Elite Pro Wrestling: The ***** Also Rises

Eidenhoek · July 30, 2011

Is that a subtle jab at NoNeck? No. It's a subtle slap in the face. Not with a hand. MUAHAHAHAHA (I pm'd him don't ban me).

ELITE PRO WRESTLING

PORN IS POWER

HARDCORE COUNTRY

WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE BAD BOYS RUN WILD ALL OVER YOU

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also featuring Big Smack Scott among others.

Eidenhoek · August 1, 2011

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Eidenhoek · August 5, 2011

Afford me time to communicate the interests of ELITE Pro Wrestling.

The company is new to the industry and thereby this website is, by consequence, similarly in its infancy. To that end, one should not expect match quality akin to that of the giants currently running in the world. Furthermore, due to financial restrictions that exist for promotions of the size for which I work, this website will be maintained on an economical level.

More plainly, I will be the main communicator between the company and the fans as far as the EPW site is concerned. I have been chosen due to an intellect that, apparently, none other on the roster possess. I do not wish to present myself as a genius; nay, I would prefer to be viewed as the arbiter of discussion, as a link between the company and the populace. I view Mr. Sinclair as the only person with any real power where EPW is concerned, given that he is the acting General Manager of the company. It is he who will hire and fire our roster; it is he who will decide the matches and order of contests. I put my faith in him.

As to the purpose of this site: at our size, it is common-due to monetary concerns-to run a monthly event. Given our popularity, again, and consequentally the size of our shows, it is probable that not many people will attend our events. One purpose of this site is to generate interest in the company.

Another purpose is to answer questions that the fans have. I will be the primary fielder of those questions; if I am unable to answer, I will attempt to glean the relevant information from the source that appears to be most knowledgable.

I wish this site to become something of a diary for the promotion. This first message marks our beginning, however humble or bold. I hope to look back upon this day and smile. As the company grows, I will record its history; as we run shows, it will be my duty to review the card, explain certain events, and allow those that were unable to attend the event to still follow this promotion.

It seems as though I am utilizing too many words to explain too much at present, so I will end this first message.

-WebMaster Larry Wood

Eidenhoek · August 10, 2011

Yet again I find myself needing to update the ELITE Pro Wrestling website. True, it seems that consumer interest is all but non-existent. However, I am not yet able to ascertain what lies at the core of this disinterest; in the face of uncertainty, then, I continue in my duties.

I feel that an overview of the roster ought to be presented on what is claimed to be a website for this company, thus I shall make note of the members of the promotion of which I am part. Then, I will note where on the card a prospective fan will find the wrestlers, along with the teams and alliances that are present in this promotion.

Illumination of our first show, however, is more important than a keen understand of the roster. Only just more important, that is, but nonetheless with limited time, I shall accordingly begin an explanation of our monthly show.

Hookers and Blow will be held the Friday of the second week each month. Our events will be numbered, beginning with Hookers and Blow 1 this January. Though our promotion is small, this is to be presented as a Medium-sized event; ample seating will be made available for all fans that wish to attend.

Pleasant memories should befall all who attend our show; the roster that will be featured shall be announced here shortly. Expect an overview of the entire roster soon.

-WebmasterLarry Wood

Eidenhoek · August 10, 2011

Due to apparent errors with our internet service provider, it is possible that I will be unable to upload pictures of the roster alongside their profile. I apologize for such an omission, and when it is possible that I can rectify the error, I will do so.

What is called the “main event”:

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Big Cat Brandon-Part of “Right to Bleed,” a stable that will be analyzed later. As a wrestler, his focus is wholly on becoming a fearsome brawler. Many feel that he has achieved this goal, being not just a fine worker but also one of the scarier people on this roster. If I have to meet him in the ring, I have no doubt that I would have to utilize a weapons-based attack to beat him. Sadly, he is quite proficient in the hardcore environment, so it is uncertain the victor of that match.

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Big Smack Scott-One of the most obvious stars of the roster. Though he might not cut the imposing figure of Brandon, it is clear who the iconic figure of our promotion is. While Mr. //Sinclair might not be part of a stable-and this promotion seems to be wrought with stable warfare-his presence as the acting General Manager of EPW makes him, arguably, the most powerful man on the roster.

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Bloody Canadian-As an editorial note, I find it rather amusing that the man from Canada is more popular in the United States than the man from America. I apologize for that lack of composure, and shall continue in my analysis. Bloody Canadian is the apparent top star of the “Bloody World” stable. There are rumors that the seven men from each major wrestling area do not have mutual alliance in mind. If that is true, then “Bloody World” likely will create some of the most bloody matches in the history of this business. Canadian is a fearsome hardcore wrestler, unparalleled in the environment devoid of rules. His brawling-rule-based wrestling, one could say-is on par with Brandon, making Canadian a scary opponent to face. That noted, by looks he is nothing special. In this case, looks are quite deceiving.

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Dread-One of many Japan-based workers on our roster, Dread is as popular in his home as abroad. His legacy need not be recounted here; I will just add that he is the lynchpin, alongside Haruki Kudo, toward the “Prominence of Reason” stable. I am not sure of their intentions; they are, fortunately, not consumed with a desire to conflict with the roster, which, for now, allows myself to remain relatively safe.

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Eddie Peak-Regarding our main event, Peak should be the name that strikes the most fear into the heart of any of our roster. True, Dread has a more storied past. Yet looking at Peak, he is not just fearsome, but also clearly the man that will claim our top prize. This is unfortunate, as he is the brainchild of the “Crimson Mask Club” stable. I have not yet learned of their precise philosophy, but given what the crimson mask is, I doubt this will befall our promotion well.

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Haruki Kudo-An odd addition to the roster, Kudo is legendary in Japan. Yet here he is in the states. He is something of a mouthpiece for Dread regarding the “Prominence of Reason” stable. I state that not to trivialize Kudo’s ability but to explain their alliance. ‘Guardian Force’ is the name of their tag team, and its ‘Doom Train’ finishing move will likely see anyone fall in their path. Again, given the lack of overt violence of their stable, I am quite pleased to see Kudo on the roster. Another note: Kudo is one of the few members of the roster who is proficient as a technical wrestler.

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Remo Richardson: I ought to correct myself; Remo is the man to beat in our promotion. He is fearsome, he is clearly the star, and he is by far the most popular man we currently employ. What is scary-rather, scarier-is that he is only 27 years old. 27 years old with this talent means that Remo is unlikely to be toppled any time soon. I am glad that Richardson has not allied with Peak, or anyone, yet I am still apprehensive about facing him in the ring, nonetheless.

What is called the “Upper Midcard”:

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Belle Bryden-Our first female of the roster. I have little doubt that Mr. Sinclair will elaborate as to EPW’s position on women wrestling, so I will table the latter for now. Many compare Bryden to the pool of female workers in the world and call her one of the best. In our eyes, she is one of the best on her own merits. Capable of working any style-with a counter-culture lack of hardcore skills-she is a dangerous opponent. She looks like a star, and while she is far from menacing, it is clear that her manner and body creates a reaction from anyone who sees her. This could be turned to advantage were she wanting to find herself in Mr. Sinclair’s graces.

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Bloody American-Compared to much of our roster, American is only somewhat frightening. Put him with the populace of the world, however, and one would likely avoid him. Yet that is, by far, the most insignificant part of this man: Bloody American is THE best hardcore wrestler in the world. There is a touch of controversy in that statement, handled later, but his brawling ability justifies that claim in my eyes. I think American has the ability to overtake Bloody Canadian as the eminent figure of the “Bloody World” stable. He likely has the motive to do so, as well.

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Dallas McWade-By himself-or with his brother, also on the roster-Dallas McWade has proven himself worthy of the fear that he instills on sight. Putting him with the “Crimson Mask Club” can only help to improve his reputation. It is a reputation for violence, I fear, but a reputation nonetheless.

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Dean McWade-Peak’s “Crimson Mask Club” contains many wrestlers that would, on their own merits, be considered tough competition. That they have allied makes them all the more dangerous. I only question Dean’s time away from the ring; is he able and ready to team with his brother?

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Doug Peak-I would be remiss to not mention the opinion that Doug Peak rides upon the coattails, as the saying goes, of his brother. Perhaps that is true; if so, he gains another opportunity by teaming with Eddie and forming part of the “Crimson Mask Club” with him. Assuming that Doug is not a threat-which is false-the company he keeps will likely make anyone question the assertion of attacking him.

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Everest-Everest makes one of the more frightening teams in ‘Extreme Climatology’ with Giant Redwood. They are the largest team in the company, and it is doubtful that anyone-barring ‘Guardian Force,’ as noted-will be able to topple them.

