OLD: You're Never Too OLD to Brawl for Beer! [C-Verse XL]

[Super Nova]

<p>Cpl. "PoPo" Valentine vs <strong>Alan Parent</strong></p><p>

Lazy Joe vs <strong>Whisky Jack</strong></p><p>

<strong>KP Avatar </strong>vs Aaron Mustafa Avatar - Loser Gets The Hell Out of Here Match</p><p>

????? vs<strong> Raul Lightbringer</strong></p><p>

Lt. Cameron vs <strong>Dead Bolt</strong></p><p>

The Hillbillys vs<strong> The Fashion Police</strong> © - OLD Tag Team Title Match</p><p>

<strong>Gentleman Scott Sinclair </strong>© vs Someone from Painful Procedure - OLD King of the Deathmatch Title Match, Deathmatch Rules</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

BONUS QUESTION - Who will Raul Lightbringer's mystery opponent be? (CLUE - New hire for March, younger than 30) Jesus Chavez</p>

[Psycho Sam]

OLD Puddles of Blood

Jamil Shrine Temple (South Carolina, Southeast)

Thursday, March 21, 2013

 

Cpl. "PoPo" Valentine vs Alan Parent

Lazy Joe vs Whisky Jack

KP Avatar vs Aaron Mustafa Avatar - Loser Gets The F*cking Hell Out of Here Match

????? vs Raul Lightbringer

Lt. Cameron vs Dead Bolt

The Hillbillys vs The Fashion Police © - OLD Tag Team Title Match

Gentleman Scott Sinclair © vs Someone from Painful Procedure - OLD King of the Deathmatch Title Match, Deathmatch Rules

 

 

BONUS QUESTION - Who will Raul Lightbringer's mystery opponent be? (CLUE - New hire for March, younger than 30) Rudy Velasquez.

[shawn_waters]

OLD Puddles of Blood

Jamil Shrine Temple (South Carolina, Southeast)

Thursday, March 21, 2013

 

Cpl. "PoPo" Valentine vs Alan Parent

Lazy Joe vs Whisky Jack

KP Avatar vs Aaron Mustafa Avatar - Loser Gets The Hell Out of Here Match

????? vs Raul Lightbringer

Lt. Cameron vs Dead Bolt

The Hillbillys vs The Fashion Police © - OLD Tag Team Title Match

Gentleman Scott Sinclair © vs Someone from Painful Procedure - OLD King of the Deathmatch Title Match, Deathmatch Rules

 

 

BONUS QUESTION - Who will Raul Lightbringer's mystery opponent be? (CLUE - New hire for March, younger than 30) Ernest Youngman

[3rdStringPG]

<p><strong>OOC</strong> - Thought I'd bump this up a bit in case I post the show early, but expected timetable would be midweek next week. </p><p> </p><p>

Regarding the worker I've hired for March, here's a couple of extra clues I should have added when posting the prediction key. So those who have posted their answers above are free to change them before I post the next show.</p><p> </p><p>

CLUE #2 - He's not somebody I've hired on my main diary. Hence, it's not Ash Campbell, Ernest Youngman or Eric (Bull Wrecker) Sandretti...</p><p>

CLUE #3 - He's part of a stable in another promotion.</p>

[The Lloyd]

Hey man, thought i'd give this a go since I made you some pics for it I know very little about the cverse, but i'm learning all the time thanks to excellent writers like you So, my votes might be biased towards people i've either heard of, or made a pic for! lol... wish me luck...

 

OLD Puddles of Blood

Jamil Shrine Temple (South Carolina, Southeast)

Thursday, March 21, 2013

 

Cpl. "PoPo" Valentine vs Alan Parent

Lazy Joe vs Whisky Jack

ummm... are they a tag team?

KP Avatar vs Aaron Mustafa Avatar - Loser Gets The Hell Out of Here Match

Heard of him, he's your user character in your excellent SWF diary right?

????? vs Raul Lightbringer

Lt. Cameron vs Dead Bolt

The Hillbillys vs The Fashion Police © - OLD Tag Team Title Match

Gentleman Scott Sinclair © vs Someone from Painful Procedure - OLD King of the Deathmatch Title Match, Deathmatch Rules

 

 

BONUS QUESTION - Who will Raul Lightbringer's mystery opponent be? (CLUE - New hire for March, younger than 30) I haven't looked through, but is Jay Darkness an option?? "/ if not, I don't know!! but that would be a... wait... Jay Darkness... or Raul Darkness... or Raul Lightbringer!!?? That's the same guy isn't it!!! lolol darn it... okay, i'll taaaake, complete stab in the dark, Jacob Jett!!

[3rdStringPG]

<p>Thanks for joining in, and thanks for the feedback, <strong>The Lloyd</strong>! Am also checking out your WWE diary for ideas since I'll be having a three-way brand split on the main SWF diary in a couple months. </p><p> </p><p>

To answer your questions...nope, Lazy Joe and Whisky Jack aren't a tag team. Lazy Joe's a face (and in here the faces get booed - it's like a bizarro promotion with crappy wrestling, though the quality of wrestlers being hired is improving), and it's only now that I've thought of a storyline for him. And yes, KP Avatar is my user avatar in the SWF diary - I play that game as owner and booker, though I still recognize Richard Eisen and Peter Michaels in those capacities on there. </p><p> </p><p>

Also, you might want to change the Jacob Jett answer, as he's in the second season of my (early) NXT-style show on the SWF diary. <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/wink.png.686f06e511ee1fbf6bdc7d82f6831e53.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p>

[The Lloyd]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="3rdStringPG" data-cite="3rdStringPG" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Thanks for joining in, and thanks for the feedback, <strong>The Lloyd</strong>! Am also checking out your WWE diary for ideas since I'll be having a three-way brand split on the main SWF diary in a couple months. <p> </p><p> To answer your questions...nope, Lazy Joe and Whisky Jack aren't a tag team. Lazy Joe's a face (and in here the faces get booed - it's like a bizarro promotion with crappy wrestling, though the quality of wrestlers being hired is improving), and it's only now that I've thought of a storyline for him. And yes, KP Avatar is my user avatar in the SWF diary - I play that game as owner and booker, though I still recognize Richard Eisen and Peter Michaels in those capacities on there. </p><p> </p><p> Also, you might want to change the Jacob Jett answer, as he's in the second season of my (early) NXT-style show on the SWF diary. <img alt=";)" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/wink.png.686f06e511ee1fbf6bdc7d82f6831e53.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png"></p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Ahh i knew that about Jett but couldn't find any proof of it! lolol In that case, I change it to... <strong>I have no idea!</strong> "/ lol</p>

[3rdStringPG]

<strong>OOC</strong> - Chances are I'll be home tonight, so I just might try to get the next OLD show posted. In the meantime, this serves as a last call for predictions! Damn, I hope my PC cooperates with me. The hard drive appears to be due for a reformat, but fortunately, I've got all my TEW files backed up on external drive in case shit happens. <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/wink.png.686f06e511ee1fbf6bdc7d82f6831e53.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

[3rdStringPG]

<p><strong>OOC</strong> - So both Randall Hopkirk and Man Mountain Metal (Cahill) both have issues with deathmatches. Apparently, so does almost everybody else, OLD and young alike. THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WORKING IN A COMPANY CALLED ORIGINAL LEGENDS DEATHMATCHES?!?!? Let's find out what's up with that, as Big Smack Scott holds his pre-event meeting for Puddles of Blood.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><strong><span style="font-size:12px;">Smacker's Log, 3/21/13, 5:30 p.m.</span></strong></span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><strong><span style="font-size:12px;">

