Freak Power Wrestling: The Odd Side of the C-Verse

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January 1, 2007 ---- Like any good squirrel, I had the patience and the foresight to store nuts for the winter. In this case, January of 2007. Rather than engaging in a bender of epic proportions spanning the entirety of the eastern seaboard as I had originally intended, the scrip I received in exchange for my first two screenplays was put towards the greater goal of achieving a lifelong dream. I had grown up in the early nineties, at a time when the Supreme Wrestling Federation was unchallenged in the world of what they called "sports entertainment" and everyone else referred to as "professional wrestling." While the athletic displays that I witnessed in those early days in front of my grandparents' television were quite impressive, even at such a young age I could not shake the feeling that what I was witnessing was not achieving its potential. It's possible to trace the roots of professional wrestling all the way back to the gladiatorial combat of the pre-Christ Rome, or possibly even further back. What was being channeled on mainstream television was not tapping into the same human nature as the majority of television broadcasts. What I was witnessing in my grandparents' living room on Saturday mornings, at the age of seven, was ritualistic, voluntary human sacrifice. The need to witness an act this barbaric was inside of every man, woman and child on the planet. At seven years old I could tell that what I was tapping into was primal and base, and I couldn't get enough of it. Over the years it got me to thinking: professional wrestling could be art. Inside of every human being is a dangerous primitive waiting for the opportunity to claw its way out. We are all cavemen, worshiping at the altar of violence itself and praying for fountains of blood. This freakish desire demanded to be explored. It is with this in mind that I begin my journey: part business venture and part crusade, it will forever be known as [color=red][b][size=8]FREAK POWER WRESTLING[/b][/size][/color]. In my bank account is five hundred and fifty thousand dollars. To cut down on advertising costs, I assume that the old saying that "there is no such thing is bad publicity" will hold true.

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January 2, 2007 ---- [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v341/shamelessposer/wrestlingheat.jpg[/IMG] [b]Sam Strong Attacked![/b] Last night, while leaving a Taco Bell in his home town of Louisville, Sam Strong was hit in the face with a steel chair wielded by what appeared to be an irate wrestling fan in a bear costume. The attacker, Ted Carter, was only subdued after being tackled three times by local police and being threatened with a stun gun. Sam Strong and Louisville police declined to comment, but it has been suggested that Carter is mentally ill.

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January 6, 2007 ---- "Hi. Can Ted come to the phone?" "Dumb dumb!" "Who the hell is this?" "Do you like my glasses, Dumb Dumb?" "We're on the phone, dumbass! I can't see your glasses!" "You're mean." "Look, I'm sorry. Is Ted there? Ted Carter?" ... ... ... ... "Sorry about that. This guy keeps saying he's my grandmother or something. Did he ask you about how his glasses look?" "Uh, yeah." "He doesn't have any." "Wow. So, are you Ted Carter?" "Present and unaccountable. Who are you?" "I'm Mike LeBlanc. I wrestle as Murderous Mikey up in Toronto." "Pleased to meet you, or whatever." "Likewise. Or whatever." "I've never heard of you. How'd you get the number? Nuthouse rules are that only blood relatives are allowed to call." "If anyone asks, you've got a brother named Mike." "Got it." "I wanted to tell you that you f'ing rule, man. I heard on the news what you did to Sam Strong. I've always wanted a piece of that dumbass." "I never really minded him, myself. Just figured the wrestling world needed to be sent a message." "A message?" "Yeah. Assuming that I get out of here anytime soon, I'd like to shake up the US wrestling scene. Just wanted to make sure everyone knew I existed." "Cool." "I thought so. Freak Power Wrestling. It's going to be violent, it's going to be funny, and it's going to be timely. I want wrestling to be more than disposable entertainment." "Good luck with that. Look, I've got to get off the phone pretty soon. The international rates are going to kill me." "Okay. I've got one more thing to say before you go, then." "What's that?" "Come down here if you want a steady paycheck."

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January 10, 2007 ---- [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v341/shamelessposer/grapplefanatics.jpg[/IMG] [b]Freak Power Wrestling: The Next Big Thing?[/b] For a promotion that hasn't yet held a show or even announced a full roster, Freak Power Wrestling is already the talk of the wrestling world. Since FPW and neophyte screenwriter Ted Carter assaulted Sam Strong last week, Carter and his new promotion Freak Power Wrestling have taken on no small amount of notoriety. So far, only a few names have been publicly connected to the promotion: former TCW midcarders Paul Steadyfast, Madman Boone and Fumihiro Ota; Independent stars Cherry Bomb, Frank Perez, Air Attack Weasel and Ultimate Phoenix; rising star Sergeant Bubba Lee West, career tag wrestler Wiley Steinway; and a relatively unknown hardcore brawler named Murderous Mikey. Murderous Mikey, voice of the promotion until Ted Carter goes to trial next week, has said that there are other wrestlers who have signed and some who are still in negotiations. As always, the staff of Grapple Fanatics will keep you updated on this intriguing development in wrestling news.

