SWF2K9 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 (ooc: This is my latest attempt at a diary, I want to try and stick with this one. the reason I can't continue my ROF one is because my save data was deleted by accident.) Key: all my speech will be red OOC = Out of character CCS = Character can't see Disclaimer Some material in this thread are not suitible for young people, this is not meant to offend anyone. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- January Monday Week 1, Hello, My name is Adam Parks, I was a wrestler in the 80's, I bet you all think I'm some washed up wrestler... but no... I am thrusting wrestling right back to the 80's! Hello Sam, how are you? Sam Strong: well I am very go- nice?... I knew you were gonna say that. Strong: well actu- Apu? yeah he is the guy on the Sompsins, the guy who owns the Mart O'Kwik, stupid kids programs, I thought you were better then that sam! Strong: look this interview is going terrib- terrific? good, I'll start tommorow.... Tuesday Week 1, My interview yesterday was real professional, not like these kids nowadays who just barge in and demand a Job. The most annoying thing is when they intterupt you. So rude. I thought I pay Sam a visit. I hope he doesn't mind me walking in on his conversation. CCS: Business Man: We will give you $5,000,000, seeing as we like how this place is run... we will conveniently place our investment in 5... I hope I get thier in time to talk to him. CCS: Buisness man: 4 Man this will be good, I will make this place great! CCS: Man: 3 almost there! CCS: Man: 2! I'm here! Hello Everyone... who the hell are you, you look like a piece of sh*t... and you smell... no... you REAK... no... you ARE a piece of sad lonely, fat, disgusting, hobo looking, crap smelling and UGLY piece of sh*t... so who are you? Man: the guy who was about to give Strong $5,000,000... Who are YOU!? I run this place B*TCH! ... wait ... you were about to do what?.... er ... I mean... I am a veteran... GRRRR! (The Man leaves... crying) hmm... what a p*ssy Strong: You are... FIR- On fire? I know I have some plans for this place! I will turn it totally 80's! Strong: that's the smartest thing you ever di- Up the butt hole? I know! Strong: Oh my Fuc- beep! Naughty word, Don't laugh, I'm serious... I am not afraid to spank you! I will make you cry In front of all your friends! Strong: but nobody is here, in F- exactly my point... loner. Wednesday, Week 1 yesterday went really well! tonight is my first show. I hope all those "hip, goo daddy pamps and Hoo's" know what they are doing. OOC: Predictions Bruce the giant Vs "The Hardcore American" Chris Caulifield. James Justice Vs Daryl Devine Danny Rushmore Vs Des David Vs Nicky Champion Alicia Strong and Captain USA Vs Cherry Bomb and Freddie Datsun ROSTER Main Event Bruce the Giant Chris Caulifield James Justice Peter Valantine Upper Card Freddie Datsun Giant Redwood Jumbo Jackson T- Rex Mid Card Anger Captain USA Daryl Devine Des Davids Java Mick Muscles Nicky Champion Lower Card Al The Hill Billy Danny Rushmore Tribal warrior Openers Eric Bull Happy Elwood Lex Appeal Al The Hill Billy Tag Teams Jumbo Dinosaur Jumbo Jackson and T-Rex Savage Fury Java and Tribal Warrior The Hill Billys Al and Pete The Tower of Power Danny Rushmore and Mick Muscles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rathen4 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Capital letters. Proper punctuation. Actually being dedicated to getting the diary done. Not just having an update consist of 3 lines, before bumping your thread again in an hour with another 3 lines. These are all important. Don't disappoint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UFC-KING Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Seconded Stick with this one, and don't just update with 3 lines. Bruce the giant Vs "The Hardcore American" Chris Caulifield. James Justice Vs Daryl Devine Danny Rushmore Vs Des David Vs Nicky Champion Alicia Strong and Captain USA Vs Cherry Bomb and Freddie Datsun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nedew Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 I thought you abandoned the last one because of 'personal reasons'? Anyway, yeah, I concur with the others. Don't become known for chopping and changing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWF2K9 Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 I thought you abandoned the last one because of 'personal reasons'? Anyway, yeah, I concur with the others. Don't become known for chopping and changing... I did, but only abandoned ROF for personal resons, SWF I just didn't like doing. ROF I deleted by accident afterwards. but my personal resons are personal... or as Adam parks would say... you... you... you...aww just F*ck off... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBrockLock Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 I'm curious why personal reasons prevented you from doing ROF but 2 days later you can do USWP. Did your persona reasons just not like ROF? Anyway please do not use Masked Orange/Strawberry in this diay, the was just weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Actarus Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Here be the diary writing tips thread. Please read it and consider EVERYTHING very carefully. http://67.19.230.90/~arles/forum/showthread.php?t=34894 Additionally, all the tips in your previous ROF as well as this dynasty apply as well. I'm noticing you're agreeing with the criticisms levied against you, but you're not actually DOING what people have suggested. Please reconsider. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praguepride Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 And the winner of the ADeezy write-a-like contest goes to.... But seriously. Stop! Take a deep breath. You seem like one of those people who's bursting with ideas but struggle to actually commit to one of them. I should know, I'm one of them. Even though I"m doing a CCW diary, I'm already thinking of how to start an RIPW, a 4C, and a WEXXV. But the key is that you just have to dedicate yourself to ONE idea at a time. Pick an idea and promise yourself that you will commit to it for at least 4 months. If you don't think you can do it, then just jot notes but don't actually post stuff online. The problem with posting and abandoning is that it destroys your "street cred" and so when you finally do get a good idea, nobodies gonna bother taking you seriously because they think you'll just abandon it and start a new one in X days. So just keep thinking to yourself. "I know I"ve got a great idea for promotion XXX or worker YYY but I'm going to stick to this ONE idea until (current date + 4 months). 4-6 months is a good run for a diary. Plus you'll get some experience continuing a diary past the first couple shows as the nature of the game changes as you go on. Eventually all your initial story lines play out and then what? You need to gain real experience, which only happens by sticking to a diary for a lengthy period of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWF2K9 Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 I'm curious why personal reasons prevented you from doing ROF but 2 days later you can do USWP. Did your persona reasons just not like ROF? Anyway please do not use Masked Orange/Strawberry in this diay, the was just weird. something happened... its personal ans as I keep posting I DELETED MY ROF GAME BY ACCIDENT. PS: I will try and use the tips and stuff you guys tell me. But as it a forum I am used to talking and nobody cares about your grammar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Stranger Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 something happened... its personal ans as I keep posting I DELETED MY ROF GAME BY ACCIDENT. You've posted that twice now in this thread. In the ROF thread, pending any new edits you might try, you just said it was personal life twice. In fact, the first time you said: I quit... please don't leave negative feedback because of this saying I am a quitter, things are going on in my personal life, I don't have the time right now. So suddenly, less than 24 hours later, we go from 'don't have the time right now' to 'I deleted my ROF game'. Which was never mentioned in that thread, still accessible on the front page as I write this. PS: I will try and use the tips and stuff you guys tell me. But as it a forum I am used to talking and nobody cares about your grammar. This is not a forum where nobody cares about your grammar, sorry. Full show writeups pretty much require that we be able to understand what's going on in the thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWF2K9 Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 USPW American Wrestling! USPW American Wrestling LIVE from the West Texas Colloseum! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- T Rex Vs Demon Anger Adams thoughts: Well Anger wanted to make a success of the rest of his career, but he is a Jack@ss. T-Rex gets the win after a Jurassic crush, what a stupid name... will have to talk to him. Anger was exhausted by the end... what a douchebag. Winner: T-Rex in 7:31 Rating: D ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nicky Champion Vs Des Davids Vs Danny Rushmore Adams thoughts: .... it was OK... but I can still pick holes, for I am old and they are young. Danny Rushmore was REALLY tired, I hope he has a heart attack... or gets hit by a bus... Nicky gets the win 'cos one of them had to. Winner: Nicky Champion Rating: D -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bruce the Giant and James Justice in an angle James makes his way to the ring, belt in hand ready for his celebration James: Hello Fans!!!... I's like to thank you all! thanks for supporting me while I won this title!, thanks for being... er... Fans! and thanks for paying... to see... ME! In fact I love you all so much I will give everyone of you 10 dollars, just for being fans... that's good or the fans in the cheap seats! you make a profit! here you go! He hands one to a fan and then Bruce's music comes on Bruce: I-a Want-a the-a title! ... ... ... a! He then gets in the ring and kicks James in the leg, punches him and tries a big boot but can't reach... so he hits another punch! and sends him down to the mat. Bruce leaves... very slowly... out of breath.. Adams thoughts: It was good... kind of, but they are veterans, so it was great! Bruce couldn't reach james head... he is 5'9! Ahhahhah I will get him in my office just to laugh at him. but it was alright. Rating: B -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cherry Bomb and Freddie Datsun Vs Captain USA and Alicia Strong Thoughts: A decent match... for one that involved females... God I hate those