Jamil Shrine Temple, Columbia, SC</span></strong></span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"What the hell is with you people?", I asked to no one in particular.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"Fabulous Frank hired you to compete in a promotion called Original Legends Deathmatches. So what's the big deal? Think about all the money I spent on these increments of destruction. Thousands and thousands of thumbtacks. Barbed wire ropes. Beds of nails."</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"Scott, it's IMPLEMENTS of destruction," said KP.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"SHUT UP!!!", I yelled back, but I really didn't mean to. I liked KP. It was these whiney old farts that were givin' me a hard time by being so adverse </span><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><em>(that's "averse", Scotty - ed.)</em></span><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> to grachewitous </span><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><em>(and that's how he spelled "gratuitous" - ed.)</em></span><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> violence.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"If you paid us a little better," piped in Man Mountain Metal, "then we'd probably afford enough for tetanus shots, quality medical care with nurses who don't smoke and non-Nick Riviera doctors, and all that good stuff. Besides, it's not like we're young and spry like we used to be."</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"Yeah, that's right, Ronnie! You're OLD! This goddamn promotion is OLD, and it's a good thing I've got some young, live bodies in here who are willin' to put 'em on the line and DRAW SOME BLOOD! Hence, draw more dimes, and allow FRANK, and not me, to pay you more. Hell, I don't even make enough to rent anything higher-end than the Ford Fiesta I'm usin'!"</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"SINCLAIR!!!!!!!!" No prizes if you guess who screamed out my name upon hearing that.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"Ronnie's right," said Kayfabe Avatar, a.k.a. Aaron Mustafa, a.k.a. Hardcore Killah, a.k.a. Hardcore Jobbah. "This promotion pays shit and we've got our families to think about when we step into that ring. I'm sorry, Scott, but if you want us to live up to our name in the truest sense, you'll have to fly us to Japan so we can wrestle there. They dig that kinda shit."</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"And the medical facilities are better there than here in the sticks!", offered young Magnum P.I.-lookalike Cam Vessey, whose uncle Bryan used to wrestle in Japan. But seriously...Ja-freakin'-pan? Take OLD to a different time zone? Kayfabe Avatar doesn't know what he's talkin' about,and I told him as much.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"I WAS ONLY JOKING!", screamed the Hardcore Jobbah.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

Before these people started pilin' on me and this whole meeting turned into a shouting match, I decided to pop the big question. Unfortunately, it wasn't "Julie Forletta, will you marry me?"</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"Next month, I'm bookin' a no-rope, barbed wire, bed of nails, fire chair, thumbtacks, C4 explosives match. That's gonna be all the increments of destruction I've purchased. Who wants to fight in such a match? Can I have a show of hands?"</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

Nobody. These pussies were all thinkin' of their families, their bodies, their mental and physical well-being, their nonexistent chances of catchin' on to a major promotion.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

</span></p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/DeadBolt_zps027c4b76.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"I'll do it, SWF boy," said Dead Bolt comedescendingly.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"You? Michael Bolton? Singer of craptacular '80s power ballads written by other people? Owner of one of the worst mullets in music history?"</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

"Don't f--- with me if you don't want me changin' my mind," said Mr. Bolton, er...Mr. Bolt. "Fabulous Frank is a f---in' liar. He wanted this promotion to be all about the blood, the gore, an' the violence. He promised deathmatches, but to this date I can't get myself involved in any because the woikers Frank hired are a buncha pussies. You, Scott, I gotta admit I like you. You ain't afraid to hoit yourself out there. An' though you're from a candy-ass promotion like Supreme, you're a legit tough guy and I'll be glad to help 'ya reach your full potential in a REAL deathmatch. Trust me on this, Scotty. I'll call the match if you give me a chance."</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">

I hated it when I'd be in the ring with someone who insisted on callin' the match, but hey, what choice did I have? For the meantime, I had to resign myself to havin' most of the matches based on wimpy old hardcore rules. Including the main event, which I advertised as a deathmatch.</span></p>

[The Lloyd]

****ing Pussies!!! The lot of 'em... Two things I picked up from that that I have to mention... One, Love the idea of your workers going to see Dr. Nick Riviera! "HIiii Every-body!!!" and two, Big Smack Scott driving a Charlie Chester! (Ford Fiesta)!!! lololol. Great work!!!

[3rdStringPG]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="The Lloyd" data-cite="The Lloyd" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>****ing Pussies!!! The lot of 'em... Two things I picked up from that that I have to mention... One, Love the idea of your workers going to see Dr. Nick Riviera! "HIiii Every-body!!!" and two, Big Smack Scott driving a Charlie Chester! (Ford Fiesta)!!! lololol. Great work!!!</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Thanks! <img alt=":D" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> Indeed, the likes of Dr. Nick and cigarette-smoking 50-something nurses are all the OLDstars can afford with the crappy pay Fabulous Frank is giving them. </p><p> </p><p> This being a side project diary, I can't trust my timelines on this one as much as I can on the SWF diary,but this time I'm sure the next show will be up this week. Currently working on Big Smack Scott's promo, and while he usually spouts a stream of incoherent Scott Steiner-esque gibberish when in "Mr. Hyde" Smacker mode, I'm too sleepy to think of lines for his "Dr. Jekyll" Gentleman Scott Sinclair mode. Also too sleepy to come up with a new Hillbillys skit. But other than that, the promos, angles and announcer banter are almost done, and the match recaps are pretty much copy-paste from TEW with a quick, not-so-detailed summary from the Smacker. </p><p> </p><p> Yeah, the OLD roster is pretty much averse (that's the word, Scotty) to Very High-content deathmatches - only Dead Bolt and the Smacker (natch, since he's my user character) are willing to compete in such. But I've found a workaround of sorts - we've got one barbed wire match with content set to High, and I cloned a deathmatch and removed the light tubes and bed of nails to allow for High, and not Very High content.</p>

[Boltinho]

<p>Sorry! Sucks you cant force them into those matches.</p><p> </p><p>

Personally I'd see it as OK if you edited their personalities and explained it away as a Sinclair Diktat.</p><p> </p><p>

We want <span style="color:#FF0000;"><span style="font-family:Impact;"><strong><span style="font-size:24px;">BLOOD</span></strong></span></span></p>