[NickC13573]

probly the funniest thing i have read in a long time

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January 19, 2007 ---- [img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v341/shamelessposer/wrestlecircle.jpg[/img] [b]Several New Signings By Freak Power Wrestling[/b] The already notorious Freak Power Wrestling has recruited more talent, and rumor has it that the first show could be held before the end of the month. Veteran road agent Curt O'Malley is also attached for at least the first nine months. Two big surprises have been the appearances of Larry Wood and Lee Wright on the FPW web site, with rumors suggesting that both men will be on the booking team. Interestingly, a third member of the booking team, Fumihiro Ota, is said to be fed up with the ninja gimmick he has used since coming to the United States. When working his FPW dates, he will instead go without the mask and be known as Ecstasy, a character modeled after his experiences in the Japanese techno scene. As many as a dozen women may also be on the FPW payroll for the women's division Murderous Mike had mentioned on the site three days ago. Ota has commented that a few of the women on the roster only speak Japanese, and his ability to communicate between them and the rest of the roster may be one of the reasons he is on the booking team. Though the FPW roster may sound interesting, there is a conspicuous lack of any "name" stars outside of Fumihiro Ota. This would suggest that rather than piggybacking off of the previous success of other promotions, Ted Carter's FPW plans on creating its own dynasty.

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[img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v341/shamelessposer/wrestlecircle.jpg[/img] [b]WrestleCircle Exclusive: An Interview With Ted Carter[/b] [i][The following is an AIM transcript featuring FPW promoter Ted Carter and WrestleCircle correspondent Lex Lloyd. This interview is unedited, and has content that may be unsuitable for children.[/i] TwoThumbsClenched: Hey, crotch stain. TwoThumbsClenched: You there? My time is important. CornellFan15: Sorry. I had to go let the dog out. TwoThumbsClenched: Go ahead and ask your questions. I've only got about fifteen minutes of computer time left. CornellFan15: We understand you've been admitted into a mental ward somewhere in North Carolina pending trial. Is this correct? TwoThumbsClenched: Absolutely. First the blue fascists kept me in a cell with the usual criminal scum, i.e. child molesters, smack addicts and Republican voters, but eventually my lawyer convinced them that I should be taken elsewhere and I was able to take flight from those ghastly beasts. CornellFan15: I see. That's... very interesting. TwoThumbsClenched: And another thing. I see you've got a major error on your site concerning FPW. CornellFan15: What's that? TwoThumbsClenched: We have a date picked out for our first show. Freaks On Parade debuts at the Delaware Auditorium on Saturday, January 20, and will then take place every week thereafter unless the place gets too cramped or we run out of money. CornellFan15: I'll be sure to make that correction on the site. TwoThumbsClenched: I encourage everyone in the area to come. Bring friends, small children and pets, too. Anything that fills a seat you've paid for. The womenfolk love the blood, you see. TwoThumbsClenched: Studies prove that extreme violence is a greater aphrodisiac than erotica, given the right context, so it's pretty much a given you'll get laid. TwoThumbsClenched: And the kids should watch, too. I did a paper in college on how violence in entertainment doesn't cause violent behavior in children, but that doesn't mean they won't be traumatized. The world needs more freaks, and I'd like to think of FPW as a kind of factory for them. CornellFan15: That's an unorthodox way of viewing a pro wrestling show. TwoThumbsClenched: That it is. CornellFan15: Speaking of unorthodox, what is it like running a wrestling promotion from a mental ward? TwoThumbsClenched: It's my first time running any kind of promotion, so to be honest I don't know the difference. The only members of the roster I've met face to face are our announcer, Remmington Remus, his brother, Roderick Remus, and Lee Wright. Rem and Rod are the brothers of a guy I played D&D with in high school, and I met Lee Wright during a student trip to Japan in college. CornellFan15: Then how did you get the roster organized? TwoThumbsClenched: Murderous Mike was a huge help there. He's been my eyes and ears on the outside for the last couple of weeks. He contacted Wright and Woods for me, and together the three of them put together a roster pretty much according to my specifications. TwoThumbsClenched: Sorry, but it looks like I'll have to cut things short. Dinner came a little early tonight. CornellFan15: Thank you for taking the time for this interview. TwoThumbsClenched: The show is Saturday at the Delaware Auditorium, and my trial is February first at the Louisville Courthouse. Come to both. And bring signs. I need the moral support.

