Geezers, boozer and hoolies. A 21CW debut

[Boltinho]

It’s a damp and dreary day in London as I look out at the commuters trudging to work.

Until a few days ago I was stuck with an office job too, but fortunately things may be about to change for all of us in this nasty old town...

 

A week ago

 

I’m typing away on a throwaway piece on a local florist who chased down 4 burglars. This is of course my daily routine as hack journo...

The phone rings

“Hello: Tom speaking”

“Hello yourself’ ya wee bastard! Shortbread and Bobby Burns!”

“I’m sorry?”

“What way is that to greet an old pal? Haggis alive ya damn Sassenach!”

 

Realisation dawns

 

“Jeff? Jeff Nova?”

“Aye it’s me ya wee scaffie. D’ye not remember our days at the BBC?”

“Yes Jeff. Not even my hypnotist could make me forget. Congratulations on your recent success by the way”

“Ah telt ye! Ah telt ye wrestling would make cash in your wee soft country!”

“Yes you did Jeff. And you were right. Well done”

“Aye. Well to biznay: I’ve had a slight incident with a penpusher. The wee alkie was asking for it though! Long story short, I need a man with a typewriter and ye’re the one!

“I’ve already got a job you know Jeff”

“Aye. And it’ ****e. Your wages are doubled and you start on Monday.”

 

The phone slams down

[1PWfan]

Looks good so far- although it's interesting to see that all Scottish company owners in the C-verse are barking mad, not just the warrior.

[Gigas]

Love 21CW but decided on USPW for mine.

 

Looks good so far.

[Boltinho]

Jeff’s always been like that. Getting hold of him proved to be a nightmare, but in the search for information, I ended up talking to his right hand man Steve Smith, the announcer and another ex-BBC man. Steve is a polished home-counties man and a lot easier to talk to...

 

“Jeff told you the truth. There was a backstage disagreement between our last writer/booker, Jeff, a bottle of Glenfiddich and a brick. Needless to say the man didn’t want to come back and we’re going into a key time for the business without a rudder so to speak. Jeff, myself and The Steamroller have our hands full as it is, so we need a chap with a steady hand to get involved.”

“Well it’s nice to be considered, but I’ve worked with Jeff before. He was somewhat... unpredictable?”

“And that’s still the case. But the man is a visionary and he always gets what he wants. So will you come over to help?”

“I’ll come and lend a hand but this is uncharted waters for me. Don’t expect the moon on a stick”

“I won’t. Jeff will.”

[Boltinho]

And so I’m sitting here with a new job, little knowledge about this business and less about my new employer 21st Century Wrestling. Time for a chat with the boss.

 

“Ya wee rascal! Shortbread and Dundee! What do you mean you don’t watch our show?”

“Unfortunately I haven’t had the chance to see it Jeff, but I’ve heard Best of British Wrestling goes out every week on XXXX?”

“Aye and it’s your job to get people watching it. What’s the plan with Pit-bull? Faust? Stoat?”

“I’m sorry, is that some sort of German dog fighting program?”

“They’re only some if our top workers ya wee bastard! Get out of your office and into the gym and the locker room and I don’t want to see you until you know every man, woman and child in this company. Hadrian’s wall! And take Steve with you”

[Boltinho]

Steve and I drop by the gym and find a tanned, muscled body lying back with a creamy facemask and cucumber slices over his eyes

 

Steve“Joss, a moment of your time? I’d like to invite you to your new booker, Mr Tom. Tom, this is Joss Thompson, our current 21CW World Champion”

Joss“Hey. Welcome to 21CW. The cherry on the cake of wrestling at the ass-end of the world”

Me“Don’t you mean arse-end? Nice to meet you Joss. I’m surprised to see an American here. I take it you’re a big name back in the USA then?”

 

He sits up and removes the cucumber

 

Joss“If I was, you’d be meeting some no-hope local kid with bad hair and not someone like me”

Steve“Joss is our number one chap at the moment Tom, and the public are big fans. They like to believe in a champion they can get behind and cheer for. Until recently they booed a little”

Joss“A lot”

Steve“A lot. So it’s a nice change. We’re hoping Joss can be our biggest star this year”

Joss“Just let me get on the stick boss. I can get those stupid Brits cheering for me enough for you to ride m to the stars. Then it’s byebye Britain and hello SWF.”

Steve“Charming Joss. Anyway, moving on...”

