Who Hates Flakes?

[AfRoMaN36]

Or is it just me? You know, the people who make plans with you, seem all exited to be with you and act like your bestfriend, but when the day rolls around they somehow fall off the face of the planet or find grandmas noones ever heard of that died so they can't make it. Its really annoying. Esspecially since I seem to find these people as potential partners. This one girl I had extremely good chemistry with. Sparks, and all that stuff. We pretty much refered to eachother as boyfriend/girlfriend without actually making anything official. She wants to go on a date with me and I figure I'd make it official then. So we set a date for Friday.... Friday comes... and its raining. Pouring would be the exact words, with the forecast predicting rain all day. Needless to say the date never happened. But that ones fine, it was truly horrible outside. We reschedualed for the following Friday. Friday comes.... and its raining... again. Not as hard as before. But it was consistently drizzling all day long. But she canceled because she "hated rain so much." I thought fine. She couldnt just be ****ing with me. She gennuinely seems like she wants to be in a relationship with me. We talk for hours about various topics, some more intimate than the last. We call eachother "boo" and all that cutesy crap. So Alright... one more time. This time we tried to avoid the Friday curse, by setting it up on a Wedsday. Wedsday comes... and she vanishes. Two calls and one voice mail later, I can't get in contact with her and I'm not gunna keep trying unless she gets in contact with me. Seriously, I'm very irritated. Someone better have fallen down stairs or something because she needs a damn good excuse to get by. Personally I can let the rain ones go, because this happens all the time. But for someone who before today was completely accessible, to now dissapear, not pick up her phone or even be online for that matter despite the fact that shes always online... leads me to beleive she flaked. I am incredibly annoyed right now. And if this were some other person, I'd have easily cut her and forgotten about her. This girl however, is perfect on paper. Totally down to earth, forward and above all hot as hell. I want her to know I'm annoyed, but I dont want to do so while risking ending the relationship. How do you handle flakes and how long do you tolorate it? PS: I am aware that I have been asking for alot of help lately. I can't quite help it since the group of guys I normally head to for advice was in my last job.

[Guest The Aussie]

Flaking out 3 times? Never a good sign in a relationship. Never really had a problem with this because the only people I've been involved with are around about as scatterbrained as myself.

[paaron]

Hmm well same thing happened to me with a girl a really really liked. Each time we set up on a date or something something happend. She flaked like I dunno 4 or 5 times. But I kept giving her chances cause I really liked her and well we ended up getting married. All depends on how much she really means to you and how much you like her and how serious you are about her if you give her another chance. I found out she kept on flaking cause she thought that maybe she wasn't good enough for me so that could be her problem who knows.

[BurningHamster]

Ah the flake, we've all been there once or twice. Best way to handle it is to be cool, don't harass her asking for an explanation or anything but wait a few days to see if she contacts you or she shows up online. Then just casually ask what the deal is with the flaking, she owes you an explanation and if she doesn't have a good one then show her that you are annoyed, nothing too obvious but just back off a bit for a while, cut the cutesy crap and give her a bit of time to let her know what she is missing out on. If she's a decent person she'll either have a really good (preferably real) excuse, or will be sorry as hell. If not, then she's not for you.

[Clarity]

I thought you meant these: [IMG]http://www.esnacks.com/img/full/flake.jpg[/IMG] How could anyone hate those???

