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SWF/TCW: Oh Snap, I'm Back!


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That's right folks! Greg, all my other readers, check it, because I'm back...and I still have no shame. Don't worry loyal fans, the same wit and strangeness the Rataq of Whack brought you last time is still here and thriving! So I say it again (damn it's good to be back)...................FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS, FOLKS...IT'S GONNA BE ONE HELLUVA BUMPY RIDE! ------------------------------------------------- We open in SWF Main Office. Richard Eisen is standing, staring out a window as big as him, when he hears a knock at the door. "Come in," says the businessman. The door creaks open, and a figure steps in. Richard Eisen turns the light to the next level, and speaks. "Ah, sir, good to see you. Shall we begin?" ----------------------------------------- (I'll make my dashes whatever length I want, thank you kindly) (And yes, this is Pete again, soulz's tranny alter ego. Wait, I wasn't supposed to say that, was I?) Tommy Cornell sits in his office, weary from work, but with a grin on his face. TCW has succeeded massively since the departure of that loser, Falcon. Cornell had been asking wrestling legend "Basher" Rob Herringfield to book, but Basher suffered a heart attack just scant days before, the night after TCW Total Wrestling's last show of the year. As such, Cornell was frantic to find a booker, and settled upon..... *Knock, knock* [COLOR="Red"]Cornell: Who's there?[/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"]Voice: Open...the...door.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]Open the door who?[/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"]Just open the door, Cornell.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]I don't get it.[/COLOR] With that, the door bursts open, and in steps Charles Avin. [COLOR="Red"]Oh, hello, Charles! Shall we begin?[/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"]*sigh*[/COLOR] --------------------- Both first shows are done, and TCW's is quite short, and will be up first. Didn't go over so well, though. Knock-knock jokes don't work like gold. I am holding a contest to see if you can figure out who SWF's mystery booker is. It isn't that hard. Feedback would be appreciated. *PREDICTIONS FOR SWF SUPREME TV* Kid Toma vs Andre Jones -Typical pre-show match. Squeeky McClean vs Shady K -Opener Kurt Laramee vs Greg Rayne - If someone gets this wrong, I'm going to personally maim you. Frederique Antonio Garcia vs Valiant -Feud continuation Marc DuBois vs Jack Giedroyc (doesn't have the "Wrath Of God" gimmick, I am sad...but I have my own plan up my ass...er, sleeve) vs Big Smack Scott -This is for DuBois's Shooting Star Title, which had its weight restrictions removed so it didn't piss me off and want to flack it with a homemade shiv to the ass Christian Faith vs Remo -Not telling why this match happens...just wait and ****ing see. ------------------------------------------------(YIPPEE! MORE DASHES!) TCW TOTAL ****ING CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING BITCH TCW Total Wrestling Predictions... Tyson Baine vs Wolf Hawkins for Hawkins's International Title Tommy Cornell vs RDJ Ricky Dale Johnson for Cornell's World Heavyweight Title BAJIZZ! ThAT's the shizz! ----------- From the "both" of our loving, mentally drunken hearts, ****ING FEEDBACK!
