DIW: Worlds Apart

Occasional_Z · March 25, 2014

Universe 1 Show 5

I loaded up TEW13 to find a) the save had crashed and needed Game Recovery to get working again and b) I actually lost around £3,125 last month. Not a good start....

Oh and c) Blaze Maximum picking a fight with Big Jim in the back before the show. Sheik threatened to 'shoot on son of bitch' and to 'humble him like old country' and everything calmed down. (I gave him the last chance warning, Blaze kinda brushed it off and went from negative personality to very negative. The colour blind, steriod swigging gimp has three apperances left so he might be getting jibbed)

<div style="text-align:center;">DIW Couldn't Give An XXXX

Saturday Week 1 May 2013</div>

Pre show

Blaze Maximum beat The Void in a 1vs1 match (E)

Blaze was off his game...cos he's a prick. Otherwise, nothing to see here

The Kipper beat Chopper Rourke in a 1vs1 match (E-)

Awful match with The Kipper being really off his game. Even the DIW faithful weren't lifted by this.

Main Show

Dumfrey Pinn gives The Comedian a choice; Easy way or hard way. Comedian beats him up (D-)

A repeat of last month's closing angle, but no where near as good.

The Hired Guns beat Menace to Sobriety and Milton Hittlespitz in a 2vs2 match to retain the DIW Tag Team Titles (E)

Not a great match, but I wasn't expecting it to be. Just wanted to make the champs look as strong as possible. Not helped by Wez Dobberly being off his game...

Hired Guns taunt The Comedian (D-)

Makes sense, cos The Comedian has just battered their boss, Dumfrey Pinn. A surprisingly good segment

Blitz Simpson beat Asylum in a Cage Classic match (Chopper Rourke provided a distraction) (E)

Wanted to have these two face off in a violent match and knowing Simpson hates hardcore wrestling, this seemed the best way. I realised I couldn't have a clean finish, so sent Chopper down to ringside...I like to think he distracted Asylum with a mime routine, but it was probably swearing/threats. This for the record, is the first time Asylum has 'lifted the crowd' since he's returned. That is not a good sign.

Dumfrey Pinn taunts The Comedian (D+)

After getting beaten up? It worked though, really good grade.

Vaughan beat Hatemonger in a Barbed Wire Match (E)

This is where I f**ked up...I didn't realise that the non wrestling time for a barbed wire match was 15 mins....

Why is there a barbed wire match here? Because I always want to book it, but can't due to the promotions I play as. This was my chance and I took it. It wasn't worth it. Was hoping for a D-, maybe some good chemistry. Crowd were still lifted though. I know, you're shocked.....

Mayhem Mulhoney hyped his match against The Comedian (D-)

It's actually a three way with Tombstone, but why let that ruin a good segment? Mulhoney is actually a good talker, I need to use him more.

The Comedian is shown walking (D-)

Comedian walks down a corridor

Staff member 1: "Good luck tonight champ!"

Comedian: "Go die."

Staff member 2: "You can beat both those guys!"

Comedian: "P**s off."

Staff member 3: "Remember, Mulhoney isn't that quick, just try and-"

Comedian: "Get a girlfriend."

...and so on and so forth.

The Comedian defeated Mayhem Mulhoney and Tombstone in a three way hardcore match when he pinned Mulhoney. Comedian makes defence number 2 of the DIW Championship. (D-)

A good win for The Comedian. Made it an open match and kept Tombstone strong as I've got plans for him.

Dumfrey Pinn and The Hired Guns beat The Comedian down (E)

Not as high a grade as I thought it would be. Still, keeps the Hired Guns in the mix and furthers the Pinn/Comedian feud. Thanks to Jongredic, I keep seeing Pinn run in for this beatdown in a sheepskin coat, covered in bandages from the early assault. Lots of sweet wrappers falling out of his pockets....

Post-show

Overall grade: D-

Attendance: 218

Finance: $1,285 LOSS for May

A decent show, though that barbed wire match was silly...I just couldn't resist booking it. DIW has the most forgiving crowd ever, so I knew I'd get away with it. They were probably lifted from seeing barbed wire being unwrapped from the spool.

To stay ahead of Jongredic I need to keep hitting D- consistantly and losing as little money as possible, I can hit D-, I'm fairly sure of it. It's all about the money. Figure that out and Universe 1 can reign supreme.

Ok, auto advance, auto advance, got e-mails....Pinn has signed for APW?!? That disloyal fat f**k!!!! I'd made him commissioner, road agent, put him in the top feud even though the chunky monkey gets hungry/tired after 3 minutes of wrestling...

Suddenly, I'm not confident of getting D- any more....

jongredic · March 26, 2014

Universe 2, Show 5

Wednesday, Week 1, May 2014

The Sheikh’s Office

Ladies Toilets, Middle Cubicle, Marv’s Sports Central

Sheikh: You’re kkhhhired, welcome aboard. (He goes for a handshake)

The Void: (opens mouth and unearthly howling sound comes out)

Sheikh: In..deed…

Suddenly, there’s a thud, a splat and some groaning coming from the “office” next to the Sheikh’s. The Sheikh is up and ready for action in an instant. He rips the cubicle door off its hinges and looks down to find…

Sheikh: Fat Dumfrey Pigdog! You filthy SWINE! Kkhhhow dare you infiltrate secret meeting!

He rips off his shirt and throws it at the crumpled pile of Dumfrey Pinn, who incidentally is covered in what the Sheikh hopes is a spilled medium coke and a bucket of chilli con carne…

Pinn: C’mon, mate, help me up. There’s a dollar in it for ya!

Sheikh: You insult proud Sheikh! Sheikh will take dollar, but not touch Pigdog.

The Void does the honours, and with goliath strength, pulls Pinn to his feet.

Pinn: Many thanks, mate! I always repay my debts. Stay with me kid, you’ll go far.

The Void: *howls that Banshee’s scream again*

Sheikh: Does this look like Bareback Mountain? GET OUT OF SHEIKH’S OFFICE!

Pinn puts the whale blubber he calls his right arm around The Void, who surprisingly doesn’t howl or fall down in a paralysed heap at the sheer weight. Suddenly the doorway explodes in a cloud of plaster and splintered wood, which smashes the sinks on the wall. Water starts to spray out of the broken pipes.

The Comedian: COMEDIAN WALKS INTO TOILETS...

Sheikh: Sheikh – Chemical Weapons Expert; Iranian Ballet Champion 1988 – does not understand.

The Comedian: "April!" he says. "Worst show ever!" he says. "My eyes, mate…" (long pause while he points to his eyes then the Sheikh) "On you!" Punchline: GET BETTER OR...

The Comedian punches a mirror off the wall then leaves. Marv of Marv’s Sports Central comes in and sees the devastation.

Marv: Strike me flamin’ roan, mate! What the hell are you doin’ in the Sheila’s dunny?! AGAIN! What's all this mess?! Bloody bogan! (he starts muttering to himself angrily)

The Sheikh picks up his potted begonia, framed picture of Lori and the dartboard prominently featuring Big Jim Teasdale, and leads Chris the Camel out of the door. He dismisses Marv as he exits with his head held high in defiance, but has one last thing to say to two debris-covered and mentally scarred people in the corner.

