Cornellverse Explored 07 (Diary)

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where nobody remembers if we air on Tuesday or Wednesday With that said and fixed, let's get on with the show. [CENTER][B]USPW American Wrestling[/B] Tuesday, Week 3, January 2007 Held at The NC Biker Museum in front of 2,000 people (Sold Out) ([I]USPW holding a show in a museum? Oh the irony.[/I]) [U]Dark Matches[/U][/CENTER] -Frankie Perez defeated Zeus Maxmillion in 7:20 by submission with a P-Clutch. ([B]E[/B]) [CENTER][U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -William Hayes kicks off the night by coming down to the ring and talking about his great Japanese heritage. Someone's letting working for PGHW get to his head. He talks up how great of a country Japan is and how great their wrestling is as opposed to say, USPW where a bunch of geezers think they're wrestlers. This brings out Capitan USA. He says that Hayes can takes his Japanese heritage and shove it, he's in America now. Hayes hits USA with the mic taking him down. A ref is out to make this a match. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) [U] -[B]William Hayes def. Captain USA[/B]-[/U] And Captain USA is now the official welcoming job squad. Hayes made short work out of this match, too bad nobody in the crowd cared. Hayes put USA away with Slick Trick in about 4:30 minutes. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR])[/B] -Backstage is Thomas Morgan wandering the halls singing. This week he's being pelted by more than squishees and water bottles. The disgruntled people have moved up to popcorn too. Oddly Morgan doesn't seem affected by all of the people yelling "You suck!!!" at him. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR][/B]) -Zeus Maxmillion is at a theater along with Rudy Velasquez and T-Rex. Zeus stands up and turns around to reveal a nearly empty theater. [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Thank you all for coming out to the premier of the newest chart topping hit movie from Maxmillion Productions, Epic Movie which stars these 2 gentlemen over here. All of you here today can tell your children and grandchildren stories of the day you first saw this legendary movie. Roll it.[/COLOR]" On the movie screen a war torn planet is shown. Then a toy missile flies onto the screen with someone making sound effects with their mouth. Stock footage of an explosion is shown. We cut to the inside of one of these buildings, which appears to be a school hallway after dark. Rudy Velasquez is wearing an astronauts costume while Rex has a wig on. [B]Velasquez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm going to get you out of here Rexina.[/COLOR]" [B]Rex[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Oh Commander Braveguy, you're so brave.[/COLOR]" [B]Velasquez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I found a rocket in that room over there, but it can only fit one person. You go, I'll catch up.[/COLOR]" [B]Rex[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Oh Commander Braveguy, you're so unselfish.[/COLOR]" The camera cuts back to Zeus in the theater. [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Where are you all going? The movie isn't over yet.[/COLOR]" [B]Random Voice[/B]: "[COLOR="DarkSlateGray"]This movie sux!!1!![/COLOR]" [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]What did you just say about my movie? When I found you you're dead.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]The Canadian Crusties defeated The Hillbillies[/B]-[/U] The Canadian Crusties, formerly the McWades come out to a surprisingly good ovation. I'm starting to get an idea what this crowd likes, and it's not good wrestling. As for what happened during the match, does anyone actually care? Thought not. Crusties kill Hillbillies with a Murder on the Mountains. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Giant Redwood comes down to the ring to cut a promo. On what? The importance of arthritis medication. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows. Either way Jacob Stranton comes out to the ring, Umaga nowhere to be seen. Stranton tells Redwood that some people just don't know when to quit, or in this case retire. After he says that Umaga hits the ring and attacks Redwood. A ref comes out and a match begins. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Umaga def. Giant Redwood[/B]-[/U] If you're shocked by this result then smack yourself in the face, you're an idiot. Umaga destroyed Redwood while Redwood used all his power to make this match suck, and he succeeded. Umaga puts Redwood away with a Savage Charge after 5 minutes. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR])[/B] -Umaga continues the attack being directed by Stranton. Umaga beats Redwood to a bloody pulp. Stranton adds insult to injury by throwing a retirement home pamphlet on Redwood. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) -We see on one of the security cameras set up in the locker rooms ([I]stop criticizing company policy[/I]) Thomas Morgans guitar with Morgan nowhere in sight. Mean Jean Cattley walks into sight and steal the guitar. I think there are alot happy people backstage right now. Too bad nobody in the crowd cares. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E-[/COLOR][/B]) -It's psycho babble time. [B]Force[/B]: "[B][COLOR="Blue"]CITIZEN X, YOU DASTARDLY DOBADDER. YOU SHALT NOT GET AWAY WITH THE DASTARDLY DOBADDING THAT YOU HAVE BAD DONE. THE FORCE WILL LEAD ME TO YOUR DESTRUCTION. THE BIRDIE THAT YOU SCORE AND THE BIRDIE THAT WILL SING YOUR SONG OF FATE WILL BE ONE IN THE SAME. I LIKE BIRDIES. BUY MY MERCHANDISE. A HOLE IN ONE WILL BE A HOLE IN 3 WHICH IS HOW MANY SECONDS THE FORCE WILL ALLOW ME TO HOLD YOUR SHOULDERS TO THE MAT, BUT THOSE 3 SERENE SECONDS WILL BE MORE THAN CAPABLE TO CUT YOU DOWN. RARRGGHH!!![/COLOR][/B]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Citizen X def. Jim Force[/B] to retain the [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW National title[/COLOR]-[/U] Not as good as their last match, but about on par with the rest of the night. X retains the title after hitting Force in the head with a 9-iron, a sight unseen by the ref. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR])[/B] -X continues to attack Force after the match. Maybe he's trying to beat him back into reality. What? Maybe he's not such a bad guy. X finishes up by bending another golf club over Forces head. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR][/B]) -Trent Shaffer is backstage with Mainstream Hernandez. Frankie Perez walks in. [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Who the hell is this?[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Yea man, that's why I wanted to talk to you.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]What's goin' on?[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]About our team man, I'm just not feelin' it. I hope you understand.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, yea, it's cool man.[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I knew you would understand dude. Now me 'n Mainstream got gold to win.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]The Dudez!!!1!! def. The Towers Of Power[/B] to win the [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World Tag Team titles[/COLOR]-[/U] A pretty good match, USPW standards, from these 2 teams. In the end Hernandez puts away Rushmore after a superkick. Oh, and Shaffer proves he doesn't work well with others, yet again. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] [U]-[B]Darryl Devine def. T-Rex[/B]-[/U] Is it sad that Rex has been one of my top performers? Yea, I thought so. Devine was on the receiving end through most of the match, but made a big comeback and puts Rex away with a Devine Dream Drop. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -Peter Valentine comes out to the ring as Devine celebrates. Valentine grabs Seduction before she can get in the ring. [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm kidnapping your girl.[/COLOR]" [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Why?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Because I want a rematch with you.[/COLOR]" [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You coulda just asked.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Really?[/COLOR]" [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Well I'm keeping the girl anyways.[/COLOR]" [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Listen, she may look easy but she's not. Besides aren't you married?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]That's not why I'm doing this.[/COLOR]" [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Then why?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I don't know. Shut up, just shut up. Stop playing mind games with me.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) -Datsun talks about his match with Bruce the Giant at USPW SS & S. Datsun says that Bruce can attack him all he wants, but He won't stop coming and nothing is going to stop him from getting his World Championship back. ([B][COLOR="Red"]B[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Freddie Datsun def. Rudy Velasquez[/B]-[/U] What turned out to actually be a good match ended in victory for Datsun. Datsun and Velasquez have pretty good chemistry, so I may have to make this into a feud one day. In the end Datsun finished Rudy with a Patriot Press after 13 min. [B]([COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR])[/B] -Datsun celebrates while Bruce runs, at a snails pace btw, to the ring. This time Datsun turns around as Bruce gets into the ring and meets him face to face. They stare at each other. I think Datsun might have strained his neck a little doing that. Before any blows are thrown half the locker room comes out to separate them. Don't bother asking me why they didn't do this the last 2 weeks. ([B][COLOR="Red"]B[/COLOR][/B]) [U]Final Rating[/U] ([B]D+[/B]) Well, the New Talent Initiative still needs time to develop, but it was still good for USPW standards. How in the hell did this company even get to cult in the first place? [QUOTE][U]The Alzheimer's Post Show Recap[/U]: [I]-William Hayes def. Captain USA (E+) -The Canadian Crusties defeated The Hillbillies (D-) -Umaga def. Giant Redwood (E+) -Citizen X def. Jim Force to retain the USPW National title (E+) -The Dudez!!!1!! def. The Towers Of Power to win the USPW World Tag Team titles (D-) -Darryl Devine def. T-Rex (D) -Freddie Datsun def. Rudy Velasquez (C-)[/I][/QUOTE]

