AAFW: Ain't No Sunshine When He's "Gone"

Mr T Jobs To Me · October 15, 2010

Another 70's diary with some good comedy, I love it! You have Buddy Hollar nailed, a more rednecked-out version of Good Ol' JR. Can't wait for someone to have to go out and wrestle Dick's gator Willie (that sounds vaguely dirty) to keep their job...

TLLK · October 16, 2010

All American Florida Wrestling Presents...

"Questionin' and Answerin' With Buddy Hollar"

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Buddy Hollar

It Wouldn't Be An AAFW Happenin' Without Him

Howdy, folks. Buddy Hollar here, ready to answer any and all questions that you, the AAFW fans send in to our fabulous roster. As we count down to the second episode of this 1977 campaign down in Jacksonville, we bring you not one, but TWO questions of the week this go-round.

Remember, you too can send in your questions to an AAFW worker by fillin' out the specially-marked Wrasslin' Night predictin' forms available at all Quicky Pick Marts across the Sunshinin' State of Florida. Hey, make sure you visit the fine folks at the QP's of our area, where, just this week, they've released the brand-new Cherry Apalachi Cola. As Winfield The Oyster says, "It's Good."

Anywho, our first question of the week comes from a feller named Billy from the Lone Star state. That's Texas, for those of y'all who didn't know. Billy's askin' Mark "The Lariat" Krogan: "Mark, how many miles did you put on that little Volvo this year between bookings in Texas, California, and Florida?" Let's turn to the legend hisself for the answerin'.

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Mark "The Lariat" Krogan
The Globetrotter Answers YOUR Questions

"Well, Billy, I guess ya know me from my work down for Stampy in the TWL. It's good your branchin' out a bit to an AAFW questionin', shows how big of a fan ya really are.

"If my calculatin' is right, and I got Johnny Boy and Grim to check up on my math...they ride with me from time to time on that ol' thang...then from Fort Worth to Sacramento for a CPW show, then back to Jacksonville at the end of the month for an AAFW one...last year the TV deal wasn't there the whole way through...then I've got exactly 4,444 miles a month. Now go multiply that by twelve and figure in some side trips and such, then my odometer's right: a little over 58,000 miles on my Volvo.

"What, did y'all think I was some idiot redneck? I happened to go to a...few...classes at A&M. Math was the only thang I could do. Thanks for ya question, Billy!"

That was from a learned Mark "The Lariat" Krogan. It just goes to show ya that ya ain't gotta be a pompous know-it-all like Tyler Merrimore if you're a college man. Stupid Gainesville learnin'...

Where are my manners? I was raised better than that! Let's not leave ya hangin', fans...here's question number two! It comes from a mysterious feller just simply known as "E-V". And his question is for none other than our favorite brawler Dick The Devastator! E-V writes: "Dick Devastator, What's with the eye? Farming accident? A 'good time' gone wrong with a lady of the night? Man, I'd give my 'right eye' to find out what happened..." Take it away, Double D!

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Dick The Devastator
Step Into the Answer Asylum

"Hmm, E-V.

"Two of my favorite numbers from the alphabet.

"You sound like a swell feller, sir. Well, I thought you would be. That's why you don't judge a questioner by his name! I see right through the front, Mr. E-V!!!

"You're obviously tryin' to use this question to make fun of Southern boys. You're probably some fancy city boy from...let me guess, Minnesot'er. You wanna make fun o' me?!?!?

"Try to find some humor in this, boy! I happened to lose my right eye NOT in a farming accident and NOT from a messy love session with a devil woman from the swamps! It actually happened years ago, when I was but a young lad. I was fiveteen, I believe. Huntin' gators for the first time. Down in the 'Glades, got yanked clear out of the dadgum boat by a monster!

"He was about twenty feet long and weighed twice as much as the amount of snackin' cakes you've probably eaten in your life, Yankee boy! I know that all of ya are like that lard Jimmy Power!

"THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The monstrous gator flipped me out of my hand carved vessel, created by my pappy from a tree trunk before his untimely death or what Momma used to call 'leaving for the city'. I fought with that sucker for seven long hours, completely submerged in that swamp water! But I held my breath and kept a-fightin', and soon the beast was MINE!

"MINE!!!!!!!!!

"He took my eye, but I took his pride! His animal-hood! I took him down to the homestead and raised him as my own, trainin' him to be a good pet. Yep, ol' Willy is still alive and kickin', and I've got 'em fightin' off intruders and potential roster members in the wrasslin' ring right outside the house!

"So, to recap:

1. I lost it to a gator.

2. The gator's name was Willy.

3. Willy's my animal SLAVE now.

5. Sundrop...

6. He fights off wimps tryin' to make it in my company.

9. You're nothin' but a fat Yankee...all of ya are!!!

534. Curse you, perfect show theory!

BLUE. When life hands you an eye-eatin' gator, train it!

"And that will be all E-V, A-B-C, 1-2-3, do-re-mi.

"Makin' fun of my eye bein' gone...dang Yankee..."

Ha, ha, an always entertainin' Dick The Devastator. He's right about Yankees, ya know.

Well, that concludes this week's edition of Questionin' and Answerin' with Buddy Hollar. Until next week, keep on drinkin' that new cherry cola and hangin' out at YOUR neighborhood Quicky Pick. So long, folks...we'll see ya Thursday night at the J-double C!

AAFW Wrestling Night Quick Picks, brought to you by the Quicky Pick Mart #55 in Marianna:

Ladder Match:
Alex Pierce vs. Ramon de los Santos

Jimmy Power vs. Johnny Boy Tucker

Professor Nero and Rampage vs. The Shaman and ???

First Blood Match:
Dick The Devastator vs. Saionji Omura

Oregano Jensen · October 16, 2010

Alex Pierce vs. Ramon de los Santos

No clue here.

Jimmy Power vs. Johnny Boy Tucker

Maybe I'm underrating Jimmy Power, but until he wins, I see him as a short-time jobber, a guy who's been brought in so you can beat some overness out of him.

Professor Nero and Rampage vs. The Shaman and ???

I'm assuming these are bigger guys. These are Texas assumptions, but still.

First Blood Match:

Dick The Devastator vs. Saionji Omura

Omura is an awesome lackey, but he's still a lackey. Dick has to go through.

TLLK · October 19, 2010

What's up, party people. Bumping this sucker for final predictions. Should be up tomorrow night sometime. So jump in your pickup and get down to that Quicky Pick Mart on the corner!

-TLLK3

TLLK · October 19, 2010

Still on tap for tonight, but I have to respond to two awesome comments.

Let's roll the tape.

This is absolutely brilliant, Levitical! Honestly, just really great stuff. I can imagine Dick spinning around in his chair, possibly grunting like a mad-man, and then proclaiming his 'alter personality' as the headbooker of the company. Good God, I hope that we have some Dick/Richard scenarios where they end up yelling at eachother over a booking decision.. haha. That would just be... wow.

I can't say this enough but wow... I love the idea; so much so I wish I had thought of it first. You've got me locked into this diary now (even with limited knowledge of the time-frame in which it takes place). Anyone willing to take such a creative leap is certainly someone I'm willing to read.

Cheers.

E-V

E-V, it doesn't matter whether or not you're doing a dynasty. Your comments and insight are legendary...and you're getting the idea of Dick The Devastator/Richard Wilson personas well. They've kept me sticking to this idea. Thanks for the awesome comments, especially the bolded part above.

Another 70's diary with some good comedy, I love it! You have Buddy Hollar nailed, a more rednecked-out version of Good Ol' JR. Can't wait for someone to have to go out and wrestle Dick's gator Willie (that sounds vaguely dirty) to keep their job...

This coming from the guy who made the amazing '77 mod...

I have to go call my mother now...she'll be so proud of me...

Also, I like the JR comparison. But I hate the WWE.

And, Willie shall be making an appearance REAL soon, MTJTM.

Thanks again for the comments.

Last call for picks! The manager at the Quicky Pick Mart is locking up...hurry in there.

TLLK · October 20, 2010

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AAFW Wrestling Night

Thursday, Week 2, January 1977

LIVE FROM THE JACKSONVILLE CIVIC CENTER (2,817 In Attendance)

As the classic whistles mark the ending of Channel 9’s highest-rated show, “The Andy Griffith Show”, we are shown the channel’s sports reporter from the 10 O’clock News before Wrestling Night begins. He’s a young, slick looking gentlemen, clad in an obnoxiously neon orange blazer. He could be Tyler Merrimore’s brother, if that tells you anything.

Channel 9’s Sports Guy: We here at Channel 9 Regional are dedicated to bringing the good people of the South and Mid-Atlantic regions the very best. With great shows like the one you just saw dominating our airwaves; Channel 9 has seen its biggest boom in viewership in a little less than a year.

Unfortunately, one of those shows that has brought the boom is the one you are about to see. It is an embarrassment to athletic competition and high-quality television. If you’re like me, you hate it. But it’s highly demanded by the less reformed of our viewership. So, it’s with great sadness in my heart that I introduce you to All American Florida’s Wrestling Night.

Don’t worry, the news will be here to save you from this garbage in an hour.

After that uplifting speech, we are live at the JCC! The “less reformed” or “rednecks”, if you will, make their presence felt as the camera pans to the ring. Right off the bat, we see two figures standing in the ring. One has a microphone, and the other is pulling his hair in a maniacal manner.

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Professor Nero and Rampage
The Rumors Were True...

But, as Tyler Merrimore tells us, it’s not just any two figures in the ring. It’s Professor Nero and Rampage of Texas Wrestling League fame! Former members of the AAFW roster, Nero and his Disciple of Evilness have invaded! And they’re demanding attention from the get-go.

Professor Nero: Listen up, toothless fools! The Professor is back in this backwater company, so pay attention to what I have to say! I’m sick of hearing that AAFW has the toughest action in the country, and I plan on proving you all wrong. I’ve conquered the entire Lone Star state with my personal brand of warfare, and now this hick promotion’s about to go under.

Do we really have to say how much booing and trash-throwing is going on by the fans right now? Good. I knew you were all smart ones.

Ah, keep on with your incessant hatred of me, “y’all”. It feeds me. I get stronger from your hatred. I thrive on every boo, every death threat, every comment about the size of my mother. And, do you know who else thrives on it?

Nero points to his partner in the ring, the former face in AAFW…Rampage. The face-painted psycho continues to damage his black mane of hair while his master speaks.

My boy, Rampage! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? You remember this man as a good guy, hmm? When I found him, he was a shell of what he is now. Hadn’t lived up to his potential yet. Out in Texas, I’ve turned him into the monster he is now! And he will DESTROY everything in sight!

Cue evil laugh from Nero, demonic scream from Rampage, and sobs from every fan under twelve in the crowd. It’s scary for the kids, I tell ya.

I’ve heard that our little invasion comes as no surprise to some…that’s quite alright. I’ve also heard that that wacked-up witch doctor The Shaman has vowed to fight us if we come…and that he won’t be alone. Well, Shaman! What bravery for a redskin that’s too scared of fighting to be called a warrior! You’re just a quack, hiding behind your stupid chanting and potion-making…and Rampage and I will pick you apart, limb by limb, along with whoever you bring!

We’ll be ready, pathetic Injun. Class is back in session!!!

Nero throws down his microphone and bows to the heat-filled crowd. Rampage growls at them all as the segment ends and the AAFW logo abruptly pops up. We cut to the most happening place this side of the Mississippi, the AAFW announcing desk!

(C+)

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Buddy Hollar and Tyler Merrimore

There Couldn't Be Any More Two Different People on the Planet

Buddy Hollar: What an evil baldy that guy is! Makin’ fun of Indians like that…he oughta be ashamed of himself!

Tyler Merrimore: I think they should be called “Native Americans”, Buddy. And, anyway, he’s just playing his normal mind games…the ones that have made him a legend all across the nation. I love it. Professor Nero and Rampage are back in the company!

Buddy Hollar: (shaking his head) There’s gotta be somethin’ wrong with ya, T. You just ain’t like nobody I’ve ever met.

Tyler Merrimore: Considering your normal company, I consider that a compliment.

Buddy Hollar: Whatcha talkin’ about?!? AAFW is my ONLY company! I wouldn’t work for anyone else!

Merrimore starts slamming his head into the desk. Hollar just shrugs and introduces the first match.

