USPW: Where Ages 65 and Older Get in For Free

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where nobody remembers if we air on Tuesday or Wednesday With that said and fixed, let's get on with the show. --------- [CENTER][B]USPW American Wrestling[/B] Tuesday, Week 3, January 2007 Held at The NC Biker Museum in front of 2,000 people (Sold Out) ([I]USPW holding a show in a museum? Oh the irony.[/I]) [U]Dark Matches[/U][/CENTER] -Frankie Perez defeated Zeus Maxmillion in 7:20 by submission with a P-Clutch. ([B]E[/B]) [CENTER][U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -William Hayes kicks off the night by coming down to the ring and talking about his great Japanese heritage. Someone's letting working for PGHW get to his head. He talks up how great of a country Japan is and how great their wrestling is as opposed to say, USPW where a bunch of geezers think they're wrestlers. This brings out Capitan USA. He says that Hayes can takes his Japanese heritage and shove it, he's in America now. Hayes hits USA with the mic taking him down. A ref is out to make this a match. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) [U] -[B]William Hayes def. Captain USA[/B]-[/U] And Captain USA is now the official welcoming job squad. Hayes made short work out of this match, too bad nobody in the crowd cared. Hayes put USA away with Slick Trick in about 4:30 minutes. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR])[/B] -Backstage is Thomas Morgan wandering the halls singing. This week he's being pelted by more than squishees and water bottles. The disgruntled people have moved up to popcorn too. Oddly Morgan doesn't seem affected by all of the people yelling "You suck!!!" at him. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR][/B]) -Zeus Maxmillion is at a theater along with Rudy Velasquez and T-Rex. Zeus stands up and turns around to reveal a nearly empty theater. [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Thank you all for coming out to the premier of the newest chart topping hit movie from Maxmillion Productions, Epic Movie which stars these 2 gentlemen over here. All of you here today can tell your children and grandchildren stories of the day you first saw this legendary movie. Roll it.[/COLOR]" On the movie screen a war torn planet is shown. Then a toy missile flies onto the screen with someone making sound effects with their mouth. Stock footage of an explosion is shown. We cut to the inside of one of these buildings, which appears to be a school hallway after dark. Rudy Velasquez is wearing an astronauts costume while Rex has a wig on. [B]Velasquez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm going to get you out of here Rexina.[/COLOR]" [B]Rex[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Oh Commander Braveguy, you're so brave.[/COLOR]" [B]Velasquez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I found a rocket in that room over there, but it can only fit one person. You go, I'll catch up later.[/COLOR]" [B]Rex[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Oh Commander Braveguy, you're so unselfish.[/COLOR]" The camera cuts back to Zeus in the theater. [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Hey, where are you all going? The movie isn't over yet.[/COLOR]" [B]Random Voice[/B]: "[COLOR="DarkSlateGray"]This movie sux!!1!![/COLOR]" [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]What did you just say about my movie? When I found you you're dead. Where are all of you going? None of you are getting a refund!!![/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]The Canadian Crusties defeated The Hillbillies[/B]-[/U] The Canadian Crusties, formerly the McWades come out to a surprisingly good ovation. I'm starting to get an idea what this crowd likes, and it's not good wrestling. As for what happened during the match, does anyone actually care? Thought not. Crusties kill Hillbillies with a Murder on the Mountains. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Giant Redwood comes down to the ring to cut a promo. On what? The importance of arthritis medication. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows. Either way Jacob Stranton comes out to the ring, Umaga nowhere to be seen. Stranton tells Redwood that some people just don't know when to quit, or in this case retire. After he says that Umaga hits the ring and attacks Redwood. Anyone surprised? A ref comes out and a match begins. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Umaga def. Giant Redwood[/B]-[/U] If you're shocked by this result then smack yourself in the face, you're an idiot. Umaga destroyed Redwood while Redwood used all his power to make this match suck, and he succeeded. Umaga puts Redwood away with a Savage Charge after 5 minutes. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR])[/B] -Umaga continues the attack being directed by Stranton. Umaga beats Redwood to a bloody pulp. Stranton adds insult to injury by throwing one of those retirement home pamphlets on Redwood. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) -We see on one of the security cameras set up in the locker rooms ([I]stop criticizing company policy[/I]) Thomas Morgans guitar while Morgan is nowhere in sight. Mean Jean Cattley walks into sight and steals the guitar. I think there are alot happy people backstage right now. Too bad the crowd couldn't care less. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E-[/COLOR][/B]) -It's psycho babble time. [B]Force[/B]: "[B][COLOR="Blue"]CITIZEN X, YOU DASTARDLY DOBADDER. YOU SHALT NOT GET AWAY WITH THE DASTARDLY DOBADDING THAT YOU HAVE BAD DOOOOOOOONE!!!!! THE FORCE WILL LEAD ME TO YOUR DESTRUCTIOOOOON!!!!! THE BIRDIE THAT YOU SCORE AND THE BIRDIE THAT WILL SING YOUR SONG OF FATE WILL BE ONE IN THE SAME. I LIKE BIRDIES. BUY MY MERCHANDISE. A HOLE IN ONE WILL BE A HOLE IN 3 WHICH IS HOW MANY SECONDS THE FORCE WILL ALLOW ME TO HOLD YOUR SHOULDERS TO THE MAT, BUT THOSE 3 SERENE SECONDS WILL BE MORE THAN CAPABLE TO CUT YOU DOOOOOOWN!!!!!! RARRGGHH!!![/COLOR][/B]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Citizen X def. Jim Force[/B] to retain the [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW National title[/COLOR]-[/U] Not as good as their last match, but about on par with the rest of the night, in other words, bad, just bad. X retains the title after hitting Force in the head with a 9-iron, a sight unseen by the ref. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR])[/B] -X continues to attack Force after the match. Maybe he's trying to beat him back into reality. What? Maybe he's not such a bad guy. X finishes up by bending another golf club over Forces head. Well at least X will always know what the shape of Forces head is now. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR][/B]) -Trent Shaffer is backstage with Mainstream Hernandez. Frankie Perez walks in. [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Who the hell is this man?[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Yea dude, that's why I wanted to talk to you.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]What's goin' on?[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]About our team dude, I'm just not feelin' it. I hope you understand.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, yea, it's cool man.[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I knew you would understand dude. Now me 'n Mainstream got gold to win.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]The Dudez!!!1!! def. The Towers Of Power[/B] to win the [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World Tag Team titles[/COLOR]-[/U] A pretty good match, USPW standards of course, from these 2 teams. In the end Hernandez puts away Rushmore after a superkick. Oh, and Shaffer proves he doesn't work well with others, yet again. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] [U]-[B]Darryl Devine def. T-Rex[/B]-[/U] Is it sad that Rex has been one of my top performers? Yea, I thought so. Devine was on the receiving end through most of the match, but made a big comeback and puts Rex away with a Devine Dream Drop. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -Peter Valentine comes out to the ring as Devine celebrates. Valentine grabs Seduction before she can get in the ring. [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm kidnapping your girl.[/COLOR]" [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Why?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Because I want a rematch with you.[/COLOR]" [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You could've just asked.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Really?[/COLOR]" [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Well I'm keeping the girl anyways.[/COLOR]" [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Listen, she may look easy, but she's not. Besides, aren't you married?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]That's not why I'm doing this.[/COLOR]" [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Then why?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I don't know. Shut up, just shut up. Stop playing with my head.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) -Datsun talks about his match with Bruce the Giant at USPW SS & S. Datsun says that Bruce can attack him all he wants, but He won't stop coming and nothing is going to stop him from getting his World Championship back. ([B][COLOR="Red"]B[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Freddie Datsun def. Rudy Velasquez[/B]-[/U] What turned out to actually be a good match ended in victory for Datsun. Datsun and Velasquez have pretty good chemistry, so I may be able to exploit this, I mean I may have to make this into a feud one day. In the end Datsun finished Rudy with a Patriot Press after about 13 min. [B]([COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR])[/B] -Datsun celebrates while Bruce runs, at a snails pace btw, to the ring. This time Datsun turns around as Bruce gets into the ring and meets him face to face. They stare at each other. I think Datsun might have strained his neck a bit doing that. Before any blows are thrown half the locker room comes out to separate them. Don't bother asking me why they didn't do this the last 2 weeks, I'm not sure. ([B][COLOR="Red"]B[/COLOR][/B]) [U]Final Rating[/U] ([B]D+[/B]) Well, the New Talent Initiative still needs time to develop, but it was still good for USPW standards. How in the hell did this company even get to cult in the first place? [QUOTE][U]The Alzheimer's Post Show Recap[/U]: [I]-William Hayes def. Captain USA (E+) -The Canadian Crusties defeated The Hillbillies (D-) -Umaga def. Giant Redwood (E+) -Citizen X def. Jim Force to retain the USPW National title (E+) -The Dudez!!!1!! def. The Towers Of Power to win the USPW World Tag Team titles (D-) -Darryl Devine def. T-Rex (D) -Freddie Datsun def. Rudy Velasquez (C-)[/I][/QUOTE]

[Actarus]

This diary is hilarious! My favorite line from your last show: "Datsun celebrates while Bruce runs, at a snails pace btw, to the ring." It instantly reminded me of when the NWO "invaded" WWE. Hogan, Nash, & Hall were on Smackdown after Austin, and Austin pulls out a toy gun. Nash yells "He's got a gun", and watching those three guys TRY to run away was hilarious! But back to you, keep up the great work.

[Rob5KC]

This is outstanding, J Silver. I really needed some laughs today and this has certainly supplied them. I especially liked the Valentine/Devine exchange. It was priceless! Keep up the good work. :D

[Astil]

Valentine and Devine are my favorite wrestlers now.