things... I was staring at Freddie's crotch for most of the match... I mean thinking manly thought about him... I mean... I was in the toilet for this match a have a rare dieseise called "Ireallyneedapooandwasnotlookingatfreddie... itis" Winner: Captain USA and Alicia strong Rating: C- -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me (Adam Parks) and Daryl Devine Devine and Parks are backstage. Devine, do you want a title shot? Devine: err... yeah, thanks... who are you? What!? How can you not know me!? Adam Parks, 80's wrestling GOD! Devine: ... no.... should I? YES! How disrespectful! I take your title shot! Muhahahah! Devine: Dude... that's creepy... Indeed.... hey... can I... touch... your armpits? they are sweaty... would you mind if I licked them? Devine: What's wrong with you!?... Have you ever got p*ssy? I have only seen 1... my nan's... Devine gives him a strange look CAT... I meant her CAT! You strange young man! your generati- he is cut off by Devine who kicks the daylights out of Adam Adam's Thoughts: Wow! I was a real star in this segment! I totally was... awesome... whatever that is. Although the web says differently, But they don't book the most prestigeous company in the US, do they. Rating: D- -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Daryl Devine Vs James Justice Adams thoughts: Hmm... A decent Match, I hadn't seen either wrestle before, so I wanted Daryl to win, but James used his creative control, I have to "speak" with him later... James got the win with a liberation slam. Winner: James Justice Rating: C- -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alicia Strong and Sam Strong in an angle Alicia: Hi Daddy Sam: Hi princess. Alicia: Daddy... I love you... Sam: I love you too, well done on your match... do you like captain USA Alicia: eww... But daddy... I LOVE you. Will you go to the cinema with me? We can kiss, then I can yake you back to my hotel... Sam: HELL YEAH! Alicia: Err... I was Joking, I just want a new pair of shoes... Sam: yeah... so was I... Alicia: But Dad you seemed pr- Sam: here is $300 go on love... Adams thoughts: Haha, I love this!... what? Whats wrong with incest? I did it with my cousin, Johnny...... but, it was good very entertaining. I think I may continue this although... Alicia IS a woman... argh Rating: B- -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bruce The Giant Vs Chris Caulifield Adams thoughts: Hmm... Matches like these make me like young people more, why did I put a squash as my main event... Anyway, this makes Bruce more of a threat to James. Bruce, an old school monster, all is well in the world of wrestling. Winner: Bruce The Giant Rating: C -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A good show, I think this may be show of the year! God save us If I didn't perform, would of been a F+ at best... yeah, thsi show was a FABULOUS ... I mean... Kool! show, with a FINAL rating of... C -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWF2K9 Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 So suddenly, less than 24 hours later, we go from 'don't have the time right now' to 'I deleted my ROF game'. Which was never mentioned in that thread, still accessible on the front page as I write this. Please STOP leaving comments like this I GET IT, you have a problem with me or my posts, however, I think you should give me another chance, and I did delete the Game when I tried to delete my original USPW game (one before diary) so stop, and those personal resons where reasons but it no longer matters, I thought it would last longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Stranger Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 I GET IT, you have a problem with me or my posts, Do I? Where do you get that idea? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Casey Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Whether you stick with this diary or not is up to you, but enthusiasm is good. However, I would suggest that the hunour (crude innuendo, incest) wouldn't fly in USPW. It's a family-friendly fed, and this kind of content wouldn't work as a sudden change. By all means keep trying, but jokes about armpit licking and Sam and Alicia Strong getting a hotel room together are just really out of place in a fed aimed at parents and kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foolinc Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Whether you stick with this diary or not is up to you, but enthusiasm is good. However, I would suggest that the hunour (crude innuendo, incest) wouldn't fly in USPW. It's a family-friendly fed, and this kind of content wouldn't work as a sudden change. By all means keep trying, but jokes about armpit licking and Sam and Alicia Strong getting a hotel room together are just really out of place in a fed aimed at parents and kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaded Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Apart from the 'humor' - which is completely wrong for USPW, as has already been pointed out - your match write-ups are fairly lacking, to put it mildly. I only saw two moves mentioned all night, apart from Bruce's beatdown on James. