OctoberRaven Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 The Eskimos have fourteen different words... just to describe his machismo. Celebrities have gone to rehab... for addiction to his voice. He once bowled a 300... during a national chess tournament. http://img836.imageshack.us/img836/3303/duntonhall.jpg He is... Dunton Hall. The most interesting man in the C-Verse world. totalextremewrestling.com, article: Billionaire Dunton Hall to open wrestling promotion. A new face in the UK wrestling scene has emerged today as Sir Dunton Hall; modern Renaissance Man, Ambassador to China, three-time doctorate (fine arts, medicine, and theoretical physics), #2 ranked chess grandmaster, inventor of the Hall Shoe Battery (a system that recharges personal media devices using the wearer's own kinetic energy from walking or jogging), Grammy-winning recording artist, and having made most of his vast fortune by his marketing of stress-relieving "Tension Sheets"; has decided to open his own wrestling promotion with the unusual name of "Manchester Allied Tenacious Hardbodies", or MATH. With Sir Dunton not actually needing to make a profit, it appears that he will spend quite a lot of money on this project, including free steaming for his shows... which seems to be the only way most people will get to see MATH in action, as the eccentric has said that the shows are, for the time being, 'invitation-only attendance' affairs. Sir Dunton promises a very bizarre, surrealistic product with emphasis on zany characters and comedy, not unlike the popular ZEN promotion in New Zealand. This is a stark contrast to the more down-to-earth promotions seen in the UK such as Ring of Fire and Men of Steel Combat. The company's first show, dubbed "Hearing The Kazoos of War" is expected to air sometime in the end of January 2010. DRAMATIS PERSONAE: http://img820.imageshack.us/img820/5319/drinsane.jpg Doctor insane: The Repugnant Rogue Scientist! Allegiance: The Forces Of Bad Stuff Finisher: The Pain Experiment (Rolling Butterfly Lock) A twisted mad scientist who seeks world domination by taking over the wrestling world, he is a long time veteran of the European circuit and a crafty submission specialist. http://img59.imageshack.us/img59/7291/citizenx.jpg E.M.M. Moe: The Exciting Eccentric Everyman! Finisher: Flaming Moe (Flying Butt Drop) Making his UK debut, Edward Montebahn Maxamillion Moe is an off the wall hero to the people, as unpredictable in the ring as he is out of it with his creative use of five-dollar words. http://img11.imageshack.us/img11/7380/fortiusminimus.jpg Fortius Minimus: The Cowardly Centurion! Finisher: Lateral Press of Doom The most heroic warrior since the legendary Brave Sir Robin, Fortius Minimus seeks to fight for the honor of the Caesar. Well, he actually doesn't like fighting. Or climbing the ropes. Or cats. Or... http://img834.imageshack.us/img834/9273/gianfrancomorelli.jpg Gianfranco Morelli: The C***y King of the Catwalk! Finisher: Calvin Klein Kick (Superkick) An Italian supermodel looking to make an impact in wrestling, however he prefers to take shortcuts on his way to the top, not only by pulling cheap shots but trying to bribe the referee with expensive shoes, tuxedos, and shoulder bags. http://img685.imageshack.us/img685/420/hughdeaskealt2.jpg Hugh de Aske: The Rated ARR Superstar! Finishers: Cut-Throat Driver (Emerald Frosion), Skull and Cross Bones (Straitjacket German) MATH's resident pirate wrestler, despite his reputation as a murderous thug of the high seas has struck a deal with the British Navy to help fight the Forces of Bad Stuff. http://img851.imageshack.us/img851/5559/extranjeroloco.jpg Klax the Funky Alien: The Intergalactic Disco Machine! Finishers: The Probe (Atomic Drop), Eep Op Ork Ah-Ah (Towerhacker Bomb) It's 2010 and it's time for Klax! Originally sent to Earth to infiltrate humanity, he ended up falling in love with dance music and decided to abandon his mission and party down! How this brought him to wrestling, nobody can quite explain, but he's a high flying unpredictable force in the ring. http://img638.imageshack.us/img638/3347/mirroruniversejongordon.jpg Mirror Universe John Gordon: The Face Of Pure Evil Itself! Allegiance: The Forces of Bad Stuff Finisher: Goatee Driver (F-5) Originally it was planned that standup, class-act hero of New Zealand John Gordon would make his UK debut, however his plane went into a freak storm and John Gordon was nowhere to be found when it landed. Two days later, a rude, sarcastic, and downright mean John Gordon, sporting a new goatee no less, reported for work. More disturbing is that he found friends in Doctor Insane and Mister Evilness, forming the Forces of Bad Stuff. May God help us all. http://img545.imageshack.us/img545/2871/mrevilness.jpg Mister Evilness: The All Seeing Eye of Evil! Allegiance: The Forces of Bad Stuff Finisher: Eye Beam (Roaring Elbow) The Eyepatched Mister Evilness is another veteran of the European circut much like his comrade in arms Doctor Insane, and like the bad Doctor he seeks domination of the world. Enlisting the services of Mirror Universe John Gordon, this is truly a force to be reckoned with in MATH. http://img59.imageshack.us/img59/4171/pandamask.jpg Panda Mask II: The Bamboo Eating Babyface! Finisher: Pandamonium (Triple Jump to Rolling Senton) The second of a long line of panda wrestlers, Panda Mask is looking to make it big in the UK after having some success in the minor leagues of the united states with his high flying arsenal and loveable fuzzyness. http://img585.imageshack.us/img585/6826/puffy.jpg Puffy The Sand Iron Player: The World's Most Dangerous Duffer! Finisher: Water Hazard (Octopus Hold) A former pro golfer who snapped after losing a major invitational tournament when a surefire putt