[Rob4590]

[QUOTE=Astil;202228]Valentine and Devine are my favorite wrestlers now.[/QUOTE] I'm sure they could do you under the trade descriptions act for calling Valentine a wrestler!!! :p

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=Rob4590;202353]I'm sure they could do you under the trade descriptions act for calling Valentine a wrestler!!! :p[/QUOTE] Valentine's a wrestler. He can ummm... ummm... Well, nobody ever said being good at your job was a requirement. -------- Another week, another interview, another reason to contemplate suicide. Oh joy. I've dealt with Hannibal the pet eater, the crazy cat lady, and an angry midget. I swear to god if I get a pirate in here next arson is going to jump to the top of my to-do list. The next applicant seems qualified, although I'm questioning the integrity of this resume. Oh well, as long as Sam falls for it I could be free of this nursing home soon. The secretary calls me up, because we can't afford an intercom system, and tells me "[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Hey hotstuff, you're new applicant is here.[/COLOR]" That's still creepy btw. I tell her to send him in. [CENTER][IMG]http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o269/TheRenderThread/Cuts/angrygeek.jpg[/IMG][/CENTER] In he walks. Wow, this guys looks like someone you would find debating whether Star Wars or Star Trek is better. Then again I guess this is probably what you're average message board poster looks like. "[COLOR="Blue"]Hello there. How about you have a seat?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]How about you shut up.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Somebody piss in your corn flakes this morning junior?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No, but this office smells like piss.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]There's a perfectly good explanation for that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Who cares?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]My, aren't you the cheerful one?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You're stupid.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm also your interviewer so I'd suggest you stop insulting me and start kissing my ass.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]This office smells like ass.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So which is it?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Huh?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]What does it smell like? Piss or ass?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]That question's stupid. You're stupid too.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Something tells me you're gonna screw this job up.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I'm not gonna screw it up.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yes you are.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Says who?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Intuition.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]That song sucked.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Not the song you moron, the human instinct.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, well that sucks too.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Is there anything you don't think sucks.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Unlike you I don't suck.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I'd have to question that one.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Blow me.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Are you even trying to get this job?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No, this job sucks and you do too.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Then why in the blue hell are you in my office right now?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Because you suck.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Listen small, nerdy and in touch with the force, do you know what happened to the last guy that pissed me off?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]He kicked your stupid ass.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]No Harry Potter, he went missing. I'll let you figure that one out.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]He probably sucked too.[/COLOR]" Well he was a midget, but 4-eyes doesn't need to know that. "[COLOR="Blue"]He was more than twice the man you are.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I doubt it. I would kick your ass.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You wanna make a bet of that? You gonna bust out some sweet moves on me Napoleon Dynamite?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]That movie sucked. You suck too.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Too biographical for your tastes?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You suck.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Is that all you know how to say?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You're stupid.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And you're mine bitch.[/COLOR]" Those suspenders make it alot easier to literally drag him out the front door. Well I'll mark that down as another failed interview. That'll make 4. Hold on a sec. Am I seeing a beautiful woman standing in front of the retirement home, I mean USPW Headquarters? I think I may have another shot at this. I introduce myself to her. She returns the favor, but the voice of a lifetime male smoker comes out. Well, they can't all be perfect. It certainly didn't stop me from hiring her. I then proceeded to take her to Sam for approval. I made sure to tell her to not speak at all during the interview. I answered all of the questions for her and the hiring seemed like a lock. Then she slipped up and said "Thank you." And just as my dream was about to come true too. Sam immediately said no to her. I argued with him against the decision. "[COLOR="Blue"]Why? She's perfectly qualified for this job.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]She also has to do public speaking.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Oh. Well it was nice meeting you ma'am.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Red"]@$$holes[/COLOR]" I think arson just moved to the top of my list....

[Trackersan]

Normally I like the characters you use in these "interviews" but this last guy was really terrible...;) Looking forward to seeing things past the first month.

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=Trackersan;202399]Looking forward to seeing things past the first month.[/QUOTE] That makes 2 of us. ----- [B]Booking Lesson #1[/B]: When you trade talent with a promotion bigger than you make sure your shows are on different nights. With that said and regretted, lets get on with the show. ----- [CENTER][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/USPWAW.jpg[/IMG] [B]USPW American Wrestling[/B] Tuesday, Week 4, January 2007 Held at Perry Hall in front of 2,000 people (Sold Out) [U]Dark Matches[/U][/CENTER] -Frankie Perez defeated Mean Jean Cattley in 6:51 by pinfall with a Perfect Parity. ([B]D-[/B]) [CENTER][U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -Hayes comes out to the ring to start the show by talking about his great Japanese heritage. I guess he doesn't realize working for PGHW doesn't make you Japanese. Hayes talks up how Japanese people like himself have honor and class unlike the USPW locker room and especially not his opponent tonight, one of those hillbillies. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]William Hayes def. Al The Hillbilly[/B]-[/U] Turns out these two have some good chemistry together. The match was better than I expected, but I was expecting a disaster so..... [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -The lights in the arena dim and trumpets blare as royal music begins to play. Out comes Damian Carvill, better known as The Natural to the ring with a crown on his head, a robe on and scepter in hand (think King Booker apparel). Carvill grabs a mic and introduces himself as King Carvill. I wonder what he's king of. Carvill says that he recently discovered his royal blood and has come to USPW to rule over it. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]King Carvill def. Captain USA[/B]-[/U] The designated welcoming job squad vs. The King of the World!!!!!! If anyone put money on The Captain you deserve that notice of foreclosure. The king puts away the captain with a Nature Calls after about 6 min. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR])[/B] -Thomas Morgan is backstage searching around frantically looking for his missing guitar. I guess Morgan doesn't have Tivo. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E-[/COLOR][/B]) -The Lords of War have an interview to talk about their upcoming match with the Demons of Rage this Sunday. Seriously, Demons of Rage vs. Lords of War vs. Leprechauns of Lucky Charm. I can smell the money now. Or is that sugary cereal goodness? Anyways the Lords go through the old we're gonna kick their asses this Sunday, SUNday, SUNDAY!!! Get your tickets now routine. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Umaga def. Java[/B]-[/U] Umaga is really moving up the ranks quickly, while Java is..... well, he's not. Oh well, he's old anyways. Umaga made short work of him hitting him with a Savage Charge. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Umaga continues his assault on Java as Stranton joins in. He's about to drop a pamphlet on Java, but Giant Redwood is coming to the ring so naturally Stranton just stops and waits a few minutes while Redwood attempts to get down to and into the ring. Redwood chases the heels off. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]The Canadian Crusties defeated The Dudez!!!1!![/B] to win [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]the USPW World Tag Team titles[/COLOR]-[/U] Another failed pairing for Shaffer. I decided to pull the plug before I had to count my losses. During the match Frankie Perez hit Mainstream Hernandez allowing the Crusties to beat him. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -After coming back from a commercial for Aspirin, and boy could I use some, we see Frankie Perez walking backstage when he bumps into Mainstream Hernandez. The two get into a heated war of words. [B]Mainstream[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Dude, what the hell?[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Look man, nothing personal.[/COLOR]" [B]Mainstream[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Man, you just totally clocked me with a boot.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Dude, that's commonplace in my family. If you want to be a wussy about it then I can't help it.[/COLOR]" [B]Mainstream[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm no wussy.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Why don't you prove it then. Wussy.[/COLOR]" [B]Mainstream[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Dude, you and me, Stars, Stripes and Slams.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]You're on wussy.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Rudy Velasquez def. Thomas Morgan[/B]-[/U] The "Every match I think could be good , but then I find they have bad chemistry dammit" curse seems to have something personal against me. Maybe I ran over it's dog. Anyways, onto the match. A craptacular encounter here that ended after Mean Jean Cattley came down to ringside with Morgans guitar. Morgan was too distracted to see the Street Cutter coming. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR])[/B] -Cattley gets a mic and gets into the ring. He challenges Morgan to a guitar on a pole match ([I]What? It totally makes sense[/I]). Cattley doesn't let Morgan answer instead simply saying "[COLOR="Blue"]Well if you don't accept then I'll just feed it to Mr. Woodchipper right now.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) -Darryl Devine is backstage with Jim Force. They're being interviewed about their upcoming tag team match. Force goes off. [B]Force[/B]: "[B][COLOR="Blue"]THE DASTARDLY DOBADDING DOER OF DISASTER DEEMED CITIZEN X DOTH NOT SCARE THE FOOOOOORCE!!!!!!! THE FORCE SHALL TEAR THROUGH THE VILLANIOUS VILLIAN OF VILENESS THAT DEEMED BE THE GOLFING GOFER CITIZEN XXXXXXXXX!!!!!!! X MARKS THE SPOT OF THE TREASURE AND THAT X IS ON YOUR SHOULDERS CITIZEN FOR I SHALL PRECISELY PIN THOSE SHOULDER DOWN TO THE MAAAAAAT!!!!!! BUY MY MERCHANDISE. I SHALL REGAIN THE GOLDEN TREASURE THAT SPARKLES LIKE GLITTERRRRRR!!!!! I LIKE GLITTER. THE USPW NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE BELT. RARGGHHH!!![/COLOR][/B]" Force stomps off leaving Devine behind. Devine: "[COLOR="Green"]I just wanna make it clear that man does not speak for me.[/COLOR]" Devine walks off screen. Valentine now walks on screen. Hes got a muffin in his hand. He also has what seems to be an angry look on his face, too bad he just looks constipated. He takes a bite of the muffin and then walks off screen in the same direction Devine did. That's odd the second time too. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Darryl Devine and Jim Force def. Citizen X and Peter Valentine[/B]-[/U] Hey, it wasn't craptacular. Considering this IS USPW that's more than I can usually expect. During the match Force was a more convincing psychopath than Eddie Peak. That's not an easy thing to do kids. During the match X singled out Force while Valentine went after Devine. In the end Devine put away Valentine with a Devine Dream Drop. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -Freddie Datsun is in the back being interviewed. He says that he knows that Bruce the Giant isn't here tonight. He also knows that Bruce sent somebody he knows to take care of him. Datsun isn't afraid. He'll go through whatever obstacle Bruce puts in his way to get his championship back. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C+[/COLOR][/B]) -Danny Jillefski is in the ring. He says that While it's true that Bruce the Giant isn't here tonight he couldn't just abandon his fans. He sent a friend of his out here tonight to wrestle Freddie Datsun. All the way from DAVE, Eric Tyler. Great, more old people.... ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Eric Tyler def. Freddie Datsun[/B] by DQ-[/U] Great. Now I have to worry about the "Every match I think could help somebodies career, but then the other guy is a complete d-bag and refuses to job dammit" curse. Maybe that's the one whose dog I ran over, or maybe I sent him to see Erik Nibbler. Either way. I expected more out of this match. It had everything USPW fans want: Old people wrestling, popular people, popular old people, plenty of brawling. I guess I was wrong, still a good match though, USPW standards. In the end Datsun nailed Tyler with the chair that Tyler brought into the ring. I guess he forgot this isn't DAVE. Old people, ya know. [B]([COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR])[/B] Final Rating ([B]D+[/B]) Sadly, I still can't use the word 'good' to describe this show. [QUOTE][U]The Alzheimer's Post Show Recap[/U]: [I]-William Hayes defeated Al The Hillbilly (D-) -King Carvill defeated Captain USA (E+) -Umaga defeated Java (D-) -The Canadian Crusties defeated The Dudez!!!1!! to win the USPW World Tag Team titles (D) -Rudy Velasquez defeated Thomas Morgan (E) -Darryl Devine and Jim Force defeated Citizen X and Peter Valentine (D) -Eric Tyler defeated Freddie Datsun by DQ (C)[/I][/QUOTE]