[Boltinho]

A large, hairy man (Seriously. His chest is like a black Arran jumper) is curling dumbbells as we approach

 

Steve"Jon, meet the new boss. This is Tom. Tom meet our most controversial worker, Jon Faust"

Jon“Hang on? Aren’t you one of those journos that gave Me such a hard time?”

 

3 years ago there was a hate campaign in the press when Faust was famous under the name Rod the God.

 

Me“I’m fairly sure that wasn’t me. Nope, definitely not”

Jon“It’s true though you know. No-one can be this handsome and talented naturally. I’ve been touched by a higher power”

Steve“Jon has somewhat unusual religious ideas. That earlier fame wasn’t so much a gimmick as a toned-down version”

Jon“You’ll see boss. There is greatness at 21CW and it is Me”

[Boltinho]

A big skinhead strides up to us in the corridor

 

“So Steve, this is him is it?”

“Ah. May I introduce Harry ‘Pitbull’ Brown, one of our top workers at 21CW?”

“Top worker eh? Should be booker is more like it. You’re in my job mate”

“Ah. Well Harry, that’s terribly unfortunate, but if Jeff thinks...”

“Can it mate. I’ll be a good boy and keep working, but I’ve got my eye on you, and if you don’t deliver. I’ll have your job”

 

Pitbull storms off again

[Boltinho]

We enter a dressing room to find a slim chap in sunglasses dancing in front of a mirror and miming into a hairbrush. Worryingly, a Gareth gates song is playing.

 

Steve“Ahem Stevie? Can we interrupt a mo? This is the new booker Tom”

Stoat“...”

Me“Erm... Nice to meet you Stevie? I hear you’re a big name round here”

Stoat“...”

Steve“Stevie isn’t one for small talk really. He only comes alive in front of the camera”

Stoat“!”

Steve“Or the microphone”

Me“Well Stevie it’s nice to meet you, I hope to see a lot more of you”

Stoat“...”

[Boltinho]

As we head back to my office we hear a crash from inside and a large shape bangs against the door. As I haul it open, we see a big chap naked apart from skimpy trunks stumbling around with my wastepaper bin on his head.

 

Steve“Ah, and this will be Kevin Jones”

 

The man blunders into a filing cabinet and papers cascade down onto him

 

Jones“Vivniv!!”

Steve“Indeed. Kevin prefers to be knows as Business Jones since he dropped his Shane Hannigans persona.”

 

Business Jones trips over my chair and his head clangs off the desk

 

Jones“I von’t veed a vervona!”

“Of course you don’t Business. You’re a real tough guy”

Jones“Vad to the vone!”

Me"Well Business, I'm sure we can find lots for you to do. You seem very impresive already"

 

Business lurches out the door and staggers down the corridor

 

Steve“Really, he’s very popular. Business mind out for the stairs! ”

 

Thump, clatter, crash

[Boltinho]

Over the rest of the day we meet the remainder of the main names from the roster:

 

Leo Price: a well-dressed veteran who seems very pleasant. A bit fond of G’n’Ts for my liking though

 

Adam Matravers: a young guy who seemed a little off with the fairies but knew his stuff

 

Ed Cornell: Tommy Cornell’s younger cousin. Seemed like he had a chip on his shoulder

 

DJ Reason: a big Londoner with an enormous record box and headphones the size of cereal bowls

 

Nightmare: An enormous young bodybuilder. Very quiet but a really great look

 

Harry Wilson: Cliff Wilson’s little brother. And boy did he know it. What a jerk.

 

Rolling Johnny Stones: A vet from Richmond with a great mullet. This boy has H.A.I.R

 

A decent-seeming bunch of lads. I'm sure I'll get to know them as I go along

[Boltinho]

Jeff pops in that evening when everyone has gone home and all is quiet.

 

“Arbroath smokies! What do ye think?”

“Actually, that was really useful. You’ve got some real characters here and I’ve got a few ideas. This company is a great opportunity to work with a blank slate”

“Aboot that. I’ve got a few rules for you:

“Employ who you want, but I’m no having any fat bastards supposed to look scary. When I was on World’s Strongest Man we took things seriously. I need athletes not slobs.

“Wouldnt dream of it Jeff. Serious Callers Only”

“And none of those wee fellers that lap about off ladders and sheit. It’s a man’s sport, not a bairn’s”

“Got it Jeff. Proper athletes, no somersaults.”

