The Inauspicious Adventures of Photon Boy!

[Snap Wilson]

http://img692.imageshack.us/img692/5153/photonboyxn.jpg

Volume 1, Issue #0: "Origin of a Hero" (yes, we mean him)

 

 

 

 

http://img4.imageshack.us/img4/3190/drhubris.jpg

"You insignificant little worm! You will die for this!"

 

Currently, I am being suspended roughly three miles above the Earth in the grasp of the angry gentleman shown above, who goes by the name of Dr. Hubris. He is the leader of the global criminal organisation EGO and, not inconsequentially, one of the most powerful super villains on Earth. Among his many powers is the ability to fly, apparently without the use of any external assistance. I would find the thermodynamic properties of this fascinating were I not so preoccupied with screaming in terror.

 

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/3190/drhubris.jpg "Will you CEASE that infernal noise!"

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg "AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... sorry."

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/3190/drhubris.jpg "You snivelling little coward, you have undone years of calculated planning. Were it not for your bumbling interference, Principal City would be a smoking crater right now, and that fool Captain Awesome would be lying at my feet, broken and defeated! My glorious airship has fallen from the heavens and my EGO Boost Battalion is being routed by these accursed heroes!"

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg "..."

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/3190/drhubris.jpg "Well? What do you have to say for yourself? Speak, whelp!"

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg "...Sorry?

 

I watch as his eyes narrow into slits of anger. I said something wrong. I do that a lot. I'm not very good in social situations.

 

I suppose some explanation is in order. My name is Paulie Peyton, and I am what less intelligent men have classified as a 'genius.' Last year I graduated from the prestigious Hub Borough Institute of Technology with doctorates in Physics, Chemistry, Computer Science and Engineering. Out of college I was recruited by every science laboratory, research facility and think tank across the United States. I elected to work for the Pride Corporation: partially because the CEO was Maxmillian Pride, a legend in the science community; partially because they were promising revolutionary work in the area of particle physics--the development of a dynamic energy source that could be used to power the reclamation of The Wastelands; but mostly because they offered me gobs of money.

 

As you may have discerned from my current predicament, things have not worked out as I had hoped. It wasn't long before I discovered that the Pride Corporation was a front for EGO (I know, Pride, Ego... it seems so obvious in retrospect), that the dynamic energy source was being used for powerful weapons and bombs that could destroy a city, and Maxmillian Pride was none other than... well, take a guess. So not only am I in mortal danger, I'm also out of a job, and I can't even use him as a reference.

 

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/3190/drhubris.jpg "To be laid low by this pathetic insect. If the League of Fiends ever finds out about this, I will be a laughing stock..."

 

I look behind him at the EGO airship sinking slowly into Vigilant Bay and flash back to the last twenty-four hours. I was working late at night, as usual, and I got the munchies. I had heard that the really good vending machines were on Sublevel 2, and honestly, you can only eat so many candy bars and instant soup before... well, I guess that's not important. So I was wandering around on SL2 and I must have gotten lost, as I wound up in an area I had never seen before, and of course that's when my weak bladder decides to kick in. There are weird symbols on the walls and doors; a white upside-down triangle with a black cross, but nothing is labeled, and I wonder how anyone can find ANYTHING down there. I opened the first door I saw hoping it was a restroom; rather than the comforting sight of sinks and stalls, it appears to be a large dressing room with blue uniforms and masks hanging on hooks, and a wall of futuristic looking rifles and pistols; I deduced right then that I was in serious trouble. I heard voices coming from down the hall and did the only thing I could think to do--I tore off my clothes and immediately put one of the blue uniforms on, slipping the mask over my face just as the door flew open.

 

http://img820.imageshack.us/img820/4796/agentsofego.jpg "You there! What are you still doing here? We're supposed to report to the airship. Hurry up and follow me!"

 

I have no choice. Thirty minutes later, we're all standing on the airship, hovering above Principal City. Outside, Captain Awesome, Lady America and members of The Network, The Wonderfuls and The New Breed struggle futilely to penetrate the force field surrounding the massive aircraft; a force field powered by the very energy source I was helping to develop. Inside, Dr. Hubris drones on about how his master plan was coming to fruition, how Principal City would serve as an example of their power, and how the world would fall to its knees, and I know I should have been scared with all these armed, crazy people surrounding me cheering on his every word, but all I can think of is the only reason they're cheering is they all went to the bathroom BEFORE he started talking.

