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EWA: Why People Almost Care About Wrestling In Europe, But Hate Themselves For It


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It wasn’t quite the best of times, but for many it was the worst of times. After all, you know things suck when the world starts looking to Europe for the next, best hope for Sports Entertainment. Screw you TCW and your world domination.

 

A DVD case marked “EWA European Union Of Doom 2009!” (the cover of which displayed a collage of various muscles, seemingly blending together) lay empty on, well, the DVD player. Apparently someone can’t afford Blu-Ray. Following a few clickety clicks of an unseen remote control (or maybe from the first person view of a MYSTERIOUS HEAD BOOKER NYHAAAA), and after some anguished groaning the aged 12-inch screen flickered to life. A couple more clickies, and soon a pair of giants appeared within a crude caged structure, looking lost as they aimlessly smacked each other around with mostly punches. Somehow, the crowd was going delirious at this ungodly spectacle. Finally, the smaller of the two men (who was still three times the size of a normal man) awkwardly heaved the larger man upwards and dropped him down with something vaguely resembling a Spinebuster.

 

The second battled to be projected on the dying screen featured a muscle bound bald guy brawling with a dashing looking Spaniard as the EWA Universal title hung silently overhead. Eventually baldie pitched a ladder into the ring… the same ladder he’d find himself Madrid Mauled off the top of (causing the same said bald man watching the DVD to flinch in pain) as the Spaniard unhooked the Universal title and climbed off the ladder, signaling his victory in the match.

 

That was over a year ago now. Since then, a new man has been crowned champion. Faces have come and gone. It’s a new day. It’s a new… EWA.

 

This is the story of Spiros Landrakis, Jr., son of the original Spiros Landrakis (who is a minor legend in 1960s and 70s European wrestling). Both called themselves “Mighty”. Neither was really all that correct with the label.

 

The year is 2010. The place... EWA!

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EWA Roster Rundown!

 

Main Event

 

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Bam Bam Johansson

“The Alpha Norwegian” Bam Bam Johansson is current the reigning EWA Universal champion for nearly a year, after defeating Louis Figo Manico at EWA Collision Course 2009, and hasn’t been pinned since. He recently hosted the EWA Olympics, a companywide competition designed to determine a new number one contender.

 

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El Brisa

This mysterious masked Luchadore burst onto the scene in the summer of 2010, but no one knows who he is. Probably just the guy EWA brought in after Joey Beauchamp left the company for parts unknown. Yup, that’s probably it.

 

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Louis Figo Manico

“The Pain From Spain” may not be the champion anymore, but he does have the distinction of only ever being defeated by the current champ. As the gold medalist in “Standard Matches”, Manico has managed to survive the tournament of the Olympic gold medalists and is just a match away from being the last one standing, and maybe have a shot at regaining his Universal title…

 

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Marat Khoklov

While doctors tell Khoklov he’s pushing himself too hard and that it’ll cost him a few years on his career, it hasn’t stopped him from being a dominant force in BHOTWG, USPW, AND EWA. The Russian Giant is the single most imposing force in the EWA today, and made himself an even bigger threat at the dawn of 2010 when he formed a “Soviet Union” with Boris Kiriyakin and The Big Bad, the deadliest stable EWA has ever seen.

 

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Sergei Kalashnov

“The Fresh Prince Of Belarus” has been called “a fellow Alpha” by Bam Bam Johansson, and through thick and thin has been one of the most loyal friends of Bam Bam Johansson. Already having a mark against him for being a high flier, Kalashnov has recently been falling in production that some cite as a sign of his advancing age (despite being only 31). Still, he’s the second most Alpha worker in the EWA today (he even got the gold medal for Alphaness!)

 

 

 

Upper Midcard

 

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Boris Kiriyakin

Big? Check. Menacing? Check. From Eastern Europe? Check. Completely devoid of talent? Check. It isn’t hard to see why Boris Kiriyakin, one third of the Soviet Union, is one of the top stars in the company today. After a lengthy Tag Team title reign with partner The Big Bad, Boris is actually only half-painful to watch wrestle these days. However, they’ve recently lost the titles to the much more talented tandem of The Force, shocking EWA fans around Europe.

 

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Byron

Beautiful and deadly, EWA’s owner has recently taken it upon himself to clean the company up of villainy. You know, forgetting that once upon a time he was the most feared villain in the company. He won the gold medal for “Gimmick Matches”, but was eliminated in the first round of the tournament by Marat Khoklov. Still, he’s both charismatic, talented, and muscle bound.

 

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Jed High

One half of the re-united tag team of The Force, Australia’s Jed High is following in the footsteps of Sergei Kalashnov, Joey Beauchamp, and El Brisa to prove that talented workers CAN succeed in EWA. Mind boggling, I know. With a shocking school boy pin on Boris Kiriyakin, Jed High won the Tag Team titles for his team. Indeed, the force was strong with them that day… perhaps superpowers are superior to steroids?

 

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Spiros The MightyTurns out Spiros really is crazy… or is he? So he showed Bam Bam Johansson that his “words from the Gods” came from a mysterious robotic owl he keeps in his locker room. So what? Who doesn’t want a talking robotic owl?

