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Super Croak Presents: Louisiana Lucha Libre! (Tverse)

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It was a surprise to most in the wrestling community when second place in the 2015 edition of the Become A Star competition was claimed by comedy luchador Super Croak. Earning a one year contract with the world's second most popular wrestling promotion (much to the chagrin of purists like PWI's Shane Allman, who went on a Chaterbox rant that last the better part of a month), Super Croak has caused an even bigger stir with his abrupt and explosive departure from the company, citing a breach of his contract requiring him to be allocated three minutes per show to plug his sponsor Croaka Cola. Reportedly when news of the release came to interim owner Apache Chief, the head of the AWF locked himself in his office with booker Pasqual Grenier where he could be repeatedly heard to say 'THAT'S NOT A THING' and 'HOW IS THAT A THING' at very high volumes. Another (admittedly quite small) black cloud over the troubled land of the Awesome.


For his part in this fiasco, Mr. Croak has declared his intention to use the money from his lucrative sponsorship to open up a wrestling promotion in Louisiana of all places, stating that it will be a Lucha Libre product and Louisana 'was the first place I could find that started with an L.' The company, dubbed Louisiana Lucha Libre and its 'Southern Fried Lucha' product will be making its debut on the last saturday of the month.















Buzzard vs FinEATo


Super Croak vs Kirk Burton


Kat vs Alma Desertica

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<p><strong>LLL FEELING FROGGY</strong></p><p><strong>

ATTENDANCE: 98</strong></p><p> </p><p>


<strong>Kat vs Alma Desertica</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E</strong></p><p> </p><p>

In the historic first match of Louisiana Lucha Libre, feline fighter Kat clashed with rudo hard case Alma Desertica in a contest of speed against size. While Alma showed himself not above wrestling a woman, he certainly thought that the match was a foregone conclusion up until Kat caught him with an inside cradle and secured a pinfall victory that left her foe looking shocked in the ring. Kat gave her masked opponent a wink and smirk as she celebrated with the fans and left the much larger luchador to grumble on his retreat back to the locker room.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Kat wins by Pinfall at 11:28</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Segment Involving:</strong></p><p>


<strong>Kirk Burton and Super Croak</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Coming out to Adam Massey's old theme of all things, Canadian Kirk Burton took to the ring to voice his displeasure with the state of wrestling in 2016. Burton lambasts fans for only wanting to see brainless flipfests and hardcore brawls when they could be appreciating the finer side of things. Burton asserts that, being Canadian, he was bred from day one to be one of the finest professional wrestlers in all the world and he will show the fans in Louisiana that a hammerlock beats a moonsault any day.</p><p> </p><p>

This brings out LLL founder and resident super hero, Super Croak, who talked up Burton, saying the man came highly recommended by those in the know up north but asserted that he would not put up with such disparagement of lucha libre as a wrestling style and challenged Burton to a match...that they were already booked for but let's not let semantics get in the way of a good story. He also gets in a canny plug for LLL's sponsor: Croaka Cola energy drink, It Makes You Hop With Happiness*!</p><p> </p><p>

<span style="font-size:8px;">*CroakaColaLLCWouldLikeToRemindYouThatHoppingWithHappinessIsMostCertainlyNotTheResultOfOurDrinkMakingYourLegsSpasmInvonluntarily.ThankYou.</span></p><p> </p><p>

Burton accepts and relishes the fact that he's about to take Croak to 'Remedial Wrestling School'.</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>Super Croak vs Kirk Burton</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The match was pure comedy from the word go as Super Croak attempted to play by Burton's rules in the early goings, attempting to show lucha's more technical side and handily outpacing the overconfident Burton. Burton however, proved a canny competitor and would frequently bend the rules with slick cheating no doubt helped by the fact our referee could be described as 'bite sized' at best. However, all momentum seemed on Croak's side as he hit a tremendous Pele Kick on Burton and seemed poised for his finishing move: The Quenchsault-when Burton suddenly yanked Lofty into the line of fire and forced Croak to redirect his moonsault into a full backflip that saw him land outside Lofty's field of view and get smashed with a pair of brass knuckles that were hidden inside Burton's trunks. The pinfall afterwards is as academic as an Ivy League university and a sad night for the grand tradition of lucha libre.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Kirk Burton wins by pinfall at 9:56</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Segment Involving:</strong></p><p>


<strong>Buzzard and FinEATo</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: D-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The fans in the French Quarter Club bore witness to a special video package (via the place's one and only flat screen television) detailing the heated rivalry between the high flying Buzzard and the aquatic assassin FinEATo that assures they've been fighting it out all over the country on the indy scene. Now granted every clip of their many matches seems to emanate from the French Quarter Club and granted the audience appears to all be staff members of said club but let's not let that get in the way of a good story. The package is carried by Buzzard's skill with acting as FinEATo isn't exactly a great promo once you get past the many fish puns.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Main Event Traditional Lucha Libre Rules Match!</strong></p><p><strong>


Buzzard vs FinEATo</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The first main event in LLL history ended under tragic circumstances following a back and forth bout between the two masked wrestlers that saw FinEATo sweep the bout two falls to zero when a sloppy gutbuster (the knee slamming into Buzzard's lower abdominal region) by FinEATo got him the first fall and left Buzzard writhing in agony on the mat. After a quick conference with the referee, FinEATo quickly locked in his Shark Bite finishing hold and was declared the winner as Buzzard was quickly helped to the mat as his opponent seemed to pay it no mind and celebrate in the ring until Super Croak showed up to run him off, body language appearing to indicate his displeasure being far less a mere matter of tecnico vs rudo...</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>FinEATO wins 2-0 After A Shark Bite submission</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Show Rating: E</strong></p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i.imgur.com/fhYBKcF.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/VBx3h2W.jpg</span><p>

<span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:24px;"><strong>BUZZARD BOTCH FINISHES FINEATO'S LLL CAREER</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';">

