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(You pop in a DVD into your player. It spins and quickly sends the information to your television. You sit back and enjoy 2 hours of the worst of the worst...)

 

HUSTLE 'n' PIMP: Pro Wrestling presents...

Valentines Day Massacre

live at the Weston Gymnasium infront of 47 people

 

*Dark Match*

The Dirty White Boys defeated The Chaos Demons in a slugfest.

Winners: The Dirty White Boys(7:50 E) Grease Hogg pinned Chaos Demon #2 with the Grease Spot.

 

Main Show:

Joker the Pimp and Hustler D are sitting behind their announcer's table, waiting to introduce us to tonight's show. The dopey ring announcer gets called a "***** faggot" by various members of the audience.

 

Joker the Pimp: Welcome Hustlers and Pimps to "Valentines Day Massacre". I'm Joker the Pimp and the ugly piece of **** sitting next to me is my broadcast partna, Hustler D!

 

Hustler D: I'm so excited for tonight, Joker! Not only do we got a ****-stormfest between The Nation of Filth and Gargantuan Problem but we also got a First Blood match for the Platinum Championship!!

 

Joker the Pimp: I can't wait to see Dermot O'Logical get his ***** face ripped apart.

 

Hustler D: Talking about pussies, our ring announcer, Faggot Dick Suxer, is in the ring and ready to announce the first match.

 

<img src="http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee48/realpw/hnp/K-Squared.jpg"> vs <img src="http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee48/realpw/hnp/CrazyMiguel.jpg">

K-Squared vs Crazy Miguel

Review: Crazy Miguel tries to do some of that lucha libre stuff but botches everything.

 

K-Square manages to keep things together with his decent technical wrestling skills.

 

Miguel misses a Moonsault and gets rolled up with an Oklahoma Roll-up, 1..2..3! K-Squared picks up a win.

Winner: K-Squared(12:15 F+)

 

Joker the Pimp: ...and K-Squared picks up his second victory in HUSTLE 'n' PIMP.

 

Hustler D: Crazy Miguel is off back to work as a janitor at the local Wal-Mart long with Crazy Hector, Crazy Jorge, Crazy Pancho and Crazy Juan-Gordita!

 

Valentine is out and in the ring, ready for his 3-way Dance. He grabs a microphone and pulls out a heart-shaped piece of paper out from his trunks.

 

Valentine: Before I utterly destroy my opponents, I'd like to take this time to read a very special Valentine I wrote for all of you. (Clears throat) "Oranges aren't red, Inky's ink is kinda blue and all of you people belong in a zoo. My shoes nice n' shiny and ready to stomp, I need a strong and handsome man all up in my rump!" Thank you!!

Rating: F+

 

Hustler D: That was some emotional ****, Joker. I almost cried n' ****.

 

Joker the Pimp: Spoken like a true homosexual...

 

Man vs Animal vs Fruit

Valentine vs Inky the Squid vs The Masked Orange

Review: The Masked Orange is a smaller yet somewhat built wrestler with a giant Orange mask.

 

Inky and Masked Orange double team Valentine and toss him out of the ring to the crowd's semi-delight.

 

The Animal and Fruit tussle around the ring untill Valentine rams both of their heads together.

 

Valentine lays Masked Orange out with the Forced Penetration, he then turns right around into Inky's Black Myst. The Squid pins him for a 3 count.

Winner: Inky the Squid(10:27 E-)

 

Joker the Pimp: Inky squirted all over Valentines face, making him feel right at home!

 

Hustler D: Valentine took the climax of the match face-on. In fact I kinda see him swallowing the climax right now.

 

"The Slick Daddy Pimp" Ernie Turner vs Trauma

Review: Trauma immediately takes the match to the outside and tosses chairs at Turner.

 

After tons and tons and tons of brawling and chairshots, Trauma beats Ernie Turner with a Piledriver ontop of a chair.

Winner: Trauma(8:08 F+)

 

Joker the Pimp: Thank God that's over. That was the worst 8 minutes of my entire life...

 

Hustler D: ZZZZzzzzzz....

 

Joker the Pimp: Yo! Wake up motha ****a!!

 

Hustler D: Wa?! Huh?! What did I miss?

 

Joker the Pimp: Yo if I gotta stay awake and call ****ty matches then you gotta too, bitch!

 

Hustler D: I was awake, Joker. I was just resting my eyes...

 

Joker the Pimp: **** you!