[Nevermore]

I must say, I prefer Topics :p. [QUOTE=BurningHamster;426175]Ah the flake, we've all been there once or twice. Best way to handle it is to be cool, don't harass her asking for an explanation or anything but wait a few days to see if she contacts you or she shows up online. Then just casually ask what the deal is with the flaking, she owes you an explanation and if she doesn't have a good one then show her that you are annoyed, nothing too obvious but just back off a bit for a while, cut the cutesy crap and give her a bit of time to let her know what she is missing out on. If she's a decent person she'll either have a really good (preferably real) excuse, or will be sorry as hell. If not, then she's not for you.[/QUOTE] I'd say spot on. However, also factor in how much you like her. If you really can see yourself with her long-haul or feel that you really do like her, it might be worth cutting her some slack, regardless of how annoying it might be. Egoes can be a big hinderance in forming any relationship. So, just come to a conclusion as to which is more important to you: having a reliable girlfriend or having her (that sounds predatory and weird but you know what I mean). Whichever you decide go with, just don't feel obliged to go either way. Quote The Raven Nevermore

[Mr T Jobs To Me]

I'd guess she's either trying to see if you really want to date her (i.e. playing hard to get) or she genuinely doesn't want to date you. If you think it's the former, instead of getting irritated, get motivated. Get in mind what you'd want to do for an awesome date, when you talk to her next pick up some clues on when she'd be able to do something, then just call her up the day you want to do it and put her on the spot. I get disgruntled after about 1 flakeout too, probably should take this advice myself.

[djthefunkchris]

When I was dating, I would just ask someone out on the spot ussually. Never was into the big plans, because ussually something come up (on my end), and Then they think I'm the one flaking out. So, I would say something like.. "Hey, I'll be at "A" tonight, if your there, want to go to "B" later?". Or it might have been "Hey, I'll be at "A" Friday.... same as above" If they say no, and show up anyways, I will give them another try before asking someone else. See if they changed their mind first. What is totally weird, is ussually they would end up there even if the answer was no. Sometimes would even still say no even though they showed up. So then I would ask someone else, and go anyways. Another wierd thing is that ussually "AFTER THE FACT" they tell me that they wanted to go, but couldn't... instead of telling me that was the reason before... Then ask me to do the same exact thing. That led me to believe, and still leads me to believe that if you make them the number one priority, but are not held back by a "NO"... (Take someone else instead), the next time they will think twice before saying no. I have a friend, he does all kinds of things for a girl... Has flowers sent, relentlessly tells them how pretty they are, and how much they think of them. Always being told no to the important things (that he would like), and say's yes to anything involving buying her something. I've actually seen him rent a limo, buy flowers, and have a whole night of pampering the girl in mind... just to have her take off before the night is over. Still he does this to this day. My wife to this day thinks of me as that crazy kid I used to be. If I say let's go do this, she will say something "If I say I don't want to go, your not taking someone else are you?" She is joking when she says this (I hope), but it's from earlier memmories of our relationship. Kind of hits the nail on the head though, to me... If you want a girl, let her know... Do not be totally dependant on her answer though... Keep trudging till she actually follows through with some sort of commitment. You don't need to be committed if she isn't. Once they realise they aren't the only fish in the sea, and realise what they have passed up, next time she won't be so fast to say "Not a good time". If they use that as a reason not to talk to you, when there were no commitments in the first place... Then that's what they wanted anyways... A reason.

[CapCee]

When I was dating my former girlfriend of 3 years, she would "flake out" all of the time. There were several times that we'd have plans and I'd call the house at 8 or 9pm and her mother would say "oh, she's asleep". My first thought was that some other guy was running laps through her before I could get to it and she told her mom to lie for her. There's no way a young adult is asleep at 8pm. There were other times that she had some off the wall emergency come up at the last second. Once, I tried the "I'll be here at this time" thing and she showed up, but made zero effort to even come around me. She had a bunch of friends at this location at the time. I was really given no choice but to keep it cool and brush it off. Though she had fallen from the top of my priority list, we still ended up hanging out a few times. She fell madly in love with me, and we were together for about 3 years. We've been apart for around 4 to 5 months and she still wants to get back together. Basically any attractive girl is a flake. They are almost all nuts and you absolutely will not know what they are thinking. CHRIS has the best advice for every scenario he brought up. I also know a few guys that treat women like queens right away and buy them everything right off the bat. These women do not take these guys seriously. They are treated like a convenience, not a partner.