got stopped when a bird, thinking the ball was one of it's eggs, snatched it in mid-putt, Puffy has turned into a maniacal sociopath who is not above using his golf clubs on his opponents in the ring. http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/9625/stretchthechickenboy.jpg Stretch the Chicken Boy: The Fowl Feathered Friend of MATH! Finisher: Poultry In Motion (450 Splash) A Manitoban grappler known for being as weird as his ring name, those who think he's just a goofy simpleton will soon find that he's actually a dangerous mat wrestler who can occasionally but out some high impact offense to boot. Also has a strange fixation for muffins. http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/4682/minorannoyance.jpg The Minor Annoyance: The Misunderstood Creature of the Mat! Finisher: Inconvenient Truth (DDT) Technically, Dunton Hall didn't mean to hire this bizarre little... and extremely goblin-like... wrestler. He found him living underneath the ring that he purchased for MATH, and felt sorry for him for taking away his home. Despite his seemingly antisocial behavior... his only friends are his puppets, Bitey and Fighty, he's not a mean guy at all but rather a tortured soul who seeks to fight more or less on the side of good in MATH. (EDITORS NOTE: So here we go. NIGHTMARE was draining me with doing all those best-of-three finishes so this will be something with a bit more sports entertainmenty feel to it. I'm starting with a $50 Mil budget, insanely high production values, 0 popularity, and the worldmarket and sophie cheats to represent how Dunton is A) A bajillionaire who can pay for people to relocate to a local promotion and B) An ultra-charismatic genius. So it's less a struggle to get to the top and more about the wacky ride that happens in the ring) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boltinho Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Excellent start sir. If its UK cverse I read it it. If Mr Evilness is in it I read it. if Dr Insane is in it... you get the point. For all of you who remember mid 90s indie - Klax reminds me of Man or Astroman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheEffect Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Dunton Hall. .F.T.W. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jingo Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Great start, you got me here ... The Eskimos have fourteen different words... just to describe his machismo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OctoberRaven Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 MATH Hearing the Kazoos of War SEGMENT: We start with The Forces of Evil in a dark cellar, lit by one of those static electricity orbs from the early 90s. Gordon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Evilness: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! Insane: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The three then pause and look at each other. Gordon: Yeah, Doc wins. Evilness: Can't argue with that, his evil laugh is clearly the best. Evilness and Gordon hand Insane five pounds each before Insane speaks. Insane: Tonight our plan to dominate MATH begins... for it is the eve of the inaugural event, and as the cosmic laws dictate, the championship has to be determined on the inaugural event. And according to the ancient prophecy, whoever shall be victorious in tag team competition tonight shall compete in an over-the-top-rope battle royale for said championship! Gordon: Which prophecy do you speak of? Insane: It is called the Oracle of the Wrestling Program! It is written here, in this ink and glossy paper! Evilness and I shall do battle together, and you shall team with the miscreant who partakes in some uncouth mating ritual... this... Puffy the Sand Iron Player. Evilness: It's not a mating ritual Doctor. It's a game, played for money. Insane: I have never heard of such things! ...How much money? Evilness: The current elite performer is paid more than any other athlete. Insane: I see. Perhaps we can convince him to teach us this... 'golf'... in the meantime, IS IT READY? Gordon: Yes it is ready Doctor... tonight, after your victory over him, Stretch the Chicken Boy willl get.... CREAMED! All three: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MATCH: E.M.M. Moe and Hugh de Aske vs Fortius Minimus and Gianfranco Morelli Moe and Aske were on the same page in this one as they did battle with the less cohesive heel duo. Fortius constantly tagged out as soon as he got in the least bit of trouble, and when he noticed that one of Dunton Hall's guests for the live performance had a cat on his lap, fled to the backstage area and this allowed EMM Moe to knock him down with a flying knee and hit the Flaming Moe for the three count. SEGMENT: The Minor Annoyance is backstage muttering to his puppets when Klax The Funky Alien moonwalks in. Klax: Shhhhk? (Subtitle: Greetings Minor Annoyance! Are you prepared for your tag team match?) Annoyance: ...Hello? You want to talk to my little friends here? The big one is called Bitey. Klax: Gtho Belogh Frkxne E'kdlo? (Subtitle: You are aware that that is a doll correct?) Annoyance: Bitey likes you too. Would you like to dance with Bitey and Fighty? Klax: DAAAAAAAANCE!!!! Klax runs offscreen, and gets a boom box, and suddenly "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga plays as he starts dancing. Minor Annoyance makes his puppets 'dance' to as the segment ends. MATCH: The Minor Annoyance and Klax the Funky Alien vs Puffy The Sand Iron Player and Mirror Universe John Gordon Klax and Minor Annoyance looked strong as they did battle with Puffy and John Gordon, but the duo managed to get the upper hand with their dirty tactics and cutting the ring in half, and when John Gordon