Crazy Blue kept his focus, securing the win with a standard knee drop rather than his traditional top rope effort, leaving without any celebration.

Tag Contendership: Saracens (Cueball and Tank) v The Inmates (Bile and The Anarchist)
Having joined forces as a quartet last month, Saracens and The Inmates were opponents this time, fighting for a shot at Two Badass MFers. There wasn’t much between the teams, but when The Anarchist took down Cueball with the A-Bomb, there was no getting back up.

Two Badass MFers came out straight after the bell. The smug smokers said they just wanted to congratulate The Inmates on their upcoming title. The title of being the first team Two Badass MFers beat in 2022. There was no right of reply for The Inmates, with the champs instead straightening their jackets and heading for the exit.

Kobra Khan v God Of War
Putting the oldest member of my roster against one of the fastest made God Of War look every one of his 43 years. Despite his huge size advantage, he was looking at the lights six minutes in, unable to answer the Ripcord Knee.

DIW Championship: Rob Edwards v Gyula Lakatos (c)
Edwards thought he had it all planned out perfectly: avenge Milton Hittlespitz taking his title by costing him it last month, then reclaiming it this month. But on his own, he was at a huge numerical disadvantage. We all played our part. Death Ref slid the title in. Edwards intercepted it, but I grabbed his leg and, though it didn’t take him long to get loose, those stolen seconds saw him turn into a chair shot from Cesar Sionis. Gyula followed with a Choke Bomb to secure his first successful title defence.

Gyula, Cesar and I were too busy celebrating to notice a commotion in the crowd. Death Ref did though and went to investigate, only to be winded by a pipe to the stomach. It was The Barracudas, and they headed straight for the ring. Vaughan held me hostage in the corner while Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke took down Gyula and Cesar. Next they started setting up two tables outside, one for each of my European big bros. Or so it seemed, but once they got back in the ring, they turned their attention to me. Before I had time to finish screaming “oh shit”, I was up on Vaughan’s shoulders, but not for long as the trio sent my flying over the ropes and through the furniture.

The crowd went wild while I laid there bewildered, The adrenalin, the relief I hadn’t smacked my head on the floor* and, most likely, the fact I hadn’t tried to move yet helped mask the pain.

*Blitz and Chopper told me they’d set up two tables for that reason but, given we’d only planned it all on a phone call to help keep their appearance a surprise, and they weren’t thrilled by my promotion to booker, I didn’t know how much to trust them. But I’d survived.

[lavelleuk]

Love seeing my mod in a diary, and DIW are a great choice! I always like hardcore promotions where you can just up the violence and the crazy!

 

Looks really good so far!

[Tiberious]

Really enjoying this diary. Can't imagine Milton was thrilled to have the new booker's first move be to make him drop the title to a guy who seriously injured him in the past, but life isn't always kind to Australian hardcore workers.

I haven't played the mod too much, but the roster looks interesting if a bit rough in terms of talent; especially with so many of them with poor starting momentum. Feel like God of War should probably be the next one on the chopping block; maybe OLD will pick him up.

[619]

On 8/30/2022 at 6:01 PM, lavelleuk said:

Love seeing my mod in a diary, and DIW are a great choice! I always like hardcore promotions where you can just up the violence and the crazy!

 

Looks really good so far!

Thanks for the kind comment and a mod that everyone should download. I can only aspire to your level of creativity and detail.

 

On 8/30/2022 at 11:31 PM, Tiberious said:

Really enjoying this diary. Can't imagine Milton was thrilled to have the new booker's first move be to make him drop the title to a guy who seriously injured him in the past, but life isn't always kind to Australian hardcore workers.

I haven't played the mod too much, but the roster looks interesting if a bit rough in terms of talent; especially with so many of them with poor starting momentum. Feel like God of War should probably be the next one on the chopping block; maybe OLD will pick him up.

Thanks, I really appreciate it. Yeah, Milton definitely got the Vince McMahon "learn to eat a s*** sandwich and like the taste of it" treatment at that first show., and God Of War hasn't impressed so far.

