Road to Glory: E.I.D.E.N.H.O.E.K.

[Eidenhoek]

I hacked into Dunton Hall's mainframe and checked to see what his cost would be under a pay-per-appearance contract.

 

$30.

 

...

 

Yeah, I "might" have changed it.

 

And I did not know about this at all.

[Eidenhoek]

By the way, a list of people that aren't moving:

 

Jungle Jack

 

Huh. Short list. Might as well move ahead here. Oh, second list!

 

People who did sign:

 

Sayeed Ali.

 

New day...

 

Frankie Perez and Mikey James might be getting buried; looks like they'll jump ship to TCW. I could alter our schedule, or I could not care.

 

Hint: I don't care.

 

Hell's Bouncer comes on for 14 months at $1,500. More loss for FCW.

 

I outbid CZCW for Rita Charles. I guessed that $1,000 for 15 months would be better than them, up from $200. I was right. Now I just need to fire James Prudence to sweeten the deal...

 

We now have 66 active wrestlers.

[Eidenhoek]

Eidenhoek: Hey Dunon, how many interviews we got?

 

He slid me a sheet of paper:

 

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/3/7121051925.jpg

 

Eidenhoek: That's a lot...

 

Dunton: Second page is printing...now.

 

Eidenhoek: Wait wut

 

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/3/7121063391.jpg

 

Eidenhoek: What the hell!

 

Dunton: You did not want me to collate.

 

Eidenhoek: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

 

Dunton: It means there are a few more names.

 

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/3/7121080293.jpg

 

Eidenhoek: When did I do this?

 

Dunton: Probably around the time you decided to hack my mainframe.

 

Eidenhoek: I don't know what you're talking about.

 

Dunton: You don't, actually; you didn't hack my contact. You hacked the allotment of drinks to yourself. It is now set to 0.

 

Eidenhoek: It already was set to 0.

 

Dunton: So what did you learn?

 

Eidenhoek: Uh...this?

 

http://i.qkme.me/3590mj.jpg

 

Dunton: *ahem* I be droppin' da hamma on yo candy ass:

 

http://shirtoid.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/cant-touch-this-1.jpg

[Eidenhoek]

Eidenhoek: Hey Dunton, you want anything?

 

Dunton: http://tips21.com/videos/images/real%20hot%20dog.jpg

 

Eidenhoek: And I bet you have those Beer twins for drinks, right?

 

Dunton: http://muguspetboutique.com/hallween.jpg

 

Eidenhoek: Oh. Here I was thinking you were spending the big bucks on dinner.

 

Dunton: http://www.walkoffwalk.com/pics/lobster-dog-costume.jpg

 

Eidenhoek: My mistake. I was going to talk to you about the company, but now's not a good time, correct?

 

Dunton: http://www.inspirational-quotes-short-funny-stuff.com/images/budweiser-ads-three-women-in-swim-suit-budweiser-king-of-beers.jpg

 

Eidenhoek: Ah. Three of them. Goodbye then. Wanna share a beer before I leave?

 

Dunton: http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/24/lol_no.jpg

[Eidenhoek]

<p><em>We got Grandmaster Phunk for $1,500 + travel.</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

And a midcard title run.</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

</em><span>http://picture77.com/wp-content/uploads/troll-face_166_1.jpg</span></p>

[Eidenhoek]

<p><strong>Eidenhoek:</strong> Hey Duntypants, here's the card for "E.I.D.E.N.H.O.E.K. TEETOTALLING IN":</p><p> </p><p>

Eidenhoek Avatar vs. Mighty Cavanaugh</p><p>

Eidenhoek Avatar vs. Sayeed Ali</p><p>

Eidenhoek Avatar vs. Velocidad</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Dunton:</strong> Those are main eventers. <em>Those</em> men. Are main eventers.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Eidenhoek:</strong> Yep. I think I killed the promotion.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Dunton:</strong> Are those the only matches?</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Eidenhoek:</strong> Oh. Um...</p><p> </p><p>