Anywho, our first match of the evenin’ is one of them new-fangled “ladder matches”. Basically, all I know is there’s gonna be a ladder, and the two are gonna have to fight it out to get whatever’s at the top.

Tyler Merrimore: And it’s…strange…I don’t see anything above the ladder placed in the ring. Huh.

Buddy Hollar: The high flyers of AAFW are comin’ at ya right now, fightin’ for…somethin’. Let’s get to the action, folks! Or, whatever’s gonna happen.

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Alex Pierce w/Miss Bliss vs. Ramon de los Santos

Ladder Match

After moments of awkward waiting, a large briefcase finally descends from the rafters. What’s in it? We don’t know. But Alex Pierce and Ramon de los Santos are gonna fight for it! From the bell, these two aerial artists fling themselves around the ring, basically trying to knock out the other man before they kill themselves in the process. Neither one wants to climb the ladder until the other one is out, showing some real smarts on both sides.

They don’t make them like they used to.

On one side, we’ve got the “Inspirational Leader”, Ramon de los Santos. A superb flier that has been taking fans’ breath away for years now, the 39 year-old luchador is winding down his in-ring days in sunny Florida. And the fans thank him for it. Rookies learn from his ways, and he’s opened the door for some other Mexican luchadors to perhaps find their way to AAFW. A real fan-favorite. On the other side, we’ve got Alex Pierce. He doesn’t want to be a people person…he just wants to go on about his business, boasting his high impact game in the ring and being attached to his girlfriend Miss Bliss’s hip. And he does a pretty good job of it. Miss Bliss keeps barking orders at Alex, and he obeys every single time. You would have thought that this woman was a wrestling legend, the way she was controlling this match.

After minutes of exhausting flailing about, Alex Pierce looks to have gained an upper hand on Ramon. Following a crushing heel kick, Miss Bliss demands Alex to go for his finisher, the Piercing Wound. He bounces off the ropes and gets delivers a standing moonsault when…

Ramon rolls out of the way, making Pierce land hard on the mat! Bliss buries her face in her hands as de los Santos hops on up to the turnbuckle, waits for Pierce to stand up, and nails him with the Hurricane Santos! A classic lucha move, de los Santos has seemed to have won the match…now all he has to do is climb the ladder and grab the mysterious briefcase.

But, on his way up, Miss Bliss, as seductively as you can grab someone from behind (not their behind), stops de los Santos! Ramon tries to break free, but he can’t seem to get away from her…and he probably likes the attention from the only female on the roster. Either way, he’s paralyzed at the bottom of the ladder, while Alex Pierce climbs the other side of the ladder and gets to the top! He rips the briefcase off the hook and celebrates his victory.

Alex Pierce wins at 6:22 by item retrieval via interference from Miss Bliss

(D+)

Tyler Merrimore: Miss Bliss, the ultimate manager! Using her…resources…to take the win here tonight! Man, what a woman!

Buddy Hollar: You disgust me, T. That little tramp just cost the match for Ramon de los Santos…and he shoulda won it! And what in the world is Alex Pierce doin’, ignorin’ all those warning stickers and climbin’ up the wrong side of the ladder…I thought that was a federal offense! Where’s Sheriff Jones at? We oughta arrest this dang punk!

Tyler Merrimore: You never cease to amaze me, Buddy. We’re going to disqualify a man and throw him in jail for climbing the wrong side of a ladder? Your parents must have had a huge influence on you as a child. Making up the Tooth Fairy is one thing, but telling your kids not to climb the wrong side of a ladder because the sheriff will arrest you for it?!? Are you kidding me?

Buddy Hollar: Just because your daddy didn’t raise ya right…

Tyler Merrimore: Hey, you leave my father out of this!

Buddy Hollar: You was the one a-startin’ this mess, T! If ya had young’uns, you’d understand…

Tyler Merrimore: Now you’re getting on me for not having a wife!!!

The two go to arguing about each other’s childhood and their respective parenting strategies quite loudly as the TV crew scrambles to put up the next segment, Big Al Wallace’s first interview for a prospective client. Without any announcement, we are taken backstage!

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Big Al Wallace
The Future Manager's First Interview

We are now shown Big Al Wallace’s shiny noggin and his raising eyebrows as he is apparently writing notes down on a clipboard. He twirls the pencil in his hands for a few seconds before asking his interviewee his next question.

Big Al Wallace: Next question: Why do you want someone to manage you?

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Johnny Boy Tucker
A Potential Client?

The camera pans over to show who the question was directed at…Johnny Boy Tucker!

Johnny Boy Tucker: Well, Big Al, I’ve been under Mark Krogan’s guidance for the longest time. He’s taught me a lot of things in this business, and one of ‘em is that you need good folks to stick by ya. I don’t know how much longer Mark’s got left in a wrasslin’ role, so I figured that I needed another veteran beside me as I go about my business.

Big Al Wallace: (as he is writing) Ah. Respectfulness. Wants veteran guidance. Good, good…now, what are your goals here in AAFW?

Johnny Boy Tucker: Well, it’s to win the dang championship, of course. I want that sucker so bad…

Big Al Wallace: (frowns) Language could be better. But he wants the title, that’s good.

Tucker looks up, confused. Obviously Big Al doesn’t like the word “dang”. That’s gonna be a problem if you’re with the Tennessee blue-chipper. He uses that word for everything.

Johnny Boy Tucker: Is there a problem, Big Al?

Big Al Wallace: That’s another thing. If you want me to lead you to the title, you’ll have to start calling me “Mr. Wallace”. Shows respect. And you probably need to clean up your talk. Sound more proper and championship worthy. I mean, do you want to win the AAFW Championship?

Johnny Boy Tucker: Wait, you think I can’t do it without you? Like I’m some weak ol’ boy? You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me.

Big Al Wallace: (raising an eyebrow) Is that going to be a problem, Johnny?

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Jimmy Power
The Rude Yankee Interrupts...Typical.

Jimmy Power: (interrupting the interview out of nowhere) I tell you what is going to be the problem, Johnny. Me. In just a few minutes, I will put you and your ancient mentor to shame.

Tucker laughs to himself and stands up, walking over to Power. He jabs a finger in Power’s chubby face and begins to speak.

Johnny Boy Tucker: We ain’t gotta wait another DANG minute, Jimmy. I’m outta here, Big Al…I can’t be your client. Too DANG demandin’. I’ve got bigger problems to handle right now…or should I say “fatter” problems?

Jimmy Power: That is it, Tucker!

The two start to brawl in the interview room, tearing apart what Wallace had hope to accomplish: a nice, professional looking room for a potential client. And, in true wrestling tradition, Power and Tucker brawl all the way into the ring, where referee Jerry Hanson is waiting on them.

(C-)

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Jimmy Power vs. Johnny Boy Tucker

With the action already going down, Power and Tucker both are rared up and ready to go when the bell rings. Tucker shows off the power that his mentor Mark “The Lariat” Krogan taught him with some rough punches and slams, while Jimmy Power goes to the textbook mat wrestling and the deadly…rest holds! But Johnny Boy wouldn’t stand for it, and he immediately shows off the arsenal of lariats he has. While it wears down the large Power, it irritates him more than hurts him. After all, “The Lariat” took his Most Powerful Roster Member spot last week with one fatal swoop last week.

After a skillful Technical Lariat from Tucker, showing his budding potential to perhaps branch out from being a straight brawler, he goes for the pinfall. Hanson counts a 1…2…but no! Power kicks out, and then stuns Tucker with a classic rake of the eyes! As Hanson scolds the chubby Maine native, Power scrambles to his feet and, as fast as he can, bounces off the ropes and leaps! Getting about six inches of air, Power flattens Johnny Boy with an Incredible Splash! With minor earthquakes vibrating throughout the greater Jacksonville area, Power pins Tucker and defeats his rival’s protégé.

Jimmy Power wins at 7:08 via Incredible Splash

(D)

Buddy Hollar: The darn eye rake claims another victim! What a cowardly win for the fat Yankee! Whatcha think about that, T?

Tyler Merrimore: I’m still gripping the desk, Buddy. That shockwave almost knocked me out of the chair…and it made my coffee mug fall off the desk and break! And that was my best one!

Buddy Hollar: I told ya that Jimmy Power is good for nothin’, T. What a snake…

Tyler Merrimore: It had my fraternity’s logo on it and everything…

Buddy Hollar: Get up, kid! It’s time to find out who The Shaman’s partner is…Nero and Rampage are in the ring and we missed it!

Tyler Merrimore: The coffee was just the right temperature, too…

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Professor Nero and Rampage
Who Will They Face?

Nero and Rampage are in the ring, waiting for The Shaman to come out. The Professor, irritated, breaks the silence with a mocking call to The Shaman.

Professor Nero: It’s okay, Shaman. The old Injun woman with 700 grandchildren is due to die any minute now, anyway! And you can’t just chant and mix some juice and smashed up bugs to make anything that’ll heal that arrow stuck through that guy’s neck, either! You can’t save them, Shaman…you won’t even be able to save yourself!

Nero laughs evilly again as Rampage starts cracking his knuckles, waiting for action like a beast waiting to be released from his cage.

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The Shaman
The Voice in the Wilderness Rings Out...

Finally, The Shaman emerges to the pop of the crowd and is given a microphone. Our Native American doctor speaks:

The Shaman: Oh, Nero. So disrespectful of my people. You will pay for the heartache you have brought with your words. And who could bring such deliverance than my partner, a great warrior himself?

Out of the tunnel emerges…

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Chief Two Eagles
He's Back!

Chief Two Eagles! Nero’s longtime rival in TWL and former AAFW fan-favorite, The Chief comes out to tremendous pop and stands beside his former partner that won the tag team titles several times in AAFW. He asks for The Shaman’s microphone and addresses the stunned Nero.

Chief Two Eagles: The Chief has returned for his people here in Florida! I’ve waited many moons for this, Nero: the chance for you to disrespect my people. You would have never done that out in Lone Star country, because you knew I was there. And now, you have made your last mistake. The spirits of a thousand warriors will be with me tonight, and they will celebrate when I defeat the most evil of white men.

The Chief and The Shaman, formerly known as “The Tribe”, make their way down to the ring as Nero barks out orders for Rampage to get ready. Sam Sparrow slides into the ring to start the match, and we are underway!

(C+)

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Professor Nero and Rampage vs. The Tribe

Rampage is in the ring first, thanks to the demands of Nero, and Chief Two Eagles is on the other end. From the moment the bell rings, the Chief is dominating. One of the best brawlers in the world today, Two Eagles pounds Rampage into the ground to the delight of the fans. But, no matter what damage is done to his partner, Nero keeps yelling orders for Rampage to start coming back…but no reach for a tag.

The Shaman gets in the ring and starts to do work on Rampage, too. A technician with some brawling tendencies, The Shaman chants his way to picking apart Rampage. The face-painted bruiser is getting battered all over the ring! Still, no asking for a tag from Nero.

But Professor Nero would get his way into the match, though. Every time The Tribe would go for a pinfall, Nero would interfere and break up the count somehow. One time in the match, he actually talked his way into confusing rookie referee Sam Sparrow into not starting the count.

But he still didn’t get tagged in. Not wanting a piece of Two Eagles or The Shaman with the rage that he caused, he made Rampage be a human target. Rampage’s tough, no doubt, but you can’t last ten minutes in the ring with two enraged warriors.

Finally, after countless interferences by Nero, The Tribe decide to finish the match. Two Eagles tags The Shaman in, and, after a blood-curdling war chant that causes Nero to cover his ears, The Shaman nails his signature Peyote Plunge. Nero goes to break up the pin, but is nailed with Chief Two Eagles’ running Tomahawk Chop! Sparrow can count the pin cleanly, and The Tribe defeats the invaders from Texas.

The Tribe win at 10:54 via The Shaman’s Peyote Plunge (Reverse STO)

(D+)

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Chief Two Eagles and Professor Nero
A Vicious War of Words Breaks Out

After the match, Chief Two Eagles grabs a microphone and calls out to Nero, who is high-tailing it out of the JCC while his disciple is knocked out in the ring.

Chief Two Eagles: That’s right…run, coward white man. Do not ever come back to this land.

