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SWF: Back to Basics


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“So here we are, 2013 has gotten rolling, and we’ve already seen some great action in this very ring and tonight shouldn’t be any different. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to see Steve Frehley defend his title against Vengeance. The only thing that’d make it better is if I had a match, but you know what, I don’t mind having a night off once in a while. That just means I’m ready to rock at a moment’s notice!”

 

Before he could continue, Vengeance’s entrance music hit. Vengeance stalked out to the top of the ramp and stared down at Jack.

 

“Jack Bruce, you have been judged and been found wanting. We all know what your facade hides. You are just as vain, greedy, and ambitious as any mere mortal. That, in and of itself, is no crime. But the fact that you hide it is. You pretend to be a hero, a role model, and yet we both know the decadence that lurks within you. May you one day find mercy, but it shall not be from me.”

 

Jack stared at Vengeance for a few moments, then turned back to the audience. “You know what, scratch that. I think I just found my fight for the evening.”

 

minor overlooked inconsistency in the write up :p

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SWF Supreme TV

Tuesday of Week 3, January 2013

Live on C.A.N.N.; Rating of 11.89

Held at Iowa State Fayre in the Mid West Territory; 15,000 in attendance (SOLD OUT)

 

When I arrived at the Fayre (a Fayre? Really? Takes all kinds, I guess), I noticed that one of the cars in our parking lot, a decent looking Chevy that screamed “rental,” had a large dent in its door. I ran my finger along the crease in the middle. Looked like a fresh hit to me. I wonder who did that?

 

I went into the locker room and quickly found out. Captain Atomic had Marc DuBois up against the locker, his forearm over his throat. The Cap had already put in one of his contacts and looked even freakier than usual as he screamed obscenities in Marc’s face. Marc wasn’t helping the situation by smirking and laughing at every threat the Cap made.

 

Before I could think about what I was doing, I dove into the middle, prying Captain Atomic off of Marc and shoving him across the room. “What is going on here?”

 

Captain Atomic tried to explain, but he was still too angry to really speak in comprehensible sentences. But I still got the gist of it: Marc had hit his rental car and now refused to pay for it.

 

“I’ll take care of this. You finish getting ready,” I said.

 

Captain Atomic huffed a bit but then nodded and stomped out of the locker room. Angry Gilmore and Christian Faith followed him out. I breathed a sigh of relief. Those two would hopefully have the kid calmed down before his match tonight. I glared daggers at Marc and jerked my thumb toward the broom closet I was using as my office.

 

Marc sauntered into the closet and half-collapsed against a wall, a pleased smirk still plastered on his face.

 

“Why doesn’t it surprise me that you’re involved in this DuBois. You got something to say for yourself?”

 

Marc snorted. “If he would have rented a better car, it never would have dented.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “Uh huh. Right. Okay, smart guy, I’m clearly not getting through to you. So this is what we’re going to do: I’m going to work. You’re going home. Take 28 days, no pay, to think about your attitude. And if you come back here acting like this, Marc, I’m going to cut you loose. We’ve got a lot of guys warming up in RIPW who would love to take your spot on the roster.”

 

Marc stared at me for a few moments, studying my face. He was probably trying to figure out if I was kidding. Then he swallowed hard and nodded, mumbling something about getting his stuff.

 

I waited in the closet for a few moments, taking deep breaths. I don’t know why the locker room was so toxic all the time, but I had to constantly fight the temptation to just fire everyone and start over again from scratch. I laughed at the idea. Like Eisen would go for that.

 

I stepped out of the closet and found everyone quiet, subdued. I clapped my hands. “C’mon, people, this ain’t a wake. We’ve got a show to do. Marc will be back in four weeks.”

 

They sprung to life, but I could still see a bit of tension radiating through most of the workers.

 

+++

 

Peter Michaels, Duane Fry, and Jerry Eisen welcomed the audience to the show.

 

1) Angry Gilmore’s music hit and the fans gave him a rousing welcome. There was a bit of a limp in his leg as he made his way down to the ring, the North American Championship draped over his shoulder. He rolled into the ring and tromped around for a while, his trademark scowl tattooed on his face. He then retrieved a mic and leaned against the ropes.

 

“You know what really fries me? Eric Eisen, that’s what. That punk thinks he’s so clever. He stomps me back at Break Like the Wind and then goes around whining about how I wasn’t defending my title. Do you think I didn’t want to defend my title? Do any of you think I was hiding at home like some coward, putting a band-aid on a boo boo and hoping the big bad boogeyman would go away?

 

“Eventually, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had to come back. The docs aren’t happy about that. They’d like me to stay off my feet for another coupla weeks just to be sure. But there’s no way I can do that. Not when I know you good people are waiting for me.

 

“But you know what’s really funny? After I showed up at When Hell Freezes Over, Eric Eisen has made himself scarce. The kid’s not even here tonight! I’m almost expectin’ him to bring in a note from his doctor. Tell you what, Eric. Do what you gotta do. Put the band-aids on your boo boos and get your mommy to sing you ‘Soft Kitty’ or whatever. I’m not going anywhere. So far as I’m concerned, I’m back in business, starting now.”

Joe Sexy’s music sliced through the cheering of the crowd and the Sexy One came out to the ring entrance.

 

“Hey, partner, long time no see. If you’re hanging out your shingle, I’m interested. I’d love to get me some gold. You know how it makes the ladies crazy, right?”

 

Angry laughed. “You know what, Joe, any other night, I’d be glad to do that. But you’ve already got a dance partner for this evening.”

 

Joe looked confused, but that quickly changed when Lobster Warrior ran him over from behind. Lobby then snared Joe by the back of his shirt and dragged him down to the ring.

 

RATING: C

 

2) LOBSTER WARRIOR vs. JOE SEXY

 

The opening moments of the match consisted of Lobby basically stripping Joe down to his boxers for the fight. A lot of the ladies got out their cell phones for that one. Toward the end of the forced strip-down, Joe snapped out of his daze and got into it, offering to take off his boxers as well. Lobby answered his offer with a running clothesline. What followed was a pretty decent match between these two, with Lobby taking out a lot of his frustration on Joe. Joe got in some decent licks but it looked for everything like Lobby was going to get the win. That is, until Joe grabbed his legs and quick-rolled Lobby into a pin.

 

WINNER: Joe Sexy in 10:01

RATING: C+

 

3) The new tag team champs came out to the ring holding the belts aloft over his head. Big Smack Scott looked pretty pleased with himself as they strutted down to the ring. When they rolled into the ring, Scott got on the mic.

 

“That’s right, folks, that’s right. Your tag team champs have deigned to join you tonight. I figure it might be the only thrill you Iowegians will get for a while. I mean, you’ll never have a team in the Superbowl. You’ll never have a nail biter as your ball team goes to Game Seven in the World Series. And the Stanley Cup will never come here either. You know why that is? ’Cuz you yokels don’t even have trees. Seriously. Wiki it sometime. They’re all the rage everywhere else that matters.”

 

He kept going, playing off the crowd’s anger as he continued to insult them. Truth be told, I was a little nervous they were going to storm the ring at some point, but Scott kept them going and Kurt really helped too. I had been worried about letting them go out and wing it, but they did a phenomenal job.

 

Scott wrapped it up. “And now I suggest you sit up and take notice. This is what true greatness looks like.”

 

RATING: C+

 

4) HERO SQUAD vs. THE PAIN ALLIANCE © for the SWF Tag Team Titles

 

Kurt carries most of the match (on my orders) and it didn’t work out at all. Scott did his best to keep the crowd riled, but you could tell that the crowd wanted to see Captain Atomic and Jungle Lord beat on him for a while. In the end, Kurt hit Captain Atomic with the Switchblade Powerslam.

 

WINNERS: The Pain Alliance in 6:49

RATING: D+

 

5) Christian Faith is walking backstage when he comes face-to-face with a very angry Steve Frehley.

 

“I’ve been looking for you,” Christian said. “You want to explain what happened last Thursday?”

 

“Only if you’re willing to tell me what you think you were doing last week. You’re acting like you’re the one with the belt right now, like you’re the champ and not me. You’re getting into arguments with people about what the championship means. And if this were a philosophy class, I’d have no problems with that. But your philosophizing is spilling over into the ring and I don’t appreciate it.”

Christian scowled. “You know why I’ve been doing that? Because the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve come to realize, you don’t deserve that title. I know it’s harsh, Steve, but it’s the truth. The men who have held that belt have been legends, giants in our business. And let’s face it, you’re not. You’re no Rip Chord. You’re no Micky Starr. You’re no Bruce the Giant. And you never will be.”

