Guest Y2JRKO Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 (this is my first dairy,i chose NOTBW,cause there is pure talent and a challenge PLEASE post you're comments) Its been 16 years (im 21 now),16 years sinse i got hooked on the sport of profeesional wrestling. My name is xander sabin,i am a good technical wrestler,but today im going for a job interwiev for North of The Border Wrestling......A company founded by the legendary stone family,and the company that has my faveorite wrestler in it,Saen McFly XANDER SABIN:http://fb-wrestler-avatars.s3.amazonaws.com/avatar-1379333567-1259682205833-main.png They are doing interwievs for head booker of the company,my heart beats like a drum,my name is called,its my turn to go in to the room.... I go in there are 5 peole sitting behind the table, (from left to right:sean mcfly(with a broken ankle),victoria stone,Dan stone SNR,Dan stone jr,and jeremy stone) i take my seat Dan stone Snr: im glad you can make it,as you have noticed,since 2005 till now our popularity has fallen,and we are afraid that if the supreme wrestling federation set thiere sites in canada,we may be done for........ Sean mcfly:ive seen some of the wrestling you've done in New York City Wrestling and in Mid atlantic wrestling,weve also heard that you have helped book matches for those federations is this true? (my hands start to sweat as my child hood hero starts to talk to me, i anwser in a rather sqeuky voice) Xander sabin: Yes sir,thats true. Dan stone junior:as you have noticed my two ingrate brothers have left this great company, and as much as i hate to admit it,they were to very talented wrestlers.... Jeremy Stone: How can you insure that we can get good new talent here (my frist qeustion.o ****,what will i say) Xander Sabin:Well as you know i wrestled all over the world,most notebly in the united states,so i have wrestled alot of people,with alot of talent,that are good and not expensive,that we can bring in. (Jason looks impressed and writes something down) Sean mcfly:if you have to mention one up and coming wrestler that we can bring in,who will it be Xander sabin: Champian Lover,sir (victoria stone,the wife of sean mcfly,With a lot of sex appeal asks me) Victoria Stone:What do you think of our current roster. Xander Sabin?: it looks good, but with some changes and unfortunetly some termenations,it could be even better.......... Dan stone Snr: What do you think you can bring to this company. ( i now feel more relaxed) Xander Sabin: alot sir,you acctually get that two for the price of one deal sir,Cause i can wrestle,and book Sir. Dan stone Snr: Thank you for you're time Xander,we will phone you tommorow to tell you if you've made it or not. (PS: sorry for the spelling mistakes:() Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rathen4 Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Y2JRKO" data-cite="Y2JRKO" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="25333" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><p> (PS: sorry for the spelling mistakes:()</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> I understand apologising for them; but this is very hard to follow with the sheer volume of errors within it. It just doesn't come across as "natural speech". This may end up putting people off.</p><p> </p><p> Good luck with it.</p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeanMcFly Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="25333" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><p> (If you can read this ,you have read my first dairy thread and i thank you,<strong>now please leave you're comments, and if i have enough ill continue</strong>.I will be going in depth in this story,like backstage antics and stuff)</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> This.</p><p> </p><p> This Alone will cause alot of people to not read the diary (including Myself), but, good luck</p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Y2JRKO Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 <p>OK,but if i correct the spelling mistakes and cut that last thing,</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> will it decent enough to get people to come back and read the rest of the dairy?</p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Animalxer Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 As others said, The spelling mistakes makes it a bit tough to follow.. And maybe a bit of coding wouldn't do any harm? Bolding the Names when people are talking, Stuff like that? It looks interesting though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Y2JRKO Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Animalxer" data-cite="Animalxer" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="25333" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>As others said, The spelling mistakes makes it a bit tough to follow.. And maybe a bit of coding wouldn't do any harm? Bolding the Names when people are talking, Stuff like that? It looks interesting though.</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> thanks, as i said its my first dairy so ill read up on the other dairy's, and see what they did,and i wont make any spelling errors,But if i did what you guys said, would you guys come back every day to read my dairy?</p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nedew Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Are you writing this because you want to write a diary or because you want people to say nice things about your diary writing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Y2JRKO Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Nedew" data-cite="Nedew" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="25333" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Are you writing this because you want to write a diary or because you want people to say nice things about your diary writing?