EWA: Continuing The Tradition Of Making People Almost Care But Not Turn Up

[benjacko]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA_alt1.jpg

 

European Wrestling All-Stars? what had I done in a previous life to end up in a place where a man walks around constantly flexing his muscles, kissing his biceps and saying either ALPHA or baby.

 

A place where someone actually thinks they are a pirate and says ARRRRRRR every other word and where playing up on stereotypes seems to be the cash cow being milked for everything it's worth.

 

One thing is for sure, there'll be plenty of Bull Shark Testosterone for everyone as long as your name ends in Johansson.

[benjacko]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA_alt1.jpg

 

EWA Stars Of Europe

Sunday, Week 4, January 2010

Location: Bremen Hall (Central Europe)

Attendance: 300

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/BamBamJohansson_alt2.jpg

 

The show kicks off with the ALPHA male Bam Bam Johansson in the ring, flexing his muscles. In between saying he's ALPHA and baby a load of times, Bam Bam says that he is the only man who's ALPHA enough to take on the EWA Universal champion Byron.

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/WhiteKnight.jpg

 

That brings out White Knight in his suit of armour, which makes him take five minutes to get down to the ring before saying he will be the one to take on and slay the EWA Universal champion Byron and if he has to go through Bam Bam then so be it.

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/Byron.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/Elle.jpg

 

As Bam Bam flexed his muscles and White Knight moved extremely slowly towards him, Byron accompanied by Elle make their way down to the ring. Byron says he has an idea of a match between Bam Bam and White Knight with the winner facing him for the EWA Universal title.

 

White Knight respectfully nods in agreement and Bam Bam appears to use flexing his muscles to show his agreement too.

 

Rating: D+

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/ChristopherLister.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/vs.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/KalvinAddams.jpg

Christopher Lister w/ Simona Cox vs. Kalvin Addams

The high flying Christopher Lister looked to try to strike the first blow for his respective team whilst Kalvin Addams struck his own blow for inability at wrestling. Lister looked like winning until the sneaky and cunning Kalvin used his feet on the ropes to steal the pinfall which just goes to prove that even the worst wrestlers find a way to win in the wacky world wrestling.

 

Winner: Kalvin Adams

 

Match Rating: E+

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/FrankDePain.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/RuudVanAnger.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/BethanyHurst.jpg

 

Bethany Hurst is backstage with Double Dutch and she asks them for their thoughts before they take on the debuting Elimination Agents. Frank de Pain and Ruud Van Anger look like they've been indulging in some recreational activies beforehand as they both look off into the distant and laugh between themselves.

 

Bethany eventually manages to get them to concentrate for long enough to say they will be happy to make the debut of Genocide Agent and Suicide Agent an uncool one.

 

Rating: F+

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/FrankDePain.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/RuudVanAnger.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/vs.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/GenocideAgent.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/SuicideAgent.jpg

Double Dutch (Frank De Pain and Ruud Van Anger) vs. The Elimination Agents (Genocide Agent and Suicide Agent)

Frank De Pain and Ruud Van Anger managed to put down their "medicinal" subscriptions for long enough to take on the debuting Genocide Agent and Suicide Agent who seemed to make the crowd indulge in silent admiration for them which must have been huge judging by the hearing a pin drop silence. Van Anger sealed the win with the Dutch Courage on Suicide Agent which will no doubt be celebrated with some brownies backstage.

 

Winners: Double Dutch

 

Match Rating: E+

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/HerculesJohansson.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/BamBamJohansson_alt2.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/Vita.jpg

 

Hercules Johansson is backstage pumping some iron whilst drinking several cans of Bulls Shark Testosterone when Bam Bam Johansson walks in with a woman on his arm. Hercules relucantly stops pumping iron and asks Bam Bam who the mystery woman is.

 

Bam Bam introduces his new manager Vita and says that she just adds to his genetically superior ALPHA male awesomeness and with her by his side, he's totally unstoppable.