Sheikh: You two - you’re kkhhhired! Clean my office! Or face Dumfrey Pigdog next show!

<div style="text-align:center;">____________________

DIW Faceful of Fist

Friday, Week 3, May 2014

</div>

God of War defeats Milton, Reggie Tate and Surfer Dude Lucas in 4-way singles match (E+)

I changed Reggie's and Surfer Dude's gimmicks to Thrill Seeker and Mysterious respectively so they could try a gimmick they have a chance at being good at (!). Both are off to a good start, thankfully!

Despite it being a poor match, guess what it did for the crowd...

God of War, Reggie and Surfer don't want to be Hardcore matches. Well, isn't that just ducky.

ROOM AT THE TOP?: Pinn tells Mace to defeat The Comedian or he'll never get another title shot (E+)

Pinn: Listen, Mace, if we're gonna take down The Comedian and own this company, one of you bloody hoons needs to get that title back for me! I've been good to you - don't let me down or I promise the only belt you'll be wearing in the future will be in the passenger seat of my Ute!

Well this show's off to a good start... <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/rolleyes.png.4b097f4fbbe99ce5bcd5efbc1b773ed6.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

The Void defeats Menace to Sobriety in an I Quit match (E-)

Meh, E- is better than I expected for a debut and that drunken mess.

Pinn reveals The Void is his protege (E)

Pinn: What you have just witnessed is another successful product of Pinn Enterprises, Ltd. I present to you: The Void. There is no better mentor available for this magnificent young fighter. (His watch beeps) Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for my fondue bath!

Tell me why I haven't fired this dolt already?

APOCALUDA/ROOM AT THE TOP?: The Comedian pits The Hired Guns, Barracudas 2.0 and The Apocalypse against each other for a DIW Tag Title match (D-)

Angus McMiller, Vaughan and Warmonger are bickering among themselves backstage when The Comedian is unlucky enough to be walking by.

Angus: I've calculated the percentages - that title rightly belongs to Pinn Enterprises, Ltd.

Warmonger: YOOOOOU will shut your mouth, weasel! It is clear that with demise of The BarraCUUUUUdas, the title should fall to The ApocaLYYYYPPPSE!

Vaughan: Rack off, mate! I'm with Blitz now. Barracudas 2.0, baby! Twice as good, twice as dangerous and twice as better...

Warmonger: SILEEEEENCE, you do not even know how to speak ENGLIIIIISH!

Angus: I am willing to offer you both a very attractive investment offer that would be tax-free... Um, excuse me! Mr Comedian!

The Comedian: Bugger! What?

They all start to speak at once.

The Comedian: Don't care. Fight. Later.

I'm fairly sure The Comedian's few words are what dragged this above an E.

DIESEL POWERED: Diesel Dan defeats Tombstone in Ladder Match to win Bloodstained Belt (E)

An E?! These two are supposed to be two of my future stars... Also, I might have not booked an angle which explained that Diesel Dan has just invented and won a title all by himself just to prove he never needed Big Rig.

Hype for The Apocalypse v The Hired Guns v Barracudas 2.0 (E)

I cannot catch a break lately!

Barracudas 2.0 make an over-the-top entrance (E-)

Seriously? It's WORSE than the hype angle?!

APOCALUDA: Barracudas 2.0 defeat The Apocalypse and The Hired Guns to win DIW Tag Title (E+)

One good thing is Blitz and Vaughn have excellent chemistry as a team.

On the other hand, Blitz and both The Hired Guns don't like hardcore matches. And also, the match was hurt by the fact Angus had Limited Involvement. If I hadn't done that, he would've got tired and probably died of exhaustion... I can't win!

ROOM AT THE TOP?: The Comedian defeats Mace Mueller to retain DIW Championship (D-)

So Mace is essentially fighting for his future here. He starts off with a number of quick moves using the ropes. Things start to get a bit too "technical" for The Comedian and a clothesline slows Mace down.

Pinn is eager to have the DIW Championship belt in his stable, and so helps Mace out by first distracting Death Ref and getting him really homicidal, then laying him out with a steel chair. Death Ref's rage is off the scale as he hits the mat and Pinn assumes referee duties.

Despite the massive advantage Mace now has, The Comedian manages to make the cover, and not even Pinn's ridiculously slow countout can save him.

Pinn is enraged and clicks his fingers for another of his lackeys to take on the Comedian. Angus McMiller marches down to the ring and spits at The Comedian's feet. Security hold The Comedian back as the lights go off and the rottweilers are released to chase the crowd out. (E+)

Post-show

Overall grade: D- (new contender for Worst Ever D- Awarded In TEW)

Attendance: 290 (seriously? Not one of them thought to bring a friend and fill the last few seats?!)

Finance: $2,314 LOSS for May

So... hm. Hmmmmm. I need to start stepping this up if I'm going to take on Mr Z. I don't think he likes to admit it, but I feel like The Comedian secretly expects to be a National sized company with a TV deal by Christmas...

Still getting battered by those $4,800 Misc expenses too. We really need to launch an investigation into it. Though, I suspect mine is made up of criminal damage payouts to Marv.

Debuted three new workers in that show. I feel good about them - better than I do some of the veterans at this point (even if Reggie Tate is a negative influence). And I'm happy with the storyline progress, if not the grades.

Mr Z, I feel a bit better that you've fluked (YES, FLUKED!) two D grades. I was starting to panic when the Fat Man stopped talking good.

I've watched a lot of Star Trek and Fringe - I'm fairly sure if my universe dies, yours goes with it. Just sayin'... <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/cool.png.f00d2562b2c1d873a09323753efdb041.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

jongredic · March 26, 2014

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="terrybgoode" data-cite="terrybgoode" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="37722" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>This is frickin' hilarious. You are awful and possibly geniuses.</div></blockquote> <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="mistaken" data-cite="mistaken" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="37722" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>good stuff</div></blockquote> Thank you for the kind words, comrades. I can't speak for Mr Z, but I guarantee that I sit more on the awful side of the spectrum. You'll see what I mean over the next few shows... <img alt=";)" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/wink.png.686f06e511ee1fbf6bdc7d82f6831e53.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Voeltzwagon · March 26, 2014

Hey, jongredic. On the misc expenses have you checked to see if you accidentally started doing drug testing on all those weirdos? I haven't played DIW in so long I don't remember if that cost is common on their games or not so I figured I would mention checking to see if for some reason in a drunken stupor Sheik decided everyone needs drug tests.

jongredic · March 26, 2014

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Voeltzwagon" data-cite="Voeltzwagon" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="37722" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Hey, jongredic. On the misc expenses have you checked to see if you accidentally started doing drug testing on all those weirdos? I haven't played DIW in so long I don't remember if that cost is common on their games or not so I figured I would mention checking to see if for some reason in a drunken stupor Sheik decided everyone needs drug tests.</div></blockquote> Thank you kindly, I owe you one! Checked my settings, and lo and behold, there's a low level testing policy in place. I guarantee now I've turned it off, it'll turn into Breaking Bad Down Under <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Occasional_Z · March 26, 2014

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Voeltzwagon" data-cite="Voeltzwagon" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="37722" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Hey, jongredic. On the misc expenses have you checked to see if you accidentally started doing drug testing on all those weirdos? I haven't played DIW in so long I don't remember if that cost is common on their games or not so I figured I would mention checking to see if for some reason in a drunken stupor Sheik decided everyone needs drug tests.</div></blockquote> Thank you! Why would DIW have drug testing anyway? Can't be that good if no one got caught in the five months or so we've been playing!