[619]

Part 11: Backache and earache

“You shouldn’t have done that,” said Cesar Sionis, his bedside manner severely lacking. “We should’ve built up to someone finally getting their hands on you for months, not sent you crashing through tables without a build.”

“Don’t sacrifice your body just to please a few idiots in the locker room. They’re not worth it. What will you do next time you want more respect? Set yourself on fire? You don’t need to do any of that for a reaction from the fans and you definitely don’t owe it to the blokes.”

Even if he was giving me earache at a time when everything else ached, I always found it sweet when Cesar played the protective big brother, especially knowing there aren’t many people on the planet he gives a crap about.

I knew from experience it wasn’t worth arguing back when he gets so angry about something. I also knew he was saying what a lot of people thought: that I took a dangerous shortcut to try to win some respect, and that it was hotshot booking to let someone get their hands on me a month after we took the title.

But I knew what I had planned next, and how that moment would affect things long term, and the crowd reaction to my first two shows gave me confidence that we were on a good path, even if a lot of people didn’t see it yet.

I did receive a surprising pat on the back (figurative, not literal, thankfully given the pain I felt) from road agent Lou Brookmyre. He admitted the crowd were really into what we did at Hardcore Heatwave. But perhaps it was a strategic concession, given what followed.

“I just want you to think about Milton Hittlespitz. I’m not against a slow build usually, but the reactions he’s been getting are a once-in-a-decade phenomenon and it won’t last as long as you think it will. If you leave it too late, the moment will pass and we’ll all be poorer.”

[619]

Part 12: Post-Heatwave heat

Quite a few online commenters took the Hardcore Heatwave ending as proof I didn’t know what I was doing. Some agreed with Cesar that we should’ve built to it more, but the criticism that frustrated me more was that supposedly I should’ve been embarrassed for having worked the locker room and gone to such lengths to swerve a few hundred fans.

Yes, I arranged for The Barracudas to get to Marv’s over an hour into the show, but it wasn’t to misguide our roster. In fact, I’d told them to look out for The Barracudas earlier in the evening. I just wanted to give a special memory to our most loyal fans, even if it was only 271 people. And I was confident that moment of The Barracudas jumping the barricade when the show appeared to be over, even without me taking my biggest ever bump, would stay with them.

Hopefully Vaughan, Blitz and Chopper could see how highly I valued them from my first two shows, putting the boss and myself on stretchers for them, not to mention having them stand tall over the champion. I wouldn’t find out first hand though because I wasn’t attending Blood And Guts, believing it was important to sell the impact of the double table bump. Instead, Lou Brookmyre was going to broadcast live to me via video call.

This would also test my relationship with Lou. While he'd criticised some of my plans, he’d so far accepted me doing things my way and seeing how the crowd react. But with me not physically there, it would be easier for him to undermine my authority or to misrepresent my plans. And I knew he definitely objected to at least one of those. There was no disagreement about the main event though, in which Ares Death Crew were facing two of The Barracudas.

[619]

Part 13: Blood And Guts 2022

My husband Death Ref is supposed to be an evil mastermind, the brains behind Ares Death Cult’s rise to the top of DIW, but he started this show by doing something really stupid. With Gyula Lakatos and Cesar Sionis not yet at Marv’s, he demanded a Barracuda step in the ring with him to avenge their attack on me. Vaughan came through the crowd, but was followed by Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke. They took turns to whack him with pipes, before picking up his lifeless body for the Barracuda Sting. Before leaving, Vaughan revealed that Lou told them that if, no, when they win tonight, they’ll get a shot at the title.

Mr. Pink and Wrecker v The Warriors (Mr. Green and Mr. Orange)
Mr. Pink finally got a measure of revenge on his former bank-robbing buddies, his new alliance with Wrecker getting off to an encouraging start. He hit his Pink Thunder Bomb on Mr. Orange for the win.