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepper2008 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 The humor borders to creepy and too creepy to way too creepy. The incest angle is bad, when you shove it like that immediately, it could have work with a slow build, leaving green minded ,disturbed and religiously fanatic fans wondering. The armpits are just too bleck for me. Feedbacks are meant to encourage and not discourage. Try reading J. Silvers diary for inspiration, lol:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWF2K9 Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 Yeah, I changed the product, however even if the angles backstage were not rude, my random thoughts and stuff backstage have no impact as I highly doubt Kids and parents will sit and read this together, however I will put a disclaimer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBrockLock Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 Yeah, I changed the product, however even if the angles backstage were not rude, my random thoughts and stuff backstage have no impact as I highly doubt Kids and parents will sit and read this together, however I will put a disclaimer. It has nothing to do with kids and parents reading this, its about making this diary seem realistic. Even though it is a ficticious game people expect you to make USPW seem like USPW, which is very family-oriented. The fact that there is an incest angle does not offened anyone on these forums, but it takes away from the diary because there is no way that would happen in our colletive vision of USPW, even more so considering you are trying to make this feel like the 1980's. No way in hell that would have happened, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krazy Killian Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 I am really confused by this, like REALLY confused by this. I can't tell what is a gimmick and what is real! Maybe I'm just knit picking but it seems the story is a version of Goldust who acts like that in real life has been hired without being offered and yet is still given power to book the shows? WHAT?! It's just bizzare. The whole thing seems like a series of freaky sketches. The only thing I like about this is the arrogant demeanor of your character, his flamboyance is also interesting but I'm not sure if you even know who this guy is some times he seems like an arrogant business man and other times like a gay hairdresser. Also - theres a reason WWE stopped the incest storyline with the Burchills...it was wierd and bizare! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWF2K9 Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 Ok, I will try and make the Shows a bit more family like, I fully Understand what you are saying, the bext show will be fully 80's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWF2K9 Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 (OOC: I actually wrote LOADS of stuff today but my Laptop Froze) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thursday Week 1 Wow... I was SOOOO Amazing, I will now go get my reward from Sam. Hello Sam Strong: Hi, Do you have any I idea how Awf- Awesome? thanks I know I am so great, I wish everyone knew how good I was, I mean I am so good, I wonder if Jesus could book as good as me? Strong: NO! The angle's were NOT family Friendly, the rating was 0.49 and to top it all off, you sent for over 30 try outs! We are bleedin- Oh God. We are let me get rid of that blood, I'll suck it through a straw! Sam gives him a funny look Strong: Look, I don't want a bunch of kids who have NO idea what they are doing run- I will train them, they will be JUST like me! Strong: Oh no god! Pl- They will wrestle 80's Sam, now shut up... or you are fired! Sam looks like he will break down in tears, pulling out what hair he has left You look mad... I will leave... young Padawan After a few hours in my office reading Hot Bods Fitness I got a knock on my door. *uhum* Come In In steps Dallas Mcwade You want a Job Dallas: Well Yea- Good cos you might just get one. What do you want Dallas: Well I would like t- Done, Your Hired, fill out the contract and your hired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lexa90 Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 This really isn't a fun read, you should really look at other USPW diaries (for example Angel's diary) to see how to book USPW realistic. To be honest your writing skills are horrible, you still have much to learn. You should really read other people's diaries and then try again with your own. Because if you don't, you will not be accepted in to this board... Just look at Adeezy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juggaloninjalee Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 I cant believe I just spent 30 minutes reading this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krazy Killian Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 This really isn't a fun read, you should really look at other USPW diaries (for example Angel's diary) to see how to book USPW realistic. To be honest your writing skills are horrible, you still have much to learn. You should really read other people's diaries and then try again with your own. Because if you don't, you will not be accepted in to this board... Just look at Adeezy I concur. The problem I think is that your trying to hard to be funny, its like watching a fish out of water. Try as it might to get some joy...its just upsettingly cringy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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