Voeltzwagon · March 26, 2014

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Occasional_Z" data-cite="Occasional_Z" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="37722" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Thank you! Why would DIW have drug testing anyway? Can't be that good if no one got caught in the five months or so we've been playing!</div></blockquote> Of all the Aussie companies to have it DIW makes the least sense, doesn't it? I just remember getting 2010 the first time and playing MAW I was always like 'WHY AM I LOSING ALL THIS MONEY' and came to realize it was drug testing stuff. That is the only reason why that popped in my head when you both were talking about an odd amount of expenses.

terrybgoode · March 26, 2014

Pff! Drug testing crossed my mind a couple of times, but I ruled it out because... yeah, seriously. DIW?! They can afford it even less than MAW can, and why would it even be a thing. I could totally see it for RAW, but... <img alt="

" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Occasional_Z · March 26, 2014

Universe 1 'Show 6'

<div style="text-align:center;">Tuesday Week 1 July 2013</div>

It was another peaceful morning in Sheikland. The annexed parking lot of Marv's Sports Central was spotless, if you ignored the mountains of camel s**t and the cardboard palace was enjoying another coat of gold paint.

Sheik Al was enjoying this moment...a rare moment of bliss. Then, a voice blasted across the parking lot....

Comedian: "Sheik. No show in June. Why?"

Sheik: "Wrestling show make no money. Today, we hold meet and greet."

Comedian: "What. The. Fuc-"

Big Jim: "Now, now Comed, lets not paint the air blue before breakfast! Sheik, why we having a meet and greet?"

Sheik: "Stupid fans lifted by every segment. Why hurt selves when they happy fools anyway?"

Comedian: "Die-"

The Comedian goes for Sheik, but Big Jim wrestles him away.

Big Jim: "Sorry Sheik, Comedian is trying to quit smoking...(slaps nicotine patch on Comedian, who starts shaking) he's a little stressed right now. Look, can we reconsider this meet and greet malarkey?"

Sheik: "No, Sheik book BBQ, booths and cake. Tell roster to be here in, as you say, jiffy or be execute.

<div style="text-align:center;">*An hour later*</div>

With the booths set up, Blitz Simpson offering out cake and The Hired Guns manning the BBQ (convention tip: always have heels serving food - this will save money as fans do not want to buy food from dirty heels), the DIW faithful are lifted by meeting their heroes up close and personal....after all, buying cheap signed pictures of your heroes is always the best way to make a connection with them...

<div style="text-align:center;">http://i1062.photobucket.com/albums/t495/Occasional_Z/DIW/ComedianSignedPic_zps97eb7bfb.jpg</div>

Fan: "Wow, you signed it just like you speak!!!"

Comedian: "Go away."

Fan: "You're my favourite wrestler Comedian, I hope you never lose the DIW Title!!!"

Comedian: "Loser."

Fan: "Wait until I tell my girlfriend about this, she'll be so proud of me!!!"

Comedian: "Knock Knock."

Fan: "Oh my God! I always wanted to do this!!!! Go on, go on (clears throat) Who's there?"

Comedian: "Punch in the face." (Comedian smacks Fan in the face, decking him)

Fan: (Pulling himself up) "Wow...you're the man Comedian! Thank you!!!"

<div style="text-align:center;">http://i1062.photobucket.com/albums/t495/Occasional_Z/DIW/VaughanSignedpicture_zpsd33d9e83.jpg</div>

Female fan: "Excuse me...you know it's rude to write in red pen?"

Vaughan: "It's not red pen...it's orphan blood."

Female fan: "I....see...I have to leave now and get an autograph from...Dean Hawkins now-"

Vaughan: "-and you think I'm the weird one."

<div style="text-align:center;">http://i1062.photobucket.com/albums/t495/Occasional_Z/DIW/MeanceSignedPicture_zpsad44d24a.jpg</div>

Menace: "-and...and so I said to the prime min, min minister....you make me wanna raaa.."

Son: "Daddy, the man is scaring me."

Dad: "Have you been drinking?"

Menace: "I'm not drunk."

Son: "He smells funny."

Dad: "Yeah...you know, pal you're a disgrace...getting drunk with all these impressionable teenagers around."

Menace: "Don't you judge me...I'm gonna wanna show (breaks down into tears) Gloria! I'm so sorry..."

Dad: "C'mon Jimmy...just walk away, don't make eye contact."

Menace: "Don't go...do, do you know where the cool parties are this weekend?"

Dad: "You're a disgrace."

<div style="text-align:center;">http://i1062.photobucket.com/albums/t495/Occasional_Z/DIW/HatemongerSignedPicture_zpsab218c19.jpg</div>

Fan: "Hey, thanks for signing a picture."

Hatemonger: "No problem, thanks for coming out."

Fan: "Hey...sorry to ask, but my daughter is a huge fan of yours...would you mind getting a picture with her?"

Hatemonger: "No, course not."

The fan passes his young daughter to Hatemonger. His daughter is over awed by the occasion, but does give Hatemonger a huge hug

Hatemonger: "Awww. Hey Jim, can you take a picture?"

Big Jim: "Sure! Smile sweetie!"

Big Jim takes a fantastic picture of the little girl smiling shyly next to Hatemonger (Colour commentators take great pictures. FACT.)

Hatemonger: "What's your name?"

Little fan: "Emily."

Hatemonger: "Well,it's been nice meeting you Emily. You take care of your dad for Hatemonger."

Little fan: "Yes...Hatey."

Hatemonger: "Aww, (to fan) You're very lucky sir."

Fan: "I know. Hey, what do I owe you for the picture?"

Hatemonger: "Ah, don't worry about it."

Fan: "Thanks Hatemonger, you're the best!!"

Hatemonger: "You too...take care Emily"

As Emily and her dad wave goodbye to Hatemonger and Big Jim, we cut to the Sheik's table....

<div style="text-align:center;">http://i1062.photobucket.com/albums/t495/Occasional_Z/DIW/SheikSignedpicture_zpsf737ab7a.jpg

</div>

Fan: "Just sign the damn picture! I don't want your life story!"

Sheik; "Everyone wants Sheik's story! Born in 1972-"

Fan: "No!!! You already wrote that down!!! Plus, that friggin' camel keeps biting me!!! I only came to get The Comedian's autograph - where is he?"

Sheik: "Off license. Get enough cigarettes to, as he say, make mushroom cloud."

Fan: "Yeah!!! That guy is so cool! I-"

Sheik: "Silence! I hadn't finished! -Iranian School Polo champion, living in a cardboard palace with my camel...."

And as we leave the meet and greet, what have we learned? I think the main lesson I've learned is don't press auto advance too much and miss a whole month when you're doing a multi player (ish) game that depends on monthly scores....

Post-meet and greet

Overall grade: N/A

Attendance: 1,000,000 (prove me wrong, dare ya)

Finance: $2,163 PROFIT for June

So I completely messed up and actually made money? Hot damn, I'm going to Seaworld!!!!