used one of Puffy's golf clubs and threatened to hit Klax' boom box with it, allowing Puffy to knock Minor Annoyance off the apron and then applied the Water Hazard on Klax for the submission. MATCH: Panda Mask II and Stretch the Chicken Boy vs The Forces of Bad Stuff The high flier Panda Mask and the eccentric technician managed to hold their own against the veterans, but Mister Evilness' brawling and Insane's own technical skills helped them gain their own advantage over the babyfaces. Eventually the Forces got the win when Stretch was looking to work over Evilness, but didn't see a blind tag, and when Poultry in Motion found the knees of Evilness, Doctor Insane put him in the Pain Experiment as Evilness got to his feet and blasted Panda Mask with the Eye Beam allowing them to win by submission. SEGMENT: After the match, Mirror Universe John Gordon appeared from the back... ...with a black box labeled "DOOM WEAPON". Insane would get Evilness to hold Stretch's arms behind his back as Gordon opened the box and Insane reached inside and pulled out... A pie! He then mercilessly put that pie right in the face of Stretch who crumpled to the mat like he had been shot in the face. Medics would come from the back and check Stretch's pulse before putting him on a stretcher and taking him to the back as the Forces of Bad Stuff laughed as they awaited the other competitors in the main event battle royale... But after they did arrive, so did Sir Dunton Hall with a pillow and wearing a headset. Dunton Hall: "Congratulations to the six of you for your victories in the qualifying matches. Now, behold what I have with me, sitting on top of this pillow. It is the prize you will be competing for tonight... the Manchester Allied Tenacious Hardbodies Invisibleweight Title." After putting the pillow (and thusly the "title belt") on the timekeeper's desk, he gave them a formal style sweeping bow before signaling the beginning of the match. MAIN EVENT: Six Man Over The Top Rope Battle Royale for the Invisibleweight Title. The Forces of Bad Stuff would manage to work together, however their attempt to keep Moe and de Aske from winning the belt themselves proved to be for naught when Puffy surprised everyone by sending Doctor Insane over the top rope first! The Forces of Bad Stuff would try to get their numbers advantage back when John Gordon hit a lariat on EMM Moe over the ropes, but Puffy would knee him in the back of the head as he held on to the top rope, eliminating him as well! Puffy, Hugh, and Mister Evilness would face off in a chaotic battle with multiple close calls, Puffy was almost thrown over by Hugh de Aske but managed to latch on a modified Water Hazard in the ropes! Mister Evilness however would get payback on Puffy for his Forces of Bad Stuff comrades by hitting him with the Eye Beam and making him go to the floor. Evilness then looked to finish off the weakened de Aske, but when de Aske was thrown over, he held on... and suplexed Evilness over the ropes.... but Evilness landed on the apron feet first! Eye Beam... ducked! de Aske shoves him into the ringpost and Evilness teeters... and de Aske blows on him sending him to the floor! HUGH DE ASKE WINS THE INVISIBLEWEIGHT TITLE! EMM Moe and Panda Mask II enter the ring to celebrate with the new champ as he was awarded the invisible belt, raising it high in the air to end the show. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OctoberRaven Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 MATH Giving A Mouse A Cookie SEGMENT: Earlier tonight, Puffy The Sand Iron Player is at a mini golf course, with his bright red ball only three feet from the hole. Puffy: This is a message to all you little MATHers... Puffy The Sand Iron Player is going to take what he rightfully deserves, the Invisibleweight Title, when I beat Hugh de Aske later tonight. Just like I'm about to beat this course record tonight. Because I am a perfect athlete, and every thing I do, every match I have, every stroke I make... Puffy putts the ball, looking directly at the camera. Puffy: Is perfect. Puffy looks down... and sees that his putt completely missed the hole by five feet. Puffy: ...AGAIN?! I cant believe this! Alright, take thirty-five! ...WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE OUT OF FILM?! Puffy throws his club off camera and storms off, running facefirst into the windmill as the segment ends. MATCH: The Minor Annoyance vs Fortius Minimus A match that didn't have much flow to it as they seemed to be rather awkward against each other, possibly because they're more accustomed to facing much larger opponents. Minor Annoyance was in control for most of the match, but Minimus made a comeback, but that came to a sudden end when he got too close to Annoyance's puppets and ran away from them.... headfirst into the turnbuckle, and Annoyance rolled him up for the three count. MATCH: Klax the Funky Alien vs Gianfranco Morelli Gianfranco made his entrance first, but his euro-rave music caused Klax to come out and dance down the aisle, the arrogant Gianfranco upset at his upstaged spotlight and attacking him before the bell. Once the bout got in the ring, it turned into a more high-flying affair, Gianfranco missing the Calvin Klein Kick and getting hit by The Probe for a three count. SEGMENT: Stretch the Chicken Boy is backstage, with his forehead heavily bandaged. Stretch: Now I dunno why that fella widda eyeball staff anna guy with no eyes gotta hit ol' Stretch with that pie, but boy howdy I ain' gonna take that layin' down...well, I had ta fer'while, cause I was inna hospy-tal fer'a week'r so. Ain' good'n the countin business... but I am good in the wrasslin business... LIKE A MUFFIN! Now this mirror guy, John Gordon, well ol Stretch knows not to trust no fisherman, and