Professor Nero: Oh, you think I’m running from you? No, I’ll be back. I’m coming back sometime soon, and I’ll get my revenge for this, Two Eagles. That cheap shot chop was real smooth, stupid Injun.

Chief Two Eagles: Just like not being in the match at all, letting your partner pay for your mistakes?

The crowd laughs with The Shaman as Nero fumes.

Professor Nero: You just wait until I get a hold of you, Two Eagles. It will be DEADLY. You think you’re invincible with your ignorant chanting and flailing like a madman? You’ve got another thing coming. See you real soon, little birdie.

Nero laughs and exits to the delight of the crowd, who begin to chant “Chief! Chief! Chief! Chief!” Two Eagles raises his hands in appreciation, and The Shaman begins to dance. We are taken back to the announce desk, where Tyler Merrimore has gotten a new coffee mug.

(B-)

Buddy Hollar: Hail to the Chief! He’s back, partner! The Tribe has reunited here in AAFW! What a Wrasslin’ Night this has been…and we’ve got one more match!!!

Tyler Merrimore: Whoa, settle down, Buddy. You’ll knock over my replacement mug. I need my coffee, so don’t mess with it!

Buddy Hollar: Don’t get snappy with me, T…wait, what’s that? (calls out to someone off-screen) Huh? (pauses) What? You’re kiddin’! Oh, sweet Lord…

Tyler Merrimore: What’s going on, Buddy?

Buddy Hollar: (breathlessly) Ladies and gentlemen, a situation has developed backstage! Crippler Ray Kingman, AAFW Champion, has brutally attacked The Masked Patriot, ally of Kingman’s rival Dick The Devastator…a camera’s back there now. Let’s see what’s happened.

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The Masked Patriot
The Victim of a Bloody Beatdown

We are immediately flashed to a backstage storage room, where The Masked Patriot’s lifeless body lays in the middle of the cold floor. There’s blood seeping out of the holes in Patriot’s mask, and it appears that he has been really brutalized by someone.

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Crippler Ray Kingman
AAFW Champion and Violent Attacker

An unmistakable laugh rings out in the room, and the Crippler Ray Kingman appears on the screen, wiping blood off of his knuckles. He stops in front of the camera and kneels down, getting in The Masked Patriot’s ear.

Crippler Ray Kingman: Oh, Mr. Patriot. You just had to be on Dick’s side, didn’t you? Well, maybe I…or should I say, we showed you what we’re capable of. And after Omura busts your partner open in a few moments, it’ll all be over. The title will be safe in the Crippler Kingdom.

And you think I bit off more than I could chew...

Kingman laughs to himself, the "bite and chew" a reference to the way he beat Mitch Haggans last week.

Ah, Patriot. Your face was classic when you saw who helped me. I can’t believe you didn’t know I had connections everywhere.

He turns back to the camera and stands up.

Where are my manners? Meet the newest subject in the Kingdom, everyone…

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Identity Black
Sworn Enemy of The Masked Patriot In APWF...Now In AAFW

Identity Black, Patriot’s hated enemy from a controversial flag assault on the star-spangled grappler in APWF, appears. He quietly unfolds the prized American flag from the attack and lays it over Patriot again, just like he famously did a year ago. The stunned crowd…and silent announce desk…have nothing to say. We quietly fade into tonight’s main event.

(C+)

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Dick The Devastator vs. Saionji Omura

First Blood Match

From the opening bell, these two psychos go head-first in brutal action, laced with weapon assaults and stiff strikes to the face. Both men are skilled in brawling and drawing blood, and the two beat each other senseless for over ten minutes. Crazy Southern violence…the fans at the JCC crave it.

Omura silences the crowd just like his partners did in The Masked Patriot attack, and his Collapsing Piledriver seems to knock out Dick The Devastator. Immediately the Japanese wild man goes for the kendo stick he placed in his corner of the ring, and begins to go to town. A hair-raising scream and a smack with the stick. A scream and a smack. Scream. Smack. Scream. Smack. Dick The Devastator’s face is bound to burst open any second.

After what seemed like the twentieth kendo stick shock, The Devastator’s eyes pop open and he yells, getting the crowd back on their feet. He miraculously fights off Omura enough to rise back up and go for his signature move, Total Devastation. The sitout jawbreaker lays Omura out in the ring, and The Devastator goes over and picks up Omura’s kendo stick. The crowd screams for him to give Omura a taste of his own medicine, but he shakes his head. He instead breaks it over his knee and tosses the splintering remains into the crowd.

He barks out an order to a staff member, who alerts someone on a walkie-talkie. A few moments later, a box is rolled down the ramp by a member of the United States Postal Service. The Devastator’s face lights up as the delivery guy lifts the box and places it in the ring. The Devastator goes to open it when…

The delivery guy reminds him to sign off on his Express Delivery package. Dick asks the delivery guy if it can wait, and the USPS worker points at his watch, telling him he’s late for another delivery. Figures. Dick grunts, rolls his…eye…and starts to sign his name. With first grade penmanship, The Devastator takes his time to pencil out every letter correctly. Well, except for that backward “K”. It was cute when you were four. For a 32 year-old, it’s kinda creeping the delivery guy out. Meanwhile, Omura stirs! The crowd yells for The Devastator to hurry it up, and finally the process is finished.

But what’s in the box? Buddy Hollar says it’s a cattle prod. Tyler Merrimore says it should be a giant collection of coffee mugs, “because I can attest that picking up their broken shards hurts. See, I gashed my finger right here…” To avoid the folks out in TV Land to get bored with Merrimore’s wimpy words, Dick viciously tears it open to reveal…

A wooden rocking chair?!? The crowd doesn’t know what to do…cheer, or talk amongst themselves while wondering why Dick ordered this. Omura is on his feet now, and Dick quickly lifts the chair up over his head and…busts it over Omura’s head!!! Splintering wood flies everywhere, and referee Jerry Hanson checks Omura’s head.

“He’s bleedin’ like a stuck hog!” exclaims Buddy Hollar. And Dick The Devastator has won the right to face Crippler Ray Kingman at The War To Settle The Score.

Dick The Devastator wins at 14:37 when Omura started bleeding

(C+)

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Dick The Devastator
"Rocking" and Rolling Following His Victory

The Devastator laughs as the crowd roars following the ending of the First Blood showdown. Dick’s handed a microphone and our hero begins to speak.

Dick The Devastator: Well, I needed to use more chair shots…and it won me the match! And I owe it all to you…

He picks up an intact arm of the rocking chair, splattered with Omura’s blood. He holds it in front of his face.

Thanks, my good friend. You were worth every penny out of that Sears catalog…I owe it all to you, I’m going to win my title back at the end of the month!!!

Ya hear that, Kingman? I’m coming for ya…me and Woodrow here!

A creepy tribute to an inanimate object, a rocking chair arm named “Woodrow”. But, the fans here at AAFW love every word of it. The Devastator kisses Woodrow and holds it up in the air, and we fade by to the desk for some goodbyes.

(A)

Buddy Hollar: I told ya! He’s gonna face Kingman for it all! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tyler Merrimore: Wow. What lung capacity. Well, he shocked me. I couldn’t believe someone could really beat Saionji Omura at his own game. But, we’re going to have a title match at The War.

Buddy Hollar: You better believe it, T! What another great Wrasslin’ Night this has been! For my esteemed partner Tyler Merrimore, I’m Buddy Hollar…so long from the JCC…y’all come back now, ya hear?

OVERALL SHOW RATING:

(C+)

TLLK · October 20, 2010

Post-Show Thoughts: -The way Nero dominated angles and such, he'll be back for sure. When? Not sure yet...stay tuned. I guess I'll bring Rampage along as well. -Decent opening match for Pierce and de los Santos. For two low popularity workers, it did well. -But what's in the briefcase, TLLK3? Well, it's a... -Big Al Wallace's character is still forming. So bear with me. -Jimmy Power beating JBT hurt me on the inside, but it's for the best. Trust me. -Oh, yeah, Chief Two Eagles is now the #2 face in the company. He has C+ overness in the Southeast...who wouldn't plan a return for the big guy? Also, his and Nero's rivalry in the history books and ajcrible's TWL dynasty made me feel like it should spill over into AAFW. -Speaking of rivalries, The Masked Patriot and Identity Black's rivalry in the East Coast Triangle needed to come down South. It's funny that these guys will beat each other in hate-fueled rage, but they're best friends backstage. Great acting. -Dick The Devastator and Saionji Omura in a First Blood match writes itself. And hardcore wrestling needs more rocking chairs. -And an "A" rating for a guy talking to a rocking chair arm. Only here, people. Tally marks from the Quicky Pick: <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="ajcrible" data-cite="ajcrible" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="29235" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Ladder Match: Alex Pierce vs. Ramon de los Santos Oooh, Pierce and Rampage in the same company? Gutsy! Jimmy Power vs. Johnny Boy Tucker I love me some JBT and think Jimmy's a no-talent fatty. Professor Nero and Rampage vs. The Shaman and ??? Team Texas is gonna whoop on the Shaman and whoever he digs up. First Blood Match: Dick The Devastator vs. Saionji Omura Could go either way, particularly if one of these bat-**** crazy guys makes himself bleed.</div></blockquote> 2/4. Honestly, this was a tough show to predict. And I knew you would pick Nero and Rampage, and Chief Two Eagles' return was unexpected. At least you picked The Devastator! <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Midnightnick" data-cite="Midnightnick" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="29235" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Ladder Match: Alex Pierce vs. Ramon de los Santos Jimmy Power vs. Johnny Boy Tucker Professor Nero and Rampage vs. The Shaman and ??? First Blood Match: Dick The Devastator vs. Saionji Omura</div></blockquote> 1/4. Midnightnick, it was a tough day on the picks for you. But, I admire you picking such a fine, upstanding fellow like Ramon de los Santos. He's a true ambassador for the business, and we need more people like him! (paid for by the friends and family of Ramon de los Santos For A Better Push) <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Jingo" data-cite="Jingo" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="29235" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Ladder Match: Alex Pierce vs. Ramon de los Santos Jimmy Power vs. Johnny Boy Tucker Professor Nero and Rampage vs. The Shaman and ??? First Blood Match: Dick The Devastator vs. Saionji Omura </div></blockquote> 1/4. Jingo, you impress me once again with a gutsy pick. Omura winning would have screwed everything up and caused a bunch of chaos...which is what we thrive. I'm starting to see things like you, I think... <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Oregano Jensen" data-cite="Oregano Jensen" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="29235" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Alex Pierce vs. Ramon de los Santos No clue here. Jimmy Power vs. Johnny Boy Tucker Maybe I'm underrating Jimmy Power, but until he wins, I see him as a short-time jobber, a guy who's been brought in so you can beat some overness out of him. Professor Nero and Rampage vs. The Shaman and ??? I'm assuming these are bigger guys. These are Texas assumptions, but still. First Blood Match: Dick The Devastator vs. Saionji Omura Omura is an awesome lackey, but he's still a lackey. Dick has to go through.</div></blockquote> 2/4. Welcome, O.J. You also get tripped up on the Nero and Rampage/Tribe match, but that's reasonable. And, the way I talk about Jimmy Power, I don't see why anyone would pick him to win. As for the Texas-sized assumptions...you know what they say about an assumption: "People will start calling themselves and you bad words." Thanks for predicting. So, no one's got the chance to join Buddy Hollar for Q&A this week. Maybe next time. Thanks for reading and commenting, they're very appreciated. New show card will be up in a few days. -TLLK3

ajcrible · October 20, 2010

Of course I'm a huge fan of the Chief/Nero storyline and love your portrayal of Nero. Was Nero just there on a talent trade deal? Also glad to see that you are bringing the Identity Black/American Patriot feud down south. Should make for an interesting dynamic!

TLLK · October 20, 2010

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="ajcrible" data-cite="ajcrible" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="29235" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Of course I'm a huge fan of the Chief/Nero storyline and love your portrayal of Nero. Was Nero just there on a talent trade deal? Also glad to see that you are bringing the Identity Black/American Patriot feud down south. Should make for an interesting dynamic!</div></blockquote> Both him and Rampage were a talent trade, because Nero won't sign with anyone else right now. But they'll be back. Trust me. And, Identity Black was cheaper than expected, so he'll be around for a while.

ajcrible · October 20, 2010

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="TheLeviticalLawKid3" data-cite="TheLeviticalLawKid3" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="29235" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Both him and Rampage were a talent trade, because Nero won't sign with anyone else right now. But they'll be back. Trust me. And, Identity Black was cheaper than expected, so he'll be around for a while.</div></blockquote> True, Nero is hard to pry away from TWL (thank God!). And I've always wanted to sign Identity Black, but have never really had a slot for him. I'm interested to see how you use him (and progress him after his inevitable feud against the Masked Patriot).