Occasional_Z · March 27, 2014

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Voeltzwagon" data-cite="Voeltzwagon" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="37722" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Of all the Aussie companies to have it DIW makes the least sense, doesn't it? I just remember getting 2010 the first time and playing MAW I was always like 'WHY AM I LOSING ALL THIS MONEY' and came to realize it was drug testing stuff. That is the only reason why that popped in my head when you both were talking about an odd amount of expenses.</div></blockquote> I can see it for MAW at least, kinda makes sense...Rip Chord being really old fashioned and having had addiction problems himself. Agree with DIW though, surely RAW would have it instead? <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="terrybgoode" data-cite="terrybgoode" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="37722" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Pff! Drug testing crossed my mind a couple of times, but I ruled it out because... yeah, seriously. DIW?! They can afford it even less than MAW can, and why would it even be a thing. I could totally see it for RAW, but... <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></div></blockquote> Totally agree. Can you see The Comedian trying to drug test a load of ex-cons? I don't <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

jongredic · March 27, 2014

I honestly don't know what to say, Mr Z...

You MISSED an entire show?

AND YOU STILL MADE A PROFIT?! <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/mad.png.69834f23b9a8bf290d98375f56f1c794.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

I've got to up my game against that AND a romantic abnormality?!

<img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/eek.png.0e09df00fa222c85760b9bc1700b5405.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Occasional_Z · March 27, 2014

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="jongredic" data-cite="jongredic" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="37722" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>I honestly don't know what to say, Mr Z... You MISSED an entire show? AND YOU STILL MADE A PROFIT?! <img alt=":mad:" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/mad.png.69834f23b9a8bf290d98375f56f1c794.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> I've got to up my game against that AND a romantic abnormality?! <img alt=":eek:" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/eek.png.0e09df00fa222c85760b9bc1700b5405.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></div></blockquote> Yup. That's my new strategy. Shame I only turned the drug testing off after the meet and greet, I would have made like $6k for doing nothing....

jongredic · March 27, 2014

Universe 2, Show 6

Friday, Week 3, June 2014

DIW Locker Room

30 minutes before showtime...

There's a commotion in the locker room, with a knot of people in the middle. The Sheikh bursts in (with Chris in tow).

Sheikh: What in name of Forty Thieves kkhhhapenning?!

God of War: Them two, mate. You wanna sort them out.

Sheikh: Which two? Fat Khim?! Fat Dumfrey Pigdog?!

God of War: Yeah, sure. Why not...

Menace to Sobriety: Mate, thass not... tha... snot cool, man!

God of War: Whatever, mate. I'm tryin-a get some shut eye here. Do you think you bogans can take this outside?

God of War puts a magazine over his face, folds his arms, leans back and goes to sleep.

Menace to Sobriety: Ish that... *burp* ...that new guy - Tate.

Sheikh: Thank you. Also, you DISGUST Sheikh! Clean up before show, or Chris will have words.

Chris the Camel: HHHNNNNNORRRRRRRRRR!

Menace scuttles off. The Sheikh marches through the crowd and pulls Reggie Tate off a visibly shaken Blitz Simpson.

Sheikh: What in seven layers of the KKHHELL you do?!

Reggie: Teaching Blitz a lesson.

Sheikh: Why?

Reggie: I didn't like the way he looked at me. Convict scum! *spits*

Sheikh: Oh. Well, in that case...

The Sheikh starts to walk away, Reggie looking quite proud of himself. Suddenly the Sheikh does a 180, rips off his shirt and throws it at Reggie. He takes something out of his pocket... a scroll?!

Sheikh: Our Sovereign Lady the Queen doth strictly charge AND command...

[8 minutes later]

Sheikh: ...Allah save the Queen.

Reggie: And just what the bloody hell was that?

Sheikh: That was Riot Act. Next time, I beat you to death with it. Understand, INFIDEL?!

Reggie: Whatevs.

Sheikh: Khhhmmmm... I put my eyes in you.

Reggie: It's "I've GOT my eyes ON you", old man.

Sheikh: This time, Sheikh lets that go on slide. Get ready for show and do not, as they say, micturate off Sheikh again.

Suddenly, The Comedian bursts into the room. His face is usually like thunder. Tonight, it's like a cyclone, hailstorm and a bushfire all rolled into one.

The Comedian: Wanna hear a bad joke?

<div style="text-align:center;">__________________

DIW Faceful of Fist

Friday, Week 3, June 2014</div>

ROOM AT THE TOP?: Pinn matches The Void up against Menace to Sobriety (E-)

The Void is in Dumfrey Pinn's office. At least, we assume that's where he is - the makeshift desk made out of burger boxes and chairs made out of towers of upturned chicken buckets is a bit of a giveaway.

Pinn: I'm teaching you everything I know, son. We're gonna take over this caaaaaake... [awkwardly long pause]... I mean, company, and you're going to be my right hand man. Firstly though, we need to dispatch that lapdog of The Comedian's - Meringue to Sorbet... Mmmm gravy. KEBABS! FIVE CHEESE PIZZA! BUTTER!

Pinn is totally gone by this point, just shouting out names of foods with a glazed ham... I mean expression!

The Fat Man no longer Talks Good. He is, by all definitions, a very large waste of space. I'm also fairly convinced he's the missing 96% of the mass of the universe. I'll expect my Nobel prize in the post, thanks.

God of War challenges The Comedian (E)

God of War strolls at a leisurely place down to the ring with a mic.

God of War: Eh! Comedian, mate! I'm bored off me tits here. Fancy a fight. Something to do, yeah? Bonza!

So, yeah. I like God of War, but haven't known what to do with him. For the time being, I'm gonna have him trolling the entire roster. Just because.

Surfer Dude Lucas and Reggie Tate defeat The Hired Guns in 2v2 (E)

About as good as you can expect from two new Openers and a string bean weasel with a Tax Man gimmick. Imagine what this would be like without Wez Dobberly! *shudder*

DIESEL POWERED: Tombstone accuses Diesel Dan, God of War provides alibi (E)

Diesel Dan is relaxing in the locker room. God of War is sleeping in the corner again, when Tombstone bursts in.

Tombstone: Dan! You are a disgrace!

Dan: What the hell are you talking about, mate?

Tombstone: Inventing the Bloodstained Belt last month? Then conveniently winning it yourself? How desperate ARE you, mate?

Dan: Those in glass houses, mate. Half the bloody roster wants my belt! Including you! Not bad for a "made up" title, eh?

Tombstone: Don't think I can't see what you're up to, mate! I notice Big Rig's not been around much. Round about the same time you started whinging like a Sheila about wanting a title. What happened three months ago?

God of War: Damn, dude, give it a rest, eh?! I'm tryin-a get some sleep before my match.

Tombstone: Stay out of this, mate!

God of War: Oh, but if I did that, you wouldn't find out that Dan was with me the whole time at that show.

Tombstone: Oh yeah? OH YEAH? Well... well... OH YEAH?! I... THIS ISN'T OVER, DAN!

And with that, Tombstone storms out.

Dan: Eh, mate, why'd you lie for me?

God of War: It's a laugh, ain't it?