you gonna get whupped tonight! MATCH: Stretch the Chicken Boy vs Mirror Universe John Gordon Despite having the advantage of not having a head injury, John Gordon made the mistake of taking Stretch too lightly and ended up paying when Stretch showed that he can lock up with the best of them. Gordon managed to come back but Stretch wouldn't go down without a fight, and nearly got a win when the Mirror Driver was reversed into a DDT. Gordon would however throw a can of pie crumbs in Stretch's face, causing a disqualification. Hugh de Aske went to oversee his fellow babyface and make sure he didn't get further injured by John Gordon. SEGMENT: E.M.M. Moe and Panda Mask II is backstage, with Panda Mask 'chewing' on bamboo. Moe: I'll do the talking here as my companion beside me only speaks in the language of the Ailuropoda Melanoleuca. The Forces of Bad Stuff, the malignant and malnourished malcontents they are, shall not see their devious dessertine atrocity go unpunished! The Boy of Chickens, better known as Stretch, his injuries shall be avenged! Prepare yourself, Doctor Insane, Mister Evilness, if those are your real names! For we are bakers of justice, and our specialty is Key Lime Keylocks! MATCH: E.M.M. Moe and Panda Mask II vs The Forces of Bad Stuff Moe and Panda definitely had an axe to grind and they were all out at first making the Forces beat an early retreat. The dastardly duo was able to use shortcuts to get into it though, even tricking the referee to pay attention to the man in the corner of the babyface duo while making fake tags. Doctor Insane would do a rope jawbreaker on EMM Moe who would turn around right into a Mister Evilness Eye Beam for the three count. MAIN EVENT FOR THE INVISIBLEWEIGHT TITLE: Hugh de Aske © vs Puffy The Sand Iron Player This was a fun and evenly paced affair with both men hitting some big spots and getting close to victory throughout the match. Puffy would try to gain the upper hand with use of his golf clubs, but this was a ruse as he picked up the Invisibleweight title and tried to deck Hugh with it, but Hugh ducked and hit a Cut-Throat Driver! After kicking the belt aside Hugh would make the cover, and successfully defend his belt for the first time! Hugh would leave once again with the Invisibleweight Title held high as the show came to a close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OctoberRaven Posted October 4, 2011 Author Share Posted October 4, 2011 MATH Rise of the Revenge SEGMENT: We open with The Forces of Bad Stuff in their static ball-lit room. Insane: The time has come, my brothers in this dark brotherhood of... brother...ny...ness. For that Invisibleweight title will be in our hands soon... and once we have it, my friendly fiends, all shall be doom! All Three: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gordon: But Doctor, how exactly is the Invisibleweight Title crucial to our plans of conquest? Insane: Aha! A good question indeed, my goateed companion. Evilness, please explain to him the properties of the minerals of which the Invisibleweight title has been created from! Evilness: Well John, the Invisibleweight title is very likely made from the rarest of the naturally occurring elements... Visium! In fact it is in my estimation that it is the largest single piece of Visium in existence today! Gordon: Wouldn't it be "Invisium"? Evilness: To the uninitated that may seem to be it's proper nomenclature yes! However, this is highly superconductive REVERSE visium. Use of properly magnified beams of light can render visium therefore invisible to the naked eye, as well as make it impossible to detect through infrared and thermography. If we can reverse engineer the process that Sir Dunton Hall used to create the Invisibleweight title, we will have a weapon of mass destruction that the world shall tremble in fear of! Insane: Yes, and with my scientific might, it should take me no sooner than the end of this calender year to decipher the mysteries... and then the weapon can be built! Gordon: So we're making an invisible ray? Insane: No, better! A SUPERVISIBLE ray! Gordon: ...You're a madman! Insane: Well my name isn't Doctor Rational, my friend! Gordon: Well if you can make a Supervisible ray... then maybe I can go back to my universe and conquer it as well! Evilness: Yes... and if Hugh de Aske refuses to surrender the title... we'll just have to give him his... just desserts... All three: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MATCH: Klax the Funky Alien vs Fortius Minimus Fortius tried his best to be elusive against the mysterious dancing alien, but Klax' agility kept him from getting too far away from the action. Klax' dominance led to him feeling the need for some tunes, but when his boombox started playing "Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)", but the music freaked Fortius out and he fled while Klax is too busy dancing, leading to the countout. MATCH: EMM Moe and Stretch the Chicken Boy vs The Forces of Bad Stuff With Stretch still wanting revenge from his hellacious pie assault, he and Moe wasted no time giving it their all against the Forces, but they took advantage of their overzealousness by using it to misdirect the referee while they double teamed Moe. After spending most of the match trying to get back to his corner, Moe finally tagged in Stretch, who was a HOUSE OF FIRE AND ARMDRAGS~! Evilness and Gordon would make a comeback and Moe would get back in near the end, looking for Flaming Moe, but Mister Evilness would roll away and get a jackknife pin to once again foil the babyfaces. BACKSTAGE: Ginanfranco Morelli in the back Morelli: "I am The King of the Catwalk Gianfranco Morelli, and tonight I get on track to take the Invisibleweight Title. And let's face it, MATH needs a champion like