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WEEEEEEEEEEELCOME TO T...C...W.... TOTAL ****ING WRESTLING I'm Pete, and I'll be your sexy tanny host. (Damn, I wasn't supposed to say that, was I?) Damn, what's the rush? Wolf Hawkins is out in the ring as we begin the show, and he speaks into a mic. [COLOR="DarkOrange"]We don't have time for no-[/COLOR] (opening pyro) [COLOR="DarkOrange"]****. Let's see here....Tyson Baine...you think you can beat me,l or anyone in the Syndicate? Well then... (rest of promo) [/COLOR] [COLOR="Sienna"]What a chillingly intense promo by Wolf Hawkins! He's set to win this match, am I right Jason?[/COLOR] [COLOR="LemonChiffon"]Now here's a little fact you may not know...YES YOU ARE![/COLOR] [COLOR="Sienna"]Couldn't you have just said yes, rather than tortue us?[/COLOR] [COLOR="LemonChiffon"]No.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Sienna"]****...I hate this job.[/COLOR] [COLOR="LemonChiffon"]NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO![/COLOR] And so the idiocy begins.... in a long ****ing match that lasted for 26 minutes....Tyson Baine powerslammed Hawkins over the top rope, but Hawkins managed to grab Baine's head and pull him down with him. Baine landed flush straight on his head, Hawkins on his back. Neither got up in time. The match was declared a draw, as announced by ring announcer Shawn Doakes. [COLOR="LemmonChiffon"]Now here's a little fact you may-[/COLOR] [COLOR="Sienna"]Kill me.[/COLOR] [COLOR="LemonChiffon"]But-[/COLOR] [COLOR="Sienna"]What is Lemon Jizz-on?[/COLOR] [COLOR="LemonChiffon"]If you mean lemon chiffon, it is my broadcast color.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Sienna"]Your what?[/COLOR] [COLOR="LemonChiffon"]My broadcast color.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Sienna"]I don't think you're supposed to mention that stuff.[/COLOR] [COLOR="LemonChiffon"]Well, now, here's a little fact you may not know-[/COLOR] [COLOR="Sienna"]OH LOOK, RICKY DALE JOHNSON![/COLOR] The cage is being lowered.....and 92 minutes later, Tommy Cornell stumbles out the door and collapses on the floor in pure fatigue. The rest of the Syndicate come out to help him, as John Anderson stands him up, Sam Keith hands him his title belt. Brent Hill raises his arm, and Hawkins claps. We fade...to gray. (I'm serious this time, FEEDBACK!)
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I'll have to clean it up a bit. Check out "SWF/TCW: I Have No Shame" in my previous posts section to see what I'm going for. It's been a while. (Edit: Here's a link to the previous diary. [url]http://67.19.230.90/~arles/forum/showthread.php?t=27321[/url])
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Press Release -LOS ANGELES Tommy Cornell is said to be unhappy with the performance of Charles Avin. The general feedback from fans was lukewarm, with most saying they "had no clue whatw as going on." Cornell publicly stated to Avin that if this first show is a sign of things to come, he will not hold a job in TCW much longer. Avin is said to have taken the criticism to heart. ------------------------------ In lighter news, SWF is doing an excellent job to keep their head booker's identity hidden. It is probably that he may introduce himself on the next SWF Supreme TV, though it's entirely possible he will remain behind the scenes. The SWF's website held a contest to determine who the new authority is. Due to a striking lack of participation, the contest has been extended. With your wrestling news, I'm Gospel of [I]MARK[/I],...and I'll see you next time, with your review of SWF Supreme TV.
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Finally, someone who gets it! I've got a niche crowd. You pretty much HAVE to read the old one to understand my comedy, as even I'll admit that the first TCW show sucked. Now, any contest entries, or will I have to stab YOU with a homemade shiv to the ass?
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[QUOTE=soulztnrv1;434799] Both first shows are done, and TCW's is quite short, and will be up first. Didn't go over so well, though. Knock-knock jokes don't work like gold. I am holding a contest to see if you can figure out who SWF's mystery booker is. It isn't that hard. Feedback would be appreciated. *PREDICTIONS FOR SWF SUPREME TV* [B]Kid Toma[/B] vs Andre Jones Andre Jones' cornrows suck, and volleyball is a women's sport. [B]Squeeky McClean [/B]vs Shady K By now this should be the stalest gimmick in the CornellVerse. Kurt Laramee vs [B]Greg Rayne[/B] I don't want to be maimed, so I'll make the safe pick. Frederique Antonio Garcia vs [B]Valiant[/B] I was advised by the Ultimate Warrior on this one. Marc DuBois vs Jack Giedroyc vs [B]Big Smack Scott[/B] I like DuBois, but to keep Big Smack Scott happy you have to A) Give him a title, B) Never Steroid Test him, C) Never take the Fatherly Approach to him under any circumstances, and D) Allow him to beat the **** out of Peter Michaels with no consequences. Christian Faith vs [B]Remo[/B] Vengeance runs in to cost him the match, Bruce with the save. At least, that's how I booked it. [/QUOTE] And the NEW Head Booker.... Jack Avatar.
