Temple University set to raffle off "Head Coach for a day."

[NoleAnimal]

November 10th, 2006 Philadelphia, PA Temple University administrators have decided to cancel the football program, effective at the end of the season. In effort to develop much-needed publicity for the university and create a festive atmosphere in which to bid "goodbye" to the football program, the administration has decided to raffle off the head coach position for the season finale against Navy. Current Temple Head Coach, Gal Olden, had already decided to pursue other opportunities elsewhere. The administration has had trouble finding a suitable replacement, citing the little interest they had received about the job. It was then that the administration decided to cancel the football program, saying it would save the university badly-needed money. Coach Olden then informed the Temple Athletic Director that he would immediately be taking over for Urban Cryer at the University of Florida, who recently demoted himself to Tight-Ends Coach. Cryer said, "Our tight-ends coach recently passed-away by getting his foot stuck in one of our uniform washing machines. Somehow the the machine got turned on and beat him to death. I couldn't pass up this opporunity to coach the Tight-Ends because... well... I like tight ends." Temple was faced with the dire situations of needing a head coach but not having in money to pay him. "Why not have someone pay us?" the university president wondered aloud. The brilliance of the moment struck everyone. Hold a raffle for the head coach position! So, this Saturday, at Temple's game against Penn State, neither team will have a head coach. At halftime, Temple will announce a winner from out of more than 20,000 tickets sold at $100 a piece. The new head coach will be flown to Philadelphia on Sunday to meet his new team and prepare with his new staff members for the Owls final game against Navy.

[NoleAnimal]

Scott Kinnebrew wins Temple's "Head Coach for a week" raffle. November 11th, 2006 Happy Valley, PA Across the nation, the most watched college football game in the history of the sport proceeded on as a unforgiving beat-down. Temple was being buried by Penn State. So why all the interest? Temple University was raffling off their head coaching position for the season finale against Navy. At halftime, Penn State lead 27-0, but the few Temple faithful in attendance were full of enthusiasm. "I think it's a great opporunity for all those 'Playstation All-Americans' out there to be able to show that we really CAN coach better than the guys we rag on every week," says Temple freshman Ima Yankee-Freezin. With the nation awaiting the announcement, the Temple University Athletic Director strode up to the microphone on a temporary stage erected at mid-field. "Temple University is happy to announce that our new and last head coach in our final football game against Navy, will be... Scott Kinnebrew of Tallahassee, Florida." The stadium was breathlessly quiet. In the midst of all the festivity of the event, it finally dawned on everyone that a man with no qualifications whatsoever would be taking over a Division 1A college football program. Even if it was for only one week. No one knew how to react. The crowd was stunned. Perhaps adding to the shock was the realization that the new head coach for Temple would hail from the land of a one month winter. An outsider. The few Temple faithful were suddenly a lot less enthusiastic. Tallahassee, FL "Daddy?" "Yes ma'am?" "Why did that man on TV just say your name?" "What?... Uh... I, uh... I... think daddy is going to coach football." "But you already tell the coaches what to do all the time." The preceeding exchange occurred between Scott Kinnebrew and his six-year old daughter and the same moment that crowd sat stunned in Happy Valley. "I think I was as stunned as they were," says Scott. Then the screaming and yelling started. By the time news crews began arriving at his house many neighbors had come over the see what all the commotion was about and the celebration had begun. "I told all those guys on Warchant.com that I would have a head coaching job before Jeff Bowden," said Kinnebrew. But before the celebration could get too out of hand, the questions started... "Scott, what will be your first move as head coach?" "Coach... you can call me coach." (Laughter) "OK... so COACH Kinnebrew, what will be your first move as the new head coach for the Temple Owls?" "Hopefully to petition the NCAA to get Temple put on the list of schools with offensive nicknames... no football team in their right mind should be called the Owls. Of course, at least we're not the Terrapins." "Coach Kinnebrew, will you be making any major changes at Temple?" "Sweet tea and boiled peanuts will be at the training table. I don't think they know anything about that. But they do have those rockin' cheesesteaks!' Coach Kinnebrew is a product of Florida State University. Having grown up in the shadow of Doak Campbell Stadium, he has been attending games since 1977. Hopefully, for Temple, somewhere in those hundreds of games of watching the winningest coach in major college football (Bobby Bowden) he has learned enough to keep it respectable against Navy.