 

“Maybe I’m not, not now, but I could be, if you would just—”

 

Someone cleared her throat. BJ O’Neill was standing behind them, looking very much like a lost elementary school girl. “I couldn’t help but overhear, gentlemen, and maybe this is something you should settle in the ring. But not with the title on the line. Of course.”

 

Then she scurried out of there, her head ducked low while Steve and Christian glared at each other.

 

RATING: C+

 

6) BJ rounded the corner and found her boys, American Machine and Des Davids, sitting at a table.

 

“What’s up, gentlemen?” she asked.

 

American Machine sighed. “I asked you guys here because I need out. Out of our tag team, and BJ, out of my contract with you. It’s become all too clear to me that I’d be better off on my own.”

 

BJ blinked in surprise. “Well, I can’t say that I’m happy about this, but if it’s what you want . . .”

 

American Machine nodded. “It is.” He looked at Des. “No hard feelings?”

 

Des shrugged. “None on my end. Sometimes you go for broke, sometimes you gotta punt. Hope you do well for yourself. Now, if you’ll excuse me, BJ and I have somewhere to be.”

 

RATING: C-

 

7) DES DAVIDS vs. EVEREST

 

Ugh. Everest clearly can’t hack it in a match this long, which is kind of disturbing. I mean, these two put on a solid match, but the crowd just didn’t get into it, especially as it became clear that Everest was nearing a coronary. Des finally put him out of his misery with the Quarterback Sack.

 

WINNER: Des Davids in 8:44

RATING: D+

 

8) Robbie Retro appeared on screen, a large bandage over his right eye. In spite of his injuries, though, he still had a flashy smile on his face.

 

“Now I know that a lot of you probably laughed when Marat Khoklov knocked me into next Tuesday last Thursday. Which is why I got here so quickly tonight, ya dig? But it’s all good, all good. I’m all about bringing joy and laughter to people. So do what I do, folks. Just keep on dancin’.”

 

RATING: C-

 

9) Brandon James strutted out to the ring, escorted by Emma Chase. He got into the ring and spent a few moments fawning in Emma’s direction. Then he got on the mic and reported to everyone that at When Hell Freezes Over, the Chase Agency took out Valiant once and for all.

 

“It’s a shame, really. Valiant’s a good kid.” That earned him a nasty look from Emma. “Stupid, but good. He just can’t take a hint. I know he wants some sort of explanation from Rogue over what happened, but he’s never gonna get it. Valiant, take this time to rest, recover, and realize that you’ll never get your hands on Rogue. No way, no how.”

 

RATING: B-

 

10) NAT CARPENTER vs. BRANDON JAMES

Brandon and I did a decent job of putting together a solid match, if I do say so myself. I let him knock me around for most of the match, scoring a few hits when I could, until he finally took me out with the Big Money Move.

 

WINNER: Brandon James in 7:48

RATING: C+

 

11) Brandon was celebrating in the ring when Jack Bruce’s music hit. Jack came out with a mic and stood there for a moment, studying the ring.

 

“You know, Brandon, I gotta say, your little speech got me right here.” He tapped his chest. “But now that you’re free, how about you and I have a match at Nothing to Lose? Just for fun.”

Brandon glanced at Emma, who shrugged. “Sounds good to me, Bruce. See you then.”

RATING: B-

 

12) CHRISTIAN FAITH vs. STEVE FREHLEY

The crowd got into this one as Steve and Christian tore into each other. Peter commented at one point that it was odd that neither man tried to shake hands with the other. They did a pretty decent job but, for whatever reason, the match never really seemed to make it out of first gear. Faith finally managed to take Steve out with the Leap of Faith.

 

WINNER: Christian Faith in 14:01

RATING: C-

 

13) Christian stood over Steve for a few moments, shaking his head sadly. But then, he was run over from behind by Remo and Vengeance. Remo and Vengeance spent a few moments stomping on both Christian and the fallen champ as the show went to black.

 

RATING: B

 

THE AFTERMATH

 

Ouch. This whole show didn’t seem to work. I’m guessing the locker room is a little off thanks to the stupidity with Marc. Hopefully I can get a handle on the backstage soon, or the whole thing is going to boil over.

 

FINAL RATING: C+

 

TCW Total Wrestling: B

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SWF Supreme TV

Tuesday of Week 4, January 2013

Live on C.A.N.N.; Rating of 12.37

Held at Utah Park Reservation in the South West Territory; 14,461 in attendance

 

BJ O’Neill rushed into my makeshift office, her eyes as wide as dinner plates. I groaned.

 

“Now what?” I asked.

 

“Sean is going to kill Kurt! Hurry!”

 

It took me a moment to parse that. Then I remembered that Sean was Vengeance’s real name. But even before the data clicked into place, I was up and out the door, following BJ to the locker room. Sure enough, Kurt and Vengeance were glaring at each other from across the room while being restrained by half the roster.

 

“What happened now?” I demanded, stepping into the center of the room.

 

“Will you tell that idiot that I haven’t been bribing anyone?” Vengeance shouted.

 

“How else do you explain the fact that you’re in the title hunt yet again?” Kurt retorted.

 

They shouted over each other, but I was able to glean enough from their angry shouts to get the gist of what happened: Kurt had been spreading rumors that Vengeance bought his way into the title hunt somehow and, obviously, Vengeance didn’t appreciate it.

 

I finally cut through the verbal brawl with a shrill whistle, one I usually reserved for rowdy junior high gym classes. Once the noise died down, I turned to Vengeance and the small crowd holding him back.

 

“Sean, let it go.” I whirled on Kurt. “You, my office. Now.”

 

He followed me in. Before he could get a word in, I whipped around and slammed the door behind him.

 

“This ends now, Laramee. I am sick and tired of you idiots creating such a toxic atmosphere backstage. What made you think that Vengeance bribed someone?”

 

Kurt tried to answer, but I wouldn’t let him.

 

“Peter Michaels was already laying the groundwork for this feud before I came on! If Sean wasn’t in the hunt, the fans would have ripped us to pieces on-line. Is that what you want?”

 

Again, he started to say something but I held up a hand to stop him.

 

“Now I gave you that title with Scott because I thought you guys could handle it. But if I was wrong, just say the word and I’ll give the belts to someone else. And then, just for fun, you can go keep Marc DuBois company wherever he’s hiding himself. Got it?”

 

Kurt swallowed hard but nodded. “Okay, I got it. Sorry.”

 

He retreated out of my office. I sighed and swallowed the burning sensation in my throat. I had to do something about the backstage atmosphere and soon.

 

+++

 

Jerry, Peter, and Duane welcomed the audience to the show.

 

1) Steve Frehley started things out in the ring.

 

“It seems like everyone wants a piece of me now, huh? We’ve got Remo, Vengeance, and Christian Faith all thinking they’d be better champs than me. Well, guess what, folks? I’ve still got the title strap right here. Now you might think that I’d be resentful of all the attention, but I’m not. I’ve got the SWF World Heavyweight Championship. Everyone dreams of having this around their waist. As a matter of fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if there’s someone backstage right now chomping at the bit to get their hands on this. Well?”

 

Sure enough, Brandon James came out, escorted by Emma Chase. Brandon took a moment to show Emma off, then got on the mic.

 

“Now that you mention it, Stevie, that is true. I would love to get my hands on that title. I mean, I already have a match set between me and Jack Bruce at ‘Nothing to Lose,’ but I imagine that it would be all the sweeter if it was a title defense with me being the defender. So is all of this hypothetical, or are you actually offering?”

 

“If you’ve got your gear on you, James, you got a match tonight. But don’t think this is going to be easy. Because I am ready to tear you apart!”

 

RATING: B-

 

2) JACK BRUCE vs. SQUEAKY McCLEAN

 

Speaking of Brandon’s opponent in a few weeks, Jack and Squeaky tore it up in the opening match. The crowd really got behind Jack for this match, especially when Squeaky began to resort to some dirty tricks to try to down him. But Jack finally picked up the pin and the win with a New York Minute.

 

WINNER: Jack Bruce in 11:31

RATING: B

 

3) BJ O’Neill was surrounded backstage by Remo, Christian Faith, and Vengeance. Remo in particular seemed upset that Steve had just made a match with Brandon James.

 

“That dude hasn’t paid his dues yet. The line forms behind me!” he roared.