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[QUOTE=Mr. T Jobs To Me]to keep Big Smack Scott happy you have to A) Give him a title, B) Never Steroid Test him, C) Never take the Fatherly Approach to him under any circumstances, and D) Allow him to beat the **** out of Peter Michaels with no consequences.[/QUOTE] Whoops. He's suspended already. I've got enough heels. [QUOTE=Mr. T Jobs To Me]Christian Faith vs Remo Vengeance runs in to cost him the match, Bruce with the save. At least, that's how I booked it.[/QUOTE] Good booking. I just didn't do it that way at all. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Pre Show Dark Match Kid Toma DEFEATS Andre Jones with a SUICIDE HEADBUTT! -------------------------------------------------- AND WELCOME TO SWF SUPREME ****ING TV! [I]I'm the Gospel Of MARK and I will be providing my insight on segments as they come along. I'll italicize my remarks.[/I] Christian Faith is out, and he cuts a mostly vanilla promo to begin, but it got the crowd happy and fired up, so it did it's job. Out comes Remo, though, here to spoil the party! He comes out, and does a great job of playing the heel. They argue, and predictably, we have our main event set between these two. [I]Well done by both men. I give it a B+.[/I] OPENING MATCH: Squeeky McClean vs Shady K [B]With Knuckles at ringaide, the match started out at a clean stalemate. Neither got any offense going, then one thumb to Shady K's eye, and it was all downhill from there for the gangster. McClean eventually wins with a Stain Removal.[/B] [I]All in all, good match. McClean is a good heel, and this did its job as an opener. I give it a C.[/I] NEXT MATCH: Kurt Laramee vs Greg Rayne [B]Straight up domination by Laramee, and a maiming for Mr. T Jobs To Me. Ended with a Switchblade Powerslam at 1:37.[/B] [I]Bit too short for my liking. I'd have at least liked some offense by Greg Rayne. I give this one a D. Very poorly done.[/I] A music video plays for about three minutes hyping up Vengeance. [I]Good video, nice dark music...well done. B+./I] NEXT MATCH: Frederique Antonio Garcia vs Valiant [B]An even match, with lots of offense. An irish whip by Valiant sent Garcia over the top, but he skinned the cat! Valiant ran over to knock him out, but Garcia pulled him down too! The referee began the count, and Valiant was almot back in! He was on the apron...when the ref counted 10.[/B] [I]An alright match. See where it goes from here. I give this one a C.[/I] Jerry Eisen is backstage with Remo, who cuts a good promo about how Christian Faith is "worthless," "a waste of time" and "pathetic." This demonstrates his atheistic beliefs. [I]Good promo, did its job. I'll give the interview a B.[/I] NEXT MATCH: MARC DUBOIS vs JACK GIEDROYC vs BIG SMACK SCOTT for the Shooting Star Title [B]A very open match, lots of offense. It ended when DuBois was being beaten down in the corner by Big Smack Scott, then Giedroyc ran up behind the pummeler BSS, and rolled him up, getting the three and the title. [/B] [I]Another alright match. The ending was a shocker though, and I give it a C.[/I] MAIN EVENT: REMO vs CHRISTIAN FAITH: JACK BRUCE IS PROVIDING COMMENTARY [B]A very solid main event. It ended when Faith was going for The Leap of Faith, but Remo moved and Faith slammed chest first into the turnbuckle, and turned around...right into a kick flush to the jaw. He drops like a hijacked plane, and Remo gets the cover and the win.[/B] [I]Not a bad match. Solid main event. I grade this one a B+. Well done to both men, and to Jack Bruce for providing good guest commentary.[/I] Post match, Remo isn't done. He continues to beat down Faith. The ref gets in the way, and meets a chair to the back, the very same chair that Christian Faith would have crash against his skull as he sits up. He drops, and Bruce is at ringside, standing, glaring a hole in Remo as Remo returns the stare. We fade to black. [I]A great ending segment. A.[/I] [I]All in all, a good show. Clover Fields got a good one today. 15,000 fans too. A good sign of things to come, it looks like.[/I]