Sources are confirming that after the sudden and murky ending to Louisiana Lucha Libre's first show in the French Quarter Club, the company has already lost two members, one temporarily and one for good. A botched gutbuster by former POW star FinEATo (real name Peter Borski) resulted in a serious Bladder Rupture injury for his opponent Buzzard (aka Al Fogerty) a mere one fall into their two-out-of-three falls lucha bout. Witnesses in the LLL locker room expressed a worry that Mr. Borski's loud annoyance with the original plan to put Buzzard over may have meant that injury was his intention. Mr. Borski meanwhile took to social media a mere day after the event to declare the incident Buzzard's fault for not landing correctly and that a veteran like himself knows better than to do such a thing intentionally. Borski then lambasted company owner Super Croak for hiring Buzzard in the first place and declared the creative direction of the company to be in the toilet a mere one show into its existence. Croak responded by publicly firing the disgruntled Borski rendering his future in the company...FinEATo.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/iSrngVX.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/ZMGbfid.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/dp6YepK.jpg</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/d206Xpt.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/PkRz16C.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/d5qjTDU.jpg</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';">

</span><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><strong><span style="font-size:24px;">FINEATO OUT, NEW STARS IN!</span></strong></span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';">

Despite the horrible events of the main event and the canning of one of their main eventers, LLL have declared their first month of operation a success, posting a profit just over three thousand dollars, the company has expanded its roster from six to ten (eleven if one counts the on the shelf Buzzard) with the inclusion of former Become A Star Entrants Meido Machine and DISCO Fox, who will each be founding the LLL tag team division with their respective partners Death Butler and Cyber to form teams known as The Help and The Forces of Funk. Joining them will be Puerto Rican journeyman El Lobo Negro and the current Campeon de Mexico for the Mexico Elite Wrestling promotion, Air Force Juan. Time will tell what these six bring to the table with this small promotion, who will be running their next show in the French Quarter Club on Mardis Gras.</span></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>LLL Presents:</strong></p><p><strong>

MARDI GRAS MELEE</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

MAIN EVENT</strong></p><p><strong>

KAT VS KIRK BURTON</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

LUCHA LIBRES RULES MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>

SUPER CROAK VS ALMA DESERTICA</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

TAG TEAM MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>

THE FORCES OF FUNK VS THE HELP</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

LUCHA LIBRE RULES MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>

AIR FORCE JUAN VS EL LOBO NEGRO</strong></p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p><strong>LLL MARDI GRAS MELEE</strong></p><p><strong>

ATTENDANCE: 98</strong></p><p> </p><p>

It was a party atmosphere in the French Quarter Club to be sure on the day of Mardi Gras Melee, the show opening up to 98 revelers with a local Jazz band playing all the favorites up until showtime and even in the interludes between matches and promos.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Lucha Libre Rules Match</strong></p><p><strong>


Air Force Juan vs El Lobo Negro</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Our opening contest of the night saw a high-flying exchange between the young up-and-comer Air Force Juan and the crazed El Lobo Negro. Lobo showed himself to be as fierce as the animal he shared his name with as he controlled the pace of the match with his own style of lucha mixed with take no prisoners brawling that nets him the victory with two straight falls. The first comes from a dirty pin with Juan's tights pulled by his crafty opponent, who then gave him little time to recover before blasting him with his devastating Running Headbutt for the match-winning fall.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>EL LOBO NEGRO WINS 2-0</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Segment Involving:</strong></p><p><strong>


The Help & The Forces of Funk</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

In terms of theme songs one might hear at a wrestling event, the Mr. Belvedere theme song would probably not rank highly-</p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="0taT6OE.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/0taT6OE.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>He doesn't count, shut up.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

But despite its rarity, one could not argue the song fit the rather...servile team of Meido Machine and Death Butler who cuts a promo in the ring while his partner busies 'her'self tidying up the ringside area with a comically large feather duster. Butler tells the fans that he and Machine represent a wealthy member of New Orleans' upper class and have been sent down to 'Class Up' the French Quarter Club by removing all the things their client deems crass and unappealing, like for instance a bunch of garish malcontents who spend all day flipping around a filthy ring along with the people who cheer them (that means you, by the way).</p><p> </p><p>

Before the classism can go on, however, Butler and Meido are interrupted by The Forces of Funk entering to the strains of Giddyup by Tahuna Breaks. The duo of Cyber and DISCO Fox strut their way out the ring as The Help look less than happy to see two examples of the very thing they'd been railing against just seconds earlier. The dancing duo make their way to the ring, where The Help assault them and the match is on!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>TAG TEAM MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>


The Forces of Funk vs The Help</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

In one of two contenders for match of the night, the Forces of Funk took the battle to the sinister servants and got the crowd on their feet for a that saw thrills, chills, frills, and fros as the debut of the LLL tag division didn't disappoint! Meido carried the water for The Help as Death Butler was the less experienced and lesser known member of the team, using her skill with the Japanese Junior style to keep the heat on Cyber for most of the match until DISCO Fox managed to get the hot tag and the match descended into a brawl that eventually found Meido on the receiving end of The Last Dance Swanton Bomb from Fox to secure the victory!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>The Forces of Funk win via Pinfall</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>LUCHA LIBRE RULES MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>


Super Croak vs Alma Desertica</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E</strong></p><p> </p><p>

This match proved two things: One, Alma's loss to a much smaller competitor last month was far from a fluke, and two, that man's worst enemy is no living person but the inside cradle pin. Wanna know how we found that out? Because Alma managed to kickout of seemingly every big move Super Croak threw at him the whole match, only to be pinned twice in a row with the same move, leaving him exasperated by the time the match ended. Needless to say the big rough rudo had quite a tantrum after this happened dovetailing into our next segment...</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Segment Involving:</strong></p><p>


<strong>Super Croak, Alma Desertica, and Kat</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Desertica attacks Super Croak from behind, smashing him with clubbing blows and punishing slams until Kat comes running out to the ring to clear house, sending Desertica packing with a Cross Claw Cross Chop that saw him stumbling out of the ring and towards the locker room, shaking his fist at the feline fighter who paid him no mind as she helped Super Croak to his feet.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Segment Involving:</strong></p><p><strong>


Kirk Burton, Kat, and Super Croak</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