Tag Titles: Two Badass MFers (Hendrix Hughes and Seb Shaw) (c) v The Inmates (Bile and The Anarchist)
The Inmates won their last two matches and gave the champions a few early frights, but Hughes put Bile down with the Fireman’s Carry Bulldog on 10 minutes. After the match, Hughes and Shaw got on the microphone, taunting that it was barely worth taking their jackets off for. I pushed back against that line when Lou first told me they had pitched it, worried it undermined the strength of our tag division, but he convinced me fans would know it was their usual bravado given it was actually an open match. I think he was right.

Vaughan v God Of War
Vaughan’s appearance here signalled that he was leaving it to Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke to take on Gyula Lakatos and Cesar Sionis in the main event. Vaughan put on a powerful performance, sending his fellow heavyweight to sleep with his Choke Sleeper.

Rob Edwards said he knew people have been laughing at him. They think he deserved to get screwed out of the title after screwing Milton Hittlespitz. Well anyone who thought that was full of crap, and he promised to have the last laugh. He made another promise: that he wouldn’t lose another match until he was granted another shot at his title.

Soul Burner v Rob Edwards
After an early roll up threatened to inflict further embarrassment on Edwards, he kept his unbeaten promise on track, keeping Soul Burner down with a Roundhouse Kick.

Australian Champion Seth Wish said seeing off challengers wasn’t enough, he’s thinking about how to make history. Former champion Kobra Khan interrupted, saying he’s the perfect man to make hissssssssssss-tory with. He pointed out they’ve both held the title twice and asked an approving Seth: who doesn’t want to see them go one-on-one one more time? The final line got a reaction, but this segment was messy and I think the hiss line was too campy for our fans, so I’ll have to either give these two less mic time, or script them more tightly in future. I’ve thought a lot about the Australian Title lately, so will expand on that in a future diary entry.

Milton Hittlespitz v Lloyd Banks
Milton again came out to no music and didn’t interact with the fans. But if he was mechanical at Hardcore Heatwave, he showed a more vicious side this time, wrapping the chair Banks introduced around his head and then dropping a knee on it for the win.

Gyula Lakatos and Cesar Sionis made their entrance for the main event while Milton was making his exit, with Gyula taunting him by raising his DIW Title high. Milton didn’t even acknowledge the provocation though, walking past without a pause.

The Barracudas (Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke) v Ares Death Cult (Gyula Lakatos and Cesar Sionis)
Having used our numbers advantage to start 2022 with two huge wins, suddenly the numbers were against Ares Death Cult. The Barracudas had taken me out last month and Death Ref out at the start of the show, meaning it wasn’t just two on two, they had Vaughan in the corner too. He made a key intervention, running Gyula into a ringpost outside to leave Cesar prone to the Barracuda Sting in the ring, with Blitz making the cover.

After the bell, Vaughan handed Gyula’s title to Blitz, signalling that he’d be the one taking the title shot they’d just earned.

[619]

Part 14: Negative voices

“What the hell is going on with Milton Hittlespitz?” demanded The Comedian.

“He’s working in front of more fans than he was three months ago for a company making more money,” I replied. Then I took a sharp intake of breath. In all my years working here, I’d never spoken to the boss like that, and I had no idea how he’d respond.

“Make sure it stays that way.” He went on to make a reasonable point with his other criticism on that call, asking why I’d recently asked him to increase spending on music if our fan favourite was going to be coming out to silence.

But still, I was starting to find the negative voices draining. If he wanted more of the same, he could’ve stuck with Big Jim Teasdale. He asked me to redefine DIW, so why was he questioning everything, especially when the numbers looked promising?

As my plan for Milton was the main thing Lou Brookmyre pushed back against, I wondered if he’d been in The Comedian’s ear at the show, telling him I was making a mistake, that I wasn’t listening and he needed to intervene. I hoped Lou wasn’t undermining me though because I really loved the way he and Milton were telling the story I wanted to tell in his matches. Lou seemed to be doing his best to make a success of it, despite not agreeing with the direction.