[J Silver]

Another week, another interview, another reason to contemplate suicide. Oh joy. I've dealt with Hannibal the pet eater, the crazy cat lady, and an angry midget. I swear to god if I get a pirate in here next arson is going to jump to the top of my to-do list. The next applicant seems qualified, although I'm questioning the integrity of this resume. Oh well, as long as Sam falls for it I could be free of this nursing home soon. The secretary calls me up, because we can't afford an intercom system, and tells me "[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Hey hotstuff, you're new applicant is here.[/COLOR]" That's still creepy btw. I tell her to send him in. [CENTER][IMG]http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o269/TheRenderThread/Cuts/angrygeek.jpg[/IMG][/CENTER] In he walks. Wow, this guys looks like someone you would find debating whether Star Wars or Star Trek is better. Then again I guess this is probably what you're average message board poster looks like. "[COLOR="Blue"]Hello there. How about you have a seat?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]How bout you shut up.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Somebody piss in your corn flakes this morning junior?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No, but this office smells like piss.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]There's a perfectly good explanation for that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Who cares?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]My, aren't you the cheerful one?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You're stupid.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm also your interviewer so I'd suggest you stop insulting me and start kissing my ass.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]This office smells like ass.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So which is it?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Huh?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]What does it smell like? Piss or ass?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]That question's stupid. You're stupid too.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Something tells me you're gonna screw this job up.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I'm not gonna screw it up.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yes you are.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Says who?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Intuition.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]That song sucked.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Not the song you moron, the human instinct.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, well that sucks too.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Is there anything you don't think sucks.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Unlike you I don't suck.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I'd have to question that one.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Blow me.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Are you even trying to get this job?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No, this job suck and you do too.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Then why in the blue hell are you in my office right now?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Because you suck.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Listen small, nerdy and in touch with the force, do you know what happened to the last guy that pissed me off?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]He kicked your stupid ass.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]No Harry Potter, he went missing. I'll let you figure that one out.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]He probably sucked too.[/COLOR]" Well he was a midget, but 4-eyes doesn't need to know that. "[COLOR="Blue"]He was more than twice the man you are.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I doubt it. I would kick your ass.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You wanna make a bet of that? You gonna bust out some sweet moves on me Napoleon Dynamite?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]That movie sucked. You suck too.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Too biographical for your tastes?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You suck.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Is that all you know how to say?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You're stupid.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And you're mine bitch.[/COLOR]" Those suspenders make it alot easier to literally drag him out the front door. Well I'll mark that down as another failed interview. That'll make 4. Hold on a sec. Am I seeing a beautiful woman standing in front of the retirement home, I mean USPW Headquarters? I think I may have another shot at this. I introduce myself to her. She returns the favor, but the voice of a lifetime male smoker comes out. Well, they can't all be perfect. It certainly didn't stop me from hiring her. I then proceeded to take her to Sam for approval. I made sure to tell her to not speak at all during the interview. I answered all of the questions for her and the hiring seemed like a lock. Then she slipped up and said "Thank you." And just as my dream was coming true too. Sam immediately said no to her. I argued with him against the decision. "[COLOR="Blue"]Why? She's perfectly qualified for this job.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]She also has to do public speaking.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Oh. Well it was nice meeting you ma'am.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Red"]@$$holes[/COLOR]" I think arson just moved to the top of my list....