As Kat assists Croak, the other half of the night's main event shows up as Kirk Burton takes the stage, a smirk on his face and a mic in his hand. He declares the sight of Kat propping up Croak to be a wonderful allegory for wrestling, one joke trying to help another, because Kat IS a joke just as the American style of wrestling is a joke, just like how the WWWE was a joke, a long one with all setup and no punchline. Burton declares tonight that he'll continue to show his superiority as the bulwark of true traditional wrestling against the pathetic pussycat in the ring, and won't feel bad he's beating up a girl to do it (just to add a little misogyny to the nationalism).</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>MAIN EVENT</strong></p><p><strong>


Kirk Burton vs Kat</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

For all of Burton's bluster he remained a game competitor in this conflict of catastrophic proportions, but it was clear he'd underestimated the ferocity of his feline foe from the word go. Kat kept Burton on the backstep for a majority of this match, showing her skill as an all-arounder by going toe-to-toe on the mat as well as in a fistfight with the cocky Canadian, but for all her momentum, she couldn't have foreseen the intervention of-</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>ALMA DESERTICA (back for more)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

-who stormed the ring and...was immediately caught in an inside cradle by Kat. Referee Lofty Jackson, who by this point has a pavlovian reaction to seeing the malicious masked rudo in this kind of predicament, counts an instinctive three and raises Kat's hand to the cheers of the fans...only for her to get caught in a schoolboy roll up with the tights hooked AND legs on the ropes by Burton, who got a dirty three count to win the main event!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Kirk Burton wins by Pinfall</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Segment Involving:</strong></p><p>



<strong>Kirk Burton, Kat, Super Croak, and Alma Desertica</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The show ends with all hell breaking loose as Croak recovers with a quick administration of some Croaka Cola Energy Drink (Croaka Cola, Why Stop When You Can Hop*?) in time to rejoin the fray from the outside and commence a brawl with his fellow tecnico and the two rudos intent on giving her a post-match beating. The rest of the locker room (read: All six of them) empties to keep both sides from assault each other as the first Mardi Gras Melee comes to completion.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Show Rating: E+</strong></p>

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Mardi Gras Melee has certainly turned heads for the fledgling company that is Louisiana Lucha Libre, with many positive reviews coming out of the show as well as the company posting a profit in excess of a thousand dollars. The match of the night seemed to either be the first tag team match between The Help and The Forces of Fro or the main event clash between Kirk Burton and Kat. Owner Super Croak has expressed an intention to make Mardi Gras Melee the premier event for LLL in the future, believing that the show could become an integral part of the Mardi Gras festivities if given the time. LLL's next show: We Gave Up Lucha For Lent will coincide with the end of Lent at the back end of March.




The Informal Alliance of Fun-Lovers or IAF is the unconventional grouping of someone of the world's more (pardon the repetition) unconventional promotions. Boasting an initial makeup of Louisiana Lucha Libre, Paragons of Wrestling, Wrestlesaurus X, Mexico Elite Wrestling, and Pro Wrestling TOTAL! the IAF is an alliance designed to garner more experience for the members of their diverse rosters by trading talent between themselves. Founding member, Tiny Jackson, gave an interview wherein he stated what the IAF hopes to accomplish with this venture:


"Most people these days are so caught up in either shaping the future or bringing back the past they don't know how to live the now. The IAF isn't about exerting political clout or making wrestling the way we want it to be, it's about a bunch of like-minded people trying to help the guys on their payroll get more work, experience, and exposure."


Despite this hopeful start, the IAF will be without representation in Europe and Japan as Super Charged Wrestling, SPLASH, and Shikoku Pro have all refused entry into the alliance citing various reasons. However, other companies in North America have shown interest in joining should the opportunity arise, including indy upstarts All Action Wrestling and Total Wrestling Revolution. Time will tell if this alliance accomplishes its goals or not.


LLL Presents:













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<p>LLL Presents:</p><p>

WE GAVE UP LUCHA FOR LENT</p><p> </p><p>


DISCO FOX VS <strong>KIRK BURTON</strong></p><p> </p><p>

AIR FORCE JUAN VS <strong>DEATH BUTLER</strong></p><p> </p><p>


<strong>CYBER</strong> VS PERRO DE PLATA (OF WRESTLEX)</p><p> </p><p>

TAG MATCH:</p><p>


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<p>I'm Loving this so far, </p><p> </p><p>

LLL Presents:</p><p>

WE GAVE UP LUCHA FOR LENT (This name is amazing)</p><p> </p><p>


DISCO FOX VS <strong>KIRK BURTON</strong> </p><p> </p><p>

<strong>AIR FORCE JUAN</strong> VS DEATH BUTLER</p><p> </p><p>


CYBER VS <strong>PERRO DE PLATA</strong> (OF WRESTLEX)</p><p> </p><p>

TAG MATCH:</p><p>


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<p><strong>LLL WE GAVE UP LUCHA FOR LENT</strong></p><p><strong>

ATTENDANCE: 108</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Segment Involving:</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="597ndn0.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/597ndn0.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="eifZOSQ.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/eifZOSQ.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="Dif4Tol.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Dif4Tol.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

"Marvelous" Marion Reed, Super Croak, and Kat</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: D-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

A rather...voluptuous newcomer makes her way to the ring, swaying her hips in an exaggerated manner underneath a purple robe. The woman introduces herself as 'Marvelous' Marion Reed, the premier MC for 'special events' across the country...she doesn't really go into detail about what those events are as she suddenly lets the robe slip and stands in a skimpy purple bikini that she struts around in...for a good long while after the cheers of those in attendance die down. Like a while. Five minutes she does this before she starts reading off the card and something becomes incredibly clear:</p><p> </p><p>

Marion thinks she's working at a strip joint.</p><p> </p><p>

This becomes even more obvious when-despite being in a wrestling ring, she becomes very annoyed when Kat and Super Croak interrupt her prancing around to deliver a promo on Alma Desertica and his partner for the night, Lobo Negro. You can tell she's annoyed because she keeps trying to interrupt the promo the wrestlers are cutting until she throws up her arms and goes to her Announce booth in a huff...without putting that robe back on.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Opening Match</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="eifZOSQ.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/eifZOSQ.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="Dif4Tol.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Dif4Tol.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><strong>vs</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/dp6YepK.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/bBJhsZ9.jpg</span></p><p><strong>