“Aye. One last thing – double my money. Ye’ve got 2 years to make $2.5m”

“What? That’s a lot of money Jeff, you didn’t say anything ...”

“Rab C Nesbitt you greet like a girl! It’s your first show on Wednesday and I’m expecting to be impressed”

“Wednesday? This Wednesday?”

“Live on TV. Don’t let me doon ya wee bastard!"

[Boltinho]

Looks good so far- although it's interesting to see that all Scottish company owners in the C-verse are barking mad, not just the warrior.

 

Company owners? It's all Scots isnt it?

 

Love 21CW but decided on USPW for mine.

 

Looks good so far.

 

Cheers sir. Always loved it as my 'home' promotion but my lack of booking skills have held me back. Fingers crossed

[hakk99]

Edward is Tommy's cousin.

 

Like Stoat and Faust. I have a feeling Joss is going to make us Americans look bad, but I'm up for it.

[Boltinho]

Edward is Tommy's cousin.

 

Great point. My bad...

[mistaken]

less post! combine them all into one, use the quote tool if you need to break them up.

 

good start though

[Boltinho]

21CW Best of British Wrestling

Wednesday Week 1 February 2010

Edgware Hall, London

Att: 1,998

 

The lights come up and ex-UK’s Strongest Man Jeff Nova is in the ring, with a mic in hand

 

Jeff “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the all-new 21st Century Wrestling from London town!

“You may have seen wrestling before, you may have seen some of those shows from our American friends, but I can guarantee you have never seen awesome athletes like this going all-out for your entertainment right here in your back garden.

“You all know I come from an athletic background, and you all know I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t confident in presenting some of the World’s finest, toughest and STRONGEST fighters.

“Tonight you’ll be seeing stars like Joss Thompson, Jonathan Faust, Pitbull Brown and Daniel Black Francis. And some surprises too...

“So get ready to be amazed and welcome to the edge of your seat. This is 21CW!”(B)

 

Pitbull Brown vs. Buff Martinez

Buff is no slouch, but Pitbull lives up to his name by looking angry out there tonight. He’s all offense and violence, and although Buff appeared to come back into it at one point, a Doghouse Piledriver seals the deal.

Winner: Pitbull Brown

(C-)

 

A video shows of current 21CW UK champion Harry Wilson’s highlights. There are a lot of shots where we see him from oblique angles. You know from certain angles he almost looks like... Someone else.

(E+)

 

A video shows of Shane Hannigan’s past exploits. He is seen in comedy matches, wearing his Groucho glasses and generally acting like a clown. The screen fades to black and we see a picture of the newly buff Kevin Jones without the comedy apparel and a slogan reads ALL BUSINESS.

©

 

Business Jones vs. Nate Manchester

Business Jones is pure dominance here as he makes use of some very high impact moves. Poor Manchester gets very little opportunity. A belly-to-belly suplex settles things and Manchester is left barely able to move.

Winner: Business Jones

(D+)

 

Business is still fired up and fetches a chair from ringside. He goes to bust Manchester with it, but misses and whacks his own ankle. As he hops about in pain, he falls backwards over Manchester and ends up in a heap. As the crowd laugh, he storms off in a huff.

(D)

 

A video shows of Stevie Stoat working out. He’s very well muscled and looks sleek and dangerous even though he keeps his sunglasses on. He points towards the camera and raws a finger across his throat

(E)

 

Ex-champion Jonathan Faust comes down to the ring with a microphone

Faust “People of England behold! Nova may be trying to impress you cretins with bright lights and smoke, but there is only one true path to enlightenment. And it is me. Worship your rightful saviour or be doomed to pain and humiliation. As will all unbelievers starting with an unfortunate one tonight.

“I have spoken. My will be done.”

(C+)

 

Jonathan Faust vs. Daniel Black Francis

Although Faust is clearly powerful and fast, Francis’ ringcraft is a perfect counter-style and this is a chess-game of a match going back and forth until a huge, dark shape storms into the ring and nails DBF with a huge boot to the head. The man must be 6’6” and is built like a tank. Faust grabs the groggy DBF and hits his Devil Drop finisher.

Winner: Jonathan Faust

©

 

After the match Faust and Nightmare continue the beatdown and leave DBF bloody and broken before turning to the crowd:

(C-)

 

Faust ”I have proven my will to you all with the aid of my first disciple. The Demon Nightmare! He has made a pact with me that binds his soul. You will all make a pact with Faust.”

