From Russia with Bumps: It's Championship Wrestling from Russia!

[bhutapati]

The year is 1992. The Soviet Union has dissolved. State assets are sold off at fire-sale prices. Party cadres become powerful oligarchs. American corporations enter the country like conquering heroes. There's now a McDonalds in Red Square. Mikhail Gorbachev is in a commercial for Pizza Hut. Old cultural mores fall away as the youth are ensorceled by the powers of blue jeans, rock music and Pepsi cola.

The only thing missing is professional wrestling.

Salman Hashimikov, Victor Zangiev, Volk Han -- all legendary names in the world of Japanese wrestling. But why didn't some enterprising oligarch try to promote them at home? In 1989, NJPW drew 15,000 fans in Moscow -- I intend to do the same, building up homegrown talent and creating a new wrestling scene out of nothing. And along the way, I intend to make lots of money.

This is Championship Wrestling from Russia.

 

[bhutapati]

So, where do we get started?

Well, I've selected Salman Hashimikov as my user character. Wikipedia tells me (in a totally unsourced statement) that he only became a wrestler after a failed business career, which makes him the perfect candidate to run a wrestling promotion. (How do you fail to run a business in a communist country? How do you even start one? None of the answers will be found here.)

What Product should we bring to the people? Well, Hashimikov, Zangiev and the others are all great wrestlers but they're not so charismatic. We may have to start with a wrestling-focused product. Hot angles and convoluted storylines are good and all, but we're breaking completely new ground here -- these Russian marks probably won't even know wrestling is f*ke. I'm going to go with Slobberknocker for the product because I have a feeling that with the economy in total freefall, people are going to want to see guys get the piss beat out of them. It's cathartic.

Now, let's get to hiring some talent. What Russian talent is available to us?

Less than ideal. Even after hiring all these guys (and three guys out of the Republic of Georgia who already work for RINGS) we only have ten potential members of the roster. How are we going to fill out our numbers? It's time to look abroad.

Now, I don't want to go overboard hiring talent. I'm not Tony Khan. What we need are a few solid job guys to get our local talent established, and some wrestlers to establish as proper foreign heels for our Russian heroes to fight against and restore our national dignity.

First, the job guys. Ludwig Borga, Larry Cameron, Big Bully Busick, Gama Singh, Ice Train, Adrian Street and of course the king of them all, Randy Hogan. These guys are all signed to one-appearance contracts. Some of them will be brought back depending on their performance, but to be honest, I want to keep things fresh and get a nice rotation of barely-remembered 90s wrestlers coming through Moscow to get stretched by the true masters.

Now for the proper heels. This is good. Steven Regal and Dave Finlay are obvious choices. Jado and Gedo are available to work in Europe so they're in too. Eddie Guerrero had to be talked into working in Europe, but he's in. Norman Smiley, he's in as well. All these guys have skills that will help our Russian talent get to the next level. But there is, of course, only one choice to be the number one heel in the ЧРР. Terry Funk gets the nod to be the Ugly American, and that rounds out our roster for the time being.

(I've also hired Boris Zhukov, specifically so that I can fire him on the first day. Fake Russians will not be tolerated in the ЧРР.)

It's the 90s, so we'll need a bit of sex appeal as well. Woman, Sweet Saraya and Jeannie Clark all get the nod to be valets.

Now that we have the talent secured, it's time to bring wrestling to Russia.

 

[bhutapati]

First things first... get his ass out of here. He's not even really Russian! What is he doing here?!

 

Now that's taken care of, we can finally get a good look at our roster.

 

You know when Ice Train is the top wrestler on your roster you're in trouble... nevertheless, him and Victor Borga -- oh, sorry, Ludvig Borga -- are only here to put over the local guys. After the first few shows, our franchise players will be all Russian and Georgian guys with fairly low star power and charisma. Speaking of which, that star quality is going to be a problem for us. We need to bring to bear everything we have to get these guys looking like proper pro wrestlers. Andrei Kopylov is one of the few guys we have under 30 and he has a star quality of eight. EIGHT!