Croak'n Kat vs Lobo Negro and Alma Desertica</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E</strong></p><p> </p><p>

As the rudo duo make their entrance, Lobo Negro suddenly snaps his attention towards Kat and takes off after her with a furious vigor, literally chasing the feline around the ring until she's sent up one of the corners, hissing and swatting at the supposed werewolf until he attempts to leap up after her and finds himself on the receiving end of a sunset flip from the top rope! Thankfully for the rudo, Desertica manages to get into the ring in time to break up the pin and toss Kat out of the ring with Lobo in pursuit. From there Desertica and Croak carry most of the match while Kat and Lobo go through various Tom and Jerry-esque antics on the outside. </p><p> </p><p>

The finish comes when Lobo Negro finally gets his hands on Kat on the outside and shoves her against one of the corner posts before tossing her into the ring as he gets onto the apron. Meanwhile Desertica and powerbombs Croak and poses, jawing at the crowd, unaware of Kat rising behind him and Lobo preparing his own attack. Lobo launches himself over the ropes into a vaulting crossbody that-strikes Desertica when Kat switches places with him! Desertica stumbles over into an inside cradle from Croak and while Kat distracts Lobo, Croak gets the three count!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>CROAK'N KAT WIN BY PINFALL</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Segment Involving:</strong></p><p><strong>


DISCO Fox and Cyber</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: D-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Backstage the Forces of Funk cut a promo on their respective opponents for the night. Cyber puts over Perro De Plata being a lucha staple and quite a skilled competitor but the future belongs to those with the drive to take what they know is theirs and tonight Cyber will show that he has that drive when he wins the first IAF Interpromotional Match.</p><p> </p><p>

Fox meanwhile decries Kirk Burton as being a 'jive sucka with a sermon of bad times for every tooth in his mouth', telling him he doesn't know how to loosen up and let people be who they are without being told how they 'have' to be. Fox asserts tonight he's going to prove that Burton's way of doing things isn't the End-All Be-All of pro wrestling, and he'll be walking out of the French Quarter Club minus a couple 'Sermons'.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>IAF Interpromotional Match</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="JB4439Q.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/JB4439Q.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><strong>vs</strong><img alt="PkRz16C.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/PkRz16C.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

Perro De Plata vs Cyber</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: D-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The first interpromotional match featured a clash between an unflappable rookie and a veteran with a chip on his shoulder as Perro De Plata quickly showed he wasn't there to make friends by replying to a pre-match fist bump from Cyber with a fist to the face and some Spanish swear words for head official Lofty Jackson which has Marvelous Marion grousing about the show 'going to the dogs'. The clash of Perro's traditional lucha against Cyber's more American cruiserweight style had the fans on their feet in one of two match of the night contenders, seeing Perro's veteran tricks cut off Cyber's momentum for the majority of the match until Cyber finally managed to overwhelm the more seasoned competitor with an enzugiri that softens Perro up for a Ghetto Blaster (or as some may call it a Buff Blockbuster) that takes the veteran to the nearest veterinarian...cuz dog.</p><p> </p><p>

Post match Cyber celebrates with the fans as Marion assumes she should cheer for him because she's 'More of a cat person...but not a cat person person, screw you, Kat.'</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>CYBER WINS BY PINFALL</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


Air Force Juan vs Death Butler</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E</strong></p><p> </p><p>

A cool down comedy bout to get the fans time to use the bathrooms or get some more food from the concessions (today featuring some Croaka Cola brand Gumbo Flavored Soda...it is mostly avoided by all) saw the MEW star take on the mysterious professional. The match was notable for Meido Machine on the outside taking on the part of an airline stewardess, throwing complimentary peanuts at the fans, referee Lofty Jackson, Marion (who grew increasingly catty with each lobbed legume), and eventually at Juan himself. This eventually caused Juan to fly out for a suicide dive onto the screwy stewardess much to the crowd's delight, but to his own misfortune this left him open to a Death's Door from Death Butler the second he entered the Death Ring...wait, no, the ring is normal. You get what I mean, oh and Deathy Jackson counted the pin.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>DEATH BUTLER WINS BY PINDEATH</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Segment Involving:</strong></p><p><strong>


Kirk Burton</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: D-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

As is becoming usual in LLL, our main event is prefaced by a Kirk Burton promo, and a particularly nasty one at that. Clearly angered by DISCO Fox's comments earlier into the night, Burton tears into the likes of him and Super Croak with the biggest amount of vitriol this side of Shane Allman watching the infamous WWWE Barbershop Quartet angle. He claims that Fox is a useless piece of gimmicky filth clinging on to the past like so many other 'Disco Dirtbags', but tonight he'll prove what was proven in Chicago so long ago: Disco Sucks!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>MAIN EVENT</strong></p><p><strong>


DISCO Fox vs Kirk Burton</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: D-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The second of the night's two MOTN contenders was indeed our main event and what a bout it was. DISCO Fox kept Burton on his toes the whole match with a combination of high-flying and showmanship that the so-called traditionalist struggled to keep up with, but a well timed jostling of the top rope caused Fox to crotch himself on the top rope and find himself tied up in a tree of woe where Burton-orthodox technical wrestler he was-proceeded to stomp Fox like an exceptionally resilient insect until Lofty Jackson interceded on the Disco Dancing Vulpine's behalf with a five-count that was only barely obeyed by Burton. Burton went on to control the pace of the match as, wearing Fox down with painful joint-locks and trying to keep him from gaining momentum with the most torturous restholds he could trap his high-energy opponent in. </p><p> </p><p>