 

We find ourselves in a doctors office, Rockin' Ryan Turner is sitting down looking around the room as a Doctor, who's face is completely covered by a Doctor's surgical mask, walks in with a bottle of pills.

 

Doctor: Here's your stress relief pills Mr. Turner...

 

Ryan Turner: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice, Doc. I got a huge match later tonight and I just ran out of pills.

 

Doctor: No problem. Just make sure to take them before the match, Mr. Turner.

 

Ryan Turner: Will do. Thanks again. Bye...

 

One half of the Rock City Stars walks off screen and out of the doctors office. Nurse Darla Knight walks into the office and starts laughing. She removed the Doctor's surgical mask to reveal it was El Medico all along.

 

Nurse Darla Knight: After he takes those sleeping pills, beating the Rock City Stars will be like stealing candy from a baby...

 

El Medico:...A sleeping baby...

 

Nurse Darla Knight/El Medico: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Rating: D-

 

Dirty Frank w/Brains McGhee vs Stretch the Chicken Boy w/Rubber Chicken

Review: Stretch kisses his Rubber Chicken before the match starts which results in a Pearl Harbor ambush.

 

Frank beats the living tar out of Stretch, nailing him with every move known to man.

 

After missing an elbow drop, Stretch grabs ahold of his Rubber Chicken and starts beating Dirty Frank with it. The Chicken Lover looks to have the match won when Brains McGhee distracts him and leads to a low blow by Frank. Stretch comforts his groin region as Dirty Frank pins him.

Winner: Dirty Frank(7:44 F-)

 

After the match, Grease Hogg and Lead Belly run out and attack Stretch. The New Dirty White Boys absolutely destroy Stretch the Chicken Boy untill he's motionless in the center of the ring.

 

Brains McGhee: HUSTLE 'n' PIMP, we are the Dirty White Boys and we're takin' over!!! There's not a thing anybody can do about it, so just sit back and enjoy the D.W.B.!!

Rating: E-

 

Hustle D: Yo what the ****?! This crazy ass midget is ****in' crazy, Yo!! What's he talkin' bout taking over?!?!

 

Joker the Pimp: I have no idea, D. It seems as if Brains McGhee is leading an army to take over HUSTLE 'n' PIMP.

 

Hustle D: Yo that short ****er gots to do a lot better than that if he wants to take my **** over. I don't have any problems with beating his short stubby ass up!!

 

Rock City Stars vs General Hospital

Review: Rockin' Ryan Turner doesn't look like his usual self. He's passed out in his corner, leaning ontop of the turnbuckle.

 

The match quickly becomes a 2 on 1 Handicap match with Turner in no shape to compete.

 

Medico and Darla double team Stan Manna, taking turns smacking the taste out of his mouth.

 

General Hospital quickly puts an end to the match after hitting Manna with the D.N.R. (Do Not Resuscitate).

Winners: General Hospital(8:02 F+)

 

Joker the Pimp: General Hospital picks up a win on their HUSTLE 'n' PIMP wrestling debut.

 

Hustler D: Ryan Turner looks like my prom date after I spiked her drink with a couple of roofies.

 

Joker the Pimp: D, date rape is no laughing matter...

 

Hustler D: Who said anything about date rape? I just wanted to drug the bitch so I could get away. She out weighed me by 203 pounds!!

 

"Soulman" Elijah Harris vs Blackjack Robbins

Review: Tons of brawling(punching and kicking) inside of the ring.

 

Blackjack misses a Lariat and gets quickly rolled up in a Smallpackage, 1...2..kickout.

 

The Soulman goes to the top rope for an Axe Handle but Blackjack see's it coming and counters it into a Leaping Side Suplex. That's all she wrote for the Soulman.

Winner: Blackjack Robbins(12:14 E-)

 

Hustler D: I never woulda taught that two men could spend 12 minutes punching and kicking each other without ever knocking the other down.

 

Joker the Pimp: At Blackjack and Soulman's age, their fists are old and brittle, they don't pack the same punch as they did in their yesteryear.

 

Hustler D: **** that! They're just two weak pussies.

 

Fans Bring the Weapons Match

The Nation of Filth vs Gargantuan Problem

Review: The match immediately spills to the outside. Grunt and Stink grab whatever the fans hand them and smash it over Gargantuan Problem's head.

 

The Big Problem gets a Juge of Water covered in Thumbtacks bashed across his wide back. Blood quickly drips down his massive back.

 

Gargantuan and Grunt fight on the ring apron, Grunt misses a wild swing then gets Chokeslammed through the Time Keeper's table.