[3rdStringPG]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Boltinho" data-cite="Boltinho" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Sorry! Sucks you cant force them into those matches.<p> </p><p> Personally I'd see it as OK if you edited their personalities and explained it away as a Sinclair Diktat.</p><p> </p><p> We want <span style="color:#FF0000;"><span style="font-family:Impact;"><strong><span style="font-size:24px;">BLOOD</span></strong></span></span></p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> I just might do that. <img alt=";)" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/wink.png.686f06e511ee1fbf6bdc7d82f6831e53.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> And I may also edit Grunt and Stink, er...Jeffrey and Terrence so they don't get abysmal gimmick ratings when I make the formal in-game change to Ultra Camp. </p><p> </p><p> Meanwhile, it's about time we get the next OLD show out of the way! <img alt=":D" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong><span style="font-size:14px;">OLD Puddles of Blood</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:14px;"> Jamil Shrine Temple (South Carolina, Southeast)</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:14px;"> Thursday, March 21, 2013</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Female Voiceover</strong> (actually Buttercup minus the exaggerated Southern accent) - Coming to you LIVE from Jamil Shrine Temple in Columbia, South Carolina...two hours of bloody good wrestling, two hours of a bloody good time. It's Original Legends Deathmatches' March special, PUDDLES OF BLOOD!</p><p> </p><p> <em>The show, which had actually started with a dark match pitting FCW hire Hector Galindo versus the raw and untalented Haydn Psyche (Galindo won, what do you expect?), formally kicks off with a musical performance from a high school band called Switchblade Powerslam, covering </em></p><div class="ipsEmbeddedVideo"><div><iframe width="200" height="113" src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/I0-lENIRHaM?feature=oembed" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="" title="Puddle Of Mudd - Control"></iframe></div></div><em> because hey, did you seriously expect OLD to afford Puddle of Mudd, even if they're years removed from their peak? After that, we are taken to our two announcers, the odd couple pairing of Jerome Turner and Dallas McWade. Oops, I meant DEAN McWade.</em><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/JeromeTurner_zpsf7631000.jpg</span><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/DeanMcWade_zps50bc8f61.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - Weren't those guys great? Straight from the hometown of OLD, it's Orlando's very own Switchblade Powerslam with an ass-smackin' rendition of Puddle of Mudd's "Control"! Jerome Turner here, and with me as always is my good friend and confidant, Dean McWade.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - I'm surprised somebody like you would appreciate such shit, Jerome! As for me, I didn't like it. Where are the George Jones, Waylon Jennings, Charlie Daniels, down-home American country cover bands? I can bet Deedoodle the Duck could sing a better song than that pimple-faced kid on vocals! But of course, you don't know that Deedoodle the Duck is the late George Jones' drunken alter-ego back when he was gettin' plastered every day of the week! You're Canadian, goddammit! You can't relate to down-home American country like I do, eh?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - And there goes Dean again, ashamed of his Canadian roots as always. Speaking of people like that, we've got Alan Parent back tonight, hoping to spread the gospel of puroresu to the OLDsters in the audience. We've got Gentleman Scott Sinclair, the Savior of OLD, up against a mystery opponent, and no, it's not Raul Lightbringer! But Fr. Michael Everloving Herlihy is not gonna like whom Raul will be facing tonight...it's a man who calls himself Jesus. Or is that Hay-zoos?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - That's one Our Father and three Hail Marys, Jerome, and there may be more to come if you don't bow your head and listen to what our resident holy man has to say!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>ANGLE - Fr. Michael Sermon/Rants About Sinclair (39/D-)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/MurderousMikeypriest_zps0963bcbc.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - Let us all remember...that we are in the Almighty, Everlovin' presence of the Lawd. In the name of the father, and of the son, and of the holy spirit, Amen. (makes the Sign of the Cross)</p><p> </p><p> So my Beacon of Light, Raul Lightbringer, has tried twice, and come up short against the Supreme Heathen, Gentleman Scott Sinclair. So I have left my Altar Boys of LUUUUUUUURVE, Gregory and Matthew, home so they can repent for their lack of faith in the Lawd and all that is Everlovin'. But the fight against EEEEE-VUHL IS FAR FROM OVER, brothers and sisters! Try as Big Smack, er...Gentleman Scott Sinclair may to use his Supreme Black Magic on this promotion, he hasn't seen anything yet, as far as what I can do to RIP THAT KING OF THE DEATHMATCH BELT OUT OF HIS WAIST!!!! But with Raul havin' lost twice in two months, this has been one of those despuh-rate times that call...for some despuh-rate measures. With that said, <strong>I ask the Lawd for his Everlovin' forgiveness, for in my conquest to rid OLD of the Supreme Heathen Scott Sinclair, I have made a deal...with the DEVUHL!!!!!!</strong></p><p> </p><p> You got that right...I have negotiated with one of Old Scratch's favorite earthbound sons, <strong>the bald,tattooed giant of a bass guitar player called Randall Hopkirk.</strong> Once, he and Raul were the best of friends, with all their bloodletting and their deeeee-monic sacrifices and the EEEEEEEE-VUHL music they used to listen to. But since Raul had become my Everlovin' Beacon of Light, Randall has been like a lamb astray from the flock. Still, you can never disregard the ability of our Gawd in Hea-vuhn to turn a sinner's life around, and as His Everlovin' messenger, I will turn this Deal with the DEVUHL into a WIN-WIN SITUATION FOR ME...FOR MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN GAWD IN THIS HERE AUDIENCE...AND MOST OF ALL...FOR THE CHURCH OF EVERLOVING!!!! </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Audience</strong> - TESTIFY! TESTIFY! TESTIFY!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - I wanna hear all my brothers and sisters out there, my brothers and sisters in the Lawd, to TESTIFY! Offer your prayers for our brother Randall Hopkirk, that he may be a second Lightbringer in my Church, that he may take this opportunity to extruh-cate himself from that fellow minion of his Man Mountain Metal, that he may pass FINAL JUDGMENT on the Supreme Heathen, Gentleman Scott Sinclair! (pauses) Now if I may ask you to bow your heads in silence...and pray to the everlovin' Lawd in Heaven. Dear Lawd, you have put us in the Church of Everlovin' to the test. Your son, our brother Raul, he has failed to win the OLD King of the Deathmatch title. But while he recharges and rejuvenates, we pray that you may toucheth Randall Hopkirk and make him victorious against Gentleman Scott Sinclair, while leadin' him to my flock, my church, and the sanctuary it brings. As for my brothers and sisters in the Lawd, we pray that Your hand toucheth the beer that they drink and turn that eeeee-vuhl beer into clear, crisp and refreshin', EVERLOVIN' water. Toucheth those burgers and turn them into bland and flavorless rice cakes similar in taste to manna from Heaven. Toucheth those hotogs and turn them into carrot sticks. Bless all of us with good health and a SALOOOOOOOOO-BRIOUS existence. This we ask, in your most holiest everlovin' name, Amen. In the name of the father, and of the son, and of the Holy Spirt, Amen. PRAISE THE EVERLOVIN' LAWD!!!! (pauses) Normally, this would be the time where I have my Altar Boys of LUUUUUUUURVE go around with the collection plate. But this time, I shall do the honors MYSELF, so PLEASE, Columbia, South Carolina...<strong>SHOW ME YOUR TITHES!!!!!</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Audience</strong> - SHOW THOSE TITHES! SHOW THOSE TITHES! SHOW THOSE TITHES!</p><p> </p><p> <em>As has been the case in previous Fr. Michael "sermons", the overweight women in the crowd take this opportunity to show their "tithes", had you removed the "he" in the middle.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - Why does this always happen? Why does it always have to be the pigs and the dogs showing their "tithes"?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - Beats me, and Dead Bolt beats the hell outta you.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - Dean, you know how much Dead Bolt puts the fear of God into me...even more so than that bald-headed heretic...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - A-HA! You didn't say the magic word, Jerome! You didn't say the magic word! Boy, am I gonna have a field day watchin' this. Mr. Dead Bolt beatin' the Everlovin' shit outta Ms. Jerome Turner! WOOOOOO-HOOOOO!!!!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - Dean, please tell my wife and kids that I love them.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - Will do, Jerome! Now let me pull out my invisible cell phone and make a call to your wife and kids.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>ANGLE - Parent Promo (14/F)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/TEW%202013/AlanParent_zpse1108a19.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <em>This marks Alan Parent's second appearance in OLD, and this time, he's fully established as a heel (read: fan favorite), as a number of banners can be seen - "#TEAMPUWOWESU", "PAWENT POWER!", "I'M A STOOPID AMERICAN" and "WE ARE ALAN'S KIDS - CHILDREN OF PURORESU."</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Parent</strong> - Good evening, Jamil Shrine Temple. My name is Alan Parent. And <strong>I...HATE...AMERICA!!!!</strong> (spits) I hate seeing each and every one of you uneducated, uninformed and STOOOOOOPID Americans and the stereotypes that pervade your Godforsaken country! Stereotypes like those two cops, Cameron and Valentine. The lieutenant, who can possibly pick up all sorts of vacuous American bimbos with that moustache of his. And the subservient corporal, who would KILL his commanding officer just to have a 'stache like his. And the stereotypical pre- and post-bust meal of coffee and donuts. You may be trained as police officers, Cameron and Valentine, but you are not trained in the ways of PURE WRESTLING. Puroresu. The most revered form of wrestling, and the PUREST. Your utter lack of discipline will be your undoing, and these stupid American fans will be forced to find another stereotype to entertain them and distract them from what really matters in pro wrestling - THE WRESTLING. They'll find a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker, but none of them will have the know-how and discipline to be PURE WRESTLERS, which is what this continent doesn't have enough of. Rising Sun? Number one. America? PTOOOOOOIIIIIIIII!!!!!! I HATE AMERICA!!!!