So, first we'll take our valets and rename them. Woman is now Natasha, Saraya is now Svetlana and Jeannie Clark is now Anya. Great. Natasha is managing Salman Hashimikov, Svetlana is managing Andrei Kopylov and Anya is managing Volk Han. I wanted to give Victor Zangiev a valet, but after looking at Kopylov's star quality (eight! It's eight.) he needs all the help we can get. And that brings us to the other resource we have at our disposal, Russian medical science.

Andrei accepts my implicit instructions to get on the gas. All our other Russian and Georgian athletes do as well, except Grigory Verichev, but I won't hold that against him. We also have a so-called 'dirty doctor' backstage because the boys have to have their candy.

The stage is set. All our preparation has come to this: the first CWR show. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for War and Peace!

 

[Pteroid]

P U S H D A T R A I N

[Dawn]

One of the most interesting premises I've seen around here. I'm sold! You win my eternal love if you repackage a female wrestler as Anastasia.

Edited November 11, 2022 by Dawn

[bhutapati]

We now go live to Moscow, Russia, where 268 fans who just heard about pro wrestling yesterday and came in for free are ready for a huge seven match card here at CWR WAR AND PEACE.

In our opening contest, Vladimir Berkovich and Igor Kolmykov take on Jado and Gedo. Berkovich taps out Gedo with a Boston Crab in 12:52 in what fans are already calling 'decent.'

Suddenly, Terry Funk storms out to face Grom Zaza and, after beating him from pillar to post, pins him after a Piledriver in under five minutes. What's this? Now he's grabbing the ringside microphone and blasting the Russian fans! He says there's not a single man in all of Mother Russia who can whup him! The fans have no idea what Terry Funk is saying but everyone is excited and confused!

Next, the masked wrestler El Cosmonauta (portrayed tonight by Eddy Guerrero) comes out to face Adrian Street. Cosmonauta gets the submission with the Gory Special in 13:02. The match is decent but doesn't have a lot of heat, and the masked cosmonaut gimmick doesn't seem to go over with the crowd very well.

Now the Judo medallist Grigory Verichev is out to face the great Gama Singh. After an exciting back-and-forth contest, Verichev punishes Singh with a huge Judo slam and gets the pin in 13:25.

Another tag team contest as Victor Zangiev and Andrei Kopylkov take on Big Bully Busick and Randy Hogan. The Americans get demolished quickly as Hogan taps out for Zangiev after a few short minutes. This is the worst match on the show so far, mostly due to Randy Hogan's abject lack of talent.

Volk Han comes out now to face Larry Cameron. In a match with good wrestling and good heat, Han gets the submission at 16:08. The road agent notes that Volk Han and Anya have great chemistry.

Finally, our main event. Salman Hashimikov faces Ludvig Borga. The wrestling is not so good but the heat is off the charts as Hashimikov outwrestles Borga for a pin at 14:36. The crowd goes wild as the national hero goes over.

But Terry Funk comes back out to the ring and confronts Salman Hashimikov! He's getting up in Hashimikov's face, trying to challenge him! Once again, the crowd has no idea what Terry Funk is saying but they all seem really into it! Hashimikov just laughs him off and leaves the ring with his valet Natasha! Terry Funk is furious, railing against the Russian fans and wrestlers as they eventually cut the house mic off, then the lights, leading him to storm to the back.

Join us again when Championship Wrestling from Russia returns with CWR WAR AND PEACE II: TOTAL WAR!

35 minutes ago, Pteroid said:

P U S H D A T R A I N

I was going to job out D A T R A I N but he gave me a hard time about losing to Hashimikov or anybody so I think I might actually have to push him.