Midnightnick · October 20, 2010

I love Ramon, I just can never find a use for him in any 77 game I can do, so that's why he got the nod from me.

He's talent man.

NoNeck · October 20, 2010

This is outstanding, LLK.

I've been smitten with a few of the '77 diaries that have popped up, and this is one of the best. You capture the old school feel very well.

Keep it up.

TLLK · October 22, 2010

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AAFW Wrestling Night

LIVE on Channel 9 Regional (Episode #3)

TICKETS GOING FAST! FLOOR SEATS LIMITED AT THE JCC BOX OFFICE

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Buddy Hollar
"The Voice of Great Southern Action"

After another amazin' night of wrasslin' last Thursday, All American Florida Wrasslin' is back in the Jacksonville Civic Center this week! And what a classic last one was...Dick The Devastator bustin' Omura with a rockin' chair...Identity Black's horrific debut with a bloody assault on The Masked Patriot...Jimmy Power actually beating somebody?!?!? It was crazy down in J'Ville last week. And this week's shaping up to be another loony one Down South.

You wouldn't want it any other way, right?

We start the night with the master and apprentice team of Mark "The Lariat" Krogan and Johnny Boy Tucker squarin' off against the controversial squad known as Citizen's Arrest: Tex Montana and Warren Hampton. Krogan and Tucker are in the smack dab middle of a nasty feud with one Jimmy Power (we'll get to that fatso later), with JBT reelin' after a flattenin' loss last week against Power. And I mean literally flattenin'. Who would wanna get pounced on by a chunk like Jimmy Power? Also, Citizen's Arrest started 1977 with an attack on renewed rivals The Party Animals in their tag title match with The Mighty Giants. World-renowned manager Buford T. Laramie (who ain't Tex's daddy, I swear) set up this match for Montana and Hampton as a chance to "crush the past and what little future this company has". It'll be a hot one Thursday night, I tell ya.

Also, the hard-workin' Ernest Mason will make his debut match of the year against Kenzo Isozaki in our second match. Mason's just a good ol' boy who ended 1976 with a five match winnin' streak. Can he continue it against the Yakuza hit man of AAFW champ Crippler Ray Kingman, who baffled the entire galaxy and GDS boards with his acrobatic win two weeks ago?

Chief Two Eagles' return to AAFW last week and fightin' off those low-class Texas invaders thrilled us all. I know it thrilled me, dadgum. This week he looks to add another win to his legendary AAFW career record against...Jimmy Power. Yep, Jimmy's ridin' pretty high after beatin' Johnny Boy Tucker last week, so much that the dang Yankee ran his fat mouth (matches everything else) and CHALLENGED the Chief! Does Jimmy have a plan, or has he messed with the wrong wrasslin' warrior?

And, in our rip-snortin' good main event, The Masked Patriot has vowed revenge against his attackers during last week's episode of Wrasslin' Night. That's right, he'll team up with our boy Dick The Devastator and face Crippler Ray Kingman and hated rival Identity Black in a tag match extraordinaire! YEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! How will Black do in his in-ring debut in AAFW? What will Patriot do for revenge in the match? And what about the drama that'll be unfoldin' when The Devastator and Crippler Ray Kingman do battle, now that their match at The War To Settle The Score is official? Tune in, folks!

So, get on down to that dang Quicky Pick and quick some picks! Make sure to stock up on Moon Pies and RC Cola, the official TV snack combo of AAFW Wrasslin' Night! See y'all at the JCC Thursday night! I can't wait!!!

AAFW Wrasslin' Night Quick Picks, brought to you by Quicky Pick Mart #522 in Port St. Joe:

Citizen's Arrest vs. Johnny Boy Tucker and Mark "The Lariat" Krogan

Ernest Mason vs. Kenzo Isozaki

Chief Two Eagles vs. Jimmy Power

Crippler Ray Kingman and Identity Black vs. Dick The Devastator and The Masked Patriot

Midnightnick · October 22, 2010

Citizen's Arrest vs. Johnny Boy Tucker and Mark "The Lariat" Krogan

Ernest Mason vs. Kenzo Isozaki

Chief Two Eagles vs. Jimmy Power

Crippler Ray Kingman and Identity Black vs. Dick The Devastator and The Masked Patriot

ajcrible · October 22, 2010

Citizen's Arrest vs. Johnny Boy Tucker and Mark "The Lariat" Krogan

Despite fat boy Power's shenanigans, Master and Apprentice go over here.

Ernest Mason vs. Kenzo Isozaki

Screw Mason's winning streak. Kenzo's the man.

Chief Two Eagles vs. Jimmy Power

No way fatty wins this one.

Crippler Ray Kingman and Identity Black vs. Dick The Devastator and The Masked Patriot

Double DQ or draw? Really, I don't see a weak link here.

TLLK · October 28, 2010

What's up, AAFW maniacs?

Real life has been quite busy lately, but I wanted to bump this bad boy for those predictors that have forgotten Episode 3.

It's been a while, so maybe this will be like a Sale Advertisement for those of you to head back to the Quicky Pick. You know, like a free sleeve of Saltine crackers for every purchased can of Vienna sausages...that'll get them comin'.

The show should be up sometime tomorrow (Friday the 28th), so this is your last call. Them crackers and potted meat's going fast!

AAFW Wrasslin' Night Quick Picks, brought to you by Quicky Pick Mart #522 in Port St. Joe:

Citizen's Arrest vs. Johnny Boy Tucker and Mark "The Lariat" Krogan

Ernest Mason vs. Kenzo Isozaki

Chief Two Eagles vs. Jimmy Power

Crippler Ray Kingman and Identity Black vs. Dick The Devastator and The Masked Patriot

Bigpapa42 · October 28, 2010

Citizen's Arrest vs. Johnny Boy Tucker and Mark "The Lariat" Krogan

Ernest Mason vs. Kenzo Isozaki

Chief Two Eagles vs. Jimmy Power

Crippler Ray Kingman and Identity Black vs. Dick The Devastator and The Masked Patriot

Jingo · October 28, 2010

Thought i'd already picked in this bad boy ... Whoops!!

Citizen's Arrest vs. Johnny Boy Tucker and Mark "The Lariat" Krogan

I like Krogan what can i say.

Ernest Mason vs. Kenzo Isozaki

Chief Two Eagles vs. Jimmy Power

Crippler Ray Kingman and Identity Black vs. Dick The Devastator and The Masked Patriot

I see how this goes .. Dick doesn't lose!

TLLK · October 30, 2010

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AAFW Wrestling Night

Thursday, Week 3, January 1977

LIVE FROM THE JACKSONVILLE CIVIC CENTER (2,970 In Attendance)

Following a jingle for Cherry Apalachi Cola’s flat-out weird mascot, Winfield the Oyster, Channel 9 Regional kicks you out to the Jacksonville Civic Center…LIVE!

It’s time once again for the craziest sixty minutes in professional wrestling history, AAFW Wrestling Night. The floor seats and lower sections of the JCC are packed with a rip-snortin’ bunch of Southern nutcases (in a good way), and the AAFW logo, on cue, abruptly pops up on the screen. The rocking theme song blares, then we are taken directly to the announce desk, where the hootin’ Buddy Hollar and the slicked-up Tyler Merrimore are waiting on y’all.

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Buddy Hollar and Tyler Merrimore

One's a good ol' boy. The other thinks he's sooooo smart...

Buddy Hollar: It’s that time, folks! Wrasslin’ Night’s back on your telly-visions, and what a hot one we’ve got for y’all tonight. Buddy Hollar here alongside my partner, as always, Tyler “The Babyface Brainiac” Merrimore. T, tell the folks at home what’s in store tonight.

Tyler Merrimore: We’ve got a monster battle in our main event tonight…can The Masked Patriot get revenge for the absolute BEATDOWN he suffered at the hands of AAFW champion Crippler Ray Kingman and newcomer Identity Black, Patriot’s supreme rival from all over the East Coast? No way!

Buddy Hollar: Sorry, folks. My bad guy-lovin’ color guy failed to mention that Patriot’s got a tag team partner in that match at the end of the broadcast…and that just happens to be DICK THE DEVASTATOR!!!!! Whoo boy, them fellers don’t stand a dang chance against a ticked off team of Patriot and the Devastator!

Tyler Merrimore: (rolls his eyes) God as my witness, you will stop this incessant kissing up to the boss before the year is over.

Buddy Hollar: (ignores Merrimore…smart man.) Also, resident fatty Jimmy Power goes toe-to-toe with AAFW’s top security guard from evil Texas invaders, Chief Two Eagles; Kenzo Isozaki looks to sprinkle that dang Japanese voodoo on everyman Ernest Mason; Krogan and Tucker team up against Citizen’s Arrest; Big Al Wallace looks for a new client again…

Tyler Merrimore: Well, will you look at that!

Buddy Hollar: What? Is there somethin’ in my hair?!?

Tyler Merrimore: No…I mean, you used a semicolon correctly in a sentence! I’m so proud of you…didn’t think I had that much influence on you.

Buddy Hollar: …

Tyler Merrimore: Never mind. Let’s just get to the first match.

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Citizen’s Arrest w/Buford T. Laramie vs. Johnny Boy Tucker and Mark “The Lariat” Krogan

Tex Montana and Warren Hampton make their 1977 debuts here, apart from their interference in the tag title match two weeks ago. Montana, a rumble-driven competitor, focuses on wearing down JBT and “The Lariat” early on, if that’s possible. Even though JBT and “The Lariat” both easily overpower Tex, Montana gets a few cheap shots in on the master and apprentice. Whenever his self-righteous partner Warren Hampton comes in, he plays the annoying fly boy who avoids with speed rather than getting some offense in. And, during all of this, the richest man on the roster, Buford T. Laramie, is giving support…mostly to his “illegitimate son Tex”. Here, let me prove a point…

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Father and Son?
Seriously?

Study these two faces. Do they look any alike?

…

…

Of course not. But we’ve got a divided roster here, folks. One side believes Big Money Buford, while the other clearly sees no family resemblance. Thank you for your Springer-like paternity testing, readers.

Now, back to the action.

Most would think that a powerful combo of two close-knit wrestlers like Tucker and Krogan would be able to dominate Citizen’s Arrest. But “them dang cheaters” (courtesy Buddy Hollar) Montana and Hampton control the match on their own. Every pinfall attempt from Tucker and Krogan is broken up illegally, irritating both the fans and referee Sam Sparrow. Is there anyone who can stop this madness?

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The Party Animals
Time For Some College-Aged Revenge

Chase Allen and Dirk Bonell, furious after losing a title match to The Mighty Giants at the hands of Citizen’s Arrest, enter the JCC to moderate fan pop. Montana and Hampton, who are both in the ring following a tag team low blow to “The Lariat”, spin around quickly at the call of Laramie. The two start to yell at The Party Animals, telling them to not screw up their match. Allen and Bonell just laugh and tell the two to turn around.

They turn just in time to catch a Double Lariat from Tucker and Krogan. Allen and Bonell laugh their heads off as the crowd roars, Tucker pins Montana, and Sparrow counts. 1, 2, 3…The Party Animals get their revenge and JBT and Krogan beat the self-righteous cheaters.

Johnny Boy Tucker and Mark “The Lariat” Krogan win at 6:48 via Double Lariat following distractions from The Party Animals

(C-)

As soon as the bell rings after Sparrow’s count, Tucker and Krogan exhaustedly roll out of the ring and make their way back up the ramp. Allen and Bonell fist-bump Johnny Boy Tucker and flash their signature smiles as the mentor/protégé squad exits. Krogan stops in front of Bonell and nods, a bit of a smile forming on the hard-nosed veteran.

