The Kid and The Business: Directors Cut

[BoomKing]

In 2008 I started a little diary called The Kid and The Business. It was my first diary and one I remember fondly. It didn't last too long, but then again, my diaries never do right?

 

I really need to apologise to anybody who has ever invested any time into any of my diaries because I do have a tendency to disappear without much notice. Sorry to you all.

 

So here is an attempt at salvation. A redo of perhaps my best short lived diary. Sure, you can read it all right now on the 2008 boards, or you can ignore a man's vain attempt at recapturing his former glory, or you can join me on my indulgent ego trip. I post this remastered version of The Kid and The Business with the intention of keeping it going a lot longer. We'll see...

[BoomKing]

He burst through the door like a force of nature.

 

“Patterson, Strongbow, Gorilla, Lanza, my office now!”

 

Vince McMahon struck an impressive figure as he power strut his way to a tiny room he had commandeered as his office at the rear of the arena

 

" Coffee, Kid, you know how I like it. Get your finger out your ass and get busy dammit!"

 

The scent of stale alcohol in the room was unmistakable. Four worse for wear bookers sat around trying to look sober. Vince of course was on top form, despite drinking them all under the table until the early hours.

 

“Royal Rumble gentlemen…. Less than a month away and we aint got **** worth watching.”

 

Everyone sat in silence, afraid to be the first to speak.

 

“I want the title off Warrior, he's done nothing with it since hogan gave him the blow job at Mania .”

 

Again nobody spoke. Even the guys who lobbied for the Warrior title run in the first place just nodded and agreed. Vince was getting visibly frustrated by their lack of input.

 

“OK, since nobody is capable of pitching to me, I’m gonna do your job for you. This **** writes itself people for god sake. Warrior is gonna lose the title to Slaughter at the Rumble, Slaughter challenges Hogan and Hogan walks out of Mania the champ, the crowd go home happy with empty wallets.”

 

There are visible groans at the mention of another Hogan title run

“Do we have any problems gentlemen?”

 

Finally Pat Patterson speaks up.

 

“No problems here Vince, its just that, well, gee, don’t you think it would be better to go in a new direction?”

 

“Finally somebody has the balls to speak up…even if it is a ****ing moron like you! You should all be down on your knee’s kissing Hogan’s ball sack for putting food on your tables! Maybe if you did the jobs I pay you for we’d have somebody who could draw real money and we wouldn’t have to rely on Hogan all the time. So I’ll ask you all again…does anybody have a problem with that?”

 

Nobody speaks.

 

“Good. Now I want this setting up for this weeks Challenge. Make Slaughter look like a complete bastard, I don’t care how. Heat is heat guys. Oh, and before you go, I need somebody to tell that moron Warrior that he’s dropping the strap.”

 

They all begin to argue over why they shouldn’t be the one to do it. Gorilla Monsoon and Chief Jay Strongbow get into a heated discussion and Pat and Blackjack Lanza fling insults across the table. In-between Vince trying to get them all to shut the hell up, a single voice is heard.

 

“I’ll do it.”

 

“You'll do it” said Vince curiously "Forgive me, but, who the **** do you think you are?".

“I’m…”

 

“You're just the god damned tea boy! We pay you to make the ****ing coffee and stay quiet” said Patterson escaping from a headlock

 

“Wait a minute, let the kid speak,” implored Gorilla, clearly taken aback by The Kids front “He makes good coffee!”

 

“So, you want to tell Warrior that he’s dropping the title? You got a death wish or something?” asked Vince with a demonic grin on his face.

 

“No sir. I just want to help.”

 

“Yeah right, just want to help. The Kid just wants to help, guys! What a good ****ing Samaritan!”

 

“Well, I guess I just want to be more involved, I have a few storyline ideas‘…..”

 

“Hey Vince! This guys after our jobs!” laughed Strongbow.

“If his ideas are half as good as his coffee he can have it Chief!” chuckled Gorilla.