[J Silver]

[B]Booking Lesson #1[/B]: When you trade talent with a promotion bigger than you make sure your shows are on different nights. With that said and regretted, lets get on with the show. ----- [CENTER][B]USPW American Wrestling[/B] Tuesday, Week 4, January 2007 Held at Perry Hall in front of 2,000 people (Sold Out) [U]Dark Matches[/U][/CENTER] -Frankie Perez defeated Mean Jean Cattley in 6:51 by pinfall with a Perfect Parity. ([B]D-[/B]) [CENTER][U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -Hayes comes out to the ring to start the show by talking about his great Japanese heritage. Oddly he hasn't had a match with PGHW all year so how it's gotten to his head this much I don't know. Hayes talks up how Japanese people like himself have honor and class unlike the USPW locker room and especially not his opponent tonight, one of those hillbillies. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]William Hayes def. Al The Hillbilly[/B]-[/U] Turns out these two have some good chemistry together. The match was better than I expected, but I was expecting a disaster so..... [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -The lights in the arena dim and trumpets blare as royal music begins to play. Out comes Damian Carvill, better known as The Natural to the ring with a crown on his head, a robe on and scepter in hand (think King Booker apparel). Carvill grabs a mic and introduces himself as King Carvill. I wonder what he's king of. Carvill says that he recently discovered his royal blood and has come to USPW to rule over it. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]King Carvill def. Captain USA[/B]-[/U] The designated welcoming job squad vs. The King of the World!!!!!! If anyone put money on The Captain you deserve that notice of foreclosure. The king puts away the captain with a Nature Calls after about 6 min. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR])[/B] -Thomas Morgan is backstage searching around frantically looking for his missing guitar. I guess Morgan doesn't have Tivo. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E-[/COLOR][/B]) -The Lords of War have an interview to talk about their upcoming match with the Demons of Rage this Sunday. Seriously, Demons of Rage vs. Lords of War vs. Leprechauns of Lucky Charm. I can smell the money now. Or is that sugary cereal goodness? Anyways the Lords go through the old we're gonna kick their asses this Sunday, SUNday, SUNDAY!!! Get your tickets now routine. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Umaga def. Java[/B]-[/U] Umaga is really moving up the ranks quickly, while Java just can't seem to catch a break. Oh well, he's old anyways. Umaga made short work of him hitting him with a Savage Charge. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Umaga continues his assault on Java as Stranton joins in. He's about to drop a pamphlet on Java, but Giant Redwood is coming to the ring so Stranton stops and waits a few minutes while Redwood attempts to get into the ring. Redwood chases the heels off. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]The Canadian Crusties defeated The Dudez!!!1!![/B] to win [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]the USPW World Tag Team titles[/COLOR]-[/U] Another failed pairing for Shaffer. I decided to pull the plug before I had to count my losses. During the match Frankie Perez hit Mainstream Hernandez allowing the Crusties to beat him. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -After coming back from a commercial for Aspirin, and boy could I use some, we see Frankie Perez walking backstage when he bumps into Mainstream Hernandez. The two get into a heated war of words. [B]Mainstream[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Dude, what the hell?[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Look man, nothing personal.[/COLOR]" [B]Mainstream[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You just totally clocked me with a boot.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Dude, that's commonplace in my family. If you want to be a wussy about it then I can't help it.[/COLOR]" [B]Mainstream[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm no wussy.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Why don't you prove it then. Wussy.[/COLOR]" [B]Mainstream[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Dude, you and me, Stars, Stripes and Slams.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]You're on wussy.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Rudy Velasquez def. Thomas Morgan[/B]-[/U] The "Every match I think could be good , but then I find they have bad chemistry dammit" curse seems to have something personal against me. Maybe I ran over it's dog. Anyways, onto the match. A craptacular encounter here that ended after Mean Jean Cattley came down to ringside with Morgans guitar. Morgan was too distracted to see the Street Cutter coming. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR])[/B] -Cattley gets a mic and gets into the ring. He challenges Morgan to a guitar on a pole match (What? It totally makes sense). Cattley doesn't let Morgan answer instead simply saying "[COLOR="Blue"]Well if you don't accept then I'll just feed it to Mr. Woodchipper right now.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) -Darryl Devine is backstage with Jim Force. They're being interviewed about their upcoming tag team match. Force goes off. [B]Force[/B]: "[B][COLOR="Blue"]THE DASTARDLY DOBADDING DOER OF DISASTER DEEMED CITIZEN X DOTH NOT SCARE THE FORCE. THE FORCE SHALL TEAR THROUGH THE VILLANIOUS VILLIAN OF VILENESS THAT DEEMED BE THE GOLFING GOFER CITIZEN X. X MARKS THE SPOT OF THE TREASURE AND THAT X IS ON YOUR SHOULDERS CITIZEN FOR I SHALL PRECISELY PIN THOSE SHOULDER DOWN TO THE MAT. BUY MY MERCHANDISE. I SHALL REGAIN THE GOLDEN TREASURE THAT SPARKLES LIKE GLITTER. I LIKE GLITTER. THE USPW NATIONAL CHMPIONSHIP TITLE BELT. RARGGHHH!!![/COLOR][/B]" Force stomps off leaving Devine behind. Devine: "[COLOR="Green"]I just wanna make it clear that man does not speak for me.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Darryl Devine and Jim Force def. Citizen X and Peter Valentine[/B]-[/U] Hey, it wasn't craptacular. During the match Force was a more convincing psychopath than Eddie Peak. That's not an easy thing to do kids. During the match X singled out Force while Valentine went after Devine. In the end Devine put away Valentine with a Devine Dream Drop. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -Freddie Datsun is in the back being interviewed. He says that he knows that Bruce the Giant isn't here tonight. He also knows that Bruce sent somebody he knows to take care of him. Datsun isn't afraid. He'll go through whatever obstacle Bruce puts in his way to get his championship back. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C+[/COLOR][/B]) -Danny Jillefski is in the ring. He says that While it's true that Bruce the Giant isn't here tonight he couldn't just abandon his fans. He sent a friend of his out here tonight to wrestle Freddie Datsun. All the way from DAVE, Eric Tyler. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Eric Tyler def. Freddie Datsun[/B] by DQ-[/U] Great. Now I have to worry about the "Every match I think could help somebodys career, but then the other guy is a complete d-bag and refuses to job dammit" curse. Maybe that's the one whose dog I ran over, or maybe I sent him to see Erik Nibbler. Either way. I expected more out of this match. It had everything USPW fans want: Old people wrestling, popular people, plenty of brawling. I guess I was wrong, still a good match though. In the end Datsun nailed Tyler with the chair that Tyler brought into the ring. I guess he forgot this isn't DAVE. Old people, ya know. [B]([COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR])[/B] Final Rating ([B]D+[/B]) [QUOTE][U]The Alzheimer's Post Show Recap[/U]: [I]-William Hayes defeated Al The Hillbilly (D-) -King Carvill defeated Captain USA (E+) -Umaga defeated Java (D-) -The Canadian Crusties defeated The Dudez!!!1!! to win the USPW World Tag Team titles (D) -Rudy Velasquez defeated Thomas Morgan (E) -Darryl Devine and Jim Force defeated Citizen X and Peter Valentine (D) -Eric Tyler defeated Freddie Datsun by DQ (C)[/I][/QUOTE]