 

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The Big Bad

After narrowly avoiding being fired for his general blandness, The Big Bad finally has gained the charisma to match his average in-ring ability. As one half of the Soviet Union tag team, and one third of the stable of the same name, The Big Bad has quite the advantage in the company. That, and his left butt cheek has more muscle in it than you (whoever you are) do in your entire body. Not much of a singles wrestler, still, as he gets winded before he can reach the ring.

 

 

Midcard

 

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Adam Matravers

The reigning EWA European champion, Matravers is currently on a hot winning streak… mostly since he’s been cheating to win all his matches. Sadly, it has become obvious that his lack of general physical girth is being noticed by the fans, and his matches frequently aren’t as impressive to the EWA crowd as those by, say, Boris Kiriyakin. No, seriously.

 

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Eddie Cornell

“Rugged Due Process” has found himself a top candidate for being cut multiple times now, as he seems to have poor chemistry with damn near half the roster. But those pesky internet sites keep telling everyone he’s gonna be awesome some day, and he’s a world class worker whenever he actually clicks with someone else.

 

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Haiti Voodude

Has the second coolest hat in the EWA today (after Boris’s), Haiti Voodude is currently looking for a new direction. He lost his European title to Greg Keith, and he lost control of his personal zombie, Danny Patterson. But the fans love him, he has an awesome hat, and has proven himself to at least be a better midcarder than most.

 

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Hercules Johansson

The prodigal son of EWA they say, Hercules Johansson has everything that made his older brother a star and more. Heck, he can even sorta wrestle! Devoutly loyal to his older brother, Hercules has recently struck out on his own for a bit to prove that he wasn’t riding on Bam Bam’s Alpha coat-tails. Spiros believe he very well may be the Greek hero Hercules, sent by the Gods to help EWA in its darkest hour…

 

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Poppa Punisher

After Burning EXILE was handed his walking papers for being too “flashy” in the ring, Poppa went back to teaming with Puffy the Sand Iron Player as Devastation United. With the aid of Phoebe Plumridge, they went from lower card jokes to legitimate contenders in the tag division. Big and strong, some say Poppa is just too boring to ever rise much further… that, and Poppa Punisher sounds like the name of a leather daddy.

 

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Puffy The Sand Iron Player

After wandering around beating people in EWA and MOSC with golf clubs, Puffy reformed Devastation United with Poppa Punisher. They haven’t quite captured the tag titles, but Phoebe Plumridge helped make them more than jokes in the eyes of the fans. Also looks like Lex Luthor in a golf hat.

 

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Ruud Van Anger

A spot monkey by nature, and the smallest male wrestler in EWA, the better looking half of Double Dutch is sorta the anti-thesis of what is EWA. However, Double Dutch is the single most experienced tag team in the EWA, and his small stature makes guys like the Soviet Union’s members looking even bigger.

 

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Toby Juan Kanobi

The other half of reigning Tag Team champions, The Force, Toby Juan Kanobi is lucky to have a partner as likeable as Jed High. Jed High got the better of him and eventually turned him to the Dark Side, but they’re Light Side again.

 

 

Lower Midcard

 

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Danny Patterson

Bafflingly, Patterson has struggled to break free from the pack in EWA despite being truly enormous in stature. He finally received a shot in the arm to his career when he was “zombified” by Haiti Voodude and formed the team of Da Bad Men with him. Da Bad Men as a team never really caught on, though, and he broke free from Voodude’s control to team instead with Joss Thompson.

 

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Frank De Pain

Like fellow spot monkey and Dutchmen, Ruud Van Anger, Frank De Pain is both too small, too high flying, and rather lacking in charisma. But this has made Double Dutch the ultimate heels in EWA, for they stand for everything that EWA is not!

 

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Joss Thompson

Had a very successful tag team with Greg Keith as The Republicans that was meant to launch both to EWA superstardom… instead, Greg Keith abandoned the EWA European title, his partner, and EWA to go tour with BHOTWG. Well, screw him. Thompson took a hit because of this, but quickly started teaming with Danny Patterson to rejuvenate his EWA career.

 

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White Knight

A brutal brawler with the prototypical EWA bodybuilder look, White Knight just can’t seem to connect with the fans. He’s proven himself reliable, though, and has a knack for teaching other works how to brawl better. And brawling is good.

 

 

Opener

 

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Beast Bantom

Was brought in as the third Republican (despite not being American) to add some size to their group, but when Greg Keith bailed he found himself still stuck down here. An excellent look, and some talent thanks to his time with those jerks in UEW, no one thought Bantom would be punished for the failings of a talented worker. Instead, he was thrown into a team of “Cyber-Beast” with the debuting Clinton Washington, and they now form the premier jobber level tag team in the company.

 

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Clinton Washington

Being a big Billy Idol fan, Spiros the Mighty asked for Mister King to bring back his “Cyber Punk” Clinton Washington persona. Washington/King complied, and the youngster was teamed with fellow Englishman Beast Bantom as “Cyber-Beast”. He provides the voice of the team in their rare promos.