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January 21, 2007 ---- FREAKS ON PARADE Delaware Auditorium Attendance: 853 [b]King Freak Tournament Match[/b] Madman Boone vs. Chavez Announcer Remmington Remus explains that this is the first match in an eight man tournament for "King Freak," the promotion's equivalent to a heavyweight title. Madman Boone fights Chavez (better known by his full name, Jesus Chavez, in DAVE) both in and out of the ring. The two take full advantage of some of the empty chairs in the arena, and end up braining each other a couple fo times. Boone wins by submission when he forces Chavez into a "hangman" position between the first and second ropes. It's still pretty obvious that Chavez has no idea what he's doing in a wrestling ring, but this match plays to what few strengths he has and makes a decent inaugural match to show fans what to expect from FPW. [b]D-[/b] [b]Backstage Interview[/b] Backstage, Remmington Remus interviews Cherry Bomb. Cherry Bomb explains the stipulations to the upcoming Ten Woman Tag: It's a five-on-five, elimination-style match. The match ends when there is only one person on each team, and those two remaining women will compete next week for the Queen Freak title. Naturally, she expects to demolish the competition, but she also makes some bizarre reference to "popping the cherry" of all the women in the match who have never been in a "real" match before. It's a disgusting, but effective, analogy. [b]D+[/b] [b]King Freak Tournament Match[/b] Air Attack Weasel vs. Ultimate Phoenix Remus explains this is another tournament match. This match is a fairly hideous style clash, since Air Attack Weasel is a North American spot monkey and Ultimate Phoenix is more of a luchadore, but the two men save it with their talent. Weasel's mastery of the fundamentals are on display tonight, as is his selling ability. After nearly fifteen minutes of surprisingly clean wrestling, Weasel punches Phoenix in the throat and then uses a victory roll (and the ropes) to secure a pin. It's all legal, but it's still obvious the better man did not win. Despite the style clash, this match went pretty well. A screwy finish seems to have upset the audience a little, but the match also serves to illustrate just how flexible the rules are in FPW. [b]D[/b] [b]Afterward...[/b] Weasel spends a little too much time celebrating his victory, and ends up giving Phoenix enough time to recover. He dropkicks Weasel in the back, sending him between the second and third ropes and out of the ring. The two brawl in the crowd for a while before Madman Boone and road agent Curt O'Malley come out with steel chairs, apparently to end it their way. Weasel and Phoenix get the message and break up the fight before anyone gets (more) hurt. [b]E+[/b] [b]Gratuitous Violence[/b] Sergeant Bubba Lee West comes down to the ring, accompanied by lackey/cohort/sycophant Marcus Strong (better known as "Mark Smart," former USPW towel boy). Strong is wearing the traditional blue trunks Sam Strong is known for, and has his hair cut in a way to match Strong's receding hairline. Bubba Lee West explains that something terrible is going to happen tonight, and that it's all the fault of the people who didn't buy tickets. He pulls a calculator out of his pants pocket, does some math, goes outside the ring, grabs a steel chair, and then smashes Marcus Strong over the head with it. West explains that a hundred and forty-seven seats went unfilled at this week's show, so Strong gets to take 147 chair shots. A graphic appears in the bottom-right corner of the screen to count down the chair shots as Sarge just brutalizes Strong. It's obvious that the Strong character was designed as a cheap way to grab heel heat, but after a hundred and forty-seven chair shots it's really hard not to feel sorry for him. He's a bloody mess after about ten minutes of chair shots, and has to be carried backstage. This segment went on WAY too long, and was so mean-spirited that almost anyone watching it would end up feeling sympathy for Strong. [b]F[/b] [b]King Freak Tournament Match[/b] Paul Steadyfast vs. Remmy Skye (accompanied by Olivia Dee) Remmy Skye's manager, Olivia Dee, is better known on the indy circuit as Olivia Diamond. If the last match was a styles clash, then this match has to be a styles crisis or something. Paul Steadyfast was too technically minded and slow-paced to keep up with Remmy Skye, but Skye was in top form tonight and was able to take the match somewhere decent. Skye wins twelve minutes in when Steadyfast tries hitting him with a steel chair, misses, hits the ropes, and the chair bounces and hits Steadyfast in the face instead. Remmington Remus' commentary was really funny in this match, particularly his "Battle of the Substance Abusers" line. [b]D[/b] [b]Ten Woman Tag[/b] Angel Takudome, April Appleseed, Candy Floss, Olivia Dee, and Pretty Schoolgirl Chiyeko vs. Cherry