[infinitywpi]

The fans demand the return, and main-event-level push, of... the muffin from the first USPW show.

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=infinitywpi;199206]The fans demand the return, and main-event-level push, of... the muffin from the first USPW show.[/QUOTE] A main event push for a muffin? Guess it couldn't be any worse then Giant Redwood. Hmm, now when does Alicia Strong debut...;)

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where we're popular enough to be payed homage to. Who knew? ------- Another bad show, another reason to get fired. And yet I don't. Sigh. I've got a big event to book for this Saturday. It's so big that only maybe 3,000 people will ever see it. Ginormous I tells ya. DVD sales you say? Who the hell actually spends their money on USPW I ask? Seriously, I wanna meet these people. I wasn't in a good mood to say the least which is why Tiny offered to take me to the bar to drink my problems away. I happily agreed. Oddly I never thought my newfound fame would get in the way of me enjoying my time out. I was wrong. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about I'm also managing Umaga right now as Jacob Stranton ([B]OOC[/B]: Btw, before anybody asks, no that isn't my real name.) The first I started noticing of the 'celebrity treatment' was when the guy who usually just stands by the door asked to take my coat. I turned down his offer "[COLOR="Blue"]Wow, burglars today are getting stupider and stupider.[/COLOR]" Tiny and I went to the bar and sat down on the stools. The bartender gave me a drink on the house. Too bad Tiny didn't get one, he had to pay. I don't think that sat well with him. NOTBPW was replaying on American television about now and the bartender had it on. He made the comment to me "[COLOR="Purple"]I bet Umaga could beat Edd Stones ass.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Well, he's big, fat and Samoan. I'm sure he could.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea, I bet you could manage him to victory.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea. sure.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Hell, I bet you could manage this fat sack of **** right here[/COLOR] (referring to Tiny)[COLOR="Purple"] to a championship.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Who the hell you calling a fat sack of ****?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Hey, nothing personal.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]My weight is a glandular disease. I take comments like those personally.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]What the f--- is a glandular disease?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You making fun of me?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Calm down Tiny, we don't need security taking us out of here yet, I can still only see 10 fingers.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Fine, but if he makes fun of me 1 more time I'm gonna kick his ass.[/COLOR]" Part 3 of the celebrity treatment was to be expected I guess. Doesn't mean I have to like it though. A fan came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder. I ignored him. He moved up to full palm on the shoulder. "[COLOR="Blue"]What the hell do you want kid?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I was hoping for your autograph.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]For what?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]My collection.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Collection of what? Stuff to sell on Ebay? My autograph ain't worth sh*t.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Well, I'm a really big fan of you.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Knowing your name would be nice.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I'm Trackersan.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]The f*ck kind of name is Trackersan? Are your parents part alien or something.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]No. Could I get your autograph now?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]No.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Why not?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Tiny, do you have the fan appreciation device on you?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, I got it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Well then show Trackersan our appreciation.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Can do boss.[/COLOR]" Tiny pulls out the "Fan Appreciation Device" a.k.a. a taser. "[COLOR="Green"]Zap zap bitch.[/COLOR]" Tiny tases him and he goes down like a fly in a bug zapper. "[COLOR="Green"]I love this thing.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And I love the smell crispy nerd in the morning.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Morning? It's not even midnight yet.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Really? Guess that makes sense, I can only see 11 fingers so far.[/COLOR]" About an hour later and I'm satisfied with my amount of drunkenness. Last time I got more drunk than this I got into a fight with a midget and wound up in jail. That would make about 4 midgets I've beaten up. Maybe I have a problem. ......Nah. As we were about to leave Tiny asked me "[COLOR="Green"]Can I show the bartender my appreciation?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You planning on ever coming back here?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Nope.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You think you can outrun those security guys[/COLOR]? "[COLOR="Green"]Nope.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I'll distract them. You think you can drive fast?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I'm drunk. Of course I can.[/COLOR]" And with that Tiny zaps the bartender and we're out. [U]Saturday[/U] I wake up around 1 PM to my girlfriend. She tells me there are some men at the door that want to talk to me. I go to the door and there are 2 police officers and a guy I recognize as Trackersan. "[COLOR="Purple"]That's the guy. That's the guy who tased me.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Red"]Is this true sir?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I was defending myself from that man after he put his hands on me.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Red"]I see sir.[/COLOR] (now directed at Trackersan) [COLOR="Red"]You're going to jail sir.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]What? All I wanted was an autograph.[/COLOR]" He screamed as he was hauled off. Some fans I tell you, some fans..... Oh wait, there's a PPT coming up. What? I can't very well call it a Pay Per View. Here's the rundown for the next Pay Per Ticket [QUOTE] Mean Jean Cattley vs. Thomas Morgan in a guitar on a pole match Frankie Perez vs. Mainstream Hernandez Giant Redwood vs. Umaga Jim Force vs. Citizen X (c) for the National Championship Darryl Devine vs. Peter Valentine The Demons vs. The Lords Liberty vs. Eric Tyler Freddie Datsun vs. Bruce the Giant (c) for the World Championship[/QUOTE] Make predictions or be 'Appreciated' Oh, and check out All Star Wrestling by Trackersan (Found here [url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21092[/url]) or be 'appreciated'

[Trackersan]

Man if this is how you appreciate fans, I'd hate to see what happens to someone who doesn't like the show! ;) Seriously, this USPW diary continues to entertain...tasers and all. Can't wait to see who your next interview is with.

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=Trackersan;199277]Man if this is how you appreciate fans, I'd hate to see what happens to someone who doesn't like the show! ;) [/QUOTE] Let's just say it has to do with a car and a long trip at sea. Interpret as you'd like. ------ [B][SIZE="5"]Cornellverse Explored Poll[/SIZE][/B] I should probably wait until after the PPT to do this, but I'm impatient. Seeing as how USPW is the last chapter in this diary I'm going to leave it to the people to decide which promotion I carry on as in a full diary. [B]Diamond Dust Wrestling [/B](05)- ([url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16260[/url]) [B]4C[/B]- ([url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16260&page=2[/url] Post #25+) [B]Canadian Golden Combat[/B] (05)- ([url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16260&page=3[/url] Post 32+) [B]NOTBPW[/B]- ([url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16260&page=4[/url] Post 47 +) [B]DAVE[/B]- (05 or 07)([url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19634[/url] or [url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16260&page=4[/url]) [B]SWF[/B] ([url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16260&page=5[/url] post 70 +) [B]TCW[/B]- ([url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19634&page=2[/url] Post 21 +) [B]USPW[/B]- ([url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19634&page=3[/url] Post 38 +) To vote PM me or reply to this thread. I'll leave voting open until a week from now. (2/21/07 8 PM EST) That is all. You may now carry on with your life.

