[CVerse2020] Tales of Acheron: Who booked this crap?

[DarK_RaideR]

Life, much like wrestling, is full of swerves. I never thought some Brit would get me to run a promotion in Romania as a money laundering scheme.

 

Somehow I always expected a Russian oligarch, or at least a mobster.

 

I suppose Ken Flanagan is technically Welsh, but so far away from their little echo chamber of an island, they’re all “Englishmen” to us here. Anyway, he was on a ‘business trip’ in Bucharest and in his spare time, he decided to go to a wrestling show in town. I just happened to be part of it. At the time, I was taking any and all bookings I’d get. Things had gotten rough for me after the Koller incident, so I’d agree to wrestle for the kind of people who would let a man like Flanagan into the venue.

The first time I became aware of him, he burst into the backstage area, furious, screaming something about no women being on the show. Takes a special kind of stupid to storm a locker room full of wrestlers with an attitude (and a physique) like his. I guess I was intrigued, but my head was also still ringing a bit from a nasty landing on the floor, so I couldn’t take the noise. For whatever reason, I stepped out of the shower and into the fray, trying to de-escalate the situation before any fists would fly. Takes a special kind of stupid to do that before you realize you forgot to grab a towel first.

I guess as much as I hate to admit it, we did have some things in common after all, though whether that thing is massive balls or a glaring lack of self awareness is up to debate. Whatever it was, my interference stunned him just enough (because I doubt he was actually intimidated) to completely change the vibe of the scene. Matter of fact, he said I must get loads of chicks packing that thing, so he decided I was the most suited person to take him to the finest strip club of Bucharest. Not like I'd bother, but then he casually flashed like triple what I got paid that night just to be his guide. Figured I could easily make him pay for my drinks and dinner too. He was a mark throwing money around, maybe I could swindle him to hire me as his bodyguard or something. Instead, I got a very different kind of business proposal.

Five vodkas and two lapdances in, he started talking to me about his trip and how easy he found it to do business in Romania. Had to scream so I could hear him over the blasting beats, but I’m pretty sure he’d do it even if the music was off. It wasn’t a lack of self preservation either, he was just so damn proud at himself for outsmarting the authorities. And to be fair, given the location, his illicit activities would barely make anyone around even remotely interested, there were much worse things discussed, or even perpetrated, in the vicinity.

“So anyone looking, they’ll just think I set up an offshore company to take advantage of tax laws, yeah? But that’s a diversion, so they don’t see what it’s really s’pposed to do.”

I pretended to listen, while trying not to be overly distracted by the girl doing her shift on the pole. Hopefully he was too drunk, or too self obsessed (or both) to notice.

“...you just gotta put down the right numbers in the books, but pay the wrestlers cash-in-hand, so the difference between those two, the promotion returns to my investor company, all legal and untraceable. Think you can do that?”

I nodded and said something along the lines of “mhm, sounds great”. The girl now had her tits out and the vodka was getting to me as well. Little did I know what I’d signed up for and Flanagan wasn’t the type of person to let someone back down from what he considered a done deal. That morning hangover would come with a big side of regrets over what I'd done the night prior.

 

...fuck!

[DarK_RaideR]

By the time I sobered up the next day, Ken had already filed papers to register “Balkan Wrestling Organization”. Hell, he’d even bought some old logo he found in the metaphorical discount bin.

 

The following message has been paid for by the BWO…

He had me wrapped up in red tape and he’d fled the country already, leaving an accountant behind to run his shell company as its strawman CEO. Also as his mouthpiece, judging by the email I got.