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Kate Avatar-Ms. Avatar exemplifies what is meant by looking the part. She will be champion. If not by her skills, her sheer presence will take her to the top. As far as Mr. Sinclair is concerned, I fear for Ms. Avatar, as Mr. Sinclair has made it clear that he favors women with more sexual prowess than she possesses. I appear to have implied, however, that she has little ability in the ring. This is patently false. If Kate has any shortcoming, it is that she is lacking in the hardcore ability that our roster, in general, possesses in a high degree. But for anything else, Ms. Avatar is destined to excel.

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Peter Valentine-It is my charge to present every worker such that it makes sense for said worker to be placed in the position in which they find themselves. Some of us, the roster, are menacing. Some are savants to hardcore wrestling. Others are incredibly attractive. I find myself unable to justify Mr. Valentine’s employment. I regret my inadequacy; I hope that Mr. Sinclair will explain this decision at our show.

What is called the “Midcard”:

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Dharma Gregg-Dharma is not the most attractive woman on the roster, but I doubt Mr. Sinclair would refuse her if she offered herself as an ally to him. Furthermore, not only is her look to be remembered, she is a veritable goddess in her manner of speech. Few in the world, much less this company, can captivate an audience without moving at all. She is certainly one to watch-or rather, hear.

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Giant Redwood-The tree-I hear his entrance music references this fact-is a scary man. He provides the menace that, to a degree, Everest lacks. As has been referenced earlier, ‘Extreme Climatology’ is likely to dominate much of the tag team wrestling ranks.

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Grace Harper-Grace can make a solid claim to being a better wrestler than Belle Bryden; I predict that this will likely play a part in who they face. While my opinion regards Bryden a better worker with regards to actions in the ring, again, Ms. Harper is a fine performer. As for Mr. Sinclair’s opinion, he cannot determine with which woman he would rather partner. This too will likely play a part in their matches.

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/8/22202182840.jpg(Taken from Mr. Sinclair's personal gallery at his request. If I am able to later identify from where he obtained this photograph, I shall make such information known, pending Mr. Sinclair's approval.)

Joanne Rodriguez-She is Mr. Sinclair’s favorite. She is incredibly attractive. Unfathomably. And not just that, this is, shall it be said, a pin-up that deserves a title belt. Furthermore, though a lack of interest in brawling matches, Joanne is talented. There is no doubt Ms. Rodriguez shall break into the main event quite soon.

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Larry Wood-This must be an imposter. With each member of the roster I am shown pictures of their matches, and I can attest that I have never faced these opponents, nor have I ever looked so…barbaric. And I am told that the “Crimson Mask Club” has recruited me? I question the motives and merits of whoever gathered this information.

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R.K. Hayes-True, he is old. Yet Dread and Kudo are older. Hayes is a person who strikes fear not just by his look, but his talent. He might not be the best man with or without a chair, but I will not readily enter into such scenarios with him. If I had to predict with which stable he would most likely ally, “Prominence of Reason” appears to fit him best.

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Raven Robinson-A sad tale for Ms. Robinson. She is not the prettiest on the roster, thus I fear she will be overlooked. She also is not the most champion-worthy in some peoples’ eyes, which further hurts her. And to my chagrin, I must admit she is outmatched by some of the women-and men-on the roster. This is particularly displeasing due to the recent split she has had in her romantic life. One bright note is that she is paired with Joanne in a tag team; with Joanne’s assets, Ms. Robinson will likely get utilized as well.

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Sara Marie York-She is similar to Ms. Robinson in looks, yet I find Ms. York to be more talented. I will also note that Ms. York has a fledgling stage hobby; her performances in the plays I have seen of her have been captivating. I wish her the best in her life.

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Sgt. Bubba Lee West-He is a man who can brawl, especially with a weapon, for quite some time. He is not a man to be taken likely, as if one could by looking at him. I am surprised he has not found himself a stable; perhaps his military background has inhibited his search.

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Yasuhiko Taira-I think Taira might be the stronger worker in ‘Black Magic,’ but that is mostly after flipping a coin. I have seen their matches, and they are quite even in the ring. That serves them well. Furthermore, allying with Dread and Haruki Kudo in “Prominence of Reason” can only help their careers.

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Yasunobu Masuno-The younger member of ‘Black Magic,’ whatever discrepancy the duo has in the ring will likely be nullified in a year. Due to his youth-27-I am overjoyed that Masuno has found himself great partners in “Prominence of Reason”. He will likely be a significant worker as EPW continues into its fifth year.

What is called the “Lower Midcard”:

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Bloody Japan-Japan is younger than some of the “Bloody World” members. Furthermore, his brawling abilities are considerably less than either American or Canadian. He makes up for it, however, in his aerial ability. His strikes are about as powerful from the ropes or standing still, but what amazes audiences is how he moves. Few wrestlers in the world can captivate audiences as well as Bloody Japan.

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Bloody Mexican-Here we return to the archetype set forth by Bloody American. Though American is the slightly stronger fighter, Mexican has the youth to close that gap if he works diligently.

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Joanna Silver-Unprofessional though it may be, I refuse to comment on the merits of a trollop who attempted to molest not just me, but every male on the roster.

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Sayeed Ali-Returning to talent, Sayeed is a young worker with the look and ability of some of our veteran and top workers. He would fit in Peak’s “Crimson Mask Club,” I imagine, and were he to do so, his prospect would only grow.

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Thimbleby Langton-Langton and Fitzpaine are part of “Right to Bleed”. Headed in the ring by Big Cat Brandon, the tag team is sure to improve by working with a man of such caliber.

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Wooton Fitzpaine-Little can be said about Wooton and not Thimbleby. They are a solid tag team; Wooton might be just a bit the worse worker, but that discrepancy is eliminated when they team together. If the rumors that Brandon and Eddie are at odds, ‘The Good Ol’ Boys’ will find themselves with plenty of opportunity to improve in the ring.

What is called the “Opening”:

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Bloody Australian-A scary individual with talent in a brawl-based environment. I apologize if my analysis appears brief; it is only that I have covered the “Bloody World” stable largely previously, and their talents are quite similar. They will surely differentiate themselves soon.

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Bloody Europe-With that said, I must comment here. He is tied with Bloody American in terms of hardcore wrestling. I previously gave American the advantage due to a strict brawl-based approach. Bloody Europe more than makes up for this relative deficiency by being the best aerial wrestler in the world. Truly, he has already been voted to that position by the populace. I am honored that he has chosen ELITE Pro Wrestling as his place of employment. He is only 26, as well. This man will become greatness.

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Bloody United Kingdom-Here we return to relative mediocrity. His brawling and hardcore skills are not bad; furthermore, his aerial talent bests much of the roster while paling to the greats we have. Currently, people seem to not care about him. I doubt that whatever “Bloody World” has planned will cause that to continue.

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Bully Benrubi-Perhaps Benrubi finds himself this low in the roster due to his only talent being that of a hardcore wrestler. Given what some on this roster have already achieved, however, that does not mean Benrubi’s future is dark.

What is called “Enhancement Talent”:

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Brett Fraser-He is a hardcore worker, which fits this promotion. He’s also not a man with which one wants to stand eye-to-eye for any length of time. Though youth is not with him, I am sure success will soon be.

Managers:

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Dawn the Cheerleader-At worst, Mr. Sinclair will keep her close to him. Even if no one else utilizes her managerial talents, her one client would certainly boost her reputation.

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Emma Chase-The best colour commentator I have known, yet currently she is looking for a managerial client. Whoever she chooses will greatly benefit from her skill.

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Hotstuff Marie-Appropriately named, Mr. Sinclair has already propositioned her for her services. If she refuses, she can still find other clients. I doubt that would be a good business decision, but it is an option.

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Krissy Angelle-As a physical specimen, she is on-par with Ms. Chase. I need not say more. I will not entertain the rumors that she will flash anyone who gives her money, nor the amount that is required.

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Nemesis-One of the most famous members of our roster, Nemesis is the acting speaker of “Right to Bleed”. The “CMC” might have the more dangerous in-ring team, but Nemesis on the outside means that the fight is far from over.

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Phoebe Plumridge-She is attractive and able to help any client she finds improve his or her ranking in the company. That being said of a manger is all that can be asked.

Announcers:

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Honey Golightly-Owner of Babes of Sin City, it is likely that Mr. Sinclair’s contacts with Las Vegas contributed to the sharing of Ms. Golightly. She is an excellent announcer, able to entertain audiences on the microphone. For that matter, she can entertain without a microphone if necessary. Knowing Mr. Sinclair, this is a distinct possibility.

Colour Commentator:

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Farrah Hesketh-A woman after the hearts of many. She could be a manager or a referee instead of working the desk. Furthermore, she is quite attractive. Her varied skills will find great use in EPW.

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Jeff Nova-Currently heading the desk, Nova actually is the other non-active member of “Right to Bleed”. Both he and Nemesis know much about bloody encounters, so whatever stable feuds exist will be quite the exposition.

