World Wrestling Entertainment - OFFENDER

[jonny_CKY]

[CENTER][/CENTER]

[dse81]

Good to see you started on a new dynasty already!

[darthsiddus2]

or you can do it yourself

[jonny_CKY]

do what myself

[sebsplex]

[QUOTE=jonny_CKY;352076]do what myself[/QUOTE] I assume darthsiddus2 means to update the data yourself. The main image is nicely done and I'm quite intrigued by it, but really it would have made more sense to get your data in order before posting it.

[jonny_CKY]

at the moment the data update i am making is nearly complete, i posted before i had the data to see if anyone had a recent update so i didnt have to waste time and get straight on with the dynastie.

[jonny_CKY]

[CENTER] [SIZE="2"]"We the Jury find the defendent Vincent Kennedy McMahon, Guilty of all charges"[/SIZE] [SIZE="2"]*Vince sat in disbelief, surley he shouldnt be the marter for this, the millions he had paid for his deffence, the time he had spent cleaning up, the company with the wellness regulations, he had come out unscathed legally during the Benoit contraversy, how could he be guilty of something so trivial, something so beneath him!! these thaughts went round in his head, his ego had fuelled him to believe he was untouchable, the jury had destroyed that ego today!*[/SIZE] [SIZE="2"]"Vincent Kennedy McMahon, you have been tried fairly and found guilty by a jury of your peers for the crimes of Tax Evasion and bribery, you will pay a fine of $200,000 and pay all back taxes owed to the United States Government of $450,000 and you will spend 30 day's incarsorated in a state prison facility. Balif take the defendent down!"[/SIZE] *Vinces face was left emotionless and shell shocked, as his wife and children shed tears and looked on in shock Vince was taken into the lower cells of the court to await his transfer to a United Sates Prison*[/CENTER]

[pat21532]

i'm reading

[Senka Surakei]

So, this is current day? Or DotW08?

[jonny_CKY]

[CENTER] [SIZE="1"]Vince had been 'Inside' for 2 days before he got his first visit, Stephanie had decided that she should be the link between Vince and his presious company, while Vince wanted his wife Linda to be the only one who saw him in Jail, Stephanie had allready decided that she had to see her father, she had more buisness than emotion on her mind, while she missed her father deeply, and worried about him every day, she had the buisness brain of her father and modt of the time she thaught only about te company her father had ran for the last few decades. She walked up to the booth, as she sat she could feel the tension of the situation, she stared through the glass and awaited her father, she picked up the phone for the visiting booth as she waited. The man they lead to her booth, this was not the once powerfull mucular ego-maniac she had known as her father, his power walk and confidence had been replaced by a look of fear, he apeared fragile, he had wilted and withred, he was a shell of his former self. The two talked first about how Vince was taking prison, he was avoiding being bullied and violated by mostly staying in his cell, the time he wasnt in his cell he avoided social contact all together, but he knew as soon as he was recognised that he was a walking bullzeye in that place. They began to discuss what was to be done at the company, Vince had stated that all current story lines should continue, as he was only going to be inside for a 28 more days. When Vince asked why Stephanie was so intrested she droped a huge bombshell.[/SIZE] "Dad while you are inside, im going to change things, im going to book things diffrently, im going to change the storylines, Royal Rumble is tonight, And straight after here,,, im changing the whole creative path of the company. You will thank me when you come back" [SIZE="1"]*Vince looked shocked and asked Stephanie to reconsider, but she knew she could do what she wanted now, as she was the company's head booker, she alked away from her fathers booth, Vince still screaming at her to not do it, to leave things as they are. But the dawn of change was allready a forgone conclusion for the WWE*[/SIZE] ------------------------------------ Senka Surakei - This story is set in Febuary 2008 and is real life mod[/CENTER]

[ECWRulz32]

Great Backstory i am sucked into this one can't wait for more man. I wonder will this be like your old dyansty or a more realistic style?