[J Silver]

Well, I was planning on having the PPT up today, but I didn't. So to tide everyone over here's another post. Also, Vote now ([url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showpost.php?p=199328&postcount=58[/url]) ------- A few hours before the show Sam told me he wanted to meet with me in his office. I was hoping that he would be firing me today. Unfortunately whenever I get my hopes up bad things happen. For example, I thought I bought something good at that auction. What did I get? Well I'm not really sure if it's a wrestling show or 101 reasons to commit suicide. I just hope it's not the latter. I walked into Sams office and he got right down to business. "[COLOR="Green"]I realized I never gave you any goals.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And I realized I can't get rid of this job.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I have some goals for you.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And I have some goals for myself, but you don't see me accomplishing any of those now do you?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]What's your point?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Fire me already.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I hate you.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Join the club.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Can you give me directions?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Enough small talk, let's get down to business.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Fine.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Goal #1: I've invested alot of money, alot of my own money into this company. I don't want to lose that money. In fact I don't want to lose any of that money, but you're incompetent so it's to be expected.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, thanks for that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You're welcome. I don't want to see the budget go under $1.5 million at any time during the next 11 months. Do you understand me?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Don't file for bankruptcy. Got it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Now onto Goal #2. After the initial investment I wanna see it turn into profit. You make me $6 million within the next 23 months.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And what's in it for me?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Your job.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I don't want that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You signed the contract.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]No I didn't.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]My evidence will stand up in a court of law, yours won't. It's as simple as that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Can I get the directions for that club yet?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No, now for Goal #3. You should know that not all publicity is good.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Not according to Richard Eisen or Hollywood.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Are you working for either of them?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Considering I'm not getting paid am I really even working for you?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I don't want you signing any known alcoholics.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So you mean I won't be able to sign Rip Chord when he drives MAW out of business?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]He's a hack anyways. Now for goal #4.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]This ought to be good.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I don't want anyone with athleticism below a D grade.[/COLOR]" I just couldn't help my self here "[COLOR="Blue"]BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]What's so funny?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Hahahahahahaha. You mean to tell me that Bruce the Giant is athletic? You mean to tell me one of the Demons can so much as walk without their walker. You mean to tell me..[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I've hired very athletic wrestlers.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Hahaha. Wait wait wait. I need to catch my breath after that. So by athleticism do you mean like the Wheelchair Olympics athleticism?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I told you once before not to make fun of my roster.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And I told you once before I want to be fired but I don't see you caring about that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Get out of my office!![/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Gladly.[/COLOR]" And with that I'm off to put the final touches on this show. USPW and athleticism? HAHAHAHA.....