(C+)

 

Joss Thompson, the 21CW World Champion makes his way down towards the ring for his upcoming match shaking hands with kids, kissing girls and exchanging high-fives with anyone desperate enough to do so. Before h gets there however, his old allies Leo Price and Kathleen Turner appear at the top of the apron.

Kathleen “That’s a very pretty belt there Joss and you always were a handsome man. But do you really think anyone buys this crap? All of a sudden you’re a man of the people? I think the fans know that whatever has happened since, a couple of months ago, you me and Leo here were the most dangerous team in Britain, and they’re just waiting for you to stab them in the back again. You’re not even like them. No true British fan could ever really cheer for a yank.”

 

Noise from the crowd appears to disprove this

 

Joss “It’s true Kathleen. I’ve done terrible things. And I was a dangerous man. But the beauty of this country is that everyone gets a second chance, and with fans that love the sport like I do, anyone can come good. I’m ashamed at what I did. And I’m ashamed of working with you, so starting tonight, I’m on a crusade to make things right again.”

 

At this point, Joss steps into the crowd and speaks off-mic to a teenage boy. The kid then climbs out to stand in Joss’ corner

 

Joss “I love these fans, and from now on I’m going to prove it by helping take this belt, this company, and this whole damn sport back to where they belong”

 

Leo “Fine thoughts Joss, but I think we all know what they mean. Just like you: nothing. I’m looking forward to you slipping back and I’m going to watch very closely tonight”

 

Leo heads for the commentating desk and slips on a pair of cans and a mic.

(C-)

 

Joss Thompson vs. Jay B for the 21CW World Title

Joss has some serious skills that are quite obvious to all and he has a variety of moves not often seen on these shores. However Jay B is a serious fighter and manages to gain a bit of momentum. All to the sound of Leo continually pointing out flaws in Joss’ technique and his less well-known weaknesses. As Jay starts to look strong, his tag-partner Buff Martinez appears and starts to enter the ring, but the teenage boy in Joss’ corner calls it out to the ref and Buff can’t help. With a few moments well-needed rest, Joss is rejuvenated and manages to hit his Clean Cutter. 123 and Joss retains the title.

©

 

After the match Joss celebrates with the teenage boy and lets him hold the belt. The crowd go wild, and Leo skulks off as flashes flash and Joss high-fives in exultation

(B-)

 

Overall show rating: C

[mistaken]

nice show

[Boltinho]

The morning after my first show was even scarier. My first feedback session from Jeff...

 

Me “So boss, the crowd are really getting behind Joss, a couple of other names look like they can carry us forwards and nothing went disastrously wrong. I think I could get used to this job”

Jeff “By Ally McCoist’s jockstrap ye’ve got a big heid! That was ok. Just ok. That sort of show will keep the fans happy, but it’s no gonna make us the big fish is it?”

Me “I don’t know, the big names looked good, and some of the other lads got some exposure. Isn’t that good?”

Jeff “Och, not nearly enough. We need drama, we need danger and we need intrigue. Give the fans more reasons to tune in will ye?

Me “OK boss that’s coming. That show was just to get people used to my sort of show. Now we’re going to b building towards our PPV ‘This is England’ in 3 weeks”

Jeff “Better. And sort a better way to show off my boys. Stoat and Harry need something better. Sort it.”

Me “Consider it done boss. We’ve got a few new faces lined up and a couple of storylines about to kick in. I think people will stay tuned”

Jeff “Oh, and about This is England. I’ve had some words with some friends in the telly business and sorted a deal. We’re going to be a real outfit now with people [paying for the show. Better give them their money’s worth.”

 

Disaster averted. Barely. Jeff is tough but he’s right. That sort of show won’t move us forward, but it did make us cash, and Jeff wants me to make $2.5m. Speaking of shows, next week we’re going to see these matches:

 

Joss vs. Buff Martinez

Stevie Stoat vs. K’Lee Hawkins

Business Jones vs. Philip Cooper

Edward Cornell vs. Jay B

Anglo-Scots connection vs. The Assassin’s Guild

[Establishment]

Enjoyed the first show, good job. as for the next show my predictions are below.

