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I liked New Orleans. It was hot, vibrant and messy. It was life.

 

It was the perfect place for professional wrestling. A place crazy enough that even the most flamboyant characters would be easily accepted and cheered or booed. At least that was the plan. Following an acrimonious divorce from his previous employer on broadway, the eccentric Harry Chadwick had moved back south, bought out a travelling circus troop and was in the process of revamping it as a wrestling promotion.

 

His first action was to hire me as his head booker and announcer. We’d met years back and had become firm friends after a series of… events.

 

We hoped to bring back some of the pizzazz that was missing from pro wrestling these days. Sure there was a ‘war’ going on between the big three: USPW, SWF and TCW. But let’s be honest here, they were stuck in the near past, producing the same bland feuds they had been for decades. USPW had risen to the top with over-the-top zany characters, but they had all the edge of a loaf of bread. TCW bored the crowds with their ‘realism’ and SWF… Well they just plain sucked.

 

The independent scene wasn’t much better with hardcore and high-flying Mexican-inspired theatrics dominating. Promising an alternative to the big boys, they were happy to destroy young men and women’s bodies in order to make a break-through.

 

There was a place for both styles in a promotion, but not regularly and certainly not at the expense of people’s lives.

 

We wanted entertainment, fun, excitement and performance.

 

My name is Thomas Patrick and this is…

 

Dixie Vaudeville Wrestling.

 

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A local promotion based in New Orleans, Louisiana (South East). It's owned by former theatre impresario Harry Chadwick and is booked by his old PA Thomas Patrick, who acts as the main announcer. It's goal is to bring the fun of the circus back into professional wrestling, using glitz, glamour and characters to draw the crowds.

 


 

 


Hailing from the French Alps, Pierre is a medical marvel. At a young age he was told by American doctors that because of his gigantism he'd never live past thirteen. He proved them wrong. Now over seven feet tall, he is one of the largest men in the world and along with his manager Robert DeVille has promised total destruction to the country who foretold of his death.

 


 

 


From the darkest depths of your nightmares comes Papa Friday and Papa Hoodoo. Rumours persist that they were born and raised by a lunatic cult on Haiti but have appeared in the United States to spread the word of Voodoo to western world. They refuse to acknowledge any truth to these rumours.

 


 

 


Dressed in a leotard of leopard skin, he claims he defeated during his travels in the Congo, Ernest the Strong Man is one of the most powerful men in the world. He displays this with his 100lbs dumb-bells which he brings to ringside.

 


 

 


A young daredevil performer, whose acrobat parents 'The Flying Blackfriars' were sadly killed in a tragic trapeze accident when he was a boy. He has since painted his face black to represent the sadness he feels every day.

 


 

 


The twisted physician from Chicago, Illinois, Doctor O'Haire has amassed an army of freaks from his bizarre experiments. Pogo the Twisty, Magwitch the Angry are mentally disturbed clowns managed by the bearded woman Vikki Victoria. Then there's Katoh the Freak of Orient, a Japanese mad man and the mysterious Masked Mauler.

 


 

 


Christian Kamikaze and Xavi Ferrera are two of the most impressive performers of the physical and dare devil style ever seen in a big top. Leaping from turnbuckle to the mat with the greatest of ease, these two risk takers have wowed crowds from Beijing to Timbuktu.

 


 

 


The Mythical One and the Amazing Fire Fly are two masked Mexican maniacs who call New Orleans home. Run out of their home country with nothing more than a single dollar and a will to perform, they were discovered by Harry Chadwick performing stunts on the street. He saw something special in them and signed them for his circus at once.

 


 

 


While Harry Chadwick travelled deepest, darkest parts of the African jungle he happened across a tribe of warriors lead by two enormous men. He named them King Kong Colossus and King King Boenyard and brought them back to the United States for your viewing pleasure. Never before has such savagery been seen in these lands.

 


 

 


Everybody needs a hero and no one best surmises that more than Nature Boy Joffy Laine. A billionaire from the Texas outback, he got bored with all the money and women and decided to prove himself as a fighter. Unable to catch a break, he funded an expedition of Harry Chadwick's into the Orient and earned a place the old fashioned way.

 


 

 


From the Louisiana swamps comes Cobra Bill, a man so in tune with nature, he can command serpents to do his bidding.

 


 

 


Hailing from the high seas, this flamboyant man met Chadwick while trapped in the Bermuda Triangle. He agreed to perform at the circus if Chadwick could release him from his four-hundred year imprisonment.

 


 

 


If God created the perfect man, he'd look like Logan Wolfsbaine. A genetic miracle with undeniably physical symmetry we're lucky he'd a true blue American

 


For those interested in reading my first attempt at a diary, check out the most depressing story ever told... TEXAS FOREVER!

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“Roll up, roll up, roll up… And experience a feast for your eyes, a floor for your jaw to drop to and a parade of the strangest and most horrible freaks the world has ever seen. The Delicious and debonair Harry Chadwick presents to you… Dixie Vaudeville Wrestling.”

 


The man shouting to the public was wearing a red faux-military jacket, an ornate top hat and was speaking through an over-sized cone. The standard look of a ringmaster, complete with curled moustache, although that prop was peeling off at the side in the rain.

 


The heavens had opened sometime in the middle of November and hadn’t closed since. It was January.

 


Deep puddles of rain water splashed and sploshed as the booted feet of potentially paying customers plunged in and out.

 


I leant in and pressed the unstuck part of facial hair back on his face.

 


“Thanks boss,” he whispered in a deep Texas accent.

 


“Is that you Joffy?” I replied.