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[I][COLOR="DarkGreen"]Who? What? Dammit, why?[/COLOR] Welcome to the spacious office of SWF's head booker...and no, I still can't tell you who it is. "They" are watching.... In this spacious hall, we see 5 men gathered. One has a whiny look of a pathetic man with a microscopic penis and shriveled testicles. He's also naked. This man....is Big Smack Scott. Another...has the look of a rock star, drugs and all. He's obviously high on something, but who ****ing cares really? This is SWF. We believe in freedom of expression here. Just like Charles Manson and the ACLU. They're my heroes, you know. At least that's what Eisen's wallpaper says. Take it up with him, I've got pot to smoke. Oh by the way, our hippie lover...[U]NAKED[/U] hippie lover....is [COLOR="DarkOrange"]Jack Bruce[/COLOR]. The next....is a well-groomed man...who is also naked....and avoiding Scott with all his fervent nakedness! This man...is [COLOR="Purple"]Peter Michaels[/COLOR]. The next man....is [COLOR="Gray"]J Silver[/COLOR]. No descriptions needed. Oh, by the way...he's naked too. The last...is [COLOR="Cyan"]Emma Chase[/COLOR]. She isn't naked though...this is SWF. WRESTLING. People don't want to see naked women...they like seeing half naked males roll around all oiled and ****. We have to cater to the Arabs! [/I][COLOR="DarkGreen"]Big Smack Scott: No! I don't want to job! NO! NO! ****ING! NO! And get that drug testing thing away from my testicles! You know I don't take drugs! If I took any more, my balls would disappear into my stomach just like the time I ate Sam Keith's![/COLOR] [COLOR="Purple"]So that's why we fired him...[/COLOR] Suddenly....a voice speaks. [COLOR="Red"]HAHAHAHA! I AM YOUR HEAD BOOKER! BOW DOWN TO ME![/COLOR] [COLOR="Gray"]Dude, you suck.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/COLOR] J Silver is escorted out by the naked security. Suddenly, Emma Chase's veil slips down. [COLOR="Red"]NOOO! NAKED WOMAN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!![/COLOR] She covers up, blushing. Big Smack Scott steps out from the edge of the carpet....onto the carpet. [COLOR="Red"]GET OFF THE CARPET!!! NOW![/COLOR] [COLOR="DarkGreen"]I won't do the job! Right, Jack?![/COLOR] Bruce is out. Smack fires a punch in his direction, but Bruce flies to life, bends over completely backward whilst grabbing a copy of TEW 05! [COLOR="Sienna"]Al Michaels: BUT NO, IT'S A FAKE![/COLOR] [COLOR="DarkOrange"]Whooooooooooooa....Matrix.[/COLOR] [COLOR="DarkGreen"]GODDAMMIT![/COLOR] Scott punches again! Bruce effortlessly grabs Scott's fist, pushes it aside, grabs Scott's shriveled balls, rolls them into the bong, and he's smoking a ball bong now folks! Scott screams in pain and wrenches his balls out. He rolls up into a ball and strokes his balls, crying and kissing them. [COLOR="Red"]O.....k.....Anyways....I WILL FIRE ANY ONE OF YOU THAT MOVES![/COLOR] Suddenly, Bruce speaks in a Pakistani accent. [COLOR="DarkOrange"]I GIVE YOU FOUR COWS FOR NIECE'S HAND IN MARRIAGE![/COLOR] Suddenly, a man flies upwards out of the wooden floor. Just like in Mortal Kombat..... [COLOR="Magenta"]Man: WHOOPSIES![/COLOR] Big Smack Scott, meanwhile, has pulled out a bottle marked "STER-I MEAN COKE-I MEAN ASPIRIN-I MEAN **** THE COPS!!!" Finding said bottle is empty, he takes it and SMACKS (hur hur see wut i did that) it against the floor. It shatters. [COLOR="Red"]Thanks for breaking glass where my kids play.[/COLOR] We fade to gray.