 

Joss vs. Buff Martinez

Stevie Stoat vs. K’Lee Hawkins

Business Jones vs. Philip Cooper

Edward Cornell vs. Jay B

Anglo-Scots connection vs. The Assassin’s Guild

[Boltinho]

21CW Best of British Wrestling

Wednesday Week 2 January 2010

Parliament Square

Att: 1,000

 

The show starts with Jeff Nova in his office. Theres loads of memorabilia from his days as UKs strongest man including a giant tyre propped against the desk and a large number of pictures of huge bearded Scandinavians.

 

Jeff "Welcome everyone to Best of British Wrestling. If you tuned in last week you sawsome great matches including Joss Thompson steady his hold on our World title against Jay B. His partner Buff Martinez has demanded a return match so Joss will be defending his title again tonight!

"We'll also see Business Jones continue his dominant run. That guy is a wrecking machine. Stevie Stoat, the Silent Assassin will be wrestling and we're going to see Ed Cornell, Jay B and the Anglo-Scots connection.

"This is still the place to be for the most electrifying entertainment in Britain, and if you touch that dial, Im going to come round your house and break your fingers!"

(B)

 

Theres a knock on the door and Ed Cornell enters.

 

Ed "Cool office Mr Nova. Like the tyre"

Jeff" Its from the superstrength event Zeus' column. Tricky stuff"

Ed "Cool. You know my cousin's the strongest man in the world?"

Jeff "No he isnt. What do you want?"

Ed "I want what's mine. I deserve a shot at the UK title in a match with Harry Wilson"

Jeff "You need to do a bit more than have a famous relative son, but I like your balls to come in here. Tell you what, defeat Jay B tonight and you can have that match at This Is England in a forntight. You're up right now"

 

©

 

Ed Cornell vs. Jay B

This is a fine brawl with both workers looking motivated after Jay's loss last week. Ed looks like he might spring an upset though, when Jay takes them both over the top rope into a heap on the floor. At that point Luke Cool comes out of the crowd with a chair and nails both men. The referee is forced to count them both out.

 

Winner: draw

 

©

 

Luke Cool takes the microphone in the ring.

Luke "Ed! I thought I was arrogant"

 

Crowd boos in agreement

 

"But seriously? A title shot? You havent done anything to deserve that have you? harry knows it's my title and he's keeping it warm for me so I'm challenging him right here to a one-on-one at This is England. Then we'll see two guys who really know what theyre doing"

 

(D+)

 

The Anglo-Scots Connection vs The Assassins Guild.

The Anglo-Scots come down bickering as usual. Both Davey Celtic and Davey Chelsea wear their respective football shirts and their barney looks like its getting more heated until its interrupted by the Assassins guild.

The two teams are full of effort and everyone gets involved, but the match is interrupted by an attack from Jay B and Buff Martinez who promptly drop all four tired men. The ref has no choice but to abandon the match.

 

(E)

 

After the match all 6 men continue brawling around the ring until a combination of security guards and parliamentary police from outside manage to hustle them all away.

 

(E)

 

Stevie Stoat comes out looking mean as usual. He's brooding and dangerous in his singlasses and silent as always, but someone else is with him. It's the famous comidienne Mel Florence:

Mel "I was sitting home last week and caught Best of British. There's always room ina girl's life for more sweaty men in trunks so I came down here looking to get involved. And what's more perfect for a girl like me than a silent, but deadly man?"

Stoat "..."

Mel "I think Stevie can be the most dominant man in 21CW and I'm here to make sure it happens. Get ready people, The AGe of The Stoat is coming and it starts here with that Geordie cretin K'Lee Hawkins"

Stoat "!"

 

(C-)

 

Stevie Stoat vs. K'Lee Hawkins

Hawkins is no slouch and actually gets a decent share of this match, but there was only ever going to be one result and Stoat unleashes a devestating series of suplexes and neckbreakers. K'Lee has no answer to such aggressive and intense stuff and Stoat finishes it with a Superkick.

 

(D+)

 

As Stoat celebrates with Mel, Rolling Johnny Stones comes out magnificently be-mulleted and talking in his posh Richmond accent with a hint of Jagger in it.

 

RJS "Yowsers! That was amazing O Mighty Silent one! I wanted to be the foirst to tell you that I certainly am now very scared of you seeing as you never even took your sunglasses of and all. I've got an idea. How about you and me let some real wreslting dso the talking? Next week on Best of British you an me"

Stoat "..."

