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I Kick People: The Story of Karate Jones


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Posted

Facebook.com/Karate Jones

 

Sup, everyone on the facebooks! I'm the newest thing to hit the wrestlin' scene, the master of kickin' people in their faces, Karate Jones. As you all probably guessed from my name, I'm a black belt in Jeet Kun Do, and I just signed contracts to wrestle in New York City Wrestling, Coastal Zone Combat Wrestling, and United States Pro Wrestling. My wrestling debut will be in just six days at USPW's "Americana!" show. I don't know who I'm facing yet, but to whoever I'm up against, lemme tell you somethin: I GON KICK YO FACE!

 

About Me:

Occupation: Pro Wrestler

Hometown: Little Tokyo, Winsconsin

Favorite Movie: Game of Death

Favorite Book: Zombie Combat Manual by Roger Ma

Favorite TV Show: DAVE Danger Zone TV

People I'd Like To Meet: Acid, Officer Goodhead, The Minor Annoyance

 

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Wrestler Stats:

Style: Super Junior

Size: Middleweight

Theme Music: "Hong Kong Phooey Theme" by Sublime

Finishing Moves: Heart Stopping Palm (Like a Heart Punch, but an open palm strike instead of, well, a punch, and with slightly better stats); Black Belt Crusher (Face Crusher with less success rate but more counter options)

Actual kicks in moveset: Zero

Posted

USPW Americana!, Monday Week 2 2006

Karate Jones vs Tribal Warrior (Karate Jones debut match)

 

Karate Jones gets the bright idea of trying to BRAWL with Tribal Warrior. This doesn't go well, as the big man completely dominates early on. Karate Jones gets a Mad Man Clothesline and takes control, and once they get back in the ring, Karate Jones does his best impression of Little Mac fighting King Hippo with multiple shots to the liver, until Tribal Warrior plants Jones with a front slam and takes over with a vicious array of power moves... but what's this... SEDUCTION?! Tribal Warrior is distracted by Seduction's appearance at ringside, allowing Karate Jones to attempt a sleeper... which Tribal Warrior escapes from and continues his beatdown. But Tribal Warrior whiffs a shot allowing Jones to hit him with a neckbreaker, and then applies a leglock to keep the big man down. Tribal Warrior tries to again plant Jones into the canvas, but his hurt leg gives out and Jones falls on top of him. Jones then measures him up for a Black Belt Crusher... blocked! Warrior hits a Full Nelson Bomb and keeps on the offensive, head Hunter Special... no, clothesline! Karate Jones tries to pick up Warrior... who takes a swing but it's ducked, Karate Jones with a big punch of his own, sending Tribal Warrior reeling! Karate Jones sees his opening... HEART STOPPING PALM! ONE, TWO, THREE! HUGE UPSET BY KARATE JONES!

 

Karate Jones wins in 17:20 via Heart Stopping Palm. C+

Posted

NYCW Desperate Measures, Wednesday Week 4 2006

The Masked Mauler vs Karate Jones (NYCW Debut)

 