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Rebecca Richey-She does not have the merits of other members of our roster-Hesketh or Golightly, certainly-but Ms. Richey can easily settle into a role on the announcing table.

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Sara Silver-Another acquisition from BSC, Sara Silver is a fine colour commentator. Her familiarity with Ms. Golightly can only improve their work at the desk. I will not entertain the notion that there is a secret romantic relationship between Ms. Golightly and Ms. Silver.

Referees:

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Elegance-She is not the best referee we have-that honor goes to Ms.Hesketh, actually. Elegance will improve with time. As of now it is possible Mr. Sinclair hired her to watch her officiate matches.

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Eva Berlin-A curious choice; Ms. Berlin is still an active worker. For whatever reason, she decided to enter the ring as an official. Next to Ms. Hesketh, Eva is the best referee we have.

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Heather Halo-Most familiar in BSC, Heather Halo is now a full-time member of our roster. An attractive referee, if Mr. Sinclair has a say in things, she will probably be our most-used official.

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Lois Hudson-Our senior official-since Eva Berlin is still active-Mrs. Hudson has helped me with understanding how to run this website. I thank her for her help.

Authority Figures:

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Hannah Potter-She is Mr. Sinclair’s personal, official assistant. She makes edicts when he feels it necessary; given the ability Mr. Sinclair has to look at Ms. Potter when she makes these announcements, it is probable that such events will occur frequently.

Road Agents:

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Buttercup-A road agent is meant to make sure that what happens in the ring is supposed to happen. Buttercup is tasked, then, with monitoring the health of workers during the match and calling for medical assistance of things go awry. Given EPW’s propensity for hardcore matches, Buttercup will have much work, I think.

As stated previously, I intend to include pictures of referenced workers soon. I will also be adding our tag team division and stables shortly.

Webmaster Larry Wood

Footnote: I must apologize for the lack of quality in many of these pictures. It was decided that quantity and brevity be preferred over quality. I do agree that forming correlations between names and faces is of utmost importance for this company.

Phreak · August 11, 2011

I'm liking the OOC Larry Wood. He's going to play an awesome straight man to the ELITE insanity I see forthcoming.

Eidenhoek · August 11, 2011

With the pictures now added, I shall rest. The teams and stables shall come later, I assue you.

-Webmaster Larry Wood

Yo this is the Big Smack hollering it up! Come on now, how many of you wanna wish you was with that fine as hell J-Rod? That's right, J-Rod taking my rod all the way!

So tell me how you feel, kids, and let me be your hook-up. Holler if you hear me!

-The Big Smack

Eidenhoek · August 12, 2011

ELITE Pro Wrestling Tag Teams:

Due to bandwidth issues that I do not, currently, comprehend, I shall refrain from posting the pictures of team or stable members. If one is interested in what a worker looks like, they need only check the post twice previous.

The Alliance 2K: Yasunobu Masuno and Everest

This tag team is an occasional affair; they had success in previous years with other companies, but it does not seem as though they will be actively pairing in this promotion. Nonetheless, I feel it prudent to list their union in case unforseen circumstances cause a reunited alliance.

Black Magic: Yasuhiko Taira and Yasunobu Masuno

Black Magic is one half of "Prominence of Reason". They each have not yet hit 40 years living, so the greater experience that some workers have-notably Dread and Haruki Kudo, their stablemates-is not quite with their technique.

With that noted, their experience as a team creates a formidable opposition for whomever chooses-or is chosen-to face them. The Spike Powerbomb, their tag finisher, will end all but the hardest of heads. This is a team to watch, for they will take any opportunity to capitalize on foes' mistakes.

Extreme Climatology: Giant Redwood and Everest

This is a team, one of two, which has been born solely in our promotion. Such inexperience could prove troublesome to Redwood and Everest; though they have a size advantage on every other team, technique, speed, cunning, or fluid movement can topple the greatest of giants.

Inexperience aside, I have previously expressed the opinion that this team is likely to be the most destructive in the division. I stand by that opinion; destruction, that is, not necessarily bloodshed, is an obvious side-effect of any of Redwood's or Everest's matches.

Guardian Force: Haruki Kudo and Dread

This is a bit of a quandry for me. Being the other newly-formed team, I should note their inexperience as detrimental as Extreme Climatology's. However, Kudo and Dread are the senior members of this company, both being inducted into the Hall of Immortals upon retirement. So while they are inexperienced teaming together, I would be far remiss to imply they are inexperienced in the ring.

Doom Train, their finisher, is as yet unknown. It is possible that a Dread Bomb will flow into a Kudo Lock, or perhaps it is a Kudo Kutter/Dread Bomb combination. Regardless, given the lethality of either competitor, they are the team, in my eyes, to beat.

The Dream Team: Raven Nightfall and Joanne Rodriguez

They are the only team on ELITE's roster consisting of female workers. Furthermore, of the teams consisting not of family members, they have the second most experience.

I am unsure about this team. Of course, Mr. Sinclair will have them wrestle quite frequently. I have already stated Ms. Rodriguez as his favorite worker in the company. So they will have matches. Shall they win? That is a difficult question to answer. They are more experienced than Extreme Climatology, but can they damage either man? What about Black Magic? If they cannot outperform themen of the roster, I fear they will be relegated to a purely eye candy role.

The Good Ol' Boys: Thimbleby Langton and Wooton Fitzpaine

Our youngest team and, as noted, the most experienced team whose members are not related. The future looks bright for the duo.

I see these men as dark horses of the division. They are experienced, more than most of the teams. They are also quite a bit younger than most of the workers on the roster. That youth could lead to victory, or the inexperience as wrestlers could allow the less experienced teams to capitalize on rookie mistakes. Regardless, these men will improve. They will get better as a team and as indiviual wrestlers. If they are not fearsome now, they certainly will be a premier team in just two years, if that.

The McWade Brothers: Dallas and Dean McWade

These men are half of the reason why the Crimson Mask Club is so deadly. As individuals, I have already expressed their skill. As a team, the blood they share helps them spill that of the opposition. Their keen understanding of the other's movements, the experience of knowing when a brother is in trouble, all the advantages of a tag team match are open to the McWades, with all of the weaknesses nullified.

I am hesitent to call them the henchmen of Peak's crew, as they are so formidable. It is possible that Eddie will refrain from in-ring action, in which case the McWades might be the ones to tear this company.

The Peak Brothers: Eddie and Doug Peak

All that was said of the McWades holds true here. Yes, Doug is, by himself, not the worker that Dallas or Dean is. But the Peak brothers understand themselves as well as the McWade Brothers, and that allows Eddie's prowess to shine.

Eddie Peak is one of the best wrestlers on the roster, as referenced by him being in the "main event" of this promotion. Give him a partner willing to bleed, to sacrifice, and Eddie is nigh-unbeatable. If the Peaks choose to wrestle, I fear even Guardian Force will fall. I fear such an event because Eddie...Eddie wants this company bathed in blood.

ELITE Pro Wrestling Stables:

Bloody World: Japan, American, Canadian, Europe, United Kingdom, Mexican, Australian; Bloody

This seven-member stable is far from unified. Each Bloody Countryman has been sent to EPW to represent his home region with the intent of defeating all his opponents. This means that Bloody Japan is enemies with Bloody Canadian, who is enemies with Bloody Mexican, etc. Do not expect one of them to be seen alone, nor that a match with two of these men will not devolve into a brawl of all seven.

Editorial footnote: I rather like the scenario or 'game' that Bloody World has created. Much like the board game 'Diplomacy', I expect that some of the wrestlers will attempt to ally with others so as to, briefly, gain a power advantage of the other wrestlers. If that occurs, then an observer has to wonder when the alliance will end. Too soon, and a worker's attempt at a coup fails. Too late, and a worker will already have been defeated. If I can manage to stay outside their violence, this will be a stable to watch.

Crimson Mask Club: Eddie Peak, Doug Peak, Dean McWade, Dallas McWade, Larry Wood I have edited my own name as I am not a part of this group.

The CMC is set with one goal in mind: make people bleed. This includes members of their own stable, curiously. Eddie Peak has made it known that he feels-the Club feels-that donning the crimson mask has lead to the greatest moments in professional wrestling. So, by causing the mask to be worn at all times, the company will rise to greatness.

That said, he also has made it known that the CMC will not follow the rules and norms of a wrestling company. They attack and bleed who they choose when they choose. They are the chaos of EPW.

Right to Bleed: Big Cat Brandon, Thimbleby Langton, Wooton Fitzpaine, Jeff Nova, Nemesis

RtB agrees with Eddie on the fact that the crimson mask is found within some of the greatest matches in wrestling history. However, Right to Bleed believes that this, the greatness of those matches and significance of the crimson mask, is due to the notion that one's body breaks, that one has endured through enough punishment that one cannot contain one's blood any longer.