Mel "That's a yes Johnny. See you next week.

 

(C-)

 

Pitbull Brown is walking down the corrido r on the way to the ring. Out of nowhere the enormous Demon Nightmare nails him with a giant clothesline. Where the hell was a bloke that size hiding? As Pitbull is on the floor, Jonathan Faust also attacks.

 

Faust "I am something more than you people. You cant fight a higher power like me. Dont even try"

 

The two of them leave Pitbull bleeding.

 

(C+)

 

Business Jones enters the ring with a microphone.

 

Biz "I showed you all last week that Im a new kind of devestating., Tonight Im going to do it again when i destroy Baggy Cooper"

 

Business flexes his impressive muscles, but overdoes it and his trunks split down the back. he's trying to preserve his mdoesty when Baggy Cooper enters the ring and the ref rings the bell.

 

©

 

Business Jones vs. Baggy Cooper

Business is clearly a devestating offensive force even with one hand holding his trunks on but Cooper has some good wrestling skills and the two put together a nice brawl. However, Business eventually decides that he has to do what it takes to win and use both hands. His buttocks are hanging free but it makes the difference and he hoits his belly-to-belly suplex for the win.

 

Winner: Business Jones

 

(C-)

 

As Business tries to look tough after the match, Adam Matravers and Phoebe Plumridge come out.

 

Phoebe "Business? You are without dount the most ridiculous big man I've ever seen. I know you think youre a bad guy, but seriously? I think I could beat you myself. I've just cleared it with Mr Nova, so take some time and get right. because at This Is England we're going to see you come undone by a real fighter. Adam Matravers here. See you then. And Business? Wear two pairs of pants would you?"

 

(C-)

 

Joss Thompson comes down to the ring, again slapping shoulders and shaking hands with the fans. As last week, he picks a young fan to stand in his corner during his upcoming match with Buff Martinez. However, Leo Price and Kathleen Turner appear:

 

Kathleen "Impressive Joss. You did well last week, even though you got lucky with that kid. But I think this is what's going to happen: Youre going to have some tough matches, and it's going to get harder to hold on to that belt. Sooner or later, you're going to struggle and then..."

Leo "You're going to snap. You're going to fall back into your old ways. Our ways. The way you win and dominate."

Kathleen "That's righ Joss. A leopard doesn't change his spots, and you're the same as us. Good luck tonight"

Joss "You're wrong guys. i'm not hiding anything. Everyone knows what I can do. But I can change. And I have. You watch again and I'll keep this belt fair and square. And if you try and interfere again I'll beat you down fair and square too."

 

©

 

Joss Thompson vs. Buff Martinez

Buff really knows his way around the ring, and this is a fantastic back-and-forth battle. in fact, Buff looks so strong he manages to set Joss up for the El K.O. He's preparing to unleash it, and Joss has a shot at Buff's unpritected back. Joss has a clear shot at the low blow... but doesnt take it. Buff milks the crowd's boos instead of finishing, but Joss staggers up and gets back into the match. he looks revitalised, and a few minutes later hits the Clean Cutter. 123 and Joss retains.

 

Winner: Joss Thompson

 

©

 

As Joss celebrates with the crowd, Leo attacks and nails Joss in the head with the belt.

Leo "It's going to happen Joss. And you know what? I'm going to make it happen. You and me one on one at This Is England."

 

Leo walks off leaving Joss down and still.

 

©

 

Overall show rating: C-

[Boltinho]

Enjoyed the first show, good job. as for the next show my predictions are below.

 

Joss vs. Buff Martinez

Stevie Stoat vs. K’Lee Hawkins

Business Jones vs. Philip Cooper

Edward Cornell vs. Jay B

Anglo-Scots connection vs. The Assassin’s Guild

 

Thanks Establishment.