[jonny_CKY]

[CENTER] [SIZE="1"]Stephanie stuck to her word and ran the Royal Rumble the way it was origionally suposed to be ran before Vince was incasarated.[/SIZE] [COLOR="purple"]ECW CHAMPIONSHIP[/COLOR] [B]CM Punk (c)[/B] VS Big Daddy V VS Shelton Benjamin [COLOR="Blue"]UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP[/COLOR] MVP (c) VS [B]Batista by DQ[/B] [COLOR="Red"]Womans Championship[/COLOR] [B]Beth Pheonix (c)[/B] VS Mickie James VS Melina VS Jillian Hall [COLOR="Blue"]WWE Tag Team Championship's[/COLOR] [COLOR="Purple"][B]John Morrison & The Miz (c)[/B][/COLOR] VS [COLOR="Blue"]Shannon Moore & Jimmy Wang Yang[/COLOR] [COLOR="blue"]Kane[/COLOR]&[COLOR="Purple"]Tommy Dreamer[/COLOR] VS [B][COLOR="Blue"]Mark Henry[/COLOR] & [COLOR="Red"]Umaga[/COLOR][/B] [B]HHH & HBK & Ric Flair[/B] VS Mr Kennedy & Snitskey & Charlie Haas Jeff Hardy Wins By Count Out Y2J wins by submission Edge Wins after the Edge Heads Distract the ref and Edge hits a low blow [B][SIZE="5"][FONT="Palatino Linotype"][COLOR="Orange"]ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/B] WINNER [COLOR="Red"]JBL[/COLOR] ---------------- Show Rating C+ ------ ECWRulz32 - This will be a more realistic story, than my last one, but also, things can never be realistic when you running the WWE :)[/CENTER]

[Halfman_halfamazing]

allready a great start, i dont know if it will live up to your last dynastie but so far its been a superb read, and cant wait for more.

[SHaynes23]

Pretty good backstory, I just don't see how it's going to be a huge deal when he's only in the clink for 30 days, and Stephanie is already the head of the WWE creative department, so why would she change it? Anyways, it will be interesting to see what changes that are going to be made from the way the WWE currently runs things, and let's hope for Vince's sake that he doesn't drop the soap. [QUOTE]This will be a more realistic story, than my last one, but also, things can never be realistic when you running the WWE[/QUOTE] By the way, you can be realistic, read mine. It's possible, just saying.

[jonny_CKY]

[CENTER] "Vince You look horendus" [SIZE="1"]*This was Linda's third visit and it was on day 19 of his 30 day sentance*[/SIZE] "tell me Linda, tell me please, what is she doing at the company, how are things going, is she running things well, are things going well, i need to know Linda!" "Vince just concentrate on keeping safe and being well, worry about the Company when you get out" [SIZE="1"]*Vince Slams his hands against the window of the booth, and he begins snarling at Linda, the guards have to restrain him but a shocked Linda looks on as Vince continues to snarl*[/SIZE] "TELL ME LINDA, TELL ME WHATS HAPENING THERE!!! TELL ME WHATS GOING ON!!! LINDAA!!!" [SIZE="1"]*as linda walks away from the prison tearfull, she knows that to have him worry about the possibilities, is far better than making him worry, she didnt have the heart to tell him, to tell him that Stephanie is losing fans by the hour, and something drastic has to be done, they need Vince back, never untill know has Vinces contributions to the WWE become so obvious.[/SIZE] --------------------------------- [SIZE="1"][QUOTE]Quote: This will be a more realistic story, than my last one, but also, things can never be realistic when you running the WWE[/QUOTE] by this i meen that the WWE storylines are never realistic thanks for the great feedback so far guys keep reading and hope your all enjoying[/SIZE][/CENTER]

[jonny_CKY]