In short, they believe all have a right to bleed, all should push themselves to their limit; yet one should not needlessly damage one's body and career. I am certain that Nova and Nemesis will elaborate on their position soon.

Prominence of Reason: Dread, Haruki Kudo, Yasunobu Masuno, Yasuhiko Taira

Not much is known currently about the intentions of this group. It is clear, from what little Dread and Kudo have expressed, that PoR does not side with CMC nor RtB. Prominence of Reason seeks for EPW, and professional wrestling, to return to reason, to not have foolish rivalries and pointless fights.

I am not entirely sure what Kudo means or intends to do, but once EPW begins its shows, I am sure all will be made clear.

Eidenhoek · August 18, 2011

As the inaugural Hookers and Blow timely travels toward the present, I feel that, as editor of this website, that information regarding the matches set to be on the card ought to be made known. In part, this is because fans are more likely to buy tickets to a show wherein fan favorrites, popular wrestlers, or a particularly heated feud is showcased.

Searching other wrestling forums, both those general and devoted to a particular company, I am also beset with information suggesting that fans of a promotion often gather on a forum so as to predict a match card. I find this interesting; professional wrestling is similar to a game of chess, made far more imbalanced and hectic than the 64-squared version. Yet still it is a game of strategy, and prediction toward a strategy besting another, in face of all the chaos that might revolve around a bout, forces one to think, truly think, about known and unknown factors regarding the two or more individuals locked in combat.

To facilitate this endeavor, then, I give the ELITE Pro Wrestling column readers the match card:

Dean McWade and Dallas McWade vs. Thimbleby Langton and Wooton Fitzpaine

Larry Wood (allegedly) vs. Big Cat Brandon

Belle Bryden and Gehenna's Felyne vs. Everest and Giant Redwood vs. Joanne Rodriguez and Raven Nightfall

Eddie Peak and Doug Peak vs. Yasuhiko Taira and Yasunobu Masuno

Remo Richardson vs. Haruki Kudo

Comments regarding one's predictions can now follow this post.

-Webmaster Larry Wood

Midnightnick · August 18, 2011

Dean McWade and Dallas McWade vs. Thimbleby Langton and Wooton Fitzpaine

Larry Wood (allegedly) vs. Big Cat Brandon

Belle Bryden and Gehenna's Felyne vs. Everest and Giant Redwood vs. Joanne Rodriguez and Raven Nightfall

Eddie Peak and Doug Peak vs. Yasuhiko Taira and Yasunobu Masuno

Remo Richardson vs. Haruki Kudo

Hashasheen · August 18, 2011

Dean McWade and Dallas McWade vs. Thimbleby Langton and Wooton Fitzpaine

Larry Wood (allegedly) vs. Big Cat Brandon

Belle Bryden and Gehenna's Felyne vs. Everest and Giant Redwood vs. Joanne Rodriguez and Raven Nightfall

Eddie Peak and Doug Peak vs. Yasuhiko Taira and Yasunobu Masuno

Remo Richardson vs. Haruki Kudo

NoNeck · August 18, 2011

Dean McWade and Dallas McWade vs. Thimbleby Langton and Wooton Fitzpaine

Larry Wood (allegedly) vs. Big Cat Brandon

Belle Bryden and Gehenna's Felyne vs. Everest and Giant Redwood vs. Joanne Rodriguez and Raven Nightfall

Eddie Peak and Doug Peak vs. Yasuhiko Taira and Yasunobu Masuno

Remo Richardson vs. Haruki Kudo

I really like the way you've characterized Larry Wood. Very cool reading. Keep it up. <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/smile.png.142cfa0a1cd2925c0463c1d00f499df2.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Phreak · August 19, 2011

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Eidenhoek" data-cite="Eidenhoek" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="31864" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div> Searching other wrestlign forums, both... </div></blockquote> Apparently even geniuses forget to use spell check. <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> Dean McWade and Dallas McWade vs. Thimbleby Langton and Wooton Fitzpaine Larry Wood (allegedly) vs. Big Cat Brandon -I call shenanigans. Belle Bryden and Gehenna's Felyne vs. Everest and Giant Redwood vs. Joanne Rodriguez and Raven Nightfall Eddie Peak and Doug Peak vs. Yasuhiko Taira and Yasunobu Masuno Remo Richardson vs. Haruki Kudo

Eidenhoek · August 20, 2011

It's the Big Smack with your hook-up! Now let's hear the holler and smell what the hell is cooking!

Now I know guys are talking, saying, that the Big Smack don't know **** bout running no business. How bout the Big Smack, how about I come over there and stick my foot straight up your candy-ass face?

What I thought.

So the Big Smack, he's thinking, that EPDubs needs some money. Everyone needs the money, yeah, but wrestling ain't cheap. You should see my contract and take a **** in yo pants at those zeroes.

I'm talking that we need some sponsorship. So where we getting the money? First, I could front it up. Big Smack's loaded, and I could run this candy stand all the way to candy land, ya hear me?

Yeah, all the freaks out there just had themselves and orgy-gasm.

But I don't dip my pen into the company ink, y'dig? Now dipping my "pen" into the "company honeys", I do that daily.

You see that J-Ro? Chick's hot.

Anyway, so I ain't double-dipping on the triple-hits, y'see, so that means we need a backer. And no one, no one got more money than what we got here:

Porn.

I'm talking the finest-ass companies, the finest-ass actors, directors, actresses, they all pouring in the money just to be up in this business.

Now I know some of y'all gon say that, hey, Big Smack, porn is gross.

Got two words for you: Grow a pair.

Seriously, who doesn't like naked chicks? You don't like naked chicks, **** off. You're either gay or some lesbo chick that don't know how to be a lesbian.

That's it from the Big Poppa Smack. Come to the show or I'll ****ing shank your ass.

-The Big Smack

P.S. Hey ladies, come to the show and I'll shank yo ass. You know you want it.

Phreak · August 20, 2011

Got two words for you: Grow a pair.

Now that is quality entertainment right there.

Also, the blend of Steiner, Rock, and what I like to imagine is Sauce Boss, is brilliant.

funkyzafara · August 20, 2011

Dean McWade and Dallas McWade vs. Thimbleby Langton and Wooton Fitzpaine

Larry Wood (allegedly) vs. Big Cat Brandon

Belle Bryden and Gehenna's Felyne vs. Everest and Giant Redwood vs. Joanne Rodriguez and Raven Nightfall

Eddie Peak and Doug Peak vs. Yasuhiko Taira and Yasunobu Masuno

Remo Richardson vs. Haruki Kudo

sebsplex · August 21, 2011

Seriously, who doesn't like naked chicks? You don't like naked chicks, **** off. You're either gay or some lesbo chick that don't know how to be a lesbian.

BSS - Lesbianism, you're doing it wrong.

I'll echo that I'm enjoying your characterisation of Larry Wood. This diary contains sufficient Wood for my needs.

Good luck keeping on top of a roster that size too.

Eidenhoek · August 23, 2011

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The first Friday of January brings us, ELITE Pro Wrestling, closer to our inaugural event. Sadly, one must recognize the significance of Rip Chord leaving the wrestling industry.

It is true that he was old; 60 years is long to be interested in one subject, and I believe a young Chord watched the product that he soon impacted.

Rip Chord was a fantastic professional wrestler. True, he worked with other wrestlers, better wrestlers, more popular wrestlers. To note, Sam Strong, the most popular American wrestler of all time-thus far-had a bit of a rivalry with Mr. Chord. Strong, being a few years older, seems to have won this life-long feud.

I say that in jest, of course; I am sure the two correspond to some degree and have put their past disagreements behind them. Such jest is a relief, comic relief, in the face of the retirement-nay, the disappearance-of a revolutionary.

Chord was not the best man outside the ring, this is well-known. I do not intend to admonish nor condone his actions where personal life is concerned. His personal life was his. True, yes, his life was rough. His addiction to alcohol has been documented both in the trouble it caused him at work and at home. This is a blemish that I hope was not part of the impetus toward his leaving the business.

After his in-ring departure, when he envisioned Mid Atlantic Wrestling, I am sure many people were unsure of the company's future. Chord was a man known to be difficult in working quarters; to let him reign of a company, then, would be foolish.

Chord proved them wrong.

Mid Atlantic Wrestling has become immensely well-known with regards to the training of American rookies. This is invaluable. True, Chord will-rather, would-likely never see growth of his company. True, MAW would, at best, fund itself, be akin to a hobby, less a career. Still, Mr. Chord chose to run his promotion.

The benefit MAW has given to the United States wrestling world-and that of the rest of the world-is likely Rip Chord's enduring legacy. His graduates have gone to have successful careers; some moved to promotions a touch larger than MAW, like FREEDOM Championship Wrestling or New York City Wrestling. Some have managed to find themselve in USPW. Still, truly lucky, a few of Chord's graduates became stars on the stage of the Supreme Wrestling Federation.