 


“Yeah Harry needed someone to come and round up customers, so I offered.”

 


I liked ‘Nature Boy’ Joffy Laine. Actually like was a strong word. He was a charismatic kid with a motormouth who in small doses could be a lot of fun, but was always on the verge of irritating everyone.

 


Most circus you see in the films are the travelling variety, where they pack up after a few days and just roll on to the next town, usually on a train or some such. The beauty of a place like New Orleans is that it has a carnival-like atmosphere all year round. It was exactly what the previous owner, Parsil Ognacious had figured out decades ago.

 


Then Harry Chadwick had come along and bought the place from him for a cut-price fee on the understanding that he keep the ‘spirit of the show’ alive. Harry was a perfect choice too. His history in theatre and his somewhat eccentric and enigmatic nature fit perfectly in the surroundings of clowns, exotic animals and the showy trapeze artists.

 


We’d moved down here just before Christmas, to a large plot of land on the edge of the French Quarter. Harry had thrown financial backing behind a number of the attractions, providing better living arrangements for the tigers Zin and Zan and the elephant Bessy. He’d invested in safer ropes for the acrobats high wire shows and he’d cleared out the tent called the Little Top and installed a dusty old four-sided ring.

 


The second week we were there small groups of wrestlers started to arrive, each carrying a note addressed to them from Harry with a pay cheque. I later found out he’d sent out hundreds of them and spent a small fortune just to lure a few to the Little Top. He reasoned that those who cashed the cheque and never showed weren’t the sort of people he wanted in his one ring circus.

 


When all two-dozen of them had all gathered, Harry and I sat down and worked out characters for them which would fit in their new surroundings and got a date in the diary for our first show. We had a month to prepare before the first week four, Thursday night extravaganza: Carnival Circus.

 


It wasn’t subtle, but neither was the muscular Ernest Youngman in a leopard-print singlet. Or should I call him Ernest the Strong Man now?

 


We barely saw Harry after that. He communicated almost exclusively through notes, the first of which I received read simply:

 


‘Don’t lose my money, get popular, no criminals, psychopaths and no realistic wrestlers please.’

 


Easier said than done Harry.

 


Darkness smothered the surrounding area, but the Little Top was lit up like a firework and it looked like we’d fill at least half the three-hundred capacity for our first show. When I got back to my office there was a parcel wrapped in brown paper with my name on it.

 


I opened it and there were three title belts. One Heavyweight and two tag team titles. The note read ‘Use these, Harry.’ On the outer plates was unevenly stuck squares of masking tape and in marker on them were the initials DVW. I peeled the masking tape back and read the initials which were actually engraved onto the belt. CZCW.

 


Someone entered the office and I spun to see a woman in black and white facepaint stood next to a Japanese man in the same.

 


“Hello Black Widow…” I started.

 


“This idiot has stolen my face paints,” she interrupted.

 


“Did you steal them Katoh?”

 


He just shrugged and pulled a face behind Black Widow’s back. I s******ed and she stormed out.

 


“Just try and be a bit more subtle about it,” I told him.

 


He shrugged in response and left. I wondered if he could even speak Englsih.

 


The rest of the guys had their characters and each had read the running order of events. A drum beat played through the Little Top, the lights went down and the audience (and me) waited to see what happened.

 


 

 

 


Thursday Week 4, January 2016


Live from Chadwick’s Circus in the Little Top (107 tickets sold), New Orleans, it’s…


Carnival Circus 1

 


OPENING MATCH


(Carnival Clown Crew (Magwitch the Angry and Pogo the Twisty) defeated The Daredevils (Christian Kamikaze and Xavi Ferrera) by pinfall. E+)


Wow Magwitch sucked. But he looked creepy as all Hell. The Carnival Clown Crew were accompanied by ‘The Bearded Woman’ Vikki Victoria and ‘The Insane’ Doctor O’Haire. The overall look of the troop was fantastic. Meanwhile I’d thrown a new performer, the gorgeous Charity Sweet with the Daredevils. They just looked so bland next to the clowns. I’d need to rethink that.

 


ANGLE


Doctor O'Haire, Magwitch, Pogo and Vikki stayed in the ring and were joined by Katoh Freak and The Masked Mauler. O’Haire welcomed the audience to O’Haire’s House of Horrors, the finest collection of human oddities the world has ever seen. But don’t let the looks deceive you, they’re here to win and spread the good word of the freak bible. Apparently Katoh wants a fight next and they should roll out whichever ‘normy’ wants a beating. (E)

 


SINGLES MATCH


(Glorious Logan Wolfsbaine defeated Katoh Freak in 3:36 by submission. F+)


Well that was awful. The crowd roundly booed both competitors throughout. They looked so awkward out there. Not the compelling start to either career. Even Wolfsbaine’s stars and stripes look got him any cheers.

 


ANGLE


After the match Wolfsbaine picked up a microphone and looked up to the back of the Little Top. I frantically waved my hand across my neck to tell him to not bother, but he either couldn’t see me or chose to ignore me. He yelled, “God bless you all and GOD BLESS AMERICA.” That at least got a few cheers. (E)

 


SIX MAN TAG TEAM MATCH


(Amazing Fire Fly, El Mítico Jr and Hugh de Aske defeated Doctor O'Haire, Vikki Victoria and Cobra Bill Barnham in 7:12 when El Mítico Jr pinned Cobra Bill Barnham after a 450 Splash. E)


I’d got word to the high-flyers to go out there and steal the show in a vain attempt to win the crowd back. Things seemed to be going well until El Mitico jumped off the top rope to perform a hurricanrana and Cobra missed the spot and the masked luchador landed awkwardly on his shoulder and squealed in pain. They rushed through the ending with Mitico fighting through the pain, but the crowd were more interested in the injury.