me, someone with style, elegance, sophistication, and class. Things that that idiot pirate Hugh de Aske can't even spell much less carry himself with. So when I win tonight's four way dance..." ???: "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!" In comes Klax the Alien with his boom box, playing some more dance music as Gianfranco looks on in disgust. Klax turns to Morelli's direction, and eats a Calvin Klein Kick! Gianfranco adjusts his collar before walking off. MATCH: Panda Mask II vs The Minor Annoyance vs Puffy The Sand Iron Player vs Gianfranco Morelli This was a wild and chaotic contest as all four men started out in the ring, with Panda Mask and Minor Annoyance pairing off against Puffy and Morelli respectively. It seemed like a kind of tornado tag for a bit until Panda Mask hit Puffy with a moonsault making TMA break it up. Gianfranco would try to sneak his way to victory with several rollups after pins were broken, but nothing would come of it. Panda Mask would send Gianfranco to the floor and hit a huge flying tope to the arrogant fashion model, the referee distracted allowing Puffy to low blow out of the Inconvenient Truth and apply the Water Hazard for a submission win. MAIN EVENT INVISIBLEWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Hugh de Aske © vs Doctor Insane The Forces of Bad Stuff were in full numbers as they surrounded the ring, but inside Hugh de Aske was at the top of his game, keeping in control for the majority of the contest. Doctor Insane however was not an easy man to put down, having countered some of Hugh's big moves and hitting some big moves of his own. He tried the Pain Experiment but Hugh back body dropped out of it, and Doctor Insane 'accidentally' bumped into the ref as he got up. This allowed Mr Evilness to smash Hugh de Aske from behind with the Invisibleweight title, and the ref came to as Doctor Insane got the cover, one... two... and three! SEGMENT: But it wasn't over yet! Mister Evilness and John Gordon got into the ring next, John Gordon having reached underneath the apron to get a pie, and set it down as Doctor Insane directed traffic... and EVILNESS WITH A DDT ONTO THE PIE! Evilness then rips Hugh de Aske's eyepatch off, holding it up and laughing psychotically as the Forces retreat. EMM Moe and Stretch arrive, putting a towel over Hugh de Aske so nobody sees him eyepatchless as the show comes to an end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boltinho Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 this is still awesome sir. KUTGW. I like Dr Insanes line: "Well my name isnt Dr Rational" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OctoberRaven Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 MATH On The Rural Route To Hell SEGMENT: The Forces of Bad Stuff are in their static-orb-lit room. Insane: Gentlemen... BEHOLD! Doctor Insane holds the Invisibleweight title above the orb. Insane: The key to our triumph over humanity! Gordon: And the key to destroying my home universe! Evilness: Wait. I thought you wanted to take over your home universe? Gordon: They're all evil there, they would appreciate and respect such an act! All three: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Insane: However it is important that we keep this title belt until research can be complete... and that means doing whatever it takes to defeat that foolish bamboo eating cretin Panda Mask at once! Evilness: Don't worry Doctor... we will be there to ensure your victory at all costs. All three: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MATCH: EMM Moe vs Fortius Minimus Moe was all over Minimus in this contest with the centurion not getting so much as a chop in edgewise, Moe using submission holds to keep Fortius from fleeing the ring. After several shortarm lariats, Moe hit the Flaming Moe to end this match quickly and claim a win. MATCH: Klax the Funky Alien and The Minor Annoyance vs Gianfranco Morelli and Puffy The Sand Iron Player Once again the Funky Alien and the Minor Annoyance team up, this time with Puffy and Klax' apparent rival in Gianfranco Morelli. This was a back and forth battle with all four men nearly getting the win and conversely taking the fall, with the bout ending with Klax feeling the need for a dance, but Gianfranco cutting it off with a Calvin Klein Kick for the pin. SEGMENT: Stretch the Chicken Boy is in the back when Hugh de Aske comes up to him. Hugh: Avast le landlubber! Are ye well to do to do battle with those scurvy curs, the Forces of Bad Stuff, yar? Stretch: Holey Moley! It's onna dem fellas from the peanut butter cereal boxes! Hugh: Yar, do not confuse me with that Crunch fellow, me heartie, he is part of the Queen's Navy, yar, I am a rapscallion of the seas, robbing from his ilk as I see fit! Stretch: ...Like a muffin? Hugh: Not at all like your bran-based rations, yar. But we need pay no mind to the minor details this eve, for beyond the horizon is redemption! Our cannons will roar with fury as we send Evilness and Gordon and their villanious pie-using ways straight to Davey Jones' Locker! Stretch: I don' think Casey Jones'll appreciate that, mister pirate! Hugh: Nay, not Casey, Davey! Davey Jones! We shall send them into the depths of Neptune's realm! Stretch: All the way in outer spaceland? Hugh: Not THAT Neptune, yar.... MATCH: Hugh de Aske and Stretch the Chicken Boy vs The Forces of Bad Stuff The Forces were the aggressive ones here at first as they wanted to nail in two coffins with the same hammer. Or something. Evilness and Gordon did their best to keep de Aske and Stretch down but the babyfaces managed to rally back and hard, and eventually when de Aske became a house of fire, Evilness tagged out to John Gordon and beat a retreat, allowing de Aske to press an advantage and hit the