[NoleAnimal]

Scott Kinnebrew wins Temple's "Head Coach for a week" raffle. November 11th, 2006 Happy Valley, PA Across the nation, the most watched college football game in the history of the sport proceeded on as a unforgiving beat-down. Temple was being buried by Penn State. So why all the interest? Temple University was raffling off their head coaching position for the season finale against Navy. At halftime, Penn State lead 27-0, but the few Temple faithful in attendance were full of enthusiasm. "I think it's a great opporunity for all those 'Playstation All-Americans' out there to be able to show that we really CAN coach better than the guys we rag on every week," says Temple freshman Ima Yankee-Freezin. With the nation awaiting the announcement, the Temple University Athletic Director strode up to the microphone on a temporary stage erected at mid-field. "Temple University is happy to announce that our new and last head coach in our final football game against Navy, will be... Scott Kinnebrew of Tallahassee, Florida." The stadium was breathlessly quiet. In the midst of all the festivity of the event, it finally dawned on everyone that a man with no qualifications whatsoever would be taking over a Division 1A college football program. Even if it was for only one week. No one knew how to react. The crowd was stunned. Perhaps adding to the shock was the realization that the new head coach for Temple would hail from the land of a one month winter. An outsider. The few Temple faithful were suddenly a lot less enthusiastic. Tallahassee, FL "Daddy?" "Yes ma'am?" "Why did that man on TV just say your name?" "What?... Uh... I, uh... I... think daddy is going to coach football." "But you already tell the coaches what to do all the time." The preceeding exchange occurred between Scott Kinnebrew and his six-year old daughter and the same moment that crowd sat stunned in Happy Valley. "I think I was as stunned as they were," says Scott. Then the screaming and yelling started. By the time news crews began arriving at his house many neighbors had come over the see what all the commotion was about and the celebration had begun. "I told all those guys on Warchant.com that I would have a head coaching job before Jeff Bowden," said Kinnebrew. But before the celebration could get too out of hand, the questions started... "Scott, what will be your first move as head coach?" "Coach... you can call me coach." (Laughter) "OK... so COACH Kinnebrew, what will be your first move as the new head coach for the Temple Owls?" "Hopefully to petition the NCAA to get Temple put on the list of schools with offensive nicknames... no football team in their right mind should be called the Owls. Of course, at least we're not the Terrapins." "Coach Kinnebrew, will you be making any major changes at Temple?" "Sweet tea and boiled peanuts will be at the training table. I don't think they know anything about that. But they do have those rockin' cheesesteaks!' Coach Kinnebrew is a product of Florida State University. Having grown up in the shadow of Doak Campbell Stadium, he has been attending games since 1977. Hopefully, for Temple, somewhere in those hundreds of games of watching the winningest coach in major college football (Bobby Bowden) he has learned enough to keep it respectable against Navy.

[NoleAnimal]

Coach Kinnebrew making an impression. November 15th, 2006 Philadelphia, PA In what could be the best story of the college football season, Coach Scott Kinnebrew of the Temple Owls is making quite an impression on his team. Coach Kinnebrew won his position in a raffle in a gimmick by the university administration to raise money for the athletic department. But it's no joke to Coach Kinnebrew. Early in the week, he spent 20 hours on both Sunday and Monday breaking down film of Navy. "I don't think anyone has ever watched as much film on Navy football as Coach Kinnebrew. We had a hard time even finding enough film for him." said Offensive Coordinator George deLonely. Coach Kinnebrew cancelled practice on Monday to give the kids a break and to be able to come more prepared on Tuesday. And much to the initial chagrin of the players, he was very prepared. The Owls practiced longer and harder than they had all year. Coach Kinnebrew had them very confused with the new schemes he was using. "I didn't even know you could get that many receivers on the field." said starting quarterback Imnot Michelle. And one of those receivers was very new to the position. Tim Brown is the Owls leading rusher, however he is now playing receiver. "He won a friggin' Heisman playing wide receiver, I have no clue why he was playing running back." Coach Kinnebrew snapped. But through Wednesday and Thursday's practices, players started having quite a bit of fun. "It's like playing in that sandlot back home." said Brown. "Of course, not every field that crappy has Touchdown Jesus looking over it." Brown quips, speaking of his younger years of football at Notre Dame. The players realized that even at 1-10, football could still be fun. Will playing Navy be as fun? "Absolutely." says Michelle. "I can't tell you much about why it will be so much fun, but just trust me." And then he does something not many Temple football players do these days... he smiles.