To say Chord shaped those men's lives is pedantic. He shaped their lives, but he shaped the industry.

The man will be missed.

To his son, Jay Chord, who now is owner of MAW: I ask that you follow your father's dream. Change the company's product as you see fit, but focus on the youth, focus on the future, and you too will became legendary as a Chord.

-Webmaster Larry Wood

Hey, I'm all for sentiments and whatnot, but just got one question:

The **** is Rip Chord?

And secondly, Sammy Strong ain't the most popular man, Larry. That's me. Know your role and run this site.

-Owner The Big Smack

Eidenhoek · August 24, 2011

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Live Stream!

Eidenhoek · August 28, 2011

I must welcome everyone to the stream of Hookers and Blow. In the interest of disclosure, it is reported that Giant Redwood recently smashed the front of Big Smack Scott's rental car. Impressive as the damage was--Redwood apparently dropped an appropriately-named redwood log on the hood--Big Smack Scott was displeased. A fight almost began, but Big Smack Scott was unable to easily maneuver around the log to get at Giant Redwood, who took this opportunity to laugh in his face.

Giant Redwood was fined. True, the money goes to charity as opposed to paying for Big Smack Scott's damages, but a monetary penalty applied to the aggressor ought to provide disincentive to such future activities.

-L. Wood

~~~

Before the lights, before the glory, before all the fanfare, 407 people at the ELITE Arena are treated to Big Smack Scott entering the ring, holding a two-headed trophy.

Those among the 407 that have been to Canada might recognize this as the Ed Henson Memorial Cup. What is Big Smack Scott doing with it?

Flanking the Big Smack are Sara Silver and Honey Golightly of "Babes of Sin City" fame. There is an uproar as they enter the stage, the crowd longing for the women's shirts to come off.

Sadly, the Big Smack hears the jeers and decides to acquiesce to the cries of "Take your top off *clap clap clapclapclap*" by taking off his own shirt. Though disappointed, the crowd can hardly blame the General Manager; he is ripped.

The Big Smack slowly enters the ring, then sits back on the middle rope, raising the top rope for his two ladies.

They start to enter the ring, but the Smack wags a finger, then gestures to the both of them.

The camera pans around-again, this is purely a pre-show affair for those that have arrived early-and focuses on the two ladies, perched between the ropes. They shrug, then share a light kiss.

Going wild, the crowd chants for more, for HLA, for wardrobe malfunctions and gratuitous foreplay. Big Smack Scott gets a microphone.

BSS: Now if ya, if ya hear me, can ya holler up in here?

Hearing him, the crowd responds. Honey and Sara sidle up to either side of the big man in the ring.

BSS: Now I know we got a second, got a seconds or so before the show begins, so I just wanted to make this right here: I found something up in my back room, back where the Big Smack puts all the titles he won where no one cared about them. Talking about maybe, maybe up in the Supremes the All-Action Title, maybe in the United States with North Americans and ****, talking about the titles no one needs.

The Smacker holds up the Ed Henson Cup.

BSS: This here, this piece of ****, gave me an idea. Since it's got two heads, I figure, why not give my pieces of ass here-

Scott rips off the skirts that Honey Golightly and Sara Silver were wearing. Each sports a thong; Honey's is yellow and Sara's is, obviously, silver. They feign displeasure.

BSS: -a title? But I can't be giving things away, giving them with no one, so the Big Smack, he says that he is the title holder, along with both my ladies!

Continuing their cheers, the fans might be a bit more interested in the asses of the women than the prospect of a three-way tag tournament title.

From Canada.

From a company which has no relationship with EPW.

At all.

And for whom none of the people in the ring have ever appeared.

BSS: Now i know some peoples up there, they saying that Smack, the Big Smack, I'm talking Smack the **** out of that ass-

The man rarely referred to as "Mr. Sinclair" promptly wallops the closest ass to him-Sara's. There's a red hand print as Sara does not feign a reaction to "Mr. Sinclair"'s hand.

BSS: They saying, "Scotty the Smack, the Big Bad Smack Daddy, owner of ALLLLLLL the candy asses up and down the river, I'm talking here, there, anywhere there's a fine-ass honey, talking smack up dat ass!-

Yes, Scotty the Smack, the Big Bad Smack Daddy...all of that is allegedly a quote. The man with many names, in any case, stops the quote to give Ms. Golightly a none-too-light tap on her ass, akin to Sara previously. The reaction is also similar.

BSS: -I'm just saying, Big Smack Daddy, that maybe, maybe they ain't worthy. Maybe you only been picking the closest ass to ya, for the best ass award." Now I'd like to go on record and say this:

The important announcement is preceded by a pause.

BSS: The Big Smack, he never, EVER, gonna give somebody something they don't deserve. So if you think these honeys aren't a good pair, how about you look at the pair on these honeys?

Dropping the mike and cup, Big Scott rips off the tops of both Honey and Sara in one motion. They are clad in matching-colored bras, Sara's silver sheening particularly nicely.

Though perhaps "bra" is a touch too formal a term. What's the word for something that just barely covers the nipples attached around the body with string?

Complete and total awesomeness? Okay.

So Honey Golightly and Sara Silver stand clad in thongs and Complete and total awesomenesses. They gasp (note: gasping requires their breasts to move).

BSS: Now I ain't seen no ****** like those all tied up since I was back when I was born and the nurse came down to give me some of that milk! Holler if you hear me?

Picking back up the cup, the General Manager exits the ring and goes backstage to attend to his duties as General Manager.

Ah, that leaves two barely-clothed women in the ring, yes? As it so happens, these women are the lead announcer and commentator of this company (joined by Rebecca Richey, of course, when the show starts). So what can they do?

I'll tell you one thing they can do: make out with each other.

And not just make outs, no, but make outs with very little clothes on. And copious amounts of breasts-no nipples, though. Because nipples are evil.

So evil, in fact, that they seek to pierce the womens' Complete and total awesomenesses. Nay, but Honey and Sara choose to pressure them back, to force their nipples together, to crush their breasts with such great force in what looks like an embrace, that never could such malfunctions of clothing occur.

Now, granted, they are apt to make out with each other, being this close. I mean, it's not like they have anything better to do while they're rubbing their breasts together, is there?

Yeah, that's what I thought. Unless you said there was something better to do, in which case that isn't what I thought.

But if it was what you thought-that is, what I didn't think-then why the hell are you thinking that? HOT CHICKS MAKING OUT. WITH BREASTS.

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Haruki Kudo and Dread make their way to the ring amidst cheers that echo throughout the building. Truly, even in a 30,000 seater, the sound of the crowd would not have rivaled what the fans in attendance give to these men. These are men of legend, men of talent, men of great professional wrestling standing.

Dread looks to the crowd, across the packed and empty sections of the arena. Kudo, too, scans his new home, a bit less accustomed to proceedings. They speak.

Dread: I paired up with a Japanese legend. I team with Haruki Kudo as Guardian Force.

Kudo: Respect! It would not be respect for me to not see, that aside from myself, Dread has, truly, been a monster in my homeland.

Dread: I'm not called Dread because I like people. I'm called that because I break people. Kudo, however, he surpasses even me. I'm famous in Japan, but he's legendary.

Kudo: That legend, it is coming here, to the ELITE Professional Wrestling. Guardian Force, along with all of Prominence of Reason, we are, here to provide wrestling again to wrestling.

Dread: We're not here to make friends. We are here to wrestle. To make sure that this is a wrestling company. Get in our way...

Kudo: Doom Train run you down.

They exit the ring. Kudo's English translation provided by the Japanese-speaking members of the crowd, which there are many.

Belle Bryden and Gehenna's Felyne vs. Extreme Climatology vs. The Dream Team.

What becomes apparent after the entrances is that this "Kate Avatar" appears to be working as "Gehenna's Felyne". The esteemed Rebecca Richey accounts that perhaps the "Hell Cat" moniker Avatar is known for has become twisted by this promotion.

Speaking of twisted, it seems Honey and Sara have yet to stop grinding all up on each other.

And speaking of them, by the way, they haven't put on any more clothing.

Elegance: Ring the...uh...bell? Ring the bell!

The match begins!

As is learned after the match begins, this is a hardcore type affair. And a championship match; the "Two Hookers; no Blow" title is on the line. Elegance probably should have mentioned that, but being a referee is hard.

Silver and Golightly stop the love-making long enough to comment that this match is hard from fair, nor an open debut for anyone but the men in the contest.

It had been noted previously that 'Extreme Climatology' was the largest team in the company. Even on a world-wide scale, they weigh in among the heaviest teams. The question remains: can the women topple the veritable giants?

No, they can't. They can't do much of anything, actually, after Giant Redwood swings a massive 2-by-4 and cuts down all the opposition. Everest proceeds to slam all the women, for good measure, before going for a pin.

The Dream Team are out.