Fox, however, is as canny and clever as his name would imply and with the help of the fans he managed to to break free of a Boston Crab and quickly build back some of that momentum that his foe had stolen with a flurry of martial arts kicks, fast as lightning, almost like he was kung-fu fighting before nailing Burton with a shiranui that resulted in a nearfall. Fox once again went to the top rope, seeking his Last Dance swanton bomb, but Burton managed to get to his knees and crawled away and towards Lofty Jackson, forcing Fox to get off the top rope and stalk after him. Once in range, however, Burton's plan would become clear as an attempt at rising with Jackson's help swiftly turned into a feigned fall that shoved Lofty into Fox, headbutting the Disco Stud's groin which left Fox doubled over for Burton to hit his vaunted Old School Snap DDT to Fox for his dirtiest win yet.</p><p> </p><p>

Burton celebrated as We Gave Up Lucha For Lent cut out, the fans once against forced to watch the insidious traditionalist puff out his chest as he brings shame to not only lucha, but to the very values he claims to represent himself.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>KIRK BURTON WINS BY PINFALL</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Show Rating: D-</strong></p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:24px;"><strong>LUCHA FOR LENT ANOTHER LLL SUCCESS</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';">

Indy upstart Louisiana Lucha Libre held their third show (first under the Informal Alliance of Fun-Lovers banner) at the end of March and quickly showed they were out to impress. The night saw two matches far beyond what is usually expected of such a small company, both involving a member of one of their founding tag teams: The Forces of Funk, Cyber and DISCO Fox. That along with the addition of rookie announcer Marion Reed to their shows makes it clear that LLL is out to impress and the fact they managed all this and still turned a tidy profit of just over $400 is a sign that there is a definite audience for the product in Dixie.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';">

</span><img alt="ZOHPiZu.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/ZOHPiZu.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';">

</span><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:24px;"><strong>SPLASH! STAR ON EXCURSION TO UK/EUROPE, HIRED BY TOTAL!</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';">

Some fans of Japan's first Sports Entertainment company, SPLASH!, may be familiar with the antics of the Super American Squad consisting of Terry Orlando and Sebastian Philadelphia. In a shock move by the company, Terry Orlando has been sent on excursion to the United Kingdom and Europe (an odd place considering his gimmick) while Sebastian remains in the company in Japan. Orlando, meanwhile, didn't need to wait long for work as Pro Wrestling TOTAL!, an IAF affiliate, snapped him up on a two year deal. Time will tell what Orlando brings to Wales' premiere wrestling promotion.</span></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>LLL Presents:</strong></p><p><strong>

BRAWL IN THE BAYOU</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Main Event Trios Match</strong></p><p><strong>

Super Croak And The Forces Of Funk (Cyber And DISCO FOX)</strong></p><p><strong>


Kirk Burton And The Help (Death Butler And Meido Machine)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Kat vs El Lobo Negro</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Air Force Juan vs Alma Desertica</strong></p><p>


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<p>LLL Presents:</p><p>

BRAWL IN THE BAYOU</p><p> </p><p>

Main Event Trios Match</p><p>

Super Croak And The Forces Of Funk (Cyber And DISCO FOX)</p><p>


<strong>Kirk Burton And The Help (Death Butler And Meido Machine)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Kat</strong> vs El Lobo Negro</p><p> </p><p>

Air Force Juan vs <strong>Alma Deserti</strong></p>

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<p><strong>LLL BRAWL IN THE BAYOU</strong></p><p><strong>

ATTENDANCE: 109</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Segment Involving:</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="597ndn0.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/597ndn0.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

"Marvelous" Marion Reed</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: C-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

As with last month, Marion Reed ran down the card for everyone, apparently still annoyed to be working for a wrestling company instead of a strip club, but not enough that she'd quit receiving a paycheck. The fans were appreciative of her efforts even though she dropped her papers a few times and had to bend over to pick them up. Such clumsiness. Good on the fans for humoring her.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Opening Match</strong></p><p><strong>


Air Force Juan vs Alma Desertica</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Neither of these men had had what one would exactly call an auspicious start to their LLL careers in the formative months of the company, and both showed their frustrations by attempting to eke out a win over the other perennial loser. Juan had an obvious gameplan coming into the match, following in the footsteps of every other opponent Desertica has ever had in LLL by teasing the bane of Desertica's existence: The Inside Cradle. Once, twice, three times does Juan go for the one move Desertica simply has no answer for which spooks the bigger luchador each and every time, leading to him bailing from the ring and giving Juan the opportunity to pose for the crowd.</p><p> </p><p>

This proves Juan's undoing however as Desertica finally had enough of the rookie's mind games and goes into a rage, rushing into the ring and beating the ever loving crap out of Juan for an extended period of time before finishing him off with the Gory Cradle for the 3.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>ALMA DESERTICA WINS BY PINFALL</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Segment Involving:</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="597ndn0.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/597ndn0.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><span>http://i.imgur.com/cOrHeIf.jpg</span></p><p><strong>

"Marvelous" Marion Reed and Kirk Burton (Kind of)</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: D</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Marion returned to the ring for a new segment she titled 'Marvelous Insights', where she would profile the career of one member of the LLL roster and tonight she'd start off with the winningest member of the roster: Kirk Burton! With a smirk on her face Marion would proceed to gush all about Burton's looks, his personality (she hates 'Weirdos' too), and the fact that at 3-0, he is undoubtedly the best wrestler in the company. She congratulates Burton just being perfect and writes her number on a piece of paper which she shows that camera, blowing a kiss. Subtlety, thy name is not Marion.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>GRUDGE MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="Dif4Tol.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Dif4Tol.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><strong>vs</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/dp6YepK.jpg</span></p><p><strong>

Kat vs El Lobo Negro</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E</strong></p><p> </p><p>

How does one describe this match? Tom and Jerry-esque may be the best descriptor as Kat once again lead Lobo on a merry chase around the ring, outsmarting the ferocious lupine luchador at every juncture including an absurd exchange that beginning that saw Lofty Jackson trying to break up a strike exchange only to be on the receiving end of...let's call it affections befitting their chosen animals from both competitors. After the hasty application of a spray bottle, the match resumed its regularly scheduled ridiculousness which saw Kat finally put Lobo away with her Cross Claw Cross Chop finisher!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>KAT WINS BY PINFALL</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Segment Involving:</strong></p><p><strong>