“Dear Sir,

Allow me first to congratulate you and wish you the best of luck on your business endeavors. As a prime investor in BalkWres Inc, our company would like to make sure its vision is well communicated and understood. You are, of course, expected to run the day to day creative and business operation side of things, however we would like to ensure that we set a certain framework within which you will be operating.
- As a new company with little hype behind it, Balkan Wrestling Organization is ranked 36th in the world among 36 active promotions. It is understood that building up a company from scratch will incur some initial losses, yet you are expected to at least maintain this position after the first two years of operation. Growth is welcome, but not expected. Failure is unacceptable.
- We believe the initial product needs to be believable to a significant extent, in order to face the usual criticism of wrestling as “fake” and draw in an initial core audience. As such, we would appreciate it if you refrained from employing competitors with a very high focus on technical wrestling to the exclusion of all other talents. Likewise, do avoid gymnasts who display a great reliance on aerial moves. This should not be a circus.
- Finally, might I remind you that your funding is contractually tied to Balkan Wrestling Organization promoting women’s wrestling alongside men’s. Emphasis on alongside. Do not cross the streams. We here at BalkWres highly prize diversity and gender equality, so we expect our beneficiaries to share these values. Although not legally binding, we strongly suggest you invest in the future by using young and cosmetically pleasing females.
For security reasons, I cannot enclose your online banking codes in this email. They will be handed to you in a sealed envelope by a liaison who shall be visiting you later in the day. We do believe our initial deposit of 500.000€ should be enough to get you started.

Sincerely,
Artur Dumitrescu”

I caught myself thinking all sorts of sarcastic comments as I read this, but things got real when I got to the money part. That mad bastard, half a million! To “get me started”! I mean sure, his “liaison” handed me the envelope with one hand while pointing a gun at me with the other and telling me to not do anything funny, but the password did check out and the money was actually there. I was tempted to start hiring people left and right, but no one who was anyone would agree to come wrestle for a nobody indy show. Besides, I had to keep expenses reasonable in order to not draw attention. So I decided to put together a show and test the waters, see if there were any legs to this thing.

 

The show would open with a pseudo-MMA shoot fight between Aleksandr Knyazev and Cub Balowitz. This would hopefully establish a suitably believable tone for the rest of the evening, plus both men already have some big time experience with UEW and VWA respectively, so I could trust them to keep it together when they’d come out to open a show in front of what I expected would be a crowd of three plus a stray dog, at best.

 

Don’t get your hopes up though, after the strong start comes the stinker, an all Russian tag team clash as veterans Boris Kiriyakin and Jakub Krawczyk meet the young upstart pair of Sergei Litvinov and Pyotr Drachev. Best tag team match I could put together, hoping the old timers would pop the crowd instead of a knee.

 

“Cheap heat squash” is the name of the game here. I got Notorious F.R.E.A.K. to show up, appeal to whatever audience we get and rile them up so that Abominable Snowman can then save the day by destroying him. Worst case scenario, we’d get some online heat blamed as queerphobic, at this early stage any exposure was welcome I suppose.

 

Ken called me in person to demand I hire Gypsy Rose and build the women’s division around her. I was pretty sure a gypsy character wouldn’t go down the same way in Romania as it would in other places, but didn’t think that would convince him, so I had to argue people would see right through her not being a gypsy (she’s Canadian, for crying out loud). This kinda contradicted his “guidelines” to keep it believable, plus she did rely an awful lot on high flying. He agreed as long as I’d come back with a suitably young and attractive replacement he personally wanted to greenlight, so my plan B was Tereza Smirnov. Where every other wrestler got a one night deal on a handshake, no such time constraints were agreed upon with her. Once that was sealed, I got a suitable opponent for her in Etelka the Hun, which I renamed Etelka the Savage. She’s Hungarian and also she got a deal for two appearances, as I’d been setting up a rematch of sorts in this situation.

 

Of course I’d be in the main event, because I’m booking the damn show and I’m giving myself a main event bonus for it. Also I’m Romanian, so that automatically makes me the hometown hero and a draw. After a lot of thinking and most candidates turning me down, I settled on Andriy Boronin. Solid hand, decent experience, mainly a grappler so I wasn’t in for a night of strikes or slams. Plus he’s Ukrainian and with an army background, maybe I could do something with that.

[dstephe4]

I like this a lot so far. Looking forward to the next installment

[Herrbear]

Good start.