“I don’t think so, Remo. You haven’t exactly earned a shot either, not so far as I’m concerned,” Christian Faith said.

 

BJ looked completely overwhelmed and lost. She turned to Vengeance to see if he had anything to say. Instead, he shook his head slowly.

 

BJ finally waved her hands over her head. “All right! This is what we’re going to do. The three of you will face off in a three-way match tonight. The winner will become the #1 Contender and will face Steve Frehley at ‘Nothing to Lose.’”

Remo snorted. “But what if Brandon James wins the title tonight? He’s already booked in a match against Jack Bruce!”

 

BJ shrugged. “Then I guess the line will start behind Jack.”

 

Remo bellowed in frustration and punched a hole through the wall. Christian likewise seemed frustrated with the solution, but he left without saying another word.

 

Vengeance slid from his perch and stepped close to BJ, staring down at her for a moment or two. “BJ O’Neill, you have been judged and found wanting. May you find mercy, but not from me.”

 

RATING: C+

 

4) The Amazing Bumfholes came out to the ring and got the mics.

 

“So it seems that we have new tag champs, Zimmy,” Randy said. “That’s cool, that’s cool. But you know what I find interesting: the former champs split up shortly thereafter. Do you know what that means?”

Zimmy frowned and scratched his head. “That they should have signed a prenup before they became partners?”

 

“What? No! It means that they aren’t around to exercise any rematch clause in the contract! That means that the Pain Alliance could theoretically take a challenge from anyone. And do you know what that means?”

 

Zimmy thought about it some more. “Well, yeah, but I don’t think Rip Chord will be able to find any of his old partners anymore. Didn’t most of them die?”

 

Randy closed his eyes and shook his head. “No. It means that we can challenge Kurt and Scott for the titles.”

 

Zimmy smiled. “That’s a great idea! Why don’t we do that?”

 

Randy gaped at him for a moment. “Never mind. Let’s just focus on the match, okay?”

 

RATING: D+

 

5) THE AMAZING BUMFHOLES vs. NEW BLOOD

 

The crowd really seemed to like Kristen Pearce at ringside. There was a lot of attention paid to her and somehow, that heat got transferred to Spencer Spade. In spite of that, Randy and Zimmy clearly came out as the winners, looking every inch potential tag champs. Randy eventually put away Lenny Brown with a Bumfhole Buster.

 

WINNERS: The Amazing Bumfholes in 5:36

RATING: C-

 

6) Vengeance appeared backstage, a length of chain wrapped around one of his arms. He wound it and unwound it for a few moments before he looked up at the camera.

 

“Christian Faith and Remo, you have both been judged and been found wanting. You believe that you deserve the World Heavyweight Championship and in this delusion, you continue to act like you are somehow worthy of such a great honor. But the title is mine by right and mine by conquest. Faith, you know better than any not to cross me.” He snapped the chain taut for a moment. “And Remo, you shall learn the consequences of defiance if you continue to oppose me. Tonight shall be a crucible, where the dross shall be burned away and the pure alloy remain. May you both find mercy, but you shall not find it from me.”

 

RATING: B

 

7) ANGRY GILMORE © vs. FREDERIQUE ANTONIO GARCIA for the North American Championship

 

The announcers watched Angry for any sign of ring rust, but there wasn’t much sign of wear or tear. There were a few moments where he seemed to be favoring his formerly injured leg, but that didn’t stop him from knocking Frederique around the ring and finally putting him down with the Anger Management.

 

WINNER: Angry Gilmore in 10:43

RATING: C+

 

8) Angry got on the mic and turned to the TV. “I hope you enjoyed what you saw, Eisen, because now you know you haven’t slowed me down at all. All you’ve done is make me angry. And we all know what happens when I’m angry. See you in a few weeks, Eric.”

 

RATING: B

 

9) Christian Faith was shown leaving his locker room and heading for the ring entrance.

 

RATING: B-

 

10) CHRISTIAN FAITH vs. REMO vs. VENGEANCE to determine the #1 Contender for the SWF World Heavyweight Championship

 

The crowd was fairly split on this one. It seemed like competing chants for one of the three wrestlers. Even the announcers didn’t seem sure who they should expect to win. Jerry sided with Christian, citing his status as a ring veteran. Duane picked Vengeance as the clear cut choice. Peter sided with Remo, and it seemed as though he was on to something. Remo got in some solid offense, plowing through the other two and seeming on the cusp of victory for most of the match. But try as he might, he couldn’t keep anyone pinned for more than a two count. He finally was setting Vengeance up for the Lumbar Puncture, only to have Vengeance counter and toss him out of the ring. Then Vengeance hit Christian with the Skull Krusher and got the pin. Duane pointed out that this meant that Vengeance would be facing Steve Frehley for the title in just two weeks.

 

WINNER: Vengeance in 10:42

RATING: B-

 

11) STEVE FREHLEY © vs. BRANDON JAMES for the SWF World Heavyweight Championship

 

If Steve was worried about what happened in the previous match, he didn’t show it. Instead, he and Brandon put on a great match, one that the crowd really got into. Brandon was on fire, especially since Emma Chase was at ringside with him. The only problem is that both men were obviously exhausted as the match wound down. Steve still managed to take control of it and was ready to put Brandon away with a Frehley’s comet. But then Remo charged the ring and took Steve out. The ref immediately called for the bell.

 

WINNER: Steve Frehley by DQ in 17:53

RATING: B

 

12) Remo wasn’t done. He used the title belt to smash Steve’s face in, finally dropping Steve with a Lumbar Puncture. He then shook his head and stomped to the back while the medics rushed out to help Steve.

 

RATING: B

 

THE AFTERMATH

 

That’s a lot better, but I have a feeling it’ll be a struggle to keep this up.

FINAL RATING: B

 

TCW Total Wrestling: B-

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End of the Month Report:

 

We didn’t do too bad, all things considered. We managed to make a profit of $575,545 and so long as I didn’t get too crazy in the coming months, I figured I’d be making just as much.

 

We were still number one in the world and, more importantly, in the North American territories. The boss would like that, but I also knew that if I didn’t find better match-ups, we’d start slipping. Tommy Cornell and Sam Strong were already nipping at our heels.

 

I also sent out feelers to USA Sports 1 to get SWF Uprising back on the air. I figure USA Sports 1 has a more global reach than C.A.N.N., and that can only shore up our place as the best of the best.

 

Now if I could only find a way to deal with the toxic atmosphere backstage . . .

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SWF Supreme TV

Tuesday of Week 1, February 2013

Live on C.A.N.N.; Rating of 12.31

Held at Illinois State Park in the Great Lakes Territory; 14,697 in attendance

 

I was looking over the papers that USA Sports 1 had sent back to me. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. For a moment, I wondered how much it would cost to hire an accountant or a lawyer or something like that to deal with this kind of crap for me.

 

Someone rapped on my office door. At least it was an office this time. The manager of the arena at the Illinois State Park vacated his for me, which was a nice gesture. When I looked up and saw the expression on BJ’s face, my heart sank.

 

“Not again.”

 

She shook her head. “It’s not Kurt this time.”

 

“Then who . . .?”

 

“Eric.”

 

I groaned and fell into step behind her. She led me through the arena, but instead of taking me to the locker room, she led me to one of the entrances. My heart and stomach crashed to the concrete floor beneath me. This couldn’t be good.

 

Sure enough, when I stepped out of the arena, Eric was trying to scramble over the steel barricade the separated him from the fans. Half a dozen security guards had swarmed into the area and were trying to drag Eric away. One fan in particular was trying to clamber over the railing as well, but the guards had him in check. Everest leaned against one wall of the arena and was chortling the whole time.

 

I leapt into the fray and grabbed Eric by the shoulders and pulled. With the help of the security guards, we managed to drag Eric all the way back into the arena. I gave orders for the guards to keep him in there and then went back out to find out what happened.

 

Turns out, the fans had shown up early to see if they could catch a glimpse of any SWF stars. They had managed to score autographs from Robbie Retro and Jack Bruce, but then Eric came out. I don’t know if Eric was trying to maintain kayfabe or what, but he spent the entire time insulting the fans. Most of them lapped it up, but one decided to give as good as he got and started accusing Eric of being a lazy, nepotistic no-talent. Eric responded by offering to buy the guy’s girlfriend. Thing just escalated from there. I refunded the angry fan his money and then gave him ring-side seats. He grumbled but accepted.