 

“I’ll tell you what kid, you tell Warrior and if you aint in a body bag and you can still walk into work the next day, I’ll listen to your ideas. Now get out of here before I fire you.”

[BoomKing]

The taping for Challenge was well under way. The 15,000 fans in attendance had already witnessed a quick victory for Jim Duggan against a local jobber and The Nasty Boys with Jimmy Hart beating The Bushwhackers. As the camera's began to roll, Greg Valentine and The Honky Tonk Man made their way to the ring with a challenge for The Hart Foundation's tag team titles at The Royal Rumble. Now The Hart Foundation were facing Iron Mike Sharpe and Dave Roulette whilst the kid watched on from behind the curtain. He still hadn’t spoken to Warrior.

“Hey Kid! Come here a minute!”

It was Mr Perfect. The Kid had always Idolised him; in fact, he was one of the reasons why The Kid wanted to get into the business in the first place. And now here he stood, face to face with perhaps the biggest inspirations of his life and he was actually talking to him. Perfect looked around, smiled, then pulled a small bottle out of his pocket.

 

“I need you to take a piss for me.”

 

“Wait...What?”

“Piss in this bottle for me Kid. I'll make it worth your while I promise.” said Perfect anxiously.

 

“I, I’m...Gee, I'm flattered sir, but I’m not really into…”

 

“Listen up numb nuts!” said Perfect impatiently. "I wasn't supposed to be here tonight. I was supposed to be in a Reno Penthouse with a former Miss California but here I am! All of a sudden they need me, and the party had already started if you catch my drift. The bastards are dishing out drug tests, so I need you to piss into this!”

 

Perfect watched over his shoulder as The Hart Foundation made short work of their opponents and Brother Love made his way out to the ring to hype The Undertakers appearance in The Rumble.

 

“****, I’m up next kid; you gotta do this for me! Look, I promise I’ll help you anyway I can if you just do this one little thing for me.”

 

There they stood. It was a quiet, desperate moment in the middle of the mayhem that surrounded them. It was a moment where all the glitz and glamour of the product was peeled back before The Kids eyes. He wasn't sure if he liked what he saw as Mr Perfect got more and more anxious.

 

"Clock's ticking kid. What's it gonna be?"

 

“OK Mr Perfect, I’ll do it.”

 

“Great! Here take this and fill her up! I’ve gotta beat this chump Tony Roy so I’ll meet you back here in...say five minute. Thanks kid, you're a life saver, and Call me Curt will you!” His music hit the tannoy and he was away. Gone was the wild eyed, desperate Curt Hennig and in his place stood the always confident Mr Perfect.

 

“Sure Curt! Have a good match!”

 

After the match Curt came backstage and took the bottle off the Kid. Pat Patterson walked past them both.

 

“Hey great match Curt!”

“Did you even watch it Pat?”

 

“No… but the crowd ate it up, I could hear them all the way back here! Hey kid, you spoken to Warrior yet? He’s on in ten minutes!” Said Patterson with a smug grin before walking off.

 

The kid walked around backstage looking for Warrior. Unsurprisingly, he found him stood next to the mirror.

 

“Ummm, Mr Warrior sir?”

 

“What kid? Can’t you see I’m busy!” Said The Warrior, touching up his eyeliner in the mirror.

 

“Its about your interview segment tonight, there’s been a change to the ending. Slaughter is going to attack you afterwards setting up a match at the Rumble…"

 

“What? I gotta carry that sack of crap through a match? Christ almighty, I hope they find me someone better to beat at Mania.” snarled The Warrior

 

“Yeah…about that. Mr Warrior, I've been asked to talk to you about, maybe, kinda, dropping the title...”

“WHAT! Who the **** are you to tell me what to do!? Where’s Vince!?”

“Vince isn't here right now, that's why he asked me to tell you sir.”