 


SINGLES MATCH


(Aldous Blackfriar drew with The Masked Mauler in 8:19 following a double count out. E)


Aldous certainly looked the part, with his goth make-up and outrageous hair. Masked Mauler just looked fat, and old. Like the sort of wrestler you’d see back in the 1960s. Their match was fine in that there were no injuries or awkward chemistry. Mauler looked a little out of breath by the end though.

 


TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH


(The King Kongs (Boneyard and Colossus) defeated Loa of New Orleans (Papa Hoodoo and Papa Friday) in 7:34 when King Kong Boneyard pinned Papa Hoodoo after using a foreign object. E+)


Best match of the night so far. The Loa especially looked amazing with their voodoo-inspired entrance through a thick fog while the lights flickered. The crowd were really into them. The King Kongs got by with their size and brutal tag team moves. For the first time, I felt hopeful.

 


ANGLE


The King Kongs are celebrating their victory with the ‘new’ title belts when the lights go out. The crowd ooo and ahh until the lights snap back on and the Loa of New Orleans are stood over the unconscious tag champions and are holding the titles above them. (E+)

 


SINGLES MATCH


(Ernest the Strong Man defeated Robert DeVille in 12:20 by disqualification. E+)


Another decent match. Two in a row is a streak right? Both men are decent performers, but the real story was Pierre the Giant coming out during the match. Standing outside the ring, he’s almost as tall as the top rope and the crowd couldn’t take their eyes off of him. This helped the match at the end when he climbed in over the top rope and assaulted Ernest with a mighty chop.

 


ANGLE


Robert DeVille raises the hand of Pierre and says that he is going to introduce us to his new bodyguard, Pierre the Giant. The most dominant force in the world of professional wrestling and the uncrowned Heavyweight champion. He doubts there’s anyone in the back who could stop him. Cue circus music… (D)

 


HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH


(Pierre the Giant defeated Nature Boy Joffy Laine in 12:12 by pinfall after a mighty chop. E-)


Some of the illusion around Pierre is lost after he is so clearly sucking air after three minutes of effectively stalling. Joffy showed his game for anything by hugely over-selling every move Pierre does. In the end Pierre gets the win and hoists the Heavyweight title belt in the air with his right hand and lifts Robert DeVille onto his shoulder with his left.

 


SHOW RATING: E

 


Backstage the atmosphere was tense and everyone knew it hadn’t been the blow away start we’d been after. El Mitico had an ice pack on his shoulder, which I found out was dislocated and he wasn’t speaking to Cobra Bill because of it. Bill to his credit looked ashen-faced and annoyed by his own behaviour.

 


The mass of humanity that was the King Kongs and Pierre were scratching at the masking tape on their titles. I told all three that they were awesome, and they seemed pretty pleased. Still there was room for improvement and room for growth. We needed it too because the end of month financial figures had us working at a $6,987 loss for the month.

 


As we made our way home later that night, I saw Joffy sweeping up some of the empty popcorn containers.

 


“Good show tonight,” I said.

 


“Yes sirree Bob,” he replied and waved the broom in the air. “That Logan whats-his-face looks pretty good.”

 


“Not a great start for him though,” I replied.

 


“Well no, but he’ll recover. He’s got all the skills you need to be a megastar in this business bossman.”

 


Just then a drop-dead gorgeous woman entered and gave Joffy a peck on the cheek.

 


I raised my eyebrows at the young kid.

 


“Oh, this is Maryam,” he said in response. “My girlfriend. She a wrestler too you know and really talented…”

 


“Good night Joffy,” I interrupted.

 


“Oh right… Yeah, g’night bossman.”

 


Next time in New Orleans… People move in, others move out and another injury leads to more backstage problems.

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“Roll up, roll up, roll up… Come see the death-defying masked luchadors from a mysterious lost Incan city. Or stare in grim fascination at the over-seven-feet-tall giant from the French Alps. If that doesn’t whet your appetite, what about some gold old-fashioned Voodoo from the island of Haiti. See it all at Harry Chadwick’s DIXIE VAUDEVILLE WRESTLING!”

 


“Not bad Joffy, I think you’re improving,” I replied.

 


“I appreciate that bossman,” replied Joffy.

 


“How’s your girlfriend?”

 


“Wilder than an untamed tiger from the Big Top.”

 


“That’s what I like to hear. Are the others all inside?”

 


“Yessir bossman,” he replied. “I’ll be in soon.”

 


The locker room was packed and everyone seemed cheerful. Even Mitico and Cobra Bill had put aside their differences and the masked luchador was nervously holding Bill’s snake Hiss. I looked at the two dozen wrestlers in front of me and all I could think about was the financial report. We were spending so much money and the only way I could think of stopping it was firing some of them.

 


“Did you hear the good news boss?” Cobra asked. “El Miti was moved to New Orleans. He’s one of us now. Hahaha!”

 


“Welcome,” I told El Mitico. “Hopefully it all works out.”

 


“It’s busy out there,” said Logan from the curtain. “Busier than last month.”

 


“I’m not surprised,” replied Ernest. “They’ve probably heard about the incredible Strong Man.”

 


Everybody groaned and Black Widow emerged from a dark shadowy corner.

 


“What did I tell you about boasting Ernest?” she hissed.

 


“I’m sorry…” he started.

 


“Drinks, tonight. You’re paying,” she stated.

 


The locker room cheered and Ernest reluctantly agreed to the sentence. Outside the drum beat started.