Edited November 11, 2022 by bhutapati

[bhutapati]

It's time for TOTAL WAR -- but first, to get caught up on some other events in the world of wrestling:

I gave Randy a hard time for his poor performance on the last show, but he was entirely reasonable and understanding about it. This means he is a complete pushover and I will be able to bully him even more.

I felt bad about the strain I would be putting on married couples by having their valets come out to work in Russia, so I'm glad that this divorce means that is no longer a concern, at least for 'Svetlana.'

And now, live from Moscow, Russia, it's the long-awaited sequel to War and Peace... it's WAR AND PEACE 2: TOTAL WAR!

The fake Russian being publicly fired as a display of dominance tonight will be Canada's Boris Kruschevv. Congratulations, Boris! Get the fuck out of my locker room!

A crowd of 350 fans who have only just heard of pro wrestling two weeks ago and came for free (maybe half the people from the last show brought a friend?) are here to see a huge six-match card that will go down in history as one of the wrestling shows that took place in January of 1992. Let's begin!

Lord Steven Regal and Dave Finlay come to the ring. Regal runs down the crowd as being a bunch of drunken peasants and thugs. He says that compared to them, Finlay is actually good company. Finlay grabs the microphone and says they'll take on anyone from the Russian side. The crowd again doesn't understand a word they're saying but unlike the Terry Funk segments from last week, this doesn't go over as well.

Vladimir Berkovich and Igor Komylkov come down to the ring to face Regal and Finlay. In a great match, Regal beats Berkovich with the Regal-plex.

El Cosmonauta faces the returning Gama Singh and defeats him in 12:53 with a brainbuster. The match is good, but has no heat.

Volk Han comes out and whips Randy Hogan in 5:37. Surprisingly, Volk Han is able to carry him to a decent match. Maybe I won't yell at him after the show.

The show is interrupted by Terry Funk. He still wants a match with Salman Hashimikov and doesn't care what he has to do to disrupt the show -- he'll tear down the ring if he has to, he just wants Hashimikov to come out to face him. Hashimikov comes out and, despite the language barrier, makes it clear that he is already scheduled to face Ice Train in the main event. Funk tells him he's putting himself in the main event and that Hashimikov should find a partner for later.

This is followed by Grom Zaza vs Siva Afi. The wrestling is bad and there is no heat. I've found my scapegoats for the post-show speech.

Andrei Kopylov and Grigory Verichev face Jado and Gedo next. Verichev hits his judo throw on Jado in 13:18 for the victory in a decent match that sets the table for our main event...

In an epic main event, Salman Hashimikov and Victor Zangiev take on Terry Funk and Ice Train. Hashimikov finally gets Terry Funk to tap out at 30:30.

Moments after the bell, Ice Train hits the ring and lays out Hashimikov with a chain wrapped around his fist, bloodying him up and knocking him out. Zangiev tries to make the save but Ice Train chokes him with the chain as Terry Funk gets on the house mic and once again castigates the fans and swears revenge on Salman Hashimikov for humiliating him tonight -- this isn't over! The crowd doesn't understand a word he's saying but they're sufficiently agitated.

Grom Zaza and Siva Afi weren't bothered by me repeatedly insulting them post-show.

Join us next month when ЧРР returns for the most anticipated trilogy in Russian pro wrestling history -- it's WAR AND PEACE III: NAPOLEON'S REVENGE.

[knkmaster69]

I love everything about this. Naming it War and Peace, everyone being on roids, bullying Randy Hogan, Regal Finlay and Guerrero being on the roster, everything. Keep up the great work and the entertaining dynasty!

[MidKnightDreary]

This is art. Please don't stop

[dstephe4]

This highly original and entertaining dynasty has made me post for the first time in about 3 years. Consider me amused, and please do keep going with this.

 

 

[SonOfSharknado]

Listen. Listen. I need more of this. 

[LordofGustav]

Seems promising, it has been a while since i have readed a TEW diary.

BTW, what product you will be using, it will be inspired in NJPW or AJPW?

Edited January 22, 2023 by LordofGustav