[DarK_RaideR]

Bwo Slamdown
Held in Bucharest on Sunday, Week 4 of January 2020. Attendance: 33

 

Aleksander Knyazev vs Cub Balowicz
Well this did start us off strong, but maybe a bit too strong for my liking. If the best match of the night is the opener, everything is downhill from there and it makes others look lesser in comparison, myself in the main event included. Still, people seemed to like it. Balowicz stuck to striking, looking for that killer left hook of his, while Knyazev held his own standing and mixed things up with the occasional takedown or submission. This went on back and forth for about 8 minutes, until Knyazev got too confident shooting for another takedown. Balowicz saw the opening and landed a left hook that flattened his opponent. I’m thinking if I can get other workers like these, maybe I could start a little unofficial division of MMA style workers.
Winner: Cub Balowicz, via Knockout (34)

 

Boris Kiriyakin and Jakub Krawczyk vs The New Age Russians
Kiriyakin is old and beat up, but damn it he’s still doing his best, which is still terrible but commendable I suppose. I saw Krawczyk pop some painkillers before walking out, probably so they’d kick in by the time he was expected to start bumping. Pyotr and Sergey did their best to carry this match, but they’re pretty green. Good thing I never advertised great in-ring action, because the audience still seemed to like this somehow, even if they didn’t really have anyone to cheer for. Anyway, that Collapsing Piledriver looks brutal.
Winners: The New Age Russians, via Pinfall (16)

 

Probably my biggest gamble of the night. FREAK got sent out to rile up the crowd and… did his best, I guess. I don’t speak French and neither did the audience, so a good chunk got lost in translation. Still, his looks and body language did elicit some kind of negative reaction, so the Yeti did get a cheer when he came out to put an end to this. Oh yeah, I renamed him into Yeti, because Abominable Snowman sounds overly academic. (14)

 

F.R.E.A.K. vs The Yeti
This guy can’t sell, or wrestle for that matter, but his squeals while getting pounded made up for it. Yeti probably got carried away and started grunting. It was all weirdly sexual, you could tell some folks in the audience were starting to feel uncomfortable.
Winner: The Yeti, by Pinfall (23)

 

Etelka the Savage vs Tereza Smirnov
Ken’s big on pushing the women’s division, so I took the opportunity to experiment and give this match twelve minutes, longest on the show. Didn’t seem to hurt things. I have no idea about women’s wrestling, so I hired Alpha Female to put this one together. Seems like she did a pretty good job. Lots of titty slapping and butt flashing snuck in to keep the audience hooked. Smirnov had to win this one so to make it believable against this opponent, we went with the flash roll up finish.
Winner: Tereza Smirnov, by Pinfall (28)

 

I’ve mentioned Etelka’s two-show deal, so this is how the rematch got set up;Tereza fled the ring after the three count and the smart choice would be to flee the berzerker’s wrath, but Smirnov just had to grab a mic and taunt her from a distance. Rushing from the backstage area, two women in appropriately apocalyptic outfits to match Etelka’s jumped Smirnov for a beatdown. Now she needs a tag team partner to face these two women in the next show, with Etelka in their corner. (25)

 

Acheron vs Andriy Boronin
With everything else in my mind putting the show together, I think it’s justified that I forgot how a spot or two were supposed to happen. That Boronin kid looked good though, he showed toughness taking my hits and brains trying to use technique in order to counter my power advantage. But of course, I won.
Winner: Acheron, by Pinfall (26)

Overall: 27

 

I… was actually shocked by how good this went down. Maybe there’s something to this project after all. I’d braced myself expecting the worst, yet nothing happened. Thought we’d maybe get a couple of curious people in the audience and instead thirty three paying customers showed up (still not enough to turn in a profit, but that’s to be expected this early). Thought we’d get a fistfight or nasty rib backstage, but everyone was calm and professional somehow. Even Ken, who flew in to witness this first show in person, caused zero trouble despite having a reputation as bad as the guy running that big indie company in Scotland. Maybe the only issue all night was finding out Pyotr Drachev is “straightedge”, as he called himself when he came to me complaining about his partner getting on the juice. Little snitch should be thankful instead. I’m reaching out to Dr. Filgudescu tomorrow, anyone who sampled his goods backstage is guaranteed to receive a call for another appearance next month…

[dstephe4]

2 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

 

F.R.E.A.K. vs The Yeti
This guy can’t sell, or wrestle for that matter, but his squeals while getting pounded made up for it. Yeti probably got carried away and started grunting. It was all weirdly sexual, you could tell some folks in the audience were starting to feel uncomfortable.
Winner: The Yeti.

