HaLF: It's not about weight limits, it's about height limits

Maximilian_WWW · April 21, 2008

[QUOTE=Tigerkinney;409091][B]Semi Strong[/B] vs. Kowled Kudo [I]Firstly I can't back against Kowled Kudo, and Semi-Strong is no where near a powerful as his full sized original.[/I][/QUOTE] Well, are you sure about this prediction then?

Tigerkinney · April 21, 2008

[quote=Maximilian_WWW;409101]Well, are you sure about this prediction then?[/quote] Good spot, yes I'm sure I want to pick Kudo to win. Just highlighted the wrong one.

Beeker · April 23, 2008

[B][U][COLOR="Red"]HaLF It’s not about weight limits[/COLOR][/U][/B] [B]Date:[/B] Sunday, Week 3, 2007 [B]Held:[/B] Bar Juarez [B]Attendance:[/B] 282 Because $6 US dollars (or 60 Mexican Pesos) is too much to pay after last month’s free show. Bunch of ingrates. Maybe Cerebros isn’t so wrong about these damn fools after all! Still, 282 paying fans are better than 300 free loaders. Phoenix Punto Cinqo and I are on your hosts, with Phoenix supplying the Spanish and calling me names in English. I need to learn some Spanish. I wanted to have a match, but apparently I’m overweight. Stupid little person world I live in. I think they just keep me around to reach the things kept on the upper shelves. *** Wii Mario kicks off the show and strolls into the ring and grabs a mic. [I]“Och ole, tis every ese’s favourite Anglo-Americano-Mexicano-Japano gringo hombre Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Mario! And it doesn’t matter if it’s in the ring or with a Wii or Gameboy or an old school N64. If Nintendo manufactured it, I’ve mastered it. And it’s through the storied (and not so storied) wrestling simulators that I’ve achieved a knowledge and skill in every known grappling style and system. It’s only a matter of time before I ascend to the top of HaLF and claim the Openweight championship. Yes, the legendary Will Power holds it now, but he’s an 8 bit system and I’m cutting edge technology…”[/I] Before Wii Mario can wrap things up and throw out a challenge to Will or someone further up the card, Relámpagito throws open the curtain and makes his way to ringside with his own mic. [I]“Whoa gringo, ‘ave choo gone loco?” [/I](And Relámpagito only speaks Spanish but I’m not fluent in it so… play along ok?) [I]“First off either speak Spanish or shut up. And secondly you’re about as Scottishly Japanese as I am the son of Eléctrico. Of course, unlike you, I’m the son Eléctrico wishes he had, whereas you’re the entertainer formerly known as Mario DS.”[/I] [I]“At least I’m entertaining. You’re the least electrifying mini in Mexico.”[/I] [I]“Sega wannabe!”[/I] [I]“No Volts!”[/I] It descended from there. With both men throwing simultaneous punches and it descending into a brawl. The bell rung only once so this must be a match then. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WiiMario.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Relampagoito.jpg[/IMG] [B]Wii Mario vs. Relámpagito[/B] The match was marginally competitive but Mario looked better across the board here. Relámpagito tried some rudo tactics but a kneebreaker segued into the fantastically named Nintendon Stretch (leg/ankle lock) and Relámpagito had no choice but to tap. [B]Details: Angle – 5 min; E Match – 8:44 min; E+[/B] Cerebros enters and insults the crowd at the outset. [I]“Gracy-asses. Gracy-asses. So good to be here in the 52nd State of America. We took New Mexico, why we didn’t rename it I don’t know, took much of California from ‘you people’ as well as Arizona, Texas, Nevada. And probably parts of Utah, but nobody, not even Mexicans care about Utah! From the grin-gos in the audience I want to talk to an arrogant grin-go in the back. Will Power! Get out here Willy because I’ve decided to give you some tag team partners tonight in your surprise 6-man match against Soul Shaker and the Riot.”[/I] Will enters and responds, and the both mics are getting a work out tonight! [I]“Peace be with you, furios McGhee. I had a vision that you might attempt to bestow and befoul my reign and my evening as you so often scheme. However, there is no need for your intentions to foist upon me some unappreciative fellow minis, for I have engaged the services of two noble men knowing full your intents. If you would allow me, I would like to introduce them both to you and to the fine fans in attendance here tonight in Chihuahua. Ladies and gentlemen. Senoritas and Senors. Please give a Bar Juarez welcome to my hermanos-in-arms… Jock Giedroyc and Timmy Cromwell!”[/I] [I]“They aren’t here Willy. I checked. Jock’s in Japan and Timmy had high tea or something suitably foppishly Britianish!”[/I] Well, once again Will foils Cerebros’ plans as out come Timmy and Jock to some fanfare. And we have our main event booked now! [B]Details: 3 min; D-[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ElHijodelMufasa2.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Ni-Lo.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/CalGenio.jpg[/IMG] [B]El Hijo del Mufasa vs. Ni-Lo vs. Cal Genio[/B] Good lower card match with all the men getting in an equal amount of offence. No one seemed to gain a sustained advantage after the initial heel duo’s alliance split up. Broken pinfalls and interrupted submission attempts. Mufasa got tossed from the ring and before he could reenter El Pandito arrived (as they have a long standing rivalry) and waylaid Mufasa. Cal Genio attempted to apply his Torcedura De la Cal but paused when Pandito arrived and fell victim to a handful of tights by Ni-Lo from the block! [B]Details: 7:48 min; D+[/B] Padre says, [I]“Again I must fight the unclean and impure as once more I’m forced to face the hedonist infidel Yo Da Mask. This time history shall repeat itself as I once again shall emerge victorious in this contest. So is it written, so shall it be done!”[/I] Details: 3 min; E- The bar’s screen of TVs show El Pandito jumping Ant-Acid in the back, and slamming his head first into the wall before laying in the boots. Mufasa rushes in to scare off the vicious Pandito but the damage has been done in advance of Pandito/Ant-Acid match up. [B]Details: 3 min; F+[/B] (My lower carders will get ratings like this and I’m fine with it too. Everyone gets air time from me.) [B]Yo Da Mask[/B] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/PadreDolor.jpg[/IMG] [B]Yo Da Mask vs. Padre Dolor[/B] Padre’s words proved prophetic as he once again can get his hands dirty with the still willing Yo Da Mask when he pins him after his impressive Bendición del Padre. [B]Details: 7:04; D-[/B] Semi Strong makes his entrance… with yes… a mic. [I]“Well brahs, ol’ Semi’s got sumthin’ he wants ta say. ‘N it’s this brahs n’ babes, as y’all know, pound fer pound n’ inch fer inch ol’ Semi’s the strongest brah in the whole wild world. From giants to other minis, there ain’t no brah that can go toe-to-toe with the mini immortal. Semi-Strong! But despite bein’ the mini-immortal who sez what’s gots to be said, eats what’s gots to be ate n’ drinks what’s gots to be drunk. Ain’t that right my blood brahs of Bar Juarez!”[/I] (Crickets don’t even chirp.) [I]“Everywhere yer fav brah goes, I hears the same thing again n’ again. Brah Strong, when ya gonna put that no good creep Kudo in his place. Make him feel the brunt of a Strong Arm Tactic. ‘N why not, I back down from no man and fear no being on heaven or earth. Creepy Kudo, whadda say? Whadda ya gonna do brah, when I hit ya so hard your cowl flies off of YOU!”[/I] [B]Details: 5 min; D+[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SemiStrong.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/MiniHoodedKudo.jpg[/IMG] [B]Semi-Strong vs. Kowled Kudo[/B] Kudo power marches to the ring and from the body language he clearly takes umbrage at Strong’s comments about his headgear. Shim and Miya appear to join Kudo but he sends them to the back, clearly Semi-Strong made this personal. Kudo blatantly kicks Strong between the legs as the stare off, then he imperiously tells ref Roberto Mendez to ring the bell to start the match. Poor Semi, I think he used his stamina during his interview as he never recovered and a Kudo Kutter ends it in short order. [B]Details: 5:41 min, D-[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Antacid.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ElPandito.jpg[/IMG] [B]Ant-Acid vs. El Pandito[/B] El Pandito enters first and tells Mendez to ring the bell and count out Ant-Acid as Pandito knows Acid’s done for the night. However then Mendez hits [I]“ocho”[/I] Ant-Acid appears and even though his ribs are taped he looks as focused as ever. Pandito recovers and batters Ant-Acid giving the mini-machine a few hope spots, El Pandito goes for his Pure Punditry (Double Underhook Powerbomb) but Ant-Acid is dead weight… playing possum and a small package scores the shocking win! [B]Details: 8:50 min, D[/B] Phoenix Punto Cinqo and I hype the main event. (1 min, E+) [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WillPower.jpg[/IMG] & [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/TimmyCromwell.jpg[/IMG] & [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/JockGiedroyc.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SoulShaker.jpg[/IMG] & [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Shim.jpg[/IMG] & [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Miya.jpg[/IMG] [B]Will Power, Timmy Cromwell and Jock Giedroyc vs. Soul Shaker and the Riot (Shim and Miya)[/B] This could have gone any way with everyone running through their spots and the finish had everyone hitting their finishers. Soul Shaker on the Shimmy Shimmy Soulshaka but Will Power made the ropes. Will then started to ‘feel the will power!’ and no-sold the combined attacks of Shim and Miya. Soul solved that problem by clubbing Will in the head with one of the Riot’s batons. Roberto had no choice but to award the match. Timmy and Jock charged in and cleaned house, chasing the trio of rudos to the back. Kowled Kudo took the opportunity to slip into the ring and lock Will in the Kudo Lock until Timmy and Jock returned to scare him off too. [B]Details: 16:57 min, D[/B] [B][COLOR="Red"]Overall: D [/COLOR][/B] [quote] [U]Quick Results:[/U] Wii over. Relámpagito via Nintendon Stretch (8:44; E+) Ni-Lo over Mufasa and Cal Genio (3way) Sneaky pinfall on Cal (7:48; D+) Padre over Yo with Bendición del padre (7:04; D-) Kowled over Semi with the Kudo Kutter (5:41; D) Ant-Acid over Pandito shock roll-up (8:50; D) Will, Jock and Timmy over Soul, Shim and Miya when Soul is DQed (16:57; D) [/quote]