 

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Hugh de Aske

Being both Belgian and a pirate, it was hard to pass up on signing de Aske to EWA. His overwhelming level of talent has meant he hasn’t really risen up the card since his debut, but hey, at least he’s a pirate. Arrrrr!

 

 

Enhancement Talent

 

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Leigh Burton

He bumps pretty well, so has been assigned the level of “Official Jobber of EWA”. He’s kinda talented, and not totally undersized, so maybe one day he’ll actually be allowed to do more than dark matches and the odd squash to start off the show.

 

 

Women’s Division

 

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Anna Ki

The only Russian not in the Soviet Union, Anna Ki is still a bit dastardly. She just looks a lot better when she does it. She’s a key part of the Women’s Division, and one of the reason for expanding it as of recent.

 

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Donna Marino

A little chick from Rome who showed up in wrestling recently, she’s mostly just really cute. Okay, she’s not bad on the microphone either, but her wrestling style is best described as a sloppier version of Double Dutch’s. But who doesn’t want a cute Italian chick around?

 

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Geena The Warrior Princess

EWA Female champion and a member of The Alphas, Geena is the most recognizable woman on the roster. Not shockingly, she’s also the biggest woman on the roster and this is a bit part of her reason for being the current champ. Size matters in the EWA, even in the Women’s Division… that, and they better be hot to boot.

 

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Jeri Behr

After being cut as “surplus”, EWA brought the Swedish beauty back when they decided to expand the Women’s Division. She’s extremely easy on the eyes, but that’s about it.

 

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Miss Information

Her technical style means she spends plenty of time grabbing other women. Sure, she’s actually talented at it at a wrestling standpoint, but that isn’t the part of it the EWA crowd seems to focus on. Giggity.

 

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Nina The Psycho Ballerina

She’s a psycho ballerina, true, but she isn’t quite as attractive as her peers. This could be detrimental to her career in EWA.

 

 

Non-Wrestlers

 

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Arson Wells

EWA’s Road Agent, he actually doesn’t do much more than help out backstage. After all, there’s wrestlers now who have more Psychology than he does. Meh, he may be useful again one day.

 

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Eva Berlin

With the expansion of the Women’s Division, EWA needed both a new referee and maybe a female one. Eva was the only option, and got the contract. Also a capable wrestler, Eva doesn’t look too good in a two piece… as such, she’s stuck wearing a referee uniform.

 

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Lawrence Young

The long running Colour Commentator of EWA, Lawrence Young has found a new direction as the Commissioner of EWA, to give the company an on-screen authority figure type.

 

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Mark Stanford

He’s an announcer, and probably the best in Europe. Which is sorta like being the best wrestler in the defunct HWA promotion.

 

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Patrick Garrett

The head referee in EWA, and he’s damn good at it too.

 

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Phoebe Plumridge

“Double P” found success as a manager for Devastation United, but with Lawrence Young usually away from the announcing table, she’s recently taken over as Colour Commentator for now.

 

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Vita

Sorta hot, she stands around as eye candy for whoever needs a manager at the moment.

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EWA Oktoberst 2010

October 2010 Week 4

From Catt Stadium in front of 8309 fans and LIVE on PPV!

 

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Mark Stanford: Here we go folks. Up next is the final match between the final two gold medalists of the EWA Olympics. Literally the rest of the roster has been eliminated, and now only Louis Figo Manico, gold medalist in Standard Matches and Spiros The Mighty, gold medalist in Battle Royals, remain!

 

Lawrence Young: That's right, Mark, and whoever wins this match earns the right to face the peerless Bam Bam Johansson for the EWA Universal title! As you probably know, the first match-up between Spiros and Manico ended with a double count out, leading to Bam Bam Johansson declaring himself special guest referee of their final match to insure a winner walked out of here tonight.

 

Mark Stanford: Well, can you think of any referee as Alpha as "The Alpha Norwegian"? No, you can't. Heck, NO ONE can!

 

 

 

 

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Louis Figo Manico vs. Spiros The Mighty w/ Special Guest Referee: Bam Bam Johansson

 

… but Manico ducks, and kicks Spiros in the gut! With his opponent doubled over, Louis Figo Manico goes to hook one arm, and then the other, causing the crowd to pop as the Madrid Maul is set up! Manico tries to lift Spiros… but Spiros fights back, getting his arms free and then backdropping Manico, his knee buckling though from the punishment it took earlier! Manico fights to his feet, but only to meet a boot to his gut at… WRATH OF THE GODS! Spiros lands The Wrath Of The Gods on Louis Figo Manico, but it took all he had left out of him! Slowly, he drags himself over to Manico for the cover, hoping to now be the last gold medalist standing, and the special guest referee starts the count…

 

1…

 

 

 

2….

 

 

 

NO! Manico got a shoulder up! A look of shock comes over Spiros, and he uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet. He signals for Manico to stand back up, looking for a second Wrath! Manico slowly stumbles back up, and turns to face the waiting Spiros… and a massive arm crashes around each of their necks courtesy of special guest referee, Bam Bam Johansson! Johansson wastes no time snapping Spiros The Mighty off the mat and then crushing him down with the Spinebuster! “The Alpha Norwegian” pins him, and starts his own count!

