USPW: Where Ages 65 and Older Get in For Free

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where old and stale doesn't just describe the food in catering. With that said, on with the show... ---------- [CENTER][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/USPWAAW-1.jpg[/IMG] [B]USPW All American Wrestling[/B] Monday, Week 2, March 2007 (Airs Wednesday) Held at The Den Att. 2,000 (Sell-out) [U]Dark Matches[/U][/CENTER] -The Forces Of America had an interview hyping their upcoming tag match with T-Rex and Zeus Maxmillion.([B]D-[/B]) ([I]And the psycho babble continues. This week Force goes on a rant about the movie industry, impressionable youths, the need for you to buy his merchandise, and somebody feeling the force.[/I]) -Zeus Maxmillion and T-Rex defeated The Forces Of America in 5:47 when T-Rex defeated Jim Force by pinfall with The Extinction. [B](E+)[/B] ([I]The announcing helped this match. That should say something about the actual match quality.[/I]) -Giant Oak is walking backstage, turns a corner, and bumps into Steve Flash. Steve Flash says something that Oak doesn't like, and they start arguing. After some heated words, Steve Flash challenges Oak to meet him in the ring for a match. ([B]E+[/B]) ([I]What have we learned here? Old people are easily angered.[/I]) -Steve Flash defeated Giant Oak in 6:38 by pinfall with a Flash Bang. [B](E+)[/B] ([I]I guess even Flash has his limitations.[/I]) [CENTER][U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -We start off the show with the cameras on Triple D and Seduction who are walking the halls. Out of nowhere pops out Valentine. He has on a Darth Vader mask and a cheap looking plastic lightsaber in his hands. [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Darryl, I am your father.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: (To Seduction) "[COLOR="Green"]Just keep walking, ignore him. Don't look, you'll just encourage him.[/COLOR]" They walk off. [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Where are you going son? Don't you want to play catch?[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]William Hayes vs. Warlord Pain[/B]-[/U] The "Every match I think could be good , but then I find they have bad chemistry dammit" curse rears it's ugly head for the first time tonight. A pretty competitive squash here as Pain gets in a good bit of offense. Hayes has no problems putting away Pain after a Slick Trick though. Winner: [B]William Hayes[/B] in 6:21 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -Hayes grabs a mic and goes on talking about how great Japaneses people are. He says that his kind would easily wipe the floor with any American. He then issues an open challenge for any American that thinks they could beat him. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR][/B]) -Perez, Shaffer and Hernandez are in their locker room. Perez and Shaffer are getting ready for their match against each other. The tension in the air can be felt as neither says a word. Hernandez asks them if they're ready. Both just stand up and walk out the door. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Frankie Perez vs. Trent Shaffer[/B]-[/U] The hatred that's been brewing between these 2 for months now can be seen in both competitors eyes. They lock up to start off the match, but it quickly turns into a fight with Perez and Shaffer just trying to beat the living hell out of each other. The match goes back and forth between the 2 with neither having a clear advantage. After 7 minutes Zeus Maxmillion and T-Rex charge the ring and attack Perez and Shaffer. The referee calls for the bell and this match is over. Winner: [B]Draw[/B] in 7:31 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Rex and Zeus continue their attack on Shaffer and Perez. It's interesting to note that neither Velasquez or Hernandez are anywhere in sight. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Demon Anger vs. Umaga[/B]-[/U] 2 tastes that don't taste good together. Then again I can't imagine Anger to taste like anything other than dead skin. What was I going to say? Oh right, this match was nothing more than a glorified squash. Anger got a few licks in, but that was the entirety of his offense against Umaga. Umaga finishes Anger with a Savage Charge. Winner: [B]Umaga[/B] in 5:51 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Triple D is backstage talking to Freddie Datsun. Datsun vs. Valentine is up next and DDD is helping psyche the champ up. [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Just remember, it may seem like you're hitting someone who's special, but you're not. He's just stupid. You know you got this one man.[/COLOR]" [B]Datsun[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]If I couldn't beat this guy do you think I would be the World Champ right now? I got this covered.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Peter Valentine vs. Freddie Datsun (c)[/B] for the [B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World title[/COLOR][/B]-[/U] I hear that Valentine was off his game during this one. He has a game? Wonder if he wants to play Monopoly sometime. As far as the match goes Datsun truly worked a miracle here and carried Valentine to a relatively good match. In the end Datsun was able to slip out of a Heart Breaker and catch Valentine in the Patriot Press. Winner: [B]Freddie Datsun[/B] in 6:50 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR])[/B] -DDD is backstage being interviewed about his upcoming match with Bruce the Giant. [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Am I afraid of Bruce? That's the question, huh? Well of course I'm afraid of what he can do to me. I felt it last week. I've seen it before. I've watched it as it happened. Of course I'm afraid. The real question is if I'm going to let that fear get in my way. The answer to that question is of course not. I don't care what I have to put my body through because tonight I will beat Bruce the Giant. No matter what.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]B+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Triple D vs. Bruce the Giant[/B]-[/U] This match was a true contrast in size, style, speed, skill and quality. Bruce dominated the opening minutes with Devine trying to get away and catch a breather. Bruce was unrelenting though and kept on the attack. Devine tried unsuccessfully to make a comeback twice during that, but Bruces massive fists saw an end to those attempts. Bruce went for the Giant Chokeslam, but Devine began to kick away at the knees of the Giant. Bruce let go of Devines neck and began clutching his own knee. Devine went on the attack chop blocking the big man until he fell. Bruce went down to his knees after about 3 to the knee. Devine sprang off the ropes, but was caught by the neck on the rebound by Bruce. Bruce dropped DDD with a Giant Chokeslam. Bruce made the cover and the 3 count was inevitable. Winner:[B] Bruce the Giant[/B] in 6:45 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR])[/B] -Bruce is victorious and Devine is down. Peter Valentine comes down to the ring now and starts stomping away at DDD. Bruce joins in and it's a 2-on-1 assault. Freddie Datsun runs down to the ring, steel chair in hand, and chases the 2 heels off. Datsun throws the chair down to check on DDD. Bad idea. From out of nowhere Umaga levels Datsun with a clothesline to the back of the neck. Bruce and Valentine join Umaga back in the ring and continue their attack. The show ends with Umaga, Bruce and Valentine standing over the unconscious Datsun and Devine. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [U]Final Rating[/U]: [B](C-)[/B] Well, at least we're finding those C-'s. Now we have to find some consistent C's because we're still leaking popularity. Lucky me that everyone seemed to step up a little. Valentine in a C- match? I knew there was a reason Datsun is champ. [QUOTE][U]The Alzheimer's Post Show Recap[/U]: [I]-William Hayes defeated Warlord Pain (D) -Trent Shaffer drew with Frankie Perez (D-) -Umaga defeated Demon Anger (D-) -Freddie Datsun defeated Peter Valentine (C-) -Bruce The Giant defeated Triple D (C)[/I][/QUOTE]

[J Silver]

After the show I was called to Sams office. He said he wanted to discuss the show with me. This generally means he wants to yell at me about the show being bad. I usually then point out that I'm not getting paid. He then proceeds to point out that he can sue me for breach of contract. Before I can finish with my line about having never signed anything he cuts me off and tells me that his evidence will stand up in a court of law and mine won't. I then put in my earplugs and daydream while Sam goes on and on about how I need to do my job better. I didn't expect anything different today. I walked into Sams office, PW Hits magazine in hand, I need something to read after all. "[COLOR="Green"]Sit brother.[/COLOR]" Sam says in his usual 'about to yell at me' voice. "[COLOR="Green"]You're doing better brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]That wasn't my fau.... What?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You're getting better at this brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So you're NOT going to yell at me?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Not unless you screw something up, break something or just generally piss me off brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So I'm off the hook for today?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]For now.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Alright.[/COLOR]" Then I just had to open my big mouth like always. "[COLOR="Blue"]Can I ask why you're taking it so easy on me?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You'll find out eventually.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]What's that supposed to mean?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]What's old is new again.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Look if I wanted a riddle I would be doing crossword puzzles during your rants.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]If you want to know what I'm talking about talk to some of the veterans around here.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Alright, but does that really answer my question about why I'm off the hook?[/COLOR]" Sam sighs and goes on to say "[COLOR="Green"]It's because the show was better than usual. You pulled in a C-, with a C match headlining the show.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I been meaning to ask you something. Where do you get these grades from anyway?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]From the Adam Ryland Statistical Evaluation Honorable Online Library Explorer System.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]That's a mouthful.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]That's why it's abbreviated ARSEHOLES.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So we're rated by what the ARSEHOLES think?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Yup.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Hmm, good to know.[/COLOR]" I walked out of Sams office for the first time without having been yelled at or getting into a fight with someone. It's a nice feeling actually, I didn't piss anyone off today. Let's see if we can make it 2 in a row...

[foolinc]

The stuff you do with Valentine and Devine is insane. I'm beginning to think you wrote for Golddust.

[Astil]

Wow, your humor is amazing. It keeps me laughing even rereading it.

[Beeker]

This is fantastic. Jim Force... Bruce the Giant... Debate Battle to see who can mangle, mutilate n' multiply the massively morose words of the English language. Please! And your quote about 'only check email for adult passwords' is from the great chemistry of early Kevin Nash and Alex Shelley. Of note, there is a Best of Papparazzi DVD coming out from TNA soon. Buy THAT merchansiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise!