 

The Big Problem attempts a modified Jackhammer on Stink but he manages to slip away, Stink nails Big Problem with 5 chairshots in a row, knocking him out. He covers him, 1...2...3!!

Winners: The Nation of Filth(14:44 D-)

 

Hustler D/Joker the Pimp are left speechless, their mouths wide open.

 

Joker the Pimp: Did you see-did you ****in' see that?

Hustler D: I-I-ca-can't believe my eyes...

 

Joker the Pimp: Nation of Filth and Gargantuan Problem actually had a...decent...match?

 

Hustler D: I'm going to church cause this is truly a sign of armageddon.

 

First Blood Match

for the PLATINUM ICE Championship

Madman Boone vs Dermot O'Logical©

Review: Before the match started, Dermot got on the mic and said that he's refusing to defend the title in any match that'll risk injuring his face.

 

He walks to the back when security guards stop him at the curtains. The Higher Power speaks from the back, telling Dermot that if he doesn't compete tonight then he's suspended without pay and Madman Boone will be rewarded the championship.

 

If Dermot doesn't get paid then he doesn't have enough money to get daily facials so he slides back inside of the ring and wrestles the match.

 

Huge brawl. Madman Boone nails Dermot with a couple of closed fist punches, trying to bust open the champion at the early stages of the match.

 

O'Logical kicks Madman Boone south of the border then tries to scratch Madman Boone's forehead open with his nails.

 

The match finds it's way to the outside, Boone chops Dermot around the entire Weston Gymnasium.

 

Boone finds a Barbwire Baseball Bat underneath the ring, he swings but the PLATINUM ICE champion ducks, O'Logical grabs the Madman in a headlock and smears a nearby fans Ketchup covered Hotdog across Boone's face. The referee, who didn't see O'Logical with the Hotdog, see's Madman Boone's head covered in Ketchup and thinks it's blood.

Winner: Dermot O'Logical(15:44 E-)

 

Joker the Pimp: Dermot O'Logical has just made his 1st title defense.

 

Hustler D: If it wasn't for O'Logical's bloody weiner there would be no way he would've won that match.

 

Joker the Pimp: Thanks for joining us for another "Valentines Day Massacre" keep you motha ****in' ears glued to the Crazy Midget Clown Klan Morning Radio show for more info on our next show.

 

Hustler D: WOOOOT!!! PEACE!!!!

 

Final Rating: E+

 

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Crazy Midget Clown Klan Morning Radio Show

<img src="http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee48/realpw/hnp/JokerThePimp.jpg"><img src="http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee48/realpw/hnp/HustlerD.jpg">

Joker the Pimp & Hustler D

 

Week 4, February 2009

Joker the Pimp: We got the HUSTLE 'n' PIMP Platinum ICE Champion, Dermot O'Logical in the studios...

 

Dermot O'Logical: That's right. I took some time off in my very busy schedule to come down here and talk to my adoring fans.

 

Joker the Pimp: Busy schedule, huh?

 

Dermot O'Logical: You have no idea. I had to re-schedule one of my daily facials to fit you guys in. My face is feeling dry and cracked by the second.

 

Hustler D: I go to one of dem fancy massage places daily too. Can't get through a day without getting a happy ending.

 

Joker the Pimp: Yo our phone lines are lighting up, there's tons of Hustlers and Pimps that are waiting to talk to you.

 

Dermot O'Logical: I'll put a rainbow in their ****ty lives by answering their stupid questions.

 

Joker the Pimp: We got someone from Texas, caller you're on the air with the Platinum ICE Champion, Dermot O'Logical.

 

Caller: (with a thick Texan accent) I reckon he's only the Platinum ICE Champion because he hasn't defended the title against a real man.

 

Dermot O'Logical: Huh? I'll defend my championship against anyone...anywhere...as long as it doesn't clash with my hourly Skin Repair Treatment.

 

Caller: You goddamn pansy!! I'll punch you in the face untill I feel your skull!

 

Dermot O'Logical: Who is this?!

 

Caller: This is Blackjack Robbins and I'm sick and tired of sittin' by and waiting for a title shot.

 

Dermot O'Logical: AHAHA!! Blackjack Robbins, shouldn't you be off watching "Matlock" or eating your applesauce or something? Hahaha...you're making my face crack from laughing so hard.

 

Blackjack Robbins: You think that's funny, you schmuck, huh?! If you think I'm so old why dont'cha put your money where your mouth is and defend your title against me at HUSTLE 'n' PIMP's next show?