[CENTER] [SIZE="1"]Vince left the jail trembeling, the 30 days he had spent inside had left him the most fragile and phyically drained he had ever been in his previously pampred and privolidged life, the last few days inside had been hell, he had been violated and ridiculed mercilesly, but these things mattred not to Vince, he had mentally blocked the physical and mental abuse, all he could think about was his company, his presious legacy and what was going on back at Titan Towers.[/SIZE] "Vince, its good to see you, are you ok, you look terrible." "Gerrald just take me to the office, i need to get to the office" "Are you sure you want to go straight there, dont you want something to eat, a drink??" [SIZE="1"]Gerrald Brisco's hesitation to talk buisness and take him to Titan Towers worried Vince evan more, he felt a cold sweat break out upon himself.[/SIZE] "Gerald just take me to the office!!" "but Vince sureley,,," "NOW GERRALD!!" [SIZE="1"]Brisco gave in and decided to take Vince ware he wanted to go, They both got in to Gerralds car and began the 2 hour journy home. Vince then asked his long time colleuge what has been hapening at work, he asked if Stephanie had been running things well. His freind was hesitent at first, but he noded towards a briefcase, Vince opned the briefcase and found a small pile od paper work[/SIZE] "What The Hell is this?!" "Pat and I along with Jim and Arn have been keeping reports of buisness after the royal rumble, kind of a,, damage report if you will" "DAMAGE REPORT WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEEN!!??!!??" "Vince i think its better that you just read rather than asking, it will be better if you see whats been hapening with your own eyes!" [SIZE="1"]Vince looked at Gerrald, he was deep in a state of pannick, he was now sweating rather blatantly, his shake he had developed in prison was in overdrive. He read the paper work, it contained storylines his daughter had been running, Match reports from all 3 shows, and ratings. Vince was close to tears, he couldnt believe what he was reading. After reading it 3 more times he borrowed Gerralds phone and sent a text message to Stepjanie, *GET TO THE TOWERS NOW I NEED TO SEE YOU NOW!!* The rest of the drive was silent, the humid air, the time he spent in prison, and now the shock of the reports he had read had taken its tole, Vince fell asleep. And for the first time in 30 days he could sleep with both eyes closed.[/SIZE][/CENTER]

[jonny_CKY]

