ToWW: Laugh Until it Hurts

[Astil]

Because I just can't stay away... [COLOR="Green"]"Mr. Avatar,"[/COLOR] I looked up from the card I had written on a napkin from Joey's Pizza and Pub. Preston Holt was standing right above me, looking at his watch. [COLOR="Green"]"Thirty minutes until curtain. Perhaps you should make a speech?"[/COLOR] I downed the scotch and shook my head a bit, not quite used to the burn. In that second I thought briefly about what 2007 was supposed to be. I had gotten the biggest break of my life, getting to go to Japan to run the book for 5SSW. They said they wanted a fresh new direction. I ran two highly rated shows, gave Destruction Inc. the tag title that they so obviously deserved, and set up Thunder Hike for title run 5 or 6. I forget. The important thing is, I was fired. Two shows into the biggest gig of my career, and Bye Bye Jack. Completely my fault, of course. I hadn't had a drink before I got to Japan. Went out to celebrate the big news of growing a size. Had a bit too much crappy Sake. Yuma Whatsherface and I went back to my office and cuddled for like...three hours. Very intense cuddling. Apparently that's grounds for termination. Yuma still has her All Asian title, little b*tch. Anyway, for about a week, I drank. After I drank I passed out. When I woke up, I ran to the packi for more drinks. Eventually Mama Avatar told me to get a job. Unlucky for me all I know how to do is book wrestling shows. Lucky for me, 5SSW paid me quite a bit to keep quiet. My firing was explained as a 'failed expiriment'. With that money I started Tree of Woe Wrestling. I made a ****ty logo in paint, and hired anyone who'd work for my 'vision'. What was my vision? How would I strike back at the wrestling world. What would ToWW stand for? Hardcore Comedy Wrestling. [quote="ToWW Woe is Me! 2007] Captain Perez (Frankie Perez) vs. Neighborhood Ninja (Roderick Remus) Canadian Gangsta (Slim V) vs. Gamblin' Waldo Odlaw (Wierd Waldo Odlaw) Hellion Cubed vs. Kombantants for the ToWW Tag Team 4 Way Hardcore Match for the ToWW Woe World Wrestling [/quote]

[Astil]

[IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/ToWW.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/RemmingtonRemus.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/DukeHazzard.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/PrestonHolt.jpg[/IMG] Roderick Remus: Hello ladies and gentlemen of the internet! Welcome to ToWW Woe is Me! Duke Hazzard: Is that not just the worst pun ya'll ever heard? Preston Holt: Might be, but if our creative teams every inch the lame I've seen them to be, it'll get worse. Remus: If I may, I'd just like to say that the Skid Row Club here in lovely Rhode Island is ready for the debut of ToWW. Holt: Tree of Woe Wrestling, for those who don't know. Hazzard: Shut yer traps, here comes the boss. Remus: Indeed, Steve Supreme is in the ring, ready to address the fans. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/JackAvatar.jpg[/IMG] Steve Supreme: Welcome to my show, Tree of Woe Wrestling. Welcome to Woe is Me! Hazzard: He actually says that name with pride. Supreme: Tonight we have some great matchups. We have Candian Gansta taking on Gamblin' Waldo Odlaw. Holt: That's a hardcore match. Supreme: We'll also have the ToWW Tag Team Championship decided, with Hellion Cubed versus the Kombantants. Hazzard: Hellion Cube? Kong-Bat-Ants? Remus: I guess we'll have to wait and find out. Supreme: Up next we'll have something I've always anticipated. The ultimate showdown. The brawl that will end it all. A Pirate vs. A Ninja! Holt: Tell me he's kidding... Supreme: If I can be serious though, there is one final match. A ... match of surprises, for the ToWW Woe World Wrestling Championship! Here's the first surprise ... good ole' Steve Supreme's in it! Remus: That's huge! Listen to the crowd! Hazzard: Huge, but not at'll surprising. Holt: No, but we all know Supreme has skills. How will he fare not knowing his opponents though? .:.C.:. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/FrankiePerez.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/RoderickRemus.jpg[/IMG] [B]Captain Perez vs. Neighborhood Ninja[/B] Remus: *Standing* All matches tonight will be refereed by Baby Jamie and have a fifteen minute time limit. This match is schedueled for one fall, and is a Pirates vs. Ninjas Payoff Match! Making his way to the ring. From California, Captain Perez! Holt: Captain Perez has had extensive training in Japan. Hazzard: Wait a second... Remus: His opponent, hailing from Florida, the Neighborhood Ninja! Hazzard: So, the Pirate trained in Japan, and the Ninja hails from the Carrebean? Remus & Holt: ... Remus: *sitting* Moving on, a shot by Perez, and another one, but Ninja ducks under. Holt: Great agility shown by Ninja. {Time passes} Hazzard: That's a doozey of a move right there! Remus: He calls it the Shuriken Clutch. Holt: Look at the determination shown by Perez. Struggling to the ropes... Remus: He got there, and Ninja releases. Hazzard: What's Ninja doin'? Holt: Top rope ... high risk move comin' Remus: Oh! Ninja went for the Five Ninja-Star Frog Splash, but Perez moved out of the way. Holt: And Perez capitalizes with a brutal submission of his own. Remus: P-Clutch! P-Clutch! Hazzard: P for Perez? P for Pirate? Holt: Does it matter? Perez has it locked in the middle of the ring. Hazzard: And there's the ring bell, this one's over! Remus: But Jamie never motioned and I didn't see Ninja tap out. Holt: Just got the official result, this one is a time limit draw. Hazzard: I reckon we'll see them again, real soon. Remus: I wouldn't be surprised. .:.D.:. Holt: Perez won't release the hold, and here comes Steve Supreme! Remus: Oh man! Perez just leveled Supreme! Ninja's up, and a big kick sends Perez down! Hazzard: Uh oh! Supreme's up... Supreme Stunner on Ninja! Remus: Ninja didn't do anything! Holt: I think Supreme just see's red right now. Remus: A visious shot by Perez, looks like brass knuckles. Hazzard: You crazy as a loon, I saw nothin'. Holt: What's this! Remus: Someone's fighting Perez back, but we can't get a read on who it is? Hazzard: He's wearin' some crazy mask and a cape... Holt: Looks like a ... super hero ... Remus: Well, he's Supreme's and Ninja's hero, as Perez retreats to the back. .:.E.:. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/SlimV.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/WeirdWaldoOdlaw.jpg[/IMG] [B]Canadian Gangsta vs. Gamblin' Waldo Odlaw Hardcore Match[/B] {Time Passes} Hazzard: Gangsta with one chairshot! Two! Thee! Four! Holt: And a fifth! Waldo is down. Remus: And out... 1, 2, 3. Canadian Gangsta: *Looking down at Waldo* ... ... ... DAMN! .:.E.:. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/WilliamHayes.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/ErikStrong.jpg[/IMG] William Hayes: What the hell are you doing? Erik Strong: *coughes* Nothin, man... nothin... *chuckles* Hayes: Man, respect yourself. Strong: Man, don't walk away...I say, don't walk away from me! Do you know how hard it is being Sam Strong's son? Hayes: *raises eyebrow* You're not Sam's son. Strong: Oh yeah! *laughes* Hayes: You know what? Meet me in the ring. I'll beat some respect into you. .:.E+.:. Remus: We go back stage to the Kombantants locker room. Hazzard: Good lawd... [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/MattSparrow.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/MikeyJames.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/JeremiahMoose.jpg[/IMG] Johnny Cage: Boys, we got this in the BAY-AG, BAY-BEH! Johnny boy here has fought in many a Mortal Kombat tournmanent and starred in many a movie, so if there's anyone how knows how to take care of buidniss and look d*mn good doin it, it's the C-A-G-E! That's why you two, my buds, will be takin on the Hellion Cubes. Jax: Why us, playa? Why not you? Cage: Because..."dog"...I'm one of the mystery participants in the Hardcore Fourway for the Dubya Dubya Dubya title. So I'm pretty busy gettin' my game set. You two, though, I know you got it in you! Lui Kang: Hiyayayaya! We got this! Jax: Playa...yeah. .:.D-.:. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/ErikStrong.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/WilliamHayes.jpg[/IMG] [B]Erik Strong vs. William Hayes[/B] {Time Passes} Holt: ...and Hayes is completely dominating this matchup. Remus: To be fair, Strong has got in a bit of offense. Hazzard: Boys high as a kite, I'm surprised he's standin'. Remus & Holt: ... Hazzard: Ya'll were thinkin' it, I just said it. Remus: Slick Trick by Hayes. Cover... 1, 2, 3. Holt: Hayes taught respect, but I'm not sure young Erik recieved the message. Hazzard: Boy's coucoo for cocoa puffs. Remus: *sigh* .:.E+.:. Remus: We go backstage, where Johnny Cage has an interview time. Hazzard: Again? [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/MattSparrow.jpg[/IMG] Cage: Ladies and gentle- Holt: Oh! Remus: Jesus! Folks, it seems that this brute of a man has taken out Cage. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/TribalWarrior.jpg[/IMG] Holt: That's Tribal Warrior, from USPW. Hazzard: He don't look to 'family friendly'. Holt: Wrestling rarely is. Remus: He's motioning for the belt. It appears the third entry for the Hardcore Fourway is Tribal Warrior. .:.E.:. Holt: Let's hope this interview time goes better. Remus: Here's a lovely lady going by ... Hellion Karen? Hazzard: Lawd... [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/KarenKiller_alt.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/DesDavids.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/BullWrecker.jpg[/IMG] Hellion Karen: Allow me to introduce my new clients. This here is Hellion Eric, and this is Hellion Des. Together, we are Hellion Cubed! Hazzard: *laughing* Holt: Are they on motorcycles? Hazzard: *Falling into hysterics* Karen: Kombantants ... you may have fought Gods, but we ride with the Devil. Hazzard: *Has completely lost it* Karen: And tonight, we're riding off with the gold. Des: So how's that taste? Eric: Chumps! Hazzard: *crying* Lawd... .:.E+.:. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/DesDavids.jpg[/IMG] & [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/BullWrecker.jpg[/IMG] W/ [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/KarenKiller_alt.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/MikeyJames.jpg[/IMG] & [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/JeremiahMoose.jpg[/IMG] [B]Hellion Cubed vs. Kombantants ToWW Tag Team[/B] {Time Passes} Holt: Eric sets Kang up. Des plows through. Remus: Great teamwork shown by the Hellions. Hazzard: You know what Hellions works well with? Remus: What? Hazzard: *laughing* Ramen! Remus: *sigh* Holt: Des lifts Kang up, and sends him smashing down again. Remus: Kang needs to tag in Jax. Oh! Dirty move there! Hazzard: The ref ain't see Eric done destroy Jax. Remus: But neither are the legal man. Holt: Now the ref's going to admonish Eric. Hazzard: Great strategy! Karen slides Des brass knuckles. Holt: Pow! Kang's out! Remus: Now the ref turns around! As Des is covering! Holt: 1, 2, 3. The Hellion Cubes are the Tag Team Champions! Hazzard: And did it through strategy. Remus: Bullsh*t. You can bet the Kombantants will want a rematch. .:.E+.:. {Time Passes} Remus: Here are the three known fighters, Supreme, Cage and Warrior in the ring. Hazzard: There measurin up and starin' down. Remus: Sure are, but where's the forth? Holt: In the crowd! Hazzard: No! Remus: No... Hazzard: NO! Remus: YES! [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/JimForce.jpg[/IMG] Holt: It's Jim Force! Hazzard: Bah Lawd what a clothsline, Cage is down, and here we go! .:.C-.:. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/JimForce.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/MattSparrow.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/JackAvatar.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/TribalWarrior.jpg[/IMG] [B]Jim Force vs. Johnny Cage vs. Steve Supreme vs. Tribal Warrior ToWW Woe World Wrestling Championship [/B] Remus: Force clothslines Warrior! Holt: Warrior down! Hazzard: But here comes Supreme. Kick to the gut of Force. Holt: Going for the Supreme Stunner, but way to early. Remus: True, Preston, Force just pushes Supreme through the ropes out of the ring. Hazzard: Now what in tarnations is this all about? Holt: Passion. When Force shakes those ring ropes it shows passion. Remus: And these fan's love him for it! Hazzard: There's your passion. Warrior with a clubbing blow. {Time Passes} Hazzard: Yes! Knock some sense into him Cage! Remus: Hard chair shot by Cage to Force. Holt: But Force just keeps pluggin, yelling in Cage's face. Remus: and look at the fear in Cage's face! Hazzard: No... Holt: Cage looks to run. Hazzard: Stop this Supreme! Stop this Warrior! Remus: There too busy brawling outside the ring! Holt: Oh man! What a clothsline! Remus: Cage has felt the full force! Hazzard: God d*mn it! Remus: 1, Hazzard: No... Remus: 2, Holt: Supreme notices, he's not gonna make it. Remus: 3! Hazzard: NO! .:.D-.:. Remus: Jim Force is the first ToWW WWW Champion! That's all the time we got. Holt: Just look at Force celebrate! Hazzard: D*mn it! Remus: For Preston Holt, Duke Hazzard and the entire ToWW crew, I'm Remmington Remus, reminding you when it's slow, watch some Woe! .:.D-.:. OVERALL SHOW: .:.D-.:.