</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>ANGLE - Valentine Accepts Parent Challenge (27/E)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/CaseyValentinecop_zps63a848de.jpg</span><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/CameronVesseycop_zps02f9e08b.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> Valentine (spitting out his coffee as he watches the action from inside the locker room) - Who the hell is that punk kid to say what he just said?</p><p> </p><p> Cameron - That's Alan Parent. You don't wanna waste your time on him, Valentine!</p><p> </p><p> Valentine - The hell I do, Lt. Cameron! When I'm through with that America-hatin', resopuro-lovin' punk-ass, I'm gonna haul his but to jail and make sure he doesn't come back to these parts again! You know why, Lieutenant?</p><p> </p><p> Cameron - Because he's a Canadian who hates America?</p><p> </p><p> Valentine - Good guess...but you're almost there.</p><p> </p><p> Cameron - Because he made fun of our profession?</p><p> </p><p> Valentine - Close...but not quite.</p><p> </p><p> Cameron - I give up, Corporal. As your commanding officer, I demand that you tell me right now what business you have accepting Parent's challenge!</p><p> </p><p> Valentine - BECAUSE <strong>HE INSULTED OUR WAY OF LIFE, LIEUTENANT!</strong> (in mock tears) He insulted our lifestyle...the two most iconic things about being a cop...and I don't mean justice and law enforcement. I mean DONUTS AND COFFEE!!!! He can mess with your 'stache, he can mess with my crossed eyes, but dammit, NOBODY MESSES WITH DONUTS AND COFFEE!!!!</p><p> </p><p> Cameron - Yes indeed, Valentine. (cracks his knuckles) If there are two things we cops love more than America, it's donuts and coffee. As for your plan to accept his challenge...that WOULD have sounded like a plan...but...aren't we off-duty?</p><p> </p><p> Valentine - D'OH! (palming his face) I don't care, Lieutenant. Parent's in for some HARD TAAAAHMS, baby, HARD TAAAAAHMS!!!!</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>Cpl. "PoPo" Valentine (w/Lt. Cameron) vs Alan Parent</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/CaseyValentinecop_zps63a848de.jpg</span> vs <span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/TEW%202013/AlanParent_zpse1108a19.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Pro Wrestling Hits Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>In an extremely poor match, </em><em><strong>Cpl. "PoPo" Valentine</strong></em><em> defeated Alan Parent in 3:23 by pinfall with a Deep Impact.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Scott Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>Alan Parent has been gettin' some heat backstage. Apparently, his pro-roresu outlook on things is more than just a gimmick, and he keeps complainin' about the type of wrestling we promote here in OLD. I tend to believe this match sucked balls. Alan and Casey (Cpl. Valentine) just didn't seem to click.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>The Announcers Said:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>Nothing interesting, really. Jerome and Dean simply didn't want to admit that Parent sucks in all areas except submissions and puro moves.</em></p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>ANGLE - Lazy Joe Gets Ready (23/E)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/LazyJoe_zpsfd58efe9.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <em>Back in the locker room, Lazy Joe is up to his usual pre-match routine - sleeping - which is a bit of a misnomer because Lazy Joe has yet to compete in any matches. He is awakened by an excited Charles Hapstander, OLD referee and all-around errand boy.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hapstander</strong> - Lazy Joe! Lazy Joe!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Joe</strong> (grouchily) - Yeah, whaddayawant, Chuck?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hapstander</strong> - You're finally booked in a match, Lazy Joe!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Joe</strong> - I am? Well, this I had gotta say. It's about f---in' time! What kinda match is it anyway?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hapstander</strong> - Oh, you're gonna love it, Lazy Joe. It's a Barbed Wire Rope match, and your opponent is gonna be none other than Whisky Jack.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Joe</strong> - That all you gonna tell me, Chuck? I'm going back to sleep...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hapstander</strong> - Joe, you don't wanna lose this match by forfeit. (pauses) The barbed wire is being set up. The fans want to see you in action, Lazy Joe! </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Joe</strong> - Alright, alright, I'm doin' it. But if this match f---s with my sleeping patterns, I'm gonna beat the livin' crap outta you, Chuck. (pauses) In my dreams.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>Lazy Joe vs Whisky Jack - Barbed Wire Rope Match (24/E)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/LazyJoe_zpsfd58efe9.jpg</span> vs <span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/WhiskyJack_zps081680b1.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Pro Wrestling Hits Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>In a match that had an average crowd reaction but featured terrible wrestling, </em><em><strong>Lazy Joe</strong></em><em> defeated Whisky Jack in a Barbed Wire match in 10:27 by pinfall with a Wake Up Call. During the match we also had Haydn Psyche run in and attack Lazy Joe.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Scott Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>Fortunately, I was able to make use of the barbed wire in this match, and it took the guys from Switchblade Powerslam a good ten minutes to replace the ropes. Hey, they can't just come in here and play Puddle of Mudd covers without REALLY bein' useful! I was proud of this match, quite honestly. Messrs. Joe and Jack were really gettin' a lot of color, and the match provided the first "UHHWAHH" moment OLD has seen in a while when Lazy Joe was given ten barbed wire rope smashes by Whisky Jack. As for the interference, Haydn Psyche didn't disappoint either, and I feel Joe looked really heroic pullin' off the Wake Up Call despite bleedin' from head to toe and bein' in obvious pain.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>The Announcers Said:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> (at 8:50 into the match) - BOOM! Lazy Joe with a Whisky Jack to the face of Whisky Jack! AND IT'S EMPTY!!!! Way to go with that bottle smash, Lazy Joe!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - I don't get it. When Whisky Jack uses his bottle against somebody, you say the ref must be blind. But when Lazy Joe does it... (shrugs) You aren't just corny, Jerome. You are as inconsistent as they get.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - What can I say, Dean? I'm just happy to see this sleeping giant finally waking up and cleaning house on Whisky Jack...not to mention that big, mysterious giant.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - Number one - Lazy Joe is not a giant. Number two - the guy attacking Lazy Joe is called Haydn Psyche. Get your facts straight before you put that cotton-pickin' foot in your mouth again, eh?</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>ANGLE - Fr. Michael and Chavez Argue (19/E)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/MurderousMikeypriest_zps0963bcbc.jpg</span><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/FabulousFrank_zpsdf03e2ed.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <em>Backstage, Fr. Michael Everloving Herlihy is arguing with the Owner of OLD, Fabulous Frank, and it looks like the priest is unhappy about his "Beacon of Light" Raul Lightbringer having to face a man whose name is Jesus.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - There must be some sort of mistake, Mr. Frank. I mean, how can my Beacon of Light, Raul Lightbringer, be booked against the Son of God?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Frank</strong> - I don't know what you're talking about, Father, but...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - Look at the lineup, Mr. Frank! LOOK AT IT! It says here - Raul Lightbringer versus JEEEEEEEEEEZUS.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Frank</strong> - Wh-wh-whaaaaa? (looks at the Puddles of Blood card) Oh, I'm sorry, Father! Hay-zoos is Puerto Rican. And I forgot to place his surname. (hurriedly writes down the name "Chavez" next to the text that reads "Jesus vs Raul Lightbringer") There ya go, Father. Hay-zoos Chavez vs Raul Lightbringer.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - The NERVE OF THAT MAN TO VIOLATE THE SECOND EVERLOVIN' COMMANDMENT!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Frank</strong> - And what may that be?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - Thou shalt not take the name of thy Lawd in vain!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Frank</strong> (scratching his head) - I see no difference between Moses' Commandments and the so-called Everlovin' Commandments, but...whatever floats your boat, Father!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Lightbringer</strong> - Fr. Michael's boat doesn't float. He rows it ashore, Hallelujah.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - AYYYYYYY-MEN TO THAT, RAUL! Come on. Let's get out of this heathen's office. We have a SINNER to confront....a SINNER who must REPENT!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/JesusChavez_zps9e133140.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <em>Fr. Michael and Raul Lightbringer leave the run-down office in a huff to seek out his opponent Jesus Chavez, and sure enough, they find him in less than a minute's time, looking like every bit the tough Puerto Rican thug he is, a toothpick in between his lips.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Lightbringer</strong> - There he is, Father. There's the <em>pagano</em> who has the audacity to use the name of the Son of God!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - May the Lawd bless you, Brother Hay-zoos. I do have one concern, though.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Chavez</strong> - And what that might be, <em>puto</em>? Is that the <em>cabron</em> I will be fighting later on tonight, Padre Calvo? </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - What did he just say, Raul?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Lightbringer</strong> - He called you a bald priest!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - Ah, yes. (pauses) While the Lawd may not have blessed me with a full head of hair until my 30s, He has blessed me with the calling...the calling to lead lost sheep back to the flock. And you, brother, have been lost from the minute you were born. Where do your mother and father get off on naming you Hay-zoooooooooos?