Beeker · April 26, 2008

The after show of HaLF events are almost as entertaining as the cards we promote. Sadly I suspect some of the performers work harder once the house lights come up and the drinks start to flow than they do in the ring. On the upside, since I didn’t book Hal as punishment for last month’s drunken debacle of a match, he’s already so far into his bourbon that he can’t focus long enough to give me any more than a momentary evil eye before his eyes glaze over or his head slumps. Cerebros joins him immediately and starts to play catch up with his boozing buddy. They tuck themselves into their glasses and receive wide berth from the rest of the roster, since they’re busy looking for the bottom of their tumblers. Semi-Strong accosts me shortly after I get my first margarita. Sadly, this margarita comes in a salt-rimmed glass and not in a skimpy bikini. [I]“Hey brah, there musta been some sorta mistake brah. I’m sure I shoulda won that bout out there. I musta misread your sheet, I’m sure I was supposed ta go over Kudo. Kudos to Kudo n’ all that, but he just ain’t in my league brah. The people, they want the Strong-man looking strong brah. Strong-a-style-a gotta be runnin’ wild each and every month in Chihuahua brah! I’m gonna pretend this month didn’t happen. Ok brah? Remember, the people, the brahs n’ babes, they want, no they demand their Semi-Strong at full strength!”[/I] Why couldn’t he cut that promo in the ring? I nod and sip my margarita. It’s easier with Semi to let him talk himself out, if I let him catch a breath he’s a bit like a wind-up toy, just keeps jumping and jabbering on and re-energizing himself. Luckily some fans distract him and I slip away. Over at one of the tables Cal and Ni-Lo loudly argue over the outcome of their match. I realize they’re a bit like Pinky and the Brain. Although I doubt either is a genius, and both are likely insane. Still the fans seem to enjoy their antics, both in the ring and in the bar. I still find it odd how the wrestlers wear their masks in public and in Mexico no one bats an eyelash at it. I’m growing to understand this culture, but some aspects of it still throw me for a loop. Month in and month out. Yo Da Mask tugs on my sleeve to garner my attention. [I]“Must talk we need,”[/I] he begins. That’s when I realize this isn’t nearly the stretch of a gimmick I though it was. [I]“Sure thing Yo, just not tonight. I hate talking shop immediately after the show. Any time over the next few weeks though I’d be happy to talk with you.”[/I] [I]“Be it so.” [/I]And off he wanders. Weird mini that one. He needs some clients; I just don’t have any that fit with his style at all. I know they’ve staged this, since I suggested they stage it, but on opposite sides of the bar, El Pandito and Ant-Acid are giving wildly differing views of their match. Pandito flatly states and boasts that Ant-Acid is an insect and resorted to using a cowardly move to snatch victory from him despite being vastly overpowered, while Ant-Acid regales his fans with how he outwitted the bigger, dumber, opinionated Pandito. From the way fans scurry back and forth between the two, I may have to find a way to keep that ‘feud’ simmering. I tuck myself into a dark corner; I’m the unwelcome relative here. The performers are slowly coming around to accepting me but the fans are still mostly ‘mini worshippers’ so having a big guy with the book and on commentary offends them in some way. Not speaking the language fluently doesn’t help either. I nurse my drink; I need to keep a clear head to keep abreast of the constantly swirling rumours and jibes. I’m caught unawares when Miya and Shim approach me. It’s spooky how they can almost complete each other’s sentences. [I]“Senor Beeker…” “…we would like a word.” [/I] It’s at this point I realize that I can’t separate the two of them. They look wildly different but they speak almost like a collective mind would. It’s spooky. I need to find a way to work it into their shtick. [I]“It’s about Sensei Kudo…” “…something is wrong.”[/I] [I]“You don’t like the storyline? It’s the only one we’ve got. I know it’s on a slow burn but until Kudo commits, I can’t pull the trigger I want and go full out with it.”[/I] [I]“No, it’s not that.” “Sensei Kudo seems…”[/I] and they both finish [I]“…not himself.”[/I] My eyebrows scrabble upwards to my hairline. That’s odd; Miya and Shim are notoriously withdrawn. Fans often take it as aloof but they’re painfully shy outside of a wrestling ring. For them to gather the courage to approach me means that something must be very wrong with Kowled Kudo. I find him tucked behind a table, sipping a glass of British Columbia red wine. [I]“No sake tonight Kudo?” [/I]I begin. He makes a small face at me, just a twitch of his lips, [I]“No Beeker. You know I only drink that when in the Far East.”[/I] [I]“You’re the importer. I hope you managed to get yourself some of the good plonk from BC.” “I have my sources.”[/I] [I]“I’m sure you do.”[/I] I’ve noticed that while Kudo drinks he protects his left arm. Kudo’s right handed but something seems off. [I]“Who other than you would have all the contacts in the Northern territories?”[/I] And I go to punch his left shoulder good naturedly and he flinches and pulls back. Kowled Kudo doesn’t do that. He doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t show pain. It’s one of his best known traits. If I can discern his concern through his elaborate cowl, then even I know something is wrong. I set my margarita down, only half finished. [I]“Let’s go.”[/I] It’s not a question. [I]“I’m fine.” “Sure you are. And I’m going to headline next month’s card and take Will’s title.” “I said. I’m fine.” “No, you aren’t. What you’re going to do is grab you gear and join me on a ride to the local hospital.” “One booker does not talk to other brethren as you just have.” “And… a booker doesn’t bullsh!t a booker. Did I get that right?” “Close enough.” “Finish up your merlot. We’re going to the emergency room.” “It’s a pinot noir.”[/I] Kudo drains the last of his deep red nectar and joins me; Shim and Miya do their best to look invisible in the background. The trip to the ER takes little time but the prognosis isn’t good. During the match with Semi-Strong Kudo blocked a Strong Arm Tactic, deflected it with his left forearm, only Strong clipped the wrist. Kowled Kudo broke his wrist, he tells me he can work through the pain but that means next month’s intended Kudo/Power main event will have to be post-phoned. [I]“Kudo, go work on booking MPWF or is that your writing hand?” “It isn’t.” “Too bad, because I was willing to lend Semi-Strong to you to write out the promos.” “Brah? You’re mean.” “Talent trade?” “Not bloody likely.”[/I] But I made Kudo smile while the doctor reset his wrist.

Beeker · May 4, 2008

Kowled Kudo strolls into the HaLFquarters, into my office and pulls out a chair and sits himself down. I expected him, so I’ve got the tea steeping and the good china out. Incidentally a gift from Kudo himself once he realized I would be an adequate booker. Not as good as him, but I only work once a month and he’s now doing the weekly MPWF Acción in addition to the monthly events. As a measure of respect I allow Kudo to determine when the tea is properly steeped and when it should be served. He pours it at his discretion, even in evening it’s too hot to drink tea, but I enjoy watching the steam curl up from the finely detailed china. I make no move to drink it, it would be impolite. Again, this a game I’m still learning but Kudo’s been in this game much longer than I have, if we were back in Canada this would likely be taking place in a bar and I’d slide a bottle of Sleemans down towards him and we’d drink as soon as we gripped the bottles or pint glasses. But that’s not how things are done in Japan, or Mexico. I’m learning. Slowly. I play my trump card. Hob Nobs. Oatmeal biscuits from the UK. Under his cowl I see his eyes flare momentarily. For Kudo that’s a greater tell than Semi-Strong using the world [I]brutha[/I] instead of [I]brah[/I] or Hal ordering a de-alcoholized beer. Kudo inclines his head ever so slightly; I know he loves Hob Nobs. He breaks on in half on the plate, and allows me the time to pick up the other half. We dip the biscuits together. The ultimate acknowledgement of equals, breaking bread… or in this case breaking biscuits together. We dip and dine on the Hob Nobs until both halves are gone, then Kudo reaches for a second biscuit. One just for himself. [I]“I’m cleared to work, you know.” “I know. You’re still not working this show.” “Beeker…” “Wait up Kudo. I like you. I genuinely do. You’re a professional and a tribute to Hooded Kudo.”[/I] Again, I can see him beam. [I]“I defeated Semi-Strong. I should battle Will Power for the title. Everything is in place.” “Agreed, but it’s too soon. What’s more is that Shandy also holds a victory over Semi-Strong. He’s getting the shot this time around. You’ll get yours soon enough. Besides, it’ll let me draw out the storyline so when you finally get your shot against Will, all the fans will be hating you and cheering him on to victory."[/i] I wait a beat and then add in nonchalantly. [i]"Unless I give Shandy the belt.” “Not amusing at all. I can work. Give me a lighter match-up then. Have me go over Ant-Acid or Mufasa.” “No. Go work on your Soul Taker against the world storyline or Mayan Idol… tag team and six man specialist. Or go book yourself over a Cano. You’re welcome to attend, you know that, but I’m not putting you onscreen. Not this month. I want your appearances to mean something, you’re still better than the majority of the roster and I know that, and you know it. So please don’t back me into a corner of pulling Head Booker prerogative and have you lose via a technicality to Cal Genio.”[/I] Kudo smirks… a tiny up-curl of his lips… he sees the humour and the warning. I mollify him with, [I]“You can do the promo for the upcoming card if you like.”[/I] He takes me up on my offer… and just to flex his skills… does the damn thing in Japanese. Next time, I’m stealing his damn tea towel of a cowl! *** [quote] [B]Prediction Form[/B] [B][COLOR="Red"]HaLF: It’s about height limits[/COLOR][/B] Will Power vs. Shandy Lover [I]for the HaLF Openweight title[/I] Timmy Cromwell vs. Soul Shaker ‘Ead Stone vs. Semi-Strong Hal Facutt vs. Padre Dolor Wii Mario vs. Miya Ant-Acid vs. Hijo del Mufasa vs. Ni-Lo vs. Cal Genio [/quote] *** [I]OOC: Dammit Marcel acing the results makes me think even with unknown minis he knows to much. Ah well, he joins the queue of people who will get a bonus in a few shows time. I've not given up on this and have simmed up until Nov 1, 2007. If I'm not quick enough, go read Ring of Fromage... it's damn fine![/I]

