Pteroid Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 INTERLUDE 1 ROJO RISING "So like, everyone knows that nobody's made a good record in years, right?" http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/PamelaRojo_zps2d168606.jpg Pamela Rojo sits down next to an old man on a park bench, checking out her iPhone. "Well I mean, sure, that Psychedelic Garage Jobbers album was super good if you're into that retro grunge neo hippie hop sound, y' know? But nobody does that better than Brother Grimm and the whole thing is like sooooo..." Rojo checks her phone again. "Two minutes and fifteen seconds ago...sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, you get my point, right?" http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/Sam%20Strong_ager_zpswdza91gv.jpg "Zzzzzz...no Alicia, yer goin' over strong and yer gonna like it..." "Right! I mean jeez, that whole West Coast scene is like so totally 1997. Nobody likes hardcore anymore, but don't get me wrong, nobody ever liked softcore either, that's why Lady Mellissa doesn't get work anymore, right?" "Zzzzzz...Giant Redwood...over Daryl Devine...by submission...book it, Sneer..." "Right! I dunno, I think I'm working a pretty cushy gig right now though, knock heads, get cash, I got to win once, too, so that's awesome. I only really lost because I didn't wanna win, y'know? I wanna win when I wanna win and I didn't wanna win those three times." "Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...push...The Fooooorce..." "I'm in a tag match this week, which is just, ugh, been there, done that. I wanna do something new, ahead of the curb? I don't even remember who I'm in a team with this week..." Rojo's phone begins ringing to the tune of a dubstep version of Jailhouse Rock (yes, really), she picks it up to see a picture of Tennessee Tex on the screen labeled 'Hick Nerd'. "Oh riiiight. Hey I gotta take this, you gonna be okay?" "Zzzzzzz...No, Nicky, SWF has nothing for yoooou..." "Yeah, you're gonna be okay, snapchat me, kay?" "Zzzzz...what's a social media?" Rojo walks off, somehow managing to whistle the dubstep as she moves to answer the phone. The old man snaps awake suddenly. "PETER WHERE'S MY TAPIOCA!?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3rdStringPG Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Two shoutouts in one segment! Thanks dude! Though I wonder how Jailhouse Rock would sound like in dubstep... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted February 26, 2015 Author Share Posted February 26, 2015 INTERLUDE 2: THE CRUSHINATOR AND YOU! http://www.goodwp.com/large/201103/15712.jpg 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Happy cheerful upbeat music begins to play as a rickety projector begins to show footage of a pastoral 50's neighborhood with the camera zooming along a series of picket fences up to one house in particular where a man is watering his lawn... http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/Knuckles_alt2_zps0e04b35c.jpg ...before getting decked by the Crushinator! A chipper old-time voice cuts in as we freeze frame. "This is the Crushinator!" The scene resumes with the Crushinator continuing to beat the ever loving crap out the poor homeowner as the narration goes on. "And like many of you viewing this helpful instructional video, he is an employee of Simply Awesome Wrestling. The management of our fine organization has made this video to clear up some misconceptions about our fine masked friend here-" The Crushinator giant swings the man repeatedly before releasing him, sending him crashing through the door and into his house. "For the health and well-being of himself and his co-workers, I.E: You. So let's get started shall we? Misconception number one..." THE CRUSHINATOR IS NOT IMMORTAL We cut to a series of pictures taken at different points in history...which appear to all feature Crushinator in them. These include Crushinator floating via water wings next to the sinking Titanic, Crushinator sneezing on Mother Theresa, and of a stained glass window of him punching King Arthur in the face. "While an exceptionally tough and hardy competitor, all proof that the Crushinator is in fact a force of destruction that has existed since the dawn of time is obviously doctored falsehoods put together by bitter defeated opponents." We get shown an artist's rendition that appears to be the Crushinator burning down the Garden of Eden with an extremely anachronistic match and an equally anachronistic can of gasoline before it's overlain with a large red circle with a slash through it. "Discrepancy number two..." THE CRUSHINATOR IS NOT A SUPER SOLIDER "The Crushinator is not now, nor has he ever been the product of elaborate illegal experiments to create a super soldier by the United States or any foreign power, conspiracy, or entity..." Grainy footage clearly shows Crushinator storming the beaches of Normandy, dragging a thrashing shark by the tailfin behind him, before hurling the sea creature at a machine gun nest. The footage gets another circle with a slash through it. "...and he certainly did not single handedly win World War 2 due to his hatred of Charlie Chaplin mustaches. AND OUR FINAL CORRECTION... THE CRUSHINATOR IS NOT DEFEATABLE Footage of Crushinator's various assaults and victories in SAW begin to play as the narration continues on. "While we know we've been helpful in sorting out the previous misconceptions of immortality and super soldier serum abuse, we helpfully remind those members of our roster that the Crushinator cannot be beaten by mere mortal men. Indeed, the best course of action when finding out you're set to face him is to turn right back the way you came and run screaming for whatever being birthed you into the world." The scene cuts to the Crushinator glaring at the screen. "That means you, Mr. Electricity." http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/KashmirSingh_alt2_zps03c78cf5.jpg In Memoriam THE END Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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