 

Rating: C-

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/HerculesJohansson.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/vs.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/RonnydeVeuster.jpg

Hercules Johansson vs. Ronny de Veuster

Ronny de Veuster spent the whole match adding to his frequent flyer miles as Hercules helped him fly around the ring which looked suspiciously like physically throwing him around. Hercules eventually hit the simply awesome Hercules Lift for the thrilling win in a demolition job of a match.

 

Winner: Hercules Johansson

 

Match Rating: F+

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/HughdeAske.jpg

 

A man dressed as a pirate is backstage and reveals his name as Hugh de Aske, who seems to think that he is actually a pirate. He says he has come to EWA to pillage and plunder it whilst puncuating seemingly every other word with an ARRRRR which makes you think that he must be either crazy or completely nuts.

 

Rating: D-

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/AbrahamSlam.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/vs.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/SuperFalcon.jpg

Poppa Punisher vs. Super Falcon

This match saw Mr Personality Poppa Punisher taking on the man who's so ugly, he wears a mask in Super Falcon (this may or may not be entirely true). Super Falcon did a super job selling Punisher's Camel Clutch which sealed the victory by submission, although the frothing at the mouth might have been pushing it a bit.

 

Winner: Poppa Punisher

 

 

Match Rating: E+

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/AbrahamSlam.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/SuperFalcon.jpg

 

Poppa Punisher seems enraged after the match is over as he proceeds to decimate Super Falcon who must have ate his sandwich before the show or something. Punisher walks off in search of another one as Super Falcon lays unconcious in the middle of the ring, probably dreaming about how nice Punisher's sandwich was.

 

Rating: D-

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/HaitiVoodude.jpg

 

A mysterious and strange looking man is in a darkened room backstage, holding what appears to be a skull that might or might not have been borrowed from the local production of Hamlet. The man reveals his name as Haiti Voodude and ominously promises to unleash the power of the dark voodoo magic upon EWA.

 

Voodude starts chanting what could be Klingon for all we know as a cloud of smoke covers him and he lets out a evil laugh.

 

Rating: E+

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/AnnaKi.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/GeenaPrincess_alt1.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/vs.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/KarenBilous.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/MissInformation_alt2.jpg

Anna Ki and Geena The Warrior Princess vs. Karen Bilous and Miss Information

In a match that featured actual wrestling which seemed to completely confuse the crowd who had never seen such a thing, Anna Ki nearly made Miss Information part of the ring as she planted her head into the mat with the Ki-D-T for the win by pinfall.

 

Winners: Anna Ki and Geena The Warrior Princess

 

Match Rating: D-

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/Byron.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/Elle.jpg

 

Byron is backstage with Elle who is doing her best eye candy impression stood to the side of him. Byron says that he doesn't mind who wins out of Bam Bam Johansson or White Knight as he is ready and willing to take on anyone who thinks they have what it takes.

 

Byron walks off leaving Elle standing there for a few seconds until she notices him gone and runs off after him.

 

Rating: D-

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/JimmiAddams.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/vs.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/JaseCole.jpg

Jimmi Addams vs. Jase Cole w/ Simona Cox

This match saw Jase Cole, who like his partner is an impressive high flyer take on Jimmy Addams, who like his brother was striking his own blow for wrestling poorly. Cole looked to be on his way to winning before Jimmi copied his brother and uses his feet on the ropes to get the win (which begs the question of the booker doing his own copying with an identical ending to the other match it seems).

 

Winner: Jimmi Adams

 

Match Rating: E+

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/JimmiAddams.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/KalvinAddams.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/JaseCole.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/ChristopherLister.jpg

 

Jimmi Addams is joined by Kalvin Addams as they predictably double team Jase Cole after the match is over until the inevitable save from Christopher Lister to run them off. Lister checks on Cole as Jimmi and Kalvin's faces break out in evil Bond villian style grins.

 

Rating: E

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/WhiteKnight.jpg

 

White Knight takes five minutes to walk into view of the camera backstage before saying that he has slayed dragons and monsters (in Dungeons and Dragons) and he will add Bam Bam Johansson to that list tonight.