 

I went back in to find Eric yukking it up with Everest over what happened. I glared at Everest until the big man left. I turned on Eric.

 

“You having fun?”

 

Eric shrugged. “Kind of. Would have been a lot more fun if the moron had actually hit me. We could’ve sued him then. That’d be hilarious.”

 

I shoved his shoulder. “Not in the least.”

 

Eric’s eyes widened. “Don’t touch me!”

 

He took a swing at me but I snared his fist and twisted it around behind his back, then slammed him face-first into the wall, not hard enough to hurt him, just enough to get his attention.

 

“Listen up, Eisen. I told you once already to knock it off. I don’t care who you are or who your dad is. You are poisoning the locker room with this kind of behavior. So get your checkbook out, Eric. This one is going to cost you.”

 

Eric shoved me off of him and, for a moment, I thought he was going to hit me. But then a lazy smirk spread across his face.

 

“Is that all? No problem, ‘Mastermind.’ I’ll have it to you by the end of the night. Now get out of my way.”

 

He shoved past me and joined up with Everest, who slapped him on the back. The two of them sauntered away as if nothing had happened. I groaned and rubbed the back of my neck. I had already seen the haunted expressions of the people in the locker room. Things were spiraling out of control. If I didn’t do something soon, we’d have open warfare backstage and the dirt sheets would eat that up.

 

+++

 

Peter Michaels, Duane Fry, and Jerry Eisen welcomed the audience to the show.

 

1) The show started with Vengeance in the middle of the ring. He glared around at the booing crowd for a few moments before lifting the mic to his mouth.

 

“You have all been judged and found wanting. And that is no surprise. You are sheep, after all, come bleating to the SWF in the hopes of finding a little joy in your miserable little lives. But instead, having seen me, you will realize that your lives are lost and meaningless, mere shadows to be swept away in righteous judgment.

 

“But you are not the only ones that must face this reality. Steve Frehley will learn of this in just a few short weeks. He claims to be someone when he is not, and so I shall show him the folly of his pride. It is a harsh lesson, but one that I willingly teach to all.

 

“And so, in the spirit of wisdom, I make an offer: if any wish to learn from me, let him come out and declare it now.”

 

Vengeance waited in the ring for a moment. That’s when Robbie Retro’s music hit. Robbie stepped out to the ring entrance with a big smile on his face.

 

“Hey, Vengeance man, chill out, dude! Why do you gotta be so tense? You know what you need to do? Take up some disco. Dance out your aggression and see if your disposition doesn’t improve!”

 

“The only dancing I do is within this ring. Do you consider yourself worthy to face me?”

 

Robbie laughed. “Well, I don’t know about that. But I’m willing to try.”

 

“Very well, Robert. We shall face each other tonight. May you find mercy, but it shall not come from me.”

 

RATING: B for the open challenge; B- for the acceptance

 

2) AMERICAN MACHINE vs. REMO

 

Remo looked to be in a particularly foul mood as he came out to the ring. Jerry commented that ever since he lost the #1 Contender match last week, Remo has been sullen and withdrawn, as if something were simmering just under the surface. Whatever it was exploded in the ring, though. Remo destroyed American Machine and finally finished him off with a Lumbar Puncture.

 

WINNER: Remo in 3:40

RATING: C-

 

3) THE AMAZING BUMFHOLES vs. QUADRUPLE B

 

All four men did a great job in the ring but the fans just didn’t get into it. The Bumfholes traded off expertly, leading Duane to wonder aloud if the Pain Alliance stood much of a chance when they defended their title. In the end, Zimmy put Bart down with Bumfhole in One and then got the pin.

 

WINNERS: The Amazing Bumfholes in 9:11

RATING: B-

 

4) Emma Chase was backstage in what appeared to be her office when someone knocked on the door. She snapped for whoever it was to get in there. Jack Bruce entered.

 

Emma sat up a little straighter. Her smile quickly melted into a frown, though, and she snapped, “What do you want?”

 

Jack shrugged. “Sorry to bug you, Emma, but my lawyers finally finished going over the contract for my match with Brandon and we need your signature to get it all squared away.” He produced a ream of paper and set it on her desk. “Shouldn’t take too long.”

 

“Well, we’ll see,” Emma said. She started leafing through the contract.

 

Jack tucked his hands behind his back and rocked on his heels. Then he started to hum a song, softly at first, but it grew louder with each passing second.

 

Emma peeked up at him. “What are you doing?”

 

Jack froze for a moment, then laughed. “Oh, sorry. I just got this song stuck in my head. An old one, haven’t performed it in years. I don’t know why I would start thinking of it now.”

“Oh,” Emma shifted in her chair, then turned her attention back to the contract.

 

Jack bounced on his heels again and, within moments, was humming. But that humming quickly turned to singing. Turns out it was something of a love ballad, a song of Jack professing his undying love for some girl. Emma looked up after a few lines and Jack met her gaze. Emma was transfixed immediately as Jack crooned to her, stepping closer and closer until they were leaning across the desk, their faces so close that all one of them would need to do to kiss was just . . .

 

The door banged open and Paul Huntingdon stepped inside. “Emma, you ready to go or . . .” Paul looked at the two of them. “What’s going on in here?”

 

Emma jumped away from Jack and straightened her hair. “Yeah, yeah, I’m almost ready to go.” She looked down at the contract and quickly flipped through it, signing her name at different points. She then shoved the contract into Jack’s chest. Her hand brushed his chest and she froze for a moment. A shudder wormed through her, then she followed Paul out the door.

 

Jack watched her go, then looked over the contract. A small smile tugged at his lips and he laughed.

 

RATING: C

 

5) ANGRY GILMORE © vs. PAUL HUNTINGDON for the SWF North American Championship

 

Emma still seemed kind of distracted when she went out to the ring. Paul snapped at her a few times, probably telling her to keep her head in the game, but it was advice he should have heeded for himself. He and Angry put on a great match together, but it was clearly one that Angry had in the bag from the moment the bell rang. Angry finally finished Paul off with an Anger Management.

 

WINNER: Angry Gilmore in 10:47

RATING: B-

 

6) Before Angry could leave the ring, though, Eric Eisen charged out. Eric ducked Angry’s attempted punch and quickly took Angry apart, focusing especially on Angry’s knee. Within seconds, Angry was reduced to rolling on the mat in pain. Angry got on the mic and laughed at his pain, then revealed that he had used his clout to go directly to the SWF Board of Directors. He got a match for the SWF North American Championship for “Nothing to Lose!”

 

RATING: C+

 

7) Lobster Warrior came out to the ring and got on the mic.

 

“The past few weeks have been difficult for me, I won’t lie. I don’t know why Joe Sexy has taken up with me. I don’t know if I said something to him backstage. Maybe he’s allergic to shellfish. I just don’t know.

 

“But I find it funny all the same. Joe objects to me dressing up like a lobster to fight my battles. How does this hurt him? It’s just for fun. Don’t we all need more of that in our lives? It’s to remind all of us that being true and right and good matter in this world. Isn’t that a good lesson for all of us to remember? Yes, this is all make believe and pretend and fantasy, but who does it hurt?

 

“The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that Joe and I have a lot in common. We both like to play make believe when we come out to this ring. Me, I wear a lobster costume. Joe seems to think that most of the women here would sleep with him if given the chance. The big difference is this: I know the difference between fantasy and reality. I know when to take the lobster costume off. Joe, though, he believes his own fantasy. So which one of us is sadder?”

 

RATING: C+

 

8) LOBSTER WARRIOR vs. ROGUE

 

The crowd really got into this one and I’m not sure exactly why. Maybe it’s the fact that some of them decided to yell at Rogue for ducking Valiant for so long. Maybe it was the fact that Lobby and Rogue managed to put together a really fun match, with Rogue trying to use every dirty trick in the book and Lobby catching him before he actually could. In the end, all of Rogue’s tricks turned out to be futile as Lobby put him down with a Lobster Trap.

 

WINNER: Lobster Warrior in 10:50

RATING: B

 

9) Joe Sexy came out of the crowd and attacked Lobster Warrior from behind, laying him out with the ring bell.

 

RATING: C

 

10) Much to everyone’s surprise, Steve Frehley’s entrance music started. The World Heavyweight champ came down the announce table and kicked Jerry Eisen out. Apparently he decided he had to be there as a guest announcer.