Eidenhoek Avatar vs. Mighty Cavanaugh</p><p>

Eidenhoek Avatar vs. Sayeed Ali</p><p>

Eidenhoek Avatar vs. Velocidad</p><p>

Eidenhoek Avatar vs. Davis Wayne Newton</p><p>

Eidenhoek Avatar vs. Tron</p><p>

Eidenhoek Avatar vs. Extraordinario Jr.</p><p>

Eidenhoek Avatar vs. Mean Jean Cattley</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Dunton:</strong> That's Kevin Flynn.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Eidenhoek:</strong> Sam Flynn, you mean.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Dunton:</strong> <span>http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/128/b/2/ha_ha_get_out__by_wolf_shadow77-d3fujm9.png</span></p>

[Eidenhoek]

So instead of going through every little conversation we had, I'll just list all the guys we got up in HIZZAY!

 

• Harrison "The Hash" Reynolds @ $700+t/15months: He said Hash was his last name, but then he got high.
   
  Wait a second...
  
• Ronnie Vaughan @ $100/18months: This guy is a nobody. No, seriously, he graduated from the Piledrive School of Wrestling. Stamina, Basics, and Consistency are stellar. Not...so much anything else. At all.
  
• Syd "Funnyman" Collier @ $100/15months: Collie-boy is horrible, but he works for MAW. WAR.
  
• Air Attack HONEY BADGER @ $600/15months: What? They're related, y'know. Also he wantd a low-level title run. Yeah...no.
  
• Dylan Sidle @ $600/12months: I think I got him to screw with Ice Man. WE'RE NO STRANGERS TO LOVE wait that's not the song...
  
• Snow Fox @ $1,000/15months: http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/images/attachement/jpg/site1/20090716/0022190fd3300bc926c738.jpg :3
  
• Jeremiah "Bull" Moose @ $600/15months: I'd make a Teddy Roosevelt reference, but this guy sucks ass and Teddy was a bad ass. Well, Moose is bad, so...still, no.
   
  Oh, and he's a "one promotion man". Which is still true because HA HA HA I'M AT WAR WITH CZCW wait am I?
  
• Marc "Snorts" Speed did not sign with us and won't for awhile. I'm pissed because now he'll win the CZCW "We Matter" title.
  
• Matt "Shootsa" Sparrow also sucks and did not sign.
  
• Bulldozer "The Brandon" Smith @ $600+t/15months: Something about that name isn't quite right. Also wanted a title run. Ha.
  
• Cameron Vessey @ $500/15months: Now for Casey Valentine...
  
• Bret "HItman" Hollywood IT'S HOLLYWOOD UP IN HIZZAY wait he didn't sign.
  
• Jay "Not" Fair @ $800/12months: He's a referee.
  
• Eddie "Carvill" Howard @ $600/15months: That guy's the Natural, not you, Eddie. Jerk.
  
• Kirk "Captain" Jameson @ $600/15months: He's a future star. Aside from, y'know, I'm burying him.
  
• Leprue Messiex @ $1,500+t/15months: Leper Jesus. Go read that series that I've never referenced at http://www.onionknight.com/library.php
  Also needed a title.
  
• Maryam "Don't put a mask on and don't have claws on when I bone you please" Vega @ $100/15months: I'd put a cattle on her loins. See, I'm making a Catalonia pun.
  
• Matt "The Shock" Hawking @ $450/15months: I thought he was that analgesic scientist. Huh.
  
• Ryan "From" Holland $800/15months: Holland is HARDKOR wait isn't Amersterdam in Holland? One sec...
   
  YES YES I WAS RIGHT YES UNINTENTIONAL DANIEL BRYAN REFERENCE wait that guy doesn't exist OH GOD TIME PLARADAULX
  
• Henry "Tony" Bennett $600+t/15months: IT'S NOT UNUSUAL wait that's not right...
  
• Derek "Jack" Frost @ $500+t/15months: He looks like Sam Flynn.
   
  Wait, no, Dan DaLay.
  