 

1…

 

 

 

2…

 

 

 

3!!!

 

 

Bam Bam Johansson defeated Louis Figo Manico and Spiros the Mighty in 16:18 when Bam Bam Johansson defeated Spiros the Mighty by pinfall with a Spinebuster.

B-

 

 

Johansson signals for the bell. Meanwhile, a confused and dazed looking Louis Figo Manico fights back to his feet. Manico has just enough time to figure out what happened before… BOOM! He too gets a massive Spinebuster from Bam Bam Johansson! Going back and forth, Johansson takes turns stomping both Spiros and LFM, finally grabbing Spiros and tossing him head first over the top rope and out of the ring! He mounts Manico’s prone body and unloads with a volley of rights down onto his head, not stopping until a slew of officials can rush down to the ring and pull the behemoth off of the now bleeding legend of European wrestling!

A

 

Overall Rating: B-

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EWA ALPHA!

November 2010 Week 1

From Bayern Stadion in front of 2000 fans and LIVE on Euro Cable Sports 4!

 

 

 

Dark Show:

Soviet Union vs. White Knight & Leigh Burton

Soviet Union defeated White Knight and Leigh Burton in 6:19 when Boris Kiriyakin defeated White Knight by pinfall with a Red Square.

D

 

Jeri Behr vs. Miss Information

Miss Information defeated Jeri Behr in 5:48 by pinfall with a Lore.

E+

 

 

Main Show:

 

The sound of 80s hair metal style electric guitar greets the ears of the fans in Bayern Stadion, followed immediately by the rumble of a motorcycle engine! However, the usual explosion of cheers that usually coincide with these other two sounds is absent, as the fans watch in a state of shock and confusion as “The Alpha Norwegian” Bam Bam Johansson rides down to the ring. He slides casually in, microphone in hand.

 

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Bam Bam Johansson: Okay, so I’ve heard there’s some confusion as to WHAT happened last night… You see, when a man has something called PLAYER STYLE, like me baby, YEAH, then they can only compete with other men who qualify as being genetically different… genetically, superior. Now, that Spanish guy is just old. I heard he’s over 35, and everyone knows that with the exception of Hugh Hefner, old guys can only qualify for Delta male status at best! And that dude with the owl… he’s ripped, baby, he’s jacked! But he’s also jacked in the head! You can’t tell me these kind of guys can hang with me, I’m the iciest of the ice cold baby, YEAH! And if they can’t beat their fellow Deltas, then what chance do they have against someone genetically… different? Someone who is truly… ALPHA, baby, ALPHA! Like, a snowball’s chance in… in… uh, against someone who is ALPHA baby, YEAH! So hopefully my little message last week let them know that when you’re a little dog in a small pond, you don’t bite the big fish in the big yard. Because fish can totally drown small dogs, YEAH!

 

The fans still slightly confused as to WHAT the hell happened scratch their heads as Bam Bam Johansson leaps out of the ring and onto his motorcycle, roaring through the entryway and out of sight.

A

 

 

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Haiti Voodude vs. Louis Figo Manico

Voodude was back to his old ways, as without any allies all he had left was his Voodoo Dust. But the crafty Manico managed to avoid getting hit with any of it and managed out grapple Voodude with ease, finishing him off with the Madrid Maul for an easy, and predictable, victory.

 

Louis Figo Manico defeated Haiti Voodude in 5:34 by pinfall with a Madrid Maul.

C

 

 

 

*Justice League voice over* Meanwhile, in the secret lair of the evil Soviet Union!

 

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Marat Khoklov: Let Khoklov get this straight… great Cold Warriors of the Motherland lose tag titles to puny capitalist? Little Australian man pin a mighty red son of Mother Russia?

 

Boris Kiriyakin: It not so simple, Comrade! Little men, they move like Hollywood actor movie star! Like… like…

 

The Big Bad: KEANU REEEEEEVES!!!!

 

Boris Kiriyakin: Yes, like The Big Bad say! They move like the Keanu Reeves in the, how you say… Ma…. Matri…. Matrao… The Replacements, yes?

 

The Big Bad: SHANE FAAALCOOOO!!!

 

Marat Khoklov: Khoklov say Hollywood is garbage, and Keanu Reeves is Hollywood garbage and capitalist pig, too! Perhaps, Comrade Boris and Comrade Big Bad simply fail in mission to crush capitalism? Perhaps they now failures in eyes of Lenin and Marx, yes?

 

Boris Kiriyakin: No Comrade! I swear, there is more to little capitalist men than robbing from the working class and gorging themselves with hamburger at McDonald’s!

 

Marat Khoklov, who has previously been staring at a giant picture of Lenin while scratching his beard, finally turns to face his distraught allies.

 

Marat Khoklov: If this is true, then Khoklov thinks that his Comrades should go prove that they now not underestimate capitalist pigs. If they really are as you say, “Keanu Reeves”, then Khoklov shall help friends devise means of which to retaliate against Western oppressors, yes?