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=foolinc;205274]The stuff you do with Valentine and Devine is insane. I'm beginning to think you wrote for Golddust.[/QUOTE] Can't say I ever made that comparison, but now that you mention it I can kinda see it. [QUOTE=Beeker;205645] And your quote about 'only check email for adult passwords' is from the great chemistry of early Kevin Nash and Alex Shelley. Of note, there is a Best of Papparazzi DVD coming out from TNA soon.[/QUOTE] And we have a winner. Actually, If you want to see it all somebody was nice enough to make a youtube playlist of it, found [URL="http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=AC88029432264279"]Here[/URL]. --------- [B]USPW[/B]: Not one death yet and proud of it. Now lets see if we can't get push our luck and get a flaming barbed wire match going. The kiddies would love that. Their parents wouldn't, but screw 'em. With a portion of my audience now pissed off, on with the show.... --------- [CENTER][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/USPWAAW-1.jpg[/IMG] [B]USPW All American Wrestling[/B] Monday, Week 2, March 2007 (Airs Wednesday) Held at The Grissom Auditorium Att. 2,000 (Sell-out) [U]Dark Matches[/U][/CENTER] -Jim Force cuts a promo hyping up his upcoming match with Giant Oak. ([B]D[/B]) ([I]Force complains about Oak trees, acorns;) , maple syrup and squirrels. Yes, squirrels. He thinks their tails are too bushy. Oh, and buy his merchandise.[/I]) -Jim Force defeated Giant Oak in 5:47 by pinfall with a Full Force. [B](E)[/B] -Citizen X defeated Bulldozer Brandon Smith in 7:31 by pinfall by using underhanded tactics. Citizen X makes defense number 5 of his USPW National title. [B](D-)[/B] ([I]Oddly that's more defenses than I thought he had. Maybe I should pay more attention to my championships.[/I]) [CENTER][U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -Freddie Datsun starts off the show in the ring with his shiny gold belt draped over his shoulder. Datsun brings the mic up to his mouth to speak, but is cut off by the music of Umaga. Down to the ring comes his manager Jacob Stranton. Umaga conspicuously missing from this scene. Stranton tries to grab the mic from Datsuns hands, but Datsun isn't letting go. Stranton settles on getting his own. [B]Stranton[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Before you bore all of these people to death with your long, drawn on speeches about how grateful you are and all that other bologna let me cut you off. You're a nobody who just scrapes by. Everybody else does the work, you take the credit. You, Freddie Datsun, are undeserving of wearing that belt. That's why tonight I'm here on behalf of the undefeated Samoan Savage, Umaga. I challenge you on his behalf to put that title on the line in a match with him tonight.[/COLOR]" [B]Datsun[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm a fighting champion Mr. Stranton, and I'm also a man of my word, so believe me when I say that by the end of tonight Umaga is no longer going to be undefeated.[/COLOR]" As Datsun finishes that sentence Umaga shows up out of the crowd and hammers Datsun from behind. Umaga savages Datsun until security make their way into the ring and break it up. While they pull Umaga off of Datsun Stranton gets himself involved. He takes one of the retirement home pamphlets, crumples it up and shoves it down Datsuns throat. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]The Dudez!!!1 vs. Maxmillion Productions[/B]-[/U] The ARSEHOLES thought this match sucked. I do too. That's why I'm not going to spend too much time on it. The end of the match saw Rudy Velasquez get a pinfall on Trent Shaffer after pulling the tights. Winners: [B]Maxmillion Productions[/B] in 6:33 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Shaffer, Perez and Hernandez make it to the back where an argument ensues. It seems that Perez and Hernandez are getting sick of Shaffer. Shaffer responds by saying that he doesn't need either of them to be successful, he'll do it on his own. The argument ended with Shaffer and Perez going back and forth saying "[COLOR="Blue"]Fine.[/COLOR]" over and over. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Fumihiro Ota vs. Steve Flash[/B]-[/U] Great match from these 2 on their television debut and I'm sure we'll be seeing more of them. A hard fought match between these 2 evenly matched competitors saw plenty of back and forth action. It was youth that prevailed today though as Ota slips out of a Flash Bang and nails Flash with a Ninja Strike. Winner: [B]Fumihiro Ota[/B] in 8:45 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR])[/B] -Flash is about to leave the ring when he's jumped from behind by Citizen X. X nails him in the back with the National Championship belt. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR][/B]) -Triple D is backstage being interviewed about his upcoming match with Peter Valentine. [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm a bit confused to be honest. I really have no clue. Is this really how Valentine acts or is he playing mind games with me? Is he waiting for me to drop my guard so he can attack? I'm not sure. I always thought Valentine was an alright guy, pretty much sane, but all of a sudden he starts acting like this. I'm getting a bit suspicious, but I'm not going to let my guard down tonight. I'll beat Valentine one more time in the middle of that ring.[/COLOR]" The camera pans out to see Valentine, with the Vader mask still on, standing behind Devine. Devine turns around and is startled. Valentine pulls out a flashlight, holds it up to his chin and turns it on. [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Darryl, I am your mother.[/COLOR]" DDD doesn't say anything, instead just walking off. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Peter Valentine vs. Triple D w/ Seduction[/B]-[/U] Well, Devine may be no miracle worker, but this wasn't a bad Peter Valentine match. It was a surprisingly even contest throughout. Devine was able to get the upper hand though and finished Valentine off with Devine Dream Drop. Winner: [B]Triple D[/B] in 7:31 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -We're back from commercial break and DDD enters his locker room with Seduction. The lights are off. Devine flips them on to find Valentine sitting on his couch. [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]What now?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Could you help me beat you? I really want to win.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Is there something wrong with you?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]My knee has a boo boo.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Actually I meant mentally, but...[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]You think there's something wrong with me?[/COLOR]" [B]Seduction[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Where should I start answering that one?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Oh yeah, I forgot. Here, you can have your underwear I was wearing back.[/COLOR]" [B]Seduction[/B]: (looking quite disgusted) "[COLOR="Purple"]Keep 'em.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Really?[/COLOR]" [B]Seduction[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea, keep 'em, burn 'em. I don't really care, I'm not touching those anymore.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Anyway, I don't think it would hurt to have a doctor look at you.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Then I'll see a doctor.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]And you'll get out of my locker room.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Yeah.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yeah.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Muffin?[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Sure.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Mine![/COLOR]" Valentine hoards it to himself as he walks out of Devines locker room. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) -Stranton is in the back with Umaga. [B]Stranton[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Datsun, I hope you like the taste of your own blood. It's gonna be everywhere tonight. Umaga will rip you apart, tear you to shreds, decimate you. You don't stand a chance against the Samoan Savage. You can throw in the towel now and avoid taking a beating the likes of which you have never seen before, but you won't do that. You're too proud of yourself. You're a fighting champion, the American Everyman. Well Freddie, no man can stop Umaga.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR][/B]) -Datsun is now being interviewed about the upcoming title match. [B]Datsun[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You've jumped me from behind 2 weeks in a row now Umaga. Are you afraid to do it to my face? Do you know that I'm capable of stopping you? Well by the time tonight is over you will. I fight for every man and every woman who has ever had a dream. I always wanted to be World Champion and now that I'm finally back on the top of the hill there's no way that I'm going to give it up so easily. You're right when you say that I'm too proud to call it quits Stranton, but I'm proud because I know that I'm the best in this company. I know that your Samoan Savage can't put me away and I know that by the time this night is over everyone else will too.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Umaga w/ Jacob Stranton vs. Freddie Datsun (c) for the [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World title[/COLOR][/B]-[/U] Datsuns run of putting on good matches with the younger guys continues. Umaga looked like a monster out there and had the crowd on the edges of their seats waiting to see if they were going to get to see a new World Champion crowned. Umaga dominated a good majority of this match keeping Datsun down and almost out. Datsun tried to swing momentum in his favor many times throughout the match, but Umaga cut him off every time. 10 minutes into the match Datsun catches Umaga off guard and rocks him with rights. He springs off the ropes and hits a clothesline. Umaga is still standing. Datsun hits another, and Umaga starts to teeter. Datsun hits another and another and finally Umaga goes down. Datsun picks Umaga up and is able to get him on his shoulders. Patriot Press on Umaga. 1...2..., kick out by Umaga. Datsun can't believe it and neither can the crowd. Datsun picks Umaga up again and tries to get him onto his shoulders. Umaga fights it off with some clubbing blows to the back. Umaga backs Datsun into the corner and sends a few shoulder thrusts into his gut. Umaga backs up to the opposite corner and builds some steam. He hits the Savage Charge. Datsuns falls out of the corner. Umaga with a pin. 1,......2,..... Datsun gets his shoulder up. Umaga, Stranton and seemingly the crowd are all surprised. Stranton panics and grabs a steel chair. Stranton has Umaga hold Datsun up and just nails him with the chair. The ref calls for the DQ. Winner: [B]Freddie Datsun[/B] by DQ in 13:02 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR])[/B] -Umaga continues attacking Datsun after the bell has rung. Stranton nails Datsun with it the chair again as Umaga holds him up. Stranton passes the chair to Umaga who lays it into Datsuns lifeless corpse over and over. Umaga holds Datsun up by the head as he lays a few punches into him. Umaga looks at the blood on his hands and wipes it across his chest as the show comes to an end. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR][/B]) [U]Final Rating[/U] ([B]C-[/B]) -Still a stronger show than usual, but not up to last weeks quality. We're still leaking popularity so I'm gonna have to work on that. -I took a look around some messages board to see what people had to say. Somehow most of the posts were relatively positive. I have no clue how. Though this Clarity guy had this to say "WTF? ROFLMAO." How dare he laugh at my show. [QUOTE][U]The Alzheimer's Post Show Recap[/U]: [I]-Maxmillion Productions defeated The Dudez!!!1 (D-) -Fumihiro Ota defeated Steve Flash (C-) -Triple D defeated Peter Valentine (D) -Freddie Datsun defeated Umaga by DQ (C-)[/I][/QUOTE]

[Astil]

Do i suspect a possible DDD Valentine tag team. Or better yet Valentine and Force. Call it rape (Force and Love). It would certainly rape the ratings (by the old definition of destroy, not the new one of rufie)

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=Astil;205660]Do i suspect a possible DDD Valentine tag team. Or better yet Valentine and Force. Call it rape (Force and Love). It would certainly rape the ratings (by the old definition of destroy, not the new one of rufie)[/QUOTE] Note to self: Make crazy old people tag team. ------ [B]USPW[/B]: Where we believe everybody should have their own Heidenreich. They make good announcers. Not much else though. But they are good announcers. That's something. ------ Another show, another reason to hate this job. Ah well, they're getting better. I still haven't found a replacement and I've been here for 2 and a half months now. I haven't had any applicants since Plan B backfired on me. Looks like I may be stuck in the retirement home, err... I mean USPW for a while. I guess I should try to make the best of this, which is why I finally vacuumed my office carpet. It doesn't smell like cat piss anymore. Well, not much. I was still pondering what Sam meant when he said "[COLOR="Green"]What's old is new again.[/COLOR]" Did he hire another old guy he hasn't told me about? Does he think disco is coming back? Does he think 8-tracks are? Did he buy an old, I mean, 'vintage' car and wants me to fix it up for him for no money at all? I think I'm gonna go with that last one. My deep thought session was cut off by the ringing of my phone. I look at the caller ID, Sam Strong. Great. I answer it. I can't even muster the word hello before he cuts me off, "[COLOR="Green"]Your ass, my office. Now brother.[/COLOR]" Sounds urgent. I stopped by the bathroom and the vending machine on my way to Sams office. I walk in, doritos in hand. "[COLOR="Green"]What the hell took you so long brother?[/COLOR]" Sam shouted at me. "[COLOR="Blue"]Traffic was a bitch.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Traffic?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yup.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You expect me to believe that when you're getting crumbs all over my carpet?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]No, but what are you gonna do, fire me?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I hate it when you get smart.[/COLOR]" Giant Redwood cuts us both off and asks "[COLOR="Purple"]Can we get down to business now?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]The hell is he doing here?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]As you know Redwood is one of my good friends in this business.[/COLOR]" Well, that would explain why he still has a job. "[COLOR="Purple"]And I want my kid to achieve the same kind of success as I have.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So what do you want me to do about it?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]You're the bookie. Give him some wins over the big boys.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Are you being serious? Where's the hidden camera? Am I being punk'd?[/COLOR]" For those curious about Giant Oak and how he came to get a job I think it's time for one of those flashback thingies. [I]* Flashback- Tuesday, Week 1, March. *[/I] It was your average day. Birds were chirping, babies were crying, people were dying, people were pissing me off. Ya know, the regular. That's when SHE walked in. Long blonde hair, a body to die for, legs that went for days. She walked into my office and sat down. Her lips sparkled like the morning dew. She opened her mouth and said. "[COLOR="Green"]Stop daydreaming and get into my goddam office now brother![/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]What the?!?![/COLOR]" Ah man, just when the book was starting to get good too. I put it away and walk with Sam to his office. He kept saying to me on the way there that he found something that would help USPW out tremendously. I believed him for some reason. "[COLOR="Green"]I got somebody I want you to hire brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Who is he?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]He's Giant Redwoods kid.[/COLOR]" *[I]Eep[/I]* "[COLOR="Blue"]Really?[/COLOR]" I said with a faux enthusiastic grin on my face "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, he's absolutely great on the mic brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Is he any good in the ring?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Don't worry about that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So should I take that as a no?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I said don't worry about it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I'll take that as a no.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I told you not to worry about that.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Definitely a no.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Shut up brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Fine, but I already know he sucks.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I'm doing this as a favor to Redwood.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I think we should fire Redwood.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I don't pay you to think.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You don't pay me at all.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Have you ever stopped to think about why?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]But you just told me not to think.[/COLOR]" And so it was on that day that I was forced into hiring the son of Giant Redwood, Giant Oak. I don't think I'll be able to get rid of either one now. Dammit. [I]* /End Flashback *[/I] "[COLOR="Green"]You're not being punk'd brother, I don't even know what that means. Do you?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Nope, never heard the term.[/COLOR]" I roll my eyes, "[COLOR="Blue"]It's nothing really, kinda like O..[/COLOR]" Sam, behind Redwoods back is motioning to me not to finish that line. "[COLOR="Blue"]like oatmeal.[/COLOR]" I had to think of something. "[COLOR="Purple"]Oatmeal?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Sorry you're not hip to the times Reddy.[/COLOR]" Sam pulls me out into the hall. "[COLOR="Green"]Look, I don't want you angering Redwood or he might walk and that would be a bad thing[/COLOR]." "[COLOR="Blue"]Giant Redwood NOT on the payroll is a GOOD thing.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No it isn't. If you insult Redwood or his kid I'll,... I'll...[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Kinda falls flat when you can't just threaten to fire me, huh?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I'll cut your pay.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]What pay?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Well, I'll figure something out. Now play nice.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Bite me.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I'll put your address on the forums if you don't be nice brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Son of a bitch. You win this round, but I shall win the war.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Get your ass back in there and be nice brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Everything alright?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea yea, It's fine. Now can we get this over with quick?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I want to know how my kid is doing.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]he's umm.. uh..[/COLOR]" I can see Sam threatening me out of the corner of my eye. "[COLOR="Blue"]A true star in the making.[/COLOR]" VERY in the making. "[COLOR="Purple"]Good, then I'll expect him to get that belt within a year like we talked about.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]WHAT?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Don't raise your voice to me brother. I told Redwood his kid was a future world champion and I meant it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Seriously, where are the cameras?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]It's no prank brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]How the hell do expect him to win the belt within the year?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]That's your problem ain't it?[/COLOR]" Sam nods in agreement with Redwood Well ain't this a fine mess, Giant Oak: USPW World Champion? I'm gonna have to figure out a way out of this and within a year. Let me just pose the question now though: Giant Oak vs. Big Smack Scott. Who would hurt who first?