Hopefully that finally sheds some light on the Diesel Powered storyline - I thought I'd keep the whole midcard occupied with a title race. Hopefully it'll get the right people over, too. Just a shame it came in at such a low grade...

ROOM AT THE TOP?: The Void defeats Menace to Sobriety in a Weapon on a Pole match (F+)

The Void managed to retrieve the weapon (frying pan), but decided instead to put Menace out of his misery by pinfall with a Nullifier in 6:40.

An F+ match? Seriously?! I refuse to believe The Void is to blame for this. My evidence? This match was less than 7 minutes, and Menace was apparently tiring before the end...

DIESEL POWERED: The Comedian sets Mace Mueller and Milton up for a Bloodstained Belt title shot (D-)

Mace and Milton come hurtling down the ramp to the ring, microphones in hand. Before they can utter a word, though, The Comedian appears at the top of the ramp.

The Comedian: Two men walk into a ring. They fight. One gets Belt title shot. Next show. Done.

And with that, he drops the microphone and heads backstage.

He's awesome.

DIESEL POWERED: Milton defeats Mace (E)

After Mace's loss against The Comedian last show, Dumfrey Pinn told Mace he'd never get another title shot. Mace took that to mean the DIW Championship - Pinn said nothing about the Bloodstained Belt. He was doing well enough against Milton, but Pinn, always one to support the members of his stable, somehow got in the ring and sat on a homicidal looking Death Ref until he was out. Pinn then assumed refereeing duties and spent most of that time taunting Mace.

Some confidence shattering and a stupidly fast countout later, and Milton gets the title shot next month.

The match was solid, but had no heat from the crowd. I'm happy enough with this, I suppose. I've learned to lower my expectations lately.

The Comedian is confident about God of War match (D+)

The Comedian is asked how he feels about his upcoming match against God of War.

The Comedian: Confident.

He walks off.

And this ties for best ever segment since I started playing DIW.

APOCALUDA: The Apocalypse brawl with Barracudas 2.0 (E)

The Apocalypse are in the ring with microphones (yes... both of them...)

Warmonger: BarraCUUUUUUdas! Your corrupt ways, your cheating at matches, your domination over a belt you do not deserve cannot conTINUUUUUE!

Hatemonger: Yeah!

Warmonger: WE. WILL. BRING. YOU. DOOOOOWWWWNNN!

Hatemonger: Yeah!

Warmonger: We already forced that coward Chopper Rourke out of DIW. Like cockroaches, you have reGROOOOOUPed. But not for much LOOOOONNNNNger!

Hatemonger: Y-

Blitz Simpson and Vaughn rush the ring and start battering both of the 'Mongers, which leads us to...

APOCALUDA: Barracudas 2.0 draw with The Apocalypse in a Dog Collar match (D-)

Death Ref hops into the ring, and for reasons known only to him (probably oxygen deprivation from Pinn sitting on him before), slaps dog collars on the contenders. The match is nothing but a hot mess of attempted clean fighting from The Apocalypse, and barely legal (in every sense of the word) moves from Barracudas 2.0. Death Ref is homicidal at the lack of respect being shown to him and honest fighting. He leaves the ring and sits at the announcer's desk.

By the time Blitz has Hatemonger on the floor with the collar's chain wrapped around his neck and Warmonger is dragging Vaughan's barely conscious body up the ramp, Death Ref's rage gets the better of him and he calls time on this shambolic display.

Good action, hot crowd. Neither side has to take a knock to momentum or overness. And it got a decent grade. I'm happy.

ROOM AT THE TOP?: Drunk & Disorderly challenge The Void and Dobberly (E+)

D&D are in the ring. The Comedian is definitely upset about something.

The Comedian: I'm upset. Like, deffo!

Menace to Sobriety: Ish true. He'sh very upshettsshh. And he'sh my besssshhht friend. I love him, man. Comedian, I love you man.

The Comedian: Rack off! Void! Dobberly! Sick of Pinn Enterprises. Face me!

Menace to Sobriety: Usssshhh, mate. Face usssss.

The Comedian: Fine. Whatever. Face me! Next month!

Menace to Sobriety: Oh... oh God...[vomits all over himself]

Well I know who WASN'T responsible for the E+...

The Comedian defeats God of War in Ladder Match to retain DIW Championship (D-)

It took 10:51 for The Comedian to get to the top of the ladder and retrieve the Championship belt to make his third defence. God of War then shakes the ladder and The Comedian takes a crazy bump.

The Comedian immediately shakes it off and starts celebrating, when suddenly a homicidal Death Ref decides he's had enough of everyone's nonsense and flattens The Comedian with a steel chair. He's got a wild look in his eye and targets God of War, who just casually strolls out of the ring and back up the ramp, shaking his head. Death Ref returns to slamming the chair into the unconscious Comedian as a team of armed security storm the ring and give the audience 5 minutes before the tear gas is released. (E+)

It's a shame, you know. The match was so good, and then I messed it up with Death Ref's heel turn/Maniac gimmick debut. Seemed like such a good idea in my head. Death Ref reacted badly to it, the audience were lukewarm...

At least the match was decent, eh?

Post-show

Overall grade: D-

Attendance: 300 - SELL OUT!

Finance: $540 PROFIT FOR JUNE

A bit wordy, this show. For that you have my apologies. This is the show where I started to try booking with more planning - and that meant properly explaining the storylines.

Although it's a D-, par for the course, kind of show, I feel it was a bit better than May's D-.

Dumfrey Pinn is neither use nor ornament for me now, and to be honest Menace is going the same way.

Reggie Tate came in as a negative backstage influence. After reading the riot act, he's now VERY negative.

I'm starting to even out the face/heel divide in the roster, so I might consider him collateral damage if he doesn't turn out to be at least half-decent in the ring.

Unfortunately, while Mr Z had a rather quiet June, mine wasn't quite over...

jongredic · March 27, 2014

Universe 2, Show 6 - part II

The Comedian's Office

An hour later....

The Comedian and the Sheikh are stood on one side of the desk, while Dumfrey Pinn is sat on the other, with a jerry can which appears to be filled with custard.

Sheikh: Run by me again, Pigdog...

Pinn: Well, I'm going to APW. Strewth, even Meance gets it, and he's unconscious and hooked up to a stomach pump!

Sheikh: When?

Pinn: Couple of weeks.

Sheikh: Sheikh - Nuclear Warhead Engineer; number 1 Iranian desert real estate salesman 1992 - does not understand.

Big Jim: Sheikh, mate, I don't know what you hope to accomplish here. We're all tuckered out, let him go, and we can all go home to bed.

Sheikh: FAT KHIM! YOU ALWAYS IN ROOM! NOT EXPECT! NEVER ADDRESS SHEIKH OFF ANNOUNCE DESK!

He rips off his shirt, throws it at Jim and pulls a bookcase off the wall, all in one easy motion.

Pinn: Listen, mates, I think I'm gonna get off. Cheers for the job!

Sheikh: You DISGUST me, INFIDEL! We feed you. You too fat to wrestle, so we give you cushion job...

Big Jim: Cushy...

Sheikh: That is very bad word in Arabic. You on last warning, Fat Khim.

Big Jim: [sighs] It's Jim, Sheikh.