 


“Places people,” I shouted. “On with the show!”

 


 

 

 


Thursday Week 1, February 2016


Live from Chadwick’s Circus (253 tickets sold), New Orleans, it’s…


Carnival Circus 2

 


OPENING MATCH


(Amazing Fire Fly defeated Katoh Freak in 5:59 by pinfall. E+)


Well a solid start as Katoh proved that he can actually wrestle, which is great news for an aspiring professional wrestler. Crowd liked the Amazing Fire Fly too. Probably all the bright colours. He was expensive though, so I’d need to see more of him before committing long-term.

 


ANGLE


Cobra Bill Barnham come sout with Hiss the snake and challenges ‘One of them there masked weirdos from Mexico.’ El Mítico Jr answers and comes to the ring to absolutely zero response. Bad execution all round there. (F+)

 


SINGLES MATCH


(Cobra Bill Barnham defeated El Mítico Jr in 8:22 by disqualification. E+)


A fun little back and forth match that ends with Bill letting Hiss loose in the ring and causing referee Xander Summer to throw out the match. The best part was an old woman in the front row standing on her chair and wildly swing her handbag at the snake. Now that’s pro wrestling. There’s definitely money in Cobra Bill’s performace. El Mitico, still favouring his shoulder is a mightily expensive performer. But he had just moved to New Orleans, so firing him now might be a bit mean.

 


TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH


(The King Kongs © defeated The Daredevils in 7:18 when King Kong Colossus pinned Xavi Ferrera after a Colossus Avalanche following interference from Magwitch the Angry clown. E+)


When in doubt, overbook things. That’s my motto these days. Anything with the clowns in has got to be good. And nobody did clown better than Magwitch. As I watched him overturn the tables at ringside, I wondered if he was actually clinically mad. Doctor O’Haire comes to ringside to calm him down when the Stars and Stripes starts playing.

 


SINGLES MATCH


(Logan Wolfsbaine defeated Doctor O'Haire in 5:32 by pinfall after a Belly-to-Belly suplex. E)


That’s a bit better from Logan. Crowd loved the story being told of Doc running from the far more heroic and muscular opposition.

 


ANGLE


After the match, the rest of the House of Horrors join Doctor O'Haire in the ring and he grabs a microphone and declares Logan Wolfsbaine an enemy of his family of oddities. The crowd go mad with silent apathy. Bad segment. (F+)

 


TAG TEAM MATCH


(Loa of New Orleans drew with Carnival Clown Crew in 10:11 following a double count out. D-)


The crowd were not apathetic about this though. The lights went out and the Loa of New Orleans appeared in the centre of the ring. Doc sent Magwitch and Pogo to assault them, leading to an impromptu match. That in turn ended with the Daredevils and the King Kongs storming the ring. Summers had no choice but to throw the match out.

 


ANGLE


A wild eight-man brawl whipped the audience into a frenzy. Then I noticed something. Hoodoo was holding his hand in the air and two of his fingers were facing the wrong direction. Magwitch meanwhile was rolling on the floor holding his backside. The crowd loved it, but I knew neither of those things were supposed to happen. Dammit. (E)

 


SINGLES MATCH


(Aldous Blackfriar defeated The Masked Mauler in 8:02 by disqualification. E)


What a let-down this match was. Especially as Masked Mauler costs over $1,000 per appearance. The dreaded financial sheet appeared in my mind again.

 


ANGLE


Robert DeVille comes out with his bodyguard, the heavyweight champion Pierre the Giant. He tells us that tonight Nature Boy Joffy Laine will get his rematch, and the whole world will see why he’s the only man armed with a true weapon of mass destruction. But for now, he’ll be fine just beating any three nobodies who’d like to be famous. (D+)

 


FOUR WAY MATCH


(Ernest the Strong Man defeated Hugh de Aske, Robert DeVille and Vikki Victoria in 7:46 when Ernest the Strong Man defeated Robert DeVille by pinfall with a handful of tights. E+)


Back to the quality matches. Pierre lumbered around the outside for the whole match, which helped draw the crowd’s vision away from a terrible performance by Hugh de Aske.

 


ANGLE


Nature Boy Joffy Laine joins us to tell Pierre the Giant that David always beats Goliath, and he’s much better looking than David. Woooo!! (D-)

 


HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH


(Pierre the Giant © defeated Nature Boy Joffy Laine in 4:19 by pinfall after a giant chop. E)


Keep it simple and let Joffy take one for the team there. I needed to make sure that people bought Pierre as an absolute monster and killer. This served the purpose and hid all of Pierre’s many, many flaws. Like not being able to wrestle for more than five minutes.

 


SHOW RATING: E

 


It wasn’t great, but it felt like a step in the right direction.

 


The accounting report told me that with the increased ticket sales we’d only lost $5,865. But still if we ever sold out the Small Top, we’d still be making a loss. Changes needed to be made sooner rather than later.

 


“Hey bossman,” said Papa Hoodoo backstage. “We need to talk about that fat piece of ****.”

 


He showed me his mangled fingers.

 


“I’m on the case,” I assured him, but he didn’t look convinced. “You were awesome tonight.”

 


He didn’t reply, but I could tell he was pleased with the praise. I just needed to keep Magwitch away from Hoodoo for now until they could calm down.

 


I started looking through the employment files of the locker room. The mighty sword of Damicles hovered over all of them and they had no idea. Knowing us it was probably covered in poker dots and whistled as it swung.

 


Next time in New Orleans… We swing the sword, we cut the costs and we still lose money.