Beeker · May 6, 2008

[B][COLOR="Red"]HaLF: It’s about height limits[/COLOR][/B] [B]Date:[/B] Saturday, Week 3, 2007 [B]Held:[/B] Bar Juarez [B]Attendance:[/B] 300 (Sell out!) Another packed house to watch the scintillating action that only can be found in the undersized, overhearted heroes of the minis in Mexico that inhabit HaLF! The card can barely contain the action as before Phoenix Punto Cinqo and I settle in to the announce booth, this month to rile him up I’ve brought him some Mexican phone books to help him look like a big Phoenix when from the back Ni-Lo and Hijo del Mufasa erupt already with the brawl. No pre-match ramble tonight since… [B]Hijo del Mufasa vs. Ni-Lo vs. Ant-Acid vs. Cal Genio[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ElHijodelMufasa2.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Ni-Lo.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Antacid.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/CalGenio.jpg[/IMG] Good, wild, spotty opening match. Ant-Acid and Mufasa worked better as a team while Ni-Lo broke into his dance moves after a successful move and Cal kept coming up with more and more elaborate attempts at maneuvers. In the end, Ni-Lo hit a rump shaker on Mufasa but then tumbled over the top rope in a heap with Ant-Acid after an impressive Acidic spot. Mufasa went for the Simba Second Justice but an unseen low blow from Cal meant Mufasa couldn’t escape the Acme Blueprint submission. Ant-Acid and Ni-Lo couldn’t slip back in to break the pin up. [B]Details: Cal Genio over Ant-Acid, Ni-Lo and Hijo del Mufasa with the Acme Blueprint on Mufasa (11:49; D)[/B] [I]“Hey brahs n’ babes, its pound fer pound the strongest mini in all the world. That’s right brahs, the twice the might jam-packed inta half the size. ‘N yer fav strong-man has a problem. Ya see brah, there’s a no good punk in tha back that really been chappin’ the strong-man’s hide fer a while now. ‘Ead Stone, non-brah, git yer Easter Isle sized melon out here coz I gots sumthin’ ta say to ya.”[/I] It doesn’t take long until Easter ‘Ead pokes his head from behind the curtain with his own mic. [I]“Bonjour Monsieur Demi-Forte, pourquoi tu demande moi?” “Dontcha talk in yer frog-talk brah. I heard ya saying yer highfalutin words n’ I jus’ knows yer sayin’ bad ‘bout the biggest, baddest brah in HaLF. Yer’s truly. So you, n’ me, we’re gonna hook it up tonite. Ya hear me rock head?” “Bien sur mon frere. L’… allumette est maintenant? Non?” “Yah. Whatever, frog breath brah.”[/I] [B]Details: (3:00; D)[/B] [B]Semi-Strong vs. ‘Ead Stone[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SemiStrong.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/EadStone_beret.jpg[/IMG] ‘Ead levels Strong with a hard head butt to start, catching Strong off guard. Semi might want to learn a bit of French before agreeing with ‘Ead. ‘Ead showed off a vicious streak and Semi-Strong never got on track. The one rally was short circuited by a missed Strong Arm Tactic and after a chest concaving Ze Zuper Duper Zenton ‘Ead won in a slight upset. [B]Details: ‘Ead Stone over Semi Strong with Ze Zuper Duper Zenton (7:59; E+)[/B] Padre Dolor is backstage arguing fervently and passionately (in Spanish) to Cerebros. Cerebros clearly doesn’t understand a thing he’s saying. Hal Facutt snickers on the sidelines, and yes, an open bottle of Jack Daniels can been seen on Cerebros’ desk. Hal comprehends enough Spanish to get by, Cerebros less than none. Padre points at Cerebros and then Hal, his fiery Latin heritage threatening to boil over. [I]“Hey ass-migo. I know you speak American. Ah-Mare-I-Can. I know you can, so just spit it out pops!”[/I] Says Cerebros. Padre Dolor just increases the speed of his en fuego rhetoric. [I]“Dammit Hal. What sorta sh!te is he saying? You speak-a the Spanglish-a. Find out what Father F*cknuts here wants.”[/I] Hal speaks some Spanish but it’s clear he’s not even listening to Dolor, [I]“He says that smoking Cuban cigars and drinking Jack Daniels is an… affront… on his proud Mexican tradition and demands you… uh… grant him a title shot.”[/I] [I]“F*ck that. Hal, go kick his ass!”[/I] Hal does a double take, apparently not what he had in mind. Dolor nods once and heads out to the ring. Hal finishes his JD first. [B]Details: (4:00; E+)[/B] [B]Padre Dolor vs. Hal Facutt[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/PadreDolor.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/HalFacutt.jpg[/IMG] Hal’s had some drinks and still in the doghouse of the booker, Padre’s happy he doesn’t have to fight Yo Da Mask again. They take turns trying to out rudo one another. Padre takes that prize by blocking a Half Cutter with a hair pull and then using the ropes as leverage. [B]Details: Padre cheats to win~ over Hal (9:49; E+)[/B] Frantic dance music can mean only one thing… the world’s most rhythmically blessed corpse! Soul Shaker! Soul Shaker with an angry version of his entrance dance. [I]“Can tchoo feel eet? Can tchoo feel los Soul? Soul Shaka ‘bout to gets outta control! Everywhere Soul goes, it’s like my own version of Hell coz everyone wants to talk ‘bout Timmy Cromwell. And Shaka, Shaka no longer care-a. Here tonight I put my mascara…”[/I] The music of the Smooth Injustice brings out Timmy Cromwell. [I]“Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute you silly git. Did I just hear you flapping your yap like a Liverpudlian yobbo?” “Huh?” “Now you either just confessed to the good people of Chihuahua that you wear some poufter eye make-up… or you just put your mask on the line against the smooth as sandpaper…” “No. No no no! Tchoo have spoilt my poem, you puta! No, Soul Shaka will see you in the ring later!” “Bring your mask, guv.” “And tchoo, tchoo bring your fading futball glory!”[/I] [B]Details: For Soul’s poem (4:00; D+) and Cromwell’s response (3:00; D)[/B] [B]Soul Shaker vs. Timmy Cromwell[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SoulShaker.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/TimmyCromwell.jpg[/IMG] To the shock of none this match was the best of the night and ended in a schmoz because as if I’m de-masking Soul Shaker with a total 5 minutes build up towards it. The match spills to the floor and neither let up as the battle to the back. [B]Details: Soul Shaker drew with Timmy Cromwell via Double Count Out (9:42; C-)[/B] [I]“Och ole! Once more it’s everyone’s favourite Anglo-Latino-Scotto-Japano Techmo technico Wii Mario! Oh you know it’s true!” Wii Mario has taken to wearing the Wii controller as a necklace. “As people saw last month, since I am the epitome of technology I triumphed over that low power bolt of lightning and now I’m looking for a new level or new game to play. Anyone from SquareSoft or Ubix or the mother corporation… just step through the curtain and feel the wonder of the Wii!”[/I] From the back emerges… Miya! Another insta-match is made. [B]Details: (2:00; D-)[/B] [B]Wii Mario vs. Miya[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WiiMario.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Miya.jpg[/IMG] Known primarily as a tag team specialist the fans didn’t legitimately see Miya as a threat to Wii Mario. It was a back and forth affair but at the point Miya needed a hot-tag to Shim, Miya found himself trapped in the middle of the ring in the Nintendon Stretch and had no choice but to tap. [B]Details: Wii Mario submits Miya courtesy of the Nintendon Stretch (4:56; D-)[/B] Backstage Will Power mediates in the lotus position to find the inner strength to overcome that demon made flesh Shandy Lover. Because when you think demonic, doesn’t shandy just scream evil? As Will focuses his mind and body for his upcoming tribulation… a leg lashes into frame kicking him in the back of the neck. Shandy Lover springs upon the dazed mini and quickly wraps the mediation rug around his throat and chokes out the champ. Footsteps tell of the impending band of officials so Shandy quickly delivers a Lover Stunner into the wall before scampering off. Timmy Cromwell enters the frame hurling that distinctive brand of English insults after the retreating Shandy Lover. He checks on the dazed title holder and helps him into a sitting position, growling gruff words of encouragement. [B]Details: Shandy’s attack (3:00; E) and Timmy’s save and psyche job (2:00; D-)[/B] [B]Shandy Lover vs. Will Power[/B] [I]for the HaLF Openweight title[/I] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ShandyLover.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WillPower.jpg[/IMG] Shandy dominates the match but can’t quite seem to put Will Power away, who shows amazing intestinal fortitude (from the mediation I’m sure) at finding ways to escape the painful predicaments Shandy keeps putting him in. Another Lover Stunner would have won it but Will got a foot on the ropes and the Shandy at Lunch submission looked sure to bring about a new champ but Will dug down deep and made the ropes. After that an increasingly desperate Shandy finally resorted to wrapping a HaLF shirt (available in the lobby) around Will’s neck and hanging him over the top rope… drawing massive heat and an immediate DQ. Timmy Cromwell emerges to scare off Shandy before anything more comes of it. [B]Details: Will Power over Shandy Lover via DQ (10:31; D-) Will makes defence number five of the HaLF title[/B] (or would have if I’d remember to make it a title match. Stupid TEW 07 learning curve.) [B][COLOR="Red"]Overall: D-[/COLOR][/B] [quote] [U]Quick Results:[/U] Cal over Ant, Ni, Mufasa by submission and blatant cheating (11:49; D) Ead over Semi via Ze Zuper Duper Zenton (7:59; E+) Padre over Hal via rope usage for pin (9:49; E+) Timmy and Soul draw (9:42; C-) Wii over Miya with Nintendon Stretch (4:56; D-) Will over Shandy via DQ (10:31, D-) [/quote]

Marcel Fromage · May 6, 2008

Dammit...didn't realise I hadn't predicted a show. Missed being able to ace it again! Actually, I'll admit I wouldn't have picked Cal Genio or the Cromwell/Shaka draw. I did enjoy 'Ead Stone beating Semi Strong though. 'Ead Stone definitely needs a push!