Kirk Burton, Death Butler, and Meido Machine</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: D-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Prior to our main event the fans were treated to a promo from the previously honored Kirk Burton and his strange bedfellows for the evening, The Help. Actually, perhaps bedfellows a bad term to use considering the entire time Meido, who came out this month dressed as a schoolgirl for some ungodly reason, was gravitating around the 'real wrestler', trying to get him to-in her words- "Notice me, senpai!". Ultimately Burton cuts his promo predicting the ultimate end of their opponents short after Meido began to give him an unsolicited backrub, prompting him to storm off to their corner and hurl abuse at the mischievous maid...flight attendant...student. What the hell IS her job anyway?</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>MAIN EVENT</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="eifZOSQ.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/eifZOSQ.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><span>http://i.imgur.com/d206Xpt.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/PkRz16C.jpg</span><strong>vs</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/cOrHeIf.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/ZMGbfid.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/iSrngVX.jpg</span></p><p><strong>

Super Croak and The Forces of Funk vs Kirk Burton and The Help</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: D-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

In easily the match of the night, these two teams came in with something to prove...unfortunately one was seeking to prove how annoying she can be as Meido would NOT leave Kirk Burton alone, breaking off from double teams in order to flirt with the undefeated star much to both his and Marion Reed's consternation ("STEP OFF MY MAN, YA SKANK!" was screamed many times from the announce booth, Jesus, Marion, the mics can only take so much...). This distraction was taken advantage of many time by the agile team of Croak, Fox, and Cyber as they vexed the rudos with their teamwork and skill. </p><p> </p><p>

The final straw came when Burton managed to suddenly hit his Old School Snap DDT on Croak but found himself on the receiving end of a blind tag from Meido who tried to show 'Senpai' her 'Ultra Inescapable Pinning Technique' which seemed to just be a prawn hold angled in such a way to give the technician a view under her skirt. Incensed, the straight-laced Burton yanked Meido off the cover and slapped her across the face before storming off in a rage as Meido...just kinda rubbed her cheek and swooned about Burton being 'So Tsundere~' whatever that means, before finding herself on the receiving end of a double dropkick from the Forces of Funk and a Quenchsault from Croak who took the pin as his afroed allies held of Death Butler.</p><p> </p><p>

Brawl in the Bayou ends with Marion Reed throwing a tantrum at Meido for causing Burton to pick up his first defeat while the Technicos celebrated their victory in the ring.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Show Rating: D-</strong></p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size:18px;"><strong>LLL ANNOUNCES FIRST CHAMPIONS WILL BE CROWNED IN TOURNAMENT</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';">

Coming off the heels of the Brawl in the Bayou, LLL have announced that their first championships, the LLL Campeones De Parejas, will be decided in the first iteration of what the company has declared will be a yearly tournament called the </span><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><strong>Two To Tango Tag Team Tournament</strong></span><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"> with this year's version being a </span><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';"><strong>Two To Tango Tag Team TITLE Tournament</strong></span><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';">. The company has brought in two teams from fellow IAF promotions, Mexico Elite Wrestling and Pro Wrestling TOTAL!, with multi-time MEW Campeones de Parejas The Bear Necessities representing the former and a team consisting of promising talents Toso Senshi and Emily Jay Cobb making up Team TOTAL!.</span></p><p><span style="font-family:'Times New Roman';">

</span></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>LLL Presents:</strong></p><p><strong>

THE TWO TO TANGO TAG TEAM TITLE TOURNAMENT</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

THE TEAMS:</strong></p><p><strong>


The Forces of Funk (DISCO Fox & Cyber)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


The Help (Death Butler & Meido Machine)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="eifZOSQ.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/eifZOSQ.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="Dif4Tol.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Dif4Tol.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

The Frog'N Feline Connection (Super Croak & Kat)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/bBJhsZ9.jpg</span><img alt="O45PEH4.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/O45PEH4.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

The Hands of Death (Alma Desertica & ???)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


The Wingmen (Air Force Juan & Buzzard)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="cdb7Ne0.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/cdb7Ne0.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="9iJpcUK.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/9iJpcUK.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

Bear Necessities (Oso De Oro & El Pandita)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="YL7dnZv.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/YL7dnZv.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="5xxybZg.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/5xxybZg.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

Team TOTAL! (Emily Jay Cobb & Toso Senshi)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


The Leftovers (Kirk Burton & El Lobo Negro)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

FIRST ROUND MATCHES:</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

The Forces of Funk Vs The Leftovers</strong></p><p><strong>

The Hands of Death vs The Wingmen</strong></p><p><strong>

The Frog'n Feline Connection vs Team TOTAL!</strong></p><p><strong>

Bear Necessities vs The Help</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

THE FINAL MATCH:</strong></p><p><strong>

LADDER MATCH W/WINNERS FROM THE FIRST ROUND!</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>



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<p>FIRST ROUND MATCHES:</p><p> </p><p>

The Forces of Funk Vs <strong>The Leftovers</strong></p><p>

<strong><strong>The Hands of Death</strong></strong> vs The Wingmen</p><p>

<strong>The Frog'n Feline Connection</strong> vs Team TOTAL!</p><p>

Bear Necessities vs <strong>The Help</strong></p><p> </p><p>




<strong>The Frog'n Feline Connection</strong></p>

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  • 2 weeks later...