Sheikh: No, it's Sheikh Ali, Khim. FAT DUMFREY PIGDOG... we give you storyline. Biiiig finale, much prize. And this. This is how you repay?

At this moment, Death Ref comes in, looking homicidal.

Death Ref: YOU! I want a bloody word with you! Look mate, I'm flamin' hoppin' about this turn and gimmick. You've stuffed my credibility RIGHT up. RIGHT UP, mate. What're you gonna do? I've got a wife and a young daughter to support, and you're making me look like a right dicky-do-dah in front of the fans.

Sheikh: You always talk much?! Here $100. Go away.

Death Ref: This'll do for now, mate, but I'm still as red as a flamin' galah mate!

Death Ref exits. Pinn, clearly bored and hungry (mostly hungry), wants this finished as soon as possible.

Pinn: Look, mate, I don't know what you want me to say...

The Comedian: YOU FAT ****** PIECE OF ******* ****, I MEAN, ***** ******* ***** YOU ****** SOPPY ****! I ******* TOLERATED ALL YOUR ******* ****** ******* AND **** ME IF I DIDN'T ******* PUT ******* ****** DOLLAR AFTER ******* DOLLAR INTO YOUR FAT ******* ******* ****** ***** ACCOUNT. GET THE ****** ****** ****** ***** OUT OF MY ****** DAMN ****** OFFICE, YOU **** **** ***** ******* ***** **** **** ***** ****!

Pinn very slowly runs off at top speed. Once he's gone, a stunned Sheikh breaks the tension.

Sheikh: You okay? Want to talk about it?

The Comedian: Nah.

He lights a cigarette, opens a tinny and walks out of the office.

If Pinn thinks he's got one over on me, he's mistaken.

Also, yes I did try to buy Death Ref off with $100. And no, it didn't work. He's still fuming at me.

Until July, Mr Z.

jongredic · March 27, 2014

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Occasional_Z" data-cite="Occasional_Z" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="37722" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Yup. That's my new strategy. Shame I only turned the drug testing off after the meet and greet, I would have made like $6k for doing nothing....</div></blockquote> At least we've got a Plan B now if it ever hits the fan <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> So... who technically wins Show 6? Profit or grade?

Occasional_Z · March 27, 2014

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="jongredic" data-cite="jongredic" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="37722" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>At least we've got a Plan B now if it ever hits the fan <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> So... who technically wins Show 6? Profit or grade?</div></blockquote> Actually booking a show <img alt=":D" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Occasional_Z · March 30, 2014

<div style="text-align:center;">Half Term Report

http://i1062.photobucket.com/albums/t495/Occasional_Z/DIW/HalfTermReport_zpse96ef627.jpg

</div>

Universe 1 - Occasional_Z

Best Show - DIW Facepuncher - Jan 2013 - Score 45 (D)

Best Match - Comedian beat Tombstone - January 2013 - Score 43 (D)

Best Attendence - 247 (April 2013)

Universe 2 - Jongredic

Best Show - Faceful of Fist - June 2013 - Score: 39 (D-)

Best Match - The Comedian defeats Dumfrey Pinn in Coal Miner's Glove match - January 2013 - Score: 41 (D-)

Best Attendence - 300 (March and June 2013)

jongredic · March 30, 2014

That's not too bad, actually. I thought the gap would be a lot bigger than that.

All still to play for. I'm a-coming after you, Mr Z! <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Occasional_Z · April 1, 2014

Universe 1 Show 7

That's not too bad, actually. I thought the gap would be a lot bigger than that.

All still to play for. I'm a-coming after you, Mr Z!

Yeah? Bring it on!

Having said that, I'm not confident for this show...as much as we mocked Pinn, he was over and could talk. He's gonna be missed. I need to try and mix it up this, see if anyone else can shine.

DIW Drunken Fury

Saturday Week 1 July 2013

Pre Show

Asylum, Hatemonger, Menace to Sobriety and Milton Hittlespitz beat Chopper Rouke, Mace Mueller, The Void and Vaughan when Asylum pinned The Void (E-)

Awful pre show fare, designed to get everyone to earn a paycheck. Jongredic is doing a much better job of pushing The Void than me, the guy's quite talented too. Asylum won with the stoppage punches again, I gotta ask again - does he just punch them during the three count? Wouldn't that break the pin?

Main Show

Angus McMiller comes down to the ring to call the fans tax cheats, The Comedian comes down to argue with him - match booked for later tonight (D)

Decent grade there...I'm auditioning people tonight. See who can be the new Dumphrey Pinn...but thin. And good in the ring. As a snooty heel, McMiller is a great fit to take on the anti authority Comedian

Wez Dobberly beat Blaze Maximmum (E)

Wanted to give Wez a chance to shine, but picked the wrong opponent here. Still a win is a win.

Mayhem Mulhoney hyped up his match against Blitz Simpson (E)

Hmmm...maybe Mulhoney is only a good talker when he's talking about The Comedian

Tombstone beat The Kipper (E)

They don't click. I get the feeling that The Kipper is gonna be the guy that doesn't click with people. Every TEW13 game has one. You think it'll be a decent match? Nope, don't click.

The Comedian hypes his match against Angus McMiller (D-)

Comedian: "Knock Knock.

Drunken crowd: "Who's....there!!!"

Comedian: "Battered tax inspector."

Drunken crowd: "Battered...tax...inspector...WHO?!?"

Comedian: "Battered tax inspector, broken face. Can never be fixed."

I'll take D-, that's a decent grade for a man who doesn't talk talking about a upper midcarder who usually wrestles in tag matches

Mayhem Mulhoney beat Blitz Simpson (E)

I'm sure they've done better than this before...I want to push Blitz, but I can't put him over The Comedian and Tombstone's a heel. I'm hoping he'll gain something from this, but I should have been braver and maybe done a draw?

Angus McMiller taunts The Comedian (E+)

McMiller: "Quiet down, you tax cheats! Comedian, if that is your real name, tonight you will wrestle the most organised wrestler in Australia today, Angus McMiller! I will excel tonight, defeat you and take the DIW Championship back to my office, safe from all you deadbeats! I doubt you lowlives even know what 'excel' means....to you braindead, sweaty animals it's just that collection of numbers and lines that you sometimes see on the desktop when you're looking for pornography on your stolen computers, through the neighbour's internet router!"

I was hoping for a bit better to be honest...let's hope their matcg isn't a total disaster.

The Comedian beat Angus McMiller to retain the DIW Championship (D-)

Yes! I'm pleased with that, had visions of it being E-. Hopefully, that's a D- show....

Mayhem Mulhoney rescues The Comedian from The Hired Guns (E)

Not a good night for Mayhem...I'm looking for a new top guy and he's not impressing me...

Post-show

Overall grade: D-

Attendance: 226

Finance: $641 PROFIT FOR JUNE

So, that went ok...bit of money in, a D- grade...let's auto advance...it's funny how bad things happen when I auto advance, sure that's just a conincid-

Mace Mueller has signed with RAW? Angus McMiller has signed with RAW?!?Mayhem Mulhoney has signed with RAW?!?!?