[NoleAnimal]

Coach Kinnebrew making an impression. November 15th, 2006 Philadelphia, PA In what could be the best story of the college football season, Coach Scott Kinnebrew of the Temple Owls is making quite an impression on his team. Coach Kinnebrew won his position in a raffle in a gimmick by the university administration to raise money for the athletic department. But it's no joke to Coach Kinnebrew. Early in the week, he spent 20 hours on both Sunday and Monday breaking down film of Navy. "I don't think anyone has ever watched as much film on Navy football as Coach Kinnebrew. We had a hard time even finding enough film for him." said Offensive Coordinator George deLonely. Coach Kinnebrew cancelled practice on Monday to give the kids a break and to be able to come more prepared on Tuesday. And much to the initial chagrin of the players, he was very prepared. The Owls practiced longer and harder than they had all year. Coach Kinnebrew had them very confused with the new schemes he was using. "I didn't even know you could get that many receivers on the field." said starting quarterback Imnot Michelle. And one of those receivers was very new to the position. Tim Brown is the Owls leading rusher, however he is now playing receiver. "He won a friggin' Heisman playing wide receiver, I have no clue why he was playing running back." Coach Kinnebrew snapped. But through Wednesday and Thursday's practices, players started having quite a bit of fun. "It's like playing in that sandlot back home." said Brown. "Of course, not every field that crappy has Touchdown Jesus looking over it." Brown quips, speaking of his younger years of football at Notre Dame. The players realized that even at 1-10, football could still be fun. Will playing Navy be as fun? "Absolutely." says Michelle. "I can't tell you much about why it will be so much fun, but just trust me." And then he does something not many Temple football players do these days... he smiles.

[NoleAnimal]

A win will save the Owls. November 16th, 2006 Philadelphia, PA In a Grey Dog News Network exclusive, we have learned that Coach Kinnebrew has struck a deal with the Temple Athletic Director to let the Owls play one more year of football if they can beat Navy on Saturday. If the Owls win, Coach Kinnebrew will stay on for a full year as head coach. Apparently, the raffle raised over $2 million for the university. Coach Kinnebrew persuaded the administration to put some of that money back in football. How much, we do not know at this point. But what we do know is what sold the administration on the idea. Coach Kinnebrew will coach for free. However, it all seems like a long shot. With the Temple Owls already having one of the worst records in Division 1A and now having a head coach who was hired as a gimmick, the Midshipmen of the Naval Academy are heavy favorites. More than likely, this is the Owls swan song.

[NoleAnimal]

A win will save the Owls. November 16th, 2006 Philadelphia, PA In a Grey Dog News Network exclusive, we have learned that Coach Kinnebrew has struck a deal with the Temple Athletic Director to let the Owls play one more year of football if they can beat Navy on Saturday. If the Owls win, Coach Kinnebrew will stay on for a full year as head coach. Apparently, the raffle raised over $2 million for the university. Coach Kinnebrew persuaded the administration to put some of that money back in football. How much, we do not know at this point. But what we do know is what sold the administration on the idea. Coach Kinnebrew will coach for free. However, it all seems like a long shot. With the Temple Owls already having one of the worst records in Division 1A and now having a head coach who was hired as a gimmick, the Midshipmen of the Naval Academy are heavy favorites. More than likely, this is the Owls swan song.