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Chavez</strong> - Are you trying to imply that my mama and papa gave me bad name, mang? You are asking for a world of trouble, <em>esse</em>...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> (in a high, unnatural voice) - DON'T <em>ESSE</em> ME, HAY-ZOOOOOOOOS!!!! I am a Man of the Cloth...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Chavez</strong> - <em>Puta.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - An Ordained Priest of the Church of Everloving...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Chavez</strong> - <em>Puta.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - The most morally upright individual in this sinful and hateful promotion...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Chavez</strong> - <em>Puta.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - A mentor and brother figure to the likes of Brother Raul Lightbringer, my Beacon of Light...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Chavez</strong> - <em>Puta.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - ...and a father figure to Matthew and Gregory, who are currently off repenting for their sins...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Chavez</strong> - <em>Puta.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - STOP SAYING THOSE DEMONIC WORDS, HAY-ZOOOOOOS!!!! You don't want me to bring out the holy water...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Chavez</strong> - You just try stopping me, Padre Calvo. Or is that Padre Gordo? (to Lightbringer, as he adjusts his toothpick) You and <em>el bastardo maricon</em> over there...you're goin' down, holmes. </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - HOW DARE YOU COMPARE MY BEACON OF LIGHT TO THAT PURVEYOR OF SMUT JOHN HOLMES!!!! Listen to me, Brother Hay-zooooos. John Holmes is in HAY-DEEEEEEEEZ!!!! He went to where the bad folks go when they die, he didn't go to heaven where the angels fly, he's gone to the Lake of Fire to fry, YOU'LL SEE HIM AGAIN ON THE FOURTH OF JOO-LYYYYYYYY!!!!!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Chavez</strong> - It's a term of endearment, <em>tonto</em>. Though that time, I was sarcastic. (adjusts his toothpick) Later on tonight, you two are going to say "hi" to the Bad Boy.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>ANGLE - AMA Rants About Avatar (16/F)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/HardcoreKillah_zps164fd76d.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <em>Last month, it was revealed that Aaron Mustafa Avatar is the (kayfabe) father of young OLD rookie KP Avatar, and the announcers tell the fans (whoever they are) that the next match will be a Loser Gets the Hell Out of Here Detroit Street Fight between father and son.</em></p><p> </p><p> AMA - Khaleed Porterville Avatar, you continue to disappoint me. Last week, I catch you and that bitch of yours, y'know, the rich n---- from the 'burbs, home past ten because you were helpin' each other with your thesis or whatever y'all call it. The week before that, you were at a hip-hop concert, listenin' to young Uncle Toms rappin' about makin' a difference and shit like that. All of that you did when you shoulda been cuttin' the coke and talkin' business with Jose and Pedro who was gonna sell me a pound of bitchin' bud so that y'all can go to that f---in' University and study to be another tool of the white man. But you know what? You can do all that shit, get outta the streets and make all the difference you wanna. Y'all can spend all that time with yo' urban n---- friends and your rich and intelligent girlfriend, and grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer for all I care. I'mma leave y'all alone and let you live your life. <strong>Provided...y'all beat me ta'night...in a Hardcore Street Fight.</strong> Just like I used to do it way back in Detroit. Unde-f---in'-feated in hand-to-hand, weapon-to-weapon gang warfare. You think you can make a name here in OLD? Always remember, son, that your old man is, was, and always will be, the original Hardcore Killah, Aaron Mustafa Avatar.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>KP Avatar vs Aaron Mustafa Avatar - Loser Gets the Hell Out of Here Detroit Street Fight (18/E)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/TEW%202013/KPAvatar.jpg</span> vs <span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/HardcoreKillah_zps164fd76d.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Pro Wrestling Hits Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>In an extremely poor match, </em><em><strong>KP Avatar</strong></em><em> defeated Aaron Mustafa Avatar in 5:45 by pinfall with a That Funky Funky Elbow Drop.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Scott Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>Man, this was almost as bad as the Parent match! KP's good at drawin' heat from the violence-thirsty hicks, many of whom see him as an SWF-style brawler. His style of wrestling, even with the trash bins, 2x4s and lead pipes freely available for use in the street fight, is faker than Milli Vanilli. But that's not why I like havin' KP around. He's smart, a college graduate, and willin' to work for a pitiance </em><em><em>(for the last time, Scott, it's "pittance"! - ed.)</em></em><em>, and he makes my job as head booker a helluva lot easier. As for his dad, Kayfabe Avatar? Good f---in' riddance!</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>The Announcers Said:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> (after the match) - I have never seen such insolence from a son to his father before. There was no mercy towards the older man, and now that Aaron Mustafa Avatar is headin' back to Detroit for good, it seems like his son KP is glad to have him out of the picture!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - I'd feel the same way if I was in his place, Dean. Aaron Mustafa Avatar is a despicable man who belongs behind bars! He's a drug dealer, a proud gang member, a career criminal who should have long been put in jail together with that Dead Bolt! Oops...I mean Mr. Dead Bolt. Now KP, that is a man who wants to do something productive with his life...finish school, marry a nice girl, get a decent job...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - Jerome, why don't you STFU for a moment? Nobody wants to hear what you think about KP Avatar. What people want to hear, or should I say SEE, is DEAD BOLT CLOBBERIN' YOU ON PUBLIC ACCESS TV FOR REPEATEDLY REFERRING TO HIM BY THE WRONG NAME!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - If we are to go by that logic, you should get beaten up too because YOU didn't call Dead Bolt Mister! (grabs on tightly to McWade) We're done for, Dean...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - And you don't see me makin' a stink aboot it. (smiling secretly) NOW GET YER FILTHY HANDS OFF OF ME, YOU...YOU...you rotten stinkin' excuse for an announcer!</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>ANGLE - Sinclair Rants About Hopkirk (47/D-)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/JulieForletta_zps73bb55d0.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <em>Julie Forletta is at the stage area, announcing the entry of her distinguished gentleman of a client, Gentleman Scott Sinclair. Fortunately (for the men in the audience, I guess), Forletta isn't one to pull a Marge Simpson-on-the-bargain-Chanel-dress on the black dress she'd been wearing on the first two events of the year. Instead, she's decked out in a '70s-style jumpsuit that reveals her entire back...and a generous amount of side boob.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Forletta</strong> - And he's back from his hunting trip with Ted Nugent, his Trekkies convention with JJ Abrams, and his visit to Major League Baseball spring training to talk Sabermetrics with Bill James. He is a man of many passions and a class act all throughout. Here is YOUR OLD King of the Deathmatch, Gentleman Scott Sinclair!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - Now I can truly say, there is NOTHING underneath the jumpsuit she's wearing. HUBBA HUBBA!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - DUH, Jerome, you're just sayin' that so people don't find out you've got a he-man super-crush on the Smacker!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/BigSmackScott_zps5979f172.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Sinclair</strong> - <em>Merci</em>, Madame Forletta. So it has come to my attention...that the desperate, overconstipating cretin of a priest Fr. Michael Everloving Herlihy has made a so-called "deal with the devil" in an effort to give me some quality competition for my King of the Deathmatch title. And he has gone big in the form of one Randall Hopkirk, an individual whose taste in music does not match my affinity for the soothing classical sounds of Brahms, Bach and Beethoven. </p><p> </p><p> Audience Member #1 - YOU SUCK, SINCLAIR!!!!!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Sinclair</strong> - Certainly, good sire, you can do a whole lot better than that. "You suck, Sinclair?" That sounds like something a jealous second-grader would say to a classmate who can afford an actual Christian Faith action figure, and not have to make do with a Play-Doh version of Randall Hopkirk. </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Audience Member #2</strong> - GO BACK TO SUPREME, SINCLAIR!!!! WE DON'T NEED YOUR KIND AROUND HERE!!!!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Sinclair</strong> - Oh, sometimes I wish I could, good sire. Sometimes I wish I could return to the Supreme Wrestling Federation, where the wrestlers actually have talent and refinement, and where the fan girls aren't all 40-and-up divorcees who look like the Goodyear Blimp. (pauses as he adapts his Mr. Hyde Smacker persona) NOW WEMME TEWWYA SUMPIN', OLDSTERS!!!!! I'M SICK OF ALL THE HATE...SICK OF ALL THE DISRESPECK...AND SICK OF THE LACK OF SYMPY I'M GETTIN' FROM YOU YOKELS! NOW WANDA HOPKIRK...YEAH, WANDA HOPKIRK...R-A-N-D-A-L-L, H-O-P-K-I-R-K FOW PEOPLE WIKE YOUWSELVES WHO CAN'T SPEWW...HE AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A WASH UP ROCK STAHHHH WHO ONWY HAS A JOB IN THIS STINKIN' PROMOTION BECAUSE HE'S BIG!!!!! AND THAT'S THE BEST THAT FR. MICHAEL CAN COME UP WITH?!?!? I BEAT THE HOLY HELL OUTTA HIS BICKIN' OF LIE, RAOOOOUW WIGHTBRINGAH...IF THOSE TWO ALTAR F--S OF WUV WERE STIWW HERE, I'DA BEAT 'EM UP TOO WIDDA BIG SMACK SHUFFOW AN' THE EGO TRIP!!!! (pauses to catch his breath) NOW YOU KNOW ME AS BIG SMACK SCOTT SINCLAIR, THE EGO TRIPPAH, THE FREAKAH NAYCHA, THE MAN WITH THE TWENTY-SUMPIN' INCH PYTHONS...AND TA'NIGHT, AT PUDDOW OF BLOOD...THESE PYTHONS, THESE PEAKS O'NAYCHA...THEY GONNA CONSTRICTATE THAT DEVIWORSHIPPIN' WANDA HOPKIRK...AND WEMIND HIM...THAT NOW THAT HE'S 48 YEARS OLD AND GETTIN' UP AN' REELIN' IN THE YEARS...HE BETTA KEEP THAT DAY JOB OF HIS PLAYIN' EVIW, DEVIWORSHIPPIN' BLACK METAL!!!! BECAUSE JUST LIKE IN SUPWEME...HEEYAH IN OWD?!?!? THE SMACKAH DON'T SHOW NO SYMPY AT ALL!!!!