The Mauler took advantage of Karate Jones appealing to the crowd and started pounding him with a flurry of punches and kicks, but when he tried to mount Karate Jones for punches Jones managed to flip Mauler over and get a vertical base. Immediately targeting the big man's arms with a hammerlock, Mauler countered with a front slam attempt but Karate Jones fell on top of him instead. An arm drag takes the Mauler onto the mat and Jones works him over with an armbar, Mauler gets to his feet but Jones keeps in control of him, whip to the ropes reversed, BAAAACK body drop by Mauler! Mauler complains about a fan to the ref, allowing him to go low on Jones, the referee seeing Jones in pain and arguing with Mauler, allowing Jones to recover, slapping on a headlock, Mauler shoots him off, big boot? No, Jones catches the ropes, and Jones goes to CHOP CITY! POPULATION MAULER! Crowd pops as Jones goes to work on the big man, off the ropes for a flying forearm... but Mauler gets away. Mauler looking for a DDT but Jones manages to free himself, hammerlock... then a headscissors into an arm drag! To the top goes Karate Jones... FLYING FOREARM OFF THE TOP ROPE! Jones tries to toss the Mauler to the floor... no Mauler puts him on his shoulders... but Jones lands on his feet, DDT! Willow gets on the apron... Karate Jones warning her to 'step off or I kick yo boy's face in!'. Jones goes for another flying forearm shot but Mauler catches him with a back body drop, Mauler tries a neckbreaker but Jones gets free, off the ropes, lariat taking Mauler onto the canvas, Jones looking for a leglock... but Mauler kicks Jones low! Mauler tries to tell the ref it was unintentional, Jones rolling to the apron... when Mauler finally gets the ref off his case Jones has recovered... SPRINGBOARD RANA! Only a one count, Karate Jones runs to the turnbuckles for a moonsault attack... but Mauler rushes behind him and clubs him in the back! Mauler tries a superplex... KARATE JONES ESCAPES BY FLIPPING OVER MAULER AND LANDING ON HIS FEET! But Mauler unphased hits an axehandle! Mauler with a splash... nobody home! Big man gets up and eats MORE CHOPS! Big roundhouse punch! And Jones measuring it up... Heart Stopping Palm? No Mauler gets away, gets him with a powerbomb! Mauler tries to follow up but BLACK BELT CRUSHER OUT OF NOWHERE! ONE, TWO, THREE!

 

Karate Jones wins in 15:00 with a Black Belt Crusher. C

Posted

CZCW Battle On The Beach, Monday Week 1, July 2006

Karate Jones vs Masked Cougar (CZCW Debut)

 

Jones starts with a side headlock, Cougar shoots him off and knocks him over for an elbow drop, hitting a headscissors but Jones manages to recover getting a hammerlock and working Cougar over with an abdominal stretch. Headscissors into an armdrag by Jones, hittting an elbow drop of his own, looking to take Cougar to the floor... but Cougar blocks it, Cougar whiffs the dropkick, allowing Jones to get to the top as Cougar recovers... MOONSAULT PRESS ON THE STANDING COUGAR! Picks up Masked Cougar, missing the Mad Man Clothesline, but forces Cougar over the ropes with a HARD forearm shot! Tries to send him to the floor but Cougar won't let him, SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK AND BOTH MEN HIT THE ARENA FLOOR! Cougar gets back in but Jones slides in before Cougar can dive, Black Belt Crusher attempt blocked, clothesline ducked... into a rana for a one count. Cougar with a moonsault of his own, camel clutch... but Jones manages to get free, Cougar looking to fly again... but Jones cuts him off, SPEAR! Jones looking for a springboard... but Cougar manages to get a small package... but JONES ROLLS WITH IT SO COUGAR ENDS UP ON HIS SHOULDERS INSTEAD! One count but Jones measures up Cougar for the Heart Stopping Palm... nails it! One, two... COUGAR WITH HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE! Black Belt Crusher blocked again, Cougar up top with a cross body... and gets it! One, two, three, and Jones is defeated for the first time in his career.

 

Masked Cougar wins in 9:50 with a flying cross body. C-

Posted

USPW Independance Day Slam!, Thursday Week 1 2006

Karate Jones vs Lex Appeal

 

Jones opens again with a side headlock and Lex shoots him off for a lariat to open this one, working on his leg for a good two minuites before trying a Capture Suplex, but Jones manages to get free. Jones gets an abdominal stretch but Lex hiptosses free and goes for a cradle but Jones escapes and applies a front chancery. Lex gets out and goes for a half crab but Jones managed to get free... and then gave Lex a free ticket to CHOP CITY! Headscissors into an arm drag after a series of chops, irish whip countered into a hot shot, then nailed the Capture Suplex. Small package... reversed into one of Jones' own! One, two, and Jones kicks out at two. Jones goes for some big punches, but Lex with a head and arm suplex, and gets the three count.

 

Lex Appeal wins in 11:50 with a head and arm suplex. C

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