Bomb, Dragon Assassin, Nadia Snow, Roxy Kitten and Zoe Ammis Ten wrestlers in a women's division is an awful lot for an indy promotion, but it's hardly the first thing that distinguishes FPW from the average wrestling show. A lot of gimmicks have been changed here: Candy Floss is going by more of a seventies blaxploitation-style gimmick now, Pretty Schoolgirl Chiyeko (Chiyeko Kita to joshi fans) know wears a Japanese schoolgirl outfit and acts very peppy, Nadia Snow is playing up her looks and actinv very ****y about it, Roxy Kitten wouldn't stop doing crotch chops during her team's entrance and seems to be going for more of a degenerate angle to her character, and Zoe Ammis (Agent 69 on the Canadian scene) is going by her real name and won't stop looking at herself in the mirror during the entrances for the face team. The match was only twice as long as the entrances, coming in at barely ten minutes, but this was probably done to help hide the inexperience of most of the women involved. The final four were Pretty Schoolgirl Chiyeko and April Appleseed versus Dragon Assassin and Roxy Kitten. Roxy was on the offensive against Chiyeko when she was tripped by her own partner. Chiyeko got the pin with a sunset flip, and was immediately taken from behind with a Dragon Suplex. Next week, April Appleseed and Dragon Assassin will compete for the title of Queen Freak. There were a bunch of botched spots for a match only running ten mintues, but the girls earn a lot of points for enthusiasm. [b]E[/b] [b]After the Match[/b] Right after the match, Pretty Schoolgirl Chiyeko got clotheslined by Roxy Kitten. Roxy grabbed Zoe Ammis' mirror, broke it on the ring post, and then grabbed one of the shards of glass and started jabbing Chiyeko in the face with it. The whole time she was screaming "This is what you get for ****ing with me, you ****ing ****!" The crowd went completely dead with this segment, having no idea how to react to what they were seeing. Roxy got pulled off of Chiyeko by several other girls, both face and heel, and Chiyeko was helped to the back. Blood stained her hair, the concrete floor, Roxy's hands, chest, and legs, and just about ruined Olivia Dee's outfit when she helped Chiyeko to the back. A lot has to be said for Chiyeko for allowing this segment to go this far, but it probably shouldn't have put the crowd into a shocked silence like that. [b]F[/b] [b]Prelude[/b] Matt Sparrow is in the ring with a microphone. He gives the fans a belated welcome to FPW, and says what an honor he feels it is to take part in a match on the first show. With a crowd this hardcore you'd normally expect an obvious appeal to the crowd like this to get a lot of heel heat, but Sparrow's sincerity is obvious and he gets cheered. It's a nice change of pace after the last segment. [b]D-[/b] [b]King Freak Tournament Match[/b] Matt Sparrow vs. Larry Wood The match starts out with a nice little sequence where Sparrow tries getting the upper hand with his high flying tricks, but Wood just powerbombs him for his trouble. After that it's all downhill. It quickly becomes obvious that Sparrow is uncomfortable in a hardcore environment, and he ends up underselling the chair shots he receives and going too soft on the ones he gives. Wood seems to realize this partway through the match and tries taking it a little bit more along the lines of a traditional match, but by then the match is nearly over. Wood goes over with a Running Big Foot about fifteen minutes in. [b]E[/b] [b]Hype[/b] Fumihiro Ota comes down to the ring wearing a tank top, cargo pants, and his ninja mask. When he gets to the ring he takes off the mask and announces that he's sick of playing a ninja just to appeal to all of the wrestling fans too stupid to know that Japanese culture goes beyond what they see in bad movies, and from now on he wants to be called Ecstasy. [b]D+[/b] [b]#1 Contender Match[/b] Ecstasy vs. Roderick Remus Roderick Remus is the twin brother to announcer Remmington Remus. This match is just a lot of nice back and forth cruiserweight wrestling, and might be the first match of the night where the two competitors really felt comfortable with each other. The only thing that seemed to hurt the match was the crowd's unfamiliarity with Roderick Remus, as most of the "big moves" that earned him cheers in other promotions fell flat here. Ecstasy grabs the win here with a great-looking DDT. [b]D-[/b] [b]Conclusion[/b] Ecstasy grabs the microphone again and says that he's not sure who he'll be fighting in three weeks, but it doesn't matter. Whether it's Madman Boone, Air Attack Weasel, Larry Wood or Remmy Skye, he's still going to come out on top and be the second King Freak. It's a nice conclusion to the show and gives a sense of continuity to what's going to be happening next. [b]D+[/b] Overall, the show earns a [b]D-[/b]. It could have gone better, but for a first showing it could have been a lot worse.