Unlike everyone else running the company, I had to try to focus on those positives. Lou wasn’t going anywhere, and he was doing what I wanted and doing it well, and that mattered more than whether he was burying me to my boss behind my back, if he even was.

Edited September 7, 2022 by 619

[619]

Part 15: An unpatriotic thought

While most of the criticism so far had been about me misusing Milton Hittlespitz or putting my friends over, anyone watching the shows had probably noticed my real blind spot: the Australian Title.

It seemed to be pretty popular with fans, but when I looked at the biggest promotions in Oceania like RAW and ZEN (of course, I’d never let The Comedian know I treated them like actual wrestling companies, that would probably be an instant dismissal), they only had three titles even with double the roster size. Did we really need three titles for 24 wrestlers?

I guessed I had three long-term options: get rid of it altogether, find a way to make it more unique or just accept that it’s on the card to provide good matches and develop midcarders, and doesn’t need a strong story focus. To buy myself time to decide, I had figured out a plan for the next six months, the outcome of which might even make that decision easier.

Though I wasn’t certain yet whether the Australian Title would survive 2022, I felt a surprising amount of clarity about the big picture. I’d jotted down my planned main events for the remaining nine shows of the year, and outlined what my top seven stars would do at each show. So all that could go wrong was everybody getting injured, walking out, or The Comedian and Lou Brookmyre overthrowing me for booking one Warriors match too many.

On the subject of future plans, I also started April with my first signing. As I said before, Shawn was far better connected than me (my polite way of saying he’s a fair bit older) and his friend Brad from the Invictus Australia Training Centre tipped him off about their latest graduate Carl Paris.

Shawn checked him out and reckoned he had better fundamentals at 18 than half our wrestlers did a decade into the job. He didn’t have a hardcore background, but his power and 6ft1in frame meant he shouldn’t look out of place and, at $20 a show, there was no real risk in bringing him in and seeing how he developed. He would get to work with one of our finest fighters at Havoc, and I was excited to see if he sank or swam.

Edited September 7, 2022 by 619

[619]

Part 16: Back in the building

I wasn’t returning to ringside yet, but I wanted to attend Havoc. Sitting out two straight shows as booker felt unprofessional, plus I wanted to hear about any problems in person, rather than fearing the worst from afar. I had my neck brace on in case fans saw me, and met with Milton Hittlespitz on arrival, as we’d arranged earlier in the week. I wanted to know his unfiltered thoughts on what we were doing.

“I can’t lie: the title loss has been quite hard with friends and family. They don’t get the idea of underdogs being better chasing and all that. They just see me getting great reactions and losing the title straight away and tell me I’m being mistreated and should work for people who appreciate me. Which I guess is the reaction we want, but hearing it every day from the people you love isn’t easy.

“But the rest of it, hmm, I quite like doing something different. I’ve done the same thing for so long that it’s interesting to go in a different direction. I’m still not sure the fans are going with it though, or if they want their energetic overachiever to be mean and miserable. So if they turn on it, we’ll have to react quickly.”

I reassured him that I’m always listening to the fans closely too, and was taking extra care in his case. As he’s less cynical than The Comedian and Lou Brookmyre, hopefully he knew that I meant it.

“When I get music back, you’re letting me pick the song though,” he bargained, concluding a conversation where he’d been more open and reflective than I expected.

Shawn introduced me to our new recruit Carl Paris, so I told him I’d heard great things and was eager to see what he made of tonight’s opportunity. Vaughan came up to me and laughed “same again tonight?”, gesturing to my neck brace.

All that was left to do before showtime was check in with Lou to find out how he planned to execute the outcome I’d outlined to him for the Blitz Simpson v Gyula Lakatos main event. What he suggested sounded brilliantly barbaric.