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[I]Hey, Pete again. Good to see you didn't storm off in a haste after that crap that was my first show. I promise you, I have something ready for the future if you promise to stick around.[/I] -------------------------- [I]Oh damn. Here I was again; right in front of Cornell's office. I'm going to get chewed out by a British guy....at least he isn't Canadian. Canadians are eh'holes. Alright...stop blabbing to yourself and open the door. Here we go...1...2... [COLOR="Red"]OPEN THE DOOR, AVIN![/COLOR] Dammit. Alright...here I go... [COLOR="Red"]Sit the **** down, Avin.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"]Someone's in a grouchy mood. Do you need your nappy? Perhaps some warm milk?[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]Just sod off and sit down.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"]Now how exactly do I do both of those at the same time?[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]Charles?[/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"]Yeah?[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]No...the [U]other[/U] Charles.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"]Other...? Oh...hi, Mr. Thatcher. Good lookin' out, bro.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]Thank you. Now listen. Your last show sucked monkey bollocks. If you don't pick things up soon, I will fire you.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"]Look, Tommy, I just want my dough, dawg.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]No.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"]No? NO!? What the **** do you mean no? What kind of chicken**** crap is this?[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]It says it right here on your profile sheet. Since Charles Avin is an avatar-- whatever that means -- he does not have to be paid. So you aren't.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"]****. That's the last time I get a job via an auction.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]Should have learned from J Silver....[/COLOR] Then I left. How the **** do I pay the bills now? That homeless guy punched me in the balls. ****er stole my box. Wait...holy ****, that's Solid Snake! He does look older.[/I]
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Internet rumors says that Remo is geared for a large push coming soon, and that there are many signings coming to the Big 2 soon, but no names are released yet. Fans are asked for their opinions, as well as suggestions. They've reached a new low...they want fan suggestions.
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It might be because it's almost 4am, but this is absolutely hilarious! I haven't read your last dynasty and I don't think I will, cause I don't understand squat what is going on and I'm loving it! Keep up the good (I think..) work! :eek: [I]BTW: Since Mr. T chose Jack Avatar as the new head booker, I'm going with The Grand Avatar.[/I]
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In case my rampant stalling with creative meetings is not a clue, this dynasty will move slowly. Really. Slowly. Slower than this post. I welcome continued feedback as we continue to chug-a-lug-lug along. I'll keep going, but here we are...unveiling the dynasty's signature phrase....words of wisdom for you all... [I] Have a beer, sit on your rear, and don't be a queer![/I] (Yo dpro, good lookin' out, dog! Keep up the posting, I need friends.) Yo, Mr T...is your AIM not working or something, or are you seriously always away whenever I'm online?
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[I]So there I was...in my office. My name's Charles Avin, and I had a tough job to do. No, not just booking the number one contender to that bastard Eisen's monopoly, and continuing to not being allowed to pass Go or collect 200 dollars. No, it isn't just that. I had to do something far...far worse today. Her voice rang out over the building's PA system. Here it came... [COLOR="green"]Would Peter Goldman, Charlie Thatcher, BJ Shearer, Randy Hopkirk, and Ron Penner please report to Mr. Avin's office?[/COLOR] Just like high school. I think this one's going to be harder than any exam I ever took in there. I heard the commotion outside the door. I think they had an idea as to what was going on...what their future held. I hear Shearer and Penner, also known as Ronnie V. Pain, fighting over who would go in first, before Goldman spoke up and said he'd do it. The door opened.....I couldn't look at him. I couldn't do it. But I had to, for the good of the promotion.... [COLOR="Blue"]You may sit, Pete.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]Look, I know why I'm here. Say the magic words and I'll skip-to-my-lou right on out the door.