 

White Knight takes another five minutes to turn right before clankingly walking off.

 

 

Rating: D

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/BamBamJohansson_alt2.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/vs.jpghttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/WhiteKnight.jpg

Bam Bam Johansson w/ Vita vs. White Knight

Bam Bam Johansson spent most of the match overpowering White Knight whilst either flexing his muscles or kissing his biceps and enjoying it slightly too much. To his credit, White Knight dragged a decent match out of Bam Bam and might even have won it before Bam Bam summoned up the Bull Shark Testosterone Energy to hit the Spinebuster for the pinfall.

 

Winner: Bam Bam Johansson

 

Match Rating: E+

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/EWA.jpg

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v729/bj_stfc/WhiteKnight.jpg

 

 

After Bam Bam Johansson exits the ring with Vita while flexing his muscles to celebrate his victory, White Knight is left in the ring when suddenly black smoke starts pouring out from under the ring. White Knight disappears into the smoke as it covers the ring and when it clears, White Knight has mysteriously vanished (or he got under the ring before the smoke disappeared).

 

Rating: E

 

 

Overall Show Rating: E+

[Comradebot]

Wow, lol.

 

I'm totally flattered, haha. I'll be reading this one, for sure. Glad to see SOMEONE has decided to do an EWA diary. Lord knows I need a break from the greatness that is C-Verse European Wrestling (and wow it sucks to say that.)

 

For those of yall keeping track: Benjacko is now the third person to feature "The Alpha Norwegian" alter ego of Bam Bam Johansson.

 

Thank you good Mr. Jacko, for reminding me why I love this company so.

[benjacko]

Glad you like it Comrade they suit how I like to play and I couldn't resist maintaining the sheer ALPHA awesomeness of Bam Bam

[Comradebot]

Glad you like it Comrade they suit how I like to play and I couldn't resist maintaining the sheer ALPHA awesomeness of Bam Bam

 

At this point, I think it's a official:

 

1. Everyone who didn't vote for Bam Bam as best wrestler for DOTY just wasn't being honest with themselves, and were likely just Delta and Gamma males jealous of his ALPHAness.

 

2. Ryland totally needs to add "The Alpha Norwegian" in as an official alter ego. Unless, of course, Mr. Ryland is one of those jealous Gammas

 

3. I need to finish the 2005 mod, so I can bust out with my vision of UCR in its final days... probably around the same time everyone starts to get attached to AXE!

 

Again, thank you for this wonderful gift benjacko. The GDS boards just aren't the same with ridiculously large amounts of flexing and Bull Shark Testosterone.

[Waghlon]

I almost care about this diary...

[benjacko]

I had to deal with Bam Bam Johansson who got into a heated argument with a fan before the show. His explanation was that the fan had the cheek to claim that Bull Shark Testosterone energy drinks contained no steroids and being the ALPHA genetic freak that he is, he offered to spinebuster the fan through a wall that was nearby. I took a fatherly approach with him and he seemed to get the message, Bam Bam could do with sharing Double Dutch's "medicinal" subscriptions sometime.

 

Elle brought her new puppy to the show which lifted everyone's happiness level, although this would have been due to the fact the puppy looked suspiciously like a kitten.

 

Byron looked pleased with the show and the small profit we made probably helped that. Sadly, my attempt at getting fired seemed to have backfired with the show actually being good so it looks like I have to be in this place for another month.

 

 

EWA Stars Of Europe 2

 

Jase Cole vs. Kalvin Addams

 

Geena The Warrior Princess vs. Karen Bilous

 

Christopher Lister vs. Jimmi Addams

 

Anna Ki vs. Miss Information

 

Hercules Johansson vs. Super Falcon

 

Haiti Voodude vs. White Knight

 

EWA Universal

Byron © vs. Bam Bam Johansson

 

 

EWA - Continuing The Tradition Of Making People Almost Care Whilst Basking In The Bull Shark Testosterone Goodness