Guest nuggeh Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 Dude this story is aweseom on so many levels and also wrong on so many levels. This diary makes my day every time I read it. Haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Shape Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 Matt is probably favourite character. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted March 5, 2010 Author Share Posted March 5, 2010 Dude... this... is.... classic. Please make two updates a day. I will be very happy. I'm thinking about doing this because I started this diary on a different forum, and am now catching it up over here. That basically means I have a surplus of segments + shows to post over here and can easily do two a day. We'll see what I decide to do soon I guess. And for those too lazy to notice there was a new update only a few posts ago on the last page, John meets Shelton Benjamin on the midnight train goin' anywhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Masked Orange Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 This is AWESOME. The humor is just so screwball/black/Orton it's miraculous... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icedragon770 Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 Dude this story is aweseom on so many levels and also wrong on so many levels. This diary makes my day every time I read it. Haha. yea it was funny and wrong but interesting so keep up the hard work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted March 5, 2010 Author Share Posted March 5, 2010 Grove Street, West Newbury, Massachusetts. July 21st, 2009. 3:00 AM EST John and JBL are visiting Grove Street, and their good friend, Carl Johnson. John Cena: Nice car, Carl. CJ Fool: Thanks dog, it's a transformer. Just then, Tha Black Phenom, his Mean Street Posse, his playboy Akon and his hoodlum OJ Simpson show up in a few cars and block off the exit to the Grove. They pull out some Uzi's and hop out of their cars. Tha Black Phenom: We're takin over the Grove, homies. CJ Fool: Ah hot damn, come on dogs, we gotta defend the Grove. Homie love n ****. CJ pulls out a gun and starts shooting at Tha Black Phenom while JBL and John get down behind CJ's car. JBL: JOHN WE HAVE TO LEAVE JOHN. CJ Fool: Dogs, you can't leave me to defend the Grove alone. John and JBL leave CJ to defend the Grove alone. An hour later, they arrive at their hotel room they're staying at. John opens the door, only to find a strange man sitting on his and JBL's bed. Chris Kanyon: Hire me. John Cena: No. John gives him an Attitude Adjustment and advances to the second round of the World John Cena World Cup Tournament. Suddenly, another man walks out of the bathroom. Lance Storm: What an interesting **** I just had. Seeing through his lies, JBL gives Lance a Clothesline From Hell - BUT HE DUCKS AND LOCKS IN THE TEXAS CLOVERLEAF. JBL TAPS, LANCE MOVES ONTO THE SECOND ROUND OF THE WORLD JOHN CENA WORLD CUP TOURNAMENT. JBL: NO WHY DID I TAP OUT TO THAT MOVE IT DIDNT EVEN HURT GOD DAMMIT I HATE YOU LANCE STORM. JBL grabs both Lance and Kanyon and quickly launches them out of the open door, closing it behind him. John Cena: There there big man, lets get some rest. I'll make you some biscuits and gravy in the morning. JBL begins to pout like a big fat ***** as he and John lay down for the night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfectedGT Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 John Cena: There there big man, lets get some rest. I'll make you some biscuits and gravy in the morning. Festus and Jesse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheKenwyne Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 CJ Fool: Dogs, you can't leave me to defend the Grove alone. John and JBL leave CJ to defend the Grove alone. This comedy right here... this is like your trademark style. I hope when/if any actual shows happen they are as down right hilarious as this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waghlon Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 Everybody Hates Lance - The new hit sitcom from the makers of John Cena's Wrestling School. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted March 6, 2010 Author Share Posted March 6, 2010 A Wrestling Ring, West Newbury, Massachusetts. July 24th, 2009. 5:00 PM EST John and JBL are watching the viper Randy Orton defend his World John Cena Hardcore Championship in a wrestling ring against Raven. John Cena: This is a close match. Raven hits the Raven Flow DDT on Randy, causing the ring to collapse. John Cena: Oh my if they can't reach their feet, both men will be counted out. 1. 2. 3- JBL: TEN ITS A DRAW. John declares Randy and Raven co-World John Cena Hardcore Champions. Randy Orton: This...... Randy Orton: Is........ Randy Orton: An........ Randy Orton: Out....... Randy Orton: Rage...... Randy Orton: I......... Randy Orton: Am........ Randy Orton: Declaring. Randy Orton: Myself.... Randy Orton: Champ..... Randy Orton: ion....... John Cena: You want some, come get some Randy. Orton puts John in a headlock until he taps, making another defense of his title and running off into the night. JBL: JOHN YOU LOST AGAIN GOD DAMMIT IT WAS JUST A HEADLOCK. Just then, John's phone began to ring. John Cena: Hello. JBL: John, good news. We have the arena booked for our first show you god damn ************. John Cena: JBL, why are you calling me? You're right beside me. And tone down the language you black man, my mother reads this diary. JBL: John dammit John just put together a card, I'm on an important business meeting. JBL hangs up, walks over to Raven, pulls out his Nintendo DS, and challenges him to a Pokemon battle. John Cena: Hmm. I guess it would be smart to get some matches together. I just don't know if I have anybody who can take on Tha Black Phenom's Posse alone. Shelton Benjamin steps out of the shadows wearing a black cloak. Shelton Benjamin: I believe I can solve your problem. John Cena: What is it Shelton Benjamin? Shelton snaps his fingers, and within moments, his trusty sidekick is at his side. Rodzilla: Sup. John Cena: Oh my it's Dennis Rodman. But we also need commentators for this show. Shelton Benjamin: I have also covered this. Shelton snaps his fingers, and within moments, Michael Cole and Jerry The King Lawler are standing at his side. John Cena: Oh my we've stolen Raw's commentating team it seems. Michael Cole: Oh my. Jerry King Lawler: Oh my. Rodzilla: Oh my. Kurt Angle: Oh yeah. John Cena: Oh my Kurt Angle, what're you doing here? Kurt Angle: I'm here to make Tha Black Phenom tap. THE ****. OUT. YEEEEEAH. John Cena: It looks as if I've got a team to fight Tha Black Phenom and his Mean Street Posse now. John