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where we're popular enough to be payed homage to. Who knew? ------- Another bad show, another reason to get fired. And yet I don't. Sigh. I've got a big event to book for this Saturday. It's so big that only maybe 3,000 people will ever see it. Ginormous I tells ya. DVD sales you say? Who the hell actually spends their money on USPW I ask? Seriously, I wanna meet these people. Then laugh at them. I wasn't in a good mood to say the least which is why Tiny offered to take me to the bar to drink my problems away. I happily agreed. Oddly I never thought my newfound fame would get in the way of me enjoying my time out. I was wrong. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about I'm also managing Umaga right now as Jacob Stranton ([B]OOC[/B]: Btw, before anybody asks, no that isn't my real name.) The first I started noticing of the 'celebrity treatment' was when the guy who usually just stands by the door asked to take my coat. I turned down his offer "[COLOR="Blue"]Wow, burglars today are getting stupider and stupider.[/COLOR]" Tiny and I went to the bar and sat down on the stools. The bartender gave me a drink on the house. Too bad Tiny didn't get one, he had to pay. I don't think that sat well with him. NOTBPW was replaying on American television about now and the bartender had it on. He made the comment to me "[COLOR="Purple"]I bet Umaga could beat Edd Stones ass.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Well, he's big, fat and Samoan. I'm sure he could.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea, I bet you could manage him to victory.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea. Sure.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Hell, I bet you could manage this fat sack of **** right here[/COLOR] (referring to Tiny)[COLOR="Purple"] to a championship.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Who the hell you calling a fat sack of ****?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Hey, nothing personal.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]My weight is a glandular disease. I take comments like those personally.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]What the f--- is a glandular disease?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You making fun of me?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Calm down Tiny, we don't need security taking us out of here yet, I can still only see 10 fingers.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Fine, but if he makes fun of me 1 more time I'm gonna kick his ass.[/COLOR]" Part 3 of the celebrity treatment was to be expected I guess. Doesn't mean I have to like it though. A fan came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder. I ignored him. He moved up to full palm on the shoulder. "[COLOR="Blue"]What the hell do you want kid?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I was hoping for your autograph.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]For what?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]My collection.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Collection of what? Stuff to sell on Ebay? My autograph ain't worth sh*t.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Well, I'm a really big fan of you.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Knowing your name would be nice.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I'm Trackersan.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]The f*ck kind of name is Trackersan? Are your parents part alien or something.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]No. Could I get your autograph now?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]No.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Why not?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Tiny, do you have the fan appreciation device on you?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, I got it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Well then show Trackersan our appreciation.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Can do boss.[/COLOR]" Tiny pulls out the "Fan Appreciation Device" a.k.a. a taser. "[COLOR="Green"]Zap zap bitch.[/COLOR]" Tiny tases him and he goes down like a fly in a bug zapper. "[COLOR="Green"]I love this thing.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And I love the smell crispy nerd in the morning.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Morning? It's not even midnight yet.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Really? Guess that makes sense, I can only see 11 fingers so far.[/COLOR]" About an hour later and I'm satisfied with my amount of drunkenness. Last time I got more drunk than this I got into a fight with a midget and wound up in jail. That would make about 4 midgets I've beaten up. Maybe I have a problem. ......Nah. As we were about to leave Tiny asked me "[COLOR="Green"]Can I show the bartender my appreciation?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You planning on ever coming back here?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Nope.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You think you can outrun those security guys[/COLOR]? "[COLOR="Green"]Nope.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I'll distract them. You think you can drive fast?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I'm drunk. Of course I can.[/COLOR]" And with that Tiny zaps the bartender and we're out. [U]Saturday[/U] I wake up around 1 PM to my girlfriend. She tells me there are some men at the door that want to talk to me. I go to the door and there are 2 police officers and a guy I recognize as Trackersan. "[COLOR="Purple"]That's the guy. That's the guy who tased me.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Red"]Is this true sir?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I was defending myself from that man after he put his hands on me.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Red"]I see sir.[/COLOR] (now directed at Trackersan) [COLOR="Red"]You're going to jail sir.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]What? All I wanted was an autograph.[/COLOR]" He screamed as he was hauled off. Some fans I tell you, some fans..... Oh wait, there's a PPT coming up. What? I can't very well call it a Pay Per View. Here's the rundown for the next Pay Per Ticket [QUOTE] Mean Jean Cattley vs. Thomas Morgan in a guitar on a pole match Frankie Perez vs. Mainstream Hernandez Giant Redwood vs. Umaga Jim Force vs. Citizen X (c) for the National Championship Darryl Devine vs. Peter Valentine The Demons vs. The Lords Liberty vs. Eric Tyler Freddie Datsun vs. Bruce the Giant (c) for the World Championship[/QUOTE] Make predictions or be 'Appreciated' Oh, and check out All Star Wrestling by Trackersan (Found here [url]http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21092[/url]) or be 'appreciated'

[magichj]

Mean Jean Cattley vs. [B]Thomas Morgan[/B] in a guitar on a pole match [B]Frankie Perez[/B] vs. Mainstream Hernandez Giant Redwood vs. [B]Umaga[/B][I]Bury Redwood[/I] Jim Force vs. [B]Citizen X[/B] (c) for the National Championship [B]Darryl Devine[/B] vs. Peter Valentine [B]The Demons[/B] vs. The Lords Liberty vs. [B]Eric Tyler[/B] Freddie Datsun vs. [B]Bruce the Gia[/B]nt (c) for the World Championship This has been an awesome read! Keep it up.

[J Silver]

A few hours before the show Sam told me he wanted to meet with me in his office. I was hoping that he would be firing me today. Unfortunately whenever I get my hopes up bad things happen. For example, I thought I bought something good at that auction. What did I get? Well I'm not really sure if it's a wrestling show or 101 reasons to commit suicide. I just hope it's not the latter. I walked into Sams office and he got right down to business. "[COLOR="Green"]I realized I never gave you any goals.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And I realized I can't get rid of this job.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I have some goals for you.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And I have some goals for myself, but you don't see me accomplishing any of those now do you?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]What's your point?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Fire me already.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I hate you.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Join the club.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Can you give me directions?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Enough small talk, let's get down to business.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Fine.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Goal #1: I've invested alot of money, alot of my own money into this company. I don't want to lose that money. In fact I don't want to lose any of that money, but you're incompetent so it's to be expected.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, thanks for that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You're welcome. I don't want to see the budget go under $1.5 million at any time during the next 11 months. Do you understand me?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Don't file for bankruptcy. Got it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Now onto Goal #2. After the initial investment I wanna see it turn into profit. You make me $6 million within the next 23 months.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And what's in it for me?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Your job.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I don't want that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You signed the contract.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]No I didn't.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]My evidence will stand up in a court of law, yours won't. It's as simple as that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Can I get the directions for that club yet?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No, now for Goal #3. You should know that not all publicity is good.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Not according to Richard Eisen or Hollywood.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Are you working for either of them?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Considering I'm not getting paid am I really even working for you?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I don't want you signing any known alcoholics.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So you mean I won't be able to sign Rip Chord when he drives MAW out of business?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]He's a hack anyways. Now for goal #4.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]This ought to be good.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I don't want anyone with athleticism below a D grade.[/COLOR]" I just couldn't help my self here "[COLOR="Blue"]BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]What's so funny?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Hahahahahahaha. You mean to tell me that Bruce the Giant is athletic? You mean to tell me one of the Demons can so much as walk without their walker. You mean to tell me..[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I've hired very athletic wrestlers.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Hahaha. Wait wait wait. I need to catch my breath after that. So by athleticism do you mean like the Wheelchair Olympics athleticism or...[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I told you once before not to make fun of my roster.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And I told you once before I want to be fired but I don't see you caring about that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Get out of my office!![/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Gladly.[/COLOR]" And with that I'm off to put the final touches on this show. USPW and athleticism? HAHAHAHA.....