Beeker · May 6, 2008

[QUOTE=Marcel Fromage;417923]Dammit...didn't realise I hadn't predicted a show. Missed being able to ace it again! Actually, I'll admit I wouldn't have picked Cal Genio or the Cromwell/Shaka draw. I did enjoy 'Ead Stone beating Semi Strong though. 'Ead Stone definitely needs a push![/QUOTE] You weren't alone in missing the predictions Ring of Fromage. :D You're in good company with who missed the predictions. I get to save a gift though. So yay! I don't think I predicted the Cal Genio win either, I think I let the road agent pick that. I'm not sure though. I went on a bit of a role... so I'm at Nov 1st now with Day of the Dead to book. Interestingly enough it's the first time I've seen a title vacated due to death. USPW naturally as Warlord Pain died (from old age or overdose) while being one half of the tag champs. Cromwell/Shaka needed to be a draw. Both are two of the best I have and I still have stuff swirling about. And 'Ead is getting a push. How could I not with a gimmick/look/bio like that. Pretentious French Arteest from Quebec with a giant Easter 'Ead Island Head and lets me bust out my French? And as sneak attacks go... that one was fun to write. :D

Tigerkinney · May 6, 2008

Apologies for missing the predictions last time round, like Marcel I didn't realise I had missed a round. Then again all logic goes out of the window when trying to predict the happenings in this diary, the only guarantee right now is that Hal will turn up drunk for work. :D

Beeker · May 7, 2008

[I]OOC: I'm quite flattered that I can confuse two of the most sensible bookers on these boards with my bookering. There is a chance it'll make some more sense eventually. But probably not. Since a bit of 'surreal humour' (TM RoFromage) adds to the boards and the style of HaLF.[/I] *** There must have been a traffic jam in Chihuahua… maybe a bunch of tiny, rat-sized dogs ran loose on the streets? Would seem appropriate because by the end of fairly well received show, highlighted by the intense draw between Timmy and Shaka and the fans seemed satisfied. Or perhaps security at the airport was more stringent than usual, since flights from both England and Japan took longer than expected to clear customs. The star power was down a notch with the sole storyline I have ongoing missing half of the onscreen talent and those in ring not facing off at all. Still, it needed to be done that way this time. Cal Genio bounded up to me before I made the bar; I was able to signal the barkeep who poured me three fingers of a fine 12 year old Scotch and an ice cold cerveza. There were a few things better that combination. Cal shook a fistful of papers at me. [I]“Muah ha ha hey Beek, lookit this, lookit this!”[/I] Cal has a certain… exuberance about him that’s hard not to find endearing, in small doses. He pulls up a table and two chairs, how he managed that might be his most amazing feat in the packed Bar Juarez. [I]“Lookit this! It’s my newest schematics. I sketched ‘em up real quick after my triumphant victory. A victory for brains and evil!”[/I] Cal’s hands are as much a blur as his tongue is as he attempts to educate me on the next, greatest move in the history of wrestling. I zone out, enjoying the festive atmosphere and the chilled cerveza in my hand. [I]“… and that’s why I need a metric tonne of copper, a dozen llamas and a feather duster!”[/I] [I]“I…”[/I] what the hell did I miss? [I]“I’ll look into Cal.”[/I] [I]“Perfect! I think I might win a Nobel Prize this time!”[/I] He gathers up his precious papers and spies ‘Ead Stone. I can’t help but chuckle; when the pretentious Quebecois arteest met the mad American scientist. Sounds like a TV show for the Spanglish network. They’ll need a Latino cohort though. [I]“Hey f*cknuts.”[/I] Gee, I wonder who wants my attention now. People expect to see me here, but I’m still very much the outsider. It can be a bit lonely but as the locker room warms up, I suspect that will filter out to the fans. If not, well, being head booker is a bit like being the director of an insane asylum. I’m not sure if I want them to know me, fear me or ignore me. [I]“Why the hell didja put Father F*cktard over my boy Hal?”[/I] Cerebros throws an arm around Hal and the vision of what my personal hell will be flashes before my eyes. [I]“Simple, give me one known spot for Hal other than lifting a glass of JD to his lips?”[/I] And they both pause. [I]“It was a prop. Nothing but iced tea in the bottle.” “Don’t bullsh!t a bullshi!tter, Cerebros. One spot.”[/I] Hal mutters something under his breath. [I]“Exactly you stumpy, stunted midgets. I’ve told you both before and I’ll tell you both again until you both get it through your thick, bourbon picked skulls. I’m not holding out much hope for that though. I’ll speak slowly for you to morons. Until. Hal. Shows. Up. To. A. Show. Sober. He. Jobs? Do. You. Two. Understand. Me?” “I f*cking loathe you!” “Back atcha. But you need me more than I need you.” “Gawddammit I f*cken hate it when you’re right, you Canadian c*cksm*ker!” “Next round? Is it your shout Hal?”[/I] Hal just glares at me, slurs something unrecognizable in any language and then the two wobble off leaning on each other in the age old custom of two drunkards holding each other upright. Maybe if I start the show with his match? I need to work something out or he’ll be the drunk joke jobber. But if I smell alcohol, he jobs. The odd pairing of Will Power and Padre Dolor approaches me and quietly takes up positions around the table. [I]“Thank you for the honour of permitting me to triumph over the evil presence of alcohol. Might I only pray to the gods above that message got through to at least some in the congregation about the dangers of the vices and temptations in this hedonistic venue.”[/I] States Will Power. [I]“Gracias Senor Beeker…”[/I] begins Padre Dolor. [I]“Padre, it’s been a long day and I just had a verbal sparring match with McGhee and Hal. I really don’t think my Spanish is up to translation.”[/I] [I]“Ok ok. It worked well in the angle though.”[/I] Padre beams, [I]“I too just wanted to thank you for not serving me up Yo Da Mask… who you need to find some charges for and for putting me over Hal.”[/I] [I]“My pleasure. Trust me! And I’m looking to try to set something up with some on the roster but there is no immediate fit. Tell me, I know you’re doing a bit of a skin-care obsessed Catholic priest, but how legitimate is it?”[/I] [I]“Well…”[/I] Padre says, and Will starts this odd humming. And Cerebros shouts across the bar and for once I agree with him. [I]“Fer F*CK'S sake Will, stop that sh!te and get a damn bl*wjob if you’re so pent up! That meditation sh!te ain’t doing sweet jack all for ya!”[/I] Will makes a face like someone just f@rted in church and slips down and takes his leave of the place. Odd dude. [I]“I’m a bit of a germophobe Beeker. I really don’t like people touching me. Yet I’m an accomplished minis wrestler. Funny cards fate and life can deal a person. During the rest of the month I work in a medical research facility working on generic drugs. Ideally I’d like to find affordable options for some of the plagues of this world.” “Wow Padre, I didn’t know that. That’s fascinating. I’d shake your hand but I doubt you’d enjoy it. It does explain your wrestling attire.”[/I] Padre grins and extends his fist. It takes me a moment to figure it out but it’s a much simpler concept than one of Cal Genio’s schematics. After a second we bump-fists. Padre smiles and slips off to order another bottled water and I sink into the shadows and watch the rest of the roster enjoy the night with their fans before I slip out after finding the bottom of the tumbler which had held 12 year old whisky.

May 7, 2008

Haha, good stuff as always Beeker. Still kicking myself for missing the predictions though.

Beeker · May 13, 2008

The construction of a new 3 star family resort brings me back to the Mayan Riviera. I’m not looking for the Bevvie Bandito; he’s in Japan with the Slightly Perturbed of Jesus battling for Warrior Engine XXV. Mostly battling one another but hey, they seem to be enjoying it. Jock not so much as Shandy, [I]“Och aye Beekar, tha wee blighters kee tryin’ ta feed me raw cod. I dinnae ken if Jocko’ll survive.”[/I] I hope Shandy teaches him about sushi, sashimi and Shimedzu. The Mayan Riviera continues to expand to exploit the strength of the Canadian dollar and the European Euro, as theme resorts have been popping up all along the coast, pushing back the vegetation but it’s a trade the government and most of the people seem willing to make. This particular resort has an Aztec theme, which considering it abuts some ancient Aztec holy areas makes a lot of sense. I suspect in a few years I’ll be back covering it for one of the travel magazines. At least I hope to be back. Again, that’s not why I’m here, although working the Aztec pyramid look into the hotel construction is a bold design. If done properly could really work out. I wander through the site as security is lax and I’m wearing a hard hat and safety vest. Sometimes it’s just that easy. I hear a litany of English slang yelled at a loud volume and know I’m nearing my quarry. [I]“Senor Cromwell. Senor Cromwell.”[/I] I call in a faux Spanish accent. Timmy spins on his heel, [I]“Oh what the bloody hell is it now. For the love of Queen and country I’m about ready to… Beeker! What the bloody hell are you doing here you book-mucking git?” “Good to see you too Timmy. You snog your mom with that gob?” “Careful there you insufferable toe-rag or you’ll end up in the Mexican Emergency with my foot so far up your arse your spleen will know the size of my cleats for footie.” “The beautiful game.” “Bloody rights.”[/I] And in impromptu game of futsol breaks out on the beach in the construction zone. That’s why the US and Canada will NEVER be World Cup winners. The true football nations play on any spare bit of pitch. [I]“Can I buy you cuppa, Timmy?”[/I] Timmy looks at his workers and the pitched battle on the sand and opts to pick his battle. And this isn’t one of them. [I]“Aye. You can. This'll end when the afternoon seista starts.”[/I] [I]“I’d offer a cream tea, but I don’t think the Mexicans have quite figured it out yet.” “Hell, I’d settle for a proper PG Tips and dunking biscuits.”[/I] We settle down in the foreman’s trailer, since Timmy is one of the site foremen, and the cuppa I offered to buy ends up being brewed by Timmy himself. I did manage to bring him a gift of Scottish shortbread and… yes… PG Tips (pyramid teabags.) Timmy’s eyes light up at the sight of the PG Tips. Much like with Kowled Kudo, tea is ceremonial. In England it’s far more work-a-day then formal but etiquette spills over between the two. Although neither Kudo nor Cromwell would ever acknowledge or admit it. After a second bit of shortbread and more than a half a cup of tea, I launch into the reason for my visit. [I]“Why are you working for HaLF still Timmy?”[/I] Timmy nearly chokes on his biscuit. [I]“Bloody ‘ell ya cheeky git, give me some f*cking warning. What the hell are you on about again?” “I know BHOTWG and GCG in Japan both offered you touring contracts and you turned them both down. I don’t get it. You’re easily one of the best minis, hell one of the most complete wrestlers in the world. Yet here you are, busting your ass in front of 300 frenzied fans in Chihuahua, Mexico once a month while making ends meet by being a foreman in a construction firm. You’re good. Too good for HaLF by half, so why the hell are you still slumming it?”[/I] [quote=Fun Fact](OOC: During the first year alone Timmy will receive 20 other offers.)[/quote] [I]“It’s personal.” “Listen, I know you like Cerebros. F*ck me if I can figure out how you can stand that drunken dwarf but you do. You’ve got an admiral loyalty to him. But it’s almost too much. Does he know something about you that the rest of us don’t? Did you kill a hooker in Tijuana on your gap year and he bribed your way out of jail or something?” “No. Beeker don’t. Just don’t. Cerebros has my loyalty even if I don’t always agree with him or his vision. He’s earned it.”[/I] I can tell from the set of his jaw that I’m going to get nothing more from Timmy at present. That world renowned ‘stiff upper lip’ is about as stiff as a 22-year-old minor rock star getting an invite to the Playboy Mansion. I’m not getting any further today. [I]“Fine then. This isn’t over but it’s done for now.” “Beeker, can I get the main event push I so richly deserve mate?” “Soon as you spill your guts.” “No.”[/I] I swear I saw that upper lip almost quiver… almost. [I]“Then no. Instead when you’ve got some time, you can cut the promo for the impending HaLF show.” “You really are a wanker, you know that.” “So the ‘brains’ of this organization keeps telling me.”[/I] *** [quote] [B]Prediction Form [COLOR="Red"]HaLF: Noches Caliente del Verano[/COLOR][/B] Will Power will be attendance* Timmy Cromwell vs. Soul Shaker vs. Kowled Kudo vs. Wii Mario to decide the #1 Contender for the HaLF Openweight title Jock Giedroyc vs. ‘Ead Stone Shandy Lover vs. Shim Hijo del Mufasa vs. Padre Dolor vs. Hal Facutt Ant-Acid vs. Lepp Wreckon *Bonus marks if someone successfully predicts what Will Power's involvement will be and whom it will be with. :D[/quote]