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<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Hitman74" data-cite="Hitman74" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="41777" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Very entertaining I'm buying my tickets for the next show!!!</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="hailthebulldog" data-cite="hailthebulldog" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="41777" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>This looks amazing will be watching closely and hoping for a front row seat in the big top</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Thanks guys, and thank you Hitman for the alt. I'll get that uploaded soon. I'm hoping to have more crowd interaction moments in the diary, so if you want to PM me your real names, I'll chuck you into the crowd. Like characters in the story.</p>
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“Roll up, roll up, roll up… Come and see the muscular and magnificent men of Dixie Vaudeville Wrestling. We’ve got a giant, we’ve got a strong man and we’ve got a real American hero. Everything your heart could possibly desire is right through the curtain to the Small Top. Enter and see what everyone is talking about.”

 

Joffy stopped shouting through the cone and was promptly sick on the ground.

 

“You alright?” I asked. “You’re not ill are you?”

 

He tried to respond, but the words got caught in the middle of another wretch.

 

“Mardi Gras,” said the gruff voice of Ernest the Strong Man.

 

Towering over everyone else in the vicinity, Ernest looked like a classic strong man from days gone by. Barrel-chested, tree trunk legs and iron grip hands. He had long hair, the sure sign of his youth, but despite his size there was an air of gentle calm wherever he went. It wafted around him like a cheap aftershave. It was incredible that he was so convincing in the ring as an ass-kicker considering he looked like he wouldn’t say boo to a goose.

 

“I missed it,” I said.

 

“I know,” he drawled. “You might want to go next year. All the boys did, it was a fun day. Poor old Joffy wouldn’t shut up though, so we made sure he had… more fun than the rest of us.”

 

“Is he going to be ok to wrestle later?” I asked.

 

“He’ll be fine, he’s a Texan, this won’t be the first time he’s worked hungover. Have you seen Pierre today?”

 

“No, why?” I asked with repidation.

 

“No reason,” Ernest said. “It’s just…”

 

“Just what?”

 

“Well last time I saw him on Mardi Gras he was drinking his fourteenth bottle of wine.”

 

“FOURTEENTH!?!”

 

The locker room was more subdued than it had been in recent months. Obviously a lot of sore heads within there. Barely anyone was speaking, except Mitico who was banging on and on about our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

 

“Shut up Mit,” I said.

 

A number of people groaned at my raised voice.

 

“But leeson jeffe,” he said in his Mexican drawl. “Jesus Christ is the son of ze almighty, zent to Eerff to answer for all our…”

 

“SHUT UP!”

 

The luchador sidled back to his seat and Magwitch laughed aggressively in his face. He was a great character, but I really was not a fan of Magwitch. Still that’s the difference between work and your social life, sometimes you have to work with people you don’t like.

 

Pierre wasn’t exactly inconspicuous at the back of the room. His enormous frame wilting like an unwatered flower.

 

“You alright champ?” I called back to him.

 

“Yes boss,” he boomed.

 

“Is he alright?” I asked Katoh.

 

Katoh just shrugged.

 

“Don’t talk to him,” snapped Black Widow. “He’s nothing. A NOBODY!”

 

I sighed and questioned the correlation between intelligence and kindness.

 

Even when he was talking quietly Pierre still sounded like a cannon firing. Bless him, he couldn’t wrestle a jot, but he looked the part. The Heavyweight Title looked absolutely tiny over his shoulder.

 

 

Thursday Week 1, March 2016

Live from Chadwick’s Circus Small Top (237), New Orleans, it’s…

Carnival Circus 3

 

OPENING MATCH

(Cobra Bill Barnham defeated El Mítico Jr in 7:19 by submission with the Cobra Clutch. D-)

Nice little fast-paced opener here and one of the best matches we’d seen so far. I did feel a bit bad for burying Mitico, but he’d pushed me to the brink with his religious nonsense. As he left the ring following the loss he looked irritated. If he didn’t like that, he was going to hate what happened next.

 

ANGLE

Cobra grabs the mic and says that while he’s done with Mitico, he thinks the masked idiot should try for the tag team titles, with a partner. Katoh Freak… (E-)

 

TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH

(The King Kongs © defeated Katoh Freak and El Mítico Jr in 2:44 when King Kong Boneyard defeated El Mitico by pinfall following the Boneyard Bomb. E-)

For those who don’t see what’s coming, coming. I feel as sorry for you as I do for Mitico. Sadly the price tag was too high and decisions had to be made for the sake of the company.

 

SINGLES MATCH

(Logan Wolfsbaine defeated Doctor O'Haire in 5:48 by submission with a New Orleans Crab. E)

Yeah it’s a Boston Crab really, but we’re in Louisiana, so you better believe we’re going to milk it for all it’s worth. Logan continues to improve as a worker. Honestly looking at the guy all I can see is dollar signs.

 

ANGLE

Robert DeVille introduces Pierre the Giant. Apparently Pierre loves swotting flies and today he gets to swat the biggest fly going. (D+)

 

HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH

(Pierre the Giant © defeated Amazing Fire Fly in 4:50 by pinfall after The Chop. E+)

Match was fine considering Pierre could barely stand. But unfortunately for Fire Fly, he wasn’t as amazing as we’d hoped to start with and he just cost too much money to stick in a meaningless tag team feud with Mitico.