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where positivity is scarce. Try running USPW and you'll know why. And with that bitterness out of the way, for now, on with the show.... ------ [CENTER][B]USPW Star, Stripes and Slams![/B] Saturday, Week 4, 2007 Held at The Huntsville Fairgrounds Att. 3,673 [U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -We start off the night with the announcers going out of their way to make Bruce the Giant vs. Freddie Datsun seem like something to spend your money on. I don't quite think the announcers really understand the concept of the hard-sell. Pointless segment really. ([B][COLOR="Red"]B+[/COLOR][/B]) [U] -[B]Mean Jean Cattley def. Thomas Morgan[/B]-[/U] And the crowd goes dead. I don't think anyone other than that guy in the front row with the "Bring Back The Muffin" sign enjoyed this. Cattley retrieved the guitar and then smashed it over Morgans head. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E-[/COLOR])[/B] -Backstage Trent Shaffer is psyching up Mainstream Hernandez for his match with Frankie Perez. Shaffer: "[COLOR="Blue"]You can do this man.[/COLOR]" Mainstream: "[COLOR="Green"]I know I can dude.[/COLOR]" Shaffer: "[COLOR="Blue"]You gonna do this man?[/COLOR]" Mainstream: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm gonna do this dude.[/COLOR]" Shaffer: "[COLOR="Blue"]You gonna kick Perez's ass man?[/COLOR]" Mainstream: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm gonna whoop his ass dude.[/COLOR]" ([COLOR="Red"][B]E[/B][/COLOR]) [U]-[B]Frankie Perez def. Mainstream Hernandez[/B]-[/U] Well, at least some of the crowd cared about this one. Hernandez put up a good fight, but in the end he just wasn't good enough to put Perez away. Perez locked Hernandez into a P-Clutch and made him cry uncle. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] [U]-[B]Trent Shaffer def. King Carvill, William Hayes and Rudy Velasquez[/B]-[/U] This was a last minute addition because all of the old guys were out of gas too early. And it's a #1 contenders match for the National championship. And it was actually a good USPW match. How the hell it got a D is beyond me really. Anyways Shaffer put the King away after some Heart Burn. He should really have that checked out. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -Shaffer celebrates. Velasquez is angry. Can you guess what happens next? I'll give you a hint, Velasquez beats the living hell out of Shaffer. Now can you figure it out? ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) -Jacob Stranton is in the ring with Umaga. [B]Stranton[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Some people just don't know when to call it quits. Some people just don't know when to hang it up and call it a career. Some people are just too stubborn to get it through their heads. There's one simple message I've been sending to the USPW roster that none of them seem to get. That message is this: It's over. Your careers, your time in the spotlight, your championship reigns, and if you don't take this message to heart then quite possibly your lives as well. Giant Redwood is one of those stubborn ones. Tonight though Umaga will chop you down and snap you in half like a twig.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR][/B]) [U] -[B]Umaga def. Giant Redwood[/B]-[/U] And yet again Giant Redwood uses his special match ruining powers and makes this one suck. At least it was short. Umaga squashes Redwood with a Savage Charge keeping true to Strantons word about snapping him like a twig. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR])[/B] -Afterwards Umaga and Stranton casually pummel Giant Redwood and leave a retirement castle pamphlet on him. The message seems to be clear, maybe Redwood will take it to heart finally. His special match ruining powers aren't exactly helping me out any. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) -Backstage Rudy Velasquez is with Zeus Maxmillion and T-Rex. Rudy is pacing back and forth angrily yelling about Shaffer. Maybe Rudy wanted that title shot. Maxmillion tries to calm him down by telling him that he'll get his revenge, but he can't just simply go and beat up Shaffer. This plan for revenge has to be something original and innovative, just the kinds of things Maxmillion Productions specialize in. Too bad they don't specialize in winning matches, or making good movies. Actually, what are they good for? ([B][COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR][/B]) -And now a lesson in English from Jim Force [B]Force[/B]: "[B][COLOR="Blue"]CITIZEN OF X, YOU DASTERDLY DISGRACEFUL DISEASED GOLFING GOON, YOU SHALL FEEL THE FOOOOOORRRRCCE!!!! THE FORCE WILL CONVIENIENTLY CATEGORIZE A CASTRATION OF YOUR NATIONAL CHAMPIONBELT RUUUUUUUUN!!!!! THE 3 IRON AND THE 3 COUNT COUNT WILL COME TOGETHER IN A TOTICULAR TENACIOUS TENOR TO TROUNCE YOOOOOOU!!!!! BUY MY MERCHANDISE. THE FORCE IS A FORCEFUL FORCE WHICH YOU CANNOT FORCE YOUR WAY OUT OOOOOF!!!! RAAARRGH!!![/COLOR][/B]" This has been a lesson in improper English. I hope you learned something. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Citizen X def. Jim Force to retain the [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW National title[/COLOR][/B]-[/U] No shock here as X beats Force. And no shocker in how he did it either. 9-iron to the side of the head anyone? [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Darryl Devine is trying to get people excited to see Peter Valentine wrestle. Good luck to him. That would be more of a miracle than if he could suddenly turn water to wine. [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I still have no clue what I've done to Valentine to make him not like me. I gave him a muffin, I let him touch my girl and live to tell about it, I beat him fair and square. Twice. I've got my theories and I find it great that USPW will hire special people like him, but if he doesn't quit with this whole I hate you crap he's gonna get hurt.[/COLOR]" Well, turning water into root beer is a start. ([COLOR="Red"][B]C[/B][/COLOR]) [U]-[B]Darryl Devine def. Peter Valentine[/B]-[/U] Let's see, where to start? First off I hear Valentine was off his game tonight. Secondly he was gasping for air like a fish out of water after only 10 min. Next, this match wasn't very good. The midcarders did better than the freakin' upper card stars. And I use that term loosely for Valentine. Enough bitching though. Now onto the match highlights. Devine put Big V away after a DDD. Yup, it ending was the only highlight. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -And next up we have the ever old Lords of War going off on a rant about the Demons of Rage. They call them tired, washed up useless sacks of crap. Wait, who's talking about who again? They say that they're going to put those old hacks out of commission once and for all. Hello? Pot? Yea, the kettle just called you black. Yea, I know. It was very racist of him. ([COLOR="Red"][B]C[/B][/COLOR]) [U]-[B]The Lords Of War def. The Demons Of Rage[/B]-[/U] Jeez. Stamina isn't my best friend lately. Where should I start this rant? Anger was off his game tonight. Maybe he was angry about something. Maybe he just looked at his birth certificate. Spite and Agony we're sucking more than this match. Sucking wind that is. And Pain, well his lungs were in pain because 10 minutes of physicality, 7 of which was merely standing, were too much for him. Anyways, Agony beats Spite, in case anyone actually cares. I doubt it though. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] [U]-[B]Liberty def. Eric Tyler[/B]-[/U] And in the "It's only here because everything else will probably be a we want our money back, riot inducing good time" match of the night we put former TCW World Champion Liberty against former DAVE Champion Eric Tyler. Why? Because we can. Got a problem with that? Lucky me that these 2 had chemistry together, the good stuff too. In the end Liberty gave Tyler a Liberation Slam and it was over. [B]([COLOR="Red"]B-[/COLOR])[/B] -Freddie Datsun now has the unenviable job of making people care about a Bruce the Giant match. [B]Datsun[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Bruce, you've done nothing but attack me from behind all month and send others to do your dirty work. Tonight it's one on one between you and I. There's no escaping, there's no running, there's no hiding, there's no hope in hell for you. You and I both know that you're a great competitor, but you're no match for me. Tonight I'll win back what I never should've lost to begin with, the USPW World Championship.[/COLOR]" ([COLOR="Red"][B]B[/B][/COLOR]) [U]-[B]Freddie Datsun def. Bruce The Giant to win the [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World title[/COLOR][/B]-[/U] Ah crap. And I was hoping this could at least wind up in the C range. Unfortunately, it was a Bruce the Giant match so maybe I was setting my expectations too high. It's kind of sad to think that T-Rex has had a better match with Bruce than my new Champion. Alright, enough with that terrible image, back to the terrible image that was this match. Bruce dominated most of the match. Datsun made a big comeback and the crowd went mild. Datsun hits Bruce with a Patriot Press. the ref is down to make the count. And it's a 3. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR])[/B] [U]Final Rating[/U] ([B]C-[/B]) Well, that should've improved our popularity. Or at least it would've if we were on PPV. After all that we left the South East less popular and just as broke as when we came in. [QUOTE][U]The Alzheimer's Post Show Recap[/U]: [I]-Mean Jean Cattley defeated Thomas Morgan (E-) -Frankie Perez defeated Mainstream Hernandez (D-) -Trent Shaffer defeated King Carvill, William Hayes and Rudy Velasquez (D) -Umaga defeated Giant Redwood (E+) -Citizen X defeated Jim Force (D-) -Darryl Devine defeated Peter Valentine (D-) -The Lords Of War defeated The Demons Of Rage (D-) -Liberty defeated Eric Tyler (B-) -Freddie Datsun defeated Bruce The Giant (D+)[/I][/QUOTE]

[J Silver]

A show where we're saved from complete suckitude by 2 guys who don't even wrestle for us? Thank god Bruce is popular. Well all the USPW stuff on that show was pretty bad and I doubt we impressed any PPV providers. Once again it's time to find a suitable replacement. If I don't I'll still have to do my job. The newest applicant said that he found out about this job from the newspaper article I put out about a month ago. It went like this [QUOTE] Looking for porffesional writer to work 3-4 days a weak. Experiense and digrees required. May work with the ederly from time to time. Paying job, porbably. Call Malthilde at 1-800-653-5239 to skedule appointment.[/QUOTE] I think he's a little late calling, but I'm desperate so who cares? He walks, actually stumbled would be the better word for it, into my office. He has a beer in one hand and the other in a tear in his coat. He looks homeless. [CENTER][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/drunkhobo.jpg[/IMG][/CENTER] "[COLOR="Blue"]Hi, you are?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I'm uhhh....[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Let's just call you Hammered until you can remember your name.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Ok man.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So, can you tell me why you're here?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Really?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No, can't remember a thing.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So how'd you find this place?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]It was on my blanket.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]The ad?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, that thingy.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]But you don't know why you're here?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You're here for a job interview.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Really? Am I hired?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]That's what we're here to find out.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Ok, what's the job?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I wouldn't know.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Really?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Really.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Does it pay?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm not quite sure.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Can I have the job now?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Do you think you could not drink for 10 minutes?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I could try.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Alright then, I think I could get a fine outstanding citizen like you a job. Just follow me.[/COLOR]" So what if he can't even remember his own name? So what if he would get a zero on an IQ test? So what if he's the least qualified applicant I've had so far? I'm doing something good for the world and giving this homeless man a second chance at life. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I take him into Sams office to get him hired. Sam doesn't exactly jump for joy. "[COLOR="Purple"]I though I told you not to bring in a hobo.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]He's not a hobo. He's just..... just dressed like one. And umm... and drunk.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I also thought I told you not to hire any drunks.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, but I really don't give a sh*t about that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]He's a damn hobo and I told you not to bring me a hobo.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Wait, this is completely different from plan B.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]How so?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]This guy is completely qualified Mr. Strong.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]What? Hey, you're Sam Strong.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Yes I am.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You son of a bitch, I put money on you to beat Rip Chord back in 1988 and you lost. I went broke because of you.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]You do know wrestling is fixed, right?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Wrestling is fake? Ah man, that sucks.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Qualified?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]It's possible I was using a different definition of that word than you.[/COLOR]" Well, there goes Plan B....