 

“**** this. So Vince can’t tell me to my face now?” Warrior spat out the words with venom as he spoke. “I’ve got a little message for Vince myself kid,” He said menacingly, “Maybe you can pass it on for me…”

 

“Hey Warrior, Hold on a minute will ya!”

 

Curt Hennig came face to face with The Warrior.

“You got a message for Vince? Why don’t you give it to me and I’ll pass it on for you? I'm all ears.” said Hennig whilst chewing gum obnoxiously.

 

“Get out of my face Hennig, this is big boy talk. My problems with the Kid not you.”

“Well y’see Warrior, I just made it my problem. In fact, me and the rest of the guys on the childrens table think you should leave the kid alone and do your job.” Hennig was flanked by Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart as well as Davey Boy Smith.

 

“Your up next Warrior!” Came the call from one of the camera crew.

 

“This isn’t over Kid! You tell Vince that I’ll be talking to him myself after the show. See you around…” Warrior turned on his heels and ran out through the curtain to the cheers of the crowd.

 

“See kid, you scratch our back and we’ll scratch yours. Stay out of trouble!” said Neidhart in a surprisingly soft voice.

 

The kid watched as Slaughter attacked Warrior from behind with an Iranian flag and couldn’t help but take some glee from it, even if it was all staged. He left before Warrior came backstage and went home before the main event, which saw The Undertaker easily defeat the young Dustin Rhodes. He had to get all of his ideas down on paper before his meeting with Vince in the morning.

[tizzyt]

I love that this is making a comeback

[BoomKing]

“Holy Mackerel, it’s the coffee kid! And he's still in one piece?” said Gorilla jovially as he passed the kid in the hall.

 

“Yeah, just about.” said The Kid sheepishly. "I had a little help."

 

“So I heard. Y’know, you kids have it so easy these days. In my day, a rookie like you walks into the locker room and gets beat from pillar to post! Hey, but if your alright in Curt's book, your alright by me.”

 

“Thanks Mr Monsoon. I was actually kinda hoping to ask you a favour.”

 

“Sure kid, you can ask, doesn’t mean I can help!”

 

“I just don’t want to screw up in front of Vince. Could you maybe take a look at my Idea’s and see if he'll like them?”

 

“The thing you gotta learn about Vince is that he runs hot and cold. Patterson ran fifteen storylines past him this morning and he hated em all, some of em weren’t half bad either. Now Pat could give him the same list tomorrow and get them all commissioned. As long as you stick to your guns and go with you instincts I don’t think you will go far wrong.”

 

Then Gorilla put on his serious face. “The second thing you gotta learn and you gotta learn fast kid, you understand? Around here, ideas are the only currency worth a dime. You get a good one, whether you’re sure about it or not, you keep it to yourself until you speak to Vince. You think Lanza or Strongbow wouldn’t step over you to get in Vince’s good books? Hell, I’d do it if it meant keeping my job.”

 

Gorilla and The Kid walked into the office together to the astonishment of everyone else. It was one thing to have got the better of Warrior, but to actually turn up here in the lions den was a whole new level of gutsy.

 

“We’ll kid. It seem's our friend Mr Warrior got your message if the bizarre rants on my answering machine are anything to go by! So I guess you earned yourself an audience with the boss." said a bemused Vince.

“Mr McMahon sir, firstly thank you for this opport…."

 

"Whoa whoa wait a minute. There's a line you know kid. And I'm afraid you're at the back of it. If there's one thing Vince McMahon can't abide, it's God damned queue jumpers!"

 

Vince opened the side entrance to the office and revealed a gathering of around twenty wrestlers, agents and people he had never seen, each with their own agenda. The Kid begrudgingly made his way to the end of the line.

 

An hour and a half later, The kid was back where he started.

 

“Mr McMahon sir, firstly thank you for this opport…."

 

“Cut the bull crap kid, I get enough ass kissing from these bozos!”