May 13, 2008

Will Power will be attendance* [I]Influening the #1 Contender, me thinks. Or maybe just drinking with the chicas :D [/I] [B]Timmy Cromwell[/B] vs. Soul Shaker vs. Kowled Kudo vs. Wii Mario to decide the #1 Contender for the HaLF Openweight title [I]You aren't going to waste your best talent, aren't you?[/I] Jock Giedroyc vs. [B]‘Ead Stone[/B] [I]Gotta love the beret. Where's a mini-Darryl Devine to feud with Jock Giedroyc, eh? ;) [/I] [B]Shandy Lover[/B] vs. Shim [I]He may love his shandys, but Shandy Lover hopefully won't get in a drinking contest with Hal[/I] Hijo del Mufasa vs. Padre Dolor vs. [B]Hal Facutt[/B] [I]Hal Facutt proves to be a big drinker, and the only way he would lose is if he passes out due to lots of margaritas. Although Mexicans are full of secrets[/I] [B]Ant-Acid[/B] vs. Lepp Wreckon [I]Ant-Acid will prove himself to be very talented and not needed to be held back by those mini-politicians[/I] HaLF FOREVER!!!

Tigerkinney · May 13, 2008

Timmy Cromwell vs. Soul Shaker vs. [B]Kowled Kudo[/B] vs. Wii Mario to decide the #1 Contender for the HaLF Openweight title [I]Timmy wont get a push towards the title until he spill the beans, on why he's 'slumming it' in HaLF. Wii Mario is a cult favourite but his form has been up and down, that leaves the more obvious choice in Kowled Kudo and Soul Shaker who has been quietely consitant. Toss of a coin, so I'll go with my man Kudo.[/I] Jock Giedroyc vs. [B]‘Ead Stone[/B] [I]Stone's getting over as one of the most popular creations, so I see him going over the wee scotsman. [/I] [B]Shandy Lover[/B] vs. Shim [I]Singles action so Shandy picks up the win[/I] Hijo del Mufasa vs. [B]Padre Dolor[/B] vs. Hal Facutt [I]Padre Dolor gets another victory, Hijo Del Mufasa does the job and Hal turns up drunk again.[/I] [B]Ant-Acid[/B] vs. Lepp Wreckon [I]Does Lepp have a render yet ? No ? Therefore he's guaranteed to do the job.[/I]

Maximilian_WWW · May 13, 2008

B]Prediction Form HaLF: Noches Caliente del Verano[/b] Will Power will be attendance* [I]And interfere in the #1 Contenders-Match costing Timmy the match, methinks.[/I] Timmy Cromwell vs. Soul Shaker vs. [B]Kowled Kudo[/B] vs. Wii Mario to decide the #1 Contender for the HaLF Openweight title [I]Well, Cromwell will not win, I despise Soul Taker and Wii Mario, while funny, is a comedy character among comedy characters.[/I] [B]Jock Giedroyc[/B] vs. ‘Ead Stone [I]My two favourites in this diary so far. Flipped a coin.[/I] [B]Shandy Lover[/B] vs. Shim [I]Shim's a tag team wrestler, isn't he? So there.[/I] Hijo del Mufasa vs. [B]Padre Dolor[/B] vs. Hal Facutt [I]Hal is unpredictable and Hijo looks like a jobber in his mask.[/I] [B]Ant-Acid[/B] vs. Lepp Wreckon [I]There is no reason to bet against him.[/I]

Beeker · May 14, 2008

[B][COLOR="Red"]HaLF: Noches Caliente del Verano[/COLOR][/B] [B]Date:[/B] Saturday, Week 4, August 2007 [B]Held:[/B] Bar Juarez [B]Attendance:[/B] 300 (Sell out!) The crowd packs to most popular bar in Northern Mexico (for wrestling fans) with the noise of 1500, about half their max capacity but the show’s just beginning! Cerebros kicks off the show with mic in hand as Phoenix and I discuss the current heat wave in Mexico. I think Cerebros is ‘blown up’ before he hits the ring, chain cigar smoking can’t be good for the lung capacity. [I]“Greasy-ass, Greasy-ass me-s ahmi-goes. It’s the HeAD of HaLF, the foul mouthed mini you can’t help but love n’ hate, ya bastards! ‘N once more I gots a f*cken problem I can’t seem to figure out on my own. F*ck if know what to make of all the problems I have to deal with. I thought heightism was the gawd-damn problem but now…”[/I] And a veritable cavalcade of the main event makes their way to ringside; Timmy Cromwell, Wii Mario, Kowled Kudo and the frenetic corpse Soul Shaker. [I]“You see what I mean, I’ve got these annoying f*ckwits who can’t even let the GAWD-DAMNED owner address the bloody fans. Lemme guess, lemme guess, you ALL think YOU AND YOU ALONE should be named the f*cking number one spunkbubble to the c*ck-bl*cking sanctimonious sonuvab!tch Will Power.”[/I] All four nod and Timmy goes to speak. [I]“Cut his mic. Cut every bloody mic but mine! My promotion, my rules. You whiney lil @ssholes really chap my @ss so like my daddy used to say in the whorehouses back when I was a boy. F*ck it. F*ck ‘em all! The four of you moronic freaks can face off tonight. One fall. Winner gets the next shot. At a show of MY choosing. Now the lot of you can just piss right off!”[/I] [B][COLOR="Red"]Details: (3:00; D)[/COLOR][/B] [b]Hijo del Mufasa vs. Hal Facutt vs. Padre Dolor[/b] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ElHijodelMufasa2.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/HalFacutt.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/PadreDolor.jpg[/IMG] Hal arrives more sober than drunk, so clearly earlier on the card is better for the man living the half-cut look. Although the match was nothing to write home about. Ending comes when Padre Dolor and Mufasa make an odd duo and play ‘keep away the bottle’ from Hal. Hal levels Mufasa with a Half Cutter and chases the rolling bottle from the ring. One Bendición del Padre on Mufasa brings this match to a close. [B][COLOR="Red"]Details: Padre Dolor over Hal Facutt and Hijo del Mufasa via pinfall on Mufasa (8:01; E+)[/COLOR][/B] Timmy returns, apparently with Cerebros’ mic since he wants to speak, [I]“Cheeky lil blighter ain’t that brainy and unbrawny bloke Cerebros. Ah well, Smooth Injustice feels I’m about to enter a purple patch n’ I’m damn chuffed to be allowed to crack a few noggins and pop a few tea towels and half-masked corpses in the gob. Everyone in HaLF knows I’m like the British Pound Sterling; I’m the currency against which every denomination bases itself. When push comes to shove, I’m the duffer who remains standing after the dust up. Doesn’t matter if it’s in the air, under the water or on the land. Come the end of the battle, I’ll still be standing strong. Justice may be blind Kudo, Shaker, and even you Mario, but this form or Smooth Injustice isn’t. When I emerge victorious tonight and receive my long denied title shot, well mates, I’ll make like the British Empire and the sun shall never set upon my reign!”[/I] [B][COLOR="Red"]Details: (4:00; D-)[/COLOR][/B] I… don’t know how to properly describe this… but Ant-Acid hit the ring and used his fingers like antennae and I think he was speaking in ‘ant’ to make his demands for a match known. I’m confused, the people are confused, Ant-Acid continues to wriggle his fingers. [B][COLOR="Red"]Details: (2:00; E-)[/COLOR][/B] [B]Ant-Acid vs. Lepp Wreckon[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Antacid.jpg[/IMG] vs. [b]Lepp Wreckon[/b] Damn you all for knowing that Lepp’s just here to job without an image. I asked J Silver, I asked in the render thread. Hell I might as well ask here. Anyone want to make me some renders? Otherwise my readers won’t buy that guys like Lepp or Yo Da have a shot in hell of ever winning. Ant-Acid Rain Bomb wins this edition of Foregone Conclusion Theatre. [B][COLOR="Red"]Details: Ant-Acid over Lepp Wreckon via pinfall (5:12; E+[/COLOR][/B] - as good as the opener but without the drama apparently :( ) Backstage finds an amusing site to most fans. ‘Ead Stone prepares for his match with Jock as ‘Ead lays flat on his back hurling curses in French up at the Wrath of Jesus. Jock dances over and around the prone form of ‘Ead Stone, occasionally hurling a Gaelic insult at the big headed rudo. Jock jumps and jigs around ‘Ead waving the trademark black beret of the mini-Mayan Idol. The camera zooms in and now it becomes clear. That clever tinkerer Jock set up a magnet on the floor and the metallic ores in ‘Ead’s mask has him pinned to the floor. The camera mercifully cuts away as Jock announces, [I]“Nae ye’ll see wot a Scotsman wears undae his kilt!”[/I] [B][COLOR="Red"]Details: (3:00; D-)[/COLOR][/B] [B]Shandy Lover vs. Shim[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ShandyLover.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Shim.jpg[/IMG] No preamble as these two tore into each other for nearly 10 minutes. Trading moves and momentum back and forth. Shim looked good but isn’t known as a single’s wrestler… yet. The ending came when the match spilled to the outside and Shandy lured Shim into an ill-advised charge which ended with a Lover Stunner onto the announce table! Good thing neither one spilled my drink! Shim can’t beat the count of ref Roberto Mendez. Shandy celebrates but Shim isn’t finished sliding into the ring and posing on the turnbuckle. An axehandle stuns Shandy and then a super Shim Skull-Drop leaves Lover twitching on the mat and the fans heaping scorn upon Shim. [B][COLOR="Red"]Details: Shandy Lover over Shim via count-out (9:41; D-) with a follow up attack (2:00; E-)[/COLOR][/B] Cerebros returns to address the fans, [I]“Hopefully I get my damn point made before some ret@rd stumbles through the curtain to ruin my bloody night. It’s too f*cking hot in this dirtbag country. F*ck I think my sweat is sweating! As the smarter of you may have realized, all four of you. Zing! Still gots it, ya half-wits! Will Power, the disgraceful pious pimple who holds the title made a tactical error. See, he’s not scheduled to wrestle tonight. Which means he’s going to go over a month without defending his title. And the Owners of HaLF can’t have such a prestigious title losing its luster. Ya gots me over a barrel Will P*ssy, I don’t want to do it but… by the powers vested in my by the gawd-damn Board of…”[/I] And Will Power makes an entrance with the HaLF Openweight title over his shoulder and enters the ring and he’s brought a mic. [I]“A moment good sir. I ask ye only differ your decision until you grant me a public forum to refute your blasphemous claims.”[/I] Cerebros grinds his teeth and chomps his cigar stub. [I]“Make it snappy, spunky.” “My gracious thanks. A blessing upon you and all you hold dear. I am a bit confused though. You knew full well in advance of my intent to attend Noches Caliente del Verano held at the venerated Bodega Juarez. Why wouldst thou not grant me the noble quest to continue to bring honour and glory to this cherished icon?” “No number one contender, or weren’t you paying attention earlier you daft bugger?” “I’ll face any foe thou deem worthy to test my moral mettle.” “Huh? What? Why in the f*ck can’t you speak-y the American! I know these people are too stupid to understand it but I would. And there’s no one else not booked. So tough luck, bucko ya f*cko, hand over the title since there’s no one to face.” “Oh, I believe you are mistaken or at least short sighted.” “B@stard! No one calls me short n’ gets the f*ck away with it! I oughta kick your @ss you puffed-up p*ssy!” “Agreed. If thine official would toll the bell?” “What the… oh… f********************ck!”[/I] [B][COLOR="Red"]Details: Cerebros’ rant (2:00; E) and Will’s response (5:00; E+)[/COLOR][/B] [B]Will Power vs. Cerebros McGhee[/B] for the [I]HaLF Openweight title[/I]. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WillPower.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/BrainsMcGhee.jpg[/IMG] Hello squash! Feel good two minutes of the night as Will dismantles the non-wrestler Cerebros. Before Cerebros could tap to the Test of Will, Power broke the hold to crush him with two Power of Wills before mercifully ending the match. [B][COLOR="Red"]Details: Will Power over Cerebros McGhee via pinfall (2:18; E) Will Power makes defense number five of the HaLF Openweight title.[/COLOR][/B] ‘Ead Stone cuts an odd promo from his back where he promises revenge upon Jock Giedroyc while various hands in the back try to figure out a way to separate ‘Ead’s head from the powerful magnet. Cal Genio can generally be seen in the background amassing a huge amount of TNT. ‘Ead loses the train of thought when Cal hands him an oversized foam helmet which reads [I]‘Este lado hacia fuera.’[/I] [I]“Cal. Cal. Un moment, c’est vous plait. CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!”[/I] [B][COLOR="Red"]Details: (3:00; E+)[/COLOR][/B] [B]Jock Giedroyc vs. ‘Ead Stone[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/JockGiedroyc.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/EadStone_beret.jpg[/IMG] ‘Ead manages to make the match, doubtful that Cal’s concept went ahead. The two launched into each other with unabated fury and hate. This wasn’t a match; it was a fight for survival. Roberto Mendez quickly makes it no DQ since both minis cheat outrageously. When the match spills to the outside, Jock and ‘Ead fight to the back and the TV screen shows them continuing to brawl… right out into the Chihuahua night. Roberto Mendez reluctantly rules it a double count out. [B][COLOR="Red"]Details: ‘Ead Stone and Jock Giedroyc battled to a double count-out. (7:33; D-)[/COLOR][/B] During the brawl into the streets of Chihuahua, the competitors for the main event are spied in various states of preparation. Kowled Kudo finishes up Sun Tzu’s Art of War before adjusting his cowl and heading in to the arena while Punto Cinqo and I hype the main event (and I forgot to write the ratings… I’m gonna guess… between E – D.) [B]Timmy Cromwell vs. Wii Mario vs. Kowled Kudo vs. Soul Shaker[/B] for the number one contendership to the HaLF Openweight title. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/TimmyCromwell.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WiiMario.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/MiniHoodedKudo.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SoulShaker.jpg[/IMG] The four went tooth and nail at each other for nearly a quarter hour. Everyone enjoyed sequences of strength and times of jeopardy. Wii eschewed his comedic Nintendo style and focused on softening up the legs and ankles of his opponents. Kudo seemed of a similar mind. One setting up for the Nintendon Stretch, the other the Kudo Lock. Timmy kept looking to sneak in a Smoothed Over but someone always broke up the pinfall. Indeed, that’s what happened. All sorts of interrupted counts until I almost felt sorry of Mendez with the number of near falls he made. At one point Shim snuck in and went to slide a Riot Baton to Kudo but Mendez caught him… rather than costing his mentor the match, Shim very lightly jabbed Kudo in the stomach before retreating. Mendez didn’t know what to make of that. Ending was a wild affair. Timmy and Soul battled it out on the top turnbuckle while Wii and Kudo battled in the middle of the ring. Soul and Timmy connected with hard simultaneous shots, sending Soul crashing to ringside and Timmy falling into a Tree of Woe position. Soul was out of it and Cromwell unable to do anything buy shout his frustration as Kudo reversed a Nintendon Stretch into the Kudo Lock and Wii Mario tapped. [B][COLOR="Red"]Details: Kowled Kudo over Timmy Cromwell, Soul Shaker and Wii Mario via Kudo Lock on Wii Mario. (14:56; D+)[/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR="Red"]Overall: D[/COLOR][/B] [quote] [U]Quick Results:[/U] Padre over Hal and Mufasa. (8:01; E+) Ant-Acid over Lepp (5:12; E+) Shandy over Shim by count-out (9:41, D-) Will owns Cerebros via Power of Will (2:18; E) Ead and Jock draw double count out (7:33, D-) Kowled over Wii, Timmy and Soul when Wii taps to Kudo Lock. (14:56; D+) [/quote]