The Party Animals then make their way down the ramp to finish off their rivals. Montana and Hampton, still out of it from the crushing lariats, struggle to their feet. Manager Buford T. Laramie is livid, slamming down his ten-gallon hat and demanding a microphone. While The Party Animals and most of the crowd chuckle at the furious tycoon, Laramie addresses his tormentors.

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Buford T. Laramie
One Fired-Up Texan

Buford T. Laramie: Dang it…you two snivelin’ scoundrels took the match from a deservin’ team!

By now, Chase Allen has been given a microphone and starts to speak on the behalf of the Georgia natives.

Chase Allen: Kinda like what you did two weeks ago to us, Big Buford? We should’ve gotten those title belts, but you and your dysfunctional family had to screw it all up. Besides, if your prize wrestling machines (jerks his thumb at Montana and Hampton, who are backing away from a menacing Bonell) would’ve paid attention to the match in front of them, they wouldn’t have gotten old-schooled by Krogan and Tucker. We haven’t touched those fools…yet.

The rowdy crowd lets out a collective “Oooh…” as Laramie fumes some more.

Buford T. Laramie: You won’t touch my boys, Allen…you either, Bonell. You punks oughta be thrown out of this dang place…unfit to be in a wrasslin’ ring. Back out in Houston in my day, we would hang you hoodlums off of one of my oil rigs by your toenails. Naw, you fellers better just get the heck outta…

Chase Allen: Looks like your boys are well on their way to doing that, Big Buford.

Laramie turns to find Montana and Hampton tripping over each other, trying to get away from the powerful Dirk Bonell. Bonell’s got a slick smile on his face as the crowd encourages him to keep going. One elderly woman on the front row politely tells Bonell to rip Montana’s head off.

Buford T. begins to plead with Allen, trying to protect his tag team like a good…father?...would.

Buford T. Laramie: (stammering) Alright, I’ll do anything! Just don’t touch Hampton or Tex…please! Whatever ya want, I’ll give it to y’all!

Chase Allen: We want a match. No DQ. At The War. Us versus them.

Buford T. Laramie: Are you crazy, boy??? Why would I give y’all free reign to face my boys? You don’t even deserve to be in a ring with a world-class tag team like them!

Boos all around.

Chase Allen: That’s alright, Big Buford. We’ll just get our hands on them now, without any officiating.

Bonell thrusts his right hand toward Warren Hampton, preparing him for a choke slam. Tex Montana’s eyes bulge out of his head as his partner prepares for a collision with the hard floor.

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Tex Montana
Finally Succumbing to His Manager/"Father"

Tex Montana: Do something…Dad!

The crowd gasps. Did Tex Montana, once a skeptic like most, actually give in to the idea that Buford T. Laramie is his real father?!? Laramie’s face lights up and he immediately cuts the deal with Chase Allen.

Buford T. Laramie: Did ya hear that, boy? My son’s a believer, too! He’s seen the light! I’m so dang happy…ya know what, you’ll getcha match at The War To Settle The Score! Because my boy has finally come home, and this family will be unstoppable!

Chase Allen: (chuckling at the crazy situation unfolding) Whatever, dude. (to Bonell) Put him down, Bone-Dogg.

Bonell lets go of Hampton, and him and his partner make a break for it, sprinting up the ramp to the exit.

Now, to make sure we’re on the same page, Big Buford…

Allen pulls out a pair of handcuffs from his back pocket. Near the tunnel, Montana whips around, not able to locate his signature handcuffs…the ones that Allen is spinning around his finger. Montana is frozen in fear as Bonell grabs Laramie.

Buford T. Laramie: Get your hands off of me, punk? (sees the handcuffs) What the Sam Hill are y’all doing, boy?

Chase Allen: Here’s the thing, Buford…I ain’t your “boy”. And we agreed not to touch Montana and Hampton, but we didn’t say anything about their estranged loudmouth father figure.

Bonell tosses Laramie up against the rail that separates the ring area from the fans. Laramie starts to yell at The Party Animals again when, to the delight of the crowd, Bonell duct tapes his mouth shut. After a Super Kick, Allen clicks the handcuffs…one to the rail, the other to Laramie’s hand.

Hang tight there, Big’un. We’ll see you at The War. Get comfy, you’ll be there for a while.

Laramie starts kicking and flailing about, trying to get out, but to no avail. The crowd roars as The Party Animals raise their hands in victory, gaining a match with their rivals and shutting their manager up.

(D-)

Buddy Hollar: Hallelujah! It has come! Somebody’s finally shut up that loudmouth Buford T. Laramie!!! YEEHAW! What a start to this Wrasslin’ Night!

Tyler Merrimore: Those punks oughta be ashamed of themselves…they assaulted a world-class manager like Buford T. Laramie, and used scare tactics to give themselves a match at The War To Settle The Score…classless, simply CLASSLESS!

Buddy Hollar: I don’t see what the fuss is all about. If you had to deal with a loudmouth 24/7 like The Party Animals have to, you’d wanna kick their teeth in, no?

Tyler Merrimore: (mumbling to himself) You could say that I already DO deal with a loudmouth…

Buddy Hollar: What was that, T?

Tyler Merrimore: Oh, nothing…

Buddy Hollar: (scratching his head) Alright, your dang smarts have given me a dang headache. Let’s just get to the Isozaki/Mason match before you make my head explode or somethin’.

Tyler Merrimore: Hehe…

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Ernest Mason vs. Kenzo Isozaki

Ernest Mason makes his 1977 debut to fanfare and great pop from the crowd. He’s a well-liked guy ‘round these parts: a blue-collar good ol’ boy who never cheats and never backs down from anyone. And, he’s also got a five match winning streak heading into this showdown.

But, as a wise man once said, “Screw the streak. Kenzo’s the man.”

He was right in this one. Kenzo Isozaki, Crippler Ray Kingman’s hired Yakuza gun, used his breath-taking acrobatics and hard-hitting style to completely dominate Ernest Mason. Buddy Hollar blamed it on ring rust. Tyler Merrimore was too busy breathing heavily due to his man crush on the Japanese phenom. Ernest Mason simply couldn’t keep up.

Remember how Isozaki won his first match of the year? Yeah, the confusing and possibly unrealistic dive-to-somersault-to-flash pinfall? That’s the one. Did you think he couldn’t get any more impressive in the way he wins? You’re wrong, my friend. The entire state of Florida was about to get shocked in this one.

After wearing down Mason for what seemed like hours, Kenzo tried to go for The Hit, a Springboard Superkick. As he bounced off the top rope, Mason spun around at the right time to…catch him perfectly. Isozaki looked like he was about to get planted into the ground, but then…

He made his way up to sitting on both of Mason’s shoulders, smacking the everyman in the head, irritating him to death. After a few moments of evil grinning and ear hole shots, Isozaki…wait for it…used his athleticism to stand on Mason’s shoulders and leaps high into the air, GRABBING THE LOW RAFTERS OF THE JACKSONVILLE CIVIC CENTER!!!

The crowd roared in disbelief as Isozaki hung there for a few seconds, waiting for his moment to strike. And it came. Isozaki propelled himself back down to the ring and flipped himself into another acrobatic pinfall, similar to the luchadors in Mexico and juniors in Japan. Referee Jerry Hanson, after regaining his breath, slapped the mat three times.

(To have a clear visual of what I meant by this ending, watch Chikara Pro’s Podcast-A-Go-Go Episode 235, during the Hallowicked/Frightmare vs. Castagnoli/Ares match.
should take you to it, look for it at 4:50 into the video.)

Kenzo Isozaki wins at 10:09 via flash pinfall following drop from rafters

(D+)

Buddy Hollar: …

Tyler Merrimore: …

Buddy Hollar: He did it again. That stinkin’ Japanese fellow almost gave me a heart attack…again!

Tyler Merrimore: (breathlessly) That, my friends, was poetry in motion. I…need a moment. (begins to softly sob)

Buddy Hollar: (angrily) Get up, ya dang wimp! Why the heck would you start a-cryin’ for that?!?!?

Tyler Merrimore: Buddy, I know your small, backwater mind might not be able to fully grasp what just occurred here in the Jacksonville Civic Center, but we just witnessed an amazing feat. He leapt off of Mason’s shoulders to the rafters, grabbed on, and acrobatically tumbled his way to a pinfall! What an amazing happening…we need more guys like this in AAFW! I’ve got to go call my mother!

Buddy Hollar: T, that wasn’t THAT impressive, now that I think ‘bout it. I mean, the rafters are pretty dang low here. I could probably jump and grab ‘em…

Tyler Merrimore: NO! NO! You could NOT! You will not sit here and belittle one of the greatest athletic exhibitions in the history of the world! I couldn’t even think about grabbing those rafters, so…

Buddy Hollar: (cutting him off) Of course ya couldn’t. I’m about 6’4”, so you’re at least two feet shorter than me…I could see why ya couldn’t grab ‘em.

Tyler Merrimore: I am not 4’4”! I’m…5’7”…and a half.

Buddy Hollar: It’s okay, lil’ man. You probably couldn’t ride them rides at the County Fair, so you’ve got to make up for it with your educatin’ and cheerin’ for the bad guys.

Tyler Merrimore: Since when did you become my psychiatrist? I would NEVER talk to you about my childhood problems.

Buddy Hollar: My point has been made, ladies and gentlemen. Onto the next segment!

Tyler Merrimore: (fading) What do you mean…aw, dang it! Now you’ve got THAT to hold over my head…

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A Visual History Lesson of AAFW
Let's Go Down Memory Lane, Shall We?

We turn backstage to the cameraman slowly hobbling down a hallway. He turns the camera and pans the walls, a “trip down memory lane”, if you will, of AAFW history. Pictures and memorabilia adorn the flaking walls of the old-school venue, and the viewers at home get a fly-by lesson in AAFW.

Dick The Devastator winning championship numbers one, two, and three…

The night Papa Voodoo was banished from the company in a casket match with Chief Two Eagles…

Dick winning numbers four through seven…

The gut-wrenching image of Mad Man McMannus’ shoot on R.J. Danzig, the maniac standing over the lifeless and limp body of his former trainer…

Devastator’s eight, ninth, and tenth title runs…

Crippler Ray Kingman’s classic Crippler Cloverleaf hold is featured in a picture from his debut match…

Devastator title runs eleven, twelve, and thirteen…

Saionji Omura’s spike assault on The Devastator…

Dick The Devastator run number fourteen…

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Dick The Devastator
The cola-sippin', Kingman-hatin', forehead-bustin' North Florida Phenomenon

And then we see The Devastator himself standing beside that picture of him winning his beloved AAFW title belt. Beside the frame there is a blank spot with a piece of duct tape plastered on it, marking the spot “RESERVED”. The Devastator, drinking a cherry Appalachi Cola out of a bottle with what appears to be a fun bendy straw from McDonald’s, slurps loudly and then recognizes the cameraman.

Dick The Devastator: Whoa…what the…(burps) It’s time already, Dewayne?

“Dewayne” The Cameraman: Uh…yes sir.

The Devastator nods and drains the rest of the bottle with one fatal sucking from the straw, then addresses his beloved fans.

Dick The Devastator: Very well, then. Ladies and gentlemen of the All American Florida Wrasslin’ fanbase, lend me your ears. I’ve seen that my good friend Dewayne has shown those of y’all new ‘round here to a bit of a hist’ry lesson in my company. Thanks, D. I hope y’all enjoyed your lesson. Never was good at hist’ry as a youngster…too many different names for things. Like, who can really tell the difference between a homonym and a homophone? Didn’t really apply to me. That’s why I dropped ou—

I mean, stayed in school like a good young’un should. That’s right, kids: stay in school like your friend Dick The Devastator here, and you’ll grow up to be just like me!

Hundreds of loving mothers everywhere collectively begin to shield their children from the television set.

But them two R’s I learned at the schoolhouse ain’t why we’re here. Naw, it’s all about that piece of tape right there. Reeeee-served. Now, I bet some of y’all slow ones…we all can’t be as quick as The Devastator…are out there askin’: “What’s it reserved for, Dick?”

Excellent question, class. It’s for the picture when I go down to The War To Settle The Score a week from Saturday and beat the brains out of Crippler Ray Kingman and take back my title!!! You’re going down, Ray! You wanna know why?

BECAUSE I’M DEVASTATIN’!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And with that neurotic note, Dick The Devastator busts his empty glass bottle of cherry cola on his forehead. Shards of glass fill his scarred brow and blood drips from the shattered remains.