 

In Russian, Khoklov barks something at The Big Bad who promptly shoves the cameraman out of the room and closes the door.

B

 

 

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Cyber-Beast vs. The Force©: EWA Tag Team titles

Well gee whiz, it’s The Force’s first title defense since winning the belts, and Clinton Washington and Beast Bantom are about as well known as UEW’s stars… which means no one cares about them. Beast Bantom found the blazing speed of The Force too much to handle, and while Clinton Washington was busy taunting the crowd his partner got nailed with the Sky High from Jed High, who picked up the easy win.

 

The Force defeated Cyber-Beast in 5:54 when Jed High defeated Beast Bantom by pinfall with a Sky High. The Force make defence number 1 of their EWA Tag Team titles.

D-

 

 

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The Force leap to the turnbuckles, holding their EWA Tag Team titles high above their heads…

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BorisKiriyakin.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TheBigBad.jpg

 

...but alas, the Soviet Union has unleashed their recently devised master plan… which is about the same as every plan they’ve ever come up with… ever. With a powerful shove, The Big Bad sends Toby Juan Kanobi flying off the turnbuckle and face first into the barrier outside the ring. Jed High tries to catch Boris Kiriyakin off guard by leaping off the top rope, but Kiriyakin simply catches him and drops Jed with the Soviet Slam! Boris and The Big Bad lay the boots to Jed before picking him up and hitting the Red Square (and double spinebustery thing)! Still not satisfied, The Big Bad picks Jed High up one more time and gorilla presses him over his head before catapulting him out of the ring (and on to Toby who was just starting to recover).

C+

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA_European.jpg

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JossThompson.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/AdamMatravers.jpg

Joss Thompson vs. Adam Matravers©: EWA European title

Simply put, there was just far too much talent in this ring. No one wanted to see all the technical awesomeness and high flying stunts involved in this match, but it went down anyways. Thompson did what he could to use his superior size and strength to keep Matravers firmly on the mat… and well, it worked pretty well. Matravers finally managed to duck a discus punch from Joss by sliding under his legs and rolling him up with a school boy… and using his feet for leverage on the ropes behind him! He got the three, and stole yet another win! Dastardly!

 

Adam Matravers defeated Joss Thompson in 6:28 by pinfall, illegally using the ropes for leverage. Adam Matravers makes defence number 11 of his EWA European title.

C-

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Byron.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohansson.jpg

Byron vs. Bam Bam Johansson

Apparently Bam Bam Johansson was just feeling bored, as this was a non-title match due to the lack of a number one contender, and it’s not like he hasn’t proven before in the past that time and time again he can beat the crap out of Byron. This case wasn’t much different. Byron found himself unable to manipulate Johansson via grappling (as Bam Bam simply flexed, making his body as solid as a diamond), and Johansson Hulk Hogan style no-sold Byron’s powerful striking moves. Bam Bam started raining with powerful forearm shots and shoulder blocks, each one sending Byron tumbling painfully to the mat. In desperation, Byron went for a diving shoulder block of his own… but “The Alpha Norwegian” grabbed him out of the air and hit his still unofficially named Spinebuster (Bull Shark Buster?) and pinned the broken owner of EWA.

 

Bam Bam Johansson defeated Byron in 10:24 by pinfall with a Spinebuster.

B-

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohansson.jpg

 

The bell has just rang, and Johansson has his truly massive arms raised above his head in victory (quite possibly breaking the laws of physics in the process)…

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SpirostheMighty.jpg

 

...and in comes Spiros the Mighty! Immediately they start exchanging rights with neither gaining an upper hand…

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg

 

...and then in comes Louis Figo Manico! Spiros and Manico team up and beat Johansson back against the ropes, but when Manico turns around to look as his new found ally… Spiros clocks him with a right fist, too! The brawl back across the ring to the entry side ropes, and soon all three men tumble to the floor and Bam Bam charges ahead collides with enough force to crush a small child! And all three of them soon stand in a circle, smacking one another around as they walk back through the entry way… because it’d make too much sense for them to just settle this current fight in front of the audience and all of Europe on television. I mean, who doesn’t fight by slowly walking and throwing a punch every few steps towards the exit of somewhere?

B+

 

 

Overall Rating: B-

 

 

OOC: Still debating if I should use my old website thingy still or not... and I didn't want to delay too long on my first show, so no predictions this time around. Should be by next time, as soon as I figure out how to handle a few things. I'm still experimenting with my format as well as my writing style, so feedback on that would be just swell. Also I'm aware of how short this might be compared to some of my other work... of course its hard to get motivated to right throwaway matches on TV and a couple of my angles were nothing more than brawls. So, yeah, feedback!

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Quick Picks:

Hugh de Ask & Haiti Voodude vs. The Force

Eddie Cornell vs. Spiros The Mighty

White Knight vs. Adam Matravers©: EWA European title

Ruud Van Anger vs. Louis Figo Manico

 

Well, might as well use it until I can figure out a better idea!