This made me laugh. Brought a real, proper smile to my face. More of this please!

[DarK_RaideR]

Once the dust of the first show had settled down, I began preparing for the second. Consolidating before expanding, I reached out to Dr. Filgudescu and got a list of all the wrestlers who sampled his goods before Slamdown. Not a damn clue why someone like F.R.E.A.K. would get on the juice, but then again, I had no idea why he did anything in the first place. Ken had decided to throw his weight around before the first show and override me, offering an ongoing deal to F.R.E.A.K., so all I had to do was reach out to the weirdo and tell him that would indeed be the case. Next up was Andriy Boronin who also got an indefinite duration deal. Hopefully he'd put on some muscle so we'd tone down the technical aspects to emphasize his military background. According to Dr. Filgudescu's list, "one of the fur coat ladies" had also grabbed a 'snack' but I had no indication which of the two, so I decided to extend both their contracts anyway. They were recently married so consider this my wedding gift to them, breaking them up would be more trouble than I could be bothered with at this point. This wasn't the case with the Russians though; straightedge snitch Pyotr Drachev could suck it, Sergei Litvinov was my man and he was getting a deal as a singles guy.

 

Only match I had down already was the Chernobyl Generation, Etelka's lackeys, against Tereza Smirnov and someone else. Originally thought of Karen Bilous, but her rates be damned. Also, she's from Ukraine, like the Chernobyls. Thus, I opted for the Belarusian "Black Widow" Zofia Jankovic instead. Russians like Belarusians more than they like Ukrainians, right?

 

Second order of business was find another monster to squash F.R.E.A.K. again. I was stuck, but then it hit me: Menace. He's pretty well known from his work at UEW. Also, he's gay. Openly. I know, I'm terrible.

 

Another guy I thought of bringing in was Kalu Owusu. He's got a past with INSPIRE, but then I realized I'm not bringing Knyazev or Balowicz back. Few days later, I had another idea, when I was looking for someone that'd do the job for me on show #2 and ran into Jay Heartbreak. This quickly started growing into a full-on owner vs owner storyline, but right now I doubt him or his daddy would run with it. We need to make some more noise first, become a thorn on their side. So for now, I just launched an online campaign trying to rile up Jay, as he's pretty active on social media. Fingers crossed he'll take the bait. Till then, I'm bringing Kalu in to put me over. He wasn't thrilled with the idea, but when I told him about my plan to stick it to Byron, it's like a switch flipped in his head.

 

Last but not least, I hired Arlo Costa on a one off deal. He's the guy who used to portray Mr. Evilness, but what I'm more interested in is the fact he's legitimately blind in one eye, hence the character's eyepatch. Sergei Litvinov also lost one eye during a barfight in Germany years ago. Sounds like "magical gypsy glass eyeball on a pole match" or something.

[Wrestling Machine]

Hi DarK_RaideR, nice to see another diary of yours  and this Romania madness seems fun for a European guy like me lol

[DarK_RaideR]

3 hours ago, Wrestling Machine said:

Hi DarK_RaideR, nice to see another diary of yours  and this Romania madness seems fun for a European guy like me lol

Hello fellow European! Stay tuned for more madness!

[Mistertbones]

Loving this save so far. Given me a good laugh.

[DarK_RaideR]

Bwo The Return
Held in Bucharest on Sunday, Week 4 of February 2020. Attendance: 34

 

Acheron vs Kalu Owusu
For such a big boy, Kalu Owusu sure whines like a baby. I wanted to make this a time limit draw and set up the rematch, but he wouldn’t play ball unless he was going over, so I told him I’d get myself disqualified. Didn’t tell him how though, so I hope he enjoyed that unprotected chair shot out of nowhere. Not sure if I’m calling him back for the rematch though. One one hand he’s too big to lose inside a BWO ring, on the other he’s quite a draw. Much as I hate to admit it, he was having an off night and still outperformed me between the ropes. Fingers crossed Jay Heartbreak takes my bait quick. 
Winner: Kalu Owusu, by disqualification (23)