 

RATING: B

 

11) ROBBIE RETRO vs. VENGEANCE

 

The crowd was not happy to see Robbie for this long. A lot of them were shouting abuse at him. But at the same time, they weren’t behind Vengeance either. The seats started to clear out as the two men battled back and forth. The exodus only picked up steam as it became clear that both Vengeance and Robbie were tiring out. Vengeance finally managed to catch Robbie with the Skull Krusher.

 

WINNER: Vengeance in 17:47

RATING: C

 

THE AFTERMATH

 

I gathered the workers together in the locker room after the show. Once again, I could see the haunted expression on most of their faces. They weren’t comfortable with each other, especially with the ones who kept acting out. Kurt was texting on his cell and Eric and Everest were chuckling over something in one corner.

 

I cleared my throat. “Not a bad show, folks, but I think we can do better. Not by much, though. But I wanted all of you to gather here so we could say good-bye to someone. Everest.”

 

Everest’s head snapped back. He exchanged an uncertain look with Eric and then stepped forward.

 

“I’ve been reviewing tape from the past several months and while you are an impressive specimen, you’re not quite there yet. So I’m sending you down to RIPW to work on your skills. Pack your bags.”

 

Everest mouthed a few objects but never managed to get any of them out of his mouth. He looked to Eric for support, but Eric was glaring daggers in my direction.

 

I kept my face neutral. Granted, Everest wasn’t the root of the problem, but with him gone, maybe things would get a little better. At least for a while.

 

FINAL RATING: B-

 

TCW Total Wrestling: C+

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SWF Supreme TV

Tuesday of Week 2, February 2013

(The Go-Home Show for “Nothing to Lose”)

Live on C.A.N.N.; Rating of 12.37

Held at Plum Park in the Tri State Territory; 14,458 in attendance

 

I’m starting to think I need to hire BJ O’Neill as my guard dog. Wait . . . that sounded a lot better in my head. But it seems like she’s getting trained to come and get me when there’s trouble backstage. Which is about every week, the way things are going.

 

Once again, it was Kurt Laramee. Kid just can’t seem to keep his yap shut. This time he started some rumors about Duane Fry. I don’t have any idea what it was this time; something about Fry picking up someone in a bar and some sort of shenanigans starting. Needless to say, Fry didn’t appreciate it, Laramee didn’t think it was a big deal, yadda yadda yadda. I once again found myself in the middle of a near-fight. I snared Kurt by the arm and yanked him out of the room.

 

“What did I tell you about this, Laramee? Do you want those belts? So here’s what you’re going to do: write a check and then you’re going to knock it off. Got it?”

 

Kurt nodded and said something about being on board with me. I tuned him out. Time would tell if he actually caught on this time.

 

+++

 

Peter, Duane, and Jerry welcomed folks to the show.

 

1) The announcers let the audience know that tonight’s main event would be Jack Bruce teaming up with the SWF World Heavyweight Champion Steve Frehley to take on Vengeance and Brandon James.

 

RATING: B

 

2) ROBBIE RETRO vs. PAUL HUNTINGDON

 

The crowd just did not care about this one, even though Paul and Robbie did an admirable job of putting together a solid match. There was a lot of back and forth action, but Paul had the whole thing sewn up. That is, until Robbie managed to snare his foot and roll him into a small package.

 

WINNER: Robbie Retro in 7:06

RATING: C

 

3) BJ O’Neill was seated behind her desk when her door practically exploded inward. Remo stomped through and slammed both fists on the desk, so hard that it sounded as though a shotgun went off in the room.

 

“Listen here, little girl. There’s only one thing I want and you’re gonna give it to me.”

 

BJ’s eyes went wide.

 

“Steve Frehley’s got the title and he don’t deserve it. So you’re gonna help me fix that. Give me the match you know I deserve.”

 

Even though her eyes were wide, BJ Didn’t back down. “I can’t do that, Remo, and you know it. Steve’s booked in a match with Vengeance. The best I can do is put you in a match against someone else. Maybe Christian Faith?”

 

Remo scowled, but then he hung his head for a moment. When he looked up again, a predatory glint shone in his eyes.

 

“Book the match, little girl. An apex predator has to hunt and Christian Faith is going to be my prey.”

 

RATING: C+

 

4) Captain Atomic’s ring entrance music hit and the Cap came out to the ring. He stalked around the ropes, his normally jovial expression gone. He got the mic.

 

“Y’know, recently I been listening to that Joe Sexy run his mouth about folks who like to play pretend. He’s singled out Lobster Warrior as the problem, but he seems to forget that there are more of us who happen to like the costumes and the fun than ol’ Lobby. Me and my partner are two more. The way I figure it, if you’re gonna mess with Lobby, you’re messin’ with us. So Joe, if you want a fight, you got one. C’mon!”

 

Cap stomped around the ring for a few moments before Joe sauntered out to the ring entrance.

 

“I was going to get to you eventually, but if you’re so eager to get stomped now, who am I to say no?”

 

RATING: C

 

5) CAPTAIN ATOMIC vs. JOE SEXY

 

The crowd rallied behind Cap for this one, but Joe didn’t seem to mind. As a matter of fact, he spent a few moments in the middle of the match shouting their abuse back at them. Cap did his level best to hang with Joe, but it was clear that the Sexy One had his number. Joe wore him down and shrugged off most of his offense before dropping him with a One Night Stand.

 

WINNER: Joe Sexy in 9:17

RATING: B-

 

6) Joe seemed pretty pleased with himself post-match, but then he quickly rolled out of the ring and retreated up the ramp. The announcers wondered what he was doing, but then Lobster Warrior vaulted the security railing. Lobby seemed pretty upset that Joe got away, but he dropped down next to Captain Atomic to make sure he was okay.

 

RATING: C+

 

7) Emma Chase paced in front of Vengeance and Brandon.

 

“I know you both realize that defeat is not an option here. Defeating Steve Frehley and Jack . . . Jack Bruce will give you the momentum you’ll both need at ‘Nothing to Lose.’ Vengeance, that means you’d be able to claim the SWF World Heavyweight Championship. And Brandon, you would become the person to take out Jack Bruce. You can both achieve this and the road to victory starts here, tonight.”

 

Brandon slapped Vengeance on the shoulder. Vengeance glared at Brandon and then rolled his eyes. The two of them started out of the room.

 

Emma stopped them. “Just . . . just don’t mess up Jack’s face, okay?”

 

RATING: B

 

8) AMERICAN MACHINE vs. ERIC EISEN

 

Eric obviously thought he had this one in the bag from the opening bell, but American Machine came to fight. He tore into Eric and came close to pinning him more than once. Eric tried to step things up but it was clear he was losing ground with each second. But then Eric managed to get American Machine on the ground and held him down with his legs on the ropes. The ref somehow managed to miss it, allowing Eric to steal the win.

 

WINNER: Eric Eisen in 6:23

RATING: C+

 

9) The Pain Alliance came out to the ring. Scott got on the mic.

 

“So this Thursday, them clever Bumfholes think they’re gonna walk with our titles. Well, they can go [–bleeped by the network–]. Yeah, you heard me right. And any of you in the stands who think the Bumfholes can do it can [–bleeped by the network–].”

 

The crowd roared and Scott only laughed.

 

“What? You think the network’s gonna do something about us? They know we’re untouchable. We’re the SWF Tag Team Champions. We got the clout, we got the stroke, we got it all. And Randy and Zimmy [–bleeped by the network–] will never get their hands on this gold.”

 

RATING: C+

 

10) RANDY BUMFHOLE vs. BIG SCOTT SMACK

 

The crowd sort of got behind Randy on this one. Randy and Scott tore into each other and the momentum see-sawed back and forth. Both Kurt and Zimmy got involved, with the former trying to distract Randy and the latter chasing off Kurt. The absence of his tag partner distracted Scott too much, allowing Randy to hit the Bumfhole Buster for the pin and the win.

 

WINNER: Randy Bumfhole in 8:22

RATING: C

 

11) Jack Bruce and Steve Frehley made their entrance for the main event. The crowd popped pretty hard for them and the two of them had a blast playing it up.

 

RATING: B

 

12) JACK BRUCE & STEVE FREHLEY vs. BRANDON JAMES & VENGEANCE

 

The crowd really got into this one, especially when it became clear that Vengeance wasn’t all that eager to face off against Steve Frehley in the ring. Several people shouted at him and called him a coward for his behavior, especially since he would tag out the moment Steve tagged in. The only time he seemed willing to be in the ring with Steve is when Brandon had softened him up a little, but the moment Steve started to fight back, Vengeance would duck out again.