 

“That’s right Mr McMahon, sir!!” said Patterson.

 

“OK, well, I think the crowd want to see the Undertaker turn face…”

 

Vince cut him off. “Never gonna happen. Next.”

 

“Ummm. Ok…..I don’t know if you have anyone planned to answer Mr Perfects open challenge but he has a great chemistry with Kerry Von Erich…”

 

“Hate it. Von Erich’s a bum. Next”

 

The kid frantically searched through his sheets for an idea he thought Vince might like.

 

“How about we bring in Bret’s brother Owen? He’s a great worker, can play heel or face and from all reports he’s a real nice guy…”

 

“How tall is he? How much he weigh?” asked Vince.

 

“He…He’s about 5’ 10’’, about 200lbs.”

 

“Not another ****ing midget! What else you got?”

 

The Kid went blank

 

“Well sir, that’s pretty much it…”

 

“You mean to tell me you wasted all of our time to pitch me three measly ideas? For Christ sake! Patterson pitched me ten god awful ideas on the way over here!”

 

“Actually sir it was fifteen,” chirped Patterson

 

“Shut the **** up Pat! The point is at least he’s pitching me something! You know how much **** we throw at the walls around here? A whole lot. And you know how much of that **** sticks? Jesus this is a creative business kid! All you give me is turning one of our top heels, giving a bum a title match and bringing in a midget. Get out of my sight. Don’t come back until you got something I can use.”

 

The Kid gathered his stuff and headed to the door.

“Stick to making the coffee in future kid.” said Patterson with a knowing grin.

 

“Tough break kid. Stick with it.” said Gorilla under his breath.

[BoomKing]

I love that this is making a comeback

 

Appreciated Tizzmeister!

[1234]

Really cool so far. My only suggestion would be to give "The Kid" a name.

 

It's alright when the wrestlers are calling him kid, because thats just a way to address the new guy, but it seems weird when its in the context: "Mr. X walks up to The Kid".

 

But of course it's your choice and I will follow regardless of whether you change it.

 

Keep up the good work.

[James Casey]

Delighted to see this come back. Hope you can stick with it through 'Mania at least, and maybe onwards from there.

[BoomKing]

Really cool so far. My only suggestion would be to give "The Kid" a name.

 

It's alright when the wrestlers are calling him kid, because thats just a way to address the new guy, but it seems weird when its in the context: "Mr. X walks up to The Kid".

 

But of course it's your choice and I will follow regardless of whether you change it.

 

Keep up the good work.

 

Hey 1234. Thank you for the input! Does it help any if you think of "The Kid" as a nickname? I totally understand what you're saying and will use a name instead if that's what people want, I just thought it added a bit more mystique that's all. Plus, his name does kinda come out in the end!

 

James Casey Delighted to see this come back. Hope you can stick with it through 'Mania at least, and maybe onwards from there.

 

Yeah, Mania at the very least Casey!

[BoomKing]

The taping for Primetime Wrestling a couple days later took place in Phoenix in front of just over 14,000 people. Those who turned up early were treated to a decent match in which Dino Bravo defeated the young Dustin Rhodes and Scott Taylor and Max Moon teaming up to beat Virgil and Terry Gibbs. Then Vince and Alfred Hayes made their way to the announce position.

 

“What an amazing line up we have tonight folks! Not only will the high flying Rockers be taking on Crush and Smash of Demolition but in tonight’s main event, The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase will go one on one with Hacksaw Jim Duggan!” warbled Vince in his irrepressible style.

 

The Kid was backstage trying as hard as possible to avoid another run in with The Warrior.

 

“Alright mate?” It was The British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith. “Curt told us what you did for him. That’s very decent of you.”

“I didn't really have much choice Mr Bulldog.”

 

“Y’know Vince is such a dickhead sometimes. Always telling us to bulk up anyway we can if we want to get ahead, then suspending us when we get caught using a little medical help.”