Cut-Throat Driver for the three count. SEGMENT: After the match, Hugh has a mic, pointing to Mister Evilness Hugh: Where do ya think you're goin, ye wretched whelp! I be not done with ye by a slight! Evilness is still backing to the curtains. Hugh: I challenge ye to a duel on the next month's voyage, yar... EYEPATCH VS EYEPATCH! What say ye, knave, are ye man, or are ye chicken of the sea? Evilness takes a microphone. Evilness: If I win, I gain your eyepatch? You are brave, but you are stupid! I ACCEPT! MAIN EVENT INVISIBLEWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Panda Mask II vs Doctor Insane © Panda Mask put up a strong showing with Doctor Insane, sending him to the floor early and hitting an incredible third rope Asai to the floor! The duo continued to battle on the floor but eventually got back in the ring, and after a sunset flip powerbomb only got two Panda Mask looked to hit Pandamonium... but as John Gordon distracted the referee, Mister Evilness got on the apron and as Panda Mask finished his third jump... EYE BEAM! With Panda Mask knocked out behind the referee's back, and a Pain Experiment while the ref actually was looking for a submission win! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OctoberRaven Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 MATH Please Insert 40 Quarters SEGMENT: The Forces of Bad Stuff are in their lair, this time lit by TWO static orbs. Insane: Yes, YES.... research for the Supervisible ray is even closer to completion... and after tonight, we will show once again why we are going to rule this pathetic planet once and for all. Gordon: But what about your match with EMM Moe? He has been a thorn in our side since the beginning. Insane: He is but a fly in our iced tea, and we shall demand the waiter give us a new one for free! Gordon: I'm... not sure that metaphor makes sense. Insane: I'm a mad scientist, you fool, not Shakespeare! The point is that he is of no concern of us, for he shall be destroyed like all others before him! Evilness: As will that fool pirate Hugh de Aske... daring to challenge me with eyepatches on the line... Gordon: Why did he make that challenge anyway. Evilness: When two eyepatched men meet, my fiendish friend, they feel compelled to battle each other until one man is eyepatched no longer. For in the end, there can be only one! Gordon: Why? Evilness: Because the secret of the eyepatch is the ultimate power! Insane: Don't forget, John Gordon, you have a battle of your own, against the foolish Panda Mask... make it so that he must eat his bamboo from a straw! All three: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MATCH: Panda Mask II vs Mirror Universe John Gordon Panda Mask was looking for retribution and flew all around the ring at John Gordon's expense, however the fiendish Gordon managed to catch Panda Mask by flapjacking him into an exposed turnbuckle. However when Gordon looked for the Mirror Driver, Panda Mask managed to land on his feet and hit a step-up enzuigiri and then Pandamonium for the three count. SEGMENT: Fortius Minimus is in the back, marching with a puffed out chest... Fortius: VICTORIA PRO ROMA! VICTORIA PRO ROMA! ...when he stops seeing The Minor Annoyance talking to his puppets. Fortius: P-P-P-PUPA DIABOLOUS! Annoyance: Hello Mister Roman Man! Do you want to talk to Bitey and Fighty? Fortius runs away, arms flailing frantically. Minor Annoyance looks sad. Annoyance: Why don't we have any friends, Bitey? Is it because you keep biting them? The puppet 'shakes it's head'. Annoyance: Did you send them those greeting cards again? I told you not to do that Bitey! Bitey motions to Fighty. Annoyance: Oh Fighty, you know better than that! But oh well, at least Klax is our friend! I think... MATCH: Klax the Funky Alien, Stretch the Chicken Boy, and The Minor Annoyance vs Gianfranco Morelli, Puffy The Sand Iron Player, and Fortius Minimus This was a wildly chaotic contest with the babyfaces and heels constantly shifting momentum and tagging in quickly, with lots of high flying antics from Gianfranco Morelli and Klax. Fortius would eventually flee the scene in his usual cowardly fashion, and while Puffy was trying to force him back into the match, Gianfranco missed the Calvin Klein kick and got hit with the Probe for a three count. SEGMENT: EMM Moe is in the back. Moe: Salutations to the many of mankind who dilligently divulge in the MATH. All across and abreast on this planet are indeed aware of the atrocities of the Forces of Bad Stuff, as well as the man who is known as Doctor Insane. Well Insane, IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME, your chaotic attempts of cruel conquest shall be thwarted as you are stricken down like Caesar tonight! For EMM Moe shall verily defend the planet while defenestrating you with dangerous dignity! Prepare yourself, vile fiend, for from the heart of Hades, I uppercut at thee! INVISIBLEWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: EMM Moe vs Doctor Insane © Doctor Insane stalled for a bit early on, causing Moe to get overly aggressive and Insane used this to his advantage, outwitting Moe and using every dirty trick in the book to wear him down. EMM Moe made a comeback, hitting a huge running kneelkick and looking for Flaming Moe... but Mirror Universe John Gordon made his way down the ramp to distract the ref and Moe... allowing Insane to grab the ref by the belt and shove him into the ropes, crotching Moe! A Pain Experiment later and Moe was forced to submit. MAIN EVENT EYEPATCH VS EYEPATCH: Hugh de Aske vs Mr. Evilness Due to the sacred nature of this contest, the Forces of Bad Stuff were sent to the back, and this match was given relaxed rules. Hugh was in control for a lot of the early goings but Evilness used the relaxed rules to his