 

3/5 right and two no contests. Thanks for predicting

[Boltinho]

Matches announced for Best of British this week:

 

Pitbull Brown and Joss Thompson vs Jonathan Faust and Leo Price

 

Stevie Stoat vs Daniel Black Francis

 

Luke Cool vs Ed Cornell for the no1 contendership to the UK title

 

Rolling Johnny Stones vs Ivan Ivanoff

 

DJ Reason vs Phillip 'Baggy' Cooper

[Establishment]

Pitbull Brown and Joss Thompson vs Jonathan Faust and Leo Price - No Contest

 

Stevie Stoat vs Daniel Black Francis

 

Luke Cool vs Ed Cornell for the no1 contendership to the UK title

 

Rolling Johnny Stones vs Ivan Ivanoff

 

DJ Reason vs Phillip 'Baggy' Cooper

[Boltinho]

21CW Best of British Wrestling

January 2010

Wednesday Week 3

Parliament Square

Attendance: 1,000

 

Preshow segments (E) & (D)

 

Jeff Nova is backstage in his office before the main show starts

Jeff “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m very proud to be able to announce tonight that we’ve got a great surprise for you. Ahead of a couple of matches at next week’s ‘This is England’ show, we have a main event that will shock, thrill and amaze you. Joss Thompson will be teaming up with Pitbull Brown to take on Jonathan Faust and Leo Price. Those four men have held every title 21CW has ever had and all of them are amongst the most dangerous men in modern sport. And 21CW is the only place you can see them.

“Our first match will be a number one contender match to decide who will face Harry Wilson for his UK title at ‘This is England’. Luke Cool will take on Ed Cornell. We’ll soon see if Eddy can live up to his family name.

“Alongside that, tonight you can see Stevie Stoat, Daniel Black Francis and Rolling Johnny Stones. There is no other show in Britain to rival this, there is no other place to be tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself for 21st Century Wrestling!”

(B-)

 

Luke Cool vs. Ed Cornell for a title shot at the UK belt at This is England

Ed is coming on well and the crowd can really get behind his famous features, but Cool is an experienced customer. The match is to and fro and very finely balanced, but the turning point comes when harry Wilson comes down to ringside. The ref is furious as harry goes to climb into the ring and Luke Cool takes the opportunity to pull out a chain from below the ring. As he goes to use it, Cornell manages to avoid getting hit and rip it away from Cool, but as he throws it from the ring, the ref turns and sees it. Thinking Cornell must have introduced it he calls for the bell.

Winner: Luke Cool by DQ

(D+)

 

Ed Cornell is clearly not happy and seizes a microphone:

Ed “I expected this sort of thing from Cool, but Harry? I thought I knew you better. My cousin would never stop to levels like this, but clearly your brother has been teaching you bad habits. I’m not going to fall to your level and kick up a stink. I’ll watch This is England with everyone else but both of you know this: I deserve a shot at the belt, and one way or another, Ill end up getting it”

(D)

 

Backstage we see a pair of speakers jumping at full volume. Some dark UK hip-hop is blasting out, and as the camera pans out, we see DJ Reason with his cans on concentrating on his decks. Philip ‘Baggy’ Cooper in his early 90s Mad-chester era clothes and hat bowls into view and presses a button. The music stops suddenly and Baggy speaks in his broad northern accent

Baggy “What is that crap man? You London fairies all listen this tosh you can’t dance to. Where’s the Happy Mondays, Stone Roses, Charlatans? I’d settle for the Longpigs!”

DJ “Seriously Baggy, update yourself. That crap finished 15 years ago. This is the sound of today, and I’m working on a project for Jeff. He wants someone to put together entrance music for the guys and obviously I’m the man for the job”

Baggy “No way! Your tunes should never see sunshee-ine. I’ll be having words to get some proper tunes playing”

Unnoticed, Jeff Nova has appeared and is listening intently.

Jeff “Tell you what boys. I’m all for a bit of diversity. I’d rather have some Proclaimers myself anyway, so how about you two have a nice little scuffle to settle this? Right now in the ring?”

(D+)

 

DJ Reason vs. Baggy Cooper

This match starts on the way to the ring as DJ jumps Baggy. The two men are rolling around on the floor hitting each other and Jeff tries to get them to get in the ring but neither man listens. After he sees there is no hope, Jeff gets the ref to ring the bell to begin the match. Unfortunately, a ten-count later, he has no option but to count both men out.

(D)

 

Jeff grabs a mic

Jeff “You two! Look at yourselves! Our fans don’t pay for this sort of thing. There are rules and traditions in wrestling, and you two both messed up. I’m going to give you another chance at This is England next week and I expect a clean match. Whoever wins gets to try and sort the tunes first so you better clean your acts up in time.”

(D-)

 

Leo Price and Kathleen Lee are backstage.

Kathleen “So Joss? Have you had a chance to think about it? I say Leo will take your belt if he gets the chance, and I know you’re mad at him for nailing you good last week. I want you to come out tonight and show us how mad. I think we can break you, and fighting Leo and Faust tonight just might do it. What do you say Joss?”