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where being good at your job isn't everything, but it sure would be a nice change of pace. With that said, on with the show... ------ [CENTER][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/USPWAW.jpg[/IMG] [B]USPW American Wrestling[/B] Wednesday, Week 1, February 2007 Held at Pennsylvania Park Att. 2,000 [U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -And we start off the show with Freddie Datsun coming down to the ring with his newly won title. People in the crowd are confused. Those people don't live in the South East or have access to the good 'ol interweb. Datsun is about to speak when Bruce the Giants music conveniently cuts him off. Bruce makes his way down to the ring. He's moving faster than usual, he must smell food. Bruce grabs the mic out of Datsuns hand and then tries to talk. He has a pretty thick accent so the promo went a little like this "[COLOR="Blue"]Froide Dstssn uyve ghot mhy ttle nd I wnt t buck.[/COLOR]" The crowd are in shock, they had no idea that this strange language existed. Bruce throws his mic away and attacks Datsun. Bruce and Datsun fight until animal control rounds up the bear. I mean, until security breaks it up. Yea, that's what I meant. ([B][COLOR="Red"]B-[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Citizen X def. Frankie Perez[/B] to retain the [COLOR="RoyalBlue"][B]USPW National title[/B][/COLOR]-[/U] And the "Every match I think could be good , but then I find they have bad chemistry dammit" curse can't get over the fact that I ran over its dog. It's not like I could see it when I was backing up. It was an accident, I swear. What's that you say? There's a match going on? Yea, well it was bad, really bad. During the match Shaffer tried interfering, but botched it and cost Perez the match. [B]([COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR])[/B] -Jim Force is in the back. He sees someone throw a wrapper on the ground. Force scolds him. [B]Force[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"][B]YOU NATURE NEUTERING NARCICIIIIIIST!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE PERFORMED A PAINFULLY PUNISHABLE ACT WHICH CAN BE PERCIEVED AS A HATRED OF THE PLENTIFUL PLANET ON WHICH YOU LIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!! YOU WILL ATONE FOR YOUR CRIME AND COLLECT THAT WOEFULLY WASTED WRAPPER OR YOU WILL FEEL THE FORCE THAT IS THE FOOOOOOOORCE!!!![/B][/COLOR]" Well, someone heard enough of Force as he gets nailed from behind with a trash can. Mick Muscles steps into frame and continues smashing a trash can (which was full btw) over Force. All I can say to this is attack is: Thank god. And ROID RAGE ~! ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Rudy Velasquez def. Trent Shaffer[/B]-[/U] And I was expecting so much more from these two. Then again this IS USPW and suckitude seems to be contagious. A pretty long match, especially for USPW, clocking in at around 13 min. During the match Zeus Maxmillion interfered leaving Shaffer open for a Street Cutter. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -Shaffer and Perez are backstage and are in each others faces. They argue over tonight. [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Dude, where were you for me before?[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I was recovering from the loss that you like totally caused.[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Dude, that was an accident. I even apologized.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Ya know what man, I'm sick of your accidents. I'm about to have an accident upside your face.[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Dude, that didn't sound right.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I don't care man, I'm gonna have an accident now, and we'll see how much you like it[/COLOR]." [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]That still didn't sound right dude, but if you want a fight, I'll go dude.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, we're gonna go man.[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, well then let's go dude.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]You first man.[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Nah, ladies first dude.[/COLOR]" Mainstream walks in now. "[COLOR="Purple"]What's goin' on guys.[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]We're totally gonna fight dude.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, we're totally about to fight man.[/COLOR]" [B]Mainstream[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Why don't you 2 just settle it in the ring?[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, that sounds like a good idea dude.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, good idea man.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR][/B]) -Mean Jean Cattley finds Zeus Maxmillion backstage. Zeus is sitting in a directors seat reading a script when Mean Jean Cattley comes up to him. [B]Cattley[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I have a little problem.[/COLOR]" [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]What do you want plebeian? Do you not see that I am perfecting my newest masterpiece?[/COLOR]" [B]Cattley[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I need one of your guys to do a job for me.[/COLOR]" [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]A job? What do I look like to you?[/COLOR]" [B]Cattley[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]A smart guy and that T Rex looks like one that could hurt someone.[/COLOR]" [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Don't be silly, Rex wouldn't hurt a fly. Well, unless it provoked him anyhow. That's how the court order goes.[/COLOR]" [B]Cattley[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I wanna hire him to take care of somebody.[/COLOR]" [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]What do I look like? The mafia? Pimping out my lead stars to do grunt work and whack someone?[/COLOR]" [B]Cattley[/B]: ([I]Pulls out $20[/I]) "[COLOR="Blue"]For the right price.[/COLOR]" [B]Zeus[/B]: ([I]Snatches $20[/I]) "[COLOR="Green"]Well in that case you can just call us the Maxmillion Protection Agency.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]T-Rex def. Thomas Morgan[/B]-[/U] Sqashidy squash squash squash. Can you guess what this match was? [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Valentine is backstage giving an interview. I think. [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You can give me all the peace treaties you want. You can offer me all the muffins you can afford and you can try to force your girlfriend on me, but none of it will work. I know what you did last summer. You told me. I also remember what you did to me back when we were in the 3rd grade together. You offered me a muffin. I accepted it. I'll never forget what else you did to me that day. You told me glue was nutritious and I got my tongue frozen to a pole.[/COLOR]" Devine walks in with a look of utter confusion on his face. [B]Devine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]What in the heck are you going on about? I never went to third grade with you. I wasn't even born yet, I wasn't even conceived yet, I wasn't even a sparkle in my parents eyes. There have got to be a few screws, a couple bolts and a metal place loose in your head. I told you what I did last summer? I've never even talked to you outside of work. Look, if I have to beat some sense into you with my fists I will. Anytime, anyplace Valentine.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) -Demons Spite and Anger are being interviewed about Angers upcoming match with Umaga. The Demons go through the ol' fashioned we're gonna go out there and beat his ass to a bloody pulp routine. The Demons say they've been around for a long time and they plan on staying around alot longer, much to my disdain, and that no Somalian, yes, he said Somalian, is going to put them into retirement. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Umaga def. Demon Anger[/B]-[/U] And the "Every match I think could be good , but then I find they have bad chemistry dammit" curse can't seem to let this grudge go. Sadly it was still better than everything else preceding it. This match was kept short, because we don't want Anger to get exhausted after a few minutes of physicality do we? Umaga dominated and put the Demon away after a Savage Charge. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -Umaga continues his attack on Anger out of anger, or something. Stranton hops into the ring with one of those pamphlets. When Pain sees that he immediately hobbles into the ring and chases the heels off. Why is Umaga afraid of a nearly handicapped guy? I don't know, wrestling logic? And now we see a scene from pill time at one of those retirement homes. The Lords of War run as fast as they can, still putting my money on the snail btw, into the ring and beat down the Demons of Rage. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR] for the save, [COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR] for the attack[/B]) -Hayes is in the middle of the ring with a microphone now. I guess it's time for a lesson in Japanese culture, maybe we'll learn how to use chopsticks today. Ya know, something useful. [B]Hayes[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Saturday night I saw Freddie Datsun win the World Championship from Bruce the Giant. Now I'm not out here to give my congratulations to Freddie. No, far from it. I don't like how he won the belt or even that he won. it. All he did was push a boulder onto the ground. That's not a hard thing to do. Freddie, you're an embodiment of everything wrong with America. You're terrible at what you do, you're lazy, you're old, you sound like a lawnmower got to your vocal chords, and most of all you're a talentless sack of s---. My proud Japanese heritage will not allow me to sit idly by and let this be. Freddie, I challenge you to a match right now.[/COLOR]" Datsun comes down to the ring and tells Hayes that if he wants a match he's got one. Datsun also makes the comment "[COLOR="Green"]And if you're what the Japanese are like nowadays then that culture must have taken a pretty heavy downfall since my last trip over there.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Freddie Datsun def. William Hayes[/B] to retain the [B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World Championship[/COLOR][/B]-[/U] And the lower midcarder turns in a better match with Datsun than Bruce the freakin' Giant. Maybe I was wrong about the USPW crowds. Probably not, but maybe. Anyways Datsun and Hayes had a great match, USPW standards, here. Hayes looked like he might actually win it at times, but in the end Datsun hits a Patriot Press and the end is here. [B]([COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR])[/B] -Datsun celebrates his win and then goes up the entrance ramp, backwards. Why? Does it really matter? Bruce the Giant jumps him from behind and beats him down. Bruce drags Datsun up the ramp and then decides to chokeslam him off the stage onto an equipment table below. Bruce is left with a strange looking smile on his face as Datsun is stretchered out. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Bruce The Giant def. Liberty[/B]-[/U] And now just to cement the heel turn, and send off Liberty, we have a match between two old guys. See, I still know what the crowd likes. And for the first time ever a former SWF World Champion takes on a former TCW World Champion in a USPW ring. Probably, I'm guessing here. Anyways, onto the match. I'll sum up the moves used in this match: Punch, kick, clothesline, big boot, chokeslam. Yup, that's about it. Bruce finishes off Liberty after dominating him with a chokeslam. [B]([COLOR="Red"]C+[/COLOR])[/B] -And Bruce isn't done, because we all know Bruce isn't done till the donuts are gone. Or something like that. Bruce beats the living hell out of Liberty with his fist and then decides he needs some steel. Steps, that is. He brings them in and Chokeslams Liberty onto them. Liberty lies there lifeless and bloody while Bruce celebrates. Now that's how you end a talent trade. ([B][COLOR="Red"]B+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]Final Rating[/U] ([B]C[/B]) The New Talent Initiative is finally starting to work in my favor, though I still needed 2 USPW style stars (i.e. old people) to get that rating. I doubt I'll be able to get another C anytime soon, but I'll still savor it while I can. [QUOTE][U]The Alzheimer's Post Show Recap[/U]: [I]-Citizen X defeated Frankie Perez to retain the USPW National title (E+) -Rudy Velasquez defeated Trent Shaffer (D) -T-Rex defeated Thomas Morgan (D-) -Umaga defeated Demon Anger (D) -Freddie Datsun defeated William Hayes to retain the USPW World title (C-) -Bruce The Giant defeated Liberty (C+)[/I][/QUOTE]