Edited September 7, 2022 by 619

[619]

Part 17: Havoc 2022

Kobra Khan got the night’s first pop. Seth Wish was out next, but grabbed a mic before they fought. He said Kobra asked last month who doesn’t want to see them go one-on-one one more time. Well, he doesn’t. They’re the two greatest Australian Champions and they’ve beaten each other once each for the title. So one more time isn’t enough. What he proposed, and what Lou agreed to before the show, is that they make it best of five by having three more matches. And the winner, the ultimate Australian Champion, gets a shot at the DIW Title as their reward. Kobra Khan looked delighted with the development, and I was thrilled too by how much better this more tightly produced promo was than their effort last month.

Australian Title Best-of-3 Series Fight 1: Seth Wish (c) v Kobra Khan
The match was even better than what came before, and victory belonged to the champion, pushing his way out of a top-rope German Suplex and adjusting rapidly to hit his Suicide Senton for the pin.

Death Ref was out next, this time smart enough to wait for Gyula Lakatos and Cesar Sionis. He said he learnt a valuable lesson last month: that everything The Barracudas ever achieved in DIW was because they had a numerical advantage. Well, there will never be another day in their lives where they hold that advantage. The change starts tonight. First, he teased that The Comedian would foil The Barracudas. Then he switched his attention to Chopper Rourke – or should he call him Judas – suggesting that perhaps Chopper already knew who would permanently take The Barracudas’ numerical advantage away from them.

The Wrecking Crew (Wrecker and Mr. Pink) v The Inmates (Bile and The Anarchist)
It looks like Wrecker and Mr. Pink’s partnership is outliving its initial purpose of dealing with The Warriors and, to hammer that home, they were introduced here with a new team name. They continued their unbeaten start against one of DIW’s most experienced and in-form duos, with Wrecker finishing Bile off with his Mighty Bulldog.

Milton Hittlespitz v Soul Burner
The former DIW Champion entered the ring sullenly but seemed to come alive midway through this showdown, hitting his most crowd-pleasing moves and finishing the job with his first Flying Knee Drop of the year, to a huge roar. There seemed to be bit more energy to him as he made his exit, and when Rob Edwards’ music hit for him to enter for his match, the crowd got even louder, excited that Milton could finally avenge the bloke who robbed him of his title. Milton eyeballed his goading one-time partner, only to turn and walk off to the confusion of the crowd and Edwards himself.

Carl Paris v Rob Edwards
Paris hung in there longer than might have been expected of an 18-year-old debutant against a three-time DIW Champion, but never truly threatened Edwards, whose Roundhouse Kick maintained his promise to go unbeaten until he gets another title shot.

Tag Titles: Two Badass MFers (Hendrix Hughes and Seb Shaw) (c) v Saracens (Tank and Cueball)
Hughes and Shaw chose to do their belittling before the bell this month, saying Saracens hadn’t really earned a title shot, but they were feeling generous. There wasn’t much generosity on display in the seven minutes that followed though as the champions enjoyed another fairly routine title defence.

DIW Title: Blitz Simpson v Gyula Lakatos (c)
Ares Death Cult were first out for the main event and Death Ref confidently predicted that Chopper Rourke wouldn’t be at ringside, without revealing why. He was vindicated when Blitz emerged with Vaughan but no Chopper. There was almost as much brawling outside the ring as inside, with Cesar Sionis and Vaughan taking their fight up the ramp. Death Ref jumped on the apron as Blitz lined up his Lifting DDT. Gyula tried to capitalise with a Choke Bomb, but Blitz kicked him somewhere sensitive when he lifted him. Blitz was measuring Gyula for a spear in the corner when suddenly he struggled. Lloyd Banks was behind the turnbuckle, choking him with barbed wire. The Barbed Wire Messiah only relented when Gyula was back on his feet, lifting Blitz for a Choke Bomb and getting the three count.

Seemingly hearing the Cult’s eerie music playing and knowing the main event was over, Vaughan ran back to ringside, with Cesar in pursuit. With Blitz still down on the mat and Chopper nowhere to be seen, Vaughan stood no chance. Gyula and Cesar put him down with the Blood Sacrifice, and Banks choked him with the barbed wire too, only stopping on Death Ref’s command as the four men raised their arms in triumph.