[Alex Gariepy]

Nothing beats a good ol' forced into jesus-pushing someone scenario. Imagine the wonderful Giant Oak merchandising! Oak Fingers! (Only replace foam with oak.) Oak DVDs, capturing the pinnacle of Giant Oak's great... er... good... er... matches! Oak Masks! Oak 2x4s! And then Oak can carry one to the ring and go 'HOOO-...' er, maybe not. Have fun getting fired! :D

[Actarus]

Ahh, the mysterious origin of Giant Oak revealed at last! I was wondering who the heck he was. I figured it was an alternate name for Mr. Redwood, not his son / Heidy character. Bravo on another wonderfully entertaining entry. Though I was thinking, if you REALLY wanted out of your job, you could probably bankrupt the company & cripple your entire roster if you ran a show every single day.

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=Alex Gariepy;205724]Nothing beats a good ol' forced into jesus-pushing someone scenario. Imagine the wonderful Giant Oak merchandising! Oak Fingers! (Only replace foam with oak.) Oak DVDs, capturing the pinnacle of Giant Oak's great... er... good... er... matches! Oak Masks! Oak 2x4s! And then Oak can carry one to the ring and go 'HOOO-...' er, maybe not.[/QUOTE] I can see it now. Go finger yourself, with Oak. There's a product in there somewhere, I know it. or Giant Oaks great..... er, ...goo... well there are matches. You all like matches, don't you? No, not those kind, you're not burning this DVD. -------- [B]USPW[/B]: Where talent isn't everything. Isn't that right half the roster? -------- [CENTER][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/USPWAAW-1.jpg[/IMG] [B]USPW All American Wrestling[/B] Saturday, Week 3, March 2007 (Airs Wednesday) Held at Pennsylvania Park Att. 2,000 (Sell-out) [U]Dark Matches[/U][/CENTER] -Trent Shaffer defeated Giant Oak in 5:49 by pinfall with a Heart Burn. [B](E-)[/B] ([I]So, who thinks Oak is championship material?[/I]) [CENTER][U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] [U]-[B]Steve Flash vs. Citizen X for the [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW National Championship[/COLOR][/B]-[/U] These 2 had pretty good chemistry which helped the match. I'm not sure I'd have wanted to see the match without that chemistry. Let's see here, Flash has already brought out the best in Giant Oak (Giant Freakin' Oak), Fumihiro Ota and now Citizen X while I've lost pretty much all faith in X. It's easy to see who's more important to this companies future and his name doesn't have X in it. That's pretty sad actually. Flash put X away relatively easily with a Flash Bang. Winner and NEW USPW National Champion: [B]Steve Flash[/B] in 5:44 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR])[/B] -Flash celebrates the win with his new Championship belt. He's attacked from behind by Fumihiro Ota who proceeds to beat him down and motion that he wants that belt. How did Ota get behind Flash you may be wondering? His special ninja stealth techniques, duh. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]The Dudez!!!1!!! vs. Maxmillion Productions vs. The Canadian Crusties (c) for the [COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World Tag Team titles[/COLOR][/B]-[/U] Unfortunately for the Crusties I need champions who actually show up for work every once in a while. A pretty hard fought match between these 3 teams. In the end it was Hernandez over a McWade with an Apparition #14. Winner and NEW USPW World Tag Team Champions: [B]The Dudez!!!1!!![/B] in 8:06 Ratings [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Backstage Rudy Velasquez and T-Rex seem to be angry over their loss. [B]Velasquez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm angry.[/COLOR]" [B]Rex[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea, me too.[/COLOR]" [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Calm down, you 2 may have lost, but you shall live to fight another day.[/COLOR]" [B]Velasquez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, but we lost today, and I'm pissed today.[/COLOR]" [B]Rex[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea, me too.[/COLOR]" [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Then find something to take your anger out on.[/COLOR]" [B]Velasquez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Where's your computer at? I never did like that thing.[/COLOR]" [B]Zeus[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You're not smashing anything of mine. Why don't you go find somebodies skull to smash in?[/COLOR]" [B]Velasquez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]You heard him Rex, let's go.[/COLOR]" [B]Rex[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea, me too.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) -We see footage from last week of Devine telling Peter Valentine that he should see a doctor. We go to a pre-taped video now. We open with a shot of a medical institute. In the waiting room is Peter Valentine who's reading People Magazine. Upside down. Valentine waits around until his name is finally called. The People Magazine falls down to reveal a USPW Magazine. Which is also upside down. Valentine enters the doctors office and we cut to a shot of him with the doctor. [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Tell it to me straight doc, am I going to live?[/COLOR]" [B]Doctor[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Yes Mr. Valentine, you'll be alright. According to this you're a bipolar, schizophrenic, narcissist with delirium and mental retardation.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Really?[/COLOR]" [B]Doctor[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Yes, and according to this you're also pregnant.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I am?[/COLOR]" [B]Doctor[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Well, that's what it says here, but that's probably just an error.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm going to be a mommy? Thank you doc, you just made my day. Yay, I'm going to have a baby.[/COLOR]" Valentine is literally skipping and jumping for joy on his way out of the office. [B]Doctor[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Mr. Valentine, you didn't take you medication prescriptions with you.[/COLOR]" the doctor yells out. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR][/B]) -We see Triple D backstage getting ready when, from out of nowhere a shuriken whizzes by and pierces the soda machine. DDD looks around wondering where it came from. From out of the shadows pops up Fumihiro Ota who attacks DDD, without the shurikens thankfully. Ota leaves DDD hurting. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B]Fumihiro Ota vs. Triple D[/B]-[/U] A good match here as these 2 can actually wrestle. In USPW. Yea, I know how unlikely that seems. Anyways, onto the match. Ota started the match off in firm control of DDD, who was still feeling the affects of Otas stealth maneuvers. Ota worked D over with a series of kicks to the head, chest, gut, and legs. Ota weakens DDD and then goes for a Ninja Strike. He's cut off by a clothesline from Devine out of nowhere that nearly flipped Ota out of his mask. Both men go down and the ref starts the 10 count. Both are back to their feet by a count of 7. Devine goes to work on Ota catching him with a series of punches. Devine is in control of the match now. He wears down Ota for a bit before going for a 3D. Ota shoves him off and hits him with a dropkick to the knees taking him off his feet. Ota springs off the ropes and attempts the Ninja Strike, but DDD rolls out of the way. Ota back up, and gets caught with a 3D. He goes down for the count, 1...2...3. Winner: [B]Triple D[/B] in 8:34 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR])[/B] -Warlord Pain is backstage watching the monitors when he's jumped by T-Rex. Rex tosses Pain around and smashes a monitor over his head. Rex drags Pain over to the loading gates and presses him over his head. He throws Pain back first down what has to be at least 12 feet to the concrete in what looks like a career ending injury. And you could barely tell it was a stunt double either;) . I had to get rid of him somehow. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR][/B]) -Datsun has an interview hyping up his match with Umaga. [B]Datsun[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I'll admit that last week I underestimated you Umaga. You're the real deal after all. You may be one of the toughest wrestlers I've ever looked across a ring at. I took you for a chump and would have paid for it if your tamer hadn't lost his temper. This week I'm ready for you, I'm ready to wrestle you again, and I'm ready to possibly take years off my life expectancy to step inside the steel cage with you. 2 men will step into the cage, both will leave bloody and beaten, but only one will leave victorious. That man will be me.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [U]-[B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World Championship Cage Match[/COLOR]- Umaga vs. Freddie Datsun (c)[/B]-[/U] This is definitely the best match between 2 USPW wrestlers I've ever booked. These 2 went all out and left the crowd satisfied with their choice to waste $6 on it. I should raise those prices. Umaga had the advantage over Datsun for the majority of this match, while Datsun was only able to catch Umaga with short, unsustainable bursts of offense. Umaga was relentless the entire time and Datsun was bloodied up by the 3 minute mark. By the 10 minute mark Umaga was in complete control of this match and it looked as though we may have a new champion crowned tonight much to the crowds disdain. Umaga sets Datsun up for a Savage Charge. He hits it, the steel post that is as Datsun was able to move out of the way. Datsun struggles, but is able to get Umaga onto his shoulders. He hits a Patriot Press. The ref makes the count. 1....,2...., kick out by Umaga. Datsun starts working Umaga over with various strikes. Datsun hits Umaga with a running knee lift and then pulls him down and hits a DDT. He goes for the pin, but only gets a 2 and barely at that. Datsun pulls Umaga up and keeps hold of his arm. He gets a short arm clothesline, but it doesn't seem to affect Umaga. He goes for it again and again, but still nothing. Umaga then goes for his own clothesline, but Datsun ducks it and drops Umaga with a neckbreaker. He covers, but barely gets 2. Datsun goes up top and delivers an elbow drop on Umaga. He covers again and only gets 2. Datsun, clearly frustrated pulls Umaga up and tries for a Patriot Press, but Umaga slips out back. He picks up Datsun and slams him into the steel repeatedly. Umaga tosses Datsun into the corner and hits him with a Savage Charge. He goes for the pin. 1....2......3. Bet nobody saw that coming. Winner and New USPW World Champion: [B]Umaga[/B] in 14:50 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]C+[/COLOR])[/B] -Umaga celebrates his victory as he stands over his fallen foe with the title now draped over his shoulders. The crowd still can't believe what they just saw and are littering the ring with whatever they can throw. The show ends while this chaotic scene continues. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C+[/COLOR][/B]) [U]Final Rating[/U] ([B]C[/B]) -Nice. [QUOTE][U]Post Show Recap brought to you by Giant Oak Merchandise: Get yours before it's incinerated at a dump near you[/U]. [I]-Steve Flash defeated Citizen X (D+) -The Dudez!!!1!!! defeated Maxmillion Productions and The Canadian Crusties (D-) -Triple D defeated Fumihiro Ota (C-) -Umaga defeated Freddie Datsun (C+)[/I][/QUOTE]

[flaviooooo]

Shocking win for Umaga there! I really love this dynasty, great humour and not bad booking either :D

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=flaviooooo;206093]Shocking win for Umaga there! I really love this dynasty, great humour and not bad booking either :D[/QUOTE] Thanks. It always nice to read some positive feedback. -------- [B]USPW[/B]: Where our approval rating is somehow lower than our average fans IQ. Another day, another dollar. Too bad I don't get paid. It seems that my championship match didn't go over too well with the internet audience, at least not the result. The show was taped on Saturday, because that's the only day I can get everyone there, and was shown on Wednesday. Once the spoilers came out it was chaos over at the Totalextremewrestling.com forums. There would be forums here at USPW.com, but we couldn't pay someone enough to willingly moderate the forums. Kinda like how they couldn't find anyone to willingly book their show, but I digress. Here's a snippet of the argument ensuing over there, 1 page to be exact. [QUOTE][QUOTE]Posted by: [B]Auximone[/B] Hey, did anyone hear about Umaga beating Datsun for the Uspw title?[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by: [B]Straightway[/B] what a stuopid move. That new hed booker needs to just die already[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]Counter[/B] Who the hell watches USPW anymore anyways?[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]earl[/B] I do.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]Straightway[/B] nobodi cares wat u think[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]Pred[/B] What a ****ing stupid move by that new guy. First they take the title off Bruce the Giant and give it to that has been Freddie Datsun and then they put it on Umaga. Umaga ffs. USPW will be dead by this time next year anyways. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]stew[/B] Uspw sux!!! SWF 4 life!!![/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]earl[/B] get out of here you stupid troll.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]stew[/B] ure just jeluse that swf is so much better then ure shytti show. Now they have a samoan wildboyzzz rip off as ther champ. Ha[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]earl[/B] uspw is so much better than swf. Anyplace that has runaway train as their champ sucks.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]Auximone[/B] Just ignore him earl. For the reocrd I think this is a stupid move too. Datsun's pretty good, but Umaga just plain sucks.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]Superscope[/B] Rhino Umaga is a great wrestler. Just give him a chance guys. I saw his stuff from Japan. He's really good. Just give him a chance.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]stew[/B] u thinck evirything thats from japan is goud. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]Superscope[/B] Only the good stuff. :p [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]Lentis[/B] Ok, now I know that USPW is ****ed up. That new head booker comes around and gives the title to the guy he's managing? Yup, no bias there at all. **** USPW!!![/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]stew[/B] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]Lentis[/B] Ok, now I know that USPW is ****ed up. That new head booker comes around and gives the title to the guy he's managing? Yup, no bias there at all. **** USPW!!![/QUOTE] quotid for truth[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]earl[/B] that doesnt mean anything. Superscope just said hes a great wrestler. Ever stop to think maybe thats why hes champion?[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]Voetsek[/B] Give it up earl, USPW sucks and we all know it. Somebody should just hang Stranton and get it over with. Then maybe we could get somebody who knows how to do their job.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]earl[/B] USPW doesn't suck. Just cuz you don't like it doesnt mean it sucks.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE]Posted by:[B]SWFFan 4 Life[/B] USPW sucks!! SWF is the best!![/QUOTE][/QUOTE] It goes on like this for 41 more pages. Sad little nerds, get a life. Or a girlfriend......