Ryland!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jongredic · April 2, 2014

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Occasional_Z" data-cite="Occasional_Z" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="37722" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div> Mace Mueller has signed with RAW? Angus McMiller has signed with RAW?!?Mayhem Mulhoney has signed with RAW?!?!? </div></blockquote> Damn, dude! I think that might be the harshest thing I've ever seen come out of a TEW game... Even moreso than what happened to THE ARCHITECT in your post-LOSER EPW diary. You have my heartfelt condolences. <img alt=":(" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/frown.png.e6b571745a30fe6a6f2e918994141a47.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

jongredic · April 2, 2014

Universe 2, Show 7

Thursday, Week 2, July 2014

The Comedian's Office

Angus McMiller is rummaging through The Comedian's desk as Sheikh Ali comes in with Chris the Camel.

Sheikh: Weasel Man! What you do in Comedian's office?

Angus: Ummm... nothing...

Sheikh: Sheikh has spent enough time under Chris to know what the sheets smell like!

Angus: The sheets?

Sheikh: The bullsheets! You up to something, White Devil! You always up to something despicable. YOU DISGUST SHEIKH! SHEIKH IS DISHONOURED BY TAXMAN'S PRESENCE!

Angus: Riiight... I'm just going to go, if it's all the same to you. I'm the only one in this place to do the accounts. You know how much Menace spent on booze last month?

Sheikh: Sheikh - greatest business mind of generation - does not care.

Angus: Hundreds, mate. Hundreds! Anyway! Can't dally about here all day like a drongo, I've got some double entry to be getting on with.

Sheikh: Sheikh has no interest in your deviancy, INFIDEL SWINE!

Angus: Book-keeping! Right-o, I'll see you later...

Angus grabs the petty cash box, some ledgers and hurries off like the cat that got the cream, just as The Comedian enters with a tinny in hand and a cigarette in his mouth. He looks fed up.

The Comedian: Yup?

Sheikh: Sheikh has idea! Season finale in December! Yes?

The Comedian: Whatev. Don't care.

Sheikh: What is matter? You sad for long time now. Very bad for morals!

The Comedian: Morale.

Sheikh: DO NOT CORRECT SHEIKH!

There's an awkward moment of silence. The Sheikh would usually have ripped his shirt off, thrown it at someone and flipped a table by now. Something about doing that to The Comedian seemed like a terrible idea though...

The Comedian: Money.

Sheikh: What?

The Comedian: Five grand in the hole. Again!

Sheikh: You leave to Sheikh. Sheikh sniff out bottom of this! Immediately! Chris stay with you, make fun, yes?

The Comedian: What? Wait! N-

Chris the Camel: HHHNNOOOORRRR! PFFFT!

The Sheikh is gone before The Comedian can even get in a rage about it...

<div style="text-align:center;">_____________

DIW Faceful of Fist

Friday, Week 3, July 2014</div>

Angus McMiller reveals he is now running Pinn Enterprises (D-)

Angus is in the ring with The Void, Mace Mueller and Wez Dobberly.

Angus: Hm, did it get thinner in here?! Everyone, there's a rebate of good news today! Dumfrey Pinn is dead...or something! I am now in control of McMiller Enterprises, Ltd! Instead of taking a backseat and using these magnificent fighting machines for personal gain, I pledge to invest in my assets - I am now managing The Void, Mace and Wez! Our portfolio has never been stronger! It won't be long before we have the DIW Championship in our vault! And I'll have the whole company soon after that, Comedian! Pinn couldn't see beyond his own stomach, but I'm coming for you! I've already started looking at the books, and you'd be amazed what I've found...

On that ominous note, Angus heads back up the ramp, closely followed by his lackeys.

And I have a new mic man. ABOUT TIME!

DIESEL POWERED: Milton Hittlespitz taunts Diesel Dan (E)

Milton runs past Angus and picks up his microphone.

Milton: Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! DAAAAAN! Dan! Dan! DAN! DAN! DAN! Dan! Dan! I'm gonna win later! Dan! Can you hear me?! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! Is this thing on? DAAAAN!

<div class="ipsEmbeddedVideo"><div><iframe width="200" height="150" src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/NwW3ytid4DA?feature=oembed" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="" title="Alan Partridge DAN DAN DAN DAN DAN!"></iframe></div></div>, or loving homage? Um... *runs away*

Mace Mueller defeats Sheikh Ali and Reggie Tate in 3-way match (E)

Mace has been given a reprieve. Pinn was all but determined to bury him, but his abrupt departure and McMiller's different management style means he can prove himself useful to McMiller Enterprises. And he does just that.

An E might be disappointing for Mace, but up against the aging Sheikh and new boy Reggie, I'm actually happy with that.

ROOM AT THE TOP: Wez Dobberly and The Void batter Menace to Sobriety backstage (F+)

Menace to Sobriety is staggering around backstage when Wez and The Void charge in and attack. It doesn't take much to lay out the drunken fool. They run away, leaving Menace unconscious. Probably for the best really.

Once the coast is clear, Death Ref appears from nowhere, sees Menace and runs off for help.

No wait, he's coming back. That's a steel chair... What does- OHHHHH! He slams the chair into Menace's gut then finishes off with a totally unnecessary smash to the head. (F+)

Neither of those F+ grades are as disappointing as you might think...

God of War defeats Surfer Dude Lucas in a Last Man Standing match (E+)

The crowd enjoyed seeing the new boy get trounced by a relatively uninterested God of War. Hmmm.

APOCALUDA: The Apocalypse rant about Barracudas 2.0 (E+)

The Apocalypse are chatting backstage...

Warmonger: I am very anNOOOOOYED. Vaughan, Blitz, I swear on the grave of my dear father, the magnificent Fishmonger, that we will dismantle your corrupt and filthy regime. Firstly, we will take the title you STOOOOOLE! Then we will force you out of DIWWWWWW. And then we will use the power for GOOOOOOD. Schools, hospitals, PAAAAARKS! Things will be very different once you have been REMOOOOOVED!

Hatemonger: Yeah!

Warmonger, you're not the only one who's very anNOOOOOYED...

DIESEL POWERED: Diesel Dan beats Milton Hittlespitz in First Blood match to retain Bloodstained Belt (E)

Dan busts Milton open in 8:08 after Tombstone reaches through the ropes and grabs Milton's ankles. Dan then starts issuing hammer blows to Milton's face. Death Ref either missed it or just didn't care.

As soon as the bell rings, Dan starts arguing with Tombstone.

Dan: Why the hell did you do that?! I don't need any help from you, mate!

Tombstone: I wasn't helping you! We both know Milton wasn't a legitimate contender. And we both know that the Bloodstained Belt is rightfully mine!

Dan: Not this again, mate! Pull the other one!

Tombstone: I'm not your mate! I'm gonna get that Belt, and then you're gonna tell me what happened to Big Rig!

The Comedian has made his way into the ring by this point.

The Comedian: Why did Tombstone cross the road?

Tombstone: What?

The Comedian: To fight Dan. Next month.

And with that he storms off, leaving Dan and Tombstone totally confused. (D-)

Eh, as long as I've got The Comedian, things can't get too bad.

ROOM AT THE TOP: Menace to Sobriety abducted by The Void (F+)

Menace has just regained consciousness backstage, when suddenly The Void appears at the other end of the corridor. Through the majesty of Interpretive Dance, The Void makes his way to Menace and puts a black bag over his head. Menace struggles, but is easily overwhelmed as The Void drags him to the fire exit. He kicks the door open and drags Menace through a large pile of manure, while dodging a clearly startled Chris the Camel. He bundles Menace into the back of a van, shuts the doors and the van escapes at Ludicrous Speed.