 

Both sides scored near falls as the match progressed and, for Brandon especially, the frustration started to grow with each one. He tried desperately to get in toward the end, but Vengeance wouldn’t tag out, which explained why he got hit with the New York Minute and pinned by Jack Bruce.

 

WINNERS: Jack Bruce & Steve Frehley in 17:33

RATING: B

 

13) Steve got into the ring and raised Jack’s hand in victory. But then he noticed Vengeance rising from the mat. The two of them stared each other down, then launched themselves at each other. Brandon escaped as quick as he could. Jack tried to get in between them, but Vengeance and Steve traded blows for a while until the locker room cleared out to separate them.

 

RATING: B-

 

The announcers ran down the card for “Nothing to Lose” as Steve and Vengeance were dragged away from each other—

 

CHRISTIAN FAITH vs. REMO (B-)

LOBSTER WARRIOR vs. JOE SEXY (B-)

THE AMAZING BUMFHOLES vs. THE PAIN ALLIANCE © for the SWF Tag Team Championship (C+)

ANGRY GILMORE © vs. ERIC EISEN for the SWF North American Championship (B-)

JACK BRUCE vs. BRANDON JAMES (B)

STEVE FREHLEY © vs. VENGEANCE for the SWF World Heavyweight Championship (B)

 

 

THE AFTERMATH

 

The audience seems pretty jazzed for the Pay-Per-View. I’m cautiously optimistic as well. We’ll have to see.

 

FINAL RATING: B

 

TCW Total Wrestling: B-

 

As always, comments, predictions, or whatever are welcome.

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SWF presents . . .

“Nothing to Lose”

Live on Pay-Per-View; Buy-rate of 2.70

Thursday of Week 2, February 2013

Held at Doyle Lane in the North West Territory; 30,000 in attendance (SOLD OUT!)

 

Much to my surprise, the kids were well behaved before the show tonight. Hopefully my luck would hold out for the rest of the evening.

 

+++

 

Peter Michaels, Duane Fry, and Ana Garcia welcomed the audience to the show.

 

1) Remo’s entrance hit and he stalked out to the ring. He looked every inch a predator, to the point that Ana Garcia wondered aloud if Steve Frehley was facing the wrong challenger in tonight’s main event. Remo slid into the ring and then went from corner to corner to glare at the audience.

 

RATING: B+

 

2) CHRISTIAN FAITH vs. REMO

 

It became pretty clear early on that Remo and Christian don’t work well together in the ring. At the same time, though, the crowd got behind Christian and cheered him on. And in spite of several missed spots and clear examples of miscommunication, Christian and Remo put on a decent match with each other. Control of the match whip-sawed back and forth, with both men scoring near falls. Christian even looked to have the whole thing sewn up, with Remo set up for a Leap of Faith. But before Christian could hit it, Remo blocked the move and put him down with a Lumbar Puncture.

 

WINNER: Remo in 12:47

RATING: C+

 

3) Angry Gilmore appeared on screen with the North American Championship draped over his shoulder. He had his head down for a moment as if he were deep in thought. Then he speared the camera with an angry glare.

 

“We’ve all seen how Eric’s been behaving for the last several weeks. He’s been playing the victim card like crazy, and then in every match he’s resorted to dirty tricks to get his wins. We shouldn’t be surprised by this behavior. Eric has always believed that this company is his birthright. Well, tonight, Eric is in for an attitude adjustment. He thinks he’ll be waltzing out of that ring with my title belt. He’s sadly mistaken. Tonight’s not gonna go well for you, Eric. That’s a promise.”

RATING: B

 

4) Marat Khoklov stomped out to the ring. Strange thing, even though he’s much bigger than Remo, Remo looked much more like a dangerous predator than Marat. He bellowed something at the crowd and ripped at the ropes, shaking them so hard it looked like they were about to be torn free from the turnbuckle.

 

RATING: B-

 

5) NAT CARPENTER vs. MARAT KHOKLOV

 

I was the sacrificial lamb this month. Marat let me punch him in the gut a few times but shrugged off the blows. Then he spent the better part of the match mopping the mat with me before dropping me with a Moscow Lariat.

 

WINNER: Marat Khoklov in 4:06

RATING: C-

 

6) Rogue was walking backstage. He pounded on one of the locker room doors. “Emma? C’mon, we gotta go out to the ring. BJ booked me in a match with Marshall Dillon and I want you there to keep an eye on things.” There was no answer. He banged on the door again. “Emma!”

 

He opened the door and stepped inside. He froze in the doorway. Emma had hung up a poster of Jack Bruce on one of the lockers and had pressed herself up against it. She ran her hand along his chest, almost as if he was really standing there. She cooed something at the poster under her breath. She leaned in close to kiss it, but then turned around and saw Rogue standing there. She let out a little shriek and scurried out of the locker room. Rogue watched her flee, then stepped into the room and snorted at the poster. He ripped it off the locker and threw it away.

 

RATING: B

 

7) MARSHALL DILLON vs. ROGUE

 

Rogue stared at Emma the whole way down to the ring. Emma wouldn’t meet his gaze. Duane commented that Rogue should get his head in the game. That proved good advice when Marshall struck from behind the moment the bell rang. Rogue was off for most of the match and the announcers did their best to cover for him. Eventually, Rogue snapped out of it and managed to catch Marshall with a Crashing On for the pin and the win.

 

WINNER: Rogue in 4:35

RATING: C

 

8) A video played, recapping the on-going feud between Lobster Warrior and Joe Sexy.

 

RATING: C+

 

9) LOBSTER WARRIOR vs. JOE SEXY

 

Joe was, unfortunately, off his game tonight. The announcers tried to cover up for him by saying that he was “taken aback by Lobster Warrior’s fierce offense.” And Lobby did strike first and did his level best to take Joe out. But Joe managed to rally and soon had complete control of the match and his opponent. He finally put Lobby down with a One Night Stand.

 

WINNER: Joe Sexy in 11:36

RATING: B-

 

10) Joe wasn’t done with Lobby yet. He spent a while stomping Lobby on the mat and generally beating him bloody. But then he rolled out of the ring and retrieved one of Lobby’s prop claws. He brought it back into the ring and ripped it to pieces, then tossed the remains onto Lobby’s chest.

 

RATING: C+

 

11) The Pain Alliance came out to the ring with their belts. Big Scott Smack got on the mic and basically proceeded to suck the air out of the arena by delivering a wandering, incomprehensible promo on the Bumfholes. Seriously, I’m not even sure what he was trying to say but clearly, he left the crowd feeling lost and confused.

 

RATING: C-

 

12) THE AMAZING BUMFHOLES vs. THE PAIN ALLIANCE © for the SWF Tag Team Championship

 

Scott didn’t recover his wits in the match either. He missed a few spots and generally seemed out of it. I wondered for a moment if I should do some drug testing there but figured that I’d be pressing my luck. The Bumfholes tried to capitalize on Scott’s distracted nature and, for a while there, looked primed and ready to take the whole match. But then Kurt surprised everyone by hitting a Switchblade Powerslam on Zimmy out of nowhere for the win.

 

WINNERS: The Pain Alliance in 11:58

RATING: C+

 

13) Steve Frehley appeared on screen with the title.

 

“So here we are, Vengeance. ‘Nothing to Lose,’ just you, me, and a title belt between us. Only here’s the thing. We both have something to lose and we know it. I have the most obvious thing to lose: my title. I mean, I love being the SWF World Heavyweight Champ. It’s an honor and a privilege and I don’t want to give this up.

 

“But you . . . you have something to lose as well. You claim to be all about justice and righteousness. You’re quick to judge us all as wanting and you hold yourself up as a paragon of virtue. But when I pin you and the ref counts 1-2-3, and you have to leave that ring without this belt, everyone will see you for what you are: a fraud. A fake. A phony. Just some guy with a skull mask and a chip on his shoulders. And no one will show you any mercy.”

RATING: B

 

14) We jumped to a picture of Marat Khoklov lying in a pool of his own blood backstage. It looked like he had been jumped and beaten pretty badly. Medics swarmed into the scene, leaving Peter Michaels to wonder who would have the stones to attack the monster like that? Duane said the better question to ask was who would be able to take Marat Khoklov out?