Bryden and Felyne do not get up, but the powerslams they receive from Redwood and Everest do not help that predicament.

They are out as well.

Extreme Climatology win the Two Hookers; no Blow titles.

Soon after the match ends, Raven Nightfall, Joanne Rodriguez, and Belle Bryden are all summoned to a large screen placed onstage. Joining them are Joanna Silver, Dharma Gregg, Sara Silver, and Honey Golightly.

Big Smack Scott enters the stage with a microphone.

BSS: After that ****ing awesome match, I decide we might as well see some *******! So ladies, here, I want you to go back there and put on the finest bikini you can find, then we play a little game out in the ring, right?

If any objections were made, Big Smack don't hear them. He's in the ring, sitting in a chair, waiting the women in front of him. Takes them some time, true, to change, but the arena graciously provides some music for their changing.

The music is generously donated from a soon-to-be-released pornographic film entitled "Happy Trails to You".

Oh, and the screen is lit so that one can see behind the screen. Shadows, mind, but still, it's pretty **** hot.

One by one the women enter the ring, each wearing a bikini smaller than the last.

Then Scotty Smack re-orders them, and each is still wearing a bikini smaller than the last.

The quantum paradox confuses the General Manager, who does the only rational thing in such a situation: he unties all the tops.

To say that the crowd was "pleased" is perhaps a bit of an under-statement. To say that Joanne Rodriguez happened to show her nipples is similarly a bit of an understatement.

Not intentionally, of course. Nipples are evil, remember?

Our General Manager had the clarity of mind to end Joanne's embarrassment as soon as he could.

The DVD commentary sheds some light on the matter, but what best can be seen is Big Smack Scott covering Joanne's breasts.

Was she pleased at this? Did Big Smack caress her breasts? Did they make out afterward? Was there fondling? Did Rodriguez get "excited", as it were, what with the moaning and such?

Too late. Can't rewind a stream.

The McWade Brothers vs. The Good Ol' Boys

This match is not a hardcore bout, but it is quite bloody. All men are busted open early in the proceedings, and it appears as though the CMC/RtB feud will be producing some memorable moments.

Chief among them is Larry Wood going bat-**** insane and punching the hell out of everyone with brass knuckles.

Yes, even the McWades. Yes, they're part of the CMC with him.

The blood that coats Wood's knuckles finds itself on the entrance ramp, the apron, the referee's shirt, Wood's beard...he's a wild man.

Notably different than the company's Webmaster.

Notably different than a human.

When Elegance is conscious again, she throws the match out in double-disqualification.

Larry continues flailing for some time before running to the back, followed, eventually, by everyone else.

The McWade Brothers drew with The Good Ol' Boys.

The match is over, and again the stage is set with a screen, again seven women enter in front of it, again Big Smack Scott enters the stage, the ring, as we begin a new bikini contest.

Joanne Rodriguez is a participant, curiously, for the second time. Krissy Angelle is a participant as well, along with Buttercup, Dawn the Cheerleader, Elegance, Emma Chase, and Eva Berlin.

So let's ignore the patter and talk about the outfits, okay?

Big Smack is in a pinstriped suit. Rather, a pinstriped vest with matching shorts. I...whatever.

Buttercup enters the ring in a buttercup-printed bikini. How cute. And Dawn has pom poms on her pom poms. Which are her breasts. Elegance...well, she's been in a bikini the whole time, I guess, as a referee.

Eva Berlin is not a ****. Seriously, she's not. She just happens to be uptight and German. But she fills out a bikini as well as anyone.

As for Ms. Chase, well...if Sammy Bach is really tapping that ass, then maybe that's why her ass is toned as hell. Seriously, it's like a ****ing grapefruit or something. Apple-bottom jeans? Try...uh...ass-bottom jeans, with extra ass. Firm ass. Firm-ass-bottom jeans.

Well, not jeans. Bikini. Firm-ass-bottom bikini, boots with the...WHO THE HELL WEARS BOOTS fine move on.

If there's one thing you'll notice about Krissy Angelle, it's that she has huge breasts. If there's another thing you'll notice about Krissy Angelle, it's that she has huge breasts. Her breasts are so huge, even the Big Smack would have trouble playing with them.

I'm joking. This is a serious contest and the Big Smack Manager would never compromise such an event by playing with Krissy's breasts.

Speaking of Joanne, she has the unfortunate luck of not having a bikini top provided for her. So she has to enter the ring covering herself.

Well, maybe that's not so unfortunate. I mean in light of what happens, being topless isn't so bad. And I'm not talking about her winning the second bikini contest of the night, either. I'm talking about the part where the Big Smack asks her to move her hands so he can see her top.

And you know, maybe it's not so unfortunate to have the Big Smack checking out your rack when it's bare in front of him.

Maybe.

Or maybe not.

But probably maybe.

Things get seriously, real serious, as the Crimson Mask Club make their way to the ring. Yeah, the bikinis and all that are gone. As I said, this is serious. So their little promo thing, it's about to go down.

Eddie Peak is the one who talks, flanked by a menacing Doug Peak and an insane Larry Wood. The McWades stand in the background, largely unreferenced by Peak.

Eddie: I don't have a lot of time today, to talk about things. I think most of us don't have a lot of time today, to talk about things. So perhaps...perhaps Mr. Wood's website will contain some more illuminating details, right Larry?

Larry is staring down a 13-year-old kid in the crowd. The kid is peeing himself out of fright.

Eddie: You see, we're the Crimson Mask Club. The Crimson Mask, as everyone knows, refers to when...you bleed. Dean, Dallas, I think you boys already started us off tonight, and I applaud you.

Their faces still hold traces of blood from Wood's earlier attack. They stay a few steps from him.

Eddie: See, myself, Larry, Doug...we're a family. We're a family along with the McWades. We're a family of one mind, one purpose: we want to bleed. We want everyone to bleed. And it's because, when you think back, to all those great matches...people donned the crimson mask. Those matches were great because of the blood.

Doug has begun punching himself, opening a cut on his forehead. He, slowly, bleeds.

Eddie: So I figure, and we all think this, that...if blood makes a match, if blood makes things better, then why not spend all the time bathing in the red juice? Why not, any match, every match, have some blood? Now we're not crazy-

To punctuate the point, Larry throws himself from a turnbuckle to splash the ring.

Eddie: -you only have so much blood in you. But we figure...pick our points, bleed our blood, help all of you along in our little gamee, and this company...this company will be historic.

And with that, the CMC leave the ring.

The Peak Brothers vs. Black Magic

Notable in this match are a few things:

1. Heather Halo is officiating, her first match of the night.

2. Halo either does not wear a bra or needs to get a much, much tighter one.

3. Doug Peak can apparently hit a death valley driver on Yasunobu Masuno.

4. This is a hardcore match, and as such, the action travels through much of the arena.

5. Those empty seats? They need to be repaired.

6. Two Hookers One Blow titles are on the line.

7. Peak's DVD is off the set around the stage, through a table set up on the stage. So...eh, around 20 feet in the air.

8. Peak-Eddie Peak-sets tables on fire, frequently.

The men work hard in the match. Heather can't really officiate, Honey's not too good on announcing, but the commentary really fleshes out the match. And, amusingly, the mockery of Halo's breasts soon ends with the aforementioned DVD.

It's a testament to the worth of the tag titles that Doug and Masuno are able to recover from such a crazy move. It takes them a good three minutes, mind, but it's far from the end of the match.

A Peak and Valley hit on Taira, however, near about 15-and-change minutes, is. Masuno's too far up the ramp to stop the admittedly-slow count from Halo in the ring.

The Peak Brothers win the Two Hookers One Blow titles.

After that kind of match, one might expect another bikini contest.

Well, you're close. Grace Harper and Sara Marie York enter the stage in skimpy outfits and, conveniently, find a pole.

A stripper pole? No. This is not a strip club.

Well...mostly not a strip club. Not so much a strip club as a place where the Big Smack undresses women.

Regardless, it's clear that Harper and York know how to work the pole, as their 5-minute dance conclusively proves.

It's time for Right to Bleed to speak, after all the hijinks have ended. Nemesis leads the group to the ring, flanked by Jeff Nova and Big Cat Brandon. The Good Ol' Boys bring up the rear, but the camera has a hard time leaving Brandon's facepaint and Nova's eerily bald head.

Nemesis: I've been in some bloody matches. Nova, you have too. All of us have, especially since tonight. So Peak? You want to spread this Crimson Mask nonsense?

The camera flits to the Boys, who, like the McWades, still show shades of blood on their faces.

Nemesis: I'm the man I am today because I did some stupid things in my prime. Jeff, you too-we both took on far too many shots to remain active. Now yes, we bled. We bled in some amazing matches. But that's because the mask, that one you hold so dear, Eddie, it was a last resort. I don't bleed just to bleed. I bleed because my body can no longer contain my fury. I bleed because I must bleed.

Nova nods solemnly as the Big Cat looks on, unblinking.