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - "Sympy"? Is that some kinda weird computer programming language?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Sinclair</strong> (back to "gentleman" mode) - <em>Kan ni na bu chao chee bye. ler e lao bu kor gao gan, ler e lao peh tio bey kan, chee hong kia</em>! That's "I love being an Original Legends Deathmatches OLDstar, and you fans are fantastic" in Hokkien Chinese.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>ANGLE - Galindo Psyches Up Chavez (22/E)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/HectorGalindoalt_zpsd60eaaf1.jpg</span><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/JesusChavez_zps9e133140.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <em>Surprise, surprise! We have two thirds of FCW's Latino Kings (Rudy Velasquez wasn't brought in due to previous problems with el policia), and they're getting ready for the upcoming match.</em></p><p> </p><p> Galindo - You take care out there against that <em>cabron</em>, okay? That man Raul Lightbringer...<em>el heretico</em>...he can be <em>diabolico</em> out there in the ring!</p><p> </p><p> Chavez - I got his number, esse. He hasn't changed none from his days as Darkness Warrior. Only difference...is that <em>gordo</em> Fr. Michael tellin' him what to do. </p><p> </p><p> Galindo (adjusting his toothpick) - You got that right, Jesus. Fat priest more sinful than the rest of this roster put together.</p><p> </p><p> Chavez - Did joo see earlier, Hector? Fr. Michael told audience to show their tithes. (laughs) I'll be seein' those tithes for days.</p><p> </p><p> Galindo (laughing) - It's clear, esse, that Fr. Michael bring more evil than good to OLD. (pats Chavez on the back) Joo go get 'em, holmes.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>Jesus Chavez (w/Hector Galindo) vs Raul Lightbringer (w/Fr. Michael Everloving Herlihy) (34/E)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/JesusChavez_zps9e133140.jpg</span> vs <span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/RaulDarknesslightbringer_zpsf7111da8.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Pro Wrestling Hits Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>In a bout that had a good crowd but featured terrible wrestling, </em><em><strong>Raul Lightbringer</strong></em><em> defeated Jesus Chavez in 8:47 by pinfall with an Angelic DDT after a distraction from Fr. Michael Everloving Herlihy. During the match we also had Hector Galindo distract Lightbringer.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Scott Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>Jesus, as it turns out, is the least-talented of the three Latino Kings from FCW. Hector's not bad, but his painchant for hot spots (that's "penchant for high spots" - ed.) can sometimes see him goin' overboard. I would have wanted Rudy Velasquez to make it three Latino Kings, but as Fabulous Frank told me a couple months back...one Dead Bolt is enough. No more workers with previous arrest records. Funny he'd say that, because from what I've heard, Frank's no stranger to the law himself! Got arrested a couple years back for bouncin' some checks on his car loan. Why am I not surprised? Goin' back to this match...I dunno. It still wasn't a pretty sight to see. There wasn't enough blood, and Raul kept showin' the people why TCW got Jay Darkness as the lesser of the two evils...and turned him into Danny Fonzarelli. Man, if I could only hire Fonzie...that's gonna make for some nucular heat.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>The Announcers Said:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> (at 4:30 into the match) - You just do not name your child Jeeeee-zus. You just don't! Yes, it would be possible in a world where God Shammgod is a perfectly acceptable name, but not in this everlovin' world, where our actions should be dictated by those two slabs of everlovin' stone containing the Ten Commandments! The Decalogue! The be-all and end-all...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - Fr. Michael, with all due respect, Jesus (pronounced the Hispanic way) is simply Jesse in Spanish. </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Fr. Michael</strong> - In that case, Jerome, I pray for your everlovin' soul.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>ANGLE - Hillbillys TV Sitcom Parody (30/E)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/AlTheHillbilly_zps3fcaf0cc.jpg</span><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/PeteTheHillbilly_zps59032629.jpg</span><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/Buttercup_zpsb514b415.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <em>Canned laugh tracks. Bad stereotypes. Corny jokes. And interruptions from heel wrestlers. It's time for another Hillbilly Hoedown with Al, Pete and Buttercup, and introducing the show as usual is Al and Pete's love interest - the beautiful Buttercup, who enters to a bluegrass version of the Foundations' "Build Me Up, Buttercup" by...I dunno, some second-rate musicians hired on the spot by Fabulous Frank and/or Big Smack Scott.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Buttercup</strong> - We're now back LAAHV in front of our beloved studio audience for another epuh-sode of OLD Hillbilly Hoedown, starrin' mah handsome an' strong cous'n's Al an' Pete, and mahself, the lovely Buttercup, the Hoedown's Favorite Hoe!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Audience</strong> - HOOOOOOOEEEEEE-BAAAAAAAAGGGGGG!!!!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Buttercup</strong> - Ah still dun' git it! Whaah are you callin' me a Hoe Bag when it ain't practical to put a hoe in a bag? You city folks really crack'm up!</p><p> </p><p> <em>This month's offering of bad hillbilly humor and dated stereotypes begins with Al and Pete sitting in their shack, lamenting the fact that their nephew Casey, who's apparently their cousin now, is back in the city with his "city mom and dad."</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Al</strong> - It sure git lonely out here without ours cous'n' Casey.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Pete</strong> - Ah cain't help but git worried sometahms, Cous'n' Al, whut if he come back from the city an' he dun' wanna drinkum moonshahn no more?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Al</strong> - Oh, y'know they don't drinkum no moonshahn in the city! He gonna be drinkum them champagne, them rich people drinks lahk that...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Buttercup</strong> (suddenly entering the shack as a laugh track plays) - Well, g'evenin', Cous'ns Al and Pete! Ah is Buttercup!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Pete</strong> - We know what yer name is, Buttercup! Whah don't you mosey over here to your fav'rite Cous'n' Pete...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Al</strong> - Wait a minute, wait a minute, Ah thought that Ah was her fav'rite...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Buttercup</strong> - Whah cain't I make both of y'alls mah fav'rites? Ain't nothin' wrong if Ah'm kissin' two cous'ns, ain't it?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Al</strong> - Now that's ixaxtly whah they call them word a fav'rite. Y'all gotta have one (raises two fingers) favorite...just one. (raises his two fingers) See that? ONE.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Pete</strong> - Are y'all outta your mahnd, Cous'n' Al, that's TWO yer holdin' up! Or is it three? Ah dunno, all Ah know is that y'all ain't holdin' up a one finger!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Al</strong> - Daymn, that's whah it ain't th' same without Cousn'ephew Casey around ta' show us all the learned stuff lahk them read'n' and a-ritin' and a-rith-much-tick. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/Grunt_jhd3_zps82ff7539.jpg</span><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/Stink_jhd4_zps2ee1af5b.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <em>As Al and Pete argue over what constitutes the number one, the door opens once again to reveal not another member of the Hillbilly family, but The Fashion Police, Jeffrey Grussmont and Terrence Stein! They're with their inanimate mascot "Calvin," of course, and they immediately spray the shack with Obsession for Men, causing the (kayfabe) stinky Hillbillys to cough violently for a few moments.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grussmont</strong> (covering his nose) - Well hello again, Hillbillys! We just couldn't help but drop by again to introduce you to our new line of fashion designs.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Stein</strong> (approaching Al and Pete and pointing to a picture on GQ) - Al, Pete, or whomever you are, this turtleneck sweater is gonna look MAH-VELOUS on you.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Pete</strong> - Ah dun' unnerstand...a turtleneck sweater?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Al</strong> - Ah don't see no turtles bein' harmed in the makin' of that sweater, so why y'all call it a turtleneck?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grussmont</strong> (to Buttercup) - Now Buttercup, if you really want to show your tummy, why do it with that ratty old checkered shirt of yours? (points to a magazine he's holding) This crop-top allows you to be sexy in your own unique way...it is so classy, Buttercup, and most of all, it is SOOOOO you. Stop slumming it out with these two illiterates you call your cousins.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Buttercup</strong> - Excuse me, city boys, but whatever y'all is sayin' is a slap in the face of the hillbilly way of laahf! Now we may not know how ta' reads or ta' writes. We may not have much money. And we may be more comfortable wit' our cous'n's than you city folk are. But y'all don't go messin' with the way we be livin'!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Pete</strong> - And Ah'll tell you where you can cram that turtleneck up, Fashin' Pow-leeeeez. Y'all can cram it up where the sun don't shaahn!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Al</strong> - In other words...UP YOUR BUT-TOCKS!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Stein</strong> - OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH. You unsophisticated folk sure talk tough! Well, it looks like you hicks are looking for a fight. (holding up his hands) Could this wait till the next show?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Pete</strong> - Daymn raaght we're fixin' to faaght, Fashion Pow-leeez! (grabs the GQ magazine Grussmont was holding) We may not know how to read this stuff, but... (while tearing the magazine into shreds) ...we know how y'all city folk laahk to dress, an' we don't want no part of that sheeit!