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Hugh de Ask & Haiti Voodude vs. The Force

Eddie Cornell vs. Spiros The Mighty

White Knight vs. Adam Matravers©: EWA European title

Ruud Van Anger vs. Louis Figo Manico

 

hmm botched the predictions by giving away the results? next time do heel then face or vice versa and yeah yellow is painfull recommend dark orange.

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Hugh de Ask & Haiti Voodude vs. The Force

 

The Force hold onto the tag belts for now

 

Eddie Cornell vs. Spiros The Mighty

 

Your user character is still enjoying the better push

 

White Knight vs. Adam Matravers©: EWA European title

 

The overly flashy Matravers holds on to the European title to the disappoinment of the EWA fans who would rather watch roided up meatheads.

 

Ruud Van Anger vs. Louis Figo Manico

 

No brainer

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Hugh de Ask & Haiti Voodude vs. The Force

Eddie Cornell vs. Spiros The Mighty

White Knight vs. Adam Matravers©: EWA European title

Ruud Van Anger vs. Louis Figo Manico

 

hmm botched the predictions by giving away the results? next time do heel then face or vice versa and yeah yellow is painfull recommend dark orange.

 

I assure you, that is actually the order in which I booked them. Should all four on one side win, its purely coincidental. I mean, it'd be bound to happen atleast once, right?

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Quick Picks:

Hugh de Ask & Haiti Voodude vs. The Force

Champs win, easy enough.

 

Eddie Cornell vs. Spiros The Mighty

Spiros is still hitting Main Event slots.

 

White Knight vs. Adam Matravers©: EWA European title

Because he'll cheat.

 

Ruud Van Anger vs. Louis Figo Manico

Louis will win this... for the children.

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http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA.jpg

EWA ALPHA!

November 2010 Week 2

From Bayern Stadion in front of 2000 fans and LIVE on Euro Cable Sports 4!

 

Dark Show:

Leigh Burton vs. Marat Khoklov

Marat Khoklov defeated Leigh Burton in 6:01 by submission with a Russian Giant Bear Hug.

C

 

The Brothers Johansson vs. Cyber-Beast

The Brothers Johansson defeated Cyber-Beast in 5:33 when Bam Bam Johansson defeated Clinton Washington by submission with a Backbreaker Hold.

D+

 

 

 

Main Show:

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HaitiVoodude.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HughdeAske.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JedHigh.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TobyJuanKanobi.jpg

Hugh de Aske & Haiti Voodude vs. The Force

Well, Hugh de Aske plays a pirate FROM the Caribbean, and Haiti Voodude is actually from an island in said sea, so why not team them together and see what happens, right? The new tandem held their own, both being physically stronger than their opponents (and even having a more impressive ground game in de Aske’s case), but in the end The Force were just far too well coordinated and left the Caribbean duo confused with their blazing speed. A missile dropkick from Kanobi sent Voodude tumbling out of the ring, leaving Jed High free to hit Hugh de Aske with the Sky High and pick up the victory.

 

The Force defeated Hugh de Aske and Haiti Voodude in 6:01 when Jed High defeated Hugh de Aske by pinfall with a Sky High.

D

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JedHigh.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TobyJuanKanobi.jpg

 

A techno version of the Star Wars theme plays briefly, but is abruptly shut off as Jed High signals for a pair of microphones to be tossed into the ring… or did he retrieve them with the force? Yup, with the Force… just like Luke in the Wampa Cave.

 

Jed High: Last week, both my master and I felt a great red disturbance in the Force. It was sharp and painful, like a large boot to the face.

 

Toby Juan Kanobi: Indeed, my young apprentice, I too felt as if my face was sent careening into a steel barricade, so strong was this disturbance of the Dark Side. It was like a few thousand voices cried out in pain, only to be silenced at the sight of their fallen heroes.

 

Jed High: Master, I recommend we do not wait for permission from the Council to investigate this matter further! This disturbance in the Force must be dealt with.

 

Toby Juan Kanobi: Patience, young padawan. While I agree that action must be taken soon, we should not rush headlong into a confrontation we do not fully understand! We do not yet even know who or what is responsible for this disturbance!

 

Mark Stanford: Are these guys serious? C’mon, we ALL saw the Soviet Union beat them like a redheaded government mule…

 

Jed High: But master, I know from where the disturbance comes! In my meditation, I sensed a crimson darkness rising from the East! At first I thought the red was simply the color of Sith lightsabers, but I was mistaken! It was the color of the wickedness in their hearts, and I could see their faces!

 

Toby Juan Kanobi silences his partner and closes his eyes.

 

Toby Juan Kanobi: Yes, Jed, I see them too… Perhaps they are not the culprits, but is as good of a place as any to start. SOVIET UNION, least you be a tool of Dark Side scum and villainy, reveal yourselves!

 

Mark Stanford: Gee whiz, you mean the guys who stomped a mudhole in the both of you are potentially responsible. I tell you, these guys are like Batman and Dick Tracey rolled into one.

 

After several seconds of complete silence…

 

Jed High: Master Kanobi, I sense that the Soviet Union may not be here tonight. I believe we should start a search in the IHOP system, where they were rumored to have been spotted.