<p><strong>LLL TWO TO TANGO</strong></p><p><strong>

Attendance: 110</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Opening Two To Tango Tag Team Title Tournament Match</strong></p><p><strong>


The Forces of Funk vs The Leftovers</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: D-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The opening contest of the TTTTTT Tournament was a lesson in opposites as the united Forces of Funk faced off with the slapped together duo of Kirk Burton and El Lobo Negro and to the surprise of no one it was the more seasoned team that took home the victory as Burton was more interested in berating Lobo for his Lucha Stylings and 'Acting like an Son of a Literal B-'. We cut it there because that was when Lobo slapped him for the tag and left the 'traditional grappler' to the tender mercies of the two men he'd had issues with the previous few months. A relentless barrage of double teams by the Afro'd Avengers saw Burton fall victim to a double-stomp/samoan drop combo for the pin and the win in this inaugural match of the inaugural tournament.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>THE FORCES OF FUNK WIN BY PINFALL</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Segment Involving:</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="597ndn0.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/597ndn0.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><span>http://i.imgur.com/bBJhsZ9.jpg</span><img alt="O45PEH4.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/O45PEH4.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

"Marvelous" Marion Reed, Alma Desertica, and ???</strong></p><p><strong>

Segment Rating: E+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Prior to our second match of the evening, Marion Reed made her way to the ring with a hot scoop, she'd be interviewing the Hands of Death Alma Desertica and his mysterious new partner! Alma headed down to the ring with a strange newcomer stomping along behind him...</p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="2ADsB3x.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/2ADsB3x.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>He seems nice.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

In the ring, Desertica reveals his partner to be...a demon. Like, a literal demon. He summoned an ancient demon from Central American prehistory he learned about while in prison in order to:</p><p> </p><p>

"Teach me how to counter that STUPID INSIDE CRADLE!"</p><p> </p><p>

Marion is gobsmacked about the train of thought here but the monster grabs the microphone and declares himself to be merely an avatar of a vast monstrosity that resides within the psyche of all men, the being that supplies them with the nightmares that chill them at night. In truth he is but the tip of a fingertip in size compared to his true form and once ruled the entire world through his mighty fear-inducing powers until ancient shaman conducted a ritual to seal him away. He declares that tonight he, Rey De Pesadillas -The King of Nightmares- shall win this tournament with his new slave and all will despair at his reign of terror before he throws the microphone down and steps away.</p><p> </p><p>

Marion asks Alma what exactly the terms of his deal with this demon are and he clearly states that if they lose the tournament he gets to be Rey's slave for all eternity but if they WIN the tournament...he's still Rey's slave but he'll know how to counter an inside cradle. Marion points out that literally everyone else on the roster pretty much knows how to do that already and probably could have just taught Alma that if he'd-y'know-asked. Alma blinks and looks dumbfounded as Marion says what we're all thinking:</p><p> </p><p>

"Alma, you're a MORON!"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>First Round Tournament Match </strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/bBJhsZ9.jpg</span><img alt="2ADsB3x.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/2ADsB3x.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><strong>vs</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/d5qjTDU.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/VBx3h2W.jpg</span></p><p><strong>

The Hands of Death vs The Wingmen</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Happy as the fans were to see the returning Buzzard (joined by lovable underdog Air Force Juan), there was a pretty general feelings of lambs being lead to the slaughter for this bout as neither man seemed to have a real answer for the size advantage Rey had over both fighters. Indeed, the insidious being from the darkest corners of the psyche seemed impossible to defeat as he never even tagged Alma in once as he tossed the two agile luchadors around until finally putting Buzzard away with a a sit-out chokebomb after Alma yanked the already fatigued Juan off the apron.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>THE HANDS OF DEATH WIN BY PINFALL</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

First Round Tournament Match</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="cdb7Ne0.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/cdb7Ne0.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="9iJpcUK.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/9iJpcUK.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><strong>vs</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/ZMGbfid.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/iSrngVX.jpg</span></p><p><strong>

Bear Necessities vs The Help</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The Fun Loving Furry Fellows of MEW were a welcome sight for the fans after the dreary debut of Rey De Pesadillas, prancing out to Teddy Bear Picnic and high-fiving fans on their way to the ring. The more mirthful tone of this match was only deepened by the arrival of Death Butler and Meido Machine (dressed as Goldilocks because of course she was) who arrived with jars of Honey of all things as a peace offering to their opponents here tonight. The goodwill didn't last long however as it became abundantly clear that the sweets were actually meant to be bribes for the two bears in exchange for throwing the match! The animalistic luchadors weren't up for such shenanigans however and the Help soon found themselves out on their rears while the bears shared the honey with the fans.</p><p> </p><p>

When the match finally got underway, things certainly seemed to be going the way of the bears for most of the match, absolutely humiliating the two sneaky servants with their superior strength and experience as a tag team. However, what The Help lacked in those two categories, they made up for in chicanery as Death Butler briefly left the proceedings (and Meido by herself) only to return with a rifle! While Meido kepts Lofty Jackson focused on El Pandita 'Trying to interfere', Death Butler took aim and popped Oso De Oro in the rear with a tranquilizer dart, causing the biggest man in the match to topple right into a magistral cradle by Meido for the pin and the win for the baddies!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>THE HELP WIN BY PINFALL!</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Final First Round Tournament Match!</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="eifZOSQ.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/eifZOSQ.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="Dif4Tol.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Dif4Tol.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><strong>vs</strong><img alt="YL7dnZv.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/YL7dnZv.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="5xxybZg.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/5xxybZg.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

The Frog'n Feline Connection vs Team TOTAL!</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Team TOTAL! went into this match with a large deficit in terms of fan appreciation (facing off with two of LLL's most beloved Technicos) and didn't seem keen on catching up in that regard as Toso Senshi and Emily Jay Cobbs hurled abuse at the 'know-nothing Creole bumpkins' in attendance prior to the arrival of Kat and Super Croak! The dynamic duo of the top of LLL's food chain got a sizeable pop as they entered, having donned matching gear for the night's proceedings, cementing them as being on the same page (a far cry from The Leftovers in the opening match).</p><p> </p><p>

The combination of Kat and Croak showed a sublime synergy in their battle with the two stars from across the pond, matching each other move for move as Croak countered Senshi's martial arts acumen with the acrobatic lucha stylings he was known for whilst Kat proved far too ferocious for Cobbs' canny yet callous cruiserweight assault. In the end, Kat managed to nail Senshi with her Cross Claw Cross Chop before suicide diving onto Cobbs on the outside as Croak hit the Quenchsault for a complete victory for the home team.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>THE FROG'N FELINE CONNECTION WIN BY PINFALL!</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Segment Involving:</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/d206Xpt.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/PkRz16C.jpg</span><img alt="eifZOSQ.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/eifZOSQ.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="Dif4Tol.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Dif4Tol.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/ZMGbfid.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/iSrngVX.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/bBJhsZ9.jpg</span><img alt="2ADsB3x.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/2ADsB3x.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

