The McMahons must be Crazy: WWE in 2014.

Visser Three · May 5, 2016

This is a game I've been wanting to do for some time, so finally, I am.

It's the night after Wrestlemania XXX, and the fan's rebellion has forced WWE to put the title on internet darling Daniel Bryan. Vince McMahon is left stunned, as he was convinced that Batista/Orton would be the match of the century. Scrambling to come up with an explanation, he overhears an off-hand comment about how Batista's Rumble win was pretty predictable, and latches onto it. Predictability! That's what the people are objecting to!

So, he decides, he'll deal with that problem. What's less predictable than a match NO-ONE (except the ref and the wrestlers) knows the finish to. Not even the announcers! Not even the show's writers! You can't be too predictable if the fans don't know what's going on!

He waits in the Gorilla position before every match, to tell the performers the finish, leading them to be the only two people who know what's going to happen. The Raw after Wrestlemania, our show begins.

(Out of Universe rules)

So, here's the deal. The winner of each match is determined at random, with a roll of 20 sided die. They get bonuses for popularity, momentum, holding championships, being the company figurehead, cashing in the MITB, and a fairly small bonus for "Booker's Favor." That's to tilt things slightly more in the favor of, say, a midcarder who's in a story vs a midcarder not in one, and similar things. I'm limiting myself to invoking it at most once per show. If you want me to explain the specifics, I'd be happy to edit those into here.

The reason I'm not leaving this entirely up to the AI is that I still have to write segments and such that take place AFTER each match, where hypothetical booker me does know how it came out.

All that combined means that while it's random, it's not totally unpredictable.

At any given time (after Extreme Rules) there must be a minimum of

1) WWE Championship story

2) US Title Story

3) Intercontinental Title Story

4) Tag Title Story

5) Divas Title Story

6) 1 Main Event vs Main Event story

7) 1 Main Event vs Upper Midcarder story

8) 1 Upper Midcarder vs Midcarder story

The matches are determined with Roll + Bonuses. In an elimination match, the order is determined from lowest to highest roll.

In a tag team match, all competitor's bonuses are added together to make the team bonus. In a handicap match, however, the average bonus of the wrestlers involved is taken, with a +2 for each additional wrestler.

Also remember I can determine HOW matches play out. So a guy could 'win' off a bad finish, or interference, if that's how the dice play out.

Additionally, at some point I'm probably going to make WWE an intergender fed, because I tend to forget its women's division exists. Other minor note, this mod started me off on April 1st, even though I wanted this to be after Wrestlemania. All that means is that there's one extra Raw and Smackdown before Extreme Rules comes around.

Now, without too much further ado: The McMahons must be Crazy.

Visser Three · May 5, 2016

Raw Preview:

Usos vs 3MB

Batista vs Big E

SHIELD vs Rybaxel and Brock Lesnar

Natalya vs Layla

Daniel Bryan © vs Randy Orton for WWE Championship.

crackerjack · May 5, 2016

I'll bite on this one

Usos vs 3MB

Batista vs Big E

SHIELD vs Rybaxel and Brock Lesnar

Natalya vs Layla

Daniel Bryan © vs Randy Orton for WWE Championship.

Warhawk8492 · May 5, 2016

Usos vs 3MB

Batista vs Big E

SHIELD vs Rybaxel and Brock Lesnar

Natalya vs Layla

Daniel Bryan © vs Randy Orton for WWE Championship.

Hitman74 · May 6, 2016

Usos vs 3MB

Batista vs Big E

SHIELD vs Rybaxel and Brock Lesnar

Natalya vs Layla

Daniel Bryan © vs Randy Orton for WWE Championship.

Visser Three · May 7, 2016

(Gonna try out a few different ways of writing this, but as it is, just a brief summary seems to go the fastest)

Daniel Bryan Opening

Ride of the Valkyries plays, and the crowd cheers wildly for Daniel Bryan as he celebrates on his way to the ring, holding his WWE championship titles. After basking in the flood of "Yes! Yes! Yes!," Bryan thanks the fans, and reminds them that this championship isn't about him, this is about the WWE Universe, and that his victory is a victory for everyone in the building. He gives them sincere thanks for all their love and support, and says that, even if he retired tonight, he could do so happily, knowing that he'd finally made it to the top. He tells the audience how hard he's worked, thanks them for their support even though he knows that the Authority always tried to push him down. He then pivots, saying that he knows that not everyone will get the chance to do what he's done, that some ended up pushed down too long. Just as it seems he's about to mention CM Punk by name, Stephanie's music hits.

A*

Stephanie's Interruption

Stephanie does her sarcastic clapping, and congratulates Bryan on his victory. She says that she didn't believe he could do it, but he really has shown everyone just what a top quality performer he is. She was really impressed by the endurance to go through the two matches that he went through, and still come out as the WWE Champion. In fact, she was going to give the champion the night off, but that feat of endurance so impressed her, that instead, she's decided she's going to allow Randy Orton to enact his rematch clause, right here tonight, because that, she informs us, is what's best for business. Bryan responds that Stephanie never seems to get it, and that the Yes Movement is not going to be held down by anything. He asks the audience if they want to see him kick Randy Orton's ass a second time tonight. Naturally, this gets a see of "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

A

Batista requests a match with Bryan.