 

Dermot O'Logical: I would most certainly defend my title against you and come out victorious but unfortunately I don't have that power. The only man who has the power to make matches is the Higher Power and there's no way in contacting him.

 

Hustler D: Actually, I got the Higher Power's phone number in my cell phone.

 

Joker the Pimp: When the **** did he give you his number?

 

Hustler D: Higher Power and me go WAAAY back. We used to smoke buds and pick up hoes every weekend.

 

Dermot O'Logical: Even if you DO have his number, we shouldn't call him and annoy him with silly questions like this. I'm sure he already has plans for me to defend the title against someone like Crazy Miguel.

 

Hustler D: Whoops. Already dialed his number

 

(ring, ring)

 

Higher Power: Hello?

 

Hustler D: Yo wats up homie?

 

Higher Power: Who is this?

 

Hustler D: It's D, yo!

 

Higher Power: Hustler D? What did I tell you about calling me? You gave my dog "E", thinking he'd fly like Underdog and killed him. I'm never hanging out with you again.

 

Hustler D: Man, how many times do I got to apologize about that?

 

Joker the Pimp: Mr. Higher Power, sir, we have Dermot O'Logical in the studio and Blackjack Robbins just called him out. We just wanted to call you so that you can sort things out...

 

Higher Power: Blackjack Robbins has been looking very impressive lately and he most certainly deserves a title shot. BUT I don't trust two of HUSTLE 'n' PIMP top rule breakers to go at it without a strong authority figure as referee. So at next month's show, Dermot O'Logical will defend his Championship against Blackjack Robbins with Madman Boone as the special guest referee!!

 

Dermot O'Logical: This is outrageous!

 

Blackjack Robbins: Hey pansy-boy, hope you enjoy holding that title because in a couple of weeks you ain't going to have it anymore. YEEEHAW!!! (click, he hangs up)

 

Dermot O'Logical: I don't need this! I'm going to get a facial scrub!!

 

The Platinum ICE Champion slams down his headset and rushes out of the studio in an angry fit.

 

Joker the Pimp: There you have it, Dermot O'Logical vs Blackjack Robbins for the Platinum ICE Championship. Ya'all better get your tickets fast or we wont be able to feed our kids...

 

Hustler D: Little Jimmy is starving, yo...

 

Joker the Pimp: Peace!

 

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HUSTLE 'n' PIMP: Pro Wrestling presents...

2 Wrestlers, 1 Title

 

PLATINUM ICE Championship

Special Guest Ref: Madman Boone

Dermot O'Logical© vs Blackjack Robbins

 

Tag Team Battle Royal

featuring: Chaos Demons, Nation of Filth, Gargantuan Problem, Rock City Stars, The Dirty White Boys & General Hospital

6 Tag Teams compete in a over-the-top-rope battle royal, the last two teams will go at it for the Tag Team Titles.

 

Tag Team Championship

?? ?? vs ?? ??

 

Valentine's Massacre

Valentine vs Inky the Squid in a "Valentines Day Massacre" Re-match

 

Battle of the Rising Sun

Booger Man vs EVIL Spirit

 

"Soul Man" Elijah Harris vs Dirty Frank w/Brains McGhee

 

Tables Match

Trauma vs K-Squared

 

The Masked Orange vs Crazy Miguel

 

"The Slick Daddy Pimp" Ernie Turner vs Stretch the Chicken Boy

 

Easy Prediction Key:

 

Dermot O'Logical vs Blackjack Robbins

 

Tag Team Battle Royal

featuring: Chaos Demons, Nation of Filth, Gargantuan Problem, Rock City Stars, The Dirty White Boys & General Hospital

 

Tag Team Championship

?? ?? vs ?? ??