Beeker · May 14, 2008

The party was in full effect in Bar Juarez even before the final piece of the ring had been broken down and stored away for the forthcoming month. The new ring lacked the quality and substance of the previous ring but Domino and MPWF felt they could no longer share a ring with their weekly show and touring schedule. MPWF under Kowled Kudo’s booking regime continues to expand to other regions of Mexico. With the continuing success of Acción it became impossible to share a ring with them so after haranguing Cerebros long enough he finally capitulated, but only after telling him I’d heard of this promotion out of Las Vegas called Babes of Sin City and the Mexican Summer heat screamed for a pool plunge or foam bath matches. Think of the fun for Mendez making counts on near invisible foam festooned minis? Cerebros didn’t find it funny. He did loosen up his skin-flint purse strings and buy a dedicated HaLF ring. He ordered it with three ropes; I kept suggesting two ropes for cost cutting measures. I mean, minis are called mini for a reason! And the fans could see them better, pescados and dives more easily spotted. Cerebros didn’t find that funny either. Yet he refuses to miss an episode of Two and a Half Men. I keep suggesting he try out for the half-man in the show. And… well you get the picture I’m sure. I wave to Juan, one of the bartenders of Bar Juarez, and slip out into the relative coolness of the late summer night. It would be sweltering hot if I’d not just been packed like sardines in Bar Juarez while mini sardines flipped, flopped and flew around the venue. I walk purposefully down a few blocks in Chihuahua. My first stop at the Burro Borracho proves fruitless. Not even any oranges floating in the sangria! I’m not fully surprised, someone doesn’t like to slum it in the Burro. It’s a dark and dingy pub best known for the affordable cerveza and little else. I find my lost minis at Pub Pancho Villa. Where I expected to find them. Both sit at a booth still in their wrestling gear. It’s odd but after nearly six months with the minis in Mexico seeing two adult males in wrestling attire sitting across from each other discussing their match, world politics and the proper way to drink whiskey doesn’t even faze me anymore. [I]“Och aye, ya dinnae ken a blasted thing ya stumpy wee skint tosser. Yer nawt but a Lowlander coos licker!” “Monsieur Geeeed-roche! C’est impossible sans glace en le pays du Mexique! C’est tres chaud pour la boisson!” “I dinnae care if the Chihuahua rat-dogs start fartin’ fire like a Geordie b@stard, it’s still nawt right ta add ice to yer whiskey! Ya ken that! Ya big heeded idol!” “Possible. Mais je prefere mon Courvoisier avec la glace. Merci beaucoup!” “Daft bugger.” “Moutons baiseur!”[/I] I bring over another round of drinks; a Courvoisier for ‘Ead, a Glenfiddich for Jock and a gin and tonic for myself. [I]“Do you two understand each other?” “Aye, since me n’ Chippy ‘ere ‘ave ‘ad this convo about a ‘und’erd times afore now.” “Chippy? Good match tonight. People seem to be buying into your rivalry and your personalities. Now if someone would stop sucking back the sashimi this storyline might really start moving forward.” “Och aye, nae ye too Beek. I jus’ told Chippy that’n it as much fer the technoschwag as it is the bin-man brawling.” “Sure Jock, whatever you say. It’s about Sony and JVC, not bleeding and rolling around with sweaty Asian men. Riiiiight.” “Le… poufter?” “Yer both right b@stards, ya ken tha’ right?”[/I] If an Easter Island stone could smile, I think that’s what ‘Ead Stone was trying to do here. I know I’m laughing alongside Jock. [I]“Good interaction with Cal. I don’t know who let him win a match but he’s seems to be finding his niche on the undercard.” “Cal est une artiste. Il a besoin un semester dans le Louvre et Le Sorbonne. Apres sa, Cal sera magnifique!” “I really just wanted to stop by and tell you both that I appreciate you not returning to Bar Juarez for the typical post-show debauchery. I’m sure it must be hard on you, but it makes for a better ending… the fans gossiping about ‘Ead and Jock battling out into the night than ‘Ead and Jock… back just after the final match to drink with the boys.”[/I] Both nod and enjoy their fresh drinks. When ‘Ead smacks his lips and murmurs, [I]“Mmm glace-y,”[/I] just to provoke Jock I know it’s time to go. [I]“Neat!” “Avec glace!” “Yer gonna be avec my foot up yer arse if’n you keep yammerin’ on about glace!”[/I] And it’s time for me to go. I think an early night isn’t out of order. Some nights, I just can’t deal with this abundance of minis in my life.

Maximilian_WWW · May 15, 2008

Awesome after-show post! Even though I have no idea what was said in the middle section where the two talk to each other, it just sounds right.