Why’d I do that? Because I can take pain, ya sissy! You’re going down tonight AND at The War, Kingman. You cain’t handle a tough-as-nails son-of-a-gun like myself!!!

After that hyphen-filled spew of words, The Devastator exits the scene while humming “Old MacDonald Had A Farm”. Right before we cut back to the ring for Chief Two Eagles vs. Jimmy Power, you can actually hear The Devastator sing along.

E-I…E-I…J-K-LMNO-P!!!!!

(B+)

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Chief Two Eagles vs. Jimmy Power

Boos, childish comments, and hot dog wrappers were thrown all around the Jacksonville Civic Center when Jimmy Power entered. Like an irritated fat kid in the schoolyard, Power tried to mask his crumbling ego with a tough guy face and a couple of comebacks of his own. One special comeback was directed to a toothless gator farmer that has been sitting on the front row at about every AAFW event ever. Obviously Trapper Pete didn’t like what Jimmy said about him, and he was quickly escorted out of the JCC when he pulled his knife on Power. Family-friendly entertainment? You bet!

After that hairy situation and Chief Two Eagles’ grand entrance, referee Sam Sparrow calls for the bell. Chief Two Eagles wastes no time in showing his style: as soon as the bell rings, he socks the blabbering blubber boy in square in the jaw. The crowd roars and the Chief salutes…and does it again! And again! And again! Jimmy Power’s eyes start rolling back in his head, and Two Eagles finishes the combo with an impressive flurry of chops to Power’s flabby chest. The fanbase laughs and cheers at the same time, igniting a small fire in the belly of Power. It seems like the constant picking-on reminds Power of his grade school days, a time that angers him and makes Tyler Merrimore cry. In a Twinkie-fueled rage, Power fights his way back up and crushes Chief Two Eagles with a belly-to-abdomen (guess whose is listed first) suplex.

The crowd boos some more, and Power gets stronger, it seems. Before long, Chief Two Eagles was becoming a Native American punching bag for the Maine man. There were suplexes, slams, strikes, and…worst of all…the accursed REST HOLDS! Of course they were coming, y’all. A guy his size doesn’t have the stamina of a marathon runner or anything. Two Eagles was getting destroyed, and Power was getting fueled by the heat from the crowd.

But, before too long, the Great Spirits that guide Chief Two Eagles (at least, that’s what he attributed it to later in an interview) inspired him. After another devastating rest hold from Power, the Chief sprang to his feet and silenced the crowd, using the traditional forefinger to the lips and making the “SHHHH…” noise. In a few short moments, the noise had echoed throughout the entire center and the crowd was completely quiet. What does this mean? No more power for Jimmy!

The mat specialist froze, knowing that his fuel had been siphoned and that he was in big trouble. For the next two minutes, Chief Two Eagles turned the tide and begin knocking Power around the ring. The crowd, now roaring and not booing, hooted and hollered for the Chief. After an impressive leg sweep from Two Eagles, he went over to the corner and started his traditional war dance. “I’ve missed that dang chantin’!” exclaimed Buddy Hollar. Tyler Merrimore muttered something about sympathizing with Jimmy Power. The crowd, all on their feet, knew what was coming next…Tomahawk Chop! The Chief covers Power for the one, two, three…and the loudmouth fatty goes down!

Chief Two Eagles wins at 11:22 via Tomahawk Chop

(D+)

Buddy Hollar: Aw, man, this night just keeps gettin’ better and better! My main man The Chief just clobbered Jimmy Power! I love it, and I know y’all at home do too! That’s what we’ve got here at All American Florida Wrasslin’…amazin’ action every single week!

Tyler Merrimore: Don’t take just this guy’s word for it, fans. When you look past the rednecks all around and the constant babyface-loving and start focusing on guys like Kenzo Isozaki and Crippler Ray Kingman, you’ll find that there isn’t a better place to watch athletic competition. Which is not what guys like Dick The Devastator are all about.

Buddy Hollar: I know his college-educated speech might be hard to understand sometimes, y’all, so I’ll break it down for ya…ahem: “Blah, blah, blah…competition…I love bad guys and have a crush on that Japanese guy…blah, blah, blah…big word, big word, big word.” That about covers it.

Tyler Merrimore: Well, I’ll agree that we don’t speak the same language, Buddy.

Buddy Hollar: Speakin’ of speakin’, it’s time to see what my good friend Big Al Wallace is up to! After a failed attempt at gettin’ Johnny Boy Tucker last week thanks to Jimmy Power…

Tyler Merrimore: …I think we can also attribute it to a severe lack of respect and hick-ness of JBT…

Buddy Hollar: …we know he’s got another one lined up for tonight. So, let’s take it back to Big Al’s office!

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Big Al Wallace
On the Verge of Losing It...

Actually, we’re taken OUTSIDE of Big Al’s office, where he’s leaned up against the wall and frantically worrying. Checking his watch and breathing heavy, Wallace is obviously stressed out over something.

Big Al Wallace: Dang it, where are ya…supposed to be here five minutes ago! That’ll knock off some points, for sure.

Wallace looks at his watch for the 87th time since the camera got on him and he sighs loudly. But, then, all of a sudden, a noise is heard down the hallway!

Well, there you are! It’s about dang time, son!

The camera swings to reveal…

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Alex Pierce and Miss Bliss
Mr. and Ms. Super-Glued Together

Alex Pierce?!?!? What’s he doing here? He’s got a manager already, shown by attachment to the hip of Miss Bliss! “What the diddly is goin’ on ‘round here, folks?” asks Buddy Hollar.

Alex Pierce: Huh? What are you talking about, Al?

Big Al Wallace: (laughs nervously) Aw, Alex…always the jokester.

Pierce raises an eyebrow and Miss Bliss stands there with a look on her face of pure confusion.

What, you don’t remember? (more nervous laughter) You…you…signed up for the interview…on the sheet…outside my office…you’re name was the second one, for cryin’ out loud!!!

Big Al, embarrassed at the unprofessional outburst, regains his busted composure and waits for Alex to respond.

Alex Pierce: Oh! Yeah! That’s right…uh…well, let’s do this another time, huh, Al? I’m really busy…Bliss here had to show me something real important, okay?

He and Miss Bliss slowly edge away from the freaking out manager-to-be. Big Al tosses his notebook up in the air and gives a crazy kind of laugh normally heard in asylums. He’s losing it with all the stress, folks. “Managing ain’t a walk down Chocolate Cupcake Lane,” says Buddy Hollar, inciting a stomach growl from Tyler Merrimore.

Big Al Wallace: No, it’s fine, Alex! Really!!! It’s not like I haven’t been workin’ on these personally specific questions for four solid days now, just to have them get put off! It’s fine! Fine! FIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Alex Pierce: (now almost running from Big Al) Thanks for understanding, Big Al. Talk to you soon, man! (to Miss Bliss) Whew. That was a brush with insanity. Or, as a like to call them, “conversations with any AAFW roster member”.

Miss Bliss: (suspiciously) Did you REALLY sign that sheet? Why would you want another manager? What’s wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough for you? Are you…(gasps loudly) Are you…cheating on me? With a bald-headed middle-aged man?!?!?!?

The crowd laughs like crazy as Pierce tries to mend the situation.

Alex Pierce: NO! No…not at all, Bliss! I’m sticking with you, my love. After all the stuff I went through with Rampage for you…this relationship isn’t going anywhere. It was just a joke that I thought he would pick up on…(to himself) And I thought you would too…

Bliss, delighted at the words “my love”, brightens up immediately.

Women.

Miss Bliss: Okay, buttercup! Fine with me!

The fans, the announcers, the viewers at home, and even the cameraman snort at Bliss’s pet name for Pierce.

Alex Pierce: (groans) Dang it…what did I say about that name? Only in private, please???

Miss Bliss: (slightly giggles) Oops…sorry!

Alex Pierce: It’s fine. Just never do it again. And…hurry up and show me what you said you’ve found. I’ve got a meeting with a bubble bath in about five minutes.

Miss Bliss: Alright, butter…whoops! Never again! I promised!

Pierce slams his head against the wall as Bliss starts to show Pierce the surprise of sorts.

Okay, so…remember that ladder match you won last week, when I used my…(stares down at her impressive self) looks to seduce that Mexican guy?

Alex Pierce: Yes…

Miss Bliss: And remember we opened the briefcase you won at the apartment last week?

Alex Pierce: Yes…

Miss Bliss: And remember that what was in it was a giant key, which you ignored at first because you were too busy reading your new Better Homes and Gardens magazine?

Alex Pierce: YES!!!! Now, just tell me what this is all about and HURRY, before you spill any more of my personal secrets!

Miss Bliss: (frowns) Okay, Mr. Grumpy-pants. Anyway, I’ve been back here, checking all of these hallways to find what this key would be for.

Alex Pierce: And???

Miss Bliss: Quit yelling at me, Alex!

Alex Pierce: Aggghhh!!! Let me guess, you think the thing for the key is down this hallway, right?

Miss Bliss: (sticks her lip out, pouting) Yes.

Alex Pierce: Just give me the key.

Miss Bliss slings the giant key at him and he grabs it quickly, before it clocks him in the face. He starts to walk down the hallway.

The two approach a normal sized door marked “Janitor’s Closet”, with ancient cobwebs covering the window and doorknob. The key hole is normal size, so they walk away.

Now we see another door, larger-sized this time, marked “The Devastator’s Playroom”. Pierce tries to open it, but it’s locked. Faint tunes of an old record player screeching out “Old MacDonald Had A Farm” come clear. Then, we hear Dick The Devastator trying to figure out that dastardly five-letter combination again.

Dick The Devastator: (off-screen) Let’s see now…E-I-E-I…O, Susanna, O don’t you cry for me…DANG IT!

The two scurry off, trying to avoid another confrontation with a mad man. They reach another door, which is unlocked. They swing it open to reveal…a giant treasure chest. Pierce sticks the key in the hole and turns. The chest creaks open and dust flies everywhere. A small box is pulled out of the chest by Miss Bliss, and Pierce opens it quickly.

Alex Pierce: I bet it’s money, I bet it’s money…they’ve finally given me a raise due to my abilities in the ring…(holds up a normal-sized key) What the…

Miss Bliss: A key…for a key. Wow, that was anti-climactic.

Alex Pierce: But, there’s a note on it…(squints to read the small print on the slip attached to key) “Go back to the old janitor’s closet for your reward.” You’ve gotta be kidding me.

Miss Bliss: Let’s go anyway…it says it’s a reward!

Bliss grabs Alex’s hand and drags him down the hallway, the young upstart sighing the whole way. The dragging finally stops and the two are back in front of the cobwebbed portal. Pierce jams the key into the door and starts to turn it…but it doesn’t turn. So he tries again. And again. And again. Fans boo like crazy.

Miss Bliss has had enough.

Get out of my way! I’m getting that reward if it’s the last thing I do!

She twists the key as hard as she can…and it unlocks.

Heh. And I’m the weak one in this relationship, huh? What do you think of that, bubble bath boy? This chick just showed you—

WHAM!

The entire door is kicked down from the inside, flattening the arrogant manager. Alex Pierce screams like a young schoolgirl and Miss Bliss hurriedly crawls out from under the fallen door.

Before she can say anything about the knocked-down door or the unmanly scream from her boyfriend, a figure leaps out from the doorway.

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Mad Man McMannus
The Nightmare of Jacksonville Is Released From His Chamber

Mad Man McMannus: I’M FREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! THE MAD MAN HAS RETURNED!!!!!

Pierce and Bliss scream together (at the same pitch, of course) and sprint down the hallway. McMannus starts laughing maniacally and the camera focuses on him before we finally cut back to the announcing desk.

(C+)

Buddy Hollar: My nightmares are now back, T! Mad Man McMannus has been released from his lockdown in the ancient janitor’s closet! I thought this day would never come…gotta go up my life insurance now!

Tyler Merrimore: Wait, you KNEW he was in there, Buddy?

Buddy Hollar: Yessir. After he ripped the arm off of that backstage guy a few years back, before you came ‘round, we subdued him and locked him where no one could find him…and we thought nothing could get him out!

Tyler Merrimore: (turning pale) He…he…(gulped) RIPPED someone’s arm off?