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grussmont</strong> (desperately trying to hide the cologne bottle) - Not Calvin!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Al</strong> - Relax, Fashion Pow-leezman, Ah know better than ta' break that bottle of par-foom y'all are holdin'! (covering his nose)</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Pete</strong> - So how about it, city boys? We want them titles back anyways so we kin get a discount at them moonshahn store...</p><p> </p><p> <em>Grussmont and Stein confer between themselves for a few moments, and finally decide that...</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grussmont</strong> - Yeah, why not?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Stein</strong> - But I think our match needs a little stipulation on top of putting the titles on the line.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Buttercup</strong> - Stip-you...what?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Stein</strong> - A condition. Something that has to happen in order for another thing to happen. Get it?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Buttercup</strong> - Ah don't git it...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Stein</strong> - Ah, forget it. (pauses) How about a First Bath match? First team to dunk the other team's member in the bathtub wins the match. </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Buttercup</strong> (still thinking) - .....</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Al</strong> - That ain't fair, Mr., uh...what's yer name again...Steen?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Stein</strong> - Stein. Terrence Stein. That handsome man over there is my partner...in business. Jeffrey Grussmont.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Al</strong> - Biznizz partner, huh? Anyways, we propose that the other bathtub...<strong>be a bathtub of HAWG SLOP.</strong> If y'all throw Pete or mahself in the bathtub o'water, y'all win. But if we throw either one of y'all in the bathtub o'slop...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grussmont</strong> (in a high-pitched shriek) - YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Hillbilly Pete</strong> - Oh yes we cayn!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Stein</strong> (to Grussmont) - Let's just go forward with this match, okay, Jeffrey? At least we take a bath everyday and then some. Besides, there's no way we're gonna lose those belts. We're just too...FABULOUS for that! These strange Kentucky people? Tonight's bath is gonna be the first they're gonna take in MONTHS! Win-win situation.</p><p> </p><p> <em>We don't get to find out how the match is made, but the announcers both suggest it's going to push forward later on in the evening...after the Dead Bolt vs Lt. Cameron Police Nightstick on a Pole Match.</em></p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>ANGLE - Dead Bolt Rants About Lt. Cameron (39/D-)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/DeadBolt_zps027c4b76.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Dead Bolt</strong> - I'll never forget the day it foist happened...my foist arrest. I was 14 years old back then. There was an album I really wanted to buy. It wasn't Nevermind. It wasn't Ten. It wasn't Use Your Illusion I or II. It wasn't Blood Sugar Sex Magik. No, not Low End Theory either, or the Black Album. It was... (takes a long pause) ...Music for the People, by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Oh, you better believe it, Marky Mark was one talented rapper before he sold out to Hollywood. "Good Vibrations." "Wildside." And my all-time favorite, "I Need Money." Oh, how I wanted that album. How I wanted my daddy and mommy to give me the money I needed to buy that album. But they didn't. So you know what I did? <strong>I stole it.</strong> And it just so happened that the class noid...the squirt who eventually became valedictorian...she was in the record store too and she called the cops on me. Less than an hour later, as I was hangin' out at my best friend's place, groovin' to Marky Mark and the good vibrations of his Funky Bunch...I was arrested. And you know who was the arresting officer? <strong>My dad.</strong></p><p> </p><p> Yeah, my own father arrested me and threw me in jail. No, not juvie, but an actual jail cell with hardened criminals. And he left me in there. Not for the evenin', but for DAYS, man, DAYS. I hated jail at first. But as time passed...I grew to enjoy bein' behind bars. I grew to realize that bein' in jail had its perks. In jail, I could smoke cigarettes. In jail, I could trade tips 'n' tricks with veteran hoodlums. And in jail...I was free from the REAL prison cells of home 'n' school. So I kept comin' back for more...and more...and more.</p><p> </p><p> Lt. Cameron, I hear the warden in this here prison cell called OLD has me booked against you. In a Nightstick on a Pole Match. Well, lemme tell you somethin', copper. I know more about swingin' that nightstick more than you ever would. Been doin' it since the age of six, when I was pretendin' to be a cop like my no-good rotten dad, and you better believe I whomped that nightstick on a good few cops in my time...including my dad. You're nothin' but a young cop with an old man's moustache, and you better believe it...when it comes to cop abuse, young cops make better targets. (pauses) I hate everythin' you stand for, copper.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>Lt. Cameron (w/Cpl. "PoPo" Valentine) vs Dead Bolt (32/E)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/CameronVesseycop_zps02f9e08b.jpg</span> vs <span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/DeadBolt_zps027c4b76.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Pro Wrestling Hits Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>In a bout that had a good crowd and some decent in-ring action, </em><em><strong>Lt. Cameron</strong></em><em> defeated Dead Bolt in an A Weapon On A Pole match in 6:37 by pinfall with a Spinning Death Valley Driver after a distraction from Jerome Turner. (32/E)</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Scott Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>You know why the action was decent? Dead Bolt. I may be gettin' byased here, havin' realized that Mr. Bolton isn't such a bad sort after all, but I'll also admit that Larry Vessey's kid sure knows how to 'rassle. I liked how Dead Bolt got major sympy from the crowd after the fake cop grabbed the nightstick on a pole and started usin' it on the real-life jailbird. Only in OLD will you see an out-and-out bad guy get sympy from the audience! Cam had to run after winning the match because the ring was getting littered with debree. (That's one of the many ways Scott spells "debris." - ed.) </em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>The Announcers Said:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> (at 6:10 into the match) - WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! Go get that ex-con, Lt. Cameron! GO GET HIM!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - You are really askin' for it, Jerome! (watches as Turner leaves his spot in the announce table) Look at that idiot, standing up to cheer his mustachioed hero on. (to himself) Hey, if Jerome's homering for the fake cop, and yes, I do think he's fake, why don't I do the same for Dead Bolt. Go use the chair, Dead Bolt! Bash that cop impersonator once and for all! (watches as a distracted Dead Bolt gets Spinning Death Valley Driver-ed onto a chair) IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, JEROME!!!!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - And that should be the end of that Marky Mark album-stealing ex-con. YOU GO, OFFICER!</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>ANGLE - Dead Bolt Beats Down on Turner (25/E)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/DeadBolt_zps027c4b76.jpg</span><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/JeromeTurner_zpsf7631000.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - Well, this is rather strange...instead of arresting Dead Bolt, Lt. Cameron and Cpl. Valentine are high-tailing it back to the locker room!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - That's because they're FAKE COPS, dum-dum! Even Chief Wiggum and Inspector Clouseau are more real than those two wannabe officers!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - Mr. Dead Bolt's coming to...COME ON, OFFICERS! I know you've got issues with The Fashion Police, but there's a real, live criminal out there in the ring and he needs to be brought to justice!</p><p> </p><p> <em>As Jerome Turner continues to hope against hope that the Kayfabe Kops (now that would be a good tag team name) would arrest Dead Bolt, Bolt comes to and heads to the announce table, wanting to take revenge on the man who had cost him the match.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Dead Bolt</strong> - You've been a bad little boy, Turner, and Dean over here's been tellin' me about your antics behind the table.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - W-w-w-what antics, Mr. Bolt?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Dead Bolt</strong> - It's MISTER DEAD BOLT, pipsqueak, and I oughta be piledrivin' you onto the table for treatin' me with disrespect and costin' me that match!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> (smiling broadly and calling Dead Bolt by his real nickname) - He's all yours, Mike. Take him oot.</p><p> </p><p> <em>Having gotten "clearance" from Dean McWade, Dead Bolt does as he has threatened and piledrives Turner onto the announce table, knocking him out and causing McWade to do a little jig! McWade's awkward dance, however, is stopped by Dead Bolt himself, who threatens to pulverize the kayfabe "Wershington" lumberjack (with a pronounced Canadian accent and a penchant for "eh"'s) if he doesn't stop dancing.</em></p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>The Hillbillys (w/Buttercup) vs The Fashion Police © - OLD Tag Team Title Match, First Bath Rules (34/E)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/AlTheHillbilly_zps3fcaf0cc.jpg</span><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/PeteTheHillbilly_zps59032629.jpg</span> vs <span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/Grunt_jhd3_zps82ff7539.jpg</span><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/Stink_jhd4_zps2ee1af5b.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Pro Wrestling Hits Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>In a bout that had a good crowd but featured terrible wrestling, The Fashion Police defeated The Hillbillys in 8:08 when Jeffrey Grussmont defeated Pete The Hillbilly by powerbombing him onto the bathtub filled with water. During the match we also had Dead Bolt distract Hillbilly Al. The Fashion Police make defense number 1 of their OLD Tag Team titles.