 

FOUR WAY MATCH

(Aldous Blackfriar defeated Hugh de Aske, Katoh Freak and Vikki Victoria in 6:40 when Aldous Blackfriar defeated Katoh Freak by pinfall. E+)

Double duty for Katoh Freak tonight. But the kid wanted to learn while in the US, so we were going to help him. Aldous is expensive, but with the luchadors hitting the bricks after the show, we should be able to afford him. The crowd though didn’t seem as sure about him as a character. One guy in the front row kept yelling “YOU SUCK” and was actually getting a better response. The fan had a name tag made out of masking tape that simply had CHUCK scrawled on it.

 

ANGLE

Doctor O'Haire comes out with Magwitch the Angry, Pogo the Twisty, The Masked Mauler and shouts at Katoh Freak for letting the House of Horrors down with his performances. He needs to buck up his ideas if he wants to ride with these oddities. Just like Masked Mauler will in the next match. (E)

 

TAG TEAM MATCH

(Ernest the Strong Man and Nature Boy Joffy Laine defeated Robert DeVille and The Masked Mauler in 10:16 when Nature Boy Joffy Laine pinned Masked Mauler following an Ernest World’s Strongest Slam. D-)

Now that’s a match. Poor Robert DeVille has the Heavyweight champion with him at all times, but can’t buy a win. Still this would serve a purpose in the long run. Ernest and Joffy were gold though, performing really well and the crowd seemed to like them.

 

ANGLE

In the depths of the carnival, with smoke and apparently a bubbling swamp around them, the Loa of New Orleans had an interview hyping their upcoming tag match with The King Kongs and the Carnival Clown Crew. They want the titles eventually but for now, they’ll settle for sacrificing the four sinners to Papa Legba. (E)

 

EIGHT MAN TAG TEAM CAGE MATCH

(Loa of New Orleans and The Daredevils defeated Carnival Clown Crew and The King Kongs in a Cage Wars match in 20:23 when Papa Hoodoo submitted King Kong Colossus with the Voodoo Vice. E)

I have to admit, I was expecting better. A cage match with eight performers all going wild and smashing each other up with weapons. The crowd certainly seemed to enjoy it, but there was just no flow. I suspect Magwitch was the main problem. He looked like a fat guy off the street compared to the others.

 

SHOW RATING: E

 

Not a great event, but it moved some stories along and finally gave me enough of an idea with what to do with people.

 

The locker room was still quiet when I returned. I told Ernest, Logan and Joffy that they were setting a great example. They all smiled in response, except Joffy.

 

“Thank boss, but I reckon Katoh is awesome. He’s a star in the making.”

 

“Thank Joffy,” I said.

 

What I meant was ‘shut up Joffy.’

 

In the corner of the locker room, tiny ref Xander Summer was pinned against a locker by Black Widow.

 

“Hey what are you doing?” I said and ran over.

 

“This pipsqueak isn’t giving me the right amount of respect,” she snapped.

 

“Get out,” I replied.

 

“Yeah get out,” she agreed.

 

“No Widow, you get out.”

 

She dropped Xander and looked at me. Fury was in her eyes.

 

“You’re fired,” I said calmly.

 

The rest of the locker room was silent now. She looked around, obviously weighing up whether to hit me and decided to just storm out.

 

I breathed a heavy sigh of relief and looked at our finances while silence dominated the room. We’d lost over $6k. It wasn’t good enough and we couldn’t keep it up.

 

“Thanks everyone,” I called out. “You can go now, except Mauler and Hugh. Please see me in my office.”

 

Next time in New Orleans… We swerve ourselves with our hiring and firing policy, and then regret it. The financial drain continues and Aldous Blackfriar gets his shot.

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“Roll up, roll up, roll up… From the darkest pit of your most terrifying imagination comes New Orleans’ own house of horrors. If you’ve got the money, we’ve got the talent to thrill, chill and spill your screams all over the Small Top. Come on in, if you dare…”

 


I gave Joffy the thumbs up and entered the Small Top without comment. It was a critical time for the business and I didn’t have time for small talk. I ignored Aldous and Charity, who were kissing in a dark corner of the tent and waved at our new signing Madame Bat who had settled in enough to be wearing a fake judge’s wig and was casting sentence to Xavi Ferrera, who looked equal parts scared and thrilled with the attention. Or Christian Kamikaze, who was wearing new tassels on his arms and was holding his back and wincing.

 


None of that mattered this month. All I had to focus on was the job at hand. We needed to start making money, or my head would be for the chop. That was the thought when I marched into my office and nearly jumped through my skin at the sight.

 


“DON’T FIRE ME!” I yelled in surprise. “Oh, sorry.. I mean… Hello Harry. Nice outfit.”

 


 

 

 


Harry Chadwick reclined in my chair, his feet on my desk, a red faux-military jacket and black top hat on.

 


“What’s am I reading?” he asked in a thick Jamaican accent.

 


“Latest E L James novel?” I asked.

 


He chuckled and slammed the folder on my desk.

 


“Oh, no, that’s this month’s financial projections,” I said.

 


“Correct, and do you know what it says?”

 


“I’d imagine Harry, it says we’re on course to lose money again.”

 


“Give the man a prize,” he said.

 


“We’re creating a buzz,” I said defensively. “We’re building momentum. People are talking about us…”

 


“I know, I know,” he said. “Have I ever told you the story of the tiger enclosure cleaner?”

 


“No Harry,” I replied.

 


“He got fired for being shite at his job,” he replied. “Understand me point?”

 


“Yes Harry.”

 


“So get it done. You’re the only money loser in the circus,” he said. “Even the mimes are making money. And you know how much I hate mimes.”

 


“Yes Harry.”

 


“Sign this,” he then said and slipped a note in front of me.

 


“What is it?”

 


“It’s an application to the Confederation of the Territories,” he said. “All the regional promoters have got together and formed an alliance. I want a seat at the table, but the company is in your name.”