 

Toby Juan Kanobi: And I sense… a force of the Light Side there, covered in delicious maple syrup. Make haste, apprentice, for the fate of the galaxy and my taste buds is at hand!

C+

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EddieCornell.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SpirostheMighty.jpg

Eddie Cornell vs. Spiros the Mighty

Showing why he’s actually kept around, Cornell showed a great deal of fire in this match as he went toe to toe with the larger Spiros in what quickly became a wild brawl. Spiros managed to use his tremendous strength to pitch the smaller Eddie Cornell around, though usually only to have Eddie come flying back with leaping clotheslines and a wicked discus punch, even working the knee to try and get the heavyweight to topple over. Looking to add an exclamation point to his efforts, Cornell even attempted to go up top for a high risk move. This turned out to be a poor decision, as Spiros caught him from behind and sent him brutally to the mat with the Spartanplex for the victory.

 

Spiros the Mighty defeated Eddie Cornell in 6:08 by pinfall with a Spartanplex.

C+

 

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LawrenceYoung.jpg

 

With his feet propped up on a desk and his arms comfortably behind his head (and now dressed a bit like Elliot Ness), Lawrence Young looks quite content in his new Commissioner’s Office.

 

Lawrence Young: Never knew how great this company could be when you don’t have to sit next to that jerk Stanford…

 

A knocking at his door! I wonder who it could be?! Young snaps out of his relaxed pose and spins in his chair so his facing away from the door.

 

Lawrence Young: Enter.

 

Young spins dramatically in his chair and is greeted by Louis Figo Manico… holding a plant.

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg

 

Lawrence Young: Ah, Manico, what can I do for you?

 

Louis Figo Manico: Well, my main man, I was just thinking… you have a nice, new office, si? So perhaps I should give you a little gift to help you commemorate this magnificent occasion.

 

Lawrence Young: Er… you mean that poinsettia? This isn’t Mexico, neither of us are Mexican, and Christmas is still a month away… but… thanks?

 

Louis Figo Manico: Do not mention it my main man! As an honorable man, it is my duty to congratulate my friends when they have success in their lives.

 

Lawrence Young: Well how kind of y- Wwwaaaaaait a minute, since when are we friends? Didn’t you slap me for telling you that you had to face Bam Bam Johansson again for the Universal title about a year ago?

 

Louis Figo Manico: Bah, what is a gentle slap among friends? It means nothing! I could slap you now and then we would go out for drinks after the show, si?

 

Lawrence Young: Yeah, but then you called me a… what was it… (in a bad fake Spanish accent) “Useless scum not worthy of wiping the sweat from the most private portions of my body”?

 

Louis Figo Manico: A simple joke my main man! You know that Louis Figo Manico would never imply something so vile in front of the children! Well, I must go prepare for tonight… for the fans, they wish to see a true man tonight! They wish to see… Louis… Figo… Manico *the fans pop a bit, yay*!!! You enjoy your poinsettia, si?

 

Manico nearly lunges out of view, leaving Lawrence Young looking in disgust at the red plant on his desk.

B+

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA_European.jpg

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/WhiteKnight.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/AdamMatravers.jpg

White Knight vs. Adam Matravers©: EWA European title

Matravers knew going into this one that White Knight was both far larger and stronger than he was, but there is one thing that all the upper body strength in the world can’t prepare you for: a pair of brass knuckles attached to a small British guy’s hand as he comes off a turnbuckle with a flying fist attack! White Knight was knocked out cold, and Matravers even added a Mile High Moonsault to insure his victory.

 

Adam Matravers defeated White Knight in 5:58 by pinfall with a Mile High Moonsault. Adam Matravers makes defence number 12 of his EWA European title.

C+

 

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LawrenceYoung.jpg

 

The feet prop themselves back up, the arms go back behind the head... and a knocking at the door ruins it all!

 

Lawrence Young: Crap… Uh, one sec Manico! I’m just busy… admiring your poinsettia…

 

Young springs into action… retrieving the plant he discarded into the trash can by his desk. He pulls it out and sets it on his desk *not noticing in time the half eaten Twinkie now residing on top of it* when…

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SpirostheMighty.jpg

 

Spiros The Mighty: HARK and give heed, Commissioner of this most glorious home of champions!

 

In Spiros’s hand is something covered in a black sheet… oh boy. Young notices it immediately.

 

Lawrence Young: Listen, I don’t need any gifts for my new office.

 

Spiros The Mighty: HAH! Foolish mortal! No simple man shall ever possess what I bring with me today, lest they be struck down by the Gods themselves! No, I bring with me… *Spiros rips off the black sheet*… the messenger of the Gods themselves!

 

Previously hidden under the sheet, in Spiros’s hand is a cage containing the mechanical owl which he claims to be the messenger of the Gods… though noticeably missing several more feathers since its last appearance.