(C-)

 

Rolling Johnny Stones vs. Ivan Ivanoff

Rolling Johnny is clearly the better athlete here and does a great job of moving Ivanoff around the ring and working on his weaknesses. Ivan is barely holding on when his brother Igor Ivanoff leaps into the ring and goes for a huge roundhouse punch. Unfortunately it’s an easy dodge for RJS and Igor nails Ivan straight in the face. After that it’s a simple matter for Johnny to roll Ivan up and take the win.

Winner: Rolling Johnny Stones

(D)

 

Johnny immediately seizes a microphone and rounds on the dressing room entrance:

RJS “See that Stoat? That’s how a real man fights! Two of them and I’m the one with the win. I can’t wait to mess you up at This is England. And unlike you, I’m going to tell everyone all about it.”

©

 

Stevie Stoat vs. Daniel Black Francis

Stoat appears unperturbed by RJS’s verbals and quietly start showing off his large range of technical wrestling. Daniel Black Francis is laidback normally (as most Jamaicans) but against the intensity of Stoat, he’s caught a little unawares. Stoat manages to get DBF down on the floor, and then he attaches his feared submission move the Stoat Stretch. DBF taps out and the ref calls it.

Winner: Stevie Stoat

 

(C-)

 

Stoat celebrates by flexing his muscles and posing in his sunglasses whilst his manager Mel Florence takes the microphone.

Mel “Mr stones: I think that answers your questions. Back in 1984 where you think you still are your hot air-blowing is impressive. But here in 2010, you’re just a little man. Stevie is going to take you apart at This Is England.”

(C-)

 

Backstage in a locker-room, Jonathan Faust, Leo Price and Kathleen Lee are preparing for the big tag-team main event.

Faust “I think we’re clear here: neither Pitbull nor Thompson can touch me. They’re only human. I’m taking care of business tonight, and if you two stay out of my way we’ll be good. I don’t want the belt right now, I just want people to understand who I am and what I represent”

Kathleen “We understand Jonathan. We won’t get in your way.”

 

Jonathan makes to leave the dressing room and Kathleen whispers to Leo:

 

Kathleen “Get Faust to wind Joss up, and then he’ll snap. That’s the time to make yourself known to him...”

 

Faust turns back

 

Faust “But just in case there are any misunderstandings. I’ll have a friend at ringside...”

 

Nightmare walks into shot. All 6’6” of him. Faust exits as Leo and Kathleen look a little put off.

©

 

Pitbull Brown & Joss Thompson vs. Leo Price and Jonathan Faust

Again Joss plucks a youth out of the crowd to stand in his corner. Price and lee laugh, but Joss ignores them as Pitbull and Faust also enter the ring.

Faust and Pitbull start off in the ring, and true to his word Faust comes out at 100mph. He has an edge, but not enough and Pitbull is going toe to toe with him. Both men unleash hard hits and Pitbull tags out to Joss. The fresh man makes a difference and Joss drives Faust back. However, Faust refuses to tag out much to Leo’s frustration. Faust is getting visibly weaker, but there is no sign of Nightmare. Joss tags out again and Pitbull again makes his freshness count as he rolls Faust up. 1, 2 and finally Nightmare appears. Pitbull takes a giant boot to the face and is laid out. Faust, Nightmare and Leo Price all turn to Joss in expectation of him attacking, but the champ restrains himself with difficulty at the urging of his teenage corner-man. Faust takes the opportunity to apply an anklelock to Pitbull and the badly beaten man is forced to tap out.

Winners: Jonathan Faust and Leo Price

©

 

After the match Jonathan Faust, Nightmare, Leo Price and Kathleen Lee all remain in the ring to celebrate.

Faust “People of Britain, I think that was a good example of what to expect from me. You need to understand that I am not one of you. Two men took me on tonight and I triumphed. I am more than all of you. And I’ll show it again at This is England when I won’t go so easy. Pitbull – expect to be in a wheelchair next week”

Kathleen “And Joss? See how easy this is? There’s always someone else that can beat you down until you accept what you are. And at This is England, you can either give in to your urges or say goodbye to that belt. Either way, we win and 21CW will again be under the control, of The Takeover.”

©

 

The show ends with the heels laughing on camera.

 

Show rating: C-