 


“Why’s it in my name?”

 


“Do you really want to sit here and listen to explain it all to you?”

 


“No Harry.”

 


“That’s a good boy.”

 


I signed the sheet and with that he sauntered out of my office and away. I liked Harry, but there was something about him that made me uneasy. Like he knew everything that was going on at all times. I suppose that’s what’s made him successful.

 


I looked at the list of outgoings, notably the pay-per-appearance wages of the boys.

 


 

 

 


Thursday Week 4, April 2016


Live from Chadwick’s Circus Small Top (228), New Orleans, it’s…


Carnival Circus 4

 


OPENING TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH


(The King Kongs © defeated Xavi Ferrera and Amazing Fire Fly in 8:30 when King Kong Colossus squashed Fire Fly. D-)


Really good match to open with, sadly for Fire Fly he was utterly buried by the increasingly boo’d King Kongs. Their size and imposing look would help keep them on the books despite their… limited talent.

 


TRIPLE THREAT MATCH


(Logan Wolfsbaine defeated Vikki Victoria and Katoh Freak in 5:45 when Logan Wolfsbaine pinned Vikki Victoria. E)


Logan was building up something of a streak of wins. The fans were slowly coming round to my way of thinking and parting with their hard-earned money for the custom-made ‘Logan’s Undefeated Run’ t-shirts.

 


TAG TEAM MATCH


(Loa of New Orleans defeated Carnival Clown Crew in 8:27 when Papa Hoodoo pinned Magwitch the Angry using the Voodoo Mist. D-)


If ever there was a match that summed up what we were going for with our violent story-telling approach, this was it. Magwitch was still a problem, being that he just looked like a fat guy from the street dressed as a clown. The Loa were huge fan favourites here too, with the crowd lapping up their ‘mystical powers.’ They entrance with the lights going out was getting as big a reaction as any performer on the roster.

 


SINGLES MATCH


(Doctor O'Haire defeated Cobra Bill Barnham in 5:19 by DQ following snake attack. E+)


This was another story-line driven match, with Cobra Bill wanting into the House of Horrors and Doc O’Haire testing out his ability to be an oddity. Crowd booed both men relentlessly, which is a win. They also displayed great chemistry, which is good for this match, but bad seeing as both a currently dastardly bad guys.

 


ANGLE


Doctor O'Haire and Cobra Bill Barnham shake hands following the match and announce that they are going to be allies from now on. Cobra Bill joins the House of Horrors. (E+)

 


SINGLES MATCH


(Nature Boy Joffy Laine defeated Robert DeVille in 9:44 by count out. E+)


Another loss for DeVille and another win for our boy Joffy. Actually something of a disappointing match considering their undoubted talents. Perhaps it was the dodgy ending which saw Joffy celebrate while DeVille tried to get back in to beat the count.

 


ANGLE


Robert DeVille throws a tantrum in the ring and says that from now on he and Pierre the Giant are going to be undefeated. Starting with Pierre’s title defence next. (Got to love that simply having Pierre appear gets me our most-reacted-to segments each month. (D+)

 


HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH


(Pierre the Giant © defeated Aldous Blackfriar in 5:41 by pinfall with The Chop. E+)


And yet the moment he gets in the ring, the crowd deflate. So the question is, is the sacrifice in match rating worth the boost in angle rating. Maybe I could have him lose the title and just leave him as a bodyguard. But I didn’t much fancy telling him he was going to lose. Fourteen bottles of wine let’s not forget.

 


ANGLE


Ernest the Strong Man out to announce that he’s got himself an upcoming singles match for the Heavyweight Title with Pierre the Giant. And he’s going to prove to him that he’s the strongest man in the world by body-slamming the giant. (E+)

 


STRONGMAN MATCH


(Ernest the Strong Man defeated El Mítico Jr in a Submission match in 12:28 by full nelson. E+)


I thought a submission match between our two strongest technicians might have been slightly better than a standard Pierre match. I was wrong. Mitico was on the thinnest of thin ice.

 


SHOW RATING: E

 


In the weeks following the show, I noticed that our ‘Papa is my daddy’ T-shirts and the standard ‘Strong Men Kick Ass’ were great sellers. The financial reports made easier reading, but we were still down $4,158 for the month.

 


I also received a text from Papa Friday saying that he had been contacted by 4C to fight in the COTT World Title Match against Nicholas Lopez and Chris Flynn. Looks like we got accepted then. He then mentioned that Magwitch had started to send him abusive messages at home and he didn’t want to sound paranoid, but he was sure that he’d seen a fat clown wandering the streets outside his home.

 


Next time in New Orleans… Will the crazy clown start living the gimmick a bit too much? Will we ever build up the courage to cut costs, or just hope that we can keep the roster and build popularity before Harry fired us.

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<p>Nice stuff TCP <img alt=":)" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/smile.png.142cfa0a1cd2925c0463c1d00f499df2.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> </p><p>

Will be checking in.</p>

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“Roll up, roll up, roll up… Harry Chadwick’s Dixie Vaudeville Wrestling presents the first ever Enter the Small Top, where creepy clowns to haunt your dreams. Be careful though, they aren’t just characters in a show… They’re the real thing…”

 


“You heard about Magwitch then?” I said to Joffy.

 


“Yes bossman, don’t know about you, but he gives me the willies.”

 


“The willies?” I questioned.

 


“Yeah, that a British term right bossman? I’ve been watching old BBC shows on TV.”

 


He beamed at me and I smiled back.