• Melody @ $350/15months: I can't think of something clever to say. She isn't boneriffic though HA HA TAKE A SHOT
  
• Omar "I thought he tagged with Harrison Hash great now I'll have him and Harlem Haynes mixed up at least I'm not racist" Brown did not sign. BUT I'M STILL NOT RACIST.
  
• Ash "Ketchum" Campbell @ $600+t/15months:
  
  Ash Ketchum Ash I hope you can understand that you and I will have a battle that we'll tell our kids about so choose your best pokemon and he'll fight against mine yes I'm older yes I'm smarter but I think you'll do just fine I've had enough you're not so tough I wanna fight you're out of time you will regret the things you said about my pokemon and I.
   
  YOU AND ME BABY ARE POKEMON TRAINERS SO LET'S BATTLE LIKE THEY BATTLE IN VIRIDIAN CITY!
  
• Doc "Debra" Messing @ $500/15months: Wait a second I thought she was a redhead...
  
• Honest "jk" Frank did not sign with me.
  
• Krissy "Totally a DX fan" Angelle @ $150/15months: *insert victoria's secret angel pic here*
  
• Mitch "Totally Vibert" Naess asked fro a downside agreement. I would have signed him, but **** VIBERT.
  
• Nicole "I have a place on me that you can" Kiss @ $400/15months: tbh I don't know if her nickname is her talking to me or me to her, but I gotta say BONERIFFIC ANOTHER SHOT NOW PLZ.
  
• Jennifer "In" Heat @ $450+t/15months: Also, "I want to be in".
  
• Inky The "Tentacular" Squid Boy @ $500+t/15months: A hit with the ladies.
  
• Corporal "Doctor" Doom @ $900/15months: I need to pair him with Doc Messing. Then we have an evil guy and a hot chick.
  
• Seduction...so...yeah. Nothing else to say on that one. Didn't sign.
  
• Kazuma "Not Miyazaki" Narato did not sign. Sure as **** is expensive, though.
  
• Silver "Land" Shark did not sign. Good. Because they are evil.
   
  Well...definitely not good. One sec...Nope, neutral. My bad.
  

[Eidenhoek]

Dunton: Status report.

 

Eidenhoek:

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/4/9216220912.jpg

[Eidenhoek]

Marc Raisin told me about this "Royce Grieg" fellow. I responded:

 

1. Hiring Royce.

 

2. wtf Marc, I hired you at some point?

 

More people I hired:

 

The Amazing Fire Fly

Jonnie Perez

Little Miss Sunshine

Masked Cougar

The Cannonball Kid

Jefferson Stardust

D.C. Rayne

Dragon del shut up eyes

Mayhem Midden

Steve Smith hey isn't he on that one show...

Stuart Ferdinand

Geoff Borne

The Tic

Citizen X

Findlay O'Farraday

Marvin Earnest

Bradford Peverell

Dane O'Hara

Handsome Stranger

Raphael

Rob L Miskovsky

Geena The Warrior Princess

Miss Information

Barry Kingman (with a title run >_>)

Alex Braun (with a title run >_>)

Panda Mask II

 

Guys I did not sign:

 

Nathan Coleman

Craig Prince

JD Morgan

Teddy Powell

Duane Fry

Jay Chord

So I guess that's Steve Flash...http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/4/9716463739.jpg

 

What did we learn from this? I NEED TO GO TO WAR WITH PSW I CAN JUMP SHIP YESSSSSS

 

I also went to war with WEXXV and MOSC for good measure.

[Eidenhoek]

AAA and I got into a bidding war over Zoe Ammis.

 

Let's just say that I'll pay over a thousand dollars to get me some 69.

 

Agent 69.

 

http://www.tampabay.com/blogs/media/sites/tampabay.com.blogs.media/files/images/typepad-legacy-files/51003.6a00d83451b05569e201156f48e6bd970b-pi.jpg

[Eidenhoek]

Oh, P.S.

 

Since I'm now going to war with AAA because I want their boobs, I'm now going to war with every company.

 

Including Babes Sensually...Cold.

 

...

 

Well, maybe not BSC, but I already sent the letter in the mail.

[Rayelek]

Oh, P.S.