benefit, grabbing the eyepatch of de Aske and snapping it in his face before taking control. Evilness brought out a chair and hit de Aske over the back with it, then called for the Eye Beam... but Hugh ducked it, looking for the Cut Throat Driver... but the injured back made Hugh drop Evilness prematurely, who went outside the ring to get a pie! He went to piledrive de Aske into the pie, but got back body dropped instead! de Aske went for a shoot kick, but Evilness ducked underneath it... and a school boy with a handful of tights to steal the victory! To end the show Evilness would hit de Aske with an Eye Beam for the hell of it, ripping the eyepatch off of de Aske before hitting him with a sadistic spinebuster into the pie, causing officials to take the un-patched de Aske out of the arena as Evilness laughed maniacally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OctoberRaven Posted October 12, 2011 Author Share Posted October 12, 2011 MATH Father Wears His Sunday Best SEGMENT: We open as usual with the Forces of Bad Stuff in their static-orb-lit lair. All three: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Doctor Insane is holding up the Invisibleweight title, while Evilness is holding Hugh de Aske's eyepatch. Insane: My friends, rejoice for soon we shall conquer this pathetic world! It seems that they are not even interested in hindering our completion of the Supervisible Ray, else they wouldn't try taking the title from me by using that idiotic dancing xenomorph Klax! Evilness: And Hugh de Aske and EMM Moe have challenged myself and Gordon... I cannot wait to savor Hugh's misery now that his eyepatch is mine! Gordon: Doctor, are you sure you do not need us in your corner this night? In case Klax is actually more dangerous than you're anticipating? Insane: Preposterous and unnecessary! No, sit back, enjoy some hummus, as we get one step closer to our goal! Gordon: ...Evil hummus? Evilness: Made only from the most EVIL of chickpeas! All three: BWAHAHAHAHA! MATCH: Panda Mask II vs Fortius Minimus Fortius didn't seem too thrilled going against Panda Mask, apparently afraid of the fuzzyness of it all. The high flier wasn't giving him too much chance to turn tail. When Fortius finally did find an opportunity to roll out of the ring and flee, Panda Mask hit him a flying tope on the floor and then rolled him back in the ring for Pandamonium and the three count. MATCH: The Minor Annoyance vs Gianfranco Morelli Gianfranco seemed to be in a bitter mood after getting Probed by Klax last month, and looked to take it out on poor little Annoyance, choking him repeatedly and breaking up his own pins. Annoyance made a comeback and looked to put away Morelli with the Inconvenient Truth, but Morelli shoved him into the ref, hit him with a low blow, then followed it up with the Calvin Klein Kick for the three count. SEGMENT: Puffy the Sand Iron Player makes his way to the ring, with a portable putting green rolled out as Stretch the Chicken Boy is heading down as well. Puffy: Stretch, there's no point in you facing me tonight. Or any other night for that matter. See, I don't have time for idiot buffoons like you, I'm an athlete, a sportsman, I should be facing other athletes. Puffy puts a ball on one end of the green, with a plastic cup on the other representing a hole. Puffy: So why don't you walk away, forfeit, so I can go back to the green and sink perfect putts... He putts the ball, looking to Stretch instead of the putt that goes completely wide. Puffy: Like that one? Stretch takes a mic. Stretch: Uh, Mister Puffy sir... ya missed yer little cup there... Puffy looks back and then shoots a glare at Stretch. Puffy: Well you get here and do better then you twit! Stretch gets into the ring as Puffy respots the ball. Stretch: Well I never played this stick game before, but I can give it a go I suppose... LIKE A MUFFIN! Stretch takes a club and putts the ball, and it goes in. Stretch: Hot diggity daffodil! I guess I gotta knack fer it, eh Mister Puffy? Puffy is steaming with rage and tackles Stretch, and a referee comes out to call for the bell! MATCH: Stretch the Chicken Boy vs Puffy The Sand Iron Player Despite his furious assault, Puffy found himself in trouble early on as Stretch managed to outwrestle him on the mat, putting him in several pinning predicaments for near falls. Puffy kept fighting back through sheer physical brawling. Stretch looked for a brainbuster but Puffy blocked it, raked Stretch's eyes, then put him in the Water Hazard for the submission victory. MATCH: Hugh de Aske and EMM Moe vs The Forces of Bad Stuff http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l216/collingwood27/HughdeAske_Depirated3.jpg Hugh was chomping at the bit to get to Mister Evilness but the dastardly veteran refused to stay in the ring more than a few seconds with him, leaving him and Moe to take out most of their aggression out on Mirror Universe John Gordon. Evilness would however get into the ring to deal with EMM Moe, but after ducking an Eye Beam Moe would knock down Gordon and then roll under a lariat to tag in Hugh de Aske! Hugh was a house of fire and Evilness had nowhere to go, but when he looked for the Cut-Throat Driver but Evilness floated over and delivered a low blow to get himself disqualified. MAIN EVENT INVISIBLEWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Klax the Funky Alien vs Doctor Insane © Insane took Klax lightly and spent more time taunting the crowd than pressing his advantage. This allowed Klax to recover and answer with a flurry of high flying offense, including a moonsault into a reverse DDT! Klax couldn't put away the Doctor though, and when it looked like he was going to get Probed, Mister Evilness came out to distract the ref while Mirror Universe John Gordon grabbed