[CENTER] "Vince, Vince wake up, wake up were nearly here" [SIZE="1"]Vince woke up to see WWE HQ getting closer, his panick had now transformed to rage as they aproached closer, the WWE logo on the building filled Vince with a pure sense of Betrayel and a desire to just kill Gerrald and ram the car right into the dam building, but he resisted. as soon as the car was parked Vince stormed out of the car and straight into the building, he ignored every single person welcoming him home, evry body who tried to comunicate with Vince went un-acknolidged, He was a man possessed. And when he saw through Stephanie sat in his chair through the window in his office door, this was breaking point! [/SIZE] "STEPHANIE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, YOU STUPID BIT*CH YOU COULD HAVE COST THIS COMPANY EVRYTHING!!" [SIZE="1"]Stephanie tried to respond but got a typical Vince McMahon SHUT UP!![/SIZE] "IM GLAD I WAS ONLY IN THERE 30 DAYS, IF IT HAD BEEN 31 I WOULDNT HAVE HAD A F*CKING OFFICE TO COME BACK TO!! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, YOU TOOK A POSITION OF POWER LIEK YOU HAVE, THEN YOU USE EVRY STORY LINE I EVER REJECTED, EVERY THING I HAVE EVER SAID NO TO IN THE LAST 5 YEARS YOU RUN IN 30 DAYS!! HAVE YOU GOT BRAIN DAMAGE! HAVE YOU BEEN ON CRACK! DID PAUL SLEDGHAMMER YOU TO HEAD,, TELL ME WHAT THE HELL!!" "Daddy I,," "DONT F*CKING DADDY ME THOSE DAYS ARE LONG GONE!!! I SHOULD FIRE YOU, I SHOULD DISOWN YOU!! I SHOULD KILL YOU FOR GODS SAKE!! IF YOU WERNT MY DAUGHTER ID HAVE YOU HANGED AND QUATRED!" "But Dad i thaught they were good ideas!" "YOU HAVE OUR ROYAL RUMBLE WINNER WIN THE TITLE THE VERY NEXT NIGHT ON RAW, HOW THE HELL IS THAT A GOOD IDEA!! WHAT DO WE DO FOR WRETLEMANIA!!" "Ok so i didnt think that through, but i would have figured out something!" "WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER BULLSH*T YOU HAVE POLUTED THE SHOWS WITH!?! FUNAKI GETTING A CLEAN IN OVER THE GREAT KHALI, EDGE AND VICKY HAVING AN ABORTION!! AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF!! THE ROTTON DAMN CHERRY ON THE ROTTEN DAMN SUNDAE!! YOU HAVE SOME MEXICAN JOBBER DRESS AS EDDIE GUERRO AND HAUNT CHAVO AND REY!! ARE YOU F*CKING INSANE!!" "BUT DADDY!,," "JUST SHUT UP, AND GET OF THE PREMESIS,,,,I cant believe im having to do this to my own daughter!! Your suspended without pay for 2 months, and when you come back your going to be the assistant head booker im giving your job to someone else!" "But Daddy please I,,I" "GET OUT!!" [SIZE="1"]With this Stephanie runs out of the office crying hear eyes out, she can be heared running and sobbing all the way to the staircase! Vince read the results one last time to make sure his eyes wernt decieving him![/SIZE] [COLOR="Red"]RAW RESULTS[/COLOR] -Storylines- JBL Trades his Royal Rumble Reward in early and gets a shot at Orton, Triple H and HBK Fued with Mr Kennedy & Umaga, Jeff Hardy & Y2J fued with JBL and Carlito & Santino Marella January Week 4 Beth Pheonix VS [B]Mickie James[/B] HBK VS [B]Umaga[/B] - Kennedy inteferance distracts ref HHH VS Kennedy - No contest Umaga and HBK come out 4 man brawl [B]Jeff Hardy & Y2J[/B] VS Carlito & Santino Morella World Heavyweight Championship Orton (c) Vs [B]JBL[/B] Febuary Week 1 Womans Championship [B]Beth Pheonix (c)[/B] VS Mickie James Y2J VS [B]JBL[/B] - Carlito and santino help, after macth Jeff hardy comes out and chase the 3 heels off HHH & HBK vs [B]Kennedy & Umaga[/B] Y2J & Jeff Hardy VS [B]JBL,Santino,Carlito[/B] Febuary Week 2 Womans battle Royal won by Melina new #1 contendor Y2J vs [B]Santino & Carlito[/B] [CENTER]HHH[/CENTER] vs Umaga - Umaga and Kennedy destroy HHH after match HBK vs [B]Kennedy[/B] w/Umaga Jeff Hardy vs [B]JBL[/B] [COLOR="Purple"]ECW RESULTS[/COLOR] -Storylines- CM Punk Fueding with Shelton Benjamin Bigg Daddy V, Mark Henry & The Great Khali Fueding with Funaki & Jimmy Wang Yang Talent Share Deal Extended for another Year with Smackdown January Week 4 Big Daddy V VS [B]Funaki & Jimmy Wang Yang[/B] Deuce & Domino VS [B]John Morrison & The Miz[/B] [B]Balls Mahoney[/B] VS Kevin Thorne CM Punk & Kane VS [B]Shelton Benjamin & Finlay[/B] Febuary Week 1 Mark Henry & Big Daddy V VS [B]Funaki & Jimmy Wang Yang[/B] [B]Kevin Thorne[/B] VS Chavo Guerro (ghost Eddie Interferance) Shelton Benjamin VS CM Punk (double Countout) Febuary Week 2 The Great Khali & Mark Henry VS [B]Funaki & Jimmy Wang Yang[/B] Chavo VS [B]Kevin Thorne[/B] (Ghost Eddie Takes out chavo after interfiering) CM Punk VS [B]Shelton Benjamin[/B] [COLOR="Blue"]SMACKDOWN! Results[/COLOR] -Storylines- Chavo & Rey dealing with Ghost Eddie Edge and the Edge Heads Fueding with Batista & The Undertaker Finlay Fueding with Kane January Week 4 Mark Henry VS [B]Jimmy Wang Yang & Funaki [/B] Rey Mysterio VS [B]Jamie Noble[/B] - Ghost Eddie Interferance Kane & The Undertaker & Batista VS [B]The Edge Heads & Finlay[/B] Jesse & Festus VS [B]John Morrison & The Miz[/B] [B]Edge[/B] VS CM Punk - Shelton Benjamin interferance Febuary Week 1 The Great Khali VS [B]Funaki[/B] Big Daddy V & Mark Henry VS [B]Jimmy Wang Yang[/B]- By DQ Rey Mysterio & Chavo VS [B]Kevin Thorne & Jamie Noble[/B] - Ghost Eddie Interferance Kane VS [B]Finlay[/B] [B]Batista & The Undertaker[/B] VS The Edgeheads With Edge Febuary Week 2 [B]The Great Khali, Big Daddy V & Mark Henry[/B] VS Funaki & Jimmy Wang Yang Finlay VS Kane [B]Batista[/B] VS Curt Hawkins The Undertaker VS [B]Zak Ryder[/B] - Curt Hawkins intererance [B]Edge[/B] VS Rey Mysterio (Ghost Interferance) RATINGS DOWN ON ALL SHOWS GHOST STORY LINE OFFENDING 68% of FANS [SIZE="1"]VInce knew he had to do something, and quick bt what could he do to save his company from the fate Stephanie had set for it?[/SIZE][/CENTER]