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Scott Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>This was one of my on-the-fly ideas when I realized what a buncha pansies I was workin' with. Fortunately, the Jamil Shrine Temple had some bathtubs to lend, and I had the high school kids from Switchblade Powerslam fill one of 'em with water and bubble bath, and the other with actual hog slop. As one can expect from a Hillbillys match, the wrestlin' was awful - even Dead Bolt has more moves than Al and Pete combined! My favorite moment was the Dead Bolt distraction - he was guest-announcing with Dean McWade when he decided to yell all sorts of abuse at The Hillbillys, callin' them everything from hippies to yokels to ugly to impotent. That allowed Pete to abort the chokeslam he was supposed to deliver to Terry, and for Jeff to illegally run in and clothesline Pete outta the ring. Pete missed the water? No problem! Jeff Grussmont to the rescue with the POWERBOMB ONTO THE TUB OF WATER! Oh, that's gotta hurt. My wallet, that is.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>The Announcers Said:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> (at 1:40 into the match) - I gotta say I'm glad havin' you over at the announce table, Dead Bolt. Why, if Jerome were still here, he'd be cheerin' for those stinkin' Hillbillys and failing to appreciate how The Fashion Police fight really tough, even if they're...you know...on the Jerome Turner side of the fence.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Dead Bolt</strong> - You tellin' me that Jerome Turner is...on the swishy side? (laughs) Why am I not surprised by that.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - Think you can punish Jerome even more for his repeated lies about having a wife and kids and havin' a boner for Julie Forletta?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Dead Bolt</strong> - I'll punish him for the latter. Nobody, I mean, NOBODY should have a boner for Julie Forletta except MR. DEAD BOLT! You got that, Dean? (shakes his fist angrily)</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - Mike...you know I have a wife and kids, don't you?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Dead Bolt</strong> - Yeah, and I believe you on that. Relax, Dean, I just wanted to make sure you weren't coveting your neighbor's goods.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>ANGLE - Cop Vrewtality II Rants About The Fashion Police (48/D-)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/CameronVesseycop_zps02f9e08b.jpg</span><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/CaseyValentinecop_zps63a848de.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <em>Backstage, the two young police officers who call themselves Cop Vrewtality II are deliberating on how tonight hasn't been much of a success for them despite their wins in singles competition. For the next OLD show, both Lt. Cameron and Cpl. Valentine have one thing on their minds, and that's winning the tag team titles from those other "police"...The Fashion Police.</em></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Lt. Cameron</strong> - Dammit, Valentine! That could have been US holding those belts and tossin' those fashionistas into the hog slop!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Cpl. Valentine</strong> - Yeah? Well, how would you like it if YOU were takin' the slop bath and not them? That stipulation sucks anyway.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Lt. Cameron</strong> - I just can't believe we passed up a chance to get those guys in a title match.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Cpl. Valentine</strong> - Ah, the ones that got away. First, Dead Bolt. Then, the tag team titles.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Lt. Cameron</strong> - Don't go blamin' me for not arrestin' Dead Bolt when it was YOU who decided to step out there and defend donuts and coffee against Alan Parent!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Cpl. Valentine</strong> - But YOU TOO WOULD DEFEND DONUTS AND COFFEE, WOULDN'T YOU? (camera focuses on Lt. Cameron, who is indeed sipping from his coffee mug, with a glazed donut resting on a nearby plate) Ah, forget it, Lieutenant. Why don't we agree to disagree and admit that we both effed up tonight, even if we won our matches.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Lt. Cameron</strong> - I guess we should, Valentine. (pauses) Next month, what do you think we should do to get even with The Fashion Police and win those tag titles?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Cpl. Valentine</strong> - .....</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Lt. Cameron</strong> - Well? As your commanding officer, Valentine, I expect you to come up with ideas. Where are they?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Cpl. Valentine</strong> - A-HA! (pauses) This is gonna be so cool, Lieutenant. Loser gets to wear SOMETHING. If The Fashion Police loses, they wear The Hillbillys' dirty coveralls. And if WE lose...</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Lt. Cameron</strong> - ...we wear any one of the dresses on those Cosmopolitan magazines Grussmont and Stein keep readin'.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Cpl. Valentine</strong> (looking apprehensive) - Now that sounds like a little too much, doesn't it, Lieutenant?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Lt. Cameron</strong> (smiling) - Sometimes, a cop needs more than just coffee and donuts to motivate him to succeed. (looking at the camera) Trust me. I know what I'm doing.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><em>Gentleman Scott Sinclair (w/Julie Forletta) vs Randall Hopkirk (w/Man Mountain Metal) - OLD King of the Deathmatch Title Match, Deathmatch-Lite Rules (55/D+)</em></strong></p></div><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/BigSmackScott_zps5979f172.jpg</span> vs <span>http://i294.photobucket.com/albums/mm87/endshiftresign/OLD/RandallHopkirkalt_zpsf47117cb.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Pro Wrestling Hits Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>In a bout that had a good crowd and some decent in-ring action, </em><em><strong>Gentleman Scott Sinclair</strong></em><em> defeated Randall Hopkirk in a Deathmatch-Lite match in 12:09 by pinfall with an Ego Trip after a distraction from Julie Forletta. During the match we also saw Man Mountain Metal run in and attack Sinclair, and Fr. Michael Everloving Herlihy also attack Sinclair. Gentleman Scott Sinclair makes defense number 2 of his OLD King of the Deathmatch title.</em> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Scott Sez:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <em>This match, a so-called "Deathmatch-Lite" match, was dubbed as such because I had to keep Randall Hopkirk happy by not including any bed of nails, light tubes or explosives. Boo-f---in'-hoo. Otherwise, I had everythin' at my disposal. I took out the thumbtacks, and Randall gave me a Randallism onto those tacks, which didn't hurt as much as I expected. I had a barbed wire bat which I used to bust Randall open, and he returned the favor by suplexing me onto a table, which did give me a lot of color. The end of the match was particularly entertaining for me. After Man Mountain Metal and Fr. Michael had tried in vein to make it hard for me to retain my title, I stood up, blood tricklin' down my face and a really ugly gash on my arm after a barbed wire bat attack. Randall was bleedin' even worse, but in control of the match. So what does Julie Forletta do, despite her being nawseated by the blood? She climbs the ring apron and flashes Randall, givin' him an instant stiffy and givin' me an instant win with the Ego Trip. Julie only remembered to put the top part of her jumpsuit back on when she noticed Chuckie Hapstander lookin' at her like the ultimate creeper. Jerome Turner, on the other hand, tried his best to pretend to be excited, but he couldn't hide the fact that he, like that gymnast girl from last year, was not impressed.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong>The Announcers Said:</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> (at the end of the match) - FUNBAGS! Did you see that, Wade? I mean, McDean? I mean, Dallas?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - Has anybody told you that you try way too hard for your own good? But I guess that's not gonna get you down, because your Ultimate Man-Crush, the Smacker, is still hangin' on to the title.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - Look, Dean, I don't understand why you have so much hatred for Gentleman Scott Sinclair. He may be from THAT promotion, but if you look at how he puts his body on the line, night after night...and wow, that Julie Forletta is smokin' hot!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - But the bottom line is that he's from THERE. And you, Jerome, are possibly the most disingenious person I have ever worked with since Phil Vibert.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - ARE YOU KIDDING ME, DEAN? PHIL VIBERT IS A GENIUS!!!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - Yeah, precisely. Because he saw it as just right to cut his losses and cut you from CGC. </p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - You got me there, Dean, but Vibert is a man worthy of mention alongside the likes of Richard Eisen, Tommy Cornell, Jeremy Stone and Sam Strong! Till next month, OLDsters, this is Jerome Turner, and that was my best buddy in the whole wide world, Dean McWade.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>McWade</strong> - Saying good night and remember...Jerome Turner sucks Vibert's balls!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Turner</strong> - No, Dean! The catchphrase goes like this. You're never too OLD to brawl for beer! (gives McWade a beer bath, but doesn't notice the presence of Dead Bolt at the stage area, looking to give him another beatdown since the first one was far from enough)</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36709" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><strong>OVERALL GRADE - </strong><strong><strong><span style="color:#A0522D;">48/D-</span></strong></strong><p><strong> Increased Popularity in 1 Region</strong></p></div></blockquote>

[3rdStringPG]

<p><strong>OOC</strong> - So it's been a while since the last OLD show and even longer since the last BSS segment. I might as well come clean and say that this diary is going on temporary hiatus. I hope to be posting more OLD shows and segments by next month, but for now, I have a couple work projects to complete. I also have the brand split on the main diary to take into consideration, and that needs a good deal of planning. Lastly, I admit I haven't been feeling too inspired with OLD as of late. But I'm not discontinuing the diary, and there should be more shows to come, just not in the immediate future.</p><p> </p><p>

Thanks to everyone who's read and predicted, and once again, hope to return to updating this diary soon! <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p>