[1PWfan]

Jim Force as Champion? BUUUUUUUUUYYYYYY HIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS MERCHANDIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[mad5226]

Priceless...and this gives me a diary idea...hmm

[Astil]

[IMG]http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b332/astil/ToWW/pwhits1.jpg[/IMG]

[Astil]

"Holt" Drinking wouldn't be enough to solve this problem. Either every single company in the world was trying to put me under or I had absolutely horrible luck. Or both. I had just spent the last 2 days meeting with wrestlers, trying to figure out a day which would work for all of my big time performers. "Holt!" "Yes, Mr. Avatar?" "When the f*ck are we going to hold our next show?" "Hmm?" "Why is there no easy to access calender, allowing me to see when my workers are working, why do I have to meet with each one of them, take notes, and check each promotions website to see when I can't hold shows?" "Too much for you, sir?" "No, annoying." "Well the calender feature won't be out until June 6th 2008." "What!?" "Nevermind, I'll find you a date," "Hmm, that'd be nice, and while your at it figure out a day to hold the show, too." "Anything else?" Yeah, okay, maybe I'm a bit of a a**hole to good ol' Preston Holt, but I pay him good money. I went to the website and put up the card for ToWW Branching Out. Whenever it might be. [QUOTE]Captain Perez vs. Neighborhood Ninja Up in Smoke vs. The Kombantants Rhino Umaga vs. William Hayes Hellion Cubed (c) vs. Team Jett - ToWW Tag Steve Supreme vs. Tribal Warrior Jim Force (c) vs. Johnny Cage[/QUOTE]