 

Since I'm now going to war with AAA because I want their boobs, I'm now going to war with every company.

 

Including Babes Sensually...Cold.

 

...

 

Well, maybe not BSC, but I already sent the letter in the mail.

 

Is "Babes of Sensual Coitus" the words you're looking for?

[Eidenhoek]

Some people might say that I don't give credit where it is due. However, that is a lie and **** all of you.

 

Except one man, one man who wrote in to me to give me the greatest idea I think I have ever heard. And I quote:

 

Dear Eidenhoek Avatar,

 

I am one of your legions of fans and man, I totally didn't have the nerve to write to you but I decided to dedicate my life to living according to your tenets. Since then, I have banged 500 women that were actually real and not posters. I would send you hawt pix, as you so humbly request us fans send you of the chicks we bang and/or our hot moms and/or sisters and/or women we see, but I do not feel this can wait.

 

I know that you are currently looking to buy out and/or move into Las Vegas so as to marry Honey Golightly in one of those crazy pologamist-orgy weddings, and it seems that the sheer joy of this event mmade your words slightly less clear.

 

Is "Babes of Sensual Coitus" the words you're looking for?

 

Yes, yes they are, dear Rayelek. As a bonus, just to you, I'll let you in on a secret: Fumihiro Ota is leaving us for CZCW. And we're low on finances. And at war with everyone.

 

Including Babes of Sensual Coitus.

[Eidenhoek]

Speaking of porn stars, Kali Fornia just joined the roster.

 

BEST.

 

DAY.

 

EVER.

 

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/4/11316514252.jpg

[Eidenhoek]

I hired Grieg.

 

Our backstage environment is so good, I could outlaw some more stuff and make people wait in line for cheese and people would still throw me a party.

 

I am...their king.

 

Unfortunately, Mikey James, Frankie Perez, and Steve Smith are gone.

 

Also, I just now noticed we're in the hole for over $2,500. That's bad.

 

Oh, apparently Steve Smith is starting tomorrow, i.e. today. Nice.

 

I hired me some CanDrag as well.

 

http://www.urbandragons.com/dragonpics/candrag.gif

 

Now that we're at war, he's got 2 weeks to kill in NOTBPW. Ha ha ha, as if he was a real wrestler. Or dragon. Or Canadian.

 

Gauge and Cattley might be gone. Given how well I work with the latter, I might want to do something about that.

 

Might...

 

OH **** I JUST SIGNED BART BIGGZ WHICH SUCKS BECAUSE HE WANTED A DOWNSIDE CRAP CRAP CRAP WE'RE GOING UNDER NOOOOOOOO

[Eidenhoek]

Mean Machine, the only guy I have chemistry with, signed with FCW.

 

So he's leaving.

 

He hates me, so he won't re-sign.

 

I could give him money, but we're in debt.

 

Um...

 

AND NOW GREG GUAGE IS LEAVING! Not if I have anything to say about it...

 

 

Edit:

 

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/5/12217231642.jpg

 

Well crap.

[Eidenhoek]

I hired some new guys. It's the day of the show, so let me check something real fast. I had that scare awhile back with Hall's contract, so I want to make sure my $5,000 sponsorship is alright.

 

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/5/12217252562.jpg

 

So that's...4500...63...70...$8,600.

 

...

 

AW FU

[Eidenhoek]

So...I figured since we were going under, might as well go out with a bang, right?

 

I'll show you how well-received our last show was, along with exactly how much debt Mr. Dunton Hall accrued.

[Eidenhoek]

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/5/12217372276.jpg

 

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/5/1221738309.jpg

 

...

 

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/5/12217394847.jpg

 

...

 

HOW ARE WE STILL IN BUSINESS also I'm 89.1% fatigued.

 

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/5/12217462937.jpg

 

Ah, just took them a month to care.

[Eidenhoek]

It's been a day past two weeks. We're still open for business.

 

...

 

I could run a show, but y'know what? No point. We're done. I'll let us die in peace.

 

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/5/12218000576.jpg

 

Now that's odd...

[Eidenhoek]

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/5/12218055548.jpg