[Astil]

Hire a forumer! :D

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where strange is the new normal. At least to me it is. With that said, on with the... pre-show news? Well let's get through that... -Giant Oak recently won an award on some forum that that says he's the most entertaining wrestler alive. And he hasn't even been on screen yet. Strange. -Rumor has it that William Hayes could be a mega star. In Japan. Damn those Japanese, they get all the good stuff. -TCW is still at cult. Just thought I'd rub that in. -Warlord Pain is now unemployed. He's currently drinking his sorrows away as I type. Coincidentally that's why I couldn't re-hire him. Some people just don't learn. -TCW has lost both of their TV shows. Just thought I'd rub that in too. -NYCW is the only company with a main event scene older than USPWs. Not news, just an observation. -TCW has lost Robert Oxford. Just rubbing it in while I can. And now on with the show... ------ [CENTER][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/USPWAAW-1.jpg[/IMG] [B]USPW All American Wrestling[/B] Saturday, Week 4, March 2007 (Airs Wednesday) Held at The Arkansas Coliseum Att. 2,000 (Sell-out) [U]Dark Matches[/U][/CENTER] -Trent Shaffer defeated Demon Spite in 5:57 by pinfall with a Heart Burn. [B](D+)[/B] -Bruce The Giant defeated Giant Oak in 4:42 by pinfall with a Giant Choke Slam. [B](D-)[/B] (Notes: [I]There was absolutely no selling involved in this match. And very little talent as well.[/I]) [CENTER][U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -And we kick off the show with the former USPW World Champion making his way to the ring. Datsun is bandaged up and bruised. He grabs a microphone. [B]Datsun[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Last week was like a nightmare for me, but unfortunately I can't wake up from reality. Last week I took a vicious beating from a large, angry Samoan and in the process lost my World Championship and gained about 9 stitches. I lost fair and square to Umaga. I should probably hang up my boots and call it a career now before end up tarnishing my legacy, huh? I should probably just leave well enough alone and keep my nose out of the World Championship picture, right? I should keep my distance from Umaga before the stitch count increases. These are all things a rational man might do. It's a good thing I'm not a rational man though isn't it. I will not rest until I get that World Championship belt back around my waist or at the very least get it away from Umaga and Stranton. I will fight to my last breath to get it back. I don't fear death and I damn sure don't fear a Samoan Savage. I want a rematch with Umaga and I'm invoking my rematch clause to make sure it happens tonight.[/COLOR]" Umaga comes out onto the entrance ramp with the belt and yells things at Datsun in Samoan. Stranton runs out now and tries to coerce Umaga to the back. Stranton pulls out a mic and tells Datsun "[COLOR="Green"]You're on.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/DallasMcWade.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/DeanMcWade.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/RudyVelasquez.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/TGadz.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B]The Canadian Crusties vs. Maxmillion Productions[/B]-[/U] And what an absolutely craptacular way to start off the show. Remind me not to do any more heel/heel matches. As for what happened during the match, you'd be better off not knowing. Which is why I'll tell you. Velasquez and Rex dominated the match. Velasquez hits a bald guy with a street cutter and it's over. Winners: [B]Maxmillion Productions[/B] in 5:28 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR])[/B] -Maxmillion Productions are backstage talking. They gloat about how T-Rex took out Warlord Pain last week ending his career. Maxmillion said that's the same kind of killer instinct that Maxmillion Productions needs to have every night. If Rex does that to every challenger to their tag team championships they would have the belts by now and rule USPW. A commotion is heard as Warlord Agony tries to rush them but is being stopped by security. Well, they're trying to stop him anyhow. Agony gets to MP, but is being restrained by security. He demands a match with T-Rex, but Zeus wants to know what's in it for them. Agony says that he wants to repay Rex for what happened to Pain. "[COLOR="Green"]Sorry, I still don't see what's in it for me.[/COLOR]" says Zeus while Agony is still being restrained by security. This is where William Hayes steps into the picture. "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm trying to concentrate over here, but if you're in such a hurry to be beaten then I have a proposition for you. If you can beat me tonight then you'll have your match with Rex next week.[/COLOR]" Agony begrudgingly accepts the challenge. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR], [COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/William-HayesHeadband.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/WarlordAgony.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B]William Hayes vs. Warlord Agony[/B]-[/U] And good chemistry saves the day. This is easily Agonys best match since I got here. A fairly even match here. Agony hobbled his way through this match, and that was before Hayes started working the leg over. Hayes was able to hit Agony with a Slick Trick and gets the 3. Winner: [B]William Hayes[/B] in 5:48 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR])[/B] -We see Triple D and Seduction talking backstage when who should approach them but Peter Valentine. Seduction points behind her to alert Devine to Valentines presence. [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Hey guys, I went to the doctor.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]So, how'd it go?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm pregnant.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]......[/COLOR]" [B]Seduction[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]......[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm gonna be a mommy.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]So, what are this doctors credentials?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]He's a doctor. He told me so.[/COLOR]" DDD smacks his forehead and shakes his head back and forth in shame. [B]Seduction[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]You sure that's all that's wrong with you?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Yup, I'm gonna be a mommy.[/COLOR]" [B]Seduction[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"].......[/COLOR]" Devine continues to shake his head in shame. [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Ooo, do you wanna go baby shopping with me?[/COLOR]" [B]Seduction[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]....... I am so out of here.[/COLOR]" From the shadows Fumihiro Ota attacks DDD. He lays fists into him and some kicks as well. He tosses DDD into a metal door before turning his attention to Valentine who's whimpering in a corner. Ota goes up to him, Valentine asks him "[COLOR="Green"]You wouldn't hit a pregnant man, would you?[/COLOR]" Ota stares at him before walking away shaking his head. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR] for the announcement, [COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR] for the attack[/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/FumihiroOta.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/SteveFlash.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW National Championship Match[/COLOR]- Fumihiro Ota vs. Steve Flash (c)[/B]-[/U] Now this is the definition of disappointment. I was expecting another C- out of them, but the ARSEHOLES only rates it D. Damn. On with the match. Flash started off the match in control of Ota, but Ota was able to make a comeback due to his stealthy ninja cheating ways. Ota kept control of the match for a while wearing Flash down. Ota was caught with a right from Flash as Flash began making his big comeback. He knocked Ota down repeatedly before hitting a Flash Bang. From there the match was already over. Winner and still Champion: [B]Steve Flash[/B] in 8:03 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -Cameras scurry backstage to see Warlord Agony beating the living crap out of T-Rex. Security swarms over this chaotic scene to try to pull Agony off Rex. Velasquez and Maxmillion only make this situation worse as they attack Agony while security is holding him. More security is needed to separate Velasquez and Maxmillion from Agony. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) -Stranton is backstage with Umaga. Umaga is roaring and snorting and clenching his championship all the while Stranton is being interviewed about the upcoming match with Freddie Datsun. [B]Stranton[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Datsun, if you keep coming after Umaga and this belt 9 stitches will seem like chump change compared to how many you'll end up with. And I'm glad you're not afraid of death Freddie. Now I won't regret it when Umaga ends both your career and your life in the middle of that ring tonight. You've been given fair warning Freddie.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR][/B]) -A video plays recapping the events of last week and the week before during the Datsun/Umaga matches. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/FreddieDatsun.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Umaga2.jpg[/IMG] w/[IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/male2.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World Championship Match- [/COLOR]Freddie Datsun vs. Umaga (c) w/ Stranton[/B]-[/U] This match was just a notch below the quality of last weeks match, but this one didn't involve a cage so I believe that balances it out. Umaga dominated Datsun throughout this match like he has for the last 3 weeks. Datsun never let up on his 'never say die' attitude and kept trying to get the upper hand on Umaga, but to no avail. Umaga tosses Datsun into the corner and hits him with a Savage Charge. He makes the count. 1.....2..... Rope break. Datsun was able to get his foot on the bottom rope. Umaga, clearly getting angrier sets Datsun up in the corner again and goes for another Savage Charge. This time Datsun moves out of the way. Umagas shoulder makes contact with the post hard and Datsun sees his opening. Datsun goes after the shoulder. He wears it down with punches and elbows to it and then various armbars. Datsun sets Umaga up for a Patriot Press. He gets him up onto the shoulders and then slams him down. Datsun makes the cover. 1...2. kick out by Umaga. Datsun is shocked and goes right back after the shoulder. Umaga powers his way out of another armbar and gets back to dominating Datsun. Datsun strikes at the shoulder of Umaga to try to gain the upper hand, but Umaga seems unaffected. Datsun catches Umaga in a standing armbar, but Umaga picks Datsun up and slams him into the corner. He hits a Savage Charge. 1...2...3. Winner: [B]Umaga[/B] in 15:46 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR])[/B] [U]Final Rating[/U] [B](C-)[/B] Well, at least it's getting consistent. That's an improvement, right? [QUOTE][U]Post Show Recap brought to you by Giant Oak Merchandise: Get yours while it's still worthless.[/U] [I]-Maxmillion Productions defeated The Canadian Crusties (E+) -William Hayes defeated Warlord Agony (C-) -Steve Flash defeated Fumihiro Ota to retain the USPW National title (D) -Umaga defeated Freddie Datsun to retain the USPW World title (C)[/I][/QUOTE]

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where talent is still scarcer than positivity. It's been 3 months since I took over so why not have a look at how the roster has ended up. I'll just call this the USPW Quarterly Review. [QUOTE][U]Main Eventers[/U]: [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/BrucetheGiant.jpg[/IMG] -[B]Bruce the Giant[/B]: Still the most popular worker on my roster. Bruce started off the year with the World Championship. He has since lost it to Freddie Datsun at Stars, Stripes and Slams! Positives: Umm..., he's big? Negatives: He's big, he's slow, he's out of shape, he's unintelligible, he's the master of the no sell, he's Bruce the Giant. Popularity: B+ throughout America, B in Southeast. Momentum: C+ [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/FreddieDatsun.jpg[/IMG] -[B]Freddie Datsun[/B]: Datsun has been helping carry this promotion as the champion. He recently lost the title to newcomer Rhino Umaga. Positives: Still a good, solid wrestler despite his age. Negatives: He's old. Popularity: C across America, C+ in Southeast Momentum: D+ [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/DarrylDevine.jpg[/IMG] -[B]Triple D[/B]: Devine has come a long way in a short time. From Lower Midcarder to bonafide Main Event star thanks to a feud with Peter Valentine that had fans clamoring for more. Positives: Youth, skill, charisma. Talent. Negatives: Nothing I can see. Popularity: C- across America Momentum: C [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Umaga2.jpg[/IMG] -[B]Rhino Umaga[/B]: A new hire that rose up the ranks quickly thanks to his dominating of some of USPWs older stars. Umaga recently won the USPW World Championship and has been having matches as good as anyone else has in USPW. Although that's not saying much. Positives: Young, talented and is getting over. Negatives: Nothing I've seen Popularity: C across America, C+ in Tri-State Momentum: C [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/PeterValentine.jpg[/IMG] -[B]Peter Valentine[/B]: Valentine has been on the losing end of most of the matches hes been in, but due to a character overhaul this man has started to actually become a star. Positives: His new character. Negatives: He shouldn't be within 100 yards of a wrestling ring Popularity: C- across America Momentum: C- [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/DemonSpite.jpg[/IMG]/[IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/DemonAnger.jpg[/IMG] -[B]Demon Spite/ Anger[/B]: Yea, they're both in the main event. Sad, ain't it? Positives: None really Negatives: I don't have the time to go through that list Popularity: C-/D+ across America, Momentum:E+/D+ [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/TGadz.jpg[/IMG] -[B]T-Rex[/B]: Yes, he's also still somehow in the main event scene. Positives: Umm..., he's big? Negatives: Umm..., he's big? And talentless? Popularity: D+ across America, C in New England Momentum: D+ [U]Upper Midcarders[/U]: -[B]The Canadian Crusties[/B] (a.k.a. The McWades): Popularity: D/D- Momentum: D- -[B]Giant Redwood[/B]: Popularity: D- Momentum: C- -[B]Fumihiro Ota[/B]: Popularity: D, D+ in the Midwest Momentum: D+ -[B]Warlord Agony[/B]: Popularity: D, D+ in the Southeast Momentum: D -[B]William Hayes[/B]: Popularity: D, D- in the SE Momentum: C- -[B]Rudy Velasquez[/B]: Popularity: D/D+, C- in the Tri-State Momentum: D- -[B]Corporal Doom[/B]: Popularity: D- Momentum: C+ [U]Midcarders[/U]: [B]-Trent Shaffer -Jim Force -Mainstream Hernandez -Mean Jean Cattley -Mick Muscles -Java -Steve Flash -Frankie Perez -Captain USA -Tribal Warrior -Citizen X[/B] [U]Lower Midcarders[/U] ([I]a.k.a. The Forgotten[/I]) [B]-Bulldozer Brandon Smith -Pete The Hillbilly -Danny Rushmore -King Carvill -Insane Machine[/B] [U]Openers[/U] [B]-Thomas Morgan[/B] ([I]WTF? He's a heel? He's supposed to be a face. Well, this would explain why Cattley/ Morgan went so horribly[/I]) [B]-Al The Hillbilly -Zeus Maxmillion -Cameron Vessey[/B] [U]Jobbers [/U]([I]a.k.a. Enhancement Talentless[/I]) -[B]Giant Oak[/B] ([I]Yup, that's it. That sure says something about the 'future World Champion' doesn't it?[/I])[/QUOTE]