Backstage, Batista is seen arguing with Triple H. Batista says that he only came back for a shot at the WWE title, which he earned, and yet, despite earning, he never got. Triple H tells Batista that he did, in fact, earn a shot at the title at the royal rumble, and he got that shot. It's not Triple H's fault that Batista failed, and if he wants a second shot at the title, he's going to have to earn it again, just like anyone else would. But, Triple H adds, he does respect Batista, and their history together, so if Batista is that determined to get championship gold here in the WWE, he'll make sure he gets that chance.

A

Bray Wyatt/John Cena Segment

Cena's entrance music plays, and he comes down to the ring, microphone in hand. He talks about how hard he had to fight to stop Bray Wyatt, and how he almost gave in to the dark side, but he didn't. He hopes that this lays things to rest between him and Wyatt. Just then, the Wyatts do their 'Bazzap-zzap!' thing, and now they're standing in the ring, facing Cena. John tells Bray that they really did have one hell of a fight last night. Bray responds that yes, they did, and not only that, he knows, and Cena knows, the real reason Cena won, and 'didn't go tot he dark side.' He lost because he was too worried about his 'boys.' He tells Harper and Rowan to step back, because this is between him and John alone, now. They do as he tells him, and Wyatt and Cena stare each-other down. After a few seconds, Cena asks if he's going to do something. Wyatt just responds "Not yet." The Wyatt graphic reappears for a moment. When the video comes back, Cena's alone in the ring. We cut to commercial.

A*

Usos vs 3MB.

We return to our first match of the show, and the Usos are already wrestling the Three Man Band. It plays out as a pretty standard Tag Team match, with not much to write home about in any direction. Jey plays the Ricky Morton role for a while, before hitting a superkick that hangs Slater up on the ropes. He gets the hot tag, but it allows McIntyre into the ring. Jimmy runs wild, hitting a superkick on McIntyre, a second on Slater that knocks him over the rope, and then a third that hits him down to the floor. He gets a near-fall by covering McIntyre, but McIntyre gets up. He throws McIntyre into the corner to do their double-team splash move, but the ref doesn't see the tag (he's arguing with Jinder that he can't tag himself in because the freebird rule doesn't apply mid-match,) and neither does he see Slater jump up and low-blow Jey who's on the top rope. He does, however, see the quick roll-up by McIntyre which gives the Three Man Band the win.

C-

3MB bicker with Heyman Guys.

After the rather surprising victory by the Three Man Band, Slater takes the stick and starts to go on about how they're now the best team in the WWE, because they just defeated the Tag Team Champions, who had almost run out of opponents in the division. He makes the rather questionable argument that this means that they have literally defeated every other tag team in WWE. Then Rybaxel's music hits, and they come out, accompanied by Paul Heyman. Ryback warns them that, in fact, Ryaxel is the best group in WWE, Slater asks WHY they're such a great team, and Ryback gives a simple answer. They're Paul Heyman guys.

C+

Lesnar attacks 3MB.

That announcement is the cue for something big to happen, and here it comes, The Beast Incarnate, Brock Lesnar rushes the ring. He throws suplexes at everyone, including literally throwing both Mahal and Slater out of the ring, and damn near F5ing McIntyre before the scotsman slips out and the group run off. Lesnar is as intimidating as ever, and the 3MB are pretty good at flying around when he attacks them, until they're chased down the ramp near Rybaxel. Ryback and Axel stand in their way for a moment, but then stop to the side, and 3MB are gone.

D-

Lesnar attacks the Usos

Now the Usos are up, and they put up what could almost be called a fight against the "One in 21-1." They're even able to get him backing up a bit, but he no-sells a superkick, and goes on the attack. Going on the attack for Lesnar naturally means trying to grab one of them up for an F5. Jey is up, and Jimmy tries to save him, which goes about as well for him as you'd expect. In an impressive feat of strength even considering their size, Lesnar grabs both of them onto his shoulders, and hits the pair with a double-F5, leaving them laying in the ring as they cut to commercial.

C-

Batista vs Big E.

We come back from the break and find out exactly what Triple H meant by Batista showing himself worthy of championship gold in WWE, as he faces off with the current Intercontinental champion, Big E Langston. Despite being, well, not to put too fine a point on it, the Intercontinental Champion, Big E actually ends up giving "The Animal" a surprisingly competitive match, kicking out of two batista bombs and hitting his finisher. Batista sells his growing rage throughout the match, and his frustration at his inability to put Langston down for good, and finally manages it with a batista bomb that hurt to watch.

B

Triple H argues with The Shield.