Beeker · May 16, 2008

[I]OOC: If others want I can do the translation of Jock and 'Ead. Hell if Max wants I can do it too. Oh and since Max and Tigerkinney tied on the predictions they cancel each other out, so I've opted to award [b]Bolton[/b] with the award of best (and worst) of the last show. Hey, it makes as much sense as my booking![/I] *** I sat in my office at the HaLFquarters pushing about potential matches for the impending El Dia de Nacional de Lucha. I’d pushed it forward a day because El Grando Tres picked to hold the day of fight all over the place and for reasons known only to the various Energías-que-sea of Lucha Libre that OLLIE would hold their show in Bar Juarez, while MPWF and SOTBPW headed to South-Eastern Mexico to put on their shows. I thought the whole point of this ‘day’ was to gather the rosters in the same region for a tribute to all that’s great about Lucha Libre. Instead I suspect OLLIE are trying to f*ck me over like Hal does the chicas he seduces during the dregs of hours of his bartending hours. Oddly, I’ve got a working agreement with OLLIE so I suspect Phoenix I (head booker of OLLIE) and Phoenix Punto Cinqo had a falling out. I’d ask him but he spends his non-HaLF time dubbing over ER into Spanish. Mexicans love them some George Clooney (he’s swarthy!) HaLF can’t draw enough to make the move to Palacio de Lucha; I’d love to move to that venue to that’s not going to happen yet. I’d rather go a day early and offend the gods of Lucha than do it right and end up playing to a one third full palace. I can’t quite get things set and I’m still pissed at OLLIE for being pricks. Either go to South Eastern with the rest of them OR stay in your home region. Visiting Northern Mexico is pure jerkwankery of Cerebros proportions. A knock on the door drags me from my grim musings of demasking Phoenix I at a Catholic church and braining him with an incense burner. [I]“Come in.”[/I] The door swings open and I’m slightly surprised to see Hijo del Mufasa stalk his way in. [I]“What’s up Mufasa?” “I want a new mask!” “WHAT!?”[/I] I shout it to stall for time. I know I’m still relatively new to the world of minis and Lucha Libre and Mexico but a man’s mask is his life. To ask for it to be changed, not an alternate mask but a change, has to be a major thing and I have NO clue what happens next. [I]“Why?”[/I] [I]“People don’t take me seriously.” “Why the hell would you say that?” “I’ve heard some of the fans making fun of it. I think they find it less a tribute to El Leon and more a cheap Disney knockoff.” “Do you like the mask?” “Well… I… uhm…” “Don’t think. Answer me. Do you like your mask and your gimmick?” “Yes. I do. Playing the underdog works well for me and I like the mask. It’s comfortable and most of the fans seem to enjoy it.” “The fans DO enjoy it. Sure one indy wank wants all the masks to be bad-ass or nasty or vicious or aggressive. Yours… appeals to the younger demographic. You know the group who begs and pleads their mamá y papa for merchandise. The ones who make you one of the most successful merchandise movers in HaLF. So some jerk thinks the El Leon tribute should be more literally and less a play on the Disney Lion King, or Rey del león. Listen Mufasa, I like you, you’re a pro and the kids love you. Those kids, make their parents buy merchandise, that merchandise makes you invaluable to HaLF even if officially you’re a lower midcarder. So you’ve got a choice to make. You can go through with the mask change, be serious, less fun, less relatable or… you can buck up there young Simba and realize that a few voices of discontent is part of the territory and that you can rise above it and show them just how damn good you can be. So… what’s your choice?”[/I] El Hijo del Mufasa sat across from me, his mask still on while his eyes told of his brain working overtime, weighing his options. He cleared his throat. [I]“I’m in.”[/I] [I]“Good Mufasa. Now get the hell outta here and take this with you.”[/I] And I slid the now finalized card for the (pre) El Dia Nacional de Lucha. Mufasa cut the internet promo for the upcoming event. [quote] Prediction form [B][U][COLOR="Red"]El Dia Nacional de Lucha[/COLOR][/U][/B] Kowled Kudo vs. Will Power for the HaLF Openweight title Semi-Strong vs. Soul Shaker Timmy Cromwell and Ant-Acid vs. The Riot (Shim and Miya) Wii Mario vs. ‘Ead Stone vs. Padre Dolor vs. Ni-Lo Hal Facutt vs. Cal Genio vs. Relámpagito El Hijo del Mufasa vs. El Pandito [/quote]

Tigerkinney · May 17, 2008

El Dia Nacional de Lucha [B]Kowled Kudo[/B] vs. Will Power for the HaLF Openweight title [I]My head says Will Power, my heart says Kudo. Foolishy I'm listening to my heart[/I] Semi-Strong vs. [B]Soul Shaker[/B] [I]Semi-Strong is only that- Semi Strong, so I see Soul Shaker picking up the win.[/I] Timmy Cromwell and Ant-Acid vs. [B]The Riot (Shim and Miya)[/B] [I]The tag team, go over the 'stars'. Are you going to introduce a proper tag division at any point ?[/I] [B]Wii Mario[/B] vs. ‘Ead Stone vs. Padre Dolor vs. Ni-Lo [I]This is one of those 4 corners matches that could go anyway, as what I can gather so far everyone involved here are all that above the run of the mill midcarders but not quite at the main event level. Just because I like the gimmick, I'm going to pick Wii Mario.[/I] Hal Facutt vs. [B]Cal Genio[/B] vs. Relámpagito [I]Deja vu for Hal, he doesn't eat the pin but he still loses. Cal Genio wins and Relampagito does the J O B.[/I] [B]El Hijo del Mufasa[/B] vs. El Pandito [I]I see you rewarding Mufasa for tracking back on wanting to change his mask to a more serious one. I think you're the sort of booker, that rewards team players and punishes the selfish and unreliable *cough* Hal Facutt* cough. [/I]

Marcel Fromage · May 17, 2008

Kowled Kudo vs. [B]Will Power [/B]for the HaLF Openweight title [I]Most interesting match on the card. I'll take Power but it could go either way.[/I] Semi-Strong vs. [B]Soul Shaker[/B] [I]Don't like Semi-Strong[/I] [B]Timmy Cromwell and Ant-Acid [/B]vs. The Riot (Shim and Miya) [I]Like TK, I am looking for a tag scene to arrive sometime. Until then I think The Riot are just taking losses to your upper card.[/I] Wii Mario vs. [B]‘Ead Stone [/B]vs. Padre Dolor vs. Ni-Lo [I]Eet 'as to be ze 'Ead Stone[/I] Hal Facutt vs. [B]Cal Genio [/B]vs. Relámpagito [I]I like TK's line of thinking. You don't like Hal, so he's not winning, but doesn't take the fall.[/I] [B]El Hijo del Mufasa [/B]vs. El Pandito [I]Couple of masked guys who haven't really done much so far. But since Mufasa did the internet spiel for this show, I'll give him the win[/I]

May 17, 2008

Kowled Kudo vs. [B]Will Power[/B] for the HaLF Openweight title [I]Will Power is probably the midget that makes the most sense out of this crazy land.[/I] Semi-Strong vs. [B]Soul Shaker[/B] [I]Grr, he's only semi Strong brutha! Really, even if it devolves into a dance-off, Soul Shaker will Shake n' Bake his way to victory[/I] [B]Timmy Cromwell and Ant-Acid[/B] vs. The Riot (Shim and Miya) [I]My Acid love takes over, and Cromwell would drop a concrete block on your head should you book him wrong. You know, construction midgets[/I] [B]Wii Mario[/B] vs. ‘Ead Stone vs. Padre Dolor vs. Ni-Lo [I]Although I nearly voted for the French Easter Island, Wii Mario gets my vote[/I] [B]Hal Facutt[/B] vs. Cal Genio vs. Relámpagito [I]I could say that Hal could end up drunk and pass out in the ring, but Hal would probably get drunk and shoot it[/I] El Hijo del Mufasa vs. [B]El Pandito[/B] [I]His opponent is named after a Lion King character. Isn't the result obvious?[/I]

Maximilian_WWW · May 17, 2008

Kowled Kudo vs. [B]Will Power[/B] for the HaLF Openweight title [I]Isn't it a bit weird that the champ is one of the guys we know not a whole lot about? I'm guessing he stays champ til we know a bit more.[/I] Semi-Strong vs. [B]Soul Shaker[/B] [I]I know I don't like Soul Taker. But - this is Soul SHaker. Strong has not impressed so far so Shaker gets a chance to shine.[/I] Timmy Cromwell and Ant-Acid vs. The Riot (Shim and Miya) [I]What with Timmy still in the chihuahuahouse he will lose this match by some shenanigans or other.[/I] Wii Mario vs. ‘Ead Stone vs. [B]Padre Dolor[/B] vs. Ni-Lo [I]Ni-Lo has not done anything of note, Stone is in a feud with Jock and I'm a PS fan. The push of the padre continues.[/I] Hal Facutt vs. [B]Cal Genio[/B] vs. Relámpagito [I]Well, Hal Facutt will not only win but with the other two I had to flip a coin.[/I] [B]El Hijo del Mufasa[/B] vs. El Pandito [I]I'm sure the kids will be happy.[/I]