takes a seat on a nearby bench, causing the readers to realize the wrestling ring was positioned outdoors, and writes a card. John Cena's Wrestling School http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/9816/2qwodht.png Main Event Tha Black Phenom w/Akon © vs. John Cena w/Kurt Angle World John Cena World Championship The Vipers Den Match Randy Orton © vs. Mr. Cena World John Cena Hardcore Championship Inferno Match Matt Hardy vs. Hardcore Holly If Matt loses, he's a *****. Oh, and uh, winner advances to the second round of the World John Cena World Cup Tournament Uncle John's Big Bad Battle Royal Team Survival Match Shelton Benjamin & Rodzilla vs. Dolph Ziggler & Kenny Dykstra vs. Mean Street Posse © vs. Chris Kanyon & Mark Henrita vs. Mike Knox World John Cena Tag Team Championships Lance Storm randomly inserts himself into one of these matches because John considered him too exciting to book. GUESS WHICH ONE AND YOU WIN!! Raven broke his neck and will be out of action this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linsolv Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 Guessing Viper's Den. Do I win a prize? Do I get to be drive-by RKO'd? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sebsy Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 This diary is so utterly ridiculous, yet compelling at the same time. The logical guess for Lance Storm would be the Battle Royal team match, as Mike Knox is there on his own whilst everyone else is in pairs, therefore Knox's partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted March 6, 2010 Author Share Posted March 6, 2010 Guessing Viper's Den. Do I win a prize? Do I get to be drive-by RKO'd? You get nothing, the prize was a lie. Anyway, I'll be giving 2 days instead of the normal 1 day until the show is posted so everyone can have a chance to see the nice card I posted and either look at it and leave, look at it and tell me how much they enjoy its beauty, look at it and predict the results, etc. There are hundreds of different things you people could do with this time I'm giving you, don't let me down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nuggeh Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 Main Event World John Cena World Championship Tha Black Phenom w/Akon © vs. John Cena w/Kurt Angle The Vipers Den Match World John Cena Hardcore Championship Randy Orton © vs. Mr. Cena Inferno Match Matt Hardy vs. Hardcore Holly If Matt loses, he's a *****. Oh, and uh, winner advances to the second round of the World John Cena World Cup Tournament Uncle John's Big Bad Battle Royal Team Survival Match World John Cena Tag Team Championships Shelton Benjamin & Rodzilla vs. Dolph Ziggler & Kenny Dykstra vs. Mean Street Posse © vs. Chris Kanyon & Mark Henrita vs. Mike Knox Lance Storm randomly inserts himself into one of these matches because John considered him too exciting to book. The Viper's Den Match Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheKenwyne Posted March 6, 2010 Share Posted March 6, 2010 Main Event Tha Black Phenom w/Akon © vs. John Cena w/Kurt Angle World John Cena World Championship The Vipers Den Match Randy Orton © vs. Mr. Cena vs. Lance Storm World John Cena Hardcore Championship Inferno Match Matt Hardy vs. Hardcore Holly If Matt loses, he's a *****. Oh, and uh, winner advances to the second round of the World John Cena World Cup Tournament Uncle John's Big Bad Battle Royal Team Survival Match Shelton Benjamin & Rodzilla vs. Dolph Ziggler & Kenny Dykstra vs. Mean Street Posse © vs. Chris Kanyon & Mark Henrita vs. Mike Knox World John Cena Tag Team Championships Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfectedGT Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I think i've read this diary before. Except instead of Tha Black Phenom it was The Hazard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linsolv Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Wow. Apparently, everyone's thinking that Lance Storm's going into the Viper's Den. Weird! Also, I predict that Orton will win all matches except the Battle Royal. I know. He's not in them, you say. Well, I say, when you've got a car, time, and the ability to RKO... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Shape Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Just read half of samuel beckett's waiting for godot, and the similarities between his style of writing and this are nothing short of alarming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterHilton Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Just read half of samuel beckett's waiting for godot, and the similarities between his style of writing and this are nothing short of alarming. Tremendous play. If you haven't read it, pick up Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead afterwards. Good stuff..similar vein. WHoever gave this thread less than 5 stars is a ****. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EddieFnG Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 To be honest, what I'm most looking forward to is who's gonna be the commentators? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeel1 Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 To be honest, what I'm most looking forward to is who's gonna be the commentators? See: John Cena: Oh my it's Dennis Rodman. But we also need commentators for this show. Shelton Benjamin: I have also covered this. Shelton snaps his fingers, and within moments, Michael Cole and Jerry The King Lawler are standing at his side. John Cena: Oh my we've stolen Raw's commentating team it seems. Michael Cole: Oh my. Jerry King Lawler: Oh my. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted March 7, 2010 Author Share Posted March 7, 2010 I think i've read this diary before. Except instead of Tha Black Phenom it was The Hazard. I'm guessing you've been on Neoseeker. Just read half of samuel beckett's waiting for godot, and the similarities between his style of writing and this are nothing short of alarming. He's stealing my work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfectedGT Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I'm guessing you've been on Neoseeker. I knew i recognize that ZTR in your avatar. Zhou Tai Rocks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeel1 Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Quick question; Was the World John Cena World Championship named by the Department of Redundancy Department? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted March 8, 2010 Author Share Posted March 8, 2010 No, it was named by John Cena. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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