 

RATING: B

 

15) ANGRY GILMORE © vs. ERIC EISEN for the SWF North American Championship

 

Eric sauntered out to the ring with a smug smirk on his face. At first, I thought it was just because he exercised his creative control clause and forced me to book things his way. But no, I quickly realized that he was sending me a message. He phoned in his entire performance. His blows had no snap to them, he no-sold most of Angry’s offense, and the whole time he looked rather bored with the proceedings. Finally, Eric lazily rolled Angry into a small package and kept him down with a handful of tights.

 

WINNER: Eric Eisen in 17:44

RATING: C+

 

16) Eric finally came to life and danced around the ring with the North American Championship belt in his hand. It was certainly a change from his earlier attitude. But then, toward the end of his antics, he paused and stared at the cameras with that same smug smirk. Something tells me he was trying to send me a message.

 

RATING: B-

 

17) Vengeance appeared backstage in a dark corner of the arena, a large chain wrapped around his waist, chest, and neck. He worked the links through his fingers, punctuating his sentences with the clinking of the chain.

 

“Steve Frehley, you have been judged and been found wanting. This comes as no surprise to any who have seen you in the ring. For we all know that you have been coaxing and gliding and resting on your laurels. But now the time has come to rip you from your perch and show you to be the fraud we all know you are.

 

“You rightfully say that tonight’s show title is a lie for you and me, that we both have something to lose. And you are correct. But it is not I who has to fear a loss. It is you. And you will lose more than the title tonight. No, tonight you will lose the facade that you have been cowering behind. You will be exposed for the fraud that you are. May you find mercy after your fall, but tonight, you shall find none from me.”

 

RATING: B-

 

18) JACK BRUCE vs. BRANDON JAMES

 

These two made my night. They really poured their hearts and souls into what they were doing and amped up the crowd with every second. Brandon seemed particularly confident, especially with Emma at his side, but his confidence started to waver when it became clear that Emma was more interested in watching Jack than him. There were a few times when Brandon rolled out of the ring to chew Emma out and demand that she get her head back in the game.

 

Jack took advantage of the distraction, mostly by knocking Brandon around the ring. He threw a few smoldering looks toward Emma, especially at the end of the match when he dropped Brandon with a New York Minute.

 

WINNER: Jack Bruce in 14:13

RATING: B

 

19) Brandon had a hard time getting up after the match. He finally managed to roll out of the ring and Emma did her best to help him get backstage. As soon as they reached the ring entrance, though, Jack got on the mic.

 

“Hey, Emma! I’ve got something to say to you!”

 

Emma turned, her face bright and expectant.

 

“The next time you sign a contract, you might want to do a better job of reading it! See, buried deep in the boilerplate on page . . . I think it was six? Well, whatever. There was a clause that stipulated that if I won tonight—which I did—Valiant would be able to name three matches of his choice against your clients. So congratulations are in order. I think you just gave Valiant his shot at Rogue!”

 

Emma’s face went pale and Brandon glared down at her. She quickly turned him around and walked him out of the arena.

 

RATING: B

 

20) Steve Frehley came out of his locker room to head for the ring for the main event. But he found himself face-to-face with Christian Faith. Christian apologized for his actions and his attitude the past couple of weeks. He said that earlier, Remo had force-fed him some much needed humble pie. “So you go out there and you show everyone why you deserve to have that belt.”

 

Steve nodded and went on his way, but from Christian’s expression, it was kind of clear that he still didn’t think Steve did deserve to have it.

RATING: B-

 

21) STEVE FREHLEY © vs. VENGEANCE for the SWF World Heavyweight Championship

 

Darn it. We peaked a little too early. I had hoped these two could put together a good, long match that really told a good story, but instead, these to wound up flailing and floundering a little. Both of them did a poor job of selling each other’s offense and they clearly hadn’t put together a good enough story. It sort of focused on Vengeance trying to keep Steve grounded (“A good move, since that would mean Steve couldn’t hit the Frehley’s Comet,” Duane observed). But there were plenty of times when one of them could have gotten the win but didn’t.

 

In the end, Steve managed to rally and got up on the top turnbuckle to hit Vengeance with a Frehley’s Comet for the pin and the win.

 

WINNER: Steve Frehley in 30:38

RATING: C+

 

22) Steve staggered around the ring for a moment or two, clutching the title to his chest. But then Remo’s music hit. Steve seemed distraught at the idea of facing Remo right there. Remo came out to the top of the ramp and stood there, staring at Steve. His expression didn’t change at all. He almost looked like a stone statue of a vengeful god, glaring at the ring.

 

Steve stood in the ring, braced for a fight. But when Remo didn’t move, Steve slid out of the ring and went back up the ramp. He gave Remo a wide berth. Remo still didn’t make a move toward the champ. He did turn to glare at him until Steve disappeared into the backstage. And then, without saying a word, Remo walked backstage as well.

 

RATING: A

 

THE AFTERMATH

 

I gathered the locker room together near the craft services table.

 

“All right, folks, that was a pretty good show! I think we took a positive step forward from last month and I’m excited about the direction we’re going.

 

“Right now, though, I want to single out two people . . . or would that be double out?” Nobody laughed at the attempted joke. “Two of you did some excellent work tonight, and that’s Jack and Brandon. You guys are awesome. They aren’t even in a title hunt, but given the way they tore into each other tonight, you’d think they were chasing gold. You guys are awesome and I think the rest of you can learn from their example.”

The workers applauded and cheered. Angry Gilmore clapped Jack and Brandon on the back.

 

“That’s especially true of Eric Eisen.”

 

It was as if the air had been sucked from the room. People goggled at me as I turned to stare at the boss’s son.

 

“I don’t know how many of you saw what Eric did tonight, but I have to tell you, I expected better of him. I don’t know why Eric thinks he’s entitled to anything in this company. He certainly doesn’t seem to have the work ethic to match the attitude. And from what I’ve seen, he doesn’t have the talent either. The way he behaved in the ring tonight was terrible, and as someone who’s supposed to be part of the company’s power structure, I think he’d want to set a better example than what he did. Quite frankly, I haven’t seen anything that makes me believe that he deserves that title. The only reason why he has it is because I was contractually obligated to give it to him. If it were up to me, he would have lost tonight. And the next night. And the next night. And so on, until he was nothing more than a curtain jerker. Shape up, Eric.”

 

People had sidled away from Eric, who looked about ready to blow his cork.

 

“But let’s not let the actions of one small, petty man drag us down. Let’s keep up the positive momentum, all right? Let’s show our fans why the SWF should always be #1.”

 

FINAL RATING: B-

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SWF Notes:

 

Joe Sexy squirmed in the chair across from me. His contract had come due and rather than just sign it and return it, he said he wanted to talk. I tried to put him at ease, but he clearly wasn’t comfortable. Maybe it was blowback from eviscerating Eric the other night. Whatever it was, I was worried.

 

“It’s not that I want to jump anywhere else,” Joe said, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s just . . . I’m starting to feel the wear and tear, y’know? Nat, I can’t keep up with the kids anymore. If you want me to re-sign, then you gotta take something off the table.”

 

“Like what?” I asked.

 

“Like let me do only major TV shows or better? I can’t keep goin’ out to the house shows, as much fun as they might be, I just can’t. Do you think we can retool things so I only do TV and pay-per-views?”

 

I chuckled. “I think we can arrange that, but I have to warn you, Joe, that isn’t going to be the vacation you think it is. I just got word. We’ve got the go-ahead to put SWF Uprising on USA Sports 1. And I just inked a deal to get our big events on Selección México. Still want to re-sign?”

 

Joe smirked. “I think that’ll be just great.”

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SWF Supreme TV

Tuesday of Week 3, February 2013

Live on C.A.N.N; Rating of 12.15

Held at Isaak Road Arena in the Mid Atlantic Territory; 13,718 in attendance

 

When I arrived at the arena, I found most of the locker room crowded out in the hallways. I wove through the people and noticed the sour looks on their faces. I quickly understood why. A rancid smell wafted through the hallway, clearly coming from one of the locker rooms. I gagged. Had someone set off a stink bomb? I found the Chief and shot him a questioning look.

 

He scowled. “Ask Eisen.”

 

Eric. I should have known. Taking a deep breath through my mouth, I stepped through the locker room door.

 

Much to my surprise, I didn’t find Eric. Instead, Jerry sat on the bench, his face flaming red.

 

“Jerry?” I looked around. “What happened?”

 

Jerry swallowed hard. “I . . . well, I stopped for some stir fry on the way over and I guess the broccoli didn’t exactly agree with me.”