The Shield comes down to the ring, and say that they were impressed by Daniel Bryan's performance last night at Wrestlemaniam, leaning on the fourth wall by saying that it should have been the main event all along. They promise that since tonight, we'll be getting the match we always should have had, they'll be at ringside to make sure that the Authority and their lackies don't interfere. Then Triple H's music hits, and he comes out to argue with the Shield. He says they sound pretty confident, and if they're so sure that they're the greatest trio in WWE, they should prove it. He's booking them in a match with the "Heyman Guys" of Ryback and Curtis Axel, and he adds that he suspects he knows who their third man will be.

B-

SHIELD vs Heyman Guys.

The SHIELD came into this with a gameplan, and retrospectively it's a pretty obvious one. Ambrose and Rollins immediately drop away from their corner, and go around to try to grab Lesnar. They start beating on the Beast Incarnate, and are generally only barely able to keep him in hand, while Ryback and Axel have to fight Roman on their own, essentially turning this into a two-on-one tag team handicap match. They put up a pretty good fight, but after Reigns superman punches Axel back down into the melee outside the ring, he's able to get the pin on Ryback with a spear, just as Lesnar escapes Rollins and Ambrose's attack.

B

Lesnar-Reigns beatdown.

When the bell rings, Lesnar seems to snap. He's able to push Rollins and Ambrose aside, F-5ing them both, and goes right after Roman in the ring. While Heyman laughs on the outside, he grabs Roman and forces him into a Kimura lock, a move which has been known to break people's arms. Roman taps out, but Lesnar keeps it going for a while, before he's finally pulled away. Roman gets stretchered out, with his SHIELD team-mates beside him. Lesnar's able to play up his sadistic side, Heyman does the clapping in the background, and Rybaxel wisely step out of the way to let the big stars of this match have the spotlight.

A

Triple H/Batista argument.

Batista's backstage with Triple H, asking if his victory means that he's going to get his title match now. Triple H tells him that he was happy to see his victory, and he was pretty impressed by it, but he also expected Batista to do better. Besides, he adds, that was just the first test he had in mind. Besides, Langston is good, but there are other people that he'd want Batista to test himself aganst, and quite honestly, considering how Batista performed, he's not sure how well he'll do. Batista is furious over his continued refused title shot, and storms out.

B-

Natalya vs Layla.

We get a pretty standard match from the women's division, and by that I mean too short and too meaningless to be particularly interesting, even if the in-ring action shows promise that it at least COULD be good if it was given a chance. Natalya is as skilled in the ring as ever, and is able to carry Layla to a pretty good match despite the limited time to perform and Layla's less than perfect in-ring skills. Layla picks up the win at the end of this one, though whether that means she's being set up for a title challenge or they just wanted to fill time, is unclear.

C+

The Shield Handheld Segment

We get one of the SHIELD's signature hand-held backstage segments, though this time they seem to be in the back of an ambulance. They say that Triple H may think that he's taken care of this situation, by taking them away from the main event, but that can only keep them away for so long. Seth warns Triple H that he better not think of trying to rig the main event against Orton, because even if Roman's arm is broken, it will heal, and Trips will wish it hadn't. Ambrose has his title on his shoulder, and says that the thing he likes so much about the WWE's title belts is how heavy they are, and how the detailing ont hem makes them like sandpaper, that if you dragged it across someone's brow they'd bleed like crazy. Then he laughs. Roman tells Triple H to believe that.

B+

The MIZ insults The Big SHow for not being Giant enough.

He is the Miz, and he's... Here to insult Big Show, actually. He comes out and mocks The Big Show for being unable to win the Andre the Giant battle royal. He obliquely reminds Big Show of the whole "Son of Andre the Giant" gimmick he had going on, and questions how he can even call himself a giant if he lost that match. Big Show's music hits, and he runs down to the ring, attacking the Miz. Miz is able to escape him before he gets too hurt, and Big Show celebrates running The Miz off in the ring.

B-

WWE Championship Match Randy Orton vs Daniel Bryan.

Now we get what a lot of people hoped would be the Wrestlemania main event. Unfortunately, it proves to be a good thing we didn't get it, as Bryan and Orton are all over the place with their timing. They do their best, but it's unfortunately clear that they just don't work well together. They're good enough to put on a good match despite the miscues, though. As one would hope, it ends with Bryan standing tall, celebrating another victory for the crowd after one of his running knee kick things. The YES! movement stands tall, and basically makes up for the at times less than incredible match.

B

Show Rating: A

Visser Three · May 7, 2016

This is my first time doing something like this, so thanks for your patience. And, of course, congrats to Crackerjack, for successfully predicting every match on the card.

Smackdown Preview:

RVD vs Christian

Big E vs Alberto del Rio

Layla vs Emma

Evolution vs Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Jey Uso.

Warhawk8492 · May 7, 2016

RVD vs Christian

Big E vs Alberto del Rio

Layla vs Emma

Evolution vs Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Jey Uso.

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The McMahons must be Crazy: WWE in 2014.

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