Nemesis: You want to play a game? Go ahead. We'll meet you face to face, nose to nose. You want to cut yourselves? Fine by me. Because all that blood you spill is your life. I'm not one, not now that I'm smart, to throw my life away. You want some help, though? Any of us are more than game.

Tension between two factions, it is quite prevalent.

Larry Wood vs. Big Cat Brandon

The match begins rather quickly; Eva Berlin has scarce time to enter the ring in her referee's outfit to start the bell.

With both major factions at ringside, Wood tear into Brandon, clawing at the facepaint, willing blood to pour. He doesn't have to work hard; as a hardcore match, men will bleed.

As a hardcore match, also, men will interfere. The Peaks handle Big Cat as the Good Ol' Boys fight off Larry. When Nemesis and Nova stand off with Doug and Eddie, things seem to calm. Insomuch as Larry Wood is ever calm.

Wood's lack of sanity is what defeats him; a crossbody through a table with no man on it gives Big Cat Brandon just enough time to pick up the three.

Big Cat Brandon d. Larry Wood.

DEAR GOD!

Backstage there's a flurry of blows, the Bloody World has fallen!

American hits Europe with a frying pan. Australian decks Canadian with a chair. UK and Japan double-team Mexican with a lariat.

It...the action is too hard to follow, and no one can break things up for quite some time.

Actually, the brawl doesn't so much as break up as it separates throughout the backstage, unable to be cohesively followed. But the floor? Trails of blood lead off in many, many directions.

Remo Richardson vs. Haruki Kudo

This is the match that people paid to see. This is the match that people would pay to see in any company. True, it is a Weapons Match. They do come into play occasionally.

But this match is about the two men in the ring, not the weapons, not the fans, not the company.

As Honey barely manages to comment, Remo will have some words about this match later on the site. But then...she can't follow what occurs.

For an hour, an hour, the two men fight. The Japanese Legend versus the de facto king of the promotion. Richardson is the most popular worker on EPW's roster, but Kudo is perhaps the most recognized wrestler world-wide. Neither got to be where they are by holding back.

Remo is stone-faced, even as he is dropped by a chair. Kudo refuses to tap out, even as his arm is bent around the ringpost. Twenty minutes in, no one has a fall. Thirty minutes, and the commentators wonder if an ironman match would have seen different action.

Fifty minutes in, fifty minutes into this slow masterpiece, Richardson seems to have found Kudo's weakness: attack the man relentlessly for nearly an hour and anyone, at 48 years old, will feel the damage. Kudo, similarly, has found Remo's weakness: attack the man relentlessly, with everything one has, for almost an hour, and no one will walk out unscathed.

59 minutes, 37 seconds, and a moment unlikely to be equalled in EPW for quite some time hits:

Remo holds a chair aloft, intent on driving it into Haruki's skull. In a last-citch burst of desparation, Kudo meets the shot with his head, driving the chair up into Remo's skull as well.

Berlin checks on both men. They are breathing, but unconscious.

Remo Richardson drew with Haruki Kudo.

http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/8/23502102615.jpg

If you left after a match that dwarfed all the other action, then you missed an amusing 20 minutes. Twice, the exact same thing happened. Well, similarly.

R.K. Hayes finds Peter Valentine, beats him up, then clotheslines him through a door. Yes, through a door.

The next 10 minutes? R.K. Hayes drags Peter Valentine around, looking for another door. He finds one. Then Peter goes through it.

Eidenhoek · August 28, 2011

I must...

Cannot see...

So much pain. I apologize.

Am sorry that...

Must update, after show...

Later with deatils on results. Later with analysis of matches and...

One note, found now.

Rebecca Richey dislikes Giant Redwood. Uncertain...

Rumos is Redwood...money with Rebecca...hookers.

Wrong person.

Must rest. Why am I in pain?

-Webmaster Larry Wood

Eidenhoek · August 29, 2011

This is R.K. Hayes. I'm covering for my friend Larry Wood. We worked up north together years ago. He's out, I'm awake, so I'm not going to talk any more about that. We got some things to address, including quite a few interviews from some people. I'll start with myself. Why did I attack Peter Valentine? Rather, why did I attackc him twice in one night, after the show aired? That's an easy answer, something people have said about him since...well, at least since he was 33. That's when that piece of **** won his first title, and he never looked back. Got a message for you, Peter: Strong's not here for you to ride his coattails. I'm not going to knock the most famous wrestler in the United States-and, for that matter, he's **** popular in Canada, too-for having horrible friends. I will say that all the "Strongmaniacs" out there deserve to give their idol a punch in the face for ever hiring you. You're a piece of ****, Peter, and until you leave this company, I will beat your ass every show. That simple. I don't tolerate ****ing idiots. There's a man on the roster that's real similar to me. Remo Richardson. He requested some time to talk about his match with Haruki Kudo, why he chose him...I'll let him talk. <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="31864" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Remo this, Remo that, Remo gonna hit you with a baseball bat. That's all I gotta say after today. Just that little phrase, contains everything about my philosophy. We got a Crimson Mask Club talking about making everyone bleed. I don't care. Got this Right to Bleed talking about people shouldn't bleed. I don't care. And Prominence of Reason...no one still don't know what they about. But I, don't, care. Get that? All that stuff about motivations, alliances, those little details? That's this and that. Remo can talk all he wants about this, about that, but that's not what I do. I punch people, I break people, and I crack them in the face with a baseball bat. Or, like last night, with a chair. That's what I do. So why Kudo? Why not anyone else on the roster? It's simple: he's the first guy I saw when I got to the arena. I don't care who you put me against. Put me against Kudo, Dread, Bryden, Scott, Peak, Harper...go down the roster, I'll step in the ring. And I'll beat them. I'll punch just as hard if they're a man or woman. They get in the ring, they my target. And there's this and that, all the talk, all the reasons not to fight. And then I hit you with a baseball bat. Don't nobody talking when I hit them with a baseball bat. Now, looking back, Haruki Kudo got my respect. Putting everything there, couldn't take him down in an hour. Yeah, he couldn't beat me, but I got 21 years on him. That old man, after an hour, meets my chair with his head, enough to knock me out. That takes some guts that I know I got, but didn't know it lasted over two decades long. So Kudo, I'll give you this: next time I see you, I'll give you a pass. I'll move on. But you bump into me after that, we gotta go at it again. Because there's this and that, matches and championships, all the talk and reasons in the world. But Remo? Remo smash.</div></blockquote> That's Remo. That's why he fought Kudo, and from my side, I do give the Japanese Legend immense respect. He did what I doubt I could do, what I doubt anyone even close to his age could do. I'd say Dread was lucky to have him as a tag partner, but then, I'd be implying Dread's not a beast himself. And he most certainly is. Was going to have an interview with Giant Redwood, since he got on the bad side of both Big Smack Scott, the General Manager, and Rebecca Richey, our third at the desk. But he didn't say nothing like an interview. And I quote: <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="31864" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>I'M A TREE I'M A TREE I'M A TREE MOTHER****ER!</div></blockquote> I do have word that, apparently, that's now his entrance music. With the way he moves, sounds like the fans get to hear that about 50 times before he enters the ring. By god I hope I don't see him because I don't want to get my knuckles bloody on some hillbilly piece of trash like he is. Only thing left that's not just talking about all the show is the bikini contests. And I'm not sitting here to talk about the show. Hell, I'm not here to talk about some bull**** bikini contest when we supposed to talk about wrestling. Leave that **** on the beach. So I hand this little interview over to the winner of both contests, Ms. Joanne Rodriguez. <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="31864" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>I came to this company to wrestle, just like most of the women here. Grace Harper, Belle Bryden, Raven Nightfall...we're tough. And I can't forget "Gehenna's Felyne", Kate Avatar. She's good too. Sara Marie York, I know I didn't have a match with you, but I've faced you before like I have Grace. You're solid in the ring. So my point is that I know we have some very beautiful women on the roster, myself included. But I came here to wrestle. I don't want to talk about the bikini contests; I'd rather talk about the tag match. Actually, I'd rather not talk about the tag match, either, but at least it was something close to why I'm here. Giant Redwood is...a horrible person. I think that much is clear given the obvious damage he has done backstage both monetarily and emotionally. Everest isn't that much better, if at all. They're apparently fairly good friends, as much as I'd expect either of them to have friends. It's similar to how I'm friends with Raven Nightfall; she's not someone I hang out with every day, but I'll call her up on the weekends to party. So I know I'm supposed to talk about Big Smack Scott and comment on his rock hard ****, but I won't. Because that's not wrestling, and I'm here to wrestle.</div></blockquote> Good for her, I guess. Don't really care. So if that's all, I'd like to leave. Larry? Get well soon. Not just because I respect you, as a competitor and a friend. Because if I have to do this much longer, I'm probably going to kill some people. HA HA HA HA HA! For those of you just tuning in, I'll go on record: Yeah, I grabbed Joanne's ****. And yes, they are a-****ing-mazing. And yes, I rammed it straight up her ass all the rest of the night after her bikini contests. That ***** going to get some gold in the future, I **** well ****ing promise you. Hey Wood? The **** you doing moonsaults off of tables? I thought I hired you because you was smart, not some dumb sack of ****! Get your ass out the hospital and let's see some websites and ****. Oh, and could you upload a picture of me grabbing Joanne's chest? Because I need that as my wallpaper. For those of you don't know, I mean actual wallpaper. My desktop background is me winning the SWF World Championship off a three-way with Sam Strong and Rip Chord. Incidentally, after that match, I had myself a three-way with Mrs. Chord and Mrs. Strong. So Alicia? You might be Little Alicia Smack. And Jay? ****, Jay, I think you **** well know you ain't a Chord. I'm just waiting you to come home. But you want to mess with that Riptide's head? ****, that's why you make me proud to be a father. -The Big ****ing Smack, pumping it into your wife's ass since day one.