</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> no, i want to hear if people will actually read my dairy, cause im gonna write it any the same style as my first post,cause whats the point in writing a dairy and no1 reads it,so i just wanted to make sure some people would actually read it.......</p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Y2JRKO Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 <p>The next day im in my one room apartment.</p><p> </p><p> Staring at the phone ,waiting and waiting.............</p><p> </p><p> <strong>then suddenly the phone rings</strong></p><p> </p><p> I Picked up the phone</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Xander Sabin:</strong>Hello</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Some Random Clerk:</strong> Hello sir,are you happy with you're current cable supplier?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Xander Sabin:</strong>Yes,<strong>now piss OFF</strong></p><p> </p><p> Now i feel bad for shouting at him,but i think it was just the dissapointment,cause i thought it would be the <strong>Legendary Dan Stone Snr.</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>Half an hour later</em></p><p> </p><p> Still waiting</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Then the phone rings again</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Dan stone SNR:</strong>Well <strong>Xander</strong>, My boy you've got the job,now don't Dissapoint me,And get you're damn ass over here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p><p> </p><p> Before i could say any thing he hanged up the phone</p><p> </p><p> <strong>I'M THE HEAD BOOKER OF NORTH OF THE BORDER PRO WRESTLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!</strong><img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><strong></strong></p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Y2JRKO Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeanMcFly Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Okay, I have to point these things out. 1. It's Diary/Dynasty, Not Dairy, for some reason, new writers always make this mistake. 2. It's not enough to just Change The Spelling and Cut That Last Part, You've already said it, and people are going to see that you don't have the motivation to write for YOURSELF but only to write for others and like Nedew said, 'For Praise'. That's what's going to turn a lot of people away. 3. Notice the bolded word, YOURSELF. Alot of new diary writers start off thinking so many people are going to read their diary, and when it doesn't happen, they stop writing all together, and the next day, they start another diary, like nothing happened the day before. 4. Don't Constantly ask for comments. If people are going to comment, they're going to comment, but If they don't, don't come back 5 or 6 hours later and ask if it's better or not. 5. What are you doing to get people interested in your diary. What are you doing for their interest. There is nothing of interest. Your second diary related post was extremely short, and there wasn't anything that made it worth reading really. No Pictures, No Colors, very bland. Your Opening Post was just... Ugh, Always spell check your work before you post. Because the Punctuation and Spelling was just horrible. You say at the end sorry for the spelling mistakes, but why don't you just re-check the post and edit it with the proper spelling. Long story short, you need to be motivated and prepared to work to make your diary work, and I'm sorry to say that you don't seem to look like you want to put in the work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakerNGN74 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Not to mention the title is similar to mine, Mine is NOTBPW Journey to the top and yours is NOTBW to the top see the resembelence? TakerNGN74 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BHK1978 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 3. Notice the bolded word, YOURSELF. Alot of new diary writers start off thinking so many people are going to read their diary, and when it doesn't happen, they stop writing all together, and the next day, they start another diary, like nothing happened the day before. This coming from somebody who has started like five or six different diaries. And has not really stuck to one yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakerNGN74 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Y2JRKO Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 (thanks McFly) Im on my way to my first official meeting! I drive into the NOTBW HQ I'm wearing a suit,This is the first time in my life that i'm wearing a suit I walk in to the building where Jeremy Stone is waiting for me,also in a suit http://media.photobucket.com/image/jeremy%20stone/Imarevenant/TEW%20Alternate%20Cuts/JeremyStone3.jpg?o=10 I walk into the meeting room,i say hey to every one Dan stone Snr: Right people,ill get right to the point ,our company is going backwards,we need to come up with something fast. http://media.photobucket.com/image/dan%20stone/bsumystic/DanStone.jpg?o=7 (Dan Stone Stands up and passes a few Papers around.) I look down at the paper ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: NOTBPW Information Basic Information Location: The Maritimes(Canada) Nation: Canada Founded: October 1985 Founder: Dan Stone Owner: Dan Stone Popularity: Cult C+ Schedule: Regular Style: Classic Wrestling Popularity Classic Wrestling World Rank: #8 National Rank: #8 NOTBPW Titles NOTBPW Canadian Heavyweight Champion Johnny Bloodstone Reign: 0 weeks Level: Main Event NOTBPW Woman’s Champion Melody Cuthill Reign: 0 weeks Level: Low Level NOTBPW Tag Team Champions The Kelowna Playaz Gregg Boone and Craig Green Reign: 0 weeks Level: Midcard Main Eventers: Dan stone Jnr (FACE): http://media.photobucket.com/image/dan%20stone/bsumystic/DanStoneJr.jpg?o=6 Dark Angel(heel)(Cliff Wilson): http://media.photobucket.com/image/cliff%20wilson/bsumystic/CliffWilson.jpg?o=1 Jeremy Stone(Face): http://media.photobucket.com/image/jeremy%20stone/bsumystic/JeremyStone.jpg?o=7 Johnny