 

Valentine vs Inky the Squid

 

Booger Man vs EVIL Spirit

 

"Soul Man" Elijah Harris vs Dirty Frank w/Brains McGhee

 

Trauma vs K-Squared

 

The Masked Orange vs Crazy Miguel

 

"The Slick Daddy Pimp" Ernie Turner vs Stretch the Chicken Boy

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Easy Prediction Key:

 

Dermot O'Logical vs Blackjack Robbins

 

Tag Team Battle Royal

featuring: Chaos Demons, Nation of Filth, Gargantuan Problem, Rock City Stars, The Dirty White Boys & General Hospital

 

Tag Team Championship

Gargantuan Problem vs Dirty White Boys

 

Valentine vs Inky the Squid

 

Booger Man vs EVIL Spirit

 

"Soul Man" Elijah Harris vs Dirty Frank w/Brains McGhee

 

Trauma vs K-Squared

The Masked Orange vs Crazy Miguel

"The Slick Daddy Pimp" Ernie Turner vs Stretch the Chicken Boy

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Dermot O'Logical vs Blackjack Robbins

 

Not time for Dermot to lose the belt yet

 

Tag Team Battle Royal

featuring: Chaos Demons, Nation of Filth, Gargantuan Problem, Rock City Stars, The Dirty White Boys & General Hospital

 

Tag Team Championship

Nation of Filth vs The Dirty White Boys

 

A first time ever meeting between these two teams, it's (ex) TCW vs (ex) SWF in a battle of two teams that have now most definitely fallen on hard times. Thing is DWB do have some talent and are the best of the bunch...mind you does having talent actually matter in Hustle & Pimp ?

 

Valentine vs Inky the Squid

 

Valentine gets messed up with the MYST

 

Booger Man vs EVIL Spirit

 

I'd say that EVIL Spirit has the better mask, so he should win, that's the only reason I can think why he should win...because lets face it he's all gimmick and no ability.

 

"Soul Man" Elijah Harris vs Dirty Frank w/Brains McGhee

 

Dirty Frank is the weak link in the DWB crew and I see him losing to old man Elijah.

 

Trauma vs K-Squared

 

I've got a bad feeling, a really bad feeling that Trauma, as talentless as he is will win another match.

 

The Masked Orange vs Crazy Miguel

 

Hey Miguel we want you to job for Orange.

 

Cee

 

"The Slick Daddy Pimp" Ernie Turner vs Stretch the Chicken Boy

 

Logic says that Turner should win this match, but nothing is logical in Hustle & Pimp.

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(You pop in a DVD into your player. It spins and quickly sends the information to your television. You sit back and enjoy 2 hours of the worst of the worst...)

 

HUSTLE 'n' PIMP: Pro Wrestling presents...

2 Wrestlers, 1 Title

live at the Weston Gymnasium infront of 72 people

 

*Dark Match*

"The Slick Pimp Daddy" Ernie Turner defeated Stretch the Chicken Boy in a one sided fight.

Winners: Ernie Turner(6:14 F+)

 

Main Show:

Joker the Pimp and Hustler D introduce us, as always, to tonight's show. They rundown tonight's card and make sure to make fun of the goofy ring announcer.

 

Joker the Pimp: Welcome Hustlers and Pimps to "2 Wrestlers, 1 Title"! Tonight, 2 wrestlers will walk away as Tag Team Champions.

 

Hustler D: Wooot!! I love tag team wrestling, Joker. It's always magical when 2 men come together and become 1...

 

Joker the Pimp: Ummm...

 

Hustler D: ...They do everything together. Wrestle together, sleep together, ride together...it almost makes me ****in' emotional...

 

Joker the Pimp: I'm sure you'd love to find a guy who you can wrestle, sleep with and ride.

 

Hustler D: Yo, I can only dream of finding a man like that...

 

Joker the Pimp: (whispers under breathe) idiot...

 

12-Man Tag Team Battle Royal

featuring: Chaos Demons, Nation of Filth, Gargantuan Problem, Rock City Stars, The Dirty White Boys & General Hospital

Review: Grunt, Gargantuan, El Medico and Grease Hogg were the final 4.

 

While Gargantuan is struggling to toss El Medico out of the ring, Grease Hogg and Grunt toss Gargantuan out from behind, forcing El Medico out of the ring as well.

 

Grunt and Grease Hogg are the last two men in the ring and have advanced to tonight's Tag Team title match.

Winners: Grunt & Grease Hogg(14:33 E)

 

Joker the Pimp: The Dirty White Boys will take on the Nation of Filth for the tag team titles in tonight's main event!

 

Hustler D: See what I was talkin' bout, Joker. These two teams look like one solid and hard unit.

 

Joker the Pimp: ...Yo if you keep on talkin' about their units I'm gonna find myself a brand new broadcast partner...

 

Valentine walks out for his match against Inky the Squid Boy, he has a heart shaped valentine in his hand. Valentine grabs a microphone and reads a poem he wrote for Inky before the match.