I just can't believe The Void is responsible for these low grades... It's GOT to be Menace...

APOCALUDA: Barracudas 2.0 beat down Hatemonger in the ring (E)

Hatemonger looks like he's going to give a little speech of his own, when thankfully, Vaughn comes in with a crushing blow to the back of the head. Blitz isn't far behind and a series of vicious attacks come in from both the Barracudas.

Hatemonger summons the powers of his uncle Fearmonger to get back to his feet. The bell rings and we have a match...

APOCALUDA: Barracudas 2.0 defeat Hatemonger in 2v1 match (E+)

Hatemonger manages to hold his own and even gets some time on the offense before a clothesline brings him down and both Barracudas pile on. Hatemonger manages to free himself, when he gets hit from both sides by a double dropkick. He sways on the spot for a moment, then faceplants into the mat.

Death Ref puts down the bottle of beer he's been drinking and casually makes his way over. He checks on Hatemonger before having a crisis of conscience. On the one hand, he doesn't care; on the other, he likes his job. He signals that the match is over due to injury and hails Barracudas 2.0 as the victors.

Warmonger storms out to the ring to check on his downed comrade, then immediately turns on the two celebrating ex-cons.

Warmonger: This is unacCEPTABLLLLEEEEE! Next month, you will face MEEEEEE in this ring, and I will defeat the both of YOOOOU! For I am fortifired by the spirt of IRONMOOOONNNNNGER!!! (D)

Not great. Not TOO terrible either, I suppose. The in-ring action was decent and the crowd responded well. I knew Warmonger was better on the mic than all these recent E grades too!

ROOM AT THE TOP: The Comedian defeats The Void to retain the Championship title (E+)

The Comedian is still incensed from Angus McMiller's earlier speech. He uses this rage to beat the snot out of The Void, who is giving his all to try and get the belt and the approval of his now departed mentor. Even McMiller's distraction isn't enough to put The Comedian off his stride as he makes the cover and wins in 9:39.

As The Void recovers, The Comedian grabs a mic and stares right at McMiller.

The Comedian: There was a young man named The Void,

Who I beat and now you're annoyed.

Next month I want Mace,

That's who I will face,

I'll keep my belt and he'll be destroyed.

He slams the microphone to the ground while security fire a high-powered hose to disperse the crowd. (D)

Hm... so maybe The Void IS still a bit rough around the edges. Oh well, too late to apologise to Menace now!

Post-show

Overall grade: D-

Attendance: 253

Finance: $3,965 LOSS for July

I'd already run this and August's show before the whole drug policy thing was pointed out, so expect a bit more whining on that front next show!

I'm a bit disappointed with the occasional F grades, but as long as I never drop below an overall D-, I'm happy.

I feel like I'm getting an easy ride compared to Mr Z though. I'm interested to see how we compare after next month.

Oh, and RAW have been trolling DIW again. The Sheikh's got something better than strongly worded leaflets this time...

terrybgoode · April 2, 2014

Alan Partridge and Lemongrab on the same show?

AWK-WARD! <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

jongredic · April 2, 2014

Alan Partridge and Lemongrab on the same show?

AWK-WARD!

Lol! The Lemongrab one wasn't intentional, but now that it's pointed out, that's the only way I can hear him talking now

There's potential for a gritty behind-the-scenes documentary there. The thrills, the spills, the unnecessary melodramatic emPHASIIIIIS on certain words...

COMING SOON...

Occasional_Z · April 2, 2014

Universe 1 Show 8

Thursday Week 1 August 2013

Marv's Sports Central

Comedian: "Damn APW. Damn RAW."

Sheik: "Sheik have plan."

Big Jim: "Go on Sheik, any ideas would-"

Sheik: "Silence, infidel! Plan is simple - they take our wrestler we take their wrestler."

Big Jim: "I don't understand-"

Sheik: "You dumb. Dissidents take our wrestler. We take their wrestlers."

Big Jim: "That doesn't explain the trashbags mate?"

Sheik: "We take wrestler, put him in bag, bring him here."

Comedian: "Kidnap."

Sheik: "No, liberation of wrestler."

Big Jim: "That's illegal."

Sheik: "That's why we bring wrestler back."

Big Jim: "They signed contracts to go there Sheik, they went there of their own free will."

Sheik: "And they come back of own free will. Tied up in bag."

Comedian: "It's kidnap."

Big Jim: "How were you planning on getting them all back?"

Sheik: "I tie them to camel, he lead them home."

Big Jim: "Your camel...erm..."

Sheik: "What...what, infidel?"

Comedian: "Got clamped."

Sheik: "What,what-"

Big Jim: "You kept tying him up outside Marv's...Marv's kinda-"

Comedian: "Pissed off."

Sheik: "Very well...I no liberate wrestlers from APW RAW bastards. Next month, I get camel back from clamp bastards and reclaim Angus McMiller in the name of Sheik Ali Al-Avatar!"

The Sheik storms out to make Marv 'humble'....

Big Jim: "Seriously, how did that drongo get the job?"

Comedian: "Him or Pinn."

Big Jim: "I guess we saved a fortune on cream cakes then, old mate."

Stupid website crashed on me while posting show and I don't have a great deal to say about it so I'll just list it

DIW Blood, Beers and Blood

Thursday Week 1 August 2013

Pre show Menace to Sobriety, Milton Hittlespitz and The Kipper beat Mace Mueller, Sheik Ali Al-Avatar and The Void in a Hardcore match (E)

Blitz Simpson defeated Blaze Maximum in a 1vs 1 match (E)

Wez Dobberly taunts The Comedian (E+)

Asylum and Hatemonger beat Chopper Rourke and Vaughan in a Hardcore match (E-)

Mulhoney hypes match against Tombstone (E+)

Tombstone defeated Mayhem Mulhoney in a Weapons Match (E+)

Tomstone beats down Mulhoney (E)

The Comedian taunts Wez Dobberly (C-)

The Comedian defeated Wez Dobberly in a 1vs1 match to retain the DIW Championship (D-)

Post-show

Overall grade: D-

Attendance: 210

Finance: $2,457 LOSS for August

Notes

This show didn't get much of a write up because it's a transition show. I've got replacements lined up for the September show, so I just wanted to tie up some loose ends...

1) End The Comedian's feud with Pinn Enterprises - he's effectively beaten everyone in that stable.

2) Send off Mace Mueller, Blaze Maximum and Mayhem Mulhoney with losses. Well, I didn't set the note for Mueller to lose (The Void did the honors) but you get the gist.

3) Try and end the tedious Asylum vs Los Barracudas feud. No one cares Asylum. No one.

So yeah, expect the thunder in September Jongredic. EXPECT IT.

jongredic · April 3, 2014

I'm expecting nothing less than a humiliating defeat in September to be honest, Mr Z.

Considering how many of your stars have been poached, while I've been left relatively unscathed, and the fact you keep somehow coaxing C- out of The Comedian when I can't get anything above a D+, I don't think my good luck's going to hold out much longer <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

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