 

Ice Cream Scoop on a pole match
Mr. Costa vs Sergey Litvinov
I’ve heard the term “indy insanity” thrown around and this was certainly a good example of it. Had no idea what object to make the focus of this clash of the one eyed men, so I went through the nearest supermarket and came out with an ice cream scoop. Presumably for whoever gets it to scoop out their opponent’s remaining eye or something, I don’t know. On top of that, Arlo Costa didn’t want to do the body paint thing and give me the full Mr. Evilness gimmick, but I wasn’t having him under his legal name either, so he wrestled with his eyepatch on and got announced as “Mr. Costa” which I guess is a middle ground solution. Best part is, we played this whole thing straight instead of making it a comedy match. Oh and Litvinov put Mr. Costa in the Iron Claw for the finish, he was about to scoop his eye out but he submitted and the locker room emptied to prevent a massacre. Bout as "hardcore" as I'm willing to get with this thing.
Winner: Sergey Litvinov, by submission (20)

 

Andriy Boronin vs Masaya Hara
Hara is doing his young lion excursion from Burning Hammer, so I figured a Japanese guy would be just the thing for Boronin’s style. Plus it kinda re-legitimized the action after the previous match. Definitely bringing this kid back if I can, especially if the juice starts paying dividends fast.
Winner: Andriy Boronin, by submission (25)

 

So since F.R.E.A.K. will be around for a while, I had to find a way to use him long term and not just for shock value. My idea was to keep having people squash him and build up sympathy that’d turn him face. To do that, I needed him to be comically obnoxious, so we set up a little skit to establish that change in direction. Towards that goal, he brought some Spanish girl he knows; she’s a hairdresser by trade but she looks pretty good so besides wrestlers’ hairdos she’s done some ringside work once or twice. They did a brief segment, basically a hair salon vibe while overthinking F.R.E.A.K’s new hairstyle, then things got weird. I had no idea what I was in for, I’d given these guys free reign and they didn’t disappoint. Menace, that mountain of a man, came out to no music, basically picked the woman up, put her aside and took her place while F.R.E.A.K. had his back turned all the time and was totally oblivious. From there they did a Little Red Riding Hood kind of routine, the whole “you have such strong hands” gig, before F.R.E.A.K. realized what was going on and jumped out of his seat. Neither man spoke Romanian so a lot of this thing was down to physical comedy, but they sure gave me a chuckle. (14)

 

F.R.E.A.K. vs Menace
So if F.R.E.A.K.'s thing is going to be variations of the same match, him getting squashed by each episode’s monster heel, it has to be kept fresh. Again, I trusted the man to do his own thing since he knows his gimmick better than anyone and yet again, he came through. Last month there was the awkwardly sexual grunting from both competitors, this time he switched his act and tried to play “mind games” with the big man. It's good he takes the focus off the actual wrestling, because whatever I've seen of his wrestling -if you can even call it that- made me want to poke my eyes out. Either way, Menace carried this performance-wise and also provided a swerve with his “joke’s on you, I’m into this shit” spot when F.R.E.A.K. tried to… let’s call it “apply a lip-lock submission”. 
Winner: Menace, by pinfall (27)

 

with

Tereza Smirnov & Zofia Jankovic vs Chernobyl Generation (with Etelka the Savage)
I’m glad I got Jankovic for this, because not only she’s got some exposure through EWA but she can also wrestle, so the main event didn’t just look like a steaming heap of crap. Me not being in it was bad enough already. Anyway, this was basically four bad bitches throwing hands, which I’m pretty sure the fans found rather hot. I mean, there was the occasional suplex or hold, but who cares. Etelka ended up getting involved and she provided a distraction for “Iron” Iryna to score the pin over Jankovic.
Winners: Chernobyl Generation, by pinfall (36)

Overall 28

 

Yet again, I was impressed. This actually felt like running a proper wrestling promotion. No backstage fights or incidents. No unwatchable matches. Everyone getting juiced backstage. And the main event was not outshined by anything else. Think I'm getting the hang of this booking thing. Might as well take Ken out to town for a celebration. Long as he's the one paying for it, that is...