 

Valentine: "Inky, last month you squirted all over my face, I wont lie I kinda liked the taste, but that wont happen tonight because after our fight I'll be announced as victorious and I'll forever become notorious"

Rating: F

 

Valentine vs Inky the Squid

Review: The homo-erotic warrior uses some mind-games to toss Inky off of his game.

 

After tons of ass squeezing and hip thrusting, the Squid manages to catch Valentine in an Atomic Drop, crushing his testicles.

 

Inky squirts his Black Myst all over Valentine and covers him for a much deserved 3-count.

Winner: Inky the Squid(9:31 E-)

 

Hustler D: Inky squirted his Squid juice all over Valentine's face again...

 

Joker the Pimp: I don't think Valentine is complaining much...

 

Hustler D: Hope Valentine's wearing protection, that's how my Uncle got pregnant too.

 

Booger Man vs EVIL Spirit

Review: Tons of brawling all around ringside. Spirit Hurricanrana's Booger Man off of the ring apron and through a table. It didn't look pretty but it was a good attempt.

 

Back in the ring, Spirit attempts to take Booger Man's head off with a deadly Buzzsaw Kick, Booger ducks and avoids losing his head. Booger Man kicks Spirit in the mid-section and knocks him out with the Booger Bomb. Booger Man picks up the win.

Winner: Booger Man(8:06 F)

 

After the match, the gym's lights go out. We sit in complete darkness for a good 2 minutes untill...

 

<img src="http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee48/realpw/hnp/2ndcom.jpg">

"i!Estoy viniendo matarte. Adios!i"

 

The lights come back on and Hijo Del Mephisto is standing in the ring behind Booger Man. Mephisto lays Booger Man out with a Twisting Impaler.

 

I guess we finally figured out who was behind all of those cryptic messages. Hijo Del Mephisto has arrived in HUSTLE 'n' PIMP.

Rating: F

 

Crazy Miguel vs The Masked Orange

Review: Miguel flies around the ring like a crazy Mexican untill he gets caught by Masked Orange's clothesline.

 

Masked Orange hits Crazy Miguel with his Juice Attack and pins him for an easy 3 count.

Winner: The Masked Orange(11:31 F+)

 

Joker the Pimp: Masked Orange picks up his very first win in HUSTLE 'n' PIMP.

 

Hustler D: Looks like Miguel is wastin' no time and workin' his second job of the night. Glad we hired him to be our janitor as well...

 

Dirty Frank w/Brains McGhee vs "Soul Man" Elijah Harris

Review: Harris looks good at the start of the match, knocking Frank around with some quick jabs. Well as quick as an 82 year old man can be.

 

The Soul Man tries to hammer down 10 punches in the corner when Brains McGhee distracts him allowing Dirty Frank to Powerbomb him in the center of the ring. Frank covers him for the 3 count.

Winner: Dirty Frank(7:56 F-)

 

After the match, Dirty Frank holds Elijah Harris down while Brains McGhee spray paints "D.W.B." across his chest. McGhee celebrates inside of the ring.

 

Hustler D: That dirty ****ing midget cheated!!! I can't stand that ****ing guy!! Look at him celebrating with his stubby ****ing fingers.

 

Joker the Pimp: Settle down, D.

 

Hustler D: **** that! Hey-HEY!!- **** off you Midget mother ****er!!

 

Brains McGhee flips Hustler D off and continues celebrating in the ring. Hustler flips out.

 

Hustler D: DID YOU SEE THAT?! DID YOU ****ING SEE THAT?! THAT ****ER FLIPPED ME OFF!! THAT'S IT!!

 

Hustler D rushes the ring and tackles Brains McGhee. They roll around in the ring, pulling at each other's hair.

 

Joker the Pimp: Ladies and Gents, we got ourselves a good ol' midget fight...

 

HUSTLE 'n' PIMP security rush out and separate the two. Looks like this is far from being over between the two hot headed midgets.

Rating: F+

 

Tables Match

K-Squared vs Trauma

Review: Trauma brawls with K-Squared around ringside. He nails K-Squared with a bunch of chair shots, nearly knocking him out on various occasions.

 

K-Squared backdrops Trauma into a row of chairs, taking out all 72 fans. Trauma looks a bit banged up after that one, maybe he's hurt and we wont have to sit through another match filled with nothing but chair shots.

 

Later on, Trauma sets up a table in the middle of the ring and places K-Squared on the top rope. Both men battle on the top, trying to toss the other off.

 

K-Squared grabs ahold of Trauma and hits a Russian Legsweep through the table. Both men come crashing down through the table. The referee calls for a draw.