 

The kid could see where this was going.

 

“They want me to take a drug test. Sure I said, I’ll take a test, when Hogan and Warrior take one. Like that’s ever gonna happen. So now they say take the test, prove you’re clean, and we’ll give you a run against Perfect for the IC.”

 

The Kid didn’t want to be known as the go-to guy for faking a drugs test but he enjoyed the fact that some of his favourite all time wrestlers were talking to him. Hell, they needed him! Well he needed to get his foot in the door, and one of the quickest ways to the top was to make friends with the roster. Sure, Perfect and Bulldog weren’t the main eventers, but they were pretty damn close.

 

“I got your back Mr Bulldog. Give me the bottle.”

 

“Thanks kid, you’re a good 'un!”

 

Davey Boy gave him the bottle just before his music hit. Davey defeated Paul Roma is quick fashion before answering the challenge of Mr Perfect and an IC title match was set for The Rumble.

 

The nights taping saw a lot more angles and interviews than the previous show. The feeling after Challenge was that the fans expected more drama and less wrestling. Dibiase hired the services of Haku and Earthquake to help him in his quest to win The Rumble. Hogan cut a rambling interview hyping his participation before running into The Undertaker backstage for a head to head. Jake Roberts interviewed Mr Perfect on his thoughts of Bulldog answering his challenge.

 

As the kid watched events unfold he was constantly making mental notes. Not only did he need to know what Vince was thinking but he needed to be one step ahead of him and the bookers. He was determined to get another audience with Vince and this time he would be ready.

 

“Hey Coffee Kid!” shouted Gorilla from his seat. “You might want to watch the monitors! Thank me later!”

 

An unfamiliar voice was heard on the big screen as clips from previous Rumbles and battle royals are shown.

 

To compete in the Royal Rumble a wrestler needs to be at the top of his game.

 

He needs strength.

 

Endurance

 

Quick wits

 

To win the Rumble, a wrestler needs all this and….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://i217.photobucket.com/albums/cc59/brendaporter/Owen%20Hart/owen2.jpg

 

A whole lotta Hart!

 

The kid was beside himself! Did that really just happen?

“Congratulations kid!” bellowed Gorilla.

 

“But I thought….How did….Why?”

 

“It was a good idea kid. I stepped up and pushed it for you after you left, showed Vince a few tapes and he finally came on board. He knows The Harts are good workers and we could use another hand or two around here. It’s only a temporary contract but it’s the best I could get. Now it’s up to Owen to prove himself!”

 

“I don’t know what to say Mr Monsoon. Why would you step up for someone like me?”

 

“What can I say? You make good coffee Kid!”

 

Bret Hart and The Anvil were making their way to the curtains to stand on the ramp and scout Honky and Valentine against The Bushwhackers. Bret saw the kid with Gorilla.

 

“Gorilla tells me you had a lot to do with this kid? That true?”

“I…I guess so Mr Hart.”

 

“Man, I’ve been pushing for my kid brother since the day I got here! Thanks. He won’t let you down.”

 

Hart shook the kids hand and made his way to the entrance ramp.

 

This was the best day of the kid’s life. He felt like things were finally starting to go his way. He watched on as Dibiase beat Duggan thanks to help from his new henchmen Haku and Earthquake, and he even stayed to watch Slaughter attack Warrior one more time. He sat back and listened to Vince’s commentary.

“Oh my! Slaughter is back out here with the flag! He’s got it wrapped around the Warriors neck! It’s only a matter of time before he passes out….What the hell, Warriors fighting back!”

 

Oh Crap. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

 

“Warriors got the flag now! He’s snapped the pole in half!”

 

Oh crap

“Warriors attacking Slaughter now! He’s choking out Slaughter and the crowd is going wild!”

 

Oh crap

 

“Warrior won’t let go! We need officials out here dammit! Get the medics! I mean it! Warrior’s snapped!”

 

Oh crap