Eidenhoek · September 2, 2011

I am recovered.

I say that first to assuage any fears that I would have to permanently abdicate my position of this website. I now continue with an analysis of the show after a brief apology.

To R.K. Hayes, I apologize for putting you into the situation wherein you had to assume my duties. True, I was incapacitated, but it is clear from your demeanor that being a webmaster does not suit you. I applaud your tenacity in the face of conflicting emotions.

To the readers of these articles, I apologize for abandoning you. Whatever the reason, even justified, to do so is a dis-service to the time you take in reading my words. I will endeavor to not let another absence occur.

Let me now look at the show, "Hookers and Blow 1."

First, I would like to comment on the predictions that a few readers made. Nobody accurately predicted the tag contest between The McWade Brothers and The Good Ol' Boys. It was a fine contest, not of the hardcore variety, but a match full of the intensity one would expect from any and all members of the stables represented. True, an attack by, allegedly, myself dropped the contest into a draw, but just as the predictions were even, so was the contest.

For what was the opening contest, yet third in the order announced, three tag teams fought in a rather short contest for the lesser tag team titles. This match did have a winner-or winners-and there is no dispute as to who won. I find the predictions curious in that, of the five I found, all of them voted for Joanne Rodriguez and Raven Nightfall. One moment, Mr. Sinclair would like to interject.

The word was ejaculate, Wood. Listen next time.

TO ALL THE FREAKS! I gotta say that match...****, those ******* know how to look fine! That right there, that's why we got them up in the club! So yeah, two fat asses squashed them. Wanna know what I think of that?

I think Giant Redwood just got himself a little wood.

AND AS FOR YOU, REDWOOD. Yeah, you're lucky I don't fire your ass. First you bust my car, then you try to **** Joanne in the ring?

THERE'S A REASON SHE'S GOT A FULL-PAGE AD IN MY ****ING OFFICE YOU ****ING ***-HOLE! What, Larry? Now's not the ****ing time? **** off!

I got this. I apologize to all the freaks out there, the Big Smack Club, for the ladies not winning. I tell you this: Joanne will have a title around her waist.

And if I got anything, that's all she'll have on the cover of our magazine. HOLLER IF YOU HEAR ME!

It appears Mr. Sinclair neglected to continue with the current discussion, thus I will resume my webmaster duties.

I will address "my" match with Big Cat Brandon:

Most people picked Big Cat Brandon to win. Were I to face him, I cannot guarantee such would be the result, but I certainly cannot blame the predictors. One person claimed there would be "shenanigans," ending the match in a draw.

While there certainly were shenanigans-I was not in the match-Big Cat Brandon won. I congratulate him on a finely-fought match against a brute who should not be in the ring. Until I am notified of his contractual status, I will retain my assumption that he is not a sanctioned EPW wrestler.

The tag match, the one wherein the main tag team titles were contested, was truly a match one should not have missed. No contest had more energy, not even the main event. No contest had as bothersome a display of how tenacious this roster is than that match. True, the Peaks won, but the match was utterly close. This match, I feel, exemplifies what this company represents. To that end, I am not surprised that the votes were even with just the slightest favor toward the actual winners.

To the main event, then, the last match announced and the last match on the card.

Until these two face again, Remo Richardson and Haruki Kudo, I doubt ELITE Pro Wrestling will have a finer match. The rating, so I have seen, was in the lower 70s; our next closest match was about twenty points beneath that. Such disparity in scores indicates the skill of the two men in the ring. True, I find the ratings arbitrary; that is, I am not yet certain of how a match is rated. But I am intrigued that Remo, one of the younger members of the roster, faced Kudo, one of the oldest. Youth versus experience, raw destruction versus legendary skill.

One could not have asked for a better stage, a better play, than this. And they truly delivered. An upset, in fact, to the fans, it would seem, occurred; much of our predictors failed to account for Remo's late-stage dominance. To that end, none of them predicted a tie, and I am still shocked that the match was left unsettled. I doubted Kudo could be defeated, but I favored the spirit of Remo to overcome any obstacle. He did not.

For the matches, I am truly thankful to have partaken of this show in viewership. I need to investigate this faux Larry Wood, but other than that, this was a solid show. If we falter a bit in the coming months, fans, know that we have given you our best in the opening so that you know what can be delivered. If we rise in the near future, all the better for you. But know that even if for, perhaps, half a year our shows do not compare to our first, understand our reasoning; we wish to show you our talent. Now? Now there are mindgames. Now the setting is not so clear as a mere victory or defeat; with our company proven in concept, every wrestler will begin to manipulate matches to their long-term ends. We shall make a better show, but success might have to wait some time.

I wish you well.

-Webmaster Larry Wood

Dear Mr. Sinclair,

I seem to be running low on my daily intake of potassium. I've noticed that you appear to have a banana in your pocket when you are around me. I was wondering if you could perhaps share it with me. Bananas have a high level of potassium, so if I am able to put your banana in my mouth, I should be able to continue working for you.

Best wishes XOXOXOXO

~Dharma Gregg

Eidenhoek · September 7, 2011

The monthly review for which I hope this site will soon be known is upon us. In but a few days, I will analyze the effects of Hookers and Blow 1. Of chief importance is not the effect upon the wrestlers; they were quite popular before they joined this promotion and similarly of exceptional talent. Analysis will be concentrated on the popularity and growth of EPW.

That stated, I have begun investigations into this faux-Larry Wood. I have donated a DNA smaple in the hopes that blood from "Larry's" match can be compared to it. In the eventuality that I am, somehow, the same wrestler as he, I will then conduct analysis on my life; namely, if I am somehow 'sleep-wrestling' or the subject of some mental disorder.

In short: There is not yet much to say, to write, about ELITE Pro Wrestling. Rest still, quiet, friends, and I assure you that much discussion will follow.

-Webmaster Larry Wood

Eidenhoek · September 9, 2011

A new month begins; there is much conversation that this necessitates.

First, television stations have begun negotiations with promotions. Unfortunately, we are not yet of the size to tempt any company to back us.

But if you want to back it up on the Big Smack, ladies, call me up any time. 1-800-SMACK-DAT

February also entails rookies entering the professional wrestling business. Currently I have no information as to any prospects EPW is considering, but I will divulge information as I obtain it.

Most importantly, ELITE Pro Wrestling came 2nd in a four-way battle in the South West Region; CZCW beat us, and we beat AAA and BSC.

And the Big Smack would like to say, anyone from BSC want to beat the Big Smack...you can't. Because the Big Smack don't lose to no *****es. But I will **** you in the ass if you'd like.

Interestingly, AAA appears to be our closest competition in terms of product quality. True, BSC has the most similar content to us, but we have a fair bit better roster than them. CZCW troubles me, namely because ELITE has quite a few names that outweigh anyone on the Coastal Zone's roster. Perhaps this inconsistency with booking matches and wrestler performance will be settled before Hookers and Blow 2.

Speaking of our second event, I currently have nothing to say. I do not know who will fight whom, nor what titles will be defended. I will update you, the readers, when such information is made privy to me.

-WebmasterLarry Wood

Dharma, I just saw that you added a little flair to the essay on our first show. Don't know what you talking about bananas; Big Smack don't like no fruits. So either get the **** out this promotion if you're going to be talking the smack, or get the **** in my office so I can understand what you're trying to say.

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