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where not everyone looks at the calender. ------ A damn good show, USPW standards, just wrapped up when one of those interns ran up to me and asked me "[COLOR="Purple"]Mr. Stranton, where's the schedule for Red, White and Blue![/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]What are you talking about? The schedule'll be ready sometime before the show happens.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]The show is scheduled for right now.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Huh?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]You have it scheduled for tonight.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I do?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Yes, and everyone's waiting.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]What happens if we just cancel the show?[/COLOR]" Then from the bleachers I could hear "[COLOR="Red"]We will riot![/COLOR]" chanted. "[COLOR="Blue"]That was oddly specific.[/COLOR]" And just as I couldn't think anything else could go wrong another intern ran up to me. "[COLOR="Purple"]Sir, sir, we have a problem.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]What now?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Follow me to the doctors room.[/COLOR]" I have a very bad feeling about this. I follow him to the office and there's my World Champion being stretchered out of the building for real. Turns out he burst his appendix on that fall from the stage. Let's see here: First I have to book a show I didn't even know about, 2. I can't cancel it or "[COLOR="Red"]We will riot![/COLOR]", 3. My world Champion just got carried out on a stretcher. Could this get any worse? Well here comes Sam to answer my question. "[COLOR="Green"]Where the hell is the schedule?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Why the hell wasn't I told about this show?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You were. I left you 3 E-mails and 5 voice messages.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Look, I only check my e-mail for passwords to adult websites and it'd be a miracle if I check my voice messages more than once a month.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Then shut up and get to writing.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Fine, I'll get to it. Got any paper? I'm out.[/COLOR]" Sam goes into the doctors room and comes back out. "[COLOR="Green"]Here.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Toilet paper? You couldn't grab me any real paper?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Stop complaining and get to work.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And what if I don't?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Red"]We will riot![/COLOR]" How do they know when to do that? I got to writing and 5 minutes later had a very half-assed card lined up. Not like I care, it's not on PPV and It'll only screw up our popularity in one region. Oh well, on with show... ------ [B]USPW Red, White, and Blue![/B] Wednesday, Week 1, 2007 Held at Pennsylvania Park Att. 2,000 -[U]The Towers Of Power defeated The Hillbillys[/U] in 4:46 when Mick Muscles defeated Al The Hillbilly by submission. [B](D-)[/B] -Jacob Stranton had an interview hyping the upcoming singles match between his client Umaga and Demon Anger. ([B]D[/B]) -[U]Umaga defeated Demon Anger[/U] in 10:21 by pinfall with a Savage Charge. [B](D-)[/B] ([I]Didn't click. Umaga destroyed him anyways.[/I]) -[U]Trent Shaffer defeated Mainstream Hernandez and Frankie Perez[/U] in 14:45 when Trent Shaffer defeated Mainstream Hernandez by pinfall with a Heart Burn. [B](D)[/B] ([I]Why? Why not?[/I]) -Citizen X cuts a promo hyping up his upcoming match with Captain USA. ([B]E+[/B]) -[U]Citizen X defeated Captain USA[/U] in 9:50 by pinfall with a Flaming Anarchy. Citizen X makes defense number 4 of his USPW National title. [B](E)[/B] ([I]Captain USA was exhausted by the end. Citizen X and Captain USA don't seem to click. Citizen X and Captain USA put on a crappy match. Crowd sections A-F were ready to riot.[/I]) -[U]The Lords Of War defeated Savage Fury[/U] in 10:02 when Warlord Agony defeated Java by pinfall with a War Machine. [B](D)[/B] -Jim Force had an interview hyping his upcoming singles match with Rudy Velasquez. ([B]D[/B]) ([I]Force babbles on about gang warfare, the youth of America, social economics and the need to get his ride tricked out. I don't understand either. Oh, and he wants you to buy his merchandise.[/I]) -[U]Rudy Velasquez defeated Jim Force[/U] in 9:33 by pinfall with a Street Cutter. [B](D-)[/B] -Zeus Maxmillion, T-Rex and Rudy Velasquez concoct a plan to do something to someone. It's going to be devious and well planned. Sure it is. ([B]D[/B]) -Darryl Devine had an interview hyping his upcoming singles match with Giant Redwood. ([B]D+[/B]) ([I]A few people actually cared. Shocking.[/I]) -[U]Darryl Devine defeated Giant Redwood[/U] in 7:41 by pinfall with a Devine Dream Drop. [B](D-)[/B] ([I]Giant Redwood was exhausted by the end. Shocking.[/I]) -Bruce The Giant had an interview hyping his upcoming singles match with Liberty. ([B]B+[/B]) ([I]Oh is it nice to see green.[/I]) -Liberty had an interview hyping his upcoming singles match with Bruce The Giant. ([B]B+[/B]) ([I]Green again, too bad the match will suck.[/I]) -[U]Bruce The Giant defeated Liberty[/U] in 14:47 by pinfall with a Giant Choke Slam. [B](C)[/B] ([I]Bruce The Giant was visibly tiring toward the end. The match suffered because there was not enough selling shown. The match also suffered because of who was wrestling.[/I]) [U]Final[/U] [B](C-)[/B] Better than I expected. Maybe I should write more of my shows in less than 5 minutes on toilet paper.

[shipshirt]

J, the promos in this diary are freakin' awesome. I think the muffin feud had money written all over it! :) I really like the dynamic of Devine and Force.

[eayragt]

It's not just the promos- [QUOTE][I]The match also suffered because of who was wrestling.[/I][/QUOTE] ... it's the little snide comments that make me laugh to myself. I feel sorry for those non-Cornellverse peeps, who will just never "get" this diary.

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=shipshirt;203692]J, the promos in this diary are freakin' awesome. I think the muffin feud had money written all over it! :) I really like the dynamic of Devine and Force.[/QUOTE] Trust me, there's another money fued coming up in the future that revolves around a 'Muffin'. [QUOTE=eayragt;203975]It's not just the promos- ... it's the little snide comments that make me laugh to myself. I feel sorry for those non-Cornellverse peeps, who will just never "get" this diary.[/QUOTE] My favorite part, taking shots at the wrestlers. Once my shows start getting better I'm going to have to rely on good humor and witty jokes though. I fear that day. -------- [B]USPW[/B]: Where after watching a couple episodes of Hogan Knows Best I have a new characterization for Sam Strong. Ok, well maybe not. He just says brother alot now. -------- An unexpected show, an unexpected injury, an unexpected pregnancy... oh wait, that was from that soap opera marathon I'm being forced to endure over the weekend by my girlfriend. Anyways, USPW isn't in too good shape right now. It's worse than when I got here, but isn't that to be expected? As I sit through this excruciating form of torture called soap operas my cell rings. It's a call from the secretary. I ignore it because all that old hag usually leaves on my phone is confessions of love. FYI I'm not into necrophilia. The phone won't stop ringing. Eventually I decide to just set it to vibrate, which wasn't such a good idea after all. After a while I answer it just so that one of these forms of torture will end. For now anyway. "[COLOR="Blue"]Hello?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Hey sweetie. Sam wants you at the office right now.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I dunno. I'm pretty busy here.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Jay, get back here. Chev just revealed that Chase is his evil twin brother and Lynn can't decide between the 2 of them.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Actually upon second glance at my schedule I ain't doing s---. I'll be right there.[/COLOR]" Whatever Sam has to throw at me can't be any worse than this. "[COLOR="Green"]Where are you going?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Office.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]But Chev just..[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea yea, evil twins, I got it the first time. You can tell me all about it when I get back.[/COLOR]" Although I'd love you more if you didn't. And I'm away from "[I]The Young and The Plastic[/I]" for a couple of hours at least. I drive to the office taking my sweet time to get there. When I do arrive however the secretary points me in the direction of the office room. There's an emergency session in progress. So this is what I was missing. Maybe they've finally found a competent head booker. I'm not holding my breath on that one though. I enter the meeting room where Sam tells me to sit down, shut up and come up with a solution. "[COLOR="Blue"]A solution to what?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Our problems with the network brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]What problems?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]They're threatening to cancel us brother.[/COLOR]" And like a bag of bricks to the head it struck me. "[COLOR="Blue"]What? Since when.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]They've been threatening us because of our ratings all month long brother. I've forwarded all the warnings to your email brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I thought I already told you I only check that email for passwords to adult websites.[/COLOR]" ([I]Let's see if anyone can figure out where I stole, I mean paraphrased that line from.[/I]) "[COLOR="Green"]Your incompetence doesn't matter right now brother. What we need to do is give the network execs a reason to keep us on the air brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Where are the executives?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]They would be in your office, but that place smells like piss...[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I can explain that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]That doesn't matter brother. They're probably wandering around somewhere brother. Why do you ask brother?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Just leave this to me.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]What?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I'll persuade them.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Oh no you won't brother.[/COLOR]" Sam reaches for me, but I've ran out the office doors by this point. "[COLOR="Green"]We're f---ed.[/COLOR]" I roam the halls looking for the execs. I'm not sure what I'm looking for, but I'm pretty sure a monkey in a suit would be a good description. As I round a corner I see them. I go up to them and introduce myself. "[COLOR="Blue"]Banana?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]What?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Nevermind.[/COLOR]" I decide to take them to Sams office since it's not being used and it only smells like old person. "[COLOR="Blue"]So, what's the deal here? Why the cancellation threat?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Your shows ratings have been terrible. It's been a waste of our airtime and money. We're pulling out.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You can't pull out now. The show's just getting going. You can't possibly end it now.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]This show has had an undeserving 8 months to 'get going' and yet it hasn't. We're sick of wasting our time and money on it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Listen to me you sons of bitches, you aren't going to pull out of this agreement, and I'm going to make sure of it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]What do you plan on doing, taking a hostage? We're done here. Good day to you sir.[/COLOR]" The execs head for the door, but I interject myself. "[COLOR="Blue"]Okay, maybe we got off on the wrong foot here. Let's say we forget all of that and start over?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]No.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I beg of you Mr. Network executive, I have a wife and 3 children who are starving at home. I need this money to feed them. If you take away this TV show they may just die. Do you want that resting on your conscience for the rest of your life? Do you want to live with that guilt bottled up in your soul for the rest of your meager existence? Look into your heart. Do the right thing.[/COLOR]" I've been watching too many soap operas. "[COLOR="Purple"]I'm a network executive, I don't have a heart.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You son of a bitch.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]What happened to the begging?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Well that bull**** ain't gonna work on you so I gave up on it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Just like this network has given up on this show.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Wait. Hear me out. This show is what we in the wrestling industry would call untapped potential. End it now, kill it here on this spot, and the show that could be making you millions in a few months or a year will be gone. Never to fill your wallets.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]And your show is what we in the television industry call pure crap. We've made up our minds. We would say that we're sorry to have to do this, but you've been nothing but an inconsiderate ******* to us.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Me? I'm the *******? You've just put alot of people out of work and taken money out of their pockets, out of everyones pockets with what you're doing. You're trying to kill the careers of people who could become huge stars who could buy and sell your worthless selves millions of times over. Sorry to tell you this, but I'm not the a-hole here.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]And we're sorry to have to say this show is canceled. Actually we're sorry it took this long to pull the plug on it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Fine, the show is canceled. I can live with that. The question though is can you morons live knowing that you just canceled another hit show in the making?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]What are you talking about?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You guys remember a little show that used to air on your networks. It was a show by the name of Crime Lab. Oh yea, you guys remember, I can tell by those dopey expressions on your faces. You guys canceled that show. CBA resurrected it from the dead, put a little faith in it and now it's averaging 30 millions viewers and making the people at CBA a LOT of money. Congratulations, you Crime Labbed it again.[/COLOR]" The execs stomp out of there angry. I think I may have struck a nerve. Yea, I'm an @$$hole who can't help but get the last word in. I really didn't like those pricks though. This decision however leaves USPW and myself in a very bad position. Let's look at where we stand. We just lost our TV show, we just lost our champion as temporary as it may be, we're bleeding money like crazy, and most importantly we have an incompetent head booker who couldn't even give away his job. Sam was right, this company is sinking faster than the Titanic. If I can't find a replacement I'm going to get scapegoated here. Right now I doubt I'd be able to get a replacement because like an old saying goes, even a blind man can feel the waters of a sinking ship. Looks like it may be shape up or ship sunk....