Buddy Hollar: That’s what Dick told us, at least. Some guy got the last cheese cracker from the catering table, so he ripped off the arm that was holding it. Then ate the cracker. What a good-for-nothin’ scoundrel! So, yeah, that’s what happened, T….T?

Merrimore has now fainted from the thought of a man’s arm “getting ripped off” over a cheese cracker and slid out of his chair onto the floor below.

Uh-oh. (looks around for any witnesses that might care) Naw, they all cain’t stand him anyways. (back to camera) While we wait for Tyler Merrimore to recover from his weak heart, let’s get to the main event! After last week’s brutal attack, The Masked Patriot has asked Dick The Devastator to help him with hated enemy Identity Black and AAFW champ Crippler Ray Kingman. Let’s get it on!

Hollar looks down at the unconscious Merrimore and shrugs. Let’s just get to the match.

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Crippler Ray Kingman and Identity Black vs. Dick The Devastator and The Masked Patriot

Never have we seen two vicious feuds collide in the same match. Kingman and The Devastator’s eternal war has built AAFW, and Identity Black and The Masked Patriot’s bloody rivalry is known worldwide thanks to the folks at Pro Wrestling Hits magazine. No matter who was in the ring, there was brutal impact all around. These two teams absolutely hate each other, and the crowd was witness to jaw-dropping execution and unashamed violence. Such brutality…the fans here love it. I mean, most of these fans do this stuff for free at bars and their in-laws’ houses for free. So why wouldn’t you want to see someone get paid to do it? It might inspire a few of these folks to take up the sport. You never know…

For over fifteen minutes, these two teams brutalize each other with no one getting a clear cut advantage. You’ve got Identity Black rampaging his way to injuring himself and others in the process, Dick The Devastator wildly swingin’ his fists in hopes of cracking Kingman’s skull, The Masked Patriot using pure passion and desire to wipe the floor with Identity Black and Kingman, and the Crippler himself bending the rules and people’s joints the wrong way.

During one bout in the ring, it was Identity Black up against The Masked Patriot. The monstrous Black caught Patriot off of the ropes and set up a clothesline…which flipped our masked All-American over the top ropes and onto the floor below! The Crippler, no stranger to ignoring the rulebook, decided to take advantage of the situation with some stomps on Patriot’s face.

Identity Black went down to the floor as well, and Jerry Hanson restarted the ten count. Dick The Devastator, frowning because he wasn’t in on the action, decided to sprint across the ring and leap…Suicide Dive from The Devastator!

The crowd, now roaring, cheers on the four man brawl outside the ring. Feeling a bit ignored, Jerry Hanson continues the count with a sad face.

The two underlying storylines burst in full force during the final few seconds of the match, though:

Identity Black completely missed an uppercut on The Masked Patriot, who speared him into the railing next to Buford T. Laramie (Hah. You thought he had been released by now, didn’t you? Gotcha!)…

Dick The Devastator began biting…yes, biting…Crippler Ray Kingman, payback for chewing his way to a win against Mitch Haggans…

The Patriot tried a running big boot to Black, but he completely whiffs, getting his foot stuck in between the rails…

Kingman swiftly elbows The Devastator in the gut, breaking the teeth hold…

The lonely Hanson keeps counting…

The move that knocked out Patriot before the infamous flag break in APWF, the Black Hole Chokeslam, connected, leaving Patriot stunned on the hard floor…

The Crippler locks in a standing Crossface…

Still counting…

Patriot stuns everyone by rolling out of the way from a stomp from Identity Black…

Dick The Devastator struggles to get out of the hold…

But Jerry Hanson stops the official-ness of the match. He’s reached a double ten count, and we’ve got a draw on her hands…but it’s not like the fans or the four men outside the ring care.

The two teams draw at 18:59 via double count out

(C+)

As the brawl continues outside the ring, Hanson shrugs and slips out of the ring, preferring to sit near the announcers and watch this bad boy.

Identity Black and The Masked Patriot are now equally brawling on their feet, neither side refusing to cave in to their hated rival.

http://www4.picturepush.com/photo/a/4303852/640/%2777/Crippler-Ray-Kingman-1977.jpghttp://www2.picturepush.com/photo/a/4303845/640/%2777/Dick-the-Devastator-1977.jpg
Crippler Ray Kingman and Dick The Devastator
The Longtime Rivals Continue To Clash

Dick The Devastator has managed to get out of the Crossface, and throws a vicious haymaker at the AAFW champion Kingman. He runs over to the side of the ring, reaches under the mat skirt, and pulls out…

WOODROW! It’s Woodrow, the bloody solid arm of the shattered rocking chair from last week’s First Blood showdown with Saionji Omura! The Devastator, giddy with excitement, turns to exact judgment on the cheatin’ champion when…

He’s blindsided with Kingman’s own weapon, the AAFW Championship belt. The blow knocks The Devastator completely out, as the first thing to touch the concrete floor was the back of the crazy dude’s head. Kingman stands over his enemy with a smile of pure evil plastered on his face.

http://www5.picturepush.com/photo/a/4382768/640/%2777/Identity-Black.jpghttp://www2.picturepush.com/photo/a/4303855/640/%2777/The-Masked-Patriot.jpg
Identity Black and The Masked Patriot
The Battle Is Over...For Now...

Kingman starts to clean off his title belt when AAFW roster members and security storm the area, preventing any other violence between The Devastator and Kingman, even though the former is in La-La Land on the ground. Mark “The Lariat” Krogan and Johnny Boy Tucker, along with Mitch Haggans, start to break up the insane battle between Identity Black and The Masked Patriot.

The fans, now silent from their hero’s untimely blow to the head, stare at the lifeless body in front of them. The camera focuses on it, too, and this Wrestling Night broadcast ends without a sign-off from Buddy Hollar and the now resuscitated Tyler Merrimore. The unmoving Dick The Devastator is our lasting image as we end another episode of the craziest show in wrestling history.

(B+)

OVERALL SHOW RATING:

(C+)

TLLK · October 30, 2010

Post-Show Thoughts:

-Whoa. A C- match featuring Citizen's Arrest? Didn't expect that at all. Chalk it up to the excellent chemistry between the "father and son". And, JBT is the man. He's been given the note "looked good out there" in both matches he's been featured in.

-I know that the angles featuring The Party Animals and Citizen's Arrest are low, and probably hurt my overall card rating. Will I stop doing them? Of course not! Despite their ratings, I love writing them. The whole "Is Buford really Tex's daddy?" storyline is awesome to me.

-Ernest Mason and Kenzo Isozaki's match...for some reason, I thought it would be better than a D+. Hmm.

-Did anyone actually watch the Chikara video?

-B+ is the magic angle rating 'round here. Except for that one A from Dick talking to Woodrow...

-Chief Two Eagles and Jimmy Power a D+ too? Matches let me down this time.

-Yes, I know that the Mad Man McMannus/Alex Pierce-Miss Bliss/Big Al Wallace angle's writeup was LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG. But I wouldn't cut a bit.

-Speaking of McMannus, he seems to be a hit around here. Why can't everyone break another guy's arm?

-Solid main event, when you consider we had a midcarder thrown in there. Identity's a solid performer.

-And then there was another B+ brawl, like expected.

And now for prediction results...

Citizen's Arrest vs. Johnny Boy Tucker and Mark "The Lariat" Krogan

Ernest Mason vs. Kenzo Isozaki

Chief Two Eagles vs. Jimmy Power

Crippler Ray Kingman and Identity Black vs. Dick The Devastator and The Masked Patriot

3/4. It was purty easy this week, except for the draw. Might I ask what happened to the WIW dynasty, Midnightnick? Just wondering...

Citizen's Arrest vs. Johnny Boy Tucker and Mark "The Lariat" Krogan
Despite fat boy Power's shenanigans, Master and Apprentice go over here.

Ernest Mason vs. Kenzo Isozaki
Screw Mason's winning streak. Kenzo's the man.

Chief Two Eagles vs. Jimmy Power
No way fatty wins this one.

Crippler Ray Kingman and Identity Black vs. Dick The Devastator and The Masked Patriot
Double DQ or draw? Really, I don't see a weak link here.

4/4! The only one to predict a draw...excellent work, AJ. Your roster question PM is in your inbox. And: no shenanigans from Power...this time...I think you'll appreciate the shoutout to your Isozaki comment in the show writeup, and Chief Two Eagles can't lose to a fatty, I agree.

Citizen's Arrest vs. Johnny Boy Tucker and Mark "The Lariat" Krogan

Ernest Mason vs. Kenzo Isozaki

Chief Two Eagles vs. Jimmy Power

Crippler Ray Kingman and Identity Black vs. Dick The Devastator and The Masked Patriot

2/4. Very gusty in picking Ernest Mason, BP. I just wished I would have used him in the earlier shows.

Thought i'd already picked in this bad boy ... Whoops!!

Citizen's Arrest vs. Johnny Boy Tucker and Mark "The Lariat" Krogan
I like Krogan what can i say.
Ernest Mason vs. Kenzo Isozaki
Chief Two Eagles vs. Jimmy Power
Crippler Ray Kingman and Identity Black vs. Dick The Devastator and The Masked Patriot
I see how this goes .. Dick doesn't lose!

2/4. Got the two easy ones, Jingo, and you too showed your normal guts with an Ernest Mason pick. And you're spot on (usually) with the Dick The Devastator comment.

So ajcrible is our question winner this week. We'll see his question sometime soon.

Just ran Episode 4 and The War, and I'm excited. It'll be a slim night for matches next week...just trying to get some hype going for the big event. And, The War is going to be awesome. Best card yet.

Thanks to all who predicted, read, are going to read, and commented. All of your feedback keeps this sucker going.

We'll see a documentary segment in the next couple of days, and may even take get the next show preview, too.

-TLLK3

TLLK · November 1, 2010

AAFW: Ain't No Sunshine When He's "Gone"

Part of Pro Wrestling Hits' "Return To The Golden Era" DVD Series

Chapter 1.2: The Next Generation of Insane

Episodes two and three of AAFW Wrestling Night came and went with little to no fanfare.

Just kidding.

Chief Two Eagles returned to the company to fend off Professor Nero and Rampage, Identity Black exploded onto the scene with a nasty attack on rival The Masked Patriot, and, the craziest one of them all: Mad Man McMannus was released from his dungeon.

Oh, and Dick The Devastator received a rocking chair from the Postal Service on live TV and used it to bloody Saionji Omura.

So, pretty much a normal week around these parts. AAFW was a company who thrived on the big moments and the insane twists that defy conventional logic.

Which brings us to our segment today: "Richard Wilson" and the booking decisions of the past three weeks.

Now that we've mentioned that Alex Pierce, amateur filmmaker, used his camera to record proof of "Richard Wilson's first press conference", the footage of Big Al Wallace and the gang talking to Dick will become a mainstay in our documentary. Let's roll the tape:

Pierce takes his camera into the rickety old HQ of AAFW, with shots of the

Everglades getting thrown in for good measure. We see a gator snap at a bird perched on a stump.

The creaky old door swings open and the crew walks in to find Dick The Devastator in his morning routine: glass of chocolate milk, GI Joe action figures...you know, important business matters.

Big Al Wallace, ever the talker, breaks the silence.

Big Al Wallace: Dick, we've got to talk to you.

Dick The Devastator: Ah, me...or Richard?

Big Al Wallace: (to the rest of the guys) Looks like he hasn't gotten over this yet. (to The Devastator...or Richard) Well, let me talk to him.

Dick The Devastator: Hold on, I'll get him...

The Devastator slams GI Joe into a mass of tan plastic army men and makes explosion noises, laughing all the way. Pierce pans to a shocked Big Al Wallace. The Devastator spins around in the splintering stool of his and comes back with his good eye closed and the false mustache finger.

Richard Wilson: What can I do ya for, Big Al?

Big Al Wallace: Well..."Richard"...I know you might be new around here, so you don't know exactly how we do it here in the company.

Richard Wilson: What are ya talkin' about? We've had three of the most highest-rated episodes of Wrasslin' Night in company history since I got signed on here, and we've made huge waves in the wrestling world.

Big Al Wallace: But some of these waves are being caused by ludicrous signings...I mean, you brought HIM back?!?!?!?