the Invisibleweight Title and clubbed Klax over the back of the head with it! This allowed Doctor Insane to put Klax in the Pain Experiment for the submission victory! SEGMENT: After the match... Mirror Universe John Gordon got a pie and put it in the ring, and as Doctor Insane directed traffic, Evilness and Gordon set up a spike piledriver onto the pie... When SWINGING FROM A ROPE comes Hugh de Aske, with a plastic cutlass! The Forces of Bad Stuff scattered and Hugh de Aske would take a mic. Hugh: Yar, ye think ye've seen the last of me, you scurvy cowards? This ship is not ready to go to port just yet, yar... I seek to reclaim the treasure ye plundered from me, and to get it I promise ye that if I get pinned or submitted by Doctor Insane at the next show, I will set sail for other waters, yar! Insane sneered and nodded as he retreated with the Invisibleweight title to end the show. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boltinho Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 Do Waitrose stock evil hummus? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OctoberRaven Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 MATH A Park Place Short of A Monopoly SEGMENT: The Forces of Bad Stuff are in their lair once more. All three: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Insane: That fool Hugh de Aske... he has no idea what measure of force he is dealing with... he dares challenge me with such stakes just as we are ready to complete the Supervisible Ray! Evilness: He does not even have the power of the eyepatch to protect him! He is doomed! Gordon: He's a got a fire to him though, Doctor, what if he's more than you can handle? Insane: Enough of your pessimism Gordon! How can you be so negative when billions of lives are going to be snuffed out in one swift stroke? Gordon: I'm just saying it's folly to underestimate him... Insane: I SAID ENOUGH! Nothing can stop us, no man, woman, pirate, dancing alien, or whatever Minor Annoyance is supposed to be! All three: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MATCH: EMM Moe vs Fortius Minimus EMM Moe wrestled circles around Fortius, who seemed completely unable to get any kind of offense in return. EMM Moe kept pressing his advantage however, hitting a huge DDT and setting up for Flaming Moe, but took too long and Fortius would flee the ring and take a countout loss. SEGMENT: Stretch the Chicken Boy and Panda Mask II are backstage, Stretch with a tray of muffins. Stretch: Well howdy there Mister Panda Man! You wanna bamboo muffin? Straight outta momma's oven they is! Panda Mask just tilted his head and looked at him. Stretch: Don'tcha talk at all Mister Panda Man? Panda Mask shakes his head. Stretch: Well if we're gonna beat them Forces of Bad Stuff fellers, we're gonna need all'r strength, yuppity do! Panda Mask takes the muffin and sniffs it, then gives Stretch a thumbs up before they head to the ring. MATCH: Stretch the Chicken Boy and Panda Mask II vs The Forces of Bad Stuff Panda Mask 'ate' the muffin as the babyfaces made their entrance. The Forces would take control early on by ganging up on Stretch, using frequent tags to keep him in their half of the ring. He'd escape and Panda Mask would be on a HOUSE OF FIRE! However when he went to the top rope looking to deal a big high-risk move on Mirror Universe John Gordon... but suddenly grasped his stomach and tumbled to the floor! Gordon decked Stretch and hit the Goatee Driver on Panda Mask to take the win with inadvertent food poisoning getting the assist. MATCH: Klax the Funky Alien and The Minor Annoyance vs Gianfranco Morrelli and Puffy The Sand Iron Player Minor Annoyance had sunglasses like Gianfranco and strutted with his puppets to the ring, drawing the King of the Catwalk's ire and making him extra aggressive early on, and Puffy wasn't much kinder with his hard hitting offense. Klax's high flying antics managed to confound the heels however, ending up with a confrontation with his top nemesis Gianfranco Morelli, countering a Calvin Klein Kick into a Probe for the three count. SEGMENT: Hugh de Aske is in the back. Hugh: Avast me mateys for on this eve the ghost of Blackbeard beckons for Doctor Insane to meet his watery grave in the briny depths of the MATH ring, yar. He and his crew of flea-bitten landlubbers have woken a mighty beast in me, both in plunderin' me invisible gold an' fer takin away me eyepatch. What kind of a pirate wears not an eyepatch? One that's got a fire lit under his decks, yar! And I plan to send the lot of ye cryin' to ye wenches, yar! MAIN EVENT INVISIBLEWEIGHT VS CAREER TITLE MATCH: Hugh de Aske vs Doctor Insane © The referee kicks the other Forces of Bad Stuff members out of the arena, and also made it a No DQ match so Insane couldn't sneak his way out with the title! de Aske was a house on fire with Insane resorting to a low blow to halt his momentum and using otherwise dirty tactics to wear down de Aske. insane would look for a Pain Experiment but de Aske counters into an attempt at the Cut-Throat Driver, only for Insane to slip away and grab the Invisibleweight Title... and decks de Aske with it! Cover, one, two, and Hugh kicks out at two! Insane looks to hit him again, but Hugh ducks kicks him in the gut... CUT-THROAT DRIVER ON THE INVISIBLEWEIGHT TITLE! ONE, TWO, AND DE ASKE WINS THE BELT BACK! Mirror Universe John Gordon and Mister Evilness charged the ring, prompting de Aske to grab his cutlass to ward them back just long enough for Stretch the Chicken Boy and EMM Moe to arrive! De Aske would get on the top turnbuckle and reach for a swing rope that would come his way, allowing him to swing to safety as the show ended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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