[Ping von Erich]

[QUOTE]Force: "THE DASTARDLY DOBADDING DOER OF DISASTER DEEMED CITIZEN X DOTH NOT SCARE THE FOOOOOORCE!!!!!!! THE FORCE SHALL TEAR THROUGH THE VILLANIOUS VILLIAN OF VILENESS THAT DEEMED BE THE GOLFING GOFER CITIZEN XXXXXXXXX!!!!!!! X MARKS THE SPOT OF THE TREASURE AND THAT X IS ON YOUR SHOULDERS CITIZEN FOR I SHALL PRECISELY PIN THOSE SHOULDER DOWN TO THE MAAAAAAT!!!!!! BUY MY MERCHANDISE. I SHALL REGAIN THE GOLDEN TREASURE THAT SPARKLES LIKE GLITTERRRRRR!!!!! I LIKE GLITTER. THE USPW NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE BELT. RARGGHHH!!!" Force stomps off leaving Devine behind. Devine: "I just wanna make it clear that man does not speak for me."[/QUOTE] That made me laugh out loud. Great diary man, keep it up.

[magichj]

I would love to see Jim Force interview for your job! You write him so well!

[Derek B]

As a USPW player myself I just have to let you know that every Jim Force promo I ever have (God knows why) is now named "BUY MY MERCHANDISE!" Strangely, you seemed to forget to tell him to mention that in the last one..... :)

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=derek_b;204043]As a USPW player myself I just have to let you know that every Jim Force promo I ever have (God knows why) is now named "BUY MY MERCHANDISE!" Strangely, you seemed to forget to tell him to mention that in the last one..... :)[/QUOTE] I'm pretty sure the trash can to the head had something to do with that.;) ------ [B] USPW[/B]: 2 steps forward, 2 steps back, 3 steps to the right and somebody chucks a brick at your head for being out of line. It hurteded too. We're without a show, without a champion, without a couple thousand dollars, without a hope in hell. Wait was I supposed to have said the last one out loud? Oh well, not like it matters. I asked Sam when we could start doing shows again. His answer "[COLOR="Green"]When our champion is back to full health brother.[/COLOR]" I have no clue why Sam ends every sentence with brother now. In other words it'll be 2 more weeks before anything other than the usual corporate BS happens. Out of nowhere Sam calls me up and tells me that he's hired someone and then proceeds to call me his brother. It's horrifying to even think about that. "[COLOR="Blue"]What do you mean you're hiring people? That's my job.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You weren't doing your job, so I did it for you brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Hey, do you think that you could book the shows too?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]And what exactly would you do brother?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I would be on paid vacation of course.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]How about I just fire you instead brother?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Okay.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Damn you.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So who'd you hire?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Do you know the Vessey Brothers brother?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Who doesn't?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I...[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You hired the Vessey Brothers? Holy **** Sam, good job. What did you do? Promise them free wheelchairs when they retire?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No, I didn't hire the Vessey Brothers...[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So you hired Bryan Vessey. Great, This'll be awesome.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I didn't hire Bryan, I...[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Oh, right. I guess I should've been thinking about what USPW is based on.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Understanding of the basic fundamentals of wrestling psycholo...[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Old people.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I thought I told you not to take shots at my wrestlers anymore brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]It's not a shot, just an observation.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I'll straighten you out later brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, because I gotta sign Larry.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No, he's not it either brother. I hired...[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Don't tell me you hired ol' Granny Vessey. I hear she was one tough customer back in her day, but still.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Will you let me finish a goddam sentence brother?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Shoot.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I hired Cameron Vessey brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Who?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]He's Larrys son.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So he's good?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Good enough.[/COLOR]" And that set the tone for the rest of my day. Cameron arrived at the office. From the way he was strutting around acting like he owned the place I could tell this was one kid who never got a good ass whipping as a kid. I went up to him to introduce my self. "[COLOR="Blue"]Hi, I'm Jay.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]yea, good for you.[/COLOR]" This is going to be just one of those days. I begin the interview with a simple enough question. "[COLOR="Blue"]So, what do you do?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I wrestle.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, no sh*t sherlock. Be more specific.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]What do you want me to be more specific about?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]What specifically do you do?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I wrestle.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I can already tell you're gonna be a pain in my ass.[/COLOR]" And he was throughout the rest of the interview. I gave up on questioning him halfway through my list of 2 questions and just hired him for the hell of it. I think that was my first successful interview actually....

[J Silver]

[QUOTE][B]OOC[/B]: Well, I was going to do a write up of how I got a new TV show on ETV, but I decided against it. Let me just say though, 1 hour show on a very small American channel at midnight. That should cover all the important details. And now since it's been 1 month (game time) I'll recap all of the happenings of February with my thought in italic.[/QUOTE] -Freddie Datsun was injured. ([I]You should all know this one by now though.[/I]) -USPW Loses slot on TV on Sports America (:() -East Coast Today turns us down. ([I]Damn them.[/I]) -ACE and Pop! Reject us too. ([I]Damn them too.[/I]) -Cameron Vessey signed. ([I]Let's hope a 2nd generation Vessey can live up to a 1st gen.[/I]) -Just an interesting observation. We started at 50% popularity nationwide, we're now back up to 49.4. -ETV, Entertainment Television premiers soon. USPW have sent a request to them. ([I]What? I had to do something.[/I]) -ETV accepts the deal. USPW All American Wrestling to air Wednesdays ([I]Thursday technically[/I]) at Midnight for 1 hr. ([I]They have no programming and we're stuck in the graveyard shift? It just doesn't seem fair.[/I]) -TCW fall to cult ([I]In best Nelson voice: HA HA[/I]) -Parker and Gonzalez reject negotiations. ([I]They're loyal. I hate that.[/I]) -Steve Flash, Insane Machine, Fumihiro Ota all signed to USPW. -Remind me not to hire Ryan Holland. Velasquez may try to shoot him. At least that's what people in DAVE are saying. -And Datsun returns. Hallelujah? ([I]sp?[/I]) -I can't resign Warlord Pain because he drinks too much. ([I]Old and drunk? Sounds like a car crash waiting to happen. Time to job him to hell..... That may have been a bad saying to use there.[/I]) -Public access Select and American Option turn down request. ([I]Public access FFS!![/I]) -Darryl Devine will now go by Darryl Daniel Devine. He will be referred to as DDD or Triple D. ([I]Why? Because he's a main eventer now. His name has to sound main eventy. It's a word.[/I]) Now with the news out of the way, here's the teaser: [B]On the Next episode of All our Old People[/B]: Will Jay ever get fired? Will Trackersan ever get out of jail? Will Tiny ever come to grips with his weight issues? Will "The Muffin" ever return to USPW? Did Nibbler eat Mr. Fluffykins? Did the midget ever get out of the orphanage? Did I give my address to that bartender? Did I give my address to that hot chick at the bar? All these questions and more will probably not be answered on the next episode of 'All Our Old People'. And now for an actual preview of the actual show: [QUOTE][U]Expected matches[/U]: Lords of War vs. Canadian Crusties (c) for the USPW World Tag titles Trent Shaffer vs. T-Rex Umaga vs. Demon Spite DDD & Freddie Datsun vs. Bruce the Giant & Peter Valentine[/QUOTE] Expect the show in a few hours. Predictions, comments, feedback, etc. welcome.