 


That’s right, this month, in a desperate attempt to make more money, we were testing out running two shows. It could work, or more likely it’d be another chance to throw good money after bad. I’d taken to wondering if this whole thing was worth it. With the constant and increasingly alarming messages from Papa Friday about Magwitch’s behaviour and I couldn’t see a happy ending.

 


The locker room was split into small groups of whispering wrestlers. It was like school again. Magwitch was sat next to Pogo the Twisty who was painting white makeup over his thick sideburns.

 


“Magwitch,” I said. “We need to have a chat about Papa Friday.”

 


“What’s wrong?” he grinned.

 


There was something about the grin that put me on edge.

 


“You know what’s wrong,” I replied. “Stop stalking him. It’s not professional. I won’t ask again.”

 


Magwitch just grinned in response.

 


“OK?” I followed up.

 


He turned his head to one side and nodded very slowly.

 


Pogo, who’d watched the entire conversation unfold slid away from his tag team partner. Just then Vikki and Katoh approached me.

 


“Hey sweety,” said Vikki.

 


“Hiya, how can I help?”

 


“Little Katoh here was telling me that he feels he can contribute more to the show and would just like to be given the chance. Can you help darling?”

 


“I didn’t think he can speak,” I replied.

 


“Oh sure he can lovely, you just need to know… how to ask him the right questions.”

 


Vikki winked. I was nearly sick in my mouth. Katoh shrugged and grinned.

 


“I’ll see what I can do.”

 


“Thanks babe,” said Vikki and he tottered away on stiletto high heels with Katoh in tow.

 


 

 

 


Thursday Week 2, April 2016


Live from Chadwick’s Circus Small Top (255), New Orleans, it’s…


Enter the Small Top

 


OPENING MATCH


(Doctor O'Haire defeated Xavi Ferrera in 8:25 by disqualification. D-)


Slowly building up Doc’s psychopathic character means him pushing the boundaries in the ring. Throughout the match he kept threatening to use a scalpel on Xavi, but ultimately the young daredevil got hold and swung for him. Xander Summer throws out the match and hey-presto.

 


SINGLES MATCH


(Logan Wolfsbaine defeated Cobra Bill Barnham in 8:03 by pinfall following a the high-angled belly-to-belly suplex. D-)


The streak continues and Logan has started to dominate opponents in the ring. Crowd have started chanting ‘Lo-GAN, Lo-GAN’ during his matches. Cha-ching.

 


ANGLE


The lights go out and when they come back, Papa Friday is in the ring. He’s going to take King Kong Boneyard to the nightmare zone. Not a great segment as the crowd noticed Magwitch in the crowd during the speech. He was blowing kisses to Papa Friday. (E-)

 


SINGLES MATCH


(King Kong Boneyard defeated Papa Friday in 6:13 by pinfall, illegally using the ropes for leverage. E+)


Friday was off his game, but the crowd were interested in Magwitch’s continued appearance around ringside. I was less interested and more concerned.

 


ANGLE


Magwitch slides into the ring to confront Papa Friday, but the lights go out. The crowd start cheering and when they come back on, only Papa Hoodoo is in there. He’s ready to finish King Kong Colossus alone. I guess the boys saw Magwitch down there and intervened. Thank God. (E)

 


SINGLES MATCH


(Papa Hoodoo defeated King Kong Colossus in 6:47 by pinfall. E+)


Just to showcase how amazing Hoodoo is in the ring, he managed to carry the deadweight of Colossus to an actually watchable match. The kid was going to be a star, and I’m now certain he’s the one who dealt with Magwitch too.

 


ANGLE


Robert DeVille brings out Pierre the Giant and says that tonight, the crowd in the Small Top will get to see him and his pet monster destroy two people they love. (D+)

 


TAG TEAM MATCH


(Pierre the Giant and Robert DeVille defeated Aldous Blackfriar and El Mítico Jr in 21:14 when Robert DeVille defeated El Mítico Jr following a Pierre Chop. E)


Bad match. I expect it from Pierre, but Mitico and Blackfriar didn’t seem in anyway interested in the proceedings. Dangerous game to play, especially in the main event of a new event.

 


SHOW RATING: E

 


It was starting to feel like we were in a holding pattern. Our storylines were cooling, and while some wrestlers were building decent momentum, others… well they weren’t at all. Witnessed by the meeting I had with Robert DeVille and Doc O’Haire, who complained to me that I was wasting their talents.

 


I made a mental note to never refer to either man as a ‘glorified manager’ again. They didn’t take it well. Even Joffy pointed out my error after the show. I must admit though, my mind was elsewhere. I kept seeing Magwitch everywhere I went in the French Quarter. It would be those sort of blink-and-you’ll-miss-them sightings that when you looked again, realised it was a normal clown, or an old woman in terrible makeup.

 


He was getting in my head, and I didn’t like it. I really hated clowns.

 


Next time in New Orleans… Would the two show format per month work? Unlikely? Would Magwitch start playing well with others? Even more unlikely? Would we ever score a show rating over an E…

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Right, having simmed ahead last night, I stumbled across a problem. Namely that I was fired for reasons within my control. I'm sort of unsure how to proceed with it now.

 


Dammit, two diaries: One ending in being fired, the other in suicide.

 


I might be cursed, or just a dreadful TEW player.

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<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="AWinnerisYou" data-cite="AWinnerisYou" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="41777" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Was really enjoying following this. Love the idea of the old school carnie vibes coming off of this. Also, very interesting way of using Prometheus.</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Yeah it was fun while it lasted. I need to pick another company to run with however. This time maybe an actual Cornellverse company.</p>
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