[NoNeck]

Good stuff. Like I said somewhere else, booking USPW is a labor of love. Gotta leave the strap on Umaga for a good piece. Looking forward to more.

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=NoNeck;207333]Good stuff. Like I said somewhere else, booking USPW is a labor of love. Gotta leave the strap on Umaga for a good piece. Looking forward to more.[/QUOTE] It's not love, it's the desire of a challenge. Booking a retirement home isn't an easy task ya know. And don't worry, Umaga'll get a good run at the top. -------- Another show, another day gone by. And the more I smell like old man. But that's not what I'm here to talk about. Sam told me to meet him in his office at 2. Everybody should know by now that a meeting with Sam is never a fun time. I sat at my desk playing tic-tac-toe to myself until it said 2 o'clock on my watch. I breathed out a deep sigh and went to his office. I walk in and I'm immediately greeted with one of his old timers stories. "[COLOR="Green"]Back when I was wrestling I was so popular I could read a dictionary in the middle of the ring and the crowd would still be on the edges of their seats brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]To get into rioting position?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No you idiot, to wait in anticipation till I got to the word platymapus.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Isn't it platypus?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]They didn't know that brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Sam, is there a point to this?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Yeah brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You gonna get to it anytime this week?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I really don't like your mouth at times like this brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]What are you gonna do about it? Fire me?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I already told you, I'll post your address on the website. You know how many 'fans' you have online.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Hey, I looked that up. It would be a violation of my privacy.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You find me the law, I'll have my lawyers find the loophole.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Ya know, this is why people don't like you.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Plenty of people like me brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, well I haven't met any of them.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Watch some classic wrestling and you'll see millions love me.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Sam, was there some reason that you wanted me in here, or did you just wanna ramble on about nothing?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I want you to meet my newest hire.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Who?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]My kid.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Isn't PJ a little young to be wrestling? He's only 12 after all.[/COLOR]" ([I]OOC Question: Shouldn't PJ be in the new workers file?[/I]) "[COLOR="Green"]Not PJ, my daughter.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You have a daughter?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Yes, I do brother.[/COLOR]" [I]And I'm sure she looks like a gorilla[/I]. "[COLOR="Blue"]You do know that this company is male only.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Then change it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And you do know women can't hold any titles.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Then change it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Do you want me to change your diapers too or do you think you can handle that on your own?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Watch your mouth.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Or wha...oh, right. Message boards.[/COLOR]" Sam told me to wait for Alicia in my office, so I went back and looked up some privacy laws. About an hour later a beautiful blonde walked into my office, and this wasn't me daydreaming either. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/AlicaStrong-maskless.jpg[/IMG] "[COLOR="Blue"]You lost miss?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Ms. Strong.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Ms. Strong? Wait, you're Alicia?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]But you're not a gorilla.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I'd hope not.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You're related to Sam Strong?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea, that's what my birth certificate says.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You sure you weren't adopted?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I'm sure. Why?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Because you're actually hot.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Umm, thank you? Shouldn't we get down to business now?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Oh, sure.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Well?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Well what?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Aren't you going to do your job?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I would but I don't know what it is.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]You're the guy who got hired at the auction aren't you?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Is the fact that I'm not 65 or older give that away?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I'll ignore that last question. Daddy told me to come to you to discuss my direction with USPW.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Oh, alright then. You're gonna wrestle.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]That's it?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I never said I was any good at this job.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Can't we discuss my characters direction.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Ok, you're gonna wrestle. Is that enough direction?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I'll ignore that too and get on with what I was thinking. I don't want to live off my fathers legacy.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So what do you want me to do about it?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]1. I wanna wrestle in a mask, 2. I don't want to be called Alicia Strong.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]#1 is granted and what did you have in mind for #2?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I'm not sure.[/COLOR]" We sat for a minute or two pondering that question. Then, I came up with a great idea. "[COLOR="Blue"]Muffin.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Muffin?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Muffin.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Why?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Old people like muffins.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]They also like prune juice.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, but you don't really want to be called Prunella, do you?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I don't think you get my point.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I don't think I care about your point.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I don't want to be called Muffin.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Why not? Were you attacked by a muffin as a child. Some traumatizing experience?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]No...[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Then I don't see why not.[/COLOR]" And so it was that after a lengthy debate, and threatening to put her in a romance angle with Giant Redwood, that she accepted the name. Now to figure out what to do with her....

[Beeker]

Alicia just writes herself. Torrid love quintangle between her as Muffin, Giant Redwood, Giant Oak, DDD and... Peter "Pruney" Valentine. The first all female... erm... half n' half... uh hot chick and hysterically pregnant crazy old man since... Dusty Rhodes and Baby Doll!

[keefmoon]

[QUOTE=J Silver;207569]It's not love, it's the desire of a challenge. Booking a retirement home isn't an easy task ya know. And don't worry, Umaga'll get a good run at the top. -------- Another show, another day gone by. And the more I smell like old man. But that's not what I'm here to talk about. Sam told me to meet him in his office at 2. Everybody should know by now that a meeting with Sam is never a fun time. I sat at my desk playing tic-tac-toe to myself until it said 2 o'clock on my watch. I breathed out a deep sigh and went to his office. I walk in and I'm immediately greeted with one of his old timers stories. "[COLOR="Green"]Back when I was wrestling I was so popular I could read a dictionary in the middle of the ring and the crowd would still be on the edges of their seats brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]To get into rioting position?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]No you idiot, to wait in anticipation till I got to the word platymapus.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Isn't it platypus?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]They didn't know that brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Sam, is there a point to this?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Yeah brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You gonna get to it anytime this week?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I really don't like your mouth at times like this brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]What are you gonna do about it? Fire me?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I already told you, I'll post your address on the website. You know how many 'fans' you have online.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Hey, I looked that up. It would be a violation of my privacy.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]You find me the law, I'll have my lawyers find the loophole.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Ya know, this is why people don't like you.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Plenty of people like me brother.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, well I haven't met any of them.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Watch some classic wrestling and you'll see millions love me.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Sam, was there some reason that you wanted me in here, or did you just wanna ramble on about nothing?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]I want you to meet my newest hire.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Who?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]My kid.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Isn't PJ a little young to be wrestling? He's only 12 after all.[/COLOR]" ([I]OOC Question: Shouldn't PJ be in the new workers file?[/I]) "[COLOR="Green"]Not PJ, my daughter.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You have a daughter?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Yes, I do brother.[/COLOR]" [I]And I'm sure she looks like a gorilla[/I]. "[COLOR="Blue"]You do know that this company is male only.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Then change it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]And you do know women can't hold any titles.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Then change it.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Do you want me to change your diapers too or do you think you can handle that on your own?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Green"]Watch your mouth.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Or wha...oh, right. Message boards.[/COLOR]" Sam told me to wait for Alicia in my office, so I went back and looked up some privacy laws. About an hour later a beautiful blonde walked into my office, and this wasn't me daydreaming either. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/AlicaStrong-maskless.jpg[/IMG] "[COLOR="Blue"]You lost miss?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Ms. Strong.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Ms. Strong? Wait, you're Alicia?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]But you're not a gorilla.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I'd hope not.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You're related to Sam Strong?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea, that's what my birth certificate says.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]You sure you weren't adopted?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I'm sure. Why?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Because you're actually hot.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Umm, thank you? Shouldn't we get down to business now?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Oh, sure.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Well?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Well what?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Aren't you going to do your job?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I would but I don't know what it is.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]You're the guy who got hired at the auction aren't you?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Is the fact that I'm not 65 or older give that away?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I'll ignore that last question. Daddy told me to come to you to discuss my direction with USPW.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Oh, alright then. You're gonna wrestle.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]That's it?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I never said I was any good at this job.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Can't we discuss my characters direction.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Ok, you're gonna wrestle. Is that enough direction?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I'll ignore that too and get on with what I was thinking. I don't want to live off my fathers legacy.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]So what do you want me to do about it?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]1. I wanna wrestle in a mask, 2. I don't want to be called Alicia Strong.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]#1 is granted and what did you have in mind for #2?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I'm not sure.[/COLOR]" We sat for a minute or two pondering that question. Then, I came up with a great idea. "[COLOR="Blue"]Muffin.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Muffin?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Muffin.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]Why?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Old people like muffins.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]They also like prune juice.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, but you don't really want to be called Prunella, do you?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I don't think you get my point.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]I don't think I care about your point.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]I don't want to be called Muffin.[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Why not? Were you attacked by a muffin as a child. Some traumatizing experience?[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Purple"]No...[/COLOR]" "[COLOR="Blue"]Then I don't see why not.[/COLOR]" And so it was that after a lengthy debate, and threatening to put her in a romance angle with Giant Redwood, that she accepted the name. Now to figure out what to do with her....[/QUOTE] You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. ;) Great little conversation, although you may have to use Alicia as a heel. Old people [B]hate[/B] youngsters and [B]love[/B] muffins. As a muffin attacked her when she was younger, the oldies will probably side with the muffin in this one and boo the hell out of the poor girl.