[IRISH_EYES]

The banner for this is amazing, if you made that i have lost all my confidence in photoshop because i suck compaired to whoever made that! As for the story great stuff so far, i want to keep reading,,but you have stoped writing so i will have to wait :( KUTGW and oh yea by the way im your new manager in the BWA in panix's Destined to Fail story if you havnt allready read, so heres to a great partnership and KUTGW here!;) :)

[jonny_CKY]

allways good to get feedback from my BWA manager, especially since i have seen your piccy ;) lol sorry shamless cheesy comment there my bad. and for evryone else, what are you all thinking so far, good, bad? undicided?? all feedback is good feedback, and the story will kick of properly tomorow hopefully, as allways guys keep reading and hope your enjoying :)

[basketball45231]

What shows you how much I like it so far- I was kinda upset JBL won the Rumble and wasnt expecting the good twist. I like the intro, kinda long, but good. And if you use videos like your old one, it will be good.

[Halfman_halfamazing]

[QUOTE=basketball45231;353072]What shows you how much I like it so far- I was kinda upset JBL won the Rumble and wasnt expecting the good twist. I like the intro, kinda long, but good. And if you use videos like your old one, it will be good.[/QUOTE] True if you use your custom made video's again this is bound to be a sucsess, great read so far, dying for the main story now thow.

[Rated S for Scotland]

iwas very sad to see you last story die, this one however is allready far more entertaining than the last, and i agree if you still produce the fine quality graphics and video's you have been creating and keep up the good writing skills this one should be an instant classic! KUTGW (JBL as Champ AND ROYAL RUMBLE WINNER!! KICK HER A** VINNIE MAC!!)

[jonny_CKY]

[QUOTE]What shows you how much I like it so far[/QUOTE] I dont quite get what you meen her mate lol, sorry i can be bit blonde at times [QUOTE]wasnt expecting the good twist.[/QUOTE] wich good twist lol sorry im definatley turning blonde [QUOTE]I was kinda upset JBL won the Rumble[/QUOTE] imagine how Vince Felt lol Thanks for the feedback so far guys, i will continue wasting my life and making video's and piccys for this diary so dont worry lol. also would be great to get just a little bit more feedback on the weaknesses of the diary so far as well as teh strengths so i know ware to take it from here. Keep Reading uys and Hope Your Enjoying

[sebsplex]