ALL OF OUR FINALISTS</strong></p><p><strong>

Segment Rating: E+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

In an effort to ensure all the finalists were well-rested for the decivise four-team ladder match, an intermission was called with the teams allowed to mingle with the fans, sign autographs, inform them of their status as riff-raff, and prophesize of the doom to come to all humankind from their awakening...ok those last two were more The Help and Rey De Pesadillas specifically. Alma Desertica tried to get someone, anyone, to teach him a counter to the Inside Cradle but after possibly dooming the world to subjugation by a monster from beyond our understanding, there weren't any takers.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>SPECIAL INTERMISSION TRIOS MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/d5qjTDU.jpg</span><img alt="cdb7Ne0.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/cdb7Ne0.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="9iJpcUK.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/9iJpcUK.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><strong>vs</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/cOrHeIf.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/dp6YepK.jpg</span><img alt="YL7dnZv.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/YL7dnZv.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

Air Force Juan and Bear Necessities vs The Leftovers and Emily Jay Cobbs</strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: E+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

A silly simple match for the sake of giving our finalists a breather, Kirk Burton showed much more interest in teaming with Ms. Cobbs than he did with his other partner (who for his part cowered in fear from the two bears), which of course caused more than a little grousing from the announce booth. The match itself saw Burton get back to his formerly winning ways by trapping Juan in a Romero Special, allowing El Lobo Negro to smash the underdog in the head with a yakuza kick while Cobbs took out both of the Bears with a tope to the outside. Burton covered Juan after the devastating kick for the academic three count that Marion fawned over before Cobbs gave her partner a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. It's pretty obvious that the announcer is happy to see Cobbs returning to England.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>THE LEFTOVERS AND EJC WIN BY PINFALL</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

TOURNAMENT FINAL LADDER MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><img alt="HxcZWac.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/HxcZWac.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="dZYNfQi.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/dZYNfQi.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/d206Xpt.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/PkRz16C.jpg</span><strong>vs</strong><img alt="eifZOSQ.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/eifZOSQ.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="Dif4Tol.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Dif4Tol.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><strong>vs</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/ZMGbfid.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/iSrngVX.jpg</span><strong>vs</strong><span>http://i.imgur.com/bBJhsZ9.jpg</span><img alt="2ADsB3x.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/2ADsB3x.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong>

The Forces of Funk vs The Frog'n Feline Connection vs The Help vs The Hands of Death</strong></p><p><strong>

Match Rating: D-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

With the finals looming, all four teams were met with their most raucous reactions of the night and the second the bell rang it became obvious what the game plan of 3/4ths of the ring was:</p><p> </p><p>

Take out Rey.</p><p> </p><p>

While the monster of the mind was more than a match for two people, six at a time proved his undoing in the early goings as a synchronous dropkick delivered by the sextet of disparate competitors sent him tumbling from the ring. It was then that Death Butler set himself up as the launching pad for a series of no less than five dives to the outside onto the rising Rey that smashed into him with increasing effectiveness until he was but one of six bodies down on the floor. His job accomplished, Death Butler dusted himself off and looked to the center of the ring-</p><p> </p><p>

In time to see Alma Desertica setting up and trying to scale his way up a ladder while everyone was distracted by his master! Scrambling up to meet him, Butler and Alma engaged in a back and forth punching match that only ended when Super Croak, recovered from the opening flurry of acrobatics, launched himself up onto the top rope for a springboard dropkick that takes out the ladder! As Croak stands, he's floored by a superkick from Meido, who herself is grabbed from behind by Cyber and DISCO for a double back suplex, but find themselves on the receiving end of a crossbody off the top by Kat.</p><p> </p><p>

This was never going to be a very slow-paced match, but it dissolves into an all-out brawl with every team trying their damndest to get at the brand new LLL Campeones De Parejas Titles, but at every turn it seemed as though at least one member of the other team would take them out until...</p><p> </p><p>

With a monstrous thud both members of The Help found themselves violently chokeslammed to the mat.</p><p> </p><p>

<img alt="2ADsB3x.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/2ADsB3x.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

<strong>Guess Who's Back?</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Rey De Pesadillas had recovered from the opening onslaught and was back in the fray, dispatching the two subservient scoundrels and moving on to the other fighters. His size and strength made him nearly unstoppable, throwing around his smaller foes like an adult among children as his minion cowered in the corner from being beaten repeatedly throughout the match. With a commanding presence, he pointed at Alma and demanded the ladder be set up for him, which Alma did with little hesitation, preparing the ladder while Rey De Pesadilla grabbed Super Croak mid-Quenchsault and tossed him into Kat with a military press toss! </p><p> </p><p>

With half the participants down and out, Rey turned to find the ladder prepared for his ascension. Stomping across the ring like a conquering emperor, he began to climb...</p><p> </p><p>

And found himself grabbed around the waist by DISCO! Incensed, Rey grabbed the interloper by the afro and smashed his face into ladder, sending him slumping down to the mat as Rey turned around to find-</p><p> </p><p>

Cyber almost at the top already! Rey roared in anger and grabbed for Cyber's throat, trying to chokeslam him off the ladder...but DISCO grabbed onto Rey's leg and pulled down with all the force that his body weight and gravity could give him! As Rey struggled with DISCO, Alma attempted to dislodge the offending Fox from his master's limb, which only created the opening that Cyber needed to grab the belts and take the match for The Forces of Funk!</p><p> </p><p>

As Giddy Up blared over the PA system, the fans erupted in cheers as Rey De Pesadillas stepped down from the ladder and directed his rage towards Alma! Grabbing him by the scruff of the neck he threw him from the ring and chased him to the back, intent on berating and bludgeoning his ineffective underling as Cyber and DISCO embrace in the ring, the first holders of the Campeonatos De Parejas and winners of the first Two To Tango Tag Team Tournament!</p><p> </p><p>


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