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=Beeker;207594]Alicia just writes herself. Torrid love quintangle between her as Muffin, Giant Redwood, Giant Oak, DDD and... Peter "Pruney" Valentine. The first all female... erm... half n' half... uh hot chick and hysterically pregnant crazy old man since... Dusty Rhodes and Baby Doll![/QUOTE] So that's where my plans went. I knew they couldn't just get up and walk off by themselves. ;) ------ [B]USPW[/B]: Where muffins are a big part of any show. And a nutritious breakfast. With that said, on with the show.... ------ [CENTER][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/USPWAAW-1.jpg[/IMG] [B]USPW All American Wrestling[/B] Saturday, Week 1, April 2007 ([I]airs Wednesday[/I]) Held at The Washington State Gymnasium Att.2,000 (Sold Out) [U]Dark Matches[/U][/CENTER] -[U]Bulldozer Brandon Smith defeated Cameron Vessey[/U] in 8:01 by pinfall with a Backdrop Driver. [B](D)[/B] ([I]They had great chemistry. Well, that's good to know.[/I]) -The Crazy Old Men (Jim Force & Robert Oxford) had an interview hyping their upcoming tag match with The Towers Of Power. ([B]E+[/B]) ([I]They're crazy old men. And Jim Force was involved. How do you think this went?[/I]) -[U]The Crazy Old Men (Force & Oxford) defeated The Towers Of Power[/U] in 5:53 when Robert Oxford defeated Danny Rushmore by submission. [B](D+)[/B] ([I]Wow. Sadly that match was as good or better than pretty much everything else tonight.[/I]) [CENTER][U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -The show kicks off with Trent Shaffer in the middle of the ring. Yea, Trent Shaffer, that's not a typo. He has a mic in hand. [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]For the last few months I've been accused of not pulling my weight around here. I've been called worthless and I've been called talentless. I'm going to prove all of them wrong tonight, because tonight I'm going to win the USPW World Championship. That's right, I'm challenging Umaga for the World Championship tonight.[/COLOR]" Jacob Stranton comes out onto the entrance way and laughs at Shaffer. "[COLOR="Blue"]What's so funny? I'm serious. I want a match with Umaga tonight.[/COLOR]" Stranton snickers a little before bringing the mic up to his mouth and saying "[COLOR="Green"]Your funeral.[/COLOR]" and walking to the back. Oh, and cue Umaga who slides into the ring behind Shaffer and hits him with a hard clothesline to the back of the neck before leaving. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/CorporalDoom.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/SteveFlash.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW National Championship Match[/COLOR]- Corporal Doom vs. Steve Flash (c)[/B]-[/U] This was Dooms farewell match as I decided not to renew his contract. He just wasn't worth what he was asking for. I mean, he can't even go 7 minutes without getting exhausted. Flash picks up a clean victory over the Corporal after hitting him with a Flash Bang. Winner and still champion: [B]Steve Flash[/B] in 6:58 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] -An unfamiliar music starts playing and down to the ring comes Giant Oak. He makes his way to the ring waving at people and blowing kisses as though people actually like him. He grabs a mic and makes himself useful. [B]Oak[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Thank you, thank you. I deserve your applause, I really do. For those who don't know who I am, for shame on you. I am the son of the legendary Giant Redwood, I am Giant Oak. My father has left a great legacy, and I, as a second generation star will continue to blaze the trail my father started. I've come to USPW for one singular reason, the USPW World Championship. I will win that title and make my father proud. Then after I accomplish that I'll be off to the SWF to win a title that matters. I digress though, that's not why I came out here. I wanted to thank the millions and millions of Oakies for voting me the most entertaining wrestler of all time. It's definitely appreciated. I will...[/COLOR]" Oak stops as Fumihiro Ota makes his way down to the ring. Oak stands face to face with Ota. Ota thrusts forward as if he's going to attack and Oak runs scared. Otas opponent for tonight makes their way down to the ring. Wanda Fish, in a cheerleader outfit complete with pompoms, makes her way to the ring. Oak eyes her as he lays outside the ring. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+, D-[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/FumihiroOta.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/WandaFish.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B]Fumihiro Ota vs. Wanda Fish[/B]-[/U] If this is bad chemistry I'd like to see some more of it. Well, actually, no I wouldn't. But I wouldn't mind seeing more of this match. Undoubtedly match of the night, and the ARSEHOLES will back me up on that. Ota was in charge of a large majority of this match using powerful strikes to keep Fish down. Ota made the mistake of taking Wanda lightly and it cost him. Wanda surprised him with a roll-up that almost got her a 3. Ota went after her furiously, but she avoided his attacks and hit with her own. Fish went for a Blonde Ambition (Figure 4), but Ota Kicked her away and hit her with a front dropkick sending her back into the corner. He picks her up and delivers a Ninja Strike nearly taking her head off. Winner: [B]Fumihiro Ota[/B] in 9:01 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR])[/B] -Ota looks down at a helpless Fish and as he's about to pick her up by her hair a clearly frightened Oak steps between her and Ota. Ota tells the ref to call for the bell. He does and we have a match. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/travisL2.jpg[/IMG] vs.[IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/FumihiroOta.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B]Giant Oak vs. Fumihiro Ota[/B]-[/U] Oak stands up to Ota and gets in his face. Kick to the head ~! by Ota. Oak is out cold. Ota puts his foot down on Oaks chest and the refs counts the 3. Shortest match in USPW history. Winner: [B]Fumihiro Ota[/B] in 0:32 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Backstage we see Triple D walking. He's staring down at his phone when he bumps into Muffin. [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Oh man, I'm sorry. You alright?[/COLOR]" [B]Muffin[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea, I'm fine. Just watch where you're going next time, alright?[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, sorry about that.[/COLOR]" [B]Muffin[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]I'm Muffin by the way.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm Darryl.[/COLOR]" [B]Muffin[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Well it was nice to meet you Darryl.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You in a hurry somewhere?[/COLOR]" [B]Muffin[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea, I have a match pretty soon.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Really? Who against?[/COLOR]" [B]Muffin[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]...[/COLOR]" Before Muffin can say anything Peter Valentine pops up. [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Where's Seduction? I wanna ask her to go baby shopping with me again.[/COLOR]" [B]Muffin[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Against him.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Against Valentine?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Hello. Pregnant man over here. Nobody answered my question.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]She's in my locker room Pete.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Thank you for finally answering my question. Now I'm off to get my baby some baby stuff.[/COLOR]" Valentine walks off. [B]Muffin[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Friend of yours?[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I have no clue what he is.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C+[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/PeterValentine.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/AliciaStrong-Muffin.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B]Peter Valentine vs. Muffin[/B]-[/U] Before the match got underway you could see Valentine asking Muffin not to kick him in his stomach so as not to hurt the baby. Muffin agreed to it with a look on her face that could only be described as 'What have I gotten myself into?' You could tell these 2 had chemistry. Somehow. A fairly competitive match that ended with Muffin coming out victorious with an Angel Driver. Winner: [B]Muffin[/B] in 8:31 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR])[/B] -Backstage in the doctors office we see Giant Oak laying down with Wanda Fish next to him. Oak finally regains consciousness. [B]Oak[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Where am I?[/COLOR]" [B]Fish[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]You're in the doctors office.[/COLOR]" [B]Oak[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]How'd I get here?[/COLOR]" [B]Fish[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]The EMTs dragged you here.[/COLOR]" [B]Oak[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Oh. You saw how I saved you from Ota though, right? I stood up to him and he left.[/COLOR]" [B]Fish[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Actually he knocked you out.[/COLOR]" [B]Oak[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Oh. But you're safe right?[/COLOR]" [B]Fish[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Yes, and that was a very sweet thing of you to do.[/COLOR]" [B]Oak[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, I know it was.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR][/B]) -Shaffer is warming up backstage when Frankie Perez and Mainstream Hernandez approach him. [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]You wanted us here man?[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea. Tonight I'm going to go out there and prove you dudes wrong when I win that World title.[/COLOR]" [B]Hernandez[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]You're just gonna get yourself killed dude.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Yea, Mainstreams right, how is voluntarily putting yourself in a hospital bed gonna prove anything man?[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm gonna go out there and beat Umaga. Just you two wait and see.[/COLOR]" [B]Perez[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Whatever dude.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR][/B]) -Stranton is backstage being interviewed about Umagas upcoming match with Shaffer. Umaga is in the background pacing back and forth snorting and yelling in samoan. [B]Stranton[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Do we really have to talk about his match with Shaffer? I mean, let's face it, Shaffer has no chance of winning tonight. He's what I would refer to as filler. Filler until Umaga meets a real challenger, someone worthy of being destroyed by the Samoan Savage. The Demons, Giant Redwood, Freddie Datsun, none of them have been able to stop Umaga. He will rule over USPW for as long as I decide to let him rule over it. Everyone would do well to remember that.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/YoungLeo.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Umaga2.jpg[/IMG] /w[IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/male2.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World Championship Match[/COLOR]- Trent Shaffer vs. Umaga (c) /w Stranton[/B]-[/U] This is your definition of glorified squash. It's not that I don't like Shaffer, it's just Umaga needs a few more squashes in his resume. Shaffer tried to fight back, but it was no use. Umaga toyed around with Shaffer for a while. Umaga picked Shaffer up and rammed him into the corner. He then lifted Shaffer up top and walked around the ring for a few seconds before looking at Stranton for approval. Umaga goes back to the corner, but Shaffer kicks him away. Umaga now charges the corner, but Shaffer catches him and delivers a tornado DDT. Both men go down. Umaga is back to his feet by 5 and looks to Stranton for advice. Shaffer kips up behind him and when Umaga turns around, superkick. Well, close enough. Umaga catches it, spins Shaffer around and spears him down. From here on out it's all Umaga. He hits Shaffer with a Savage Charge and gets the pin. Winner and still champion: [B]Umaga [/B]in 7:49 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR])[/B] -Umaga celebrates his victory with Stranton when Datsun, still bandaged up, hits the ring. Umaga and Datsun brawl before Bruce the Giant rushes, snails pace still btw, to the ring and jumps Datsun. A 2-on-1 occurs until DDD makes his way to the ring. He goes after Bruce and then Umaga. He's holding his own until Valentine gets into the ring and goes after DDD. It's 3-on-2 now. Muffin charges the ring and goes after Valentine. She knocks him out of the ring and goes after Bruce. She's not having much success until DDD steps in and helps her. Bruce rolls out of the ring. It's now 3-on-1 against Umaga. Umaga manhandles all 3 not letting the numbers game affect him. Eventually though it becomes too much as he's clotheslined over the top. Stranton and Bruce have to hold Umaga to keep him from going back into the ring. The show comes to an end as the faces are in the ring taunting the heels who are making their way up the ramp. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [U]Final Rating[/U] [B](D+)[/B] Minor setback. Nothing to be worried over. The companies heading in the right direction though. That's all I'm gonna say. [QUOTE][U]Post Show Recap brought to you by Giant Oak Merchandise: We might actually sell some one day[/U]: [I]-Steve Flash defeated Corporal Doom to retain the USPW National title (D) -Fumihiro Ota defeated Wanda Fish (C) -Fumihiro Ota defeated Giant Oak (D-) -Muffin defeated Peter Valentine (D+) -Umaga defeated Trent Shaffer to retain the USPW World title (D+)[/I][/QUOTE]

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where headaches are quite common. Unfortunately. [QUOTE][B]OOC[/B]: I come back to find another 1? That makes 3 now. Jeez, and I thought this diary was starting to get better. Oh well, enough of things that only matter to me. Well, maybe not. Sorry for the lack of updates, I haven't felt that well over the last few days and haven't gotten around to finishing the next show. Since I don't post shows over the weekend I'll have that up on Monday. Until then here's something to tide you over. [/QUOTE] Another show, another reason to move arson up the list. It's times like today that I wish I had thought out a past idea a little better. It was only a little over a week ago that I decided to give out my E-mail address for people to write their 'suggestions' to me. This was so that I didn't actually have to listen to their complaints. After Umaga won the title the old guys started complaining about it non stop, this was my solution to that. The first E-mail was from Giant Oak who was typing for his father. It called me out for making it impossible for all of the older, non tech savvy to complain. I find it hard to believe Redwood was the first geriatric to catch onto that plan so, in order to get the million corpse march out of my office I added a suggestion box on the outside of my office. I should think these ideas through a little better. Here's the first E-mail we'll look at. It's from Darryl Devine. [QUOTE][B]From[/B]: "Darryl" < Divine1 @Yahoo.com> [B]Subject[/B]: Some suggestions Hey J, I just wanted to thnk you so much for the push I've gotten here. The last booking teams didn't think I had what it takes to make it in USPW. I guess I'm not old enough, right man? And don't worry, I'll work my ass off to make sure you made the right choice. And for this romance thing with Alicia, at least I'm assuming it's gonna go that way, thank you. You're the best. You don't think Sam will have a problem with this do you? I wouldn't want you getting fired or anything. The last thing I want is having to carry Giant Redwood to a good match again. And there will be a makeout scene between me and Alicia in the future, right? I mean, if you had that in the plans. Hey, do you think you could not tell Alanis ([I]Seduction[/I]) I just said that. She would probably get pissed at me and I'd be sleeping on the couch for a while. You know what, just forget I ever said anything about making out with Alicia. Sincerely, Darryl P.s. You think there's any chance I can get a romance scene with a muffin? *wink, wink*[/QUOTE] That wasn't so bad, and now I have some blackmail to use against him if need be. Now onto one of our more senile stars, Jim Force [QUOTE]Dear Mr. Jay, I know that this may have come to your attention at a previous date, but I will restate it here. I would very much like another run with the USPW World Championship. I've given back to the business by putting Citizen X over, and now I'd rather enjoy the favor being returned. Mr. Umaga has been an utter failure as champion. He has failed to draw and his matches have been horrendous. Mr. Umaga is inexperienced and has not paid his dues. It's time for you to call off your little experiment and put the title back on somebody who knows how to wrestle, somebody such as myself. I'll give you some time to consider my offer. Yours Truly, Jim Force[/QUOTE] That sounded oddly normal from Jim. He didn't sound crazy at all, until he called Umaga a failure as champion. I guess he is crazy outside the ring. Our next email is from Rudy Velasquez. [QUOTE][B]From[/B]: "Rudy V" < Davegangster4life @Davewrestling.com> [B]Subject[/B]: Push Yo, gimmie a push man.[/QUOTE] Yup that was it. Now for a letter from one of the Hillbillies. I can't tell the difference between 'em. [QUOTE]Hey Mr. Bookerman wes been thinking about what you been doing around here at Uspw and we donts likes it. Not one bit. We thinks we should be the tag team ([I]I can't tell what word that is[/I]). We also sick of being left off your shows. It's not Uspw without some hillbili action is it. In ([I]clothesline?[/I]) we jus wanted to say to put us'es on your show insted of those ones that you is now. ([I]Sinclairly?[/I]) Teh hillbilis[/QUOTE] I guess it isn't a gimmick after all. Let's move on. Here's an Email from the champ, Umaga. [QUOTE][B]From[/B]: "Rav" < TheRavishingSamoan @Hotmail.com> [B]Subject[/B]: Just a few thing Before I start I just wanted to say thank you. I doubt any other company would have given me a World Championship, much less a slot in the main event. I won't forget that. I know that the decision to give me the title has caused alot of drama for you lately and I'm sorry about that, but alot of those guys are pretty worthless anyways. Just saying. Anyways, a suggestion or two. #1. I think a program between me and Darryl would be big for this company. Possibly the biggest since the Rich Money/ Rick Law rivalry. And #2. Do you think I could get a romance angle with Alicia? Just asking. Anyways, thank you for all you've done for my stock in the wresting world. I appreciate it.[/QUOTE] Now that's what I like to read, somebody who's grateful. Although it seems alot of people like Alicia. I don't think Sam would like that too much. And now for the last 'Suggestion' of the day. This one comes from Giant Redwood, and if you have young, impressionable children in the room, put hem to bed now. [QUOTE]Dear company wrecker, How many ****ing times have I told you to push my son into the main event? And now I see you giving the world championship to some fat samoan ****er. What the **** is wrong with you. When the **** was the last time there was a good samoan in wrestling?? you're a complete ****ing moron and I hope Sam fires you for doing **** like this. You should have never taken the title off Bruce in the first place. Bruce is a company man and one of the most talented guys on the roster. This company has been been going down the drain since the day your ass got here. You're a ****ing moron and you should get that damn belt off that piece of **** samoan ****er now before you ruin its legacy any more than you already have. Give the title to someone who deserves it, give it to me. Let me end that fat talentless ****s undefeated streak and bring USPW back to its former glory. And if your so sure of pushing someone young than push my kid. Do it now ****face Redwood.[/QUOTE] I think he might be mad about something. Now if only I could put my finger on it. The day Redwood actually gets that title again is the day I get fired...