Winner: Draw(7:36 E-)

 

Joker the Pimp: K-Squared put Trauma through the table with a Russian Legsweep but both men crashed through the table at the exact same time, it was a bold decision but the referee called for a draw.

 

Hustler D: I hate movies that end with a "...to be continued." I was soo ****in' pissed after sitting through 3 hours of Pirates of the Carribbean 2 only to get a "...to be continued". That was a huge "**** you" to everybody who paid $12 to watch that **** in the theaters.

 

Joker the Pimp: Well I guess the Tables match was a big "**** you" to everybody who paid $42 to watch this show because this match is officaly a draw. Guess you'll have to come to the next show to find out what happens next...

 

Hustler D: ****in' bull****, yo!!

 

Platinum ICE Championship

Dermot O'Logical© vs Blackjack Robbins

Special Guest Referee: Madman Boone

Review: O'Logical tries to run away from Robbins, dashing out of the ring and towards the back after the bell.

 

Robbins grabs ahold of the champion and tries to nail him with punches, Dermot ducks them, avoiding any hits to his face.

 

The old Texan gets low blowed after an attempted German Suplex. O'Logical beats Robbins down, kicking and punching away at him.

 

Blackjack Robbins attempts a Running Lariat but the Platinum ICE champ ducks and Madman Boone accidentally gets hit instead. Robbins quickly checks on Boone then turns his attention towards Dermot, hitting a Leaping Side Suplex. He covers him but there's no ref. A brand new ref runs out from the back, 1.....2.....kick out!!

 

Madman Boone recovers and slowly gets back up to his feet. Boone nails Blackjack Robbins with a Boone or Bust and leaves the ring. Dermot crawls ontop of Robbins, 1...2....3!!

Winner and STILL Champion: Dermot O'Logical(9:06 E+)

 

Joker the Pimp: Dermot O'Logical retains his championship with a little help from Madman Boone.

 

Hustler D: I guess Blackjack Robbins is losing his vision at his old age because he knocked Madman Boone the **** out with a Lariat.

 

Joker the Pimp: Looks like Blackjack Robbins and Madman Boone have some unfinished business to take care of.

 

Hustler D: Some unfinished optical business...

 

Tag Team Championship Match

The Nation of Filth vs The Dirty White Boys

Review: The Dirty White Boys attack Nation of Filth before the bell. Grunt gets tossed out of the ring while they focus their attack on Stink.

 

Grease Hogg and Lead Belly isolate Stink away from his corner, hitting him with tons of double team moves.

 

Dirty White Boys toss Stink into the ropes and attempt a double backdrop but they end up getting DDT'ed for their efforts.

 

Stink crawls to his corner and manages to tag out. Grunt clears the ring nailing the Dirty White Boys with various Elbows and Clotheslines.

 

Dirty Frank runs out and tosses his stable mates a Chair with a Stop Sign attached to it. Grunt nails Dirty Frank off of the apron and turns around into a vicious Chair/Stop Sign Shot. Grease Hogg covers him, 1...2...3!!

Winners and Tag Team Champions: The Dirty White Boys(7:43 D)

 

After the match Dirty Frank holds Stink while Grunt gets "D.W.B." spray painted across his chest.

 

Stink fights back and manages to clear the ring, he checks on his fallen partner, trying to revive him from his unconscious state.

 

Dirty Frank, Grease Hogg and Lead Belly celebrate their Tag Team Championship victory. Holding the Tag Team title above their head as they walk to the back.

Rating: E+

 

Final Rating: E+

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TOOL Newbie

TOOL

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Crazy Midget Clown Klan Morning Radio Show

<img src="http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee48/realpw/hnp/JokerThePimp.jpg"><img src="http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee48/realpw/hnp/HustlerD.jpg">

Joker the Pimp & Hustler D

 

Week 2, March 2009

Joker the Pimp: And we're back...

 

Hustler D: Joker, I'm soo excited about our next guest that I'm pitching a ****in' tent!

 

Joker the Pimp: Yo, what'd I tell you about gettin' a hard-on when you're sittin' next to me?

 

Hustler D: Sorry. I'll take care of it....

 

Joker the Pimp: Yo! Stop! Put that **** away, D! You ain't takin' care of nuttin infront of me! Hustlers and Pimps, it's an honor to talk to our next guest, the ruler of HUSTLE N' PIMP: Pro Wrestling...The Higher Power!!

 

Hustler D: Yo, wazzup H-Pizzel!