Beeker · May 24, 2008

[U][B][COLOR="Red"]HaLF: El Dia de Nacional de Lucha[/COLOR][/B][/U] [B]Date:[/B] Thursday, Week 3, September 2007 [B]Held:[/B] Bar Juarez, Northern Mexico [B]Attendance:[/B] 300 (Sell out!) I’m eating crow before the show with Cerebros eating a big helping alongside me. Because OLLIE booked Bar Juarez it means we pushed the show back a day, in doing so we both blanked on the fact that the garbage battlers of WEXXV are running their Red Alert tour so the one of the storylines people seem to really be digging (‘Ead Stone vs. Jock Giedroyc) can’t go off as planned since Jock and Shandy Lover are in Chubu… fighting each other in the opening match of the card. It would have garnered better ratings in Mexico – Shandy/Jock. Oh well. The packed house seems only a bit disappointed at ‘Ead (and Padre? I booked this a while ago) being shoehorned into the four-way match instead. *** The event starts with Cerebros in the ring with mic in hand, much as he and I struggle behind the scenes he’s effective at being the swizzle stick that stirs the half-sized drinks served in Bar Juarez. Tonight’s swizzle stick sports the mandatory, giant foam neck brace to put over Will Power’s abuse of authority last month. [I]“Get out here Cromwell. Get your damn @ss out here NOW! I bloody well know what you did. I hear the bullsh!te you spewed online! Time to face the consequences of your actions.”[/I] Timmy appears, never one to pass up a bit of a jaw-jack, [I]“Wot the bloody ‘ell are you on about this time you, insufferable git?” “Oh you know. You damn well know, you b@stard!” “I think that bit of the rough n’ tumble with Will last month knocked a few sprockets n’ cogs loose in your brain.” “Shut up! Don’t care! Not listening! You’re facing the Riot tonight… for all your f*cken sins. And just because I can, and because you’re a vile jerkwad of a pr!ck… you get Ant-Acid as a partner. Suck on that, sh!tstain!”[/I] Timmy just grins and rubs his hands together. Looking forward to getting his hands on the Riot. [B]Details: 4:00; E+[/B] The Wall o’ TVs flares to life and shows that Will Power is walking~! He doesn’t walk long before he turns a corner and is immediately launched back into frame as El Pandito lays in the leather to the surprised HaLF champ. Being a pundit, El Pandito carries an iron clipboard to jotting down his notes. He winds up, intending to brain Will when his hands are grabbed by… El Hijo del Mufasa. Will stirs and struggles to get to his feet and El Pandito beats a hasty retreat, not liking the odds. [B]Details: El Hijo del Mufasa saves Will Power from El Pandito (3:00; E)[/B] [B]El Hijo del Mufasa vs. El Pandito[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ElHijodelMufasa2.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/ElPandito.jpg[/IMG] Mufasa hits the ring and waves the clipboard, [I]“If you want it, come get it, or I start destroying your notes.”[/I] And the mini version of El Leon vs. El Critico kicks off. Mufasa holds the early advantage until some underhanded tactics swings the momentum to El Pandito. After a ref bump, a tug of war breaks out over the iron clipboard, which Mufasa wins! Before Mufasa can use it, Ref Mendez recovers while Pandito feigns being bludgeoned. Which means… Pandito picks up a very suspect DQ victory. Mufasa fumes but leaves with the clipboard! [B]Details: El Pandito defeats El Hijo del Mufasa by DQ (9:14; D)[/B] Hal Facutt, Relámpagito and Cal Genio gather in the ring. Cerebros has another announcement. [I]“You damn idiots disappointed me last month. You didn’t lift a finger to protect me. You think I’m rewarding you? Wrong. You f*cken morons fight now! And you DON'T want to lose this match.”[/I] [B]Details: Hal, Cal and Relámpagito thought they were being rewarded. They were wrong. (2:00; E+)[/B] [B]Hal Facutt vs. Cal Genio vs. Relámpagito[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/HalFacutt.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/CalGenio.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Relampagoito.jpg[/IMG] Shock of shocks… Hal appears more or less sober. The match still mostly sucked though. Relámpagito seemed destined to win but he missed his Lightning Strike finisher off the top rope. Cal went to apply the Acme Blueprint on Facutt but it was reversed into a Half Cutter which… picked up the victory?! [B]Details: Hal Facutt over Cal Genio and Relámpagito via a Half Cutter on Cal. (6:15; E)[/B] Backstage Semi-Strong is… walking~! Another attack? Nope. Semi Strong finds Soul Shaker working on his Frenetic Corpse Dance Moves (patent pending.) [I]“Brah. That’s jus’ so wrong. Grown men ain’t s’pposed ta dance n’ if they must, brah, there best be some girlies about. ‘N then, ya still don’t lift yer arms ‘bove yer shoulders. Ya queer!” “Grrr rawr arrrrgh!” “No, I don’t fear the queer!” “Grrr Haaajj gaaaaah!” “NOone calls me that brah, in the ring. NOW!”[/I] [B]Details: 3:00; D[/B] (people dig zombie talk.) [B]Semi-Strong vs. Soul Shaker[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SemiStrong.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/SoulShaker.jpg[/IMG] They brawl from the back. They brawl around ringside. They brawl in the ring. Semi-Strong gains the advantage but finds his Strong Arm Tactic countered by some illegal Grave Dust. Blinded Semi can’t prevent being locked in the Shimmy Shimmy Soulshaka! [B]Details: Soul Shaker over Semi-Strong via cheating and submission. (6:58; D)[/B] Sharing a mic Timmy Cromwell and Ant-Acid reach the ring. Timmy does the bulk… er… all of the talking. (Since Ant-Acid is making antennae fingers.) [I]“Well well well. Wherever are those lackeys of Kudo? The cleaners of the cowl? I mean, it didn’t take more than a word n’ Ant-Acid was ready to lace ‘em up. Yet the tea swilling toe-rags seem stuck in the queue. Get used to the practice boys, since you’re about to be physically put on the dole.”[/I] Now it makes sense why they only had one mic, as Kowled Kudo emerges from the back with the other HaLF mic with Shim and Miya flanking him. [I]“That’s about enough of this slander and blasphemy. You have disparaged me and my associates. Alas, for the Juvenile Delinquent and his pet bug more pressing concerns demand my attentions. Now if you’ll kindly cease and desist your vile insults, these people are far more interested in my impending match with the waylaid and wounded, yet inspirational, Will Power than they are with your game of charades.”[/I] Ant-Acid waggles his finger-tennae furiously! [I]“Oh shut your over-erudite gob ‘fore I shove my fist down it as a favour to the fans. And trust me, I’d take great pleasure in silencing you with a smack.” “How crass. Shim, Miya. Attack!” “’bout bloody time!”[/I] [B]Details: Timmy and Ant-Acid (3:00; E) Kowled Kudo’s reply (3:00; D)[/B] [B]Timmy Cromwell and Ant-Acid vs. The Riot (Shim and Miya)[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/TimmyCromwell.jpg[/IMG] & [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Antacid.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Shim.jpg[/IMG] & [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Miya.jpg[/IMG] Good match considering the overness involved but the slicker teamwork of the Riot can’t quite put away the thrown together Cromwell and Acid who used rudimentary but effective tagging. Cromwell locked the Injustice for All submission but Miya broke that up with a Shining Wizard. Two tags later and when Ant-Acid went up top, Shim used a riot baton to send him crashing into the ring allowing Miya to roll up the plucky insect. [B]Details: The Riot (Shim and Miya over Timmy Cromwell and Ant-Acid via riot baton (9:58; D-)[/B] Wii Mario with the mic, [I]“Och ole, my Spanglish Celtic Japano Neuva Novella hip-hop hopping gameheads. H-ola if ya are ‘Wiiii Miiii!’ Bust out the extra controllers coz my biddies, my buddies are coming over for a four-way fray. So Big Head Ead, Blo-Bi-Blo-Bi Ni-Lo and Papi Padre Pappa Dollar Dullard Dolor… it’s Game On!”[/I] [B]Details: Wii… um… yah Wii did that (2:00; D)[/B] [B]Wii Mario vs. ‘Ead Stone vs. Ni-Lo vs. Padre Dolor[/B] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WiiMario.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/EadStone_beret.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/Ni-Lo.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/PadreDolor.jpg[/IMG] No way a match can top Wii Mario’s hype job, although he debuted the Wii Punch Count along to much aplomb. Three of these men are moving up the card and jockey for position. And Ni-Lo’s here too. Surprisingly the ending came down to a race, Wii Mario locked on the Nintendon Stretch on Ni-Lo while Dolor’s El Extasis was countered by ‘Ead Stone who then crushed the good father with Ze Zuper Duper Zenton! Brilliantly ‘Ead captured Ni-Lo’s wrists so he couldn’t tap out so ‘Ead wins! [B]Details: ‘Ead Stone over Wii Mario, Ni-Lo and Padre Dolor via Ze Zuper Duper Zenton on Padre. (7:58; D)[/B] Will Power slowly walks to the ring, selling the ‘unprovoked’ attack by El Pandito. In a great touch Will’s ‘taped the ribs.’ [I]“Fear not my faithful followers, I shalt not disappoint you by vacating or no-showing this most important of altercations in the fleeting annals of this glorious concoction. Nay. Despite the foul hands laid upon mine own person in a vainglorious attempt to dissuade my noble cause to bring renown to this noble undertaking I shalt overcome the odds as I always do to smite the machinations of the reprehensible actions of that cowled scoundrel Kudo and continue to lead this promotion into the hallowed realms of myths and legends. So Senor Kudo, come forth and do battle!”[/I] [B]Details: Will pontificates. (3:00; C-)[/B] [B]Kowled Kudo vs. Will Power [/B]for the [I]HaLF Openweight championship[/I] [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/MiniHoodedKudo.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i225.photobucket.com/albums/dd6/Beeker_photos/HaLF/WillPower.jpg[/IMG] Solid match to top the card but not up to the promo, since the fans of Bar Juarez seem to lap up whatever Will Power says. Kudo, is a lot of things, a villain, a manipulator, an opportunist and he’s also a damn fine wrestler with years of experience in the mini’s game. Will has the faith of the people and the intestinal fortitude to overcome nearly all the odds. Would El Pandito’s ‘completely random’ attack swing the difference? End came with Kudo gaining the advantage with some knife edge chops and an STO. But Power powered out. A Kudo Kutter followed that but again Power kicked out! Kudo can’t believe it! Kudo goes for a second Kudo Kutter but Will shoves Kudo into the corner and follows up with a short Power of Will. Down goes Kudo! Will slowly covers but… no! Foot on the rope! Will picks up Kudo and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle and goes for a… second Power of Will… but Kudo ducks and as Will falls backwards swoops in and using the ropes as leverage… steals the HaLF title from the only champion the fans at Bar Juarez have ever known! [B]Details: Kowled Kudo uses the ropes as leverage to win the HaLF Openweight title! (11:08; D)[/B] And Kudo celebrates with the belt as Shim and Miya join him. [B]Details: (1:00; D)[/B] [B][COLOR="Red"]Overall: D-[/COLOR][/B] [quote] [U]Quick Results[/U] El Pandito over El Hijo del Mufasa by DQ (Mufasa caught with Pandito’s weapon) (9:14; D) Hal over Cal and Relámpagito with a Half Cutter on Cal (6:15; E) Soul Shaker over Semi-Strong by submission after cheating (6:58; D) The Riot over Timmy Cromwell & Ant-Acid when Miya uses a weapon on Ant (9:58; D-) ‘Ead Stone over Wii Mario, Ni-Lo and Padre Dolor via Ze Zuper Duper Zenton on Padre. (7:58; D) Kowled Kudo topples Will Power using the ropes for leverage. (11:08; D) [/quote]

Tigerkinney · May 24, 2008

Kudo wins ! Kudo wins ! :D

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HaLF: It's not about weight limits, it's about height limits

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