[J Silver]

[B]USPW[/B]: Where living off your past is the 'in' thing to do. Right Bruce? And before we get on with the show, a little locals news. CZCW are intent on pissing me off. They recently jobbed Darryl Devine out to Donnie J. Donnie J FFS!!! And with that violent outburst out of the way, on with the show... ------- [CENTER][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/USPWAAW-1.jpg[/IMG] [B]USPW All American Wrestling[/B] Saturday, Week 2, April 2007 (Airs Wednesday) Held at The Arkansas Colliseum Att.2,000 (Sold Out) [U]Dark Matches[/U][/CENTER] -The Dudez!!!1!!! defeated The Towers Of Power in 7:13 when Frankie Perez defeated Mick Muscles by submission with a P-Clutch. [B](D-)[/B] ([I]And in the 'we've got nothing else to do' match of the night...[/I]) [CENTER][U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -We kick off the show with Triple D in the ring, mic in hand. [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Last week I, as well as Freddie Datsun and Muffin were attacked by Umaga, Bruce the Giant and Peter Valentine. This week I challenge any one of them, one named Umaga in particular, to accept my challenge. Who ever it may be I want them in a match tonight.[/COLOR]" No sooner than he finishes that sentence does Bruce the Giant makes his way down to the ring. He's moving at an amazing 1.3 MPH. That's .1 MPH faster than a sloth. True fact btw. Bruce eventually gets to the ring. He grabs a mic and speaks. I think. ([I]Think slightly more intelligible than the Great Khali. Slightly. I mean, you can at least tell it's english, he's got that over Khali. You just can't understand a damn word of it.[/I]) [B]BTG[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]rhi wunt uwe ih a mutch torhight.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Could you please take the marbles out of your mouth before you talk?[/COLOR]" [B]BTG[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]rurh a deud min norw.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Ok, I still have no clue what you just said. Why don't we make a deal though? You and me, tonight. #1 contendership for the World Championship on the line? What do you say?[/COLOR]" [B]BTG[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]rhi rhink ouh...[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Ya know what, on second thought just nod your head if you accept.[/COLOR]" Bruce nods his massive head. [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Ok, see, we understand each other. And you're on. Winner walks away with a title shot for next week.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]B[/COLOR][/B]) -Jim Force and Robert Oxford, The Crazy Old Men ([I]It's a working title[/I]), are being interviewed. Sort of. [B]Force[/B]: "[B][COLOR="Blue"]SAVAGE FURY, YOU SAVAGE SACRELIGIOUS SACREMENTS OF SOCIETIES SPHINCTER, YOU WILL FEEL THE FOOOOOOOOOOOORCE!!! THERE IS NO HIDING FROM THE FOOOOOOOORCE!!!! THE FURY THAT YOU FOOLISHLY FALSELY FEEL SHALL FERMENT AND FERTILIZE IN YOUR DOWNFAAAAAAAALL!!! BUY OUR MERCHANDISE. THE SAVAGES SHALL SUFFER A SQUANDERING SQUASHING AT THE HANDS OF THE FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORCE!!!!!![/COLOR][/B]" [B]Oxford[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]You say something Jim? My hearing aid was off. Anywho back when I was a youngin' people who called themselves Savage Fury were people who hung out in biker bars. Those bikers were with me back when I were fighting in dubya dubya two. I were on the front lines shooting as many of those damn non-bathing Frenchies as I could. Then one of 'em got me. I died on the spot. They brougt my corpse back and threw me a party in my honor and here I stand today as your mayor. When I get you in a ring Mr. Savage and Mr. Fury you will know what the term Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers really means.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR][/B]) ([I]No, none of that was supposed to make sense in case you're wondering. They're old and crazy ya know.[/I]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/Java.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/TribalWarrior.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/JimForce.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/RobertOxford.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B]Savage Fury vs. The Crazy Old Men[/B]-[/U] Big, mean and old meets cranky, mean and older. This match was yet another vomit-inducing good time in USPW history, and there are alot of them too. But, let me keep this short and simple. Oxford won by pinfall after doing something to Java. I don't know what, they don't tell me things around here. Winners: [B]The Crazy Old Men[/B] in 3:35 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -Giant Oak is in a locker room reading a book called "[I]How to Score for Dummies.[/I]" when Wanda Fish walks in the door. Oak fumbles the book around a bit before hiding it under his chair. Fish, dressed as a cheerleader, skips into the room looking excited. [B]Fish[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]I got a surprise for you.[/COLOR]" Oak closes his eyes and puckers up. [B]Fish[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]I got us a match with Ota.[/COLOR]" Oak snaps back to reality. [B]Oak[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You did what?!?![/COLOR]" [B]Fish[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]I persuaded Mr. Jillefski to give us a handicap match against him.[/COLOR]" [B]Oak[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]B-- bu-- but, w- we can't beat him.[/COLOR]" [B]Fish[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Oh stop being so negative. We can do anything we set our minds to.[/COLOR]" [B]Oak[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, well I'm setting my mind to not getting knocked out tonight. And guess what? It's safest in this here chair[/COLOR]." [B]Fish[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Why? I'm there some sorta force field around it?[/COLOR]" [B]Oak[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]No, I just know that he can't get into this room.[/COLOR]" [B]Fish[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Stop being so silly. Let's go.[/COLOR]" [B]Oak[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Nuh-uh. I'm not leaving.[/COLOR]" [B]Fish[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]If you say so. I guess I'll just have to beat him on my own then.[/COLOR]" Wanda leaves the room as Oak still looks a bit nervous. The tension is cut as two shurikens fly into the ground. Oak panics and yells out "[COLOR="Blue"]Wait, I'm coming! Don't leave me alone![/COLOR]" while frantically trying to open the door. As Oak leaves the room Ota jumps down from out of the shadows. He has a look around before spotting the book Oak was reading before. He picks it up, looks at it a little then sneaks it under his shirt before leaving through the door. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/FumihiroOta.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/GiantOak.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/WandaFish.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]Handicap Match[/COLOR][/B]- [B]Fumihiro Ota vs. Wanda Fish & Giant Oak[/B]-[/U] The 2-on-1 advantage didn't really help out Fish and Oak very much. They still lost. This match consisted mostly of Oak cowering in a corner whilst Fish and Ota wrestled. Oak would stand up to Ota a few times after he got Wanda down, but Oak would always go back to whimpering in the corner pretty quickly. In the end he wasn't able to get away as Ota gets him with a Ninja Strike. He makes the pin and the fat lady has sung. Winner: [B]Fumihiro Ota[/B] in 7:01 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR])[/B] [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/WarlordAgony.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/TRex.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B]Warlord Agony vs. T-Rex[/B]-[/U] Oh dear god, please let the next 2 matches save this show from mediocrity or at least complete suckitude. As for this match, it's the definition of an ugly brawl. Both competitors are ugly, the punches were ugly, the kicks were uglier, the old, drunk chicks in the front row were ugliest. Rex puts away Agony with a Jurassic Power after a distraction by Velasquez. Winner: [B]T-Rex[/B] in 6:16 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR])[/B] -After the match is over Velasquez and Maxmillion climb into the ring and start attacking Agony. Rex, now tiring ([I]go figure[/I]) joins his partners to lay more abuse onto Agony. Agony is left in pain. And a pool of blood. ([B][COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR][/B]) -Trent Shaffer is walking backstage when he trips and stumbles knocking over some lights and a cameraman while he's at it. Shaffer apologizes and helps the cameraman to his feet and tries to repair the lights. [B]Hayes[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]You're pathetic. You know that?[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm not pathetic.[/COLOR]" [B]Hayes[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I just saw you take your little trip. You still want to try to convince me otherwise?[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm not pathetic. I'll prove it to the world. I'll be the champion here one day. You just wait and see.[/COLOR]" [B]Hayes[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]My great Japanese ancestors would roll over in their graves if you were ever the champion of anything.[/COLOR]" [B]Shaffer[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Well if you think you're all high and mighty then why don't you and I settle this in the ring?[/COLOR]" [B]Hayes[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I thought you'd never ask.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/William-HayesHeadband.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/TrentShaffer.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B]William Hayes vs. Trent Shaffer[/B]-[/U] I was expecting more out of this one, but I guess if Umaga can't pull Shaffer past D+ I shouldn't expect Hayes to be a miracle worker here. These 2 had a pretty competitive match where Hayes just etched out Shaffer in the end. Hayes hits Shaffer with a Slick Trick and the match is over. Winner: [B]William Hayes[/B] in 9:46 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR])[/B] -DDD is warming up for his match backstage when Muffin walks into the shot. DDD pauses and greets Muffin. [B] DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Hey, how are you?[/COLOR]" [B]Muffin[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]I'm fine. I justed wanted to wish you luck out there tonight.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea, I'm going up against a pretty big guy.[/COLOR]" [B]Muffin[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Yea, you are.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Yea.[/COLOR]" A moment of awkward silence is interrupted by none other than Peter Valentine, now sporting a muumuu ([I]If you don't know what that is think Simpsons, or Google[/I]) [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Pregnant man coming through, make way.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Peter, what are you doing?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I came to ask for some advice.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Peter, you attacked me last week. What advice could you possibly want from me?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I've been getting morning sickness for a couple days now and I want to know how to make it go away.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]How do you have morning sickness? How are you even pregnant? Don't you have to be a woman to begin with? Does this make any sense to anyone but you?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Can you just tell me where Seduction is?[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Why?[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Because somebody obviously doesn't know what to do.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Just get out of here Peter.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Leave. Now.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Okay okay, I can take a hint. I know when I'm not wanted.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Just go.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Fine, I will.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]Then do it.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I will.[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I'm waiting.[/COLOR]" [B]Valentine[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]I'm going.[/COLOR]" And this time Valentine actually does go. DDD looks back to Muffin now. [B]Muffin[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]So, he is..?[/COLOR]" [B]DDD[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]...Out of his mind.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/DarrylDevine.jpg[/IMG] vs. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/BrucetheGiant.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B]Triple D vs. Bruce The Giant[/B]-[/U] This one didn't last long ([I]Bruces stamina and all[/I]), but it had the crowd hot for it's entirety, minus Bruces entrance. I'll let you all figure out why on your own. Bruce dominated DDD at the start of the match toying around with him and keeping him down with some heavy shots. Bruce goes for a big boot, but Devine rolls under it. He chop blocks Bruces knee and goes to work on it. DDD tries for the 3D, but is shoved away. He goes back to work on the knee until Bruce shoves him away again. Seduction hops onto the apron distracting Bruce. Bruce goes after her, she hops down off the apron, Bruce turns around, he walks right into a Devine Dream Drop. DDD makes the cover and gets the 3. Winner: [B]Triple D[/B] in 5:56 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR])[/B] -As soon as the final bell rings the ring is swarmed by wrestlers from both sides. Datsun, Muffin, and Flash are out to help DDD while Umaga, Ota, and Valentine are out to help Bruce. A huge brawl occurs between the two sides. The brawl lasts for a good four minutes before we have to end the show with the battle still raging on. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [U]Final Rating[/U] ([B]C-[/B]) [QUOTE][U]Post show recap brought to you by muffins: They're more marketable than Giant Oak merchandise. That's for sure.[/U] [I]-The Crazy Old Men defeated Savage Fury (D-) -Fumihiro Ota defeated Giant Oak and Wanda Fish (D+) -T-Rex defeated Warlord Agony (D+) -William Hayes defeated Trent Shaffer (D+) -Triple D defeated Bruce The Giant (C)[/I] [/QUOTE]