"Wilson" spins around in his seat and removes the false mustache, going back to Dick The Devastator mode.

Dick The Devastator: Now whatever did he do wrong? You know, besides rip that guy's arm of for the cheese cracker. Which reminds me...

The Devastator pulls out a package of Cheez-Its and begins munching on them.

Now I see why he would have ripped his arm off...what zesty real cheese flavor!

Big Al Wallace: He didn't rip that guy's arm off...

Dick The Devastator: And how do you know that?

Big Al Wallace: Well, I, uh...

Dick The Devastator: I was the only one backstage at the time. And the guy he de-limbed was a new guy, so y'all never saw him.

Big Al Wallace: Okay, whatever. I'm not gonna argue with a mad man.

Richard Wilson: Would ya like to argue with me instead?

Big Al Wallace: Uggggghhhh! (punches nearby wall)

Buddy Hollar: (stepping in to avoid any more conflict) Rich, what Big Al's tryin' to say is...why'd ya hire a feller who broke a man's arm at one of our shows a few years back?

Richard Wilson: Excellent question with even better respect for ya boss, Buddy!

Buddy flashes an arrogant grin at Big Al and the rest of the gang, who all hold back from punching him in the jaw.

Now, we all know that RJ Danzig broke Mac's arm first. And whatever happens from now on, just happens. Mac's one of the most popular workers in this area!

Big Al Wallace: But who's to say he's not gonna shoot on someone now that he's back?

Dick The Devastator: He ain't gonna shoot on anybody! Guns ain't allowed backstage!

Big Al Wallace: THE QUESTION WAS NOT DIRECTED TO YOU, DICK!

Richard Wilson: Voices down, voices down, Mr. Wallace. Don't wanna have to throw you out right before your big managerin' job and that push you wanna get...

Wallace shuts up. The rest of the crew snickers while Richard makes another announcement.

Now, I've got another announcement to make. Next Saturday at the War...pack your bags, fellas! We're headin' out of the JCC!

Big Al Wallace: WHAT?!?!?!?

Richard Wilson: Okay, I'm about to pull the plug on that push, Big Al.

Big Al Wallace: (in a lower voice, but still not understanding) Why would we move out of our home base? You said we'd never do that! Ever!

Richard Wilson: No, Dick said that. When I got here, I knew it was time for some changes if we were ever gonna fight off Eisen up in the SWF. That's why Two Eagles is back. And McMannus. We've got to change some things to win the war.

Big Al Wallace: How are we gonna win a stinkin' war with a schizophrenic at the helm?

Richard Wilson: (ignoring Wallace) We'll be up in Alabama for The War To Settle The Score, at the Huntsville Fairgrounds. Ya see, it's time to branch out from outside Florida. Heck, I don't like the name "All American FLORIDA Wrestling". I'd change it, but it would damage our image.

Big Al Wallace: Why do you not like the name? You named it that back when this all started?

Dick The Devastator: Actually, I did.

Big Al Wallace: That's it, we're outta here.

The group of concerned roster members start to make their way to the door when it creaks open, and a bigger, younger kid steps in. Bruised, battered, and imprinted with bite marks, the 20-something year-old got a smile on his face anyway. AAFW fans recognize this guy as Leon Williams, the jiving and dancing fool that spent most of his time in the company staring at the lights, jobbing.

Leon Williams: Dick! I did it! Lasted with ol' Willy for thirty solid minutes out in that ring! Whoo boy, I feel alive!

Richard Wilson: Gentlemen, you'll see more of Leon from now on...

Dick The Devastator: ...cause he's my new protege! Now, get back out there, boy! You'll REALLY impress me if you last another round with my pet gator!

Leon Williams: (with a goofy grin on his face) Yes sir!

The camera freezes on Leon's smiling face as the narrator closes this segment.

Leon Williams, Dick The Devastator's protege, was tired of doing what he was normally doing. He wanted a change, and the owner saw that in him. Taking him under his wing, the bright young prospect went from jobber waiting for his time to break out to crazy young guy who probably was going to job anyway.

Big Al went a ranting and a raving about throwing the company's best raw talent in a ring with a crazy alligator, but Dick The Devastator...and Richard...politely kicked them out. Big Al was out of power in the company, and Leon wanted to do it, anyway.

But did Leon Williams survive another bout in the ring with Willy?

Tune in to Episode 4's preview to find out! Bwahahahahaha!!!

Eisen-verse · November 1, 2010

Dick/Richard is really what makes this diary pop; great stuff, Levitical! I always read your shows but I certainly try to read these background posts as well as I really dig what you're doing with them. Isn't it fun to work for a psychopath?

Keep up the good work!

Cheers.

E-V

TLLK · November 1, 2010

Dick/Richard is really what makes this diary pop; great stuff, Levitical! I always read your shows but I certainly try to read these background posts as well as I really dig what you're doing with them. Isn't it fun to work for a psychopath?

Keep up the good work!

Cheers.

E-V

That's awesome to hear, E-V. You know, I thought you had dropped this dynasty a while back, with your return of DOA (so freaking pumped for that) in its planning stages. I mean, you predicted the first episode--and got a perfect score, setting up a wild question and answer session with The Devastator himself--but I never heard from you prediction-wise again.

But now I know that you've been with this one all along, so that excites me.

As for Richard/Dick, I really thought I could never get so much enjoyment out of fleshing out a character. But the way he ran the company according to his bio and the title lineages, I couldn't help but put him as a mad man...and have my user character as his split personality. Risky because no one has ever done it before, and I didn't know how to clearly portray it? Yes. Worth it? Totally. I've never had so much fun writing something.

So, thanks for giving that awesome feedback. I crave your opinion. I guess it's because you got me interested in the writing business to start with...you're like Dick The Devastator and I'm Leon Williams.

Anyway, the Episode 4 card preview AND Buddy Hollar's Q&A session, sent in by our winner ajcrible, should be up sometime this evening. Until then...peace.

-TLLK3

TLLK · November 2, 2010

http://www3.picturepush.com/photo/a/4303736/1024/%2777/AAFW.jpg

AAFW Wrestling Night

LIVE on Channel 9 (Episode #4)

FLOOR SEATS SOLD OUT, LOWER BOWL TICKETS FILLING UP FAST AT JCC BOX OFFICE

http://www5.picturepush.com/photo/a/4303898/1024/%2777/Buddy-Hollar.jpg

Buddy Hollar

The Mouth of the South (In A Good Way)

We start off this Card Preview a lil' bit unorthodox...it's time for Questionin' and Answerin' with the AAFW roster, y'all!

That's right, we've got our question of the week to answer before we get to the card previewin'...let's get to it! This week's question comes to us from our good friend Billy out in the Lone Star state, and he asks Mad Man McMannus: "What would you do if you ran into R.J. Danzig today? Would you try to break his other arm?" Let's hear it from the lunatic...I mean, hardcore brawler himself.

http://www1.picturepush.com/photo/a/4436079/1024/%2777/Mad-Man-McMannus.jpg

Mad Man McMannus
Ask, or Get A Limb Taken!

Well, this place is something else. One week into this joint and I get pointed at and questioned. I know what's going on around here...management's trying to take me down! I see right through the facade...ANARCHY!!!! IT'S WHAT I LIVE FOR!!!!!

But I'll play along with the Big Brother's evil game...oh yes...but they'll pay. They'll all pay! Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Oh, my dear mentor R.J. Danzig...that's what I'm asked about? Hmm? Alrighty...let's see.

I'm a young kid back out in Cali, trying to learn from what I thought was a legend in between the ropes. What I found out was that he is nothing but a crook, a wrestling suit who only wants to play by HIS rules. Old-school, my rear end. Danzig tried to limit my craft. Said my way was too violent, too in-your-face for his taste. Said I couldn't get a job with my way. Well, you ancient idiot, look at me now!

Back to the point. So, that ignorant fool broke my arm...set me up. It was supposed to be a demonstration in the art of the armbar, so I volunteered to be his subject. Thought I would be able to get some cheap shots in on him and call it self-defense, just trying to get out of the maneuver. What he did was try to permanently ruin my career. After the breakage, I left his totalitarian regime he called a dojo and started running things my way.

We met again, as you all are aware of, back five years ago in this very company. First chance I got, I nailed him with a picture-perfect right cross. He got knocked out cold, I laid his arm across the guardrail...and the rest is glorious history.

So, you ask me what I would do if I were to "bump" into him today?!? Here's the thing. I'd "bump" into him with the grill of a truck, probably, going over sixty miles an hour.

But, if that didn't have a chance to happen, and we met again sometime around a wrestling promotion...haha. I'd CRUSH his other arm, SNAP both of his legs, and SMASH his head until his senile self couldn't be able to see the light of day!

That's my question, Billy. Go run and tell the feds what I just told you. I know they're watching...and I'll be waiting on them...

That, folks, is pure EVIL personified. He's got a demon embedded in him somewheres, I tell ya. That was your question of the week, brought to you by the fine folks of the Quicky Pick Marts, located all across our fine state. Get in a mart today and by yourself some pork rinds. Y'know, 'cause they're cliche.

Anywho, let's get to that card preview I wrote up for y'all a couple of days ago! That's right, your silver-tongued friend is on the ball this week! I'm gettin' ready for The War!!!

After another epic episode of Wrasslin' Night, the battle-hardened roster members of AAFW are set to do battle this Thursday night, two days before what is shapin' up to be one of the greatest wrasslin' events of all time: 1977's The War To Settle The Score!

We've seen monstrous debuts, memorable attacks, and even a flippin' rockin' chair. What's in store for this week? Tune in to your telly-visions Thursday night and find out, ya wrasslin' nuts!

We've got only three matches this week...but, oh, aren't they gonna be some HOT ones. First off, everyone's least favorite member of the AAFW roster, Jimmy Power, will try and prove his might (not just weight, that's already proved by dozens of broken scales) by wrasslin' for his FOURTH straight week. He's been ridin' high and talkin' tough, even after last week's loss against Two Eagles. He'll take on bright young prospect Leon Williams, the dancin' fool making his '77 debut. Who will prevail?

And, my favorite match of the night, our good buddy Dick The Devastator will go up against the voodoo king of Japan, Kenzo Isozaki! The underworld member of Crippler Ray Kingman's Kingdom, his hired gun, his grappler who's won two matches so far this month by extraordinary measures...will square off against the legend himself. How will The Devastator bounce back after his head a-bouncin' off the ground from Kingman's title belt assault, and what will the Asian hitman and my partner Tyler Merrimore's hero do to defeat the craziest man South of the Mason-Dixon?

In our MAIN EVENT...(gotta use my big, boomin' announcin' voice)...Crippler Ray Kingman will go up against Chief Two Eagles, just two days before Kingman's scheduled title defense against Dick The Devastator! Kingman calls it a "tune-up". Chief Two Eagles ain't no tune-up, folks. Can the Indian hero, 2-0 in back-to-back weeks since his return to Florida, knock down the overconfident champion right before one of the biggest matches of his career? Lord, I hope so!

So, get yourself down to the Jacksonville Civic Center this Thursday night, or curl up with your pet possums in front of the tube! Because you ain't gonna wanna miss this episode of TV's #1 rated show*, AAFW Wrasslin' Night!!!

*According to Buddy Hollar's Telly-vision Digest, available by the counters at all Quicky Pick Marts

AAFW Wrestling Night Quick Picks, brought to you by Quicky Pick Mart #9 in Tallahassee, our state's great capital:

Jimmy Power vs. Leon Williams

Dick The Devastator vs. Kenzo Isozaki

Chief Two Eagles vs. Crippler Ray Kingman

Fan Sign:

"And, I forgot to mention, the ban on fan signs, in effect since the "Jimmy Power is a Idiot Marshmallow" Incident of 1975, has been lifted! Y'all bring your signs for Thursday night's show! We wanna see all y'all show ya creativity and cover the crowd in poster board."

-Buddy Hollar

Midnightnick · November 2, 2010

Jimmy Power vs. Leon Williams

Dick The Devastator vs. Kenzo Isozaki

Chief Two Eagles vs. Crippler Ray Kingman

Fan Sign: Jimmy Power Is STILL A Idiot Marshmellow

There's 3.

I can't fail.

Sign In

AAFW: Ain't No Sunshine When He's "Gone"

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