[QUOTE=jonny_CKY;353258]also would be great to get just a little bit more feedback on the weaknesses of the diary so far as well as teh strengths so i know ware to take it from here.[/QUOTE] Well, focussing on the weaknesses, the first thing that comes to my mind for me is the amount of spelling errors in some of the posts. I don't like going overboard with this sort of thing, since everyone makes mistakes and this isn't coursework for English 101, but I think it would help if you downloaded a free spellchecker or something and run through some of the posts before just posting them. For instance... [QUOTE=jonny_CKY;352773][CENTER][SIZE="1"]Vince left the jail [B]trembeling[/B], the 30 days he had spent inside had left him the most fragile and [B]phyically[/B] drained he had ever been in his previously [B]pampred[/B] and [B]privolidged[/B] life, the last few days inside had been hell, he had been violated and ridiculed [B]mercilesly[/B], but these things [B]mattred[/B] not to Vince, he had mentally blocked the physical and mental abuse, all he could think about was his company, his [B]presious[/B] legacy and what was going on back at Titan Towers.[/SIZE][/CENTER][/QUOTE] Those are just from skimming through the first paragraph of one of your last entries. Like I said, everyone makes mistakes and such (I sure as hell do), but when they become too frequent, it hurts the flow of your writing. You can have the best story in the world to tell, but if it reads horribly, then that story can become wasted. For the most part though, through the errors, the entries read fairly well. On the backstory, I quite like it. Like SHaynes23, I'm not really sure why a 30 day spell behind bars would cause Stephanie to make so many radical/damaging decisions, but it's the plot to allow you to wreck the WWE to create your scenario, so I can cope with that pretty much. Your presentation work (including imminent videos) is definitely a strong point. I'm also a bit disappointed you only recapped the Steph-influenced shows in such little depth. Considering their such a crucial point in setting up your diary, it's a bit meh just to see a few names bolded and the odd line covering a basic storyline... especially seeing as JBL winning the Rumble and then the title on RAW would be a very big deal. It just seems at times you're a bit over anxious to post updates and perhaps things get rushed a bit? I know there's that desire to keep bumping the diary up on the board as well as get that gratification of feedback, but few people lose track of really good diaries. Overall, I think you've got a good story to tell here, I'm basically just saying to take a bit more time to tell it and do yourself justice.

[jonny_CKY]

[QUOTE=sebsplex;353315]Well, focussing on the weaknesses, the first thing that comes to my mind for me is the amount of spelling errors in some of the posts. I don't like going overboard with this sort of thing, since everyone makes mistakes and this isn't coursework for English 101, but I think it would help if you downloaded a free spellchecker or something and run through some of the posts before just posting them. For instance... Those are just from skimming through the first paragraph of one of your last entries. Like I said, everyone makes mistakes and such (I sure as hell do), but when they become too frequent, it hurts the flow of your writing. You can have the best story in the world to tell, but if it reads horribly, then that story can become wasted. For the most part though, through the errors, the entries read fairly well. On the backstory, I quite like it. Like SHaynes23, I'm not really sure why a 30 day spell behind bars would cause Stephanie to make so many radical/damaging decisions, but it's the plot to allow you to wreck the WWE to create your scenario, so I can cope with that pretty much. Your presentation work (including imminent videos) is definitely a strong point. I'm also a bit disappointed you only recapped the Steph-influenced shows in such little depth. Considering their such a crucial point in setting up your diary, it's a bit meh just to see a few names bolded and the odd line covering a basic storyline... especially seeing as JBL winning the Rumble and then the title on RAW would be a very big deal. It just seems at times you're a bit over anxious to post updates and perhaps things get rushed a bit? I know there's that desire to keep bumping the diary up on the board as well as get that gratification of feedback, but few people lose track of really good diaries. Overall, I think you've got a good story to tell here, I'm basically just saying to take a bit more time to tell it and do yourself justice.[/QUOTE] thanks for the feedback mate, good to get some points on wich to improve, i will try harder with the spelling my freind and also with the briefness of these posts expect detail about what hapned while Stephanie was incharge. And why she did it.