[Trackersan]

[quote=J Silver;204657-Darryl Devine will now go by Darryl Daniel Devine. He will be referred to as DDD or Triple D. ([I]Why? Because he's a main eventer now. His name has to sound main eventy. It's a word.[/I]) [/quote] Come on J, we all know that the one and only DDD in the C'Verse is Dazzling Dave Diamond! ;) Congrats on almost returning the popularity to it's beginning levels...that should win you an award! Sucks about the TV show, but that's life (which is also a great Frank Sinatra song...but I digress). Looking forward to more USPW zannyness!

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where only you can prevent forest fires. Now with my community service out of the way, on with the show.... ------- [CENTER][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/USPWAAW-1.jpg[/IMG] [B]USPW All American Wrestling[/B] Wednesday, Week 1, March 2007 ([I]Oh, it's so sweet to finally be able to write that line.[/I]) Held at Pennsylvania Park in front of 2,000 people (Sold Out) [U]Dark Matches[/U][/CENTER] -Jim Force has an interview, in which he goes off on a rant about forces, glitter, the need for you to buy his merchandise, foreign policy, and something about Cameron Vessey. The translator is still working on that part. ([B]E+[/B]) -Jim Force defeated Cameron Vessey in 3:48 by pinfall with a Full Force. [B](D-)[/B] ([I]Cameron Vessey and Jim Force have great chemistry. Who would've guessed that?[/I]) -Thomas Morgan defeated Giant Oak in 3:52 by pinfall. [B](F)[/B] ([I]Giant Oak and Thomas Morgan just don't click at all. Well, 1 for 1.[/I]) -Fumihiro Ota defeated Steve Flash in 4:40 by pinfall with a Ninja Strike. [B](C-)[/B] ([I]And in the 'They've both got downsides anyways' match of the night...and for that matter match of the night.[/I]) [CENTER][U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -The show starts off with a shot of Darryl Devines locker room door. Devine enters the room. [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Hey, Seduc....[/COLOR]" He pauses and has a double take. The camera spins around to reveal Seduction and Peter Valentine. In a wig. And dress. And makeup. [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]....tion. What's going on here?[/COLOR]" [B]Seduction[/B]: "[COLOR="RoyalBlue"]He's dressed up like me.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]No I'm not, I'm the real Seduction. She's the fake.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]What are doing Peter?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I am not the great wrestler Peter Valentine, I am Seduction.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You are an idiot.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]No I am not, I am Seduction. I will prove it now.[/COLOR]" Valentine lunges after Devine and looks to be trying to make out with him. Devine shoves him away. [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Get... Get away from me you freak!! What the hell is wrong with you?!?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]There is nothing wrong with me for I am Seduction.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]No, you're a moron. And don't you have a match to get ready for?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]No I don't for I am not Peter Valentine, I am Seduction.[/COLOR]" After a moment of awkward silence Devine lowers his head and shakes it from side to side in disgrace. He then looks to Seduction, the real one, and takes her by the hand. "[COLOR="Blue"]... Let's just go.[/COLOR]" They exit their locker room. Outside they see Freddie Datsun. [B]Datsun[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]There you are. I was looking for you. Something wrong?[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You don't want to know.[/COLOR]" The camera swings around to reveal Bruce the Giant coming down the hall. Bruce nears DDD and Datsun, but Valentine leaves Devines locker room now. [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I am Seduction![/COLOR]" Devines face has a look of utter disgrace on it while Datsun and Bruce are quite surprised by what they see. Bruce stops in his tracks, covers his face and walks off. Valentine spots him "[COLOR="Green"]Where are you going partner?[/COLOR]" Bruce runs off. ([B][COLOR="Red"]B-[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]The Canadian Crusties def. The Lords Of War[/B] to retain the [B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World Tag Team titles[/COLOR][/B]-[/U] The Crusties are crusty and the Warlords are rusty. It's kinda sad to think this is basically the best my tag division has to offer. The collective amount of talent in this match would struggle to fill a water bottle. As for what happened during the match there were alot of punches and kicks thrown. In fact I just listed 99% of the moves used in this match. The end of it came as one of the McWades pinned one of the Warlords with feet on ropes. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR])[/B] -We see Trent Shaffer walking backstage when out of nowhere a large refrigerator box falls behind him. Shaffer looks at the box and then looks around. Zeus Maxmillion comes out of hiding and begins yelling. [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You buffoons. You told me you had the X exactly where the box would fall.[/COLOR]" Velasquez now comes out. [B]Velasquez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]We did. Somebody must've moved the box.[/COLOR]" And now Rex comes out. [B]Rex[/B]: "[COLOR="Sienna"]It was Rudy. I saw him move it.[/COLOR]" [B]Velasquez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I thought I told you not you not to tell him carnivore breath.[/COLOR]" [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You just screwed up nearly 2 months worth of careful planning.[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]You guys took 2 months to set that lame thing up?[/COLOR]" [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You stay out of this.[/COLOR]" [B]Velasquez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, get lost punk.[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Whatever dudes.[/COLOR]" Shaffer walks off leaving the 3 men to continue arguing. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Trent Shaffer def. T-Rex[/B]-[/U] Does Shaffer click with anything? If he does I'm having a hard time finding it. Maybe he can click with a clicky pen. Just saying. A pretty blah affair here. The end of the match saw Mainstream Hernandez distract Rex while Shaffer gets a surprise roll-up for the win. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Rudy Velasquez makes his way down to the ring furious over what just happened. He gets in the refs face and demands he reverse the decision. Rudy then yells at Rex for losing. He then gets on the mic and calls out Shaffer and Hernandez. Hernandez challenges Velasquez to a match right now. Velasquez accepts the challenge. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Rudy Velasquez def. Mainstream Hernandez[/B]-[/U] A pretty good match from the midcarders here. The match was a back and forth affair as neither Velasquez or Hernandez could maintain control for long. Hernandez looked about ready to win the match as he went up top for the Apparition #14. Rex distracts the ref as Maxmillion crotches Hernandez. Velasquez recovers and goes up to the middle rope from which he hits a Street Cutter from. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] [U]-[B]Umaga def. Demon Spite[/B]-[/U] And from that display of athleticism to this display of.... something. Despite all he tried Spite just couldn't hurt the Samoan. Umaga dominated this match and finished Spite off with a Savage Charge after about 5 minutes. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -Umaga continues to beat Spite to death, which sadly could probably accidentally happen. Stranton joins Umaga in the ring and puts the boots to Spite. Demon Anger runs from the back as fast as he can, feel free to take a piss break right about now btw, to try to save his partner. When Umaga and Stranton catch sight of Anger they look like deer caught in the headlights while he makes his way down to the ring. When Anger finally gets into the ring Umaga and Stranton bail. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) -Triple D and Freddie Datsun are backstage being interviewed about their upcoming match with Bruce the Giant and Peter Valentine. When asked about Valentine DDD had this to say "[COLOR="Green"]No comment.[/COLOR]" When Datsun was asked about Valentine his response was "[COLOR="Blue"]Ya know the old saying, if you ain't got nothing nice to say then don't say nothing? That ought to answer your question.[/COLOR]" When Datsun was asked about Bruce the Giant he said this, "[COLOR="Blue"]Bruce the Giant is a sick vicious individual. He's big, he's strong, but he's as slow in the ring as Peter Valentine at book learning. You see a chink in the armor you make that chink into a tear and take advantage of it. I've beaten you before Bruce and I plan to do it again tonight. See you in the ring and I really hope you like your view of the lights.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]B-[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Bruce The Giant & Peter Valentine def. Freddie Datsun & Triple D[/B]-[/U] I knew I shouldn't have let Valentine actually do anything. Every time he was in the ring the crowd went mild (Not a typo). Devine and Datsun struggled during this match, struggled to make it good that is. Bruce was the unstoppable giant in this match taking apart both Datsun and Devine. Valentine made a few blind tags which didn't sit too well with Bruce. It probably didn't help that every time Valentine was in the ring Datsun and Devine were able to turn the tides in their favor. In the end it was a blind tag from Bruce that would finish off Triple D. Bruce caught him with a Giant Chokeslam and got the 3. [B]([COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR])[/B] -With the match over and Bruce victorious he went after Datsun who was on the outside with Valentine. Bruce attacks from behind and shoves him into the corner post. Bruce tells Valentine to get in the ring and take care of DDD. Bruce drags Datsun over to the announce table and chokeslams him through it. Bruce now turns his attention back to the ring where Valentine seems to have lost his chair to DDD. Bruce gets in the ring as Devine is about to cream Valentine with it and punches it back into his face. Bruce, and I guess Valentine too, stand victorious over their fallen foes as the show goes off the air. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]Final Rating[/U] ([B]D+[/B]) -Aaaaaaaaaand we're back in the slumps. We need to find some pairings that'll draw C- ratings at least. I already know one thing, it doesn't involve Valentine. Within a 50 foot radius at least. -People thought it was excellent?!?!?!? What the ---- are they smoking? -Hmm, Giant Oak (I'll explain that one later) is improving. A .02 or 3 increase in every skill. At this rate he could be a great wrestler in about.... oh, a decade. [QUOTE][U]The Alzheimer's Post Show Recap[/U]: [I]-The Canadian Crusties defeated The Lords Of War (D+) -Trent Shaffer defeated T-Rex (D-) -Rudy Velasquez defeated Mainstream Hernandez (D) -Umaga defeated Demon Spite (D) -Bruce The Giant and Peter Valentine defeated Freddie Datsun and Triple D (D+)[/I][/QUOTE]