 

I don't know what prompted me to do what I did next. I know I didn't want to see Principal City be destroyed. I knew I didn't want to see the world fall to its knees, even though, speaking logically, the world doesn't really HAVE knees. I knew I had to do something. I know that force field has to come down. While everybody is staring at Hubris, I make my way over to one of the computer terminals. I sit down and my fingers work furiously over the keyboard. 'I don't care what kind of security you have here, Doctor,' I think to myself. 'You're dealing with one of the foremost technical minds on Earth. There isn't any kind of code I can't crack, any algorithm I can't decipher. If it takes all my wits, I will see you--'

 

http://img543.imageshack.us/img543/5453/artificialintelligence.jpg "HI! Welcome to the Automated EGO Voice-Activated Airship Control Panel, or AEVAACP! What would you like to do today?"

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg (whispering) "Force Field Controls"

http://img543.imageshack.us/img543/5453/artificialintelligence.jpg "I'm sorry! I could not understand your command!"

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/3190/drhubris.jpg "What? Who dares to interrupt? What is going on over there?"

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg "FORCE FIELD CONTROLS! FORCE FIELD CONTROLS!"

http://img543.imageshack.us/img543/5453/artificialintelligence.jpg "You have selected the Force Field Control Panel! If you would like to Enable or Disable the Outer Force Field, please say 'Enable' or--"

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg "DISABLE! DISABLE!"

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/3190/drhubris.jpg "What? NO! Somebody stop him!"

http://img543.imageshack.us/img543/5453/artificialintelligence.jpg "You have selected to Disable the Outer Force Field. Have a nice day!"

 

The ship lurches immediately as claxons sound and red lights flash everywhere. I look up at a monitor to see Captain Awesome tearing holes in the side of the hull, when I am suddenly dragged from my seat. That's when I start screaming.

 

My mind shifts back to the present, where I'm relieved to find that Dr. Hubris is pre-occupied with something other than killing me.

 

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/3190/drhubris.jpg "If Demento found out about this, I would be ruined. He and Night Cap are always talking about me behind my back, I just know it. I know they both voted against me when I ran for League treasurer--"

 

http://img846.imageshack.us/img846/7235/captainawesome.jpg

"Stand down, villain! You face the Protector of Principal City, Captain Awesome!"

 

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/3190/drhubris.jpg "Captain Awesome! You've interfered with my plans once too often. Prepare to face the power of Dr. Hubris!"

http://img29.imageshack.us/img29/7235/captainawesome.jpg "Anytime, Doctor! Why don't you let the man go and I'll be happy to serve you a seven-course meal of TRUTH, with a heaping spoonful of JUSTICE on the side!"

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/3190/drhubris.jpg "Let him go? Certainly, Captain. As you wish."

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg "Perhaps we could rephrase that to something less open to interpretation, such as 'place him gently on the grouAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

http://img29.imageshack.us/img29/7235/captainawesome.jpg "What? NO! You fiend! You monster! You... fiendish MONSTER!"

http://img688.imageshack.us/img688/3190/drhubris.jpg "HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

 

 

 

 

To Be Continued....?

[1PWfan]

That was funny. Photon Boy's actually pretty good for a level one hero, so this is a good choice for a character to build around. Quick word, though: Principal City is a killer at low levels, so you might want to go to Hub Borough or Ravenholme for a while

[Snap Wilson]

1PWfan, thanks for the feedback. Looking forward to reading more of yours as well. As for where Photon Boy winds up, who can say? I know I want to interact with many of the characters in the world, so I have no doubt he'll get around, but plans are far from set in stone and subject to auctorial whim.

[MJStark]

That was funny. Photon Boy's actually pretty good for a level one hero, so this is a good choice for a character to build around.

 

Agreed. Nice writing style too, keep up the good work (I knew this forum being mine and Jingo's private stomping ground would come to an end some time )

[Snap Wilson]

Agreed. Nice writing style too, keep up the good work (I knew this forum being mine and Jingo's private stomping ground would come to an end some time )

 

In the spirit of the game, I feel like I should make some grandiose villainous declaration announcing my invasion, but unfortunately I share the Cowardly attribute with Photon Boy.

 

In any case, thank you, sir. I am greatly enjoying the various adventures of Jimmy James in all his iterations, as well as the associated spin-offs.

[Snap Wilson]

When we last left our intrepid hero, he had been hurled towards his seeming doom by the evil Dr. Hubris...