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"]Pete....you know I don't want to do this... But... You're......you're....NO, DAMMIT, I JUST CAN'T DO IT! Get out of here. This contract stays. I just can't fire you....I just don't have it...I just...[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]I understand.[/COLOR] He exited....I didn't want to have to face any of these men. Someone had to go....but why did I have to be the one to say the words..to turn people's lives backwards...to....dammit... One more came in. Ronnie Penner. [COLOR="Blue"]Look, Charlie....Pete told me why I'm here. Get on with it.[/COLOR] I sighed. The tears were there,, just a few more painful seconds away from welling up in my eyes and bursting out. I didn't want to do this.... [COLOR="Blue"]No....I can't. You're free. [/COLOR] He was dumbfounded....but dammit, I let him pass by. I don't know...I just don't have the guts to do this. The door opened once more. Thatcher. [COLOR="Blue"]Charlie....don't bother sitting.[/COLOR] Dammit, here came the tears again. I didn't want to...but it HAD to be done. [COLOR="Blue"]Charlie.....don't.....don't bother showing up on Tuesday. You.....as of now....your contract with this company....is.....[/COLOR] Tears were ready to flow, but I couldn't let them. I had to do this. [COLOR="Blue"]terminated.[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]But why, Charlie....why does it have to be this way? [/COLOR] [COLOR="Blue"]I don't like it any more than you. But....[/COLOR] He left. Two to go....Painful Procedure. They came in together.....two birds...and I had to kill them both. [COLOR="Blue"]G...G...Gentlemen....you're fired. G-goodbye.[/COLOR] I couldn't meet their eyes. I don't know their reactions...I couldn't bear to look into their eyes. I looked up, for one second...to say one thing. [COLOR="Blue"]Bye boys.[/COLOR] Right then and there, the tears flew. I was not ashamed....they left out the door, but I didn't notice until much later...when I raised my head. I stood up slowly, exited the door, and walked down the corridor to the right. A hallway I'm sure I'd walk many times over the course of a while. 11c....11d.....12a. Tommy Cornell's office. I knocked. He answered. [COLOR="Red"]Come in.[/COLOR] I complied, and had a seat. Tommy looked worried, he knew something wasn't right. [COLOR="Red"]Are you okay?[/COLOR] I could barely get the words out. [COLOR="Blue"]No....no, I'm not. You don't know the feeling this business brings. You don't know what it's like to have to look three men in the eye, and tell them not to show up the next morning. I've turned their careers around...stopped them dead....I...I....[/COLOR] [COLOR="Red"]Yes, Charles. I do know. You have to move on. Adversity and sadness will come...but you don't make it by sticking close to the walls. Come now. Stand up....you'll be alright in the end.[/COLOR] I stood, and exited without another word. I turned not right, but left....and continued down the hallway. The men's restroom. Bryant was just leaving. He looked at my face...he saw the pain, the agony, the sorrow. I saw it etched on his face from years...too many long, painful years in the professional wrestling industry. Then....I saw something else. I saw the love, the kindness, and the understanding compassion of a father of four. As we passed, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. [COLOR="Red"]You'll be alright, son. Trust me.[/COLOR] He released his grip, and we continued on our respective ways. I entered the bathroom...I passed the mirror. I glanced once...I couldn't bear to look at myself. After all that I had done...... I entered a stall, sat down, and for the third time today...let the tears flow.[/I]
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Both shows are completed and will be up tomorrow. Until then, leave some comments or something in the thread. I want to see people's opinions of the serious side to this diary. No, not serious sex. Do you really trust anybody with genitals after that SWF creative meeting? So yeah, leave some words of praise or critique in the thread, and I'll respond in the morning. It's not like I have a life or anything. Until then, this is Z-Mac saying Peace out Jack! Oh, and goodnight. I'll stop dragging this post along with ym inane rambling and annoying spacing.... now.
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Make your predictions. SWF SUPREME TV Robbie Retro vs Akima Brave High Concept vs The Biggz Boyz Frederique Antonio Garcia vs Kid Toma Enygma vs Brandon James Rich Money vs Lobster Warrior Christian Faith vs Remo Plus, Jack Giedroyc celebrates his winning of the North American Championship! Prediction time! Please?
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