 

Higher Power: Argh...Hustler D...what did I tell you about calling me that?

 

Hustler D: Ummm...not to or else you'll punch a hole through my face...

 

Higher Power: You got it...

 

Joker the Pimp: Yo, Higher Power, whatcha got planned for the next HUSTLE N' PIMP: Pro Wrestling show?

 

Higher Power: Well the next show will feature a 1-Night Hardcore Tournament to crown our First Annual Carnage Cup Champion. The brackets will be released on hustlenpimp.com very soon...

 

Hustler D: DOPE!

 

Higher Power: Also on the card, after witnessing some built up tension between the two, Madman Boone will take on Blackjack Robbins in Hangman's Noose match.

 

Joker the Pimp: Sounds like a ****in' killer match!

 

Higher Power: And last but not least, The Nation of Filth will get another chance to prove themselves when they take on The Chaos Demons in a #1 Contendership match.

 

Hustler D: I think I just came...

 

Joker the Pimp: Yo, shut the **** up, D! Higher Power, "Carnage Cup" sounds like a killer show! I can't wait to see it!

 

Higher Power: Hopefully you wont be the only one watching...

 

Hustler D: **** YA!

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<img src="

http://i1018.photobucket.com/albums/af310/hnpw/CC.jpg">

HUSTLE 'n' PIMP: Pro Wrestling presents...

CARNAGE CUP 09

live at the Weston Gymnasium

 

<IMG SRC="http://i1018.photobucket.com/albums/af310/hnpw/BHOTWG_BSJ.jpg">

8-Man Hardcore Tournament for the 2009 CARNAGE CUP

Hot as Hell Death Match

Hijo Del Mephisto vs Booger Man

*Every 5min, both men have to take a shot of Tabasco Sauce

 

Head Trauma Death Match

Trauma vs K-Squared

*Each wrestler will take turns hitting each other over the head with a Chair untill only one man is standing

 

1,000 Thumbtack Death Match

"The Slick Pimp Daddy" Ernie Turner vs Inky the Squid Boy

*The Ring will be covered with 1,000 Thumbtacks

 

Barbwire Tables Death Match

Dirty Frank w/Brains McGhee vs Crazy Miguel

*First wrestler to put his opponent through a Table wrapped in Barbwire wins

 

Non-Tournament Matches:

"Soul Man" Elijah Harris vs Valentine

 

Hangman's Noose Match

Madman Boone vs Blackjack Robbins

 

#1 Contendership Match

The Chaos Demons vs The Nation of Filth

 

Easy Prediction Key:

Hijo Del Mephisto vs Booger Man

 

Trauma vs K-Squared

 

"The Slick Pimp Daddy" Ernie Turner vs Inky the Squid Boy

 

Dirty Frank w/Brains McGhee vs Crazy Miguel

 

"Soul Man" Elijah Harris vs Valentine

 

Madman Boone vs Blackjack Robbins

 

The Chaos Demons vs The Nation of Filth

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Hyde Hill Newbie

Hyde Hill

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Hijo Del Mephisto vs Booger Man

 

Trauma vs K-Squared

 

"The Slick Pimp Daddy" Ernie Turner vs Inky the Squid Boy

 

Dirty Frank w/Brains McGhee vs Crazy Miguel

 

"Soul Man" Elijah Harris vs Valentine

 

Madman Boone vs Blackjack Robbins

 

The Chaos Demons vs The Nation of Filth

 

Sry to hear you got fired so good luck job hunting and I am glad to see the return of this fantastic icp crap.

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Jingo Newbie

Jingo

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Sorry to hear about the Job loss.

 

Hijo Del Mephisto vs Booger Man

 

Trauma vs K-Squared

 

"The Slick Pimp Daddy" Ernie Turner vs Inky the Squid Boy

 

Dirty Frank w/Brains McGhee vs Crazy Miguel

 

"Soul Man" Elijah Harris vs Valentine

Madman Boone vs Blackjack Robbins

 

The Chaos Demons vs The Nation of Filth

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The Celt Newbie

The Celt

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Hijo Del Mephisto vs Booger Man

 

Trauma vs K-Squared

 

"The Slick Pimp Daddy" Ernie Turner vs Inky the Squid Boy

 

Dirty Frank w/Brains McGhee vs Crazy Miguel

 

"Soul Man" Elijah Harris vs Valentine

 

Madman Boone vs Blackjack Robbins

 

The Chaos Demons vs The Nation of Filth

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