 

 

 

I am calm. I am a zen garden of calm. Sure, outwardly I may display the signs of extreme panic--flailing arms, high pitched screaming--but these are simply my body's involuntarily reactions to the unfamiliar stimuli of hurtling towards the ground at extreme, bladder-evacuating speed. Inside, I am a Buddhist cow.

 

I've lived a good life. I graduated from college with three doctorates. I had a good job. Sure, they turned out to be a criminal organization bent on global domination, but they paid well. I even saved Principal City. Maybe even the world. Nobody will ever know, but I'm a hero! Me! It even cost me my life!

 

Oh god, I'm an idiot. Why did I have to be a hero? I'm not a hero! Why couldn't I have just stood there and listened to Dr. Hubris blather on about his stupid plans coming to stupid fruition and let the real heroes do the work?

 

"Excuse me..."

 

I don't know what I was trying to prove. My psychiatrist always said I suffer from delusions of grandeur. The Network was there, meaning that CommuniKate was around somewhere. She's a computer genius, she would have disabled the force field eventually.

 

"Hey, Mister? Do you want me to..."

 

But noooooo, I had to be a Big Man. And look at me now, about to become a stain on the ground, struck down in my youth without ever having known the sweet, gentle caress of a wo--

 

 

http://img713.imageshack.us/img713/8159/missatomic.jpg

"EXCUSE ME, MISTER! YOU CAN STOP SCREAMING NOW!"

 

 

It appears that I am no longer falling. I have been saved by the sweet, gentle, caressing arms of Miss Atomic. Also, I think I can see my house from here.

 

 

http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/8159/missatomic.jpg "Hey, you're not one of the bad guys, are you? You're dressed like them."

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg "No, it was, uh... a misunderstanding."

http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/8159/missatomic.jpg "Don't worry, I'm kinda obligated to save you, anyway. We're heroes, we do that sort of stuff. Hey, what's that smell?"

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg "It's nothing. And I'm not one of the bad guys, honest."

http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/8159/missatomic.jpg "Well, the way Dr. Hubris threw you like that, I guess I can believe you. Man, we really lucked out this time."

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg "Yes, I certainly was lucky. Thank you."

http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/8159/missatomic.jpg "Oh, you're welcome, but I don't mean you. That airship was pounding us. If that force field hadn't gone down, another minute or two, and... I don't know."

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg "Really?"

http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/8159/missatomic.jpg "Yeah, Kate must have cracked it, I guess. But we were pretty shaky there for a while. I admit, I got scared for a second."

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg "I... I don't think I could handle it. You're very brave."

http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/8159/missatomic.jpg "Pssh, I don't know. I get terrified sometimes. But what can you do? With guys like him around..."

 

 

She motions towards Dr. Hubris off in the distance, who was engaged in a rather spectacular battle with Captain Awesome.

 

 

http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/8159/missatomic.jpg ...people need all the help they can get, you know? Oh, land ho!"

 

 

She sets me gently on the ground. I resist the urge to kneel down and kiss the pavement, but only just.

 

 

http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/8159/missatomic.jpg "Easy does it, Mister. You gonna be okay?"

http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/1470/photonboy.jpg "I think so. Thank you, again."

http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/8159/missatomic.jpg "Aw, you're sweet. Don't mention it. Daddy would yell at me for letting you go, seeing as how you're wearing EGO colors, but I got a good feeling about you. I think you're one of the good guys. Take care now. Bye!"

 

 

I know what you're thinking. This is where I have the ephipany, right? Hearing her tell me about how 'people need all the help they can get' and 'I think you're one of the good guys.' Well yeah, duh. The title of this book is "Origin Of A Hero," not "An Idiot Barely Escapes With His Life." So yeah, of course I'm thinking that. I'm also thinking I need to go home, burn these pants, and take a shower.

 

Don't get me wrong, helping people is great. Saving lives, I'm all for that. But what really makes up my mind is this: That son of a b!@#% tried to kill me. He dropped me from three miles up in the air, and I want to make him regret it. It's petty, I know. It's completely juvenile. I don't care. I want to burn EGO to the ground in a way few things have ever burned to the ground. I want to recycle all their weapons and donate all their stupid blue uniforms to Goodwill. And I want Dr. Hubris to look up from the rubble and see me staring down at him. And then... I want him to eat the rubble... or something. I don't know. I'll need to think about it. I'm new to the whole revenge thing.