Bloodstone(heel):http://media.photobucket.com/image/johnny%20bloodstone/SeanMcFly/NOTBPW/JohnnyBloodstone.jpg?o=1 Upper Midcarders : Dallas McWade(heel): http://media.photobucket.com/image/dallas%20mcwade/MaddoxMan/DAVE/DallasMcWade.jpg?o=3 Dean McWade(heel) http://media.photobucket.com/image/dean%20mcwade/MaddoxMan/DAVE/DeanMcWade.jpg?o=3 John Maverick(heel): http://media.photobucket.com/image/john%20maverick/trenchcoatbrigand/Dangerous/JohnMaverick.jpg?o=4 R.K Hayes(heel): http://media.photobucket.com/image/rk%20hayes/bsumystic/RKHayes.jpg?o=1 Midcarders: Allysian Scottsfeild(heel): Harrison Hash(heel): http://media.photobucket.com/image/harrison%20hash/Imarevenant/TEW%20Alternate%20Cuts/Hash_Alt7-1.jpg?o=1 Mighty Cavanagh(face): http://media.photobucket.com/image/mighty%20cavanagh/Imarevenant/TEW%20Alternate%20Cuts/MightyCavanagh_1.jpg?o=1 Omar Brown(heel): Owen Love(heel): http://media.photobucket.com/image/owen%20love/bsumystic/OwenLove.jpg?o=12 The Natural(heel): Tim Westybrook(face): http://media.photobucket.com/image/tim%20westybrook/bsumystic/TimWestybrook.jpg?o=1 Lower Midcarders: Craig Green(face): http://media.photobucket.com/image/craig%20green/SeanMcFly/NOTBPW/CraigGreen.jpg?o=4 Derek Frost(heel): http://media.photobucket.com/image/derek%20frost/Imarevenant/TEW%20Alternate%20Cuts/DerekFrostAlt1.jpg?o=4 Lord James King(Heel): Openers: Gregg Boone(Face): http://media.photobucket.com/image/gregg%20boone/SeanMcFly/NOTBPW/GreggBoone.jpg?o=1 Jason O'conner(Heel): Enhancement Talent: Harlem Haynes(heel): Robbie McNamara(heel): Xander Sabin(Heel): http://fb-wrestler-avatars.s3.amazonaws.com/avatar-1379333567-1259682205833-main.png Womens Division: Emma Bitch(heel): Grace Harper(face): http://media.photobucket.com/image/grace%20harper/NordVolf/TEW%202007/GraceHarper.jpg?o=10 Melody Cuthill (face): http://media.photobucket.com/image/melody%20cuthill/Actarus96/UFW%20Dynasty%202008/MelodyCuthill.jpg?o=1 Stephanie Hazel(heel): Announcers: Tommy London(face): Colour Commentator Tom Townsend (heel): http://media.photobucket.com/image/tom%20townsend/bsumystic/TomTownsend.jpg?o=1 Referees: Clarence Garcia(face) Matthew White(face) Road Agents Craig Prince(face) Dan Stone(face) Personality Victoria Stone Not Assigned Yet Sean McFly:http://media.photobucket.com/image/sean%20mcfly/bsumystic/SeanMcFly.jpg?o=1 ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Sean Mcfly: There is way to many Heels Dan stone SNR: Exactly, and we MUST change that.Any suggestion Xander Sabin:We could turn Can Am Blondes Face, and then they can feud with The McWade brothers. Dan Stone Snr: Exelent idea, as of now you are in charge of the hiring,and firing of this com0pany to. So please Xander,take a pencil and make a list of who you want to fire........And i want it in the next 5 minutes (i pencil down who i want gone) Alysian Scottsfield Mighty Cavanagh Craig Green Derek Frost Lord James King Robbie McNamara Gregg Boone Jason O’Conner Dan Stone Snr: Ok Xander they will all be released after the first show We Talked for 3 hours , Mainly of the budget and new wrestlers, Mr.stone said i can start to hire new wrestlers , and so the meeting ENDED Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeanMcFly Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 This coming from somebody who has started like five or six different diaries. And has not really stuck to one yet. Umm, Excuse Me, My NOTBPW diary was Ten Pages Long Senior BHK And HEY ! I've only started 4 ! And All of them have had a Monster Show Involved ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Y2JRKO Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Im sitting in my office, scouting new wrestlers when a fax come in: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: NOTBPW Pay Per Views Week 2 January 2008: NOTBPW Big City Brawl Week 2 February 2008: NOTBPW Clash Classic Week 2 March 2008: NOTBPW Ed Henson Memorial Tag Team Cup Week 2 April 2008: NOTBPW Super Slam Week 2 May 2008: NOTBPW Grappling Glory Week 2 June 2008: NOTBPW Jeopardy in June Week 2 July 2008: NOTBPW Mid Summer Madness Week 2 August 2008: NOTBPW Summer Smash Week 2 September 2008: NOTBPW September Scramble Week 2 October 2008: NOTBPW October Obliteration Week 2 November 2008: NOTBPW Nirvana in November Week 2 December 2008: NOTBPW Winter War ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeanMcFly Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Getting A little better, definitely more clean, but just Embed the images, it's very annoying to have to click a link to see a picture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Y2JRKO Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Im a noob at this,so whats embed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Y2JRKO Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 <a href="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/file/attachment.php?id=1754" data-fileid="1754" data-fileext="doc" rel="">notbw.doc</a>notbw.doc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waghlon Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 <p>Im sorry but i really have to be pedantic. NOTBPW. NOTBPW. NOTBPW. The P! Pro Wrestling! Not just Wrestling!</p><p> </p><p> But keep trying. You'll learn and adapt and all those changes that will make you a good writer. Im not trying to be rude, its just really nagging me.</p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Y2JRKO Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Waghlon" data-cite="Waghlon" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="25333" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Im sorry but i really have to be pedantic. NOTBPW. NOTBPW. NOTBPW. The P! Pro Wrestling! Not just Wrestling!<p> </p><p> But keep trying. You'll learn and adapt and all those changes that will make you a good writer. Im not trying to be rude, its just really nagging me.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> sorry ,ill be sure to correct that</p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.