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where as many people vote as during one of those other 3 years. And with that bitterness out of the way, for now, on with the show.... ------ [CENTER][B]USPW Star, Stripes and Slams![/B] Saturday, Week 4, 2007 Held at The Huntsville Fairgrounds Att. 3,673 [U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -We start off the night with the announcers going out of their way to make Bruce the Giant vs. Freddie Datsun seem like something to spend your money on. I don't think the announcers really understand the concept of the hard-sell. Pointless segment really. ([B][COLOR="Red"]B+[/COLOR][/B]) [U] -[B]Mean Jean Cattley def. Thomas Morgan[/B]-[/U] And the crowd goes dead. I don't think anyone other than that guy in the front row with the "Bring Back The Muffin" sign enjoyed this. Cattley retrieved the guitar and then smashed it over Morgans head. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E-[/COLOR])[/B] -Backstage Trent Shaffer is psyching up Mainstream Hernandez for his match with Frankie Perez. Shaffer: "[COLOR="Blue"]You can do this man.[/COLOR]" Mainstream: "[COLOR="Green"]I know I can dude.[/COLOR]" Shaffer: "[COLOR="Blue"]You gonna do this man?[/COLOR]" Mainstream: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm gonna do this dude.[/COLOR]" Shaffer: "[COLOR="Blue"]You gonna kick Perez's ass man?[/COLOR]" Mainstream: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm gonna whoop his ass dude.[/COLOR]" ([COLOR="Red"][B]E[/B][/COLOR]) [U]-[B]Frankie Perez def. Mainstream Hernandez[/B]-[/U] Well, at least some of the crowd cared about this one. Hernandez put up a good fight, but in the end he just wasn't good enough to put Perez away. Perez locked Hernandez into a P-Clutch and made him cry uncle. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] [U]-[B]Trent Shaffer def. King Carvill, William Hayes and Rudy Velasquez[/B]-[/U] This was a last minute addition because all of the old guys were out of gas too early. And it's a #1 contenders match for the National championship. And it was actually a good USPW match. How the hell it got a D is beyond me really. Anyways Shaffer put the King away after some Heart Burn. He should really have that checked out. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -Shaffer celebrates. Velasquez is angry. Can you guess what happens next? I'll give you a hint, Velasquez beats the living hell out of Shaffer. Now can you figure it out? ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) -Jacob Stranton is in the ring with Umaga. [B]Stranton[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Some people just don't know when to call it quits. Some people just don't know when to hang it up and call it a career. Some people are just too stubborn to get it through their heads. There's one simple message I've been sending to the USPW roster that none of them seem to get. That message is this: It's over. Your careers, your time in the spotlight, your championship reigns, and if you don't take this message to heart then quite possibly your lives as well. Giant Redwood is one of those stubborn ones. Tonight though Umaga will chop you down and snap you in half like a twig.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR][/B]) [U] -[B]Umaga def. Giant Redwood[/B]-[/U] And yet again Giant Redwood uses his special match ruining powers and makes this one suck. At least it was short. Umaga squashes Redwood with a Savage Charge keeping true to Strantons word about snapping him like a twig. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR])[/B] -Afterwards Umaga and Stranton casually pummel Giant Redwood and leave a retirement castle pamphlet on him. The message seems to be clear, maybe Redwood will take it to heart finally. His special match ruining powers aren't exactly helping me out any. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) -Backstage Rudy Velasquez is with Zeus Maxmillion and T-Rex. Rudy is pacing back and forth angrily yelling about Shaffer. I guess Rudy really wanted that title shot. Maxmillion tries to calm him down by telling him that he'll get his revenge, but he can't just simply go and beat up Shaffer. This plan for revenge has to be something original and innovative, just the kinds of things Maxmillion Productions specialize in. Too bad they don't specialize in winning matches, or making good movies. Actually, what are they good for? ([B][COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR][/B]) -And now a lesson in English from Jim Force [B]Force[/B]: "[B][COLOR="Blue"]CITIZEN OF X, YOU DASTERDLY DISGRACEFUL DISEASED GOLFING GOON, YOU SHALL FEEL THE FOOOOOORRRRCCE!!!! THE FORCE WILL CONVIENIENTLY CATEGORIZE A CASTRATION OF YOUR NATIONAL CHAMPIONBELT RUN. THE 3 IRON AND THE 3 COUNT COUNT WILL COME TOGETHER IN A TOTICULAR TENACIOUS TENOR TO TROUNCE YOU. BUY MY MERCHANDISE. THE FORCE IS A FORCEFUL FORCE WHICH YOU CANNOT FORCE YOUR WAY OUT OF. RAAARRGH!!![/COLOR][/B]" This has been a lesson in improper English. I hope you learned something. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Citizen X def. Jim Force to retain the [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW National title[/COLOR][/B]-[/U] No shock here as X beats Force. And no shocker in how he did it either. 9-iron to the side of the head anyone? [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Darryl Devine is trying to get people excited to see Peter Valentine wrestle. Good luck to him. That would be more of a miracle than if he could suddenly turn water to wine. [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I still have no clue what I've done to Valentine to make him not like me. I gave him a muffin, I let him touch my girl and live to tell about it, I beat him fair and square. Twice. I've got my theories and I find it great that USPW will hire special people like him, but if he doesn't quit with this whole I hate you crap he's gonna get hurt.[/COLOR]" Well, turning water into root beer is a start. ([COLOR="Red"][B]C[/B][/COLOR]) [U]-[B]Darryl Devine def. Peter Valentine[/B]-[/U] Let's see, where to start? First off I hear Valentine was off his game tonight. Secondly he was gasping for air like a fish out of water after only 10 min. Next, this match wasn't very good. The midcarders did better than the freakin' upper card stars. And I use that term loosely for Valentine. Enough bitching though. Devine put Big V away after a DDD. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -And next up we have the ever old Lords of War going off on a rant about the Demons of Rage. They call them tired, washed up useless sacks of crap. Wait, who's talking about who again? They say that they're going to put those old hacks out of commission once and for all. Hello? Pot? Yea, the kettle just called you black. Yea, I know. It was very racist of him. ([COLOR="Red"][B]C[/B][/COLOR]) [U]-[B]The Lords Of War def. The Demons Of Rage[/B]-[/U] Jeez. Stamina isn't my best friend lately. Where should I start this rant? Anger was off his game tonight. Maybe he was angry about something. Maybe he just looked at his birth certificate. Spite and Agony we're sucking more than this match. Sucking wind that is. And Pain, well his lungs were in pain because 10 minutes of physicality, 7 of which was merely standing, were too much for him. Anyways, Agony beats Spite, in case anyone actually cares. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] [U]-[B]Liberty def. Eric Tyler[/B]-[/U] And in the "It's only here because everything else will probably be a we want our money back, riot inducing good time" match of the night we put former TCW World Champion Liberty against former DAVE Champion Eric Tyler. Why? Because we can. Got a problem with that? Lucky me that these 2 had chemistry together, the good stuff too. In the end Liberty gave Tyler a Liberation Slam and it was over. [B]([COLOR="Red"]B-[/COLOR])[/B] -Freddie Datsun now has the unenviable job of making people care about a Bruce the Giant match. [B]Datsun[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Bruce, you've done nothing but attack me from behind all month and send others to do your dirty work. Tonight it's one on one between you and I. There's no escaping, there's no running, there's no hiding, there's no hope in hell for you. You and I both know that you're a great competitor, but you're no match for me. Tonight I'll win back what I never should've lost to begin with, the USPW World Championship.[/COLOR]" ([COLOR="Red"][B]B[/B][/COLOR]) [U]-[B]Freddie Datsun def. Bruce The Giant to win the [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World title[/COLOR][/B]-[/U] Ah crap. And I was hoping this could at least wind up in the C range. Unfortunately, it was a Bruce the Giant match so it was to be expected. It's kind of sad to think that T-Rex has had a better match with Bruce than my new Champion. Alright, enough with that terrible image, back to the terrible image that was this match. Bruce dominated most of the match. Datsun made a big comeback and the crowd went mild. Datsun hits Bruce with a Patriot Press. the ref is down to make the count. And it's a 3. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR])[/B] [U]Final Rating[/U] ([B]C-[/B]) Well, that should've improved our popularity. Or at least it would've if we were on PPV. After all that we left the South East less popular and just as broke as when we came in. [QUOTE][U]The Alzheimer's Post Show Recap[/U]: [I]-Mean Jean Cattley defeated Thomas Morgan (E-) -Frankie Perez defeated Mainstream Hernandez (D-) -Trent Shaffer defeated King Carvill, William Hayes and Rudy Velasquez (D) -Umaga defeated Giant Redwood (E+) -Citizen X defeated Jim Force (D-) -Darryl Devine defeated Peter Valentine (D-) -The Lords Of War defeated The Demons Of Rage (D-) -Liberty defeated Eric Tyler (B-) -Freddie Datsun defeated Bruce The Giant (D+)[/I][/QUOTE] Ahem, [url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showpost.php?p=199328&postcount=58[/url]