[NoleAnimal]

Owls Win! November 18th, 2006 Annapolis, MD Amazing. Shocking. Bewildering. Incredible. None of those words even begin to describe the events that took place during the college football game between Temple and Navy today. The one in which the teams combined for over 1500 yards of offense and 140 points. A coach, who was hired as a gimmick, unveiled the most innovative offensive scheme that might have ever been implemented on a football field. Exploiting a little known loophole in the rules, Coach Scott Kinnebrew of the Temple Owls implemented a offensive package known as "I've got dirt on the refs." This allowed Temple QB Imnot Michelle to walk up to the line and call "shotgun" and move back from the line and say "hike!" to start the play. This allowed the Owls to line up in a TEN receiver set. Navy coach, Peep Atmy Johnson said, "That kid, Myfly, was driving us crazy. Every time I turned around, someone else was saying Myfly was open." Johnson was referring to Owls walkon receiver, Zipup Myfly, who had 27 catches for 516 yards and 7 touchdowns, all NCAA records. Myfly caught a 33 yard touchdown pass from Michelle with 54 seconds left in the game to put Temple up 71-70, following the PAT. What happened next could be the biggest mental meltdown in the history of college football. After the kickoff, Navy had the ball 1st and 10 and their own 26 yard line. With only 47 seconds left, Navy needed a miracle. So Johnson called outgoing Miami coach Harry Poker for some advice on his offense. But in what many thought would be a monumentally dumb move, Coach Kinnebrew pulled his defense off the field. "We didn't think we could stop them, so we thought would let them score fast so we could get the ball last." said Coach Kinnebrew. Using Poker's advice, Johnson felt sure he could score, but three plays later, Johnson realized he had called the wrong man. With Temple's defense watching from the sidelines, Poker's plays caused Navy to lose three yards on each play and Navy now faced a 4th and 19 on their own 17 yard line with 14 seconds left. Under Poker's advice, Johnson ran a fake punt up the middle which completely surprised the Temple special teams. They were all so shocked they all dropped their Powerade. And after gaining 18 yards, the Navy up back tripped over his shoelace and fell a yard short of the first down. Game over. But not for the Temple Owls. Not the way they thought. For their will be one more year of college football in the City of Brotherly Love.

[NoleAnimal]

Owls Win! November 18th, 2006 Annapolis, MD Amazing. Shocking. Bewildering. Incredible. None of those words even begin to describe the events that took place during the college football game between Temple and Navy today. The one in which the teams combined for over 1500 yards of offense and 140 points. A coach, who was hired as a gimmick, unveiled the most innovative offensive scheme that might have ever been implemented on a football field. Exploiting a little known loophole in the rules, Coach Scott Kinnebrew of the Temple Owls implemented a offensive package known as "I've got dirt on the refs." This allowed Temple QB Imnot Michelle to walk up to the line and call "shotgun" and move back from the line and say "hike!" to start the play. This allowed the Owls to line up in a TEN receiver set. Navy coach, Peep Atmy Johnson said, "That kid, Myfly, was driving us crazy. Every time I turned around, someone else was saying Myfly was open." Johnson was referring to Owls walkon receiver, Zipup Myfly, who had 27 catches for 516 yards and 7 touchdowns, all NCAA records. Myfly caught a 33 yard touchdown pass from Michelle with 54 seconds left in the game to put Temple up 71-70, following the PAT. What happened next could be the biggest mental meltdown in the history of college football. After the kickoff, Navy had the ball 1st and 10 and their own 26 yard line. With only 47 seconds left, Navy needed a miracle. So Johnson called outgoing Miami coach Harry Poker for some advice on his offense. But in what many thought would be a monumentally dumb move, Coach Kinnebrew pulled his defense off the field. "We didn't think we could stop them, so we thought would let them score fast so we could get the ball last." said Coach Kinnebrew. Using Poker's advice, Johnson felt sure he could score, but three plays later, Johnson realized he had called the wrong man. With Temple's defense watching from the sidelines, Poker's plays caused Navy to lose three yards on each play and Navy now faced a 4th and 19 on their own 17 yard line with 14 seconds left. Under Poker's advice, Johnson ran a fake punt up the middle which completely surprised the Temple special teams. They were all so shocked they all dropped their Powerade. And after gaining 18 yards, the Navy up back tripped over his shoelace and fell a yard short of the first down. Game over. But not for the Temple Owls. Not the way they thought. For their will be one more year of college football in the City of Brotherly Love.