 

I groaned. This all came from him? That couldn’t possibly be healthy. “Look, son, I’m not one to tell you what you can eat or can’t eat before a show, but remember, we’re all in tight quarters here and you gotta watch out for your buddies, y’know? That’s why, just maybe—”

 

Jerry snorted and rolled his eyes. “Oh, give me a break. It’s a natural bodily function. Everyone just needs to loosen up.” He slapped his thighs and strode out of the room.

 

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose. Not a good start to the night.

 

+++

 

Peter, Jerry, and Duane welcomed everyone to the show.

 

1) Steve Frehley’s entrance music hit and the champ strode down the ramp. He took a moment to bask in the applause before he got on the mic.

 

“That’s right, everyone. Steve Frehley is in Isaak Road Arena, and he is still the SWF World Heavyweight Champ! I know that no one expected it, especially not Vengeance. But now there should be absolutely no doubt about whether or not I deserve to hold this belt. But why stop there? I know there are a ton of guys who want what I have. All I have to say to them is get in line, boys, because I’m not going anywhere. And neither is this belt.”

 

Rich Money’s entrance music interrupted the champ. Rich strolled out to the top of the ramp and waved to the crowd before he smirked at Steve.

 

“Steve, Steve, Steve. Such bravado is so unbecoming a champion. Yes, you defated Vengeance, and good for you. But as the champ, it’s beneath you to be so . . . so pugnacious. As the champ, you should live it up. Like I did and still do. For example, I just returned for a month long jaunt on my yacht. I spent weeks in the lap of luxury, luxury I earned because I am so good. I am champion caliber. And perhaps it’s the lingering effects of the sea air, but I am feeling a bit ready for some fisticuffs. Perhaps it’s time that I reclaimed that belt once again.”

 

Steve stared at Rich for a few moments. “I have no idea what you just said, but if you’re challenging me to a fight, then I’m all for it. You and me, tonight.”

 

RATING: C+

 

2) Valiant came out to the ring and got the mic. “It’s been a long road, folks. A long road. I’ve been waiting for what seems like years to get my hands on Rogue. I’ve wanted answers from him for a long time. But it didn’t look like I’d get those answers ever, not so long as he hid behind his pals in the Chase Agency.

 

“But thanks to my pal, Jack Bruce, I’ll finally get those answers. But the one thing I've learned, it’s patience. I’ll get to Rogue, just not yet. First, I’m thinking I need to settle the score. Jack’s gotten me three matches with the Chase Agency, and I intend to use them.”

 

RATING: B-

 

3) VALIANT vs. SQUEAKY McCLEAN

 

A pretty decent match. Valiant looked to be on fire the whole time, leading Duane to wonder if maybe he was picturing someone else as being in the ring with him. Squeaky managed to rally twice and, at one point, looked poised to take Valiant down, but then Valiant rallied and put Squeaky away with the V-Split.

 

WINNER: Valiant in 11:11

RATING: C

 

4) Valiant’s celebration was short lived, though, as the Chase Agency’s anthem sliced through the arena. Emma stalked out with her boys in tow.

 

“I hate to throw cold water on you, Valiant, but things aren’t going to be that simple. Not by a long shot. We all know that Jack Bruce tricked me. There’s no way I would have ever agreed to that contract. And so we’re taking you and Jack to court. We’ll let a judge sort this out. So enjoy your win. It’s the only one you’ll be getting for a while.”

 

RATING: B-

 

5) I was by the craft services table, putting together a bite to eat, when Enforcer Roberts stepped up close to me. I looked Enforcer over for a moment. “Can I help you?”

 

“Yes, actually, you can,” Kristen Pearce said, sidling up next to Enforcer. “See, Enforcer Roberts is my newest client, and he’s been hired by Marat Khoklov to get to the bottom of who attacked him this last Thursday. And Enforcer and I talked it over, and we realized that if we wanted to find the culprit, we had to start with you.”

 

I laughed. “Why would I want to mess with him? Didn’t you see how he destroyed me?”

 

“That’s exactly why you attacked him,” Kristen said. “Revenge. You couldn’t beat him fair in the ring, so you took out your frustrations on him afterwards. Just confess, Nat. Khoklov promised he wouldn’t hold a grudge.”

 

I looked between Kristen and Enforcer. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I didn’t attack him. I have no idea who did?”

 

Enforcer flexed his muscles for a moment and stepped even closer.

 

“Yeah, Enforcer and I don’t buy that. If you’re not going to confess on your own, I guess we’ll have to beat it out of you. See you in the ring, Nat.”

 

RATING: C-

 

6) THE AWESOMENESS vs. NEW BLOOD

 

Peter tried to sell this as a match between the newest generation of the SWF. And the kids did a good job putting on a solid match. Problem was, the crowd just didn’t care. They sat on their hands pretty much the whole way through until Spencer Spade pinned Huey Cannonball with a Supreme Stunner.

 

WINNERS: New Blood in 7:30

RATING: D

 

7) Angry Gilmore stormed out to the ring. He looked absolutely furious. He got the mic but then paced from post to post. Then he stopped and glared out into the camera.

 

“Ever since Thursday, everyone wants to know the same thing. What do I think of what Eric did? Did I know he was cheating when he pinned me? How does that make me feel?

 

“I think you all know how that made me feel.”

 

The crowd roared in response.

 

“So Eric, enjoy your little victory for now, because when I get done with you, you’re going to be nothing more than a stain on the mat, you little piece of—”

 

Angry was interrupted by Marc DuBois, who strode out to the ring entrance.

 

“Oh, boo hoo, Angry. Didums lose his title? Tough [-bleeped by the network-], man. You ask me, you got what was coming to you. Whining about it now isn’t going to make anyone feel sorry for you, and it sure isn’t going to get you your title back. Time to move on.”

 

Angry looked like he had turned to granite. Then his upper lip twitched. He slowly raised the mic to his lips and stood for a moment before he spoke. “Sounds like good advice to me.”

 

Then Angry dropped the mic on the mat and vaulted out of the ring. He charged up the ramp and grabbed Marc and the two of them started to brawl. Angry eventually managed to drag him down to the ring and a ref ran out to oversee this impromptu match.

 

RATING: C

 

8) ANGRY GILMORE vs. MARC DuBOIS

 

For a while there, it looked like this was just going to be a fight. The ref had to struggle for the early minutes to get Angry and Marc under control. Eventually, though, things settled down and the two men put on a pretty good match. Marc seemed content with mocking Angry every chance he got, but Angry remained focused and determined, finally nailing Marc with the Anger Management.

 

WINNER: Angry Gilmore in 12:05

RATING: B

 

9) NAT CARPENTER vs. ENFORCER ROBERTS

 

I think Enforcer and I put on a decent match. It was almost a technical clinic. True, it wasn’t the flashiest of matches, but the crowd still got into it, sort of. Kristen played a factor at ringside a few times, distracting both the ref and me at key points. But even still, I managed to tie up Enforcer in the middle with a triangle choke. Enforcer tried to break free, but he eventually had to tap.

 

WINNER: Nat Carpenter in 8:24

RATING: C+

 

10) Joe Sexy appeared on screen, a big smile on his face.

 

“And thus the legend of the Lobster Warrior died. Time to hang it up, ‘Lobby.’ We’ve gotten a peek at the man behind the curtain and we know just how pathetic you are. Why kid yourself any longer. You’re not a hero. You’re not an inspiration. You’re nothing.”

 

RATING: C

 

11) STEVE FREHLEY © vs. RICH MONEY for the SWF World Heavyweight Championship

 

This turned out to be a pleasant surprise. Steve and Rich left it all in the ring and really got the crowd on their feet. True, they didn’t sell as well as they could have, but the announcers were able to pass it off as a clash of titans, true giants in the ring. Steve especially seemed determined to win, but Duane noted that Rich seemed a bit reserved, almost casual in how he approached things. He was clearly toying with Steve for a while, leading Duane to wonder what he had up his sleeve.

 

We found out at the end of the match. Remo charged the ring and attacked Steve. Rich seemed shocked by this and stared, aghast, as the ref declared the match over.

 

WINNER: Steve Frehley by DQ in 14:37

RATING: B+

 

12) Rich got in Remo’s face and shouted something at him. But then Remo palmed Rich’s face and shoved him out of the way. The show ended with Remo pounding the life out of Steve.

 

RATING: B

 

THE AFTERMATH

 

If this is the results, maybe I need to have Jerry Eisen fart in the locker room before every show.

 

FINAL RATING: B

 

TCW Total Wrestling: B-

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