[J Silver]

A show where we're saved from complete suckitude by 2 guys who don't even wrestle for us? Thank god Bruce is over. Well all the USPW stuff on that show was pretty bad and I doubt we impressed any PPV providers. Once again it's time to find a suitable replacement. If I don't I'll still have to do my job. The newest applicant said that he found out about this job from the newspaper article I put out about a month ago. It went like this [QUOTE] Looking for porffesional writer to work 3-4 days a weak. Experiense and digrees required. May work with the ederly from time to time. Paying job, porbably. Call Malthilde at 1-800-653-5239 to skedule appointment.[/QUOTE] I think he's a little late calling, but I'm desperate so who cares? He walks, actually stumbled would be the better word for it, into my office. He has a beer in one hand and the other in a tear in his coat. He looks homeless. [CENTER][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/drunkhobo.jpg[/IMG][/CENTER] "[COLOR="Blue"]Hi, you are?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I'm uhhh....[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Let's just call you Hammered until you can remember your name.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Ok man.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So, can you tell me why you're here?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Really?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No, can't remember a thing.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So how'd you find this place?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]It was on my blanket.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]The ad?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, that thingy.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]But you don't know why you're here?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You're here for a job interview.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Really? Am I hired?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]That's what we're here to find out.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Ok, what's the job?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I wouldn't know.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Really?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Really.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Does it pay?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm not quite sure.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Can I have the job now?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Do you think you could not drink for 10 minutes?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I could try.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Alright then, I think I could get a fine outstanding citizen like you a job. Just follow me.[/COLOR]" So what if he can't even remember his own name? So what if he would get a zero on an IQ test? So what if he's the least qualified applicant I've had so far? I'm doing something good for the world and giving this homeless man a second chance at life. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I take him into Sams office to get him hired. Sam doesn't exactly jump for joy. "[COLOR="Purple"]I though I told you not to bring in a hobo.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]He's not a hobo. He's just..... just dressed like one. And umm... and drunk.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I also thought I told you not to hire any drunks.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, but I really don't give a sh*t about that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]He's a damn hobo and I told you not to bring me a hobo.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Wait, this is completely different from plan B.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]How so?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]This guy is completely qualified Mr. Strong.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]What? Hey, you're Sam Strong.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Yes I am.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You son of a bitch, I put money on you to beat Rip Chord back in 1988 and you lost. I went broke because of you.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]You do know wrestling is fixed, right?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Wrestling is fake? Ah man, that sucks.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Qualified?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]It's possible I was using a different definition of that word than you.[/COLOR]" Well, there goes Plan B.... (Also, [url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showpost.php?p=199328&postcount=58[/url])

[Trackersan]

Hey J, Just wanted to comment on another great "interview" and to say that I'm voting for you to continue doing USPW when you decide to do a full-time diary after this one-month exploration is finished. Cheers from you number one tasered fan! :eek:

[J Silver]

Exploration Complete [QUOTE=Trackersan;200331]Hey J, Just wanted to comment on another great "interview" and to say that I'm voting for you to continue doing USPW when you decide to do a full-time diary after this one-month exploration is finished. Cheers from you number one tasered fan! :eek:[/QUOTE] Did my "I'm sorry you had to get tased" card get to you yet? I had to get an "I'm sorry you got attacked by a opposum" card so I figured I'd get you one too. Those people at Hallmark have a card for every situation, huh? And damn those slow mailmen. ------ Onto business. USPW has already won with a score of 2 to nada. So as of now the poll is pretty meaningless as I'll be starting the USPW diary later today. Yea, I know what I said, but I was just being optimistic. But to be pessimistic I already know what's going to happen. Now while I'm usually dysphemisitic ([I]look it up, I did[/I]) in some of the write-ups I have to say this diary was fun to write. No, I wasn't being sarcastic. Be lucky I didn't include cannibalistic. Oh wait.... Anyways, back to English or at least normal. With this diary over and done with for me I'd just like to thank everyone who has ever read the Cornellverse Explored diaries. I'd also like to thank those who replied to help keep me motivated. Well, motivated enough anyways. Also, I know that I said that the poll in this diary would be open for a week, but I say alot of things. Alot of things that aren't true. The poll will still be open anyways though (I'd like to have a runner-up) so let me narrow the field down to my personal favs: USPW, TCW, DAVE, CGC '05. To conclude things though, [SIZE="4"][B]THE END[/B][/SIZE]