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TheOwl.jpg

 

Lawrence Young: I really don’t want to talk to the ow-

 

The Owl: SILENCE, MORTAL! BEHOLD, AS THE ONE ONCE BELIEVED TO BE THE TRUE CHAMPION OF HUMANITY BETRAYS THE TRUE PATH, AND AGAIN THE WICKED MAN OF THE WEST DARES DEFILE THE UNIVERSAL TITLE!

 

Lawrence Young: No, we’re not doing this again…

 

Spiros The Mighty: Hold your ignorant tongue, or face the wrath of Zeus should he hear of your treachery!

 

The Owl: ONLY THE TRUE CHAMPION OF THE GODS MAY NOW PURIFY THE UNIVERSAL TITLE!!! IT MUST NEVER FALL INTO THE HANDS OF THE WICKED- THE WICKED- THE WICKED- THE WICKED…

 

Lawrence Young: The wicked what, exa-

 

The Owl: THE WICKED…

 

Spiros The Mighty: The… the words of the Gods sometimes become caught *THE WICKED* in a loop as they descend from the great heights of Mt. Olympus!

 

The Owl: THE WICKED…

 

Spiros The Mighty: Perhaps… I shall return when Hermes *THE WICKED* fixes the line of communication between he and this most *THE WICKED* humble messenger! Spiros, AWAY!!

 

Throwing the sheet back over the owl, Spiros explodes out of the room… the owl continuing to spout out “THE WICKED”, though now partially muffled thanks to the sheet.

B

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/RuudVanAnger.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg

Ruud Van Anger vs. Louis Figo Manico

What can I say? When in doubt, the fans can count on seeing a solid display from Ruud Van Anger vs. Louis Figo Manico! Perhaps RVA didn’t get enough sleep last night, maybe he’s got a cold, or maybe he’s just sick of participating in this match every time the creative team can’t figure out anything better to put on, but he was clearly off his game and outright missed a couple of his high risk spots (including crotching himself during a springboard attempt). But when he was on his game, he and Manico did their typical “Manico suplexes around Van Anger, RVA hits a leg lariat and then jumps off of something” routine. And , also typically, Manico finally got the upperhand and hit the Madrid Maul for the win.

 

Louis Figo Manico defeated Ruud Van Anger in 9:48 by pinfall with a Madrid Maul.

C+

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg

 

Manico’s awesome Spanish theme is sadly cut short, as Lawrence Young has forced himself out of the comfort of his quiet (and now mechanical owl free) office, microphone in hand!

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LawrenceYoung.jpg

 

Lawrence Young: So, Mr. Manico, I’ve been doing some thinking back there… and you’re absolutely right. When you aren’t slapping me around while calling me names, which cause terrible flashbacks to my days in high school… damn you, Melissa… you’re a good, honorable man who gives everything he can in and out of the ring simply to entertain the fans. As such, I think the fans would LOVE to see you take on Bam Bam Johansson for the EWA Universal title at Collision Course. So, at EWA Collision Course, you WILL be in a match for the EWA Universal title!!!

 

Instantly the crowd goes nuts, as does Manico who literally pops a cartwheel!

 

Lawrence Young: However…

 

Louis Figo Manico: … However?

 

Lawrence Young: However, you won’t be the only person competing with Bam Bam Johansson for the EWA Universal title at Collision Course. Sure, you’re supposed to be all that stuff I listed earlier, but what truly qualifies a person for EWA gold is who they can beat in the ring, and who they can’t. You haven’t beat Spiros The Mighty, and he hasn’t beaten you. So while you may a good, honorable man who loves the fans, and while Spiros may be a raving lunatic who filled my brand new office with owl feathers, none of that makes either of you more qualified than the other to face Johansson for the belt. As such, as Commissioner of the EWA, it is my decree that at EWA Collision Course there shall be a TRIPLE THREAT MATCH FOR THE EWA UNIVERSAL TITLE!

 

Louis Figo Manico looks slightly shocked in the ring, as Lawrence Young struts around in his Untouchables outfit. C’mon, who didn’t see that announcement coming though, right?

B+

 

 

Overall Rating: B-

 

 

OOC: See? Who needs good matches when you can get a higher overall rating for your show than the grades of ANY of the night's matches?

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hehe I just knew it would be the clash of the titans owl I just knew it. Had a real love hate relationship with him in that movie. Must a shilled out big bucks (,by EWA standards,) for that piece of movie memorabelia plus making him talk instead of just hoot.
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http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA2.png

 

Quick Picks:

Hercules Johansson vs. Adam Matravers©: EWA European title

Haiti Voodude & Eddie Cornell vs. The Force©: EWA Tag Team titles

Spiros The Mighty vs. The Big Bad

Marat Khoklov vs. Louis Figo Manico

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Quick Picks:

Hercules Johansson vs. Adam Matravers©: EWA European title

Going to say that Adam Matravers just isn't ALPHA enough to win this one, even if it's only Bam Bam's brother!

 

Haiti Voodude & Eddie Cornell vs. The Force©: EWA Tag Team titles

Champs win, once again.

 

Spiros The Mighty vs. The Big Bad

Keep the contender strong.

 

Marat Khoklov vs. Louis Figo Manico

Louis Figo Manico will win... for the children.

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