[Actarus]

Dude, you worked a MUUMUU into this! F#$%ing brilliant...:D

[J Silver]

[QUOTE=Actarus;209979]Dude, you worked a MUUMUU into this! F#$%ing brilliant...:D[/QUOTE] If I don't confuse at least 3 readers with a reference to something in every show I'm not trying. :D ------ [B]USPW[/B]: Where we're glad for language barriers. Who wants their World Champ to be named "Shriveled Up Monkey Penis" anyways? And now, on with the show.... ------ [CENTER][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/USPWAAW-1.jpg[/IMG] [B]USPW All American Wrestling[/B] Saturday, Week 3, April 2007 (Airs Wednesday) Held at Pennsylvania Park Att.2,000 (Sold Out) [U]Dark Matches[/U][/CENTER] -Fumihiro Ota defeated Wanda Fish and Giant Oak in 7:18 when Fumihiro Ota defeated Giant Oak by pinfall with a Ninja Strike. [B](D+)[/B] [CENTER][U]Main Show[/U][/CENTER] -The show starts off with cameras frantically rushing backstage. It's finally understood why when we see Triple D unconscious on the concrete lying in a pool of his own blood. Paramedics tend to him. They carry him out of the arena on a stretcher. The announcers speculate what could've happened and remind everyone that DDD was supposed to wrestle Umaga for the World Championship tonight. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C+[/COLOR][/B]) -From one crazy scene to a different kind of crazy scene, The Crazy Old Men ([I]working title, suggestions welcome[/I]) are being interviewed about their upcoming upcoming match with Maxmillion Productions (Rex & Velasquez) [B]Force[/B]: "[B][COLOR="Blue"]YOU PUNY PUGILISTIC PROCESSORS OF PROGRESSIVE PICTURE PLAAAAAAY!!!! YOU WILL BE HELPLESS TO STOP THE SUBSIQUENT SEVERE STINGING STOMPING OF THE FOOOOOOOOOORCE!!!! BUY OUR MERCHANDISE. THE FORCE IS A FORCE THAT YOU CANNOT FORCE INTO A FARCE OF FORCEFUL FOOOOOOORCE!!!!!!!! YOU WILL FEEL THE FOOOOOOOOOORCE!!!!!!![/COLOR][/B]" [B]Oxford[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]What was that Jim? Anywho back in my day we would go to the pictobox and crank the little lever and watch the pretty young gal as she...[/COLOR]" [B]Force[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"][B]ROBEEEEEEEEERT!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A FAMILY SHOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!![/B][/COLOR]" [B]Oxford[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]What was that? Anyway back in my day we would go to the pictobox and crank the little lever and watch the pretty young gal as she would cook dinner for her family. It made me hungry so I would go to store and buy me some lollipops. Those lollipops helped me win this country the war. I would stab them damn foreigners with 'em. I came back a hero and here I stand before you as your president and let me just say that I did not have relations with that intern. She helps me with my foot bath every week. That is all.[/COLOR]" ([I]Why do I keep hiring the crazy ones?[/I]) ([B][COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/TRex.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/RudyVelasquez.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/JimForce.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/RobertOxford.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B]Maxmillion Productions vs. The Crazy Old Men[/B]-[/U] This was a pretty slow moving affair as the only one in the ring that had any speed whatsoever was Velasquez. The match wasn't too bad, or maybe I've lowered my standards since seeing what USPW usually does. It was an even match with MP cheating to gain control a few times through. In the end though it was Warlord Agony coming down to the ring and pulling Rex off the apron that ended this match. Velasquez was distracted and got rolled up in a school boy by Oxford. Winners: [B]The Crazy Old Men[/B] in 6:45 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D[/COLOR])[/B] [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/DemonAnger.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/DemonSpite.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/FrankiePerez.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/MainstreamHernandez_alt3.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World Tag Team Championship Match[/COLOR]- The Demons of Rage vs. The Dudez!!!1!!! (c)[/B]-[/U] Think of this match like being your old crappy computer from a decade ago that still runs Windows NT against a new, state of the art computer running XP with a brand new video card installed. See the difference? As for the match, Hernandez finished off Spite with an Apparition #14 (SSP). The less said the better, trust me. Winners: [B]The Dudez!!!1!!![/B] in 7:10 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]D-[/COLOR])[/B] -A commotion is going on in Danny Jillefskis office. It seems that everyone is laying their stake in the #1 contendership now that Devine is out for the night. Jillefski dismisses most of the wrestlers leaving the champion Umaga and manager Jacob Stranton there along with Seduction, Datsun and Muffin. Jillefski makes it clear that Umaga will defend the title tonight. Stranton has a fit over this [B]Stranton[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]What? I went through all the trouble of tak..., I mean, I went through all of the training with Umaga to face Devine and now that he's not going to be here it doesn't seem fair for Umaga to have to wrestle somebody tonight with no preparation.[/COLOR]" [B]Jillefski[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Well I'm sure that Mr. Devine wasn't prepared to be attacked tonight by Umaga either.[/COLOR]" [B]Stranton[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]With all due respect Mr. Jillefski you have no proof Umaga did it so you shouldn't be leading people on like that.[/COLOR]" [B]Jillefski[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Do I even need proof to put 2 and 2 together?[/COLOR]" [B]Stranton[/B]: "[COLOR="Green"]Legally yes.[/COLOR]" Muffin has heard enough of Stranton and butts in "[COLOR="Blue"]I'll take Darryls place, I'll take on Umaga tonight.[/COLOR]" [B]Jillefski[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]Are you sure about that?[/COLOR]" [B]Muffin[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]As sure as I've ever been about anything.[/COLOR]" [B]Jillefski[/B]: "[COLOR="Purple"]You heard her Mr. Stranton, she'll be Umagas opponent tonight. Good luck to the both of you.[/COLOR]" Stranton leaves the office looking pissed off with Umaga trailing behind him snorting and doing his usual crazy Samoan faces. Muffin leaves with Datsun and Seduction in tow looking a bit nervous. ([B][COLOR="Red"]D+[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/William-HayesHeadband.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/SteveFlash.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW National Championship Match[/COLOR]- William Hayes vs. Steve Flash (c)[/B]-[/U] This was undoubtedly the best National title match this company has seen since I got here. See what happens when you put together two wrestlers who can actually, you know, wrestle? The match itself was a back and forth affair. Flash would out wrestle Hayes and take the advantage, but Hayes would squirm his way into control of the match generally with illegal tactics. The match continued on like this for about 10 minutes. Flash set Hayes up for the Flash Bang only to receive a Ninja Strike to the head. Ota assaults Flash and the ref calls for the bell. Winner: [B]Steve Flash[/B] by DQ in 10:21 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR])[/B] -Ota continues his attack on Flash, but Hayes pulls him off and shoves him. He questions him about why he did that and then just slugs him. Ota and Hayes brawl now while Flash takes a small breather before jumping into the action. Before long it's an all out brawl between all 3 men with everyone hitting everyone. Security are out to break things up after a minute or two. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C-[/COLOR][/B]) -Backstage Muffin is interviewed about her match with Umaga. [B]Muffin[/B]: "[COLOR="Blue"]I know what Stranton and Umaga did to Darryl earlier tonight and so does everyone else. I don't care if Umaga is some unstoppable Samoan Savage, I don't care if he's undefeated and I don't what he's done to everyone else. I'm not everyone else and I'm not afraid of him and what he's going to do to me. I will make them pay for what they did to Darryl and everyone else and that is that.[/COLOR]" ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/AliciaStrong-Muffin.jpg[/IMG] VS. [IMG]http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d105/jsilver536/Diary/Umaga2.jpg[/IMG] [U]-[B][COLOR="RoyalBlue"]USPW World Championship Match[/COLOR]- Muffin vs. Umaga (c) w/ Stranton[/B]-[/U] Muffin looked nervous going into this no matter how hard she tried to cover it up. Umaga looked like he was ready to hurt somebody. The match started as the two tied up. Umaga shoves Muffin backwards all the way to the corner. Muffin gets back up and tries it again, but gets shoved back down. Third time's the charm, huh? She tries for it one more time, but is smart enough to get in a kick to the massive gut of Umaga. Umaga seems unaffected. She tries again and again and then moves on to punches to the face. Nothing seems to affect the Samoan. He headbutts her and she goes down. She seems to be bleeding already after that. Umaga goes to work on Muffin hitting her with whatever he wants to. He slams her down a few times for good measure. Stranton orders Umaga to set her up in the corner and he does. Umaga goes for the Savage Charge, but Muffin uses whatever energy is left in her to move out of the way. Umaga flies shoulder first into the corner post. Both competitors are down and the ref starts the 10 count. Umaga is up by 5, but Muffin is still down. Umaga picks her up, but she starts fighting back with forearms to the gut and then to the head as she gets to her feet. She springs off the ropes with a dropkick that staggers Umaga. She hits him with another, and another. Finally she goes for a clothesline, but Umaga takes her down with an STO. He picks her up press slams her down. He tosses her into a corner and hits a Savage Charge. He makes the cover, but Stranton tells him to punish her some more first. Umaga sets Muffin up in the corner again and hits another Savage Charge. Strantons tells him one more. Muffin is barely conscious as Stranton has to hold her up in the corner. Umaga hits a third and final Savage Charge. Muffin looks like she's out. Umaga makes the cover and it's a 3. Winner and still Champion: [B]Umaga[/B] in 13:08 Rating [B]([COLOR="Red"]C+[/COLOR])[/B] -Muffin is out cold in the ring. Umaga isn't finished with her yet. He sets her up in the corner one more time. He goes for a Savage Charge and... He's cut off by DDD who charges in and takes Umaga down with a shoulderblock sending him rolling backwards. The crowd is going crazy as they didn't expect to see DDD tonight. Devine is bandaged up and looks a little wobbly. He raises his hand and taunts Umaga to bring it. Umaga charges DDD and we have a fight. The two are wildly throwing fists at each other, but Umaga is able to get the upper hand and dominates DDD. He slams him down several times before tossing him into the corner. He hits a Savage Charge right into the taped up ribs of Devine. Devine is in agony as the champ stands over him victorious. ([B][COLOR="Red"]C[/COLOR][/B]) [U]Final Rating[/U] ([B]C[/B]) -How'd I forget to change those gender restrictions? -Well, at least the tag team division is starting to pick up. Maybe one of these years I'll actually get a good match out of it. -Oh, and Muffin and Umaga didn't click. Just thought I'd add that. [QUOTE][U]Post Show Recap brought to you by Giant Oak Merchandise: I think we actually sold a shirt. Hurrah![/U]: [I]-The Crazy Old Men defeated Maxmillion Productions (D) -The Dudez!!!1!!! defeated The Demons Of Rage to retain USPW World Tag Team titles (D-) -Steve Flash defeated William Hayes by DQ to retain USPW National title (C-) -Umaga defeated Muffin to retain USPW World title (C+)[/I][/QUOTE]